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I previously recommended an eyeshadow palette from e.l.f, and I recently picked up another product from the brand that I really like. This company has some sort of partnership with Old Navy, and their makeup is displayed as impulse items you see while waiting to pay. Let me just say, this strategy is working, because I bought this eyeliner without needing, wanting, or looking for eyeliner. My eyeliner tends to migrate down my face, so I am always tempted by products that claim they will stay put. This one does the trick and stays on without smudging all day. The line can look a little harsh when first applied, so I have been adding some darker shadow near my upper lash line to soften it up. This eyeliner is $6 and is designated as “cruelty free/vegan.” H20-Proof Eyeliner Pen This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
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Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
Has anyone gone to the Salamander Resort in VA with a baby (12 months)? I’m going in April and my husband will be at conference sessions most of the weekend. Any tips on things to do/avoid? Tips on what to do if we end up with a one-room hotel room and a baby that goes to bed at 7pm?
Anonymous says
Put the baby to sleep in the bathroom, if there’s room, get room service and bang.
ElisaR says
haha yes good advice.
Anonanonanon says
I’ve had luck just putting the baby to bed at the normal time and laying there in the dark until they fall asleep (I’ve been blessed with children that fall asleep quickly at bedtime). Then, once they’re asleep, we can usually turn on a lamp or read on our kindles or even watch TV at a low volume. The other option is to shower while they fall asleep so that you’re in the bathroom with the door closed and they’re in a dark quiet room.
I haven’t tried that resort yet but I live in Virginia so I’m very interested in the responses!
Anon says
This is what we do too. Although half the time I end up just falling asleep at 7 pm myself.
Anonymous says
This is what we do! We’ve always been able to talk quietly and watch TV after the baby goes to bed. We also bring a portable sound machine and put it right by the crib to help drown out any noise.
So Anon says
I went without my kids a few years ago. In case you haven’t been, the spa at the Salamander is one of the best/nicest/most wonderful of anywhere I have ever been. If there is any way you can swing it, I would book a message and spend an extra hour before or after just hanging at the spa. There is an amazing jacuzzi, rain shower thing and other wonderful ways to relax!
Anon says
If there’s any way you can swing it, I highly recommend upgrading to a suite. A trip where we’re all in the same room isn’t really a vacation, since we can’t do anything except browse on our phones in the dark whenever the baby is asleep. We’ve had some incredibly relaxing vacations with a baby because we splurged on a suite and had a separate living area to relax, read, watch TV, “garden” etc while baby was asleep. It’s expensive, but we can afford it and I’ve accepted that for us this is just an added cost of traveling with a small child. Caveat that at that age our daughter slept a lot (15+ hours/day) but wasn’t a deep sleeper and wouldn’t have stayed asleep if we’d turned on a lamp or the TV.
OP says
Thanks all! When we’ve traveled for ourselves we’ve upgraded rooms, but since this is a tag-along work trip it’s not a good fit (lots of money to upgrade . . . and it’s still a work trip so limited returns on enjoyment). Hopefully we will have a balcony to hang out on, and we may put her in the bathroom to sleep. Have a massage booked post-conference (so I can hand off the baby and enjoy extra spa time). Thanks all!
octagon says
If there is room for the pack and play or bassinette in the bathroom, do that for bedtime. Then when you are ready to turn lights out to go to bed, move it into the main room so that you can actually use the bathroom.
Also, make sure to bring 1-2 white noise machines.
Anon says
It’s hard for me to imagine a 1 year who could sleep through their pack-n-pay being carried across a room. Maybe they exist, but my kid certainly would have woken up and I wouldn’t describe her as a light sleeper. Also I’d note that a lot of hotels have pretty narrow bathroom doors, so you may have to disassemble a PNP to get it into and out of the bathroom.
Surrogacy says
Does anyone have experience with surrogate pregnancy? I am considering offering to be a surrogate for my SIL and BIL (my husband’s sister and her husband). I have a 3-year-old child and we are one and done. I don’t have a huge desire to be pregnant again, but I didn’t dislike being pregnant and had a relatively easy pregnancy. We have a good relationship with my SIL, and see and talk to them at least monthly, but I wouldn’t say that either my husband or I are super close with them. My SIL has confided in me about their fertility struggles though, with things I know she hasn’t confided to really anyone else (including her mom). Part of this is because I have legal experience with adoption and have experience in the foster care system, and they are considering both adoption and fostering. Because of this, I know a lot about their particular fertility challenges, and that they would be good candidates for a surrogacy pregnancy. She hasn’t asked me to be a surrogate, or even hinted at it – this is something I came to 100% on my own. My husband is supportive either way, and is the only one I have discussed it with at this point. I’m not sure what the next steps would be. I think I should probably check in with my own OB and primary care doctor to see if they have any concerns (I doubt they would as I am healthy) and speak to a therapist to discuss this (I have one I have seen previously for anxiety). Do I do this before speaking to my SIL or should I see if this is a route they are even interested in before I jump through any hoops?
Anon says
Even a healthy pregnancy is somewhat risky to the mom. Maternal mortality rates in the US are kind of horrifying. Are you willing to take that risk just to be a surrogate? I wouldn’t be, if I already had a child of my own who needs me. It seems kind of bonkers to me to do this for someone who you say you’re not super close to. I also had an easy pregnancy and enjoyed being pregnant, even at the end, fwiw.
Anonymous says
I loved being pregnant and would gladly be a surrogate for my sister or a few other close friends who I know have struggled with fertility. I have never offered because I don’t want to presume that it is what they want. I would not specifically offer if they have not asked. However, if they are asking you about adoption/fostering options you can ask them in a neutral way ‘do you also want some information on surrogacy’ and you can explain the relevant surrogacy rules in your state. That leaves the door open for them to ask more. It’s very generous of you that you offer this but do not assume it is a route they are interested in taking.
rosie says
This is very generous for you to consider, but I worry that offering this without her ever indicating an interest may change what seems like a good & open relationship between you two. I think that, at most, you could ask generally if surrogacy is something they are considering or would consider.
Anon says
+1
Anonymous says
+1
CHL says
I think you are a wonderfully generous person for thinking of this and you seem well informed about the process and situation. I think that once you put it out there to SIL, it would be really hard to walk it back, so I think it might make sense to do all the due diligence on your part that you can before moving forward. Risks of pregnancy are real, but depending on your demographic, still quite low. I think you should consider those with open eyes but I would not describe it as bonkers. We make a lot of risk/reward decisions in the course of our lives and this could be a priceless gift to your family. I agree with your plan to speak to a therapist (and maybe a clergy person if that’s your jam).
Anon says
You’re amazing for being willing to do this, but I wouldn’t bring it up with someone who has never indicated any interest in using a surrogate. Fertility issues are so very loaded in a way that’s difficult to explain, and a lot of people resent it when well-meaning family members say “have you tried xyz?” – especially if they’ve indicated that they may want to go the adoption route.
rosie says
Another thought, even if you are all clear on the health front and this is something they want — you probably know more about contracts in this area than I do. Is working out the details of that kind of agreement something you’re willing to put the relationship through?
Surrogacy says
OP here – they would never be able to afford a surrogacy agency so I know it isn’t something they have considered for that reason alone. She has told me that a large part of the reason they are switching to considering fostering/adopting is that doing multiple IVF trials is not financially sustainable for them. Unfortunately floating the idea as a general consideration would come off as out of touch on my part.
anon says
I posted a longer comment which has disappeared before I saw this, but yeah, this may be your answer. If they can’t afford multiple IVF, they can’t afford gestational surrogacy, period. There are way more costs to surrogacy than just the IVF, even if you take out an agency fee and, presumably, your compensation (my surrogacy was “pro bono,” as it were). There’s your medical costs, costs for two separate lawyers (yes, they must be separate), court/filing costs, and potentially large costs involving making you whole for, e.g., extended bedrest. Given that fact, I retract my advice to gently float the idea to them. In general I disagree with the comments above that asking them is weird — this is how many surrogacies I am aware of started, because the intended parents may want it, but it’s way more awkward to ask than to offer. But given the circumstances I’d leave it alone and not pursue anything on your own.
Surrogacy says
Thanks for this comment. I had been doing some research but hadn’t actually looked at the cost breakdown. I think the cost would be doable but definitely a huge stretch for them, and do not think it would be a good idea to put the idea out there.
anon says
Yes, I did it (for my sister and BIL). It was one of the most amazing things I’ve ever done, but definitely not for everyone. I would have a gentle conversation with them about it before doing anything. Without committing to anything, obviously — “I just wanted to float this idea to you to see if it’s something you’d want to explore.” Because, bluntly, a gestational surrogacy, which I assume you are talking about, can easily cost $100k, whereas adoption/fostering do not. That may have made their decision right there. Also, you will need to learn a lot of things before you commit, and you may change your mind. A lot of people do. I would not bother with any psych assistance that is not specialized, btw. If you move forward, one of your prerequisites will be a session with you and your spouse and one with all four of you with a fertility specialist psych.
If you do go forward, post again here if you want to talk it through with someone who has done it. I’ll keep an eye out. There are a number of helpful surrogacy facebook groups, but they are generally private and I’m not a member anymore.
HSAL says
For those of you playing along at home, I’ve solved my three across dilemma and am able to keep the Honda Fit! After comments here turned me off the Subarus, I threw a Hail Mary and ordered two Combi Coccoros and they work! There’s currently also a Cosco Scenera Next that will be replaced by a Clek Fllo, but we should be good to go! I have big kids so they’re going to outgrow the Coccoros sooner rather than later, but even if they only buy us a year before we have to go minivan, it’ll save us several thousand dollars.
Anonymous says
As an owner of a Honda Fit, mother to twins, and considering a 3rd, I’m very happy to hear this!
Anonymous says
LOL i thought you were talking about a crossword!
HSAL says
If only, man. If only.
anon says
So glad you found a solution!
EB0220 says
Does anyone have kids who love using boxes for art? My children (4 and 7) love 3 dimensional arts and crafts…spare boxes, paper towel rolls, foam peanuts, etc etc etc. We have a little cutout desk in the kitchen where we store the art supplies but it’s overrun with these 3-d items. Suggestions? Force them to stick to paper? Hide the boxes in a nearby closet? Limit each to one box project at a time? Help. I’m desperate!
Anonymous says
Limit each to one box project at a time and keep them in the closet when not in use. When they are ready to start another project, recycle the old one.
Anonymous says
One box at a time
Anonymous says
Parties and Kids:
Hey all, non mom hoping for some advice. I’m throwing a cocktail party in my one bedroom apartment. I have three friends with kids who I would like to invite, and I know all of them would prefer to bring their kids. I however would prefer no kids. The little ones are 4, 2, and 5 months. It’s really the 4 year old’s mom that is the issue. She doesn’t watch her kid and stays way too late even though kid is crying and tired. Is saying ok to the 5 month old because she’s nursing but no to the other two ok? Or am I better off just sticking with “sorry, no kids!”
Anonymous says
I’ll play. Adults only. As the guest in this situation, I’d leave my kid with my husband and only stay for a short time. I wouldn’t bother with a sitter for this.
AwayEmily says
+1. I’d say just make it adults only and don’t worry about the baby, esp since the baby will prob be asleep by then anyway — or if not the mom can stay for a short time.
lawsuited says
In my social circle it has been fairly common for babies > 6 months who are nursing the get a pass to events that are otherwise “no children”. I’m the mother of a toddler who is excluded from “no children” events, and I still think it’s a reasonable policy. I have a mom friend who is deeply offended anytime she receives an invitation to an event to which her child is unwelcome (although I don’t think excluding all children vs. Allowing the 5 mo to attend would make a difference to her), so you can’t win them all.
Anonymous says
+1
Anonymous says
For this, I just invite “babies in arms” but not other children and let the logistics speak for themselves.
HSAL says
I think you’re fine to allow the 5 month old, but I agree that your other friend will be annoyed either way.
Anonymous says
Great, thanks. I’ll invite them all without their kids and let nursing mom know if she wants to bring the baby that’s fine. Just wanted to make sure it wasn’t a completely off base idea!
GCA says
Agree to invite without kids and maybe let them know somehow they can stay for as short or as long as they want, if that’s your vision for this gathering (the other two might also have to scoot for various reasons, as might your other guests). As the mother of a 3yo and a baby, I would regard this as a nice opportunity to reconnect with friends sans kids (and in fact have been trying to organize a brunch outing sans kiddos but it is the friends without children who seem to be flaking out – but that’s my friend group, and a story for another day!)
Anonymous says
It is not weird to me for a cocktail party to be no kids. I would just say no kids.
Anonymous says
What?! I have kids that are 5,2.5 and 8 months. If by cocktail party you mean “event starting after 6:30pm where adult snacks and booze will be served until 10pm or later and where the goal is for adults to socialize” I wouldn’t bring my 2 or 5 year old to that! They’d hate it, I’d hate it, the hosts would hate it.
I wouldn’t bring my 8 month old because the other 2 would be home with a sitter and also because I’d be drinking cocktails not nursing.
However, I agree with the others that you can make the party “adults only” and then let your friend with the infant know she can bring the baby and set up the pack and play in your room/closet.
And I agree enerslly with the <6 months rule. My infant is crawling and almost walking and doesn’t really nap outside of designated nap times. She’d want to be up and play.
FVNC says
Ladies. My kids (5 yr and almost 2) played together, without husband or me, for 30 min yesterday morning. (With play-doh, so we had to clean up a giant mess, but still! 30 min!) I just wanted to throw this out there for the moms wondering “when will this get easier,” since I have definitely asked that question to myself a million times.
Jeffiner says
Hooray!! Last night I told my 4 year old I couldn’t play, I had too much to do. Without me telling her to, she put away all her laundry, fed the cat, put on her pajamas, and brushed her teeth all by herself.
anon says
What?! Share your witchcraft, please! We took the kids (4.5 and 1.5) out to the cold, wet park because we just could not be in the house anymore. The little one kept pulling the big one’s hair and pushing her around. I cried many times this weekend.
IHeartBacon says
Any chance your 4 year old is available to babysit? ;)
Jeffiner says
She kept parroting me saying, “I have so much to do” the whole time, which was pretty adorable. Also, as soon as I was done putting sheets on the beds, she asked again if it was time to play. I had to agree, she’d earned it.
Sip and see says
Has anyone hosted a sip and see for baby #2? I’m not interested in a baby shower, but am toying with the idea of hosting a drop in afternoon for friends to come and meet the new baby. How old should the baby be before I do this? If you’ve done this, what worked well and what didn’t? (Of course, this is assuming everything goes smoothly with birth etc.)
anon says
i did not, but my mother in law hosted a party for people to meet our babies (twins) when we went to visit them. the main thing i would think about in advance is whether you plan on letting others hold the baby or not. we did not let anyone else hold them at our party bc it was during cold/flu season and i didnt want sick twins while traveling. depending on time of year, i might wait at least until baby gets his/her shots. do you want people to bring gifts? if not, write no gifts on the invitation. i could also see child #1 getting very jealous of lots of people showing up with gifts for baby #2. i would make it 2 hours long, host it at a time of day when you can put out wine, soda, and chips and dip and maybe some sweet treats. make it as easy on yourself as possible
Anonymous says
+1 on the illness issue. My ped was pretty firm that anyone that came to our house to meet the baby needed a flu shot (winter baby) and TDaP booster. We made the grandparents and aunts get these shots as a prerequisite for visiting. Other people didn’t meet her until after she had her 2 month vaccines and flu season was over.
anon says
We did it at 3 months (basically once we had our act together!). It was quite a big affair in the end, though, more like a party than drop in and see the baby and leave. It was more like a we’re throwing a beer and bbq party but also we have a cute little baby to say hi to. Honestly, I can’t even picture my 3 month old or my 3 year old at the party, so I suspect they were being taken care of by grandma/grandpa.
anon says
at what age did you start bathing your kids in the bathtub without a mini tub? and what stuff do i need at that point to make it safe?
Anonymous says
8 months. But we had an adult get in there with her (and still do, she’s 15 months now).
octagon says
I never used a mini tub. We moved to the bathtub when he no longer fit in the sink.
Until 18 months or so, I got in the tub too.
Mrs. Jones says
+1
rosie says
We started around a year or a little after. At some point, my kiddo was climbing and kneeling so much in the mini tub that it was more dangerous to use it. We have a non-slip mat that suction cups to the bottom and a little whale that goes over the faucet to make it less of a hazard in case of bumps.
I’ve heard of using a laundry basket to contain kiddo in the full tub, but we never did it.
Anonanonanon says
I used a bath seat with both of my kids. For my first kid, it just suctioned to the bottom of the tub. With my most recent child, they now suction AND have a tension rod that you install as well. It makes bath time much easier.
Anonymous says
As soon as they could reliably sit up, because we had twins and it was so much simpler to be able to bathe them both at the same time. We put down a non-slip suction mat, didn’t put in much water, and kept a 1:1 adult:baby ratio in the beginning, but started at about 6 months adjusted.
HSAL says
Mine are almost 9 months and they just had their first tub baths. If your tub is smooth I’d get a suction mat, but suction mats on a textured tub (what we have) are pretty useless. Otherwise I think you just need to make sure they’re a stable sitter.
Anon says
3 months (in an inch or two of water). I laid a towel on the bottom of the tub under her head (folded). Once she was sitting up we used a rubber nonslip mat (and a spout cover, which has paid for itself many times over), and we’ve slowly increased the water depth as she’s gotten older (generally around waist deep).
HSAL says
Oh yes! My husband does all the baths so I forgot about this, but I definitely recommend the whale spout cover.
Anonymous says
I would say we did around 6 months. It felt like she outgrew the baby bath pretty quick. We laid her down on something like this (ours was a goldfish, but they don’t sell those anymore) for quite a while until she sat pretty well: https://www.buybuybaby.com/store/product/summer-infant-comfy-bath-sponge-in-aqua/1061375994?keyword=bath-sponge-for-infants We used that with an inch to inch and a half of water probably.
Sitting up probably closer to 9-10 months?
We’ve never gotten in with her.
ElisaR says
as soon as baby could sit we started using a bath ring and ditched the tub. that was helpful especially when baby was in the tub with big bro who’s……not gentle. He is now 15 months and I’m ok bathing him by himself in the tub but if bro is around I still put him in the ring.
Anonymous says
Never used a mini tub. Just put a couple inches of water. We ended up moving to showers very early.
OP says
thanks everyone! we have twins and last night while bathing them realized that what we have right now doesn’t cut it. they are 10 months old and really like crawling around the tub and trying to pull up on the side, which is obviously dangerous and I can see them slipping in hitting their chins on the edge. maybe we should try the laundry basket idea until they are old enough to understand that we do not climb in the bathtub (when will that happen?)
Anonymous says
We just constantly plopped them back down and repeated “we don’t stand up in the tub” but also kept 2 adults around, just to make sure no one got hurt. Around 15-18 months they stopped trying to stand up and now at 2 they repeat the “bathtime rules”, which includes no standing, while there getting ready for their bath.
Anonymous says
When she was a solid sitter. Which was around 6 months. I was antsy to ditch the blue plastic tub so as soon as I knew she wouldn’t topple we switched.
PinkKeyboard says
She was a little over a year and I just chucked her in the normal tub. We are rebels and have no mat and no spout cover. Typically they climb all over until they have a big fall where they either go under or hit their head and are afterwards much more careful.
Suede Shoes says
Will someone explain all the suede shoes in the stores right now to me? I always thought of suede as a fall/winter material. But I need some new shoes and am liking some of the suede options. Can I continue to wear them throughout the summer? To be clear, these would be work/business shoes, not casual. Although it is possible I’d wear them with a nicer jeans outfit (business casual, church). But definitely not for everyday casual. Thanks!
ElisaR says
i see them too and i feel like you can have lower quality leather for suede so manufacturers push it…..it bugs me because I agree with fall/winter feel for suede and I also feel like suede doesn’t wear that well.
IHeartBacon says
I love suede shoes and wear them year round. For spring and summer, a nude or blush color looks great. I also love really bright colors (turquoise, coral, etc) for spring and summer.
Anonymous says
Anyone have experience returning something to pea in the pd that you have pulled the tags off? I know their policy says tags on etc., but curious whether they will take a pair of shorts I wore for a few hours one afternoon and decided were a little too short.
Anonymous says
No of course not and why would they? If they were defective I’d say give it a try but this is clearly your mistake, don’t even bother.
Anonymous says
I have no experience with this particular store, but actually a lot of places will take back items in this situation. As long as you’re honest that they were briefly worn, it’s not unethical. Why not ask? The worst they can do is say no, and then you’re no worse off than if you hadn’t attempted to return them.
Anonymous says
Thanks for the not helpful and somewhat rude response.
Redux says
Do you still have the tags? If so, then absolutely. I have returned things with the tags detached. Or, if a return is not possible, they will often do an exchange instead. If you’ve thrown the tags away, they probably will not entertain a return.
Callie says
I just went through a (admittedly slightly different situation) return with pea in the pod. I bought a Seraphine sweatshirt from them, took the the tags off, wore for approximately an hour before I realized that the shoulder seam was coming undone. I was told that they don’t do exchanges but I could return and reordered. I had to do several back and forths to get a return slip sent to me (otherwise I would have had to pay for return shipping) but they did send me one and I just shipped it this morning.
Hopefully you have similar luck when you take to their customer service dept.
Anonymous says
I would reattach the tags if you still have them.
Anon and Anxious says
Just want to vent about some anxieties and get the thoughts of this wise tribe.
DS is almost 16 months. He’s probably a normal temperament thus far – not some super placid perfect child, but not a hellion, either. As we enter in toddlerhood I find myself super anxious about the “terrible 2s”, tantrums, etc. The first year (especially the first 6 months) were just so, so hard on DH and I, and I don’t want to go into another tough spot, which I know I have limited control over. I read the Moms on Call Toddler book, and plan to read Janet Lansbury as well. We’re in a good routine, and most days with DS are quite lovely. W
The other thing is, despite the anxiety about toddlerhood, I’m feeling very “broody” – I definitely want another kid to complete our family. DH is on board, although has some trepidation at times. We’re not trying (or ready) now, but I may go off BC later this year. Our hope is that we’re in a city closer to family soon, and will have more of the support of our family with DS and if we’re lucky, #2. I guess the anxiety I have is – what if having a toddler is just TOO hard and we never get around to #2? What if we have secondary infertility? I was 34 when DS was born, and will be later 30’s (somewhere between 36-38) if/when #2 is born.
I know this is all pie in the sky but wondering if anyone had the same thoughts in their journey and how they dealt with them.
Anonymous says
I think you’re borrowing trouble.
“I guess the anxiety I have is – what if having a toddler is just TOO hard and we never get around to #2?” Then you never get around to it? If you decide having a toddler is hard and you don’t want a second child, so be it. If you really want a second child, you’ll power through the challenges of having two young kids.
“What if we have secondary infertility?” This is always a possibility and waiting a year or two doesn’t increase your risk for this significantly. If you’re completely unable to conceive (unlikely) there are other ways to complete your family.
So Anon says
Our pediatrician told us that it wasn’t “terrible 2s” in the sense of 24-36 months but actually referred to the second year of life, so 12-24 months. It is in this period that kids first exert independence yet do not have great communication to express their needs. By that calculation, you are already four months in! While there are definitely challenges with that age, I also loved seeing each of my kids develop more and more of their personality. Also, in my experience, it was not like either of my kids morphed into someone different at any particular age or milestone, but more that certain aspects of their personality developed strongly at certain points.
So Anon says
One other note re: infertility. We struggled with infertility with our first. While I knew that primary infertility does not necessarily guarantee secondary, I was preparing myself mentally to go through the process again. Arbitrarily, the closest I wanted my kids was 2.5 years apart. They are 2 years 7 months apart, and it actually took me a while to adjust to that reality. In other words, yes, secondary fertility could happen, but it also may not. I wouldn’t borrow trouble.
Anonymous says
Huh, what your ped says goes against everything I’ve heard and observed about terrible twos. Most 12-18 month olds I know are pretty easy. Kids tend to start asserting themselves more around 18 months, and that’s an age where most kids don’t have a ton of language but really want to express themselves and it can be really frustrating and that generally continues until roughly age 3.
CPA Lady says
Sometimes when I’m in an anxiety spiral, which sounds like what is happening with you, it helps to give myself permission to worry later. Are you going to have secondary infertility? Who knows! You are totally allowed to worry about it, but only once it actually takes place. Right now, you’re going to put it out of your mind because you’re making yourself miserable.
Also, age 1 was way harder than any other toddler/preschool age for me. Not like 2 or 3 were a walk in the park, but 1 was the worst for my child and my parenting skills. So it’s possible you might find other traditionally challenging ages not as bad as you are expecting.
In the mean time, if you’re looking for something to DO, can you work on repairing some of the damage done to your marriage? That is something you actually can control right now and is worth doing, regardless of how your future childbearing pans out.
OP says
Thank you so much. That is great advise and so good to know – I’m guessing maybe it’s so hard because in most circumstances year 1 comes with the learning curve of being new to parenting.
Yes, DH and I really dug in late last year and have been focusing on us, being more positive, etc. It’s been so, so, so much better (90% of the time ;). I think also since I was nursing and not better versed in how to delegate that responsibility, that made things more complex during year 1. (Add to that he started a new job in Big Law, my MIL had a breast cancer diagnosis, and his Grandad passed away – all before/within the first 6 months of DS life. PHEW).
Also incorporated clear schedules/expectations (e.g. laundry gets done on one of my WFH days/he gathers folds and puts it away, he sleeps in Sat, I sleep in/go workout Sun, etc.) which has helped a ton, too.
Anonymous says
Eh…I think you’re borrowing trouble. If you know what is developmentally normal then a lot of the toddler behavior isn’t so bad. I have a middle of the road kid as well and I have found years 1-2 SO much easier than 0-1. Everyone told me “oh wait until she’s walking then you’ll have your hands full” and really walking made everything easier. 16-18 months was a little hard because she was accident prone, but the increasing verbal skills and emotional intelligence has made things easier. Yes she does lay on the floor and lose it sometimes, but it’s normal!! There’s no good time to have a baby and there’s no bad time to have a baby. We got accidentally pregnant when she was 19 months, but we’re planninh on trying shortly after.
Anonymous says
I also didn’t think age 1-2 was bad. Yes, they have tantrums and cry for no reason. But that’s normal! And when they are not crying (which is most of the time) they’re so much more fun, because they can talk to you and you can go to do fun stuff like the zoo and the children’s museum and they actually enjoy it. I loved my daughter as soon as she was born but I loved parenting my 12-36 month toddler way more than parenting a baby. For me, ages 1-2 were very fun ages. 3 was a little more frustrating because they look like kids and so you expect them to not meltdown and behave like babies anymore, but many kids still do. But 3 year olds are so much more independent in other ways and require your physical presence much less, so I wouldn’t necessarily say parenting a 3 year old was harder than a 1-2 year old. It’s just a different set of challenges.
Anonymous says
We are in the exact same place – DD is 16 months old and we want another to complete our family but we don’t really feel ready to have another. I had an easy pregnancy but I don’t really want to be pregnant again, have to loose the weight again, or say goodbye to my DD being my sole focus, and we have a great routine as well. At the same time, we want them close in age, I don’t want to wait too long (also 34), and we know we want another. In the end, we decided to push forward because I’m honestly not sure if we’ll ever be ready! We also figured that a short time of stress or hardship in raising two little ones in the grand scheme of things is worth it in the long run. We’ll see what happens – I’m 8 weeks pregnant now!
OP says
Mazel Tov! :)
SC says
I also think you’re borrowing trouble. My kid was a very easy baby and then, for whatever reason, was a pretty difficult toddler. He’s about to turn 4, and he’s still pretty difficult and has some special needs we’re working on. That said, things are up and down–there are difficult patches and smooth patches. Even on tough days, there are rewarding times.
Our family is complete, for a variety of reasons, but if I wanted a second child, my son’s temperament would not stop me. That said, the money and time it takes to address the special needs are one of several factors in not having another child, but they wouldn’t be enough to sway me against a second child.
OP says
This was really lovely advice. TY.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I get what you’re feeling. I’m prone to anxiety and had these thoughts too, right around when DS1 turned 2 (I was already pregnant though). I may have already forgotten what 1-2 was for him but I’ve found age 2 to be pretty challenging. And having 2 kids (mine are now almost 3 and 4 months) is definitely hard. But… I knew I wanted more than 1 and I went into knowing it will be hard for a few years but (hopefully) ultimately worth it. You will survive! The days when you’re in it will feel like they will never end but they do. I’m already starting to forget what it felt like to be pregnant with a toddler, though at the time it sucked. Maybe asking yourself what you envision your future family looks like will help?
Anonanonanon says
Hello all,
Just sharing that so far today I have been tackling a number of work tasks I’ve been putting off for no good reason. None of them were difficult, just a bit time-consuming or unpleasant. While it’s miserable in the moment, I’m slowly starting to feel a weight lift off of me, so it’s definitely worth it. I encourage everyone to check at least one thing off of your work “to do” list that you’ve been dreading!
AwayEmily says
thanks — I needed to hear this.
CR says
+1
Cb says
I did the box of rice activity on a rainy Saturday afternoon and it was such a hit. My 19 month old played independently for 40 minutes! I put the rice in a large shoebox, put it in a low storage box and put a sheet underneath it. I buried some wooden animals, measuring cups, whisks and some stackable cups, and provided another large bowl so rice could be transferred in and out. Clean-up was fairly easy and he had so much fun.
Anonymous says
What a good idea! I am storing this away for my 16-month-old. I’m not confident she can be trusted not to try to eat the uncooked rice though :) Thanks for sharing!
fallen says
When did you do the 2-1 nap transition and how did you know your baby was ready for it? My 9 month old seems ready for it but I know it is supposed to happen at 12-18 months.
Anonymous says
Why do you think he’s ready for it? 9 months is really, really early. An 8-9 month sleep regression (which is often more of a nap regression) is really common, so it’s probably that.
fallen says
He has been fighting naps – doesn’t want to go down / complains, and he hasn’t complained about naps for the most part for months. It’s taking him 20+ minutes to fall asleep (first he plays for 10 minutes, then fusses for 10 minutes..), whereas previously he always went down with no problem.
Anonymous says
Can you stretch out the interval between naps by 10-15 minutes? He probably needs a slightly longer interval before being tired enough to go down. It may result in a slightly shorter nap (or a slightly later bedtime if he doesn’t shorten his nap) but I don’t think it means he’s ready to drop a nap completely.
fallen says
Ohh that’s a good idea, I will do that. The time change isn’t helping with this either! I am doing 3-3-4 wake times, but I may stretch them out a bit.
Anonymous says
At that age, mine went down for nap #1 at 8:30 and nap #2 at 1:00.
Anonymous says
Eh, I have a 9 month old. She’s really doing one nap a day. Sometimes an AM power nap but usually she’s up by 7:30 and ready for a big nap by 12, sleeps til 3:30/4 and bed at 7/7:30.
Sometimes she’ll power nap around 10:30 then just take another power nap 2-2:45 and go to bed more like 6:30.
Anonymous says
17 months. Mainly because we were switching daycares to one that had one nap, but also, oddly, both naps were getting longer and longer.
Anon says
We’re still waffling between 2 naps vs. 1 nap at 19 months – she probably does 2 naps 4 out of 7 days a week and 1 nap the rest of the week. She (has always and continues to) fight naps in the worst way, serious FOMO. But we definitely notice a significant attitude shift on 2 nap vs. 1 nap days if she didn’t sleep well the night before, or is tired because of extra activities, visitors, etc., so we try to put her down when she’s sleepy (day to day dependent).
Pogo says
9 is very early. Mine was about 15 mo. I knew he was ready when: if he napped in the morning, he did not nap at all in the afternoon. He would roll around in his crib and wreak havoc for 2 hours and not sleep a minute. We then gradually delayed morning nap to 11, kept pushing back by a half hour til he got to 12:30/1 ish. The full transition took awhile and when he got sick at 16mo we went back to 2 naps for a bit.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I did it when we saw that DS was fighting his afternoon nap or taking a much shorter one, probably around 14 months. He was on 1 nap in daycare around a 12 months. His daycare nap window is 1-3 PM, so we put him down a bit earlier on weekends at home (~12:15-12:30) so that he can get some extra rest in a quieter setting, and he typically naps until around 3 PM. Of course we fudge with this time (put him down earlier, wake him up, etc.) if we have plans but try not to do this too often because…his naptime is also our nap/rest time ;)
Of course the biggest thing is night sleep – fortunately it was not effected through any of this!
Anon says
Mom of a 15-month old here. My daughter transitioned to 2 naps on the earlier side (right at 6 months), yet is only now starting to get close to transitioning to 1 nap. We’ve definitely had a few nap regressions (one around 11-12 months was particularly bad), but we stayed consistent and made a few schedule tweaks and she went right back to 2 naps after a week or two.
Try moving the morning nap earlier to allow for a longer wake time between naps 1 and 2 (this helped us a lot!). My daughter is up at 6:30/7, and she generally goes down for her morning nap between 9:30-9:45. Nap #2 is usually around 2:30/3 PM. Now that she’s moving towards one nap, I cap her naps at 60-75 minutes to help her take that 2nd nap and preserve her nighttime sleep.
CCLA says
Mine dropped to one nap at around 10 months on daycare days. She was very mobile and got moved early at 9 months into the 12-18 mo room (which was fantastic – she thrived on the routine instead of the chaos of the infant room). She reliably slept 12 hours each night 630-630 and then took a 2-hr nap at daycare around noon. I was told that at daycare occasionally she would get tired mid-morning and curl up in the corner on a little mat and nap for 20 minutes while everyone else played, but that stopped after the first month or two. On the weekend mornings, we often walk or run in the stroller and she would usually catnap for 30-45 min then, in addition to a 2+ hour midday nap. That’s a long way of saying yours might be ready soon. The afternoon nap got more reliable in length and quality after the transition and it was wonderful.
fallen says
I also should add that he sleeps 11+ hours at night no waking and takes long naps (2 hours for AM, 1.5 hours for PM) and he transitioned to two naps super early (at 5 months).
Anonymous says
My 15 month old sleeps 12 hours straight at night and usually takes a 1-1.5 hour AM nap and a 2 hour PM nap. She transitioned to two naps before six months. Just one data point.
fallen says
Ohh thanks!! Yeah my gut tells me this is way too early, but just wanted a sanity check to make sure no other baby was transitioning to one early.
Anonymous says
I mean, I won’t tell you no other baby in the history of the world has dropped to one nap at 9 months. I’m sure some do. But it is very early, even for a kid who made the 3-2 transition on the early side.
GCA says
Instead of dropping to one nap, could you shorten both? It’s not so much about total sleep duration as it is about awake time between naps – most babies at that age just can’t hang. (No shade, neither can I.) As in, they can’t physiologically handle too long a wake time before bed, and will get overtired.
Canadian says
This is a late reply but try shortening nap 1 to 60-90 minutes. That helped us a lot to get a good nap 2. My first switched to 1 nap at 14.5 months. My current 9 month old is nowhere near ready for one nap.
Anon says
I know this is a good problem to have, but can anyone reassure me that it’s normal for a 12 month old to sleep ~16 hours/day? She’s always been at the higher end of the sleep needs spectrum, for most of the last few months she was sleeping a solid 12 hours at night and getting two 1-1.5 hour naps, so it’s been around 14-15 hours. But the last few weeks, she’s seemed much sleepier than normal. Her nights have extended to more like 12.5-13 hours and one of her naps is always at least 2 hours and the other is often 1-1.5, so I’d say most days she’s over 16 hours of sleep. I’m talking about actual sleep, not time in crib.
She had her 1 year shots a couple weeks ago, and those knocked her out for several days (she was seriously barely awake for 2-3 days), but I assume any effects from those have worn off, and anyway this sleepy phase pre-dated the shots. A growth spurt wouldn’t last this long, right? She has been crawling for a while and doesn’t seem close to walking, although she has recently started pulling up more so maybe there’s an element of physical tiredness. When she’s awake she generally seems happy and not too tired, although she does tend to a get a kind of glazed over look in her eyes shortly before naptime. No meltdowns or anything. She is late-ish (but not out of the range of normal) on gross motor milestones but seems pretty average on everything else developmentally.
Anonymous says
Seems pretty normal. She may have been fighting a cold bug and shots always made my kids sleepy too. Sleep is good for the immune system.
Is she in daycare? As my kids got older, they didn’t get as restful naps from daycare because they were more bothered if other kids were unsettled or wiggly at nap time. If she’s moved up rooms recently that can also be exhausting as it’s a lot of new experiences to take in.
Anon says
Thanks. No, not in daycare, she’s home with a nanny. We had planned to start her in daycare soon, but I’m hesitant to, in part, because she seems to need so much sleep and I’m worried about her getting enough quality rest in a toddler room.
ElisaR says
my older son was/is like that. He’s almost 3 and still takes 4 hour naps on weekends. My 15 month old doesn’t nap more than 2 hours. I was spoiled! Although it has been somewhat limiting – hard to do anything on the weekend when someone is napping the whole afternoon.
SC says
My kid has always needed the maximum amount of the recommended range for his age. At 12 months, 15-16 hours was pretty normal–12 hours at night and 2 long naps. (I’m so thankful our nanny was willing to do light housework during his naps.) Once he started daycare, at 13 months, he was sleeping 13 hours at night and taking one long nap at daycare.
Kiddo is almost 4, and his reduced need for sleep has been a tough adjustment for us as parents. He’s still napping for 1.5 hours at daycare, and probably needs it for regulation/behavioral reasons, but now he’s not going to sleep until sometime between 8:30 and 9:30, and waking up around 7-7:30. (We tried moving wake-up time to 6:30, but after 2 weeks, he wasn’t going to sleep any earlier and was just getting sleep-deprived. Plus, we didn’t like waking up at 6:30 on weekends.)
Anonymous says
My kids also needed this much sleep, so I think it’s definitely within the realm of normal.
Anon says
Dying here. I can barely keep my eyes open, I have a lot of “boring” work to do this afternoon and post-dinner calls this evening all the way up until bedtime. Can’t decide if it’s DST or I am pregnant (guess we’ll find out next week), but man is my butt getting (inexplicably) kicked this afternoon.
Anon says
DST is killing me and I’m definitely not pregnant. I have no idea why it’s so hard – I travel a lot and a 1 hour time change is no big deal but I think somehow it’s worse when you’re at home because your body isn’t prepared for it. Like, maybe there’s something about getting a plane that tells your brain to adjust to a time change? I don’t know. But I know I couldn’t fall asleep until 2 am last night, despite being exhausted and not getting that much sleep on Saturday night.
Redux says
Ha, I totally wondered to myself if I might be pg before realizing that I am on my pd and it is therefore impossible. But man, this day.