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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 108 Comments · by

Postpartum Tuesday: Document Organizer

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A Baby Briefcase Paperwork OrganizerI am intrigued, ladies — when you were pregnant and postpartum, did you rely on paper organizers or online organization? This Baby Briefcase looks like an interesting way to store and organize things, but my complaint would be that it would hold things that I could easily jettison after a few months (like a thank-you tracker or the original research on childcare, which I’m guessing would be lots of pamphlets for agencies and daycares and the like) along with things that I would keep forever, like a birth certificate. But I am heavily biased towards online organization anyway because, well, I’m me. (See my earlier posts on photo organization and kid-clothes-purchasing organization!) Still, it’s an interesting idea, and I can see it being a thoughtful gift at a baby shower. The Baby Briefcase is $29.99 at Nordstrom. Baby Briefcase Document Organizer Update: It’s $26 at Amazon (with Prime!). (L-3)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!

Comments

  1. Abby says

    Sort of a sleep training question. For those of you that did some form of sleep training, what did you do when baby woke up after falling asleep? Let him cry himself back to sleep? Feed him and then put him back? Our little one sleeps okay but refuses to sleep unswaddled so training really focused on that not on sleeping generally. But he also still wakes up to eat at night and is not at a point where that’s really necessary so I am wondering what order we should be tackling these issues. Get him to sleep unswaddled first and then move on to eliminate one feeding and then the second? He more or less has eliminated the first one around midnight since we started to sleep train, but then last night kept waking up on and off after falling asleep and crying for 10-15 min. Normally I’d go in and give him a pacifier at that point and he would be back asleep but I didn’t do it last night because it seems at odds with sleep training. Obviously we make sure nothing is wrong but wondering if this is normal/we should be doing something else.

    • Anonymous says

      How old is baby? It’s not uncommon for them to eat at night right up to a year old. If baby is on solids, you can try offering smaller more frequent meals in the daytime. If you think it’s more of a just wanting to be close with you, then you can try babywearing before/after work so baby gets the physical contact during daytime hours. This is especially convenient if baby is old enough for back carries.

    • JK says

      How old is your baby? If he is rolling, I would focus on eliminating the swaddle for safety reasons. If he is too little to roll, he is probably too little to night wean or CIO yet. I used this method for night-weaning starting around 7 months and really recommend the whole site for sleep information in general: https://www.preciouslittlesleep.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-sleeping-through-the-night-part-3/

      We took a very long and gradual approach, but we got there eventually. Good luck.

      • Abby says

        He’s 6.5 months; safety is exactly why we’re doing it. The night weaning is not a priority but obviously it would be nice to have baby just nurse once or to sleep through. But really it’s the fact that he’s been getting worse about sleeping now that his arms are stronger and he can really hurt himself flipping over in a swaddled state.

        • Anonymous says

          I would try the Halo Sleepsack Swaddle. swaddle loosely for a couple nights, swaddle with one arm out for a couple nights like that then try both arms out.

          Fingers crossed for you that baby will start to sleep through the night at 6.5 months but three kids later, I strongly suspect you are looking at closer to 1 year -18 months before that’s consistent.

        • Momata says

          I think you just answered your own question. The swaddling issue is one of safety, and is therefore paramount. I personally only make one sleep change at a time. So, wean off the swaddle but continue using the pacifier or feeding as necessary. Then, once baby is out of the swaddle, you can tackle the next sleep crutch.

        • Lkl says

          It’s another product to buy or borrow, but we had a lot of success with the Magic Merlin sleep suit. It looks CRAZY but it really helped our baby get rid of the swaddle, which for him was at 3.5 or 4 months when he started rolling in it. Took him another couple months to both outgrow and learn to roll in the sleepsuit, after which the transition to PJs was pretty painless. It doesn’t prevent them from moving their arms but helps slow it down enough that they’re not staying awake because they’re distracted by their hands and feet, which was our issue.

          • Anonymous says

            You’re not supposed to use the Merlin suit once they can roll over, though. We bought one to try to wean (now 6.5 month old) off the swaddle, but could only use it for a week or two, because he got good at rolling.

          • Lkl says

            We understood that they’re only unsafe once they can roll IN it or are close to it — for us that was several months after he could roll in a swaddle.

        • babyluck says

          I agree that safety is first and at 6.5 months I think he needs his arms out. I was terrified of my little guy rolling over completely swaddled so started weaning him off of it during naps when he was 4 months (he rolled over at 5 months). I used the Halo and did exactly what someone said: loose, one arm out for a few days, then both arms out.

          Sleeping through the night really varies. A lot of it is probably biology/out of your control but some of it is. I realized I was going in too much into my baby’s room to try and calm him. Sometimes he was actually asleep / having a nightmare and I’d wake him up! (once I got a video monitor I could see that). He’s been 10-12 hours per night since 3 months, with one dream feed before we go to bed. Recently (almost 6 months) he dropped the night feed himself (he just didn’t want anything when we go in). He’s 90% percentile for weight/height now so we’re not worried about food. We keep him on a strict schedule of 2-2.5 hrs awake time and 3-4 naps depending on how early he wakes up and I think that really helps but honestly I think we also lucked out and got a really good sleeper.

    • pockets says

      Why are you getting rid of the swaddle? If it’s safety, try the Merlin Magic Sleepsuit for a few months. Personally, I wouldn’t go back in. The whole point of sleep training is teaching your baby to fall asleep on their own, without your assistance. Sleep training is a classic rip the bandaid off situation – you can do it quickly and have it hurt a lot for a short amount of time, or you can do it slowly and hurt a little for a long amount of time. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to do it, just a matter of prioritizes and pain tolerance.

    • CPA Lady says

      I think you need to decide what you’re willing to do and then stick to it. If I were you I would 100% not go back to doing two night feedings. Your child will not starve. Some people are willing to keep feeding their child multiple times per night far beyond the point where it is physically necessary, and that’s fine. I was not willing to do that. Once I knew she was capable of sleeping through the night, I cut off all night feedings unless she was sick.

      We did sleep training at 5 months to break her of the need to fall asleep with a pacifier, because she was waking up at night when it fell out of her mouth and then she was unable to get back to sleep without it. The sleep training took a few days of setting a series of sleep cues (bedtime routine) and then three days of the CIO part. I went in every 5 minutes to pat and shush the first night, every 10 minutes the second, and every 15 the third. Then we were done and she was sleeping 10-12 hours a night. If she wakes up and fusses during the night, I don’t go in unless it turns into full blown wailing. 98% of the time she falls right back to sleep after a couple minutes of fussing. Sometimes they just need to “sing themselves to sleep” as my aunts call it. She’s a great sleeper and very rarely wakes up crying during the night. I assume this may change at some point once she’s old enough to have nightmares, etc.

      • Anonymous says

        I like this advice and just wanted to add a pro-CIO recommendation in here because sometimes there’s a lot of anti-advice out there that can make you second guess yourself/feel like you’re doing the wrong thing when it is very possible the right thing for you. I would personally do it all at once but if not, it sounds like you’re focusing on swaddle first and then night feeds. I never figured out how a baby understood some cries got nursing/bottles and some didn’t, so when we were ready to CIO we did not feed but would go in to soothe after 10 mins or so (with NO picking up, and also my husband did it so he wouldn’t smell me and know milk was so close and yet so far from reach :)

        • pockets says

          +1 to the pro-CIO recommendation. I want to add that I tried to do the “go-in-and-shush” thing the first night of CIO and I was immediately like, “what the eff am I doing in here, there is no way I’m shushing my baby back to sleep” and then I left her to her own devices. My kid was (is) a voracious eater and I knew that if what she wanted was food, she was not going to be happy with pats and shushes. She cried for like 45 mins the first night, 20 mins the second night, and then we were done. She was about 4.5 months old.

    • PinkKeyboard says

      I did a modified method I made up after googling ridiculous things like “my baby hates me and wants me to die of exhaustion”. For bedtime we did zipping her in her zipadeezip, our bottle/rocking, in the crib with the binky and I leave. She got one immediate return, then I did 5, 10, 15, 15 (repeating but we almost never even made it to the 15) minute return visits. In the night I generally waited maybe 5-10 minutes and went in. For night weaning we were bottle feeding so I cut down the bottles from 6 to 5 to 4 ounces then started diluting (so 2 scoops to 1.5 scoops, to 1 scoop) at 7 or 8 months. Then once she was at a 4 ounce half strength bottle I started going in and just giving her the binky instead of the bottle. I would just do the 5, 10, 15 after the binky and she gave up after a few days. Now that she is trained I go in because if she’s crying it’s generally because she got a leg stuck in the bars or flipped her blanked over her head, crawled on it, and now is trapped under it (it’s crocheted and she’s 11 months… we live dangerously)

    • layered bob says

      I don’t have any sleep training advice for you (when we tried sleep training, even after developing great sleep cues etc. it was multiple nights of 3+ hours of wailing, puking, and more wailing and I just couldn’t do it), but I do want to share that my ten month old is way better at going to sleep and staying asleep than she was at even seven months, and is basically self-weaning from night feeds.

      When we abandoned sleep training I got a lot of “your baby will NEVER sleep properly if you don’t sleep train!” stories, and not a lot of “maybe it will be fine if you do nothing” stories. Tackle the sleep issues you have to tackle, but if you can’t do everything at once, don’t feel bad about continuing to feed/give a paci/whatever at night. We co-sleep and I BF on demand, and my kid is starting to put herself to sleep and doesn’t even want to nurse at night when she wakes up. If you had told me this at 6.5 or 7 months, I would not have believed it. So here is a “maybe it will be fine even if you do nothing” story.

      • Abby says

        Thanks ladies. We already tried weaning off the swaddle by doing it loosely, one arm, and then two arms but it would last for a night or two and then back to needing the swaddle or no sleep. Kiddo is otherwise very easy about sleep – we have a routine and if swaddled, he’ll fall asleep on his own after I sing a song and read a story. I think that’s partly why I am having a hard time with this. It just feels like I am taking an easy baby who never cries and forcing him to cry (although, in all truth, the longest he’s cried doing this is about 45 min., usually it’s more like 10-20 and he sleeps great after). Alas, it’s not safe to sleep swaddled any more and I don’t want to go from one crutch to another like the merlin sleep suit, especially as it gets hot this summer.

        • Anonymous says

          There are no-cry options if you want to try something else. The No Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley worked for us.

        • AwayEmily says

          I totally know what you mean about feeling like you’re “ruining” your good baby! We sleep-trained (CIO) at around 9 weeks — early, I know, but she was already waking up just once in an 11-hour stretch and eating only a little at that wakeup, so we figured she was ready. The first night she woke up MORE than usual, cried for 30 minutes, 45 minutes and finally 90 minutes, and I thought “OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE WHY DID I TEMPT FATE??” The second night she slept for 11 hours straight, and has done that ever since (except for sickness, etc). So, I promise you WILL NOT ruin your baby. If your awesome baby doesn’t respond to sleep training, they will go right back to being awesome afterwards. And if they do respond, then great! Now you have a baby who sleeps through the night!

          Oh, and re: swaddle…we did it all at once (swaddle + CIO). We were told that babies would want to be able to self-soothe by sucking on their hands, and sure enough she very quickly started doing exactly that. We did use the sleep sack (arms out), though, so her feet wouldn’t get stuck in the crib bars.

          GOOD LUCK! This stuff is hard and your baby is lucky to have such a good mom.

    • Anonymous says

      My kiddo is a good sleeper so far (knock on ALL THE WOOD). About five nights out of seven she sleeps 9 hours straight with no night time feedings (I am totally confused by all the people who are like ‘oh my baby sleeps through the night except for the times when I feed her.’ I’m like, that’s not sleeping through the night. Did the definition of sleep change? I digress.) but she still nurses to sleep at night and has trouble with naps.

      1) I think of naps as practice / training. I try to get one nap a day where she doesn’t eat to sleep or fall asleep in her stroller. This has meant bouncing and now I’m working on just holding her instead of bouncing her.

      2) We don’t do “cry it out” but sometimes she cries in her sleep — picking her up to “comfort” her wakes her up and pisses her off. She’s got a couple different cries (five minutes after going down sleep cry; rolled over in the middle of the night; I am awake come get me) and we’ll get her if she is awake. We sort of have to, since we went with a Montessori floor bed, so she’ll get herself on the floor if she’s awake and upset. But I’d double/triple check that any crying is awake crying.

      Based on your comment at 12:08 I’d say the thing I would practice (with nanny, day care’s help) is daytime naps with your night time routine but without the swaddle. So same book, same song, same laying down.

      Also have you tried replacing the swaddling with some other physical activity like baby massage?

      • Abby says

        Thanks. We do massage now before bed. Naps aren’t an issue, but also harder to monitor because he is with family part of the week and getting my MIL to do anything is a battle I am not willing to undertake. It’s really just arm flapping waking him up and preventing him from going to sleep and I think that the only way to stop it is for him to learn to do it on his own. It’s just hard!

    • Anonymous says

      If you are already down to one feed, I would keep the one feed only and not add others back in. We eliminated the swaddle at the same time we started sleep training at bedtime. I am concerned from a rolling standpoint at 6.5 months with a baby being swaddled – I would cut it cold turkey and move to a sleep sack. Even things like the magic Merlin will be short lived safety wise.

      A good way to deal with night feeds is cut off times. So if baby wakes before midnight for example, use your chosen sleep training method. If wakes after midnight, feed immediately (once) and then use your sleep training method for any wakings after that until 6 am.
      I also wouldn’t be giving the pacifier unless your LO has been using it to fall asleep. Pacifier is only consistent with sleep training if baby can reinsert by themselves. Since baby has been swaddled I doubt that is the case. It is definitely cross purposes with sleep training for you to keep going back in and reinserting a pacifier.

      Good luck!

  2. Coping with stress says

    How do all of you cope with day-to-day stress? I was never the “my home must be perfect” type, but I do feel a sense of moral failure if my house gets past my admittedly low standards. I often feel stressed and like I’m always failing someone somewhere in my life. Last night, I got back from a business trip during which I didn’t sleep much since I had picked up my kids’ cold just before leaving, and wound up dissatisfied, cranky, and stressed because I stayed up later than I “should” have because I wanted a little time to catch up with my husband, but that meant that I would have to either get less than 5 hrs of sleep (while sick with a cold) or skip walking the dog in the morning. The dog tends not to get walked if I’m not around, so he’d already gone a few days without a walk (also it’s just hard for one adult to walk the dog and watch our two small kids at the same time, so he tends to go unwalked if one of us is traveling). I feel like I’m always trying to decide who gets the short end of the stick — my job, my kids, my husband, my dog, me — and almost always feel either guilty about whoever got shortchanged or run down/exhausted because I managed to give myself the short end of the stick by sacrificing sleep to avoid short changing anyone else. Of course, if I short change myself, I wind up short changing everyone else because I get crabby and hard to be around. I know I’m not the only one dealing with this. How do you manage your own expectations so you’re not taking on more than you can realistically handle, and how do you decide what’s going to slip and what’s going to get your time?

    • Anon says

      Put your oxygen mask on first. Full stop. If you are sick and run down, get the sleep. No one will die in the interim and you risk being sick a lot longer if you don’t do it.

      • JJ says

        Agreed. And choose not to feel guilty or anxious about things you can’t change. I think there was a lot of good advice in yesterday’s thread about this.

        • anne-on says

          Agreed – I’m totally bookmarking yesterday’s thread for awful days. Lots of good practical advice (and commiseration, which helps lots too).

      • Momata says

        This. When I’m sick — I have to take care of myself first. (I probably got sick because I wasn’t taking care of myself enough.) If catching up with husband will help you sleep better, do it. If walking the dog will help clear the morning congestion, do it. But otherwise – do what you need to do to get better and get your feet under you after your trip.

      • OP says

        Totally missed that thread since I was traveling. I’d say it was a coincidence that we both posted so close together, but really I think it’s just standard working mom stuff. Thanks!

      • Meg Murry says

        I liked your suggestion of new mantras “it’s better than nothing” and “it’s not forever.”

        Right now, mine is “everyone has clothes on and has eaten in the last few hours and no one is bleeding. Winning!”

        Some days, that’s the best I can do.

        • SoCalAtty says

          I like “it’s not forever.” My son is 9 months old and I just feel like I’m barely treading water. I know eventually he’ll be big enough to talk and understand and even do things like go for walks with me, or hang out in the kitchen with me and read a book while I clean, or even help. While that is years away…this 9 months has gone pretty fast so I bet the rest will too.

    • CPA Lady says

      +1,000,000 to all the great suggestions from yesterday.

      Start off by going to bed early tonight. Really early. Put clean sheets on the bed so it’s extra great. At 8:30, you’re in bed with a soothing book and dim lights. You’ll probably be asleep by 9 (or, if you’re like me, 8:33). Then do that again tomorrow and probably Thursday. Let everything else go, just for a few days. It is amazing to me how much better I’m able to function once I’ve gotten some rest. And how terrible and insurmountable everything seems when I’m sleep deprived, especially if you pile being sick on top of that.

    • Lkl says

      I have great memories of going on overnight class trips in first and second grade here in the US, and would be totally down for this with a 3 year old now, with a familiar class/teachers etc. Ours is one, so not yet, though.

    • anne-on says

      That sounds really interesting! Is it all that much different from sending a 3-yr old off to grandparents/aunts/uncles though? We certainly left my son with his grandparents for a few days at 2 and 3 (at our house, more for animal care than child preferences).
      For a short trip like that, daycare teachers who I would trust would enforce healthy mealtimes/nap/bed times and educational/outdoor activities would be awesome. Both sets of grandparents (not shockingly) tend to dole out sweets like crazy and allow more tv time and less naps/later bed times.

      • Faye says

        My first reaction was no, I won’t even let my 3yo stay overnight with grandparents. But then this “daycare teachers who I would trust would enforce healthy mealtimes/nap/bed times and educational/outdoor activities would be awesome” made me reconsider. I would actually probably be okay with her daycare teachers because I trust them to enforce rules AND keep a watchful eye. The issue with grandparents is that I don’t trust them to enforce bedtime (or understand that a later bedtime means a 100% chance of a midnight wake-up and wandering around the house unsupervised since they think door gates are cruel).

        So yeah. I think I’d be okay with this, if I knew and trusted the teachers. And if I got nightly texts to let my anxiety know everyone is still alive.

    • Anonymous says

      I would do this with my 4 year old in a heartbeat. He would love it. A local gym/activity place does a sleepover night every few months and I’m not ready do send him there because it’s with a ton of different aged kids and I don’t know the counselors. But if he had an opportunity to go with the kids and teachers from his preschool, I think he would have a ball.

    • mascot says

      My almost 6 year would like this. He’s been doing overnights with the grandparents since he was 6 weeks old. We are doing our first “lock-in” this summer with his day camp which should be interesting.

    • Anonymous says

      I would totally do it! But I am the crazy mom who let her kid do an overnight at Y day camp at age 5 and shipped her off to Girl Scout camp for a week at age 6. She is now finishing fourth grade, and most of the other parents still think I am nuts for letting her go to camp even at this age. Most of them have never let their kids out of their sight for longer than one night. And we always have far too many chaperones for Girl Scout weekend outings because the moms just can’t bear to let their kids be independent. My kid, on the other hand, begs me not to chaperone so she can have more fun.

    • hoola hoopa says

      I’m struggling to look past the fact that she was given antibiotics for the flu.

      But the entire parenting in other countries series that she has is really interesting. You should check it out.

  4. Katala says

    I start a new job next week and found out last week I’m pregnant with #2. Obviously this was not the timing I had in mind. Our first is 13 months and we weren’t decided on whether to have more. We are excited and happy to have another, but I’m anxious about what this means for the new job.
    I would love to hear any thoughts or advice. Do I tell right away? How to deal with nausea/exhaustion when trying to impress new bosses? I’m in biglaw and junior/midlevel.

    • Carrie M says

      I would definitely wait to tell until you’re into the second trimester, unless nausea/sickness really becomes an issue. The first time I lateraled, I was relatively slow for the first month or two, until I started meeting more people and getting myself onto busier cases. So I don’t think anyone will give a second thought to it if you have a slower ramp up (which might be nice if you’re super tired and sick). If you get slammed right away, just try to bite your work off in small chunks, double and triple check it before you submit it, and focus on doing the best you can to build your credibility. You don’t want to be known out of the gate as someone who misses deadlines or does sloppy work, so do your best to manage your time and others’ expectations so that you can avoid that. Good luck!!

    • ECR says

      I’m in exactly this position. I moved from biglaw to a litigation boutique a month ago. I found out I was pregnant on my last day of work at biglaw. I’m planning to tell them as soon as I have my 12 week appointment. I want them to know that I didn’t know I was pregnant when I accepted their offer, and that I have every intention of coming back to work after maternity leave.
      I thought I was dealing with the nausea/exhaustion fairly well, but today I threw up my oatmeal in my lap, in plain view of two secretaries outside my office. I am so humiliated. What a great start to the day. Ugh.

      • FP says

        This happened to me too. I disclosed as soon as I knew I was PG. I got a lot of feedback down the road that it was the right thing to do.

        • Katala says

          Did you disclose before you started? Or during your first couple of days? Did anyone say what made it right?

    • AnonMom says

      I lateraled among top 50 biglaw firms. I told when I accepted the offer. The second firm had interviewed me before the pregnancy, but I’d become pregnant by the time they gave me the offer. I’m on maternity now. My new firm has been great, and I hope that everything will be normal when I return from maternity. In the meantime, I just try to focus on my LO rather than worry – not much that can be done at this point! I suppose we should “lean in” and expect to be treated well! My husband was like “a man would NOT worry that he didn’t deserve maternity.” Hmmm…maybe.

      • Katala says

        Yes, I usually try to normalize work anxiety by asking myself what a man would do/feel… It’s not working this time though lol

    • Anonymous says

      I was in a very similar situation and told my boss the first day of work. But I’d been hired to a supervisory/management role in an organization that was still very much in the building phase, and felt like I owed as much advance notice as possible that I would be out for a few months later in the year. If I’d had a position where it would just be a matter of divvying up my day-to-day workload, I don’t think I’d have felt obligated to tell as early. I let the news seep out to everyone else sometime after 12 weeks. Between 1st trimester exhaustion and my 13-month old, I was highly caffeinated to avoid being a total zombie, but I made it through and made a decent enough first impression. My boss still likes and trusts me, at least, and has been nothing but supportive.

      If you have strong symptoms that significantly affect your productivity, I’d tell just to put things in perspective. Otherwise, just know that it will be OK and do whatever you’re comfortable with. Congratulations on the pregnancy and the job, and good luck!

      • Katala says

        I’m definitely just a cog so I think I’ll wait till my 12 week appointment. Luckily symptoms aren’t terrible so far and never got awful last pregnancy. Fingers crossed! The job change also involved a cross-country move so I’m all out of sorts and this was a big surprise cherry on top!
        I suppose once I start work I can channel this anxiety to my performance and worrying about having 2 under 2 :)
        Thanks all!

  5. MomAnon4This says

    Hey y’all. My don’t-give-a-4u&* is showing at work, and I need advice on either hiding it better or getting my mojo back. Any ideas?

    • Meg Murry says

      I’m right here with you.

      Things that are kinda working:
      -Pomodoro. Crap ton of Pomodoro
      -Spotify “productive morning” playlist
      -Adderall and anti-depressants
      -Mint gum
      -Bribing myself with the candy jar/vending machine. “Just send these 3 emails and then you can go get a chocolate.”
      -Role playing that I’m someone who cares. Plain old Meg doesn’t give a crap, but Superwoman Meg is on it! Only works about once a day though :-/

    • Anon says

      Will you ever need someone there to give you a reference sometime down the road? I think about that when I’m having a hard time staying focused.

  6. JDJDTX says

    Can anyone recommend a lunch bag for a toddler? I need to fit two bottles, tupperware for solids and a sippy cup. Ideally it would be insulated and stay upright so that I don’t dump milk all over the car on the way to daycare. Thanks!

    • (was) due in June says

      I love our Built NY lunch bag for our kid. Yes, the adult kind. The neoprene stretches around the bottles and tupperwares, helps keep things cold, zips closed, and I can throw it in the wash if it gets gross.

    • HSAL says

      I’m a big packit fan. You can freeze them and they stay cold for hours. They have a variety of styles/sizes to check out and see what you need to fit.

    • Another BigLaw Parent says

      We like the dabbawalla bags. Fun designs; neoprene; machine wash/dry; etc. We fit a tupperware, sippy cup, milk bottle, bowl of yogurt and a small square ice pack in the bag every day.

  7. Betty says

    I was one of the ones yesterday who just felt so worn down by the endless loop of little kid full-time job life. I felt like I had been hit by a Mac truck. Lo and behold: I had a UTI brewing, which decided to make itself well known at 3am. I felt/feel awful but capable of functioning (AZO plus Tylenol took the edge off). I called at 8am, visited the doc at 9:00 and was to work with prescription in hand by 10:30. Now I am wondering if this pattern of behavior is part of my overall issue? Would you ladies have taken a sick day today?

    • Anonymous says

      I don’t think it’s all or nothing. I have a short commute so I probably would have called in sick for the morning and had a nap after the doctor’s visit followed by going into the office around 1-1:30.

    • pockets says

      I have zero work ethic and I would have gone to work in your situation. At least for me, I feel better after I take the first antibiotic, so there would be no point in wasting a sick day for this.

    • Maddie Ross says

      In my book, that’s the kind of thing that depends on how much needs to get done at work versus how much I need a mental health day.

    • Meg Murry says

      If there wasn’t anything urgent at work today that couldn’t wait until tomorrow, yes, I’d probably take a sick day and try to sleep it off. But if I’m remembering correctly, you had a bunch of family illnesses and are probably rationing your sick/vacation days, yes?

      Can you at least cancel everything else, tell your husband to handle dinner (or get take-out) and go straight to bed when you get home? Sometimes you just need to step off the treadmill. Wasn’t it you who said a day off at this point was like a band-aid on a broken leg? Can you call in reinforcements like Grandmas, aunts, babysitters, neighborhood teens to be “mother’s helpers” etc?

      • Betty says

        Yes, that’s me. My husband was really sick earlier this year (3+ weeks inpatient over two months) and so I am trying to ration my sick days, but I recognize that if I really drop, then… it would be bad. I’m thinking about leaving bit early and tucking myself into bed for the evening. Kids want to have dinner in bed with me? Fantastic. But I’m not going to move after I get home.

    • Katala says

      I would have worked from home if possible but probably not worth a sick day since it’s something that needs antibiotics, not necessarily rest. I think it’s a great idea to go home early and take care of yourself knowing you’ll likely feel much better tomorrow.

  8. mango says

    I received this as a present and I thought for $30 why would I not just purchase a plastic file box with some hanging files? It will hold 10x more documents and you can customize your files. I would probably steer away from this one.

    • JP says

      Yes, this strikes me as a solution in search of a problem. We got a wedding version of this as an engagement gift and never used it except to make fun of it. Then again, we currently have all our prenatal “stuff” (ultrasound pictures, all the do-not-do-this lists from the OB, etc) in an old plant pot with no plant in it (keeping it real here), so maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to judge.

    • hoola hoopa says

      I use a large mailing envelope for all the stuff you collect in the hospital and in the first few weeks, which costs maybe 30 cents.

      Critical records (birth certificate) are kept in our filing cabinet. Immunization records are available online. Ultrasound pictures are scanned. The rest (pamphlets, appointment summaries, etc) is recycled within a few months.

  9. SC says

    I just returned from a trip to visit a friend with my 13-month-old. I posted for advice about whether to buy him his own seat. I did, and it was definitely worth it.

    However, if you can avoid it, do not fly Delta with a baby. On the positive side, all my flights were on time, my baggage showed up, and the vast majority of the crew were polite and helpful. BUT it seems like the airline itself is actively discouraging parents from flying with children. First, there are no changing tables in the airplane bathrooms. That resulted in me changing a poopy diaper with my son in my lap (over a changing pad) while I sat on the toilet. He wriggled until he was basically upside-down and then screamed at the top of his lungs until it was over. The only silver lining was that he couldn’t escape because the bathroom was too small to give him anywhere to go. Second, I gate-checked a stroller, and on both flights yesterday, nobody brought the stroller up from the cargo hold when the plane landed. On the first flight, the flight attendant had to personally go get the stroller, and on the second, the pilot got involved to get the cargo hold open–which finally happened at least 10 minutes after the last people de-boarded and while the cleaning crew was on the plane. Third, and I realize this is probably not unique to Delta, the pitch between the seats was so small that the car seat did not really fit if turned rear-facing (I could wedge it, but it pushed the seat in front), and if front-facing, my son’s legs reached the seat in front of him, which meant he spent the entire plane trip trying to kick the seat. Also, not a huge deal, but turning the seat front-facing required a seat belt extender. Finally, I find Delta’s new policy of having to pay extra to reserve seats annoying, especially when airline policy and safety require you to have certain seat assignments (car seat in window seat, parent next to child).

    • Maddie Ross says

      Just FYI, I’m not aware of any domestic airline that has a changing table in the airplane bathroom. So yes, annoying, but not Delta specific.

      • SC says

        According to the internet, for domestic flights, Jet Blue and Virgin have changing tables on all aircraft, American has them on most, Southwest and Delta on some, and USAir on very few to none. Also, I’ve been told many times that you should not change a poopy diaper on a tray table or seat, and that was also impossible when Baby was in a car seat in the window and I was in a middle seat, per airline policy. Where the h*ll are you supposed to do it? Also, this was only a one hour flight, but my kid pooped 10-20 minutes into it.

      • VKD says

        Actually, we’ve found Southwest to be very accommodating and have flown 20+ legs with my now 2 yr old. I know SW isn’t for everyone with the no assigned seats, but it is fantastic for families traveling together because it is so easy to snag an extra seat for a lap child to sit in their car seat. Until she turned two we always did lap child and about 50% of the time there would be a seat for her (although I may have been more willing to risk it since my husband was usually along). They are supposed to have changing tables in all of their planes. We’ve never had an issue with our stroller/car seat not getting to the jet bridge on time.
        We definitely have had issues fitting the car seat into the seat though. I think they can only go forward facing and you’re right, it’s perfect for your kid to kick the person in front the whole way. I usually tell the person that I’ll do my very best to keep her from kicking and apologize in advance, and if I have any drink tickets I pass them along. I also have found that sock feet only helps reduce the impact and makes it less fun to kick. Hope that helps for next time!!

        • SC says

          Thanks! I fly Southwest to visit my parents, and I love them. And on our last trip, there was an extra seat, which allowed us to use the car seat. Alas, Southwest does not fly to the particular destination I went to this weekend.

      • Cdn 'rette says

        I have flown domestically in Canada a ton and internationally lots. Only ever encountered a bathroom without a change table on one tiny commuter plane.

      • farrley says

        We’ve recently flown on both United and American (to SF and to Chicago from Denver) and both had changing tables in the bathrooms (thank goodness). Had pretty good experiences on both–nice crew and no problem with gate checking stroller.

    • CPA Lady says

      OKAY THANK YOU! I posted something about there not being a changing table in the airplane bathroom of the flight I went on with my daughter and someone was like “airplane bathrooms have changing tables!”… I thought I was just really stupid to have missed a changing table, but it totally did not have a changing table, and it was a delta flight. Glad I’m not losing my mind.

    • Anonymous says

      We have flown with DD on JetBlue and southwest many many times; all times at least one bathroom had a changing table. In smaller planes, only the rear did and in one instance it was broken. But they were there.

      I’ve flown American twice (all 3+ hour flights) and had changing tables. I fly other airlines as well but not with little ones so I honestly don’t pay attention.

    • Katala says

      Plug for Alaska, all planes I’ve flown on recently had a changing table and everyone was very nice about flying with baby. Including saving the third seat in our row for last to be filled with standby passengers.

  10. torticollis says

    Anyone have a torticollis baby and consider using a helmet to help with a flat side of the head (it’s really one side on the back)? Or any other helmet experiences?

    I have a six month old making good progress in PT for torticollis but the head shape isn’t great. Meeting with the ped for the 6 month well baby visit soon and will ask her, but I’d love some first-person accounts, especially in light of (perhaps flawed) studies showing it may not be worth it.

    Thank you!

    • TK says

      Little TK wore one for 7 months. Insurance covered 80%, I think our out-of-pocked was ~ $300 or so.I think it might have helped … still not totally round, but not noticeably flat any more, especially now that his hair covers it. If we’d had to pay full price I don’t think we would have – although it was purely cosmetic in his case, no other medical issues associated.

      It didn’t bother him in the slightest. Wore it 23 hours a day, slept in it fine. Seriously, no issues whatsoever for him. Towards the end the helmet got a little stinky.

      The follow-up appointments were kind of a pain (every 3 weeks, I think.) Also, we got some strange looks when we took him places … I think lots of folks assumed he had a seizure disorder or something more serious than a flat head.

    • NewMomAnon says

      I didn’t deal with that, but a friend did the helmet thing with her daughter who had severe torticollis. Her kiddo is a healthy happy preschooler now, but there were significant gross motor delays due to the helmet (sat up late, crawled late, walked VERY late). The research I had read said that the helmets weren’t helpful in reshaping slightly flattened heads (as comes from laying baby on their backs, putting them in car seats, etc all the time). I don’t think I’ve seen research on whether the helmets are effective for more severe issues.

    • Anon says

      My kiddo is 3 months and has a mild case. Ped said we would reevaluate at his 4 month apt and consider a helmet if it wasn’t improving – I didn’t realize the helmets don’t necessarily work. Thankfully he has started sleeping on the other side about 25% of the time so I’m hoping it will help.

  11. Atty mom says

    Anyone have experience with having a toddler go through a sleep study? My son (2.5 yr) is getting a sleep study to evaluate him for sleep apnea. My parents and husband are very pessimistic about having a toddler actually sleep during the procedure. One parent has to stay overnight with the child. My son is actually a pretty great sleeper once he falls asleep and I don’t really see this as being such a big deal. He has slept at both my parents house and MILs house overnight so he can sleep in unfamiliar places. Am I deluding myself in thinking this is not going to be a big deal?

    • Anonymous says

      So not worth worrying about. He may fall asleep later or with more difficulty than at home but he’s not going to stay up all night. If he falls asleep easily you’ve wasted time worrying and if it’s difficult – deal with it when it happens.

    • pockets says

      The people who have done this study have done it a zillion times. I’m sure they’re used to toddlers being scared, not sleeping great, etc., and have ways to handle that. It’ll be fine.

    • NewMomAnon says

      I think your kiddo will be fine, but have you considered the plight of the parent who gets to spend the night at the hospital? I’ve heard that parents usually come geared to the teeth for their kid, but forget to bring their own stuff. Will there be a bed for you to sleep in, or will you have to sleep in an armchair? Will you need to bring blankets, ear plugs, pillows, toiletries, etc for yourself? Will they have food for you and kiddo for meals?

      My kid would have a hard time falling asleep, but I’m sure she eventually would. If I had to spend the night upright in a vinyl armchair listening to monitors beeping around me and my daughter snoring, I would definitely have to take the next day off work.

      Out of curiousity; can I ask what prompted the testing? My kiddo has always been a frequent waker and snored even as a newborn. It occurred to me a few months ago that it might be apnea, but I didn’t want to google it and send myself down that wormhole.

      • Atty mom says

        son has been seeing an ENT since six months after he got tubes for frequent ear infections. ENT said his tonsils are on the left side and they can obstruct breathing. He does snore loudly at night and is definitely a mouth breather. FWIW the Pedi ENT said kids are often thought to be ADD/ADHD when in fact they have sleep apnea.

    • JJ says

      We had out toddler go through a sleep study. He didn’t get the best night of sleep ever, but he definitely slept and slept enough for the study to be effective. My husband spent the night with him and they had to share a twin-size bed. Husband did not get a lot of sleep that night.

      FWIW, our study diagnosed obstructive sleep apnea. After tonsils and adenoids removed, my toddler slept 100X better, didn’t snore, gained his appetite back, and stopped throwing temper tantrums because he was over-tired.

      • Atty mom says

        Thanks for this. If he does end up having apnea he’s going to get the tonsils and adenoids removed too. I’m hoping it resolves some of our morning cranky-ness. Although I say he sleeps well, by which he may wake me up on the monitor 2-3x a week and go right back to sleep I’m starting to suspect his sleep is not as restful as it should be.

        • anne-on says

          I will say – the tonsil/adenoid surgery was absolutely worth it in terms of the health/sleep issues it resolved in our then 2 yr old. However – the recovery period was horrific. A full 10-days of needing pain meds every 4-6 hours, crabby in pain child, whiny/clingy, terrible sleep, and that was an “easy” recovery according to our ENT (no abnormal bleeding, reactions to meds, etc.). The doctors warned us it would be rough and man, they were not lying.

  12. EB0220 says

    Help! I need a gut check on a babysitter situation. There is a woman who babysits for us, usually once a week. She’s one of my daughter’s former daycare teachers. She usually makes about $80 when she babysits (depends on how long we are gone, of course). She just texted me and said she wants to try to make $100 a week babysitting for us because it is her grocery money. We love this woman, and she’s great with our kids and I really want to help her as much as I can….but it would be a stretch for us. We could probably afford it for now, but not when my husband quits his corporate job to run a small business later this year. I’m just uncomfortable with the request, somehow. Is my discomfort justified, or is this an entirely reasonable request?

    • TK says

      I would find this request weird. If you want to help her out, maybe refer her to friends who are looking for a reliable sitter? Then she could make the $$ she needs but not entirely from you personally?

    • Anonymous says

      Basically she’s asking for a raise. Which is something we encourage women on this board to do all the time. If you can afford it and you think it’s worth it, then certainly consider it. I would also let her know that you are expecting some financial changes later in the year and you may have to cut back her hours then but you’ll give her as much notice as possible. You could also offer to act as a reference if she’s looking to pick up hours elsewhere.

      • MDMom says

        This. Maybe you can negotiate and meet in the middle at 90? I wouldn’t hold it against her though. It’s hard and uncomfortable to ask for a raise, as has been discussed on this site. (And also, clearly, uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of such a request).

    • NewMomAnon says

      Part of me thinks that’s utterly tacky, and part of me thinks, “hey, a woman asking for a pay raise, maybe I should support that.”

      One solution might be to pass her name around to your friends who have kids to help her drum up some extra money that doesn’t come from your pocket.

      • Meg Murry says

        I wonder if she is trying (badly) to say “if I can’t make $100 babysitting for you, I’m going to need to go find another family where I can”. Or if she is (again, poorly) trying to say “hey, I’m willing and able to work more”

        But the way she phrased that is awkward, I don’t blame you for feeling weird about it.

  13. Anonymous says

    Late in the day, if I remember I’ll repost tomorrow just to be sure everyone sees. My mom is a teacher and just told me about an adorable idea: The parents of one of her students bought “Oh The Places You’ll Go” when kid was in preschool and have asked every teacher since then to sign it and write a quick note with the plan to give it as a HS graduation gift.

    • anon says

      This is a sweet idea if you can get organized each year to actually do it. Personally this is so thoughtful but something that I could never remember to do let alone find that ONE BOOK in my messy house

    • NewMomAnon says

      My mom saved all those “class photos” from preschool onward, and had some of the teachers write little notes on some of them. She put them in my photo album, which I treasure.

  14. OP says

    Visited the parents. Said many times I didn’t have space to bring presents back. And I don’t. Parents insisted they needed to buy something- I asked them to buy a replacement hoodie for my kid (zip broke on hoodie on day two). We are three days in to vacation. Parents have brought everything under the sun except hoodie. When it comes time to leave and they and my kid get upset because we can’t take any of this stuff back (I’ll suggest mailing) they are going to get upset with me.

    Last two times they bought me a suitcase for all the stuff they bought (most of which I didn’t want and donated). I refuse to take another suitcase of junk back to my house. And I can’t manage an extra bag with a kid at the airport (props to those of you who manage to pack everything under the sun on trips- we only ever bring one duffle and a diaper bag as that’s all I seem to be able to manage).

    • NewMomAnon says

      I have started suggesting that my parents leave some of that stuff at their house for “future visits.” They live close, so we see them a lot if that makes a difference.

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