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Call me crazy, but I really like this top. The colorblocked lace looks fun and interesting, and I’m still not tired of peplum. It’s available in blue and white, and would (I think) be a lovely thing for a low-key holiday office party. The top is $19.99 at JCP (originally $36) and comes in regular and petite sizes. Worthington Sleeveless Lace Peplum Top
(L-2)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
Msj says
For those of you with nannies, how much do you disclose when having to take off the day to cover when she’s sick. I was upfront about saying I was taking the day off to cover for childcare because a) its not a me or dependent sick day and b) I otherwise would have given more notice for a leave request but I wonder if it reflects poorly on my own reliability. Am I over thinking this?
LSC says
Don’t overthink this. I really never give a reason. If forced, I would say “due to illness”
mascot says
You’re overthinking this. No one’s childcare covers 100% of their needs, be it daycare/school holidays or sick nannies. Think about all the days that your nanny has been able to care for the child on what would otherwise be kid sick days or school holidays.
stc says
And this is why I love working for the state. There’s a administrative rule in my state that if you are having a daycare emergency (your provider is unexpectedly not available), you can use allotted sick time for it. This was really helpful when a water pipe burst in our daycare’s infant room.
Meg Murry says
Yes, when I worked for a company where technically sick days were only for the employee (not to care for sick family members) my boss explicitly told me “just call in and say you need to take a sick day with no more details than that, and as long as you don’t abuse it I promise not to ask who/what it’s for”.
CPA Lady says
If your kid used a pacifier, when did you take it away? Just trying to figure out when I need to do that.
EP-er says
We tried to take it away at 2. Cold turkey worked for my son, but not my daughter. With her, we ended up restricting use to the car & at bed time for a few months.
When we were at the pediatric dentist I mentioned it to him. He said that if you still have it at 2, it doesn’t really matter until 4, since that is the next time the jaw really grows. On the other hand, I did notice that my daughter’s top front teeth were pushed out, which resolved once the pacifier was gone.
mascot says
Around 18-24 months. He was going through some big transitions (new house and school) at the time so we didn’t rush it. Just started to limit it to the house, then to sleeping times and finally he lost interest. He didn’t replace it with a thumb or blanket which I was happy about.
Syd says
I saw a four year old with his pacifier out in public, panicked, and took my son’s away just before a year. He was only using it to sleep, and even then, usually was flinging it out of the crib anyway. We went cold turkey and I’m not sure he even noticed. I did start letting him have a teddy bear around the same time, which we use at home but he sleeps fine without it at daycare.
meme says
12 months cold turkey worked great for my oldest son. My other paci-taker kept his until 18 months, and the transition was a lot harder. He was old enough to care. I wish I’d done it at 12 months like his brother.
Meg Murry says
We did somewhere around 13-14 months cold turkey with my oldest son, and it was only 2-3 rough days/bedtimes, but then he switched to sucking his thumb which was even harder to break! He sucked his thumb every bedtime and naptime until at least age 5, and it wasn’t until kindergarten when he wanted to stop that we were able to break him of it (required bandaids on both thumbs for 2 weeks) – and even now every few months I’ll find him in bed sound asleep sucking his thumb in the middle of the night (he’s 8).
For my youngest we didn’t want to repeat that, so we went to “out of sight, out of mind” at 12 months – we gave it to him if he asked for it (or cried and pointed at his mouth), but every time he took it out of his mouth (meals, etc) we would tuck it away. At 15-18 months we went to “only in bed and in the car” – which meant that sometimes he would ask to go take a nap because that meant he got his beloved pacifier, which was fine by me! By 2 we were at bedtimes only, and again we would put it out of sight so only if he asked for it, and at 2.5 the “binky fairy” came and took all his binkies and left him a yellow ball (what he asked for). He still mentions how the binky fairy brought him that ball sometimes (he’s 4 now).
Anonymous says
our daycare transitioned kids off the paci when they moved from the “young infant” to “older infant” room, so between 9 and 12 months.
Mine never used one but almost every other kid in her daycare did. They were all off it by 14 months at max.
EB0220 says
We took our daughter’s away around 18 months when she started chewing through the Soothies pacifier on her wubbanub. We cut the pacifier off and now, at 3.5, she still uses the stuffed animal part as a lovie but no more paci. She had no problem with it.
HSAL says
This is something I’ve been trying to figure out. I have a 7 week old who uses the soothies, and I wanted to get her a Wubbanub for Christmas. They’re supposed to be used only until 6 months, because they’re not for babies with teeth and they’re apparently a choking hazard. But I wouldn’t want to put it in bed with her right now because of the SIDS risk. So is it daytime only for now, and then just make sure you check it often for damage after your kid has teeth?
TBK says
One of mine twins love his Wubbanub. He’s now 20 months and I have just been cutting off pacifiers as he’s outgrown them and sewing new ones on.
anon says
We let our baby use the wubbanub during the day but didn’t put it in the crib — just a regular soothie brand pacifier. He ended up not really being interested in the wubbanub, though, and we transitioned him to pacifier only for sleeping around 8 weeks. I eventually cut the pacifier off and he just uses them as little stuffed animals.
Anonymous says
I sneak in and take away the wubbanub after she’s fallen asleep. We’re in the middle of sleep training though and having a lovey is really helping her more than I imagined it would at this age (4 months).
hoola hoopa says
~4 years of age. Over time, we phased it out to just car and bed, then to only bed. Kid, parents, doctors, and dentists were all happy with this plan.
There’s little rush (outside of societal pressure) so long as use is limited. It never bothered us that our child used a paci and I find the negativity around it really bemusing.
We also had a baby who sorta kinda used it for maybe four months. I assume that’s not what you’re asking about. Totally different scenario than a hardcore binky kid.
Sippy cup says
I have a 8.5 month old who seems ready to move towards a sippy cup. She seems frustrated with the flow from her bottle (medium flow). Any suggestions? Bonus points if available at Target.
Lkl says
We are using an Oxo Tot one with our 9 month hold. It has two handles so it’s easy for him to hold and he is SLOWLY starting to figure out how to use it. Mostly we use it for water and he likes to spit the water back out, but is more willing to drink milk/formula from it. We also took out the valve so it’s more of a training cup — you have to watch the flinging around but it seems easier to use.
Philanthropy Girl says
We used the Munchkin trainer cups (8 oz click lock). We had a stainless steel one that I really wanted to love, but it was too heavy for my kiddo. The Munchkin trainers also have two handles, and a decent lock that prevents *most* leaking.
$6.99 for two at Target.
NewMomAnon says
We found that the sippy cups with the soft spouts were more intuitive for my kiddo, who was used to bottles from daycare. I know we liked the Munchkin Latch sippy cup, but it had a lot of pieces so was more likely to leak. We had another one (available at Target) that might have been Nuby? It also had a soft spout but fewer pieces, and less leaking. It was also smaller and easier for my kiddo to manage.
And for leak-proof sipping – Playtex has a hard-spouted variety with handles built into the top. That thing NEVER leaks. My kiddo gets frustrated because it’s a slow flow, though.
Anna says
I don’t really have a question, more of a discussion topic that I can’t really talk about with my husband or anyone close to me. My husband and i have been trying for almost a year to get pregnant- he has been more relaxed about it than me, I’ve been charting, recently started acupuncture, read Taking Charge of Your Fertility and tried to address some issues I noticed, etc, despite having a completely normal cycle and no obvious red flags. He did agree to get tested in September, but for scheduling reasons it didn’t happen until yesterday. When he asked his doctor for a referral back in September, his doctor said “sure, but your wife should get tested- it’s usually the woman with the problems.” I was horrified when I heard that- I thought it came off as really sexist, and everything I had read said it’s usually half and half. Well, the results came back and his count is practically zero. Obviously there is more testing to be done, but I am just feeling annoyed (along with sad, of course), maybe, at how sexist this whole experience has seemed? Maybe that’s not quite the right word, but it just seems like everything I read was geared towards me being the problem and finding the solution, and everyone, including my husband, kind of internalized that. Of course I could have problems too, but it seems likely that this is what has been preventing it from happening. Can anyone relate to this? Has anyone else been able to get pregnant despite issues with your partner’s fertility?
Anon for friend's identity says
This happened to my friend. She is a naturally very thin person who is also vegetarian. The first “diagnosis” was that she had to gain weight. She was trying to eat a bunch of pizza and the like and not gaining. Then they convinced her she had to try eating meat. She did that to no avail. Then they wanted her to stop exercising. Finally her husband got tested and while he had sperm they didn’t swim well. They ultimately had to do IVF and now have twins. However, everyone, including her friends thought the issue was her and her diet, her stress level, her weight, etc.
CHJ says
This happened to one of my friends as well. She’s an overworked doctor, so clearly she needed to “relax,” and then in the end it was her husband with the problem. This is all hearsay, but my understanding is that low count is easier to work with than a lot of other fertility problems (IUI is one option, for example), so the good news is that you have a diagnosis and can go get the treatments you need.
been there says
First, sperm issues can be dealt with. A near zero count is not zero, and provided what’s there is healthy, if they can find a couple sperm, you can do IVF successfully. Or, more rarely, the issue may be treatable by medicating him and waiting several months for his count to rise. Or by performing surgery to correct a physical blockage. But IVF is the most likely path. IUI is probably not an option if his count is as low as you seemed to indicate. Don’t go expecting to have a natural miracle with no intervention — with a really low count, the odds are truly microscopic. Does it happen? Yeah, and you can find the stories if you google. Is it likely to happen to you? No.
Second, yup on the sexism. Fertility clinics will probably be better about this since they know it’s generally 50/50 as to who has the issue, and the professionals have learned not to use “blame” words like whose “fault” it is. And they also know a heck of a lot more about reproduction and have gotten past this “ooooh women’s bodies are soooo mysterious and complicated” myth to know that men’s bodies are just as complicated and prone to error. But the problem is that no matter who’s issue it is, the burden is going to fall on you. It just is. My partner came with me to every.single.appointment for months, including at six in the morning for days on end. And still, I was the one doing all the “work” — being poked, internally ultrasounded, injected, and my egg production was the thing we were all talking about and judging because it was the harder part right in front of us the whole time. It’s hard. It can breed guilt/shame/resentment. Try to get in front of that if you think it might be coming.
PinkKeyboard says
In my case (I have a stepson) we knew up front I was the problem. I will say, the fertility people still insisted on testing him because it had been years and you never know. It was unexplained but he had great counts. My sister has PCOS and her husband has low count and low motility and she is due in May with their IVF baby so it can happen. If you can, get to a RE, they are specialists and much more knowledgeable and don’t have the ridiculous notions.
Similar Boat says
I’m sorry your husband’s doctor made that comment. I wonder if sometimes doctors tell patients what they want to hear… I was convinced I was the problem when we didn’t get pregnant quickly and did all of the tests (and accupuncture) only to find out that my husband’s counts and mobility/ motility are not great. My accupuncturist (a female) mentioned that she’s seen more and more sperm issues in the past few years. Now I’m on board to go straight to IVF with ICSI but when my husband went back to the urologist for a follow up, his doctor said his counts could improve over time and we should wait and keep trying on our own and testing. (He said the low counts could have been caused by a cold or lack of sleep.) My husband now thinks we should wait based on his doctor’s recommendation (a male FWIW) while two REs said we could go straight to IVF based on his counts. It has been a sensitive subject and I would say it’s important to be supportive – it sucks finding out it’s a one-sided problem. I also wish all doctors would take a more balanced view of infertility and realize there are two patients involved. I think REs are really good at addressing both patients. Try to read up on your options and sperm count #s so you know what you’re dealing with if you can.
Anna says
Hi everyone, thanks so much for your responses! It is really helpful hearing other experiences.
Anon for now says
Been there although in my case my husband was proactive and didn’t deal with Dr sexism. He did try the surgery and acupuncture which didn’t help and then we pulled out the big guns and went straight to ivf with icsi and got twins on the first try. It’s frustrating that it is inevitably more invasive for the woman, but that’s biology. At least if you don’t have issues your odds of success with ivf and icsi are very good.
One of the hardest things was not being able to talk about it with many people as my husband understandably didn’t want to advertise his low sperm count. If it were my medical issue I probably would have been far more open about our battle with infertility.
Good luck. It’s hard but I wish you the best of luck. It was two years since my retrieval and feels like another lifetime. And ivf while invasive wasn’t as bad as expected and far easier than pregnancy!
Anon says
Yeah it’s really sexist. For most of history people have blamed infertility issues on women (see the story of Sari and Hagar in the Bible), partially this is because it was easier for men to replace their wives. But study after study have shown that about 50% of fertility issues are due to the male partner. If your husband’s doctor is also your GP I’d print out a study about fertility issues that points this out, hand it to the doctor and then let him know you’ll be seeing someone else.
Scandia says
I am very sorry for what you are going through and hope the best for you.
I understand your wonderings. In my country in Europe if there is a problem TTC the man is tested first thing. Mainly because that test is so easy, quick and noninvasive compared to many tests of the woman.
Philanthropy Girl says
In my midwest community here in the US it is also very common to test the man first, for the very reasons you mention. I also thought the doctor’s comments were strange, and I agree with a poster above who mentioned that often doctors just say what patients want to hear.
Thak says
Does anyone have success stories—or horror stories— finding a babysitter through Sittercity, Care dotcom, etc.? We have exhausted our minimal local network and haven’t found someone who we can rely on even for our fairly infrequent baby-less outings.
I’ve made contact with a few potential babysitters on the websites but I am apprehensive about pulling the trigger and bringing them in. Do I just need to meet them, check references, and just Get Over It that someone caring for my child was until very recently a stranger on the Internet?
POSITA says
We found our nanny through Care.com. We met with her and she gave us several references in our neighborhood. We called each of them and they were very candid about her pros and cons. It ended up being a good fit. I wouldn’t have felt comfortable without candid references from other local parents.
For a nanny situation, I also was home the first week and just ran short errands while she settled in. By the end of the week, I felt like I knew her better. I might consider using the babysitter as a mother’s helper once or twice (i.e., you stay nearby but largely out of eye sight) so that you feel like you know them and they know your kid(s) before longer outings.
SC says
I found my nanny on Care.com. We met with her, called her references, used her for one night of babysitting before she started, and had her start during my last week of maternity leave so I could get ready to go back to work and also get to know her better. We also live in a small city where everyone seems to know each other, and it turned out that one of her former professors is my MIL’s best friend, so my MIL called him up and heard what a wonderful, responsible person she is.
Anonymous says
Any thoughts on sending a 2 year old to a church daycare when your own family is not at all religious? There’s a great place nearby to our home I am considering using for my daughter’s childcare, but they do a Lutheran church service with the kids once a week. I am agnostic and don’t want to confuse my child, but at the same time I am open to the idea of her being exposed to religion as a moral/cultural presence in society. Does anyone have experience doing this?
mascot says
We did this (not agnostic, just without a church home at present). Several (Christian) friends sent their kids to a Jewish daycare because they liked the school the best. I don’t think this a dealbreaker. And at 2, the aren’t getting into super deep theological discussions. Just bible stories and some songs with some moral lessonas (be kind, don’t lie, etc)
Meg Murry says
Are you ok with her being introduced to concepts like heaven, songs about Jesus and stories and arts and crafts about Noah and the flood, Moses and the burning bush, prayers before snacks, etc? For some people that’s an “eh, whatever, that’s fine” and for other people that would be too far outside their own belief system to be ok, so you need to decide where you fall.
My parents aren’t religious (grew up in generic Christian non-denominational community churches, but then never attended themselves ) but allowed my sisters and I to go to Sunday school with my cousins from time to time, and I thought it was a fair balance – I learned some of the Bible stories but wasn’t really indoctrinated one way or another.
hoola hoopa says
+1 Imagine your child sings “Jesus Loves Me” or asks to say grace before dinner. Your reaction is…
We are non-religious, not atheist or agnostic, and have used religiously-affiliated programs from time to time. It did create some awkward conversations or moments, but overall good ones to have, and I appreciated the introduction of religious concepts. We were less excited when one of my children BEGGED for a children’s bible and then BEGGED for us to read it nightly.
A question to ask is what percentage of the students attend the Sunday services and/or are Christian. The higher the percentage, the more the religious focus, IME.
MDMom says
My sister sent all of her kids to a religious preschool. Pretty sure it is the only time they’ve been to church. It was the best and cheapest option available. She was happy with it. They did adorable christmas pageants. I am atheist and would have no problem doing the same, but my husband might because he is more anti all religious indoctrination. I think Meg Murry is correct that it just depends on your comfort with your kid learning bible stories and songs about jesus.
a Lutheran says
I think these are all good things to consider. Also consider what denomination of Lutheran it is and how that aligns with your views. ELCA is the more “liberal” of the Lutheran denominations– it has women clergy, gay pastors are allowed, churches often have social justice components, etc. Missouri synod or Wisconsin synod churches (which have churches all over the US, not just in those states) are much more conservative on those and other issues.
Anon says
We considered a daycare that was run through an evangelical church, but didn’t end up using it because of distance. The kid and I are cafeteria-Catholic and my husband’s family is Methodist (but never really participated in religion). The tenets of Christianity are all the same so I would have no issue with him going to a daycare even if it wasn’t Catholic (for me, that would apply to Judaism, as well). FWIW, I went to Catholic school from kindergarten through my freshman year of college, and there were plenty of non-Catholic kids there for the quality of the education, and they had no issues assimilating. I imagine that would be even easier for younger kids.
Would you rather says
live in a smaller apartment with two full bathrooms and an in-unit washer and dryer but no additional storage, OR a larger apartment with only one bathroom, lots of storage, and a coin-op washer and dryer in the basement? Both are two bedroom apartments, first kiddo on the way.
The joys of city living.
Anonymous says
WASHER DRYER IN THE UNIT OH MY GOODNESS NO QUESTION. Sorry for the ELLEN caps.
Anonymous says
And what I mean is, you can buy more storage (in a storage unit) or use your parents’ basement even if it’s inconvenient to get to, but you can’t use your parents’ extra bathroom or washer/dryer.
Anon in NYC says
Yes, washer dryer in-unit, absolutely. I have a 2 bed-1 bath without laundry (but great storage), and while the storage is really nice, I can always get a storage unit. The laundry part is much more frustrating.
Anon in SV says
WASHER DRYER IN UNIT IS CRUCIAL OMFG I HAVE DONE SO. MUCH. LAUNDRY. SINCE BABY ARRIVED 6 MONTHS AGO.
(sorry for caps. You can rent storage. We also had the container store come do our closets, which I realize isn’t feasible for a rental, but consider investing some money in removeable Ikea closet solutions. Also, it’s REALLY nice not to be tripping over baby bathroom stuff when I’m trying to get ready for work in the morning. Also, get a puj. It’s freaking amazing for tiny bathrooms.)
MDMom says
Ha yes, exactly this. I also have a 6 month old. Have never done so much laundry in my life.
anne-on says
Oh my god washer/dryer hands down. I literally did a load of laundry (sometimes two) every single day when my kid was small. More for the pukey virus times. We’re ‘down’ to 5-6 loads/week now, and mostly because my husband and I have been going to the gym more. Soooo worth it to toss in a load of laundry and then go hand out on your couch while it finishes.
Anonymous says
#1, definitely.
NewMomAnon says
I live in an apartment with coin-op laundry (across the hall, so easier than a basement), and it is a PAIN PAIN PAIN. I am always scrambling to find enough quarters, it’s hard to lug a full laundry basket through fire-doors that close behind you, and I can’t imagine doing it with a tiny baby in tow (I had in-unit laundry through the newborn days). You also can’t decide that you’re too tired to transfer laundry or empty the dryer right now because it’s shared facilities, and timing the unloading/loading of machines with a newborn’s nap schedule (or lack of schedule) would be rough.
You won’t miss the extra space with a newborn; I live in a generous two-bedroom with a toddler, and we probably only use 50% of the space on a regular basis because we’re out and about so much. Use the second bathroom as a storage closet; baby won’t need it.
Meg Murry says
Yes, when I was a kid my parents used the shower stall in our smaller bathroom as storage because they had nowhere else to use. Put out of season clothes or whatever else in plastic bins and put them in there, put up a shower curtain and no one would ever know.
Scandia says
Another definite vote for the washer/dryer!
Congratulations on the pregnancy
Washer and dryer OMG says
haha – write back and tell us what you decide.
mascot says
Only one bathroom and no W/D? Nope, I don’t care how big the place is.
anon says
Two bathrooms over one, every time. Particularly with a kiddo. I had no idea how much better having two bathrooms was until we had them. It is SO AMAZING.
ToddlerMom says
Obviously having a washer dryer in-unit is way easier for laundry, but if you really want more space in your apt, having the laundry on site is doable.
We were in a 2br/2ba when baby arrived; laundry on site (as in go outside to another building in the complex to do laundry). It’s doable to not have laundry in unit. To function, you just need more clothes for baby (to last more days), and a bucket in your bathroom with detergent and water in it to scrub/pre-soak clothes until you get to laundry day. I just left some detergent + shout in the bathroom so it was easy to pre-treat nasty clothes and throw them in the tub. That system worked for us.
Our LO is now 17 months. Although we had 2 ba in the old place and our new one, we still mostly just use 1 ba all the time. The 2nd one comes in handy for guests, but honestly, who wants to store her toothbrush in a second bathroom? She wants to brush her teeth when we’re brushing ours. I’m sure I’ll appreciate having a 2nd “kids” bathroom when she’s older, but for the early years, 1 ba is totally doable with 1 kid.
OP says
Ha, you all are the best! That’s what I was leaning toward, I think I just got freaked at the amount of stuff that is showing up in Very Large Boxes right now in preparation for the baby’s arrival, and wondering where it would all go. But you made great points, and I particularly appreciate hearing about the necessity of in-unit laundry (if you can get it). I think I’m not properly wrapping my mind around the amount of laundry we’ll be doing, but have a better sense of it now. Thanks!
OP says
Oh jeez, this was OP for the “Would you rather” post about about washer/dryer vs. storage above. Posting fail!
anon says
I dunno, we probably did two loads of baby laundry a week when the baby was little and now at a bit less than a year we do one. Maybe we did three loads a week for the first two weeks of his life. So yeah, more laundry than without the baby, but not that much more.
Katala says
This. Not the most eco friendly but I toss onesies (and sometimes pants honestly) when blowouts are too big for me to contemplate trying to get the stain out. So I had a ton (probably 12) cheap onesies from old navy/gap and just washed twice a week. Now that I’m back at work and baby stopped growing so fast and it’s winter and he can’t go pantsless, I realized I need to get him more clothes to last the week. But one baby load a week is the goal and I think realistic.
But still vote for in unit!
Famouscait says
I do one load of baby laundry each Saturday. I find it easier to wash all baby things together (less sorting) and this has worked for us since he as born (13m ago).
TK says
Another voice to the same chorus … and will add that it you end up with a C-section (no one’s first choice, but happens pretty frequently) you won’t / can’t be hauling laundry baskets plus baby up and down the hall and stairs / elevator as frequently as you’ll need to.
Even after the newborn poop a thon I still did a ton of laundry (at least 3-4x / week) for the first 6 months because my kid drooled and spit up on everything. Went through at least 10 bibs and 3 shirt / outfit changes a day, and that was with his reflux meds.
NewMomAnon says
Dear junior associate who just asked me for work: Thank you for asking, I am buried and need your helping hands badly. Do not be ashamed that you need to ask for work; that is the law firm life. Do not be ashamed that this will be your first time handling this type of matter; you are so junior that I expect you haven’t done anything yet. I am sorry for the sheer amount of work I am about to drop on your unsuspecting head, but you will learn so, so much more than you would have if you hadn’t asked.
Signed,
Grateful Senior Associate
Anonymous says
Dear Grateful Senior Associate,
Please actually tell me this. It would be a big help and encourage me to ask for work in the future instead of constantly feeling like I’m screwing up.
Signed,
Overwhelmed by Everything Junior Associate
Anonymous says
Forgot to hit the “Reply” button. Seriously, constantly feeling like I’m screwing up.
NewMomAnon says
Hugs. It’s a steep learning curve. Always ask for work, and never feel guilty for asking questions or seeking out feedback.
Also – if I give you work, it’s because this is what’s going on in my head, even if I don’t say it. And if I give you a second project, it’s because I liked your work on the first project, even if I didn’t say it.
Katala says
+1
TBK says
So one of my twins is now biting. Any recommendations? They’re 20 months old and it happens almost exclusively as a way to get what he wants/doesn’t want. For example, yesterday, he wanted a book his brother had and so he (according to the au pair) grabbed his brother by the shoulders and bit his ear! (I’m still having trouble visualizing this.) Later, they were fighting over a book again and when I reached in to try to pull the book away, he bent down and bit my hand. He’s also bitten me when I had him in my lap and was trying to put on his shoes but he wanted to run off and play. No bites have been very bad and I think he’s really only just discovered and is testing out the concept of using his teeth. He doesn’t really talk yet so I can’t ask him to use his words. So far we’ve just been saying things like “No! No biting. Teeth are for food, not for biting our family.” He sometimes just kind of shrugs it off and sometimes he starts crying (although it’s usually hard to tell if he’s crying because he was told “no” or because he wasn’t able to get the book/toy/whatever from his brother). Any suggestions? Online resources tend to say things like keep kids out of situations where they tend to bite, but seriously? Twins fight ALL THE TIME. All the time. Like, all the time. Like every other minute they’re awake, they’re fighting for some toy or book or sippy cup or whatever (even if they have the exact same one themselves — you can hand them each an identical thing and they’ll still each want to have BOTH the things).
mascot says
He’s 20 months old and doesn’t have the words to express what he wants. Just keep reinforcing that we don’t bite and know that he will grow out of this. My son was the bite recipient a couple of times in daycare and the teachers gave did some magic dance of anticipating when meltdowns and bites could happen, keeping kids apart and giving more attention to the child who got bit than the biter. I think naming the emotions and the suggested response helps them too. Oh, you are sad that your brother has a book you want, let’s share/find something else/ ask nicely/look SQUIRREL. He may not say the words yet, but it helps him identify his emotions.
hoola hoopa says
+1
kc esq says
Only one of my twins was a biter — and his twin brother was the recipient. We did time-outs whenever we caught him biting, read him “Teeth Are Not For Biting,” but he would still do it periodically for months. Honestly and sadly, what seemed to kill it was when his brother FINALLY bit him back once and he was horrified at how much it hurt. So maybe focus as much as you can on the “Ouch! Biting hurts!” aspect?
Anon in NYC says
My mom loves to tell this story of a little girl who was a hair puller. This girl pulled my hair constantly, and I would always cry. Apparently her mom always used to laugh it off, until one day when the girl did it to her. She told her daughter not to pull her hair again, and the girl did. So her mom turned around and yanked her hair really hard. According to my mom, this girl never pulled hair again.
Note – I’m not advocating this approach, but it seemed like a similar response!
MU JD says
Same here, one of my twins was a biter and the other his victim. Honestly, I think time fixed the situation more than anything else, but one day Twin A hauled off and whacked Twin B with a board book after Twin B bit him, and that was the last time I recall Twin B biting his brother. Once they can use their words, it will get better (the biting, not the fighting. My boys are almost 16 and still fight).
JJ says
I commented probably 9 months ago with the same issue and the wonderful people here told me to continue with the “no biting” and “Teeth Are Not For Biting” book. He quickly grew out of it (although not without chomping on a couple kids in his daycare class, for which I was mortified). Just stay consistent and he’ll grow out of it!
But it’s the worst. The worst.
ByeBye Bottle says
Did you stop using bottles at 12 mo (roughly)? Or do they hang around until 18 or longer?
Currently baby is 10 mo old and almost exclusively bottle fed (nurses once a day). I’ll continue to nurse that one session past a year if he wants, but I do plan to switch from formula in a bottle to milk in a cup around his first birthday. Outside of a 1-2 month transition period, I’m wondering if I can expect to be 100% done with bottles or if we’ll have a couple of bottle feedings linger.
Famouscait says
My son (exclusively bottle fed) had used a sippy cup a few times during months 10 – 12. Finally, we just took all the bottles away one weekend and started using sippy cups; also transitioned to cow’s milk (from formula) with the sippy cups. Apparently milk is sweeter than formula, so it helped with the transition. He was a little peeved for a feeding or two, but then got over it (when he was thirsty enough, I guess!). I saved one bottle out in case we needed it; your post just reminded me of it since I haven’t used it since.
Meg Murry says
I think we held on to one bottle feeding (either first one in the morning or last at night, not sure which) until around 15 months. My husband does the morning routine on his own, and it wasn’t worth the fight for him for a few months compared to letting the kid drink a bottle on his own. He was fully switched over to a sippy at daycare not long after 12 months though.