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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
Ladies – please tell me this is a phase. My very sweet rule following two year old (2 years 8 months) has turned into an argumentative rebel overnight! She had an ear infection that is resolved but she is fighting us on every little thing. Getting dressed, shoes, eating, sitting in stroller vs walking, EVERYTHING. I had to carry her out of the grocery store screaming this weekend until she calmed down (this is a first). I know she’s just asserting her independence and autonomy and growing up but man this phase is hard!! We’re being consistent and offering choices and being as patient as possible. Thankfully DH and I just look at each other and laugh during the craziness but it’s tiring being so patient!
FVNC says
I hope it’s a phase! My son is one month behind your daughter, and I could have written your post — except, the grocery store incident would have been me hauling him back into the stroller, repeatedly, on the way to drop off him and his sister at school. If anyone in my neighborhood was still sleeping that morning, they weren’t after we walked by with him shrieking. All I can say is, my six year old no longer acts this way…so I guess this phase must pass eventually :)
Anon says
I was sure someone was going to call CPS or the police on us as we wrestled my hysterical screaming 2 year, 3 month old daughter unwillingly into her car seat at the grocery store last night. Pretty sure it looked like we were trying to abduct her.
Anonymous says
Sounds just like my kid (2 years 9 months)! So no knowledge on how long this phase will last, but you’re not alone. :)
Anonymous says
Yes. Of course it is. Like, the terrible twos are def a thing.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We’ve had this with our now 3.5 year old since he was just over 2. It’s so so tiring and hard to be patient when you yourself are probably tired and need to get stuff done, and you have to deal with an irrational screamer/resister. It’s totally developmentally normal and does eventually phase out (we’re not quite there yet but our son is much better at communicating even now). I’m not sure if I have much advice other than it sounds normal and just wait it out?
SC says
It’s a phase. A long phase. My kid is almost 4.5 now, and it’s SO much better.
Not that you asked, but here are some tips–
– Give lots of warnings and explanations of what’s going to happen, repeatedly. Use visual timers. Young kids have no sense of time and no control over their schedule. Every “routine” action we take probably feels like an arbitrary dictator stopping them from what they want to do.
– Use visual layouts of the morning and evening routine.
– Say “yes” to their autonomy when it’s feasible and safe, even if it’s a little slower or inconvenient.
– If all choices are rejected, use the phrase, “If you don’t choose, I’ll choose for you.” It’s magic with my kid, who always chose “Option C,” which didn’t exist, or just screamed “NO!” when offered a choice.
– Help them identify their feelings and why they’re feeling that way. (“You’re mad that I picked you up and took you away from your trains.”)
– Build in time to deal with meltdowns. It’s easier to stay patient when you have more than 5 minutes to get your kid dressed to meet friends for brunch. Start early.
– Sleep. Sleep is everything. Stay on schedule and enforce nap time. This includes the parents. Get your rest at night, and take a real break during nap time. It’s hard to be patient when you’re exhausted.
AnotherAnon says
These are all great tips, SC! How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk has been a good resource for us. I haven’t read the littles version; it’s probably better, but I’ve been able to apply a lot of the concepts successfully with my 2.5 y/o.
SC says
Yes to How to Talk! I found the “Little Kids” version more helpful but may revisit the older version now that mine is 4.
Also, Raising Your Spirited Child is great if you suspect your child is spirited. It was a better starting point for us than How to Talk because there are specific strategies for dealing with kids with certain temperaments. I may revisit this one too, actually.
Anon says
This is probably a stupid question, but what does spirited mean? My 20 month old is mostly easy-going and rolls with the punches really well for the most part (she’s a fantastic traveler even when she misses a lot of sleep, for example) and she generally follows directions at home. But lately she wants to do everything herself, and if she makes up her mind about something and we don’t let her do it, she can definitely melt down. At home, we try to accommodate her as much as possible (letting her pick her outfits out, for example) so we can usually minimize tears that way, but more and more we are having meltdowns when we tell her she has to stop an activity and go home (and we’re often in public when this happens). I don’t know what’s normal for her age or whether or not she fits in the definition of spirited. I did a little reading about it, but a lot of what I found are traits that I thought described all toddlers (stubborn, wanting to do everything themselves, etc). So far, her meltdowns are just screaming and crying, no hitting or biting or anything like that.
Anon says
To answer the question about what spirited means, my guess is that if you’re not sure if you have one, you probably don’t. I find it most noticeable when we spend time with other kids, which really just makes the differences more stark. I usually just describe my kiddo as “more” or “intense”. We joke that she will either rule the world or burn it down, TBD which. She takes every stereotypical toddler trait and amplifies it (figuratively and literally – she got her father’s loud voice). DH and I frequently discuss that if our next child is just like our first child, we will be done at 2 (rather than the 3 we’d always envisioned).
SC says
In the book, the author describes “spirited” as temperament that is “more” intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, and/or energetic than other children. There’s a chapter for each trait, describing it and recommending strategies to deal with it.
There’s no scientific method to determine whether your child is “spirited”–just whether you/your family identify with the general descriptions and anecdotes in the book. The author is careful to avoid suggesting any particular diagnoses. Some traits can overlap with diagnoses and may be a matter of degree. For example, her “sensitivity” sounds a lot like sensory processing disorder, and “energetic” sounds a lot like the hyperactivity. Either way, I felt like our child had some of the “spirited” temperamental traits and found the book helpful.
Anonymous says
Yup you know you have one if you do. DD has a spirited friend and the girl is just downright EXTRA instead of just normal toddler behaviors. Handsy with no boundaries, super high energy (fine on minimal sleep), coordinated, impulsive, performer, etc,.you can really tell when they’re in a group.
AwayEmily says
Yes to all of this. One add-on…any time we are going to move from one stage to another (go upstairs to start bedtime routine, start putting on coats in the morning, etc) we give a two-minute warning that requires a response. So, for example, “in two minutes we will go upstairs. Got it?” And then they have to say “got it” back. Even my 19-month-old does this now and it cuts way down on resistance by making sure they have actually internalized the fact that something is happening soon.
Also +1 to the ‘I will choose for you’ if they are having trouble making up their minds. I can’t tell you how many times I have uttered the words “It looks like you’re having trouble choosing, so I am going to choose for you.” 95% of the time this results in her finally choosing something.
Pogo says
+1 or offer an alternative that forces the choice. For me it’s always “If you don’t want to pick your outfit, I’m going to start my shower” It’s actually fine if he still continues to dawdle, but at least I’m making progress on my routine. I am not going to stand there and watch you take every single shirt out, reject each one for different inexplicable reasons, then beg for a shirt that is dirty, cry, then finally relent and go with the first shirt. I could have conditioned my hair!
SG says
Same. 2 years 9 months.
We do a lot of music rewards, so she can listen to some of her favorite songs if she does whatever we’re asking. “We’ll listen to shake it off when you put on your PJs/as you get out of the bath tub/when you clean up toys” Music is distracting and can change the mood, especially if everyone sings along.
We also happen to have a box of random beanie babies from my MIL, so she can choose one if she listens, follows directions, etc. I think this would work with stickers too.
Those definitely don’t always work, but they help at least half of the time.
Anon says
My arms were really sore this morning when I woke up and I couldn’t figure out why, and then I remembered I had to carry my sobbing almost 2 year old out of the mall yesterday. We’ve been having regular but not constant meltdowns since she was about 14 months. Transitions (especially away from something she enjoys like the mall playground) are hard, even when we give her choices and plenty of notice. I’ve definitely noticed it gets worse when she’s sleep-deprived (she refused to nap yesterday and this mall meltdown was after the missed nap).
Anonymous says
Yup. It’s real. We’re a month shy of three with my second (both girls) and what society doesn’t tell you, though likely lots of mom friends will, is that three is SO MUCH WORSE THAN 2. The threenager stage is so real. They are cute and fun, but also maniacs. Four is so much better though at least.
anonymous says
Anyone else out there not very close with their siblings? My brother is nine years younger than me and I feel like that’s one of the reasons we are not close. When I was in middle school and high school, were were somewhat close even with the age difference. I remember he would always try and hang out with me and my friends. At times, I found it annoying but overall I didn’t mind.
But when he was 10, I was 19 away for college and we didn’t really keep in touch. I still live in the same state as my parents, but he moved away for law school and work. I remember several times where I would pick him up from the airport when he came back to visit. I would try and have a conversation with him and all I would get was one word answers. Another time when my husband and I were at my parents’ house for the holidays, my husband tried talking to my brother too and got the same things – some one word answers and not much else.
My brother went to an Ivy League law school and works for a big law firm so I know he can’t be like that at work or around his friends. I guess I just expect some basic level of communication. I know small talks isn’t always fun, but that’s what you need to do in life sometimes.
It doesn’t help that I feel like he’s pretty spoiled. When he’s at home, my Mom will pretty much wait on him hand and foot. And he can be downright rude to my Mom sometimes – constantly rolling his eyes at stuff she says and I swear one time he just grunted when she asked him if he wanted more mashed potatoes.
My Mom is very close with her brothers and she told me recently that she hopes my brother and I can “reconnect” and have a close relationship. I gave some kind of noncommittal answer, but I’m just not interested in having a close relationship with him.
I’m lucky that I’m close with my husband’s side of the family. His oldest sister and I are very close and she feels much more like a “real” sibling than my brother.
anonymous says
Ugh, sorry. meant to post this on the main site.
Anonymous says
You clearly don’t like him and haven’t made an effort to be involved in his life for years. Not a surprise he feels the same.
Anonymous says
And to be clear, that’s fine. You don’t have to be close to him because you happen to be siblings!
Anon says
Hahahah you definitely do not have to be good at small talk to be a Big Law attorney. Especially if you’re a white dude.
Anon says
I have a brother 7 years younger and a sister 9 years younger. I think it’s a tough age gap. We never had anything in common, but were still close enough in age for a pretty intense sibling rivalry. I was also out of the house before they were ever old enough to want a relationship. In my case, my parents stoked the sibling conflict by constantly comparing us and ultimately favoring my younger siblings. At this point I’m cordial, but don’t seek a relationship. My parents still compare us and I can’t stand the constant put downs when were all in one place. It’s easier if I just keep my relationship with my parents separate from those two siblings. The two siblings also have very much internalized that they’re better than me and treat me disdainfully. Whatever.
(I also have another sibling who is also disfavored and we get along great.)
Spirograph says
I’m not super close with my siblings. I like them, I enjoy spending time with them and we all get along when we’re together, but we don’t talk on the phone often (esp my brother) or go out of our way to see each other. Close sibling relationships are great, but some families just don’t work out that way. I totally get why your mom wishes you two would be closer, and it wouldn’t hurt to try to spend time with him without your mom, since that would probably massively change the dynamic… but you’re adults. you don’t have to be friends.
Anon says
I totally feel your post. My brother is 7 years younger. We have elderly parents who had kids really late in life. I moved a couple hours drive from my parents. He moved to the opposite coast. I’ve always planned my life knowing my parents will need help. He plans his life around himself. As we get older, the age gap matters less and we are able to hang out and connect as adults. His job takes him to some cool places for 6 months at a time and we recently went on vacation to one of those places for a week. This is sad to say but our relationship really improved when he got into a serious relationship. I think his girlfriend helps him to remember social niceties like saying happy birthday to a family member or sending a thoughtful Christmas present. Previously, he was just very self absorbed. Now, he seems to take into account other people’s needs too.
All that said, some of it may not be who my brother is as a person but differences between boys and girls and how we were raised too. Our mom did EVERYTHING and my father didn’t lift a finger. I didn’t know how to cook or clean because I never had to. Just some little differences between us: even as an adult, if I am staying with my parents and go out with friends, if I’m going to be coming home late or staying over somewhere, I call and let them know so they don’t stay up worrying about me. My brother never would do that, even while he was still in high school but had turned 18. Another time my grandmother needed some help getting down our outdoor stairs and my brother’s response was “I don’t have shoes on” while my response was “give me a second to put shoes on.” It’s that kind of stuff that he’s finally starting to grow out of.
To the poster that said you just don’t like your brother – I don’t believe that. There are things about him you would change of course but fundamentally, you wish you were closer and I get that.
Butter says
I was not close with my brother for the first 30 years of my life. He was 12 years older than me, and we always had separate lives. We would go months and months without interacting or speaking. It wasn’t until he had kids, our parents aged, I had kids, and then our parents died that we became close, and now I can’t imagine life without him.
All that to say, I think there are seasons to siblings as well. Just as we change, so can our relationships. Given this, personally I wouldn’t close the door on anything. (And fwiw, my mother was estranged from one of her brothers for the last 15 years of her life, then they reconciled three months before she passed, and he was by her bedside at the end. No one could have seen that coming.)
Anonymous says
This. My siblings are single, and I’m married with kids. We live in different states. We don’t have a ton of common ground right now. But… we grew up together, and that’s history that none of us has with anyone else, and I’m sure we’ll lean on it again someday.
Anon says
You have two issues: the relationship with your brother, and the fact that your mom is getting emotionally invested the sibling relationships of her grown children.
The latter can be a much bigger problem than the former, in my experience. I think the thing to do is to just tell her that you two get along well enough, she’s never going to have to worry about one grown child refusing to be at Christmas if the other is there, and that a relationship will come about if it’s meant to be, but pushing it cannot make it happen.
Anonymous says
If you haven’t really had a relationship with him since he was 10 he may well have become a more reserved person, and strong small talk skills is definitely not a preconditions for attending an Ivy League school or working in Big Law. He may also have developed a different relationship with your parents living alone with them for almost a decade that explains his interactions with them. I have siblings who are a decade younger than me and I had no idea at the time how hard it was for them when I went off to university and basically interacted with them at holidays only because I was wrapped up in the process of becoming an adult. I’m in my 30s now and spent a lot of time and energy reconnecting with them and getting to know the people they are now and learning the history of what happened to them during the years I wasn’t really paying attention. It sounds like you’ve been channeling your energy into your relationships with your husband and his family, and it’s reasonable for your brother to have focused his energy on other relationships in that circumstance.
Anon says
This isn’t a parenting question but it’s somewhat related to my kid so I thought I would ask it here. After several years of vaguely telling me they’ll move to my city eventually, the pull of their granddaughter has become too strong and my parents are starting to make concrete plans to move by next spring. I’m thrilled, both selfishly for all the childcare help (the plan is for them to be our primary aftercare and summer care as long as they’re able) and also to spend more time with them and have my daughter know them really well, which is something I never had with grandparents and have always been kind of bummed about.
But…the weight of this decision is starting to hit me. My parents are both still active and working at 70. They’re not and never have been social people and their entire community and interaction with other people is through work. I’m really worried that when they retire and lose that, they’re going to be in for a shock (to be fair, I think this will be an issue whenever they retire, but I guess I feel more responsible if they’ve retired so they can move to my city and be childcare for us). They’re affluent and enjoy travel and they’ll obviously be spending lots of time with their granddaughter, but I still think it’s going to be a tough adjustment for them to not be working and to have no network outside of my nuclear family. I don’t see them making friends here, even if they moved into a retirement community, which they probably will.
My husband also wants to draw clear boundaries about how much we will see them, how often they will be at our house, etc., which I can understand as I’d definitely want to do that if it were my in-laws moving here. But I really don’t know how to raise this with my parents in a tactful way – it seems really cold-hearted to say something like “Just wanted to confirm you’re not going to be at our house for dinner more than once/week?”
Has anyone had parents or in-laws move in a similar situation? Do you have any advice about how to navigate this transition?
Anonymous says
So they’re going to be taking care of your kid every day after school and all summer, but he doesn’t want them visiting more than once a week? That feels rude. Also if they’re traveling often you’ll need back up care.
Anon says
It feels rude to me too, but I’m trying to put myself in his shoes. I’d be freaking out if my in-laws were moving here and would want the same kind of reassurance that they wouldn’t be at our house every night crashing our nuclear family dinner (of course I think my parents are a lot more pleasant than my in-laws, but I realize I’m biased). I don’t think my parents actually have a lot of interest in joining us for dinner regularly – their primary interest is our kid, and if we’re making sure they get quality time with her while we’re at work, I don’t think they’re going to want to hang out as a complete family all that much. I mean, occasionally, sure, but not every night. But my husband is not convinced I guess.
Anonymous says
I think you should have an open and frank conversation with your parents about all of these worries!! I do see where your husband is coming from, although I think He Who Gets The Free Childcare must also just cope, but for this to work you need to be able to talk to your parents about this.
Anonymous says
I think you need to open up an honest conversation with them before they make more plans about what their expectations are, what yours are, and what everyone is willing to live with. Here is some flattering wording that seems like it could work: I’m worried you are going to miss all your friends and community here and won’t have time to make new friends if you are taking care of our daughter all the time. Have you thought about how you will build community here? It’s going to be great for granddaughter but I’m worried it will be a hard transition for you – You’re both so active; I’m worried our daughter will bore you. How often are you picturing having meals with us? How many weeks a year do you think you will be traveling, as we’re going to need to plan for childcare when you are gone?
Practically speaking, you might be better off keeping some part-time care that could go to full-time when they are traveling or if they become flaky, if that is possible in your area.
You should also try to talk about things like home maintenance, yard work, etc. – they may be expecting your help in those areas too.
Anon says
Have you and your husband actually talked about this in detail? I find that my husband is much more often ready to throw money at something to maintain whatever status quo he prefers than I am. So in this case, is husband happy to keep spending money on aftercare and views in-laws as a meddling factor in his quiet evenings? Or is he actually happy about both the savings and the cultural exchange between his daughter and the grandparents? If you don’t agree on what you value, you will run into some hard sore points very quickly.
Anonanonanon says
I’m feeling a bit “yikes” about your husband’s attitude and the potential for conflict there. I’m sympathetic-I wouldn’t want my in-laws around all the time either. But, because of that, I don’t ever rely on them for any kind of childcare. They aren’t hired help that are only around when they’re “on-the-clock”. If they’re going to make the sacrifice to uproot what sounds like very fulfilling and meaningful lives to come and provide significant help to you all, then I don’t think that’s a great way to treat them.
I’m all about upfront conversations about expectations, but if your husband doesn’t want them around “too much”, I don’t think they should be your primary afterschool and summer care. It’s unkind and unfair to expect them to do all of that and then kick them out the second your husband gets home. Maybe it’s best they relocate and are backup and date night care at first, and then you all assess how that is working out and scale up their commitment if it’s going well? Then, they’re free to establish their lives in a new location as they see fit and reassess how much of their free time they’re willing to commit to being childcare. I don’t see a kind way to say “yes you’ll be with our children full-time three months out of the year so you can’t join any clubs or plan any summer trips without leaving us in a bind, but also please don’t expect to stay for dinner.”
Anon says
Just to be clear on the childcare point because I think maybe I worded it in a confusing way: our daughter is 3 and currently in full-time daycare, so the aftercare/summercare is still hypothetical and a bit in the future, so we will have time to see how it’s going once they’re here. And obviously it has a big benefit to us, but they very very much want to do this – it’s something they suggested on their own. In fact, they’ve told us that once they move they want to start picking her up early from daycare, which doesn’t save us any money or time. They don’t want to stop traveling and we understand that completely, so there would definitely be backup care options once we age out of full-time daycare. They are uprooting their lives because they want to live near our daughter and watch her grow up (they have told me they would not move until much later – probably when they needed assisted living – if we were childless) but they’re not uprooting their lives just to be baby-sitters.
Anonanonanon says
Oh! I think this significantly changes things. I think you guys are in a good place, then. Definitely start out with full-time, paid childcare in place and letting them come around when they want to, and go from there. It sounds like you guys have plenty of time to test the waters and have the necessary uncomfortable conversations as you go. I think it’s fair to say something like “we’re so excited for you guys to come and be closer to us and to daughter. I just want to say that we understand you guys have your own lives and your own thing going on- and we do too. I’m sure you remember how difficult it is to find family time with everyone working and in school! I don’t want you to feel pressured to spend all of your free time with us, and we’re going to be the same. I just want to make sure we’re always together out of desire, not a sense of obligation. Does that sound in line with how you guys are approaching this?”
anon says
Agreed. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. You need different childcare or he needs to change his expectations dramatically.
I also think this is all worst case scenario. Rather than having a frank conversation with your parents, I’d be tempted to let them move and see how things have developed six months in? My parents live near by and we’ve honestly been surprised that we see them the exact right amount (sometimes less than we want to). If we’d had that talk, it could potentially have hurt feelings and would have been unnecessary. But I WOULD have a talk with your husband. Forget his relationship with them, this is about your daughter’s relationship with them.
Anonanonanon says
Also, there’s a lot of things to discuss before accepting free childcare. Are they the type that will realize they’re putting you in a bind by bailing? What if they want to take a trip, are they going to coordinate dates with you so it’s not at a bad time? Are they even obligated to, given that they’re providing you a very valuable free service? Are you and your husband going to be willing to let certain things slide given that, again, they’re not employees? (e.g., they give the kids too much junk food or let them watch too many movies or took them to the indoor play place even though you told them the kids get sick every time they go there and now you’ve been up all night with puking kids…)
Anon says
Thanks, this is good food for thought! They are Planners with a capital P. They have – no joke – already given me their 2020 travel schedule, even though we don’t rely on them at all for childcare currently, so I don’t think it would be too difficult to coordinate things in advance. DH and I are generally pretty lax on things like treats and screentime when grandparents are baby-sitting (and I don’t think my parents would do much of the latter anyway) but these are good things to think about and discuss with him/them.
Sarabeth says
My number one piece of advice is to try to get them to move into a retirement community of some kind. Ideally one with a continuing care setup, although that will cost significantly more.
Two reasons for this. First, it will provide them with a community that is much easier to integrate into, making it less likely that they will expect you to constitute their entire social life. Second, because while it sounds like they are in great shape now, they are also old enough that you can anticipate declining health in the next 10-15 years. It will be much easier on them, and on you, if you can get them set up now someplace that will be good in the longer term, rather than making one big transition now and then having to make another one in a 5 years or so.
To be clear, I’m not at all suggesting that they move straight into a nursing home. My parents are making a similar move right now, and their chosen retirement community has individual cottages. It’s like a small suburban neighborhood, with lots of amenities–one of which just happens to be a nursing home that they have a guaranteed spot in if they ever need it. They will still have a dog, and a garden, and my kids can spend the night there. Honestly, I’m a bit jealous of how nice it is!
Anon says
Thanks! Yes, this is the plan, although probably an apartment instead of a stand-alone cottage, just because they want minimal maintenance. I am still skeptical that they’ll really find a community, both because my parents are introverted to an extreme degree and because the people who participate in the organized activities look *very* elderly (I follow one of the ones near our house on FB and the average age of the people in their photos has to be 90+). But my parents don’t have any resistance to going immediately into the independent wing of a retirement community, which will make the transition to assisted living as smooth as it can be, hopefully.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My parents moved to our city from across the country when our first was a baby. It has been great to have them available as back-up care for sick days, available to babysit for date nights and vacations away, and just generally to have their support nearby. They are not our primary childcare but my dad was for a bit for our youngest, watching him two days a week. And they may help out a lot more when our oldest is in public school after school and on vacations, so it sounds very similar to your plan.
My parents also are not very social people and didn’t really have much of a community at their old home and don’t now either, but they seem fine with that. They explicitly moved to be near us and their grandkids, and they don’t seem to be missing a community beyond that. That’s a personality thing, and I don’t think you have to worry about them being lonely since it sounds like they miss you all now!
My parents are really good with not just inviting themselves over whenever they want – they always check with us to see if we want them to come. Mostly they come to help with the kids, so it’s not like we have to entertain them while they’re here. Is that your husband’s concerns? Again, you know your parents best, and you will see how the dynamic goes but based on what you’ve written, it sounds like they are nice, loving people who want to see their grandchild more and don’t want to jeopardize their relationship with you and your husband to get there.
There are always drawbacks to having “free” help of course, like some comments on your house/parenting, but you’ll see that if/when the time comes. For us, it’s been an overall positive experience.
Anon says
Thanks! My parents do sound a lot like yours from what you wrote, so this is really reassuring. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Anonymous says
You want close-but-not-too-close. My mom recently moved to the same town, 5 less than 15 miles is a sweet spot. Then they have to intentionally come over but are still close enough to get in plenty of family time.
Anon says
so after lots of reading on this board i bought my 18 month olds the patagonia nano puff jacket. we live in TX, but will be visiting family in the northeast (not Boston, but NY/PA/DC) in November and December. my kids also have North Face fleeces. I doubt they will be outside for much more than an hour or so at a time. This patagonia jacket feels very very thin. Does anyone own an adult version or have older kids who can articulate whether or not they are cold when wearing this jacket? Do you think they will be ok with these jackets or should I return the patagonia jacket and get them something else?
AnotherAnon says
We also live in TX and went to Boston last year for Thanksgiving (it was so. cold). I bought my 18 m/o a puffer jacket, fleece hat and mittens from Gap. He was fine. We limited our time outside as it was very cold and wet, but one day we were outside for multiple hours. I think the nano puff will be fine, but hopefully others have some insight to that jacket specifically.
shortperson says
just get a target cat and jack 3 in one as well to layer on.
Anonymous says
I have a similar down-alternative jacket from the North Face, adult-sized, and in cold weather it’s really best as a midlayer. I would put something windproof over it, even a raincoat.
DLC says
No experience with the Patagonia puffer, but I find the key to staying warm is as much about what you layer underneath. We live in DC and when my kids (7 and 2.5) are going to be out playing in the snow, we put them in wool undershirts and leggings. The wool helps keep your natural body heat from escaping while also being breathable. My 7 year old does say that the wool keeps her cozy and she will wear it around the house as loungewear.
Anon says
The nano puff is very, very thin. The down sweater is the recommended Patagonia coat.
Anonymous says
I live in Wisconsin and wear a grown up nano puff. It’s great! If I wear something underneath (like shirt + fleece + nano), I am comfortable into the 30s (especially if I am moving). I wore it to shovel snow this morning (20s) and felt fine. My legs were cold in just pants so I would recommend some tights or leggings to layer under regular pants, for the kids.
Io says
The nano puff was my kid’s daily jacket in NYC for two winters. We layered with a hoodie some days and with long underwear on truly cold days. And in snow we just added a muddy buddy over the top. And my kid easily spent 2-3 hours at a time playing outside.
TheElms says
It is my second week back at work, my husband is travelling (first time since I went back to work), and I made it to work, the baby is at daycare with all the required items, the dog and cat got fed, and the dog went potty. I’m feeling accomplished and thought you all would understand. Happy Monday all! Also, thank goodness daycare is open on Veteran’s Day.
Anon. says
Way to go mama!
(Not sure of your situation, but for me it was actually way easier to deal with my husband traveling when I went back to work as opposed to when he was traveling while I was on maternity leave! More evidence that I am not meant to be a SAHM.)
TheElms says
Pretty much in the same boat; definitely not cut out to be a SAHM to an infant. I am so in awe of moms that stay home – so much more patience and many other praiseworthy qualities than me! Although balancing our schedules even after a week is proving challenging! (One partner, one senior associate). Daycare is probably not a long term solution for us.
avocado says
You are rocking it!
Anonymous says
I’m impressed! My child is almost 2 and I still send the dog to a dog-sitter when my husband travels because it’s hard to manage the morning routine with both of them by myself.
Back up care? says
Any suggestions for last minute back up care??? My 11 month old is in full time daycare and this will be her first winter exposed to germs and illnesses. My husband and I both work, we do not have family in the area, and my firm does not have back up care benefits. Any suggestions for unexpected sick days this winter? I can potentially work from home to supervise, but interested in someone else actually caring for my daughter. Thank you!
lsw says
One of our local mom groups has a FB group dedicated to babysitting services. I have found several moms on there and one in particular has become our go-to. She’s a stay at home mom and has watched my son at her house a few times when we needed back up care (though not for illness).
There is also an in-home daycare that is specifically for kids who can’t go to daycare but aren’t super sick. I haven’t used it, but it’s a god-send for my friends whose kids seem to carry fevers.
None of these are perfect for what you need but maybe can get you started?
Anonymous says
In Austin, we have a company called College Nannies and Tutors – maybe your city has something similar? It’s basically an annual fee, and then a babysitter is $20/hour. The babysitters are vetted etc. and really wonderful. They have been able to find a babysitter for me at 7 pm the night before in the past. I usually try my normal babysitter network first, because it’s cheaper, but if no one can help, I use this company.
anon says
Anyone have any tips to work with a 4 year old boy on (1) managing impulses at school (he wants to respond to everything his teachers say and passionately wants to tell random stories at unhelpful times during the day) and (2) fine motor skills – he has no interest in practicing cutting/letters when he could be playing with cars, and is starting to fall behind where he should be (as an aside, I’m a little concerned he might be left handed like me, but is currently doing everything righty). Managing all of this is made so much harder when you aren’t home during the day to work with them on these things! He’s got a nanny and I’d love to suggest ideas of things she and I can do to work with him on this stuff
Anonymous says
This all sounds completely developmentally appropriate and not something to really work on or worry about. He doesn’t need to be working on letters at 4. For the interrupting sure, try and coach him though that at dinner time but that’s just what 4 years olds do.
Anonymous says
+1.
My child’s fine motor skills (and interest in developing same) improved a LOT after he turned 5.
blueridge29 says
There is a huge jump from 4 to 5 with boys. Someone on this website recommended the Melissa and Doug scratch art set and that was a fine motor activity my son actually enjoyed. You use a small, skinny wooden pencil to “scratch” away color. It sounds boring, but he liked it and I did notice an improvement with his writing. He was also left handed. Good luck!
AnotherAnon says
1) He sounds like me. :) I still have to refrain from telling random stories at unhelpful times. 2) As a fellow lefty, I get worried that teachers might be encouraging my lefty kids to be righties. As long as they’re not, I’d let it go. But you know your child best: OT can help with fine motor skills. I’ve also found Montessori instagram/blogs/web sites to be helpful with tips for encouraging fine motor skill development at home, but that’s only if you want to do that and feel that your son would be receptive to it. Good luck!
SC says
If your son is really falling behind on fine motor (I’ll trust you on that), my son works with an occupational therapist on fine motor skills. She has lots of games and activities for strengthening his hands and finger grip. Also, you said he might be left-handed–that’s possible, but he may be switching if his dominant hand gets tired, which means the dominant hand doesn’t gain as much strength. (That said, my 4 year old is much further behind than yours seems to be–a lot of switching, using a fist grip on utensils and tools, barely cutting with scissors, not writing or practicing letters at all.)
Anonymous says
my 4 year old practices his fine motor skills building with legos for hours
SC says
My kid loves Duplos but avoids the regular Legos, probably because of his fine motor delays. We were with him at a therapy appointment a few weeks ago, and he chose to play with the Legos, but that meant loading them into a dump truck, wheeling the truck around, and dumping them out. He didn’t actually build anything in the hour we were there.
There’s a whole cycle of Kiddo avoiding an activity because it’s hard for him, and then his fine motor skills falling further behind. We’ve turned a corner on some other issues, though, and his teachers say he’s accepting more of the fine motor activities at daycare. We do some fine motor activities at home, but it’s hard to push him when it’s the end of a long day for everybody, so it’s mostly on the weekends.
anon says
For fine motor skills, there’s all sorts of activities you can do that’s not writing letters. I read somewhere that colored pencils are really good (as opposed to markers and crayons); you can use car themed coloring sheets. Play doh is also good. I also had my son do some iPad handwriting tracing things (on the theory that the iPad makes everything fun) with a cheap ipad pencil tool I bought off Amazon, but DH put his foot down on the Melissa and Doug scissor skills set I wanted to get.
Anon says
Fantastic ideas! Thanks ladies!
swaddle help says
Tips on giving up the swaddle? DS is 3.5 mo and started rolling everywhere over the weekend, so we stopped using the swaddle cold turkey last night. He woke up 4 or 5 times. Any tips or how long did it take your kids to get used to not having it? His older sister didn’t roll until 6 months due to delays so she was in the swaddle much longer and (I assume because she was older) adjusted easily without an increase in wakings. We have a merlin sleep suit but I read a post on babybargains that has me afraid to use it.
Boston Legal Eagle says
For DS1, we transitioned to a swaddle with arms out once he started to roll. He used his thumb to soothe, so that transition wasn’t too hard. For DS2, we switched to the Magic Merlin once he started to roll and used that for a few months, which worked really well. What is the concern with these? I think they’re supposed to be pretty safe for the transition from the swaddle, but there have been so many products recalled lately that I don’t even know anymore.
lsw says
Our son LOVED the Love to Dream Swaddle UP at that stage. We never merlin sleep suited because it was too hot. After the Love to Dream, we switched to Halo sleep sacks.
NYCer says
We switched to a sleep sack around 4 months (we had been swaddling with arms out for a while though, so the transition was very easy). We have a cotton Halo sleep sack that my almost 9 month old still sleeps in.
Anon says
Can you swaddle arms out? Our ped was fine with that, and DD sucked her fingers as a self-soothing thing so having her arms out actually helped her sleep better.
Anonymous says
We used the Halo Sleepsack Swaddle at that age and just wrapped the velcro bits tightly around their chest while leaving their arms out, so it was safe for rolling but still gave some of the tight swaddling feeling. Can you do something like that?
AIMS says
This was our transition too and it worked well. But I do think it’s also kid specific. My daughter took forever to adjust and my son was fine in 2 nights.
rosie says
We liked the Halo sleep sack with wings for this transition. You can leave the arms out, but wrap the wings a little more tightly around their chest so they still feel snug.
Our pediatrician discouraged the Merlin as well (I think it was several issues — difficulty ensuring that baby does not overheat and concern that they will roll in it and get stuck — although I know a lot of people use them).
Anonymous says
We’ve been swaddling arms out for a few weeks (DS is also 3.5m). He’s a thumb sucker so the arms had to be out. He’s only rolled twice but hasn’t repeated it, but once he starts rolling more consistently we’ll switch to the sleep sacks. DD just suddenly resisted the swaddle screaming one night so we had no transition with her.
June says
Merlin magic sleep suit!
Anonymous says
How long did it take your kids to learn to not fall out of bed? We just switched our almost 3-year-old into a toddler bed this weekend (aka his crib with the side removed; our crib is designed to convert like this) and thus far he’s rolled out of bed both nights. Do I need to get some sort of rail attachment or will he figure it out in a week?
SG says
I’ve seen a lot of people put a pool noodle or rolled up towel under the fitted sheet – to act as a bumper. Our 2yo fell out twice but after that she hasn’t. Might be a wait and see? I think it’s probably kiddo dependent.
JTM says
We ordered inflatable bed rails that go under the sheets from Am*zon – they worked great and they are portable when you travel. Looks like the specific ones we bought aren’t on there anymore but I’m sure you could find something similar.
Anonymous says
We put a bolster-shaped pillow under the sheet at the edge of the bed for nearly a year (3-4). At 4.5 no longer needs it. We went from crib to twin bed, so the fall was a little higher plus there was plenty of space for the pillow.
Anonymous says
We did…nothing? Had the mattress in the floor for a week or two, then put it on a frame. It was a non event
AIMS says
What do people do with old breast pumps? Im done having kids, I gave away my old spectra to a friend to use as her spare but I have an even older PIS that I doubt anyone I know wants because it’s been thru two years worth of ‘work’ and the motor isn’t what it used to be, but it still feels weird to just chuck it in the trash. Is there recycling for this sort of thing? Thanks!
Anonymous says
My PISA still worked really well (only one kid and I only pumped for a couple of months) so I couldn’t bear to just throw it in the trash. Charities won’t accept it, so I just gave it away free on Facebook.
Anonymous says
Trash.
Anonymous says
I gave mine away on the local mom listserve
Anonymous says
+1 – just give full disclosure. Maybe someone will want it for backup.
rosie says
I’ve heard Medela has a recycling program, you can find it on their website through g**gle (no personal experience w/it).
GCA says
Medela has a recycling program, but you pay a (not large) shipping fee. I recycled my PISA that way.
AIMS says
This is perfect, thanks!
Pogo says
yep, I did this. It was easy. The postal service guy was quizzing me about what it was for some reason (lack or insurance maybe?) and I was like “it’s a used breast pump” and he turned beet red.
Spirograph says
Yes, Medela does have a recycling program (or did a couple years ago). You have to pay the shipping, but I did it because it just felt wrong to throw it away in the trash.
Anonymous says
Give it away or sell it on Craigslist (I did both of these things with my two extra pumps)! If it still works, don’t just throw it away- there are plenty of other moms that will want it.
AnotherAnon says
Favorite stocking? I’m looking at PB but open to suggestions. My family had them all done by an aunt who cross-stitched, so I have no experience buying them. TIA!
anon says
I love our PB stockings!
Anon says
I think LL Bean has classic cross-stitched ones that I remember a lot of neighbors having as a kid. We got ours from grandinroad and I’ve been really happy with them (3 years in). Frontgate also has lovely (if less colorful) ones.
lsw says
I bought some hand-knit ones on Etsy that were exactly the same patterns my Mom Mom (grandma) used for the grandkids. Sentimental and fun.
mascot says
Lands End has a dozen or so cross-stitch designs. Plus, they carry the line every year so it’s easy to add additional stockings if you family grows.
anon says
Moms in cold-weather locations, can we commiserate about how crazy-making it is to keep track of hats/mitts/gloves/various winter essentials? No matter what system I dream up or how simple I try to make it, we still manage to lose pieces at school and daycare. Sometimes it reappears; often it does not. The worst offender is actually my elementary-age kid. DH says “let him freeze!” but I can’t, in good conscience, do that. Letting him be cold when it’s 50 degrees is one thing; sending him out to recess without gear when it’s 25 degrees + wind child is another.
Anonymous says
Mitten clips are your friend.
Anon says
I wouldn’t let him freeze but I would deduct the cost of replacement items from his allowance, assuming he has one. Maybe give him one free loss per year before you start deducting if you want to be a bit gentler.
AIMS says
So for mittens, my mom gave me the amazing idea of seeing each one to a stretchy string ( like the kind you’d find inside stretchy pants/underwear) and then we just put them thru the jacket arms so that nothing is ever lost. Hats are trickier but technically a similar stretchy string system should work if the concern is losing them (you may have to sew them on or do some kind of button to attach (which would make it removable). If your concern is just warmth, I would look for jackets with good hoods. But we haven’t lost any mittens yet and honestly I’ve considered doing this for my own gloves because I always end up forgetting my own when it’s coldest out.
I also look for hats that button or tie under the chin whenever possible because for my little kids the biggest issue is them taking it off and just throwing it out the stroller when I’m not looking. Boden has really cute ones.
Anonymous says
You can buy mittens with the string attached from Hanna Andersson.
rosie says
I have no idea how I’m supposed to label the little knit mittens with my kid’s name. Marker doesn’t really work on the material (and is a non-starter if it’s darker anyway), sometimes one of them has a tag, but kiddo usually wants to take the tag off because it’s scratchy. Puffy paint? Or just say they’re cheap and buy enough that it’s fine that they are basically disposable (or hopefully transferrable if they’re getting passed around the class)?
AwayEmily says
I do the latter (hope for the best/assume they get passed around). Honestly, I wish daycares would have every family chip in $30 at the beginning of the winter, then they could buy a big old bunch of identical mittens and hats, and let the kids grab them from a giant bin on their way out and deposit them again on their way in. It would make life much easier.
Anon. says
Same. I bought a 5-pack of stretchy mittens last year for like $15. We’ve still got four pair; we’ll see how long it lasts. Sort of like sunglasses, the less I care about them the more likely they are to last and less I care if I leave them somewhere. I do also have one pair of expensive ski-mittens, but those don’t go to school.
Anonymous says
This is what we do. We have a couple pair of good, waterproof mittens that are for playing in the snow at home or when we go skiing. For school/daycare, I send cheap ones. If they get lost, they get lost. If it’s really cold, or cold and wet, the kids don’t play outside at school long enough for it to matter.
Anonymous says
Omg, this is the best idea!! It would be easier for the teachers, too.
Anonymous says
Eeeeek! Lice!
Anon says
If someone in the class gets lice, usually the whole class gets lice. Even without any hat-sharing.
Spirograph says
Half my daughter’s class got lice last year even without intentionally shared hats. It’s going to go through a preschool classroom like wildfire if one kid gets it, no matter what. :)
rosie says
Yeah I was worried about lice, too. Also, who would wash them? I think I’d be ok with a rotation where each family is responsible for washing on the weekend.
Io says
I bought teeny clothing labels with just our last name and a phone number just for mittens and gloves.
But mostly I have regular (cheap cotton) gloves and mittens for my kid and the cold weather good wool stuff. I hold onto the wool stuff separately and only give them out on truly cold days. I hope she’ll wear them enough to not lose them.
Anonymous says
At some point between last April and last weekend, the contents of a large drawer of mittens, gloves, and hats for my children disappeared. Poof! Nobody seems to know what happened. I just ordered cheap 12-packs of gloves and mittens from Amazon.
Anonymous says
I braided yarn together, knitted the ends, and sewed to mittens. Mittens strings. My oldest used them that way through first grade, it was no big deal. Now she’s learning to track her stuff but is older. My now kindergartener doesn’t like the string, but I don’t care. She can’t keep track of anything, I refuse to lose mittens all winter. Hats, I just try to have a backup per kid.
SC says
I’m not suggesting this, but my aunt and uncle live in Alaska. My aunt told me once that she’d go to Goodwill every spring/summer and buy sweaters for like $1 a piece, then unravel the yarn and re-knit hats and mittens for the kids. They’d start the winter with a huge basket of hats and mittens and end the winter with empty baskets. I suppose she likes knitting though :-)
Anonymous says
Sell me on your city! Husband and I decided last night that we are ready to consider other places to live. Nothing is tying us to our medium midwestern city and I just can’t deal with the snow and cold anymore. He can work remotely wherever we end up. I’m a lawyer, but I’d also be interested in policy or nonprofit work. We have an 18 month old. We don’t have family in the US, so moving closer to family isn’t an option. Money is not a big factor.
Anon says
If money is truly no factor, my favorite place to live would be the SF Bay Area. However, houses in decent school districts cost close to 10x what they do in my medium (non-Chicago) Midwest city. And if you’re a lawyer and want to have a short commute you’re probably looking at living in SF or Palo Alto, which is going to be even more expensive. Maybe also look at Raleigh-Durham and Atlanta, which are much more affordable than California but still have mild winters and lots of attorney jobs.
Pogo says
hahahaha money would very much have to be no object to move to the Bay Area from pretty much anywhere.
AwayEmily says
I am from a very snowy city in central NY and will definitely NOT try to sell you on it…I adore where I live but by far the best part of it is that it is cheap, cheap, cheap, which means we have a wonderful house in our ideal neighborhood. If money was not at all a factor, then hmmm….Charlottesville? Austin? I work in academia so am biased towards places that are also nice college towns.
Anonymous says
Literally everyone and their brother are moving to the Nashville area these days. I do love it here though.
Anon says
Nashville isn’t that warm though, right? I’m only a few hours north of you and we get snow and temps in the teens and 20s very regularly from November to March – it’s not like a Wisconsin winter, but it’s definitely winter.
Anonymous says
I mean, it depends on the year. I’d say we’re still a true 4 season place, even with the climate changes. Summer is long and steamy. Fall and spring are divine. Winter is wet and chilly, but not that bad. Like we’re supposed to get hit with that artic blast tonight and get possible snow, but it will be in the 50s again within 24 hours. Most of the winter is 40s/50s.
Anon says
I’m a few hours north of Nashville (probably very close to Anon at 1:01), and while we do get a real winter, it’s not the bone-chilling winter, full of snow, that you get in New England or the upper Midwest. Snow melts the next day. There are plenty of 50-degree days in the winter. Winter really starts in December and ends at the end of February.
Anon says
Ha, not this year, if you’re any where near me! It snowed on Halloween and is snowing again now :(
Anon says
I’m an hour and a half west of you, I think. We have about 3/4 an inch of snow – it’s really not that bad.
Butter says
Following, as the early snowfall in Chicago – and knowing that we might have FIVE more months of this – has me dreaming of relocation to an at least slightly warmer area.
Anonymous says
La Jolla
Anonymous says
DC area is great if you can arrange your life to avoid traffic, which sounds like a possibility if your husband works remotely anyway. There’s still winter (some years more than others) but not a stretch of several cold snowy months like you get in the Midwest. Tons of nonprofit opportunities, free stuff to do, close to international airports. Public schools in the suburbs are among the best in the country, plus there are a slew of private options.
Anon says
We’re stuck where we are, and can’t afford it anyway, but if we had the funds, I’d love to live in Seattle. Major airport, lots of beautiful nature and good food, good weather (imo anyway). I LOVE rain though, and although this probably sounds stupid, skin cancer runs in my family and keeping myself and my kids adequately protected from sun is a constant source of low-key from April to October. I’d love to live somewhere where the sun is a little less intense.
Anon says
*low-key anxiety
Anon says
If you can live anywhere, live close to stuff you like! Mountains, beaches, lakes, skiing, big international airports, voting in swing states, whatever.
Right now, I like Richmond, VA’s vibes.
RVA says
Shhh–don’t tell people how great Richmond is! They will all move here and drive up housing prices and cause traffic.
Seriously, RVA is amazingly livable. The main drawbacks are (1) if you are highly educated and/or liberal, you will have to be very picky about choosing a neighborhood if you want to fit in (I know literally one other mom who works full-time and is not a teacher, a neighbor kid shot out one of our windows with a BB gun, etc.); (2) if you pick certain affluent neighborhoods you will be dealing with an Old Money type of culture; (3) home prices don’t appreciate the way they do other places, so once you buy here you’ll have a hard time moving back to a higher COL area. But if you can deal with these annoyances, you’ll enjoy life at a remarkably easy pace (as long as you avoid the Short Pump Trader Joe’s, which is so crowded it could be located in NYC).
Anonymous says
DC area is great if you can arrange your life to avoid traffic, which sounds like a possibility if your husband works remotely anyway. There’s still winter (some years more than others) but not a stretch of several cold snowy months like you get in the Midwest. Tons of nonprofit opportunities, free stuff to do, close to international airports. Public schools in the suburbs are among the best in the country, plus there are a slew of private options.
CPA Lady says
What are you doing to get read for Christmas? Also, any good gift ideas for 5 yo girly girls?
Every year Christmas sneaks up on me and I am vowing it won’t this year.
So far I’ve put ingredients for various holiday party potlucks on my grocery list and I’m hoping to get my shopping done next week. Sigh.
Spirograph says
If you girly girl likes arts and crafts, check out your local artist supply store (or Michaels / Jo Ann Fabrics). I discovered a whole wall of cool kid stuff in mine recently. Fairy garden terrariums, pom-pom art kits, DIY plushies. I’m definitely doing some Christmas shopping for my daughter there.
Butter says
Apparently just buying all the advent calendars. Not actual gifts, just advents. I have lego, lego, jam, cheese ones so far. I need to be stopped.
anon says
LOL. I keep looking at the Lego Advent calendar, but I’ve resisted so far.
I like the idea of jam and cheese…
Anonymous says
I just bought an advent calendar for the dog.
Ha says
This made me laugh out loud at work – thank you!
anon says
My son’s bday is at the end of November, and he’s totally getting the Lego Harry Potter advent calendar. It’s so cool!
lsw says
The LEGO advent calendars are super fun! We usually do the Star Wars ones. This year I’m thinking of doing a Playmobil one instead.
Buble says
Too funny! I’m actually doing the six-dollar cheap-chocolate advent calendars for my kids this year. We’ve done the toy ones in the past, and it just creates more plastic clutter. Not to mention they would fight over the toys because I foolishly wanted to get them something “unique.” Not making that mistake again!
anon says
I’m trying to get the “work” done before Thanksgiving so we can enjoy December. DH and I have purchased gifts for 16 out of the 20 people on our list (literally). Two of the remaining people may get gift cards, one emailed me ideas this morning, and one will likely get a charitable donation in her name. I plan to wrap the majority this weekend and will finish up the next.
We also had family photos taken in early October. We’ve ordered prints for gifts for grandparents. We also used those photos for holiday cards, which arrived this weekend. And I went ahead and paid to have the return address and address printed on the cards, so I’ll just need to write a quick note on each card, stuff the envelopes, and put on the stamps.
Oh, and we bought a whole tenderloin on sale this weekend for Christmas dinner.
AnotherAnon says
Woof this makes me feel like I’m behind. Who did you use for Christmas cards?
Anonymous says
I’ve gotten 40-50% off giftcards from tinyprints and shutterfly within the last week. Have used them in the past and been very happy with the results.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Not anon, but we use Shutterfly and it’s worked out well. They also have a service where they can ship the cards out for you. So essentially all you have to do is make the card on the site, add the addresses and you’re done! No stamps or going to the post office necessary. You can’t write a personalized note, but if you’re short on time, this is a great feature.
And you are not behind. Last year, we pressed send on Shutterfly a few days before Christmas.
Anon says
I do them on Black F or C Monday with vistaprint typically. I’ve also used costco and shutterfly in the past.
anon says
anon@2:26. I used Simply to Impress this year for the first time. The cards looked beautiful when they arrived–thick paper, good quality photos.
I used several promotional codes, which stacked to 55% off and free shipping, but that was a week or two ago. I’ve used Shutterfly in the past, with the 50% off codes. Even with the addition of addresses and return addresses, Simply to Impress was $12 cheaper than Shutterfly was last time I used them. There’s also the option to mail the cards, I believe just for the cost of postage. I enjoy writing short notes on the cards, though.
AnotherAnon says
I’m the OP and I in the past I’ve used Simply to Impress. They’re always the least expensive, but I haven’t been overly impressed with the paper quality. Prob just need to get over it because lol @ minted’s prices.
DLC says
We get our Christmas cards through Costco. There aren’t a whole lot of design options compared to other sites, but they are fast and inexpensive and the quality is great. Besides, I feel as if we’re there more choices I would probably never get them done.
Anon says
I do all my gift shopping before Thanksgiving and spend that weekend wrapping the gifts, so it’s all done before December starts. I spend a little more money but gain so much more calm in the crazy month of December. I also take the time to plan out our weekends/ celebrations in December (there are divorced and remarried parents on both sides so it gets overwhelming fast), including blocking downtime for the kids and errand/ cleaning time for parents, so I don’t get tempted to over-commit.
My kids are spoiled rotten with toys by grandparents, so last year from us my then 5-year-old got some into book series: Princess in Black, Owl Diaries, Junie B Jones, etc, plus a Barbie townhouse as her toy. Her brother got Henry and Mudge and the DC Superheros Little Library, and an Imaginext Jurassic Park playset. Frustrated with divorced parent highjinks, we declared Christmas a day for our immediate family only, so we opened presents and then stayed in our pajamas all day, reading and playing with previously opened toys, and then spent the evening watching movies together. It felt magical and we’re keeping that as our new tradition.
anne-on says
I start doing the ‘inside’ decorating early and keeping it up longer. I love having garlands on mantels, sparkly lights up, etc. in the winter. I start around now little by little but save the tree and outdoor lights for after Thanksgiving. We also went out and bought our ‘2019’ ornaments already which was fun!
I also try to get the ‘easy’ gifts bought and wrapped super early – I already have 5 kids ticked off my list (we have a big family) along with the more transactional gifts (ie – 5 Starbucks gift cards loaded up for the mailman, UPS man, sitter, etc.). Cards are already ordered and will be stamped and ready to mail after Thanksgiving so I can focus on the ones where we were missing addresses/folks moved/etc.
Doing all the not-fun stuff early lets me spends weekend in December focusing on things I DO love, like decorating the tree, baking and delivering cookies, family get-togethers, etc.
anon says
– I ordered my Christmas cards from Shutterfly last week.
– I’ve bought a few presents and stocking stuffers. I’m really hoping to do more buying in November this year, just to take off the stress and pressure in December.
– Tomorrow night my kid’s school is having a book fair at Barnes and Noble, so I’ve made my list of things to buy there, including a couple of kid gifts, one for my grandpa, and a new Christmas puzzle.
– We already know when the Christmas programs are happening, so there shouldn’t be too my scheduling surprises.
I really should go ahead and buy gift cards for teachers and such. That would be an easy thing to cross off the list.
Anonymous says
My just turned 6 y/o loves:
LOL dolls (ugh)
Art supplies (AC Moore has a 52 pack of gel pens for $10; Santa is bringing those)
LEGOs (Disney and Marvel ones for extra points)
Sequined Flippy shirts
Purses
Journals/“art notebooks”
Nail polish, fake hair, hair chalk
Hula hoop
Any art/craft kit, she’s extra into friendship bracelets
American girl stuff if you want to open pandora’s box
Buble says
I’m totally trying to get myself to be low-key about Christmas cards this year. Usually, I get the professional photo taken ($175) and order 150+ custom cards from Shutterfly ($200 even after aggressive discount coding) to send to a long, long list of relatives, friends, acquaintances, and coworkers who may or may not actually care.
This year I am getting 50 prints made of last year’s Santa picture (the kids haven’t changed that much in a year, and it’s super on-season) – $5 during Snapfish’s penny-picture sale (plus shipping). I ordered 2 boxes of 24 lovely 5 x 7 cards on Amazon – $13. Aside from the grandparents, no one is getting a card mailed to them except as a response to a card received. If that ends up being more than 50 families, I’ll order more prints and cards as needed. A $20 investment versus my typical $400ish by this point… yeah, I’m feeling like it’s the right choice this year.
rosie says
Hopefully not too late in the day for responses — nail polish for toddlers? Is Piggy Paint the best bet, or anything else I should look at?
Anonymous says
I could not get Piggy Paint to come off, even with the special polish remover.
rosie says
Good to know, thanks. So maybe the peelable stuff I remember from childhood is better.
rakma says
We use Sally Hansen Quick Dry, most of it chips/peels off before we re-paint so I’m not too concerned about using polish remover. One coat dries pretty quick, so it’s less likely to get smeared over everything.
RR says
Same. I found the quick drying to be more important than taking it off–it usually wears off kids quickly anyway (at least my kids).
lsw says
Where can I buy a great sled that’s not cheap Target plastic junk?
Anonymous says
Are you opposed to plastic sleds in general or just crappy ones? We have a Lucy Bums one that has survived about 3 winters of occasional use in NYC. I think plastic sleds work well on minimal snow; runner sleds just don’t unless conditions are right. We got it from Amazon but looks like it would be cheaper elsewhere right now; I think we have the 48″ toboggan.
Anonymous says
Sierra Trading Post has the 33″ model for $15!
lsw says
Just don’t want a crappy one. Thanks, I will check that out!
Anonymous says
The cheap plastic junk ones from Target actually work pretty well. We have some dollar store sleds that are my kids’ favorites. My brother had a toboggan with runners when we were kids, and it was so much more temperamental that we rarely used it.
anon says
Try your local sporting goods store. They’re generally much higher quality than what you’ll find at Target. TBH, the plastic saucers are my kids’ favorites, more so than the toboggan style.