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I have an Apple Watch that I wear on a daily basis. For all of its bells and whistles, my favorite part is that I can link the watch face display to my photos so that every time my watch lights up, it cycles through a synced album — mostly of photos of my son. In addition to that little pick-me-up during the day, I have been searching for an upgrade to the plain band that came with the watch. I love Kate Spade for tech accessories like phone cases — things you look at every day that bring a little bit of fun. These Apple Watch bands definitely fit the bill, and they are definitely on my holiday wish list. The set is $195 for three bands at katespade.com. Apple Watch Strap Set This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
mahnamahna says
Anyone have a recommendation for an easy-to-assemble dollhouse? Santa isn’t particularly handy or good at assembling things and due to house-wide sleep problems, Santa’s delivery will already be extra tricky this year.
CPA Lady says
I would buy one already put together off of craigslist.
Mahnamahna says
This occurred to me this morning too and I definitely plan to look for a used one. I’d still be glad to have recs for a new one that wasn’t horrible to assemble.
Annie says
Maybe just taskrabbit the assembly if you can’t find a used one? After using taskrabbit for my last ikea purchase I’m all about it — well worth it.
Buble says
Ditto, except I’d also add Facebook Marketplace and local kids’ consignment shops as good places to check.
Anon says
Calico Critters houses are super easy, but too small for Barbies.
For Barbie size dolls, most seem super flimsy. We got the Barbie Townhouse last year and it took a while to put together and doesn’t seem super sturdy. (But I’m not buying a second dollhouse so we’re stuck with it at this point.) The “wooden” ones from KidKraft seem to have the paper peel off pretty quickly and are just SO BIG. A crafty friend of ours made one out of a bookshelf and it seems like the sturdiest option, but took a ton of time to make it cute and also takes up a ton of space.
Anonymous says
If you are looking specifically for a dollhouse that fits Barbies, I’d go with a dollhouse bookcase. You can find them at all price points, from Target to Crate & Kids/PB Kids.
RR says
My oldest has a Fancy-Nancy themed one that was pretty easy to put together, has held up for the last 6+ years, and is big enough for barbies. The theming is really subtle, so it doesn’t scream Fancy Nancy.
RR says
I don’t see the one we have, but this one is really similar, including identical furniture, so it must be the same brand:
https://www.amazon.com/KidKraft-65851-Sweet-Savannah-Dollhouse/dp/B00L3NRESO/ref=sr_1_9?keywords=fancy+nancy+doll+house&qid=1573572064&sr=8-9
It does take up a ton of space, but we haven’t had any issues with peeling.
AwayEmily says
When I was a kid I had a ton of dollhouse furniture, which I played with constantly, but no actual dollhouse. I would set up little rooms on bookshelves, inside empty toy bins, etc. What about getting a bunch of furniture, and then a couple of wooden crates that you could use both to store the furniture and stack to make a little “house.” Maybe something like this: https://www.target.com/p/canvas-set-2ct-6-34-x-18-34-white-hand-made-modern-174/-/A-50279892? Your kids could also paint the boxes if they wanted.
Buddy Holly says
Check if your town has someone/a company that will assemble IKEA furniture and the like for a fee. They will probably put together a dollhouse.
rakma says
We have the Melissa and Doug fold-and-go dollhouse, and it is a total hit. Zero assembly, and it fits on a bookshelf for storage.
Emily S. says
We have the Hape family dollhouse, and it was easy to assemble.
Boston Legal Eagle says
For our tough Tuesday topic of the day – what does success look like to you?
I was recently at a women in leadership talk and the speakers were discussing how they got to the top of their fields and how they were trying to get more women in C suites and other leadership positions. Which is great as we need more diversity at the top, but at the same time, the life of a chief executive just doesn’t sound appealing to me. There’s often a lot of travel, a lot of hours, a lot of stress and it’s expected that someone else will be doing the bulk of the child and house care. So for me, true success is a balanced life where I work and do pretty well at work, then go home at a reasonable hour and have time with my kids and husband, and maybe eventually a hobby or two. At the other end of the spectrum, success at home doesn’t mean that I do every mom Pinteresty-thing ever and go to all the school events and just be hyper involved in my kids’ lives. I truly want that balance of being pretty good, but not the best, at a lot of things. Except that, even though I know this is the best life for me, I feel like nothing will ever change at the top among those in power because those of us who want balance will never get there. So I’m a little at odds with what to do (just mentally really, as I’m not looking to change jobs or anything right now).
I guess this is kind of a loaded question but I figured a lot of you would have different views on what success is.
AwayEmily says
I also define it differently depending on my stage of life. Right now, with two kids under four, I’m mostly equating success with survival. Once they are both in school, I hope (and plan) to focus more on my career. My husband is taking the same approach. We look at this as a season of life where work is going to get less of our attention, and we are okay with that (luckily we are in jobs where it’s possible to take a step back for awhile without substantially harming our long-term success — I know not everyone is in that type of career).
Anonymous says
I’m where you are right now. Enjoying a job with minimal (almost no) travel and ability to have hobbies in addition to time with the kids. That said, I’m conscious of staying in the workforce vs. going part-time or being a SAHM because I’m looking forward to ramping up my career in another ten years when the kids are in college. I’ll probably work for at least 15 years after my kids finish high school and I’m viewing that as more my ‘lean in’ period.
Anon says
My definition has evolved over time to get closer to yours, but being in Corporate Finance makes it really hard to achieve. I’ve been thinking about taking a step back in title and pay just to try to stop some of the stress and long hours and actually enjoy my husband and kids while they’re in the house. I still have 30 years of work ahead of me and if I want to get back to VP I’m sure I’ll still have runway to do it. But I too struggle with how to change things from the top if I’m actively taking a step away from it. I’m not sure what the answer is, I’ll be following with interest.
I hear you says
Agh, I find this difficult. I have supportive parents, I always did well at school, and I have a great undergrad degree and a law degree from HYS. I feel like anything I don’t accomplish in life is squarely on me.
That being said, just staying in the workforce for the next 10 or so years is my current goal! Parenting three kids plus working full time is tough! I’ve lost a lot of my ambition, and I am slowly coming to terms with that.
Redux says
SAME. Plus, I am from an immigrant/first gen situation so not only is my own success/failure squarely on me, but also wastes my parents’ sacrifices, squanders my opportunities, and I don’t know, disgraces my people? So yeah.
Success for my parents would have been for me to have joined a fancy firm and make zillions of dollars. Instead I became a legal aid attorney! Eep. Success for me is moving up into a leadership and management position, which I am on the road to doing, and making systemic changes including policy advocacy. I like having time for my family but I also derive a lot of sense of self from my job, so I really do define success in terms of moving-on-up.
anon says
I’m exactly where you’re at right now. I don’t know what the solution is, because I, too, would like to see more women at the top. I also know that my health and happiness is dependent on NOT being that person. My focus at work is being the best manager I can be for my team and doing my part to make “my corner” of the workplace sane/productive/healthy. This is where I feel my efforts will have the biggest impact.
Butter says
Great question. I think success for me looks like stability, whatever that is. In the past year I’ve been tempted to lean out a bit – combination of burnout and age – but have also been hearing lots of anecdata about how it’s so much harder for women to be hired/promoted after a certain age, which makes me think I need to make as much progress and put the pedal to the metal until then. Which is exhausting, but I also want to reach very real financial goals that are intrinsically tied to my career, so c’est la vie. TLDR, would love to get to the C-suite sooner rather than later, then figure out what I want to do from there.
Buddy Holly says
Audre Lorde put it this way: “The master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house.” There’s a lot to unpack there, but I don’t think women need to be CEO to change things. I think that demanding better school hours, better childcare access, more recognition and support for caregiving labor, and just trying to make the workplace more friendly for involved parents is good. And if someone wants to rise to CEO and make changes top-down, that would be great too. As for me, I also try to strive for balance. Put in my work and make clients happy; make sure we have healthy food for my family that accommodates everyone’s health/allergy issues; stay in touch with family & friends; stay on top of laundry; tend to my marriage; tend to myself. The list just to keep things balanced goes on forever. I am not willing to cut the things that I would need to cut to make my career a top priority right now. Someday, I hope we have a system that doesn’t make things extremely difficult for everyone without SAH spouses, but I can only control my own life. I have no desire to be in the C-Suite and live that lifestyle and am finding a better life for myself in trying to make my own balance and priorities, similar to OP.
So Anon says
I feel like I am coming out of a fog between my kids getting a bit older (6 and nearly 9) and stepping out of an abusive relationship. When I was married and constantly living with the threat of the other shoe dropping, I only had enough energy to survive and do my job. It turns out that there was a ton of energy (mental, emotional, physical) being spent in that survival space. Now? I’m going for the C-suite. I know that my industry isn’t the most flashy or glamorous (insurance), but I really enjoy my work and think my company is doing amazing things, and I want to help the company succeed. My success will be showing myself and my kids that being a kick a$$ single mom is totally possible, and that they are amazing people. My success will be showing them resilience and grit, and teaching them that their lives are in their control and to learn to stand back up again.
IHeartBacon says
YES!! A million times YES!
AnotherAnon says
I’ve been following your journey and this post makes my heart so happy. I’m proud of you and rooting for you!
IHeartBacon says
I posted several months ago about being presented with an opportunity to work my way up to a board position in a large networking organization that my firm is part of. Being in the position would expose me to a level of success that I otherwise wouldn’t have. It will allow me to bring in so much more business than just hustling to pick up clients on my own. Being a part of this organization is highly coveted at my firm and I knew the opportunity wouldn’t come again during my career. I was really reluctant to jump on the track because I was worried that the only place where I might be able to spare some time was the limited time I spent with my son. My husband could not take on more responsibilities at home because he is also a high performer at his job.
I posted my thoughts/comments/concerns on this site and I got a few responses from folks saying that the opportunity didn’t sound like a good one because it would require me to travel more and possibly spend less time with my family. Those responses were very discouraging because although I know there was a lot of truth to them, I wanted to hear someone – just one person – tell me to go for it because otherwise the status quo would just stay the same. I didn’t get that one person‘s comment the day that I posted, but the next day someone mentioned that they had gone back and posted on my comment the day before. When I read that person‘s comment (I forgot who it was) she said that I should go for it because the only way things up top can change is for more women to take on opportunities exactly like these. Reading that comment is exactly what I needed to hear. It was exactly how I felt.
Fast forward several months and based on another commenter’s recommendation, I talked to the associates who work for me to tell them that I would need them to step up during this time while I try to work my way up through this organization. They have all accepted the challenge.I have definitely been traveling more than I used to, but my work has also shifted more into supervising their work and just being the contact person for the clients while I focus more attention on building this other side of my career. My firm has been incredibly supportive and quite frankly grateful that there is someone who is willing to step up so that our firm doesn’t lose its status in the organization. I bill less billable hours, but my non-billable hours are through the roof. Last month I only billed 130 billables, but I also billed 125 non-billables. It’s definitely more work for me overall, including a lot of travel. What has surprised me the most, however, is that the time that I spend with my son has not been sacrificed. On the contrary, it has made my time away my son even more productive so that we are together I can really focus on him. I am more than efficient because I realize I have so much to do in such little time. I don’t spend any time on things like social media and the only Internet browsing I do during the day is visiting this website. I get my news on my commute to work through a few Sirius radio stations. I catch up with family and friends by calling them on my drive home. I have committed to hosting someone for a casual dinner (take out) once a month at our house. As part of my morning routine, I jot down in my calendar the person I spoke with the day before on my commute home and one detail about our conversation. At the end of the month, I look back at my calendar and re-read all those notes and see who I hosted for dinner that month. This has helped me feel very connected to the people I love and it makes me feel very accomplished because it is the social/emotional equivalent of looking back on your month to see how many hours you billed.
Pogo says
This is such an awesome comment – sounds like you are killing it!
Spirograph says
I remember your question, and I remember going back to look at the comment that told you to go for it and thinking the whole thing was inspiring. I’m not terribly career motivated, personally, but I’m so glad that you took this opportunity and were able to marshall the support you need to be awesome. Congrats!
lawsuited says
I’m a litigator and take advantage of the natural ebbs and flows to create some balance. Sometimes I do have to delegate literally all childcare and household tasks because I’m in trial. During those times I am completely devoted to my work, kick major butt and get noticed by my clients, my boss, my co-counsel’s boss, etc. But if I’m not in trial mode, I take it easy at work and focus on my family and other relationships. I leave work early to pick up my kids and take them tobogganing, make a Halloween costume from scratch, organize the pantry, host a dinner party for friends. I’ve found that going all out at work when it will be noticed has the same results as going all out at work all the time, and I don’t perceive that taking time for my family in quiet times at work has had any impact on my career trajectory. But I totally get that not every job is like litigation.
Anon says
I’m similar to you, except maybe slightly tilted more in the parenting direction.
I work <40 hours/week at a government job that isn't terribly demanding. I enjoy my job, and want to do well enough at it that my co-workers and boss respect me, but I focus most of my time and energy on life outside work, especially my kid. I don't do Pinterest Mom things because I don't see a lot of upside to it except impressing other adults. But I definitely focus a lot of time and energy on trying to be a good mom. Right now my kid is only two, so it mostly looks like spending lots of quality time with her (including early daycare pickups when work isn't busy) and informing myself as much as I can about typical development and toddler discipline. Not really sure what it will look like as she grows up, but parenting is definitely where most of my energy goes and where I most care about 'success' (although success to me in that realm means raising a happy, well-adjusted, independent kid, not anything financial or status-based).
Anon says
I want to do interesting, challenging work while still staying healthy and being a good mom, wife, and friend. I have a toddler and a work from home job that gives me flexibility. Even so, the sleep deprivation and stress of new motherhood has taken a toll on me physically and mentally, so I’m not interested in being super hard charging career wise until I feel more stable. I’ve always been a highly motivated person but haven’t found any one job to really be that gratifying, so I definitely don’t want to make huge sacrifices for my career unless the payoff is much better than I’ve experienced so far. I want to enjoy life and be a good person, which isn’t always easy to do.
Anonymous says
Exactly this. I want to do a good work at my job and find it engaging, but I don’t have a specific career aspiration. I have a lot of goals with respect to my personal life, so the most important thing is that my job gives me the resources and flexibility to meet those. If I’m never promoted again, that will be totally fine with me. If anything, I’d like to go back to being an individual contributor, but I suspect the work-life balance might actually get worse with that because I would likely lose disposable income and some ability to control my schedule.
Pogo says
I’m not specifically driven to the C-suite, but I’d like to have a title and run a business. I actually really enjoy travel and my global team. I want to be a woman in power not just because it sets a precedent and breaks barriers, but because I honestly believe I have really valuable contributions that need to be heard. I also think it’s extra important that I do so at a F500 company, where it is even less likely for a woman to be in a leadership position as the stakes are higher (I say this in comparison to friends I have who are technically COO or VP at a 4 person startup with a turnover of $2M; that’s great, but not really comparable to what I aspire to).
Buble says
Success to me is having enough money that I don’t have to worry about money (having grown up watching my parents constantly worrying about money). So far, so good. To be clear, I DO still worry about money, but I recognize rationally that I don’t have to.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Thank you everyone for taking the time to respond.
Dress help! says
We are having a baby naming in about 8 weeks for our second child, with probably 50-80 people. I would like to order something super easy to wear and forgiving. I like this dress (someone posted it last week on the main page) but don’t know much about this site. Does anyone know of similar styles with easy returns? Thanks.
https://www.lulus.com/products/brewer-forest-green-midi-shirt-dress/634842.html
Buddy Holly says
The Gap has several shirtdresses in a similar style.
Irish Midori says
That’s a cute dress. I wasn’t familiar with baby naming events, so I had to look it up. It sounds really special!
AwayEmily says
Recommendations for preventing kids from getting chapped skin in the cold winter weather? Is Aquaphor the best choice? Both my kids’ cheeks get so dry and red in the winter.
Anonymous says
Aquaphor or vaseline is great. I keep some near the coats and hats by the front door so I can put it on before they go out.
Anonymous says
+1
RR says
I put Aquaphor on everything–I’ve never found a skin issue it doesn’t improve. But, it particularly shines on chapped skin and lips. I use it myself.
So Anon says
I’ll pass along a tip from my pediatrician: My youngest really struggles with getting chapped right above her upper lip. I think its from licking off chapstick? My ped suggested using lansinoh for that area because it is moisturizing, protective and able to be ingested.
Pogo says
+1 I use lanisoh on the face
AMama says
+1 for Aquaphor. I also grabbed some of the Aveeno eczema balm this week at Target when my 2 yo’s face started getting chapped and so far it’s working well too.
Anon says
My toddler has this issue but on her hands, due to all the hand-washing they do at daycare. Daycare refused to apply Aquaphor so we purchased an Aveeno lotion (one of the ones labeled natural and fragrance free) for them to use and it’s worked really well.
CHL says
My kids like the EOS lip balms because they are easy for them to apply. Also, I sneak into their room at night after they fall asleep and smear gobs of vaseline around their nose and mouth. They usually wake up looking a lot better. Our family can’t handle aquaphor and get a rash.
Redux says
My older kid has seasonal eczema– chapping on her face and wrists. Our ped recommended Cetaphil, which we slather on all winter long. The other suggestion I can make is to take fewer hot baths– hot water dries out the skin and leaves it vulnerable to chapping. We bathe our kids only a couple of times a week and try to use warm (not hot) water. Also, switch to showers– sitting is hot/warm water also dries out the skin more.
Sarabella says
Guys. My kid is killing me. He’s 3.5 years old and for the past 8 months, he has been waking up shouting for me or my husband at least 2-3 times a night. For the past few months, we have been working on extricating ourselves from his room at bedtime (which finally worked!) hoping that it would mean he wouldn’t wake up looking for us at night. So such luck. I have made the mistake of moving into his room (he has a full size bed) in the middle of the night when I walk him back in (which I try to make boring and uneventful) because I am just so tired and either pass out or stay in there because I’m afraid the next time he wakes up, he’ll wake up the baby as well. How do I get him to stop waking up like this? Is it worth it to get a sleep consultant? At this point, I’d be willing to shell out the money if I thought it would actually help, but it’s not an insignificant sum of money to us.
Anonymous says
Oh I’m so sorry. I have no advice but hugs.
Buddy Holly says
Ugh. That sounds terrible. Here are suggestions of some things to try to see if something sticks:
-If he is still taking a nap, try cutting that out or shortening it.
-Do a bath every night to relax him before bed.
-Do all the baby sleep rules (white noise and blackout curtains)
-Get him a twilight turtle and ask him to turn it on if he wakes up. I think they stay on 20 minutes? Then, he can only come get you if he is still awake after the turtle goes off.
-Get a large dog bed (like one from LL Bean) and put it at the foot of your bed with a blanket. He can come lay down there if he needs to, but not if he makes a lot of noise or wakes you up in the process. The idea is to let him be there without disturbing you if he thinks he really needs it, but make it less comfortable than his own bed.
-Make sure he isn’t deficient in vitamins or minerals. Try a good multivitamin. My child sleeps better with a glass of Natural Vitality’s Calm Specifics for Kids bed. I think it is the magnesium in there that helps, but we use it religiously. Some kids do well with liquid chamomile supplements before bedtime (be sure to get one for kids, without the alcohol).
-Get the sleep consultant if nothing else is working. Sometimes you just need outside help/perspective. Sleep is important and worth the money.
Good luck, OP. No sleep is torture.
ElisaR says
these are all great ideas…. the dog bed for a kid made me laugh out loud but then I thought…. maybe I need to try that?
Buddy Holly says
I totally stole that idea from the Care & Feeding advice columnist. I no longer need tips like these, thank goodness, but I filed that one away because it sounded genius and we struggled with sleep so hard when my child was little. Glad you liked the ideas!
OP says
Love these ideas, thank you so much!
Buddy Holly says
Sending you all the sleep vibes!
Annie says
I am so so sorry. I think it’s time for a sleep consultant.
anon says
Hugs. We go through periods like this too. Small changes seem to help a little bit, like changing pajamas to warmer/cooler, changing the blanket, changing the bedtime routine so he doesn’t fall asleep with cuddles. I haven’t found a perfect solution.
Please report back if you come up with a plan that might work for others.
GCA says
Could he be needing to pee? When he was freshly night-trained, my 3yo would wake up screaming in the middle of the night, every night. Turns out he just needed to pee and the sensation was freaking his body out. We’d ask him ‘do you need to go potty’, he’d groggily shake his head no, we’d put him on the potty and he’d pee while still wailing, then go back to sleep. Every. single. time.
Buddy Holly says
If this is it, you can try taking the kid to the potty before you go to bed. I did this until my child was over age four. Just lift them out of bed, put them on the potty, make a “SSSS” sound like the end of a hiss, and they should go if they need to.
Anonymous says
Helloooooooo me six months ago. I also had an newborn at the time. It was hell.
See if your local children’s hospital has a sleep clinic. We took my 3 y/o for similar problems. They took my insurance and had us log sleep / wake ups for a week. She took one look at our log and told us exactly what to do. It took a few weeks and the problem was solved. I have never loved a provider more.
FWIW my kid needed to go to bed later, even though All The Books and All the Advise on The Internet said otherwise, and despite the fact that it was near impossible to keep her up later. We did it and it worked. Now she sleeps 8-7 soundly and happily. Before she was sleeping 6:45-2am and up for 2 hours, then 4-8am (or 6am, that was extra fun).
Anonymous says
Fwiw none of the (well meaning and good) advise worked for me. We did it all. Clocks. Loveys. Magical fairies. Sticker charts. Potty trips. Melatonin (ped’s suggestion). Routines. Nothing helped.
Anonymous says
Yes, the idea that all children need to go to bed super early and that if a kid wakes up in the middle of the night the solution is always to move bedtime even earlier is total bunk. Some kids do need to go to bed early, but not all. Some are night owls and need to go to bed later or they won’t really sleep.
Anon says
+1 I have a night owl. Put her down early last night because I was tired and she was partying like a rock star from 4:30-6:00 before going back down from 6-8:30.
Anonymous says
Our toddler goes through phases of that. Our approach is to go into his room once to tell him we’ve heard him and that it’s still sleep time and then leave (causing a rising crescendo of wailing) and then letting him CIO. He hasn’t woken the baby once – not as a newborn, not as an 11 month old and at no point in between so don’t assume that’s going to be a problem until it actually is.
mahnamahna says
I’m late to respond but I hope OP will see this because we’ve been dealing with sleep problems with our 4.5 year old for over a year. We were spending well over an hour putting her to bed, laying with her while she fell asleep and then sneaking out. Eventually that stopped working and she would wake up when we got out of her bed and then we would start the battles all over. We tried it all.
With our first, we did all the things that you are supposed to do to teach good sleep habits. He is, and has always been, a great sleeper. None of it has worked on our second child. We finally gave in recently and moved her old crib mattress to our room. It goes against all our rules about everyone sleeping in their own bed, we have no privacy at night time, but we all go to sleep without drama and that is worth it to me. I just remain confident that this will not last forever and for right now it is ok. So, OP, give yourself permission to do the things you swore you’d never do if it allows you to sleep.
OP says
I’m glad I came back to check for additional responses! Thanks for taking the time. I will read through all of these again when I’m not so tired (so, in the year 2035?). Thanks!
So Anon says
Does anyone set a budget per child for the holidays? How much is realistic for two kids in elementary school? I don’t view myself as having a minimalist Christmas but I’m not over the top either. I have no idea how much I’ve spent in years past, and I’m trying to plan ahead this year.
Anon says
I try to do around $150/kid. It feels like so much, but we do some book series, a bigger toy, and maybe a couple fun items for the stocking, and it’s gone.
It helps that we’ve convinced all the adults in our respective families to only buy for the college-and-under kids so our overall gift budget is smaller – we do $50/kid for nieces and nephews and other relatives.
We do adopt-a-family through our local nonprofits and they recommend $100/kid (we usually err closer to $125 and select more kids) so it feels fairly in line with that.
anon says
We stay around $150 per kid. Some years are slightly more, if there’s a “big” Santa gift, and other years a bit less. Our kids get plenty of gifts from grandparents and other relatives, so this feels like enough. What I’m struggling with is realizing that $150 doesn’t go nearly as far with an older kid vs. a preschooler. I guess even if the dollar amount isn’t equal to the penny, it’s equal in value to each individual kid. And they get the same amount of presents, which my oldest would be more likely to notice than dollar amount. ;)
anne-on says
This – preschool toys are both bigger and usually cheaper. One or two lego ‘bigger’ Lego sets are easily $100-$125 alone. We are just getting into the video game request years and those are also SO much more than plastic-y toys. On the plus side, I guess we can ask grandparents for those?
We try to keep it to $200-$250 for ours and that is really only 4-5 gifts plus stocking and advent calendar.
anon says
I keep a spreadsheet of everyone I buy for, what I bought them, how much I budget, and how much I’ve spent. It goes back like 5 years now. We really only give my child toys at Christmas and birthday, so we tend to spend a lot–around $300–between our Advent calendar, gifts under the tree, and stocking stuffers.
Anonymous says
Oh yeah definitely! For me it’s $500 per kid, $250 for spouse, under $50 for anyone else (not consider holiday tipping here). Especially since one of mine is like “hello, I would like a very nice kindle” and one is more “bury me in calico critters” it’s important for me to be able to tell each of them that their gifts cost (roughly) the same.
Spirograph says
We don’t do a strict budget per kid, but rather try to balance the number/size of gifts per kid. My kids don’t really understand how much things cost, yet (as evidenced by my daughter “just” wanting everything on one page of American Girl’s catalog), so it’s all all about whether things look fair.
Pogo says
I can’t actually remember what I bought for my own kid in the past. I spend a lot of time getting his list together for grandparents and he gets so much from them I don’t really spend that much at all! For each niece/nephew I spend around $100 (usually one practical sports/clothing item and one toy).
Buble says
We don’t have a budget per kid. Our kids are so young that all their toys are very inexpensive. And we’re blessed to be in a position where we could easily spend thousands per kid and not feel it. But that honestly means that we need to consciously set limits, or Christmas just isn’t fun because it feels like a rote exercise of opening gift after gift.
I think this year we are going to limit it to something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read, plus a full stocking. And for those four gifts, there’ll be no limit to what we can spend (but practically speaking, it probably won’t be possible to spend more than $300 per kid, even if we’re super extravagant).
CPA Lady says
My kid gets so many presents from other people, I keep my spending really limited. A small stocking and a couple of other things. Usually spend $50-75 total. This year I’m planning on getting her some glitter shoes, lol crap (ugh) and a couple other things.
She has never had a huge wish list. I’m sure that’ll change when she gets older, but in the meantime I’m okay with keeping xmas pretty under control. Our house isn’t big enough for big toys and our yard is too sloped for outdoors stuff, which also helps.
AwayEmily says
We haven’t bought our kids any Christmas presents so far in their lives. My kids have 3 sets of grandparents and 4 sets of aunts/uncles, all of whom give generously, so we just…don’t. It’s not long-term sustainable (kids are 18months and 3.5), since eventually they’ll notice “hey, our parents didn’t give us anything!” but it’s worked so far.
Anonymous says
Same here. My kids get presents from 9 sets of relatives and it’s spread out all through December since some are for Christmas and some are for Hanukkah, so we don’t get them everything and they haven’t yet complained.
Anon says
Glad we’re not the only ones who don’t buy our kids holiday gifts! I do buy them things throughout the year – necessities like clothes, obviously, but also a lot of books and we usually splurge get some new toys/games before we travel, which is fairly frequently, so I just don’t really see the point in buying a lot at the holidays.
Anonymous says
Does anyone have examples of women who have made an alternative schedule work in BigLaw, and if so, what was the schedule? Having one day off a week or a fixed stop time wouldn’t work in my practice area. My firm has not historically offered alternative schedules so I don’t really have examples. I am currently pregnant, and for various reasons, think I could successfully negotiate something. I’m just not sure what to ask for (if anything).
Anonymous says
No. I’ve seen lots of women go to 80% and still work 100% though.
Buddy Holly says
I have not seen too much success with this. Most women with alternative schedules in my firm ended up working more than they intended, for less pay. So 80% pay for a 95% schedule. Which is ridiculous and sad. For awhile, I negotiated to be contract and get paid by the hour with the idea that I would be working X number of hours. It worked for a bit, until it didn’t. My firm couldn’t control the workload from clients in my practice area, and we just kept getting busier but the firm would not hire additional attorneys. So my hours were going way above what I had asked for/wanted. When I found myself daydreaming about hiring outside paralegal or intern help for myself and paying for it out of my compensation, I realized that it was time to leave. Now I have a solo practice where I control my own schedule and client load.
This is probably not the advice you are looking for, but if you can’t negotiate a set day off a week or a fixed stop time, just try working the schedule that works for you and turn down projects as needed. The whole “act first, get permission later” gambit. You would know better than I do as to the limits you could push this without serious repercussions at your firm and whether the potential career risk is worth it. But if all you have to withstand is a few snide comments or disappointing remarks at your review, but they will keep you and not fire you, it may be worth it to just do what works for you and let them decide whether it works for them or not. Obviously, be aware of the risks and have a backup plan because such a tactic is not likely to earn you promotions and could, in some circumstances, lose your job.
rosie says
What are you hoping to get out of it? Without a set day off or a fixed stop time, you are still going to have to pay for full-time and/or flexible childcare. I think you could easily end up in the same hours/less pay boat that is likely to make you stressed and resentful. I would see what boundaries you can draw and do that to the extent possible. That might look like asserting that xyz task actually can be completed later that evening or early in the a.m. versus staying in the office as you normally would until it’s done. To me, that’s not something you reduce your pay for, though.
Anonymous says
I basically want to work less. I’m at a firm with grueling hours, even for partners/counsel. I have thought about a late start time (coming in at noon) or having summers off, both of which could be accommodated in my practice area. But all of the arrangements I have seen at prior firms (fixed end time, one day off, 80%) don’t seem to work at all. I was wondering if there is anything out there that does work.
At the end of the day my inclination is that it is probably not worth being the first person in my practice area to try an alternative schedule because if it was culturally supported it would have happened before.
Anon says
not necessarily. maybe every other person who has had this thought has also decided not to ask.
NYCer says
I come in at noon one day a week (and also leave early two other days). But I do T&E, which even in big law, is a much much much more forgiving practice area as there rarely are true emergencies. I will occasionally work in the evenings after the kids are asleep, but not with any regularity. I also never work on the weekends.
My firm is very pro-flexible schedules though, so I was not the first person in my group/firm to have reduced hours.
NYCer says
I will add that my firm also does a true-up in the same way that Audrey III described below.
Anonymous says
The only thing I’ve seen work is just, saying no to assignments and partner/client demands more often and more forcefully. You’re still in client service, and sometimes, sh*t still hits the fan, so you need to arrange your life as if you were working the same amount of hours, because you will need to some weeks (see lawsuited’s comment above). I think just logging fewer hours and still performing well is acceptable, at least at my firm, so long as you have a good track record and enough people who like you to give you work already, which it sounds like you probably do. In most cases, this means being less hard-charging and advancing slower, but not necessarily. Maybe specialists have a different perspective on whether reduced/flex time is really feasible, but this is my perspective as a deal lawyer.
Audrey III says
I just negotiated one, and I don’t know how it will work in practice. But, my firm “trues up” your salary at the end of the year if you bill more than what your percentage would dictate. (So, if you are 60% of FT and you bill more than 60% of what my firm considers to be FT, then you get a true-up.) If you can get them to agree to something like this, I say go for it. If not, then what others have said is what I’ve heard from friends at other firms who have tried this.
Anonymous says
This is kind of a weird question, and maybe the answer is to just chill out and stop comparing my kid to others, but I’ve noticed she does not really engage in imaginative play (she just turned 3). I probably wouldn’t have noticed, but she is so different from her cousin who is younger by 7 months- he creates these super elaborate universes and gets very involved in them (he’s also much more verbal) and she just ….doesn’t. Is this even something to be concerned about?
Spirograph says
Chill and stop comparing your kid to others. :) Like everything, this is personality dependent. Does your child play with dolls? Cars? Stuffed animals? Make forts/tents? She is probably engaging in imaginative play, even if it’s on a smaller scale than her cousin.
If you have other reasons to suspect that she may have a developmental delay, talk to your childcare provider (maybe she does it at daycare or with the caregiver?) and your pediatrician. Otherwise I’d chalk this up to different interests.
FVNC says
The answer is probably to chill and stop comparing your kid to others…BUT, if there are any other developmental concerns, listen to your gut and begin to address them now. Around 18 months my daughter dropped off the low end of normal for developmental milestones, primarily on the social side (including things like no imaginative play). Similar to your daughter, my daughter has a cousin who is within a few months of her age, who was always developmentally ahead — so my daughter’s differences were really highlighted. Fast-forward four years and after some rather intensive therapies, various evaluations, etc., my daughter is “normal”, but even so she still doesn’t love imaginative play. At this point, it’s a personality difference. But I’m thankful we listened to our guts and got her help that really benefited her social development.
Anon says
I was never much into “imaginative” play, but really enjoyed things like Lincoln Logs and Legos – for me, it was about making and building stuff, not pretending. People use their minds differently, and it’s a good thing.
Anon says
My husband is brilliant (has a PhD in physics) and he apparently never played pretend as a child. Even as an adult, he does tend to be very literal, but it hasn’t hindered him in his career or his social life. Just one data point but it’s not something I’d be too concerned about in the absence of other developmental issues.
Anonymous says
My preschooler is 8 months apart from her cousin and the girls are extremely different, even accounting for the age difference. One is super verbal and loves imaginative play; the other is much more physically coordinated and would rather build complicated structures than imagine things. Both are completely typical kids, just have different strengths and preferences!
anon says
One of my kids loves imaginative play. The other never has — his version of playing looks like writing/researching topics he loves, building things, and art. Let me tell you, it was HARD to keep him occupied as a preschooler!
RR says
Kids are different. My son did very little of this (he preferred puzzles and building things), and my girls could have massive imaginary worlds complete with extensive imaginary conversation. All are well.
Anonymous says
So interesting. I have twin boys – one prefers imaginative play and the other much prefers building things and puzzles.
Anonymous says
If your child is in preschool or daycare, I would ask the teacher if she seems in the realm of normal, and bring it up with your pediatrician if you still feel concerned at your next physical.
Anonymous says
Thanks all! She does love puzzles, which I had not really considered. Always nice to hear everyone else’s experiences!
Pogo says
My niece and nephew don’t really do imaginative play at all. They’re super active and always into “projects” – building a fort, digging a hole, etc. They’ve never once been like “OK, you’re the baby and I’m the mommy” or even played pretend with their toys that I saw. They’re fine. They’re super smart, with the oldest kid reading above grade level. I think it’s just personality/temperament.
Anon says
Sometimes (often?) you need to teach your child how to play. Sit for 15 min and build duplos with her, or set up a play scenario with the little people, or play restaurant with different dolls and stuffed animals as the customers, etc. If you give her some ideas, she may soon branch off and come up with new scenarios on her own. I did this with my first, and he’s in turn teaching my second.
Anonymous says
Just chill. My oldest didn’t at all until…4-5? My middle is 3 and has the most wild imagination but always has. Having an older sibling is a lot of it, too.
Anon says
Favorite not-hideous play kitchens? I’d like to get one for our 2-year old as her “big” Santa gift this year. Sadly, due to limited living space, it will have to go to in the only room in the house currently untouched by toddler toys/gear: our formal living/dining room. I’d like to get one that’s still aesthetically pleasing but that she’ll enjoy, too.
ElisaR says
we have the hape kitchen set from crate and barrel and it’s decent looking. I do think the PBK ones is super cute too though.
rosie says
We have the Ikea kitchen (the larger of the 2 options, at least when we got it) in our living room and it’s served us well. There are plenty of “hacks” you can do to make it nicer or more personalized, although we haven’t done any of that and I think it’s decent looking.
Anonymous says
+1
Anon says
kid kraft. my twins love theirs. it sits in our living room and blends nicely
Anonymous says
Second kid kraft. Since it’s pretty flat against the wall it has a very small footprint too, which I really appreciate. Recommend checking consignment shops or craigslist- we got ours on craigslist and it was great because it was so much cheaper, and huge bonus, already put together- definitely heard some horror stories from friends and relatives on the amount of time construction takes.
LSC says
I realized today that I have officially been back at my big law job for a year since having my second child. I’m so proud of myself! Any ideas for a celebration? I’ve been focusing on buying/spending less, so I’m not sure what to do. Silly, but it feels like a big accomplishment and I want to honor that!
ElisaR says
cupcakes at dinner? a glass of prosecco? congrats!
Pogo says
yes, treat yo self!!
Anon says
Not silly, that is a big accomplishment! Congrats!
Anon says
Great accomplishment. Celebrate! And tell other current or future parents so they can celebrate you too!
RNMP says
Best mattress for kiddo? Moving our daughter to a single bed and curious to see what others recommend. She tends to run hot.
Ifiknew says
Late in the day, but where do I start trying to find regular babysitter to come once a week for a few hours? Ideally, my baby and toddler would know her and she could fill in when our nanny is out too.
ElisaR says
i have this and it has been a total game changer. It was a little bit of luck. I asked a friend in a moment of tears/desperation/freaking out if she knew any kids who wanted to be a mother’s helper. She knew a 13 yr old. I tried having a 16 yr old over but she just didn’t click with us. The 13 yr old turned out to be AMAZING. Now she’s 14. She comes from 5-7pm 2x a week. I’m super flexible if she needs to change the day. But after a few months of coming that time I was able to have her as a normal babysitter at night. I didn’t expect to feel comfortable w/ a 13 yr old but she’s just great. She can get my 22 mo old and 3.5 yr old to bed better than I can. I would ask mothers of older kids if they know anyone. Good luck.
Anonymous says
Yep, this. I have a 12 year old neighbor who is the best sitter we’ve ever had. I almost never leave her home alone with my kids, and wouldn’t for a late night, but she is better than anyone else 12-50 that we’ve had. She’s here now with my daughter. They are playing my little pony and have made a fort.
my kids are 1,3 and 6 and she’s equally great with all of them. She comes to my house after school 1x a week and does a lot on vacation days for us (she was over yesterday while DH and I both WFH’d but all 3 kids were home).
She has younger siblings that are 6 and 10.
My oldest is friends with her youngest sister and at our block party she was playing with all the kids and her mom and I started chatting. She sat for me this summer in between her camps and apparently “went from a surly tween obsessing over screen time to the most amazing and responsible adult” any time she sat for us. her mom literally told me they would pay us to have her come over (of course, we pay her!)
OP says
Thank you so much!! I need this but I also need backup care when our nanny calls in sick. We don’t have any local family and my 2 year old is in a preschool program a few days a week and is always sick and the nanny inevitably can’t make some days. I feel like I’ve called in as being out about once a week since I’ve been at work after baby 2 and while my firm is flexible, this is insane. I just need like a nanny that’s a backup. We use backup care through my husband’s firm but the baby freaks out with anyone new.
EB0220 says
Maybe a local college? This is the only demographic I can think of who might be available in the evenings regularly but also possibly during the day last minute. Anyone younger than college or who has a job probably will only be free one or the other.
Buddy Holly says
Our local nanny service will help set this up for a much cheaper fee than a full time nanny. You might also have some luck asking small groups of moms that you know (such as at a weekend playgroup, on a small facebook page, or colleagues). If you already know one good sitter that is busy, ask them for references to their friends. We have a neighbor that is itching to be a mother’s helper, and she said she took some sort of babysitting class to get a certificate (?) If you could find any places that do that, maybe you could ask the teacher of the class or advertise to the class for a standing weeknight position.
CPA Lady says
Random idea for tired moms who need an easy way to play with your kid(s) after a long day. I saw this somewhere on the internet and decided to give it a go and it was basically the best thing ever.
The game is called the villagers and the volcano.
You play by lying on your bed and having your kid cover you up in multiple blankets. Then they set up all their stuffed animals or dolls or what have you as villagers who live near the volcano. Then the volcano erupts, which involves flinging off the blankets and sending the “villagers” flying. Feel free to yell “KABOOM” at the top of your lungs as you fling off the blankets. The kid will find this hilarious and will insist on doing it again repeatedly. All you have to do is lie there in your bed for most of this. It’s magical.
Do any of y’all have other good easy games like this that you play?
ElisaR says
haha thanks. We do a lot of forts and “jail”. Yeah my son came home from daycare w/ that idea…. all I need to do is sit on the couch though.
avocado says
At all of our family gatherings, “restaurant” is the game of choice. Grandma keeps an enormous collection of play food and dishes for this purpose. The adults are the diners, who sit around chatting or watching sports or doing whatever else they were going to do anyway. The kids, toddlers through tweens, are the waiters and chefs. The waiters ask the diners for their orders, then return some time later with the food prepared by the chefs. Sometimes it’s more of an omakase situation, wherein the waiters serve whatever the chefs decide to prepare. Then the waiters clear the plates and clean up the whole operation.
ElisaR says
haha love the omakase situation
Pogo says
lol toddler tasting menu!
Anon says
My 20 month old saw me rubbing my leg the other day, and is now obsessed with “cleaning” my legs. I sit on a chair and roll up my pants like I’m getting a pedicure, and she takes a washcloth or towel and runs it all over my legs like she’s cleaning them. It can entertain her for a while!
Anonymous says
My son loves to wash my feet while he’s in the bath
Anonymous says
Haha my daughter loooves playing “nap.” I lie on the floor and she covers me with blankets, and occasionally gives tiny belly rubs. It’s hilarious.
Pogo says
Mine does the same thing – he makes us go to sleep on a bed of couch pillow and blanket, and says “go sleep mommy!” and then like 30 seconds later “wake up mommy! time to walk to the dog!”.
Anon says
Yes – I get back pats and good night kisses and everything. And tucked back in if I move before she’s decided I’m allowed to get up.
Anonymous says
we do something similar with our feet in the sand at the beach.
Cb says
We go on bear hunts. I lay on the floor and my soon sits on my back and says ‘we’re going on a bear hunt, we’re going to catch a mummy!’ He even puts my head back on the cushion when I lift it up.