Do You Believe in Birth Order?
This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Over at Corporette today we’re talking about whether anyone believes in astrology (apparently it’s trending with millennials!) — and I thought an interesting, complementary discussion, might be over here: do you believe that birth order is actually a thing in terms of determining and affecting your personality? How was your own personality affected by birth order — how do you see the dynamics at play with your partner and friends — and how do you see birth order affecting the developing personalities of your children (or child)?
Some basic definitions and theories, courtesy of Real Simple:
- Firstborn stereotype: Natural leader, ambitious, responsible.
- Middle child stereotype: Social butterfly, peacekeeper, fairness-obsessed.
- Youngest child stereotype: Free spirit, risk taker, charming.
I’ve also heard that twins can have a “firstborn” in that one of the twins is often considered dominant — and that if you have a big gap between your older siblings (more than five years) you may be considered a firstborn again.
{related: the best personality tests to take}
For my $.02, I do think that birth order has affected my personality and the personalities of those I’m closest to:
- I am the oldest, with one brother who is almost four years younger than me. One of the lines from my favorite movies is “we’ll take this leap and see,” and I somehow connect that mindset to being the oldest. I remember feeling like I had to set a good example… and feeling like my parents were much stricter with me than they were with my brother.
- Having a sibling definitely affected our decision on how many kids to have — I strongly wanted two kids because I liked the “team mentality” of having a bigger family, and I always felt, while growing up and in my 20s, that my brother understood who I was and where I was coming from on a different level than most of my friends.
- My husband is an only child, and he’s a very easy going soul who reports that he was always most comfortable talking with adults rather than other kids because he was used to being spoken to like an adult.
- My sons are almost three years apart — the eldest, J, is 7 and is definitely the leader of the two; H is delighted when J will play with him. H is definitely more of a follower, but then most kids are at 5. When he was a toddler I think he was so used to being dragged from one of J’s activities to another that I think he kind of saw that as his “role” in life. (Now his schedule is more booked than J’s!)
Ladies, how about you — do you think birth order is a thing as far as personality development goes?
Further Reading
- The Effect of Birth Order on Children [Psychology Today]
- How Birth Order Affects Your Child’s Personality and Behavior [Parents]
- Adler’s Birth Order Theory [Livestrong]
- What Your Birth Order Says About Your Personality [Real Simple] (warning – autoplay ad with sound!)
- What Your Birth Order Says About Your Design Style [Apartment Therapy]
I believe that there is an impact on personality based on birth order, for sure. I am the oldest and I am a Cautious Rule Follower. My oldest is exactly the same. My middle (2.9 years younger) is so bold, so confident. She is that way in part by nature (she’s always been like this) but also because she’s exposed to older kid stuff and used to hanging out with older kids. My 3rd (2 years behind middle) is totally chill. Since she was born she’s just been the most adaptable, happy-go-lucky baby. She makes friends with everyone. She sort of had to be to survive in our chaotic family. My oldest was a Very Scheudled Napper. We had to fight hard (still do) for every hour of sleep with Middle. Baby is just happy to have a blanket and a place to crash.
My oldest is reserved and introverted and artistic, middle is balls-to-the-wall-all-in-crazy about everything she does (for good or evil), and my middle is the life of the party.
I know that if I had *only* my middle, she’d be less attention seeking. If I had *only* my youngest, she’d be less comfortable being left with random groups of strangers. If my oldest was my only, she wouldn’t be nearly as nurturing as she is.
I think there’s something to it, though of course personality plays in as well. Also, in terms of anecdata– out of my husband and his siblings and their spouses and my sister and her husband, each of us have married someone with a different birth order. The oldest marries a younger or a middle, the youngers and middles marry an older or an only.
My husband is the second of four and I’m the older of two. I’m definitely more driven and bossy than my sister. My husband is more intense and ambitious than any of his siblings (which I think comes down to personality), but he’s okay with me being the leader in a lot of ways.
I’m very interested to see the responses here. We have two girls, ages 8 months and almost 3. Our oldest is my mini-me in so many ways, including being a cautious rule follower. Youngest is still somewhat to be seen on the personality front, but is clearly different from our oldest. There’s a lot to be seen of course still for both, especially the youngest, but she is clearly more of a laid back quiet observer. The oldest has since about 15 months been great at self entertaining for long periods of time, but had to be up in your business as a baby and was always super alert. Youngest is perfectly content to hang out on the fringes, cool to sit by herself and not be our focus as long as she’s near the action. FWIW, DH and I are both oldest children, though he is without a doubt more laid back and less anxious about rules than I am.
I’m the middle of five, and it really affected my personality to get so little attention from my parents. Of course I now understand that we were a lot to handle, so the three of us in the middle got a bit ignored. I’m pretty independent because I always had to be. And I care a lot about fairness and equity because I learned early how arbitrary privilege can be. The oldest is frozen by fear of doing anything where he’s not the best. The youngest is a huge ham and charmer. I decided as a child that I only wanted two kids because I did not want to impose the middle child experience on anyone (oh yes, I can also be oversensitive)! My husband is also a middle child, and we immediately bonded over the injustice of the position when we first met. We’ll try to not play favorites when we have our second child—stay tuned!