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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Maeve says
My baby will be starting daycare next month when I return from maternity leave. She will be 12 weeks. We are choosing daycare even though both our moms have volunteered to care for her because she got into a really good daycare and I like the idea of professionals working with her to reach developmental milestones and to help establish consistency. My mom is telling me she’s too small for daycare. Should I reconsider? My gut is telling me daycare but I think a combo of new parent anxiety and PPD is making me obsess over everything.
Anon says
My daughter is 3 and my mom still thinks she is too young for daycare, if that makes you feel better. My child loves school and would go to school rather than stay home if given the choice (which she is, some days) and yet my mother acts like it’s a Russian orphanage and my husband and I are cruel to send her. I think it’s normal to be sad about starting a 12 week old in daycare, but you are right that opportunities to join excellent daycares don’t come along every day and there is value in having professionals and consistency of care. And even infants get something out of being around other babies. Having a grandparent as a full-time caregiver can be a good thing, but it can also introduce a whole host of issues and change the dynamic. If you’re comfortable with it from a Covid perspective and the grandparents want to, you could let them pick her up early or keep her home from daycare one day a week for more bonding time. That’s what we’ve started doing now that my parents are local to us (they weren’t when my daughter was younger) but I would definitely pay for full-time care so when the grandmas are traveling or sick or whatever you still have childcare.
Anonanonanon says
Relying on your mother and MIL for childcare is 100% a recipe to ruin those relationships.
Perhaps they can take turns keeping her on Fridays if they want 1:1 grandbaby time? They can be on the pickup lists to pick her up if daycare calls, etc. But yes, professionals and consistency will take SO much stress out of your life, trust me. Someone who is willing to tell you you’re making the wrong choice about daycare (The gall!!!) is not going to be pleasant to deal with long-term as someone you have to rely on for childcare to get your job done.
There is so much to navigate with relying on family members… what if one feels like the other is getting more time? What if one consistently cancels with short notice over doctor’s appointments or other commitments? What if one respects your way of doing things and the other doesn’t? Those are going to be some really difficult conversations and dynamics to navigate. Don’t add that stress to your life.
Anon says
This is not true. It truly depends on ur relationship with them. My mom and MIl have cared for both our children till age 2 and it’s been so so wonderful. The go around of illnesses is brutal at that age and while they will maybe still get sick when they start later, it’s kucb easier to see your 2 year old sick in the couch with the flu than a 6 month old. Kids were cared for and did just fine with grandparents and family for so long. They will hit their milestones as long as they have loving caregivers. I believe this so strongly.
Anonymous says
Yeah, saying it’s a recipe for ruining the relationships is very strong. I’m not sure it would have worked for me but it’s the right choice for a lot of people and some close friends have done it with great success.
Clementine says
One of the things that my husband and I always say about care is that you either pay with money or you pay with power.
Having a kid in daycare you’re paying with money. If you don’t like how frequently they’re getting fed, what time they’re putting kiddo down for nap, etc. , you tell them and they generally have a discussion. Having a grandparent watch the child you’re paying with power. They will ultimately do whatever they think is ‘right’ which may or may not include your input.
I can’t tell you what’s right, but babies do go to daycare at 12 weeks and come out just fine.
Anonymous says
I don’t think you have much power no matter how much you pay. Day care is generally a take-it-or-leave-it proposition. You can choose the one you like best out of the ones with available spots, but you’re not likely to get any individual preferences accommodated. There were things I absolutely did not like about our day care, like the terrible food, the fact that they enforced a two-hour naptime for all kids, and the sunscreen policy. Parents had zero leverage to negotiate anything because it was otherwise fantastic and the wait list was a mile long. Some families actually did leave over the food. We chalked it up to cost of admission and stayed.
Anonymous says
+1. I adore our daycare but I don’t think we have a lot of power. As a timely example, some of my daughter’s teachers have made it known they are not getting the Covid vaccine. I’m not thrilled but there aren’t other excellent daycares in our area and even if there were we’d likely have the same issue at other places. Everyone I know with a nanny or grandparent caregiver has mandated the vaccine for their caregiver. You have a lot more say when you’re the employer instead of the customer, although being the employer definitely has its own stresses.
Anon Lawyer says
Maybe “you pay in money or you pay in emotional entanglement” fits better.
Anonymous says
If you got a spot at a great day care center, take it! I put my daughter in day care at around 18 weeks, far earlier than we’d planned. It was amazing. She spent the entire day exploring the padded infant room and going for walks with constant attention from experienced caregivers. I got to focus on work and go to the bathroom whenever I wanted. I am 100% convinced that high-quality day care gave her far more developmental opportunities than she would have gotten at home with one exhausted adult.
Anonymous says
This was our experience as well. Started at 4 months, and he did great! There were three teachers for 7-8 babies so he got enough attention, and could play with lots of developmentally-appropriate toys and things we didn’t have to buy for our small apartment.
Cb says
My dad watched my son until he started daycare at a year. But my dad was happy to follow my preferences and honestly, we didn’t have a great daycare option (hard to find infant spots here). If they are willing to be vocally judgmental of your choices on this, I wonder what other choices they’d be judgmental about or willing to disregard? Also, it’s exhausting looking after a little baby all day, and I’d rather reserve my free babysitting for the weekends etc.
Anon says
Fwiw, daycare is the only thing my mom is even remotely judgy about and she babysits for us at other times without any issues. I don’t disagree with the rest of your advice at all, but from talking to friends it does seem like daycare is a really big sticking point for many grandmothers, especially if they stayed home or (like my mom) took a big temporary step back from the workforce so they could be home with their own young kids.
AwayEmily says
I think daycare is awesome, but more importantly, YOU think it is the right choice. You are her mom, you know what’s best for your family, and this is one of many times to come where you will need to trust your gut.
And if it’s any consolation, your mom may well come around. I clearly remember that when I told my MIL we were sending my 4-mo to daycare, she replied that SHE stopped working when her kids were born because “I didn’t want strangers taking care of my baby.” But six months later, after seeing how happy my daughter was and being added to the daycare app that let her see photos, she admitted to me that daycare was nothing like she’d imagined, and that it was wonderful.
I think a lot of older people have this idea of daycare as being, like, a row of cribs in a dark basement, and once they the reality, they’re more open.
Anon says
+1 to your last sentence. I would guess it is a simple as the licensing and regulations have drastically improved since grandparents were last in the know about daycares.
Anon says
+1. OP, I had a very similar situation to you, except my first baby went in at 10 weeks and was the first grandchild on both sides. My mom and MIL both said to my face they thought I was making a huge mistake and harming my kid.
Just a few months later, as we talked about how the daycare had taped down contact paper sticky side up so crawling babies could experience different sensations, how we got daily reports with photos detailing literally every move he made, both moms admitted they had completely misjudged what daycare is these days.
Those baby room teachers were an amazing support to our family. They helped identify when my second was behind typical milestones (and turned out to need baby glasses!), they gave me comfort when I was stressed about eating, they somehow got my very stubborn kids to follow a sleep schedule. They were experts and knew what they were doing, and they handled all the development needs so I could focus on snuggles and play during evenings and weekends. When I had my second, I was so EXCITED to put him in the baby room at 10 weeks because I knew those ladies were magic and would love him as their own.
Anonymous says
+1 to this. My husband’s parents in particular were so impressed with the pictures and stuff we sent them, that daycare had sent to us. Also the fact that your mom is giving you such a guilt trip about this means she probably would not be very respectful of your wishes if she was the caregiver, which is a real recipe for disaster. Even with daycare you’ll still need backup care and hopefully she can help you with that.
Anonymous says
That is exactly what my mom thinks daycare is, lol.
AnotherAnon says
Trust your gut. Mine started day care at 7 weeks. I cried on the way to work. A sweet friend texted me that morning: remember, this is hurting you more than it’s hurting him. It was an absolutely wonderful experience for us. This may seem odd, but I was able to establish healthy boundaries more easily with strangers, and that helped me stand up to my mom when she does things I don’t like (Like feed him candy for three meals a day). He’s four now and we still have a relationship with one of his infant caregivers, despite having moved both day cares and cities. You got this mama! Love your username btw.
Anon says
You want daycare, so pick daycare. It’s totally normal to obsess over it and it’s a hard choice. My mom wanted to be our nanny but we elected to use a daycare. She was not quiet about the fact that she though I was ruining the baby’s life. I think sometimes people can have a short memory – when Covid hit and my mom ended up watching my baby it was clear that it was a little too much for her at this stage in life. We resumed daycare in Sept and you know what? My kid loves it.
Anon says
I had nannies for my kids, but my 1.5 year old granddaughter has been in daycare since she was 4 months and she loves it. Her daycare is a very warm and nurturing environment, and it sounds like yours is the same. Definitely trust your intuition and go for it.
Pogo says
Personally it would be too much strain on our relationship to rely on grandparents full time. We did because of the pandemic and it was tough. Grandparents want to spoil kiddos, they have outdated ideas (“we put you to sleep on your tummy and you lived!”), etc. Unless your mom/MIL are extremely open minded and ready/willing to accept all feedback – go with your gut. Daycare requires caregivers to be up to date on things like feeding infants, CPR, safe sleep. They are audited and inspected. They do this quite literally as their job. For me, it was a no-brainer. My caregivers have more often than not taken the lead on everything with my kids because they have so much experience – when to stop swaddling or move to the next size nipple, for example. My mom/MIL are clueless on that, even without any safety concerns from their outdated ideas.
Anon says
You’ve gotten a lot of responses, but I will just add on. To directly address your question if you should reconsider daycare when the only reason is because your mom is concerned about how small the baby will be, no you should not reconsider. I sent both my kids to daycare starting in the 12-16 week time frame and it worked out really well for us. Both had very happy experiences, the caretakers were lovely, and 5-6 years later they are perfectly great kids. We didn’t have the option of full time grandparent care, but we did have the option to pursue a nanny, and actively chose the daycare route for reasons that I just knew would be better for our family. (No judgement on the nanny route, I know many people that make that choice as that is what works best for their family over daycare, which is great. Every family is different).
Agree with some of the others about trying to involve your parents in the care by doing pick up? My parents weren’t totally anti-daycare so they started out from a different perspective than yours, but they did pick up enough times where they got to know the caregivers pretty well and would chit chat, ask later about how they were doing, etc. and I think just generally felt more a part of it.
Anon says
I have a slightly different perspective. Yes, your child will be fine in daycare if that’s what you want. And if you think your mother and MIL will be unreliable or ignore your wishes about how to care for your child, then they are probably not good options for caregivers. But I wouldn’t be so quick to write them off just because they’re not professionals. There is value on one-on-one attention at that age, and an infant does not need a caregiver with a PhD in child development. Infants need a loving caregiver who will attend to their needs, give them lots of snuggles and read to them – a grandma is perfect for that. The majority of my friends had their moms or MILs as caregivers for the infant year, and I will admit I was jealous and wish that had been an option for us. No, it’s not perfect, like anything, there will be conflicts and sometimes emotions run high, but I think it’s a wonderful bonding opportunity for grandma and grandkid and your child will have lots of other years left to go to daycare and learn from peers and early childhood education professionals.
Anonymous says
I don’t think grandmas are inherently less qualified to care for children than day care teachers, but in a day care environment the teachers are always “on” and paying attention to the kids. An adult taking care of a child alone will inevitably get tired out and be less attentive. She will also have to take her attention away from the child to use the bathroom, fix lunch, etc. My daughter got at least as much reading and snuggling at day care as she did when she was home with me, probably more since I was always strapping her in the carrier and trying to get stuff done around the house or sneak in a little work. When my mom would watch her, she’d tote her along on errands, which was totally fine but also not the same as the walks they’d take in day care to see farm animals or visit the library.
Anon says
Fair point – I’m not suggesting children are neglected at daycare or anything and my own kids went as infants. I just think that the opportunity for grandparent-grandchild bonding can be really special and if the grandparents are willing and reliable, it’s not something I would write off just because they’re not professionals.
Anonymous says
It depends on the person. My mom is laser focused on my kids when she’s with them (in a way I’m not, fwiw) and I believe she would have given them more quality time as babies than a daycare teacher. Which is not a criticism of daycare teachers, just a reflection of what I’ve observed in both settings. I also think for an infant the grocery store is honestly just as stimulating as going to see animals or the library. At that age they really just need to see a loving face and hear a lot of words, and a caregiver can accomplish that just fine while running errands. Babies also nap for about half a standard workday, so it’s not like a caregiver of one infant is never going to have a break. SAHMs don’t get a break but that’s because they have to do chores when baby naps and you don’t have to saddle grandma with all the household chores.
Anon says
I think the nap duration thing is often underappreciated by new parents deciding on daycares. This will obviously be a little baby/daycare dependent, but both of our babies were really good nappers and took both a morning and decent sized afternoon nap for a lot of their first year. Add in feeding, and it really didn’t leave THAT much extra time at the daycare awake with nothing directly going on. That always made me feel better about the idea that of course a daycare person can’t hold your infant quite as much as a 1×1 situation.
Anonymous says
Hahahaha. May baby does NOT nap for half of a work day, not even close. She’s a very good overnight sleeper, but otherwise, she’s very content to power nap her way through daytime. She’s getting at least, if not more than, the recommended # of hours of sleep in a 24-hr period, so it’s a tradeoff I’ll take.
Anon says
There’s no way your child got as much snuggling at daycare when it’s 4 kids to one adult compared to the one on one. There are other benefits of daycare but the cuddling is not one of them.
Anonono says
I am planning on daycare but would jump on the opportunity to have my baby’s grandmas watch her. Just a plug for considering the option and maybe putting the money you save into your child’s college fund!
Anonymous says
This^^^ I know this place skews wealthy but $20k is a lot of money to most people! If you invested that you’d be well on your way to paying for at least in-state college.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Our kids also started daycare at around 4-5 months and their caregivers there (they ended up having the same teachers despite different daycares, long story) were seriously amazing. They had years and years of experience and were so loving and warm. I 100% think that they were better for my kids than either my husband or me if we had to stay home and not go back to work just to provide care. I would suggest a compromise though – can each grandma watch the baby one day a week, or even share one day, while baby goes to daycare the other days? That’s what we did with my second with my dad, who watched him two days a week for a few months. Of course, you have to be able to rely on the grandparents and they should be open to listening to your directions on care without always being “fun grandparent” (which, IMO, is easier with a baby than with a toddler/preschooler who has OPINIONs and need more discipline, which is why we didn’t have my dad continue care).
BTW, if they think 12 weeks specifically is too young, well I definitely agree we in America need better parental leave policies so encourage them to support policies to support that! Although your baby will be fine.
anonamama says
Excellent news on the top daycare having a spot for her! That alone must be a stress relief. I love my mother, but she was a real a$$hole about sending my baby to daycare. So was my MIL; as they were both SAHMs and had no other grandchildren who had been in facilities. My anxiety was sky-high and I was on a million waiting lists – but when the one I loved called with the spot (6 weeks before I was to return back to work), my excitement for that place really helped combat some of the negativity I was experiencing. And the consistency of care, incredible amount of communication and photos, really helped galvanize us in our “this is our decision, he’s doing great, we love the center” response against some of the stupid comments they would make. Around 9 months, we took him out on Fridays while we worked from home, which has become a day for grandparents to come over. Not sure how that will look moving forward, but it opened up more opportunities for time together – which is really what this comes down to. Give it a couple weeks and then see where you are. Good luck!
Katala says
The grandparents will have plenty of opportunities to watch baby even if she is in daycare full time. Lots of little illnesses that first year at daycare, it will be great to have family as backup! and as mentioned, grandmas can do pickup or certain days 1-on-1. And weekend/travel babysitting. I wouldn’t personally give up daycare for family care, because then what is your backup? Whatever choice you make for your family is the right one, you are clearly thinking through everything carefully and putting baby first, good job mama!
Anonymous says
Think about this from a long-term perspective. A spot at the great day care now means you also have a spot there until she ages out of day care. If you turn down the spot now, you may not be offered one later on. Having high-quality, reliable child care is the single best thing you can do to preserve your sanity as a parent. Don’t throw that away because your mom is making you second-guess yourself.
Anon says
I am not going to tell you to reconsider or try to talk you out of daycare, because it is a fine choice as many here have attested to, but if YOU want to reconsider, here are some points that made me decide against daycare for my babies/toddlers, even after getting in to the “best” day care in my city when my oldest was 12 weeks:
– most research indicates that while day care is not actively harmful to babies, there is also no benefit; it is neutral at best and full-time daycare in particular is associated with some increased risks for babies and young children (there is some benefit for older children and for children from socially and economically precarious backgrounds)
– babies will reach their developmental milestones at their own pace when given attached, consistent care – being cared for by “professionals” makes no difference
– no one will love your baby like you do, and many grandparents are a close second, no matter how good the daycare
– not going to daycare now does not keep you from being able to change your mind later – spots for older children are often easier to get than infant spots (I started my kids in half-day programs at 24 months)
Ultimately, you have to feel confident about your choice, and that attitude will translate to your children. Some children thrive in day care and I affirm that. I did, personally, feel that 12 weeks was too young for daycare and my babies thrived with a nanny+grandma combo at home.
Anon says
And illness – a baby will likely get sick more often going to daycare, and in infants/very young toddlers colds seem to progress more frequently to earaches, croup, etc. This is anecdotal, but the kids I know who stayed more isolated in their early years get sick less often/seriously once they finally start school.
But also – daycare is fine if it’s best for your family! Just mentioning a potential benefit to keeping home longer with grandparents if the spot would still be available later
Anon says
This is very thoughtful and all very true. If you have a good relationship with mom and MIL and they can respect your wishes, I’d 100% choose them.
Anon says
I’m one of the daycare advocates above, and I was ready to hate-read this list ha ha, but I agree these are mostly fair points. I agree there is not really a “benefit” to babies (socialization at that age does not matter) and milestones will happen when they happen (for example, my son was a super late talker even requiring speech therapy, despite being surrounded by slightly older, talking kids at his daycare from 12 weeks on. I don’t think the daycare hurt here, but perhaps surprisingly it also didn’t help….it just was how he was probably going to develop regardless). Of course the daycare did not love my kids like me or the grandparents do, but they did love them on some level.
And ultimately – for us – given that a lot of these points were largely neutral, we made the decision on more things like our family logistics, and discomfort being someone’s full time employer and all that entails (which may rightfully not be a factor others care about). But of course the other decisions are good too.
The only thing point that may vary for some depending on where they live is if they don’t go now, how easily they can get in older. That might not be a given for everyone everywhere, at least for the combo of location/budget/quality that they are being offered now.
AnonATL says
I sent my son to daycare starting around that age. I cried the first day after dropoff because he’d just been home with me and DH for his life up to that point so I understand the guilt.
It has been SO good for him. He loves daycare and has really opened him up. He’s so expressive and has all sorts of dedicated time for learning and tummy time and all that other fun stuff I would forget to do.
I’d say if you want daycare, go for it. They know what they are doing, and if for some reason it doesn’t work out, you can try the grandparents. The first few weeks might be a little rough as baby transitions, but she’ll get the hang of it.
Anonymous says
I have had 3 kids in daycare, and my first started daycare at 11 weeks. I did not feel guilty then and I would not feel guilty now.
HOWEVER, if you have the option, I would consider keeping her out of daycare until more like 6 months. Given the pandemic, and how little kiddos are, and how various daycares are structured, 6 months seems like a much more ideal time to start. My younger two kids started daycare at 12 months, with a combo of extended leave, paid help and (free) family help bridging the gap.
Other considerations:
-how old are the other babies in the daycare? When mine started at 11 weeks she was the youngest by at least 2-3 months. There’s a lot of difference in an 11 week old and a 6 month old.
– when do the babies move up to the next room? With baby #1, she was in a room of 3 month-9 month olds, and as soon as the babies started crawling/walking they moved up to the Big Baby room for “movers up to 15 months”. With my other kids, the baby room was 3 months-15 months, with sort of a grey zone where they moved verbal walkers up to Young Toddler at 12-16 months.
Anonymous says
Why not do both? Start baby at daycare, but have your mom and his mom pick up baby at lunchtime a few days a week. Or have baby stay home on fridays and tuesdays, or whatever.
Keep your spot, get the added benefit of extra grandma time.
Anon says
This seems like the ideal option to me as well and has worked nearly perfectly for our family. I would give each grandma one day a week, assuming they want it. Because each of them will only have one day you won’t have to be too strict about grandma indulgences like sweets, and you will have your child in daycare three days a week with an option for more if you decide you want it or the grandmas get tired of caregiving.
Spirograph says
Responding before reading the comments, but… My second and third babies went to daycare starting around 12 weeks. It’s probable your mom has a very outdated idea of what a daycare is. My mom, bless her, did not say anything to me at the time but later admitted she was horrified at first that I was sending a tiny baby to daycare. Then she actually *saw* the daycare when she visited and realized it was a lovely bright, colorful room with two wonderful teachers (and often an extra floater) caring for 6 babies, and felt much better. She was was a SAHM and had pictured some institutional horror of neglect.
Anyway, you don’t need professionals to help your baby meet milestones; babies will get there when they get there! But there is nothing wrong with sending a 12 week old baby to a high-quality daycare. Our parents are not local, but I would have chosen daycare anyway. It was a very good fit for our family, and I wouldn’t have liked to complicate family relationships by relying on them to do a job – especially a job where we might disagree on the best approach – for me.
anonymommy says
My son started daycare at 12 weeks, but with covid and my arrangement with work, my daughter didn’t start until like 8 months I think?? There’s a big difference at 6 months. Maybe you can have grandmas help until then — that is what we arranged for #2 with some time to reflect on how hard it was at 12 weeks. I wish someone had really explained to me how much more a baby can do at 6mo vs 3 months. I find it easier to tell if they’re doing well or having a hard day, etc. Also, we have grandmas babysit two days a week, daycare three days. There are lots of pros and cons. Pros to this split — kids are so comfortable with grandmas, so when we do need care outside of 9-5, its easy for them to go to gmas. One day is better for gmas, especially now that we have two kids. And, it makes it easier to fill in care — whether my mom takes and extra day when MIL goes on vacation, without getting burned out — or daycare closes because of covid, or MIL is sick so I add a daycare week that day. Cons – I get wish-lists/critiques from three sources — each kid’s daycare teacher, my mom, and MIL (I think she needs different shoes! Can you send a cup with a straw not sippy cup? etc etc etc) but that slight annoyance is worth it for us.
anon mom says
Yes, I am not anti-daycare at all but babies change so quickly, and while a 12-week-old will be fine at daycare, they will be more fine, and get more out of it, at 6-8-12 months, or when they’re down to two naps (which makes evening logistics easier too). I also think putting off exposure to daycare germs as long as possible is helpful – kiddo will still get sick when they start daycare, but it’s much easier to take care of a sick one-year-old than a sick 12-week-old, and things like ear infections and RSV become less likely and less problematic in an older baby.
Anonymous says
My daughter started at daycare at around 4 months – it would’ve been 12 weeks, but I needed more time off for my own health. My MIL offered to watch her every day, but it would’ve taken a lot of work for us to teach her how everything’s changed in the last 35 years. She means well, but she panics when a baby starts fussing, and things go downhill quickly. Much better for my family to send my daughter to daycare (which she seems to love – and the lead teacher for her classroom is seriously a baby wizard) and have the in-laws provide an extra set of hands on the weekends when we need to catch up on work or do stuff around the house.
Anon says
Put her in daycare for most of the week; allow the grandparents do to early pick ups or one day a week with her.
Not mom related says
But asking here because of scared of the main s1te.
How do you psych yourself up to have an intern? All I can think is that they are extra work. The entire recruiting process just felt like a time suck, the lowest of my priorities, etc even though I know I’m offering this great opportunity to a young person. I am giving them a project I genuinely want to get done. But it just feels like a nuisance, since they’ll require so much babysitting. Any tips? I’ve had interns before, and many of them have done really well and not needed much guidance, but for some reason it still just feels like something “extra” that I’m resentful of.
Clearly, I did not want this intern. My boss put it through while I was on maternity leave and unable to object. I’m sure it was on his inclusion and development goals or something and he delegated it to me. yay.
anne-on says
So, first, I’m sorry, coming back after maternity leave is hard enough without ‘extra’ stuff piled on top. If this was your bosses idea I’d suggest the following (and I’ve also been stuck with managing interns our team neither wanted nor needed but was assigned, so trust me, you have my sympathy).
Is there an intern coordinator at your job? Reach out to them to confirm expectations, other training, etc. After all the other events, training, classes, etc. we only had our interns for maybe ~20 hrs/wk.
Invite them to any standing weekly calls your team has in ‘listen only mode’ so they can start to understand the context of your overall team. Also try to set up 30 minutes after those calls for questions (firm jargon, names they didn’t catch, etc.)
Set up a standing touch point (daily, 3x/wk, whatever) with the expectation that is when you would like them to ask you questions/get guidance on their project. Basically – set the expectation early on that while you are happy to mentor them, they cannot be emailing/pinging you every second of the day and to use your set check in time for that.
On their first day set aside time to show them the self-service stuff – kitchen, office, supplies, introduce them to the assistants, etc.
At lunch (or during a more social time) discuss the ‘soft skills’ stuff. Lay out the expectation that if they have an issue, you expect them to try to solve it before coming to you OR come to you with proposed next steps/solutions. This is a life skill for work but not one many interns have yet – to say, I ran into problem X. I’m thinking of solutions y and z – do those make sense? Or is there something else I’m not thinking of, another direction to go in? vs. just saying ‘I have a problem!’ and looking at you with sad puppy dog eyes.
And then DOCUMENT the training program you have put in place and your managing of the intern. If you’re going to do the extra credit work make sure you have that all in your file!
OP says
THANK YOU! This is all incredibly helpful, great reminders of stuff I’ve done in the past but forgot about (new mom brain, I blame you).
They will be remote too because of the pandemic, so that’s an added challenge, but I have on boarded other employees remote so I’m good on that front.
Anon says
also, as someone who works with college students, especially since it’s virtual and you and/or members of your team might be working strange hours due to covid, make the schedule expectations clear. Maybe you are in a field where interns are expected to respond to email at 10pm, but maybe you’re not. Just make it clear. And this might seem obvious to you, but let the intern know how quickly they should be responding to emails and/or slack messages. I was talking with a student who did a virtual internship this past summer and told me she was nervous to go to the bathroom or go get a snack bc if she didn’t respond immediately they’d think she wasn’t working
anne-on says
Yes, great point.
Also (and you may not have to deal with this) but be prepared for a discussion (ideally OTP so they can hear your tone and not feel like you’re mad) on norms around professionalism – ie, you can be a little less formal on our company instant messenger/slack, but you should be using full sentences, formal language, etc. on email. Remind (or tell them) that company platforms are monitored, not to use profanity on those platforms, and to not mention/tag your company on social media posts unless it’s been ok’d first.
Anon says
So where I work, at certain levels you’re graded on how you can help mentor others. This is an opportunity to get points in that area – whatever the intern achieves is a direct result of your mentorship. And you never know, they may not need that much hand-holding.
Clementine says
Check out where your former interns are now.
Something I’m really proud of is that the people who have interned for me have gone on to have great careers – two have kept in touch and I love hearing about their promotions and such.
Anonymous says
Also – after a year of COVID work hopefully the intern will bring fresh enthusiasm. Interns can really help remind you that what you do is kind of interesting / impactful etc. While a bit more time consuming helping them to see the bigger picture is affirming.
PS. if you are managing a work from home intern – my sympathies. that seems so hard.
Anonymous says
Would you sign your child up for the Moderna vaccine trial? They are now signing up ages ages 6-11 for a phase 2 trial. I understand that volunteers are needed or else there will not be a vaccine available. I regret not volunteering during the earlier vaccine trials. Yet, it is my child and if something were to go wrong, it would be my fault. He is not old enough to have an informed opinion or consent.
Anon says
Personally, I don’t think I would. I’m happily vaccinated and did attempt (unsuccessfully) to sign up for trials, so this definitely is not an anti-vax stance, but I’m a bit more nervous about using something so untested on my still-developing kids. I realize and appreciate that someone has to test these things if we’re going to use them, but (and I know a lot of people will disagree with me) I am just not convinced that vaccinating kids for Covid is particularly necessary so as to justify the risks of throwing something new at them (this is in stark contrast to the risks/benefits of vaccinating adults, and of vaccinating kids for other illnesses that they are more susceptible to and seem more apt to transmit – my kids are fully vaccinated for all of the usual conditions). So, on balance, that’s a no for me.
If and when they recommend the vaccine for kids, I’ll consider it then. But I’m not anxious for it.
Anon says
Same, I’m inclined not to get the Covid vaccine for my kids unless it’s required by daycare. I work in science and am pro-vaccine. My kids are vaccinated for all the standard childhood illnesses and my husband and I have already received Moderna #1 and are getting #2 soon, much to our great relief. But the risk of severe or longterm complications of Covid in healthy young kids is so low as to be basically non-existent (no children under 10 have died in my state, despite over 100,000 of them having confirmed Covid cases and likely many more with unconfirmed cases) so the bar for vaccine safety is incredibly high and I’m not sure we can really get there after just a year or so of use. Fwiw, this is by no means an unpopular opinion in my very pro-science, pro-vax circles. I think at least 95% of the people I know have had or want Covid vaccines for themselves, i.e., much higher uptake than the general public, but many are hesitant about vaccinating kids, especially preschool and elementary age kids for whom the risk of severe illness is even lower than it is in teens.
Anonymous says
“But the risk of severe or longterm complications of Covid in healthy young kids is so low as to be basically non-existent”
You could’ve said that about chickenpox once upon a time.
Anon says
Maybe? I don’t know enough about that disease and don’t feel like researching it. But even if that’s true, the chickenpox vaccine wasn’t rolled out to the public a year after the disease first appeared. It was tested for a lot longer and then used for a while just in higher risk kids (I got it as a child due to having asthma when it was still not widely available yet). And by the time I gave it to my own kids it had been in use for decades. Don’t get me wrong, the Covid vaccines are a phenomenal scientific achievement. Our generation’s moon landing, but even more impressive. But the safety data just isn’t the same as if they’d been used for years.
Anonymous says
I’m pretty sure that the chickenpox vaccine is to prevent shingles, not because chickenpox alone is so horrible…
Anon says
The chickenpox vaccine was around for decades and, I believe, went through a couple iterations before the FDA would approve it. So, exactly the long term data I prefer to see.
Plus, chickenpox is also mostly problematic in adults. Since kids typically can’t catch chickenpox anymore because of the vaccine, it’s advisable for everyone to get it to prevent possibly catching it as an adult (especially a pregnant adult)
Anonymous says
Re. chicken pox vaccine, the disease is more dangerous in adults than in children. I got the vaccine at age 21 because I never had chicken pox as a kid. Incidentally, my doctor couldn’t believe I hadn’t had the disease yet and insisted on a titer before she’d vaccinate me.
Anonymous says
mRNA vaccines have been studied for decades. Most recently, that’s what was being looked at for possible Zika vaccines. Since the Zika threat faded away, that was put on the back burner. In addition to Zika, they’ve been tested in humans for rabies, flu, and CMV. I don’t know off the top of my head where things stand with mRNA vaccines for Ebola. They’ve also been studied in cancer research to target cancer cells. They’re only “new” to the general public. They are definitely not new to anyone in the infectious disease world.
Anon says
I’m the Anon at 9:04 and my concerns are not really about the mRNA technology, which I also understand has been studied for a long time (although not used broadly until this year). Any new vaccine can have side effects that aren’t immediately obvious. It’s just math – when you’ve trialed a vaccine in 50,000 people you will miss things that happen to 1 in 100,000 people. When you’ve studied something for a year, you miss longer term side effects if they exist. Given how serious Covid is in adults, very rare side effects and hypothetical long term side effects are not as big a concern. The vaccine is still worth it because the threat of Covid is real and imminent. But the balancing of risks and benefits is very different in kids, who are orders of magnitude less likely to get seriously ill or die than even a healthy 20-something and have more expected life ahead of them than adults.
Anon says
Nope. An older child who could consent (morally, if not legally), maybe. Especially if it was the kid’s idea. But a younger child, no way.
Anonymous says
Already did! Not sure if we will actually be selected to participate. The vaccine has been used in a million people just fine so I felt comfortable with it. Obviously no one should feel like they have to but I think it’s a good thing to do.
Anonymous says
Kids aged 6 – 12 can and must assent to participate in a clinical trial. They are not capable of providing informed consent, so parents do that for them.
I have a teenager and would most likely have signed her up for a vaccine trial if one had been available in our area and she had agreed to participate. I was initially skeptical of the mRNA technology, but it has been in wide distribution for a few months now and appears to be safe at least in the short run. Realistically, my kid is going to get an mRNA vaccine sooner or later, because those are the vaccines that are being tested in kids first and will therefore be authorized first. I’d rather have her get it sooner.
I would want to know about the study design before enrolling my child. For example, I would probably not feel okay about enrolling her in a placebo-controlled study with an expectation of long-term follow-up extending beyond the point when the vaccine would likely be available outside of a trial. In that case my intention would be to drop out of the study and have her vaccinated at the earliest opportunity, and it seems somehow dishonest to take a slot in a trial under those circumstances.
Anon says
Actually a lot of people think J&J will actually be authorized in kids first. It got a slightly later start than the mRNA ones, but because it’s old technology the FDA will be more comfortable authorizing it in kids quickly.
Being in a placebo controlled study would not prevent your daughter from getting the vaccine when it’s available to her age group, I don’t know the details of the trial protocols for every manufacturer, but I know a lot of adults who were in vaccine trials and the ones who got placebos were given the vaccine when it was their “turn” according to the general US distribution rules (eg., many healthcare workers got it in December after getting a placebo as part of the trial just a month or two earlier). Longterm follow up with a control group is optimal, but I don’t think it’s happening now because the urgency of vaccinating everyone against Covid trumps the need to keep the placebo participants unvaccinated. They will keep study going so they can study the vaccinated people for longterm effects though.
Anonanonanon says
My understanding for the Moderna trial is, once they figure out the dosing, kids who got the placebo will be called in for the real shot and those who got the real shot will be called in for a shot of saline, so everyone eventually gets it and it’s not unblinded for the participants.
Anon says
I don’t know that I would sign up a 6 year old. Maaaaybe an 11 year old. A high schooler yes, if they wanted to.
Mary Moo Cow says
I would not. I’m fine being a guinea pig because I can do a risk/benefit analysis, but I’m not comfortable putting my child in a trial. The risk/benefit analysis for a kid seems much different here than for an adult, too, so it’s not worth it to me. I, too, am pro-inoculations, and my kids have had all other recommended shots, so it feels more like an emotional, rather than logical, decision for me.
I’m comforted to know that others have similar thoughts.
NYCer says
I definitely would not. That being said, I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer to this one, as evidenced by the posts on this board!
anon says
We intend to sign up for 5 year old for the second part of this phase. My understanding is that they’re currently in the dosing trial so if we get in the trial would be phase 2 after that when they have established recommended dosage. Our kid has elevated risk and our pediatrician was supportive. Fwiw, our kid also receives another specialty med and we’ve been asked for participate in trials for a new version of that med and have declined.
Anonanonanon says
I would consider signing up my older kid. That vaccine was ROUGH for me, so I hesitate to put my kid through that, but I would consider it. I wouldn’t for a younger kid.
Anonymous says
Yes for a 10/11 year old, no for a 6/7 year old as in my experience they are not great at clearly articulating symptoms. Presumably the trials are occurring in areas with community spread because they need to know that the kids might be exposed so it would offer some protection. Safety in adults has been excellent so I think it’s pretty unlikely that there is an issue in kids.
Anonymous says
No. My kids are 2/5/7. I will be vaccinated and DH already is, as are all the grandparents. Not only would i not sign my kid up for a trial, but I am on the fence about vaccinating them. FWIW my kids have gotten ALL their vaccinations, including the flu shot.
I am open to it if my pediatrician recommends/ it becomes a criteria for school, but given how extremely low risk my kids are, I think right now, at their age, the risks of COVID (both getting and severity) are lower than the risks of an emergency use vaccine.
I would feel differently if my kids were any kind of high risk, or even if they were older (12+).
Anonymous says
Oh absolutely! Whenever I read about the parents who volunteered their kids for the polio vaccine I cry at how much they loved their kids and wanted to help others.
You know it’s safe and effective for adults, which those parents didn’t. Even the most “unsafe” modern vaccines are incredibly safe. It’s probably safer than driving your kid to the clinic. (Off to see if there’s a 5yo trial near where we live.)
Anon says
I’d be happy to allow my children to participate in a Covid vaccine trial in the phase where they’re testing for efficacy. Whether to participate would be up them, of course.
EDAnon says
I would for my 4yo but he is terrified (like completely loses it; two nurses to hold him) of shots. I would not with my 2yo because he is so little. My husband would not consent to it, so we won’t do it. If they had a really hard time recruiting volunteers, I might be able to convince him.
Anon says
Completely Agree.
Leatty says
DH and I received our first vaccines a few days ago! I’m incredibly excited about some sort of return to normal in the coming months, but I’m trying to figure out how to balance that with the fact that my young kids won’t be vaccinated. We’ve been pretty locked down for the last year, other than childcare and an occasional trip to an uncrowded park, and so far we have been very lucky to not get COVID. Once DH and I are fully vaccinated, I’d love to travel to see family and for fun, eat out at restaurants, take my kids to the zoo, etc., but I don’t want to unnecessarily put my kids at risk. What do you plan to do?
Anonymous says
If everyone holds off of going to restaurants, traveling, etc. for a few more months, community transmission should drop to low levels. We are waiting for that to happen before we change our behavior dramatically.
Anonymous says
Everyone is def not holding off
Anonymous says
And that is why we are looking at a big variant spike this summer. Hold onto your hats.
Anon says
Either the variants significantly evade vaccines, in which case we’re screwed and being cautious for two more months isn’t going to change anything, or they don’t, in which case the big spike will only affect anti-vaxxers and… who cares? I feel no guilt about resuming normal life when the only people dying are doing so because they turned down a safe, effective vaccine.
Anonymous says
Look at “daily infections and testing.” If you take the vaccine as a license to return to pre-pandemic life, you are contributing to the red dashed line.
https://covid19.healthdata.org/united-states-of-america?view=infections-testing&tab=trend&test=infections
Similar prediction here:
https://www.vdh.virginia.gov/content/uploads/sites/182/2021/03/UVA-COVID-19-Model-Weekly-Report-2021-03-12.pdf
Anonymous says
This isn’t accurate at all. More community spread creates more variants. Not doing things in big crowds like zoo visits will absolutely help with avoiding the creation of new variants. It’s not just the currently existing variants that could cause an issue. It reminds me of a comment by someone on the main page who didn’t get that community spread is what is causing the new variants. If we can all hang on a few more months, there will likely be close to herd immunity by 4th of July and we might actually return to normal pretty quickly thereafter. Let’s not fumble the ball in the end zone.
Anon says
Thanks for the condescension, but I work in this field and I understand just fine that more spread increases the likelihood of new variants. The thing you’re missing is that we now know that fully vaccinated people are incredibly unlikely to spread the virus so they are not really contributing to community spread, especially if they’re masked when they’re around anyone who isn’t fully vaccinated. States abandoning their mask mandates and opening things to full capacity is reckless and is “dropping the ball in the endzone” as you put it, but it’s because it encourages the unvaccinated to resume normal life and because it encourages everyone to abandon easy precautions like masks. A fully vaccinated person masking up and going to see loved ones is not going to meaningfully contribute to community spread, but if you want to tell yourself that so you feel better about your anxiety, feel free.
Anon says
We’re planning to live normally. I have basically no above-baseline concern about my kids getting Covid. I’m aware that there’s some level of risk, but I’ve not seen anything to suggest that it’s a greater risk then the usual car accident/severe flu/violent nutjob/childhood cancer risks that we know that we just have to live with. The risks of raising kids in a protective bubble strike me as much greater.
NYCer says
+1.
Also this question has been discussed a lot lately, so if you search, you will likely see lots more posts about this.
Anonymous says
Same. We may avoid large crowds, but that will be 50% driven by our general hatred for large crowds. As DH said, “I would socially distance for the rest of my life if I could.” :) I can’t wait to ditch masks, but you won’t find me elbow to elbow with the Gen Pop anytime soon.
A 4th of July parade or picnic where we are on our own blanket and there are people another blanket over? Sure.
Anon says
This has been discussed a bunch recently if you want to try to search old threads. We’ve been similarly locked down (just daycare and playgrounds until the adults were vaxxed) but are now going to be doing pretty much everything that’s legally permitted. We’ll happily wear masks when appropriate, but this is not a serious illness in young kids and I’m not going to put our lives on hold for another year or more until my daughter can get vaccinated. Seeing (vaccinated) family and friends is our biggest priority, since you never know when the virus will mutate significantly and we’ll all be sheltering in place again, and we’ll be flying all over the US this summer to do that. The only things I can think of that we won’t be doing are indoor dining (it’s getting nice in the Midwest so outdoor dining works great for now, we’ll reassess in the late fall when it’s too cold to eat outdoors comfortably) and indoor playplaces or kids’ museums without mask requirements because they were such petri dishes to begin with. Our local kids museum requires masks for kids over 2 so I think we’d be comfortable there but we’ll probably wait until the weather gets colder because for now we have a plethora of outdoor activities. We’ve been doing outdoor zoos since they reopened last summer – anything outdoors with masks on seems incredibly low risk to me.
Anon says
this is very individual and no right/wrong. We’ve been kind of like you, though we have gone to the zoo (masked). We aren’t fully vaccinated yet but once we are for now I plan on following CDC guidelines for the most part as there are still so many unvaccinated people and I live in an area of the country with plenty of covid skeptics. I’d like more info on the variants. I’m only comfortable being indoors unmasked around other fully vaccinated adults, so I’m not comfortable eating indoors at restaurants. Where i live they are open at 100% capacity. I think generally I’m comfortable with most outdoor activities (not going to a large concert or baseball game though) and for anything indoors with strangers that is masked. Previously we hadn’t gone to any indoor museums or anything. We had fully vaccinated grandparents fly to visit us and are contemplating flying to visit them this summer since the drive is 24+ hours. I might feel differently if I lived in a different region
Anonymous says
Resume normal life, basically, except for crowded subways and mass events.
Anonymous says
We’re basically resuming normal life, and to the extent we’re not it’s because we’re still somewhat worried about our own risk. The vaccines are wonderful but not 100% effective, especially against variants, so even though DH and I are vaccinated and our kids are not I think we’re more likely to get seriously ill than they are. We will open up our lives much more post-vaccine, but we’ll still be weighing risk vs. benefit of every activity and avoiding some things like indoor dining where we feel the risks outweigh the benefits.
TheElms says
Not vaccinated yet, but when we are I plan to do everything legally permitted except indoor activities for which a mask cannot be worn. So that means I think no indoor dining and no gyms (since I don’t think masks are required at gyms where I am). Masked outdoor activities seem fine (even unvaccinated – like soccer class or the zoo).
An unresolved point for me is indoor masked activities where there are lots of people like kid’s play places, kids classes, and the aquarium. I think I’m fine skipping play places as we can play outside so I don’t see much benefit to going and they are germy at the best of times. I’d rather not have my kid catch a cold and leave me wondering if she has COVID and have to lose childcare/ pull her out of school. Kid classes seem lower risk because they should be masked and not as many kids, but its often a small space. The aquarium is something I think my kid would love (there is a small fish tank at the doctor and when we go by quickly she is desperate to spend more time looking – they don’t allow folks to linger in the waiting room) but its also a huge number of people inside and from what I’ve heard mask compliance is only so so.
And then there are indoor kids activities that aren’t fully masked (swimming) and I’m still undecided about those. Right now, I’m not comfortable with these things at the current rate of community spread but hopefully it will decrease and then I’ll get comfortable.
Anon says
Fwiw, in normal times my kid ALWAYS got an illness from indoor playplaces and kids’ museums, but things like the aquarium never seemed to cause any issue. I think the problem in playplaces and kids museums is touching toys that hundreds of other kids have touched and that’s not an issue in aquariums or museums aimed at adults/older kids where you look more than you touch. Covid isn’t spread by touch as well as the common cold is, but I hear you on the point of not wanting to get a cold and have to test/quarantine/etc.
Anonanonanon says
This. I have always avoided those places as much as possible. I’ve never made it out of an indoor play place without a kid getting strep or norovirus within the next 7 days.
Anonymous says
Same. Those places are cesspools of germs and I hope the pandemic inspires society to eliminate them permanently. Their very existence is annoying because my kid always complains when I refuse to let her play.
Anon says
One good thing about Covid is that I’ve become more aware of the existence of hand sanitizer and also taught my kid to keep her hands out of her mouth in public. I’m in no hurry to return to these places, but when we do I’ll be curious to see if the better hand hygiene will make a difference at preventing the other illnesses.
Anon says
You want society to eliminate children’s museums!? That’s kind of grinchy. If you don’t like them, don’t go, but they’re a source of joy and knowledge for a lot of kids, not to mention a major tourism draw for some cities.
Anonymous says
I want playplaces to be eliminated. The children’s museum is fine because I don’t have to go there. But I do have to drag my complaining child past the playplace at the mall and Chik-Fil-A.
Anonymous says
Yikes, I hope that’s hyperbole. I bet you’re one of those who wanted to cancel Halloween because it would be uncomfortable to tell your kids they can’t go trick-or-treating if others were doing it. (There were perfectly good other reasons to modify Halloween last year, but that particular one made me ragey.)
Don’t take away everyone else’s fun because you have a problem telling your child “no.”
Anonanonanon says
I am more cautious than average, so I’m probably not the best indicator. We are vaccinated and plan to take driveable trips with the kids. We would consider a hotel under the right circumstances, and hope to visit my vaccinated parents in the next couple of months. We are considering flying without the children this summer, but we’ll see where things stand. We have started outdoor dining with the kids, but are not comfortable with indoor dining, even without the kids. I would probably do the outdoor portions of the zoo if it’s somewhere that still has a mask mandate.
For me, it hasn’t felt like a return to normal as much as I expected, but the release of some of the chronic worry has been nice. I don’t worry about the shared bathroom in my office building anymore, I feel more comfortable in healthcare facilities, the grocery store, etc. I’m more comfortable stopping at a gas station to use the restroom if I need to. We still mask at work even though we are all vaccinated, but we have all mentioned it’s nice to not be secretly trying to time our sips of coffee so no one is unmasked at the same time! Not to say I don’t take precautions, but I don’t have the constant “is this the time I get it?” nagging at me anymore.
SC says
DH and I will be fully vaccinated in about 3 weeks. Kiddo goes to school in person already, which means our weekday routine is already pretty normal. I’d already be fine to go to the zoo, but Kiddo hates wearing his mask (part of a whole range of sensory issues), and the zoo requires masks. We started seeing grandparents on the weekends when they were fully vaccinated. Once we are fully vaccinated, we plan to return to indoor dining and to get together indoors in small groups. We already have plans to travel by car and stay with family or in AirBNBs or cabins–but this is our normal way of traveling, and I’d probably fly on a plane and stay in a hotel too.
I’m still hesitant about indoor places that tend to get really crowded–bars, indoor play places, children’s museum, aquarium, movie theaters, church if we went to church anyways. My decision would probably depend on a variety of factors, like mask compliance and Covid rates in the area, the rules of the particular place, whether we could visit at an unpopular time. Same with restaurants–I still want to go to a well-ventilated restaurant with tables spaced out.
Pogo says
For those who have gotten the vaccine – how did you qualify? I am technically qualified both from health standpoint and the nature of my job (involved in production of vaccines/medical devices), but since I wfh I don’t want to “take” a spot from someone.
AwayEmily says
I qualified because I teach in-person at a university. Did you read the NYT piece on “if you’re offered a vaccine, take it”? I thought that was a helpful framing.
Anonymous says
Our state has a centralized registration system that asks for your health risks, occupation, etc. County health departments then contact people based on their priority status as vaccines become available. My husband and I got called in as high-risk adults under 65 when the county got a big batch of J&J. I don’t know how they managed to get through people over 65 so quickly. I suspect it has to do with the fact that our county leans pretty red, so the uptake rate may not be super high.
Anonanonanon says
^This. Some of the red counties in my state are reaching the point of struggling to fill appointments. People are trying to flee from the blue counties to the red ones to get spots, but the appointment system became centralized, so that’s now harder to do, which I think is a flaw. I think there should be an option for people to put in how many miles they’re willing to go for the shot, but I know IT has been the biggest challenge in all of this and it’s not that easy.
9:48 anon says
I think we are in the same state. I wish they’d be more flexible about allowing people to be vaccinated in health districts other than their own. I’m guessing that the state will eventually adjust vaccine allocations in response to demand, but they don’t seem to be terribly nimble in that regard.
Did they add pharmacies to the centralized system? Last time I checked, those were still operating on the Hunger Games model.
Anon says
Yeah the red state/blue state thing is very real. I remember back in the fall people were talking on here about how they’d get the vaccine early because their liberal area didn’t have many old people and I got of chuckled to myself because I knew the political divide would be waaaay more important than the number of elderly in the state. I’m in a conservative state with a ton of anti-vaxxers. I got the vaccine last month and the majority of healthy, WFH 30-somethings I know have now gotten at least a first shot. Demand is really waning in our state, I think we’ll be officially open to everyone 16+ within a week or two. Short term, it was great – yay getting the vaccine early – but long term I’m worried. We can’t control the virus with only half our population vaccinated and I just don’t see us getting much past that benchmark.
Anonymous says
At some point employers and schools will be able to require it. And because red states are mostly at-will it will be easier to fire employees who won’t get vaccinated there. When Wal-Mart and Amazon and food processing plants demand it for employment things will change.
Anonymous says
I hope you’re right but my red state is already trying to pass a law prohibiting employers from mandating it. Our governor is reasonably sane for an R, but the Republicans have a veto proof supermajority in both legislative bodies.
Pogo says
OK I think this is the difference. All of the appointments in my state are usually taken and you really have to put effort in (I wouldn’t quite say game the system, but sometimes you have to be willing to drive 2+ hours). It’s not like there’s extra vaccine, that’s why I feel kinda bad.
Anonymous says
Don’t feel bad! Get the vaxx.
Anonanonanon says
Take it when it’s time. You’ll probably go to the back of the line if you don’t. The IT systems making these appointments aren’t very sophisticated, they’re not going to hold a spot for you until you decide you’re ready. It’s never going to be 100% fair, because we all have very different ideas of what “fair” looks like and who deserves it more. Just take it when it’s your turn and do your part to help us reach as many people vaxxed as possible.
Anonymous says
I agree she should take it, since it sounds like she’s legitimately eligible now, but I don’t understand this comment about “going to the back of the line” that I’ve seen here several times. Whenever she decides she wants the vaccine she can log on and try to obtain an appointment. Arguably it might be a harder to get an appointment in a month or two when eligibility is broader but it might also be easier because supply has expanded considerably. It’s not like there’s a master list of everyone who wants the vaccine and if you turn down a spot you’re forced to wait for everyone else on that list to get vaccinated first.
Anon says
Our county is processing in the order you registered. I registered on Jan. 18; got my appointment in mid-March. There are older folks (70 year olds) who registered a few weeks ago and they are essentially at the back of the line now, since the county is processing appointment requests in the order that you register. Will the line move faster as supply increases? Absolutely. But appointment request date seems to be the determinative factor in our county, even among different priority classes.
Pogo says
Agree w/ first Anon – its a total cr@pshoot here, you have to log on when they release spots, keep multiple tabs open, refresh constantly, put in a fake zip code out in the boonies, etc to get a spot. That’s why I feel “bad” I suppose, knowing that a 75 year old or an essential worker who is physically on the job can’t be doing this. If they had a real system to register and get called in the order you registered, I wouldn’t feel bad at all!
Pogo says
OK, based on this feedback I attempted to get an appointment for about 15 minutes before giving up (3 different pharmacy/grocery chains websites). Anecdotally I’ve heard first thing Saturday morning is the best time to try at some of the pharmacies, so maybe I’ll do that this weekend. But it is not like I can just get an appointment today anyway, everything in my area is booked solid.
Katala says
In my state, not sure if it applies everywhere, I’ve heard Walmart opens appointments at midnight and CVS around 4-5am. If you’re up at those times, might be worth a shot.
ANon says
I feel you, but if you are qualified to receive the vaccine, then you are not taking a spot from someone else; the spot is yours. The goal is to get everyone vaccinated, which means everyone gets their own spot. Yours is just up now.
I might say something different if you had the option to give your spot to someone you know and your question was, for example, that your high-risk neighbor is struggling to find a spot and you would like to give yours to her since she drives a public bus for a living and hasn’t been able to obtain a vaccine. In that case, I would commend your offer and probably encourage you to do it since you have the ability to WFM.
Anonymous says
That’s absurd. You qualify so go get your vaccine. This is pointless martyrdom.
I qualified cause I’m fat. I WFH full time. I got my vaccine the second I could get an appointment.
No one is handing out brownie points for not getting a vaccine when you are eligible and it’s contrary to all public health guidance. You are not so special you don’t have to listen to Dr. Fauci who says to get your shot.
Anon says
Take it if you qualify. My husband and I got leftover doses off a waitlist, but the next day we became eligible as (higher ed) educators even though we both work from home currently – some states say you have to be teaching in person currently but ours does not.
Lily says
I qualified because I’m pregnant. I also work from home, but my daughter goes to daycare so there is some risk there. My husband is not eligible yet but got an excess dose and I don’t feel a single bit guilty about it. I think you should just get the vaccine if you are eligible.
NYCer says
If you qualify, you should get the vaccine now!!
I likely won’t be qualified until it opens up to everyone, but if I were qualified now for any reason (health or job), I would 100% make an appointment ASAP.
Anon says
I qualified because I’m TTC and answered “suspected” to being pregnant. Grateful that I could be qualified that way! I registered with a neighboring county and when I made my appointment all the slots for the day were surprisingly open. You should take your spot.
Anon says
That’s a little absurd. You’re not pregnant because you’re TTC. “Suspected pregnancy” means you peed on a stick and it was positive, you just haven’t had a doctor confirm it yet.
Anon says
The options were yes, no, and don’t know. Wouldn’t that indicate that I qualify? I would think a positive pregnancy test would be a yes.
Anonymous says
Have you missed a period? I mean congrats on the vaccine but the answer for you was no.
Anon says
Unless your period is late or you have some other compelling evidence you’re pregnant, I would say “no” is the most honest answer to that question. Any woman who is s*sexually active that month technically could be pregnant in the two week window before her period starts and I think it’s clear that states making pregnant women eligible for vaccines were not intending to vaccinate all s*xually active women over 16. You did what you wanted to get a vaccine, but in my view this is deceitful in a way that what others are describing is not.
Anon says
Huh. If I missed a period and still had negative hcg test wouldn’t that be a firm no, though? It’s too soon to tell and they immediately gave me an appointment, I was expecting it to take longer. It only took one try for my first two so it seems pretty likely that I would be. Maybe I’ll call the hotline and clarify. I honestly don’t see how all sexually active women would qualify unless they’re not using protection and timing it for the purpose of getting pregnant.
Anon says
I did end up calling both the health dept and my OB because I’m a rule follower and they told me I was good to go. Whew.
Hmmmm says
Honestly, I have no idea what “suspected pregnant” means! If I had a positive HPT I’d say I was pregnant.
Anon says
Same, “suspected” is confusing. False positive rates on home pg tests are very rare, so to me a positive means “yes.” If I were actively trying to TTC, I would probably think suspected means tried but too early to test. That’s not the same thing as “every s*exually active woman over 16” – if you use birth control or hadn’t had s*x for a month you wouldn’t suspect a pregnancy.
Anon says
Yeah have to agree here. Also my ob is verrry pro vaccine but she didn’t want me doing it in the first few weeks of pregnancy. it’s a reeeally strong assumption to assume you’d get pregnant first try for a third time in a row! I’ve had two that were one and done, and my third took 9 months.
Anon says
But sorry, yay for getting the vaccine – I know many people who have gotten it on less reason. But also if you really think you might be pregnant you should probably run it past your OB. Mine doesn’t want me spiking a fever during the very early weeks. Nothing more or less than that. I’m planning to get it around week 14.
Anon says
Same – high fever is a fairly common side effect of the vaccines. I’m very pro-vax and pro-getting it in pregnancy (now we know that babies born to women who get it while preg have antibodies, yay!) but I would avoid the first trimester just because of the risk of fever.
AnonAnnoyed says
Man, hearing that you did this makes me feel pretty shitty. And your rationale that it’s fine because every other time you got pregnant right away? That’s some BS. I have been TTC for 9 months now and am in the TWW and oh how I would LOVE to be pregnant. And do I hate it that my friends who have gotten pregnant now ALSO get the added bonus of getting their vaccines faster than me? Absolutely. But does that mean I am eligible for the vaccine, just because I am in the TWW for the next 8 days and might be pregnant? Absolutely not. Comments like this one are what is making me feel really shitty about both TTC and about having to wait till the very end of the line in a very slow-moving-vaccination location. If you were going to fake it like this at least don’t brag about it on the internet.
Anon says
I got pregnant literally the first time for DD no. 1. We’re on our second year with a miscarriage of trying for no. 2. Secondary fertility is real. Solidarity.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry it made you feel terrible. I agree it’s beyond absurd to think you’re pregnant just because you’re trying and you conceived easily before.
Anon says
So I was told yes, I do qualify if I don’t know if I’m pregnant. Why not get it if I qualify? You would qualify where I live. If you qualify in your own state why wait? People keep saying to get it as soon as you can which is what I decided to do.
Maybe I will conceive quickly and maybe I won’t, who knows? I don’t think it’s BS to assume that I may get pregnant as it is within the realm of possibility. I get that fertility is a fraught issue so sorry you’re having trouble.
Anonymous says
The hospital where I gave birth last year invited me to sign up for an appointment, so I did! It did not tell me why they decided I’m eligible, but my BMI is 31 so I’m assuming that’s it. I do not feel bad taking a vaccine, since the sooner we have a critical mass of vaccinated people the better for everyone.
Anonanonanon says
Take it. As you know from work, production is really ramping up. We’re so close to truly having enough for everyone who wants it. Take your spot when it’s offered, who knows how long you’ll have to wait if you go back to the back of the line.
Anon says
I’m fat. Really the more important issue in my mind is my blood clotting condition, but that isn’t an option to check. I also qualify through work, but that was third tier essential personnel (legal services even though I WFH), so having a BMI of 35 got me in line sooner. I took my appointment as soon as I could; due for my second shot beginning of next month. We also have been completely home (although kiddo resumed in person school this week for the first time in a year) and extremely locked down so that we could comfortably see our (also locked down) high risk parents regularly, but I had no qualms about taking my vaccine when eligible.
Pogo says
In our state you have to be both high BMI and another serious condition, that’s why I was curious how so many people on here qualified.
Anonymous says
In my state, some counties are vaccinating people with moderate asthma, smokers, people with BMI over 25, etc.
Anon says
I qualified a couple weeks ago based on profession, but my state is now vaccinating every adult over the age of 40 so I’m not very far off being age eligible! (I’m 37.) A friend lives in a state that has opened it to everyone 16+. Relatives in Georgia got it just by being overweight, not even obese (BMI 25+). I have a an autoimmune disease but neither the CDC nor my state thought autoimmune diseases merited any special priority. It’s odd and frustrating how every place is doing it completely differently, but I think the rollout is really cranking now and younger people getting vaccinated is becoming the norm not the exception.
EDAnon says
Get it if you can get it. The system is imperfect, but it’s not unethical and it’s the best we have. This article helped me do it:
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/23/magazine/should-i-get-a-covid-19-vaccine-when-others-need-it-more.html
For me, I didn’t want to steal a spot, so I completed the sign-ups as offered and took an appointment when it was offered. I didn’t do a ton of extra effort.
Anonymous says
Got my vaccine appointment for next week! Work question: should I tell my team, in case I have side effects and need to take the afternoon or next day off? Or should I just wait and see?
Cb says
I’ve heard such mixed things on side effects. I’m personally planning on spending 2 days in bed, with lots of tea and books. But that’s just a personal vacation :)
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t. Just take the time if you need to.
Anon says
Is it the two shot vaccines? Debilitating side effects after the first dose are rare. I had pretty noticeable side effects (headache, swollen lymph nodes, fatigue) but could work through them. Even if you do get side effects, I think it’s better to just do a vague calling in sick. There’s still enough competition for vaccines that people might be judgy and I wouldn’t want to answer questions about why I qualified.
Anonymous says
Exactly
Anonanonanon says
Agree on all of this. If they already scheduled your second-dose appointment, I would go ahead and put in for PTO the day after that one, but you can probably power through after the first. Anecdotally, the only people I know who had a rough time after the first one had had or had been suspected to have had COVID already, but it wasn’t anything they couldn’t work through. The second, however…. I’d take the next day off.
Anon says
I’m the person you’re replying to who had a rough time with the first dose and am extremely confident I haven’t had the virus – super cautious household, both adults WFH, child in daycare but no cases in her school, no illness – not even a cold – since before the pandemic, no known exposure to Covid, and I had a negative antibody test in the early fall. A bunch of other people also said on a thread the other day they were sure they hadn’t had the virus but they had side effects after dose 1. Side effects are much more common in younger people, so I think we’re seeing it more now as the vaccination moves into younger age groups. I don’t know anyone elderly who had side effects after the first dose, although some (including my mom) were knocked out by the second. Side effects are also much more common in women than men, in part because the medical establishment can’t be bothered to determine the correct dosage for us and just calibrates everything for men even though women metabolize dr*gs much more efficiently (this is for medicines and vaccines in general, not just Covid). There was a really interesting article about it in the NYT recently.
Anonanonanon says
Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply you had had COVID, I wasn’t very clear with my wording! The people I was referring to had stronger side effects than what you mentioned- fever, chills, etc. And, again, totally anecdotal! I was wiped after the first (like when fighting off a bad cold.. imagine that) but could work through it, and I, too, am very sure I did not have COVID.
Very interesting last point for women vs men! I noticed (again, anecdotally) the side effects hit MUCH faster in women than men among people at work. Women were getting hit 9-12 hours afterward, while men didn’t seem to get hit for 24 hours. Human bodies are crazy!
Anon says
I posted last week after my first shot – I “powered through” meaning I billed like 3 hours instead of 8 because the brain fog, headache and exhaustion made it incredibly difficult to focus. But my schedule was also fairly light so I had room to push off things that weren’t essential and no adrenaline to help. DH was just fine (a little headache and tired but not much). I am pretty confident I have not had covid. I am nervous that my second shot is scheduled right before a closing, but TBD if closing slips. Will probably need to tell my team if it doesn’t.
SC says
I had pretty rough side effects after my first shot, but I understand that’s rare. It was likely compounded by a lack of sleep and a hangover. Get the shot in the arm you don’t sleep on, and don’t drink in celebration. All that said, it wouldn’t have been a great day for me to need to make a big presentation, but I could have powered through work.
I’m planning to leave my schedule clear the day after the second shot, and see how it goes. On my team of 3, 2 of us are getting our second shots on Monday, and the other person is getting his on Tuesday. Hopefully, we don’t all need to be out.
Anonymous says
Drinking enough to have a hangover can also impede your immune system and make the vaccine less effective so that’s another reason not to drink.
SC says
Yeah, I read that the next morning. Objectively, I didn’t drink that much, so hopefully my consumption didn’t impair my immune response. But I do think the vaccine plus some alcohol plus little sleep combined to make me fatigued and have a headache the next day.
EDAnon says
I did J&J and was sick the next day. I would only give a heads up if you have something really important. I actually did have something really important, so I gave my boss a heads up the night before that I might be out. Once I was definitely sick (the next morning), I let him know that I couldn’t do it and he covered.
Anon says
Design question for you all today – does anyone have a kitchen table in the middle of their kitchen versus an island? We’re thinking of renovating our kitchen to add a sitting area off of it, but we’d be getting rid of the breakfast table area. Would like somewhere to eat in there that isn’t counter height (3 young kids) so kitchen table seems to make sense. But we’d be losing a lot of functionality. Curious if anyone else has this set-up – do you use the table for kitchen prep too? Will things just pile up on it like they do an island? I’m not really sure!
Anonymous says
Why?? Don’t do any of this, keep your table, don’t put in a sitting area and get rid of an Island and put a table in the middle of your kitchen. This is just a terrible plan.
Anon says
yea i agree with this. OP- what is the point of your plan?
Hmmm says
Ha okay that was strong. It’s a massive island that somehow only seats two people? So useful for prep and has drawers but just doesn’t seem as helpful as it could be.
Want a sitting area or really something because of the young kids. Right now we don’t have a space to put baby in a pack n play and let older kids do their art projects and puzzles and things they do right off the kitchen in our current house while we cook. The kitchen doesn’t open to any other room in the new house so it really just has a giant island and breakfast table and I think we could use the space better? But we also don’t have an island in our current kitchen so I may be undervaluing that usage.
Anon says
Oh also kitchen is adjacent but not open to dining room and that’s where we’d eat dinner I think. Ugh y’all are making me rethink this idea!
Anonymous says
Keep the island. Put a kiddie table in the breakfast area for now. Then replace it with a kitchen table when the kids are older.
Anonymous says
Yeah no this is still a bad plan. The baby time is super short
OP says
Okay this is helpful! People love islands! We’ve never had one…
Anonanonanon says
I’m confused, are you getting rid of your dining room and replacing it with a sitting area? And what do you mean by sitting area, like arm chairs and stuff?
If it currently has a kitchen table and an island, can they do art projects and puzzles at the breakfast table while you cook? Or, can you just get rid of the breakfast table and put a kid-sized table and chairs there for crafts and activities instead of a whole renovation? Then, as they age, you can return it to its original use.
Anon says
the kitchen has a breakfast table – can the kids do their art projects & puzzles at the breakfast table? you might also find yourselves eating dinner in the kitchen, rather than the dining room. get some good stools and older kiddos can also do art projects or puzzles at the island?
Spiroraph says
Yeah, do not make permanent changes to your house (especially ones that will probably decrease the resale value!) for something as temporary as needing space for a pack and play next to the breakfast table. Use the dining room for all eating if you need to. Or just … don’t use a pack n play? I don’t think I ever used a pack n play in my own house. Just baby-gated off the kitchen if I needed to keep the baby out while I was cooking.
Your kids will be old enough to play out of your sight while you’re cooking before you know it. My youngest is 4 and I haven’t cared for at least a year whether I have eyes on him.
Katala says
My kids are fine with a counter height island. Make sure you have sturdy stools they can climb (we use bar height stools so they have an extra rung and kids are more level with the counter). Surely it’s only a couple of years at most before your kids aren’t that young and you’d prefer the island?
AwayEmily says
I don’t totally understand the question but we do not have an island. We do have a kitchen table, not right in the middle of the kitchen but off to one side in a sort of sunny nook. It’s a round table, seats 4 easily and 6 awkwardly. Kids use it often to do art, etc, while we are making dinner, and we eat there for every meal. We don’t use it for kitchen prep. We actually don’t have a dining room any more; we repurposed it into a playroom after COVID and probably won’t go back. I love the current situation and have never missed the island we had in our old apartment.
Anonymous says
How old are your kids? My daughter started sitting at our island when she was 2 (closely supervised). I tend to agree with the comments that even with three kids this is a short stage of life and you shouldn’t remove an island.
Anonymous says
Oh and also for an infant you can clip a high chair like an Inglesina to the island. Since we just had one kid we just pulled her normal high chair up to the island, but friends with two or more kids used the Inglesinas.
Anon says
Friends recently remodeled a narrow row house and they put an island on casters and skinny kitchen table on casters. They can roll them together to form a giant multilayered island or separate them for a more traditional island and dining table layout. Would something like that work for you? (They don’t have a separate dining space because its a smaller row house).
anonamama says
What about breakfast nook/corner banquette dining area to free up floor space if that’s what you need?
No Face says
I have a friend with kids ages 2 through 7. They all happily eat at the island, with no help needed getting up and down. Island FTW.
Anonymous says
I would not to a “reno” for the super young kid stage. I would replace furniture to make the breakfast area more kid friendly and think about a bigger reno later (and eat in dining room in meantime.)
Our LO sits at the counter all the time – get some stools with backs maybe?
As your family needs evolve then think about a real reno. I suspect that you will want to keep the island.
MoMo says
This might be too late for you to see, but we do not have an island. We redid our kitchen and did not put one in, precisely for the reason you mentioned. It has worked great for us. I love having a clear line of sight to the kids without an island in the middle. I love that guests can sit at a sofa instead of a bar stool. I love that my daredevil son is jumping from a table-height bench instead of bar-height (or, knowing him, the island itself). FWIW, I also love that my kitchen doesn’t look exactly like every.other.kitchen out there.
It is an old house and the kitchen was very narrow. We essentially knocked out the wall between the kitchen and the family room, but kept the two functions separate. So there is a sitting/playing area and a kitchen area, with a table along one edge bridging the two. The kids eat breakfast and do crafts at that table. We figure we can go back and put an island in later if needed.
Anon says
so i suppose it’s good that my kids are more aware of their surroundings, but last night my soon to be three year old twins told me that it wasn’t bedtime yet because it was still light out…what do you tell your kids in the summer? last year they either didn’t notice or didn’t have the words to verbalize
Anon says
I don’t have an answer for you but this is part of why daylight savings is the worst. I usually give an awkward answer about how the days are longer and shorter at various times of the year but that doesn’t mean they need less sleep so their bedtime stays the same, which I’m sure my kids don’t understand at all even after the explanation.
Blackout shades are your friend.
Lyssa says
I got home about 10 minutes later than usual yesterday, and my 5yo daughter, who was playing outside at the time, absolutely could not be convinced that I had not gotten home early, because it was still so light.
Anon says
My daughter has been this way since she was an infant (although she obviously couldn’t verbalize it) – she wakes with the sun and falls asleep with the sun going down. My husband the same way so it must be genetic. It makes international travel super easy and it means she sleeps a ton in the winter and not as much in the summer. She naps more in the summer to catch up. We mostly roll with it. Now that she’s 3, I think this summer we’ll try to enforce quiet time alone in her room by 8 pm but it’s hard to force a kid to sleep if they’re not ready.
Anonymous says
I fear that my 6-mo-old is going to be the same way. Bedtime has been a STRUGGLE this week. It was a little better last night after we closed all the curtains in all of the rooms and kept her far away from any rooms that face west.
Anon says
It’s actually not a terrible thing, imo. I’ve had horrible sleep issues my whole life and my natural sleep schedule is going to bed an hour or two later every single day, which obviously wrecks your sleep schedule quickly if you have a normal 9-5 job, so I view it as a blessing to have your circadian rhythms very tied to the sunrise and sunset. It probably helps that my daughter is high sleep needs so even in the summer she gets ~10 hours of sleep at night, she just isn’t sleeping 14-15 hours a day like she does in the winter.
Anonymous says
I like to annoy my children by answering with a poem or song whenever possible. For this, I use the Robert Louis Stevenson poem “Bed in Summer.”
In winter I get up at night
And dress by yellow candle-light.
In summer, quite the other way,
I have to go to bed by day.
I have to go to bed and see
The birds still hopping on the tree,
Or hear the grown-up people’s feet
Still going past me in the street.
And does it not seem hard to you,
When all the sky is clear and blue,
And I should like so much to play,
To have to go to bed by day?
Anon. says
Thank you for triggering a very wonderful memory of the RLS book of poems at my grandma’s house when I was child.
Mary Moo Cow says
My kids (5 and 3) have never commented, but very helpfully, on Sunday, my MIL told them about how she hated to go to bed when the sun was still up in the summer and how she spied on other kids playing in the street or watched her neighbors’ TV through the windows. So now I’m bracing myself for questions and complaints.
Unvaccinated says
Anyone else have no prospects for getting vaccinated until it’s available to the general public? I’m feeling like I’m the only one left. Things are starting to go back to normal in our area (no to mention our workplaces) and we just — aren’t there yet.
Anonymous says
If it makes you feel better, several of my friends in the Bay Area have elderly (70+) parents who still haven’t gotten the vaccine. It seems like a giant clusterf-ck there.
I’m ragey on your behalf that you have to return to work without the opportunity to get a vaccine. If you’ve been working from home for the last year, clearly your job can be fine from home.
Anonymous says
I’m in MA and everyone can get vaccinated here as of 4/18.
I’m low risk, WFH. I will get my vax when I can log in and book a local appointment. Right now people have to refresh all day long and drive halfway across the state. I am ready to do my part and get my shot, but not desperate for it. Y’all that need it more than I do are welcome to take the early spots.
anon says
Also in MA. This was just announced today, too. We were very laggard in our roll out initially but Biden’s announcement about wanting a relatively normal July 4 and promise to have ppl vaccinated by May (or whenever he said) seemed to be the kick in the pants our state needed to get this timeline worked out. Every day I see another state added to the list of those allowing “general population” vaccinations. Hoping you’re soon!
Anon says
Hopefully that will be May 1 for all of us (though it may take longer to get the appt, of course). Not that much longer!
Anonymous says
I’m in Maryland and with you on being last in line. I’m 30-something, healthy, and my employer is still wfh through summer. I’ve signed up for one of those services that pharmacies can use to get rid of extra doses on short notice, but I’m not even eligible to pre-register in the state’s system yet. My husband works for DoD and there’s a very slim chance I’ll be offered a vaccine as a spouse if they aren’t all used up by employees, but I’m not holding my breath on that at all.
Anonymous says
Can you tell me the service? I’m in the same position in MD. Def qualify as “general public”
Anonymous says
I registered with Dr. B
https://hidrb.com
Boston Legal Eagle says
Think of it this way – the reason you’re last in line is because you’re likely young, healthy and don’t have a job that puts you at higher risk from this. Those are all good things! And our turn is coming very very soon! Thanks to the person who posted up there about MA – looks like I’ll be eligible in April, but realistically probably won’t get an appointment until a few weeks later.
Anonymous says
+1. Plus not all vaccines have the same timeline. If you get J&J in mid-April you’ll be considered fully vaccinated at the same time as someone who got a first dose of Moderna or Pfizer today.
GCA says
Yes – this! It’s like emergency rooms – if you’re sitting and waiting for ages to be seen, that is usually because your condition isn’t life-threatening. Likewise in MA, 30s, healthy, and wfh — realistically, DH and I won’t be vaccinated till summer. Hoping to visit the ILs later this year. By the time I see my family in person again, in Asia, it’ll probably have been two years.
Anon says
I won’t be vaccinated until it’s available to the general public. I’m in NY, 41 years old, not high risk, WFH in a non-essential capacity. In other words – I SHOULD be the last person they get to. Literally everyone else has greater risk than I do. I’ll continue to mask up, avoid non-essential outings, etc. until it’s my turn. But I’m not mad that it’s not my turn yet because it shouldn’t be.
Although I do hope that it will be my turn in the next few months because I’d like to get vaccinated while I’m still breastfeeding and before I get pregnant with #2.
NYCer says
Neither my husband nor I will be eligible until the vaccine is available to the general public. Biden’s May 1 deadline is definitely sooner than I was expecting, so that is good! Many of my friends are also in the same last in line camp, so I am not experiencing “I am the only one left” feeling.
Anon says
Just chiming in to say, me too!
Anon says
Same. I’m anxious to get one, though – I’m trying to breastfeed my 10 month old as long as possible in the hopes of passing along some antibodies, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep it up.
My rational side is grateful that I’m young, healthy, and low-risk, so I don’t need to be vaccinated right now. My irritational side is bitter that I had an April 2020 baby and had to experience pregnancy, delivery, and postpartum with a newborn and a toddler during one of the scariest times of the pandemic in a hotspot with very limited help and support. I feel like I’ve “earned” that shot.
EDAnon says
My husband is in that group.
Anon says
yesterday’s summer sandals discussion. people said keens hold up to scootering – do natives?
AwayEmily says
I think sneakers as summer footwear were underrated in that discussion! Sneakers and short socks are GREAT in the summer. Better arch support, toe protection for scootering and falling, great for climbing and playgrounds, don’t get sticks and leaves stuck in them during hikes. Obviously if you’re on the beach/pool sandals are ideal but at least for us, 80% of our Summer Activities are not water-related.
But to answer your actual question: our Natives held up well to scootering though did get pretty scuffed.
Anon says
thanks! where we live it is very very hot and humid. our nanny likes to put pants on my twins bc they still trip a bunch and for sun exposure and i do think not wearing socks can make a difference in keeping them a bit cooler
anon says
Agree. Our daycare has this weird gravel/sand playground, so anything remotely like a sandals is just a bad idea all around. Everyday shoes are lightweight, airy sneaks with short socks, and sandals/Natives are reserved for after hours and weekends.
OP, Natives will do fine with scootering (like they’re not going to fall apart), but they will get scuffed on the toes.
Anon says
Yeah I was surprised how many people on that thread seemed to think sneakers are not an option in the summer. I live in the Midwest with pretty hot and humid summers and my 3 year old is in sneakers at all times unless we’re at a pool or beach. Maybe she’s clumsier than most kids (I think she is) but I’m sure open toe sandals would lead to lots of tripping herself and crying. I can see the Keens working ok, but I also don’t really see the point when she’s happy in sneakers. If you use sneakers you also don’t have to worry about sunscreening feet, which is one less thing to do in the morning.
anon says
Also a Midwesterner. I don’t even buy open-toe sandals or flip-flops for my much older kids! Kids are active, and open-toe shoes are accidents waiting to happen. I know so many kids who have gotten stitches on their feet or knees because of sandal mishaps. It is a huge personal pet peeve to see young kids (often girls, frankly) trotting around playgrounds with flimsy sandals that they clearly can’t keep on their feet and are preventing them from fully playing. (Keens don’t fall into that category.)
Anonymous says
My daycare has the weirdest Covid protocols. They announced they were using disposable silverware and plates only, which I guess is to avoid a teacher having to touch kids dirty plates to load them into a dishwasher? Seems like they could just wear gloves and then throw the gloves away and it would be NBD but whatever. But I just got a photo of my kid using a real spoon and fork but a paper plate and cup. If they can have real cutlery, why can’t they have real plates? It doesn’t matter (except for the poor environment) and I’m amused more than anything else, but it’s all so ridiculous.
Anonymous says
Are the utensils metal? They may be able to dishwash them at higher temps than plastic plates to sterilize. Or maybe other covid cleaning protocols are eating up time so disposable plates are a time saver or someone forgot to buy disposable utensils?
anon says
My gripe of the day: Primary’s execution leaves a lot to be desired sometimes. I am ready to stock up on plain tank tops for summer. The only ones in stock are in black and white. I feel like whenever I want to build my own bundle and make a big order, there are always missing key sizes or colors. I truly wish they could figure it out already.
Scilady says
I completely agree with you! I went and ordered some adult v-neck tees for myself hoping that they work well. I was going to order some solid color tees or something for my kids and everything’s out. They need to concentrate on basics and just keep those in stock! Also, their prices aren’t my favorite. Ugg.