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Clementine says
Today’s likely ADHD thought: ‘OO! I need a laminator’
I’ve decided my kids need some visual schedules/checklists and that laminated paper with velcro is the way to do it… and now I’m shopping for laminators. (Which I likely will not buy.)
Anon says
Sheet protectors work, as well! Every school year I draw/write them a morning schedule and put it in a sheet protector and it mostly lasts the year
anonM says
I love my laminator so I support this. I laminate the kids’ holiday art from daycare and put it in with my holiday decor. Gives me so much joy to pull out every year. We also have visual schedules laminated which helps when I follow it so 50/50.
So Anon says
Visual schedules are great! There are self-laminating sheets that you can buy at any Target, Staples, etc. Be aware that there are some that will laminate both sides or only one side. If it is a schedule that may find its way into the bathroom, I highly recommend laminating both sides for, well, reasons. Sheet protectors also work great. If you use a sheet protector, you can make the schedule in a landscape orientation, put it in a sheet protector and then hang it from one of the holes in the sheet protector from a command hook.
DLC says
I looove my laminator! I only use it a couple times a year but it gives me so much joy. One of my favorite things is a visual packing list for my kids. I can write on it with a overhead marker to change the number of each item they need to bring. Chore chart— stickers peel right off so we can start fresh every week. Also a two month calendar for each kid.
I also love my label maker. Which gets pulled out twice a year but makes me super happy.
Clementine says
Critical Update: I texted my bestie ‘I need a laminator, right?’ and found out that her husband actually has one! Thus, I am picking up the laminator of my dreams after work and will keep you all updated on the lamination situation.
Anon says
We moved and started a new daycare. Kiddo started his prior daycare when he was 5 months and spent over a year there. It’s day two of new daycare and he wailed and flung himself on the ground when I left. I know the transition will be over in a week or two and he will be happy soon, but I can’t focus at work and just feel bad for him with all the new transitions.
Anon says
Awww, I’m sorry. If it makes you feel any better, my toddler who’s been at her daycare her whole life and loves it also flung herself to the ground today at drop off. Not to minimize the transitions that you guys are going through! It’s hard.
Allie says
Same – she adores daycare but transitions are hard for her and she has to be pried from my kicking and screaming about 5 days a month.
EDAnon says
My son was out for two weeks due to Covid and his transition back has been so hard. And he’s been there forever (he’s never been anywhere else). It will get better (that’s what I told myself as I waved to his teary face through the window!). It helped that I got in the car and asked my 6yo if he remembered crying like that and he didn’t, even though it definitely happened – in the last year.
Anon says
Any advice/things you wish you knew for transitioning from babyhood to toddlerhood? I’m not even sure what exactly I’m asking for. My 13 month old is just clearly turning into a toddler before my eyes and it feels like the routines and strategies we’ve developed over the past year are rapidly being outgrown. I guess we’re starting to graduate from being POOPCUPs.
anon says
Welcome to a stage of life where you will consider the cleanliness of the floor of any destination in making plans. (“No, don’t pick up that cigarette butt!”)
Anon says
1 is pretty fun. 2.5-3 is what will really humble you and end the poopcuping once and for all :)
Pogo says
haha yep I agree.
Practical tip – start offering choices and asking yes/no questions: “Do you want the truck or the car?” “Oh, you want the cereal in your blue bowl?” I find it helps with the incoherent screaming of todderhood.
TheElms says
I think the best piece of advice is that its just a hard couple years between 1 and 3.5/4. You can read all the books, have solid strategies, and basically do everything “right” and it is still just going to be rough on you and kiddo at times. And that’s ok. I would say focus on communication skills. Teach functional words. Find simple routines so kiddo knows what is coming next in the day. At every step of the way I think its been really helpful that my child could communicate her needs in a way we could understand and generally address.
There are some awesome parts interspersed with the tough parts. I loved the age around 18 months – to early 2. My kid was able to go on walks around the neighborhood/short hikes and sweet and talkative, interested in the world around her, but not headstrong and defiant in the way she is now at 3. But different people like different ages and I think in my friend group liking 18 months was rare! My 3 year old is awesome because she’s developing a sense of humor, but at the same time infuriating because every little thing is a battle.
Anon says
I loved 18 months to early 2. So talkative and fun, but still so easygoing and fairly easily distracted from tantrums. 3 was a nightmare. 4 is a lot better, hang in there.
Anonymous says
+1. 18 – 22 mos was pretty enjoyable. Now at almost 2, there’s been a definite shift in kiddo’s brain wiring, so I’m assuming we’re on the downhill slope to 4ish.
Anon says
Yes! I say kids are spiritually 2 before they’re actually 2. 18-22 months is a blast though. 3 . . . sucks.
Anonymous says
LOL. That’s a good way to put it – spiritually 2. Love it!
Allie says
My one piece of advice is that your kid needs more focused attention than they did — babies have LOTS of demands but many of them can be done while doing something else (baby wearing podcast walks, nursing and scrolling on my phone, feeding while listening to the radio). Toddlers crave focused attention so fwiw try to proactively give that (even in very short increments) than end up mostly giving it by responding to bad behavior.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I found age 1 to be very physically exhausting – they are starting to walk and run on their own, but they have no concept of logic or reason or anything, and they can’t really communicate yet so you can’t have much of a conversation. And this is very kid dependent, but I found 2 to be a very sweet age, where they’re starting to talk to you and have mini conversations in their sweet voices, without some of the “attitude” of 3. 3 though… I’m there now with my younger one, and threenager is spot on. Best advice is probably to not take things personally and big feelings are normal and to be accepted.
Anon says
15-21 months are the physically “hardest” months IMO – they are so busy and capable (climbing, putting everything in their mouths, running away) and yet have no sense of self-preservation, so you have to constantly supervise and redirect. Stay outside as much as possible and let them move to their heart’s content.
Beyond that, with the meltdowns and the big feelings, remind yourself that they are still little babies. They are trying to express new preferences and feelings without much language. Don’t tie yourself in knots over “discipline” at this age; calmly and compassionately set a boundary, remove them from the situation, and soothe them until they feel better. I spent so much time with my first kid agonizing over strategy and routines and whether I was Doing It Right. My third is now 16 months and I realize that everything is a stage and one-year-olds are still so small.
I love the books How to Talk so Little Kids will Listen and No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame to help get your mind around these next several months/years
Anon says
It’s kid dependent. I had a late walker and a fairly cautious kid and age 1 wasn’t that physically exhausting. I found 3+ more physically tiring actually.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Thank you – I feel this so hard! I have an almost-20-month old who is a late walker/in PT and I feel like it makes things tougher sometimes. He’s walking now, but also not as verbal as my older son, and much more mischievous (lots of throwing of things, getting into everything, etc).
With my older son, comparatively, I was in cruise control by the same age.
anonM says
I think the biggest thing for me was working on my own patience. Everything simply takes longer with an 18-mo old in a “do it myself” phase. I recommend Hunt Gather Parent for strategies on getting kids to help contribute from an early age and staying calm. Get some mantras that work for you, if patience is an issue. “It’s a phase” “They are learning independence/helping skills/etc” “my toddler isn’t trying to hurt my feelings or make me mad” “this is developmentally appropriate.” The more you can just accept that transitions take a long time at that age, the more you can enjoy it.
AIMS says
I think it’s all kid dependent. I literally breathed a huge sigh of relief when my youngest turned 1. My one piece of admittedly vague advice is to just remember it’s all a phase still and to keep that in mind, even when it’s hard.
Anonymous says
+1 to it being kid dependent. I would say the first 5-6 months were rough (pre-vax pandemic baby so no outside help after birth and DH couldn’t take any leave other than being PT for the first two weeks – I feel like I didn’t get to recover physically from birth until about 9-10 months, when DH’s job slowed down for the summer and vaccines came out so we could have more help from family/family could travel to visit us). Things gradually got better after 5-6 months, especially once she started sleeping through the night. Things were really good after she started walking at 15 mos, because then my back finally got a rest from carrying her everywhere! Now at 2 weeks from 2, the toddler brain has definitely set in, and we’re getting ready for a rough couple of years.
Clementine says
Everything is a season. That’s been my parenting mantra.
Newborn cluster feeding from 5-11 PM every night? It’s a season.
1 year old has a mission of self destruction 24/7? It’s a season.
4 Year old climbs into bed every morning at 4AM? Season.
Anon says
Honestly, not really other than be patient with your kid. A lot of it is common sense and trial and error. I love having toddlers. It’s such a fun age.
Anon says
For anyone who does solo parenting in the evenings, what do you do for dinner? Husband travels so eating as a family is not an option, and doing a family meal solo is hard. I often end up just feeding the kids and then eating alone after they go to bed at 8, but wish we could all eat together. Kids are 4 and 7. Does it get easier when they are older?
Clementine says
I’ve done a lot of solo parenting and the key is lowering your standards a bit. I do a lot of meals where the kids get protein + veg + carb and I eat the same protein + veg + extra salad.
Some favorites – premarinated chicken on the grill + grilled frozen naan + cauliflower rice (10 minutes, kids play in the backyard while I cook)
TJ’s frozen pasta and sauce meals + salad
Grilled cheese/ whatever mom wants (my 6 year old makes these now with supervision
The key for me was when I stopped frantically rushing to get it on the table and started laying out an ‘appetizer’ (often crudite or just baby carrots and ranch), pouring a seltzer for myself and the kids, and putting on fun music to hang out with them while I cook. Highly suggest Selena and Miami sound machine while cooking.
AnonATL says
Regularly solo parent and this is my strategy too. Toddler gets something super simple. usually frozen protein or beans + fruit/veg and maybe some leftover pasta
I lean very heavily on salads with my husband gone. I can prep a salad in the couple of minutes I’m warming up the toddler’s food and if I need to stop eating to tend to him I just stick in the fridge till after bedtime.
Anonymous says
We listen to Selena too! Unfortunately my 5-yo asked “Can I meet Selena?” I clearly should have said “maybe, someday,” but instead found myself trying to put “murdered by deranged fan” into kid-friendly terms.
Anonymous says
Can you pinpoint where the struggle is? For example I realized my issue was that I was feeding my kids meals I didn’t want to eat, so I started trying to make options I would be excited about. At other points in time I’ve been in chores mode at dinner time so I’ve tried to shift things like laundry to the morning and folding after they go to bed.
anonM says
Hi, I’m in the midst of solo parenting right now. I do easy easy for dinner. This week DH preped taco meat and sloppy joes meat ahead of time, so yesterday I just reheated sloppy joes, toasted buns, and put some fruit/veggies on plates. We ate outside together. I prefer a simple meal over eating after they go to bed, but mine are 2/4 and take forever to put to bed still (so it’d be like 9:30 for me ugh). I also find when I get the motivation to clean the kitchen right after dinner it is much easier than trying to motivate myself after putting the kids to bed/sitting in a quiet dark room for an hour. Some simple changes make travel weeks easier – like I pay a premium on groceries at trader joes for all the pre washed, mini veggies (mini cucumbers, etc.) so that all I have to do for snacks or meal veggies is pull it out of the fridge. And, I planned a pizza night with a friend and her kids, as their dad also travels this week and I know I’ll be sick of even minimal cleanup by Thursday.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Just chiming in – I do solo parenting dinners most of the time, and I rarely am cooking while getting dinner. It’s more warming up, assembling, etc. And I agree with my fellow other posters – simple is key. We also have basically a meal template with similar things on repeat all week, which I know many others do too.
Walnut says
Solo parenting this week. Last night was Costco mac ‘n cheese, Costco cooked chicken on a skewer, clementines and a banana. Tonight is going to be a cold cut sandwich (possible just lunch meat and cheese on the plate), cottage cheese, carrots, more clementines and bananas. Tomorrow-Friday is so far in the future I haven’t even considered it. Strong possibility of take out or repeats of Mon/Tues meals.
I tend to graze eat a little of what the kids are having or something after bed. I’ll seat down at the table with them for a bit, but mostly I spend their dinner time refereeing.
OP says
How old are yours? I am wondering when the referring stops.
Walnut says
6, 5, and 3. My bet is never.
anony says
Wow, a lot of us are solo this week…we’re experimenting with pre-made meals for me (heat & eat by a local caterer in individual servings) + a lot of Costco pre-made for the kiddos.
Our caterer makes breakfast burritos, those PB oatmeal energy balls, cut fruit and salads so a combo of those works for me and/or kids. More spendy than groceries for sure but very similar to take-out. Decided to try it for a few weeks of travel and honestly having a fridge full of meals is very zen for me.
Wegmans offers similar individual meals so might check your grocery store.
Anon says
I don’t solo parent as often as some here, so I give myself permission to be pretty generous with the Door Dash when I’m alone. I supplement with fruits and salad kits from the grocery store, so it ultimately makes a reasonably well-rounded meal. But when I’m solo parenting often the entree is pizza or a Five Guys hamburger or Panera mac n cheese. I’m also solo parenting this week (husband has Covid).
Anon says
I think family dinners are overrated. Sure, it’s easy for a SAHM and dad home at 6 pm. But I think in your situation if easier to skip the family dinner, that is fine.
Anon says
DH is never home for dinner with the kids (4 year old twins), they eat at 5. like everyone else says, we do very simple meals, and they usually watch tv while i prep, and during dinner we usually facetime with grandparents.
Anonymous says
We enjoy our family dinners. They are rarely a fancy or long production but 20 minutes of eating together or just with one parent if one of us is working, seems to keep us and the kids connected. We take turns saying our best thing and hardest thing. The kids will ask for best thing/hardest thing if we forget and save it to tell at dinner.
Using the oven is clutch for me when solo parenting because then I don’t have to watch meals on the stove. Dessert is fruit (frozen or canned fruit is useful here too)
Easy meals that are crutches in our household that take like 15 mins to cook:
– Oven baked chicken burgers – lettuce/mayo/tomato as toppings, sometimes storebought coleslaw as a side
– chicken fingers with chopped up veggie (or veggie tray from grocery store) and different dips (go to veggies are red peppers/carrots/cucumber/baby tomatoes)
– Fish tacos – use leftover chopped veggies from other days, and frozen fish baked in oven (the next size up from fish sticks works best), chop
– pasta with tomato sauce (use jar of sauce and toss in some frozen meatballs (precook in microwave))
– frozen store-bought veggie lasagna or homemade meat lasagna if DH made extra and froze it on the weekend.
If your DH travels, he can take on the role of making sure the house is stocked with the foods to make easy quick meals. Our kids actually prefer to have a schedule for meals for dinner M-F. Taco Tuesday is a real thing in our house.
Thrush says
We’ve started meds and cleaned all the toys and bottles, but today I need to tackle laundry. Will bleaching or boiling do less damage to my nursing bras?
TheElms says
I don’t think you need to bleach or boil your nursing bras. We had thrush for 2 months (6 weeks on nystatin /gentian violet did nothing, but 2 weeks on diflucan and it was gone). I would just wash on extra hot (or sanitize if your washer has that setting) and add oxiclean to the wash. You should do this for all of kiddos laundry too.
You need to sterilize the bottles and pacis at least daily. Can the microwave steam sterilizer bags if you don’t have them already. Kiddo was too little for toys but I’d stick to things that can go through the dishwasher on sanitize for this period if you can.
It sucks big time, but it will end.
Thrush says
Thanks, an IRL mom friend warned me the same about trying different antifungals, but it’s early days. We already sanitize bottles, binkies and pump parts every night, so that’s not new annoyance. Hopefully I can get on top of the laundry burden while I have an enforced day off. And daycare will let him back after 24hrs of meds!
ElisaR says
no advice, just my sympathy. Thrush was the worst.
EDAnon says
I got it with both kids. We amarizar their stuff and I tried not to rewear things. I will note that I similarly had no luck with nystatin and immediate results with diflucan. I totally get why they try nystatin but it didn’t do anything but make things sticky.
EDAnon says
That should say sanitize! My Spanish language keyboard did a fun autocorrect!
anon says
I did diflucan (14 days of daily pill, that was rough on my stomach) and bebe did nystatin. Boiled all the bottles and nipples daily (bottle nipples, not my nipples!). Washed all my bras on hot and put out in the sun to dry between wears. I didn’t bleach or boil any bras and it was fine.
So Anon says
I’ve been solo parenting 93% of the time since my kids were 5 and 8. They are now 8 (almost 9!) and 11. For dinners, I generally make one dinner with something for everyone, and I try to sit down with my kids most nights. Our weekly menu is pretty set: Monday is tofu night. Tuesday is tacos. Wednesday is order out or they are with their dad. Thursday is choice pasta, which means that they can choose and I will end up making two different types of mac n cheese. Friday is pizza on the couch. I try and do a side of fruit and veggies. I know that veggies are not a favorite, so that tends to be whatever I want. We can each customize the meal to our liking. That means that my son eats his “taco” as a bowl without an actual taco shell, and I put taco toppings on top of whatever salad/lettuce/spinach is moderately fresh in the fridge. Weeknight meals tend to be pretty quick. Sunday dinners tend to be more elaborate and are totally my choice. Weeknights are a struggle because I work until 5:30, which can easily become 6 or 6:30, but I need to cook and get my kids fed in time for them to do showers, read and bed by 8 or 8:30. I also try and get all of my night time chores done before they go to bed so I can either get a bit more work done or relax after they go to bed. It isn’t easy!
So Anon says
Threading fail! Meant for Anon at 9:29
Anonymous says
This is a great point about giving kids some flexibility on how to eat what is served. One of my kids loves toppings and will put like literally every topping on the table on their hamburger or chicken burger, the youngest kid likes only ketchup but will gladly eat lettuce and tomatoes on the side.
Middle kid always eats his tacos as a taco salad because crumbling the taco shell is the favorite part of taco night. Youngest kid uses a wrap instead of a shell and makes himself ‘taco pizza’.
tip says
Hi Ladies – I’ve found a working mom thing that’s really helped me and passing it on in case it might help you. My job involves developing policy positions on areas that are generally known to me but each position requires a lot of learning the overall policy context for that specific position. And, I have two young kids and limited time for background research. I’ve taken to downloading 6 or so podcasts about that policy area when a new issue comes up and listening to them on my commute and while doing tidying/prep at home. Not fun but does get me a lot of background context and info without requiring extra “work” time. YMMV but thought I’d pass it on.
Anon says
I’m impressed you can retain info you got that way! I don’t think my brain will multitask that way.
Pogo says
I’ve thought about this too – I feel like I have little increments during the day when I could maybe take in info via podcast or audiobook. Instead, I’ve been using it to listen to “fun” podcasts for now as my “me” time.
OP says
Totally prefer fun podcasts but this does work for me in a time crunch.
GCA says
Smart! I definitely have some auditory processing challenges and would not retain info if there were two kids asking me for things at the same time, but listening while commuting or running would totally work.
So Anon says
How do you all decide whether it is “worth” the extra work to attend work social events? I get a great deal of pressure from my boss to attend as many social events as possible. I know that they are good for my career and a part of progressing up the corporate ladder. The challenge is that I work for a branch of the corporate office, and corporate headquarters is a 2-3 hr drive each way. Many of the social events for the bigger corporation are at headquarters. An upside to working form home for the past few years is that this pressure was gone, but now it is back. I try and go to any social events that are more local (and many of the execs actually live closer to our branch so they are up here). The idea of driving 5-6 hours plus needing evening childcare to attend a one hour lunch seems bonkers to me. The most recent request is to attend an afternoon lunch on the last Friday in August, which would mean that my drive home would likely be 4+ hours with tourist traffic. My boss doesn’t seem to get it because, while she was a working mom, her spouse was the default parent.
Anonymous says
To me these types of things are almost never worth it. Not sure of your company culture but could you spearhead planning something more local to you? If other folks live close to you anyway, they may be glad not to travel.
startup lawyer says
I agree with this and have done this from time to time.
Anonymous says
Nope. “Boss, I’m not driving 6 hours at attend a one hour lunch on the last Friday in august. Happy to arrange a day visit in September.”
Anon says
Ugh. I have family in your state and that drive is horrible on summer Fridays. I’d 100% say no to this, but I’m a lot less ambitious than you and many others here.
Pogo says
2-3 h drive? hard pass
anonM says
Can you do something else to network — something more convenient to you and that you can tell your boss to reassure her you are still building your network? ex – “boss, Friday lunches are just not working for me right now. But every month when I’m at HQ I make a point to build in time to ask someone to a networking lunch/coffee, and feel that is really helping build connections. Anyone you suggest I make a point to reach out to?”.
Sorry, that would so not work for me. Even pre-kids that sort of networking didn’t seem particularly useful to me, but of course very personality/company/industry dependent. Hope you can find some balance on this demand!
Anon says
4 hours?? Hard pass.
To find a happy medium between never and always:
Maybe decide for yourself that you will attend a HQ social event once every (6 months? Year?). Even better if you have an idea of the regular cadence of any particularity fun ones (that hopefully aren’t a Friday afternoon, yikes!). Fully commit/try to look forward to that one, and then hopefully feel not guilty/don’t even waffle on the rest until the arbitrary time period resets. (“Already did my one for this 6 month period!” – internal thought).
Walnut says
If there are other events at HQ (Project kickoff? Meetings with key stakeholders? Other colleagues traveling in you’d like to connect with?) then I’d stay late to attend the social event planned in conjunction with the event.
Anonymous says
I would set a goal to attend a percentage of the events. Keep an eye on who else is attending so you can tell if it’s common to attend 100/75/50/25 percent of events. Try not to skip too many in a row. So like if there are events 1/2/3/4/5 maybe try to attend 1/3/5 not 1/2/3 unless timing is an issue (which will happen sometimes).
Tina says
I’d aim to do one a quarter and group it with as many other meetings, happy hours, coffees, etc as possible. I’d go down either the day before or the day after the event and spend the night to really get the most out of your time (assuming your company will cover all travel related costs).
Anon. says
I work remotely and have to fly to see my team so my scenario is a little different. This is what I do. Commit to being in the office once per quarter and pack as much in to that visit as possible. I see colleagues and business partners, catch up in person with the administrative staff that supports me and usually time it to align with a team social event.
So Anon says
Thank you all for the confirmation! I will definitely aim (and have in the past) gone to some of the events at HQ, but I have zero desire to sit in traffic that Friday! Part of the challenge is that my company has been super conservative on return to the office, events, etc., so there have been limited opportunities lately. Also, my company will not pay for any travel costs, including driving down and staying the night before.
Anon. says
Hold up, they want you to travel for work far in excess of your typical commute but they’re not going to reimburse for the travel costs. Hard nope.
octagon says
Is there any opportunity to take the train or other form of transportation? I like the suggestion of trying to get your job to cover it if possible, and to take the pressure off you driving. I also think this is the sort of thing that ideally a women’s ERG would try to address, by helping make it possible for women (and other remote employees) to have these types of opportunities in a more equitable manner.
Anonymous says
Any medically inclined folks want to help me self diagnose? For reference–5 months postpartum, BFing, taking progesterone-only mini BC pill. I did the Everlywell women’s health test just for kicks because I like to have all the available data, which revealed some interesting results. I have been reading online about PCOS/possible “estrogen dominance.” Any other ideas? Or if it is one of the above, any recommendations on how to self correct?
–(1) Estradiol is high–12.3 pg/mL (normal range 1.1-7.8 pg/mL). I expected this to be low because of BFing.
–(2) Progesterone is low–31 pg/mL (normal range 99-333 pg/mL). I expected this to be high or at least normal because of the progesterone mini pill.
–(3) LH is low– <0.2mIU/mL (normal range 1.6-9.3 mIU/mL). This one is not that surprising to me since I am likely not ovulating due to BFing and the mini pill.
Aunt Jamesina says
I don’t think that the results of this test would be very revealing given that you’re both breastfeeding and taking the mini pill. This is really a question for a reproductive endocrinologist. TBH, I think a lot of these companies offering testing like this are a bit predatory.
Do you have fertility concerns or an issue you’re trying to figure out?
Pogo says
Yeah you don’t need to “correct” anything unless you have symptoms that are an issue?
Anonymous says
Nothing is wrong with you stop weirdly doing medical tests for fun.
AnonMD says
Hormones levels fluctuate throughout the month and even throughout the day. Without additional context about where you are in your cycle and what symptoms you’re having, it’s not useful to check these hormones at a single point in time simply as a fishing expedition. I completely understand the “more data is better” mindset, but in medicine that isn’t always the case.
AnonMD says
There is a reason you had to do this through a private company and no physician would order this for you. Because you are breastfeeding, recently postpartum, and on the pill the results are essentially meaningless. They are honestly probably meaningless even if you didn’t have these confounders. I’m sorry this company took your money. I don’t mean to be rude but I advise you stop looking things up, you aren’t going to solve any mysteries other than that hormones are complex with multiple feedback loops. If you have symptoms that concern you, you should see a physician. And they will probably not give a hoot about these results because they are heavily confounded. If you want testing for PCOS you have to be off the pill for 6 weeks and it would be testosterone level that is needed.
In medicine more data is very rarely helpful. Digging around for problems usually leads to unnecessary testing with great expense and possible harm, not to mention anxiety and wasted time for the patient. These private companies frustrate me greatly and IMO they take your money, cause anxiety and confusion, and do little to help solve any problems.
Endocrinologists have a 4 year medical degree, 3 years of internal medicine residency and 2-3 years of endocrinology fellowship. Hormones are very complex. I hope you are doing okay and again, if you have symptoms you should see a physician.
OP says
Thanks all. I do have concerns that I cannot get any provider to really take seriously. I have concerns about PCOS and insulin resistance because (1) I am having a harder time losing weight than I used to (I know hormones are in flux, age, only 5mo pp, etc.), and (2) my GYN has previously suspected PCOS because of high testosterone levels. They did test testosterone levels here, but they were in normal range, and the others were out of whack a bit. I also have fertility concerns because (1) babe #2 took a long time to conceive, (2) I am thinking I may want a 3rd baby, and (2) my sister is currently doing IVF due to low ovarian reserve, which her doc said can run in families. And finally I have concerns about low estrogen because s*x is painful AF (also seeing pelvic PT) and wanted to get a baseline on estrogen levels before using a v*ginal cream. I have questions in to my ob/gyn but fully expect them to be dismissed. Maybe I just need a new ob/gyn :)
anon says
The last sentence is your answer.
Anonymous says
Are you BFing? If so, that could be contributing to dryness/painful s*x.
AnonMD says
While you’re waiting to hear from your ob, I’d highly recommend the book “Taking Charge of Your Fertility”, by Toni Weschler. It’s an accessible, comprehensive review of hormonal cycles, and it can help you understand the changes you see in your body as hormones rise and fall. FWIW, it was more helpful for me than ovulation kits when I was trying to conceive. I used the kits for six months without any success, and after I started paying attention to the physical signs of ovulation, I conceived on my next cycle. Worked again for baby #2. Even if you’re not trying to conceive, you’ll have a much better understanding of what’s happening with your body. I’m an MD, and this book was recommended to me by another MD, who had similar success with it.
Anonymous says
those tests are notoriously bunk
if you’re truly worried about your hormones, fiber regulates and balances estrogen/progesterone (it’s mentioned in the Menopause Manifesto but Dr. Mary Clare Haver talks about it a lot on TikTok). More fiber is always good – air popped popcorn, avocados, blueberries, etc.
Pogo says
What do you guys do when your kid is sick but it’s just a lingering cold? Daycare has been texting me all “Little Pogo is not himself” and “Little Pogo still coughing” and…. so? This week is a nightmare logistically and we just can’t have him home. No fever, no COVID, no strep, no flu. He’s sick, sure, but he also demanded to play outside last night after dinner so it’s not like he’s on death’s door.
I feel bad, but realistically, I don’t think he’d “rest” at home – he would just drive me crazy. I’m not sure what ped would do, he has a cold. I guess the guilt is just getting to me.
Anon says
I would ignore it unless they asked me to pick him up. Those comments sound passive aggressive and not helpful. My kid has always gone to daycare with cold symptoms (including during Covid).
Anon. says
Same.
And no guilt, because if mine has a cold there’s a 90% chance she picked it up at daycare so it’s not like we’re spreading it to someone who hasn’t already been exposed.
Anon says
Yeah exactly. My kid caught something at a children’s museum once (pre Covid when we weren’t vigilant about hand sanitizer). I believe daycare is the source of literally every other infectious illness she’s ever had.
Anonymous says
We had this last week, commiseration! We took our kid to the doctor, and the doctor basically said “kids cough, he’s fine” and so, armed with a negative PCR test, we sent our kid back to daycare. They weren’t happy about the coughing and kept telling me it sounded bad, but they didn’t actually send him home so I let it go.
Pogo says
thanks – I appreciate the solidarity. I love the director and I think she’s also genuinely trying to show concern about his cough, but I’m not picking him up unless specifically asked. Which has not happened.
TheElms says
My kid goes to preschool. If she stayed home all the time she was getting sick / recovering she would barely attend preschool and I would have to quit.
Anonymous says
Honestly, the last time it happened, I said “I think she’s getting a tooth.” If it’s not on their list of exclusion criteria, and kiddo is able to keep up with daily activities, I’m not sure what else I can do. Plus if it’s some kind of bug, she picked it up there.
anon says
I hated these messages when I couldn’t drop everything so easily. I tried to take them in the vein of general updates like “[kid] is loving these peas and carrots!” or “[kid] has a big poop” because I think that’s how they were intended. I didn’t always succeed, but I think it’s worth trying to approach the messages this way.
When I’ve gotten these on days when I could easily drop everything and pick kid up, I appreciated the opportunity to pick my kid up and take care of kid at home.
Post Partum Hair Thinning says
I am a in the final stretch of my pregnancy. My hair is now really long and thick, so I’d like to donate most of the length while its still healthy. Any estimates of how long I have once my baby arrives to get it cut before it starts dropping out?
Anon says
It varies but ~2-4 months is common.
Anonymous says
I think mine lasted about 5-6 months.
NYCer says
Mine never fell out with either pregnancy.
Anonymous says
Did you find it getting thicker or growing faster? Or did it mostly stay the same for you.
NYCer says
I didn’t notice a huge change during pregnancy honestly, so I suspect I just missed out on that whole good hair / losing hair cycle.
Anonymous says
Mine started around 3 months, and it was really bad up until 6-7 months.
Anon says
I’m 4 months postpartum and mine has just started falling out.
Anon says
Good morning! Anyone in NYC or other VHCOL area with a nanny willing to share what they’re paying?
Fallen says
We were in Fairfield and did 20 a few years back (take home pay for her, cash). We still are in touch and I know now she’s doing closer to 30 working in Greenwich. I think most people here do 25-32.
buffybot says
This is my evergreen comment: check out the Park Slope Parents nanny survey.
AnonNYC says
We pay $1100 a week (cash) for one 3yo child for roughly 50 hours – sometimes less hours, never more. Our daughter will be in school 3 hours per day from Sept to June, but our nanny will still work the same hours and be paid the same. Last school year she was in school MWF for 3 hours each day. Our nanny does some other household tasks and has some down time on school days.
Anon says
VHCOL West Coast city and we pay $27/hour + taxes for two young kids (plus $1k Christmas bonus and $300-$500 employment anniversary/birthday bonuses). It’s our second-biggest expense after our mortgage, but very worth it for our wonderful nanny.
anon says
I’m going to be solo parenting next week. What’s adding a wrinkle to this is that I will be 4 weeks past having a major surgery. I’m doing fine and not on painkillers anymore and can drive, but I am still so tired and really dreading this. Kids are in elementary and middle school, so they’re older but also need to get to activities (we don’t have a carpool for those), homework supervision for the second grader, plus the usual parenting stuff. Oh, and I’m supposed to go back to work.
How can I make this easier on myself? Our biweekly cleaners are coming. I can do grocery pickup or delivery. But really, I’m tired just thinking about this. DH absolutely can’t cancel his work trip, unfortunately.
Anonymous says
Hire an agency nanny to do all the driving and dinner and homework
Anonymous says
This right here. In the Before Times we used to hire on-call or temporary nannies through an agency for situations like this and it was worth it.
Anon says
Take leave from work, FMLA leave if necessary. Ask other parents to take your kids to activities. Let the homework for the younger ones slide (with a note to the teacher).
Allie says
All of the babysitters?
Anon says
I think this kind of week is exactly what cereal for dinner + movies/TV every night are for. Seriously- bar so low that surviving it is considered a win. The kids will understand and love a “no rules week”.
Really consider if activities are necessary or if they can be skipped this week. If they are necessary, ask for help and see if another parent is willing to drive for you this one week. I’m sure there will be people who understand and are willing to help out.
Anon says
Skip activities! Don’t worry about homework – ours is all ungraded in Elementary here. Pay or incentize the middle schooler for playing with/entertain the little one. Let them pick out/order a new toy/movie/book for delivery the week of.
See if you can do a part time/delayed return?
Sending positive thoughts!
SC says
+1 to everything. Seriously low bar for dinners–takeout, frozen meals, cereal, whatever. Ask the middle schooler for help with the younger one, and pay/incentivize if needed. Try to arrange one-time carpools (and ask middle schooler to arrange their own carpools) or just skip activities for the week.
I’d seriously consider delaying going back to work for a week. Even if your husband were home, it doesn’t sound like you’re ready to go back.
So Anon says
Here are my recommendations: First, are there any reinforcements that you can call in? Grandparents, babysitters, kids’ friends parents? Second, when you say “go back to work,” if you are supposed to be in person, ask to work remote for the week to facilitate your recovery. Third, I would decide whether it is easier for you to try and keep your kids on schedule or let it slide? I have one kid where a variation from schedule is fun for about a day before major meltdowns and anxiety kicks in. If you can let it all slide, then I would. Have your partner fully gas the car, stock the kitchen before leaving and do some make-ahead meals, snacks, etc. and any other prep work (laundry, cleaning, etc.). Week of, order in food as much as possible and use paper plates. School lunches for the kids. For you, rest whenever you can. Hoping for a smooth week ahead for you!
Anonymous says
+ 1. DH needs to take responsibility here by doing as much prep work as possible. I get the meals from Costco’s deli section, like enchiladas, meatloaf, etc. They feed a family of four and are usually a complete meal. You can put them in freezer, then they can go from freezer to oven, just add 50 percent to the cooking time. Also, can other parents take kids to activities? +1 to delaying return date or WFH. And can a grandparent or aunt/uncle can come to help you out for the week?
octagon says
Babysitter/mother’s helper if you need it. See if you can extend your time at home from work by WFH or medical leave if at all possible. Also, your kids are old enough that I would not be above bribing with a longer term goal — making it clear to them that you’re not 100%, you really need their help to make the week easy, and if they do, they will get X (X being whatever will be enough of a carrot to get the behavior you want — cash, new toys, clothes, special activity outings with friends, etc).
Anon says
Anyone have experience with their kid getting foot braces? DS is in PT for gross motor issues. He had some muscle tightness that was initially causing core weakness. Now that he is working on pulling up/cruising/etc., PT has made some comments that he is pronating a lot and may need braces. I had noticed the same pronation issues… but thought it was more strength-related and would resolve once he was strong enough to start walking. Internet research I did suggests the opposite– that the foot pronation may actually delay his ability to walk. I’m really stressed about this– did anyone’s kid either use foot braces for a limited period of time and then wean off or have a foot pronation issue that resolved before the kid actually needed foot braces?
So Anon says
For what its worth – I do not have a child with this issue, but I did/do. I was in braces when I was a toddler. I was too young to remember, but I remember having appointments as I got older where doctors would watch me walk. I’m not sure if I walked late because of it. My arches and ankles have always been weak as a result, which annoys me to no end. I have custom orthotics and do PT for my ankles/tendons, but it has not impacted anything for me. I played sports as a kid, ran cross country in high school, and run half-marathons as an adult.
anonM says
My kiddos did not end up needing casts/braces, but we had to do special stretches daily with both of them when they were newborns/babies, due to Oblique Talus. We saw a pediatric orthopedic surgeon who was a total gem — patient with me (then a freaking-out first-time mom), patient with a newborn, and patient with my questions about trying stretches before moving to casting/boots. All this to say that if you’re feeling conflicted, maybe it is worth seeing a specialist and/or a second opinion so you can feel more reassured about whatever the plan/timeline/interventions are. I am far from the type to get many second opinions over every little thing, but maybe it will help you here so you can be more comfortable.