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anon says
My 8 year old daughter has asked for a makeup set for x mas. I am trying to not overthink things and just get her a little lip smacker-type set and move on. But, a little girl playing with makeup makes me cringe a little.
Anon says
It would be cringe for me too but I think you’re on the right track with lip balms and stuff.
Anon says
I have a 7 year old, and I’ve never really seen a problem with her playing with make up. I know people have that objection and I respect it, but I don’t really see the issue at all. The way little girls play with make up is very different from the way adults use it -it’s mainly about fun colors and designs for her.
OP here says
thank you, this is great perspective!
OP here says
OP again – do you set any rules around the makeup, like no wearing it to school?
Anon says
Not officially, but since it’s really a plaything for her, it just doesn’t come up (her make up play is usually an elaborate project, not something that there’s time to do before the bus comes!). But I probably wouldn’t worry about it if it were just a little and there wasn’t an issue with it. There’ve been a few times (not recently) that she’s gotten fussy about not having it and we’ve told her no, it’s just a fun thing and she can’t use it if she’s going to act badly, but that’s no different from any other toy. And we have rules about her using my stuff without permission, but that’s just practical.
(Ok, there have been a few times she’s asked me to make her a kitty before school (whiskers and black nose with eyeliner), and I’ve let her do that. It’s just too cute to pass up.)
Anon says
Just chiming in to say I have a 9 year old and also don’t really have a problem with playing with makeup. Similar to doing hair or painting nails, it’s just a fun way to add color and design to your look.
We do have a rule that you have to look and dress appropriately for the environment, so just like you wouldn’t wear a dress to swim lessons, you wouldn’t wear lots of crazy colors in hair clips or makeup to school. (Unless it’s wacky day.)
Spirograph says
+a million to the anon at 9:52. My daughter has a “unicorn makeup” set that she loves. My rules about it are that she has to use q-tips if she’s doing it with a friend — no sharing brushes, and she has to wash it off before going to bed. She doesn’t try to put it on before school, it’s just for play. She has, on occasion, smeared on some [fill in color here] eyeshadow to match her outfit for church and I just let it go. It makes her happy, the way that doing fun hairstyles, wearing colorful clothes, or putting a million bows in her hair makes her happy. She is very artistic and creative and her appearance is part of that… I guess I could buy a slippery slope argument, but I really don’t see this as an early sign of her spiraling into self-loathing as a result of unrealistic beauty standards.
I also paint all my kids’ nails upon request.
Anon says
Are you okay with nail polish and nail stickers? My kids love getting nails painted and chose a dif colour for each nail.
OP here says
yes, we allow nail polish, but i ask her to take it off for school. I may start to relax that rule a bit.
anon says
Yeah, I really don’t see the big deal about letting her wear nail polish to school. There’s nothing inappropriate about it, and it’s a pretty safe medium for self-exploration.
Anon says
My 5YO definitely wears nail polish to school, and I usually paint her nails for her as a good rainy weekend day activity, and then take the polish off a week or two later once it’s really badly gone. I don’t do anything too crazy, but also try to let my type A personality go, so this week and last she has been sporting glitter pink alternated with a shimmery navy which never in a million years would I wear more than one polish color at a time.
Anonymous says
My girls are 6&9 and they “do makeup” as a fun thing to play. They don’t wear it to school and they don’t even try- for them it’s like playing “crazy hair salon.”
They do paint their nails and wear that too school, but never makeup (and never “crazy hair” either!).
Anon says
It wouldn’t be my all-time favorite gift to give, but if it’s what she wants, I’d recommend finding a “clean” set (no lead, phthalates, or parabens, for starters). There are also some brands of nail polish that are less harmful than others.
screaming into the void says
Over the holiday, I found out that while my in-laws were on a cruise they tested positive for COVID. Instead of reporting it to the cruise line like they were supposed to, they just “wore a mask for a couple days” and “sat far away from people in the dining room”. Basically, they thought they were special and above the rules, because they didn’t want it to ruin their vacation.
I am livid for two reasons 1) when we all got it, it was 2.5 weeks of hell working from home while very ill with two children and 2) I have a coworker who just got off the vent and moved out of ICU to rehab after contracting COVID at a work event. People are still dying.
I understand that we can’t live in isolation forever, but I just want a TINY bit of understanding from people without young children or compromised friends/family etc that this is still a big deal. I personally have long COVID and continue to suffer from persistent cough almost 10 months post infection. Like yay, glad for you that it wasn’t a big deal but god forbid you ruin your vacation so possibly you don’t kill somebody.
also, they knew what they did was really shitty because they didn’t tell anyone directly and it kind of came out in an roundabout way.
anon says
Yeah, that’s very shitty. There’s a big difference between not being locked down anymore, and blatantly going out and about when you’re fully aware that you’re covid-positive. That’s irresponsible and selfish.
Anon says
I’m sorry. I totally get it and feel the same way. IMO, it’s one thing to have different risk tolerances when no one has it, but another completely to make up your own rules when you’re testing positive and putting others at risk. My best friend flew her 2-year-old home maskless when he was on day 3 of infection (after the whole family tested positive with the thickest, boldest lines you ever saw), even though he could have easily stayed at grandma’s house for free for weeks if needed. As a high-risk person who may or may not be protected by the five vaccines I’ve had, that specific move felt like a slap in the face in a way that our normal risk tolerance differences never did.
OP says
This. I actually have a friend whose daughter had COVID and so they kept daughter grounded while my friend flew to see her dying father. That’s not like… oh I don’t want the inconvenience of having to fly my kid at a different date after our vacation, it’s like, my father might not see his granddaughter before he dies. But she still waited til daughter was out of quarantine before sticking her on a plane.
Anonymous says
Ugh, I’m sorry! The dining room part is the scariest–those dining rooms are so crowded and airflow is very poor.
This is why our family is still masking in public. If we could count on people to behave responsibly and self-isolate when sick, we could ease up on mask usage. It’s infuriating, especially when people get aggressive about claiming they can’t hear us talking as a thinly disguised means of mask-shaming.
Anon says
Their actions are awful. But I do think for your own mental health and sanity, it might be better not to waste mental energy being rage-y at them and focus more on things in your control and things that affect your own family.
But maybe I’m just salty because my FIL came to Thanksgiving with a “bad cold” that turned out to be…you guessed it. So now my entire family is testing daily and waiting to find out if our vacation we’re supposed to leave for next week will be ruined. Because obviously we’re not flying anywhere if positive.
govtattymom says
I would love all your tips for a holiday visit to NYC! My husband and I are taking our 6yo daughter in a couple weeks. Looking to keep it fairly low key (as low key as Christmas in NYC can be lol). We want to save most of the traditional NYC tourist things (like statue of liberty, museums, etc.) for another visit. What sort of fun restaurants, experiences, etc. do you recommend? We are staying at the Courtyard New York Manhattan/Central Park.
Anon says
My in laws live there and we’ve visited at Christmas a few times. Some things that I think would be good with a 6 year old:
Rock3ttes
Skating at Rockefeller Center
Union Sq Christmas market
Columbus Circle holiday decorations (stars that change colors)
Macy’s Santa
Fifth Ave storefronts
NYCer says
These are all great suggestions. A few others:
– Bryant Park also has a skating rink and a “winter village” that could be fun
– The Plaza Hotel has a holiday tea (Santa walks around)
– Rolf’s restaurant is quasi-famous for its holiday decor. The food is just average though IMO
– FAO Schwartz
– Holiday Train Show at NY Botanical Garden (this isn’t in Manhattan, but my kids enjoy it)
– Hudson Yards mall has nice decorations (this is more of a bad weather option….at the end of the day, it is just a mall)
NLD in NYC says
+1 to all this. Adding:
Christmas lights in Dyker Heights (Brooklyn)
Train show at NY Botanical Gardens
Skating in Central Park would probably be less crowded than Rockfeller Ctr though. Bryant Park also has a holiday market.
Anon at 9:41 says
The Central Park rink is owned by the Trump family, so we’ve avoided it for that reason post-2016. It’s also pretty crowded.
Thanks to you and NYCer for the additional ideas, will add them to our list for next time!
buffybot says
The Trump concession was canceled by the city last year, just FYI.
Anonymous says
For low key with a 6 year old, I would visit the model train display at the transit museum annex at Grand Central (visiting Grand Central itself, and its holiday market, is also an activity; this is all free). That is a great age for the Natural History Museum, which has an origami tree, if you can stand the crowds. Lower key performance options include the New Victory Theater, which has an Ethiopian circus show in December I think. Their tickets are relatively affordable and it is dedicated to family shows. (Balcony seats are fine IMO). I would consider the train show at the NY Botanical Garden in the Bronx, although it is a bit of a shlep, because it is pretty cool. It can be pretty crowded though. They have a new evening outdoor light thing I haven’t tried. Mommypoppins.com has good NYC guides and event listings.
Anonymous says
Oh, and the new Winter Village on Governor’s Island might be fun and a little off the beaten track if the weather is ok. Getting there involves a ferry too.
newlyanon says
Color Factory was fun for kids last holiday time
Hudson Yards has dylan’s candy bar and camp which was fun for kids
Gazillion Bubble Show if they aren’t ready for a show/play
strategymom says
We were there last week with our 5 and 7 year old. Skip Encanto at the Camp stores. Our highlights were:
– Natural history museum – kids could have spent 2 days there. Watch Night at the Museum first so it will be extra fun to find “Dum Dum”. We went to the Diana Ross playground and walked to Levain after for cookies.
– Museum of Ice Cream
– Serendipity for frozen hot chocolate (food is meh)
– American girl store (got her Costco doll’s ears pierced and had lunch at the cafe. check daily – there are always cancellations on the website)
– Intrepid
– Central park zoo
– Serafinas (good location, pasta)
– Botanical Gardens train exhibit
– Rockettes
– Burgers at PJ Clarks
Wanted to go to Ellen’s stardust diner
Anonymous says
Shoutout to fellow MoCo school district moms… I’m glad that the people in the plane dangling from the powerlines last night were rescued and I appreciate the “abundance of caution”, but my area never lost power and an extra day with kids at home is not what I needed after a long long weekend. *sigh*
Boston Legal Eagle says
Our town decided to make today a day off for the public school kids for a teacher’s training or something. Not great timing after all these days together! At least daycare is open…
Anon says
I feel the opposite – turning a 4 day weekend into a 5 day weekend is better than having a random day off midweek or even turning a regular weekend into a 3 day weekend.
Anonymous says
We lost power for about 10 minutes, but I followed the story all night — it was so crazy! I’m so glad the people were rescued, I can’t imagine crashing and then spending 7 hours stuck in the wreckage.
Anon says
I’m very glad to be just over the border in PG, so that my kids are in school today! Planned days at the end of a long weekend are one thing, but learning at midnight that there will be no school the next day is rough.
Feeling your pain says
Houston’s out of school because of a water pipe issue and boil water notice.
Anon says
fortunately my kids small private school is open, but i have lived in Houston for less than 10 years and have experienced multiple boil water notices, which i never ever experienced in any of the other cities/states i’ve lived in
Anonymous says
We lost power until 11:30pm. It was actually a very sweet evening with a candlelit dinner and reading books with our camping lanterns. Preschool was still open since power was restored, my kindergartener is homeschooled. At least it’s not a bad weather day? But schools here will basically close for a gust of wind, so, it’s not surprising. This is one of the reasons that public school enrollment in our area hasn’t recovered as people have switched or stayed with private schools or homeschooling.
Leatty says
Same. Fortunately, our aftercare program was open, so we didn’t have to keep our kindergartner home. After 5 days home with two small kids, I desperately needed them to go to school so I could hear myself think again.
Also, this event is another reminder of why I’m not at all comfortable flying in a small plane. It’s a miracle they didn’t die in the crash.
AnonMom says
Fun Monday question! What is your daily beauty and makeup routine for office? I’m looking to simplify and cut some steps and adding more “clean” easy to use products.
Anon says
Caveat that I WFH full-time, but when I do travel to one of our offices, my routine is essentially the same:
Face: splash water, pat dry, then apply Alastin Eye Cream and Restorative Skin Complex. Let it dry. Apply Alastin Hydrotint, concealer under eyes and around nose, fill in brows with pencil and then brow gel, apply mascara and blush. I use Smith’s Rosebud Salve lip balm.
Hair: it’s curly so if I’m going to be in the office, I wash it in the morning and diffuse. If I’m WFH, I wash it every other day and then it just looks super messy on the days I don’t :)
Anon says
None, lol.
NLD in NYC says
Ditto, still wearing my mask! lol
Anonymous says
I’m still makeup-less most days but I’ve found mascara makes a big difference in whether I feel put together. I’m also trying to be better about applying face sunscreen daily.
Aunt Jamesina says
I smear on bb cream, use brow powder and mascara and that’s pretty much it. Concealer if I have something I want to cover. I timed it and I can literally do my makeup in under a minute. I let my hair air dry (it looks decent-ish; L’Oréal’s lamellar water is seriously a miracle product!) and can practically hear my mother yelling at me about going out with wet hair in midwestern winter. I always set out my outfit and pack my lunch and work bag the night before.
Anon says
For me (I’m the mom of the 7 year old above, so we’re on point), shower, wash hair and (usually) blow smooth every 3rd day), moisturizer with spf, a little foundation and concealer, powder, eyeliner, eye shadow, and blush (5 min at most for makeup). Style hair and add a little jewelry. I think it’s pretty quick and easy, other than the hair, at least.
In-house lawyer, biz-cas, no mask.
Anonymous says
I use a tinted moisturizer and a few ILIA products, which I recommend if you’re looking for clean options. Ilia makes a great concealer for under eye, and I also love their lip balms. The ILIA mascara can clump a bit but otherwise works well. For my eyebrows, I use a Kosas pencil, because it’s the only one I’ve found that will stay on.
Anonymous says
I wash my face, use Aveeno moisturizer with SPF (it’s the only one with SPF that I’ve tried that feels like it absorbs and doesn’t just sit on my skin), use a Laura Mercier caviar stick for a little eyeliner/shadow smudge, mascara if I’m feeling fancy and not allergy-eyed, and a tinted lip balm (usually Fresh Sugar in Petal or some random other ones I’ve been trying out). Concealer under my eyes if I look egregiously tired and on any acne spots.
Mary Moo Cow says
Bare Minerals powder, brush my brows and eyelashes, and Almost Lipstick is my usual. Some days I add Supergoop eye shadow and mascara. I’m in a business casual office, 3 days a week. If I’m in court, I might sub in a bolder lipstick.
Anon says
None – and we don’t wear masks. I’ve just opted out on this one.
Anonymous says
+1! I think I wore more make up as an 8 year old than I do now.
Anon says
Lol I wash my face with Dove in the shower and use Vanicream moisturizer . Sometimes I will do makeup but usually not. If I want fast makeup I’ll do some light foundation, eyebrows, and curl the lashes. I have finally admitted to myself that fancy skincare products don’t really do anything and that nobody cares if I wear makeup or not.
Tea/Coffee says
WOH: SPF moisturizer + Elf Camo cc cream cut 50/50 with a little more moisturizer. Possibly some spot concealing (again, Elf Camo).
Neutral eyeshadow
Chapstick
Dangly earrings (do they count lol)
WFH: SPF moisturizer + some kind of shine reducing powder, maaaaybe eyeshadow if I’m really motivated
I opted out of mascara in 2020 and never looked back
Anonymous says
Work in the office and have a public transit commute, elementary school kid who gets herself ready with constant reminders from me.
Nars tinted moisturizer with sunscreen, Nars concealer (under eyes and where needed), blush, urban decay eyeliner (goes on quickly and smoothly), curl eyelashes, mascara. Takes 2-5 minutes, depending on how in a rush I am.
When I was WFH I did nothing, and clinique black honey before reach zoom.
Seafinch says
90 second face but I am in the military and we just relaxed rules to allow obvious make-up. I do a red reduction primer, a BB or light foundation, concealer if I have redness, line my upper lids, fill in my brows, Nars on my cheeks, quick swipe of lip gloss and pressed powder over t-zone. Super fast and basic but a minor improvement in order to just look a bit more put together (and fresh) and more than probably 75% of my colleagues.
Anon says
Skincare: Corsx snail mucin + Sunday Riley vitamin C serum + Evan Healy wild carrot eye balm for undereyes + Cetaphil moisturizer
Makeup:
Tinted moisterizer when I go into the office / Saie tinted sunscreen for when I’m home (it’s lower coverage and I sit right by a giant window)
Milk Makeup cream blush
Makeup by Mario Skin Enhancer
Clear brow gel
Origins undereye concealer (TBD based on how bad my dark circles are that day)
Covergirl Lash Blast mascara
If I have an extra minute or two I’ll swipe some cream bronzer on my lids to give my eyes some depth.
Anon says
Ugh did anyone else have a brutal dropoff today? Mondays are always bad but Mondays after being home for a week and a half (illness + holiday) are especially bad.
Pogo says
DH did dropoff today so not 100% sure, but they were surprisingly good getting out of the house. We did let the 5yo sleep in quite a bit – he was getting near his limit of “no structure” days + trying to keep up with older cousins. Last night he was in rare form, baiting his little brother, potty talk nonstop, and refusing to listen.
anonM says
Also surprisingly ok this am, so bracing myself for Monday Meltdowns.
Anon says
A fun gift question!
We have a finished basement that we’d like to turn into more of a playroom for our 3 kids- 3.5, 6, and 8. Currently we keep some games and toys down there, but it’s not a great set up so we’d like to turn it into a better playroom as a Christmas gift. It’s L shaped and so we’re thinking keeping toys/games, a table for crafts or board games and some sort of seating (maybe a couch, maybe some bean bags, maybe a nugget) on one side and turning the other side into an indoor jungle gym of sorts. Kids are very high energy, love sports and playing outdoors, seemingly fearless and we live in the Northeast so would love an indoor area where they can run and play during the winter. Right now that side has one of those Step 2 rollercoasters, but the kids have outgrown that. Looking to create an area where they can run and play and get their energy out without breaking things and where I can contain the chaos of both kids playing hard and the explosion of toys.
Thinking we could maybe do some mats and a goal or indoor basketball hoop or an indoor jungle gym swing set type thing or a rockwall? Open to any and all suggestions for indoor play equipment! Budget is roughly $1,000 but a little flexible.
When the kids are older we plan on turning this into a rec room with couches, a TV, and probably a pingpong table but for now we’d like to keep it TV free and keep their screen time upstairs with a little more supervision.
Anonymous says
My kids would love to have those hanging hammock chairs in a space like that.
Anon says
I think the basketball shooting games are supposed to be good and your older kids are close.
Anonymous says
We have a large finished basement that has our guest bed, a couch, and a huge beanbag but lots of space still. Kids (similar ages) do a lot of running down there playing pretend sports- definitely recommend keeping open space if you can. Of your options a basketball hoop would be our kids’ top choice.
Anonymous says
+1 for lots of open space. It is really great to have a big open space where they can run around, make up their own games, do cartwheels, set up sports courts, etc.
anonM says
Dress up clothes/chest, and pop-up tent
Spouse travel says
How late in pregnancy would you be comfortable with your spouse traveling? We have two other kids at home (preschool and toddler age) and late in the second trimester, I’m already having trouble lifting the toddler. Ugh. Both are in daycare, minimal local support system otherwise.
AnonPG says
I’ll be 33 weeks tomorrow and we have a 25.5 month old toddler (who is big for her age – 33 lbs and 39 inches). I’m good with lifting her and chasing her so we based our decision solely on not wanting to deliver without him being there. He’ll stop all travel 4 weeks prior to due date and resume 6 weeks post delivery.
No local support system (family or close friends, b/c we moved here 2 months before Covid). Nanny but she doesn’t/can’t stay overnight.
Anon says
I think it really depends on the nature of his job (how mandatory is the travel?) and the nature of the travel (is he going to Europe or Asia or is it within the US? How fast can he get home if you went into labor?). My husband is an academic so his work travel tends to be more optional – it’s definitely useful to go but it isn’t required and he doesn’t have a boss who will be holding it against him if he doesn’t – and he started declining stuff in late second trimester. He also turned down work travel to a Zika destination when we were TTC. If your husband is a consultant or something and has to travel for work weekly and is only going from like NYC to Cincinnati then it’s a different story, and I would say he probably can’t stop until it’s very close to the due date?
Anon says
i think this is so personal and depends on your personal pregnancy circumstances as well. like a high risk pregnancy my answer would be different. and even if you weren’t high risk, but aren’t feeling well all the time, my answer would also be different. in your case, it sounds like the sooner he can stop the better because you probably don’t want to be doing heavy lifting. and how mandatory the travel is, duration, etc.
Pogo says
My husband travelled at 37 weeks and I was not thrilled, but I survived. However, I only had 1 preschooler who did not need me to lift him into a crib. My coping strategy for that week was to go to bed when the preschooler did.
Travel was vaccine production related, so it was pretty non negotiable. Otherwise, he avoided all travel in third tri and post-baby for as long as possible (had one other vaccine related trip when baby was about 5 or 6 weeks, and I did have my parents help for part of that).
Can you hire a PT sitter to help in the evenings?
EB0220 says
With my 2nd we started spouse’s travel lockdown at 35 weeks. My first child was born at 36 weeks and he was gone bc we figured that first children are usually on time/late. Oops. So we were extra cautious with #2.
Anonymous says
I didn’t have trouble lifting my toddler into the crib until the last week of my second pregnancy, and could lift her otherwise. But my second was a big baby and I was otherwise miserable so I needed someone with me from 36-37 weeks on.
Anon says
Dh traveled to 37 weeks one pregnancy but then baby came at 37 weeks and he almost missed the arrival (I mean it wasn’t that close, but I definitely drove to the hospital without him) and up to 36 weeks the next. Resumed travel 2 weeks after delivery but I got a night nurse any night he was going to be gone for the first couple weeks.
Luggage for kids? says
Luggage advice? We are taking our first international plane trip with all three kids, and are planning to get our kids carry on size luggage for Christmas. Kids are 10, 6, and 3 and we are going to Amsterdam for Spring Break.
I think the 10 year old will get something on wheels but I’m torn as to whether this should be a duffle or a suitcase.
The 6 and 3 year old, we’re debating between backpack and something with wheels. They already have backpacks for school, so this would be something bigger that they can pack for themselves in if we did backpacks – we were thinking of something from REI. On the other hand, I think they will have fun pulling rolling suitcases, but when they get tired of that, rolling luggage will be a pain for the grownups to carry whereas backpacks we can put on them and just tell them to carry them. The rolling backpacks just seem bulky and inefficient. But maybe not? Ideally I would like the two older kids to travel with three days worth of clothes and pjs and maybe one or two things to keep them busy/entertained. The 3 year old I think will still pack with me so her bag would just be for the fun stuff and snacks.
Any seasoned travelers with experience on luggage and kids have thoughts or suggestions? or reliable brands?
Anon says
I would get small carryon luggage with wheels in addition to regular (school-sized) backpacks for the two older kids. They should be able to manage that themselves. My 4 year old is not athletic (she is a seasoned traveler though) and manages her own backpack and small rollaboard just fine. I would pack the 3 year old’s clothing in your suitcase and just give her a small backpack to wear for the trip.
It’s not an either/or backpack or rollaboard. For older kids you really need both a backpack and a suitcase. You want the in-flight entertainment in the backpack, which goes under the seat in front of you. The rollaboard with clothing and toiletries goes in the overhead bin and won’t be accessible during the flight.
We have this kids luggage from Target: https://www.target.com/p/crckt-kids-39-hardside-carry-on-spinner-suitcase-pastel-rainbow-ombre/-/A-80183838
It’s on the small side but works fine for trips <1 week, especially for kids' clothing, which is smaller than adult clothing. It has spinner wheels, which is key for kids (easier for them to push than pull) and the small size means it doesn't get overly heavy. I actually ended up getting one for myself too. We've only had it a couple years so I can't speak to quality but at this price point I don't expect it to last forever.
Anon says
Oh I just realized I may have read this wrong and you’ll have checked luggage in addition too? If you’ll be taking checked luggage then I agree just backpacks (normal ones, not giant oversized ones with wheels) for each kid with in-flight entertainment and a change of clothes. I was thinking the goal was to be carry on only. Personally I think checked luggage isn’t necessary for a trip of this length with kids this age – I’ve never had trouble packing an adult or potty-trained child in a carryon rollaboard for 1 week (3 year old’s clothes could be combined with someone else’s if you don’t want to manage another suitcase) – and I find it very unwieldy to travel in Europe with enormous suitcases. But YMMV.
Anonymous says
I would not do this plan. On the plane I want each kid to have a back pack that fits under the seat in front of them with their supplies for the flight. A roller suit case winds up being inaccessible the whole flight. I pack one rolling carryon with a change of clothes for each person and check the rest.
NYCer says
This is my recommendation as well.
NYCer says
I should add, I would not count on the 3 year old carrying anything (at least that has been my experience for my well-traveled 3.5 year old). So if it were me, I would err on the side of a small back-pack for that kid, so that I could easily carry if if (when) the need arises.
anon says
My kids are 4 and 5 and we still check one giant suitcase for the whole family and then have everyone carry a small backpack with whatever they need on the plane, but I think when we branch out to carry-on suitcases for everyone I’d go for rolling suitcases so they can also still bring their school backpacks.
My priority here is keeping plane entertainment easily accessible (e.g. under the seat in front of us). If you get suitcases with 4 wheels, it’s pretty easy to roll two of those with one hand if a kid gets tired of pulling it. I know for my kids, I’d have a much easier time getting a tired, whiny kid to pull a suitcase (fun!) than to carry a backpack (heavy!) with all their clothes for vacation.
Anon says
My kids are 10 and 8. For 3-5 day trips we can get away with all of us packed in two large checked suitcases, and then each person has their own carryon backpack. Each backpack carries PJs and a change of clothes, plus tablets headphones and chargers, books, snacks, and other entertainment for the flight. A collapsible water bottle to refill after security is in one side pocket, and we have carabiners on the zippers to attach neck pillows for longer flights. When the kids were younger, one or both of the parents would also include the Mifold car seat in their backpack for ubers and taxis.
The backpacks are just cheap ones in different colors from Amazon, but have lots of pockets to separate the various items and make it easy to grab stuff from under the seat. The kids do have their own roller bags but we use those for checked luggage on longer trips. Once they graduated from the cartoony ones, we just got basic hardside spinners in bright colors.
OP-Luggage for kids says
This specificity is super helpful! Thanks!
I love hearing other people’s packing list ideas.
Anonymous says
We travel internationally with our 3 kids each year to visit DH’s family for 3 weeks. We take:
– two checked suitcases – one for DH and I and 1 for the kids
– 1 wheeled carry on – 2 changes of clothes for kids and one change of clothes for adults – think minimal – my change is leggings, tank with built in bra and undies. You can buy stuff at airports – this is just in case someone pukes/pees/spills food on the plane.
– backpack for each person. Mine has a magazine, iPads, tons of snacks if we get stuck. DH has passports, travel info, chargers etc, his own snacks. Kids bags just have two studies or one stuffie and one blank ir plus their iPad and two books plus blank paper and erasable colouring pencils. (Tic tac toe, drawing pictures etc)
For checked luggage – use packing cubes – each family member has a different colour. Makes it easy for kids to know where to find their clothes. I also pack their pillow case from home to put over the hotel pillow. Helps them settle.
Anonymous says
Wheeled carry one do not store well under seats and are a pain to open midflight. Just use their school bags.
OP says
Thanks for all the input!
I guess i feel like they already have backpacks for school, so another one for travel might feel redundant. But i see how they are more practical for the flight.
The spinner wheels is a good point, too. I’ll make sure to look for that feature.
Maybe the 10 and 6 year old will get rolling suitcases to use along with their school backpacks, and the 3 year old will get a new backpack with lots of pockets.
Ideally we won’t have to check so that we don’t have to drag a huge suitcase around.
Anonymous says
Just use their school backpacks. You don’t need to purchase something new here.
Anon says
I’m the Anon at 12:47. We live in the Chicago area, so we have separate backpacks for travel. We travel often, but most importantly their school backpacks tend to get gross in the winter and spring from all the salt and mud on the bus floor (I assume). Since we’re carrying PJs and undies in the carryons, even in a packing cube, I prefer to have separate backpacks to keep that stuff clean. Ymmv, but wanted to share why we bought additional ones since the OP is traveling in Spring.
OP – I forgot to mention, I also wear a small cross body bag (an Amazon knockoff of the Lululemon belt bag) where I carry my IDs and credit cards, everyone’s passports, and some basic first aid like bandaids, tylenol, and dramamine. My husband carries the Rx meds in his backpack and also has a pack of dramamine kids in his pocket.
Anon says
If you want new backpacks, I’d go smaller not larger. My now 4.5 year old has a mini backpack (something like this: https://www.target.com/p/skip-hop-zoo-mini-backpack-pug/-/A-85554125). It’s fine for travel, it holds the essentials for a plane flight like snacks, a tablet and headphones. And when she was 3, particularly a young 3, she still needed us to carry it most of the time. When it was heavy it was hard for her to walk long distances through the airport. It may be kid-dependent but mine has actually whined a lot more about backpacks than suitcases.
Bottom line – I would not count on the 3 year old carrying anything, including a backpack. A 6 and 10 year old should be able to carry a small backpack and a small suitcase each, but I wouldn’t overload them (particularly the 6 year old) on either if you expect them to handle it independently. If you’re trying to go carry on only you can probably get some of 3 year old’s clothing into the 10 year old suitcases, since little kid clothing is so tiny. If it were me doing this trip, each person would have a backpack and each person except the 3 year old would have their own carryon suitcase.
anon says
Honestly, dragging a huge suitcase around is a pain, but I still find it easier than 5 smaller suitcases, especially with smaller kids who might not be able to manage their own. Unless you’re moving around a lot, it’s really just getting from the airport to your destination in Amsterdam where you have to deal with it.
Anon says
i was the poster last week with the 4.5 year old twins concerned about family visiting over thanksgiving and my SIL’s wedding conflicting with the start of kindergarten. reporting back that overall the visit was great and my SIL thinks my MIL is like 12 steps ahead of her in terms of the whole wedding thing (which SIL doesn’t even really want) and having our kids there and in good spirits is very important to her and she does not want to select a date that would be stressful for their schedule. i really was surprised last week by how many people didn’t take into account other people’s schedules when choosing their own wedding dates. it was very important to us when we got married that for certain ‘tiers’ (for lack of a better word) of people, that it be as little stress as possible and chose a date accordingly (like didn’t want our friends in medical school/residency to have to fly in late friday night/early saturday and then have to fly out early sunday morning so took their rotation schedules into account).
Anon says
I was surprised by the responses too and am sorry you got so piled on last week. We cleared our wedding date with our parents, siblings, grandparents and close friends we expected to have in the bridal party. At a certain level of friend/acquaintance you just send the invite and if they can’t come, they can’t come. But that’s like your sorority sister you haven’t talked to in 10 years, not your sibling and nieces/nephews.
I’m glad you had a good visit and a good resolution to the wedding issue!
Anonymous says
I’m so glad this worked out for you! I encourage you to resist the urge to catastrophize. No one said “don’t take others schedules into account when planning a wedding.” Literally not a single person. What many of us said is they wouldn’t factor in kids having school Monday as an issue for a Saturday wedding. Obvi you disagree and I’m truly glad your SIL is going to work with you! But please don’t dramatize the advice you were given here.
Anon says
Nah, not OP but a lot of people acted like it was crazy to think you’d take other people’s schedules into account at all.
Anonymous says
They did not.
Anon says
“Here is how weddings work. The couple sets the date and invites guests. Guests accept or decline the invitation based on their schedules, budgets, etc.”
https://corporettemoms.com/mighty-patch-invisible-acne-pimple-patches/#comment-336755
That was not how my wedding worked at all. We had a date in mind but we cleared it with everyone we really wanted to have there before inviting anyone. Whether or not starting kindergarten the following Monday rises to the level of a scheduling conflict is a different question, but there were definitely people saying you don’t take guests’ schedules into account at all.
Anon says
My reply is in m0d because I included a link to the previous discussion, but someone said “Here is how weddings work. The couple sets the date and invites guests. Guests accept or decline the invitation based on their schedules, budgets, etc.”
That was not how my wedding worked at all. We had a date in mind but we cleared it with everyone we really wanted to have there before inviting anyone. Whether or not starting kindergarten the following Monday rises to the level of a scheduling conflict is a different question, but there were definitely people saying you don’t take guests’ schedules into account at all.
anon says
I would say that most people I know take/took close relatives and friends’ schedules into account but only for major things like other weddings, military deployments, planned surgery. Not things like first day of Kindergarten.
FP says
I understood it not to be that the bride wasn’t taking her schedule into account; but that the date was already set and the OP would ask her to change the date because the kids started school on Monday. The advice was that she couldn’t really make that request and instead would find some way to handle – either skip the wedding, or go and just make the best of it.
Anon says
Yeah but I disagree with that – I think with immediate family you can definitely broach that it isn’t going to work for you and would they be open to changing the date. You certainly can’t demand they change it and you have to accept that they’re well within their rights to say no, but I don’t think having that discussion is off limits given the nature of the relationship. For a more casual friend, it would be very weird, but this is the bride’s sibling and nieces we’re talking about.
OP says
i was the OP. the date was/is not actually set. no deposits have been made. it was/is a date strongly in consideration by MIL who is trying to plan the wedding before SIL is even engaged, against SIL’s wishes.
NYCer says
+1. I was also one of those posters that said it was no big deal. And yea, of course I took other people’s schedules into account when planning my wedding…..but sorry, the first day of Kindergarten falling the Monday after our wedding did not make the cut for our planning purposes.
Glad the holiday weekend went well though.
Anon says
i’m not the OP, but for my nieces and nephews who i wanted to be in our wedding, and lived flying distance away, it definitely would have made the cut for us as an issue to consider. i would have wanted to take it into account and my parents also would’ve insisted (they also generously paid for our wedding). granted as a childless twenty something i probably wouldn’t have totally understood the issue, but i recall that for me as a kid having time at home before school starting again was very important and i had a sister with some pretty serious anxiety issues and for her having to be out of town the weekend before school starting would’ve been out of the question.
Anon says
+1
Hmmm says
This is such a know-your-family thing. I’m glad it all worked out!
Another pregnancy post says
I need to vent. I’m 7 months pregnant and my husband just took a new, bigger job and I am feeling so much frustration and rage about it. Objectively, there is no reason for him not to have done this; it’s an opportunity he’s excited about, and he isn’t the one who is pregnant, obviously. But the exact same thing happened when I was pregnant the last time and it was really hard having him in the “new job” mentality when we had a newborn at home. When I asked him about paternity leave, his answer was that the company doesn’t do set amounts of PTO but that they said he could “take what he needed”—so yeah.
This also means I’m 100% on the hook for child care for our older kids during daycare’s winter break this year, which is technically fine as I have that week off anyway—but it isn’t what I expected or was hoping for. He had a ton of banked PTO at his old job that he would have used over the holidays. His old job was less money but very flexible generally and an insane amount of time off.
I think the real issue is I’m just fed up with how much pregnancy and having an infant affects me and has negatively impacted my career, and how little it seems to impact the men around me. I know that it’s not fair to take this entire cultural/professional issue out on my husband. But I’m just so freaking mad.
Anon says
If he had all that banked PTO, that was paid out when he left the old job, correct? That money now should fund a sitter or night nurse to help with care he would have but now won’t be providing.
Anonymous says
Yup!
Pogo says
correct. throw money at this!!
Also, this post is helpful as I feel like I’m your DH in terms of getting into various “mentalities” about new roles, big strategic initiatives I’m leading, etc. Like I start to feel so important and irreplaceable and like I have to be best foot forward all the time for these various opportunities, and my DH has felt like you do here. So it is a good reminder to step back and consider how these moves (and/or own our attitudes about them) impact our partner.
Anon says
vent away. DH got a job offer the night before i delivered our twins (i was admitted to the hospital a bit early for preeclampsia) and i was freaking out about him taking the job, initially it would be less $, but better in the long run, etc. so insisted he take no time off between jobs, which in retrospect if we’d been able to make and process this decision when i wasn’t about to deliver two children. he then worked A TON during the first year of their lives. thinking back i honestly don’t know how i did it. we were lucky to have a baby nurse for the first 9ish weeks bc he went on multiple business trips during that period. and i will never forget when i was maybe like 3 weeks back into work he went away on a 5 night trip and one twin was still waking up in the middle of the night. and one perk of this job was going to be all the vacation time he got and less weekend work, but he spent all of new years day working and i spent the day trying to care for our 6.5 month old grumpy teething twins. since this new job means more money, can you throw any money at the problem? i’m assuming you decided that in the long term this job was better for your family, but not necessarily in the short term?
Anonymous says
I mean why wouldn’t you be mad? Zero reason he couldn’t have negotiated to start after that day care break week.
OP says
Honestly, I didn’t even think of this and I wish I would have. He has to travel out of state within the first few weeks of starting, so I was really just focused on wanting to get that trip out of the way sooner than later. And in my head, having a more time working before the baby was born seemed preferable. But this would have been a good idea to at least consider.
Anon says
He sounds like a grade A a-hole. I wouldn’t stay married to someone who made important life decisions without considering the impact on his spouse and kids.
OP says
Well, I can say with certainty that this isn’t true. Not going to engage further on that point, so you’ll have to take my word for it on his overall character. But I am frustrated with this specific situation.
Anon says
I mean, my first sentence is subjective but the second one is objective at least as it pertains to me. You can make different choices. But even if he’s an otherwise great guy his behavior in this situation alone would be a dealbreaker for me. It’s a stunning lack of disregard for you (and the kids too). I know a lot of men who are crappy husbands and fathers and don’t pull their weight in the home, but I don’t know any who have done anything this disrespectful to their wives.
Anonymous says
This is incredibly unhelpful. How is initiating divorce proceedings when she has a newborn going to simplify the newborn period?
anonM says
+1. These “I would neverrrr” type posts are really grating. We don’t know every detail of this relationship or these people. Also, if this is the most “disrespectful” thing this anon has ever heard of spouses doing, maybe just be glad no one in your life (or their partners) suffers from addiction, is abusive, etc.
Anon says
Taking a job that is a good career move after discussing it with your spouse even though it will probably end up making you less available during the newborn stage is the worst most disrespectful thing you have ever seen a husband do? Like I agree it’s problematic but let’s turn down the drama a little.
Pogo says
I think her best course is to throw money at it, and if his attitude annoys her (which sounds like it does) sit him down and talk about how he needs to put on his big boy pants and ask for the time off, know his worth and not feel the need to impress these people to the detriment of his family. But I don’t think this is a DTMFA situation – some people really seem to jump there at the tiniest thing! I’m guessing they’re still single, or maybe they found the one perfect human in the whole world?
Anon says
I read the post as he took the job before discussing it with her. If they discussed it and she told him she was ok with him taking the job, then I agree his actions aren’t nearly as horrifying. I still think the husband’s behavior is not great, but if it was discussed and OP approved it then she shares responsibility for this situation by not using her words about how it would affect her.
And nope, not single and don’t have a perfect husband although he’s definitely better than a lot of the guys I know and a lot of the guys discussed here. I don’t think divorce is the solution in every situation (although like I said, it would be hard for me not to go there if my husband took a job that would negatively impact our family without discussing it with me first) but I do think hetero women collectively put up with way too much BS. It amazes me how many women here and IRL have just accepted that there marriages will never be close to 50-50 despite having high-paying, demanding jobs themselves.
Colette says
I think that this is a reasonable thing to be angry about. What are your shared expectations about contributing to the family both in terms of money and household labor? Changing jobs does not automatically free him from those household labor obligations.
He can’t just unilaterally assume that you are going to pick up his slack. Yes, its biology/society that structures things so that more of the work falls to the women but we all make individual choices. He is choosing to reinforce those dynamics at home rather than acting to improve them.
I work in a high travel, high paying job that is 95% male and it’s wild to me how little my male peers help out at home. It’s 1000% a choice that they are making.
Also, he should have negotiated things like taking the week between Xmas and new years off and the exact amount of parental leave desired as part of accepting the job. It’s incredibly disrespectful to your family’s plans that he did not.
Anon says
Agree with all of this. There are societal issues in play here, but don’t let him off the hook because society sucks. These are choices he made very deliberately. Make him own his choices.
OP says
He generally does a ton at home and with the kids, which is part of why this is so frustrating—he does 90% of the cooking, dishes, about half the child care. We’re the classic example of two people feeling like they’re both doing 75% because there’s just so much to be done. If he was lazy, maybe I wouldn’t care as much as I’d be used to carrying the entire load.
But you’re right that he does tend to make a lot of assumptions about me just stepping in. And I am really upset about the leave thing—he seems to buy the “unlimited subject to approval” line but I really feel like that’s totally worthless to me in this situation.
anonM says
OP, I think you’re right to be concerned about unlimited subject to approval. DH has a job where that is the case, and he uses less than days than at his previous job. It depends so much on his workload and project timing. When it slows, he can take more time, but for the first year or so at the new job he barely took time off. It was also still start-up culture sort of, so that may play in to it, but I’d suggest scheduling certain priorities now so he can be firm on them, such as a summer vacation and, of course, paternity leave.
GCA says
Agree. There is no reason he couldn’t have negotiated to start after the daycare winter break, and no reason he cannot take a proper paternity leave when baby arrives. People take pre-planned time off all the time when they start new jobs.
Vicky Austin says
My DH would do this out of the feeling that he needs to level up in compensation to prepare for new baby and not think about the fact that time is also valuable, so I feel you.
I’d have no problem going to him and saying that his PTO payout goes towards a sitter/night nurse/other help, or he immediately clears a specific amount of time needed after baby is born with his supervisor (after you and he decide TOGETHER what that is). Or both!
Anonymous says
There’s lots here. Logistics- As a high level HR person, make sure he has actually asked if there is family leave available (even unpaid). There may be state leave, even paid, available depending where you live (though not fmla) and many organizations would grant some type of family or personal leave in these circumstances. If it’s unpaid, as someone noted, maybe he had PTO cashed out at his old job.
It does sound like there’s a lot, emotionally, for you two to work out. To share my experience, my husband started a new job one week after our second child was born. He is a teacher, it was the start of the school year, and he had been trying to switch to this school for a long time. Long term it has been the best decision for us. Emotionally, it was extremely difficult and those difficulties continued for a long time. If we had had the resources to hire a night nurse or even just someone to help for a few hours every day, we definitely should have done it – because my husband was in new job land and while he definitely helped at night, he was also focusing hard on putting his best foot forward at work. It was much harder for me and my own mental health than our first baby where my husband was home for six weeks. So I think my advice is be proactive about setting up support for yourself in advance- not when you are delirious with fatigue and not making good decisions (if you are like me).
octagon says
I need a gut check. Kiddo (7) has been in speech therapy for 1.5 years for articulation challenges. In the spring he had surgery to release a tongue tie that was stifling progress. We were led to believe that would lead to quick results. His progress has basically stalled out. We switched speech therapists and something is just not clicking – he continues to say “wabbit” even though he hears that it is wrong. Other medical causes have been ruled out, his hearing is fine. I assume we need to switch therapists again, but what do I need to be asking for? Anyone have suggestions for therapy methods or magical techniques that could help?
Anon says
What does the therapist recommend and do you trust them? Can you go get a second opinion without pulling him from his current? My 5YO is in her 3rd year of speech therapy (3rd therapist since she’s aged out of various programs and now sees the school pathologist). I’m not sure that you’ve given the new therapist enough time to establish rapport and get to know what works best for your kid (mine takes a while to warm up, but YMMV)? And just because the physical problem is fixed, he will still need to learn how to properly make the sounds so I wouldn’t expect a quick fix TBH. When you say his progress has stalled, is it at the micro level, and is it across all sounds or just that sound? Hearing the error is good (took my kid a long time to hear the error). Being able to make the correct sound after modeling in isolation is the next stop. Then making the correct sound without modeling, but still in isolation. Then in the first syllable, then in a middle syllable, then in an end syllable. Then in the phrase level and then sentence level. It’s a long process to get from wabbit to rabbit. For some sounds, my kid has taken 18 months to master the sound. Other sounds she masters in a few months. Kids brains are weird. My super smart, now very verbal with a giant vocabulary kid is still a good year or two behind her peers in terms of articulation errors. No identifiable causes and hearing is also fine. I also know that R is a pretty advanced age sound – is it possible he is just not developmentally ready for R yet? A quick search suggests it is ages 6-7 to master, so he might just not be ready yet and just needs more time, especially if he is a young 7 rather than almost 8.