Everyone Thursday: Two-Button Herringbone Blazer

Venting. We’re building a deck on the back of our townhouse. We’re on the end so have only one next door neighbor. Back in August when we were starting the process, we told our neighbors just as a sort of friendly heads-up. We’ve always had a good relationship with them and even though our building a deck was going to be a negative for them no matter what (when your yards are so close together, it just will be), we wanted to be as helpful as we could. Between getting the county permit and HOA sign-off, we were only able to have the contractor start work on it last week. On Tuesday morning, my neighbor accosted me as I was leaving my house, saying they were so upset about the deck, it was so high and so big, and it was so close to her patio and they were just so upset. I said I was sorry she was upset but that we had gotten the proper permissions and had all the right set-backs (I *think* I used a fairly sympathetic voice saying this). I also said that I had hoped we’d have been able to work out any problems through the HOA, and that the HOA had approved it. She said well they were still very upset. About 1/3 of the houses in our development have decks and of those about 1/3 have larger decks, like the one we’re building (it extends across the whole back of our house). As for the height, it’s at the same level as our main level, which in the back of the house, is not quite a full story off the ground (we’re on a hill, so we have a walk-out basement in the back). It just couldn’t be any other height.

I called my husband and we talked it over and agreed we’d invite the neighbors over this weekend to let them walk on the deck and see how the part we’ll be using most will be on the far side from their patio and that the part closest to them is just the stairs.

Then I found out she had gone and talked to our contractor and asked him if they could put up a trellis on our deck to screen the view of her patio! I mean, if she wanted to talk to him just to ask about what the dimensions of the deck would be, eh, not great but also not a big deal. But where on earth does she get the idea that she can make suggestions to my contractor about work to be done on our property that we’re paying for?

Finally, this morning, I was getting back from a run when the workmen arrived. Lo and behold, they were carrying in a piece of latticework that was just the size to be a trellis. My husband was still home so he went and talked to the guys and found out they were planning to install it on the deck. I’m flabbergasted. I didn’t think my neighbor would try to give instructions to my workmen and I certainly didn’t think I’d have to prevent the workmen from following them!

The plus side is that the HOA is on our side. Apparently the neighbor called the HOA chairman on Monday and he talked with her for over 30 min to explain why we were entirely within our rights. I’m just so annoyed. We gave them an early heads-up so they could raise any issues before things got underway. That was back in August and we didn’t begin work until two months later, plenty of time for them to reach out to the HOA, or to ask us for more details about our plans (we see them in passing on a regular basis, or, you know, they could come knock on our door). Even if they didn’t realize what it would really look like until it was actually built, they could have (1) s*cked it up. We live in townhouses. This is the way townhouses are. Or (2) Approached us in a non-ambush and asked if we could talk about possible solutions to help keep the privacy. We would have been 100% willing to work with them. Accosting me as I’m heading to my car to go to work, complaining about us to the HOA AFTER the plan has been approved and significant work has been done, and then trying to give instructions to our contractor is absolutely not the way to handle this.

Ultimately we have everything on our side, and I know we’ll be fine in terms of having the deck built. But I really don’t want there to be bad blood between us. We do live kind of on top of each other and I really am not thrilled about ongoing weirdness or hostility. Ugh. So there’s my vent. Total first world problem, but makes me never, ever want to build anything ever again. And this is just a deck!

I have a lot of anxiety/fear about being pregnant and giving birth. When I was younger, I had a nebulous idea that the process would be uncomfortable/painful but overall it would be fine. As I get older, it’s getting much worse. I feel physically uncomfortable (slight nausea, muscles tense up, just generally bad) anytime I encounter the idea of pregnancy/birth – thinking about it or reading about it or hearing about it from friends.

I think part of it is that the many of my friends and my husband are in the medical profession, while I am not. And so a lot of what I hear is very clinical, probably too detailed for a lay person, and often relates to serious complications from pregnancy/birth (medical professionals don’t tend to share stories about uncomplicated patients).

Similarly, a lot of what I end up reading is worst case scenario (e.g. the post here about birth experiences) because people are not often inspired to write about completely uneventful birth/pregnancy experiences.

I have always wanted children and do not experience any of the same stress about raising children, it’s really the physical stuff.

Obvious answer is see a therapist, which I will as I have seen one occasionally for situational anxiety before.

Did anyone else experience this? Does it just go away when you’re ready to have kids (as I’m a few years away from trying)? Other thoughts?

My toddler is having trouble recently adjusting to baby. Lots of tantrums and “up! Up!” Demands. Honestly, we are giving her 95 percent of our attention already, not sure hos to give her more!

I know this is normal, but how long did this phase last with your kids? She LOVES the baby and was great for the first three months.