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In my adult life, I am a one-piece wearer. In the past few years, one-pieces have come a really long way, and I’d argue that nowadays there are even cooler one-piece options than bikini. Now that the issue of showing my stomach has been “solved,” my second least favorite part of swimsuit-wearing is showing my upper arms. (I realize this is all in my head, and this is mostly a comfort issue for me and not a debilitating insecurity.) Anyway, I love this half-sleeve swimsuit with a zip down the front to keep it fun. I love the print, and of course the price. This swim line also has a short-sleeve suit and full long sleeves, all with zippers and fun prints. The price depends on the print and the size, and the range is $3.89–$24.98. Zip-Front Half-Sleeve Swimsuit This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 3.26.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
outsource says
The discussion yesterday left me thinking, how do you guys outsource what you outsource? Cleaning and lawn care are easy to outsource, but then I saw things like meals and I wonder how to outsource that while eating healthy, and grocery shopping and laundry are tough to fully outsource (groceries still need to be ordered, even if laundry is cleaned elsewhere it still needs to be taken there and put away?)
AIMS says
I missed the discussion yesterday but for things like grocery shopping I think the solution is ordering mostly the same things because then you can add the same stuff to the cart as last time, which I think most online grocers have as a quick order option. So, for ex., I just order the same yogurt and chicken and milk for my kids every time I order. For laundry, there are places that will pick up and deliver your laundry or you can have a housekeeper do it and put it away. Obviously some of this costs more money. For meals, I think it’s trickier unless you can pay someone to customize what you want but there are services that are specifically geared toward healthier options.
Boston Legal Eagle says
A lot of meal delivery places have healthy options in right-size portions. For laundry, at least where we are, the service does pick-up wash, fold and drop-off. So yes, you still have to put the laundry away, but it saves some of that in-between time.
Anonymous says
You have to get the service that fits what you need. A pick up/drop off laundry service wouldn’t work for me because it still has to be put away and that’s the pinch point. I can never get it back into the drawers. I have a house cleaner who folds and puts away the kids laundry. I throw in a load in the evening, put it in the dryer in the morning and start another load. She folds the first load and then puts the second load in the dryer. I taught her to fold Konmari style so the kids drawers stay organized. She also strips the beds, puts on fresh sheets and puts the dirty sheets in the washer and dryer. I fold and put away out the sheets because that’s faster than kids clothes and if I don’t get to it, it doesn’t really matter if the sheets sit in the basket for a week as she can just put on the fresh ones from there.
Buddy Holly says
I just signed up for Daily Harvest for breakfast smoothies. There is a woman in my town who comes and cooks food and puts it in your fridge, and another who drops it off on your porch already prepared. Both personal chef services are pricy. I also have time to make Green Chef it Sunbasket, so we do those instead, but if I was busier I would hire one of the personal chef ladies. Laundry is a sticking point for me. I don’t like how other people do it, but it seems that the mountain never ends. I once took the 4 year old on a two week trip and we only brought three outfits each, and it was almost easier to do daily laundry by hand in a bucket than to face the laundry mountains that somehow accumulate for the family at home.
Anon says
I just accept that we have laundry mountains and every two weeks (before the housekeepers come), I fold the 8ish or so loads of laundry that have accumulated on our guest room bed in a massive folding session. And I try not to feel guilty about it, because at the end of the day, no one’s needs are not being met because they had to fish a clean shirt out of a mountain rather than a drawer, so in this season where a lot of things need to give, this is one of the ones I have no problem letting slide. One of these days I really should negotiate with our housekeepers whether they are willing to fold clothes as well or just hire someone to come in once a week and fold clothes and do light housekeeping, but we’re a family of introverts who don’t really like strangers in our spaces (the biweekly housecleaning took a long time to get comfortable with), so I don’t see that happening any time soon.
Cb says
I think that’s totally fine but figure out a way to make it fun for you. Guilty pleasure TV? Podcast?
Anon says
If I’m lucky I get a late night conference call I need to babysit (but not actually take notes on), so I put in my headphones and work away while folding, but yes, I typically catch up on the DVR while doing it.
Anonymous says
I do lots of laundry, and my system is to put a new load in/switch to the dryer at night, before leaving work, and when I get home. Clean laundry sits in the dryer or a clean laundry basket until I get around to folding. I fold a few nights a week after the kids go to bed, and that’s how I justify any TV time. I almost never watch TV without folding laundry, to the point that I will specifically do a load so that I can feel useful if there’s a show I want to watch. I DVR Jeopardy! so that I always have *something* when needed.
SC says
My husband takes on the laundry (and always has) in part because he can fold and watch YouTube videos/Twitch at the same time. I HATE laundry, so whatever he wants to do is fine with me.
Anon says
As for groceries, we use Peapod (through Giant) and basically fill out an order each week (and both of us update it on our phones throughout the week until the order cut off the night before, but we mostly order the same things each week), and set it for unattended delivery early Sunday mornings. We typically do a big breakfast on Sunday mornings, so while the waffles are cooking, DH and toddler unload the cooler and bring stuff in to kitchen where I am cooking and then we all put it away while breakfast finishes. Way better than trekking the 20+ minutes to the grocery store, spending an hour shopping, driving 20 minutes home, unloading from the car and putting away, and it significantly cuts down on impulse buys. By outsourcing meals I meant that we eat frozen food, eat out or order takeout or delivery probably to a third to half the time. Or I order pre-prepped ingredients to make cooking faster. And to keep it on the “healthy” side, we try to be mindful of what we’re ordering, and if it’s not healthy, to be mindful of portion size (a typical restaurant meal for me is dinner that night with the leftovers for lunch at work the next day). And I rationalize it in two ways – young children are a season (and we typically always make sure their meals are healthy-ish within the bounds of what toddlers are willing to eat on a given day) and I ate 95% of meals growing up at restaurants or fastfood with zero concern for health, so I’m doing better than my parents did for me. Everything in moderation is my motto.
Anon says
A friend of mine has their usual weekend babysitter come over one day a week to wash, fold, and put away laundry while she and her husband are at work and their kid is at school. Our old housekeeper used to do our sheets and towels and that was a surprisingly huge help (just not having to think about it was big!).
I also outsource a decent about of our toddler’s meal prep by using Raised Real meal delivery. My husband and I eat a lot of salads, which aren’t toddler friendly, so this way I don’t have to spend time peeling and chopping a million different fruits and vegetables specifically for her.
Ash. says
Ordering groceries online takes about 10 minutes, versus an hour-plus to drive to the store, find all the things, pay, and drive back, so to me that’s still a successful “outsource”.
For outsourcing meals, we use Freshly. It’s ridiculously expensive (about $10/meal — for one person), but it accomplishes the goal of neither of us having to cook dinner on weeknights. The meals arrive completely prepared, and then you just microwave them for 3 minutes, but they’re good quality. I contrast this to “meal kits,” which to me make no sense. How is it easier if I still have to cook everything? No thanks.
Anonymous says
The zipper on that swimsuit would make me very nervous, especially with small kids who are liable to unzip it. It looks like the model needs fashion tape to keep the suit in place with the zipper open, and she is much better endowed than I.
Anonymous says
I like the sleeve aspect of it. I don’t have arm insecurities, but my shoulders are always the first place on my body to burn. It would be a good option to either prevent that or cover an existing burn (rare, but it happens).
Anonymous says
I may not be the most stylish person at the pool/beach but if I’m going to be out for a long time, I often just wear a rash guard over a bikini, just like my kids with their swim shirts. I have a cap sleeve and long sleeve one that I bought for a surfing vacation ages ago, and I don’t know why I didn’t dig them out sooner. I’m pale and burn easily, and it’s so nice not to worry about reapplying sunscreen to my shoulders every hour. A few brands are making rash guards that are actually kind of cute.
Anon says
My standard pool uniform is a land’s end tankini topped with a land’s end rashguard. So much less sunscreen to apply to my pasty white burn-prone skin. And I think it helps reinforce for toddler that she needs to be in a rashguard too.
Anon says
Yeah, I just wear a bikini bottom and a rash guard (with a bikini top underneath). Sun safety is way more important to me than looking cool at this age.
Anonymous says
I think for a suit like that I’d need to wear a bikini top under it.
Anon says
I have this suit. It has foam cups that are a little silly (very molded) but totally cover everything and also keep you warm. I really love it and it looks fantastic and is toddler proof for swim lessons. Caveat that there is zero shaping, so if you need tummy control, I would look for a different style.
AIMS says
This is so dumb but I’m going to ask anyway – is it weird that my kid’s feet barely grew since last summer? Pretty much all her sandals still fit, albeit with a bit less extra room. I keep hearing parents say how they’re constantly buying their kids new shoes but I have been waiting to buy new shoes forever and just don’t need to. Her feet grew maybe half a size in the last year and her younger brother is basically the same size at this point even though he’s two years younger. We don’t have any pediatrician appointments coming up and it seems silly to make one for this. Just looking for anecdata really. She’s not huge, but growing fine otherwise (& I am on the smaller side myself so it’s not like I expect her to be a giant).
Anonymous says
My oldest is like this. She’s tall but her feet are apparently slow growing. My middle kid will soon catch up on shoe size! I have small feet for my height so it didn’t surprise me.
Anonymous says
Same here. My sons’ feet seem to grow like crazy and my four-year-old daughter’s feet, not so much. Her younger brother is only a half shoe size smaller at this point, despite him being 2 years younger. She still manages to destroy shoes, even though she doesn’t outgrow them, but the crocs lived to see a second summer. She’s otherwise growing just fine and is tall for her age.
Callie says
Same here–My feet are really small though so it didn’t strike me as too weird. I literally just moved my kid up in sneakers–after wearing the same pair everyday since sometime mid-last summer–he’d worn through them (especially on that pushing scooter foot) so I bought new ones one half size up but I kept checking and it’s not like he outgrew the last pair.
AIMS says
Thanks all! Appreciate the reality check, as always.
Same here! says
This exactly, down to the ages.
I handle kids clothes and shoes and it’s actually super annoying bc my DH has spent the last year telling me he thinks she’s outgrown her shoes based just on how long she’s had them. I guess that’s where it’s coming from as she hasn’t! We’ve probably had 10 conversations about it at this point. Nope, her feet just haven’t grown since last year! This thread is super comforting. Her brother is a half size smaller according to the professional measurements I just had done at the children’s shoe store… after which he commented that DS’s new shoes seemed too small. It’s apparently a thing with him. I’d put him in charge of buying shoes but I think he’d just continually be buying them too big! So I’ll continue to laugh and ignore him and buy them the right size!
Anonymous says
Part of it might be getting used to the rate of growth slowing. As babies they grow so fast and go through sizes so fast. It’s an adjustment to go from needing a new size every 3 months to every 6 months to eventually every year or less. I also think folks at shoe stores recommend getting shoes SO HUGE. It’s like they size them and then recommend a size up to account for “how fast they grow”. So he might skewed from that. And then they recommend getting resized every 3 months. (Because, you know, they want to sell shoes.) To some folks that will translate to “My kiddo needs new shoes every 3 months.”
One Piece Problem says
I love the look of one pieces but whenever I’ve tried them on I ALWAYS have camel toe. I want one to work because they’re so cute on others and after two kids I do not feel comfortable rocking my old bikini anymore. Is there some trick I’m missing? Do I just have a significantly longer torso than other people? (I don’t feel like that’s the case — other clothes fit fine.) Does anyone else have this slightly ridiculous problem, or have any tips?
I went ahead and ordered this one because it’s cheap and has free returns on prime, but I’m not optimistic.
Anonymous says
I’d try long for sure. I have a long torso and the only time it is an issue is with one pieces.
anne-on says
Jcrew has long torso suits, I believe lands end does as well, it sounds worth a try.
lsw says
I tend to get wedgies from one-pieces, and have gotten suits from both those places!
Anonymous says
J Crew doesn’t have any long torso suits this season. :(
anon in brooklyn says
I bought a cute long torso suit from Aerie.
Anonymous says
Is Aerie actually long these days? I used to try to shop there, but their long seemed like a junior long, aka regular women’s sizes. Their long length pants were high waters on me.
poiu says
I use a tankini. As a bonus, I don’t have to wrestle the entire thing off to go to the bathroom.
Anon says
This.
octagon says
Pull to the side! I will be forever grateful to the girl on my swim team who let me in on that secret.
Anonymous says
This. I thought everyone did this?!
EB0220 says
+1 Maybe it’s a swim team trick?
Anonymous says
You need a long or to size up for length, depending on the brand. I wouldn’t expect cheap Chinese made suits like this to be tall-friendly, but who knows.
Anon says
I always wanted a daughter and I’m fortunate to have 18 month old twin girls. However, lately I feel like I’m missing something by not having a son, which is kind of funny to me bc i never really wished for a son (though to be honest when we found out we were having twins, i kind of hoped for one of each). Reading the main page of all of the women who can’t find an SO and end up alone makes me sad. I know many more single women than men and I know there are more women than men in the world so that makes sense. Maybe me daughters will be attracted to women – who knows, but I worry they will end up alone like many of the women on the main page, who I’m sure are wonderful people with fulfilling lives, but they do post about wishing they had an SO…
Anonymous says
Um this is hideously offensive.
Anonymous says
This is such a bizarre comment, but men also end up alone. Plus slightly more biological males are born each year than biological females.
Anonymous says
This has to be a Trll.
Buddy Holly says
If these intrusive thoughts are new, talk to your doctor about depression and anxiety.
Anon says
Wow.
Anon says
+1 how weird?
Ash. says
Interesting, I have two daughters and I don’t worry about this at all. They are incredibly beautiful, smart, happy, and interesting as preschoolers, and I have no doubt that they will attract all the friends and relationships they want in their lives. I intend to raise them with the confidence to pursue what they want, but at the same time to be kind and humble so that they will be well-liked by others. I also plan to give them, at an appropriate time, realistic expectations about relationships, and about timing and goal-setting.
You may consider this approach to proactively address this potential future problem, rather than just being like, gee, sure hope my daughters don’t end up miserable and alone! You as their parent have an enormous influence on the kind of person they turn out to be. Use it well.
Anon Lawyer says
I mean, maybe you should worry about your hypothetical sons growing up to be in prison or an addict or a manchild or an MRA, since the prevalence of that type of man is why so many women are single.
Anonymous says
Talk to me about having your in-laws visit right after the birth of your baby. They won’t be staying at our place (too small) but will stay in a hotel 1 block away, and have assured us that they want to be as helpful as possible. They have not set a time period for staying but we’re thinking 7-10 days. My husband will be home too. I can see assigning them grocery runs, laundry and dishes, but what else will we do with them? I imagine I will just be on the sofa the whole time trying to figure out nursing. Any advice/suggestions?
Anonanonanon says
Are you comfortable nursing in front of them? I was really private about nursing, and my husband asked my inlaws to leave the room when I did. They got very offended over it and would make a big show of dragging dining chairs into the kitchen to sit and stare at each other, it was awful. In-laws in general seem to act very odd when a new baby arrives.
Before they started being weird, it was helpful to have someone to hold the baby so I could take even a half hour nap. Other than that, laundry, small errands, etc. They especially liked being tasked with baby errands, like going to get more burp cloths.
Anonymous says
I was the same way, but I always nursed in baby’s room. So no one was having to leave the main living space for it. That strikes me as a little strange, but nonetheless I’m team new-mom, so if it was what was best for you, then certainly no judgment from me!!
anonanon says
I also always nursed the baby in the nursery, and it was never an issue. If you don’t make other people move, it won’t become a thing and you will have privacy.
Jeffiner says
I was nursing in front of them, too, but my husband told me to just go for it. His mom only nursed him for the first 3 months, but she was still supportive of it, and it wasn’t crazy for his dad. His dad just looked the other way whenever I started to nurse. I’m really glad I decided to nurse in front of them, because they visited in the height of my baby’s cluster feed phase and I would have been stuck alone in the bedroom most of the time otherwise. Instead we all just sat on the couch watching TV together.
My FIL cooked for us, and made me snacks in between meals. MIL did laundry, changed diapers, and held baby while I took a shower or napped.
Anon says
As a counterpoint, I have no modesty and I found that whipping out my breast was a great way to get rid of my difficult father-in-law, leaving just my MIL (who I like way more).
Anonymous says
They’ll hang around, cuddle baby, and amuse themselves.
Anonymous says
Don’t have them come for at least a week after you give birth so that you and your DH have time alone to bond with baby. Figure out a word or sign that says to DH ‘I need to talk to you about them’ so that you can address things before it goes off the rails. Having your own space in the evenings will also be nice.
When my MIL came, she cooked dinner a lot which was helpful and DH enjoyed having some faves from his childhood. A couple times they watched the baby so DH and I could go for a walk/coffee for a half hour. My middle kid was a tough sleeper so sometimes I’d nurse and then take a nap while they held him or walked him to sleep. MIL also cooked some meals to freeze (soups, chili, lasagna etc)
I was comfortable nursing in the same room but I generally wore a nursing tank and short robe so it’s not like I was totally exposed. At other times, if I needed a break, I went to the nursery to nurse in the rocking chair.
anonanon says
While I was pregnant, I was worried about having my in-laws visit because in the past they have gotten on my nerves. But when the baby came and my husband went back to work, I was eager to have more company and help. Having them visit was a positive even though my baby was pretty fussy during that period. I actually felt closer to my mother in law because she was so supportive and nonjudgmental about everything. So sometimes the things you worry about don’t end up happening and it can work out well.
AwayEmily says
I had the same experience — I had to go back to work part-time when my first was ten days old and my MIL came to stay for awhile. She was absolutely amazing — I remember getting back from work and to find she had a fully cooked dinner AND a glass of wine waiting for me. We definitely bonded during that time.
Ash. says
Honestly, my in-laws’ visit after our first was born was miserable. My mother in law was very possessive of the baby. My husband would wake me up from much-needed sleep to be “polite” to his family and to meet their needs, and pressured me to nurse in the living room in front of everyone so I wasn’t “hiding” the baby. We also took our weeks-old baby on outings to public places like museums so the in-laws wouldn’t be bored. I highly recommend having a frank conversation with your husband about these issues, making clear that YOUR needs will come first, and that you have absolute veto power over outings, who holds the baby and when, where it’s appropriate to nurse, etc.
Anon says
That sounds awful, but you have a husband problem, not an in-law problem.
anon says
I probably would have murdered my husband if he woke me up and told me to spend time with his family. What the what?
Spirograph says
I like my MIL, but we’re not super close, and it wasn’t good for anyone when she visited the week after I had a baby. I didn’t mind at all when she visited when I had a 2 month old.
Especially if this is your first child and you’re a reasonably private person, I’d suggest that they come a few weeks later. You’ll still need help with grocery runs and just wanting to have 2 hands for a while, but you won’t have all the awkward physical post partum stuff, and you’l be over that initial omg-i-have-a-baby shock that I really just wanted to work through with my husband.
Anon says
+1. I made my in-laws wait until the baby was a month old. People were not happy but I’m private and just couldn’t imagine people I think of as essentially strangers (nice strangers, but still) living in my home in the first couple weeks after giving birth. My own parents were there for two weeks after birth, which was a nice excuse (we didn’t have room for everyone) and then we told them we wanted a couple weeks after that to bond as a family of three. Even at one month it was difficult, but more manageable. My in-laws are not especially helpful around the house though. We were mostly eating frozen food/takeout (which was fine, honestly) but one day my MIL insisted on making everyone omelettes. She used literally every pot and pan we own and the entire kitchen was dirty from top to bottom. Fortunately my husband (who was back at work) recognized that his parents = his problem and did all the cleanup, but it was still stressful.
Also I made everyone get TDAP shots and made it clear we were not taking the baby to enclosed public spaces, including restaurants, which was controversial but not something I was willing to negotiate on given that it was the height of flu season.
Anonymous says
I had a really positive experience with my in laws after birth. MIL came 5 days after the birth and stayed for the weekend, and then MIL and FIL cake back the following weekend. MIL actually helped with nursing because she had breastfed as well, she held the baby (after baby was fed) so she could nap, and cooked for us. I nursed in the nursery when FIL came but with the door open so I could talk to people. He is super pro-breastfeeding though.
When my parents have visited they usually go back to the hotel mid-afternoon to take a break themselves and relax. This gives everyone time apart. Don’t feel the need to entertain anyone.
This is just me but I don’t feel like any bonding as a family is impacted by visitors during the first few weeks. No I don’t want a parade but there’s plenty of bonding going on and figuring things out as a family. I’m having my second in a few weeks and I’m basically begging people to come stay with us haha
Anon says
I think this is a go by your gut situation. I made sure our first week was just our new nuclear family before our in laws visited. I had some people try to insist I would wish they were there to help right away, but even without having taken care of a baby before, I knew myself and knew that there was no way that would be true for me barring extreme circumstances, like a baby that won’t stop crying or something (luckily not what happened). But obviously some people really do like the help and having them there right away, so no right or wrong answer. But if your gut is saying no, listen to it.
I am one of those that did not feel comfortable nursing openly (without a cover) in front of my in laws. And the thing is it feels like you are ALWAYS nursing, or trying to see if that’s why they’re fussing. I would have been super annoyed having to go up and down shutting myself in my room constantly every time I even wanted to try, as I learned my new babies cries. And early on when you are figuring out nursing, I personally really didn’t want to use a cover in my own home. Nursing and latching and everything can be hard at first.
Pogo says
I get along decently well with my in-laws, but it was still stressful having them because it was still “hosting” guests at my house. I had a major crying fit around day 2 when baby threw up/pooped all over our king size sheets and I couldn’t find the other set. Turns out MIL had put them on the full size futon they were staying on because she couldn’t find the full size sheets (of which I have like seventy bazillion sets, just not in the closet she looked in). So both sets of sheets that could possibly go on my bed, the one place I could sleep without interruption, were dirty. It seems so silly now, but at the time I was inconsolable and so so so mad that she did that without just, y’know, asking my husband where we kept our full sized sheets.
Anyway, to avoid this: inform husband that they’re his family and it’s his house too, so he is responsible for their linens, toiletries, food, bottled water, wifi password instructions, TV remote control operation, and anything else they might need while staying at your house because you will be healing and taking care of your newborn.
Legally Brunette says
My in laws literally live with us for half the year, but they did not visit until 3 months after our kids were born. I was recovering from my c-section and for my second, had some bad tearing. I did not want to be modest when nursing. I also did not want to feel like I had to entertain anyone. I was also just not feeling myself. My mom did visit for several months, but that’s very different from having my in laws visit.
GCA says
Depends on the in-laws. I have a very good relationship with my MIL and she was here to take care of kid 1 while we were in the hospital having kid 2. She also mostly-bfed 6 kids and has other, older grandchildren so did not feel the need to hog the baby. I wish I’d had her the week we had kid 1. However, if you feel you have to ‘host’, if you feel like your in-laws are more guest than help, I would definitely postpone their visit for a month or two.
SC says
My parents happened to be visiting when baby was born a month prematurely. They stayed an extra week because they had a long trip planned around the time of my due date. (They were planning to come after.) I know parents are different from grandparents, but here’s what they did in the week before and after my son was born. (It all blends together in my head now that it’s 4 years later.)
They set up the baby’s room. Nothing was ready because we had renovated, and I was placed on bed rest around 32 weeks. They went to the store and picked up the rug I had ordered (delivery was expensive). They hung curtains, which involved multiple trips to the store and hardware store for the correct items. They put the crib together, as well as the rock-n-play, etc. They stocked the changing station. I’m not saying your in-laws have to do all that, but feel free to leave them a project.
My dad redid our laundry room. He painted the ugly orange trim in the room white. He stacked the washer/drier with my husband’s help. (I’d ordered the piece required to stack years before.) He called a plumber to come out and redo the gas line for the drier after it was stacked. Then my parents bought and built a large storage cabinet. We moved last year, but man, painting and organizing that laundry room was a such gift for years! So, if there’s anything in your house that can be done to make your life easier, and your in-laws are that kind of people, ask them!
My mom also arranged to order blinds for the laundry room and the master bedroom. She found a person, set up an appointment, and supervised her while the person measured. The blinds were actually installed several weeks later, but my mom took care of the logistics.
My mom took care of food for everyone. My husband probably helped her cook. It’s a ton of work to get food out for 4 people 3 times a day, so that in itself is a huge task.
I was on bed rest the first week they visited (they were there to help after the renovation and after my baby shower). And I pretty much just fed the baby after he was born because we were in a preemie, triple-feed situation.
Anon says
Holy cow can you send your in laws to my house??
Anonymous says
Super in-law dependent.
Mine came UNINVITED to the hospital. Then proceeded to try to take the baby every opportunity they could get. Including when I was crying and desperately trying to get my not-gaining-weight newborn to nurse. MIL took her and gave her a bottle. I was livid.
Honestly, it was perfect insight into who they really are—which had not really been revealed pre-kids. They’re selfish and complain when I don’t bend over backwards to please them. That’s just who they are.
Anon-enemon says
How do you know when it’s time to move?
My husband and I unexpectedly found a house that checks all the boxes of what we’ve said we wanted, but we’re really unsure about leaving our neighborhood, friends, etc. Our family lives walking distance away right now and this house would be about 7 minutes away in a much-less convenient neighborhood.
But it’s an enormous lot with a pool and grass (a rarity in our part of Southern California). The house is not ugly inside, but not pretty. We’ll have a little wiggle room to make some upgrades right away, but not much. The kitchen remodel would be a 5-year plan, etc. It’s the top end of our budget and money would be tight for a little while. Or we could put some money into this house to make it function better for 2 kids and revisit buying the next house in 3-5 years.
We decided to put an offer in yesterday and immediately started second-guessing the decision and picking apart all of the ways it was bad.
Help us make up our minds?
Anonymous says
Why would you move at all? Where you live now sounds great.
OP says
I should have clarified: our house is 1450 sq ft and feeling small. We’d like another bedroom and my husband has his clothes spread out over multiple rooms because our 1950s closet is barely big enough for my things. The 4 year old’s toys are everywhere and we have a newborn.
But our neighborhood and neighbors are awesome and we love being with family. Our house is pretty and good for entertaining despite its size, but there’s no grass for the girls to play on. (The pool takes up the whole backyard.) So we do figure we will move eventually.
(Or add on a second story? It is likely a terrible financial decision, but I’m willing to consider it for the emotional reasons.)
Anonymous says
Or clean! Never move because of clutter
Anonymous says
A big lot can be a lot of work. If I had my time back I would have bought sometime that was less yardwork as hiring someone to do it also adds up.
Buddy Holly says
If you are happy now, don’t move. Put the money into improving your current place.
Ash. says
I say no. In my experience, location and walkability is far more important than the house itself. Also, as the saying goes, “It’s great to have a friend with a pool,” meaning being a pool-owner is a huge cost and a ton of upkeep. Also, friends nearby are easy to take for granted, until you don’t have them anymore. It sounds like you’re aware of what you’d be losing out on by moving — I think it’s too easy to assume that with any change, all the good things from your current situation will transfer over, PLUS any additional good things from the move. That’s not actually the case — often the good things you have now will not transfer over, and you have to decide if the tradeoff is worth it.
Also, the financial benefit of homeownership really only happens when you’re in a house a long time. It sounds like you know you’ll be far better off financially by staying in your current home.
There will be another home with a big lot and a pool down the road if you decide you want that. It sounds like this isn’t the right one.
Spirograph says
What are you hoping to gain from the new house that you don’t have with the current one? The big lot with grass and pool? (that sounds like a lot of work to me, but you do you.) Putting some distance between you and your family? More space for the kids? Has anything changed that makes your current place no longer work for your family?
Moving is a pain! and expensive! And you always discover new annoyances and issues with a new home, so there’s the whole devil-you-know argument for staying put. I really like our location and neighborhood, and our house is not perfect, but it’s fine. I absolutely will not move locally unless/until my house doesn’t meet our needs for some reason or we decide to prioritize different lifestyle goals than we did when we bought our current house.
Anon says
I have a 3 week old who I want to keep safe and taken care of but I don’t “love” him like I love my 3 year old. I feel horribly guilty about this and find his crying a lot more frustrating than my toddlers tantrums which is completely irrational because of course he can’t help it as a newborn. I also feel guilty though he has to cry a little longer because I need to get toddler settled with something before soothing him. I never let our daughter cry as a newborn but it’s so much harder with two. Ugh, just feeling frustrated all around and wondering why I signed myself up for this craziness again.
CHL says
Hugs – you are in the THICK of it! Don’t beat yourself up – having a toddler and a newborn and recovering from birth and not sleeping is HARD! Get some help if you can even for a couple hours and just keep them both alive and worried about falling in love later. Also, if you think you’re veering into PPD world, reach out — it is so common! We are here for you!
Callie says
I literally wrote about this just a few weeks ago (but now can’t seem to find my comment to link to it for you) (I felt EXACTLY this way about my 2nd when she was born.). But basically–know that it’s OKAY. You JUST had a baby. You’ve had THREE YEARS of getting to know your daughter and you’ve only known this new baby for three weeks. OF COURSE you have THREE YEARS of a relationship built up with your daughter. Plus when your daughter was a newborn she was your only one; she was still a newborn blob but you had know way of knowing that b/c you didn’t have an amazing three year old you’d invested all this time into loving to compare her to. Your three week old is still a newborn blob. You are still in the midst of recovery and sleep deprivation.
Don’t feel guilty. I have compared it to how when I married my husband I didn’t think it was possible to love another person more, but here we are almost a decade later having gone through so much together and watched him parent and OF COURSE I love him more today than I did the day we got married. It will sneak up on you and one day you’ll realize that you adore these two small humans you’re raising equally (but differently) and completely to the moon and back.
Hugs and some sleep and perhaps some one on one time with your awesome three year old and some one on one time with your will-become-awesome-three-week-old. You got this mama.
Anonymous says
Pls go get screened for PPD/A and look into more childcare for your toddler.
lsw says
+1. Please take care of yourself and get screened ASAP.
Also, hang in there! Three week olds are hard to love for many of us who don’t adore the newborn stage.
Anonymous says
It took me about 5 months to start feeling the strong “love” feeling for my daughter. I always cared deeply about her and felt an intense need to take care of her, but I didn’t get that love-at-first-sight feeling at all. I’ve read a lot about this because it was upsetting to me, but I think it’s normal. Every baby-mom relationship is different, and sometimes it takes a little longer to develop that strong lovey feeling. Trust that it will develop over time.
You’re only 3 weeks out, so it may be too soon to know, but I actually had ppd and ppa, and that definitely made developing a loving feeling toward my daughter a lot harder. That’s not to say that I think you have ppd, just do keep it in mind that ppd is common and something you should talk to your doctor about if you think it applies to you.
As far as signing up for the craziness again– I know that feeling very well, but as you know it does get better. It will be a hard couple months, but my friends and I all notice a big change around 8 weeks. You just have to survive as best you can for now! You’re doing great!
anon says
+1 I remember posting something similar with my first. Around 6-8 weeks, it really did get better.
Anonymous says
What was helpful to me to remember at that stage (last September for me- kids with same age difference) was that I had had more than three years to accumulate love for my older kid- of course I didn’t have the same level of love for the younger one yet at 3 weeks. I barely knew him yet! You forget through the haze of parenting not even for the older one, the kind of love I had for him as a 3 year old was different from when he was a new baby. Honestly it’s taken a while this time around because with divided attention I can’t focus 100 percent on the baby and still feel like I don’t know him as well as I knew his brother at the same age, but I can recognize my love for him and be ok with loving him differently than someone I’ve known a lot longer. Give your self some grace and patience!! Hormones are no joke and don’t help, either.
CPA Lady says
How much do you spend on your kids’ clothes and shoes each year? And what kind of stuff you do you tend to buy?
I get a ton of hand me downs for casual/school clothes, but I live in the south where froofy boutique dresses/smocking/etc. is very common on little girls, and I big puffy heart love it, and spend a lot of money on fancy dresses. I also have been burned by trying to cheap out on shoes and now usually buy pediped, which is not cheap.
I usually spend about $550-$600 a year, almost entirely on fancy dresses (usually bought on consignment or on sale) and shoes, with an occasional casual piece from target or old navy to round out wardrobe holes.
rakma says
2 girls, 2 and 5, and our clothes expenses are about the same. We also have a great hand me down system going, but I usually buy holiday dresses (I really love when they match and am trying to get it out of my system before they completely refuse). My girls also have wide feet, so we’re pretty limited to pricier sneaker brands, but they seem to last well so I’m ok with it.
We also get a lot of clothing gifts, so I try to tell family the current sizes and preferences before birthdays and Christmas. That stuff is usually more sparkly, twirly and/or lacy than the utilitarian stuff I’d dress them in all the time, so it works as a nice balance for my 5yo who is very invested in being ‘stylish’.
Anon says
Probably about $500-700. She’s a toddler and growing like a weed so I buy her new clothes in the next size up 3-4 times/year. I don’t buy secondhand but I don’t buy anything fancy. I buy basics at Target, H&M and Old Navy and buy her play dresses at Old Navy and Primary. She doesn’t own anything that can’t get dirty and her wardrobe isn’t that big – she’d probably have two weeks worth of clothes if we didn’t do laundry.
AwayEmily says
Oh man, this is a good question. I definitely spend more than I “should,” as evidenced by the fact that even if I don’t do laundry for two weeks, the kids still have plenty to wear. Pretty much everything is from Target/Old Navy/H&M/Uniqlo, but I am very picky (I won’t buy any pastels, or anything with graphics). Sadly we get very few hand-me-downs and our used clothing store is weirdly expensive so I mostly buy new.
My older (3yo) is a girl and my younger is a boy, so I would say that about 75% of the stuff I get is minimally gendered, to maximize its hand-me-down capacity. Both my kids exclusively wear Saucony sneakers, and Natives in the summer. Sauconys are workhorses and I love them.
I will say that for whatever reason, since I started buying kids clothes my interest in buying clothes for myself has really decreased. I feel like it is SO much more fun to scratch my shopping itch with kids clothes than with clothes for myself. They are cuter AND cheaper!
Cb says
Confession – my mom buys all my toddlers clothes. She loves to shop and I don’t enjoy it so it works out well. If it were up to me, I’d clear out the gap sale once a year and call it a day. I occasionally pick up something cute from John Lewis and typically buy outerwear. She buys mostly gap, old navy, things from zulilly.
HSAL says
SAME. My mom has bought 95% of all the clothes my 3 year old and 1 year olds have ever had. It’s honestly a little crazy because they could easily go a month without rewearing clothes. Probably closer to two months. But she has plenty of times, loves to shop and find deals so I’m going to let her do it. And I also know that she spends less on all her clearance finds than if I just placed a big Carter’s order every few months.
Cb says
Right? I’m very lazy and would definitely just order from gap and h&m and call it a day. She’s pretty good though at making sure we don’t have excess though. We are going for Christmas and will get the 3ts. I’d love hand me downs but we don’t have anyone in our immediate circle.
Anon says
I probably spend close to that. I typically buy gap on sale, once or twice a year do a hanna clearance sale to stock up on basics, and then my mom fills in the rest of the “nice” clothes, mostly because she cares about it and I don’t. My almost 2 year old is already in 4T, so we do a lot of shopping (hopefully she will slow down soon!), and I typically try to buy one size ahead so I’m not caught off guard by her growth spurts. As for shoes, she usually has 1 pair of nice gym shoes (pediped-level) which are her everyday shoes and one mid-price seasonally appropriate shoe (i.e., snow boots, rain boots, water-friendly sandals, etc.) and then one (cheap – usually $10) metallic ballet flat for when her gym shoes would look completely out of place with her dresses.
Anonymous says
Question for those of you in foofy dress cultures: when the heck do they wear the dresses? I’m a PNW mom of two boys who wear only sweats so I just can’t figure out when they would wear them.
Ash. says
All the time/anywhere. They just play in them, like they would a cotton sundress. Part of the flex is having your kid in a $50 smocked dress riffling around in the sand box, indicating that you don’t mind one way or another if this very expensive clothing item gets dirty.
CPA Lady says
Yep, this. Daycare, the children’s museum, church, birthday parties, wherever. My daughter refuses to wear pants EVER (like it’s an affront to who she is as a person???) so I figure I might as well get some use out of all these cute dresses.
Thing is, for me at least, is I rarely spend more than $25 on any these because there’s a huge resale market. So I let someone buy an $85 dress, flex it in the sandbox or wear it once for family photos, launder it, and re-sell it to me for $25.
I just went to a consignment sale today and bought a bunch of boutique dresses for $10-$20. Kid can wear them whenever she wants.
CPA Lady says
Oh, and I’ll resell them once she’s done. It’s a whole thing down here. I probably have 30 too-small dresses hanging in her closet waiting for the next consignment sale.
shortperson says
im so confused by this culture. what brands do people wear? i want to learn moer.
CPA Lady says
Brands:
Little English
Vive La Fete
Zuccini
Bella Bliss
Shrimp & Grits
Kate & Libby
Lilly Pulitzer
James & Lottie
Petit Ami
Smocked Auctions
Well Dressed Wolf
You can go on the facebook group “smocking hot mamas” to see some examples. :)
CPA Lady says
My response is caught in moderation, probably because I listed a bunch of brands, but basically, it’s not surprising or out of place to see small children in the south dressed like Kate Middleton’s kids.
L i t t l e E n g l i s h is a good place to look to see an example of what the clothes look like. and S h r i m p and G r i t s Kids.
CPA Lady says
I read somewhere that the reason the southeast and the northeast are so aesthetically and culturally different is that the north was mostly colonized by puritans who were very strict and simple, and the south was mostly colonized by royalists who were a lot more frilly and aristocratic. It seems borderline absurd to me that this is still a thing that affects children’s clothing hundreds of years later, but it makes sense in the context of the overall culture here (traditional, formal, gendered, showy-yet-repressed).
Plus it’s hotter than the hinge of hell for half the year, so it makes sense that natural fibers, seersucker, and linen are worn by all ages.
Anonymous says
To church and to brunch at the country club with the grandparents. To concerts, the ballet, the theatre, and anywhere else dressy you’d take your kids. For pictures with Santa. Sometimes you see little girls in smocked dresses in ordinary places like the mall and restaurants.
Anon says
I have no idea. We got several beautiful dresses as gifts but my toddler has never worn any of them. We don’t go to church, our friends are all married, she’s way too young to take to the theater or ballet, adults can wear jeans to even the fanciest restaurants in our town. So yeah we never get dressed up and she never does either.
Anonymous says
Around here kids start going to family concerts, children’s theatre, and the Nutcracker at age 3 or so.
Anon says
Yeah my kid is not quite 3. I see more uses for fancy dresses in the near future. But we have already been given so many of them that have never been worn and are now long since outgrown.
Pogo says
I’m in the Northeast, and LO’s bestie at daycare wears them 1-2 times a week in the summer. I think they’re adorable. She has some with matching bloomers underneath so they in no way impede her play.
EB0220 says
Hmm maybe $400-$500 for two kids? Not including gear purchases like ski clothes etc. That’s significantly more. Grandparents buy them a lot of clothes. We hand down everything from #1 to #2 as well.
$50 twice a year at Target = $100
4 pairs of shoes at $30 each = $120
Boden/Tea Sale purchases = $200
shortperson says
i probably spend $1800/year on two girls, 1 and 4. 1 year old wears 70% handmedowns, but she’s off on seasons so she needs supplements and i like to dress them in matching clothes which involves buying new for little sister. 4 year old has basically no handmedowns at this point, and no one buys us clothes other than the occasional fancy dress that i do not like. they always have saltwaters, natives and rainboots in their size and i tend to buy nicer dress shoes and nikes for older one (nordstrom semi annual sale) to pass down. as for clothes, it’s a mix of 80% tea/boden/hanna/crewcuts on clearance with 20% primary/h&m/zara/hipster brands (i.e. marine layer, everlane), and snow stuff from hanna or lands end (i buy ahead on clearance). they each have 2-4 or so fancy dresses that fit, at least one of which is a matching set.
we could do this cheaper but i’m in biglaw and i do enjoy dressing them so i just mentally categorize this as a hobby of mine.
AIMS says
Im not sure but probably under $500 for 2. I have a gap Visa card that I use for a lot of random purchases and instead of points I get gap cash that I can use in any of their stores, so that takes care of the casual clothes
AIMS says
Hit post too soon. Anyway, for the dressy clothes I always find a ton on sale if I shop randomly and ahead. Places like 6pm, Nordstrom Rack, Boden, saks and lord & Taylor clearance. Dresses are pretty forgiving size wise so it’s easy to shop ahead.
Pogo says
So far, less than $500/year (probably less than $200/year) but years 0-2 hand-me-downs were plentiful. At 2T things are getting more sparse because older cousin wore them hard.
His current wardrobe is made up of staples from Primary, with fun prints from Boden or Hanna thrown in, plus graphic tees aligned to his interests (dogs, bikes, trucks). He gets a huge kick out of picking out his shirts and wearing shirts with his favorite things on them. I’ll snap up a shirt at Target if I see one that I know he’ll like, or I usually stalk the sales at pricier stores.
GCA says
I have 2 kids, boy and girl, slightly off-season from each other but there’s some overlap. We’re in the NE and need winter things/ rain things; older kid wears things hard; but we get a lot of friend-me-downs from other families and of course the baby wears 50% of her older brother’s hand-me-downs (she doesn’t care). I’d say $100 on seasonal gear, $100 on shoes, and another $100 on play clothes (75%) and dress clothes (25%) from eBay and ThredUP to fill in the gaps. A lot of the stuff on eBay and ThredUP looks like it’s barely even been worn. I also give back – outgrown clothes get posted in community buy nothing groups.
SC says
I only have 1 boy, and I probably spend less than $250 per year. I receive some hand-me-downs, and my mom buys a lot. 90% of what I buy is from a consignment sale. The rest (mainly socks, underwear, pajamas) is from Target. I make sure I buy good shoes, but he typically only has 1 pair of tennis shoes and 1-2 pairs of water shoes/sandals.
Anonymous says
I admittedly spend an obscene amount of money on kids’ clothes but it makes me SO happy! I can’t help it.
And I k ow I can resell on f-book buy/sell/trade pages. I buy from them as well.
Probably $2k per kid per year. Yikes…..
Anon says
For those of you with nannies, what’s your Plan B in the event that your nanny is unexpectedly unavailable? Our awesome, dependable nanny had to stay home sick two days this week, and of course it was during a crazy busy work week for both my husband and I. We got through it (barely!), but I wanted to see how others handle the need for last minute backup nanny coverage. We unfortunately don’t have any family nearby, so that’s out.
RR says
If I have enough time (so she tells me a couple weeks before that she’s going on vacation), I’ve found back ups on care.com or through my nanny herself. I’m trying to accumulate a list of potential people to reach out to in this situation, so I try different people for weekend evening babysitting. Really though, often for one off sick days (we had one yesterday), either my husband or I stays home.
Anonymous says
We have a local nanny agency that will locate and send you a backup sitter. They have consistently been able to find me a sitter when I’ve called at 6 pm the night before I need care. I pay an annual fee (maybe about $200) to take advantage of the service and then a $25 placement fee each time I book someone and then whatever the sitter’s rate is. I’ve been pleased with the sitters they have sent me and feel that the extra cost is well worth me not having to call around frantically or search care.com.
Through my employer I have access to a similar back-up care service through Bright Horizons where they will send a sitter to your home, but have not found that to work out at all — they have not been able to place sitters when I needed them. I also have through work the ability to send my child to a Bright Horizons daycare center and that has worked out very well for the few times that my kid’s regular daycare was closed for a snow day/holiday or the nanny was ill.
LadyNFS says
Late but I’ll add a comment in case it’s helpful because I’m using this today – the nanny of my child’s best friend. The little girl and my daughter are together most days anyway (they live a few blocks away and met in the neighborhood /classes). The mother and I worked out an arrangement (with the nannies’ permission of course!) that if one of them is unexpectedly out, the other will watch both girls for the day. Our kids play together most days anyway, and love spending time together, and the nannies usually don’t mind the extra pay. Look into it as an option – it has made a big difference for me to know that there is a back up that knows my kiddo well and who she knows, too.
Anonymous says
I posted the other day about struggling with maternity leave three weeks in (partly having to do a “triple feed” every 2-3 hours of breastfeeding, supplementing with pumped milk, and then pumping to have a supplement for the next feeding and partly because I’m not used to the physical monotony of being home and feed/diaper change/repeat of taking care of a newborn). Just popping in to say “thank you!” For your comments and words of encouragement. We talked with the lactation consultant/doctor who determined that we can try not supplementing all the time, give the baby a bottle sometimes and I’m making enough milk to not have to pump every time either, all of which is a huge relief. Also, I appreciate those of you who chimed in to say that you didn’t necessarily *love* maternity leave- it’s so different going from a desk job that is mentally challenging and not physical to a physically demanding job. And I talked with my OBGYN and a therapist in my OBGYN’s office about how I’m feeling and that make me feel a lot better to just talk about it. So, long winded way of saying thank you – it’s nice to hear from women who have been here and gone from intense desk job to maternity leave and know I’m not the only one to struggle with this sort of thing.
anon says
Good for you! Maternity leave was really tough on me as well. I was completely exhausted trying to help soothe my baby who seemed constantly on the verge of crying. It’s so hard, especially if you have to deal with that alone for hours. I’m glad you are getting a break from the pump! It’s just too much to expect with everything else going on in the newborn stage, in my opinion. I also had issues with breastfeeding, and it really clouded my thinking and put a burden on me for the first couple months. It’s tough because you can get different advice from everyone and it’s not always easy to know what to do. Sounds like you are moving in a positive direction though! Things naturally get easier over time too.
Anonymous says
yay! so happy for you. Once I got a better handle on the nursing, I loved visiting museums or art galleries in the day time. Not busy and baby was usually happy to nap in stroller or carrier while I walked around. Plus quiet if I needed to nurse.
Pogo says
yay! I forget what I said on that post, but another suggestion when you are able to leave the house is to go to a coffee shop and sit on your computer… even if it’s reading blogs. It felt like going to work (and I did actually check in and do some work stuff from time to time), I got to see other adult humans, and I kept LO snuggled in his carrier asleep the whole time.
But the first month is about SURVIVAL.
Anon says
Ugh, our daycare just told us the kids in my daughter’s classroom were exposed to mono. The internet tells me that mono is usually more mild in toddlers than in teenagers, but my best friend had it in high school and it was bruuuutal. She missed almost 4 months of school and had weird aches and pains for years afterward. I obviously don’t want my kiddo to go through that and (selfishly) it would be incredibly inconvenient for DH and I to have to take that much time off work. Anyone’s kids get mono at daycare and can reassure me it’s no big deal? My friend’s experience was hopefully atypical, but it’s made me (probably irrationally) terrified of this disease.
Anonymous says
Are you my best friend? Because that sounds like my experience in high school! But my spouse had it younger and it was a one week event for him.
Anon says
I can’t answer your direct question, but I got mono in college and it was very mild. I only missed 1 day of classes and felt bad for a weekend, but otherwise just felt very weak for about a month.
anon says
My kids have never had it, but I had it when I was in college. I was tired, but not unable to do things. My most noticeable symptom was my neck (lymph nodes?) got weirdly swollen, so much that when my first mono test came back negative, they tested me for mumps. I played college basketball and had to sit out due to the danger to the spleen, I believe, but it wasn’t an overall completely awful experience. But I hope your kids are spared!
Anonymous says
When I had it in college they specifically told me that most children have it before age 5 and their parents have no idea because it just seems like a 2 week cold. It’s much easier on children than adults. FWIW it wasn’t a huge deal for me in college I just went to bed early and took a nap every afternoon and couldn’t drink for 2 months. And I got a 4.0 that semester because all I did was class/study/sleep. I think it’s worse if you don’t take care of yourself.
Anon says
I was exposed to mono as a teenager and got tested for previous mono and tested positive! Somehow I had mono in my childhood and nobody noticed. So symptoms can be very mild (and easily be confused with another illness).
Io says
Five kids in my college freshman English class all had Mono, including me. (As a class we’d all grab dinner together.) I think we averaged about two weeks of being sick. I actually made it to all of my classes at the time, but I had four day weekends that semester so I slept 20 hours a day for four days for a month.
Anon says
I’ve been a lurker for a while but this is my first time posting.Not sure if this page or the main one is best to post this on, but here goes….
I’m 12 weeks pregnant with my first child. I haven’t yet told my employer. I am wanting to wait to inform them because my manager has told me he told the CEO I should be promoted. Promotions typically happen around July 1. I don’t want to give my manager any reason not to give me the promotion (I know, legally, that shouldn’t be allowed to happen, but it would not shock me for him to find a way). I’m fortunate my symptoms haven’t been too bad.
We just won a new piece of business (I work in advertising) that I want to work on, and my manager feels I am the perfect fit. It culminates with some events in February, which is during my planned maternity leave. The “responsible” side of me is like “I should say something about me being out”. But the other side is like “hell no, because then he definitely won’t give the account to me.” Am I right to keep quiet for a few more weeks, at least? If nothing happens on the promotion front in the next month or so, I’m going to have to say something because I won’t be able to hide it.
Anonymous says
Congratulations!
Keep quiet as long as you want. I waited until 16 weeks or so before I told anyone at work. They might have had suspicions before then, but no one was so gauche to ask. Early pregnancy is a “don’t leave until you leave” situation. You can transition your projects when you are close to your leave date. Don’t turn down work or make yourself less competitive for it in the meantime.
Pogo says
+1 Keep everything updated and have an idea of who you will transition stuff to.
Anon says
I would keep quiet. These things have a way of working themselves out in terms of staffing and coverage, and given what you’ve said, I don’t think you want to give them any fodder for making decisions other than your performance.
shortperson says
i would transition to flowy tops and not say anything until after decisions have been made.
AwayEmily says
I wrote a few weeks ago about whether I should postpone our family photos because of my kids’ disastrous haircuts. I decided not to, and photos are tomorrow, yay! (the 3yo’s bangs are still far from ideal but are 50% less horrifying, and the 16mo’s haircut looks totally fine now).
I have some cute outfits picked out, but…any other advice for how to make things go well? These are our first ever family photos. My older one is an intense thumb-sucker when she gets anxious (and she gets anxious around new people), so I’m worried that it’s going to be tough to get good shots.
Anonymous says
Our photographer’s best way to make kids smile: Say in a dorky voice, “Don’t smile. Don’t smile. Don’t do it.” Kiddo laughs and laughs every time. And then says “Don’t smile” in the same voice for weeks.
shortperson says
the only time i ever use chocolate as a bribe is for photos. bring some just in case. my daughter tried to get chocolate for cooperating with a request a few days later and was disappointed it’s not a general policy.