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I’ve always been a fan of Söfft shoes — they’re usually a bit more fashionable than “comfort shoes” without being quite as fancy as their big sister Isolá. These simple 2.5-inch pumps look walkable but still stylish, and the comfort footbed looks a-ma-zing. (It’s kind of interesting to compare the comfort footbed in the pump to the footbed in this very similar strappy pump — the classic pump looks like it wins hands down.) The pictured shoe is $99.95, available in five colors and two widths. Söfft ‘Velma’ Leather Pump The shoe is sold out in wide sizes in all colors but one, so here are a couple of other options: one with sizes in narrow, wide, and extra wide and another in wide sizes. (L-5)Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
AIMS says
Hmmmmm, these look very orthopedic to me. I think I’d rather not wear heels. the strappy shoe is a bit better, I think.
CPA Lady says
Agree. If I want “comfort” heels, I wear wedges. The giant chunky plastic heel on Sofft shoes are such a specific look. I’ve tried the shoes on before and while they are comfortable, I just cant get past how they look. I’ve had good luck with old (nike air era) Cole Haan wedges. They are 3.5 inches tall with a front platform of about an inch, and are so comfortable that I can wear them all day without a problem.
Carrie M says
+2. Wedges have become my “comfort” shoes, mostly Cole Haan, but I’ve also had some luck with Calvin Klein ones from Nordstrom Rack or Marshalls.
lsw says
I have the Sofft Ramona pump in both a tan snakeskin and a coral patent. They are a bit higher than these but really comfortable and look more stylish IMHO. I like the brand a lot – I have some great heeled sandals from here as well.
Another pregnant anon says
Does anyone have any suggestions on mobiles that their babies seem to enjoy? I was planning on ordering a whimsical paper one from etsy but a few friends have recommended that I get one that plays soft music to help soothe the baby to sleep. Any recommendations? TIA!
By says
Our mobile (butterflies with music) just gets baby girl wound up. Absolutely no help with sleep, but a useful distraction if I need to park her in the crib for a few mins while I pee. I’d say buy what you love and don’t stress about it. It’ll be more of a decoration than anything.
Also we didn’t even use the crib until 4 mos.
PinkKeyboard says
Mine was convinced her crib was filled with baby eating demons until 3.5 months and since then has cared not at all about her $100 mobile of clouds and rainbow colored raindrops I bought off Etsy…. Buy what you think is pretty/cute and call it a day.
Lkl says
Honestly I would just go with the paper one! We have a pretty paper birds one over the changing table and that’s it. In the crib it would have been totally overstimulating and crazy-making.
Anon in NYC says
Agree that you should buy whatever you want. I bought this adorable mobile and was so thrilled about it and then got irrationally stressed out because people around me were talking about certain kinds of mobiles that were “better” for babies. I went so far as to google certain kinds of mobiles and whether I should get a new one. Fortunately my husband talked me down off that ledge.
grey falcon says
We had, at the recommendation of many friends, the Tiny Love Classic Developmental Mobile. Not the prettiest, by any means, or one that looks like it was loving hand-hewn by Scandinavian elves. But the baby loved it, and even when she wouldn’t sleep, we could buy ourselves 20 minutes by turning it on and letting her watch it twirl. As a bonus, the music is not tinny and annoying. Highly recommend.
Pigpen's Mama says
+1
My mom gave us a Tiny Love mobile, I think some princess one, it was very pink. I cringed when I opened it, but damn if my kiddo didn’t love it. She eventually could start the music herself (a few of the songs are kind of awful after over a year, but still better than crying) and the mobile part can be removed keeping the music part. She’ll still play the music on her own when she’s falling asleep or when she wakes us up, unfortunately she has a preference for the most.annoying.song. on there, but, better than crying!
pockets says
+ another 1. We had a pretty mobile which my baby did not give two baby poops about, and then we got the Tiny Love one and she was happy. She loved watching it twirl and fell asleep to the twirling and the music.
Anonymous says
We ended up with a paper bird mobile that was black, white and red. It didn’t make noise and it didn’t match the decor but it was the only one that we found that was designed to be seen from below. Way too many mobiles are designed so that babies are looking at the feet of random stuffed animals.
layered bob says
+1 to ‘designed to be viewed from below’ and ‘simple is best.’ We hung it over the changing table which makes diaper changes pleasant. We did not hang anything over baby’s bed on the grounds that we wanted bed to be as boring as possible.
Faye says
+1. Our paper mobile hangs over the changing table. Bed was for sleeping, not entertainment. It was similar to this one http://etsy.me/1tedaMy.
lala says
All of the stuff I read said you shouldn’t let baby sleep with a mobile over its head just in case something breaks off. I was super paranoid and always took it off the crib for naptime and bedtime. That said, my LO loved looking at the animals and listening to the music (which didn’t sooth him to sleep and was kind of annoying to me), but buy whatever you want. Also, FWIW, he wasn’t interested in it for too long (until he was about 6 months old or so?), so you might not want to spend a ton of money on it.
NewMomAnon says
Many devices play music, including old phones/CD players/etc. Pick the mobile you love, and load up a device with music you love, because it’s unlikely that you’ll like both the look and music of a musical mobile.
And second all the folks saying you’ll probably use it more as a distraction device than a sleeping device. My kiddo didn’t much like sleep as a baby, and a mobile would have been yet another reason not to sleep.
Carrie M says
My 2.5 year old has beautiful, curly, mixed hair. When she was less defiant, she would let me put a clip or elastic in it on days when it was out of control. She has been flat out refusing for the last few weeks, so I’ve been letting it go. But this morning it was a MESS. I still sent her to daycare with her wild hair, but I need some tips or ideas on how to get her excited for (or at least tolerate) me brushing it. I’ve tried videos / ipad time, but that’s not working anymore. Any special barrettes your kids have loved, or products that help with the frizz/messiness that is inevitable after sleep and car seat rides and general toddler-ing? Our mornings are already hectic enough, but I’m starting to feel like I’m getting the side eye from people at daycare that I bring her to school looking like that!
Curly says
I have curly hair. My 2 year old daughter has curly hair. Do not brush curly hair. It will make it bigger and frizzier and worse looking. Are you using conditioner when you wash her hair? You can comb with a wide tooth comb if you must, but do. not. brush. I part my daughter’s hair in a deep part, and clip the bigger half with a hair bow (QingHan 40 piece bow set from amazon). She takes it out. I put it back in. It took a few weeks, but now she asks for a bow. She would also let her daycare teacher do stuff with her hair that she wouldn’t let me do (pigtails!), so that may be an option.
Here’s a good article on caring for curly hair:
http://alphamom.com/parenting/hair-care-101-for-curly-haired-tots/
Also, if it makes you feel any better, my daughter went to daycare wearing two shirts today because after she was already dressed she wanted to wear another shirt. That in no way matches with anything she’s wearing. I just went with it. Toddlers are tiny psychos. Teachers and other parents are aware of that.
Anon in NYC says
I agree with the advice to comb her hair when conditioner is in it (that’s what I do with my curly/wavy hair). I never brush my hair.
Lkl says
I had curly hair and my mom didn’t get the don’t brush memo — resulting in 20+ years of HUGE hair. Don’t brush, except the scalp as needed before washing. My son has very curly hair (like, old ladies ask, “Who gave him a perm??”) and we just wash and go for now. It gets messy, yes, but often looks best two or three days after washing. We keep it fairly short — long enough to keep the curls, short enough to stay out of his eyes, and that’s definitely easiest if your daughter would agree.
Pigpen's Mama says
Curlyhead here. Agreed on the no brushing and conditioner. You could also try some product — is No More Tangles still around? My mom used about a bottle a week on me as a kid.
Alternatively, keep it short. As a curly-head I can have either extreme — a short cap of curls or something past my shoulders. Anything in between becomes a big mess.
Elle says
Thanks for the website. I have a curly hair and so does my toddler, but my curls didn’t come in until post-puberty so I have been unsure about how to care for her hair at this age. Luckily I know enough not to brush when dry. But it is, finally, starting to grow longer and soon we’ll need to do more than just wash and go! For now, she’s lucky that we can wash, brush/comb while wet, and let it air dry and she has relatively wild, but cute curls.
Carrie M says
Thanks – very helpful. I will put away the brush! I love her hair, and I don’t want to damage it.
When we give her a bath (2-3x/week, but probably will need to do it more in the summer with sunscreen and all), I use Honest leave in conditioner and a comb to get all the tangles out. After she’s out of the tub and her hair is a little drier, I put in more leave-in (a spray). It looks great that night and the next day. The issue is the second (or third, eek!) day.
I just found a good series on caring for mixed hair, so I’m going to try some of her tips to maintain the ringlet curls better (it’s desumama dot com if anyone is interested).
anne-on says
One tip that might work is to use a mix of half water/half leave in conditioner on 2 or 3 day old hair to wake up the curls and ‘reset’ them. You can saturate the hair, comb, and let re-dry, or just use in spots.
Thank you for not brushing the heck out of it when dry, my mom (and aunts/grandma with straight hair did) and I just had enormous puffy hair for most of my childhood thanks to them.
Ms B says
+1 on this. The Kid and I share a spray bottle that contains a 2 to 1 mixture of water and Ouidad Moisture Lock leave-in conditioner. I spray his head (he loves it and has started doing it himself) and then either pick it out with a wide pick or comb or finger curl it. My curls are much longer, so on non-shower days I spray on top and underneath, rake and shake (see the Ouidad webiste), and call it good,
One of the other moms I know swears by the Mixed Chicks line, plus coconut oil once a week. Her secret is giving her girls popsicles and My Little Pony videos while she does the weekly comb-outs. Sometimes drastic measures become necessary . . .
Momata says
As a curly-haired mama to a curly-haired toddler who similarly detests any sort of clip — I use my own DevaCurl “Mister Right” on her hair in the morning and comb through with my fingers. It’s just a lightly scented oil spray that serves to detangle and reset her bedhead into nice curls. It’s got enough hold to also help style her bangs out of her face.
MomAnon4This says
At Jewish preschool, one mom would bring her 2-3 year old daughter in, sit her down at the preschool table for breakfast so the girl could eat with her friends/teachers, and then brush and style the thick curls quickly. I also imagine some parents do hair the night before, possibly even while the child falls asleep in the styling chair? A braid would certainly hold with thick hair. Whatever works.
FWIW I don’t think the other parents judging you — as a mom to a boy with thin hair, I’m slightly jealous that you get to play hair with your daughter and slightly impressed that you might be learning to style a different kind of hair than you have or grew up with. (This is a great parenting fear of mine, actually, no matter how irrational!) So if I am judging, I hope you feel the positive rays of judgment! Go mom!
Meg Murry says
Yes, at our school there is a chair near the classroom door where a lot of parents do last minute grooming like hair combing/brushing, ponytails, etc. I’ve definitely brought extra-defiant toddlers in still in PJs and dressed them in that corner before school.
So I have straight-ish hair and boys, so feel free to ignore my second-hand ass-vice if it doesn’t work for you – but could you consider doing some of her hair in braids or cornrows for the summer? A lot of the little girls in our preschool wear some kind of at least partial braids, twists or cornrow style, and I think it looks adorable. From what the moms have told me, it can take all afternoon the first time, but then it’s super low maintenance for days, weeks or more after that. The one adorable little girl I’m thinking of in particular has only the top of her head twisted, and then the curls poof out on the rest of her head.
But yes, any parent that is judging you is just asking for a big thwap by karma when their perfect little angel takes a turn for defiance. I promise, most of us are right there in the trenches with you and not judging at all.
Betty says
My 2.5 year old has gorgeous hair — that she will not let me touch. I send her to preschool on a daily basis with wild hair. I let her brush it, which means that one strand gets brushed. It is in her eyes, flies about and generally gets food in it at every meal. I fought it for a while, but then realized that if she didn’t care, I shouldn’t either, side -eyes of judgment be damned. I realize that brushing hair is part of personal hygene that she needs to learn, but I also want her to have control over her hair and body.
Carrie M says
Thanks! Great points.
pockets says
I got Frozen ponytail holders from Amazon (Frozen is a huge hit in my house) and that mostly solved the problem of the 2 yo who wouldn’t let me put her hair in a pony.
pockets says
Oh, I also presented ponytails as a choice: she could either wear a pony or I would have to brush her hair every night. She opted for the pony (especially once Elsa was involved).
NewMomAnon says
My kiddo will not let me touch her hair most mornings, but she loves it when her teachers give her ponytails. Would your kiddo let a teacher or big sibling do her hair?
Also, look at the Devacurl line; there is a curl refresher spray (it may be Mister Right referenced above). That could save you the second or third day restyling headaches. AND realize that some types of products will attract dirt, especially to curly hair, so it’s important to minimize the leave-in sprays, gels, detangling sprays, etc.
Navy Attorney says
From 2.5-4 my daughter hated to sit still for combing in the bath. At 4 she could finally comprehend that if we did not comb it every time she took a bath, it would take *much* longer and hurt more when we did comb it. When the hair is wild, a soft hairband (the kind that goes all around your head) makes the wildness look intentional since the front part is held back by the band, and the band keeps it out of her face. Also there are cute kids books for curly haired girls; we’re mixed African American so someone got us Emi’s Curly, Coily, Cotton Candy Hair.
HAAAALP says
We did (modified) Babywise with our 3 1/2 month old son when he was 6 weeks and he would go to sleep really well (like I could lay him down awake and he would fall asleep) and generally slept for 7-8 hours from about 7 weeks. Around 10 weeks he started getting up to eat once at 3 am – still pretty good. Then he started adding in a wake up around 4 or 5 am, but I could just nurse him for a minute and put him back down until he woke up at 6:30. Now he is super difficult to get to sleep. He screams bloody murder when we put him down in his bassinet (even when we put him down fast asleep) and it sometimes takes an hour to get him to sleep. He also started doing this when I put him back down after night feeds. Then this morning he woke up at 5:45 and just decided he was up for the day. It is crazy-making and I need sleep. He has a good schedule at daycare and gets 3-5 hours worth of naps there, and will sometimes take another 30-90 minute nap when he gets home from daycare. I am not opposed to CIO at some point, but feel he is currently too young for it. Any advice?
Momata says
How old is he now? Sounds like you might be in the 4 month sleep regression. I’m not a Wonder Weeks aficionado – but the 4 month sleep regression is totally A Thing.
Is it possible he has reflux or an ear infection? Both of these can cause discomfort when lying down. If reflux, consider elevating his head a bit with a rolled/folded towel underneath the mattress.
anon says
+1 – the 4 month sleep regression is real and hellish. We were lucky to have a fairly easy sleeper from the get-go (I should take no credit for this as whatever we did was inconsistent and half-hearted). He was waking up 1x/night around 3 months, and then at 4 months, it suddenly became 3x/night. This coincided with the end of maternity leave and I was about to loose my mind. After a week or two of this he slept through the night (12 hours straight!) for 3 blissful, wonderful days, then went back to waking up 1x/night until he was 9 months old or so. The only thing we changed was we did move out of sleeping in the same room as him. But honestly in hindsight I think that may have been coincidental. Unfortunately periodic sleep regressions are normal I think. And completely crazy-making.
HAAAALP says
He is 3 1/2 months and somehow I totally spaced the whole 4 month sleep regression. UGHHHHH.
Meg Murry says
It could also be a late 3 month growth spurt, if that hadn’t hit yet. My kids wanted to nurse allll night long (or nurse an hour, doze an hour all night long) for 2-3 days when that hit, but then went back to their regular sleeping patterns.
If you are totally exhausted, could you take a half day tomorrow so you could come home in the afternoon and nap (or at least close your eyes) while he’s at daycare? Or can you plan to have a lazy weekend at home so you can try to get caught up on some needed rest?
hoola hoopa says
Yep, right on schedule!
I’m sorry. It s u u u u ucks.
Anons says
Yes, to echo others, this is probably the 4-month regression (which can actually start at 3.5 months). It ends at about 5.5 months. You can get the Wonder Weeks app to get a rough idea of when it will end for your baby (based on due date, not birth date). I don’t have any real suggestions except do what you need to do to survive the next few months. Ask for help as needed. And try not to get baby too used to feeding at different times if he hasn’t needed it before. Offer other types of comfort first, like walking, rocking and singing. Many sleep books say to start CIO at 6 months and my theory is because that is when this regression ends and it is a good opportunity to get sleep on track. Unfortunately, some babies don’t drop that 4-5am feed until around 9 to 12 months, so that might stick around for awhile. During the 4 month regression, my daughter consistently had 3 wake ups or more, but I would only feed her at the wake-up around 10pm and 5am. Around 3 to 4 months is also when I started the “pause.” Unless she was really freaking out, I would give her 1 to 5 minutes (watching the clock) to “fuss it out.” I would get her if she started really crying, but I wanted to give her the chance to self-settle if she was only mildly grumbling or fussing. Very rarely, she would surprise me and go back to sleep. I think we made progress with the pause. I’ve recently read that parents that practice the “pause” around this age generally had better sleepers later on. Keep in mind this is not CIO–she never cried herself back to sleep and I never let her go if it was a hard cry–it just gives her a learning opportunity to soothe herself before you swoop in and make everything OK. We did CIO at around 7 months and completely night-weaned around 10-11 months. Health Sleep Habits, Happy Child was our favorite sleep book. Sorry for the rambling post. I just spent so much time researching baby sleep for the first 18 months of my daughter’s life.
layered bob says
this is not helpful I just really, really love it:
http://www.emilywrites.co.nz/is-your-baby-going-through-a-sleep-regression/
in-law vent says
I know this is not a huge deal and I have it pretty lucky with good in-laws, but…my father in law just sent an email out saying that he rented a boat for Father’s Day and expects us all to come and bring lunch. Yeah, I am not getting on a boat for four hours at 37 weeks pregnant. So I’m sending my daughter and husband along with sandwiches and wishing everyone a good time. My MIL is super reasonable, how did she not mention this? It’s not like some huge family where it would be crazy to make an accommodation for one person. Perhaps you could have asked me or my husband, is this something you would like to do? Or even be able to do? So I guess I’ll be at home by myself with the added excitement of planning a separate Father’s Day thing for my husband. Woo.
Anonymous says
Honestly – perfect excuse to take yourself to the spa. I don’t think it’s totally unreasonable that FIL picked an activity he wanted to do for the day. Sleep and enjoy some time to yourself – you’ll have a newborn soon enough.
You’re 37 weeks pregnant – cooking supper for your husband (or ordering in from his fav place) post boat trip is plenty for a ‘separate Father’s Day thing’.
in-law vent says
You’re totally right. I think I resent it in part because my husband’s whole family lives locally while mine is a few hours away…so it’s just the expectation that we’ll do whatever his parents want for these occasionals because obviously OP isn’t going to have plans with HER family. That, and I’m a little bummed to not have this first Father’s Day with my husband (our first child together, daughter is from his first marriage). But it’s just a day. And a day at the spa sounds perfect.
Anonymous says
How do you know if the ‘first Father’s Day’ is this year or next? We counted the ‘first Father’s Day’ with each child as the one after the child was born.
If baby arrives in time for it to be this year, maybe do something special at breakfast before they leave for the boat trip.
HSAL says
If baby arrives before Father’s Day this year, he does not go on the boat trip. Sorry, but no. That’s 10 days away.
Maddie Ross says
Yup. This. Let your MIL help with your daughter on the boat and your H and FIL can enjoy the ride. Send a nice picnic and a special dessert. And then enjoy your downtown and get a pedicure/go to the spa. Order in from H’s fav place for dinner.
In House Lobbyist says
Men don’t think about those type of things. At least you get the afternoon to yourself. Buy some doughnuts or cupcakes for your husband and let your daughter make him an art project. Yay for alone time!
Meg Murry says
Yeah, I was just thinking “well, at least he didn’t tell you he wanted you to rent a boat and left you to handle the logistics and planning”.
It’s also possible your super reasonable MIL didn’t even know this was beyond the “hmm, that’s an idea” phase if your FIL is anything like my father or FIL – they tend to be impulsive and just do things like rent boats if that’s what they want to do.
How far is the dock from where you live? Could you do a picnic at the dock or a park near the dock before they go out on the boat?
I agree with everyone else to plan your husband’s favorite take out for dinner on Saturday or Sunday, help the kiddo make a card or super easy craft for Daddy, and then enjoy a Sunday afternoon to yourself. Enjoy a Netflicks binge, take a nap, or do something to prep for the nursery if you are in nesting mode.
OP says
Ha, yes, that is pretty much his style. I mean, we hadn’t even had an email sent around that said, “Are we all getting together for Father’s Day?” We got an email that said, “This is what I have planned for Father’s Day. Please provide lunch – SIL, coordinate that, ok?”
NewMomAnon says
Oh man, this sounds amazing! You get an entire day to yourself. Enjoy not having to plan a Father’s Day! The first father’s day after my kiddo was born, I planned a father’s day for my ex, a father’s day for my dad, and was dragged along to a father’s day celebration for my FIL. It was HELL, especially since I was expected to tend to kiddo who was only a few months old at that point and was so overstimulated by the whole thing.
My (totally unsolicited) advice for next year – make a decision early on about whether you want to let others take the laboring oar on planning things. If you want to do the planning, make your plans at least a few weeks in advance. But you may be really grateful to just show up and let somebody else plan everything.
OP says
That is very good advice and I also like your perspective – there was a part of me that was thinking, “It WILL be nice to have the day to myself…”
JTX says
This would bug me. Especially the demand for you to bring lunch. I feel like Father’s Day (and Mother’s Day) are for parents who are actively parenting, not for parents whose kids are out of the house with their own families. I don’t really have any advice, just wanted to chime in that I would find this obnoxious. I’d probably let it go and send a lunch that took minimal effort, and spend the day napping and lounging.
Faye says
Seriously. When did this become a thing? I feel like celebrations for adults are getting out of control. Birthdays past age 21, fathers/mothers day for grandparents and friends and aunts, baby showers for the 4th kid, etc. I swear I’m not anti-fun, I’ll go all out for a 10 year old’s bday. I just don’t see the point in a Mother’s Day brunch for a grandma.
Tell me I’m not the only one?
OP says
Agreed. My husband’s family is really overboard about this. We get together for every single birthday. At least some of us are close so we can celebrate some dual birthdays. But there are three adult children, two spouses, and one grandchild (soon to be two). My FIL was insisting that they would throw me a surprise 40th birthday party – which, btw, I would hate – and I said, “Oh no, you don’t need to do that,” and he said, “Oh, but we will,” and then my husband turned to me and said, “I promise I will not allow him to throw you a surprise birthday party.”
AKB says
I don’t care about birthdays or anything else, but I will always want to spend time with my mom and dad on mother’s day and father’s day. They did/do so much for me.
Shoes says
I need some flats and/or low wedges to get me through the rest of my pregnancy. I’m thinking black/patterned black, light-beige “nude for me,” and one fun color. They’re going to get stretched all to h3ll with my swollen summer pregnancy feet, so definitely nothing over $100, and under $50 would be even better. My office is fairly casual, so peep toes are OK. Nice sandals that aren’t too bare are probably OK too, for that matter.
Any suggestions?
lsw says
From suggestions of other posters, I looked at wide shoes and it was a life-saver. I ordered a ton on Zappo’s and ended up keeping a pair of Soft Style almond toe flats in a wide size (E) that look reasonably cute and don’t make my feet look like sausages. And they were around $50.
lsw says
Soft Style Darlene – just checked
JEB says
When I was pregnant, I got the Comfort Plus (?) flats from Payless. They were cheap and comfy! And I had no qualms about getting rid of them post-pregnancy (feet went back down to normal size, so they were then too big) because they were so inexpensive. Payless shoes also seem to regularly come in half sizes and wide sizes, which was helpful for me at that time.
NewMomAnon says
Have you checked the Barking Dogs website (google Barking Dog shoes)? I got Softspots flats on a reference from that website and have since seen almost every pregnant woman at the office wearing the same shoes. They go for $85 regular price but you can usually find deals on Zappos. Lots of colors and styles.
Away time? says
What age was your child when you first spent a night away? I am in the processing of weaning my 17-MO son. We are down to one short feed at bedtime. I am experiencing all of the weaning sadness that was discussed recently, but otherwise it’s going fine and I think we will cut out the last feed sometime soon. We are also planning a July 4 weekend trip to my in-laws. My husband recently suggested that he could take the baby and my (grown) stepson and leave me home to rest and have some time to myself. I rejected the idea instantly. I’ve never been away from the “baby” (my first / only) for longer than a workday. I don’t think I could handle being separated from him for a couple nights, especially during weaning. And I am really concerned that he will feel abandoned or scared or sad without me, especially right at the time he is losing his nursing time. BUT… I have to say, today I started thinking how nice it could be to have a whole weekend to myself. I’m feeling very torn. Anyone have thoughts / advice?!
CPA Lady says
I vote do it.
I left my kid for two overnights when she was 6 months old. I left Friday afternoon and came back Sunday afternoon. It was a 100% “selfish” thing too. Girls trip to visit a friend in another state. It was scary, but it went very well. She didn’t care. She was with her dad! I think it’s important for them to have time together without me. It made him a more confident parent too. I left her again for 3-4 days around the time she was 1 for a work training in another state. She stayed with a night nanny because that’s when my husband was still working nights. Again, it was totally fine.
Atty mom says
I also think you should go. I left 1st son overnight for work when he was 15 months (but we stopped bf-ing at 6 mos. when I switched jobs). It was totally fine and it also showed daddy how hard taking care of kiddo can be. He definitely appreciated it when I returned. :)
Atty mom says
Sorry meant to say they should go, you stay. Ugh phone typing while holding baby…
Anonymous says
Oh gosh go. I left my babe at 3 months (for two nights, for a girls’ trip) and then again at 5 months (for five days, work travel). The work trip wasn’t as fun because, ya know, work, but the girls’ trip was amazing. Sleeping in a big, clean bed with fresh sheets and no baby/dog/cat/husband to wake me up nine times at night and for the day at 6 am? Incredible.
Another BigLaw Parent says
+1 that you should take your alone time weekend. Your kiddo will be way less anxious about it than you. It gives husband a confidence boost to handle it all on his own; it gives you a confidence boost that you can delegate and the world will not fall apart. I left my daughter overnight at 4 months (!) but I had a terrible time nursing so she was on formula at that point and it didn’t matter to her who gave her the bottle. Everything was fine.
One thing that helps me when I’m missing baby/family time is to get photo & text updates from husband. “Look, baby is having fun at the park!” etc. Then you can enjoy your alone time but not feel totally left out either.
Away Time? says
Thanks for the responses so far. Just want to be clear that I am only worried about the kiddo’s anxiety because of the weaning—like he is not just losing the BFing, he is losing Mama entirely. Or it is the same answer, he won’t care? (LOL, and if he won’t care, why the hell have I been nursing him at all????)
NewMomAnon says
My kiddo LOVED nursing, and nursed past her second birthday (only at bedtime after the first birthday). Going away with her dad was never a problem, and she always came back to me wanting to continue nursing. It was comforting to her and part of how she and I related, but not relevant to her relationship with dad, if that makes sense. We kept the same overnight schedule during weaning and I didn’t notice any additional anxiety on her part.
Meg Murry says
I agree that he’ll probably be fine. Maybe a little bit fussier than usual due to being in an unfamiliar place, but he’ll have his daddy with him, so it probably won’t be all that much different than if you were there.
I’m trying to find the right way to say “yes, he’ll probably miss you, but not enough that he’ll be completely inconsolable or it will scar him for life”.
Has he ever gone to bed without nursing now? If he wakes in the night, can Daddy console him back to sleep without you, or does he need to be nursed down?
If possible, I’d suggest moving the nursing session earlier in the bedtime routine now, so it falls somewhere in the middle of the routine instead of the first or last thing.
A lot of women find that the only way to finally stop the last nursing session is a couple of day separation. Are you possibly really thinking “wait, I’m not ready to be done nursing!”? Because that’s totally normal – I felt that way too, and kept saying “ok, we’ll go ahead and drop these last 1-2 nursing sessions in a week or two” for about 2 months (around 13-14 months) but had a really hard time actually sticking with it, until my husband finally said “if you’re going to be done, tell me and I’ll do bedtime and naptime for a couple of days. If not, stop saying that until you’re actually ready to be done.” It was the kick in the pants I needed, and we agreed on a date 2 weeks from then when he would take over the bedtime routine and I wouldn’t nurse anymore. And I’ll admit it, I cried and probably was more upset than my kiddo. But then I got to enjoy the freedom of not having to be the one to get up in the night when he woke up, and the freedom to wear non-nursing clothes again, etc.
hoola hoopa says
I’m trying to find the right way to say “yes, he’ll probably miss you, but not enough that he’ll be completely inconsolable or it will scar him for life”.
+1
Daddy armed with warm milk will be fine.
But I also 100% understand you. I’m the same way. Is it possible for you to delay your arrival 1-day and then join them? Amtrak?
Spirograph says
Sorry, but I think the answer is the same: he won’t care. Kids like things while they have them, but they don’t really get the idea of “missing” things or people until they’re a little older. (Of course this is personality-dependent, too. I’ve never developed a strong “missing” emotion.) The first time I was away from either kid overnight was when they were about 5-6 months old, and I’ve done it several times since then for a few days to a week at a time. They’re always happy to see me when I come back, but no one has ever told me they were anxious while I was away.
I agree with everyone else. Enjoy your weekend alone!
Philanthropy Girl says
Just a little warning, because I wish I would have had one. First time I left little man with his grandparents out of town for a weekend he was probably 15-16 months old (already weaned). He was totally cool as a cucumber – didn’t freak, enjoyed time with his grandparents. Happy, no sleeping problems, no napping problems.
And when I went to pick him up, I walked in the door and he saw me and burst into tears. It was the first time he’d cried all weekend. It’s developmentally normal and pretty common – because they don’t have much of a sense of time, they don’t realize how long it’s been since they’ve seen you and when they see you they suddenly realize it’s been ages. I was expecting the same cheerful greeting I get when I come home from work, and the tears took me by surprise.
But definitely go. Have a good time – weaning might actually be easier if you’re not around than if you are around. And have fun!
NewMomAnon says
My kiddo was 9 months old when my ex and I split up. She started doing overnights with him at about a year, and went on a 4 day trip with just him at 15 months. It has never been a problem for her; she loves spending time with her dad and has so much fun that I suspect she doesn’t even miss me (she did start asking for me at the end of the longer trip).
I think I handled it worse than she did; I felt like my role as primary caregiver was being challenged, I was afraid she would forget me, I realized I didn’t have much identity beyond “mom” and “employee” anymore and was lonely and bored when she was away. But it was really, really good for me to have longer periods away from her, and good for her dad to find his own ways of soothing her, putting her to sleep, etc. Go for it.
Lurker says
At some point, you will have to be away from your child for one reason or another. If it isn’t a planned and fun reason to be away it is going to feel more traumatic to you. Take the time to do it now while it is fun. Don’t make the first time a work trip, a funeral, a hospital stay.
FP says
THIS.
mascot says
I did my first overnight away from my child when he was 6 weeks old. By 9 months old, he was going on vacations with my parents without us. He’s never looked back and I love that he is so comfortable with them. Give yourself and your child some credit. This isn’t abandonment. He’s just spending time with other family members (which is great).
anon says
Two nights when she was 6 months old.
Anonymous says
Definitely do it.
I went away for one night at 10 months and will be away for 2 nights at a time twice this summer (LO will be 13 months) when attending bachelorette parties out of town.
Non says
Rant ahead. So for about the 10th time this week, I clicked on an event posted on Facebook page (this time, Mommy & Me Yoga at my favorite studio) because I was interested in attending with my toddler, and it’s at noon on Wednesday. Great! The only parent/child class that this studio offers ever is in the middle of a weekday. Can we just start calling it “Stay-At-Home-Mommy-And-Me”?! I have NOTHING against SAHMs, I swear, but other than swim lessons, I have not been able to find any kind of fun activity I can do with my DS and I am SO SO frustrated by the assumption that “Mommy” is free at noon on a weekday!
I think this time the rage was the “Mommy and Me” label. I mean, first of all, yuck, why not just call it Parent-Child so we don’t exclude 50% of the parents, and second, MOMMY HAS TO WORK, OK?!
NewMomAnon says
I’ve started seeing these weekday events called “child and caregiver” because half the participants are actually nannies. I’ve had the same issue. Look at your local library; they often have Saturday or Sunday morning events.
hoola hoopa says
OMG, our library is the WORST about activities for WOHPs.
Our area is bad at this in general (Non – I am so here with you!! I could go on and on), so we travel to the next two towns for activities. It means a 15-30 minute drive, but at least we can do something.
I will now be calling them “SAHM-and-me.” Your last sentence is what I’m thinking every time we try to do anything.
Also, it’s a bit ‘easier’ once they hit school age because even in a town with no meet ups or classes that I can attend, I at least can meet other parents through school activities (which thankfully are mercifully planned for outside regular business hours) – or at least aftercare pick up.
October says
Maybe it’s the alliteration of “Mommy and Me” that drives the naming convention? Agree with checking at the library (the one in your town and in surrounding towns, too); ours has a (free) baby/toddler class during the week and then again every other Saturday morning. Also, can you look for unstructured activities you could do together that aren’t beholden to a specific day and time? Eg children’s museum, “open gym” at a gymnastics studio, etc.
Philanthropy Girl says
Gah! Me too. I live in a community where SAHM is the norm. Library events are during the day. Mommy-son adventures are during the day. Parent-child music classes are during the day. Women’s groups in religious communities meet during the day. Parent-child classes at the Y are during the day.
When I’ve mentioned this fact to organizers, the response I get is that evening hours never draw enough attendance. SAHMs don’t want to go out in the evening when daddy is home, and the few working moms who are out there don’t want to give up their evenings at home. It drives me batty – it feels like a cop-out so even organizers don’t have work evening/weekend hours.
In a community where I already feel outside the norm, it makes the feeling worse.
EB0220 says
Yeah, this drives me crazy. Moms groups always meet at random times too. Sorry, can’t go to the local moms group at 9:30 am on Tuesday! Boo. I don’t have a good solution but it does make me sad. That being said, I sometimes take a half day and indulge my SAHM fantasies for a morning…playground, story time, relaxing lunch, etc.
Lurker says
At least with a lunch time event there is a chance working mom’s could go on a lunch break. The 10 am and 2 pm ones are even more frustrating to me.
ChiLaw says
So frustrating! My husband is a SAHD and he is always a little uncomfortable, like “is this just for *moms* [like the new moms support group i went to was, where it was really a women-who-just-gave-birth support group] or is it for parents with the assumption that all the daytime caregivers are moms?” …it has basically kept him and our daughter home from a lot of the events. Even the one meetup group that’s called “something something parents and toddlers” only has midday events, though, so I don’t ever get to go.
AEK says
Any chance it’s the Evanston meetup you’re talking about? It sounds very familiar!
Anon says
Yep, right there with you! A SAHM friend of mine was super involved in this fitness studio that is for pregnant women and new moms so I was really pumped to join when I got pregnant. Then I saw all their classes were during the day (latest one was 5 pm). I emailed them and pointed out that their program was unfriendly toward working women and the owner claimed they were going to add more evening and weekend classes. One year later and that still hasn’t happened.
ToddlerMom says
This is exactly why I have not been able to attend any parent-child class with my baby or toddler. We live in an area where SAHM are the norm. All parent-child classes are during business hours, most of them in the mornings or early afternoons and the expectation is that mom will attend with her child (not really a dad, and definitely not a nanny, aunt, grandmother…). Organizers have responded to my questions exactly as Philanthropy Girl said: Moms want those classes during the day, the evenings are family-time at home with dad. When I get either mad or sad about the fact that I cannot attend those classes, I try to tell myself that I probably would not fit in very well anyway. Many SAHMs in our community tend to think a working mom is neglecting her children.
SC says
That frustrates me so much! Until recently, my husband worked Saturdays, and I had kiddo alone all day. It honestly got pretty boring, so I looked around for anything to do out of the house. All the classes and activities in my area are during the week, with nothing on Saturdays anywhere in my area. It sucks, and I kept thinking it would suck even more for single moms who work full time.
SC says
It may be a little late in the day, but the Father’s Day thread above got me thinking… I need suggestions for something nice, but not too expensive, to do for my husband for Father’s Day. The catch is that we’ll be staying at the beach, in a family member’s condo, with my MIL, SIL, BIL, and our 1-year-old, and driving home the evening of Father’s Day. My only idea so far is to do something fun for breakfast (maybe cinnamon rolls) or lunch (but not sure what).
Philanthropy Girl says
For the last two years I’ve purchased DH and Philanthropy Baby matching shirts/onesies. I thought they were kind of corny, but DH LOVES them. He was so sad when we packed away PB’s babysaurus shirt. Amazon has a ton of cute ones (this year is papa bear, baby bear) – most run between $30-$50, depending on the sizes you need.
I think breakfast is a great idea. I love making french toast casserole – it all gets mixed up the night before and then all you have to do is toss it in the oven, so it makes for a really easy going morning, especially with a day where you’ll probably be packing for your travel that evening.
mascot says
If you want matching stuff, these sock sets are pretty cute. My guys were excited to wear them. They used to have them at Target but looks like they are online only now. http://www.pairofthieves.com/dad-kid-sets/
Meg Murry says
Is that your husband’s whole family, or are there more siblings. etc that won’t be there? This might fall in the “too expensive” category – but it would be super nice if you could coordinate a family photo session if that is the whole family. And bonus points that then you could order prints and have early Christmas gifts taken care of for your MIL, SIL, etc.
For a less expensive option along the same lines -does he work in an office, and is it the kind of place where people have family photos? One of my co-workers mentioned that every year his wife refreshes a couple of the framed photos in his office with updated family pictures (both group shots and ones of the kids) every year for Father’s Day.
hoola hoopa says
My husband has also really enjoys matching t-shirts.
And ditto for refreshed photos for the office. My husband just pins them to his cube wall, so I don’t even have to buy a frame.
The top item on both of our wish lists on FD/MD is to sleep in! We try to give each other a day free from the not-fun stuff (ie, diaper changes, night wakings, food prep) so that they can focus on fun with the kids and some time to themselves. The rest is gravy. And it’s free :)