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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 80 Comments · by

Everyone Thursday: Two-Button Herringbone Blazer

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A woman wearing a Two-Button Herringbone Blazer.Call me crazy, but I always love a good tweed blazer. What’s great about this olivey color is that you can wear it with jeans as well as well as neutral pants for work. It’s $149, available in sizes 2-14, at Macy’s. Tommy Hilfiger Two-Button Herringbone Blazer (L-all)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

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Comments

  1. CPA Lady says

    My two year old nearly missed a step going into daycare this morning, and I’m almost certain she said “oh sh*t”…

    Uhm… what do y’all do about swearing? This may be a good time to admit that she learned that kind of language from me.

    • CLMom says

      Slightly different, but my 11 month old learned to pick her nose. (NOT from me, but another family member.)
      You should have seen her in her Snow White costume digging for gold like she was one of the seven dwarfs! Embarrassing and cute and disgusting.

    • Anonymous says

      We don’t swear in front of the kids. I wish DH has stopped because I pushed it but in reality he only stopped when his brother had a kid and complained about DH swearing in front of his kid. Before that, it was shrugged off as me being uptight. My daughter’s asking my MIL what certain things mean has also reigned MIL in.

      Our response if she learns it from elsewhere is “I don’t care what Susie says. We don’t use that language in our family.”

    • Betty says

      My five year old can drop a perfectly timed “da*nit.” I am amazed that that is all that he has picked up from me (especially when I drive). When I was sure that I had heard him clearly, we talked about how some words are appropriate for public/school/church and others are not. It is ok to have words to express frustration or to feel naughty (i.e. my 3 year old’s love of saying poop), but they must be used at the appropriate time. I remember reading in Bringing Up Bebe how the French allow their toddlers to have their own curse words, and I grew up in the military hearing much worse (not to mention the cadence that I learned to sing at 5) but knowing when it was appropriate.

    • Story time says

      Here is my mother in law’s favorite story about my husband. When he was 4 or so, she misplaced something and was running around the house looking for it. My husband looked up at her innocently and said “mommy, did you say f#ck it yet? Every time you do, you find it!”

    • HSAL says

      My daughter just turned one and we’re trying to rein it in. I know it’ll happen though – I do like the distinction of when certain words are appropriate, but I feel like that’s more suited for older kids.

    • avocado says

      We try not to swear in front of our 9-year-old. When it accidentally happens, we usually say something like “oops, should have thought before I spoke!” We let her watch TV shows and movies and read books that include swearing. We explain that the swearing is intentionally included to help define the characters or establish the setting or context.

      We have explained the meanings of some swear words but not others, and explained that there are varying levels of offensiveness and contexts in which some minor swearing by adults is accepted. The main message that we try to get across is that swearing is an adult behavior that requires a mature understanding of the context and potential consequences and therefore should not be engaged in by children who have not yet developed the necessary judgment and awareness, sort of like drinking alcohol.

        • Anonymous says

          Me too! My 3 year old has said “damnit” a few times, and I haven’t been able to craft a better respmse than “that isn’t a nice word for little boys to say” fully recognizing that he picked it up from dh and me (although we try not to swear in front of the kids), so I need a little better explanation of why its ok for us and not him. I think this is it. Dumbed down for a preschooler, of course. He already states that he can’t use knives or drink beer until he “gets big” so it should fit in that context.

    • MomAnon4This says

      We called it driving words for years — it was ok to say if you were driving a car.
      That way, we tried to reign it in, and the kiddo was never driving, so it worked for awhile :)
      Until school.

  2. Anon says

    My toddler is having trouble recently adjusting to baby. Lots of tantrums and “up! Up!” Demands. Honestly, we are giving her 95 percent of our attention already, not sure hos to give her more!

    I know this is normal, but how long did this phase last with your kids? She LOVES the baby and was great for the first three months.

    • Anonymous says

      You’re getting past the honeymoon phase and the next phase of competing for attention will probably last a lot longer.

      1. There’s a great Daniel Tiger episode where the tag line is “There’s time for you and baby too” and he learns to wait while his sister needs help. We watched that a lot.

      2. We always emphasize that baby has to wait sometimes too. So like getting ready to leave, baby in bucket seat and fussing while I’m putting on toddler’s boots – I’ll expressly say “Baby you have to wait, I’m helping Toddler now.” Overemphasize any times that baby has to wait.

      3. Multitasking – reading books or assembling puzzles can be done while nursing.

    • Spirograph says

      This is right around when they sibling rivalry kicked in for my toddler after new baby was born. For us, it was about 2 months of intense frustration and clinginess, and then a few more months of the toddler needing to be watched very closely to ensure he didn’t physically hurt the baby (hitting, mostly). For what it’s worth, once it passes you’ll probably have a good long while of them getting along mostly great. Mine have been best friends for a year now. I’m sure that won’t last forever either, bit I’m enjoying it while I can!

  3. GCA says

    Grr, late weaning. Help. We’re merely night weaning, and my 17-month-old cries and CRIES AND CRIES when told at night that: he has drunk all of mama’s milk, would he like some water and cuddles instead (‘no…no…no’), we know he’s sad that there is no milk right now (‘milk! milk!’), that big boys don’t need mama’s milk, and that there will be milk in the morning.
    Is this approach doomed? Does anyone have any tips?

    • anon says

      band-aids on your chest at night. milk has an owie, redirect kid’s attention elsewhere. Kids seem to understand when something is hurt versus just not available to them.

    • Anonymous says

      I’d avoid “big boys don’t need mama’s milk” as this will just make him feel bad about his desire. I’d have your DH do night wakings for at least a week or two. You toughed it out with night feedings for this long, so he can get up for a few weeks. He can go to bed earlier to get a chunk of sleep before they start. Does he have a stuffie? If you go in at night instead of DH, don’t hold him in BF position, rest his head on your shoulder while you rock him. Extra touches and holding in daytime to satisfy his need for closeness. Do offer water in a bottle or sippy? I’d stick with a bottle until he’s weaned at night to satisfy his urge to suck. Once he’s over that change, you can switch to a sippy.

      • Navy Attorney says

        All of this. We did it when I had two back-to-back business trips, so DH had to do wake ups anyway. It was easier since I wasn’t around to default to. We gave her bottles of cow’s milk and a paci. When I returned I would give the bath, but not do bedtime.

      • GCA says

        Thanks. All great ideas, especially the stuffie and not holding in BF position, and I have a short (5 day) business trip coming up in November. Lots of snuggles during the day, and I still nurse at daycare pickup and before bed. So just trying to get rid of the 2 night feeds, which are pretty much 100% comfort at this point. We offer paci and water in a small straw cup – he hasn’t had a bottle in 5 months now – but he very clearly says no to both!

        • Anonymous says

          Try a different paci? My youngest didn’t want a pacifier until he weaned but then he took one that was totally different from the one his sister liked. It was an Aventi.

  4. JEB says

    Thanks for the time-out and time-in tips yesterday. I hadn’t considered a time-in, and I’m looking forward to giving it a shot! And I don’t know why I didn’t think about using the pack-n-play for time-outs…sometimes I wonder where my brain has gone.

  5. Anon says

    AHHHH – terrible morning getting out of the house today. Long night, no sleep, unexpectedly had to handle morning rush solo, which made me furious. I yelled at my 2 year old b/c he wouldn’t stop crying. Already been feeling guilty b/c I just don’t give him the same, calm attention my older kid got at this age — and he’s super not into hugging or snuggling, so in my more guilt-wracked moments, I worry that I should be doing a better job of parenting him. So, that didn’t help. Put myself in my room for a time-out to calm down. Was doing better, but then older kid had an incident with wiping after going to the bathroom that resulted in me needing to run upstairs to get him. In the two minutes I was upstairs, my 2 year old got outside b/c broken door is still broken. He was in the fenced in portion of our patio, but still. Terrifying. Then, noticed wiping incident had soiled older kid’s clothing, and needed a full wardrobe change, which happened in the driveway. Finally, at drop off, my 4 year old cried pretty hysterically and wouldn’t let go of me, which never happens (anymore). Dangit. I feel terrible. Also, reading this makes me sound fairly negligent and like an awful parent. But I”m not, and I know I”m not. Today was just. Bad.

    • anon says

      Bad days happen. They do not make you a bad mother, or a bad person. I hope that your afternoon/evening are the exact opposite of the morning. Hang in there!

    • Legally Brunette says

      It happens to all of us. I had a rough morning recently with my kids and there was a lot of yelling going on. My cleaners, who were in the house that morning, later sent me a text reminding me that kids are a blessing from G*d!!! You can imagine how profoundly mortified I felt.

      • Em says

        I’m so sorry but I laughed out loud at this. I get it, but I still would have been tempted to text them back a middle finger emoji. Everyone has bad days and your kids will probably have forgotten about this morning by the time you pick them up in the afternoon.

        • Legally Brunette says

          I agree, it’s really funny when I think back on the incident. But at the time, I immediately burst into tears and felt horribly guilty. And then I felt I had to send a text in response explaining why I had yelled.

          But it was also a good reminder that I need to control my emotions with my kids, and especially so when others are around!

      • Anon says

        THis actually made me laugh too. I omitted this from my story, but our yard guys were outside when 2 year old got out. 2 and the yard guys LOVE each other b/c the 2 yr old loves mowers and loud noises. So he stands at the door and watches/waves to them all morning long (now that I think about this, he must have gone out to see them better — don’t worry, door is being fixed today). But, I came out face to face with the youngish guy on the crew warily keeping an eye on my 2 year old, and likely wondering WTF was going on.

        Oh Lawdy. And good point regarding talking to them. After putting myself upstairs for a time out (b/c it was really my husband I was mad at, not the kids), I came down and apologized to them both. Told them I loved them both, but was having a hard time this morning, and needed their help working as a team to get out the door together. They both did great after that — except I think I embarrassed my 4 year old when I went to give him a hug as he was getting in the car and was like POOP! THERE’S POOP ON YOUR SHIRT. Hence, tears at drop-off.

        Husband is coming home early. I am getting a margarita(s) with a friend.

        • Anonymous says

          “I came down and apologized to them both. Told them I loved them both, but was having a hard time this morning, and needed their help working as a team to get out the door together.”

          This is awesome! You did great!

          • Momata says

            Between this and your personal time-out – you’re my hero. I would describe this morning as a parenting success, not a failure.

          • Anon says

            Tears. Thanks for the support, all. It really does make me feel better to type it out and regain some humor and perspective at situation. Very thankful for this (non-judgmental) group. “What ifs” about 2 getting out, and the extremely unusual tears from the 4 yr were nagging at me, but I’ll take it as lessons learned – moving forward now.

            And, FWIW, it was very effective to get the 4 year old on board by telling him I was having a hard time and asking for his help to get out the door. He immediately shifted gears to Go Team Mom+Kids. I don’t remember where I read the suggestion, but it was far more effective than repeatedly saying “We’re going to be late! Put your shoes on NOW” basically into the wind.

          • TBK says

            This is huge. Knowing everyone messes up sometimes but what’s important is that you recognize it and apologize, and knowing that even if you were mad, you still love them.

        • anon says

          Nothing in your story makes me think you are remotely a bad mom, just human. And rather patient at that!

      • SC says

        I haven’t experienced this in parenting yet. But when I was in law school, DH and I lived in a very small, first-floor apartment that shared a wall with the building lobby. The doormen could hear us whenever we fought and would try to give us marriage counseling afterwards. It was always mortifying.

        • RossandRachel says

          Happened to me too! Before I moved in with an old boyfriend, we took a “break,” and predictably, he slept with someone even though I thought we were just cooling off but still exclusive. We spent much of that year living working through my anger. Whenever I drank, anger bubbled up – often loudly. We were in an older building, and I did not meet our downstairs neighbors until several months after we moved in. I remember mentioning something about our relationship, and I just recall the look they gave each other. And realizing that they probably had heard every. single. word. of our arguments, especially my emotionally laden drunken late night fury. So mortifying.

      • Betty says

        I laughed at this too but would have wanted to tell them a few things.

        Last week, my three year old was just having one of her mornings, which includes wanting to be the first one to go anywhere (down stairs, out the door, etc.). As we were getting ready to leave, she was upset because Daddy left the house first (two hours earlier but that was irrelevant to her), and she was sobbing/screaming holding on to the front door. The cleaners then opened the door she was holding, simultaneously terrifying her and pissing her off. As I ushered her still screaming out the door, I mumbled, “Sorry. Its not you, its her. She’s…. three.”

    • Anonymous says

      Bad mornings happen. You’re human. I’d actually talk to your kids about it when you get home. Talk about that Mom found it hard this morning – they have hard days too and it really helps them to know that grown ups have the same challenges sometimes.

    • EP-er says

      You are not negligent! Or awful! You did the best you could with some unexpected curve balls thrown at you, including wrangling two kids to day care all by yourself! You took a minute to yourself when you were feeling overwhelmed — that is great. Your two year old was NOT in danger, just outside in a fenced in area. Potty accidents still happen at 4, but at least older kid is trying to wipe! And crying at drop off is the worse, but you KNOW that he was fine after you left.

      Days like this are hard, but they aren’t all like this. Can you get in some extra snuggles at bed time tonight? And then have a glass of wine. Or have your partner handle bed time while you go to sleep early? I do hope you get more sleep tonight — everything is better with a little more sleep!

    • Spirograph says

      Oh hugs. My kids are about the same age as yours and this same morning has happened to me (minus the yard guys. Ours come in the afternoon. Kiddos escape to watch the garbage trucks instead.). You handled it wonderfully!

      If it makes you feel any better, I walked out of the room after dropping off my older kid at daycare this morning and was halfway down the hall before the teacher caught up to me to say I’d forgotten my baby, asleep in his car seat. Sooo yeah, parenting wins all around.

      Enjoy the margaritas!

  6. Anonymous says

    I have a lot of anxiety/fear about being pregnant and giving birth. When I was younger, I had a nebulous idea that the process would be uncomfortable/painful but overall it would be fine. As I get older, it’s getting much worse. I feel physically uncomfortable (slight nausea, muscles tense up, just generally bad) anytime I encounter the idea of pregnancy/birth – thinking about it or reading about it or hearing about it from friends.

    I think part of it is that the many of my friends and my husband are in the medical profession, while I am not. And so a lot of what I hear is very clinical, probably too detailed for a lay person, and often relates to serious complications from pregnancy/birth (medical professionals don’t tend to share stories about uncomplicated patients).

    Similarly, a lot of what I end up reading is worst case scenario (e.g. the post here about birth experiences) because people are not often inspired to write about completely uneventful birth/pregnancy experiences.

    I have always wanted children and do not experience any of the same stress about raising children, it’s really the physical stuff.

    Obvious answer is see a therapist, which I will as I have seen one occasionally for situational anxiety before.

    Did anyone else experience this? Does it just go away when you’re ready to have kids (as I’m a few years away from trying)? Other thoughts?

    • Anonymous says

      Avoid the medical talk. Tell your husband that he needs to cut it out with the pregnancy/childbirth medical talk around you.

      I had a hard time on my first but a wonderful, epidural free birth in an operating room on my subsequent twins – one vertex and second larger baby breech. (all twins deliver in an operating room at our hospital). It was uncomfortable but amazing to feel what my body was capable of. I don’t think I’m better in any way than someone that chose an elective c-section (each woman has their own journey) but I also don’t hide that I had a great experience and loved pregnancy and childbirth. And I know that awful things can happen (my sister lost her baby at 4o weeks), I’m not naive about that, but I don’t stop driving a car even if I know family members have had car accidents.

      I loved being pregnant, despite the swollen feet and no alcohol. Really wonderful and amazing to feel the baby growing inside of me. I always loved those months of having the baby all to myself. We’re done having kids and I’m so sad that I’ll never get to experience pregnancy again.

      Even before you’re actually pregnant, in addition to therapy, I’d suggest attending a fertility yoga class for a few weeks at least. You need to change the dialogue away from medical stuff and this might help you connect with your body in a different way.

      • Anonymous says

        Thanks. Fortunately, husband is in a different specialty so he’s not the sharer of horror stories. The re-framing point is helpful. I think it’s just that they view pregnancy/birth as a manageable medical condition, and I could probably benefit from a less clinical focus.

        • Anonymous says

          If it’s friends, I’d either ask them outright to not tell those stories around you or blatantly change the subject when they bring them up. You could role play doing that with your therapist. Ask your DH to help out with protecting you from the medical war stories.

          Less clinical focus for sure. Medical interventions are great when they are necessary (they saved my sister’s life) but like you said it’s easy for doctors to focus on the interesting/complicated cases and not as much on the boring/ordinary cases. Childbirth is actually so safe that in Great Britain, a midwife assisted home birth is the national standard of care for uncomplicated pregnancies. And I agree with ChiLaw below to change your goal to be not being afraid of pregnancy/childbirth instead of setting up an expectation that you’ll love it. If you love it, great! If not, that’s totally okay and doesn’t make you an inadequate woman or mom.

    • ChiLaw says

      As I’ve mentioned on here a few times, I generally did not like being pregnant (8 months of all the feeling of a hangover, with none of the fun of drinking…and then one month in the middle of having a kind of adorable tummy) and that birth was traumatic and bad for me. (This was a healthy, wanted pregnancy, then an emergency C, then a happy healthy beautiful baby.)

      I’m in therapy for all of that, because when people tease me “your daughter is so cute, you should have another!” I shut down the conversation and try to flee the room so they don’t see me crying. I wonder about whether I “don’t want” a second kid because I really don’t, or because I am too scared.

      I don’t think you have to think birth is great and empowering and an awesome thing your body does* to make a decision about whether you want to try for kids that isn’t motivated by fear. My goal (I have been talking to this therapist for a few months, and we start EMDR tonight!) is not to convince myself that birth is, or should be, an empowering stroll down a garden path, or even like an empowering hike through the woods with my foremothers. I want to be able to think of birth as an intense thing but not a so-scary-I-must-run-away thing. I want to know that there are risks and discomforts and pains, but to be able to look at them clear-headedly.

      I think that my goals (minus my personal trauma issues) might be good goals for you? The idea isn’t to just pretend there is no reason to be scared, but rather to have a perspective on your fear that doesn’t get in the way of thinking about your life decisions in a balanced way.

      * I read lots of Ina May when I was pregnant, and took the hippie crunchy birthing classes, and had a doula and did so, so, so many squats, and I was going to have this great, “I love my powerful body” experience with birth, and then I very much did NOT have that experience and it made me feel terrible about my body and my ‘failure’ as a mother and as a woman, so… I don’t know, I have deeply mixed feelings about the empowerment stories of birth.

        • ChiLaw says

          Yes, I loved that article and will queue it up to re-read today.

          Also OP, I hope my saying it was yucky and traumatic doesn’t read the wrong way. My point was just that even if it IS yucky and traumatic, we can deal with those negative elements in ways that don’t give them undue power. And though I am not sure if i will do it again with a new kid, if you gave me a chance to go back in time and decide not to get pregnant, knowing this wonderful kid I got out of that whole mess, I would sign up for the traumatic do-over in a heartbeat.

      • anon says

        This seems like good advice – birth is not necessarily a field on which to have a personal empowerment epiphany. I mean, I guess it can be, and that is great if it works out that way, but there is a lot that is beyond our control, so if you feel like you can make it be any particular way you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

        For the less rational, anxious mind worries (I have this mind too), I think I would try to create a mantra of reassurance for myself, like a list of basic facts – most people have healthy babies or the human race would be long gone; women have been having babies for thousands of years, even completely incompetent ones; your body will do the work even if you are scared (its almost like breathing, you can’t really stop it from happening); and that labor/birth is very time limited – you are not going to be suffering for days on end.

        FWIW, I have chronic anxiety and history of depression, and my symptoms really abated while I was pregnant. I hated being pregnant due to nausea, but I had a break from anxiety even with no medication. I think this is somewhat common.

      • SC says

        Thanks for this. I’ve talked about it on this s*te before, but I had a pretty complicated pregnancy (although an easy labor since it was pre-term). Like you, it was a wanted pregnancy, and ultimately I had a beautiful, healthy son. My thought process on wanting a second child is completely clouded by not wanting to go through the discomfort of pregnancy again, the fear of something happening to the baby, and the concern over health complications hurting my career again (I’m the primary earner). FWIW, I would likely be open to adoption (if I decided I wanted a second child), but DH isn’t.

        • ChiLaw says

          oh GOD I hadn’t even though of how effed we would be if I couldn’t work post-imaginary-second-baby.

          is it therapy time yet?

    • H says

      Pregnancy and childbirth really weirded me out too (I thought I was the only one). But at some point, you realize your desire for a child is stronger than being freaked out about pregnancy. Then you get pregnant and you don’t have any choice but to face it. And the beautiful baby makes it all worth it. But yes, it is still a completely strange process to me even after going through it. STOP looking online. The only stories that end up online are the bad ones.

      • Navy Attorney says

        Agreed as to cutting back on the reading. It’s just like googling “my finger hurts” and ending up at OMG CANCER, or how the 24hr news cycle makes me want to hit things. This is a good lesson to learn before kids, reading too much on BabyCenter leads you to OMG go to the ER now, or OMG now your kid won’t get into Harvard!

        Could viewing it as a temporary thing help? I can power through many things if I know there’s an end date. Maybe numbers will drive it home – X% of mothers have natural boring pregnancies, Y% have births with zero complications.

    • RDC says

      I don’t know if this helps at all, but I guess my philosophy on pregnancy and childbirth is – you get through it. It seems like for most women pregnancy kind of sucks; you just take it day by day. One way or another a baby has to come out at the end; getting the baby out (however it happens) is a really hard physical thing to put your body through, and you get through it. When I was in labor I focused on taking one contraction at a time, and I found that I could handle each one on their own. (It was the idea of continuing to do that indefinitely that was overwhelming/ terrifying, but as long as I could stay in the moment, it was manageable.) At least for me, trying to practice mindfulness was helpful. When I feel bad I tend to overwhelm myself with “this is awful and it’s only going to get worse and it never ends.” So I try to think about – I feel crappy, but even though XX is bad (headache/back/nausea/etc) actually the rest of me is still ok, and not to think about how long it might last.

    • Em says

      If it helps I had a totally uncomplicated not-that-bad birth experience. I had moderate anxiety about the pain of childbirth, including going down a rabbit hole for an entire day researching tearing (DON’T DO THIS!). I was in labor for over 26 hours, but the pain was not really that bad, and I don’t handle pain well at all. I got an epidural 7 hours in so I didn’t feel much of anything after that and was joking around while pushing.

      • Betty says

        +1 to the great birth experience, especially with my second. I labored at home snuggled next to my husband and toddler. Showed up at the hospital, hopped in the tub for an hour, got out to push and 15 min. later was catching my little girl myself (I also cut the cord). No complications, tearing, etc. and she was over 9lbs. Not every birth experience is traumatic.

    • POSITA says

      Remember that even if things go terribly, not all of those stories will happen to you. You will only have a handful of tough challenges at the worst and things could go swimmingly at the best. Your doctor, husband, family, etc, will be there to help you through the tough moments.

      For pregnancy you just take things as they come. Every stage of pregnancy has different issues, but you don’t have them all at once. Most are just annoying and you just deal. The tough ones may require help from your support system.

    • CPA Lady says

      Yup. Paranoid Parrot is my spirit animal, and when I was pregnant, I longed for there to be a website where people talked about their normal, healthy, no problems pregnancy and smooth deliveries because it seems like everything out there is crazy, sensationalized, halfway illiterate, paranoia-fodder. Or it makes the birthing process into the huge Earth Goddess Thing that makes your expectations so unreasonable that there is no way you could be happy. And then there are the people who think you shouldn’t be afraid because childbirth is “natural” and your body knows what to do and the only reason it hurts is because you’re afraid, so its really your fault if something bad happens or you feel pain from pushing an 8 lb object from your nether regions #nopressure. ALL OF THAT IS INSANE. Step away from it.

      You want a pleasant pregnancy/childbirth story? I was queasy during my first trimester, and found pregnancy to be kind of strange and mildly uncomfortable. But overall it was a very smooth process, everything went just fine, all my doctors appointments were reassuring, and I had an extremely easy, pleasant c-section with no complications at all. I felt totally fine within a week. I enjoyed having people fawn over me and tell me I was a cute pregnant lady and give me their seats and give me presents. I felt very comfortable in my body in a way I don’t normally. I was happy to be photographed in a bikini. It was totally fine. Even the kind of crappy parts went by quickly and weren’t as awful as I was imagining them to be. It truly seems like a distant memory now, and my daughter is only 2.

      • JTX says

        I had a similar experience. I didn’t love the physical aspects of being pregnant, but the worst things I experienced were mild nausea and gestational diabetes, which was a pain but totally manageable. I LOVED the anticipation and general celebratory nature of being pregnant. I also remember feeling super in love with my husband, and we had such a good time together, planning for the baby. It’s possible I’ve blocked out all the bad memories, but the majority of my memories from pregnancy are very happy.

        I was nervous about labor but it went smoothly both times. I had epidurals with both and was happy with that decision. I didn’t experience any complications during labor either time. My second labor was super fast and honestly went better than I ever could have imagined. In all likelihood, your experience will be similarly uneventful. Or it could even be wonderful.

        +1 to the recommendations about staying off the internet.

    • Anonymous says

      I don’t know if this is helpful or not, but I had a pretty terrible birth experience and it’s kind of faded away for me after the fact (son is 16 months old). My blood pressure started rising and platelets started dropping a few days after my due date, so they decided I needed to be induced. I endured nearly 42 hours of active labor with a petocin drip and terrible contractions–with 3 epidurals that all wore off after only a couple hours at most, followed by an emergency C-section where I was put under general anesthesia because all standard anesthesia had somehow lost its efficacy on my body (a rare condition called tachyphylaxis). I remember feeling shocked that this was happening to me, and feeling like I was broken and I wasn’t going to be able to tolerate any more pain during the time it was happening, but my body just kept going and tolerating it, and my baby was pretty much okay through all of it too. I was incredibly bloated for days afterward, but my body healed up really fast from the c-section, and as long as I stayed on top of the pain meds for that first few weeks, I was really okay and completely capable of managing care for my newborn on my own (my husband went back to work almost immediately because of some business-critical projects he couldn’t offload to anyone else at the time). And now days and weeks go by where the memory doesn’t even cross my mind. Meaning that I’m really okay — it’s behind me for the most part, and I am proud of my body and my mind for getting through it. So even if you are one of the rare ones like me who have some extra complications, it’s very possible to move past it pretty quickly. In that moment, it’s very uncomfortable, but there are so many ways modern medicine can help keep you and the baby safe, so it’s something you just have to get through to get to the other side where you will have that beautiful baby in your arms. Also, I have so very many friends who had relatively easy labors — textbook progression and they were pretty pain-free while pushing because of a successful epidural and most had really minimal injury after the fact. There really are a lot of people who have an easier time with it — I think it’s probably the majority? So my point is two-fold — you’re likely to have a much better labor than mine, but even if it is bad like mine, it’s so temporary and still so possible to come out the other side completely okay. Hope that is helpful. Sorry for filling your head with one more of the rare scenarios in the process of trying to make my point! :-(

    • Samantha says

      You want a healthy positive pregnancy story? I have 2 (babies & stories). Uncomplicated pregnancies. No morning sickness. Put on weight quite optimally and ramped down pretty well afterward too. Other than tiredness (1st trimester – I was asleep by 8:30pm) and backpain/gas/mild acidity (third trimester) I had a lovely pregnancy both times. My skin cleared up (didn’t have great skin before). My eyesight got better (myopia reduced after each pregnancy and contact lens prescription went down). I’d totally do it again, if a friend or sibling asked me to be a host mom to the baby that I didnt need to bring up after! Uncomplicated delivery – vaginal births. I tried to tough it out but ended up using an epidural both times. No scary side effects of epidural. Some stitches, bleeding and pain which is totally par for the course afterwards.

      Don’t hate me ladies! The follow up – both my babies have been extremely high maintenance. Neither one slept through the night until age 1. They would wake multiple times and escalate crying until I went to get them. They would sleep ON me. For months I slept holding them in a chair or sitting up in bed. They would feel when a warm body (mine) was not right next to them every second of their nap. They would take 30 minute naps at a time, then wake to check if I was around. I was a sleeping, walking, driving disaster for the entire first year, both times. I’m amazed at moms whose babies “sleep through the night” as infants – whaaat? Hey you win some, you lose some.

      OP – most pregnancies are very normal and you never hear about them.

      • Maddie Ross says

        “OP – most pregnancies are very normal and you never hear about them.” This. Most people have some complaint(s), but it’s generally not the kind of complaint that gets blogged about. Everytime I get down about pregnancy and it’s challenges, I look around the world around me and think “every single person I see came out of some women who once was pregnant.” When you think about it in those staggering terms, it seems easier to handle.

    • MDMom says

      Its normal to be afraid of childbirth. I remember back in college staring at the diagram in the bio textbook with my roommate just trying to imagine how that could work. While I was pregnant, I did the hypnobabies home course which includes listening to positive affirmations every day about pregnancy and birth. It sounds horribly corny but it was actually really effective and I felt pretty good at the end. It also helped to remember that my mother did this (x3) and my sister (also x3) and my sis in law (x2). In the end labor sucked (in fact right after he came out I said, and meant, “I’m never doing this again!”) but the baby (17 mo) is so awesome that now I cant wait to have another one.

      Since you have a history of anxiety, its not surprising this would be a trigger. Talk to a therapist about it when the time comes. But know that it’s normal to be scared.

    • Suburban says

      So you might be me. I had very, very similar ideas about birth and pregnancy. I had a baby five months ago after a very comfortable pregnancy and pretty easy birth. This feeling didn’t go away before I got pregnant but really got better after I got pregnant. I was a little in denial at the beginning but I felt better every day. It felt like every day I was closer to being done and I was doing ok. It kind of built my confidence.

      What helped me was an amazing team of midwives who treated me like a person rather than an incubator and a weekly birth course taught by a woman who thought birth was amazing and awesome. I also did all the things that made me feel normal, lots of exercise and continued to lean in at work. I had a hospital birth with an epidural and everything was fine. I’d do it again. My little guy is the best and we love him more and more everyday.

      *fwiw my feelings about nursing were similar but stronger. Those never went away and have been the source of much anguish and grief. I don’t have an answer for that one but I think any woman who doesn’t plan to nurse needs to seek out non-judgmental support ASAP.

      • Suburban says

        Want to add that I pushed for three hours and I swear it was rougher on my husband than on me. My body did it for me, it was involuntary. When the baby was born I was so proud of the little guy that I immediately demanded our families come in to see him. The midwife politly reminded be that I was still being stitched up. I couldn’t even feel it.

    • great birth says

      I was really really phobic and wound up having to do IVF and then had a high risk pregnancy (lots of poking and prodding). I started seeing a therapist when I learned I may have to do IVF and saw her through my pregnancy. It is the best money I ever spent and I was dubious going in that anything could be done about my lifelong fear of all things medical.

      My pregnancy was not fun for very specific reasons, but my labor and delivery was practically painless (thanks, epidural!) and fast and I recovered really well. I loved my OB (high-risk, so he was super serious about medical stuff but just the nicest guy), and was thrilled that he made it for the birth.

      If I can do it, anyone can. And I think of the birth fondly!

    • Anon says

      Pregnancy/delivery always terrified me. Once pregnant, I couldn’t believe what women go through! And I found the first 4 weeks of recovery traumatic. BUT, my labor was fast and I think easy and I have no lasting effects – I pee just the same, I have sex just the same, no stretch marks, no big feet. Maybe my breasts are a bit saggier but that was happening prepregnancy so hard to say exactly. It’s not always the end of the world, although I sure worried it would be! Truth is there are surgeries to fix lots of things that could go wrong any ways.

      I’m kinda a cut-the-crap person, so a lot of the hippie or empowerment or punishment or whatever philosophizing about birth didn’t get into my head. To me, it was just an interaction with the medical community and I’ve had lots of those, mostly from athletic injury and PT – Thosr past experiences were the most helpful honestly in thinking about what I’d want in terms of pain management and trusting or not trusting the Docs, etc.

  7. Zika Q says

    My husband and I were living in a neighborhood with numerous Zika cases, and moved away about a month ago. We have been trying to conceive for a year with various difficulties. Neither of us had any Zika related symptoms. The new CDC rec is that women do not not try to conceive for 8 weeks and men wait 6 months, even if you were asymptomatic.
    What are other people doing in this situation? It is all so uncertain.

    • Anon for this says

      My suspicion is the people I know are claiming to wait and get “accidentally” pregnant. In reality, I think they didn’t stop trying and don’t want judgment so they claim it was accidental. Do you live somewhere now that you can get tested to see if either of you had Zika? Is age an issue where 6 months would be a big deal? Could you start the testing process to find out why ttc is taking long for you so you have a treatment plan by the time the wait is over? If it turns out it is low sperm count or something, maybe your husband could start meds to build it up in the meantime.

  8. TBK says

    Venting. We’re building a deck on the back of our townhouse. We’re on the end so have only one next door neighbor. Back in August when we were starting the process, we told our neighbors just as a sort of friendly heads-up. We’ve always had a good relationship with them and even though our building a deck was going to be a negative for them no matter what (when your yards are so close together, it just will be), we wanted to be as helpful as we could. Between getting the county permit and HOA sign-off, we were only able to have the contractor start work on it last week. On Tuesday morning, my neighbor accosted me as I was leaving my house, saying they were so upset about the deck, it was so high and so big, and it was so close to her patio and they were just so upset. I said I was sorry she was upset but that we had gotten the proper permissions and had all the right set-backs (I *think* I used a fairly sympathetic voice saying this). I also said that I had hoped we’d have been able to work out any problems through the HOA, and that the HOA had approved it. She said well they were still very upset. About 1/3 of the houses in our development have decks and of those about 1/3 have larger decks, like the one we’re building (it extends across the whole back of our house). As for the height, it’s at the same level as our main level, which in the back of the house, is not quite a full story off the ground (we’re on a hill, so we have a walk-out basement in the back). It just couldn’t be any other height.

    I called my husband and we talked it over and agreed we’d invite the neighbors over this weekend to let them walk on the deck and see how the part we’ll be using most will be on the far side from their patio and that the part closest to them is just the stairs.

    Then I found out she had gone and talked to our contractor and asked him if they could put up a trellis on our deck to screen the view of her patio! I mean, if she wanted to talk to him just to ask about what the dimensions of the deck would be, eh, not great but also not a big deal. But where on earth does she get the idea that she can make suggestions to my contractor about work to be done on our property that we’re paying for?

    Finally, this morning, I was getting back from a run when the workmen arrived. Lo and behold, they were carrying in a piece of latticework that was just the size to be a trellis. My husband was still home so he went and talked to the guys and found out they were planning to install it on the deck. I’m flabbergasted. I didn’t think my neighbor would try to give instructions to my workmen and I certainly didn’t think I’d have to prevent the workmen from following them!

    The plus side is that the HOA is on our side. Apparently the neighbor called the HOA chairman on Monday and he talked with her for over 30 min to explain why we were entirely within our rights. I’m just so annoyed. We gave them an early heads-up so they could raise any issues before things got underway. That was back in August and we didn’t begin work until two months later, plenty of time for them to reach out to the HOA, or to ask us for more details about our plans (we see them in passing on a regular basis, or, you know, they could come knock on our door). Even if they didn’t realize what it would really look like until it was actually built, they could have (1) s*cked it up. We live in townhouses. This is the way townhouses are. Or (2) Approached us in a non-ambush and asked if we could talk about possible solutions to help keep the privacy. We would have been 100% willing to work with them. Accosting me as I’m heading to my car to go to work, complaining about us to the HOA AFTER the plan has been approved and significant work has been done, and then trying to give instructions to our contractor is absolutely not the way to handle this.

    Ultimately we have everything on our side, and I know we’ll be fine in terms of having the deck built. But I really don’t want there to be bad blood between us. We do live kind of on top of each other and I really am not thrilled about ongoing weirdness or hostility. Ugh. So there’s my vent. Total first world problem, but makes me never, ever want to build anything ever again. And this is just a deck!

    • Anonymous says

      That really s*cks. Both from your neighbor and the crazy contractor who allowed the neighbor to give instructions!

      You may have to accept that they’re going to be grumpy/hostile for a while and hopefully will settle down once she gets used to the new set up.

      Totally not what you asked – but if you do decide to put up some kind of trellis (because you might want to eventually if her crazy keeps up) – we wove a sweet pea plant into ours and the kids love being able to eat them straight off the vine.

      • TBK says

        That’s a terrific idea. I don’t have an issue with the trellis, but since it’s a change to the structure it would require additional HOA approval. As these things go, our HOA is actually really laid back, but still that’s the rule. The chairman actually said “let her settle down a bit and get used to the change, then submit the request if you really want to.” But a sweet pea is a great option. I also know morning glories can be very easy to grow and very pretty.

    • Maddie Ross says

      Ugh, that sucks. But just a thought – honestly, consider whether that trellis idea might not be a bad one (even if it’s not 100% the aesthetic you were originally going for). We had one on our current house when we moved in and I swore I was going to take it down b/c I didn’t like the look, but goshdarnit do I love the privacy it affords. If you don’t want to do it right now out of spite alone (which frankly, I get and can relate to), that’s one thing. But assuming it would pass your HOA regulations, it may not be a bad idea. Tall fences make good neighbors.

    • JTX says

      I live in the middle of a row of three townhomes (no HOA). My neighbor just built a deck that is, quite honestly, an eyesore. You know what I said to him? Nothing. It’s his property. Your neighbor sounds like a pain.

  9. Lice-free OP says

    I’m the poster who posted about visiting a friend’s family and getting sick or catching lice. Happy to report that the lice wasn’t such a bad issue after all. Though there were a couple of live lice, I oiled and combed out every inch of my hair (aggressively! my scalp hurt!) with a lice/nit comb and seems like they didn’t lay any eggs. Have gone through a few iterations since then and kids’ hair is clear too. So relieved!

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