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If you’re on the hunt for a diaper bag/backpack combo (great for babywearing), this simple black one from Petunia Pickle Bottom looks great. I like the black floral design, the boxy shape. Amazon only has a few left in stock, but they are on a nice sale — meanwhile Nordstrom has them listed full price at $215 (and a smaller bag at $189).
As a side note, ladies: do you prefer bags with TONS of pockets or hardly any? I wore my Le Sportsac Everyday bag a few months ago on a family trip to Texas instead of my usual hobo and decided I hate all the zippered compartments and pockets because it meant I never knew where anything was — I would literally be zipping and unzipping everything until I found where I’d stuck it.
Psst: looking for other backpacks for work? Check out our recent post over at Corporette. Also, here’s what was in my diaper bag when I still carried one for both boys.
(L-all)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
So tired says
Encouragement, please. 38 weeks pregnant with my second and just. so. tired. Last day of work is this Friday, so I’m hoping to have a little time to rest up before the baby comes, but I’m worried I’m too physically exhausted to actually get through labor. (Was unmediated last time and hoping to do the same this time.) With baby #1 there was lots of walking and mental preparation for childbirth; with baby #2 it’s a feat if I make it through the shower or load the dishwasher. Someone please tell me that labor with the second will be a breeze? Please?
EB0220 says
Well – I’m not sure my 2nd labor was a breeze, but it was fast. 3 hrs. First labor was 12 hrs with epidural. My second baby shot out of my body with little work from me!
avocado says
I only have one kid, but was totally exhausted throughout my pregnancy and still managed to have a short unmedicated labor even though I could barely stand up long enough to shower and couldn’t even imagine loading the dishwasher. Don’t psych yourself out about being tired and mentally unprepared. Your body and brain have been through this before and know exactly what to do. Just go with the flow. The endpoint is in sight!
avocado says
P.S.: Every single person I know with more than one kid says the second labor is shorter and easier than the first.
pockets says
I’m actually worried about this. My first labor, with an epidural, was 7.5 hrs, and 1.5 hrs of that was pushing. I’m legitimately concerned that I might be one of those women who delivers on the sidewalk.
EB0220 says
I’m so glad that my husband forced me to go to the hospital about an hour into labor. Otherwise I would have had an unplanned homebirth.
Betty says
I found that the second time around, I recognized what was happening much more quickly. My first labor was 12 hours of “is this it?”, and 24ish of “I’m in labor and know I should be walking/doing something!” and 45 minutes of pushing. With our second, I recognized the bite of a “real” contraction very quickly and also when they hit a point of “time to go to the hospital.”
avocado says
I never worried much about that. I figured that if I delivered on the sidewalk, then everything must be going perfectly smoothly with no intervention required. I assumed that if something started to go wrong, it would slow things down enough to give me time to get to the hospital. Anecdata from one friend who did deliver at home and another who barely managed to get her pants off in the ER support this theory.
Edna Mazur says
It’s not universal. My first was induced but unmedicated. Dr. broke my water at 6:00 AM and kiddo arrived a little before 9:30 am.
For my second contractions started for real at about 5:00 PM, got to the hospital a little before 7 and was 5 cm, and then everything stalled, dr. broke water at midnight, decided to start pitocin at 3, got an epidural right before and baby was born a little before 5:00am.
I was scared of delivering in the car, but it didn’t happen.
pockets says
avocado, that is a good way to look at it. I should be so lucky to have no complications and everything happen so quickly.
EE says
I accidentally delivered (my first!) at home with no pushing and the baby and I were completely fine! A million “what if??” scenarios looking back on it, but like the anecdotes above, everything was great.
So tired says
Thank you! So true about not psyching myself out. Good reminder.
Anonymous says
I’ve had two unmedicated births. Second one was a million times easier. Hot shower at home moved my contractions along. Less than two hours have arriving at the hospital, I was holding my babies.
Plan something specific for the day or two after you finish work so you have something to look forward to. Lunch with a friend. Prenatal massage etc.
So tired says
I am mostly excited about a nap but will try to think of something”fun” in addition :)
Spirograph says
I hear you on mental preparation being a big difference. I was not mentally prepared to do an unmedicated birth the second time around, but it was fast enough that it happened anyway. You’re almost there! Good luck. The last couple weeks are just exhausting, and all the more so when you have another small child underfoot constantly. Here’s hoping your baby cooperates and stays put for you to enjoy a few days off work next week.
CHL says
Others may disagree or your family/child care situation might not permit, but I did not have visitors (including my 1st son) to the hospital after my second and it was SO great! I got a ton of sleep and quiet, which was a welcome respite from home life with a toddler.
So tired says
That actually does sound amazing. Was planning on the toddler / grandparents etc visiting but might have to rethink! Or at least keep it short…
hoola hoopa says
You’ll do great! Your body is better prepared for labor (it ‘remembers’, for lack of a better word) and you’re stronger than you think. (I don’t mean that in an inspirational poster way – I mean literally you’re in better shape than you think… Keeping up with a toddler is hard work!)
Cb says
Question – how do you babywear and carry a bag? Backpack? Tote?
EB0220 says
If you will only be wearing baby on the front – a backpack. If you want the option of back or front, a messenger bag that you can wear cross-body.
Em says
I only front-carry (so far) and I usually carry a back pack but have also carried a shoulder tote.
Pogo says
Are there other runners on here who’ve run through pregnancy?
I love running and can’t imagine not doing it for as long as physically possible. But both nurses at my RE and my OB have told me I can do “moderate exercise” and then always say something like “So no strenuous running of course”. What to Expect (which I know is a little dated) even says not to run more than 2-3 miles at a time, ever, while pregnant?!
Is this all an abundance of caution? I’ve been limiting myself to slow 3-milers but certainly ran much more than that before pregnancy. Does anyone have advice on how to approach with your nurse/OB – like, do I need to prove to them somehow that I was a ‘real’ runner and thus not starting some strenuous exercise I’ve never done before?
Spirograph says
I ran (casually, like 2-5 miles at a relaxed pace, no speed work) through a good chunk of my first pregnancy – maybe til about 7 months? – with no problems. My OBs’ line was basically not to start any new exercises, but continuing what I was already doing was OK as long as I felt good. There are a lot of blogs out there where women have chronicled their running during pregnancy. I can think of a few insufferable ones written by my acquaintances, but I will not recommend them aside from the fact that they’re proof that people do this. I remember seeing a tv news story about a woman who COMPETED in the hurdles when she was 8 months pregnant, so it’s definitely possible to train at a high level even late into pregnancy, although goodness knows I had zero desire to do that.
I would explain your pre-pregnancy running habits to your OB, and ask in that context what will be OK for you to continue. It’s my understanding that there are legit reasons to limit strenuous exercise for some women, and I remember reading something to the effect that you should avoid raising your heart rate close to max for [reasons], hence the blanket recommendation for moderate exercise. But if you say “I’d like to do X,” your doctor should be able to take a more careful look at your specific pregnancy and whether that would be appropriate for you.
anon says
You’re fine. I was a regular runner before pregnancy and ran at basically the same duration/intensity for the first half of pregnancy. That said, it did start to do a number on my hips and lower back toward the end of the second tri and I slowed waaaaaay down and was down to walking only (though lots) by the third tri. The usual advice these days is to carry on with whatever regular running you did before pregnancy (with an exception for long distance runners like marathoners), not to increase in intensity or add any new intense exercise you didn’t do before, and to pay a lot of attention to how you feel. My IVF nurses were as cautious as yours (I think it’s a fertility clinic thing, they expect people to want them to be conservative and cautious given how hard conceiving probably was), but I just ignored them after my first ultrasound.
Pogo says
Thanks guys – this makes me feel better for “ignoring” the advice so far and continuing my running :)
I’m totally under no delusions that at some point aqua jogging is going to be the way to go for the sake of hips/back/pelvic floor – but right now I feel fine, so I wondered what the big deal was.
I don’t plan on any speed work or even tempo runs, since I’m not racing at all. I just want to run over 3 miles when I feel like it!
GCA says
I ran through pregnancy up till about 35 weeks – 3 miles was my usual, but I occasionally went up to 6, and did some easy hiking as well. (Maybe their definition of strenuous differs from yours? I wouldn’t say an easy-pace 4 miler was particularly strenuous!) I found http://www.saltyrunning.com/category/running-life/marriage-family/running-while-pregnant/ to be a pretty decent source of information and entertainment. And I agree that perhaps the fertility clinic nurses are erring on the side of caution. As long as running is a way to relax and not a source of anxiety for you, I say go for it!
anon runner says
Just chiming in to say I ran several times a week until it became too uncomfortable, probably around 32-34 weeks. I bought a maternity belt, which helped some, but truthfully it was the size of my chest that got me by the end. I switched to the elliptical and continued working out til the day I gave birth!
Anon says
What is your TV/screen policy for your toddler? My son just turned 2. I’m pretty lax on the TV, and I typically turn on PBS kids if I’m alone with him and I need to make dinner or wash up. He can watch for 15-30 mins in his high chair in the kitchen. We don’t have an ipad, but give him the phone to watch videos if he sits on his potty. If my husband is around, he is really anti-TV, which surprises me. We got into an argument over the weekend, but we’re not sure what the compromise is. My husband is really into structure and rules, though I’m more go with the flow type. The appeal of TV for me is that it’s there if I need 15-20 mins to just gather myself, go to the bathroom, clean up or whatever. The idea of planning around a specific TV schedule or rules just makes childcare more stressful. Thoughts?
Tired Mommy says
Not much advice, but commiseration. I have a three year old and am struggling with this alot. I’m more like your husband, in that I would prefer the TV be left off, YouTube videos and iPad kept to a minimum. My husband has fond memories of watching cartoons as a kid and will put on his favorites at the drop of a hat (some of which I feel are a bit too much for his age, which is another issue.) My husband generally ends up watching them more than the kiddo, lol. I rationalize it because at least they are watching it together and discussing it? Also, iPad puzzles are alot more tolerable to me than mindless YouTube videos. But I also understand the need for 20 minutes of time to Get Stuff Done, so I try to let it go as much as possible. Maybe agree with your husband a total # of minutes for a day and then you get to use them as you see fit?
pockets says
We have a very lax policy. Kid is allowed to watch TV on the ipad on the weekends when she’s in bed with us and we’re trying to sleep in (this might be 2 hrs of TV); when kid is eating dinner (honestly, what else is she supposed to do during that time?); and basically any other time when we’re at home and bored. Sometimes she’s watching TV while I’m sitting on the couch next to her reading a magazine. I figure the TV is canceled out by my modeling good reading behavior.
October says
During dinner, do you/her dad sit with her? Even though we don’t have “family dinner” yet, on account of toddler bedtime, we sit and talk with my son (or at the least, mill about the room) while he eats. I’m of the opinion that learning to eat is enough of an activity for a toddler, they certainly don’t need to multitask with TV! Whatever works for your family…but mindless eating is not a habit I want to promote (since you asked :).
FVNC says
On the other hand, the TV-zone-out can occasionally be used to force feed a toddler who will not otherwise eat! (I kid, I kid…sort of.)
anne-on says
We read to my son during lunch/dinner (when possible). Otherwise I make it a point to cook/prep our dinner while he eats at the island, so at least I can supervise/gently remind him to eat…and not ask endless questions..
Momata says
Since you asked – we read to our kids during their dinner and try and have conversations. I figure it’s good training for mealtime being a time of shared dialogue, and I don’t want to promote mindless eating (unless it’s one of those meltdown days when they just WILL NOT EAT).
NewMomAnon says
I think this depends on how involved your husband is – your description sounds like he isn’t around that much and may not have internalized how challenging it can be to get stuff done with a 2 year old. If he’s generally at home but you’re in charge of the kid while also handling washing up/cooking/laundry, then you should reallocate division of labor; if he generally isn’t at home, and you’re doing all this alone, then you win. You could also have a conversation about paying for more household help so you can dedicate more attention to the kid, if he feels that strongly about screen time.
My policy is generally that as long as the kid is safe, healthy, fed, and not ignored for long stretches at a time, both parents should accept each other’s parenting style. If a parent has a strong opinion about child rearing, they are welcome to take the laboring oar to put that opinion into practice.
CPA Lady says
Yeah, I always chafe when the parent who has less skin in the game makes the other parent enforce a rule that makes that parent’s life more difficult. What does your husband think your son should be doing when you need to distract him so you can get something done? Has he ever had to get stuff done on a regular basis while parenting alone?
I do a lot of solo parenting, and I’m really lax about screen time and feel no guilt about it. I didn’t do much before 18 months or so– mostly because my daughter annoyingly wouldn’t watch it, but it’s on a lot in the background now. She typically watches a video in the morning (I solo parent 4 or 5 mornings a week) while she’s drinking her milk and I’m getting ready. Then after dinner and play time she usually watches another one. On Sunday, I solo parent all day long, and whenever she asks to watch a video, I put one on. She’s not that obsessed with it though. Sometimes she’ll sit there and watch it, but a lot of times she wants to go do other stuff like color or play with play-doh, and I try to leave the house with her at least twice. I wonder if she’s not that obsessed with it because it’s never been a forbidden fruit? Or maybe it’s just her personality. I don’t know. If she were watching hours and hours I would get concerned but right now I just don’t care. She’s at daycare 9 hours a day with no screens. That’s pretty good as far as I’m concerned.
I look around at my coworkers and we all came from different walks of life with parents who did different things and we’re all successful-ish CPAs. The only difference between me and the woman whose parents let her watch unlimited TV is that she’s much better at pub trivia than I am.
SC says
I’m very lax with screen time. Kiddo is home and awake for about 2 hours per day during the week, and probably 3-4 hours each weekend day. There’s just not that much time to watch tv, so I don’t worry about limiting it. If Kiddo were home with a nanny or with me everyday, I’d definitely put more thought into it. Generally, in the mornings, DH puts on a couple of music videos while I make breakfast for Kiddo. In the evenings, I solo parent but typically don’t put anything on because the night-time routine takes up the whole evening. On the weekends, we put on a couple of videos when we’re trying to get some sleep or we’re hanging around the house.
I’d actually prefer it if Kiddo would watch more tv. But he’s just not that interested for more than about 5-10 minutes. So, if anything, it usually ends up on in the background while he plays. And I hate background noise, so I just turn it off when he stops paying attention (unless I get into it, as I did with Curious George 3 this weekend).
ChiLaw says
Our rule is nothing on weekdays/schooldays, and no limits on weekends. So far it works ok, she only watches Daniel Tiger. Her attention span isn’t that long, and I actually get a lot out of DT (catchy songs about dealing with frustration!). But we are always ready to engage in activities that compete with Tiger: art projects, pretend cooking, real cooking, walking outside, hide and seek, reading. So she will watch 5 minutes of Tiger, come paint with me for 10 minutes, play hide and seek for 10, 5 more minutes of Tiger, have a snack, etc. It’s not solid tv watching time.
Spirograph says
I’m fairly anti-screen time, a little on principle, but mostly because it turns my son (almost 4) into a monster. My 2 year old daughter has no attention span for TV, so it’s not an issue. She’ll watch for 5 minutes, then start playing with her toys.
That said, it’s a reward for getting ready quickly in the morning — if he’s dressed with shoes on and has eaten breakfast before we’re ready to leave, he can watch TV or play with the tablet. I also encourage it on weekend mornings because he’ll sit on the couch and I can go back to bed. My husband uses TV/tablet more than I do, but mostly on weekends, since we don’t really have time during the week. If I am home alone and it’s too dark or rainy to send the kids outside so I can get stuff done, I have no problem using an episode or two Sesame Street as a babysitter. I figure, I watched a lot of Sesame Street as a preschooler, and I turned out fine.
Momata says
I use the TV the same way you do – as a little treat and time to get stuff done. But I use it according to a schedule. My toddler knows she gets to watch one show when her baby brother goes up for his two naps (so 2 22-minute eps on the weekends) and one show before bed (one 22-minute ep per evening). I also can plan to have this time totally to myself to get stuff done. I like that this constrains how much she watches and she seems to respond well to me saying “you can watch a show next at X time” when she asks for one.
anne-on says
Ditto. Its an excellent way to make sure my son gets dressed quickly. We leave at the same time every morning and he knows if he dawdles getting dressed he gets to watch less TV. And the episode at night is essential so we can clean the kitchen up/prep for the next day.
lsw says
The hive was awesome when I took my first (short, domestic, work-related) airline trip post-partum. Now my husband and I have planned a vacation for March, which seemed awesome at the time, but now of course I’m worried about leaving the baby, losing my bmilk supply, etc….eek. Any experience with a longer trip and pumping/traveling with bmilk? Right now he’s nursing 8x a day on weekends and I’m pumping 3x a day at work. He’ll be 8 months when we’re gone so I was hoping he will be eating some solids and maybe less bmilk? (No solids right now at almost 6m). I was thinking of taking my electric pump and pumping once before bed and once in the morning, adding one electric pump in the middle of the day, and trying to do the manual pump a few times throughout the day. I’m not too worried about engorgement or anything like that (don’t experience it much now) but worried my supply will totally tank while I’m gone. And can I fly back with all that milk or would it be better to freeze and FedEx? We’ll be in Mexico. (Can’t find any info online about how their security is with bmilk.)
I am working on having enough of a frozen supply for him to eat while we’re gone since he hasn’t had formula yet. Should I test some formula before I leave just in case? I’m not sure I’d want his first time with formula to be while we’re away, just in case something happens. I’m planning on taking two days off of work when we get back to nurse all day and enjoy baby snuggles. I hope that will help my supply. I’m not totally against formula if needed but I’m aiming for a year of bmilk at least in part so I don’t want to dry up while I’m gone.
HSAL says
I think the manual pump is a good solution instead of dragging the electric pump around with you, but at 8 months you should probably plan on mimicking your current weekday schedule as much as you can. I went from pumping 3x/day to twice/day around 7 months and my supply dropped very quickly, even with still nursing normally at home. I was pumping 15-17 ounces total. The first day I only pumped twice I got 14 ounces total and after the second day it was around 10 each day. I was pretty well dried up after two weeks. As far as traveling, if you can afford it I’d freeze and ship – I’ve only traveled domestically with fresh milk but it’s a little bit of a hassle.
Katala says
I would also try as much as possible to keep on schedule. 8 months was a tough time for my supply without changing the schedule at all. So I imagine dropping sessions while also away from baby would be hard on top of it.
Definitely try to ship the milk back if you can. I was away for 2 nights when DS was 5 months and was pretty unprepared for the volume of milk I was packing. It was heavy, barely fit in the cooler than came with my pump so I had to remove one of the ice packs, and the crappy hotel minifridge semi-froze the bags that got pushed to the back, but TSA pulled everything out and I lost track of where the semi-frozen stuff was (while freaking out that all that milk was sitting out, getting warm for 30 minutes while they decided if I could keep my cold-but-not-frozen ice packs – I convinced them but they weren’t supposed to let that liquid on). Kind of a mess, it would have been much easier to just overnight it.
Em says
I took a similar 4-day trip when my son was 8 months. I had been pumping 3 times a day (he took 3, 5-ounce bottles at daycare) and since he wasn’t finishing all 3 bottles I dropped him down to 2 bottles right before I left thinking I could drop to 2 pumping sessions during the day (and so I could pump less on the trip). I pumped 5-6 times a day (full pumps with the electric pump) while I was on the trip and my supply still dropped. I tried to keep pumping twice a day when I got back and I couldn’t get enough milk to get 2, 5-ounce bottles for daycare. I was able to increase my supply by going back to pumping 3 times a day and spending 2 weeks doing power pumping (pumping on-and-off for an hour, 3 times a day). My personal experience has been that I cannot reduce my pumping routine in any significant way without my supply taking a hit (and getting it back up is enough of a pain I am no longer willing to try).
lsw says
Thanks, both of you. Em, I’m worried that’s going to be the case for me – my supply is so easily affected, it seems. I’ll try to keep it up as best I can while we’re gone and plan for power pumping when we’re back. Maybe I’ll even do a power pumping session once or twice while we’re there.
lsw says
Also, how did you wash/sterilize your pump parts?
Em says
I bought the Medela quick clean wipes to use during the day and then washed them in the hotel sink at night.
NewMomAnon says
I just spent a full week with kiddo, which was great but…I also realized that she gets overwhelmed easily and responds with this overly intense aggressiveness (pinching, hitting, pounding on people and furniture, throwing toys, shouting really loudly, etc). I suspect this is developmentally normal, but wondered if anyone has suggestions for how to help her wind down when she gets into beast mode. I’ve tried a “breathing ball” concept that we learned at yoga, but she won’t participate when she’s over the edge. A couple times I was able to head it off by asking family members to sit down and read to her before she lost it, but I’m under no delusion that I will always be able to head this off.
She’s almost 3, very active, verbal, and incredibly strong. I have welts from some of the episodes this weekend, so it’s somewhat urgent?
Edna Mazur says
I think our kids our similar ages. What works good for our almost three year old is to “rest his body” usually with a parent since he doesn’t like to be alone. I take him in our dark quiet bedroom, leave the lights off, offer him his blankie or similar comfort object and just lay together in the dark and quiet for awhile. If he is too worked up for that to work, a video on my phone to distract him in the same dark, quiet room. For him, when he is overwhelmed, if it is at all possible to change venue to a very calm situation for awhile helps. I don’t treat it as a punishment, just calmly say that “it looks like you’re getting upset, let’s go to Mommy’s room to rest our bodies for awhile.”
NewMomAnon says
One of the fastest ways to trigger a meltdown for my kiddo is to suggest a rest….I don’t understand it, being that “repose” is one of my favorite states. But reading a book in a quiet spot would probably work.
Follow up question; is it OK to forcibly remove a tantruming child to a quiet spot? I am trying really hard to respect her boundaries and model consent behavior, but when she loses it, she’ll typically refuse to move. My sense is that she would calm down if I could get her somewhere quiet and dark, and hold her tight in my lap, but there isn’t any way to respect her boundaries and accomplish that.
CPA Lady says
I don’t think moving your child to a safe place for her to calm down is the same as violating her boundaries and consent.
When my daughter has a rip roaring tantrum complete with inappropriate behavior like hitting, I carry her to her room, put her on the floor, and shut the door. It is the fastest way to calm her down. She’s 2 years old so I set a timer for 2 minutes. If I’m frustrated too sometimes I leave her in there for 3 or 4 minutes so I have a chance to calm down as well. Trying to hold her, hug her, or soothe her only makes it worse. She needs to be left alone. Once she’s in her room with the door closed, she gets a pillow off the chair, puts it on the floor, lies down on it, and calms herself down. When I open the door, she’s lying there calmly. She comes over to me, we hug it out, I give a parting comment like “hands are not for hitting”, she says “sorry mama” and we’re good to go.
Anonymous says
If this was happening around a large group, I’d pick her up, carry her to a nearby hallway or room and ‘shake your sillies out’ together. It’s clear that she needs some kind of physical outlet so doing a silly dance with both of you shaking your arms and legs might work. End with you both doing three big breathes in and out, one at a time. Say ‘Now that the sillies are out, let’s get air in’ and then demonstrate doing a big breath in and out.
Edna Mazur says
I forcibly remove my tantruming toddler all the time. We have rules about don’t touching if the other person doesn’t want to be touched, but not everything can be rationalized with a toddler, their minds don’t work like that yet. Also, it really wouldn’t be fair to him at times if I don’t. He needs to be removed from a situation to calm down and he literally can’t do it himself.
Anon in NOVA says
Agreed- their minds don’t necessarily work like that yet. I understand the discomfort, but we can’t wait for their consent for everything. If they were capable of knowing what’s best they wouldn’t need us!
Anononymous says
Honestly I think “boundaries” should start closer to age 5. The fact of the matter is, children don’t have full bodily autonomy. Diapers, dressing, getting vaccines, etc And they need to understand that other people have boundaries too. If you have welts, she does not understand that you have boundaries and needs to be physically stopped.
That said, this is going to be totally kid dependent. Some will respond best to being left alone to scream it out, some will need another person to siphon off their feelings, some will need an activity (art, reading, tv show). I find giving kids responsibility to be the best solution. Ask them to fold napkins, set the table, give food to the dog, carry something for you, throw something away, help someone else. It’s an activity, distraction, usually uses most of their cognitive function, and makes them feel important and task completion feels good.
Betty says
This is similar to what we do as well for our very “spirited” 3 year old. Once she has crossed over to her own dark side, there is no reasoning or logic. I usually try and remove her from the room and, for her, hold her body tightly (not in a crushing way but firm hug), and wait until I can sense that she is out of fight/flight mode. We don’t talk during that time but just try and stay calm and close. Once she is calm, we try and talk about what happened.
AEK says
How can I make a 2-year-old birthday a little special? We’re not having a kids’ birthday party for him, or even a family party beyond our nuclear one. He sees his classmates all week long at daycare and I don’t think he would “get” a party really, although he’s had fun at others. It’ll be me, my husband, and his much-older brother. No extended family are close enough to come, but his many grandparents (hello, divorce & remarriage!) have sent gifts. We’ll have cake & presents.
What else can I do to make it seem a bit more special than an average weekday night? Balloons / decorations? Is there something a 2-year-old would find special (at least in the moment) even if not able to remember?
HSAL says
Definitely balloons. You could do some small decorations but I think the balloons would be the biggest hit of all.
Anonymous says
Our standard little kid birthday celebration includes a big mylar balloon, cake or cupcakes, kiddo’s favorite dinner (mac and cheese, natch), and presents. So far, this is plenty exciting. Based on my small sample size, balloons are basically the best thing that can happen to a 2 (or 3, or 4) year old.
NewMomAnon says
For kiddo’s 2 year birthday, her dad and I took her to a children’s museum and then took her out for her favorite food (french fries). No cake, no balloons. Her grandparents did Facetime with her throughout the day to sing happy birthday. She loved it.
I was inspired by a commenter who posted that her kid asked for a “cupcake and the playground” for his second birthday. It doesn’t take much to make a day special for a 2 year old.
H says
Second balloons! I tied one to my 2 year old’s chair on his birthday and he loved it! Your kid will also enjoy opening presents and playing with the new toys. Is there anything he’s into right now? Also, give him his favorite foods.
Anonymous says
Balloons + Cake + party hats (for adults and kids) is our go-to for a 2nd birthday. They don’t care about anything else. Maybe cookie decorating for him and older brother if they’d enjoy that (oreos/gingersnaps + icing + sprinkles).
ChiLaw says
Yes yes yes to balloons! I did a moderate sized first birthday party for my kiddo — maybe 5 of our friends and 8 family members? — but this year, for her second birthday, I’m thinking grandparents can come over and we can have balloons and generally spoil her a little and call it a day. The first birthday felt like a high five between me and my husband, “we survived this year!” but the second birthday doesn’t have the same meaning to me.
Maddie Ross says
Definitely balloons. The other thing we do for birthdays (kid and now adult too) is get donuts before they wake up, or take out for donuts if it’s the weekend. Assuming you’re ok with some sugar, you would not believe the impact of a frosted, sprinkled donut with a single candle in it at the breakfast table with balloons. Nighttime is just too hard for us right now to do much more than the bare minimum, so we focus on the am – bonus that our LO is usually happier than too.
Anon says
We do cake for breakfast on birthdays – we light the candles and sing the song, and all sit down together. Evenings are too hectic, and doing it in the morning has a specialness to it that makes the rest of the day just shine. I figure 5 mornings of cake over the course of the year isn’t going to hurt any of us and my kids think it’s the best thing ever.
AEK says
Thanks for the ideas everyone! I am not even on Pinterest but was still feeling Pinterest Pressure about the birthday. Balloons & hats for the win!
Anon for Now says
Posted on yesterday’s thread (apparently I don’t know what day of the week it is): My husband had a vasectomy yesterday. Not having another child is the right decision for our family, and I know that and supported the decision. But, I have to admit that I am a bit heartbroken. Since before our first, I always thought I wanted three children. My husband and son have had massive health issues in the last year that will majorly impact our lives going forward. Intellectually I know this was the right decision, but part of me feels sad and teary. Ugh. Happy New Year?
NewMomAnon says
Hugs. Let yourself grieve. It’s OK to know that this is the right decision, but still feel sad about it.
Anonymous says
lots of internet hugs. I’m struggling with my youngest turning 2 and feeling like my ‘baby days’ are done until grandchildren. DH hasn’t had the V yet but it’s just a matter of time as he is done done done. Baby days really are the longest shortest time.
Also Anon says
I’m scared but excited about my husband getting his sometime in the next few months. We have an only. Somehow that makes it scarier to me. But I read this article about closing doors a few years ago and it really resonated with me:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/26/science/26tier.html
mascot says
That’s an interesting article. I’m also a parent of an only. My husband and I both in agreement that we are done, but yet, we just can’t make that final step towards a permanent solution (long acting measures are working for me right now).
Also Anon says
If I were happy with my birth control, we might not be making a permanent decision at this point, but everything I’ve tried postpartum has had awful side effects, after a decade+ of no issues with any BC I used prior to having our kid. I think pregnancy changed my hormone balance or something, because it’s been awful.
OP says
Thank you for that link! I think that is some of the feeling: loss of watching a door close. If I had found a method of BC that worked for us after our youngest, I think we would have stuck with that. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find anything that worked, despite having been on the pill for 10+ years before our first.
Anon says
My eldest is 3years 3 months and we just spent 11 days at home for winter break. We tried some potty training, which he took to really well on the first day with little effort on our part (basically, you don’t have a diaper on, so go in the potty now, and he did). He has been 95% successful at #1 since then (8 days), going by himself, wiping, etc. with his only accidents being when he is involved in play/movie and forgets (which I think is normal). #2 was only successful on the first day when he was loaded with apple juice and therefore going more freely. He’s only going #2 every 2-3 days now and every time it is in his pants.
So, what would you do? Switch back to diapers until he can make it #2 in the potty? I should note that he has no issue peeing in his diaper, and when it is on, he will pee in it even though he can make it to the potty (we are using boxers instead of briefs for the same issue). Or keep dealing with #2 until he gets it?
Help . . .
OCAssociate says
Will he tell you before he goes #2 so you can quickly put on a diaper? We had a couple weeks where we put on a diaper so our son could go #2, but he was diaper free other than that. After about 2 weeks he transitioned to using the potty for everything on his own.
Good luck!
Eileen says
Subscribing for responses. We are having a similar issue except that our son saves #2 for naptime or overnight, which has its own issues. We are trying to encourage prunes and similar foods so that it is harder to hold / happens more frequently, and we are planning to just wait it out. It’s only been two weeks so far, and even just to be done with daytime pee diapers feels like a win. Also we aren’t using undies at all, per advice of our potty-training book.
Anon says
Just finding out that we are likely going to need IVF for baby number 2. For those of you that have been through this, how challenging was it juggling with work? Did you find any of the meds/hormones had an adverse effect on your ability to work? I’m an attorney and defend a lot of depositions and travel a bit so I’m starting to get freaked out by the logistics of it all. Finally, I know this will vary for everyone, but how many IVF cycles did it take you to conceive?
pockets says
No tips, but I am 90% certain we’re doing IVF for #2 as well. I hope to start in the next 2 weeks.
NewMomAnon says
I haven’t done IVF, but you’ve (maybe?) already gone through the disruption of one pregnancy and the postpartum return to work, so I bet you’re going to rock this, no matter how disruptive it may be. Just a little cheerleading.
Betty says
I was at (in?) biglaw when we went through infertility treatments. My RE’s office opened at 7 a.m., which meant that I could get blood drawn, have an ultrasound and conversation and be to work on time, if not early. The logistical challenge is not for the whole month, but only until retrieval and putting the embryos back in (the name for which I cannot recall at this moment), but it did mean that we were playing a lot by ear. We went through the process in the summer, so one odd challenge was finding shirts that covered where I had every other day blood draws. I found the hormones made me a tad emotional but way less so than pregnancy.
Pogo says
Well, technically you can’t travel during the period you’re getting the every-other-day blood draws (which for me could be weeks on end), unless you are travelling locally enough that your clinic has a satellite office nearby. Insurance bills for the whole cycle, not per test, so otherwise you’d have to pay out of pocket to get the blood draw/ultrasound at some random office wherever you are.
Pogo says
Ah sorry I realize that’s basically what you said :) I keep forgetting that without complications you can go from starting stims to having the embryo in you in less than three weeks!
Pogo says
If you know you’re going straight to IVF, I think that actually helps big time. We tried the drugs first which I felt was a total waste of time, and found it VERY stressful.
Travel and logistics was absolutely the hardest thing for me. I did not respond well to any of the drugs so everything always took way longer than the doctor predicted, and this made travel tough (she would guess I’d need to come in for appointments on certain days, and it would be those days, plus several other days into the next week or two).
For my job, it would be fine to block a whole week off and say I couldn’t travel – not not four whole months, which is what I would have had to do (from beginning IVF process to actually getting pregnant) to avoid any stress. Instead, I rolled the dice and stressed a lot. I ended up doing my transfer less than 12 hours after landing at the airport after an incredibly exhausting 4-day business trip. And it still worked!
The biggest caveat like I said is that I had all kinds of other complications that maybe most people don’t have, so I don’t want to scare you that it’s going to be 9 ultrasounds/blood draws in 12 days (yes, that was my life before retrieval).
Other than the complications that made the whole process take 4 months, we did get pregnant on our first IVF try.
Hugs! IVF is so hard, but I’m really happy we had the option.
pockets says
Can I ask what made it take 4 months?
Pogo says
Stimming took forever (over three weeks I think) because my ovaries are lazy.
At retrieval I had OHSS, which is rare but can be dangerous. So rather than do the transfer when my body was already in a compromised state and risk making the OHSS worse, my doctor did a freeze all.
I don’t get my period normally (PCOS) so I had to go on Provera, get period, go in for suppression check. This took a few weeks, so that was about 1.5 months from starting. Then I had a cyst, the treatment for which was more Provera and getting my period again. Another almost month on that.
Eventually cyst was small enough that I could proceed (about 3 months into process). Then my other complication is the rare blood disorder I have. Normally to do a frozen transfer if you ovulate normally you just go ahead and ovulate and they stick the embryo in. If you don’t ovulate (like me) they give you estrogen patches which they dial in to the right amount to make things nice and cozy for bebe.
However, I have a blood disorder that means I can’t take supplemental estrogen. So I had to go on letrozole, which I don’t respond to. I ended up having to stim again, and again, and again, until my levels were high enough. Finally, about another month in (so four months from the beginning) I was ready to transfer).
tl;dr : OHSS, cyst, rare blood disorder. Unlikely to happen to anyone else!
pockets says
Whoa. OK. Praying for no OHSS. Is that just random or did it have to do with the fact that you had to stim for 3 weeks? I might be in the same position (when taking the pills I ovulate on day 21). And I have PCOS too so there might be a cyst issue as well. I don’t know how you managed 4 months. I would have been tearing my hair out.
Anonymous says
Definitely prepare yourself that it could take a a few months. I think the CDC national success rates are about 20% per cycle so Pogo’s experience isn’t totally unusual, issues can come up for sure.
Pogo says
OHSS risk is increased for younger women (<35) and women with PCOS, but I think the bad kind that I had (I had free fluid in my abdomen as well as in my ovaries) is a <10% kind of thing. It was incredibly uncomfortable and at that point I didn't much feel like having another procedure anyway!
Supposedly the cyst was just random. I took clomid and never had cysts with that. However, now that I'm pregnant I have a cyst again (different ovary!).
Having to stim so long was because basically I'd take the shot, go in for blood/ultrasound, and none of my follicles were growing (repeat x 3 weeks). When I finally did respond, I made a million eggs, but that has more to do w/ being <35 and having PCOS, not because of the extra stimming. They also are really conservative in terms of ranking a follicle as mature – because being under 2cm there's a lower chance it actually has an egg, they want to make sure you have 1-2 greater than 2cm before you trigger (same as clomid, really). I only had 1-2 above 2cm, but all 26 had eggs in them – including the really small follicles. I don't think that's normal at all. My doctor was very surprised.
IVF timing says
I know plenty of people who went through IVF whilst in BigLaw, with varying degrees of success. How difficult it is to schedule depends on the people you work with and the nature of your BigLaw responsibilities — someone with seniority who has the ability to disappear for awhile versus a junior associate; someone who just has A Lot of Work versus arbitrary and unmovable deadlines, etc.
The hardest thing about is that retrieval (and, to a lesser extent, transfer) cannot be clearly scheduled in advance. It’s a floating day, so you just have to be comfortable giving people a heads up that you will be AWOL for at least a day at relatively short notice.
If you’re working late nights, you’ll also need to have a plan for administering your drugs at work — a friend had a husband come into the office a few late nights to give shots. Or you can get comfortable doing it yourself.
Finally, for both OP and pockets, I think it is really really really important to realize that the success rates you tend to see reported for IVF are based on embryos transferred — not success per cycle. You might not even get to transfer, or that transfer can be delayed for a variety of reasons. Frozen transfers are increasingly preferred, which adds another month to the process at a minimum. It’s easy to think of IVF as magical science that will fix all the unknowables but it is humbling to realize how much is still just crossing your fingers and hoping.
jane says
Agree with all of this.
How it will affect you physically/emotionally/mentally is so individual. It made me a bit of a mess and I found it pretty miserable, but I was recognized for very strong work performance during that time.
I did frozen as well. Transferred one embryo and it didn’t take. A couple months later (had to wait to get my period again…), we transferred another which was successful. We did IVF for genetic reasons (had to assess embryos using PGD), so I didn’t try any fertility treatments first. I find it ironic that although my process felt long and hard, I actually got pregnant within half a year of my first appointment, while a few friends had babies the old fashion way and it took a little longer.
Good luck!
Pogo says
I forgot about the injections – yeah, I carried my drugs in a cooler/ice pack and gave myself injections in my car at one point (seemed the most private/sanitary?) when I couldn’t be home at the correct time.
Luckily did not have to fly with them!! I figure it’s good prep for figuring out pumping/transporting b*milk. It can be done.
PinkKeyboard says
We did it for both kids (currently 13 weeks). The first time we transferred two embryos and had a chemical pregnancy, my husband wanted to get it out of the way so we went right into cycle two, we did a slightly different protocol which resulted in 4 viable embryos. We transferred two and froze two. I had a vanishing twin and gave birth to a healthy baby girl. I did a frozen transfer of the final two embryos this fall (with a mini stim cylcle as it increases chances of a successful transfer) and again had a vanishing twin. So when baby #2 is born my daughter will be just under 2. I found it annoying to do the injections but the hormones didn’t make me overly emotional in a way that interfered with my job. I also responded spectacularly well to the drugs so that may have made a difference as I didn’t have to use as much as some people. My office also opened at 7 so it was easy to have the appointments before work and not have to say anything. Also, you can inject in your thigh! So many people have to do the stomach but your thigh is also acceptable and I found it much easier mentally. If your husband is very squeamish you may want to look into backup for your trigger shot (HcG) and if you need progesterone in oil injections. Both are intramuscular and go in the tush. Mine was fine with it but he’s more robustly minded than most men about medical things and women’s issues.
Penelope says
Dependent Care FSA question…really hoping we didn’t miss the deadline. My husband is a federal employee and I am an independent contractor. We welcomed our first baby 7 weeks ago. We did not sign up for a dependent FSA during open enrollment season ending December 12th. The birth of the baby qualifies as a life event, which means we should have 60 days afterwards to make any changes. Right? And we can claim up to $5000 if we file jointly and I make at least 5K during 2017.
Thanks for any advice. His HR department has been out most of the holidays and we only have a few more days to set it up.
hoola hoopa says
I don’t work for the federal gov, but yes, you should be able to sign up for DC FSA during your qualifying event enrollment period and take the entire $5k regardless of when it happens during the year.
lucy stone says
1. Thank you to everyone on here who recommended the Spectra pump. I have the S1 and it has been way better than the garbage Medelas.
2. Anyone have experience with hip dysplasia? Our daughter had an ultrasound for it this morning and I’m fretting myself silly.
Anonymous says
Not personally, but a close family friend’s child had hip dysplasia. I believe there are non-surgical treatment options for young babies, but he was diagnosed at 3 years old. Surgery and immobilization for a preschooler were rough on everyone involved, but the kid is now doing great. I remember the whole process was hugely stressful for the parents, but the kid took it largely in stride, surprisingly. I hope you have good, patient doctors to walk you through, and friends and family to lean on for support. I’ll be thinking of you and your daughter!
Meg Murry says
Since no one else has commented on it, I’d add that in general I’m with Kat – bags with tons of pockets just lead me to constantly trying to figure out which pocket I thought it would make sense to put my wallet/keys/phone/etc in, and I wind up having to unzip each one to figure it out. On the other hand, bags that are a big structureless sack aren’t great either because then everything winds up filtering all the way to the bottom of the bag.
I’m a big fan of using pouches to corral my stuff -one for makeup-type items, another for pens and office supply type items, another for the millions of meds I’m currently carrying around, etc, and having a couple of *internal* pockets in the bag that are just right sized for my phone, wallet, etc are helpful, as is a clip for my keys. But lots of pockets on the outside that aren’t necessarily obviously designed to hold a specific thing = black hole into which I put things and then forget which pocket held which thing. The other reason I like pouches is that when something inevitably does wind up all the way at the bottom of my purse, it looks way less like a crazy bag lady to pull out 4 pouches to get to the bottom of the purse than it does to pull out handfuls of pens, chapsticks, phone chargers, etc.
hoola hoopa says
My ideal bag has three full-length compartments: Two zippered for hide-away stuff that I get infrequently (spare diaper, packable grocery bag, seabands, etc) and an open pocket side for my frequent grabs (wallet, keys, phone).
Chi Squared says
We just ditched a Skip Hop diaper bag that had too many pockets. Whatever I was looking for was always and invariably in the last pocket I looked in. We switched to a Timbuk2 messenger bag with primarily 1 main pocket plus some organizational features, and it works much better.
On the other hand, I just swapped my MZ Wallace Kate (tons of pockets) with a Timbuk2 backpack, and find the backpack doesn’t have quite enough organization, or not the right organization. Maybe I just picked the wrong model, but it’s frustrating to have to dump several small items (hand sanitizer, moisturizer, lip gloss, id badge, headphones, etc) into one compartment where they get all jumbled together. And there’s no key fob!