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This is a beautiful top. I love the color combination, the floral print, and the cut. I like that you can either wrap the tie around your waist for a more defined look, or tie it in a bow on the side for a more draped waistline. The wrap style is convenient for nursing, and even though it comes in XS–L (currently only XS–M are available online), it looks like it is generously cut if you’re between sizes. Unfortunately, I can’t recommend wearing the full matching outfit to work as it’s styled online (LOL), but I would wear this top with tailored, full-length, black pants and pointed toe heels. This top is machine washable on the gentle cycle, but do note that it is not dryer friendly. It is $39.90 at Zara. Floral Print Wrap Blouse A plus-size option is at Lord & Taylor. Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
AnotherAnon says
I really like this blouse! Good pick!
Anonymous says
I can’t decide if I like it because I’m having a hard time figuring out what is blouse and what is pants. I’m also not sure how I feel about the colors with black. I think this top would look best with jeans.
anon says
It looks like a jumpsuit to me. The model looks great, yet I’m not feeling it.
anon says
This does look like a jumpsuit. I love it and I think it would be perfect for a wedding. I, however, don’t think I could pull it off. But someone else should!
Anonymous says
This was my thought. Amazing wedding outfit and could reuse blouse for work.
avocado says
Ladies, I need a pep talk. After a long stretch of nonsense at work that resulted in my disengaging and just sort of cruising along for the past couple of years, things have turned around and it is now time for me to step up, lean in, and take my career to the next level. Unfortunately, the project that will require the most leaning in is one that I really don’t want to have any involvement with, much less direct. This project is strategically important to the organization, I am the person best positioned to direct it, and I am perfectly capable of executing it well, but the work is of a type that I find both uninteresting and terribly stressful. This project will also take a lot of my time and attention away from the type of work on which I’d like to focus, making it difficult to prioritize my long-term developmental goals. On top of that, I am looking at near-weekly travel for the remainder of this year. I am also at a point in my personal life where, for the first time ever, I truly wish I could become a SAHM and can see myself being happy and fulfilled doing that, at least for a few years. This is just a fantasy, as being a SAHM is 100% off the table for a variety of reasons, but it makes the big push that is beginning at work even less appealing. Somebody talk some sense into me, please.
shortperson says
can you plan a great vacation for when it’s done so you can have something to look forward to? planning parts of vacations in spare moments are my favorite way to deal with work stress.
anon says
Hmm, this is a tough one. You say that there were a few years of nonsense and disengagement, and now there’s a big project that you really, really don’t want to do. Is it time to job hunt? Because it sounds like the other option is (further) prolonged misery. I’m sorry — I’m in a similar situation and also feeling lost, so I probably shouldn’t be giving any advice! ;)
anne-on says
I guess my first question is – do you want to stay at this organization? If no…then I think this might be the time to start looking around. Nearly weekly travel PLUS a project that would become 80% of your workload being personally stressful and uninteresting would be the breaking point for me. I would probably be able to suck it up for one or the other, but both is a lot.
If looking to switch jobs isn’t something you’re willing to do (or if you simply need tips for the short term) I’d do a combo of the advice for working moms with travel/stress we’ve all offered on here – ID what you can throw money at to make your life easier when you travel (more help around the house, outsourcing cleaning, easy meals, friends/family to pitch in, etc. etc.), put your own mask on when you can (try to chose healthy meals on the road, fit in exercise/meditation/stretching in the hotel, make sure you have time with friends and family and aren’t just cranking our chores on the weekends) and then Pomodoro the heck out of your work load and mentally allocate money/time to a ‘treat’ when the project is done?
Good luck :)
anon says
What does life after the project look like? More similar projects for things you aren’t interested in? Or will it open doors to things you are interested in? Does it open the door for a lot of traveling you don’t want to do?
avocado says
Thanks for the replies–lots to think about. If I really dig deep and manage the heck out of this project, life after the project (~18 months from now) looks like the possibility of a promotion plus somewhat more latitude to choose the types of projects I go after, and a solid team built to support those projects. Leaving is not an attractive option at this time. The work I do is highly specialized and travel-intensive. To make a lateral move I’d have to relocate and likely take on even more travel, neither of which is something I am interested in right now. If I stick it out and invest and effort in one particular aspect of the work, it might be possible to move to a related (but less satisfying and interesting) field with more local opportunities and less travel in 2 years or so. What I would really like to do in the short term is to develop that aspect of my resume so I have more options and don’t feel quite so trapped.
Vacation planning is a great idea. We have two vacations already booked (holiday and next summer), and I am saving up all my air miles and hotel points with the aim of convincing my husband to use them for a dream vacation a year or two from now. Workouts and yoga are my main coping strategy, but I have been out of the gym due to illness for the past few weeks and I’m sure that’s affecting my general outlook on life.
avocado says
Also–all but one of the persons who were the sources of the previous nonsense at work have left, and the remaining perpetrator of nonsense is less of a factor now. So the current impact of the previous nonsense is mainly just feeling worn-out.
anon says
My three year old has been throwing major tantrums – the kind where she kind of loses control and occasionally even has an accident (that happens rarely, but it happens). I’d say generally it’s a few times a week but this week it’s been a couple times a day (although she is recovering from an ear infection and a vacation). My husband wants to talk to a professional about it and maybe even look at some sort of therapy for her. I’m pretty sure it’s normal, but maybe it’s not?! Have any of you dealt with this?
I think for him the scary part is that it’s such an out of body experience for her, if that makes sense.
Anonymous says
It’s normal! They’re called threenagers for a reason.
anon says
Keep an eye on it, but I wouldn’t jump to therapy yet. Three is a tough age — tougher for some kids than others. My son also had out-of-body tantrums that were intense and would last for up to an hour (no exaggeration). He still has a harder time regulating emotions than others his age, but he really did outgrow the terrible tantrums that he had at ages 2-4.
Is daughter a strong-willed kid in general? If so, EVERYTHING is going to be more intense with that type of kid. To the extent you can, stay with her when she’s melting down, but don’t try to calm her down or “fix” it. IME, that further enrages a child who has trouble regulating.
When she’s calm, that’s the time to process and work on stuff that will eventually help her learn to calm down — deep belly breaths, identifying the feeling, etc. But that stuff is a fool’s errand when she’s high on the adrenaline of a tantrum.
Legally Brunette says
Absolutely normal. I highly recommend reading How to Talk So Kids Will Listen by Adele Faber. And for those who have two or more kids, Siblings Without Rivalry. Both have been game changers in our family.
FTMinFL says
Yep. Also, How to Talk How Little Kids Will Listen has revolutionized the way we work through emotional issues with my three year old. Validating his feeling right at the outset – “You are SO MAD THAT YOU CAN’T HAVE A COOKIE! IT IS SO TERRIBLE WHEN YOU CAN’T HAVE WHAT YOU WANT RIGHT WHEN YOU WANT IT! I GET SO MAD WHEN I CAN’T HAVE WHAT I WANT!” – and then sitting with it usually results in him running to me to be held like he feels like I’m his partner in sorting things out. Good luck!
Spirograph says
Totally normal.
I actually took a video on my phone of my daughter having one of these tantrums, and showed it to her a day or two later when she was calm and happy. She was fascinated and asked to watch it multiple times, commenting about herself in the third person that she should have taken a deep breath, because it doesn’t help anything to kick and scream and yell like that.
95% sure you just have to let them outgrow this, but Little Monkey Calms Down and Daniel Tiger’s jingle, “if you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breath and count to 4” make me feel like I’m at least trying to do something.
Anonymous says
“if you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breath and count to 4”
I use this not just with my kids but with myself at work lots of days.
Anonymous says
In the middle of a tantrum of unknown origin this morning (other than having a head cold and not really feeling her best), I reminded my child to count to 4. It made her cry harder. The best thing to do in my house is sit beside her and be still and quiet until she recovers. Then change the subject and/or act like nothing happened and wait for the day she grows out of it.
Spirograph says
Oh yeah, I should have been more clear. I can’t use either of those during the actual tantrum. Child does not listen to any reason once she’s worked up, usually with an endless loop screaming the same thing over and over (“I! WANT! ICECREAM!” was my favorite). Book and song are for calmer times, hoping that they somehow sink in and give coping strategies to head off a meltdown or minimize the part of her brain that thinks tantrums are a good idea.
My crisis tantrum strategy is to move kiddo to her room, and ask her whether she wants a hug or to be alone. Sometimes she climbs in my lap, sometimes that’s met with a scream, and then I just say, “OK, it seems like you just need some alone time to cool down. I’ll be downstairs when you are ready.” and follow up with snuggles once the flailing has stopped.
JDMD says
Definitely normal. My almost 4-year-old follows this pattern, too. I try hard to stay calm, quiet, and close, though sometimes she runs away to another corner of the room or shut the door to her own room. If there’s a pause in the yelling, I tell her that I love her and that I can give her a hug if she needs it.
Sometimes it looks like she wants to find a way out of the tantrum without losing face, like she’s ready to stop crying/whining/shouting but doesn’t want to surrender. When she’s starting to get that look, I try to do something ridiculous to give her an easy exit ramp.
So for example, she was tantruming in her room, and there was a basket of unfolded laundry just outside her door. I slowly approached the laundry basket, picked up some clothes, and then tossed them into the air so that they landed on my head. At first she looked confused, then she started laughing and wanting to throw the laundry in the air as well.
Another time, I laid on the ground and pretended to be a turtle wiggling its legs in the air, begging her to help me flip back over.
Caution: trying this too early in the tantrum can backfire big time. You have to wait until they want to stop.
I love that idea of showing the kid a video of the tantrum. We might try that, too.
Anonymous says
Little Monkey Calms Down was really helpful to my daughter during this stage, but agreed, normal.
anne-on says
It is normal, but would it help for him to have a parenting book he can refer to that discusses tantrums and how to help the child calm down? I will also say that parental behavior can definitely amp up a tantrum so it may help for both of you to have some strategies for helping her calm down.
The best one I heard is that if possible, try to remove and (gently!!) restrain a child in the midst of a tantrum – like a tight full body hug in a quiet room. Do not try to reason with the child in the middle of the tantrum, just let them know you are there. Talk to them after and enforce consequences for bad behavior then. Also – try to ID and avoid known triggers and make them as calm as possible (for us – hunger, sickness, right before/after bed and during daycare pickup were all prime tantrum times)
kids labels says
Need recommendations for washable kids labels. I bought some last year that were not cheap and were supposed to be washable, and they came right off in the dishwasher and laundry. Don’t mind spending the money for the cuteness and convenience of pre-printed ones, but not if they won’t hold up.
H13 says
The only thing that I have found to work is a sharpie on the tag or inside the garment. But I think they also make iron-on ones that might be worth a try. I don’t iron.
Anonymous says
mabels labels worked for us. Haven’t tried loveable labels and not sure what other companies there are
Boston Legal Eagle says
The Avery labels have lasted us for a while. They haven’t come off in the wash and the writing is still pretty legible after many many washes.
Boston Legal Eagle says
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07F96Q5LR/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o06_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Redux says
We get namebubbles and have had good results. Occasionally they come off in the wash, but we’ve been using ours for 3 years and I the frequency of them coming off in the wash is low considering the number of times they’ve been washed. I’ve never tried them in the dishwasher.
Anonymous says
NameBubbles has been our go-to
FP says
I’ve been happy with the labels I ordered from Minted
AnotherAnon says
I ordered a small pack of Name Bubbles for kid’s sippy cups. They stay on in the dishwasher. I also slapped one on his diaper bag since I was tired of getting them mixed up with all our friends’ bags. Haven’t tried washing it lately though I probably should.
In a Rut says
How do you feel valued at work? (Other than money, of course.) I’m having a hard time with this, and also am about 2 years into a remote working situation that is likely permanent (moved for hubby’s work) if I continue at my current organization. I think the lack of in-person, one-on-one time is exacerbating the issue. So bonus points if it would be something that could be implemented remote.
H13 says
This is a great question and I will be eager to hear other replies. I get a lot out of the interpersonal contact at work. Being asked to help with projects, feeling like others can come to me for advice or help. The highest praise from my boss is a high five. Seriously. I don’t take those lightly.
Would there be an opportunity for mentoring in your organization? Either as a mentor or mentee via Skype? Can you be a part of an inter-departmental team on a project to interact with new people?
shortperson says
i also work remotely. i view the continued permission to work remotely as an important sign of being valued. also, money. nothing wrong with that.
aelle in aerospace says
Are you trying to make your team feel valued, or trying to figure out why you don’t feel valued? I think everyone has a different currency, and a big part of managing teams is figuring out what each person’s currency is. And it’s almost never money (of course a fair compensation is a non negotiable, but I feel that if you are throwing more money at someone to keep them engaged, you’ve already lost).
My currency is recognition from people I look up to (higher ups, experts, big clients). Mentoring / championing relationships have been huge drivers in my career, even when they require very little time from the other party.
To drive my teams, I rely on a variety of things depending on the individual – perks (including generous flextime / work from home arrangements), choosing projects where they will shine, choosing challenging projects where they will grow, engagement at work (team meetings, team events), letting them run the F away from engagement at work, one-on-one attention, and for my rising stars, coaching / championing. Also, trainings (I do NOT get the appeal of sitting in a classroom to get a training certificate when you can reap a lot more a lot faster by practicing, but some people love it).
H13 says
Is it normal for teachers to show movies/tv on rainy days in kindergarten? My son told me they watched Curious George during their recess time since they couldn’t go outside. I guess I assumed they would have free play in their classroom and not default to tv on a random day.
FWIW, top-rated public school constantly boasting about its stats (which I am over) in a strict classroom. I can accept that maybe the teacher needed a break but I am getting daily notes home about how wiggly my son is in school and this doesn’t seem like it would help.
Should I say something?
Anonymous says
I watched TV (Reading Rainbow) every day in elementary school in a top rated school district. My parents were horrified because we never really watched TV at home and they were worried about screen time before it was an official thing. Sadly I think it’s pretty common.
Carine says
If you want to know more about it, of course you should talk to the teacher. I would recommend a truly curious-wanting to learn posture rather than coming across as judgmental or upset without knowing all the facts. I would be surprised if there is not a policy that dictates exactly when they are permitted to use screen time.
Anecdotally, I do think my kid’s kindergarten teacher occasionally showed videos but I don’t think it was the default on rainy days as they had an indoor space for recess-type play. Sometimes videos were part of the teaching module, I think – we learned about Storybots from her watching it at school. I was comfortable with those circumstances.
Once you learn more about it, if you don’t agree with the use of video or your son’s involvement, you could ask about opportunities to opt out of screen time.
Anonymous says
I mean, recess when it’s wet or cold is just hard, no doubt about it. Not to excuse the behavior, but since the gym is normally in use for classes during the day (at least at my child’s school), and since running around in the classroom is impossible, I think part of an age appropriate show is not a terrible thing. It’s the same kind of brain disengagement that a child sometimes needs during the day. I think by the time a child has hit kindergarten, it’s impossible to assume there won’t be some screentime in their life.
DLC says
My daughter is in 1st grade (public school, DC suburb), and indoor recess is often something on a screen for at least part of the time. Thiis was true last year in kindergarten too. The school has been asking for donations of board games for classrooms to use during indoor recess, so maybe there will be more variety of activities in the future? Their classroom isn’t really set up for free play as it is in preschool. I found last year that there is actually quite a bit of screens/ technology in my daughter’s classroom- short videos here and there as they transition between activities, learning materials via video, presenting various class projects via home made videos… I don’t love it, and it encourages me to keep the screen time to a minimum at home.
If it worries you, you can definitely ask the teacher what the policy is about content and amount.
H13 says
Thanks for the input. We definitely do screentime at home and he had some in preschool/daycare, I was just surprised, I guess. For a kid that is constantly getting called out for not sitting still, I really value any time he can be moving without consequence.
Side note: I love Storybots.
In House Lobbyist says
I agree that it seems like you get mixed messages- no screen time but its ok if it is at school. My kindergartner gets way more screen time at school between “smart boards” (I still don’t know what that is) and her computer time. We just don’t have time for through the week because they turn into zombies when it is on. The one that really makes me mad is when the librarian videos herself reading the actual book for the once a week library class instead of reading the kids the book. How hard is it to read one book? And we are at the best public schools in our state.
Nope says
I would not tolerate a video of a librarian reading a book. That’s literally the librarian’s job. And if he or she can’t do it, then have parent volunteers or older student volunteers or something. Anything. I am getting mad just thinking about this for you. That’s ridiculous.
Anon says
It makes me worried because 1) I think kids should go outside in all weather unless its a thunderstorm or below -25. Kids should always have the chance to go outside. You need an option for getting your energy out! If they are canceling it for a bit of rain, are they going to cancel it for the rest of the winter? 2) Why don’t they have open gym time or something more active. Kids need recess so they can concentrate on learning!
H13 says
We have long, snowy winters here. I wonder what the plan is.
Katarina says
My kindergartener also gets tv (Magic School bus) during recess on rainy days. I notice he always gets a bad behavior color on days with no recess, although he also tends to not walk to school on those days, compounding the issue. It is also a highly ranked public school.
avocado says
TV was not permitted during indoor recess at my daughter’s elementary school. They had some sort of interactive video dance workout they would do with the smartboard.
anon. says
I used to teach this age children and I say it’s normal and fine, and you should let it go. We had indoor recess for over a month (long story, related to local conditions). Sometimes I’d let them do free play but honestly sometimes I needed to get stuff done myself for the afternoon and that video saved me. There isn’t anyone to come in the room to help. Teachers need a 20 minute mental break too.
Anon says
I also used to teach and this is not normal in my experience. I get that teachers need lunch and a break but the school should have a procedure in place so students are getting activity, being watched and not just being put in front of screens. Our recess duty people would watch them while they were in the gym running around if the weather was too bad to go out.
So Early says
Please help. My 10 month old wakes up at 5am. EVERY DAY. It’s not a happy “oh yay it’s morning” wakeup, either. It is a screaming fit. We have tried the following:
Feed at 5am, put back to sleep until 7. This was ok for a while, but then he started not going back to sleep, or screaming for half an hour (possibly waking up big brother) before going back to sleep.
Comfort (but not feed) at 5am. This doesn’t really work. He’s calm while someone is in there, but loses his mind when you leave. Today we tried this and he screamed until 6:15, when I gave up and fed him. Then he slept until 7:30.
CIO until acceptable waking time (ideally 7 but would take 6:30 or really anything after 6). Have not actually been able to do this successfully. I don’t mind CIO, but I just can’t let him shriek for over an hour, plus he gets really loud and wakes up his brother. (Who is 3 and is a perfect sleeper, by the way. Ha.)
Other details are: He goes to bed at 7, sometimes 7:30, but adjusting bedtime has had no apparent effect on 5am waking. He takes two naps at daycare, roughly at 10 and 2. Naps are about an hour, give or take 15 minutes. Sometimes dozes off in the car on the way home at 5:15 for 15 minutes, sometimes does not; no noticeable effect on 5am waking either way. Goes to bed easily, does not fight bedtime.
I would appreciate any help or thoughts, wise hive!
Anonymous says
Honestly, at that age, get them up and stick them in bed with you. It will not set up a lifetime of this – we did it with both of ours through a rough patch at that time and both are fully independent sleepers now with a regular 6:30 wake up time.
Anonymous says
Yes this.
OP says
I’m not opposed to that at all, but he won’t go back to sleep that way either. Is there a secret to getting him to sleep in my bed? I am all for it if he’ll go back to sleep.
ifiknew says
How long has this been going on? Our DD would do that but it never lasted more than a few weeks.. I’m so sory, hang in there. SLeep issues are so random
OP says
Probably since he was 7 or 8 months old… that’s when he was still waking up to eat at 4am. So I took 5am as an improvement. Somewhere in there he had a few days where he would make it until 6 or 7– I thought we had finally hit normalcy– but the 5am deal has really been the norm for probably two months or so.
Anonymous says
One of mine would go back to sleep, the other wouldn’t, but at least would be quiet. The one who slept didn’t want to be touched – she wanted to lay untouched between us. The one who wouldn’t sleep would want to be cuddled. Maybe just give it a couple of days of trial and error?
EB says
Is there something that happens right before 5am that makes a noise? We have some kind of loud truck that swings by our house every morning. My son slept with lullaby music every night until he was 1.5 to try and drown it out.
No tips on getting them to sleep in your bed, mine just wants to play.
Do you breastfeed? If so, maybe try a bottle at 5am instead? That way you literally don’t have to move him from the crib, you can just give it to him in there and he might be more inclined to go back to sleep.
DLC says
How frustrating! My 20 month old has started waking up at 4:45a after months of sleeping through the night. I badly need sleep. Sometimes I will take him to the play room where we have a futon mattress on the floor and lie down there with him. I feel like if I fall asleep, he will be ok because he can’t fall off the bed, and he can’t leave the room, because I’ll close the door. So he can lie with me or play, whatever he wants, and he’ll be in a safe enclosed environment. Sometime he will play, some times he will cuddle. I sometimes doze lightly- it’s not great sleep, but it’s something.
H13 says
We went through this for years. My older son was just a very early riser. We tried CIO and it never worked for early wakeups. We sorta sucked up and traded off getting up with him. He stopped once he dropped his nap. Hang in there. It sucks. For weekends, find the restaurants that open at like 6am for breakfast so at least you are getting out.
I Hate Mornings says
Same. It very, very gradually got better. I hate to say it, but our only real success was adapting ourselves to the early bird schedule. Even now at almost age 5 my child never sleeps past 6:45, but wakeups before 6am are thankfully rare.
H13 says
Yup. It was a slog but I don’t take any wake up after 6am for granted now.
anne-on says
+1. My son and husband are both early birds. I am…not. Any day he sleeps past 6:30 is a minor miracle, and this is at 6.
On the plus side, getting to sleep past 7 now feels like a MAJOR indulgence?
Anonymous says
I have 3 kids. My second did this. The only solution was that she grew out of it, eventuallly. My other two were happy-wakers, always, unless they needed something or were sick. Thisnsecond kiddo is 3 and still wakes up grouchy.
For a while we could sometimes get her back to sleep if we have her anfruit pouch. Maybe 30% of the time. She grew out of it around 18 months.
anon. says
Same. Mine grew out of it but it took a solid month.
AwayEmily says
We had the same issue with our first, starting from when she was about 6 months old. She would be up and ready for the day at 5 every morning (sometimes earlier). CIO did not work. Our solution: we trained her with the ok to wake clock to stay in bed until 6. We would set it for 5 at first and come in right after the clock turned green, so she would associate the clock with us coming in. Then we gradually set it to turn green later and later. Because she learned to associate the clock turning green with us coming in she would wait (reasonably) quietly until we came in. Sometimes (rarely) she would even fall back asleep.
Epilogue: slooooowly she started sleeping later and by the time she was 18 months her clock was set to 6:30 and she was waking up at around 6. Now, at 2.5, her clock is set to 6:40. So things can change eventually.
Babies differ so much. I assumed we would have the same problem with our second but he wakes up at 5:30, eats, and then falls right back asleep until 6:30. It’s amazing.
rosie says
Yes, I was going to suggest ok to wake clock. Gradually move it back. My LO is 16 months and we started using it around 7 months. We need to start moving it back to prep for daylight savings. Ugh.
ER says
Kids do start waking up later around 14 months when they drop their second nap. It’s part of consolidating their sleep.
My son is an early bird. He was waking up 4:45-5:30 every morning when he was 10 months old. He now usually wakes up around 6:00-6:30, which makes a world of difference to us.
Similarly, my daughter woke up at 5:30 most mornings when she was 9 months old. She is now 3 years old and she would like to sleep until 8am every morning (every single morning is constant whining about how tired she is, she wants to sleep all day, etc.etc.).
ER says
Also, my husband totally did not remember the fact that DD used to wake up really early too, and he was pushing really hard for CIO. I had this very vivid memory of sitting with DD in the kitchen in February, hours before it got light outside, wondering why on earth she woke up at 5 am every day. So I had to keep promising DH that when DS dropped to one nap, he would start waking up at a more normal time….I was right!
aelle in aerospace says
Is he mobile? The times just before walking were hard, my daughter was so frustrated by her lack of mobility. Now she is still an early riser, but she gets up and does her thing until we are ready. Would you be okay with letting him entertain himself in the baby-proofed areas of your home while you doze? Maybe even transitioning to a floor bed so he can move about in his room without needing you.
Anonymous says
The thing I value most at work is knowing and hearing that what I do matters. If I find out that a project I was working on made no difference or was just busy work, it makes me feel so deflated. I don’t need personal praise, just awareness that my work isn’t for nothing. I love hearing inspiring messages from our executives and shoutouts to various teams. I also value learning and training opportunities, as well as unstructured time to learn- conferences, CLEs, access to online knowledge databases or libraries of info. That’s just me though. I have two direct reports – one feels valued by individual praise. The other feels valued by being given autonomy. I am sending them both to an industry conference next month and they’re also ecstatic about that. Neither has travelled for work, and it helps that the location is on a beach.
Anonymous says
Talk to me about arriving at work earlier. I cannot seem to get myself to the office before 9. Many people at my office get in at 7 and leave at 4. I would love to do this but instead am pulling more of a 9-6 sometimes longer. A few times I’ve had to be in at 6am for meetings and it wasn’t bad, but still ended up staying til 6pm and feeling exhausted the next day. A few factors- I’m not crazy about my job, it’s super stressful and I may be trying to avoid being in the fray by delaying the day. DH works late and usually doesn’t go to bed until midnight or 1 and keeps me up. I have a night owl toddler than doesn’t go to bed until 10 or 11.
EB says
I think that drastic of a schedule change would require a lifestyle change. What time do you wake up? You would need to reverse engineer the 7am arrival to figure out what time to wake up, and then reverse engineer what time you need to go to bed. And then somehow convince your toddler and husband to abide by it!
CPA Lady says
This. I get my kid to school around 8, and I get to work around 8:15. In order to make this happen smoothly with both of us well rested, she goes to bed at 7 and I go to bed at 9. We wake up around 6:30 am and have a short commute.
Anon says
With DH up until midnight and toddler up until 11, you are not going to get to work at 7. I’m impressed you’re even getting there by 9. I also get in around 9, and I’d like to get in earlier, but I realize that once my 3 year old starts public school, he’ll have to be there by 7:30, and I’ll be at work by 8:00. You could just wait for that forced change.
Anon says
My toddler goes to bed between 10 and 11 (and sleeps until 8 or 9), and I struggle to get in by 10:30 on the regular. I’m also not super busy and try not to schedule morning calls before 11, so, when that happens I occasionally do have to get in and can do it, but like you said, I’m wiped the next day. I’m with Anon above – once preschool starts we will have to shift everyone back to a more “normal” schedule and no one is going to be happy, but I will finally be showing up at work at a respectable hour.
unexpectedlypregnant says
Unexpectedly pregnant with #2.
I start a new (part-time) job on Monday, which I am super excited about with a super family friendly small company, but ugh, I am DREADING telling them. We were NOT trying and this was kind of a miracle. What do I tell my new employer? I really want to make this job work even after baby #2 is born and I want to show them that I can do a good job, but god I am dreading proving myself for the first six weeks with unrelenting all day sickness that I had with #1.
Also, our 16 month old daughter still wakes up 1-2x a tnight most nights but will also randomly sleep all night for some time, there seems to be no pattern. We’ve tried sleep training and all the things and nothing works. I get up every night because she wants mom and my husband works a lot more than I do, but I can’t do this crazy dance with morning sickness or with a newborn. Will her sleep problems resolve after 2? She is also SUPER clingy and attached to mom and I am just dreading how I will manage all this.
I know plenty of people have kids 2 years apart, but we always though 3 years or longer and I am SO afraid and overwhelmed, even though I am so grateful and know we are very blessed.
Boston Legal Eagle says
First off, congratulations! I think you need to take a breath and take some time to process this news. A new job plus newly pregnant is a lot at once. As for work, tell them when you’re ready, and if they’re truly a family friendly good company, they will be happy for you.
You may not get the same sickness with #2. Even if you do, this is a good time for your husband to step up and take on more of the nighttime toddler work. My husband took over our son’s bathtime and bedtime routine during first trimester nausea, and now our son favors him, I think (I try not to take it too personally…) I don’t know how well your daughter will be sleeping in 9 months, but little kids change SO much at this age, so I’m sure she’ll adjust. Not that it won’t be hard and feel impossible at times. But you’ve got this.
Delta Dawn says
Mine are just under two years apart and it is GREAT! I don’t have any advice for your new job, but for managing two babies, it’s really not so bad. There are several threads on this if you have a chance to search the archives– some of the older comments are very helpful.
A few things– you can’t get up every night with toddler. Time for sis to learn that dad is just as good as mom. Husband may work more than you, but not anymore because you’re pregnant which means your life is work. You are building a human and you’re exhausted. He can get up with toddler. He has to, and she has to accept dad, and you have to sleep. It has to happen. Set those parameters now, because when new baby gets here, dad will have to take on a lot of sister’s needs while you are getting the newborn up and running– this is especially true if you are breastfeeding since you can’t trade off with him on that. Sister’s sleep will get better as she gets older, but you’re right that you can’t manage it yourself with morning sickness, and you for sure can’t manage it with a newborn– time for Super Dad.
Another thing is that you’re just not going to sleep much for a while. And that will be ok. It turns out, you can do a lot on very little sleep. I’ve learned that I can function pretty normally on 5 hours of sleep. They do get older and sleep better, and it really will be ok, but it’s just hard for a while. I know your husband works a lot, but this is a partnership and you’re both going to have to be tired for a little while.
Anonymous says
+1 to Dad getting up. Kid will protest for mommy initially but after a couple weeks, preference issues will decrease. Use eye mask and ear plugs so you can sleep through any fussy. Have DH turn off monitor when he goes in to help kid.
I get up M/W/F nights, DH gets up T/TH/Sat nights and we alternate Sundays.
Katarina says
You should just tell your employer you are pregnant, without explanation, at a time when it is appropriate to share. I personally like to tell at 12-14 weeks pregnant, but some people like to wait longer. I don’t think it benefits you to tell them that you were not trying, or is any of their business. I would stress the desire to return to work after the baby is born. You will presumably need to do some negotiation related to maternity leave, but this will probably be a separate conversation, at least.
Hopefully your sickness will not be as bad this time. Mine was much better in my second pregnancy than my first, although neither was extreme.
As other people mentioned, your husband should take over at least some of the night wakings.
ER says
Per our pediatrician — who sees all sorts of kids at regular intervals — 15 months is usually peak clinginess and separation anxiety. It will be better by the time the baby arrives. Remember how much she has changed in the last 7-8 months? She will so much older in another 7-8 months!
The next six weeks might be miserable, but you got this!
Anonymous says
I need ideas for b’day party favors. My daughter is turning 5 and wants these in the goody bag. Her party is co-ed, so I either need an interest-neutral alternative, or something else that kids can choose from that isn’t so stereotypically girl-y.
https://www.amazon.com/Pawliss-Keychains-Birthday-Supplies-Decorations/dp/B07H5CZ6YJ?hvadid=77721780585846&hvbmt=bp&hvdev=c&hvqmt=p&keywords=mermaid+sequin+keychain&qid=1537974065&sr=8-9&tag=mh0b-20&ref=sr_1_9
Anonymous says
Oh, and birthday is right before Halloween so we’re doig ocean themed gummies but no other candy/food.
Anonymous says
No you don’t. Just give these out to everyone. Some little boy would love this.
Delta Dawn says
My little boy is 3 but would love this. Fish tail!
Anonymous says
Would this mix pack be better (for everyone)?
https://www.amazon.com/Mermaid-Sequin-Assortment-Keychain-Supplies/dp/B07FDK85R4?hvadid=77721780585846&hvbmt=bp&hvdev=c&hvqmt=p&keywords=mermaid+sequin+keychain&qid=1537974065&sr=8-4&tag=mh0b-20&ref=sr_1_4
Em says
My almost 3-year old boy would LOVE this. I kind of want one, too.
Anonymous says
thank you all for your awesome boys. My 3 y/o boy wanted nothing to do with this.
anon says
I think you can totally get these and people will just understand that the birthday girl picked it out, but if you really want, what about skateboard keychains? (Total disclosure – my daughter stole these from her brothers so her my little ponies could skateboard.)
DLC says
Does anyone have a diaper clutch they like? Or any other method to keep an emergency diaper stash in the car?
After forgetting the diaper bag at home for the nth time, and having to McGuyver a diaper for my kid out of a flannel blanket from the car, and then clogging the restaurant’s toilet with all the toilet paper I used to clean up his poo-splosion, while he peed on the floor ’cause there were no changing tables, I’ve decided that I just need to keep emergency diaper supplies in the car. I was just going to order one of those travel changing pads with pockets on Amazon, but there are so many options I can’t tell which are good quality and which will be useless and frustrating. Ideally something to fit two diapers, a small pack of wipes and maybe a clean outfit. Also not too big and bulky so I can toss it in the bottom of the stroller or in my tote bag if I need to.
This is our second kid and he’s 20 months old- I don’t know why we have such a mental block about remembering the diaper bag.
Anonymous says
In each car I kept a pack of wipes plus a large ziplock bag with an outfit, receiving blanket (to double as change pad), and a few diapers. large ziploc doubles as dirty diaper disposal bag if needed. I had a good sized pack of wipes because wipes are useful for a million things like blowing little noses, wiping up spit up etc.
AK says
+1 – almost exactly the same for us. (Plus I keep a spare outfit in another ziploc for 4-YO as he’s prone to spills/messes/occasional accidents).
Anon says
SkipHop Pronto Changing Station – one lives in both of our cars. Or an old towel, gallon ziploc with wipes (in a quart ziploc) and a few diapers and one or two of those disposable changing table liners. I too forget the diaper bag on the regular. Pro-tip, set a reminder once a month on your phone to confirm that the diapers in the car kit are the right size so you don’t have to squeeze your size 5 wearing kiddo into a size 3 or a swim diaper (ask me how I know).
Anonymous says
This thing *is* my diaper bag. I haven’t used an actual diaper bag since kid #1 was about 5 months old. I buy them for all my friends as a baby gift, for the day they realize they, too, don’t need to haul a full bag around.
I also do what anonymous said above, and have a ziplock with a couple diapers, a pack of wipes, and a blanket in the car, just in case.
AnotherAnon says
Not exactly what you asked but I started putting my purse inside my diaper bag so that when I went for my keys I would remember to take the diaper bag.
Anonymous says
We used a nylon men’s toiletries bag – it was roomier than my cute fabric diaper clutch
anon says
I liked the skip hop one. It is a pad and has space for about 2 diapers and small thing of wipes. We also just started a “car bag”. DS is 3.5 so out of diapers, but I keep a change of clothes and wipes in the trunk just in case. I got sick of carrying around a giant tote bag everywhere.
FP says
I got a large pencil box from Target to keep in my car for each kid with two diapers, a travel pack of wipes, a puppy pee pad to serve as a changing pad, and an extra outfit.
CCLA says
Another vote for SkipHop. I’ve never tried to add an outfit to it, but otherwise fits everything you need. I keep one of those munchkin bag dispensers clipped on it, too, to avoid having to stash loose bags.
Anonymous says
We also couldn’t remember the diaper bag for the second kid. I got a diaper clutch to use in the after potty training but still sometimes needing pull up stage for DD1, never used it for that purpose. But loved it for a back up.
According to Amazon it’s called the “Skip Hop Baby Pronto Portable Changing Station with Cushioned Changing Mat and Wipes Case”
We took the hard wipes case out and just stick an almost empty pack of wipes in there, 2 diapers and a clean outfit, and it lives in the car. It was the backup when we had a little babe and needed a full diaper bag, but now with an almost 2yo it is the only diaper bag I use for trips to the park or other short activities.
Clementine says
I love the skip hop diaper clutch.
I’m also an advocate of ‘the car bag’. Full props to my husband on this one who saw a friend with one and recreated it for us. The car bag is a canvas tote (ours is LL Bean) that contains at any given time: a sweatshirt, a couple diapers/pull-ups, wipes, a pair of clean underpants, a first aid kit, a clean outfit for all children in separate ziploc bags (this is often weird hand me downs that I don’t love but are totally serviceable), a first aid kit, often an extra t-shirt for me (especially with little ones!), a thin blanket for picnics/naps/togas, a couple of plastic bags, and a roll of paper towels.
This bag is life. It lets us jump in the car and just go. It means that when you’re at the park and somebody scrapes their knee, you’re the parent who says, ‘Hold on! I’ve got a bandaid and something to clean that scrape off with!’ and just dashes to the car.
We use a combo of reusable wet bags and ziplocs to corral things and make it easier to dump stuff in and out.
Spirograph says
This is genius. Most of these things are floating around in my car at any given time, but having a dedicated place for them would be good for my sanity
Anonymous says
Living in the city where most outings are on foot, we have a similar backpack that I think of my playground go back. It has less extra clothes, no paper towels, and more toys–tiny diggers, bubbles, small ball/frisbee, chalk, water ballons/guns, small bucket and shovel–as well as sunscreen.
Good luck says
First step: toddler sleep training. Not healthy for a toddler to be sleeping that late (unless they’re waking up very late, but that’s not a good situation long term — school starts earlier and earlier these days). Read the Weissbluth book and/or contact a sleep trainer ASAP (I like Dr. Erin at Baby Sleep Science — all consults over the phone). It’s going to be nearly impossible to get to work that early when your child is only sleeping at 11 am.
AnotherAnon says
I just cannot with work today. A colleague unexpectedly quit yesterday and we were already stretched pretty thin. I’m new, so on top of feeling like I don’t know what I’m doing, now I’m feeling overwhelmed. There are about seven requests that I need to take care of today but I just want to go home and snuggle my kid. End of rant.
lsw says
I love this full outfit and am tempted to buy for our annual gala. Too bad the shirt is sold out in a large! Wah.
Turtle says
I posed this on the other page, but thought I’d try here:
Tacking on a 5-ish day vacation to a Miami business trip at the end of February/beginning of March. We’re thinking of renting a car and heading to Florida’s west coast. I know nothing about it other than I know it’s a hot destination for us New Englanders in the winter. Me, DH and 10 month old. Recommendations for a beachfront resort? Must have a pool area and be beachfront. Bonus if it’s walkable to anything nearby – a boardwalk or just something safe and scenic if we need to stretch our legs.
Budget is Marriott not Four Seasons – so maybe mid to upper, but not high-high end/luxury. If something is really off the charts, though, I could be possibly be swayed. It’ll be less than a month from our 5-year anniversary and we are so past due for a vacation… TIA!
Anonymous says
Is there a specific reason you want to go to the west coast of Florida? The Miami area is lovely and just as warm, if not warmer, and if you want to to do a 3+ hour drive with a 10 month old, I’d head to the Keys.
NYCer says
I agree with this. I have stayed at the Fontainebleau Hotel in South Beach with a toddler and it was great. That hotel would never be my choice for an “adults” Miami trip, but it is great with little kids (multiple pools, beach, big property, etc.). You can also take the baby out for dinner at any restaurant in Miami on the early side (5:30ish) without any issue.
I enjoy also enjoy Naples on the other coast, but have only ever stayed with friends who have a second home there so I am not sure about hotels.
Anonymous says
+1 from someone who grew up in Sarasota. The west coast is not worth the long, mind-numbingly boring drive.
Anonymous says
It might be out of your budget range, but One Hotel South Beach is awesome and very kid-friendly.
GCA says
This won’t thread because I’m on phone, but here are responses to everything:
– my 3yo boy would flip out if he got a mermaid sequin keychain, in a good way, so don’t worry about it or get a variety pack
– skip hop diaper clutch all the way!
– infant early wakeups: hang in there, we went through this phase as well. I don’t remember when it resolved (sleep deprivation does a number on memory!) but think it sorted out by that winter (if nothing else, the end of daylight savings time means 5am wakeups are now ‘6am’ wakeups)
CPA Lady says
Score-keeping question. Mom guilt question.
So, I have solo parented between 75-90% of the time for all but 9 months of my 4 year old’s life. Starting in November, my husband is being switched to a different project at work and instead of traveling 75% of the time, will be working from home 100% of the time. He has already started transitioning his projects and was home for most of this month and only has a couple of trips next month and then he’s done with traveling.
I know a period of adjustment is normal, but I’m having a hard time framing in my mind how to parent with a co-parent now. In the past, any time he’s been at home I’ve basically done very little and let him do everything so he could have time with kiddo and so I could get a break. I still find myself doing this, and when I catch myself doing it (example, going into another room and reading while he’s sitting in the kitchen with her and watching her color or whatever), I get hit with a mixture of score-keeping and mom guilt. Like I tell myself “oh, it’s fine, you’ve been doing this by yourself for years, let him do it.” and then I think “but your kid is going to think you don’t like spending time with her and get a complex about it”. I think I’m pretty burned out by the solo parenting, tbh, but that doesn’t really matter. I need to get over it so my kid doesn’t think I don’t like her.
Any thoughts or suggestions?
Anon says
First of all, I am so happy for you that DH is going to stop traveling so much. Doing so much solo parenting is hard and exhausting. There will definitely be an adjustment period. Think about what things you want to do all together as a family and what things you want to do one-on-one with kiddo and build in time for each of you to get some alone time. I don’t think your kid is going to think you don’t like spending time with her. Initially she might be excited to have dad home more often, but it will also be a change for her. Even before kids, my DH worked a ton and would often get home really late from work (like 11pm or later), but on the days he did get home early it totally threw off my routine and I almost didn’t know how to handle having him there.
Try to remember that even though you solo parented A LOT before, this does not necessarily mean it is now DH’s turn to solo parent most of the time, though I know it is hard. I too tend to score keep too much. You will also have to see how his working from home goes – does he work within certain hours, or does his work spillover into all hours of the night. Hopefully DH can also be more involved in household responsibilities. I would sort of let things be for a month or so and see how it’s going and then discuss. Maybe to give you more of a break things are not necessarily 50/50, but 60/40 or 70/30, etc.
Anonymous says
My thought is that this “I think I’m pretty burned out by the solo parenting, tbh, but that doesn’t really matter.” is super important and actually does matter. Your kid does not think you don’t like her.
I suggest treating November to January as a transition period – give yourself a break and lean out on the parenting while your DH leans in. It’s a chaotic period to start a new routine with different activities/events around the holidays.
In the new year, sit down and figure out your ideas for how the new arrangement will work and how that will work with DH’s ideas. Accept that it will be trial and error. There’s no right way to arrange things, and things may change over time. Previously DH and I alternated drop off and whoever dropped off was responsible for getting kids ready. Now DH gives kids breakfast and does all drop offs but I get them dressed/lunches packed etc and then I get ready in peace when he leaves with them.
Frozen Peach says
I second this “transition period” idea, and am grateful for the framework. I just started a role that includes a lot of wfh, my husband just started a part time gig after being a SAHD for years, and I feel incredibly discombobulated a lot of the time. I know we need new routines and rhythms, but knowing which ones to adopt isn’t an instantaneous thing.
Going to use the next month or so as an intentional observation period to see what works and what doesn’t– and reassess with some data. (God, I am that person now, I want to base my recommendations on hard data…) What a huge relief to have the grace of some time where things might not be in a good rhythm or structure– and knowing that is explicitly part of the long term plan for effectiveness.
Sarabeth says
I agree with this! No, you don’t get to make your partner solo-parent forever in order to pay you back. But you are burned out, and it will be good for your relationship with your kid to take care of yourself. I suggest committing to some evening activities (yoga, book club, whatever you find relaxing) that will get you out of the house during bedtime a few times a week, so you aren’t just sitting in the other room trying to relax while feeling like you should be parenting more.
In the longer term, my husband works from home full time and it is awesome. He works a full 45 hour week, but having someone who is home to turn over the laundry at lunchtime, be there when the groceries are delivered, etc is such a luxury. At 4, your kid is close to the age when she can stay home watching videos while sick and he can get his work done, so no one has to blow PTO.
Anon says
Oh man. I’ve solo parented 90% of the time for my kid’s entire lives. My DH is just starting to be home more often, like sometimes for an 8-9 day stretch. The transition is HARD, so give yourself some time to figure out new routines and new divisions of labor. Keep an open dialogue with your husband. In theory, he’s home more often and doesn’t have a commute, so the switch on housework should flip to HIM doing more of it, but it’s going to be hard to get there. Be gentle on both of you, but watch for signs that you’re still doing most of the work just because that’s what you’re used to, and make sure he’s stepping up as part of the family.
On the mom guilt, I feel you. My DD told her kindergarten class that “Mom works, and then she comes home and relaxes a lot while Daddy takes care of us.” Ohhhhhhh the internal pains I felt. But you know what? It’s true. I do take advantage of the days he’s home to just go read a book with no one crawling over me or needing to show me the next crayon line they drew. That’s not unreasonable. And it’s also not bad to be modeling for her (and her classmates) that moms can work and dads can take care of kids. I try to focus on that and it helps a little bit.
DH spent the first 5+ years of her life not home 90% of the time, and she worships the ground he walks on. She’s not going to start disliking me just because I sit in my bedroom for a few hours every so often.
Anon for this says
I’ve solo parented for just over 50% of my kid’s life. The way my husband’s work is, he is gone (like GONE gone, no texting, minimal email, relying on satellite phone calls only) for 2-3 months at a time and then home for an equal amount.
The way we transition is to have him 100% be the primary parent for the first couple days. I’m still there, I’m still around, but he is the default parent. After that, he does the bulk of household stuff (he doesn’t have work). FWIW, my kid totally has a favorite parent and when Daddy is gone, it’s me, but when Daddy’s around it’s ‘No MOMMY! Daddy do it!’
Also, incredibly jealous that you’re getting to transition to this! This is my dream!! I’ve had to accept that my husband will never have a ‘normal’ job and will always be gone for months and that was tough. I know that there will be bumps but it sounds like such an awesome new chapter!
FTMinFL says
Set expectations! The book Rising Strong mentions a scenario when the author says she was so much happier after a weekend of solo parenting than a weekend of co-parenting and found that her husband felt the same way. Individually they admitted it was because when they had a co-parent, silent expectations would change – “I’ll get to read a book! I won’t have to do bedtime every night!” – but they weren’t communicated. I read that thinking OMG this is my husband and I. While we aren’t in as extreme a scenario as you, carving out time to specifically discuss roles, responsibilities, and expectations has made such a difference in our home life. Hopefully improved balance will help with the guilt, as well. Good luck!
Anonymous says
I was prescribed meds by a specialist. Specialist knows I’m breastfeeding and said the meds are safe for breastfeeding, though he’s obviously not an expert in babies. Because I’m a giant nerd, I looked up some journal articles about it, and they did a big study of kids whose moms were taking my exact dosage and 100% of the kids were fine in the short term and also many years later. The journal article did suggest some monitoring of the child might be indicated, just to be on the safe side. I emailed my pediatrician to ask about the monitoring and she said the medicine is not proven to be safe and she thinks the risk outweigh the rewards as far as breastfeeding goes and I should just stop breastfeeding. That wasn’t at all what the study said – it said the benefits of breastfeeding outweigh the theoretical, unproven risks of the medicine – but I feel bad ignoring my ped. But I guess if I stop breastfeeding, I’ll be ignoring my specialist. WWYD? Is there a way to make them talk to each other? How does one even stop breastfeeding cold turkey? My baby is 6 months but is still nursing 8-10 times a day.
Anonymous says
I’d be looking for a new ped. That’s not great advice. Does AAP have a recommendation out about the medication?
Not all pediatricians are as proBF as you would expect. I once had one refuse to address a lip tie because I was ‘only going to be nursing another month’. Like, no, I’m not quitting at six months so this needs to be addressed.
Anon says
I would maybe get a second opinion from another pediatrician, but I would probably stop breastfeeding. To me it would not be worth the risk, but that is just my opinion. They also say that babies get the most benefits from breastfeeding within the first 6 months, so try not to feel guilty if you have to stop. Or I would find out if there is another medication you can take instead from the specialist. Does your baby take a bottle or have any formula? Do you have any frozen breastmilk? Is this a short term medication or a long term one? If it is only for a couple of weeks, you could pump and dump and then resume breastfeeding. To dry yourself up you will probably need to pump for a bit in order to not get clogs, taking certain decongestants can help as can cabbage leaves. Look at the site kellymom.com for tips on weaning.
OP says
I’ll be on this long term, although hopefully we will be able to switch to a much lower dose within a month ir two. Baby already gets a little formula and takes a bottle fine, so that’s not a concern. I know she’ll be fine if we switch to 100% formula, but I guess my gut feeling is that my ped is wrong on this – it’s not just this one article, there are a lot of resources on the internet that say this medicine is compatible with nursing (including Kellymom, Infant Risk Center, etc.) and I’d hate to wean unnecessarily. It’s L2 but I took a different L2 drug (antibiotic) when my baby was a newborn and it was fine. I guess I sort of feel like my ped is not super supportive of breastfeeding, as the other poster above mentioned above.
Anonymous says
It might not be that the pediatrician is not generally supportive of bf’ing, but that she is applying the minimax decision rule (minimize the size of the maximum possible loss) to this situation. She may be viewing the potential harm from exposure to the medication as worse than the harm from discontinuing bf’ing at six months. This perception of risk may or may not be accurate and, even if her perception of the relative risks is accurate, the minimax strategy may not conform to your preferences.
The minimax rule, incidentally, is one reason for the high c-section rate in this country. Doctors are trained to care primarily about minimizing the worst-case scenario for the baby.
CCLA says
“The minimax strategy may not conform to your preferences.” This exactly. Pedis are resources but consider what your own risk/benefit calculations are given the information you can gather. Consider also that because the exchange was conducted in writing, the pedi may have been more inclined to give a conservative answer, whereas a conversation could elicit more nuanced views. Also, I’d definitely seek a second opinion. They’re highly educated but not infallible. I had a pedi tell me we shouldn’t give our DD peanuts until after 1 yr, which flies in the face of all recent research.
Anonymous says
I got very sick when one of my kids was 9 mos, and got some hardcore meds. One thing that made me feel better was calling the InfantRisk hotline. Have you tried them? They take into consideration baby’s age and overall health and weight. My pediatrician didn’t have experience and just said no to nursing with any meds, which I found unhelpful. I felt like InfantRisk looked at all meds plus baby in concert and provided good information. KellyMom.com may also have info. I don’t think pediatrics in the US is set up to be that supportive of nursing. Any problem=formula.
Anonymous says
Can you bring up the journal article to your ped and ask what she thinks given the article? I always appreciate hearing my doctors talk through their review of recent research and their thought process around how much they credit it (or not).
Maternity Leave says
Does anyone have tips about managing anxiety about returning to work after maternity leave?
I’m halfway through 12 weeks of leave after having my first child. I’m already dreading going back to work, to the point that it’s almost ruining the time I have left. I don’t love my job at all, which is part (but not all) of the problem.
Mostly, I’m just nervous about leaving my baby at daycare and about managing everything that goes along with that. Pre-baby it seemed completely doable, but right now I’m so tired that it’s all I can do to get through the day at home. I just don’t see how I’m going to handle baby care, work, pumping, and putting myself together on a daily basis. I know people do it all the time — but it just seems like too much.
I guess I’m looking for advice, or even commisseration. This is all harder than I expected.
Anonymous says
Hugs! Fwiw, I couldn’t have imagined leaving my baby at 6 weeks, but by 12 weeks I found that I was really bored and was ready to get back to work. I think it does get easier as your baby starts sleeping more and you get more physically recovered. As far as pumping, it’s totally optional – try it and if it doesn’t work for you, stop. Why not job hunt to try to find a job you like more?
anon says
Agree with this. At 6 weeks post partum I was still a total basket case and could not imagine going back to work. I honestly was a basket case just leaving my apartment to check the mail. I ended up taking an additional 2 weeks unpaid and by the time I went back I very ready, though also returning to a job I don’t love. I will say it is nice to get out of the house and hopefully by 12 weeks your child will be sleeping much better. A few things to help – I know it is hard, but try to stop thinking about returning to work right now, or allow yourself an hour a day to think about it instead of letting it consume all of your thoughts. Maybe plan out the logistics of what your routine will look like. Do you have a partner? What will their role be in daycare prep, etc.? And if you think your anxiety about returning to work is more than typical jitters, you could be experiencing some PPA/PPD, so talk to your OB. Just try to take it one day at a time right now and hang in there! Having a newborn was infinitely harder than I imagined
lsw says
I understand. I felt similarly. I don’t know if it helps, but fast forward to yesterday and I was thinking about how grateful I am for daycare. My son (two) is just thriving and he loves it, and they love him. It’s so awesome that I would want him to go even if I wasn’t working.
I was dreading it too. It was hard at first, no joke. The first year is just hard, whether you’re home or at work. You’ve got this!
Anonymous says
Biggest advice is to keep it simple. Figure out two weeks of work outfits – wear those on repeat. Figure out two weeks of quick meals, use those on repeat. Give yourself an adjustment period – decline extra social invites etc in the first month back so you can cocoon at home with baby when you are not working.
Anonymous says
Random question: what parenting stages have you found unexpectedly easy or hard, especially compared to your expectations? I was so prepared for the newborn days to be so hard, but he was a great sleeper and I was on leave with lots of time to nap, and it was all way more manageable than I expected. But teething and/or the 8/9 month sleep regression has hit us hard, taking care of a mobile baby is way more physically exhausting than I was anticipating, I’m breastfeeding as much as ever but we’re also doing solid foods 3-4 times a day so it feels like we’re literally always feeding him, and overall this age just feels a lot harder than the first 6 months.
Anonymous says
6-9 months was the hardest for me. No more easy EBF. Around 9 months baby started eating better and I stopped trying to pinterest mom it and just baby chopped up version of what we ate.
Hang in there. One of the hard things about parenting is that as soon as you figure out one stage, they’ve outgrown it and they are on to the next stage.
Anonymous says
Thanks! I think you nailed it with the comment that as soon as you figure out one stage, they change. We made our own baby food for about two weeks and then gave into the jars, which definitely helps save time. I still feel like feeding him and cleaning him and the chair up takes at least 30 minutes though.
Anonymous says
Three. See above thread about tantrums. I don’t know where the “terrible twos” idea came from, my kids have all been very sweet 2 year olds. Three year olds are very Jekyll and Hyde, and it’s just exhausting to never know which version of your child you’re going to get, minute by minute.
Sarabeth says
4-5 years old. I thought the meltdowns would be done by then. I was so, so wrong. And at that age, they seem rational enough that it’s challenging for me to remember that it’s really still out of their control. When a two year old is lying on the floor screaming, it’s easy for me to be sympathetic because they are basically still a baby. When it’s a five year-old, I just want to yell at them to get their shit together. I don’t yell at them, obviously, but let’s just say I take a lot of calming breaths.
Katarina says
The infant days were much easier than I expected.
Starting elementary school has been harder than I expected. There has been a big increase in activities and birthday parties, that really cuts into family time, as well as my own downtime. I am pretty introverted, and pregnant with my third. I also find I do not mesh well with most of the other moms. Family dinners are no longer daily, because of activity conflicts, and my work hours. And I see this getting much worse for multiple school age children.
anon says
+1. I’ve also found that in some ways, it’s lonelier being a working mom during this stage. I swear, so many more moms have either dropped out of the workforce or are working very part-time. There’s this whole mom world that I’m not involved in at all. Which, fine, but that also means my kid gets left out because I’m not really in the social mix.
When I type that out, it sounds bats!t crazy.
I also found age 1 to be incredibly hard, both times. They’re mobile and dangerous. Age 1 = constant chasing to make sure they don’t seriously injure themselves! I have kids who scoff at babyproofing, apparently.
AnotherAnon says
I feel like every stage gets trickier but there are also benefits to each one…ask me again when my kid is 2 though. :) I found the newborn stage surprisingly easy, though I’m sure at the time I thought it was hard. Something that helps me when I’m struggling is telling myself that each stage of development is temporary. If I’m enjoying it, I try to lean into that. If it’s hard, it helps to remember that it won’t always be this way. Something I didn’t do for the first year of my son’s life was schedule ANY me time. That was a huge mistake. Carve out time for yourself if you can, even if it’s just taking a bubble bath once a week after you clean up the kitchen.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Every stage I’m in at that moment feels like the hardest :) But 2 has been pretty challenging. I expected the newborn days to be hard and sleep deprived and they were initially, but our son started sleeping through the night fairly early so that wasn’t as much of a challenge as it could have been.
2 is challenging because he wants to do everything himself and generally doesn’t like to follow directions and can’t really be reasoned with yet. And the tantrums. Oh the tantrums. I don’t know how 3 will go but I’ve heard 4-11 is a little easier. And then they turn into tweens/teens which is a whole new ballgame. Not ready for that yet! I try to remind myself that even though little kids are so exhausting, at least they lead relatively simple lives and don’t have the complex emotional dramas of older kids, so I can appreciate the 2 year old a little more!
Clementine says
There’s this phase around 17-19 months where they’re constantly trying to injure or maim themselves or the environment around them… They get over ‘Baby Rambo’ phase pretty quickly but I found that phase to be harder than expected.
One thing I will say is that I enjoy parenting so much more than I anticipated! I didn’t think I would like all the phases, but I have.
Except eight. 8 year olds are just hard for me.
Anonymous says
Haha why 8? I have younger kids, but I generally think of 8 year olds as very self-sufficient but still kids who enjoy hanging with their parents and haven’t yet reached the whiny tween stage.
Clementine says
It’s because they’re old enough to know better but they don’t. It’s because they should be responsible enough to handle small, developmentally appropriate responsibilities and chores, but they’re not.
A former third grade teacher (third graders in my area are generally 8 years old) explained to me that it’s a developmental thing where they’re establishing autonomy while also learning personal responsibility. It’s also an age where they’re old enough to truly be manipulative (and know what they’re doing). Those factors combined just somehow push on every nerve I have and make me struggle with that age.
Tweens and teens are fine, I’ve found that you get a lot by expecting a lot, and little ones are fine because ‘everything is a season’. For me personally, 8 is just… that’s my hard year.
Anonymous says
Makes sense, I feel this way around my 8 year old nephew. My husband seems to think our 5 year old is old enough to be responsible for small, developmentally appropriate responsibilities and chores… it’s a perpetual point of friction in our house these days that makes me want to say 5 (through 8, maybe, but haven’t lived it with my own kids yet) is hard because of the affect it’s having on the household in general.
For example: I’ll tell 5 year old to go get dressed in the morning and “expect” him to do it. But I won’t be surprised or feel personally affronted the 50% of the time that I check on him a few minutes later and he’s sitting on his bed playing with a toy with is PJs still on. I just remind him what he’s supposed to be doing. Husband will check on him and get frustrated and angry that the kid is not listening to him. Husband raises his voice, kid starts yelling and crying, and it escalates from there. I take husband aside to tell him that his expectations are unrealistic and he’s being too harsh on my son, or give my son (who is a sensitive kid, so he gets really upset when daddy’s angry) a hug to calm him down, and my husband gets angry at me for not RESPECTING HIS AUTHORITAH and “giving in” or “coddling.”
shortperson says
i found potty training to be the worst part so far. but i definitely agree on the feeding of 6-9 month olds, that didnt qualify for us bc we outsourced all of it to daycare.
paging FNVC says
I grew up in Overland Park, and Kansas City is a great place to raise a family – lots of fun things to do with the kiddos, and relatively inexpensive. We spend a lot of time near downtown Overland Park when we visit, but not sure how the commute would be to Leavenworth. (The pool at Matt Ross community center is great, and membership isn’t very expensive.) Also, what about Lawrence? College town, cute little downtown area, lots to do. The only downside is you’re even farther from the airport.
Anonymous says
Oh hai, my DH is from Prairie Village!
anon says
My brother lives in Prairie Village! But it’s too far for FNVC, I think.
Anonymous says
About the same distance from Lawrence, but of course Lawrence is way cooler (no offense, Overland Park!)
FVNC says
Thanks!! Overland Park is where we have been looking.