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I’m terrible at remembering to wear sunglasses — I even took a trip to Miami once and forgot to bring a pair.
Perhaps if I had a pair of Coco and Breezy sunglasses, remembering would be, well, a breeze. This Black-founded company has so many fun and stylish pairs to choose from, but if I had to pick just one, I’d go with the Zen-102 — the rose gold frame and light pink gold mirror lens are so flattering, and the oversized aviator frames offer maximum eye protection. The nose pads would also keep them from sliding off my face as I head off to warm-weather adventures.
The Zen-102 is $285, including the case and cleaning cloth. The Zen also comes in yellow gold with a green lens (the Zen-103) or gold tortoise with a light red lens (the Zen-105).
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
Shopping question: where are you buying kids sandals this year? My usual places, Target and Old Navy are falling short. This is for my 6 year old girl, size 12 which is still in the toddler section, but she feels more mature than the sweet baby styles. Not heels or anything, just fun sandals to run to the park.
AwayEmily says
Crocs kids sandals are pretty good.
anonamommy says
We really liked the Native sandals last year, ordered from the Native site but sometimes you can find them at Zappos or Nordstrom.
anon says
Natives are my all-time favorites. They are airy but still have a closed toe, which I prefer for park outings, even for my 6-year-old. I’d also look at Merrell, Nike, and some of the sporty brands.
Spirograph says
My kids are all crocs (with back straps) all the time. I don’t think we even had sandals last summer… My 6 year old daughter recently declared that she will only wear snow boots or crocs, no sneakers.
Anonymous says
Keens
Anon says
+1 to Keens.
I love Natives, but there was an age where my son’s feet started getting really smelly in them.
Although my daughter is still fine in them, so maybe my son just has stinky feet.
Clementine says
+2 to Keens. If you can find them for $35 or less, buy ’em. Nordstrom Rack usually has a few pair.
Although I do really like the look of Natives… especially some of the sparkly ones which would be a big hit for one of my kiddos.
Anonymous says
Columbia sportswear! But we are lucky to have an outlet right here (and my main goal is able to run and play, less about looks- my 6 year old cares only about comfort).
MidwestMama says
Dissenting voice on Natives…we had to size up in order to squeeze my son’s feet into them, because they don’t have a lot of give, and he ended up chipping a tooth because they fit so poorly :(
Anon says
following up on the above post – what kinds of shoes do your kids wear in the summer? have a soon to be 3 year old girl and trying to figure out what is ‘needed.’ last summer was strange because of the pandemic and the summer before she started the summer not walking. i keep hearing about Natives and Keens. I know kids used to wear Crocs?
Anonymous says
natives are kind of similar to crocs; their silicon shoes so water proof, easy to clean but “cushy” – but, they are styled to look more like sneakers (kind of like converse). My kids love them.
Anonymous says
We dress my 3 year old in sneakers for school and play and we have Crocs (the ugly clog-like kind) for trips to the beach. Sandals seem impractical to me for kids, even though they look cute.
Cb says
We do a mesh sneaker (normally 2-3 cheaper pairs as my son has never refrained from the muddy puddles). I think crocs are hard to keep on feet when they are running and playing. We are in a cooler climate though so don’t typically need sandals etc, beyond water shoes for the beach.
Anonymous says
Each kid (2 girls) gets a pair of Keen sandals and a pair of sneakers every summer. I’ve seen too many Croc sandals break in a game of kickball to buy them for the kids (although I wear Crocs around the house). The keens are nice when kids are small because they protect the toes.
Anonymous says
This is exactly what we do – three kids and each gets flip flops for the beach, water shoes for in the lake, sneakers and keen sandals. Keens get the most usage by far.
ElisaR says
we do keens for that age and they have been great. protect their toes, dry easily, hold up well. Crocs were only allowed at daycare for water play, not regular wear due to safety issues. we had a hand-me-down pair but i wouldn’t buy them.
Anon says
+1 we have hand me down Crocs and my daughter had a big trip at school due specifically due to them. Just looking at them they even intuitively just look unstable for running etc. to me vs. better fitting Natives or Keens.
Redux says
We love the Surprize by Stride Rite brand from Target. For summer they have a crocs-like sandal that is perfect for this stage, in my opionon– easy on/easy off, good for water and non-water, easy cleaning and fast drying. Link to follow.
Redux says
https://www.target.com/p/baby-girls-surprize-by-stride-rite-rider-fisherman-sandals-pink/-/A-81189175?preselect=80386745#lnk=sametab
anon says
My kids have always had 1 pair of sneakers, plus a pair of either Keens or Natives. I just do not love an exposed toe for kids who are climbing and being super active.
Pogo says
Mine likes crocs because he could put them on himself starting at 2. We do crocs or other sandals (I like See Kai Run) for the beach because they dry. Agree that sandals in general aren’t super practical because their little feet get so dirty, so he is sent to school in socks and sneakers.
OP says
do Natives and Keens run narrow or wide? can you wear them to splash pads or are they not meant to get soaked? i completely agree re open toe. was maybe going to get one pair of cheap white ‘dress’ sandals for a few specific occasions, though i suppose we will still be spending a lot of time at home this summer, so maybe don’t need them. (thank you from this rookie mom).
Anon says
Natives can get totally wet. Keens *can* but they will get smelly. I’d say Natives run slightly on the small side, and they are slip on (so no adjusting)
Boston Legal Eagle says
My older kid has slightly wide feet and the Keens were not too narrow. We’ve also done Keens + sneakers for him. He uses them on splash pads (the summer before last) and they were fine – yes, they get a little smelly, but we air them out and wash as well. I might try Natives for him this summer, the little one will get the hand me down Keens.
Anonymous says
We use keens at the splash pad but they do need to dry throughly in the sun after.
Anon says
I was a Natives holdout but they really are the best. I’ve done Keens, too, and they hold up great but get really smelly. The last couple years my boys have had a pair of Natives and a pair of sneakers. See Kai Run also has cute summer shoes/sandals
Mary Moo Cow says
I think it depends on what they’ll be doing in the summer. For mine, daycare requires closed toes except on water days, so mine wear tennis shoes every school day and bring in Crocs on water days. On the weekends, they wear tennis shoes or See Kai Run woven sandals. Each also has a pair of Sun-San sandals if they needed a “dressier” option (not that they got a lot of use last year.)
Anon says
Daycare requires closed-toe sandals, so we usually get the Cat&Jack version of Keens. We’re in the mid-Atlantic and they’ll last for a whole summer, but not be in any condition to hand down. This works for us because our kdis are in the same show size, but Keens are probably a better bet if you having younger sibs to inherit them.
AwayEmily says
+1 for that age, I prefer closed-toe as well. We’ve had both keens and knockoff keens, and have had no problem handing the knockoffs down. Caveat that I send my kids to school in sneakers, not sandals (even in the summer), so they don’t get daily use.
OP says
i think you’ve all sold me on Keens. One other question – does the toe hold up to scootering?
anon says
It’s literally the only toe that holds up to scootering, haha.
Anonymous says
Yes – they are the only sandals Inhave been able to hand down
CPA Lady says
The $5 flip flops with the back strap from old navy. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I buy nice expensive shoes for other parts of the year, and one nicer pair of sandals for church from pediped, but … yeah… it gets boilingly hot down here and we just go for flip flops most of the time.
Katala says
One kid is not picky and would wear these, the other was not having something between his toes (must get his sensitive feet from me). So YMMV on the flip flops. Luckily they are cheap.
Anon says
sneakers for school or places where we will be walking a lot; otherwise I get a casual pair of sandals and a dressy pair of sandals (both usually see kai run brand from target).
Cb says
My husband and I took part in research interviews on pandemic parenting and woof, it was cathartic but also, I might need a good cry now. Let us all give ourselves a pat on the back for managing the last year.
Redux says
Interesting! Can you say more about what you took away from the interviews? What was so cathartic?
I listened to The Keep Going Song a couple days ago and burst into tears. It’s possible that song will always get me, forever. This has been a really hard year.
Cb says
I guess we’ve just had our heads down, trying to keep our jobs and kid happy, and it was so nice to just stop and reflect and acknowledge that yes, this year has been really hard. It focused on division of labour and how you manage your household and it was helpful to think critically about what we’re each bringing and what the pain points are. And the final question was about how I felt as a mother and I thought gosh, I actually am doing a really good job. Like not just for covid times, but for normal times, I have a very warm, respectful, playful relationship with my kid, and that was my goal. Do I have any desire to be home fulltime with my kid? Non, merci. But can I do it and be somewhat okay? Yes.
We were interviewed separately but my husband seemed to find it really helpful as well but I think he was perhaps a bit more critical, realising that there are things he’d like to work on in terms of his patience and responding to discipline issues.
Redux says
What a great opportunity to reflect. I keep thinking I should be keeping a journal or something for posterity, but who has the time.
Anonymous says
Thank you for participating!! In all honesty I had a similar cry after/during my end of year review last month because revisiting this year was A LOT.
Cb says
I’m a qualitative researcher so it was funny to be on the other side.
another qualitative researcher says
Can you say more about this? I’ve always wondered if I’d try to anticipate the follow-up questions, or try to say everything in a way that would make it impossible for the researcher to code my statements in a way that I hadn’t intended, or to control the interview in some other way.
Cb says
I think it was so different from my normal research (nterviewing political elites) that I just treated it as a conversation. I could see where the research is going, and could imagine how they might use my quotes, etc. And I’m well-versed in the academic language around families, parenting, etc. But I don’t think it steered me significantly or that I was analysing myself through that lens.
Pogo says
Any suggestions for a perfectionist kiddo? My 3.5 year old has recently started saying “You color this in, I’m not good at it, I can’t stay inside the lines” when we color. He also refused to do more than one run on the bunny hill because “I’m not good at skiing, I fall down.” We tried pointing out all the other kids falling down, but he just refused so we let it go and stopped dwelling on it. DH said things like, “You won’t get better if you don’t practice” but I wasn’t sure if that was counterproductive (seemed to just highlight that he wasn’t very good, which he was clearly very self-conscious about).
I don’t even know where he got the “coloring inside the lines” from – from other kids maybe? I don’t see a teacher in this day and age using that rhetoric. I had similar issues with perfectionism as a child and it caused me a lot of grief so I’d love some strategies to help him!
Anon says
so there is a Daniel Tiger episode about how if you “keep on trying you’ll feel proud” and then another episode about “do your best, your best is the best for you” that might be good starting points.
buffybot says
I’m sorry to say I don’t have any helpful suggestions but I’m following this with interest — my 3 year old’s preference on art/drawing or certain games is always for mommy or daddy to do it, and I sense that this is linked to perfectionism as opposed to lack of interest in the activity. I want to nip this in the bud and foster a growth mindset but wondering how best to do it. Not easy when both parents do have strong type-A/perfectionist tendencies in various areas. I’m trying to model out loud where I fall short/make a mistake/how I’ll fix it, or that I may not be good at something but I keep trying, but I don’t know if it is enough.
Anon says
Same same same. We struggle with this so much. I’ve read that parents/caregivers should basically take the approach of not coloring well at all but this is a struggle for our nanny to understand. Our 3-year-old has specific requests, like “Can you draw a rainbow house with me and you inside?” that our nanny seems unable to say no to because she hates seeing our daughter unhappy. We’ve mentioned it a few times that she should decline but then a few months later they will be back in the same dynamic and I love our nanny dearly so I hate to have the convo yet again.
Anon says
+1. This is a good argument for the benign neglect style of parenting. Parents should stand back in creativity and imagination activities as much as possible
Pogo says
Good point about modeling it! And I didn’t even realize that by obliging when he asked me to draw him stuff might be giving him unrealistic expectations. He also asks me to draw specific stuff for him to color.
Anonymous says
This is something I worry about as my son is also showing these tendencies. I am not sure I’m doing it right, but I try to message “let’s experiment, go wild, make the tree red, color outside the lines on purpose, etc.” to the extent he’s trying to do something like put a puzzle together, where there is really only one way to do it, I just try to assure him that no one can do it right on their first try, and how we have to keep trying and that that’s the fun of it.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I read or heard somewhere that parents modeling themselves making mistakes and being ok with it can help. Which is hard for me to do, as recovering perfectionist myself, ha, but I try to point out whenever I get the wrong cup or don’t draw well to my older son, who is also hard on himself for drawing and letters. We also try to praise the effort, not the result, so we say how proud we are of how hard he worked on the drawing vs. how great the drawing looks.
SC says
My son’s teacher says “practice makes better,” which I really like! We also talk about how everyone has different abilities, and everyone is working on improving something. When Kiddo was 3-4, he LOVED when DH and I pointed out our own mistakes and were silly about them.
Anon says
I don’t know if this factually helped, but I personally love watching the Winter X Games so we have it on all weekend when it is going on. The thing about the X Games is the skiers and boarders fall a LOT, and a few times that that happened I would point out to my kids – see, that guy/girl is one of the best and he does all those cool things but he still fell. You can watch past events on Youtube.
(I do at times have to assure them when we go skiing we won’t be flipping upside down through the air though, lol).
Pogo says
Oh thats a fun idea at least for skiing! I think he’d like that. I am sure if he is anything like his dad he will be flipping through the air someday but I try not to think about that.
Anonymous says
It’s not perfectionist, it’s a super normal stage. Part of them becoming more aware of their abilities in relation to those around them. I sometimes accommodated by coloring inside the lines and creating a wider ‘frame’ for kid to fill in. Other times I just said that they should practice, but I didn’t insist that they do it. For skiing, I find it helps to say things like ‘of course you fall down, you have only been skiing 3 times – it would be impossible not to fall down’, ‘did you know I didn’t even go skiing for the first time until I was 10 years old so you are a MUCH better skier than 10 year old mommy.’ My kids only tolerate about 2 hours on the hill before they need a 30-60 minute rest and snack break.
Being a little kid is hard. There are so many new things to try that you feel like you can’t do well. We try to put the focus on praising effort not results. So like “yes, it is outside the lines but I love that you used purple for the tree. Purple is one of my favorite colors’.
The twins first grade teacher talks a lot about saying you can’t do something ‘YET’ so we try to emphasize that as well.
Pogo says
Thanks – and good point that it could be totally developmentally normal. In my case as a child it went well beyond preschool years and had a big impact on my music and sports experience – I just couldn’t stand messing up even the tiniest bit.
Anon says
I’ve just accepted that this is part of my personality and is likely part of my kid’s personality as well. We try to do some of the things mentioned here, but also I don’t stress about it because I believe it’s mostly genetic.
Anon says
Parallel play / work can help — like saying to kid I’m going to work on making dinner, why don’t you work on making art. And also not ooing and aaahing or asking “what is that?” – helps to ask questions about process like tell me how it felt to draw that very long line or just say facts like “I see you chose red, purple, and yellow today”
EB says
I am probably too late for this, but one thing I don’t see mentioned is to recognize improvement. So my son was learning to throw a ball, and we talked about how to you have to practice to be good at something, and then when he started improving, we pointed it out, “look, you practiced, and now you can throw it straight!” Also, I noticed he has started to grow out of not wanting to try at all – he used to do the same thing, but does it less now. He’s just turned four, for reference.
Toddler proprioceptive issues says
Anyone have experience with a toddler with proprioceptive issues? My 2.5 year old son transitioned back to his Montessori daycare 5.5 weeks ago after spending the past 11 months at home with me and my husband. Our son has always been stubborn (loved getting standing on his learning tower and turning the light and overhead fan switches on and off, jumping in his crib before nap and bedtime, needing to be kept an eye on during outside walks) but generally even tempered. He is not prone to major meltdowns. Before the pandemic he was very good about playing with his toys by himself and for a good chunk of time, but over the past 5 months he has become more reliant on me and dad for play, less interested in playing with toys in the traditional sense (no more imaginary play with trucks and animals, puzzles, etc.), and more interested in the “mechanics” of things (how doors open, locks, lids on his toy containers, etc.). His Montessori teacher seems concerned that he isn’t pulling the Montessori materials for himself and instead would rather stomp on the floor grates, open and close the classroom cabinets, and try to turn on and off the floor lamps. My husband and I think he needs time to transition to his classroom after 11 months at home with us, and that we need to set boundaries at home to encourage his independent play. Son has also been in Zoom speech-language therapy for the past five weeks for a language delay. Montessori teacher suggested we ask the speech therapist about proprioceptive issues. Anyone familiar with this? Part of me feels as though the Montessori teacher is being unforgiving, but I want what is best for toddler and am open to her suggestions.
Anonymous says
I think it’s worth asking your pediatrician about. Then you’ll know whether this is a developmental issue to work on or a classroom management issue the teacher needs to deal with.
anon says
I’ll let others comment more globally, but one thing that realllly helped my sensory-seeking, deeply-feeling, ADHD kid function better in her Montessori classroom at this age was playing at the park on the way to school every morning for 25-35 minutes. On days when I just couldn’t manage to leave the house in time or the weather was truly awful, we noticed a big difference in her behavior all day when she didn’t get that fresh air, jumping/pulling/spinning sensory input right away.
The Montessori classroom should be able to facilitate the mechanical play – lots of small boxes to open and close, practical life with zipping, buttoning. But we brought in an OT to help with the proprioceptive/sensory issues, which helped her overall regulation a lot.
Anonymous says
Yes, an Occupational therapist (OT) is who deals with proprioceptive/sensory issues, not a speech therapist. I would talk to your pediatrician and call early intervention, or if your speech therapy is already through early intervention, tell your service coordinator that you want an occupational therapy evaluation or consult.
SC says
My son had some proprioception issues, and he worked with an occupational therapist on them. None of what you describe is related to proprioception though–proprioception is just awareness of your body and its movement in space. Is the teacher describing issues with his body awareness? Or is she suggesting that proprioceptive activities might help him focus or calm down or be therapeutic? If there are issues with proprioception, that’s more of a developmental/sensory thing where early intervention can really help, much like speech-language therapy. If she’s suggesting proprioceptive activities for focus and calm, you could probably wait a month and see how he adjusts to the classroom. A 2.5 year old room is pretty different from a 1.5 year old room, and he had almost a year at home, so it’s basically a brand new experience for him.
OP says
The teacher’s comments took me and my husband off-guard yesterday, so I didn’t ask these specific questions. I think what she’s getting at is that our son’s stomping on floor grates, opening up the cabinets, etc. is giving him sensory input he is not getting from the Montessori materials, which is preferable.
SC says
I’d discuss it with the pediatrician and the speech therapist, as a next step. Our experience has been that teachers noticing things and suggesting outside resources like an occupational therapist have been really valuable. Wanting or needing a certain type of stimulation isn’t really a proprioception issue, at least as far as I understand it. But it can be a sensory processing issue, and depending on the degree, it can cause behavioral issues at daycare/preschool. Either way, an occupational therapist can help with specific therapies to help with that awareness-in-space issue (proprioception), or can help you create a “sensory diet,” which is just coming up with specific sensory inputs that a kid needs to get in the right frame of mind for the learning and socializing they do at daycare/preschool. That may be something like going to the playground before school for some extra gross motor activity, or doing heavy work at home or with a therapist, or half a dozen other things.
OP says
Thank you to everyone who weighed in. I really appreciate it.
Anon says
I also recommend you consider giving him some time to transition back. Our 4yo had trouble transitioning back and it only took a few weeks before he was fine. The concerning issues fully-resolved by the time we got an appointment with a therapist (and it was only a few weeks).
anon says
This is more of a vent than anything, but my kiddo with ADHD has now been receiving teletherapy, instead of in-person therapy, for a full year. I can say with confidence that this is not very effective, and it’s just one more thing this effing pandemic has blown up. We’re in a very bad spot with parenting him; literally everything is hard right now. Therapist believes it’s partly age, partly pandemic burnout, partly ADHD. But we (and he) need a lot more support than we’re actually getting. I’d be OK with just quitting therapy for now since it’s not helping anyway, but his ped will not prescribe meds unless therapy is happening in conjunction. I guess we could find a new therapist, but I don’t even know what to look for!
Anon says
sending lots of hugs. did kiddo previously receive in-person therapy from this therapist and have you generally liked this therapist and think the virtual is the problem? do you and your partner do any parent only sessions to focus on how to parent him? in terms of finding someone else, could you ask the pediatrician?
anon says
We’ve liked this therapist in general. DH is not as thrilled. He thinks it’s too much talking, not enough concrete steps. Or, frankly, the steps are things we’re doing already or have tried. Our sessions usually start with 15 minutes for just the parents, then the therapist brings in our kiddo. It was working better before virtual, when she could play games with him and actually practice social skills (one of his biggest struggles).
SC says
I hear you! My son’s therapist has been doing a great job, but I agree it’s not as effective. On our last parent consult, the therapist said that they’re probably going to open back up to in-person services soon–basically, once the entire staff is vaccinated/has the opportunity to be vaccinated. Word is, there’s a ton of vaccine supply in our state now, so I’m hoping it will be another month or two.
Anon says
I would ask about finding a therapist who can offer in person session. We do virtual speech therapy through the public school system with DD, which we will be keeping virtual, but I have heard anecdotally that some private practices are offering in person (masked of course) sessions.
Anonymous says
Can you change up what therapy looks like? Maybe asynchronous? Have therapist assign tasks and you video the activity with your phone. We always had better success with focus improvement based activities done outside but we also have a decent sized suburban lot and it wouldn’t have worked in a public park or similar.
Anonymous says
Another summer shopping question: sunglasses for a 2 year old? Thanks!
Anonymous says
Julbo
anonamama says
Janie & Jack had a ton of styles on sale on their site!
anon says
Babiators
AwayEmily says
Jealous of all your kids who will keep sunglasses on and look adorable. We gave up that battle and just put our kids in the enormous Sunday Afternoon sun hats.
Anon says
Cheap ones from Walgreens or Target. In my experience, they were constantly lost so we would buy several and stash them in the purse, car, pool bag, wagon, etc. No reason to go super fancy – find the Paw Patrol or Disney versions and stock up.
Anon says
We have had success with these as pretty unbreakable: https://www.roshambobaby.com/collections/toddler
Cinnamon Roll Recipe says
Hi All. At Thanksgiving 2020, a couple folks on here posted links to cinnamon roll recipes that you can assemble a day in advance and then put in the refrigerator overnight, pull out, and bake in the morning. I used one of those recipes, loved it, and missplaced it. So, if you posted such a recipe at Thanksgiving, could you repost? Thanks so much!!!
Anon says
https://ourbestbites.com/overnight-cinnamon-rolls/ Also I recently discovered from King Arthur Baking that the reason mine turned into cones is that I was rolling them too tightly. So don’t roll too tightly to keep the middle from popping up!
Anonymous says
I have only tried this once, but I appreciated the level of detail: https://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2017/12/bravetart-homemade-cinnamon-rolls-recipe.html
Leatty says
Can’t remember if I posted it, but this one is great! https://www.tastesoflizzyt.com/homemade-cinnamon-rolls/
Anon says
I’ve made this one a bunch of times and it’s always turned out well: https://www.ambitiouskitchen.com/best-cinnamon-rolls/
anne-on says
I made these for Christmas morning and they were to die for (swapped pecans for peanuts at the families request. SOOO good)
https://smittenkitchen.com/2015/02/pecan-sticky-buns-news/
Anonymous says
Not a mother and not a regular reader, but looking for some advice on dealing with my best friend. She is a new mother (baby just turned 6 months old) and has specifically asked me if I can help serve as an “anxiety checker” because she has a history of anxiety and doesn’t want her husband (who is a space cadet) to be the only person who is aware of her tendencies and on the lookout for symptoms. I readily agreed and things have okay so far, but one thing I’m a bit concerned about is what I think may be a slightly over the top fixation (for lack of a better word) on her baby’s needs to the detriment of her own – and even to his potential detriment. The two main examples I have are that she was advised to receive general anesthesia for an important dental surgery, but the dentist said someone needs to wait in the hospital parking lot (for an hour) to drive her home (10 mins away). My friend said that she’ll do local instead so she can drive herself because her baby “is at an age where I don’t think he’d be content to wait in the car with DH.” That concerned me because she previously said that undergoing that particular dental surgery was “hell” without general anesthesia. The second example is COVID-related. She thought she was having COVID symptoms and her advice nurse said to isolate in her home, but she immediately started crying and said she couldn’t be away from the baby for that long. She chose not to isolate for that reason and when I suggested wearing a mask instead, she said no because “masks scare the baby.” Her husband is a full-time SAHD. I need a reality check – is this normal? I wasn’t that concerned about some of her jokes/offhand comments (things like how she’ll never get divorced because she wouldn’t be able to stand only having custody half the time or how she’s been crying because she moved the baby to his own room), but these two instances felt very different to me because she seemed to perceive that the baby would suffer from accommodating her health needs when really, he’d be 100% fine (but it wouldn’t be fine if he was exposed to COVID). He’s a very easygoing baby, although his life has been spent almost entirely indoors with his parents due to the pandemic. Any advice would be welcome. I don’t have any other friends with kids that I can ask for input.
Hmmmm says
You know your friend so go with your gut on this, but — I would not want to sit in a car for an hour with a six-month old baby. My six-month old baby gets angry when we stop at stoplights. It’s — not fun. I also think if she’s breastfeeding, etc. having general anesthesia can be pretty annoying/stressful. I’d do it if it was necessary, but if given the option I would probably do local as well.
I’ve also decided that I likely would not isolate from my baby if I got symptoms.
I think there’s room to argue about both of those decisions and whether they’re the “right” ones and probably others here will disagree. But neither of those things sound like anxiety necessarily to me.
NYCer says
I agree. With no other reference points, neither of those examples seem concerning IMO, but OP you know your friend best!
Anonymous says
I think there could be rational reasoning behind these specific decisions, but crying at the thought of moving baby to his own room or the suggestion of isolating to protect the baby from COVID is over the top.
Anonymous says
I don’t think these are over the top. While I didn’t cry, I was sad when we transitioned both kids to their own rooms (even though it was the right decision). I’d also lose my mind if I had to be isolated from my 6mo.
Anon says
It doesn’t sound over the top to me, assuming you’re talking about separating from a 6 month old and not a 6 year old. Many women including me, had never been away from their babies at that point. In fact, I took my 9 month old on a business trip (with a husband to watch her) because I didn’t want to separate from her. I didn’t have anxiety and now that she’s three I have no problem separating from her. I don’t separate from her enough, lol! It’s always hard the first time you have to be apart from an infant and the stress and anxiety about the potential Covid exposure makes it worse.
Lyssa says
I agree with hmmm. The idea of isolating away from the baby for an extended time period is pretty extreme – almost any parent would have a very hard time doing that, particularly given that the risks to the baby appear to be so low. I think a lot of people with young children would agree with the divorce statement she made. If she’s really crying a lot (as in, unable to function) over moving the baby to another room, that’s an issue, but I think it’s normal to get a little teary-eyed every time baby has a new “milestone.”
I’m risking getting into “when you’re a parent, you’ll understand” territory, but I have to say that I had absolutely no idea how attached I would feel to my kids before I had them. It’s just not something that you’re really prepared for.
Anon says
The simplest answer: it seems to me that there is a higher level than normal anxiety here.
The biggest question I have: does she breast feed, and if so does the baby refuse a bottle? This is an unfortunately common issue that has major repercussions in daily life that is really hard to appreciate the extent of until you have had a baby.
More details:
1) I can *kind of* see concern about DH having to keep baby in car for an hour. There are some babies that just don’t do well in cars, and there is certainly the potential that baby cries bloody murder the whole time. Is it super cold where she is so DH wouldn’t even be able to take baby outside of the car for long? In normal times I would say, this would be worth just getting a sitter for, but in pandemic times that’s easier said than done. I mean, I personally would have ultimately made the decision that DH would just have to deal while I got my general anesthesia, but I could at least see the concern, especially for a first baby.
2) I would also be super sad if I had to isolate from my kids for an extended period of time, and they aren’t even babies. So I can at least understand the bursting into tears there. That being said, I like to think I would to protect their health and that she didn’t is concerning. The attitude about the mask is also misguided and concerning, but COVID makes this such a weird world.
3) I know you didn’t mention this as one of your concerns, but I think the attitude that one doesn’t want to get divorced because they couldn’t stand the thought of only seeing their kids half the time is a very common one. Whether that’s the right decision for the circumstances is a whole other discussion, but I think most parents would be really sad about this prospect. I also can easily see being sad about moving the baby to the other room. I even did that pretty early and was happy to, but there is something sweet about the phase of having your cute little baby right next to you that you know will never happen again that makes the transition sad.
Good luck! You are being a good friend. I say this gently, but does she have a good friend that has kids that could be a reality checker for her instead? That sounds super judgey and rude I know. But I just think what she is asking you to do without the nuance of having been there is going to be really hard and have you constantly questioning what turns out to be very common thoughts and anxieties. Hopefully when she gets out of the baby stage this will work itself out.
Anon. says
I don’t understand the comment about her husband being a SAHD and “space cadet”. Can he not be trusted around the baby (is he just forgetful or is he drugged – urban dictionary suggests that “space cadet” is a slang word?)
Generally, I think and know from personal experience that most parents place their child’s wellbeing over their own – but it sounds like your friend neglects her basic healthcare needs. The pandemic has certainly impacted how many parents view their family’s safety, and being somewhat “extreme” in the measures you take to prevent harm is not uncommon.
It also sounds like she may have some separation anxiety or doesn’t trust others with her baby. Leaving a 6 month old with the father for a few hours for major surgery shouldn’t be an issue unless there are special circumstances. As to the Covid isolation and her not wanting to isolate in her home, this doesn’t strike me as super odd, even though the anxiety about her wearing a mask traumatizing the baby may be over the top.
Can you try to frame it to her as “You need to put your own oxygen mask first”, i.e. take care of your health to be able to continue being a good mom to your child?
Anonymous says
Space cadet just means ditzy not drugged and high
Anonanonanon says
OMG My dumb tired self was like “wait how is he a space cadet AND unemployed?” I was out here thinking he was in the space force or something smh
Anonymous says
LOLLLLL space force! This made me actually laugh out loud.
Pogo says
same! haha. I wonder if space cadet is regional? It was a fairly common term when I was growing up in the Northeast, maybe less so now.
ElisaR says
oh that’s funny….
Anonymous says
Space Force personnel are Guardians. of the galaxy, natch.
Anonymous says
I should’ve added that she is not breastfeeding – her baby has been on formula from the beginning. Thanks for the responses so far.
Anon says
personally i think this is strange. i mean i do understand not wanting DH and baby sitting in hospital parking lot for an hour – however, no one is going to be there checking on them, can’t DH just come back an hour later? or drive around with baby? or depending on where hospital is located take baby out of car and go for a little walk? i honestly had PPD and PPA, but part of it for me was actually wanting time away from my babies, so the isolating would’ve sounded nice to me…lol. but even if she didn’t want to isolate, in pre-covid times when my babies were infants if i thought i was getting sick i wore a mask, and they don’t seem to be scarred for life. She does seem to have some level of anxiety in terms of being away from the baby. I always felt fine when babies were with our nanny or DH, but a bit anxious when left just with my parents or in-laws
Hmmm says
This might be the dentist’s requirement. When I had dental surgery someone had to be in the waiting room – they were not allowed to leave. I think the parking lot is the COVID version of this requirement.
Anon says
Agreed, I think this is a dentist requirement since people can’t be in the waiting room due to Covid.
Lyssa says
Yeah, that’s a common rule for minor surgeries – that the patient’s ride has to wait on the premises the whole time. Not sure whether there’s a real reason for it or if it’s just because they don’t want to have to track someone down, but it’s normal to require that someone stays.
Anon says
Could be. Though maybe she could still talk to them? I had a colonoscopy under general this past summer and my husband was allowed to take my kids to the park and just come back to get me.
Anonymous says
I will be the voice of dissent and say that most of this sounds typical of first-time moms in the US and also super unhealthy. She is prioritizing her own need to believe that her baby cannot possibly survive without her over the baby’s actual needs and development.
Anon says
This sounds a little odd, given that her husband is a SAHD and presumably can care for the baby. Maybe she is sad about being tied up with work often, so tries to overcompensate in other ways?
It seems like she had a rigid way of thinking by and for whatever reason doesn’t want to brainstorm alternatives. Like, she could have a masked friend pick her up at the dentist and leave baby home with dad, or let dad and baby go take a walk somewhere and pick her up after an hour. And if it’s nap time, it’s no problem for most tiny babies to sleep in a car.
I wouldn’t say it’s overly concerning, though; sounds like she is a little type A and still figuring out motherhood and what works best for her family.
Anonymous says
I have a relative who is overly rigid like this partly because of anxiety and partly because she is a smug, self-satisfied person who needs to brag about how she is a better parent than the rest of us.
anonymous says
Maybe she should talk to her doctor about a post partum anxiety/depression screening.
Anonymous says
Thanks all, appreciate the food for thought. I might ask her how things are going anxiety-wise and see if I can get a feel on how she perceives these instances. It sounds like the consensus is that there may be some anxiety at play, but that none of you think that it’s dire/absurd/urgent or anything like that.
Hmmmm says
I said above that the decisions you listed here seem normal and not concerning to me. But that is *not* to say that your friend does or doesn’t have PPA (or that the situation is or isn’t dire/urgent.)
If she has a history of anxiety, getting screened at 6 months seems very reasonable to me. There are also online screening tools that may be helpful. But there’s no way for us to tell you here whether or not she had PPA.
Pogo says
No, doesn’t sound dire, but she could still benefit from getting treatment! Once I saw that she was formula feeding that made it seem a little less plausible that she was so concerned about anesthesia/COVID – certainly her husband could cover 100% of the baby’s needs on his own.
I’ll also add that within my local moms group I see a wide range of these behaviors, usually associated with SAHMs. Many of them have never left their child with someone else until the birth of their second child – which to me was crazy, but I had no choice because I worked full time and so does my husband. With COVID and a SAHD and your friend working from home, she’s got that same mindset – baby has never left her and she can’t imagine doing so. It’s not uncommon, that is to say, but I personally don’t think it’s healthy.
SC says
I think the fact that with Covid, many new moms haven’t left their kids is really important. A couple of weeks ago, my MIL reminded me of her birthday dinner 6 weeks after my son was born. If you’d asked me, I would have vaguely remembered the dinner (like, that we had one) and thought that we’d brought our infant to the restaurant. Apparently, that was actually the first time a non-family-member watched our son, and I was a nervous wreck and constantly wanted to text (but didn’t). It got easier every time. If she hasn’t felt comfortable hiring outside childcare because of the pandemic, and her husband is a SAHD, then I think some separation anxiety is totally normal.
A little over one year ago, I was planning a thirteen-day Hawaiian vacation for just me and DH (we didn’t go). Now, when I think about re-booking that trip for spring of 2022, part of me thinks, “Do I really want to leave Kiddo that long?” He’d be almost 7! He’d be fine with my parents! In fact, he’d have a great time with them! But that pull is still there.
Anonymous says
None of this really sounds abnormal to me, especially in a pandemic. I think the entire world (or at least a great many people) have low key anxiety right now.
Dinner says
What are your easiest dinner ideas? My husband and I are both back in the office and I’m remembering how impossible it is to try to find time to make dinner. Even the “easy weeknight” recipes I find online are too-time consuming and complicated to be feasible for us. I know that sounds absurd, but with a 2 year old and an infant we are stretched thin at the moment. (Maybe I’m also just bad at this because I realize other people have time to cook.)
Redux says
our go-to easy weeknight meal is fried rice. we use the recipe from gimmesomeoven
anon says
We just made this last week and plan to add it to our regular rotation. Super easy, can use whatever veg you have lying around, etc.
Anonymous says
Our fasted options:
Breakfast tacos (scrambled or fried eggs, canned beans, salsa, cheese if we have time to grate it).
Any other kind of vegetable taco – whatever is left over plus cheese plus salsa , extra fun if we have pickled onions in the fridge.
Rice bowls: rice with beans and veggies (can go southwest-inspired with black beans, canned tomatoes, salsa) or Mediterranean inspired with chickpeas, cukes, tomatoes and yogurt). We use the instant pot for rice, which is maybe 15 minutes. Slightly longer is rive and tofu bowls- usually bake tofu cubes a bit earlier in the afternoon- tofu plus veggies plus soy sauce or sesame oil or Korean hot sauce. Can add a fried egg instead of tofu.
Gnocchi from a package with frozen veggies. They cook in 3 min. Often use Greek yogurt as a sauce base with some Parmesan. Peas and fennel seeds; cubes frozen sweet potato and sage.
Toast pizza (toast, tomato sauce, cheese. Melt in microwave or oven if you are fancy).
Chickpea salad sandwiches- blend a can of chickpeas, a few spoons of mayo and some seasoning (we like dried onion plus nutritional yeast) in a food processor. Make sandwiches with this and arugula or spinach. (Note: my children no longer will eat this.)
Anonymous says
Cook after the kids are in bed and reheat leftovers for dinner. I normally get home at 7, so this is my only solution, although my husband cooks a lot. But reheating is my jam.
Anon says
on a similar note, even to eat family dinner i cook the night before or on the weekend and reheat. it is to stressful for me post-work
Anonymous says
+1. Cook extra Saturday and Sunday. That’s either make a bigger meal and eat leftovers one night during the week, or cook 2 meals in one day and just reheat on the weeknight. Or both.
Cb says
Omelette. You could cut or even cook the veg ahead of time. We just do veg but you could add smoked salmon or ham, or whatever your kid’s preference is. I just pop them in the oven at 180C to keep them warm while I get the next ones done. Or tacos with peppers, beans, mushrooms.
Does your kid get a warm meal at daycare? My kid does so I’m also perfectly happy to just do snacky meals. I can’t have cereal for dinner in front of my kid, because he’ll want the same, but will do chopped up veg, salmon, toast, yoghurt.
Anon says
Caveat that I enjoy cooking, but I try to cook Saturday and Sunday night with intentionally making enough for leftovers that can be reheated for dinner two nights during the week. Takeout or delivery 1-2 nights a week, and something simple for dinner the other nights. Simple includes:
-pancakes, microwave or oven bacon and fruit
-spaghetti with jarred sauce and frozen meatballs (usually homemade double batch on a weekend, baked, eat some that night, then frozen for later use; I haven’t found premade ones I like yet) or ground beef cooked and added to jarred sauce
-frozen pork and vegetable potstickers
-frozen pizza and bagged salad
-frozen chicken or turkey pot pie (takes an hour in the oven but all hands off time)
-quesadillas with grilled peppers and onions, jarred salsa and either leftover taco meat or pulled pork (I slow cook a large batch and freeze small portions without any sauce or seasoning so they can be BBQ pulled pork or carnitas style taco meat)
-tacos (ground beef, seasoning, jarred salsa, bagged shredded cheese, lettuce from bagged salad mix)
-hot dogs
-macaroni and cheese
-grilled cheese and (canned) tomato soup
-thin cut pork chops breaded and pan fried with bagged salad
-frozen french onion soup topped with frozen sliced bread broiled (from frozen) with provolone on top
Spirograph says
Fresh pasta — the tortellini or ravioli you get in the refrigerator section of the grocery store – takes only about 3 minutes of boiling time to be ready. We often don’t even heat up the pasta sauce (unless it was open and refrigerated), just pour it over the hot pasta and serve with some kind of microwaved vegetables.
Other super quick meals:
– Trader Joes frozen fried rice + frozen gyoza ~10 minutes total on the stovetop.
– Frozen/refrigerated Chicken alfredo + noodles, also ~10 min on stovetop
– Egg salad sandwiches (I usually have hardboiled eggs in the fridge)
– Black bean burritos
– Stir fry (we usually do tofu, snow peas, bell peppers, onions, baby corn, and canned water chestnuts)
Crock pot is also my friend for weeknights.
Also, lean in to semi-homemade and buy things that don’t need extra prep. eg, buy shredded cheese instead of a block, steam-in-bag vegetables, minced garlic, canned beans rather than dry, etc. And when you DO have time to cook, cook extra. I always make extra chicken or rice, since they’re so easy to throw together with other thing and make another meal.
Anon says
Coming up with quick and easy dinner ideas is literally my biggest challenge as a working mom with a toddler and a baby who’s transitioning to table foods but also obsessed with being held and having my full attention at all times.
Black bean, corn, and cheese quesadillas – I use the Budget Bytes recipe but modify to leave out the garlic and onion if I don’t feel like it and they’re still delicious
Pesto pasta with peas – store bought pesto, pasta, and stir in some frozen peas towards the end of the pasta cooking
“Snack plates” – my husband and I eat cheese and crackers and munch on raw veggies; toddler gets cheese/crackers/raisins/shredded carrots, baby gets a pouch and some Cheerios because Mama is tired
I also subscribe to meal delivery services that are literally just reheat and serve to buy me some peace of mind a few nights a week. My husband and I do Freshly, my toddler gets Yumble, and the baby does Raised Real. It’s $$$ but worth the peace of mind it buys me a few nights a week to know that dinner just needs to be heated up in the microwave. There is a season of life in which I will cook for everyone, but this is not that season.
Anon says
We do a fair amount of pasta, pizza and quesadillas – not super healthy I know, but very easy. A healthier option that is also very easy is scrambled or fried eggs.
Anon says
My easy meals are:
1. Baked egg on tortilla – cover a pan in foil, put tortallas on the sheet, make a ring out of black beans and cheese, crack eggs in the middle (inside the bean/cheese walls), and bake (~425 for 10 mins or to whatever consistency you like).
2. Lentil penne with jarred vodka sauce and peas that I throw in the pot a minute before the pasta is done.
3. burgers with roasted green beans (use the prewashed ready to use kind and toss with olive oil/salt), or really any sheet pan dinner where you stick it on a pan and can interact with kids while it bakes.
4. frozen lasagnas
5. bake at home meals from local restaurants or caterers who started these services during the pandemic. we also have at least one store dedicated entirely to this theme that I use weekly.
6. sometimes i’ll meal prep by making black beans or shakshuka sauce on the weekend and i freeze it, so i can thaw it and microwave some rice for black bean bowls or put in in the pan with eggs for shakshuka.
Pogo says
I don’t. We use a meal service. Cooking meals, even “easy 20 min weeknight meals!!” is for another season in life.
Pandemic bubble popped says
Disclaimer: Not looking for snarky comments on Covid risk-taking.
Due to our circumstances with having preconditions, we pulled our preschooler out of daycare in March 2020, and were lucky enough to have one other family in our circle who did the same and were equally cautious and with who we “bubbled” through the fall and winter here in the Midwest.
Our friends have decided to send their kid to a daycare starting end of May in preparation of kindergarten in the fall. I fully understand their decision, as for them, homeschooling seemed a lot harder than it was for us.
We have not socialized with families who have kids in a daycare setting.
While numbers seem to decline where we live, it’s of course difficult to predict what will happen with re-openings in several states, virus variants that may affect kids more etc. Both spouse and I will be vaccinated by end of April, but obviously kiddo will not get a vaccine any time soon at age 5. We are weighing different options for kindergarten in the fall (in-person, virtual learning through the school if offered, or completely homeschooling).
I am feeling so sad that, depending on the situation locally and with the “kids coronavirus variants”, our kid may loose their only real-life playmate over the summer. Of course if the situation stabilizes, outdoor playdates are likely, but the thought alone that we’ll have to monitor how close kids get to each other, them having to wear masks etc makes me feel very sad for my child. (My child is great at wearing a mask indoors, but with their friend there wasn’t a need as the family was following the same precautions we did.)
Please tell me everything will be ok?
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’ve found that my older kid (also almost 5) is totally fine to wear his mask wherever we need him to – inside, outside, etc. They don’t have to wear them at daycare but we’ve seen his daycare friend outside for impromptu playdates and they both kept their masks on the whole time. I think kids adapt to these masks a lot better than we adults do.
Also, I can’t tell from your post if your whole family has preconditions or just the adults, but if your kid doesn’t, then once you both are vaccinated, it’s a much different risk assessment, right? But even if your kid is higher risk, I think outdoor, masked playdates should be fine.
Anonymous says
+1 we play at a local playground on the weekends, and all the kids wear masks and generally stay a bit away from kids they don’t already know well/are bubbling with. Obviously your risk assessment may vary, but with hand sanitizing before and after, I haven’t had any concerns.
Also, I just saw an article saying they are doing vaccine trials on kids as young as 6 months! So maybe they will get vaccines sooner than we think. Fingers crossed.
Anonymous says
I think playground mask wearing must be regional. My state has a mask mandate and there is very good compliance indoors (in my city at least) but almost no one wears masks outside and they are basically non-existent on playgrounds. It definitely made me a little nervous before DH and I were vaxxed (I know it’s outdoors and the kids weren’t getting super close, but masks would still make things a lot safer) but now that we’re two weeks after our first jab I worry a lot less.
Pogo says
yikes – at our local playground there was exactly 1 family (a grandpa from the looks of it, and his grandson) who were not masked when I went the other day.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Same, Pogo. We’ve gone to lots of playgrounds around here and all of the kids above the age of 2-3 are in masks, same for the parents/caregivers.
Anon says
yes to all of this. and if your kid is not high risk, again, know your own risk tolerance, and not judging at all bc i am also on the more cautious side, (have not been inside another person’s home in a year, rarely go to playgrounds bc people here don’t wear masks etc.), but unmasked outdoor playdates might also be ok (and as an extra precaution you could have adults wear masks until we know more about how vaccinated people do/dont transmit) and even indoor unmasked playdates with adults in masks (again, if your child is high risk, the calculus is probably different). also sending hugs. navigating this pandemic as a parent is hard.
Pandemic bubble popped says
Yes, I’m not worried about my child not being able to wear a mask, it’s more the having to explain why we can now only see their playmate outdoors and masked whereas before we played indoors and outdoors
unmasked.
We were able to keep our risk super low until now by not mixing with daycare families (neither indoors nor outdoors). Now that will change, as we don’t know anyone else who is still keeping their kids home. So to me it feel like increased risk to our kid, especially with the more transmissible variants.
Spirograph says
It will be ok. IME, kids take this well in stride. I have a 4 year old and a 6 year old, and they 100% understand that we only play with friends outdoors at the moment (even school/daycare friends), and we wear masks both indoors and outdoors. They have literally never pushed back on this, and the 6 year old especially is exceptionally stubborn and strong-willed about LOTS of other stuff, so it’s not a case of me having easygoing kids.
You don’t need to make A Thing of it, just say that this is what we need to do to be safe and keep others right now. The virus is changing, the circumstances are changing, and it’s your job as a grown-up to pay attention to the changes and adapt to do what’s best for your family. I plug the Brains On! podcast here a lot, but they have some excellent episodes about Covid-19, safety measures, vaccines, herd immunity, etc etc if you want to help drive this home.
Gently, though, unless the child is the one with pre-existing condition, I encourage you to allow outdoor playdates with other children once the adults are vaccinated. The social-emotional benefits far outweigh the covid risk to most children, and you’re looking at potentially another year before there’s a vaccine for young children. Two years of near isolation is a lot.
Spirograph says
*keep others safe
Anonymous says
+1 to everything Spirograph said.
Pandemic bubble popped says
Thank you for your comment, this really offers great perspective.
Pogo says
I think they’ll understand, my kiddo does! He changed schools and so we don’t want to mix with the kids from old school. But I let him see his besties outdoors and masked. He doesn’t care. They don’t care. They just want to play pirates or monsters and find rocks and leaves to give to me & the other moms. We have drilled in the rules about no touching and keeping your mask on so he’s used to it. I think your kiddo will adapt if you are matter of fact and positive about it.
Anonymous says
Get the vaccine yourself and let your kid see other children! Enroll them in in person school! You cannot cloister your child for years
anon says
+1. I know this might be snarky, but really. How long do you plan to keep your child home?
not OP says
Until they’re vaccinated.
Anonymous says
That’s cruel and unnecessary
Anonymous says
I have a friend who is doing this and I also think it’s cruel and developmentally damaging to her child. Doubly so for an only child, and I say that as a mom to one who finds most of the stereotypes about only kids very offensive…but it’s true they don’t have a built in playmate like kids with sibs do. Kids have a <.1% chance of dying from this disease according to my state’s stats, and while serious complications like MIS-C are more common than death they are still incredibly rare and most kids with MIS-C end up being fine with no long term effects. And these stats are for all kids, including some who are no doubt higher risk, so for healthy kids the odds are even better. Age also matters – my ped told me a preschooler is significantly less likely to get seriously ill than a teen. I believe there have been no deaths in children under 10 in our state.
Anon Lawyer says
I tend to agree this is potentially damaging long-term to keep kids isolated like this – kids are resilient but having their childhood driven by anxiety-based decisionmaking (rather than rational risk-based decisionmaking) is precisely the kind of thing that makes it hard for kids to figure out how to function as adults.
Anonymous says
Same. It’s been a year. At this point you are doing more psychological damage to your child than the small risk they run of catching COVID. They need to be with other kids. My DDs preschool has had ZERO cases all year. So daycare kids aren’t even that risky of an exposure.
Anon says
Sorry but +3. Not only is it a small risk they catch COVID, but even if they catch it is almost a microscopic risk that something severely negative happens to them from it. And to layer on anxiety about hypothetical issues that might hypothetically happen from variants… you could do that for the rest of their lives about something.
My preschool also has had zero cases since they have been open in June and the kids don’t even wear masks. And we are in what has been a hot spot.
Anonymous says
+4. This is not a serious illness in healthy children and children over the age of about 2 really need socialization with peers so unless your child has a very rare condition that makes them high risk (like current chemo treatment) keeping them home after the adults are vaccinated does more harm than good.
Also I expect mask wearing to expire except in certain high risk situations (like public transit) once all adults are vaxxed so I think finding parents who want their child to play outdoors in masks will be hard. My Midwest state has a mask mandate and currently no children wear masks on the playground. It was more common, though not universal, last summer and fall.
No Face says
Agreed. My kid has been in-person for months before anyone could be vaccinated. At schools with masking and cohorting, the risk of covid transmission is very low even when community spread is high. By the fall, every adult who wants a vaccine will have it. Very different scenario than the past year. Enroll your kid in in-person school next year.
As for play dates now, you can always meet people in parks. Side steps the indoor vs outdoor issue altogether.
Anon says
I say this as someone who is also high risk as is DH. You might be projecting concerns about the risk *to you* on to the risk *to your child*, which are very different. It definitely colors your world view. We’ve been super cautious, but DH and I will be fully vaccinated by mid-April (assuming we get our second shot on time, makes me nervous we can’t book until a week ahead). DD’s preschool reopened this week, and we are sending her (masked, smaller class sizes, lots of outdoor time). We will probably continue to wear masks for outdoor only playdates as long as transmission remains high, but once DH and I are vaccinated, the entire risk calculus changes because DD is not high risk. I’m not sure about indoor visits with other kids, but we’re heading into summer so keeping everything outside feels right for our risk tolerance – looking forward to outdoor dining, outdoor BBQs, park visits, wineries, pool, etc. It is hard and difficult to reframe your thinking with a revised calculus in mind, because you’ve been hunkered down so long. I think your kid will adapt just fine to wearing a mask. DD hasn’t worn a mask much (literally 4 outdoor masked playdates in the last year) and is having no problem with it for preschool, doctor’s visits, etc. Don’t let wearing a mask deprive your kid of necessary socialization, and as long as the kids are masked and outside, I wouldn’t encourage a hugfest or anything but we otherwise don’t worry too much about how close they are getting.
CPA Lady says
Agree with this, and this is coming from someone who has been very cautious compared to a lot of people I know. I think we’re at a weird point in the pandemic where the “abundance of caution” is slowly becoming less relevant and will become increasingly so in the next few months as the bulk of adults are vaccinated in this country and covid becomes just another routine, generally non-fatal illness. I don’t think we’re there yet, but almost. It’s a bumpy psychological adjustment for sure, especially for those who have been very locked down.
OP, you say you’ve kept your risk super low so far, but the risk to you child has always been super low (unless they are severely medically compromised, in which case, ignore everything I’m about to say), even if they had been out in public, licking a handrail at Disney world. Per the CDC website, 95% of covid deaths have been age 50 and above. 0.0004% have been in under 18 (compare this to the flu, where 0.02% of deaths are in under 18). I am just not worried about my kid getting it, though I will get her vaccinated as soon as possible, and keep wearing masks as long as medical professionals say to do so.
I don’t see any world where we eradicate covid, so your options are to cloister yourselves for years despite the microscopic risk level to kids, or get comfortable taking a tiny risk and rejoin society. Given that the vast vast vast majority of kids are just fine, I don’t see the need to be this locked down. We were very locked down from Mar-Dec and it was horrible, especially once kiddo was in online school. I would imagine it’ll be even harder going forward as pretty much everyone gets back to normal life around you.
Anonymous says
It’s not about the risk of death. It’s about the risk of becoming a long-hauler, which happens to kids as well as adults.
Anon Lawyer says
I don’t think that there are many if any cases of that in young children – more in tweens and pre-adolescents. Obviously that’s scary, but there are consequences to remaining isolated too.
Also you should check out the WaPo article today on the vaccine and long haulers – still preliminary but very encouraging.
Anonymous says
Do you have a source for this? I’ve never heard of any kids having “long haul Covid” and everything written about it in the media has been about adults. My pediatrician told us longhaul Covid is not a thing in young kids and even the (very few) kids who end up on ventilators make a full recovery.
Anon says
For preschool age kids? Where is the data for this? And what percentage of cases is this?
And that ignores that the way to avoid this comes with its own immense consequences (isolation, anxiety, depression….probably far more likely than what you are citing here).
Anon says
Yeah if you’re focusing on the 1 in 1000 (or much less) odds of your kid dying or becoming a long hauler you’re worrying about the wrong risks. The mental health and developmental risks are soooo much greater. I saw negative mental health effects in my 2 year old during the six month daycare shutdown and 2 year olds need to be around peers much less than 5 year olds do and that was only for a few months. You’re going into year two of isolation, the adults are fully vaccinated, it’s time to ease up.
Anon. says
This.
Given that Covid is so new, the absence of evidence of long-term harm does not equal evidence of absence.
Anon Lawyer says
Anon at 1:45 – that logic is going to justify isolating your kids for the next five years. We don’t know that vaccines will prevent all unknown harms either.
Anonymous says
@Anon. you don’t know the long term effects of isolation on your kids either. By your own logic, just because you can’t see any harm from isolation currently doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist and won’t show up in the future.
Anonymous says
Of course long-term isolation has negative effects. But everyone, kids included, can just suck it up and deal. You can’t just suck it up and deal with being dead.
Anonymous says
“But everyone, kids included, can just suck it up and deal. You can’t just suck it up and deal with being dead.”
1) This hugely downplays mental health, which is a very real part of health. I know kids as young as 5 who became suicidal as a result of lockdown. Even short of suicide, conditions like depression and anxiety seriously affect quality of life and may require meds with serious side effects to manage. These are not things to be written off as NBD. There is more to life than just being alive vs. dead.
2) Kids die from Covid at significantly lower rates than they die from the flu. Did you keep your kids completely isolated before this because of flu risk?
Anon says
Anon at 2:09: sure, if being dead was a meaningful realistic outcome for the age group we are talking about here. A year plus into this one of the saving graces of the whole thing is that we know that it is not. Yes, yes, variants: those could go on forever in some form and we don’t actually even know that they are worse for young kids.
And the sucking it up and dealing comment regarding how a child should handle unnecessary isolation not based on science is concerning.
Anon says
Yeah, this. Pandemics end when society decides they end, and this pandemic is ending soon – my guess is summer at the latest. It won’t mean the virus is gone or even controlled, but once the vaccine is widely available and the death level is “acceptable” (I would say ~300 deaths per day, which is on par with an bad flu season in terms of annual numbers), social distancing and masks will almost instantly be a thing of the past. Your options are keep sheltering in place at great cost to your child, even as the rest of society moves on, or get over the psychological hump and rejoin society. It IS hard getting over the psychological hump, I’m not trying to minimize that, but I also think it’s something that you have to do once all the adults in your house are vaccinated if you want your child to live a halfway normal life. Personally, I would not even consider continued isolation post-adult vaccination unless my child had a high risk health condition. And I mean something really high risk, like a suppressed immune system from a solid organ transplant, not something routine like asthma.
Anon says
Just to weigh in on this piece of it: “the thought alone that we’ll have to monitor how close kids get to each other, them having to wear masks etc makes me feel very sad for my child.”
I had this same fear before my child went back to (masked, socially distant) preschool. I had anxiety spirals about what kind of message this was sending her and whether she would have this fear of getting close to people for the rest of her life. Guess what? Even with all the masks and distancing the in-person socializing has done her a WORLD of good. Like, her first week back in preschool was the happiest she’d been in 6 months. My happy, bubbly, full of joy kid is back, whereas in lockdown I had a sad, angry, emotional-all-the-time kid. I still hate that her preschool experience consists of never seeing a friend or teacher smile and never hugging or cuddling up to her friends and I still worry about the long-term effects of internalizing “distancing” at such a young age, but this is our reality and I can’t change it. In person, even with all the weirdness from masks and distancing and temperature checks and constant disinfecting is SOOOOO much better than the alternative. So yes it will be ok and you should let your child have masked, distanced contact with other kids. You will likely be sad at some point when your kid lines up their animals a few feet apart and tells them they can’t get close to each other or something similar, but you just have to remind yourself that normal-normal isn’t an option right now and weird normal is better than nothing.
Pogo says
Yes. I was worried about this too. Kids are only worried if we tell them to be worried – and the teachers have been upbeat and practical (sharing tips about how kids can put their own masks back on if they fall off, etc) this whole time. At this point I think LO is more comfortable with everything than I am, because in his world he is safe and happy – masked and distant and behind plexiglass for snack time and all.
Anonymous says
We were similarly cautious the entire last year until our caregiver grandparents were vaccinated. For the highest transmission part of the winter we didn’t even do outdoor play dates. But looking now at the risks to small children plus what we know about masking, we chose to send our 5 year old to in person kindergarten when it opened, even if they aren’t six feet distant 100 percent of the time, and I no longer enforce six feet of distance for outdoor masked play dates. Kiddo is totally fine with masks and very food at distancing when asked to. But letting him have some amount of socialization and autonomy from parents is also important to his long term development. We could see he was increasingly fearful of being away from us even to go return an item to a neighbor’s porch or something by himself. The risk for outdoor masked play dates where the kids are only briefly within six feet is so, so low. Heck my coworker shared a car with someone who was ill with covid and since both were masked, it didn’t spread. So I’m less worried about a few seconds of outdoor masked less-than-ideal distancing.
Anon says
We had no one to bubble with, so my kids have been playing with each other since last March (until we fairly recently let them return to daycare and school in person). Certainly not ideal and especially the older needs some catch up on developing social skills, but they’re OK, they will be OK, your kids will be OK. They were very lucky to have kids from another family to play with freely for a year where many others did not.
Anonymous says
At this age there’s a very big difference between one year and two years (or more – who knows when OP will be comfortable, since there will always be scary variants out there). Your kids also had each other to play with.
anon says
Talk to me about traveling with kids. I am a total newbie and taking my first plane trip with my 4 and 2 year old soon. Why do my kids need car seats in the plane? Can’t I just check them both in? Is the car seat just for added safety since the harness will likely be loose on them?
Talk to me about what car seats are best to buy as a “travel” car seat for the 4 and 2 year old. No way am I lugging our heavy britax ones.. TIA
Anonymous says
Bringing the car seats on the plane protects them from damage that might occur in the baggage hold. A car seat is safer than the airplane seatbelt. It is much easier to keep a kid contained with a car seat than without, and it’s more likely that they will nap.
Anon says
+1 Baggage gets banged around quite a bit and can cause damage to the seats that you wouldn’t necessarily notice. Most car seat manufacturers require replacement after the most minor of accidents, so I would not risk jolting them around on the plane. Cosco makes lightweight and cheap car seats to travel with, but they are a little tricky to install
Anon says
I would disagree with “more likely they will nap” (at least once they’re out of the infant bucket seat) but otherwise I agree with this, and this is the reason we bring carseats on the plane for our 3 year old.
Cb says
Our carseat is the size of a airforce one escape pod so we don’t fly with it (Joie 360) but we do use those plane harnesses, which seem to keep kiddo more contained. Our travel thus far has been to my parents who bought a carseat, and to places where we can use public transport.
Anon says
YMMV but we only brought infant car seats on the plane when we had an infant, in the hopes that we would get an available seat and that would make it safer/easier for them to nap. (And if we didn’t get the available seat, then checked in it went).
Once our kids got old enough to need their own plane seats and were out of their infant car seats, we no longer travel with car seats. We have just rented toddler car seats from the car rental places and it’s generally been fine, although I know counting on that is not for everyone and there is certainly the small chance that you get there and they don’t have what you need and you are in a bit of a pickle. I think generally as long as you double check with the specific branch of the rental place as close to arrival as possible to make sure they have what you need, and rent from a very large, reputable co. at the main airport that’s in the same place as all of the other big car rental places you should be fine.
Just for me the pain of lugging toddler car seats around the airport/airplane does not justify the small amount of risks we are talking about here when you don’t, but that’s where the YMMV.
NYCer says
+1. I cannot imagine bringing a car seat on a plane for a 2 year old or a 4 year old. No one (my kids, me, neighbors on the plane) would be happy!
Anonymous says
This. Plane travel is way safer than car travel. We did extended rearfacing in cars but never did car seats on airplanes.
blueberries says
I bring my regular (massive and heavy) car seats because it’s hard enough to install car seats in a rental car while two kids who just got off a plane wait. No way do I want to add the complication of trying to install a car seat I’m not familiar with.
I have protective bags for my car seats and I check them. I’ve heard car seats are safer in the event of a survivable crash or severe turbulence. However, those risks are low enough that I’m willing to take the risk (also, I don’t think my car seats would fit in coach).
AnonATL says
Recently flew with my baby to visit the vaccinated grandparents. I found some really good info on Lucies list. They have this toddler harness contraption if you don’t want to bring a car seat
The Cosco seats are cheap, simple, and recommended a lot too.
Anonymous says
YMMV of course but we travelled a lot to visit DH’s family. We always checked our cleks in the padded clek bags and stuffed extra beach towels etc in there. Gate checked strollers. Used carriers (ergo) on board – they will make you remove arm straps for take off/landing but you Don’t have to take the whole thing off.
Anon says
We flew with our 2 year old last January and used the Cosco Scenera as our travel seat. We installed it forward facing on the plane and she did great. It was light and easy to lug through the airport, too.
Anonymous says
Oh, yes, definitely FF on the plane except for little babies.
TheElms says
Car seats can be irreparably damaged if checked in the hold or gate checked. The best practices recommendation is to pack them in their original box if you plan to check them. You can rent seats but there is no way to know if those seats have been cared for in accordance with the manufacturers directions. Since your kids will likely need car seats on the plane ( your 4 year old might be ok if they weight 40lbs – typically the plane seat belt starts to fit properly around 40lbs), I would just buy lightweight car seats and bring them on the plane. The Cosco Scenera Next is very light and might fit your 2 year old if they are RFing and on the shorter side. If you need a RFing seat with higher limits I’d look at the Graco Contender. For FFing kids the Cosco Finale or the Graco Transitions/Wayz would work as a lightweight plane seat.
Anonymous says
I have never brought a car seat on a plane. We either checked it or borrowed one at our destination . If your 2 year old would still fit in a cheap Cosco scenera next you could buy one just for travel and check it, or even ship one to your destination (if you have a way to get safely from the airport). We used a harness on the plane from age 2 when they started getting their own seats. How big is your 4 year old? At 4 our (very large) kiddo was in a high back harness booster that was both inexpensive and easily foldable for travel- could that be N option?
CCLA says
We used the cosco one for travel around 18 months. Didn’t fly again until kid was 3, at which point we tried the CARES harness which was a little annoying but fine. Really like the immigo seat for age 3+ which was compact and easy to carry onto the plane (either in overhead bin or under the seat in front of kiddo) and easy to install at destination. It is only FF but we were fine with that even if normally at home kiddo would still be RF.
Anon says
another travel question, but this time about sleeping. we will hopefully be going to visit grandparents this summer with our soon to be 3 year old twins. we rented an airbnb when they were just under 2.5 and put them in pack n plays and it was a disaster. one got so hysterical the first night she threw up. in the before times we also used pack n plays when visiting grandparents and the first time when they were 6 months old, one had trouble adjusting but then did ok. at home they still sleep in cribs, but are likely too small for pack n plays. grandparents have twin beds, we could put mattresses on the floor, etc. but is there any sort of bumper system we can buy to make them feel like cribs? both kids seem to cuddle up against their crib railings to start the night. when we rented the airbnb no one really got any sleep, which was ok for 3 nights, but we are looking at 3 weeks, and i need sleep! as do my kids
Anonymous says
Put a pool noodle under the fitted sheet.
Anon says
We like the aerobed toddler air mattress, which has sort of bumpers all around and a twin sheet. If you want them in the twin beds, you can buy a mesh guard rail that goes up a few inches and slides under the mattress to hold it in place.
I solve this problem at Grammy’s house because Grammy is willing to sleep with DD and so Grammy is the bumper and Mama gets a good night’s solo sleep, but my kid climbed out of her crib at 17 months and has been bed sharing at least a portion of most nights since, so don’t ruin the good thing you’ve got going!
Anon says
Are you up for cosleeping? One parent with one twin in the bigger bed, then push the twins together for the other parent and twin. I did that with my almost 3-yr-old on our vacation last year and it gave us much more sleep than any alternative (husband and other son shared a room but not a bed).
Alternately, on that same vacation my sister brought a large blow up tunnel/tent and toddler blow up mattress for inside and her daughter slept in that (she was also almost three and still in a crib).
Anonymous says
For that length of time I would just buy bed rails for each bed. I also bring my kids pillow cases (not the pillows – just the cases) from home when we travel. Take them off the morning we leave and have them help me pack them. Helps the bed feel more familiar and takes up like zero space. Generally mine need a parent to stay in the room with them until they fall asleep for the first night or two and then they are more used to it and we can go back to normal routine.
OP says
are there bedrails that go the full side of the bed? or that can go on all four sides? definitely NOT interested in cosleeping
Anonymous says
You can buy extra long ones – Walmart carries them I think and Amazon as well presumably – just have them delivered to the grandparents house. Put the twin beds against each wall and then a rail on the side. Bring your monitor so you can hear if they get up. Mine slept in cribs until age 4 at home but were fine with bed/rail combos on vacation. I had the rail start up by the pillow so it created a little nook.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’m looking into this too for our summer airbnb trip, for our kids (who will be 5 and close to 3). I think we’re going to get some inflatable toddler beds (I saw many options on amazon) that have little rails that come up on the sides. The 5 year old will probably end up in our bed but I want the little one to have some railings on the sides (he’s still in a crib) so I think this will be a good option.
Anonymous says
We like the Shrunks toddler mattress.
Anon says
Around age three we let the kids graduate to the Regalo cots. They bow a bit in the middle and that semi-railing helped the kids sleep much better.