This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
If you are a nursing mom and you don’t use the office fridge to refrigerate your pump parts or your breastmilk, a small fridge like this can be a great option for your office — and they’re pretty inexpensive. I also loved these for storing Diet Coke, or yogurt, or low-fat shredded cheese in my office, or a salad dressing that I didn’t want other people at work to use.
Some of these are really tiny and only fit about six cans of soda — and they use very little energy. (Check out my Corporette post on buying a mini fridge for your office, because I included specific details on energy use.)
The pictured fridge is a bestseller, but Amazon has many more options to choose from; you can also find similar ones at Target and Walmart.
Psst: Looking for info about nursing clothes for working moms, or tips for pumping at the office? We’ve got them both…
This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
Click here to see our top posts!
And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Anonymous says
I wish I’d had one of these upstairs at home when I was EP with a newborn. I was constantly up and down the stairs to put pumped bottles in the fridge or to get a bottle to feed the baby. Eventually I started keeping bottles upstairs in a cooler overnight, but a little fridge would have been so much easier.
Redux says
I’m an advocate for the analogue version for this– a cooler with ice packs. These tiny fridges are big energy sucks and refrigerants generally are terrible for the environment. Plus this one is so tiny! How many bottles could you realistically keep in there? I pumped for 2 kids for a total of 22 months between them, and am all in for convenience measures. This just seems like a really big energy waste.
Anonymous says
what are you talking about, they have less impact than a CFL lightbulb
Redux says
“Impact” is a good way to talk about it actually. They may have the same energy consumption as a CFL bulb, but there are a whole lot more things to consider than impact on your electric bill when you talk about energy consumption, including the inputs to manufacture, distribute, and, importantly, the waste. Refrigerants are toxic waste, plus all the plastic that will never decompose.
I’m not here to knock anyone’s individual choices, but this one seems like a lot of waste since there is not that much of a difference between this vs. a cooler with an ice pack.
anon says
IDK man, I know it doesn’t seem like a lot but in the early blurry days with a newborn, having to add swapping out icepacks in a cooler to the list of tasks I had to accomplish would have significantly decreased the utility to me. I am combo feeding and use ready to drink formula, and I have one of these in the bedroom to keep open unused formula in, and not having to trek to the kitchen on the other end of the house or to remember to swap out icepacks has been so helpful. These early days are just tough and it doesn’t seem like it would make a big difference, but it’s a purchase I’ve been really grateful for.
Also, your cooler is made of plastic that will never decompose, as are your icepacks (whether they’re the permanent kind or they’re in a ziploc).
Anon says
I never saw a need for this because my office fridge was 20 steps from my office door and I had zero shame putting my breastmilk there, but I really think the environmental impact of this is so minimal, especially compared to the lifetime impact of a single human. I did plenty of things I’m sure were less environmentally friendly, like using disposable diapers for my child and Ziploc bags for lunches. I think pretty much every person on earth makes some choices that are good for the environment and some that are less good, and very few people, I would venture almost no people, are making “perfect” decisions when it comes to the environment. If this makes an exhausted new mom’s life easier, it seems like an easy choice to me.
I would also point out that the vast majority of people I know with office fridges are men who use them to store soda, and they do this with absolutely zero guilt. So I think women can start feeling bad about their pumping fridges when men feel bad about their beverage fridges. At least this fridge is being used to keep a baby alive and support a tired new mom, not because a guy is too lazy to walk 50 feet to a communal fridge for his afternoon soda.
Redux says
For sure. We all make decisions and tradeoffs and while I feel good about using a cooler and ice packs, partly for environmental reasons, I also car commute to my job every day which puts out way more greenhouse gases than those contained in this little mini fridge. I’m no environmental saint. I totally get that there are other battles to fight (but I would also point this out to a male colleague, fwiw). This thing is just so tiny that it requires you to move the milk to a larger fridge with the same kind of frequency that you would have to with a cooler/ice pack, so I don’t see that it saves any effort? esp since my pump came with a cooler and ice pack (that I have since repurposed, will live a longer life, and does not need to be disposed of as toxic waste). But I fully believe that that was not your experience, so our mileage, as they say, has varied.
rosie says
Late to the party on this, but I just had a dorm minifridge when I was EPing in a 2-story house. It was big enough to fit all the bottles for a day, extra milk, bagged milk that needed to be transferred to the freezer, etc. Plus easy to resell/give away when I was done using it.
anon says
A fridge in your office is amazing if you’re on the billable hour. It made pumping possible for me.
When I was starting at my firm with a 4 month old, HR originally told me I’d have to use a common pumping room, scheduling a reserved time on a outlook calendar at least a week in advance and traveling up several floors to the room with all of my stuff. That was never going to work. I had to appeal to the management committee at the firm for permission to get a lock on my door and to have a fridge. It was mortifying to have my decision to pump reviewed, discussed and approved by a group of old, powerful men (plus a token women), but I’m glad I spoke up and got that policy changed for subsequent associates. I billed 2300 hours that year while pumping.
Realist says
Thank you for doing that. You probably saved many women countless hours of frustration.
Pogo says
Speaking of pumping…
any new or soon to be new moms want to chime on their thoughts around pumping on leave and building a stash? With #1, I was a lady on a mission. I had a trip planned, plus back to the office, plus plenty of work travel in my first year. I knew I’d want a really sizable stash – I think I aimed for 100 oz.
Now…not so much, right? I can’t imagine the next time I’ll be away from the baby. *maybe* in February or March?? (between my leave and my husband’s and wfh for the foreseeable future) I’m thinking about pumping some, but not with any size stash in mind? Bare minimum I need the amount to send with baby the first day he goes to daycare.
What have others done who’ve delivered recently?
Anon says
I’ve worked from home full time for years and I didn’t really have a plan, but I do have to say that even while working from home pumping or feeding was hard for me – too many meetings and distractions and it was hard to carve out the time to do it. I was glad I had a stash because I went through it more quickly than I expected. But honestly, I would also probably worry less – my baby gave no fs when I started giving him formula.
Anon says
My baby is 3, but I travel(ed) very rarely for work. That being said, my stash (100oz or so toward the end) was helpful for me in several respects. I pumped maybe three times a week starting at around 4 weeks; most of the stash was built while pumping at work those first few months (DD was prone to reverse cycling) – I think I had just enough for the first two days away when I started back at work. It allowed me to worry far less about output while pumping with work, allowed DH to give bottles very early (we started with 1-2 bottles a week at I think 4 weeks on my LC’s advice – I didn’t always pump when she got a bottle and my supply was fine but YMMV), and when I had an unexpected 2-day hospital stay where I had to pump and dump due to meds, DH was able to alternate the BM and formula for an easier transition. It also meant I dropped to 1 pump a day at 9 months, quit pumping at 10 months and we made it to 11 months before switching to whole milk with the ped’s advice (I nursed until 17 months).
anon says
Okay, threadjack, but talk to me about this whole milk at 11 months thing? My 11 mo has violently rejected several formula options, even when it’s just half an ounce mixed into breastmilk. And my pumping output is about 2 ounces short of what he wants at daycare every day. We have a freezer stash, but that will run out before he turns 1. Is this the kind of scenario where it’s worth trying cow’s milk? I intend to keep nursing 2/3 times a day as long as he and I want.
And on the topic of stashes, thank goodness I banked about 180 oz months ago when I had milk overproduction. It’s made this production drop so much less stressful. You never know whether pumping at 10 or 11 months will work like pumping at 8 weeks did. It definitely doesn’t for me.
Anon says
We asked our ped and he was fine with it. Kiddo was big for her age, tolerating a wide range of solid food (including dairy) well and still nursing morning and a couple of times in the evening. So ask your ped!
Anon says
I think most peds are fine with cow milk at 11 months. But also milk is a good source of nutrients but not really mandatory once a child is eating a diverse solid food diet. My child self-weaned from formula around 10/11 months and never took to cow’s milk (she did continue nursing until 17 months but I think that was for comfort more than anything else…my output was very minimal by the end). She eats a lot of yogurt and cheese and her pediatrician is not worried (and I know this is anecdotal, but she’s 99th percentile height). We do have her on a Vitamin D supplement since fortified cow’s milk is one of the only good dietary sources of that and she is pretty much never outside without sunscreen on.
Pogo says
Hm, good point about the stash being more for later on than right away. I think I remember using it a little near the end last time? However, I also started cow’s milk at 11 months, and my first was cool with formula as well. When I traveled at that point I just pump and dumped because I wasn’t serving as his main food source.
Anon says
The recommendation in Canada is that you can start whole milk after 9 months, so earlier than the US’s 1 year recommendation. If baby is almost 1 it seems pointless to switch to formula in my opinion – I would be comfortable trusting Canadian advice but ymmv.
Redux says
Well Canadian milk is also differently regulated than US milk. Growth hormones (rGBH) are permitted in the US and outlawed in Canada; US permits almost two times as high levels of white blood cell counts in milk (evidence of illness in cow) than permitted in Canada, etc. I would imagine that different guidance about consumption of milk is at least somewhat based on the milk itself.
Anon says
I don’t think that factors in to either country’s recommendation, or I didn’t see anything referencing that when I looked it up. Good point to avoid rbst milk, though!
DLC says
I would double check with your pediatrician, but it’s not like there is a magic switch that goes off at 12 months that all of a sudden makes milk ok. Granted I have no experience or anecdotal evidence about this but I have always thought that a little arbitrary… like shouldn’t t it be more of an age range?
op says
Yes, I’ve been thinking the exact same thing. Particularly for a kiddo like mine who has taken to solids like they’re going out of style. Which is probably why my supply is tanking in the first place.
LadyNFS says
I had a baby this year at the end of April and just returned from maternity leave. I have more of a stash this time than I did for my first, but I have not pumped in the traditional sense at all. It’s all from feeding on one side and using a Hakaa on the other. When I was building this stash, I was unsure if I’d be returning to work physically and I wanted the comfort level that I had from my first. Fast forward and I am working from home for the foreseeable future, but I’m still glad I have a stash because we don’t know what the future will bring as far as if/when I’ll have to return to the office or go to Court eventually, and it was zero work for me to build. I didn’t do it this way with my first, and I wish that I had. If it’s an option for you to use a Hakaa rather than the aggravation of pumping, I highly recommend.
Anon says
I’m a first-time mom, due in October, so this is all speculative!
I plan on breastfeeding and pumping, and will try to build up as big of a stash as I can just because I have no idea (1) how well either BF’ing or pumping will go, (2) how easily I’ll be able to take a break from work once I’m back to work (from home) at 3 months to b’feed, so i’ll want nanny to be able to give a bottle, and (3) it’s important to both of us that my husband be able to give baby a bottle. In pre-COVID days, I travelled for work 1-2 times per month for 2-3 days at a time, but I honestly don’t see this coming back for years due to not wanting to travel when I have young kids before a vaccine is widely available.
But again – all of this is speculative because I haven’t had her yet :)
Anon says
I delivered a few years ago now but I didn’t build a stash on mat leave. I would have for a trip, but for the office I figured I would just use what I had pumped the day before. I had already supplemented though, so I was ok supplementing more, although in the end I was able to produce enough to not supplement.
anon says
I pumped a big stash with my first before going back to work, only to discover that I had a very bad lipase issue and the baby wouldn’t drink any of it. I threw out more than 300 oz. For those who are planning a stash, please check this before getting too far down that road.
My personal strategy for stash building was to do one stash pump after the morning nurse. I got the most then and it didn’t disrupt our schedule otherwise. I started this pretty early so as to make it part of my supply and kept to a schedule.
Pogo says
I did remember to check this with my first! But like I said, I was on a mission. I froze a small test amount very early on to check.
DLC says
Also- keep checking periodically! I didn’t develop a lipase issue until baby was 4 months old. It’s so mysterious and frustrating when your bottle happy baby suddenly stops taking a bottle.
I’d say pump enough to someone else can give a bottle once a day and to build supply and worry about stash building when going back to work is more on the horizon. There is no gold medal for most time spent attached to a pump.
Anon says
With my first, I built up a stash because that’s what other people did (on the internet…), so I should too! Now, that I actually understand how pumping and breastfeeding work, I don’t plan on stressing out about with my soon to be second. If I have extra, then we’ll stash it.
We also lost power for 12+ hours three times this summer due to big storms and it reminds me how I would be freaking out about losing so much milk.
Pogo says
Oof yeah, the power outage aspect is a wildcard for sure. It’s all coming back to me now…. so much stress about all the liquid gold! lol.
Clearly I’m just trying to talk myself out of pumping like a fiend like last time. The difference is I truly had reason to believe I’d need the stash last time – significant time away from baby (and this was valid). Now with COVID I can’t see myself being away from him for more than 8ish hours at a time.
Anon says
Pre-COVID, my friend that was exclusively nursing was in a car accident on her way home at lunch to nurse her baby. She had non-life threatening injuries but serious enough they kept her overnight and she needed pain killers that weren’t nursing friendly for a few days after. Even if she wasn’t on the pain killers, she wasn’t in a position to really be holding the baby those few days.
I don’t remember the exact specifics, I think she did have a stash but the baby was rejecting the bottle during that time and just screaming while her husband tried to soothe him. It made her return home from the hospital very stressful.
Her story made me realize it’s always good to have a plan B on hand.
Anon says
On indefinite WFH with a nanny; this is my second baby and I just returned from leave this week. Baby is 16 weeks old. I have a small freezer stash (literally like 5 bags) and I plan to nurse in lieu of pumping as my schedule permits, though if I need to pump on a busy day, I will. I also have formula on hand if we need to supplement a few ounces here and there (my child is massive and has an appetite to match). With my first, I had a solid freezer stash built up, but it didn’t seem necessary with this kid since I’m never away from him.
Anonymommy says
I have a small emergency stash (kid #2, went WFH my first day back from leave thanks to CoVid). I’m glad I didn’t waste my time with pumping more because this baby hates the bottle! She has transitioned much faster to solids and still nurses, so if I’m only gone for a few hours she eats solids with breast milk added in. I doubt I’ll use this whole stash. So, don’t worry. I hate pumping and I’m taking this as a silver lining to a pandemic.
Anon says
Any one with early elementary kids – ideas on indoor play equipment? This summer hasn’t been awful because I can “supervise” the kids in the yard on our swingset and with soccer balls. I’m dreading the winter and trying to get their wiggles out. We have a small unfinished basement that has indoor/outdoor carpet. Any ideas on what I could buy for down there? They’re too old for stepping stones and pickler triangles that were suggested yesterday.
TheElms says
EZplay or BrainRich are options I see people talk about a lot. EZplay comes in 2 sizes and I think BrainRich has different configurations.
TheElms says
Also, what about a mini trampoline or just regular gymnastics mats for summersalts and cartwheels and handstands?
Gymnastics mom says
Even the cheapo mini tramps are incredibly dangerous, and most gymnastics coaches discourage their use at home. Panel mats are fine as long as the kids are only permitted to do cartwheels, forward/backward rolls, and handstands. No backbends/walkovers/bridges unless the child is over age 5, has been trained by a gymnastics coach, and is limiting repetitions. No dive rolls or tumbling at all, even for kids who know what they are doing. Avoid the inflatable “air track” mats.
A folding foam floor beam is fun and safe for the littles, with the same limitations as the panel mat.
Anon says
Are the small trampolines dangerous for adults too? I was thinking of getting one for myself.
Anonymous says
https://www.medpagetoday.org/surgery/orthopedics/1317
Anon says
Is that the right age for Twister? Or indoor hide and go seek with flashlights in the dark? I wonder if you could set up something like a mini ninja course.
anon says
Is there enough room to inflate a bounce house? You can get inexpensive ones off of Amazon and they are endless entertaining for my kids, especially if you through in a few beach balls.
A. says
Our best purchase of the past five years in this category was a mini gymnastics bar for our 5-year-old’s birthday. All three of our kids (including the 10 year old and 7 year old) flip around on it all. day. long, which I find hilarious because it’s pretty much them doing the same thing over and over and over. We also got a mat to go underneath. I’ll link both in a subsequent comment.
A. says
https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B07Q7YVYH5/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B07D3NG61F/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
DLC says
I just saw a house with a climbing wall in the basement. I want that. I don’t really have a wall for it, but….
Anon says
The one in my Maryland suburbs of DC or are there more around??
Mm says
How many toys do you have for a 6-12 month old? Any rule of thumb as LO grows? My LO is, of course, easily entertained by any piece of plastic, and the internet suggests just 3-5 (!) may be appropriate, but I’ve been tempted to buy all kinds of toys recently. Surprisingly we haven’t been gifted many either.
anon says
For ages 6-12 months you only need a handful of toys. Something that rattles. Something that crinkles. Something soft. A couple of things to chew on with different textures. Maybe something that rolls. We ended up with a few extra toys so we could leave the diaper bag stocked and so we wouldn’t have to carry them upstairs and downstairs.
Once they start walking or around 12 months, you’ll want a couple of things to push plus a few more things like soft blocks or a baby doll or a pretend phone.
Anonymous says
I was surprised by how early toddlers begin to engage in pretend play. I would offer basic pretend play staples like a baby doll with blanket, a toy phone, cups or a tea set, and a toy stroller or push wagon around age 12 months. Percussion instruments and scarves or streamers to wave around are also great.
Anonymous says
At the earlier end of that range, we were able to keep it to one basket of toys. Stacking cups, soft balls, soft blocks, and a bucket to put the other toys in and dump them out of were the favorites. By 12 months the toys started to multiply.
anon says
We loved stacking cups. Endless fun and great for restaurants.
Lily says
We like to have a few toys available on each floor of our house. We have the Lovery toy box subscription (we rotate out toys once she has outgrown them developmentally, about every 4-5 months) and also have supplemented with a few other toys every few months. So I would say, in each play area, our 20 month old has between 3-6 toys, plus a lot of books.
While I do tend toward Montessori-type toys, we have a handful of the flashier Fisher Price type toys that make noises and she likes both kinds.
Anonn says
at that age our LO loved collanders (plastic), wipes, and then those like plastic animal shaped rings that snap together. we had a bunch of toys handed down, but didn’t really need them. At around 9 months she started playing with the Vtech sit to stand alphabet train my gma had given us and still plays with it sometimes at 3. It’s a great toy, at that age she just played with the blocks and stumbled over it.
Anon says
I really liked our wooden activity cube at that stage. I have twins so they could both use it and it encouraged them to pull up to standing and the one we had was very sturdy. definitely less is more. when my twins turned one we got them a play kitchen (though didn’t actually give it to them until about 14/15 months) and they play with it multiple times a day.
Anon says
Buy nothing! You’ll get a lot for the first birthday and infants really don’t need much. I think the only toy we purchased before her first birthday was a $5 fisher price stacking ring set.
Anon says
We have a LOT, mostly hand me downs. Baby loves dumping them out and moving them around but he probably has 10 favorites. It’s nice to have a variety.
lawyermom519 says
If you haven’t looked at Lovevery, I would recommend them. We love the subscription service and it sends toys designed to help development. I don’t know if it actually works, but I will say almost every toy has been a huge hit, both myself and my daughter love the books and she is very advanced with fine motor skills. I also had a massive toy buying addiction and this helped curb it and helped me clear out the annoying electronic toys that honestly didn’t even hold her attention.
Anonymous says
I feel like around 1 you need a lot more, especially if you’re home all day. If your child is in daycare and only home on the weeks ends then you don’t need much. It also depends on your child and how quickly they become mobile. For our first at that age we probably had about 10 toys. You can also try rotating toys every few days. I don’t believe any advertisement that says it will entertain a baby “for hours”. Their attention span is very short at that age
Anon says
Yep, there were big inflection points for us at 1 and 2 in terms of toys. Before 1, we had essentially no toys and what little we had was less interesting to her than random household objects. She just wanted to crawl around the house, try to grab at the dog, open cabinet doors and bang on pots and pans. Starting around 1, we got more toys (due to her birthday and the holidays) and she showed more interest, but it still took a lot of coaxing and parental involvement to see them used. A little before 2 she started really using her toys independently, and right around the time she turned 2 she started asking specifically for certain toys and getting really excited about new presents, and that’s when toy buying started to actually get fun for me. Maybe I’m weird, but I never got much joy out of buying toys for my kid until she got more excited about the toy than the cardboard box it came in, and that didn’t happen until around 2 for us.
Shopkins says
Can someone explain Shopkins to me? My kiddo (almost 5) wants some and more than earned them by helping deep clean her play room over the weekend and sort through toys. I don’t know anything about them. Is there an original or starter set I should be looking at? Or just get whatever? Thanks!
Anonymous says
Just get whatever. Honestly, they are just annoying plastic cr@p but they are tiny plastic cr@p that fit easily into a small bin so I just sort of went with it from ages 5-7 or whenever oldest kid lost interest.
Shopkins says
Thanks! Yeah, I don’t disagree…but kiddo wants them and was willing to do whatever to get them, so I’m not going to say no. And I actually do think she’ll play with them, because she is really into some other figurines right now. And, honestly, with the whole stay at home thing, I’m not all that picky about which toys she’ll independently play with for a while.
Anonymous says
I vastly preferred shopkins to the lol doll nonsense and associated reams of plastic packaging.
EP-er says
I do not understand them, but we got hours of play sorting, categorizing, making up weird stories. We ended up with a tackle box to store them in. They have different themes from the grocery store — just get an assortment. Be aware that they have “common” and “rare” and “ultra rare” — you might get sucked in buying more so that get one she wants!
Managing Expectations and Feelings says
New mom during the pandemic, and everything has just been… hard. Our baby was born sick and some treatments made her immunosuppressed, but she has now recovered. So we are slowly doing things, but we are constantly being pushed and pulled by relatives (especially my MIL, this is her first grandbaby), and trying to navigate feelings and expectations and make things fair is… a lot. My MIL (widowed) and my father are still working in person. My mom self-quarantined and traveled to visit (without my father) when our baby was 4 months old to help for a week (the first help me and my husband got!). That caused an uproar with MIL. Then we had MIL come over twice to hold her with a mask/changed clothes/sanitizer, but then my father hadn’t met the baby, so had to navigate that unfairness. Now, it’s the baptism. We decided to do a Zoom baptism, only godparents attending (masked/distanced). My MIL is flipping out that she “needs” to be there. Why are all decisions so hard? Why doesn’t anyone accept boundaries? Why do I feel like my husband and I need to be the arbiter of everyone’s feelings and keeping things “fair” and we put so much emotional work into this, yet we get pushback whenever we draw clear boundaries, even thought we have stuck to our boundaries EVERY SINGLE TIME for 5 months now? Why do people still feel the need to challenge our boundaries and yell at us for them? It’s exhausting… but we are not giving in. No real question here but, commiseration?
Anon says
i am so so sorry that your family members are making what is already a challenging time harder. it is hard to be a new mom, let alone with a baby born sick during a pandemic. your DH needs to shut it down with MIL. If you need to, blame the pediatrician. Though I can’t promise that it works. Back in June, we took our toddler twins to their pediatrician appointment and asked about flying to visit family, pediatrician said that was not a good idea. Literally every time we facetime with MIL (who is not so into the whole social distancing thing) she says how much she misses us asks if the pediatrician says it is now ok to fly with the kids. we are not comfortable flying with our toddlers anytime soon. my mother passed away last year, so my father is the one who is alone. we have the only grandchildren on both sides of the family. and you know what – we are disappointed too! we wish we could’ve kept all of our travel plans to see all of our relatives, etc. so mostly commiseration that it makes an already challenging situation more complex
Anon says
Hugs. This sucks. They should be more supportive, but it sounds like it’s not going to happen. Feel free to shrug and stop answering calls. You made a decision and explained the reason. It’s not required for you to keep engaging.
Also, feel free to blame others. E.g., the priest/pastor/church won’t allow additional people to attend. White lies are fine and sometimes necessary.
Anon says
Yep. We used “So sorry, but the pediatrician says…” line with my in-laws many times. We very rarely actually consulted the pediatrician.
Anonymous says
So hard! Hang in there and lean into the ‘glad the situation won’t be like this forever and baby is too young to remember’. Helps to remind them that you’re not saying they can never see their grandkid, you’re just saying they can’t seem them right now.
Anonymous says
This is so hard. We meet my mom at local parks to have socially distanced play dates. (Running on the grass, make believe, stuff like that—no playgrounds.)
Last time, she told my five year old that she was so sad she couldn’t hug my daughter because I was being mean and had all these silly rules. I was fuming!
They’re not “my rules”! They’re guidelines issued by trusted health experts to keep people healthy and safe—especially older immune-compromised people like my mother! I told her it was not ok to undermine me in front of my kid. And also told her that we were absolutely not goi g to be the people who unknowingly infect her with the coronavirus. When she mentions it again, I just shut it down. Which I know is much easier said than done. But knowing I am doing the right thing definitely helps.
Anon says
Does MIL live local? Is there any reason she can’t come to the church and sit far away to watch? No hugs, no party? Having 1-5 more people scattered throughout a large church probably wouldn’t make much of a difference. Though the way you tell it, I’m not sure I’d trust her to keep her distance if she did come in person.
Anonymous says
She is local, but my parents aren’t, and I’m not comfortable with them traveling for it (for their own safety) and my dad working in person still (for everyone’s safety). And the parity problem with inviting MIL and telling my parents not to come is a problem as well.
Anonymous says
I realize the pandemic complicates things, but I do think you have to stop trying to keep score between your MIL and your parents. If she’s local and your parents aren’t, there’s a lot of stuff she will get to do with your children that they won’t, even in normal times. That’s just an unfortunate reality. If it were me, I would let her come (assuming you trust her not to do something crazy like try to kiss the baby).
Anonymommy says
+1 for trying to get everyone off of keeping score. We see my mom (widowed) more than my MIL or step MIL, but how do you keep score? Is it each grandparent? By “side” (aka adding up time with his two sets of parents)? It’s crummy to do that. We try to be fair but rigid “rules” make it way too stressful.
Anon says
+1. I have local inlaws and my parents are a couple hour drive away. TBH, we probably see my family less often, but when we do, it’s typically for longer periods (e.g., a whole weekend rather than just coming over for dinner). We see the ILs for most holidays because I refuse to travel with young children for the holidays (we do off weekends with my family – like new years is usually with my family rather than christmas). The parents and ILs keep score, but that is on them, not on us, and we have to make the best choices for our immediate family. There is a lot of scorekeeping right now because we are alternating visits because of COVID, and due to some timing considerations, it hasn’t been a strict every other 2 weeks schedule. But again, it’s their problem, not yours and you are making the best choice for your immediate family.
katy says
Just really sorry to hear this. Having a new baby is isolating hard enough (at least I found it so) without the enormous extra challenges that you have faced. It does sound like you are doing a great job.
Anon. says
That is miserable. All the commiserating.
Push back hard on the “it’s not fair!” dialogue both with others and in your own head. Life’s not fair. You cannot try to maintain equal grandchild time with all grandparents forever, it’s not physically possible and it doesn’t mean that one grandparent is loved any less. It’s not fair that you had a baby in a pandemic. But it happened and you’re coping. I’m guilty of doing similar math problems in my head about evening out grandparent time. It just never works.
Anonymous says
Or lean into the “it’s not fair”. “I agree, it’s not fair that we can’t accept help from our support network when we’re struggling as first time parents. It’s not fair that our first baby’s baptism isn’t going to be the joyous occasion we’d imagined surrounded by friends and family. We hate that we have to have these upsetting conversations with you and other loved ones over and over because we’re trying to do the very best we can to keep our baby safe. This is all very unfair and hard on all of us.”
Anonymous says
You are lucky you can have your child baptized at all! Our denomination’s state conference has prohibited baptisms until the entire congregation can participate as part of a traditional indoor service. I’d be okay with a small, masked outdoor service with socially distanced seating and no singing, but this is not allowed. Indoor services, especially with singing, are just about the riskiest activity around, so it’s not likely that we’ll return to church once the bishop gives the go-ahead. This means our child will never get baptized until the virus is totally eradicated and we feel safe in church again, which could literally be years.
Maternity Leave Coverage says
We’re in the process of hiring a temporary person to fill my role during my upcoming maternity leave, and OMG it is bringing up huge feelings of imposter syndrome!
My inner monologue is being so critical. What if she does a better job? What if they are sad to have me come back? What if they discover I made XYZ huge mistake that I’m not even aware of?
Please tell me this is normal :)
Preggo says
Oh man, I feel this – going out in about 3 weeks!
Leatty says
Totally normal! I’m going out in a couple of weeks and have had the same thoughts.
Anonymous says
I worry about “them” finding out I have been making a huge mistake all the time! I am glad to hear other people think that. I don’t have advice for that worry.
What I can tell you, for sure, is that no one is going to be better than you at your job in six months or less (even if they are amazing). I hire a lot of people and always assume the first six months aren’t going to be great because there is a big learning curve.
Maternity Leave Coverage says
The six months thing resonates – thank you for that! I’m in the US, so only taking 12 weeks (and we’re actually hiring 2 people b/c unable to find one person with all skillsets required for my position). It’s helpful to remember that even an outstanding fill-in would not be able to get up to my speed after 12 weeks, given that I’ve been with my current employer for 10+ years.
Anonymous says
And it takes two people just to fill in for you! I think you’re safe :)
Anonymous says
I have a very small department, so YMMV, but I actually found it very freeing when I went on maternity leave and learned that they could survive without me. It took pressure off.
Anonymous says
I found that too, but it hit me more on return (and has helped during COVID since childcare eats up some of my workday).
Anonymous says
Very normal. Good luck.
Books were a hit! says
Thanks everyone who shared some recs for a 3 year olds bday (this weekend). I ordered a couple and they have been huge hits – I can already tell that I will be reading Room on the broom about 1,874 times this fall! For any Canadians out there, we were also gifted “Carson crosses Canada” and it is a delight. (Especially because we had the bday on a road trip to visit the west coast.)
Anon4This says
Sigh. I am just venting here…I’m in a state that is barely on the other end of the peak. In my city, while hospitalizations are decreasing, we’re still seeing crazy high positive rates. We moved here in late-December, in large part to be closer to family. I have one highly immunocompromised parent, so now all our visits are masked and/or distanced. Right when I started being social and re-connecting with friends, the pandemic hit. Two of my best friends live here, but one is a single mum managing her young daughter/joint custody/work in this pandemic, and the other is taking extra precautions/is generally very anxious so I haven’t been able to see them, even socially distanced. It’s also just been tough to coordinate with friends and extended family because although everyone is being “careful”, as discussed here what that actually means varies greatly.
We found a school we love for DS (2.5), but he hasn’t been really since mid-March (we did send him back briefly, but then there were cases in his class, so we have opted to wait until the COVID+ rate in our city lowered….which doesn’t seem to be happening). Now I wonder if we don’t send him soon, given the projections of how Fall will look, what this delay will do to his development. He’s jolly and fine now, and I keep trying to focus on that.
DH and I both work from home, and we’re very fortunate to do so. My MIL is here to help with DS and new house right now which is great; fortunately she lives alone and is about a 10 hour drive away. I’m pregnant, which is also exciting. We are able to get groceries/takeout delivered and only really get out for home-related errands, which DH largely handles.
Despite all of these good things, I just feel….I dunno…kind of lost socially? Which is odd because I am more of an extroverted introvert. Any interaction with close friends is virtual, and then when I pop online I feel like folks are being a lot more social/hanging out. I’ve invited friends over to hang out on the porch via masks/social distance but although met with initial excitement, I think my friends nearby are just busy managing all the various pandemic logistics/feelings that come with it, and I’m feeling burned out to follow up/organize too much since the day-to-day is so much of that. Anyone else feeling similarly? What do you do to cope? The Zoom calls with friends help but it’s just not the same…
Anon says
Yeah I think almost everyone is feeling this way! I have zero friends in my city, so I don’t even have the option to do socially distanced outdoor friend meetups. My daughter had just turned two and I was coming out of the exhausted new baby phase and hoping to meet more parents in her daycare class through playdates and birthday parties, and then the pandemic hit, and now I have no idea when we’ll ever have a chance to connect with other parents since everyone is understandably trying to limit contact to only those people they’re already close to. My daughter went back to daycare when it opened this month, largely because we had the same concerns about socialization but we didn’t have local grandparents and she wasn’t happy being home with us (and we were burnt the F out without childcare). If you have a grandparent providing childcare and your child is happy, I think staying home isn’t harmful for a 2 year old. He has hopefully two full years after this one to have a preschool experience, and there’s a lot of benefit in a close knit grandparent relationship. I have no idea when we’ll be able to see my parents or in-laws next and it’s so hard. Pre-pandemic we visited a lot and we pretty much always had a trip on the books, even if it was months away, so not knowing when the next visit is is really scary and sad, and confusing for our kiddo. I have close long distance friends that I was emailing/texting with regularly at the start of the pandemic, but we’ve stopped because we’re all so exhausted from the grind and we also don’t see eye-to-eye on a lot of pandemic stuff and I think they feel like I’m judging them and I feel like they’re judging me. I hope that when this is all over in a year or two or five (god hopefully not five!!!) that people will be so hungry for social interaction that it will be easier to make new friends and connections, but I really don’t know. I WFH and I honestly have no idea when I’ll have an in person conversation with people who aren’t my husband and kid again. I feel like it could easily be a year or more, which is so wild.
rosie says
Yes, I’m with you. The day-to-day is just relentless. I do not think that your son is not going to be delayed or anything if you keep him out of group care. Plenty of kids don’t go to group care at this age — although ideally (IMO) they’d be going to storytimes and things like that, it’s ok, they’ll be ok. We moved during the pandemic (because of it), so I don’t have any friends here. I am using local FB groups to try to find socially distancing families with similarly aged toddlers to do outdoor masked playdates. I’m mostly worried about my toddler not getting any interaction with other kids for so long.
Lily says
Just found out (very early still) I’m pregnant with #2! Our daughter is 20 months. I did a whole journal while I was pregnant with her, but am wondering if people did something similar for #2. I feel a little meh about it but I also don’t want #2 to feel like we did fewer sentimental things for him/her. Thoughts?
Also, when is the ideal time to tell a toddler that a baby is on the way? She’ll be 2 in November, baby is due in April. I assume I will be showing by November.
Anonymous says
Congrats! Most people I know waited until 12 weeks to tell their toddler so as to minimize the risk of having to explain a loss as well as the risk of their toddler blurting it out. When you start showing isn’t that relevant. Your kid may comment on your changing shape but she won’t connect a rounded face or protruding belly to a baby the way adults would.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Let this be the first lesson in parenting 2 – you can’t treat them exactly the same way because now you’re not just pregnant, you’re pregnant and also taking care of a toddler. If you want to and have time to do the journal, go for it, but not doing it won’t mean you love the younger one any less. There was a whole discussion here about how lots of people made all of their first babies’ foods, or worried a lot about bfeeding their firsts perfectly, and by the second? Well, here are some scraps kid, fend for yourself, because you’ll be too tired to care beyond the basics of providing food and shelter. And it really truly doesn’t matter in the end.
Mine are also 2.5 years apart and I think we told the older one when I was around 4-5 months. I’m not sure how much he understood at that age but sometimes he would point to my belly and say baby brother.
Anonymous says
Congrats!! I have 3 and for the longest time I thought my middle was the most difficult. Turns out, she was difficult because she was a 2 y/o when I had a newborn. My oldest was the only kid around (and mostly at daycare) when she was 2. My youngest is annoying as heck but has 2 older sisters to keep an eye on her/ model good behavior.
Now, my middle also has a pretty explosive personality that was evident the day she was born (nurse in delivery room: “wow, I haven’t heard a baby cry that loud in years! Best of luck to you!”). But largely, it’s a birth order thing.
Anonymous says
I have the same gap between my kids as you will, and I waited until I was very obviously showing to tell my toddler. The visual helped him understand (sorta) and 2 year olds are pretty impatient so fewer months of waiting is good. I wrote letters to my first while he was in utero and didn’t do it with my second. My second’s baby book is also a disaster. I wanted to beat the second child cliches too, but it turns out it’s cliche for a reason.
Lily says
Thanks, that makes so much sense!