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When my husband and I first moved in together, I noticed that there was loose change EVERYWHERE. He would come home from being out, and empty his pockets on any and every flat surface in our apartment. Or (and I only found this out by witnessing it myself), he would take his pants off, fold them in half, and the change remaining in his pockets would fall out onto the floor. When we were childless, this was only a mild annoyance, but when I became pregnant I knew he had to nip it in the bud before the baby came. We bought a piggy bank (coincidentally, also an elephant), and I’ve been filling it up with loose change ever since. We’ve cashed it in twice so far, and with Coinstar, you can get gift cards instead of cash to avoid the fee. This cute Kate Spade elephant bank is $49.99 at Bed Bath & Beyond and is functional décor for your home. Woodland Park™ Elephant Bank
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Betty says
Has anyone helped their kid to use earplugs at night? My oldest (8) has ASD and is a light sleeper, and anytime there is the slightest noise at night, he fully wakes up and is in a panic. The watch alarm downstairs? That happened at midnight. (Will reset tonight.) DH’s blood sugar alarm (T1D)? That happened at 12:30. A random truck driving down the street at 1:00. There was something else at 2 that I was too tired/cranky to really understand. We have a white noise machine in his room. I am a very light sleeper and use earplugs at night to drown out those noises. Any other thoughts or suggestions?
Anonymous says
Have you tried slowly introducing white noise to drown out the other sounds?
Anon says
I would maybe look into other things to help him sleep soundly. Can he sleep with a gravity blanket or other type of weighted blanket? Can the room be made colder? Can you do more to sound proof his window and door to block out the noise? Would a fan in his room help in addition to the white noise?
Betty says
Any recommendations for a weighted blanket? Preferably available via Amazon?
Anonymous says
I just ordered this one 3 weeks ago and the difference in my sleep is astounding. In law school, I started sleeping poorly and basically haven’t had a good, deep night’s sleep since then. Constantly tossing and turning, awake for hours in the middle of the night, fussing with the sheets…no more.
They say to go with 10% or a bit more of your body weight. I’m 170 and got the 16 lb. Probably could have gotten the 20 lb.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07D2JCV2Q
Anonymous says
My in-laws’ church makes them as a service project. They’re Lutheran. You could investigate in your area…I’m not sure how much it is a nation-wide thing. And I don’t know if they have Prime-speed turnaround for requests. But just a thought.
anon says
could you try also putting a white noise machine right outside his room?
AwayEmily says
I like the idea of doubling up on the white noise. And I don’t know what kind you have currently but we have several and the LectroFan is definitely the loudest and the best at masking sudden loud noises (the Dohm makes a lovely sound but can’t drown out as much).
Carine says
Have you recommended the LectroFan on here before? I had it on my wish list based on a commenter’s recommendation and finally ordered it yesterday after the nanny said one of the kids took a super long nap while she played white noise on her phone! We’ve also had some sleep issues with our older child trying to adjust to his big boy bed so I may try one for him too. Basically I’m ready for it to change my life and solve all our problems :)
AwayEmily says
Yes! I am a total LectroFan pusher. I hope it works for you too! It has been seriously amazing for us (though fair disclosure, we used white noise with both of mine from birth so they are super conditioned to it by now).
Anon says
Another rec for additional white noise – we like the cheap Munchkin one that has a projector (which we don’t use) on the ocean sound. The alternation from loud to soft white noise seems to really mask any sudden noises for my kids.
We had a similar problem, but in our case it was sudden noises that would wake up the DOG, who would bark in surprise/ warning, which would then wake up the kids. Adding the Munchkin machine helped for both kids and dog.
We also had success giving the kids a special magic tool (a dollar store HP wand knock off) for their headboards. If they woke up and were scared, they could say a special spell (Ala-ca-zam AWAY!), wave the wand, and then listen. If it was quiet again, the spell worked and they were safe. If the noise was still happening, then they could call us and we’d keep them safe.
May not work at 8yo, but try giving him an action he can do when he’s scared. It might help for him to feel a little more control in the situation, and help him calm enough to go back to sleep.
Meg says
You might look into a dream pad pillow. It’s a pillow that plays music via vibrations and can help keep you asleep. I love mine.
Anonymous says
IME the Homedics is the loudest sound machine… and it’s cheap :).
Anonymous says
We just had our 3rd baby, and we are done. I am 100% never intentionally being pregnant again. last night, DH proactively brought up that it’s time for him to get fixed, that way I can stop with birth control. I was super surprised, only because this is the man that can’t be bothered to deal with scheduling a dentist appt. so…
I somehow have weird feelings about him being permantlynhnable to have kids. Talk sense into me.
I want 0 more children. If DH died and I remarried, I’d want no more children. But my crazy brain feels like if I died and DH remarried, would it be an issue because his new wife might want kids? We are young (34) so in my insane hypothetical he could remarry in his mid 40s with teenagers and her wife might be late 30s and want kids.
This is crazypants, right? As far as I can tell, this is just my warped brain trying to make sure everyone is happy if I die. I didn’t even mention this to dH, who no doubt would ask why I am planning to die and should we up my life insurance.
Anonymous says
It’s hard because it’s a permanent decision that marks the end of the baby making stage of your life.
In the unlikely scenario that you die + DH remarries + DH wants more kids, then there are lots of options – some reversals are successful and it’s pretty easy to access donated sperm. He could also easily remarry someone who had her own kids, did not want more kids, or had her tubes tied.
You can’t make decisions about your married life right now based on what an imaginary future second wife might want.
Anonymous says
You’re crazy. It’s his body and his decision. Support the husband you know not the non existent fantasy wife he might have if you die!
Eh says
(You’re NOT crazy, and that’s a mean thing to say, but yes, you do need to support the husband you know and not the highly unlikely hypothetical never-future.)
Anonymous says
You’re totally right. He brought it up, not me, so I in no way feel like I’m pressuring him. And I want no more kids and presumably if he’s ready to be snipped he doesn’t either. If we wanted to hold out for a theoretical next (younger) wife, he wouldn’t have researched it unprompted :-).
This really is the answer. Not my problem.
Thank you!!
Another Anon says
I have no answer for you, but I feel the same way. We’re firmly in the no more kids camp, and neither of us in young in baby-making terms (over 40 and over 50), but a permanent solution feels so…permanent.
aelle in aerospace says
I don’t think it’s completely crazy, speaking as someone who didn’t have a 100% identical view on number of children as her spouse and found a compromise. I think it makes sense to consider whether you are done having children as a couple, and also whether each of you as individuals are done having children. And even if he were to consider more children in a hypothetical second marriage, it may still make sense for him to get snipped – low likelihood vs. high benefit, a willingness to do his part in your marriage’s reproductive health regardless of future wants, etc.
Anonymous says
It’s ok to feel conflicted about this. Even though we rationally knew that neither of us wanted any more kids with anyone, we took some time to think on that decision because it felt like a big ask for either person. Ultimately, my husband did opt for the procedure and we both are at peace with that.
HSAL says
I’m basically you. I had my tubes tied during my csection this summer because we were done after our surprise twins. Despite my tubal, my husband is getting snipped next month – did I mention that we are not risking this again? :) I actually told him those were my weird feelings about it (his future wife), and he pointed out that I was being crazy. Which isn’t wrong, but solidarity.
Sarabeth says
I get the emotions; my husband had a v about a year ago, and I had an unexpected emotional response to the permanence of it all. We don’t want more kids, and couldn’t afford them even if we did. It was by far the most logical solution for birth control for us, because I’ve had bad mental health experiences with hormonal BC and the copper IUD resulted in 5 months of nonstop bleeding. But it still felt like a very weighty step. It firmly closed the door, not just on the possibility of future children, but on a whole era of my life – I’m no longer in the baby phase, and never will be again. As someone who compulsively keeps my options open, that definitely sparked some big feelings.
That said – he went ahead with it, and I’m very glad he did. The only other realistic option for us was to use a barrier method, and I was constantly vaguely worried that I would fall pregnant.
I agree that you shouldn’t be making decisions based on the very small possibility that it would be a problem for your husband’s theoretical second marriage – especially given all the ways to mitigate that problem, in the very unlikely event he faces it. But I think it’s worth recognizing the emotional weight of the decision, even when you know it’s the right one.
CPA Lady says
Eh. We’re one and done and my husband got snipped. It is a big decision, and I think it’s normal to feel hesitant and a bit sad before making big decisions, even when you know they are the right one.
That said, I got over my hesitant feeling about my husband’s snip pretty quickly. It’s amazing not to be on HBC.
It only bothers me when other moms act like I’m not a real mom because I only have one kid. Then I get that small scared temporary twinge of “did we make the wrong decision?”
Anonymous says
Aww the last paragraph made me so sad! I’m a mom of an only. Of course we’re real parents!! Who would say otherwise? Especially because it might not be a choice.
anon says
Yeah, it’s crazypants, but also pretty normal to wonder about the “what ifs.” There’s just a finality with knowing you’re DONE that does weird things to the brain. We are 100% done, DH has had the vasectomy, and I still sometimes wish that we’d have an unplanned pregnancy. I mean, what in the world?!
Anonymous says
I talked about this with my OB when I was asking for a referral for this purpose, and she mentioned that (1) it’s reversible (although that’s expensive), (2) if he wants, he can freeze some sp*rm in case of a change in plans, and (3) it’s actually possible for the sp*rm to be extracted even after he’s had the procedure. He is still producing it; it’s just not going anywhere. At least that’s my understanding. This was a surprise to me. Obviously consult a doctor to confirm :)
PregLawyer says
We’re two and done, and my husband suggested getting a vasectomy. I’m scared because of the most horrible of scenarios. If something happened to one of my kids (god forbid), I would want the option to have another kid. It’s so hard to even think about that I can barely type it, but I wouldn’t want to eliminate that option later on.
Yes, vasectomies are reversible, but my OB told me that fertility decreases significantly after a reversed vasectomy. Anyway, just some other food for thought.
NYCer says
I definitely do not think you’re crazy. It is ultimately up to your husband of course, but my husband doesn’t want to get a vasectomy and I agree with him for this reason (among others). Life is long….you just never know.
To each their own on this topic though. I know it can by touchy!!
Anonymous says
He wants one!
NYCer says
Yes, I read that. I am just saying I don’t think OP is crazy for wondering if he should actually get one!
Anonymous says
Please tell me your stories about kids that start walking late. My daughter is 16 months and not walking. I’m not worried yet: she loves walking around the house holding our hands, but she just prefers to crawl. I’d just like reassurance that this is fairly common. Thanks!
Pigpen's Mama says
My daughter started walking somewhere around 16 months — she did the cruising/hand-holding thing for a while and then boom, just started walking. I know a lot of other kids who started between 16-18 months as well.
IANAP (I am not a pediatrician, or even a doctor), but I think since she can walk holding your hands etc is a good sign that she’s well within the bounds of normal (I think 18 months is the ‘discuss with your doctor’ mark).
Also, even after she started walking, she still frequently crawled because it was faster.
Anonymous says
Not my baby, but I didn’t walk until 20 months. The doctors told my parents there was probably something seriously wrong with my legs (I was very verbal so they ruled out any cognitive issues). One day I just walked perfectly and within a few days I wa running. My parents think I didn’t want to fall so I just didn’t do it until I could do it perfectly.
lsw says
Exact same with me, including being super verbal. My mom was getting very concerned but one day I just started to go.
AnotherAnon says
My 18 m/0 son took his first steps around 13 months and then showed zero interest in walking until 16 months. It was really hard to watch all his friends start walking at 10 and 12 months, mostly because of all the incredulous “He’s STILL not walking?!” comments. He was pretty cautious and reverted to crawling for a bit, but he’s walking/running now. Have you asked your pedi? I kept asking and ours was very laid back so that helped.
Anonymous says
My daughter is also 16 months and not close to walking. My ped said they’ll do some additional testing at 18 months but even that is just “better safe than sorry.”
Anonymous says
My daughter didn’t walk until 17 months. She didn’t crawl until 13 months. She was just generally uninterested in moving on her own and preferred to have us carry her everywhere. Then one day, my husband and I were in another room, and our daughter just walked right in to join us.
I actually think having a later walker was awesome. She was so much more stable when she started walking, so we avoided a lot of bumps and bruises that the earlier wobbly walkers tend to get. My pediatrician was also unconcerned because she was otherwise on track developmentally. If she had reached 18 months, we would have discussed whether an evaluation was warranted.
Anonymous says
Will also add that the only thing that was super annoying was comments from other people like, oh my gosh she’s not walking? Wow if that was my kid I would be so concerned. Good for you for not freaking out … blah blah blah. That was extremely unhelpful and irritating.
SC says
My son took his first steps around 14 months, but had no interest in walking to get somewhere. He was a very fast crawler, and I think he figured it was more efficient. He went to daycare at 16 months and was still crawling. I remember (fondly) all the dirt on his knees, and then on long pants, so he was probably at least 18 months before he was walking full-time.
He’s mostly fine now. But we did get him some OT for sensory issues, and they’ve also been working on gross motor planning and now some fine motor skills. So far, it has helped a lot! I’m not saying your daughter will need it, but there are good resources out there if she ends up needing some guidance!
farrleybear says
My kiddo would only walk holding our hands until about 18 months, but got comfortable on his own around 20 months. He was also a bit slow to crawl too (10 months). Doing fine now at at 3.5 years :)
EB0220 says
FWIW, my oldest walked on the late side (15-16 months?) and is now a 6 year old gazelle.
Babyzen YOYO stroller says
Feelings on the Babyzen YOYO stroller? I am thinking about getting it and the infant Cybex car seat to attach with the adapters.
I live in NYC, 2nd floor apartment (so one set of stairs to walk up), internationally travel a ton, don’t have a car. I want a infant car seat that doesn’t require a base so its easy to put into taxis when I need to. I love that the Babyzen YOYO folds down so compact.
Any other models I should consider or downsides of the YOYO?
Sarabeth says
No experience with the YOYO, but almost every infant car seat can be installed without a base. Most bucket seats come with a base, but I think they all have the option for a seatbelt installation – there may be an exception out there, but I haven’t come across it. So that shouldn’t be a restriction for you.
In choosing a bucket seat, though, I’d look for one with the highest height/weight restrictions (and would prioritize height, since most kids hit that first). Eventually you’ll have to switch to a convertible seat, but most bucket seats are easier to lug around. Given your lifestyle, it sounds like you want to keep the kid in a bucket seat as long as possible. I think there are a few with a 35″ limit, not sure if any of those are compatible with the YOYO.
Anonymous says
I know nothing about this stroller but live in NYC. If this would be your primary stroller, focus on how you plan on using the stroller on a daily basis and whether it is the best fit for that rather than travel – you may want to use a cheap stroller for travel or a carrier anyway. Will you be taking baby to daycare in the stroller or will a nanny be taking the baby out in it? Can said nanny handle carrying baby+strolller+diaper bag on the stairs? If you are taking the stroller to daycare, will your stroller fit in their stroller storage area? Does your building have 1st floor stroller storage (somehwat common in walkups)? If you will be using the subway, is there an elevator at both ends? If you are taking the bus, can you fold up the stroller one handed while holding the baby and bags (strollers must be folded on the bus in NYC)? FWIW, we had a Britax B-Agile as our primary stroller, a Chicco Keyfit car seat + Graco snap and go (both free handmedowns; the car seat didn’t really lock in place on it but it worked fine due to gravity) that we used some in the first 6 months, and then later we got a beat up used Maclaren volo for travel.
Agree that most infant seats can be used without a base.
Anonymous says
The cybex is good because it has the european belt routing which makes it much easier to install in taxis. We got the nuna pipa for the same reason. Re: the yoyo I’ve never used it myself but it’s basically the only stroller I see around my neighb these days which I would take as a strong vote of confidence. I love my uppababy vista for city living but I don’t have stairs – if I did I’d totally get a yoyo.
AwayEmily says
Fun story: sometimes I bring milk for my coffee to work in one of the little bottles I use for pumping (can you guess where this is going…). This morning when I got to work I looked in my fridge and realized that there was still a container of breastmilk in there. Which means…one of the three 5oz bottles my 8mo baby brought to daycare had 3oz of cows milk in it. I called the pediatrician, the nurse was like “oh no, you’ll have to throw all three bottles out and have the daycare give him formula today.” I don’t mind at all about the formula but the thought of wasting all that milk was ugghhhh. But a happy ending! She checked with the doctor, who said “absolutely no problem at all. Don’t worry about it, he’ll be fine.” So now the only bad part is that I don’t have any milk for my coffee (the office only has horrible powdered creamer). Moral of the story: I am an idiot for thinking this was a good way to transport my coffee milk and I’m surprised this didn’t happen sooner.
Anonymous says
Girl you got your own milk for your coffee!
aelle in aerospace says
Fresh from the tap!
Anonymous says
I really thought this story was going to end with breast milk in your coffee :)
AwayEmily says
That would have been a MUCH better story.
Pigpen's Mama says
Or breast milk in a co-worker’s coffee!
Carine says
Oh man. Honestly I am just impressed that you made it any length of time without mixing them up! How funny. This season of life is really something.
lsw says
On coin banks: There’s a local couple I know who make wood crafts and they make amazing banks out of old post office doors. They each have a unique combination (mine is two dials, my husband’s is a compass that has to be set to S/SW) and they look really sharp. I’ve gotten them as gifts for many family members because they are a neat thing to have at the office. We love filling them up and then we and my 12yo guess how much money it is, then take it to coinstar and whoever gets closest picks the restaurant we spend it at.
AnotherAnon says
1) I want one of these banks and 2) I want to join your family b/c y’all sound like a lot of fun.
Anon says
This is the coolest thing I’ve ever heard of. They’re being sold on Etsy, but I’m going to see if I can find someone local to make one too. What a cool item!
lsw says
Aw thanks! I think they might sell on etsy – at least, they used to. Their website is: https://woodnyoulikeit.com/
They also make cute puzzle stools that I’ve bought for my nieces and nephews (and now my son as well).
EP-er says
Thank you! This is a perfect gift for my son!
Mrs. Jones says
I like all of this.
Anonymous says
This is AMAZING and the perfect xmas gift for my impossible-to-shop-for husband!! Thank you!!
lsw says
I’m so psyched you guys like them! Laura and Paul are the world’s nicest people (I met them volunteering at the food bank) and their work is awesome.
CPA Lady says
Sad question — we are having our cat put to sleep tomorrow. He has been sick for a few months, but has taken a turn for the worse, so it’s not going to be a sudden shock to kiddo. Earlier this week before we scheduled the appointment, I told her that the cat is old and sick and that he is probably going to die soon, and go to heaven, where god will take care of him and he won’t be sick anymore. (Yes we were both bawling). I told her this morning that he is going to go to heaven tomorrow. I’ll have her say goodbye to him tomorrow before she goes to school.
The vet is coming to our house to do it tomorrow afternoon while kiddo is at ballet class. Should I let her see him after he has passed? We’re going to bury him in the back yard. How do you handle pet loss? Kiddo just turned 4.
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t, but my kid is younger so what do I know. Seeing a deceased pet is HARD, even for adults. Not that we should shelter our kids from all things, or death, but that seems like it could be scary or worse than it needs to be. I think everything you’ve done so far, and letting her say goodbye sounds good. But I wouldn’t let her see the deceased cat.
Carine says
I agree with this. Seeing the cat seems like a lot for that age.
lsw says
I’m sorry. This is hard. My SD was older (and my son an infant) when we had to put my dog down so I know your situation is different. You could consider allowing your daughter to feed Cat his favorite food before her class and hug or kiss him goodbye. I wouldn’t recommend having her see him, but I think watching you bury him and maybe saying something you each loved about him would help. We buried my dog’s ashes in a box and we each said a little something about her and that was really nice.
Anonymous says
We just put our dog down a few weeks ago. We were with him the whole time, but I wanted to leave the room (vets office) as soon as he passed. Seeing my dead dog lying there was just too weird and upsetting to me. I don’t think a child could handle it.
Also, not that you asked, but this has been really hard on my 3.5 year old. Just to be prepared for that. At first she didn’t really react, but after a few weeks she was really sad and she is now very concerned about the health and safely of our other pets.
So sorry you have to say goodbye to your kitty friend. This is so hard.
Anonymous says
Clarifying: my husband and I were there together with our dog in the vets office. Kids were with grandma and grandpa.
Anonymous says
I’m so sorry. The only thing that gives me pause with what you’re telling kiddo is that you KNOW when your cat is going to die. Death is frequently unpredictable. I don’t think you let her see the kitty afterwards.
avocado says
I don’t think there is anything wrong with telling kiddo that kitty will die at a certain time just because death is not usually that predictable. It’s going to happen, and she will do better if she is prepared ahead of time. I agree with not letting her see kitty’s body.
AIMS, hugs to you and your family. I agree with Anonymous at 10:58 that you need to be prepared for repeated discussions of kitty’s passing at various points over the next several months. My daughter was around 3 when her great-grandfather, whom she did not know well, passed away, and she brought it up periodically for at least a year afterwards.
avocado says
Oh my gosh, so sorry CPA Lady and AIMS. I got mixed up about who OP was.
Anonymous says
First, I’m so sorry for your loss. Pet deaths are hard. My kids were too young to understand when we had to euthanize our cat, but a friend’s old cat died peacefully one day in their home, and their nanny pointed it out to their 4 year old. From their story, I don’t think the child was traumatized, but he did make a lot of comments that my friend found really upsetting after the fact.
Your plan of having her say goodbye in the morning sounds like a good one. I wouldn’t let her see the body, but it might be nice to have her paint a rock or plant a little memorial garden, regardless of whether you involve her in the burial.
DLC says
I’m so sorry! I hink seeing the body depends on the kid and your cultural beliefs? Our cat was hit by a car when my daughter was five and we asked her if she wanted to see the body before we buried it, and she did. To be fair, she has seen quite a few dead bodies (2 grandparents and one great grandparent) and we explain to her that the bodies are just the outside of someone and not the real person/ pet. In my family, paying respects to the dead body is an important thing culturally. You get to weep and wail and demonstrate grief while acknowledging the life that was. I don’t know that all this registers with my daughter, and I don’t know if she processes our cat’s death differently than her grandparents’, but I kind of didn’t want her to be shielded from rituals of death, regardless.
Delta Dawn says
Any suggestions on where to order holiday cards? My main requirement is recipient addressing. I have used Minted for several years and am looking to switch. I see recipient addressing at Paper Source, and a few others. Have you used any that you would recommend? Thank you!
Anonymous says
Why are you switching from Minted? that’s what we use and it worked fine so far. (Not criticizing your choice, just curious)
Delta Dawn says
I’m sure this is user error on my part, but I always have a problem with the recipient addressing. I painstakingly put all my addresses into their spreadsheet, and then I get an error message telling me I have to use Their Spreadsheet. But I did use their spreadsheet! Then I enter into a customer service vortex where they do me the favor of uploading it for me… “Well, you couldn’t upload it because you didn’t use our spreadsheet…” This has happened like three years in a row, even when I upload the exact spreadsheet they sent me the previous year… I just figured I’d try something else. Also I feel like Minted is really expensive, but I haven’t price checked elsewhere, so that may not be a valid criticism.
Anon says
I use Paper Source and really like it.
Anon says
Is Paper Source one where you should wait for a higher discount? I see that right now they are 25% off. Is that a pretty consistent discount for them, or should I order while the 25% is available, or is that rare, etc?
AnotherAnon says
I use Simply To Impress, mostly because they are less expensive than Minted. I also haven’t used their address loader – I hand-address all my cards.
Legally Brunette says
I highly recommend Paper Culture, they do this and their customer service is excellent. They also have a designer who will make changes to the card if you wish, which I’m not sure other companies will do. Also they plant a tree for every order, which makes me feel better about sending paper cards!
Emily S. says
I like Shutterfly/Tiny Prints. So easy to use if you’re already use Shutterfly, and they always have coupons or promotions that make it cheaper than Minted (at least, in the past, when I’ve checked.) Both the paper and photo quality is good. I’ve been using them for Christmas cards for 3 years, and personalized stationary and greeting cards for 10 years.
anon says
I like Mpix. They were recommended by our family photographer.
Anon says
I used Simply To Impress for our birth announcements earlier this year and I was pleased with the price and the quality. My only qualm was that you couldn’t remove their small logo from the back of the card, but other than that, they were great.
Anonymous says
I just asked them to remove the logo and they did it! I would ask customer service or put it in the notes when putting in your order.
Anon says
Good to know! I’m going to blame sleep deprivation for the fact that asking didn’t even occur to me.
sleeptraining says
Tell me about your experiences with sleep training. Debating when/if to sleep train LO and how to best do it.
1. How old was LO when you did sleep training?
2. Did you night train first or nap train first?
3. Was your LO weaned at night when you slept trained?
If yes, how did you wean before sleep training?
If not, did you wean as part of sleep training?
4. Was sleep training successful? How long did it take to work?
Anonymous says
Is the issue getting baby to fall asleep or getting baby to stay asleep?
Anon because even on this lovely site people can be crazypants about sleep training says
1. How old was LO when you did sleep training? Baby 1 was 8 weeks, baby 2 was 9 weeks. Our “signal” to move forward was (1) getting an okay from our pediatrician and (2) when they were only waking up once a night to eat. We did full CIO both times (down at 7, shut the door and didn’t go back in until 6).
2. Did you night train first or nap train first? Night train. We didn’t really have to nap train with the first, with the second we did (it took a couple of days).
3. Was your LO weaned at night when you slept trained? No, but only eating once a night.
4. Was sleep training successful? How long did it take to work? YES!!! Both times, so successful. It took 2 nights for both kids and both have been wonderful sleepers ever since.
Anonymous says
I’m confused. Was the “eating once a night” at 6AM?
anon who's worried about crazypants people says
No, both times they were waking up at around 3am to eat. So we dropped that feeding cold turkey.
AnotherAnon says
1. We started doing bedtime routine and being really strict about bedtime, and then CIO around 4 months. I don’t know if you’d call that sleep training.
2. Night trained. Naps were less scheduled.
3. Not weaned – he was exclusively formula fed and so young that I didn’t even think of weaning as an optional part of sleep training. I/DH still got up to feed him in the night.
4. Yes? I will caveat that he’s always been a good sleeper. Our sleep training involved: doing bedtime routine at the same time every day, then putting him in his crib (first in our room, later in his own room) and letting him CIO for 10 minutes. If he cried longer than 10 minutes, we’d go get him, and try: burping, diaper, feed. If none of those worked, we rocked him for about 10 minutes and then tried putting him back to bed in his crib. This worked for us but it’s also an N=1. +1 to the regressions…they seem never ending. Every baby is different. Good luck!
Anonymous says
I was iffy on sleep training my first, and he’s still a horrible sleeper (he’s almost 3). I decided to do it with my second (husband didn’t want to, but I. am. tired.) and it’s been life changing.
1. How old was LO when you did sleep training? 36 weeks.
2. Did you night train first or nap train first? We started with night training, under the theory that she would be more tired.
3. Was your LO weaned at night when you slept trained? No, and still isn’t, 5 months later. I don’t mind nursing at night, but need a big block of sleep, so I don’t feed her before 3 am.
If yes, how did you wean before sleep training?
If not, did you wean as part of sleep training?
4. Was sleep training successful? How long did it take to work? We saw a huge improvement after a week– she could put herself to sleep and stopped nursing until 4 or 5 am or so. She’s regressed a bit recently and is up a couple times a night to nurse, and I think we will have to re-Ferber her, but I’m going to wait until she hits the one-year mark, when I’ve decided to night wean. She can still put herself to sleep fine (I nurse her, then put her in her crib awake but drowsy, she’s just in the habit of midnight snacks!). IIRC, for that week, she still cried the entire first Ferber interval (8-12 minutes or so), but would immediately put herself to sleep after we soothed her.
Anonymous says
Kid 1: good sleeper, we did CIO at 8 months so that she would stop needing to be nurses to sleep. Was over in 3 nights.
Kid 2: awful sleeper. Did CIO Proper around 5-6 months when she was waking up 3x at night. Successful after about a week of hardcore screaming. Re did at 10 months to stop night waking. Re did at 18 months. She’s 2 now and sometimes she has to CIO at bedtime. She’s in a bed not a crib and she just…yells herself to sleep sometimes. I’m glad we don’t have neighbors bc they would think we are terrible people.
Kid 3: never needed CIO
anon. says
1. 10 weeks.
2. Night
3. No
4. We read the Tribeca Pediatrics info on sleep training, tried it at 10 weeks, and had little success until about 13 weeks. At that point, my baby slept through the night, for about 12 hours (I KNOW), until regression around 13 months. Not kidding. I’m a HUGE fan of CIO.
CPA Lady says
1. 4.5 months, but she had already slept through the night a number of times and had started the 4 month sleep regression.
2. Night. Never really nap trained. I let her sleep in my arms for nap time during the weekend from the time she was a baby until 1-ish. I wanted to do that though.
3. Yes. Once she slept through the night a few times, I knew that she was capable of eating just during the day and just stopped feeding her at night cold turkey.
4. Yes. She’s been a fantastic sleeper her whole life with very occasional flukes where she’ll sleep like crap for a few weeks., we’ll stay firm with our limits, and then it’ll sort itself back out. It took about three nights to do CIO, doing the go in every 5 minutes to pat and shush the first night, every 10 minutes the second, and 15 minutes the third. The longest she cried was about 20 minutes. After that initial bit of CIO, she would sometimes fuss for a couple of minutes when I put her in her crib at night, but she never cried for a long time.
ER says
Sleep training means so many different things to me! We’ve “sleep trained” my daughter several times throughout her three years on this earth, in what I believe are age-appropriate ways. At six weeks, pick-up/put-down method to get her sleeping in the crib. At 13 months, Ferber method for falling asleep in her crib by herself, which coincided (not coincidentally) with the end of nursing to sleep. And again at 2+ years, to teach her to fall asleep by herself in her toddler bed. We sleep-trained my son to fall asleep by himself at….8 months? Honestly I was so tired I don’t remember :)
Anon says
1. How old was LO when you did sleep training? We started working towards independent sleep at about 10 weeks old (basically trying to reduce the amount of rocking and bouncing needed to put her to sleep) but we didn’t really start formal sleep training until 16 weeks.
2. Did you night train first or nap train first? We inadvertently did both around the same time (16 weeks). Once she figured out how to put herself to sleep at night, falling asleep at naptime got easier for her, so I started to let her figure it out on her own when she could.
3. Was your LO weaned at night when you slept trained? No. We didn’t night wean until 6.5 months. We still have one 1 night feed (around 4:30-5:30 AM) most mornings to help her sleep until 7ish and avoid a really early wake time.
If yes, how did you wean before sleep training?
If not, did you wean as part of sleep training? No, we weaned separately from bedtime sleep training.
4. Was sleep training successful? How long did it take to work? Yes, it was! Since we had slowly worked on reducing the amount of assistance we gave her to fall asleep, she took to sleep training at bedtime very easily and literally put herself to bed with no crying the very first night. Naptimes took a little longer, but within a week, she was nap trained as well. Our real issue was night wakings, though. I was still getting up with her 2-4 times per night, even though she could fall asleep on her own at bedtime. Once we got the okay from our ped to night wean, and I felt comfortable doing so, she cut out most night feeds within 2-3 nights. There are the occasional regressions due to developmental things/teething/etc., but as long as you’re consistent with your sleep training, you’re able to get back on track relatively quickly.
Paging Rainbow Hair says
I may or may not have applied my rage at the hearings today to the whole secret smoking thread from yesterday’s main page. Got stuck in mod but I cannot believe people’s reactions and wanted to make sure you know there are those of us who are Team Bodily Autonomy in a relationship!! (And Team Rainbow Hair.)
JTX says
I didn’t read yesterday’s post but went back and read that thread after seeing your comment. WHAT ON EARTH. I can’t believe people blew that out of proportion so much! Rainbow Hair, for what it’s worth, I don’t think your occasional cigarette on a business trip is a big deal, at all. I am seriously astonished that people reacted that way.
Anonymous says
ha, I’ll join you on Team Bodily Autonomy / RH. I went over to read that thread, and my #1 thought was: this is why I rarely read the main s1te comments anymore. Yeesh
I haaaaate the smell of cigarettes. My husband smoked socially when I started dating him, but he quit (or so I think!) because I told him I couldn’t be around it. If he is secretly smoking on business or guy trips a couple times/year, whatever. I only care insofar as I have to smell it, since he can’t possibly smoke enough to have a significant impact on his health without me knowing. My grandpa “secretly” smoked for decades. He’s 91 and might have quit for real by now, since he only smoked on the golf course and can’t golf much anymore. My grandparents celebrated their 65th anniversary this summer, so I guess a marriage can survive secret smoking after all. :)
Holiday Cards says
On the subject of holiday cards– how late is too late to send them? Mine would be for Christmas if that matters for timing.
For context, I’m due to have my first baby at the very end of November, we will have newborn photos done shortly thereafter, probably early December. I expect to get at least a couple photos I could use for cards very soon after the photo shoot–our photographer is prompt and I think she would be willing to get us a couple for this purpose within a couple days of the shoot. Even so, I could see that we wouldn’t be ready to hit “send” on the photo cards until mid-December. Is that too late? I have never sent holiday cards before.
Anonymous says
No, not too late. If you are worried that the cards won’t arrive until after the December holidays, you can choose a “Happy New Year” design.
Spirograph says
This is what I’ve done several times.
I know I’ve received Christmas cards after Christmas, too. I am thrilled to get them whenever, I don’t think less of anyone for being not-quite-on-time
Anonymous says
I consistently get cards that show up the week between Christmas and New Years. And people will give you a huge pass given your obvious timing if they’re a week or two late. Don’t worry about.
Anonymous says
it. Don’t worry about it.
anon says
Do one of those combo birth announcements/holiday cards. Either for Christmas or New Year’s. I think those are adorable!
And, people will cut you a huge amount of slack for a late card, so don’t even worry about that.
SC says
I’ve received a Happy New Years card in late January.
My SIL missed birth announcements in May, and then the holidays, so she sent a “1st 9 months” card with several pictures when she got around to it in the spring :)
You get a huge amount of slack.
Anon says
We are Jewish and always send out Happy New Year cards in January. I have good friends that opt to do Valentine’s cards because thats what works for them and its always so sweet to get a mid winter surprise in the mail. Do what works for you!
Anonymous says
Yeah, people love mail with pictures of cute babies whenever it comes!!
Anonymous says
1. How old was LO when you did sleep training? 5 months, after a month of full on 4mo sleep regression
2. Did you night train first or nap train first? Both at same time.
3. Was your LO weaned at night when you slept trained? No. I felt at 5mos he still needed to eat 2x a night. I would feed him those two times and at other times we didn’t go to him.
If yes, how did you wean before sleep training?
If not, did you wean as part of sleep training? No. After sleep training, he self weaned. It took one month to get down to 1x a night. After two months, he was totally weaned at night. I did nothing to encourage it.
4. Was sleep training successful? How long did it take to work? Yes. My LO was very stubborn and it took probably 2 weeks. Only the first few nights involved lots of crying. After that he might still wake up and cry but not for too long. But after two weeks he was on his own going to sleep and only waking up 2x to eat, very predictably.
Opportunity in another state says
Hi ladies, I’m hoping you can inspire me and ease my anxieties. After years of being passed up for even minor promotions (despite having worked hard and performing pretty well) I’d been feeling really cruddy about myself. Some people have suggested it’s a boys club around here – I think it’s more that I’ve probably been too self-deprecating and have just boxed myself into a corner, where my output is appreciated and I’m liked, but they’re just comfortable with me in my current role.
Now I’ve been given a wonderful opportunity by a former manager who’s really familiar with my work – but, it’s in another state. My husband has been supportive and is actually ready to move out of this area anyway – plus it’s closer to his family. But, I’m feeling terrible about uprooting my very small kids and leaving my extended family. I feel just generally guilty, almost more so BECAUSE it’s such a great career move – it’s a huge promotion and jump in title (after years of languishing in the same role) – and that’s making me feel like a jerk, like it’s trumping everything else, like my kids’ welfare, that I’m leaving my extended family. Scarier yet – my husband doesn’t have a job lined up, so it feels risky, although the raise for me would help with that a lot.
I think I will kick myself if I don’t take this. But I’m feeling guilty and freaked out. Any advice from you wise ladies/suggestions to think this through would be so appreciated – thank you.
anon for this says
tldr – Take it.
I’ve found that when I’m considering a job change, I *always* come up with things that can hold me back. They can be serious (big changes to homelife or daycare) or small (worried about leaving projects for someone else to finish because I’m a control freak). I’m not – at all – saying that the issues you’ve identified are not Big Issues. But consider that you might be feeling this way even if it was an “easier” move in some ways. I know you’re not me, but I wanted to throw that out there for consideration. Change is hard, no matter the increment, and you would probably have some doubts no matter what! That’s human nature.
And, from this outside perspective, it sounds like this could be a great opportunity with changes that can be handled. You are leaving your extended family – but you are moving closer to his. (Does your family have the ability to travel and see you?) Your kids are very small – but they’re also very small! In some ways, it mimght be easier to adjust now than when they are, say, in high school. Your husband doesn’t have a job lined up – is he pretty hireable? Is your bump enough? Can you ask for more/ask for relocation assistance?
My vote is take it! You’re worth it!
Sarabeth says
Much better to uproot very small kids than to wait until they are in middle school! I moved with a newborn and a three year-old, and it was NBD. I mean, the logistics sucked, but the newborn obviously didn’t notice and the three year-old rolled with it amazingly well. I think it would be much harder to move now that she is in elementary school and has deeper friendships.
Anonymous says
+1 – We did the same. Pretty easy for the baby and the toddler to adjust. Roles were reversed – husband had the job opportunity, we were moving closer to my family. I was not too psyched because I didn’t really want to leave my job, but I was confident I would find another. If your husband is similarly confident, I say go for it. If it looks like it will be really difficult for him to find another job, I would be more hesitant.
OP says
Man, you guys are awesome. Thank you for your super helpful and kind feedback! I’m already feeling better.
anon for this says
Keep us posted!
Anonymous says
We’re currently at a small daycare, which we love, but kid will age out of around 3. We’re currently debating three options:
A) Move kid at age 2 to Daycare 1 that has great programs for 3-5 year olds, but a less good program for 2 year olds (they’re combined with the toddlers a lot). We have a spot at Daycare 1 if we want it.
B) Keep kid at Current Daycare for another year and hope we can find a 3 year-old spot at Daycare 1 (harder than a 2 year-old spot in our area).
C) Hope we get off the waitlist at Daycare 2, which has awesome programs starting at age 2, and in the meantime stay at Current Daycare.
Any thoughts?
SC says
Are there any other important factors like convenience for your family, cost, or getting other siblings in?
All else being equal, I’d probably go with Daycare 1 since you don’t want to be stuck with no spot for age 3. Depending on what the toddlers do, I’m not sure being combined is such a bad thing–2 year olds are mostly still in parallel play and need a lot of unstructured play time. As long as there are age appropriate activities for the 2-year-olds, it’s probably fine.
If you really prefer Daycare 2, you could stay on the wait list and move when a spot becomes available if you’re unhappy at Daycare 1.