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Whoa. I’m done with the diaper stage of things, but this bag looks so cool that I still want it. After all, who doesn’t need a bag you can wear four ways (small shoulder, backpack, crossbody, or with stroller clips) and has a built-in wipes dispenser? It also has a front insulated pocket and is made from vegan faux leather. It’s $170 at Vilah Bloom. Cafe Crossover
Psst: Looking for more postpartum stuff, such as info about nursing clothes for working moms, or tips for pumping at the office? We’ve got them both…
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
PregLawyer says
Alright, I’m 38 weeks. I was induced at 39 weeks with my first, because of high(ish) blood pressure. I really am hoping to go into labor naturally with this one.
Anyone want to share labor stories?
anon says
I was induced with my first at 41 weeks, which led to a 36 hour labor. I went into natural labor with my second. My water spontaneously broke on by due date, contractions started an hour later, and out popped a baby 2 hours after that. It was very, very quick; too quick for an epidural.
mascot says
Scene: 39 weeks, 4 days, worked most of the day. At home, eating pizza with my husband and having steady, painless contractions. He’s frustrated that I’m not focusing on my contractions because I am trying to get my time entered (yay, law firms). Head to hospital to confim labor around 11pm, they say I’m not dialated much so hey give me some ambien and go home to sleep for a while. Cut to 3 am, leap out of bed because my water breaks (oh look, meconium!) and now I am crawling down the hall with painful contractions. Rush back to the hospital, basically declare my love to the doctor who gives me my epidural, baby is born a little over 7 hours after water breaks. Overall, a fairly smooth event.
Mrs. Jones says
My water broke 3 days before contractions began. Labor lasted about 16 hours, I got an epidural (highly recommend), and I pushed for almost 4 hours. Baby arrived on his due date.
Good luck!
EB0220 says
Ha, I love labor stories. My first came early at 36 weeks, and I was SO DONE by 38 weeks with kid #2. Also, it was July. In those days, I worked from home, so I walked for an hour around the neighborhood every day listening to the radio. It was so hot. Finally, a day before 40 weeks, I had an amazing prenatal massage in the afternoon. Contractions started at 4. Kid #2 arrived in a fountain of meconium (sorry, nurses) 3 exciting hours later. The nurses delivered her and the doctor ran in about 2 minutes after the baby was born. Those nurses were saints. It took my body a while to be ready with kid #2, but once it was ready – BAM!
AIMS says
I was induced both times because neither baby wanted to come out. First time, doctor just broke my water with a long needle and everything else happened ‘naturally.’ Second time, same thing but my contractions kept starting and stopping so they gave me a tiny bit of pitocin at the end. Both times babies were out in about 8-9 hours, start to finish, and I had a relatively pleasant experience despite being really nervous each time.
Anonymous says
I walked 4 miles and drank two cups of rasberry leaf tea the day before (because I wanted to go into labor). It was going to snow the next day and I was really worried about not getting to the hospital, so I told the baby she either had to come the next day or wait 3 days. On my due date I woke up at 1am with braxton hicks but followed the advice of if you think you’re in early labor, just go back to sleep. I figured if contractions got strong enough they would wake me up. That morning I got ready for work and had more “braxton hicks” which were actually contractions. I told work I was going to work remotely. An hour labor at 8:30am I realized I was really in labor. Labored at home until about 1pm. Got into Triage at the hospital at 2pm. I asked for an epidural around 4 when I was in transition (but didn’t realize it because it was my first baby). Got the epidural but it was way too late, I started pushing immediately (around 4:30pm) and had the baby at 5pm. About a 9-5 day of labor which is the best I could ask for!
lsw says
We walked to a Mexican restaurant 8 days before my due date, and my water broke while I was eating a taco. I am a crazy over-planner, so I had a pad in my purse and rushed to the bathroom. I texted my husband he needed to go home and get the car and put a garbage bag on the seat. I walked out looking like I wet my pants.
Called the CNM and they said to wait for active labor and try to get a good night’s sleep (yeah, right). By the morning, I still wasn’t in active labor, so we went in to get inducted. I got a membrane sweep (very, very terrible) and used a b*pump for fifteen minutes, then walked for 40 – 4-5 times in a row. My son was “sunny side up” so I had some kinda brutal back labor. The upside was that contractions felt like nothing compared to the back pain!
Took a pain killer that helped me sleep between contractions, which was awesome. I also had some laughing gas which helped me stay calm. Push push push and my son came out with a scrape on his nose from being face up and immediately peed on my husband.
We all slept together on a big queen bed in the birthing suite and I basically didn’t sleep at all because I kept thinking, “Look at this baby!”
Back labor was the worst but everything else was a good experience and I loved our midwives.
Pogo says
I was in painful prodromal labor and losing my mucous plug for almost two weeks. I drank loads of the raspberry tea about 48 hours before going into labor. I also walked, swam and did yoga right up to the end. I don’t think any of it really mattered. I think it happens when it happens.
The prodromal labor was awful and I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. I do wish I had gone out on leave earlier, because I was way more happy to be home then when I actually was fully physically disabled by pain than when my baby was four months old and I was at that point basically full recovered. But everyone kept telling me to stick it out because I’d want the time once baby was born.
Jeffiner says
I was 39 weeks and 3 days and hadn’t felt the slightest twinge of a contraction. I was at work and my husband asked me if I wanted to walk out to lunch with him (we work at the same company). I hated moving at that point, but I agreed because it was likely the only exercise I would get all day. My water broke before we got out of the building. We hit a drive thru for lunch and got to the hospital around 12:30. They confirmed my water had broken and I was dilated 4 cm. At 5 pm my contractions hadn’t started, so they started pitocin. At 9 pm I still had no contractions, so the doctor said maybe my water had only partly broken and used a long needle to get the rest. Shortly after that I started throwing up, then contractions finally started. At around 4 am I was finally fully dilated, but it took until 7 am until baby was born. The nurse’s shift ended at 7, and after holding my leg while I pushed for 3 hours she told me I needed to have that baby before she left.
anon says
Going anon because this would definitely out me – I was 39 weeks and my husband and I were planning to have friends over for dinner the next day, and we needed to go grocery shopping. I started having horrible back pain that kind of came and went when we were in the parking lot of the store. My husband was like, should we go home? And I refused, because I knew if we went home I definitely would NOT be in labor and we would have nothing to feed our guests. By the time we were in the checkout line, I was definitely, definitely in (horrible back) labor and could barely walk to the car. Water broke at home 3 hours later, baby came 5 hours after that!
Anonymous says
I gave birth to my first last week at 40 weeks and 3 days. I had scheduled an induction for 41 weeks and was *terrified* about being induced. But then I went to my regular 40 week doctor’s appointment and baby failed a non-stress test and biophysical profile ultrasound, so I was sent to L&D for immediate induction. The only upside of being so scared about baby was that I was no longer scared about the induction or sad about not going into labor naturally, I just wanted my child here and healthy. Fwiw, my induction was an absolute dream even though I started with an extremely posterior cervix that was a “tight 1 cm.” They placed cytotec v*ginally at 5 pm, I started having regular contractions and when they checked me 4 hours later I was at 3 cm. If there hadn’t been concerns about fetal distress they probably would have let me labor naturally from that point on, but since they wanted her here ASAP, they started a very low dose of Pitocin, and another 4 hours later I was 10 cm and ready to push. Pushed for an hour and baby was born without instrumental assistance. I got an epidural at about 6 cm after a couple of hours of Pitocin contractions, but honestly the only really painful part of my labor was the cervix check at 3 cm (because it was still extremely posterior and the doctor basically had to go in there up to his elbows – and I later found out he scraped my membranes at that point without telling me). It was such a relief to find out inductions can go really smoothly, since you only hear horror stories. Good luck!
Katala says
I also have happy induction stories – I was induced at 37 weeks with both due to preeclampsia/high blood pressure. Both times, once the pitocin got going I started having strong contractions and eventually asked for an epidural when I was around 6cm and felt like it wasn’t moving along. Both times, once the epidural took I kept asking for more because I immediately hit transition, though no one got it or thought it would have happened so fast. Again, both times, when I was finally checked it was “OK, you’re completely dilated, we’re pushing now” and baby was out in 2 pushes. The doc was the one who checked me for #1, so he was there, but with #2 it was the nurse and, to her credit, she didn’t let on how freaked out she was that she might have to deliver baby alone. Baby wouldn’t wait for the on call OB to stitch up another mama, so the ER doc rushed in and said she saw him fly down like a log ride, haha! His head was perfectly round. silly guy.
AIMS says
My 2 yr old has been saying she doesn’t like this or that person in front of them. Usually it’s just someone she doesn’t know or doesn’t know well, like the cleaning person or some friend of ours she doesn’t see often. I explain to her that it’s not nice, etc.,but wondering what I can say in the moment to make it less uncomfortable for me and the other person.
anne-on says
Can you memorize or use a script? Something like, ‘It is OK to have big feelings, and you do not have to like every person all the time, but you DO have to be polite. Telling someone you do not like them can hurt their feelings. If you are feeling shy I would like you to just say ‘hello’ and then cuddle with me or go play with toys (insert other appropriate reaction here).
AIMS says
This is more or less what we say but she still says ‘ I don’t like X’ in front of X and I’m trying to come up with something to say in that moment. So far I’ve said ,that’s not a nice thing to say, I don’t think you know what that means exactly’ but I feel like there’s got to be something better.
Anon in NYC says
I typically say something like, “okay, well you don’t have to like them but you have to be polite. Mommy likes them.” And then just apologize to the other person. I figure most other people understand that she’s just a toddler.
astrodome says
+1 to doubt “Mommy likes them”. If a kid said that to me I’d have a horrible moment of self-doubt before I remember what toddlers are like.
Momata says
We went through this. While it was classic and appropriate when she said that to my FIL, I would usually say “We give everyone a chance before we decide if we like them or not. And it’s OK if you don’t like somebody, but we don’t tell them to their face because it hurts their feelings.”
EB0220 says
FWIW I usually just let it roll and apologize quietly to the person. The more I try to talk to my kids when they do this, the more persistent they get. Your kids may vary!
Em says
This is similar to our approach. My son doesn’t say he doesn’t like people but he says “no thank you!” aggressively to new people. People usually laugh it off, because his seriousness is comical, and I explain that he says this to pretty much everyone right now.
Knope says
This could be a language imprecision issue – i.e., can’t distinguish yet between “I don’t like you” and “I don’t know you.” In the moment, I would apologize to the other person and say that this is what your kid says when she doesn’t remember someone. Then later, ask your kid why she said she didn’t like the person, and try to suggest more appropriate language or keeping her feelings to herself.
Marilla says
+1 to the language imprecision. I tend to think this means “I don’t like this moment of being with someone I’m unfamiliar with.” I agree with EB0220 about how I’d handle it :)
Anon. says
Striking out with a basic internet search. We were lucky enough to be given a hand me down crib and may need to convert to a toddler bed before we’re ready to buy a whole new bedroom set. (Kid is a climber) The conversion kit for the crib we were given is over $200. Does anyone know of a universal toddler conversion kit? Does such a thing exist? Other interim ideas? Thanks!
mascot says
What all does that conversion kit include? Just the side piece for the toddler bed? Could you skip that, take one side off the crib and use as a daybed? It’s still low to the ground and contained on 3 sides so kid figures out pretty quickly how to stay in the bed. You can tuck a pool noodle under the fitted sheet to create a training bumper to stop them from rolling out. Our conversion kit was pricey, but it contained everything for our crib to go crib-toddler bed -daybed-full size bed.
Anon. says
That’s a great idea, I can’t believe I didn’t think about it….
Anon says
This. That is exactly how our crib “converts”: by taking one side off. LO is low enough to the floor and wasn’t moving around as much by the time we took it off so I wasn’t even worried about him falling out. He loves his big boy bed.
Anonymous says
mattress on the floor. Or an IKEA toddler bed, which will definitely be less than $200. Or another used bed – people get rid of toddler beds constantly in my neighborhood.
I think if you just take off one side you might make the bed less stable, but I could be wrong – probably depends on how it is constructed. We also had a freebie crib and my husband decided to build a half rail for one side to convert it. But he’s demented and an engineer.
Sabba says
I don’t know of a universal kit. But I will say that our toddler bed only lasted about 1.5 years, and then we got another year out of a twin mattress on the floor. So you may want to think about just getting the mattress and then buy the rest of the bedroom set later. Other suggestion would be to check Craiglist for the kit, or just get a very cheap toddler bedframe as I think you could get one for $100 or less (especially if you buy a used frame) so that you aren’t spending over $200 on the kit.
LizzieB says
We bought a $30 crib side rail from Amazon that worked really well. It wasn’t beautiful but it got the job done.
Redux says
We skipped the toddler bed entirely and went straight to a twin bed pushed against the wall, with a mesh side rail on the side that was open.
Anon says
+1 This is what we did around 18 months for both of my climbers. By 2.5, we could take down the mesh rail and just have it be a regular twin bed against the wall.
I would spend money on a twin mattress on the floor way before I would buy a conversion kit or a toddler bed.
Cb says
My forewater partially broke at 41+1 but no real labour. I was booked in for an induction at 41+4 and walked in for the induction with contractions 8 minutes apart. When they did the check, the rest of my waters broke dramatically on a shared ward (where there were visitors, that was fun). Transferred to birthing room after 20 hours of labour and started on pitocin. After 6 hours, I asked for an epidural but it didn’t work. They were replacing it when I demanded to go to the loo and it turned out I was crowning. Baby was delivered in 10 minutes with two continuous pushes.
Mama Llama says
Does anyone know if Fit Pregnancy magazine still exists as an actual magazine? I can’t find any place on the website to subscribe but it does refer to “issues.” I liked having the workouts to refer to during my first pregnancy, and I was hoping to get a physical magazine again, but maybe I’m a dinosaur for liking analog magazines?
Anon says
I think I get it and signed up for free at Motherhood Maternity. Ill have to wait until it comes again to be sure because I dont trust my pregnancy brain to 100% on this.
Anon says
https://www.fitpregnancy.com/fitpregnancypromo
2 Cents says
I just got a notice that it’s no longer being printed (and my subscription is being moved to Better Homes & Gardens).
Mama Llama says
Oh boo. That seems like a terrible trade, by the way.
Anon says
in MOD for actual link, shame on me. but fitpregnancy dot com/fitpregnancypromo
Mama Llama says
Thanks! When you go to that page and click “subscribe” it takes you a page to subscribe to Parents magazine. The plot thickens!
shortperson says
for baby 2 i got a new diaper bag that i spotted someone else carrying and tracked down on amazon: Moskka diaper bag backpack. it’s been great.
For Heartbroken and at Wit's End says
Your post yesterday evening was really tough. Internet hugs to you!
If you’re looking for a quick overview of what is considered “normal” s3xual development of children you may want to read “Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About S3x.” It’s written by psychologists and goes through what should be considered normal exploration vs peer (or sibling) abuse. The fact that your younger son told you in a sort of mom-he’s-annoying-me way is a good thing (he does not feel ashamed or threatened), but the fact that you describe your older son as “bullying” is a bad sign.
I agree with everyone who suggested therapy last night, but in case you needed more reassurance quicker, I’d download a copy of this book today.
Anonymous says
I just saw that post now. I used to do CPS matters. This isn’t the end of the world but you do need to take it seriously and act immediately.
Remove your youngest child from that older kid’s bedroom, even if that means younger kid is sleeping on a mattress on the floor of the master bedroom. Do not leave them unsupervised at any time until older kid has been to therapy and therapist has ok’d it. Make sure you are in the room (tv room/backyard etc) with them at all times.
Get oldest kid to a therapist immediately. The fact that it happened when younger kid was asleep and not able to as easily resist and it happening outside of a ‘doctor’ role play game is a bit concerning. You will want to find out if this has happened with any other kids outside your family so you can prepare yourself if CPS gets involved. You want to ensure you are protective of your younger child and you can demonstrate to CPS protective actions – like changing sleeping arrangements and removing younger child from older child’s unsupervised access so that CPS doesn’t have a reason to remove older child from the home.
Heartbroken and at wit's end says
Thank you to both of you, very, very much. We let little brother sleep in our bed last night and had a heart-to-heart with the big guy to make sure he knows we love him and that it’s OK to be curious, it’s just not OK to touch someone else or to have anyone else touch you if you don’t want to be touched. They had a great day yesterday – all smiles and happy playing together, and the big one seemed somewhat contrite about his actions. Regardless, I’m not trusting him right now with his brother (or, scarily, with his baby sibling who can’t tell us yet if anything happened).
Anonymous, you hit on exactly what had me panicked about the whole thing. DH is not on board with separating them permanently (mostly because it means a huge pain the neck for rearranging our house but also because the big one is afraid to sleep alone and afraid of the dark – see: anxiety) – he wanted to let them sleep in the same room but in their own beds last night but I insisted. So, I appreciate this extra information and support to keep them apart for now as is my instinct.
Anonymous says
People who have done fertility treatments: anyone wind up with multiple multiples?
Anon for this says
Not me, but a friend of a friend. They chose to reduce the second set of twins to a singleton.
Anon in NYC says
A friend did. She has 2 sets of a twins and a singleton (so 5 kids). No idea if they chose to reduce any of the pregnancies.
Anonymous says
That feeling when you notice your kid is the only one in the infant room who gets formula instead of pumped milk, and you know you are doing your best and that kid is fine, but still . . .
Mama Llama says
You are doing your best and your kid is fine! Probably great, even! Yay you! I know how hard it is, but try not to go down the road of comparison. Avoiding comparison is a skill that will serve you well throughout your whole parenting experience.
octagon says
Your kid is being fed! Your kid does not know that other kids’ bottles are full of different things! Your job is to feed the baby, and you are doing that.
Hugs – be kind to yourself.
PinkKeyboard says
This may not help but I did formula with both bc my b00bs had zero interest in feeding children and refused to cooperate. My kids are smart, healthy, and both seem to like their Father much more as babies/young toddlers that most bfeeding children….. I’m calling it a win. Also, look up some of the science, the vast majority of the benefit is from places without potable water where the biggest issue is sickness from the water you mix with the formula. The actual immunity benefit is not that great. You are doing awesome!
Anon says
FWIW, apparently I refused to latch and got formula while both my sisters were BF. I can 100% say I am smarter than both of my sisters (although they are prettier and funnier, respectively). I excelled in school, am at the top of my profession, rocking it, happily married and a mom to a thriving baby (and also have a great relationship with my own mom). The important thing is that as a baby I was fed! Formula-fed babies can do awesome things!
Anonymous says
OP here. Thanks all for the support! It’s funny, this one is my second kid. I chose this time around to combination feed after doing EBF with my first at rather great cost to my stress levels and own well being. So, I know that formula is a wonderful option and that baby is fine. It was just something about realizing that I was the ONLY one of the moms doing it that made me feel odd. Ya know? I’m doing the right thing for me and our family but wanted to call out the weird feeling and I figured this community would get it! Thanks to everyone for the support and cheers to us all in getting through this parenting gig!
Anonymous says
Even after I stopped pumping my kid just preferred the Medela bottles. And, um, I’m the mom who is still sending those bottles to daycare with whole milk (cow’s milk) in them and my kiddo is almost 3…
Pogo says
Husband and I were both BF and we both ended up with relatively serious autoimmune disorders. So that part didn’t work in our n=2 study.
mumumum says
I’m just chiming in to say that I didn’t have latch problems or supply problems, but I stopped EBF after 5 months because I got tired of pumping at the office (and in the car and in the courthouse bathroom). No big dramatic *reason* I *couldn’t* EBF, I just didn’t want to anymore. I am much happier and my baby is indifferent to whether he’s drinking formula or bre@stmilk, so I put it in the win column.
anon says
Just my two cents here– I personally think its a complete crock to think that the liquid a child drinks their first year of life has any real lasting effect on them. It’s just easier to blame individual women than it is to address societal issues like unequal access to quality education and medical care, or poverty.
RDC says
So much this. Also, I have a burning fury at the breastpump-industrial complex. I just want maternity leave, d@mmit.
Anon says
My mom is older, early 70s. Formula was a total godsend to her generation. She does not understand why women are going backward to breastfeed again. I asked her once why she didn’t breastfeed me or my brother. I asked in a non-shaming way to know if there were any medical issues I should be aware of when I have my own kids. She looked at me confused and said “because I didn’t want to” and “I could afford formula, why would I?” Not everyone is judging you and regardless of your choice, someone would be judging you. You do you.
astrodome says
Older studies overstated the benefits of breast feeding because they didn’t properly account for the socioeconomic differences between parents that are correlated to breastfeeding.
https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/everybody-calm-down-about-breastfeeding/
Guilt ridden says
I have a four year old who is happier when I’m a SAHM. He got a taste of this for a few months (think: break between jobs), and I agree that it was lovely. But I am also happy in my career, and think taking a longer leave from the working world will derail my career prospects. If something was identifiably wrong that required that I quit & stay home, I’d make that sacrifice in a heartbeat. But nothing is identifiably wrong; it’s just what he (and probably his siblings, though they are less vocal) would prefer.
I feel awful that I’m choosing to have the career I always imagined rather than giving in to what he wants. In an ideal world, I could do my job 15 hours a week to keep my hand in it, and be mostly home enjoying this time with him (and yes, sometimes not enjoying it, but being there all the same)… But I can’t imagine what company would let me do that. Definitely not my current employer.
I know I could go elsewhere on the internet and be guilted into quitting. Anyone on this site wanna offer me some support? Or commiserate? Am i making a terrible mistake to stick with the job?
Mama Llama says
My almost 4 year old would be happier if I stayed home too. But…she’s four. She doesn’t get to make major decisions for our family. I choose to work for lots of reasons, including my own day-to-day happiness, my desire to be financially independent from my husband, and my desire to model for my daughter that women have a place in the professional world. Actually, what she really asks for is to spend every single day playing with my husband and me. Is that feasible? No. Does my husband ever feel guilt about not quitting his job and staying home to play Elsa and Anna all day? Not a chance. She might complain about going to daycare now, but if I were a stay at home mom, I bet she’d complain about not having all the things we wouldn’t be able to afford on one income, especially when she’s older. Bottom line: You have to make the best choice for you and your family. Obviously you take the needs of your kids into account, but you don’t make decisions based on their preferences.
Mrs. Jones says
+1
Marilla says
+ a million
I do have moments of regret when my daughter gets upset seeing me put on my work ID and leave the house. But I also know she has WAY more fun at daycare than she would with a full day at home with me, and living on one income we wouldn’t be able to afford any fun extras like part time programs to keep her busy and stimulated.
Mama Llama says
One more thought on this. Because our family has two relatively generous incomes, the time we spend at home is largely devoted to interacting with our daughter on her terms – playing, reading, doing activities, going on outings, etc. If we only had one income, we wouldn’t be able to use all the convenience services that make that possible. So, I’d be home with my daughter, but I would be cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry – not playing endless games with her like she would like me to. Of course, this depends on your particular financial situation, but for us, me staying home would be very different from my current days off work.
shortperson says
i am in the same place and 100% agree with this. not only would it be no fun for her but i strongly prefer doing legal work to laundry etc
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, this. My son would probably prefer to eat chocolate and candy all day while watching TV, but he’s not going to get that. When I was younger and not old enough to drive, I wanted my parents to be able to pick me up from school everyday but that didn’t happen because they both worked. I got over it and now really appreciate the equal dual working parent relationship they modeled. My husband had a SAHM and he complains about his childhood too, for different reasons. That’s what kids do!
Carine says
My youngest is like this – I have always just known he would be happier at home with me. I didn’t have nearly as much heartache over putting my older kid in daycare. I’ve had times where it’s really hard and the guilt EATS at me, and times when it’s easier, and my only advice would be to think about how his needs or wants may change as he grows, starts school, gets involved in activities. Kids need different things at different times – it could ultimately be a really short period where being at home with you would be the absolute “best” thing for him, but it could have much longer term implications for you and your career.
So, I try to take the long view and when I waver, I think about the advantages for my son in not having a SAHM. In my case (standard disclaimer this is not applicable to anyone else!) I am a better mom to him because I work, I believe I am modeling for him that women can be mothers and have fulfilling careers and that could be beneficial to his future relationships and view of gender roles, he really loves the activities at daycare and does seem to appreciate the routine, etc.
It’s not easy! I don’t feel 100% content about it 100% of the time, but I get through the bad parts and just keep going because I ultimately think what we’re doing now is overall best for our family, which means it is good for him, too.
EB0220 says
I think this is a good opportunity to really think about your ideal situation. Would your temporary break from work have been as lovely if it hadn’t been temporary? Would you be your best self as a SAHM? What kind of job do you do? Is there a creative situation that could allow you to work reduced hours while spending more time at home? What does your ideal look like when your 4 year old starts K and your schedule changes again? FWIW I would LOVE to have a job confined within school hours but my current company is so wonderful that I haven’t pursued anything. And I am happy that I stuck it out during the super hard baby and toddler phases, since I really enjoy my career and love modeling professional mama to my girls. I do think there are plenty of options out there for people with skills that are in high-demand and you at least owe it to yourself to consider different paths, even if you ultimately decide to stay on your current path.
Anonymous says
He’s four! He doesn’t get a say. Don’t be apologetic for a minut
shortperson says
my sister quit her job bc her son was like this. and now he’s 18. and kind of an ungrateful brat, disrespectful, does not listen to her, causes her a lot of angst with his dating choices, etc. also he spent ages 10+ upset about all the things/experiences he couldnt have bc of money. this experience keeps me in the workforce when my daughter complains that she wants to stay home and play all day and tbh so do i, today anyway.
CPA Lady says
Well, there’s in-the-moment happiness and then there’s long term happiness. Would I give up my own long term happiness and my family’s long term happiness for my 4 year old’s in the moment happiness? No.
Would I give up my child’s long term happiness for her own in the moment happiness? Also no. It’s why I don’t let her have candy at every meal or watch as much tv as she wants to or get her way all the time. Or all the myriad of other things she wants that might bring momentary happiness to her, but wouldn’t be great in the long term.
Granted, my main priority is that my child grow up to be a functional, resilient adult, not that she should be happy all the time. I am glad when she’s happy, and like to do little things to make her happy, but it’s not my main priority.
biglawanon says
Both me and my kids would prefer is I was a SAHM. But it’s not going to happen, and that is OK.
Anon says
I’ll commiserate. The past 2 days, my 3 year old has cried and cried when I left for work in the morning. Wouldn’t go to daddy (who handles breakfast and drop off); only wanted me. Yes, I felt terrible about leaving and would have loved to have stayed home and cuddled with him on the couch. BUT. I’m not an early childhood expert. And I’m terrible at keeping him occupied when we are just at home (as opposed to out doing something). I truly, truly feel that he is much better off at daycare/preschool learning and being around other kids. It offers so much more than I could offer if I were home with him by myself. Sure, I’d find things for us to do, but he benefits so much from that environment. It’s also a plus and helps that I’ve been very happy with his school.
You’re doing great. Hang in there. Your child is not going to be harmed in any way by you working. Some days will be harder than others and that’s ok.
Anonymous says
Any of you live with a single bathroom with no tub and a small child? I’m considering a place with no tub and kid would be 3 when I moved in. She currently doesn’t mind being rinsed off in the shower but enjoys taking baths. I would not be able to renovate and add a tub for 1-3 years. I could put in a plastic tub for her baths though? Or she could learn to shower? Thoughts? The apartment is ideal other than this issue.
EB0220 says
We have a bathtub, but my 3 year old prefers a shower! I think it would be fine.
Sabba says
I actually passed up a house that was perfect in every way except neither bathroom had a bathtub. We had been looking for a house for a long time and it was hard to pass it up because it really was perfect in other ways, but we eventually let it go. My daughter was two at the time and is four now and she still really loves her baths. Hard to say though–have you been looking for a long time? How hard is it to find a place that meets your other criteria? Do you have the option to go to a pool frequently, such as at a gym on the weekends, so that she still gets water play? Would it be worth it or possible to take out a small loan and put in a tub now even if you can’t really remodel the rest of the bathroom?
Anon in NYC says
I mean, it wouldn’t be my first choice at all, but if everything else is ideal, I don’t think it would end the deal for me. You can absolutely get a plastic tub for her to use.
Mrs. Jones says
Our son learned to shower around age 3. Obviously with heavy supervision at first.
anne-on says
Is it a regular shower? Or one with a handheld option?
If possible I’d go with a plastic tub and add on a handheld shower attachment. We got a moen waterwall one that hooks up with a plumber, but without having to go behind the tile/wall. It makes a HUGE difference in the ease of showering small people, and I really prefer being able to rinse kiddo with clean water when he does want a bath.
Nanny taxes says
My gosh, I’m trying to figure out taxes for my nanny and it’s a nightmare. We stupidly have just been paying her in cash and are trying to now right things up for taxes and I’m feeling very lost. Luckily, this is only her third month, so we’ve only got December to worry about for 2017. Is this something any of you guys do figure out on your own? Or should I be talking with an accountant?
Thanks a lot in advance!
Sabba says
We used Homepay for the nanny. I work in a tax related field and I still wouldn’t do payroll on my own. So much easier to outsource and make sure it gets done right. In your situation, you may need to gross her up for December taxes (essentially pay her taxes and the taxes on her taxes) because you didn’t do withholding. I doubt you want to ask your nanny for money back to cover the withholding. Definitely get someone to help you with it in 2018. You probably want to sit down with her and go over how it will all work because she will very likely take home less when the taxes are withheld and she needs to understand what is going on. Get an accountant or payroll service. You may need a local accountant to help you clean things up and then switch to a payroll service after you have all the forms sorted. If you aren’t paying under the table, you also need to cover any state obligations like state taxes, unemployment, or worker’s comp, if required in your state. This is not legal advice; it sounds like you need help to get this sorted.
Nanny taxes says
Thank you so much!
Meiqi says
I wholeheartedly second the recommendation for Homepay. I’m a CPA and I wouldn’t do payroll, either. My friend who used to work at the IRS tried doing her own nanny taxes and ended up having to shell out $7K to NY state for a mistake she made. The Homepay service fees will run you about $1K a year, but when you consider how much time you would spend preparing and filing the federal and state forms, it’s worth the money. I also like the convenience of the direct transfer to my nanny’s bank account.
FTMinFL says
Third the rec! It is so worth it to not have to think about any of this. In addition, Homepay employees will consult with you for free if you have any questions or need to clean up past messes (after signing up, of course). They may be willing to help you out on last year if you sign up now.
Anonymous says
Another +1 for homepay. Love it. Their customer service is really great, too.
Shower only says
We remodeled (before kids) and decided to just go with a shower. Baths would be easier, but our 4 year old has adjusted to showers and loves them now! We got stick on letters that he can use on the walls and we have a great detachable shower head that made showers less intimidating at first. We started with showers together, and now he happily takes one alone (with us standing outside of course). It is totally doable. We also used a stokke flexibath tub at first and he can still fit if that might work for your child. It is a non-issue and kids are very adaptable! good luck
Pogo says
Was going to say – I have the PRIMO EuroBath and pretty sure you could fit a toddler in it. It’s huge. Looks a lot like the Stokke Flexibath. We were looking at vacation rentals for the summer and I realized if shower stall was the only option I’d just bring the Eurobath and stick him in that.
Anonymous says
Has anyone here gotten treatment for varicose veins?
Two questions for the group:
(1) anyone Used NYU’s Vein Center in NYC?
(2) is summer a bad time to perform this procedure? Will have to wear compression socks for 3 months per my insurance before I can schedule any procedure. But that means it will be summer. Trying to decide if its worth having unsightly legs this summer and doing the procedure in the fall.
For anonymous re tub says
Our 3 year old has showered almost exclusively since infancy. It’s totally doable. We do baths really occasionally for fun only.