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I really like this big blousy top from Zara. The first thing that drew me to it was obviously the forgiving shape, but all together, the details make it seem more than just a big shirt. I like the asymmetric neckline and hem — like one of those sweatshirts you’ve cut the neck off of and have owned forever, but in a work-appropriate top. I like the elastic cuffs at the arms to accentuate the blousy-ness of them. I picture wearing this top with either skinny ankle pants in a fun color, or with a nicely tailored pair of slacks with heels to contrast the fluid top. The top is $49.90 at Zara. Draped TopSales of note for 3.28.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything plus extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off 2+ items; 40% off 1
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- Lands’ End – 10% off your order
- Loft – 50% off everything
- Nordstrom: Give $150 in gift cards, earn a $25 promo card (ends 3/31)
- Talbots – 40% off 1 item; 25% off everything else
- Zappos – 37,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off entire site
- Hanna Andersson – 30% off all swim; up to 30% off HannaJams
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; 50% off select swim; 50% off kids’ styles
- Old Navy – 50% off Easter deals
- Target – 20% off Easter styles for all; up to 30% off kitchen & dining; BOGO 50% off shoes & slippers for the family;
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Tweeter says
I need some inspiration for daycare snacks. Currently I’ve been bringing Cheerios and a banana for AM snack and then goldfish and a veggie like peppers or cucumbers for pm snack, but it’s only been a week and it’s already feeling tired. He eats school lunch so there is variety there at least. My son is 1 and currently not a picky eater. What do your kiddos love? Thank you!
Cb says
I think that sounds great, kids are creatures of habit. Maybe those pretzel goldfish? Or Amy’s bunny’s? My kid loves sweetcorn as well.
Anonymous says
I think you could mix up the fruit pretty easily – peeled clementines, apple slices. My kiddo likes pear best, but they get brown and mushy faster. Berries. No-sugar applesauce for days when you’re in a rush. Fruit and veggie combo pouch. I’d also look at graham crackers and/or Triscuits in the afternoon. Maybe some of those toddler snack bars. String cheese. You’re doing great, but those are some ideas.
Cb says
Berries are a good one. I just buy them frozen these days and let them defrost throughout the day.
asdf says
Frozen peach slices are good too. (My kid, now 16 mo, can eat them without further cutting. Not sure when that started though)
Cheese sticks (cut up a bit)
Pre-cooked turkey sausage
Muffins
Boston Legal Eagle says
Variety of fruits – blueberries, apples, blackberries, raspberries, etc. Yogurt – we did the kid kind with fruits mixed in. Pretzels and hummus. Various crackers. Veggies straws. My older one was not much of a fan of veggies, but we’d always try olives, cucumbers and peppers.
Irish Midori says
If you have a cheese eater, those little baby bell’s cheese rounds are good. Might be hard for a 1yo to open, though. Don’t stress too much about variety for the kid’s sake, though. Kids don’t usually mind eating the same thing every day.
Knope says
Hippeas and pea crisps are a nice slightly-more-healthy-than-crackers snack!
SG says
two instagram accounts i love with great recommendations – kidseatincolor and feedinglittles (have been featured here before)
Anonymous says
Y’all, we’re not even halfway through November, and my first grader has already lost two jackets!! Presumably they are somewhere at school, but he could not/forgot to find them yesterday, and I don’t have time to go to the lost and found. Agh! It is cold here! I think I need to buy another — poor freezing kid and poor pocketbook. I’m thinking this is a fall/spring-specific problem, because he must have forgot about the jackets when it was warm enough outside on his way home, but this can’t keep happening!
Anonanonanon says
We went through the same thing with my son. It really peaked in 3rd grade. When we got to coat #3 in 3rd grade, I calmly had him go to multiple stores with me to find a new one (it was that time of year where it’s still cold but no one is restocking winter coats) and pay for the replacement. That one has stuck around. I doubled up on gloves and hats from amazon as well.
When he was younger than that we’d take him to the school playground on a Saturday to look, and we usually found one there. More than once there were other parents there doing the same thing. I’m sure some ended up donated at the end of the year. He would repeatedly forget to check lost and found, and I wasn’t going to use PTO to go check myself, and I’m not convinced he was thoroughly checking when he did remember.
I’m fairly “fashion-conscious” when it comes to my children, and I probably buy them too many clothes. That being said, I do always buy my son’s coats one size up. That way, last year’s coat will still fit until he finds this year’s coat, etc.
Good luck, I don’t think there’s a solution to this out there, except to feel better that it’s totally normal!
Anonymous says
We are definitely not at this age yet. Kiddo is 4 and in a daycare/preschool combo. So I might be clueless about elementary school…but this is a little shocking to me. It seems like the schools need to be helping the kids on this one. Can’t folks on recess duty help out here? And aren’t coats kept in lockers the rest of the time? I think this is a bit of a fail on their part. But, like I said, I might be clueless about how elementary school works on this issue.
Buble says
I’d suggest buying his next jacket secondhand at Goodwill or a kids consignment store to minimize waste and save your pocketbook!
EB0220 says
I made my kid a little keychain with reminders and it really helped. I used plain keychains discs and drew/wrote on them stuff like: lunchbox, bottle, coat, mittens, hat, etc. Then I put all of the discs on a key ring. She could go through it every day as a check. It’s basically what I do in my head so I figured a little reminder would help.
Anonanonanon says
This is really cute. My son would somehow lose the discs off the keyring, but I love the idea!
EB0220 says
Haha yeah! I clipped it to her backpack so she really had to work to get it off!
Redux says
I love this idea!
Anonymous says
In first grade he’s capable of going to the office to check the lost and found himself. Email the teacher to ask her to remind him to go to the office at recess time to check the lost and found.
Anonanonanon says
This would have earned a response along the lines of “Your kid should remember themselves, it’s not our responsibility, remind your kid in the morning or come check yourself, we can’t be responsible for reminding 28 kids different things every day” from my son’s school (somewhat understandably)
Anonymous says
Yeah, good luck with that.
Anonymous says
Wow! So glad the teachers at our school are nicer. They’ve definitely sent my kids to visit the lost and found at recess when I’ve asked. It’s not about expecting the teacher to be responsible for all the things of all the kids. It’s just asking them to send a kid to check the lost and found.
Anon says
I agree it’s not fair to ask a teacher to remind him, but a third grader should be able to go to the office and check the lost and found by himself.
Anonanonanon says
Agreed, which is why my son had to pay for his own replacement coat when he couldn’t find his lost one in third grade. He suddenly got very good at checking the lost and found and came home with an armful of hoodies.
However, even in first grade, our school took a “parents are welcome to come check for themselves” attitude. I get it, if every parent emailed the teacher to ask them to remind their kid of things, that’s all they’d do all day. But it was frustrating as a working parent that there was no acknowledgment of the fact I’d be taking a half-day off of work (thanks, DC-area commute!) to come check the lost and found.
Irish Midori says
Oh man, I feel you. My 1st grader lost his last jacket like 2 weeks after I bought it for him. We’ve lost a few with both kids, and I suspect it’s totally normal. To be fair, I’m bad myself for wearing a jacket in the morning into the office and forgetting to take it home in the evening when it’s 30 degrees warmer. I’ll collect 6+ jackets on the back of the door before I remember to take them all home. At least I have only one place to put them, so they don’t get lost on the playground like the kids’.
Redux says
I have this same problem with mittens and hats for my kindergartener, though we’ve managed to keep jackets so far. We live in a snowy climate and I buy nice (read: expensive) winter gear and it KILLS me when they go missing. School is so different from daycare in this regard!
Any tips for keeping mittens and hats attached to the coat? There must be gators for this purpose, right?
Anonymous says
Mitten clips! Not sure about hats.
Redux says
Yes! Duh! Thank you!
anon says
I posted earlier this week about my frustration with DS constantly losing his gloves. Our school’s lost and found is full of goodies, so he’s clearly not the only one with this issue. I’m not sure what the solution is, but I like the idea of including a checklist. I am forever nagging him to check the lost and found. (I’m not putting that on the teacher, either.)
Anonymous says
Update: One of the jackets (the warmest one) has been found! It’s the little things!!
Warm Pants says
Any suggestions on fleece-lined or otherwise extra warm pants? I’m mostly interested in casual pants and considering purchasing some Old Navy “built in warm” jeans/jeggings. But I thought I’d ask for recommendations first. I’d definitely consider something similar that is work appropriate, like black pants. But my primary focus is errand running on weekends.
Anonanonanon says
I’m interested as well. Right now I wear fleece-lined tights under my pants to walk places on the weekends, but I want something else. My current solution is to purchase merino wool baselayer pants for myself, I just haven’t gotten around to it. I got some for my kiddos from a small family-owned canadian company and love them. They don’t do adults, though.
I’m sure others have better recs, and I’m excited to see what they are!
Anonymous says
I just saw that LL Bean carries these (looking at you Christmas catalog!). They’re in the casual/athleisure section. More expensive though
lsw says
Someone on the main s!te tipped me off to Uniqlo’s leggings pants, and they have a Heattech version. I bought two pairs. I can’t wear them to work (they definitely are leggings around the bu tt) but I love them for weekends.
Lyssa says
Wait, how did Zara get their hands on a picture of me from 1995?
GCA says
Ditto, except the model is actually sort of standing straight and probably doesn’t have braces?
Signed, refused to smile even for family photos throughout middle school
ElisaR says
hahaha Lyssa
Anon says
Is it normal for a toddler to have a big potbelly? My pediatrician has not raised any alarms, and in our next 18 month visit I will ask, but just wondering what your experiences have been. Kiddo was in the 34th weight percentile at last appointment and has been slowly climbing the curve since starting solids.
Cb says
My son gets a potbelly (and chipmunk cheeks) right before he grows. It’s like he’s storing up fat to fuel the growth spurt.
Anonanonanon says
My son is now 3rd percentile for height and weight and had a HUGE potbelly as a toddler. I had to size up in shirts just to fit over his belly. As Cb said, it was always right before he grew, too. I think it’s totally normal. Their big bellies suddenly disappear around 5 or 6 and it’s so sad :(
Anonymous says
Yes
Anon says
My almost 2 year old is not especially heavy (she’s around 50th percentile for BMI) but she has a potbelly. She’s currently wearing 4T shirts because anything smaller doesn’t fully cover the belly and leaves a midriff gap (she’s also tall and incredibly long-torsoed). My pediatrician said that until age 2-3, their stomachs are orientated differently than adult stomachs so the belly sticks out more, especially when the stomach is full. She seemed totally unconcerned and said it will go away as she grows up.
Anonymous says
Yes they also don’t have the abs that older kids/adults have. Like watch a toddler try to do a sit up.
Anonymous says
Yes, it has nothing (or not much anyway) to do with how chubby they are. It’s that their spines are less straight so their belly sticks out and they don’t have ab muscles that hold in their gut the way we do.
FVNC says
Sorry, nothing to add here, but I lol’d at “watch a toddler try to do a sit up.” It IS pretty hilarious.
AnotherAnon says
It’s pretty much my favorite thing.
GCA says
Wait, have you not seen any other toddlers? They all have an adorable toddler potbelly and it’s the cutest because they lead with their belly when running around! (We usually put pants waistband under the belly, heh.) Kid 1 outgrew his around age 3-4 and that was the last feature of toddlerhood to go.
Anonanonanon says
Yes, when you realize your child has had a flat belly for a while and has knuckles instead of dimples on the back of their hands is a bittersweet day!
Anon says
I LOVE my toddler’s potbelly and knuckle dimples. The day they disappear will be tragic.
ElisaR says
it’s the cutest. take pictures while they have it!
Anonymous says
I thought most toddlers had a potbelly? A good friend’s kid doesn’t, but he’s falling off the growth chart for weight. I don’t think he’s ever crossed the 5th percentile. Most of the toddlers I see at the playground have cute round bellies.
Anon. says
My toddler doesn’t have much of a potbelly and he’s far from falling off the growth chart. But he’s built like his mama – super long torso which minimizes any belly action because it is so spread out.
Pogo says
Only time I’ve heard of it being an issue it was associated with gluten allergy (bloating/inflammation) – but in that case my friend’s toddler also did not gain ANY weight in an entire year. Ped flagged it immediately and got the kiddo tested, and now avoiding gluten has reduced the potbelly to normal toddler size. If kiddo is following their growth curve and ped is not concerned, I wouldn’t be!
Coach Laura says
Yep, in toddlers celiac disease can cause huge bellies, low/slow growth and skinny arms/legs. Something to watch but otherwise, yeah bellies are big.
Anonymous says
As mentioned above, it is not a problem and caused by a lack of ab muscles. Also, kids tend to gain weight steadily but grow in height in spurts, so they tend to be chubbier right before a growths spurt and leaner after.
Don’t feel bad about worrying, though. My husband and I did not have much experience with children before having ours, and my husband asked the pediatrician about it for my oldest. They don’t tend to worry about a high weight until at least 3 or so.
Anon says
at what age did you start putting gloves or mittens on your kids and which is better – gloves or mittens?
Anon says
I think they’re required for the first winter in daycare, if you live anywhere where it gets at all cold outside. Daycare teachers have told us mittens are easier than gloves.
Anon. says
And the best are mittens that don’t even have a thumb hole. Hard to find, but the best until at least age 2.
Lyssa says
At that age, we just used socks.
Anonymous says
Mittens to start with, for sure! Around 3 my kids could have handled gloves, but we still use mittens because they’re warmer and easier to put on. We get thin mittens so they can still move their fingers for playground climbing.
Anon says
Relatedly, any specific mitten brands that actually stay on a toddlers hands?
Redux says
Snowstoppers! 100%
rosie says
Not a brand rec, but putting them on before the jacket can help them stay on.
Anonymous says
Mittens for sure. My 3 year old still has a tough time with gloves. Around 4-5, gloves are do-able, but they’re not nearly as warm as mittens, so it depends on what the kids will be doing outside and how long they’ll be out for.
anon says
Mittens as soon as kiddos started going outside at daycare in the winter. My just-turned 5-year-old is starting to wear gloves but mittens are still easier!
Io says
We did Zutano thumbles for 4-18 months (two winters) but by the end, kiddo would ONLY wear gloves. Mostly cheap cotton ones. She had heavy duty waterproof mittens for snow, but even 30 degree days at outdoor playgroup she’d take those off. I bought her one pair of wool gloves and she has a couple pairs of over mittens to wear on bitterly cold days (one wool, one waterproof), but yeah she hates mittens and has mostly been able to put on her own gloves by two.
anon says
Hi hive! I am new to this, so I appreciate your insight. Kid is in (public) kindergarten this year – how do we handle teacher appreciation? Are class gifts a thing or is that only in daycare? I recall someone here posted a really good email script to send to other parents, but I cant find it. I am wondering if I should stick my neck out and organize all of the parents or let it alone and everyone does their own thing.
Spirograph says
Your school may have guidance. Our elementary school sent home instructions in early December last year that specified teacher gifts may not exceed a certain amount. Our school also has teachers fill out an “all about me” form that asks their favorite restaurants, places to shop, etc and sends that home along with the gift-giving guidance to make gift carding easier.
Anonymous says
Oh back all the way away from that.
Anonymous says
Get a target giftcard and call it a day. Can treat herself or buy classroom stuff. Usually I do a small stocking stuffer size box of chocolates or a tea so kid has something to bring in as they don’t really understand gift cards yet. I do $25 which is average based on a few close friends but I know a few wealthier parents do $50, and I’m sure others do less.
anon says
Thanks for all the tips so far. I forgot to add that the school doesn’t have any guidance at all. Its kind of a mess – they suggested parents throw together a teacher appreciation potluck with less than a week’s notice and parents pushed back.
Anonymous says
Lol yes that’s insane. Just do a card and chocolate and call it a day. $25 is more than enough. If 20 parents do $25 that’s $500. Yes I know teachers purchase their own supplies and some are woefully underpaid, but in a lot of districts they make a ton of money with good benefits. So $500 at Christmas is more than appropriate
Anonymous says
If you really want to do everyone a favor, join the PTA and fix this! Our PTA is really organized about teacher appreciation — they take donations for a fund that provides 1. dinner the nights that teachers are there late for parent-teacher conferences, 2. gifts for the “specials” teachers, 3. snacks and coffee for the teacher lounge, etc.
Ashley says
Seeking commiseration… almost 2yo has had fever for about 48 hours and I just got word that a kid in his class at daycare has confirmed flu. We’re headed to the pediatrician in an hour for a flu test. Feeling like mom of the year over here because we’ve been sick with colds for a month so none of us have had the flu vaccine yet. :( Any positive thoughts appreciated.
Anonymous says
Sorry! You’ll be ok even if it is the flu. For future reference, it’s totally fine to get the flu vaccine while you have a cold. Both my kid and I got our flu shots while sick with a cold this year, just because with daycare kids it’s so hard to find a time when the whole family is healthy. They don’t want to give you a vaccine if you’re running a significant fever, but there’s no contraindication to getting it while you have a runny nose and cough.
Anon. says
Chiming in to second the above because I was similarly waiting for a ‘healthy’ daycare toddler before scheduling his flu shot. We ended up going to the ped with a really nasty cough (just a cold) and while there she diagnosed him with an ear infection and prescribed antibiotics. She also gave him his flu shot. No concern from the ped about giving him the flu shot while he had a cold. (My kid generally doesn’t run a fever when he’s got an ear infection.)
Ashley says
Thanks, I know this now. We were just in the peds office 2 weeks ago for asthma-related complications with a cold. They didn’t mention giving him a flu shot then, and I didn’t think to ask. Kicking myself now, of course.
Pogo says
Aw, it’s ok. Mine literally just got his the other day. I didn’t know flu season started so early! Fingers crossed you get lucky – we avoided HFM earlier this year when it went through daycare, so maybe there is a God.
Anon says
The usual recommendation is to get them by Halloween, since flu season frequently starts in November and it takes a couple weeks to build full immunity. It did start unusually early this year though. My kid actually got her flu shot at the end of September because there were already flu cases in our area.
JTM says
I just went through this last month – flu spread though my daughter’s daycare and she got it 1 day before her scheduled flu shot. Hopefully your little one gets well soon and no one else in the family gets it!
Ashley says
Update! It’s not flu! Or strep, or ear infection, or anything else they can figure out. Just a virus we have to get through. Thanks for the commiseration!
Anon says
I’m glad to hear that. Get flu shots as soon as you can!
Preggo convo says
I’m having a conversation with my boss about the fact that I’ll be giving birth 9 months into my new job. I’ve done research on what other firms offer, what the state laws allow, and found out there’s no policy in place for my firm.
According to CA law I’ll get 6 weeks and am not going to be eligible for any of the other leaves because I wouldn’t have been employed by this firm for a year. I think ideally I’d like 3 months off. I have 15 days of vacation saved up and we have about 5 sick days. I’m willing to use all those but would obviously like the firm to give me paid/partially paid leave beyond the 6 weeks so I can take off for 3 months.
The firm is good with benefits provided and I’m hoping will offer me something beyond the 6 week short term disability plus vacation time. It’s my first child and I am also planning to have a second child soon after the first so don’t want to take too long of a leave and return to work for a short time before I’m pregnant again.
Does anyone have tips or want to help me with a general outline of the conversation I should have? Any tips on whether the 3-day Thanksgiving week is a horrible time to have this conversation?
Also going to post this on the main blog for more responses.
TIA!
Anonymous says
I would 1000% not use all your sick leave/vacation days. You will need all of it for when the baby starts daycare and gets sick, and subsequently you get sick.
Anonymous says
Yes, I would say you need to save all your sick leave and a chunk of your vacation leave to cover sick days after you run out of sick leave. Our toddler started daycare in June and has already had 9 work days when she couldn’t go due to illness…and we’re not really even in winter yet. I would plan on 20 sick days for the first year with the assumption that you’ll use a few right away and then most of the rest during the first winter. Assuming you have a partner to split that with, you should save at least 10 PTO days.
Pogo says
I see this advice here a lot and I want to point out that IF you have the right circumstances, this doesn’t have to be the case. Husband and I have the ability to telecommute and flex our hours if necessary, and we have local family. All of this means I’ve never used a PTO day for a sick kiddo. Certainly if you have no backup care and no ability to flex/wfh and no option to share the burden w/ your partner – yes, save up that PTO for a sick baby. But we’ve been able to make it work.
Anon says
As a counterpoint, I can WFH basically whenever I want but I can’t imagine working while watching a toddler or mobile baby. Monitoring email, sure, but I can’t accomplish anything sensitive when my kid is home except during naps, and I don’t feel ethical saying I’m WFH if all I’m doing is monitoring email and working for an hour or two during a nap.
Anon says
*substantive! not sensitive
Anonymous says
This was me, I mean unless I wanted to work from 5-7am, possibly during a nap, and then 8-11pm. I could never WFH and actually work with a sick baby at home.
Pogo says
If I can monitor email/do easy tasks while he’s awake and watching Daniel Tiger, and then seriously work while he’s napping, and then make up anything else after bedtime, I don’t feel unethical. If it’s a day where I absolutely have to be in an in-person meeting, that’s when it’s critical to have a spouse who’s also flexible and/or other backup care. If those aren’t options, I agree, you’d need to reserve PTO.
Anon says
Illnesses usually come with really disrupted nighttime sleep for us (ear infection prone kid here), so I usually want the PTO anyway to rest and maybe even take a nap myself during toddler naptime. It sounds really hard to me to juggle work and taking care of a kid all day and then work some more in the evening, especially when you’re already running on insufficient sleep, but if you can pull it off, kudos to you.
Anonanonanon says
Brace yourself for the fact that requesting paid or partially paid time past your 6 weeks is likely to not go well. Even FMLA isn’t paid unless you use your PTO during that time, it just protects your job. It’s not right or fair, but most women in the United States do not have any paid maternity leave past PTO they have saved up and short-term disability offered through their job. I think a better conversation may be requesting unpaid time off after your 6 weeks is up, and asking if they’ll secure your position (so, basically FMLA). Again, it’s not right or fair, but in most situations asking for paid leave when you haven’t even worked there a year is going to come across as tone-deaf if it’s not in the policy. Unfortunately, that’s a risk woman take with a new employer and getting pregnant before FMLA kicks in. (Which, again, FMLA isn’t paid either).
Buddy Holly says
This sounds right to me
LittleBigLaw says
+1
Pogo says
Sad but true. I have a coworker who basically asked that they honor FMLA even though they didn’t “have to” (with the company less than a year). They did. So she took 6 weeks STD and 6 weeks unpaid, which is pretty standard (though my company’s policy has improved since then).
Is the 6 weeks from CA law from a state paid family/medical leave, or just your assumption based on what your firm offers for STD? You might be able to stack state paid leave onto the STD to get partial payment, but again, only if the company honors your FMLA. We just got state paid leave in MA though so I’m not 100% sure how it works (and of course could be different in CA).
Anon says
I didn’t get any paid leave beyond the vacation time I had saved up. I don’t work at a law firm but corporate policies are all over the place, unfortunately. You are often expected to pay your own way. Hopefully others will have helpful advice.
ElisaR says
it’s a tough conversation. i didn’t get mat leave bc I was under a year at my job too. My bosses were super generous though and I wasn’t technically on leave but I wasn’t in the office. Ask if you can work something out.
Anon says
I had no problem getting 12 weeks paid even having been at my job under a year. So don’t be afraid to ask!
Anonymous says
Can you swing unpaid leave financially? I’d be inclined to keep your vacation and sick leave for use after you go back to work and ask for 6 weeks of unpaid leave in addition to the current 6 weeks you have.
Spirograph says
Will you take 3 months off, even if it is unpaid? I had this conversation, and it did not end with me getting 3 months paid time off, but it never hurts to ask. I ended up with a mix of short term disability, PTO/sick leave, and unpaid leave.
Outline for conversation with your boss:
– I will be out on maternity leave beginning around x date
– I plan to take 3 months (12 weeks, FMLA) off
– Company offers X weeks paid leave for employees that have been in the company more than 1 year; I know I will not meet that requirement. Will you support me in requesting an exception from HR? I would be willing to commit to staying with the company for a year after returning from leave, or repaying the benefit.
Side note, I became eligible for parental leave after I’d been at the company for more than a year, because the parental leave, by policy, can be used any time within the child’s first year. It didn’t let me postpone putting the kid in childcare, but I basically used it to work 4 day weeks sporadically and to replenish the sick leave and PTO I’d used toward my paid maternity leave. If your company’s policy is similar, you’ll want to also think about a plan to use the leave after your return to work.
Anon says
Does the time you spend on maternity leave count towards hitting your 12 months to be FMLA eligible? Does your employer employee enough people to be FMLA eligible? If so, you could use your paid leave for maternity leave and then when you hit FMLA eligibility you will still be within one year of having a child so you can use unpaid FMLA for sick leave. It totally sucks.
My advice on how much to push for depends on what resources your employer has. If for example you worked somewhere where 100 people do the same job as you and your work can be spread around, then I’d have no issue pushing for 3 months. If you work somewhere that no one is available to cover you, I’d be hesitant to push for more without FMLA protection. Even in states with FMLA like protection, there are often exclusions for business necessity.
For what it’s worth, my small firm offers 6 or 8 weeks paid with an additional 4 weeks optional unpaid.
Anonymous says
No. Time spent on leave does not count towards working enough for FMLA.
Blueberries says
I have a comment stuck in moderation on the main site, but the analysis for California is totally different than much of the rest of the country.
Check with the state, you’re likely eligible for 6 weeks (or more, I haven’t kept up with recent changes) of partially paid bonding leave through the state. This runs after the 6 weeks of pregnancy disability leave is over. As of when my younger child was born, there wouldn’t have been job protection through CFRA for the bonding leave, but I’m pretty sure there would be pay available.
Also, as of a few years ago, PDL provided 4 weeks of leave before a healthy birth that is both job-protected and partially paid.
If you’re in SF, check the local ordinance—there are additional benefits and protections provided there.
Pogo says
This was my same point above – glad I wasn’t totally off base! Agree you need to check the applicable statutes.
Anon in CA says
Was about to reply the same thing! If you’ve worked in CA for a while, there’s a good chance that you’re eligible for both disability and paid family leave (4 weeks before due date, 6 weeks after for vaginal/8 for C-section, plus 6 weeks paid family leave) through the EDD. Talk with HR about what might be available for you. CA is a different place than the rest of the country :)
anon says
I also would try to not use sick time or PTO unless you have to. Fwiw, I had a similar experience – learned I was pregnant a week after lateraling to a new firm. I managed to negotiate 12 weeks but it was unpaid. I hope your firm is better than mine but there was definitely a sense that they felt I knew and that I hid it. It was terrible.
Anonymous says
My firm would absolutely deny this. Under a years employment you get the minimum state law requires and that’s it.
Anoner says
I asked a few months ago about a baby brezza formula maker for kiddo 2. I found a used one locally and wanted to report back that is it amazing! There is a room temp setting so she doesn’t get used to warm bottles. So much easier even than a formula pitcher. Highly recommend to any formula feeding mamas out there!
farrleybear says
This was a lifesaver for us! Glad you found one:)
anon says
Does my newborn need a winter coat? We’re in the D.C. area, so there is a real winter. But he’ll be at home until starting daycare in late April. He seems to run hot like I do, and when we go anywhere he’s either toasty in the sling for e.g. the 2 block walk to the grocery store, or we drive from parking garage to parking garage. Once in a while we go for longer walks outside, but so far he seems perfectly warm. He has lots of hats, mittens, fleece layers, etc. Coat or no?
Ashley says
I would not get a coat in this situation. My newborn (2 years ago now) had coats that I never used since they couldn’t be worn in the car seat. I just made sure he was always appropriately covered with blanket, hat, etc. when it was cold.
Spirograph says
No coat. I live in the DC area and had a January baby, and we just put a hat and blankets on her. My sister gave us a bunting, which was adorable and good for walks, but could not be used in the car.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1. D.C. area, November baby, and you do not need a coat!
Also, I didn’t know that bunting couldn’t be used with infant carseat until DS grew out of it….SMH to me.
Pogo says
There is a version of bunting you can use w/ a carseat – it goes over the whole thing like a shower cap, with no bunting under the kiddo/between kiddo & carseat.
Anonymous says
+1 – I had winter babies in DC and NY, and none of them had coats. Buntings and stroller liner things, yes, but no coats. You can also get some nice baby carrier covers so that they can be warm in the baby carrier when you go out but not roasting when you get inside. I also recommend just wearing a big coat or maternity coat and zipping it up around the carrier.
Anonymous says
I’m in the Midwest (car is kept in a garage though, and usually 20+ degrees warmer than outside) and we didn’t have a coat for my kiddo’s first winter when she was ~8-13 months. We avoided going outside on the coldest days and when we did go out we just used blankets to keep her warm in the carseat or stroller. She wasn’t walking yet, so whenever we went outside she was always in a stroller or carrier. Once they start daycare or are walking and want to play outside, they need a coat, but until then I don’t see much point.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Agree on no coat for newborn. My second was born late October, in greater Boston, and he didn’t have a coat all winter. His carseat had that shower-cap type cover so we just used that for walks and going places. The carseat attached to the stroller as well.
Io says
No coat until they walk. But definitely a fleece bear suit. (Because CUTE!)
Pay Cut? says
Talk to me about taking a paycut. We’re moving from a HCOL area to a big city that is known for its LCOL. I’m interviewing for a position that I’m REALLY interested in, and seems like an awesome opportunity that would set me up really well and help me establish a great brand in said city.
Realistically, I think the salary will be about $115-125K at most and no state or local taxes. I’m currently at about $140K paying about 5% state taxes. It’s really more sticker shock – I’ve seen the take home pay numbers and I don’t know that I’d feel a big difference, even after benefits/retirement are taken out.
Anonymous says
That seems like nothing to me, especially because your housing costs will likely go down significantly. Fwiw, we used to have a HHI of about $240k in the Bay Area and now we have a HHI of about $150k in a LCOL area. We feel much, much wealthier here. And our current area has state and local income taxes (though not as high as in CA).
Anonymous says
Texas? I’m in Austin. We do have high property taxes here but other costs are soooo much lower than on the coasts. We pay less than $1200/mo for full-time daycare for a 4 year old, and there are cheaper options than that.
Anon. says
Focus on the monthly take home difference and do everything you can to take your ego out of it. I get it, I’ve taken a pay cut before and it was HARD on my ego, even though it ended up being a much better job, living situation etc etc. You’re looking at somewhere between $1250-$2100 / month difference in gross and less when you factor take home.
We moved from a MCOL city to a LCOL about a year ago. We immediately started saving $200/month on daycare while staying with the same national chain; lower cost options are available. Our home here was $200K less for double the square footage and we live in the best school district in town as opposed to one with questionable reviews. And every day life costs less: for example I got the mailer coupon from the car dealership from old city and new city on the same day this spring. The coupons/mailer were exactly the same, except everything was $40 less in new city. (Tire rotation was $45 instead of $85, full service was $60 instead of $100). That adds up pretty quickly to cover the fairly small salary cut you’re looking at.
Anonymous says
Aren’t there cost of living calculators you could use to figure out more specifically how this translates? I think that could be reassuring and/or a useful bargaining tool.
anon says
Any recommendations for a financial planner who charges by the hour? I’m looking more for financial planning advice (how fast to pay off my mortgage), not necessarily investment advice. Is such a thing possible? I’m in the Bay Area. Thanks!
Anonymous says
alexandra rice CFP at g mail dot com
Have not used her, but she used to post on here and so I saved her contact info since I anticipate we’ll need this service in the future.
FVNC says
My husband and I have worked with Mary Beth Storjohann for years and have been very pleased. She used to offer hourly rates but I’m not sure if she currently does. We pay a monthly fee. While she does give us investment guidance, she also provides advice on general expenses including 529 plan analysis, rent vs buy, how much to put down for a down payment, etc.
AnotherAnon says
This might be a question for the main s!te: how do I gracefully back out of a job interview? A hiring manager called me last night (at 8PM), we discussed a position and I agreed to meet her at her office Friday afternoon to chat. Since the phone call I’ve realized I’m not interested in this job at all. TBH, I was only drawn to it because it would be full time in-house (I am a contract employee currently). The commute would be an hour (10 minutes currently) and I’d have to move my kid from his day care. I feel like those are all valid reason for backing out, but would seem unprofessional. What would you say? Would you still go, knowing there’s basically zero chance you’ll take the job? I’d also have to take unpaid time off to interview, which isn’t a huge deal but seems wasteful. I have no referrals to give: all my colleagues/friends are happily employed.
Pogo says
Just tell them. So much better not to string them along. They won’t take it personally; I’ve definitely done this before.
lsw says
I would still go. You might be surprised at what you learn about yourself and about the job.
Anonanonanon says
I would either go to the job interview and see how you feel, or call back and say that you thought through the logistics, particularly the commute, and are not sure you can make it work. They may tell you about how flexible they are, or they may say “thank you for letting me know” and cancel the interview. I wouldn’t explicitly mention the daycare concern, I’d leave it at the difference in the commute and that you just don’t think you can swing those 2 extra hours a day in the car right now. I’m sure I’m failing us all by not increasing the visibility of working mothers or something, but I think the unfortunate reality is, as things currently stand, I don’t think it’s a great idea to specifically cite children as a reason you can’t take an opportunity.
GCA says
Either go and use it as an informational opportunity; or say up front it’s not the right fit before the hiring manager and her team take time to do the interview. (It’s a chunk of time for them too!) However, if there’s a chance that you might be interested in the future (if you move? if your childcare situation changes?), I’d go and learn more so you stay on their radar.