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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 74 Comments · by

Washable Workwear Wednesday: Wonder Stretch Straight Leg Pants

Machine-Washable Work Clothes· Recent Recs

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A woman wearing a pair of Wonder Stretch Straight Leg Pants.Huh: there may be a new pair of washable pants for work to add to our list – these wonder stretch pants are winning rave reviews over at Nordstrom. They’re machine washable (line dry, though), and come in a zillion colors in regular, petite, and plus sizes for $118-$148. NIC+ZOE ‘The Wonder Stretch’ Straight Leg Pants (Regular & Petite) Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear. (L-all)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!

Comments

  1. New mom amazed at how little time she has... says

    Threadjack!

    Can anyone point me in the direction of the many discussions on quick weekday meals? Or, is anyone willing to share tips for their favorites? I am looking for gluten free recipes that can be prepped ahead of time or ones that require little to no prep.

    Also, can anyone recommend a website that does a good job printing photos?

    TIA!

    • JayJay says

      I just bought the new Skinnytaste, Fast and Slow cookbook and I cannot wait to make ALL THE RECIPES from there. She focuses on fast weeknight meals and slow cooker meals that aren’t your typical pot roast/roasted beef/etc. I noticed that a ton (maybe the majority) of the recipes were also gluten free or she had swaps to make them gluten free. Highly recommend it!

    • JayJay says

      Oh, and I use Mpix for all my photo printing. They do a great job and all the colors look accurate.

    • Betty says

      In our prior, before Celiac’s Disease life, we loved the weeknight cookbooks from Williams Sonoma. I just found out that they have published a weeknight gluten free cookbook. I’m ordering it today. Will provide reviews when we have tried a few. Other than that, I am on a similar hunt for easy, gluten free weeknight meals.

    • avocado says

      The October (I think) issue of Cooking Light has a mix-and-match quick meals feature with proteins, veggies, and sauces that all look gluten-free and are super fast.

    • AnonMN says

      Disclaimer that I work from home 3 days per week, so my idea of a good weeknight meal might be a little jaded. But, we have been on a huge soup kick and I am loving it. One pot, easy to tweak based on what you have, and healthy. The downside is the “prep” of chopping veggies, chicken, etc. I got the William Sonoma “soup” cookbook from the library and the three chapters are: (1) Done in 30 minutes; (2) 15 minutes hands on time; (3) make more to store. So far all of the recipies have been delicious.

      It also serves our purposes of need to have some softer finger food for my 8 month old.

    • H says

      Iowa Girl Eats is gluten free. No one in my family has a gluten intolerance but we make several of her meals and they are quick, easy, and reasonably healthy. I also like the South Beach 30 minute meals cookbook. Stage 1 recipes are likely gluten free since it cuts out simple carbohydrates. Do you have a crockpot? This was a game changer for us. Stir frys are pretty quick and easy if you make the rice ahead of time.

      I use Shutterfly for printing photos.

  2. OP from yesterday says

    Thank you all for the supportive comments yesterday about dealing with my 3 year old hitting the baby. I have taken the advice to heart and will implement some of your suggestions. Really appreciate this wonderful community.

    • Another R says

      I don’t think you got any recommendation for time-ins yesterday so I want to add those as a suggestion. They’re is actually discussed a bit in a different thread below today. And maybe look into Janet Lansbury. I will never full-on adopt all her philosophies but the whole validate feelings, foster communication, etc. thing works in my house and I have kids the same ages as yours. I know it may seem counterintuitive to some, esp. those who haven’t seen it before but if you’re open to it/or at the end of your rope and will try anything, remind yourself that your 3 year old’s impulse control is not fully developed and know that you can acknowledge that and provide much needed attention without condoning or prolonging the behavior you want to stop.

  3. CLMom says

    Can anyone point me to resources or provide advice related to the “do we stop at one child, or go for another” convo? We’re undecided, but I had a quizzical reaction when hubby insinuated that it would be selfish of us to deprive CLMbaby of a sibling. The comment is not sitting well with me considering he doesn’t have to sacrifice his body or career during pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding, etc. I need something more constructive and scientific. Any leads?

    • CPA Lady says

      The book “One and Only” by Lauren Sandler. Goes over all kinds of research about only children. It’s sort of “in defense of” kind of book. The author is an only and has an only, but she ultimately talks about how you can’t make the decision based on research, its a decision you make with your heart. But the research shows that only children aren’t more selfish, lonely, etc. that it has more to do with your environment, social network, and the individual child’s personality.

    • JEB says

      I ordered the book “One and Only” after asking a similar question here. I’ve yet to actually find time to read it (story of my life), so I can’t say if it’s any good. But it came highly recommended, for what it’s worth.

    • Anon says

      This whole thing about having a second baby because first baby needs a sibling rubs me in the wrong way…it feels so selfish to make a human being where the motivation is not parents feeling their family incomplete and missed the second (or even third, fourth etc) for its own sake.
      OP, I hope I didn’t come across rude and I understand many people having more than one child because they want to provide sibling for their existing child and I do believe that you love the second child same as the first. But this is my opinion about your husband’s line of argument.

      • CLMom says

        It rubbed me the wrong way, too. And before I engage in this conversation again, I want to have logical arguments backed up by science prepared.

      • Jen says

        We did a second sibling “because the first needs a sibling” but what we actually meant was “because I want them to play with each other so it’s not just mom/dad having to entertain kiddo.” So it was selfish on my/our part. My kids are getting pretty good at playing together while i vaguely supervise.

    • mascot says

      Can your husband explain his position a little better? Does he think an only child will be lonely, both in childhood and as an adult when you are gone? Is he worried about the burden of aging parents when there is only one child to help? Did he have really amazing relationships with his siblings and wants his child to have the same?

      • CLMom says

        We didn’t get too deep…yet. However, he primarily mentioned socialization; that having a sibling teaches you “invaluable” life lessons that you otherwise would not learn.

        • mascot says

          So I am surrounded by only children- my mom, my MIL, my husband, and now my child. Anecdotally, there are things that they do differently, in part, because they are only children. For example, my kid gets a little overwhelmed when his friends come over and mess with all of his stuff. It’s not because he doesn’t like these people, it’s just that he’s used to having complete domain of his space and he’s still figuring out how to balance all of that. He’ll learn it just fine without a sibling, but it’s something that we have to be aware of since it’s not a lesson that he’s living 24/7.

          • eh230 says

            My 6 year old has a 3 year old brother, and he is still super protective of his stuff/domain. Having a sibling has not changed his ways. It’s all so personality specific. Having a sibling will not necessarily teach an older kid not to be selfish, think of others, compromise, etc. Those are lessons that parents have to teach kids regardless of siblings.

        • Anon says

          As someone married to an only — I sort of think that’s true. My husband is a great, funny, loving, competent person who really believes in helping people and made his career out of it. But he really doesn’t know how to compromise or to just let the other person have their way without animosity. In my family compromise was a virtue (he openly has mocked some of my parents elaborate “rules” for compromise, while I find them to be odd, but inventive lifehacks). And if somebody else watched their television show that was fine (I have ONE TV show I watch without him and it’s not even girly or soapy and I haven’t gotten to see an episode in months because he’s not interested. But ask me how much baseball I’ve seen this year.)

          He also never apparently got taught that sometimes you suck it up, put on a happy face and are nice because that’s what you’re expected to do. I don’t know if that’s because as an only child you don’t get hauled to siblings’ recitals and games when you aren’t interested or if it’s because if an only child sulks you can just leave them be until they get over it, but it’s probably his least charming personality trait. Maybe he’d be like that anyway. Maybe it has nothing to do with siblings or not. Maybe it’s a family thing. But more than anything else that sense of “sometimes you just suck it up and do it” is why I want my little one to have a sibling.

          • CPA Lady says

            My husband is like that when he’s forced to do things he doesn’t want to and he’s one of four. Something that “One and Only” book talks about is how we link a lot of irritating attributes of only children to their status as only children rather than their personalities or upbringing. Your husband’s parents could have taught him to suck it up and put on a happy face. Surely there were things in his childhood he had to do that he didn’t want to. My husbands parents are really okay with their kids expressing their negative emotions to a point that I don’t understand. My parents were the opposite, where we were never allowed to have any negative emotions whatsoever. I think there is some middle ground there and it has more to do with how you parent than how many children you have.

          • H says

            Eh, my dad has 3 brothers and he can’t compromise or to just let the other person have their way without animosity.

          • MDMom says

            Yea, my husband is a spoiled youngest child and can be a pain about having to do stuff he doesn’t want to do. I, the middle of three (and not the only or first of my gender), am great at sucking it up. But I am very protective of my privacy and personal space (a concern raised by prior poster) so not sure having siblings will help vs ameliorate that problem. That might have nothing to do with siblings, or maybe it makes someone with those tendencies more vigilant about protecting their space.

          • Em says

            Yep, my BIL is one of 4 (middle child) and has horrifically selfish qualities, even when it comes to his children, but his family life was pretty messed up. I am the youngest of two and can also be pretty selfish and protective of my privacy and personal space, but I am great at sucking it up with anyone who isn’t my close family. I think this is more a parenting style thing than a sibling thing.

          • +1 says

            I’m married to an only child and you literally just described him perfectly. I really think it is due to him being an only child and never having to compromise, share, or grit his teeth to get through something he doesn’t want to do because it’s important to someone else.

            To his credit, he realizes this, and is working on it (though it’s tough). He also definitely wants us to have more than one kid because he feels like being an only child hurt him more than it helped him.

    • CLMom says

      I should mention, he started this conversation with, “I don’t think I want to have a second child, but I think it’s unfair to CLMbaby not to.” So, you would think, he would be easy to convince, but when he believes something and it jives with his value system, then it’s hard to get him to change.
      By the way, my retort was, “I don’t think it’s right to bring a child into this world if we don’t want it.”

    • Sarabeth says

      Yeah, there’s basically no data to support your husband’s position. Here’s an article: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/09/opinion/sunday/only-children-lonely-and-selfish.html

      FWIW, I’m an only and this line of thought drives me bananas. I’m not a lonely, selfish person, I promise. My childhood was pretty great, and the ways in which it wasn’t perfect would not have been any better if I had had siblings. As an adult, I have a close friend whom I consider a sister (she’s also an only child).

      • Anonymous says

        +1 I’m an only and I really, really hate the “only children are selfish” argument. All the research I’ve read suggests there’s no evidence for it and that hasn’t been my experience either, as many of my dearest lifelong friends are only children. My childhood was great and I think I’m a kind, considerate person who is capable of sharing and thinking of others. I also have two BFFs who are like sisters to me (one from middle school on, another from freshman year of college on), plus another not-quite-sister but very close friend and all three of them are also only children (anecdotally, I’ve observed that only children seek each other out).

        My in-laws ask all the time when we’re having a second and say “Only children turn out terribly” and glance pointedly in my direction. It makes me feel as fantastic as you can imagine.

    • ChiLaw says

      I am talking about this with my therapist. I am working through some pretty significant PPD/A and birth trauma stuff, and what I am trying hard to do is separate out the *reasons* I don’t want to have a second into fear-based reasons and more reasonable reasons.

      A few months ago I called my sister about something my daughter was doing, and she said, “remember, when you were her age you always did that too!” And I was hit by this pang of, if my daughter remains an only, she won’t have that forever-friendship of a sibling.

    • Anonymous says

      I think the real benefit to having a sibling is that there is less pressure on each child. I have a step sister lawyer and an engineer brother and nobody cared that I went to art school. I got pregnant with my first the year my brother bought a house and he called me to thank me for “falling on that grenade.” And I felt that my parents had to be happy that one of their kids was economically solvent.

      I’ve known a couple of people who had to bear the weight of all their family’s hopes and dreams (their parents picked out their grad school, constant harassment about grand babies, etc.). The majority of these people were only children. But that’s a family dynamic that happens in other families too. Only you know if you are at risk of being terribly disappointed if your one and only decides they never want children (or can’t have them) or decides they’d rather move to Finland and become an MMA fighter (true story of one of the only children I knew growing up!). If you’d truly be okay with your kid deciding to work retail their whole adult life so they can surf and read Russian novels (what my dad said I could do if I wanted to, as long as I went to college first) then your kid will be fine. If your kid must reach a certain level of success for you to be happy with them, seriously consider spreading that burden out.

  4. JEB says

    Any tips on instituting time-outs for an almost 2 year old? In general, when she tests boundaries, we either ignore her (there are certain things she does just to get a reaction) or we redirect her. But there are times when I feel like we need to be more direct, like when she hits us or the dog, which she’s started doing with some regularity. I try putting her in the same chair for a “time out,” meaning she has to sit there for like 30 seconds-1 minute while I turn my back. She immediately jumps off the chair, and when I put her back, she thinks it’s a hilarious game. What do I need to do for her to understand that it’s a punishment? Or is a short time-out not a good strategy for a 2 year old? Any other suggestions for curbing the hitting?

    • Anonymous says

      put her in a pack and play. At 2 they won’t stay on a chair. I often leave 1-2 small book in the pack and play and set the oven timer for 2 minutes. Being super consistent really helps (like every single time, even when it’s inconvenient for you). “No hitting” and “If you can’t play nice, you have to take a break from playing” is the language I use. ‘punishment’ doesn’t really work with two year olds, they need to be redirected – physically pick up and move her and show her an acceptable activity; or for repeated not listening, taking a break from playing.

    • Closet Redux says

      2 is pretty young to grasp the reason for/ purpose of a time-out. When my kiddo was that little we did “time-in” where I would immediately remove her from the problematic situation and we would both go sit in a chair and have at tiny talk about what she did wrong (e.g. you hit the dog and that hurts her. I wont let you hurt the dog. our hands are for touching gently. will you touch the dog gently?)– maybe 20 seconds– then return to the scene and do the right thing (e.g. touch the dog gently). I’m sure different kids react differently but we found time-out to be useless until kiddo was almost 3.

      • AnonMN says

        +1 for “time-ins” for a young 2 year old. My son thought time out was a funny funny game of “run away from mommy for as long as it takes for her patience to wear out” so I started doing time-ins. He HATED them as he couldn’t be playing/having fun. Now that he is older (almost 3) time outs are working great because he is better equipped to understand the concept of “I am going to keep putting you back until you stay for 2 minutes” or “if you leave the spot them I am going to close the door until your time out is over” (he hates being alone, so we used that against him, which is super terrible of us, I know. But so is repeatedly hitting the dog/your brother/your mom, so, you win some, you lose some). I’m not sure when the switch happened though.

      • Another BigLaw Parent says

        We mostly do “time in” but with the parent who was not involved. For example, 2 yo daughter is sitting on my lap and hits me. I set her down on the floor and say, “That’s not ok. Hitting hurts. Go tell Daddy that you hit Mommy.” (This is said loud enough so the other parent can hear and knows child is coming their way.) My husband then picks her up for the 20 seconds or so others have described “Did you hit Mommy?” “Yes.” “We don’t hit because hitting…” “Hurts.” (child fills in the blank as “hurts”; repeating common phrase at our house.) “Yes, and when you hit Mommy, that hurt her. Let’s go apologize to Mommy.” We then walk her through what an apology looks like. She says sorry, I say I forgive her, we give hugs, then go back to playing.

        We do it this way so that we are not disciplining out of anger. The non-involved parent does the disciplining. It sounds long/involved from my description, but takes maybe 1-2 minutes per time. This has been really effective because she has to go “confess” her wrongdoing to the other parent. So if she’s faked hitting me a few times I can say, “do you need to go talk to Daddy?” and she’ll say “No” and stop. Same deal if you reverse the parents (Dad as victim, Mom as third-party arbitrator.)

        We have only recently started to do time outs after escalating behavior and time-ins being unsuccessful. So if she hit me say, 3x in short succession despite the above, she has to sit in her bed until I come back (usually in about 1 minute). Then we repeat the rule-apology cycle and go back. Hope that helps!

    • Anonymous says

      I’m just following. I have a just under two year old who violently hits me, his brother, his father, the dog, etc when he gets frustrated and he knows he should not and then purposefully does it again. I struggle between finding a method of response/discipline that we can consistently do/he can respond to at his age, and that fact that hitting (he hits to hurt literally as hard as he can – nobody else in our family is at all physically violent or even physically animated and we just have no idea how to deal with this) is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE and I’m not going to let him keep doing it for another year. The idea of the pack and play is fascinating to me.

      • Betty says

        Any chance this is a frustration/inability to otherwise express emotions issue? My daughter (3) still occasionally hits when she gets mad or frustrated and lacks the ability to express it or the emotions are so big that she cannot express herself in the moment. We also did time-ins with her and also taught her to stomp her feet and tell the target (generally her older brother) that she is mad. We will hold her hands and say, “I am not going to let you use your hands to hurt. If you want to stomp and yell that you are mad, I will let your hands go.” In our experience, this is not a quick method of disciplining/teaching but it has really helped both of our kids learn to express themselves and their emotions in a more healthy way. (This is important to me as I grew up in a family where “negative” emotions were not ok.)

    • NOVA Anon says

      I have a newly-minted 2-year-old, and I have just started doing time outs in his crib when he does something very bad (like hitting). Usually, he’s in our basement when it happens, so I immediately scoop him up, speak sternly to him while carrying him kicking and screaming up two flights of stairs about what he did wrong, and then put him in the crib and leave, closing the door, for two minutes. He screams the entire time, but as soon as I come back in, he stops screaming. I then say to him “do you know why you got a time out?” and he responds with whatever it was he did wrong (“hitting”, etc.). Then we talk again about how we don’t hit. Seems to be working.

      I had tried something like a “time in” (pull him aside, hold him in one place, and count slowly to twenty; then talk about what he did wrong) but he liked it too much – looked at it as extra cuddle time with mom (which he already gets lots of). So I had to get stern.

    • Preggo Again! says

      We strap them into the high chair to avoid it becoming a fun game. We set a time (one minute per year so the one year old gets a minute and the two year old gets two) and then ignore the kid. No books, no seeing the TV, they just need to sit there. When the time goes off we have a discussion, make them apologize if necessary, and move on.

  5. Pigpen's Mama says

    I’ve got another potty training question (I think potty training maybe the Mom’s site’s FLEECE TIGHTS, btw). And I did search the comments!

    Has anyone used training pants? I’ve given daycare the okay on starting training, she’s just over 2, half her classmates are in underwear and she’s interested. I thought about the bootcamp, read the book, and realized there was no way in hell either of us could be housebound (ish) for the time it would take to train.

    Her daycare teacher said her method is to just put them on the potty every 45 min- 1hr, she’s starting that now and we’ll do the same at home. In a few weeks she said to transition to old school training pants with a plastic cover. She doesn’t recommend pullups and real underwear is too messy for accidents.

    Does anyone have training pants they recommend? What about a portable potty/insert for when we’re out an about– I haven’t figured out how to hold her on a full-size toilet so she doesn’t just slip in (that would probably scar us all!).

    I’m still not 100% convinced this is the way to go, but our daycare teacher seems to have a lot more experience in this than I do and I definitely want her buy-in.

    Thanks!

    • Betty says

      I could never find the old school training pants, but what about regular underwear with a pull-up on top? We have a baby bjorn potty that we kept in the back of the car, along with a stash of paper towels and plastic bags, for trips out and about. As for holding her on a full-size toilet, I have my daughter sit sideways and hold on to her. I also keep a stash of post-it notes in my purse to put on top of automatic toilet flush sensors because nothing is more traumatic than finally getting your kid to sit on a public toilet only to have it flush, spray cold water on the poor child mid-stream, deal with the immediate aftermath and then the resulting refusal to go anywhere near a public toilet for a very long time.

    • avocado says

      “Training pants” can refer to two different things: the plastic cover, and the thick underwear that go underneath. I couldn’t find any plastic pants that didn’t leak, so I put a pull-up over the underwear-style training pants.

      Re. public restrooms, our preschool had toilets with full-sized seats, so our daughter quickly learned not to fall in. If you hold her near the front of the seat she should be fine. In our experience, the terrifying auto-flush was more of a problem than falling in. A post-it note over the motion detector will keep it from flushing prematurely.

      • In House Lobbyist says

        I love the thicker panties referred to as training pants and use them a lot with my potty trained 3 year old. I buy them on Amazon.

    • K. says

      We got Green Sprouts training pants that have a waterproof insert in them but are otherwise thick underwear. They are not waterproof, but they work pretty well. I use a Bumpkins cloth diaper cover that is a pull down one rather than snaps when we are out.

      For public bathrooms, we got a folding potty seat from Ama zon that is great. Even fits in my purse. Our little one is tiny, so it helps!

    • POSITA says

      Boot camp may not take as long as you think. We were done and going on outings after about 24 hours and she was pretty well trained after 3 normal days with just extra reminders. We only had 1-2 pee accidents per week during the first month (waiting too long) and 1-2 per month for the next few months. Never had a poop accident. It really wasn’t a big deal at all. We never did training underware. She was 27 months.

  6. JP says

    Any parenting books (or just ideas/strategies) to recommend that discuss how to raise emotionally resilient children? In my volunteer work (and, for that matter, in the college classrooms where I teach), I encounter so many kids, teens, and young people who seem so fragile. They don’t know how to deal with disappointment or the idea that everything they do isn’t perfect and that’s okay. If I give out A-‘s and B+’s, my office basically gets stormed because “I studied hard and therefore deserve an A.” I want my kids to feel good about themselves, but I also don’t want to impede their ability to function in a world that might not think they are as perfect as their parents think they are.

    Related–did anyone read the NY Times article on the “playborhood”? What did you think? I was infuriated by how boyhood-centric (and anti-woman) the whole thing was, and I’m having trouble separating out my disdain for the dad himself versus the ideas he’s promoting.

    • Closet Redux says

      Yeah this guy is a straight-up misogynist. I couldn’t read the whole thing despite being really interested in the concept. Pass.

      • Betty says

        Agreed. I made it several paragraphs in and then couldn’t continue (I think it was the part where he lamented that the word “sissy” is no longer acceptable).

        • Spirograph says

          I made it all the way through and it didn’t get any better. He played with a deaf child and one who was mentally/developmentally handicapped as a kid because he and his friends didn’t want to “stoop to girls” to get enough kids for their games. The point he was trying to make is ok, but it all seems like using a flamethrower on a fly.

          My non thru street has a pack of 1-12 year olds, of which at least a subset is outside every day after school as long as the weather is nice. But then, i guess we’re “lower or middle class” where these uncivilized things still happen. I love my neighborhood.

    • Betty says

      Not pure parenting books, but many of Brene Brown’s books deal with resiliency. Daring Greatly is amazing.

    • avocado says

      I would start by reading Carol Dweck’s Mindset. It is all about the benefits of having a “growth mindset” that allows you to learn from mistakes, as opposed to a “fixed mindset” that assumes that talent is inborn and performance is preordained. Unfortunately it doesn’t have much practical advice for fostering a growth mindset, but it’s a starting point.

      Re. the “playborhood” article–that dude is a reckless misogynist who will change his tune when one of his kids breaks his neck. Our middle-class suburban street functions very well as a “playborhood” without the insane risk that he is intentionally subjecting his kids to. There is a whole pack of kids, girls and boys ranging from toddlers to sixth-graders, who play together several times a week, running freely from yard to yard. There are always a few parents around, not interfering in the kids’ play but enforcing helmet rules and making sure nobody gets hit by a car.

      • mascot says

        Agreed that this guy is taking crazy risks. The brain of a child isn’t fully developed enough to appreciate the risks, hence why having some adults to make those decisions seems practical. Even the numbers in the article seem off. Only x kids die from falls? Ok, well how much of that is because the adults in their lives keep kids off of roofs and secure the windows? Falls are dangerous at all ages. Think about the stories you hear of adults falling from ladders/roofs doing home repairs.

        Dweck’s mindset writings are interesting. Along those lines, How Children Succeed by Paul Tough is also a good read.

    • JTX says

      That “playborhood” article is infuriating. I agree that kids need free play and outdoor play, but disagree with the notion that it should involve a high degree of risk and be completely free from parental involvement or monitoring. He seems to think very little of women and girls. I would love to hear his wife’s perspective.

    • Anononymous says

      I used to teach an after school “enrichment” class to kids. And the younger ones still had very good bullsh*t detectors. If they messed up and you just praised them they knew you were lying. So I’d always try to frame it as “X was excellent. Let’s see if we can make Y as good as X by…” By ten or so, though a LOT of them had lost that ability to tell you were just saying nice things and took criticism to heart. So whatever you do, start early.

    • CPA Lady says

      Are you okay with your kid getting a B? Really okay with it? Because I kind of am one of those students you are talking about (though I never went to the professor about it. I would have been too embarrassed), and for me it stemmed from a parental directive that anything less than an A was unacceptable.

      One of my less proud moments was when, at age 26, I found myself crying uncontrollably when my therapist told me that it was okay to get a B in a class that I was taking when I was working full time and in school full time. I wasn’t crying because I was relieved, I was crying because I was angry because she was SO WRONG, because to get anything less than an A = failure.

      So I think part of it starts at home with your own attitude towards not just big blow up failures, but smaller failures like when your kid is capable of getting an A but gets a B for whatever reason. The How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk book has really good info on how to talk about disappointments and frustrations in a healthy way. I also have an older friend with five grown sons, and she said that what she always told them when they were growing up was that as long as they didn’t bring a person into this world or take a person out of it, most mistakes could be fixed or recovered from.

      • Anonymous says

        Hahaha So glad I’m not the only one like this. My mom said this to me when I was taking a class while working full time and had a two under two. And told me that she had gotten a B in one class when she was single parenting 3 kids and taking a full course load. Hearing it from her made it more OK than I ever could have convinced myself, otherwise.

  7. Anon says

    Hope I’m not too late in the day with this question.

    We are due with baby one next month and are attending newborn care classes at the local hospital. We don’t have time at this point to attend the labor and delivery classes – none are scheduled before the due date. Has anyone had experience with online classes that tell you things like when to know you should go to the hospital, information about the birth, etc.? When you look it up online there are a million options, so just trying to find out if anyone here has liked an online class.

    • Anonymous says

      Can you call the hospital and ask for a tour of the labor and delivery area?

      Birthing practices are incredibly varied across hospitals so it’s really only useful to know what your particular hospitals standard practices are (and if you do/do not want to deviate from those and the procedure for doing so).

      E.g. between my first and second baby, my hospital went from allowing two people in labor room to two people plus doula. On my second baby we had to be a bit sneaky to avoid the bath within 24 hours and two months later it was official hospital policy. Hospitals vary incredibly and their policies change over time. You need to find out the current situation at your local hospital, anything else is guessing.

    • MomAnon4This says

      Ask your doctor what s/he expects — they might have a book or pamphlet or website to point you to, or ask the hospital or the nurse giving the newborn care class.

    • Anon says

      I don’t have any experience with the online classes, but I also want to calm your fears and tell you that I didn’t attend a L&D class at all with my first, nor am I doing it this time with my second. I did read a lot of books and articles from online sites, but I managed ok without any actual “instruction.” You do you, but if you’re not planning a specific type of unmedicated delivery (i.e., Bradley method or hypnobabies or something), you can probably get the information from a book or written resource.

    • CLMom says

      FWIW, I took zero childbirth classes and delivered like a pro. I read a lot online, so I generally knew what to expect, and somehow the physical part came naturally…although the epidural helped. If I had 24+ hours of actual labor pains, I might have needed a better game plan mentally. But with the epidural, I basically just slept until it was time to push.

    • EP-er says

      I didn’t attend any birthing classes before delivery, as I was scheduled for a class two weeks after my first arrived…I remember being in denial about premature labor & as it was clear they couldn’t stop it telling my nurse “I CAN’T HAVE MY BABY. I DIDN’T TAKE THE CLASS YET!” Ha. The baby comes anyway!

      My doctor gave me specific instructions on when to call her, when to head to the hospital, etc. With my second, I read the Bradley book at home. I figured if I winged it the first time, I could do it again. I would definitely try to get a Labor & Delivery Tour so that you can see how they are set up & what the hospital’s rules are.

      Good luck with the delivery!

    • Katala says

      Chiming in to agree that it’s hospital-specific. We took the L&D class at our hospital, the info was super basic/not that helpful other than the procedures specific to the hospital and the tour. I’m sure you can just do the tour and ask questions on things that are important to you then. Even armed with all my info, I was induced early and everything went differently than planned. It all turned out great though. Good luck!

  8. Anon in NOVA says

    hmmm I’m a huge fan of Banana Republic’s sloan pant, I wonder if this would be a suitable machine-washable alternative?

      • Anon in NOVA says

        I notice my sloans really start to show the wear and tear of the machine quickly

    • Anonymous says

      I don’t have these, but I have the Target version of the Nic & Zoe pant and I honestly love them. I bought two pairs. I wash them and they dry a bit rough, but honestly it comes out with wear and I don’t bother to iron.

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