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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 80 Comments · by

Washable Workwear Wednesday: Slim Stretch Cotton Blend Ankle Pants

Machine-Washable Work Clothes· Recent Recs

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Purple Pants: Halogen Slim Stretch Cotton Blend Ankle Pants Here is my pitch for why you need purple ankle pants: They are dark enough to hide most stains but are still in a “fun” color. Purple is a flattering color against most skin tones (unlike teal or light blue, both of which I worry bring out the veins in my legs — and that fear started before kids!), so it’s ok if a bit of your leg is exposed. Finally, I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again — you’ll be surprised how versatile purple is. Wear it with neutrals (black, white, navy, gray), and wear it easily with some colors (reds, blues) and with some planning/careful proportioning of other colors (i.e., wear a neutral blouse with a green necklace or ring and see how you feel). These pants are available in regular and petite sizes 00-16, in purple, black, navy, and white, for $68 at Nordstrom. Halogen Slim Stretch Cotton Blend Ankle Pants Here’s a plus-size option. (L-3)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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Comments

  1. Terrible twos says

    My son is 21 months and over the past few weeks I feel like I’ve lost my sweet little boy and the terrible twos are kicking in already. Does anyone have any good strategies for dealing with the tantrums and the defiance? I am trying not to lose my cool and let a toddler get the best of me, but I will confess I’m not the most patient person! Should I ignore the bad behavior? Redirect? Time outs? What has worked for you??

    • Lizochka says

      All of the above! If you can manage it psychologically/emotionally, just ignore him. Literally walk away. If you are in public, redirect to minimize the damage. We did time outs but only for serious transgressions, since he would often sob until he barfed when put in time out, so that made even more work for me.

    • Anons says

      I really liked Tovah Klein’s “How Toddlers Thrive” book. It really helped me get into the head of my toddler and I believe had some discipline techniques, but was more helpful on shifting my perspective so that I can usually help divert situations that require the need for discipline. Raising Your Spirited Child also helped a bit on this front. I’m currently reading How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk and so far have picked up a few techniques. Other parents have found 123 Magic or Janet Lansbury to be helpful. Clearly, my method right now is to read a bunch of books and cherry pick the techniques that will work for our family. It helps to have a wide arsenal because no technique is 100% effective 100% of the time. Finally, I will add that sleep is a big part of it for my 2yo. If sleep isn’t under control, we can expect behavior problems.

      • anne-on says

        Oh yes to this – sleep and food are huge (still!). If my child is tired, sick, or hungry all bets are off. Seriously, he’s like a snickers ‘you’re not yourself when you’re hungry’ commercial.

      • Terrible twos says

        Thanks for the book recommendations! I do have how to talk sitting on my bookshelf but haven’t found the time to open it.

    • CPA Lady says

      Right there with you. I’m still not sure how to handle defiance, but I’m starting to figure out tantrums.

      When my daughter is having a tantrum, I carry her into her room, put her on the floor with a pillow and a blanket and tell her that it’s okay to have “big feelings” but that she needs to take a minute to get herself together and she can come back out when she’s ready. Then I leave her room. Usually the tantrum ends fairly quickly and she’ll lie there for a while before she comes back out.

      My best friend’s mom was a preschool teacher for decades and she swears by glitter jars. It’s a jar with glitter and water and glue and food coloring and you shake the jar up and give it to the child to watch when they are having a meltdown. It’s apparently very calming. You can google how to make them. I’m going to make one sometime in the next few weeks and see if it helps.

      • Terrible twos says

        Defiance is definitely the harder of the two…I get so frustrated which he loves of course, so I’ve been trying ignoring more for that behavior when safe!

    • anne-on says

      All of the above. And seriously – the most important thing for that age (and in general I think) was setting limits/consequences and then enforcing them. Was it fun for us to have to walk out of restaurants if my kiddo would not stop screaming? Or give up morning TV time which I used to finish getting ready if he was misbehaving? No, it sucked for us too. But it made my child very quickly realize that if mommy or daddy said ‘if you do not stop you will lose X’, and then X promptly went away, we were not kidding around.

    • Anonymous says

      I thought that this weekend, and then I took my daughter to the doctor on Monday and she has a “monster of an ear infection.” So if it’s a sudden behavioral change, it may be worth checking for an ear infection.

    • JJ says

      Agree with all the advice above. And I’m just glad you posted this, because my two-year old is now heading into his third year and has morphed into an emotional, shouting threenager. My husband is out of town and this morning we had four separate shouting melt downs (milk spilled, I didn’t let him clean up the milk spill, the dogs licked the spilled milk, you name it). And each time I had to stop and enforce boundaries and consequences. So it took a lot longer than usual to get out the door and I was exhausted by the time I got to work, but it’s the kind of stuff you just have to do.

      • Terrible twos says

        Yes, I was reading through all the comments and feeling better just knowing I’m not alone in dealing with this!

    • Shayla says

      Wine :-) Or root beer if you’re not drinking.
      I find myself taking deep breaths and asking what the limit to the behavior should be. Then I correct the behavior to the extent possible, or redirect. My 23 month old son throws the worst tantrums. And he’s at a point where no method is making it better. So I leave him where his tantrum is and he eventually finds me and pretends like nothing happened. I return the favor…

    • Anonymous says

      How is his language development? Sometimes a lot of frustration is caused by not being able to express what they want.

      • Terrible twos says

        He’s actually really ahead verbally for his age, which almost adds to the problem because he starts demanding thugs he wants the instant we walk in the door.

        • Meg Murry says

          What is he demanding? Snacks? Tv time/iPad? That you play with him when you are trying to cook dinner?

          Can you cut some of that off by letting him know what’s going to happen on the way home (or when you get home if he’s been with a nanny all day)? Say “when we get home, Mommy’s going to get you a string cheese, and then I need you to play in the living room while I make dinner. After dinner, we’ll have time to play before bathtime.”

          Or get the jump on his demands – if he begs for a snack or juice every day, pre-emptively offer him a healthy snack or milk (or a choice of milk or water, etc). Then you (hopefully) can avoid some of the power struggle.

          Walking out of the room mid tantrum as long as he’s safe works better for me than time outs, but YMMV.

          And as others have said, if he’s hungry or overtired, all bets are off.

        • Anons says

          Oh, for this issue I would recommend three things. First, a clear routine so that he knows what to expect when you walk in the door and you can firmly go to the routine (“it is not time for snacks, it is time for you to bang pots while I make dinner”). Second, give advance notice of the routine immediately before it starts. So if you are headed home, remind him in the car, “We are driving home. When we get home, we are going to check the mail, take off our shoes, feed the dog, and then [toddler’s name] can bang on pots while Mommy makes dinner.” Or whatever your routine is. Third, give him some choices to make during difficult transitions so he has control. The choice has to be something where you are fine with either option, like “Do you want to use the red plate or the blue plate for dinner tonight?” Giving some control to him can help. Good luck!

          • Terrible twos says

            The routine thing sticks out to me, I feel like we get home and its survival mode until bedtime, I’ll have to think about a schedule.

          • NewMomAnon says

            So many good suggestions, and I’m going to revisit some of them for my own kiddo….

            One thing that has helped me with the evening struggle (a little bit) is to incorporate my kiddo into it. She now “sets” the table, meaning that I hand her plates, forks, napkins, cups, etc and she puts them on the table. We’ll learn about table setting next, and I plan to move my dishes to a place she can reach so she can do the whole thing independently. She brings plates back to the kitchen after dinner too. We have been doing this for about 6 months now, so I bet your kiddo is old enough to get it. (We use Corelle, haven’t had any breakage issues)

            I also am working on letting her be more independent about food and drink, which helps stave off hungry tantrums. We have some mom-approved anytime snacks that she can reach (clementines in the fruit drawer, moderately healthy crackers in a low cabinet). I typically put her milk cup in the fridge after breakfast and she can pull it out the minute we walk in the door in the evening. I put her cups in a bottom cabinet and she can fill them with water from the bathroom sink herself. And I keep kitchen towels in a bin on a lower shelf so she can mop up her own spills, because that happens when toddlers carry cups of water around the house.

        • Anonymous says

          Sometimes toddlers have a really hard time because they think that the only reason they can’t get what they want is because grown-ups don’t understand them so once they gain the words, it hits them like a ton of bricks that verbal articulation of wants isn’t a direct line to getting something.

          I find what helps is (1) acknowledging what it is they said they want, (2) telling them they can’t have it with an age appropriate explanation of why not (we can’t go to the park because it’s bedtime), (3) redirection to something else, and if that fails (4) red wine for mommy.

    • Meg Murry says

      I’m not saying “let him win” – but sometimes you just have to pick your battles. Kid wants to wear his rainboots today instead of shoes? Ok, fine, I’ll just take the shoes to daycare and put them in the cubby. Wants to wear his pajama shirt or superhero costume or whatever to school and it’s not picture day or whatever? Eh. Doesn’t want to eat the dinner I put in front of him? Ok, I’ll put the plate back in the fridge, and if he’s hungry I’ll offer it again later, otherwise maybe he’s not actually hungry. The worst pattern to get into is to say no initially, and then give in after a tantrum – because your kid can tantrum for far longer than you ever thought humanly possible if he thinks you’ll give in.

      I try to save fighting back for non-negotiables (have to sit in car seat with it buckled, have to wear hat and coat when it’s seriously cold out, have to take prescribed medicine whether you want to or not, have to stay in your room at bedtime with the lights out but I don’t care if you sleep on the floor instead, etc).

      Shifting focus instead of fighting can help too. So rather than fighting about going upstairs to put on pjs and brush teeth or about putting away toys, saying “I bet I can beat you upstairs” or “I bet you can’t clean up these blocks faster than me”

      Praising “I like the way you asked politely” or “I like how you used your words” or “look at that big boy eating with a fork” or “wow, you put your coat on all by yourself? Awesome!” also goes a long way.

      • Terrible twos says

        Thanks for this, most of the defiance is about non-negotiables right now! I’m more than happy to let the other stuff go.

    • Philanthropy Girl says

      I am right there with you. Around 19 months we had a brief spurt of tantrums that seemed to just evaporate. Now we’ve hit 21 months and the raging is back.

      I do a lot of redirect when I can – not in a bribing sort of way, but in a “here’s a healthy thing to do since we can’t go outside” sort of way. I also like to use finger plays to bring some focus – Itsy Bitsy Spider or Turtle in a Box, or even Wheels on the Bus, are current favorites. The fine motor skills seem to help bring some focus when he gets totally out of control. In a total meltdown I use tight hugs until he’s calmer. I like the idea of time outs, but my extremely active little guy would just be more irritated by being forced to sit still.

      Mine has high verbal comprehension but virtually no spoken communication, which makes things hard. When he gets whiney or ragey I usually say “Momma can’t understand you when you talk that way. When you can ask nicely, Momma will listen.” He usually has to go away screaming for a minute before he comes back, either distracted by something else or with a more calm request. I also have to ignore a lot, especially at the dinner table.

      I have to fight the urge to be sharp-tongued or to yell – that just seems to escalate things. I yell, he yells back. Drawing the line between firm and yelling has been my biggest challenge. Running toward the road has been a big one lately. I’ve found gentle repetition of “Turn around and go the other way” and physically turning his body around is far more successful than yelling no or stop. The minute we have a tantrum, we go inside and are done playing outside. It’s getting better – but it is slow. And my understanding is it gets worse until it started to get better as they near 4. Hold on mama!

    • Anonymous says

      Toddlers are basically teenagers. They have all these new capabilities and skills and are really ready for the next stage of their lives and everybody keeps treating them like babies! 150 years ago 3 year olds would be harvesting eggs, collecting kindling, carrying water, picking fruits and vegetables etc.

      Start with a few assisted chores: making the bed, tearing up lettuce for a salad, shaking up vinaigrette for dinner, clearing and setting his own place at the table. He won’t be able to do it without you and he won’t be able to do it every day, but give his mind something to focus on. Show him you know he’s a kid not a baby and show him you trust him enough to let him start doing things.

    • TBK says

      My twins are 2 and often I feel like the problem is they lose control of their own tantrums. If I feel like they’re still in angry mode (“I want it I want it I want it!”) I just calmly say, e.g., “it’s not time to watch Elmo now. Right now we’re eating dinner. I know you’re angry because you want to watch Elmo, but right now is time for dinner. We can watch Elmo later.” repeat. But once it’s clear they’re just raging, I find what they’re looking for is help calming down. Often they just need to be held. At this point they’ll just sort of cling to me and sob for a little while. One of them likes to have his face wiped with a wet wipe at this point. I think it’s refreshing after so much screaming and crying. But I think they feel out of control and don’t actually want to be angry anymore but don’t know how to come back down.

      • JJ says

        I agree with this completely. It’s like they don’t even know how to stop. My two-year old will be crying on my shoulder after his tantrum and I’ll ask if he’s ok now and he’ll sob “nooo. I’m stilll maaaddddd.” It’s a good thing kids this age are cute and cuddly.

  2. Pants-dorsement says

    I tried these on yesterday and really liked them. Not quite super flattering on me (I really carry weight in my thighs, and these weren’t quite right there), but good pants for someone with a different shape (or less worried about her thighs) than I.

    • Philanthropy Girl says

      I also carry weight in my thighs and rear (and thanks to pregnancy, my belly) – and I never feel like I can pull off ankle length pants. I have long legs, but shortening that length even by just a few inches really throws my proportions off.

    • NewMomAnon says

      I carry weight in my thighs, but have found that I like to wear ankle length skinny pants with tunic length tops. I wouldn’t wear them with crop tops (well, I wouldn’t wear crop tops) or short jackets/cardigans/tops though.

  3. Lizochka says

    Just found out that I am pregnant with my second! I’m about 5 weeks. Very exciting, but nerve wracking, too… I hate that first trimester uncertainty.

    We had been planning a weekend trip to Miami for Labor Day weekend. Now I am freaking out that I maybe shouldn’t go. I know that Zika hasn’t hit the U.S. yet, but it seems like Miami would be the first place to have an issue.

    What would you ladies do in my shoes? We haven’t bought tickets yet. But it’s a big trip meeting up with several other families, so our canceling would impact others, too. Thanks in advance for your advice!

    • anne-on says

      What does your OB say? My SIL (and her sister) are both pregnant, and each of their doctors banned trips to Miami and the beaches of NC this summer. They didn’t feel like it was worth the potential risk. Your doctor might not be as concerned though? I feel its a personal call, but I don’t think I’d risk it.

    • HSAL says

      I probably wouldn’t go. But if you want to see how things go, I would make sure to get tickets from an airline that will refund tickets if you change your mind later. A friend had plans to go to Key West in May and Delta refunded her whole family’s tickets when she told them she was pregnant, no questions asked. I don’t know how broad trip insurance plans are if that’s something the other families could get.

    • anon says

      My doctor let me go to Miami in my second trimester recently, fwiw. So I wouldn’t rule it out entirely yet!

    • MaternityLeaveMom says

      There’s not good testing (of baby ) for it yet, unless the baby has bad symptoms – SO, id worry my entire pregnancy which woudnt be worth it to me, even if highly unlikely.

      • Anons says

        +1. This is how I would approach it even if my doctor gave the OK. Zika is new and there hasn’t been enough time for the medical community to have studied or build consensus on this issue. So any recommendation from the doctor should be taken with a grain of salt (if he/she says the trip is OK) and my own risk tolerance would be more important here than my doctor’s opinion.

    • Katala says

      Congratulations! Currently pregnant and live in Texas, so I frequently monitor reports and mosquito tests. I’m trying not to worry much until there are confirmed cases of insect transmission. But in your case I’d be worried that it hits Miami sometime this summer and I’d have to cancel anyway. Any chance of moving the trip farther north or other area less likely to be hit by late summer? In that situation I would totally accommodate a pregnant person.

  4. Edna Mazur says

    My one year old hasn’t nursed for 24 hours. He gradually started weaning at about 11.5 months by not wanting to nurse during the day, then cut way back at night, and last night refused altogether. I know I should be happy that I am finally getting my body back, but I feel more sad that my baby is getting so big.

    It actually was about perfect. He LOVED nursing as a baby and he led the way with weaning. I’m just pretty surprised that I’m really not happy about this.

    • Anonymous says

      This is exactly my experience. My baby self-weaned around 15 months. I kept offering casually for a week or so to make sure she was really done. Then I drank a lot of red wine.

      It’s okay to be simultaneously excited to have your body back and sad that this phase of babyhood is over.

    • MomAnon4This says

      Yeah, it’s hard when you don’t get a choice in the matter — I had an infection and my kid needed a healthy mom more than he needed breastmilk. Then when I recovered, he didn’t want to be soothed like that. Sadface.

      You know… I wouldn’t say it’s done yet… you might get another week or 2, depending on you/kid, etc. Treasure it and enjoy it and find other ways to enjoying your growing bond and growing kid. Very bittersweet!

    • Philanthropy Girl says

      Very similar experience here. LO self-weaned right after his first birthday. He was taking a bottle during the day and nursing in the morning and before bed – one weekend we got out of routine and he fell asleep in the car and never nursed again. I was *so* done with pumping, but I loved to nurse and I was just heartbroken. Our nursing relationship got off to a very rocky start (didn’t latch for nearly 8 weeks) – so I’d planned on nursing as long as he would let me, thinking maybe around 18 months . But he was ready to quit and never asked once after he’d weaned. He’s 21 months now and I am just amazed at how mature he seems.

      I did enjoy wearing dresses /non-pumping clothes to work – and a glass of red wine. The wonderful thing about them growing up is the new ways you find to connect with them – snuggling up with books, or driving trucks, or knocking over towers, or seeing their sense of humor develop. I miss nursing, but gosh I love my active little guy!

    • Edna Mazur says

      Thanks all! Good to know I’m not absolutely nuts because I am sad he is weaning himself.

  5. NewMomAnon says

    Question about toys: I realized last week that I haven’t really “refreshed” my kiddo’s toy bins since her first birthday (she is 2.5). I feel like the toy bins are still relevant; blocks, Duplos, toy cars and trains, dress up stuff, some singing plastic toys that she still loves, stuffed animals, ALL THE BOOKS. She also has a ride on toy and a tent.

    She received mostly big toys or craft supplies for Christmas/birthday this year; a dollhouse, a balance bike, an easel, playdoh, stickers, paints, paper, coloring books, etc, so we avoided an influx of new singing plastic junk.

    Are there smaller things I should consider adding for indoor play now that she is older? I think part of the issue is that we aren’t home and indoors very often; we tend to be out and about visiting family or going to the park or swimming. So her indoor toys don’t get much use and I tend to ignore them.

    • mascot says

      Floor puzzles? Wooden puzzles? There’s a M&D wooden one where you “fish” for the pieces with a magnetic rod that my kid loved. I do not recommend the M&D sounds puzzles. They tend to go off in the middle of the night and you are wondering why the heck there is a cow mooing in the living room.

      • Betty says

        Seriously. What is up with those. I had a frog croak in my living room at 2am this week and nearly lost it. However, the M&D sound puzzles are not as bad as a toy giggling elmo that was left in my car and randomly did a creepy giggle when my car hit a bump.

      • TBK says

        OMG yes! The dog ate the cat puzzle piece in our animal set and every time we turn out the light in the living room we get “meow meow meow.”

    • CPA Lady says

      Puzzles? Otherwise, I wouldn’t really worry about it. If she’s in daycare they probably have a wide range of age appropriate toys and it sounds like she has a ton of great stuff at home too.

    • MomAnon4This says

      Kids at this age love PRETEND. Still toys but talk more about PRETEND. It build empathy. Same with stuffed animals, dolls, if she’s into that.

      • NewMomAnon says

        Ok, this rings true – the reason her old toys are still relevant is that she has started using them in all these pretend scenarios. Like, her dolly colors on the easel or she has a tea party with her bears using the singing plastic tea set (shoot me). Thanks for the insight.

        I opted out of puzzles after spending far too much brain power locating all the missing pieces and the tears/tantrums that went with that process.

        • Maddie Ross says

          The good news about puzzles is that they get better at them – as in, there’s a leap in development somewhere around 3 and change where suddenly they “get” puzzles and seem to be a little better about keeping them together in a box, etc. Not saying you don’t lose a piece here and there, but it’s seriously amazing to watch. I recommend the cheap-y ones that are in their own backing (they usually come wrapped in cellophane). You can see more easily that you have all the pieces before putting away. And again are cheap.

    • Anonymous says

      I think you answered your own question–you’re not home very much, her indoor toys don’t get much use, and her current toys are still relevant. My advice is don’t buy things you don’t need. When I was growing up, I had relatively few toys at home. I asked my mom about it when I was older, and she pointed out that we weren’t home that much, and I played with different toys at daycare, church, and friends’ and family members’ houses.

      All that said, I keep an Amazon list for my son (set to private), with mostly $20 or under items, and refer to it when aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. ask what my son would like for his birthday or Christmas. I usually add toys, puzzles, and books I see at other kids’ houses or that are recommended here. I also shop a local bi-annual consignment sale for toys and books, and I’ve had some great finds there. In general, though, I try not to buy too much.

      As for specific toys, what about musical instruments like a children’s keyboard, drum set, or ukulele? A play kitchen or just play food and dishes? I remember loving those magnetic letters that go on an easel when I was about 3.

  6. Work travel says

    What’s the latest in your pregnancy that you’d feel comfortable traveling for work? I just got invited to a meeting that will be when I’m 26.5 weeks. It’s a 3-day trip, 3-hr flight with a layover, and I’m pretty excited about the meeting. Uncomplicated pregnancy so far. Think it’s safe to plan to go? I know technically it’s fine to fly up to 36 weeks or something, but it’s my first pregnancy so I’m not sure what to expect or how I’ll be feeling.

    • mascot says

      I’d be fine with that. Drink plenty of fluids, be realistic about your ability to lift a heavy bag into an overhead bin (although people will usually be happy to lend a hand) and have a list of the closest hospitals with high level NICUs in your destination city.

      • Katala says

        +1 also, compression socks if you’ve started swelling (or even if not, I think about wearing them non- preg too since my feet get a little puffy on long flights).

    • Syd says

      That should be a great time to go! I did a similar trip at 31 weeks and it was no problem.

    • MomAnon4This says

      The guidelines from my ob/gyne were 32 weeks for work travel, 36 weeks for pleasure travel.
      Which makes no sense (See book, “Expecting better”). But, there you go.

    • NewMomAnon says

      I felt great during the second trimester – that would be an ideal time to “lean in” during your pregnancy. Morning sickness is often over, you aren’t uncomfortably large/peeing constantly yet, so the plane trip will be tolerable and you don’t need all the props and supports to sleep comfortably. I started feeling a little rough at 31 weeks, and was pretty much worthless by 35 weeks.

      Talk to your OB and locate a nearby hospital with a Level 1 NICU, just in case. I had a friend who needed an emergency surgery (not related to the pregnancy) while traveling and pregnant. She had to scramble to find a hospital that could care for a preemie baby if the surgery resulted in premature labor (it didn’t, thank goodness).

    • TK says

      I flew 2 to 4 times per week until ~ 34 weeks. I gave myself extra time to waddle to my gate and on / off of planes. At the time, I was a gold star member of Southwest so wait times in security lines weren’t an issue (which was good because I went to the bathroom every 20 minutes.)

    • Philanthropy Girl says

      With my personal history – I’d be a paranoid wreck travelling. I have a short list of places I will go (by car, within a short distance of some form of family). But without my personal history, I’d probably follow what these other ladies have said – investigate the best hospital with level 1 NICU, and check with your OB. Perhaps also make sure you have someone who can go in your place in the event complications do develop?

    • Spirograph says

      I’m somewhere around 26 weeks right now (I seriously have no idea. 3rd kid, don’t care) and I would hop on a plane tonight and not think twice about it.

    • lsw says

      I’m 35 weeks now, first pregnancy, and flew about three weeks ago. Sadly it was right after my major foot and ankle swelling started, but I was able to keep tabs on that by doing toe flexes and ankle circling during the flights, then putting up my feet during layovers (and as soon as I got to destination/as soon as I got home). I actually found a longer driving trip to be worse because I couldn’t do the ankle exercises and didn’t have breaks (couldn’t stop often for Reasons).

      I was actually pretty surprised that no one offered to help with my bag any of the times I heaved it up into the overhead bin, but I just allowed myself to not feel bad about taking a little extra time to lift it up and take it down.

      Also I peed at every available time before and after flights to minimize the risk of having to go on the plane, which I detest even when not pregnant.

      I would not hesitate to fly again at that point in pregnancy. I did it earlier, too, with no issues.

  7. MaternityLeaveMom says

    Any recommended child development books? Reading Wonder Weeks and I like it and Im wondering what else is out there.

    • AIMS says

      There was a post about this recently. Try searching the archives. I haven’t read much myself beyond skimming the Baby 411 book, but I have heard good things about the Happiest Baby on the Block book.

  8. Sam says

    Jumping off from Terrible Twos question above, any strategies for managing a 5 year old who is very strong willed and gets very emotional about minor things?

    Every morning starts with bouts of sobbing over little things (“sister woke up before me!/The milk is not warm enough or too warm!/I dont want to go to school today!/I’ll keep playing and won’t get ready/I hate this breakfast/I really really want a puppy and you aren’t getting it for me!”).
    Same thing at night beginning from the time I go to pick him up at preschool (“You came too early we were just going outside to play / You came too late I waited and waited”).

    I wonder if its because he isn’t getting enough sleep (9pm-6:30am, recently no longer naps)? He has a younger sister so some of it may be because he gets less of my attention (but sister is a year old now). Or is it just developmental/temperament as I do see one or two of his classmates are similar?

    I use the following techniques (1) star chart for good behavior resulting in video time (2) talking about how lucky he is to have all the stuff he has; telling him he is growing up and shouldnt get upset about small things. (3) special outings on the weekend for him (4) lots of distraction and asking him questions to get his brain on other topics and to stop dwelling on self pity.

    • CPA Lady says

      I think the recommendation for a 5 year old is 10-12 hours of sleep, so I would definitely try an earlier bedtime.

      Also, if I’m remembering correctly, I think the “how to talk so kids will listen, etc” book has a section on “sensitive/emotional” children. It is very helpful to me in general as someone who grew up being told I was melodramatic for expressing any type of negative emotion. One of the premises of the book is that when we deny our children’s negative emotions, they intensify, but if we recognize and accept them, they diminish. It goes into ways you can talk your child through their emotions. Maybe check out that book.

      • hoola hoopa says

        +1 to both earlier bedtime and How to Talk so that kids Listen.

        And it is part of the age, so take some solace there. You should see improvement with sleep and feel better prepared after reading the book, but it’s just part of having a 5 year old. I laughed out loud at the quotes because I’ve SO BEEN THERE. I highly recommend The Pigeon Needs a Bath as therapy (“The water is too wet!”), lol.

        • TBK says

          +1 on How to Talk. My kids aren’t that age yet, but it does strike me that he might be reacting to you minimizing what he’s feeling (“telling him he shouldn’t get upset about small stuff”). It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but I still recall vividly my 1 st grade teacher telling me after I fell on the playground (I was 5 at the time) “That didn’t hurt! You’re just scared.” And I was NOT scared. It HURT. How to Talk seems to provide good strategies for acknowledging feelings and helping kids find ways of coping with them.

      • OP says

        Thanks all. Yes, he is going to Kindergarden (in August!) so there are a few changes in the pipeline which might be contributing to his anxiety, though generally he has been fairly well adjusting to change (daycare/classrooms/teachers).
        Part of the bedtime delay is because dinner, bath etc. all get so delayed due to constant procrastination and playing. It’s futile to expect him to wake up later though (sunlight) so unless I invest in blackout blinds I guess I’ll have to push the bedtime up.

        • Anonymous says

          get black out blinds. There’s no way I’d get my 4.5 year old in bed before 10pm without them. She regularly sleeps 8-8.

        • In House Lobbyist says

          I spent $30 on blackout curtain on Amazon and they are amazing. It easily make my kids sleep at least an hour later each day. They will sleep to at least 6:45/7 am now instead of the 5:30 /6 we were getting.

        • Meg Murry says

          I always thought my son adjusted well to change too, but I think the problem with Kindergarten is that we started talking about it around April (with K screening, etc) but it didn’t actually happen until August – and that is just too long for his little brain to stress about, whereas most daycare transitions, moving, etc were only prepped for a week or two (or less) and then straight into it.

          Can you do a sticker chart for following directions, and praise the wazoo out of him any time he follows directions the first time?

          Also, since it totally blindsided us – are you sure he’s hearing you give him directions and chosing to ignore you? We thought our oldest was just tuning us out – nope, he honestly didn’t hear us until the 3rd or 4th time when we were yelling at him, which makes me feel terrible. So now we start with “look at me, put on your listening ears” before we give instructions like “put away your toys, it’s bathtime”.

    • Meg Murry says

      That does seem on the border of not enough sleep – could you move bedtime to closer to 8 or 8:30?

      Also, is he going to kindergarten next year and have they been talking about it a lot at preschool? My oldest got super anxious with all the talk of change (pre-K to K, K to 1st, etc) – but it manifested in outbursts about completely different things. Giving him some one-on-one time and a chance to talk (you seem really worried lately buddy, what’s worrying you? Do you want to talk about it, or would you rather just snuggle here?) helped. A lot of the time, he’d say he didn’t want to talk about it, but then halfway through the story he’d burst out with something like “so-and-so says you have to be able to read in kindergarten or you get in trouble and I don’t know how to read yet so I’m going to be in trouble all day!”

      Also, rather than telling him not to be upset, could you redirect it as “I understand you’re mad but you don’t get to throw a tantrum about it. If you don’t want to be here you can go to your room. ” – acknowledging the big feelings, but telling him what is and isn’t an acceptable way to deal with it. Same with if he says he’s scared or worried about Kindergarten or a new teacher or whatever – don’t tell him “Oh, don’t be scared, it’ll be fine” but rather “let’s talk about some things we can do so you won’t be so worried”

    • mascot says

      I’d also suggest an earlier bedtime. My 5 year old is in bed from 8-6:30, with some later nights on weekends. We’ve tried a variety of things for the random emotional outbursts and I really think that they just have to grow out of it. As far as surviving in the mean time- Meg Murrays’ advice is good. Sometimes my son wants to talk it out and sometimes he wants his space (but isn’t in a place to ask for it). It may not be big stuff to you, but to him in this moment, it is big. Does he have a chair that he can go to so he can calm down? Sometimes having a plan for how to calm down helps them get back to normal faster instead of getting more worked up because they are upset and can’t bring themselves back.
      I also discovered this past year that my five year old is perfectly capable of making his bed, brushing his teeth and getting himself dressed before he comes to breakfast. That saves so much time during the week because we are not constantly redirecting him to go get ready.
      Also, the whining can quickly escalate into arguing and blaming at our house and we have to make a serious effort to shut it down immediately. “You get what you get and you don’t pitch a fit” and “say yes to no” (book by the same title) get said a lot in our house. Staying calm and not engaging seems to have an effect.

      • OP says

        How do you get him to make his bed and get dressed etc.?? Incentives? My kid doesnt ever want to do that (just wants to play all the time, NOT eat or get ready) and I need to learn your secret gift of persuasion!

        • mascot says

          It wasn’t overnight. I think we encouraged teeth brushing and getting dressed for a while. (we lay out clothes the night before). Then we started working on making his bed and added that to the routine. It often looks like it was made by a wild animal, but I don’t complain. I just compliment him when he’s got it mostly right. We may have allowed some screen time as a reward while we were building the habit. But now he’s used to the routine and mostly does it without asking. We still have some morning arguments. Like this morning I told him he had to go back upstairs to make his bed and there was high drama. But he finally stomped back up there after complaining that he kept me company while I made my bed so I should keep him company too (um no) In kindergarten, they really focused on self-sufficiency and being a helper so we focused on that at home. Like I said, it’s not a fast process but they get there.
          Oh and roller shades/blackout curtains are a must for summer bedtime enforcement.

    • CHL says

      This is one of those moments where I feel like I may be the worst mother ever, but it WORKS for me — My 3.5 year old was the same in the mornings. First thing in the morning, he would just randomly meltdown over ridiculous things and devolve into screaming and tears, etc. When we moved his brother into his room, we had some “waking each other up” challenges and started telling him that if he was a good role model and stayed in his bed and quiet until the wake up light came on, he could watch a short youtube video in the morning. OMG. It is like a different child. Every morning, he comes into our room and says sweetly that he was a good role model and he watches his video on the couch for 10 minutes and then is a sweet sweet angel at breakfast. I guess everyone needs their morning transition time? Whatever, it works!

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