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OK, am I the last person on the planet to find out about these? If I had a dime for every time one of the boys has had a diaper rash and we pulled out a wet washcloth instead of our usual wipes… well, I’d have a lot of ruined washclothes instead of dimes, which, hey, I have. These are $12.99-$49 at Amazon; your local drugstore may have them in smaller sizes. WaterWipes Sensitive Baby WipesSales of note for 4.18.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
anon says
I am at my wit’s end with pregnancy, and I have three months left. I’m on modified bed rest, so I essentially go to work, come home, sit on couch, and that’s it these days. Work has not been very supportive of the pregnancy (found out I was pregnant a week after lateraling to a new firm; at one point I was told I wouldn’t have any unpaid leave). I used to find joy outside of work by working out, cooking, and being social, but I can’t do those things. Now there’s nothing fun to look forward to – just the same miserable schedule on repeat. Any suggestions?
PhilanthropyGirl says
That’s so hard – I’m so sorry this is such a struggle for you.
Can you pick up a project that might help you pass the time sitting on the couch? Since you like to cook, maybe you could compile a stash of new recipes to try when you’re able to cook again, get some subscriptions to great cooking magazines, or Netflix your favorite cooking shows. If you’re inclined toward hobbies, knitting or crocheting are great ways to keep your hands busy while you Netflix binge, and it’s a great time to invite a girlfriend over for a cup of tea.
Also planning and preparing for baby – building wishlists, shopping on Amazon, picking out paint colors and linens. And the same for your holiday shopping. It gives you a project and something to look forward to rather than feeling stuck in the present.
What about starting a book club to keep you social? With a lot of down time, you have time to read – so pick a book some of your friends might be interested in, and invite them in once a week to chat about the book and life. Don’t feel obligated to do anything but open your home and have a place for people to meet. Understanding friends will be willing to bring refreshments if they wish to do so.
Wishing you rest and a healthy, safe remainder of your pregnancy.
Jen says
Sewing something could be fun- I did curtains and a matching blanket.
Skype/FaceTime dates with friends or family? Knock out holiday shopping/wrapping/cooking (if possible) while you have the free time?
Jen says
Online class?
anon says
What do you think you are missing most – being social? Maybe you could try to have a friend over for dinner and TV/movie one night a week, and also start investing in online relationships? They can be super helpful with a newborn too. I was pretty active in the altdotlife community when my son was young. If you are feeling stir crazy, do you live somewhere you could go for a vaguely scenic drive in the evening with your husband?
lsw says
I’m sorry. I was there too. I watched a lot of TV and ate a lot of popsicles. One thing I wish I had done was ask people over to hang out with me, even if it meant just watching a movie. I think I was afraid of people seeing me in that state, but it just meant I was really lonely any time my husband wasn’t there. One thing I did eventually do and recommend – forgive yourself. Try not to feel bad that you “should” be doing things like: cleaning your house, getting ready for the baby, putting away whatever thing you are eyeing from the couch…you ARE doing something, you are taking care of yourself and your baby, and try not to let guilt weigh you down. I hope you feel better soon!
(Also, in my darkest times, I felt like I was going to feel that way forever. A doctor I work with told me she felt better the instant I gave birth – and that was absolutely true for me. So, it will end!)
lsw says
*she, not I
anon OP says
Thanks for this. I do think much of it is guilt over things I “should” be doing. I need to be more proactive in seeking out other things.
Anon says
+1 on both giving yourself a break and feeling SO MUCH BETTER immediately. I felt so awful during my entire pregnancy I remember telling my OB my first day postpartum how awesome it was not to be pregnant anymore.
RDC says
+1. Also felt much better immediately postpartum than I did while pregnant. It was a literal load off. Hang in there!
Anon in NOVA says
Everyone else has mentioned this, but please invite friends over. This will also be helpful when you have a newborn!! If you feel guilty, your husband can pick up some snack-like things at the grocery store (jarred bruschetta and melba toasts from trader joes are one of my go-tos to keep on hand for havnig people over last minute) etc. Also, I’ve found having a concrete plan for what you’ll do when they come over helps. Along the lines of “hey, I haven’t seen x movie yet, would you like to come over and watch it?”
Or, like someone else suggested, maybe a book club? or ask everyone to bring an article about a topic (being a woman in the workplace, parenting, etc.) that they can be prepared to summarize and discuss with the group, since this won’t take as long as waiting for everyone to read an entire book before they come over.
I’m sorry, that sounds incredibly tough.
Lurker says
Find online communities to take part in at night. Despite the bad stuff you hear, there are some really awesome communities on Reddit. Could you try a video game? Duo Lingo? Read some novels? Crochet?
TBK says
I hear you! I was on modified bed rest or full bed rest for almost five months (including 13 weeks in the hospital — over the holidays no less). It s*cks. Here are my suggestions:
– Binge watch TV, totally guilt-free
– Load up an iPad with mindless games. Again, you can play for hours without feeling guilty about “wasting” your time
– Will your doctor okay you cooking while sitting on a stool/chair? We bought a stool with a back for the kitchen so I could use it when I was making a sandwich or something.
– Definitely invite friends over! I had visitors every weekend in the hospital. Even people who are busy and hard to schedule will make an extra effort to be there for you.
– When you just can’t take another day, try to get through just the next hour. I would think “I’m in a comfortable room, I have food to eat today, there are people here who are working hard to take care of me and my babies, I have an iPad and a laptop — is my next hour really so bad?” And by the time I got through that hour, I was engrossed in a book or movie and was able to get through it. If you can’t do an hour, do 20 minutes. I’m guessing that you’re at risk of early delivery? If so, then every hour your baby spends not being born is another hour of health.
My twins are now 2.5 and I won’t say I don’t remember the bed rest, but it’s really a blip. Time will pass. It will actually be your due date one of these days. You’ll get there!
Preggo Again! says
Just had a positive pregnancy test this AM. Do any of you creative folks have a fun way to break the news to my husband tonight? He will be somewhat expecting it. First kiddo I freaked out and just called him. Second kiddo, the first wore a “big sibling” t-shirt to tell dad. Thoughts for a third? I’m telling tonight so I’ll have to pull it off quick.
H says
Congrats! Look on pinterest. I’m sure there are tons of ideas.
Preggo Again! says
Pumpkins, family pumpkins. Oh boy.
avocado says
I like the bun in the oven trick (put a bun in the oven, then ask husband to check the oven for you), but that would be too corny for many people.
I just screamed and waved the stick around like a lunatic.
Preggo Again! says
Oooh, that’s a cute idea.
Funny how reactions change. Reaction for first was nearly suffocating panic/excitement. For number two I literally said “oh shit”. For number three, I glanced at the test as I was brushing my teeth and said, “Well I’ll be darned.”
Anon says
My husband and I had a running joke that goes “Guess what!” so and so is pregnant. So I just told him “Guess what!” and he really didn’t guess that it was *me* that was pregnant. It was funny. Now we’ve had our kids, and I’ll sometimes say “Guess what” just to watch him get that wary, slightly worried look in his eye so I can split my sides laughing!
(Fwiw, I’ll be equally worried/terrified if it turned out we had an accident. Biology just means he doesn’t get to play this joke on me!).
Preggo Again! says
Love this! I feel kinda bad that I’ve had all day to absorb the news before he sees my reaction. It is kind of unfair for them.
Lurker says
My husband has asked me to only take tests when he is home. He likes to see the result with me. Not in a controlling mean way but in a “let me experience this too” way. We’ve been trying awhile now so he doesn’t care if I test with him not in the room anymore but he still wants to be home. Previously, I’d pee on the stick, leave it out to cook, walk out and close the door and we would go back in together to check it.
Jen says
My mom has offered to babysit for me one day/week. She’s about a 2 hour drive away, and would come up the evening before. Logistics and craziness of the drive aside, I want to pay her, and I want to propose something fair. The goal of the arrangement is not saving money; it’s because she wants to spend time with the kids, because I have an infant she wants to see while she still lives in the general area (she’s moving down south next year), etc.
If I were to have a nanny/babysitter for a day, it’d be a minimum of $15/hr (probably more like $18-20 for someone good for my 3 month and 3 year old), and I’d need at least 6 hours. I was thinking of suggesting $100/day for my mom. Knowing that it will cost her at least $30-35 in gas alone (but factoring in that she already drives up here for visits several times/month, which this arrangement would replace), is this fair? Should I offer her more?
Jen says
Maybe $500/month? $110/week seems nickel-and-dimey somehow, and i know she’d do it for free, but she could use the money and it would be hugely helpful.
mascot says
Could you maybe frame it as gas reimbursement and give her a gift card for gas or oil changes or something? Give her a really nice birthday present? I understand wanting to help her out, but my mom would be put-off if I tried to pay her directly for watching my kid. She’s getting quality time with the grands and that is her main goal.
Jen says
She would be ok accepting $, but I want to bring out up before she has to ask.
PhilanthropyGirl says
I like mascot’s idea. My mom does this for my sister – similar drive time, etc… She would be so hurt and offended if my sister offered payment.
But a regular gift basket with favorite coffee/tea, gas cards, maybe gift cards to places she likes to stop for a meal on the road, framed baby photos, or other things that might make her time on the road and her stays at your place more comfortable could be more welcomed? My mom about had a fit the last time I brought her a gift for watching my son – but it feels like the right thing to do. I would never in a million years write her a check, and even if I did, she’d never cash it. At least with a gift card, she knows the money is already spent, so she will use it.
Momata says
This is exactly what I’d do — gift card for gas, carwashes, and oil change, and be very generous when it came to gifts. I’d also really spruce up the guest room, including putting a TV in there so she can “retreat” the night before if she wants to (maybe also give her an e-reader if she doesn’t have one, so she doesn’t have to schlep books?) and make sure I had her favorite coffee/tea/snacks/breakfast etc. Color me jealous!
Anon in NOVA says
Very much agree with momata. Spruce up the area she’ll be staying, have her favorite snacks, coffee, etc. on hand. Gift cards to fast food places, for gas, even for her groceries may be nice instead of direct payment if you feel weird about it. Maybe a different $100 gift card each week in a card where you write how much you appreciate her/the love she gives your child/the help she gives you?
I think making it feel like somewhat of a vacation (e reader was a great idea) for her is also a nice touch.
CLMom says
Clarification question. If she is the one who initiated by offering to watch the baby, how do you know she is expecting payment? My mom wouldn’t accept payment until it came in the form of buying baby stuff and spoiling her grandbaby like she wants.
Jen says
So, she lost her FT job last spring and has been working part time since. She isn’t in danger of not meeting bills, but she’s making a lot less than she used to. She’s not trying to find FT work for a few reasons (moving south, an ill mother that needs more help than she used to, etc). I *know* an extra $500 or so a month would go to good use. What I really want to do is put it directly in a retirement account, but THAT is overstepping ;).
She would probably do it for free, but it’s a pain in the neck. She was up here to help me out this week (I’m self employed and easing back into my workload) and we got to talking about my plan for care etc and she offered to come up. So, yeah, I could just not offer, but I want to. If she flat out declines (she won’t), I will insist on paying for gas/give her gas GCs. But i think this is a nice way for everyone to “win”- DH and I can help her financially without “handouts”, she can visit the grandkids, we get good help one night and one day/week.
CLMom says
I understand.
Like I mentioned, my mom won’t take anything for “her”…it’s got to be “for the baby”. But, occasionally I can sneak in a “Someone gave us this $50 gift card to X, since we never shop there, but I know you do, will you take it off our hands?”
avocado says
I used to pay my mother for occasional child care. I framed it as, “I would have to pay the backup center this much per day, so I’d like to give you that same amount to cover gas etc.” It was a little awkward at first, but not terribly so.
avocado says
P.S.: Our situation was very similar to yours–mom could really use some financial help, this gave us a way to help without harming our budget or offering handouts, we got better child care and husband got some help in the evenings when I was out of town, kid was happier, mom got kid time, win-win situation all around.
Meg Murry says
If she really absolutely wouldn’t accept payment, could you give her a $50 gift card and then put the rest in a savings account that you could present to her as a moving expenses fund? Or just slip $100 cash in a bank envelope in her suitcase every week?
Otherwise, I think $500 a month sounds like a nice gesture. However, does that get you into any kind of a sticky spot of paying a “household employee” $6000 a year under the table? Or is she the type to try to insist she report it on taxes, etc? If so, maybe a $500 a month “gift” or $100 cash every week “for gas and snacks on the way home” might be a safer way to go.
Meg Murry says
Or alternately, could you just present it as a done deal and instead focus on whether she’d rather have cash or check, and weekly or monthly? Say something like “you coming up every week will save us on backup care, and I know it will cost you at least a tank of gas every trip. We’d like to give you $100 a week to help with that – would you prefer us to give it to you weekly, or once a month?” That way the “or” part of the question becomes “pay weekly or pay monthly” or “pay in check or pay in cash” – not “pay or don’t pay”
And then if she starts with “oh no, you don’t have to do that” polite refusal you can go back to “we understand Mom, but we really want to. So, what do you think, weekly or monthly?”
HSAL says
Aside from the money issue (I think offering 500/month is very nice and gift cards would be great), are you in an area where weather would be a concern? I’m guessing yes since you mentioned her moving south. Do you have contingency plans in case she can’t make the drive?
Jen says
Yup, part would be mitigated by her coming up the night before, and part would be that her PT work is extremely flexible (as is my work) and with notice (ie snowstorm predicted for later in the week), either or both of us could tweak our schedules.
GCA says
That’s a lot of driving back and forth! Would she be more comfortable staying for 2-3 days at a go? Logistics asideI think $500/month or $100/ day plus gift cards for places you know would be useful (groceries, household supplies, etc) would be sweet.
Shayla says
I pay my mom to watch my son (and daughter when she is sick) full time. I think you have a great plan. There’s a weird balance when it comes to paying your mom for their efforts. You know they’d do it for free but you don’t want them too..but you also don’t want to negate the benefits of Grandma hanging out with your kid. I think $500/month is great. Maybe don’t present it as an option, maybe just ask her for whatever information you need to set up an automatic payment to her bank, if she resists you can let her know that it’s something you want to do, not out of sympathy but because it is work–especially with the drive. If she still refuses, then focus on the alternative methods above. But I think it’s worth just trying to approach it head on. Enjoy having your mom with your kid, aside from occasional issues, it’s the best!
In House Lobbyist says
My parents keep my kids a lot on the weekends. They still work full time and wouldn’t take money directly. We live an hour apart and they come get them/bring them home or we meet half way a lot too. I try to buy them extra things and just say – I saw this and thought you would like it. Sometimes, it is gift cards; snacks; stacks of construction paper or art supplies for their house, etc. If I see an Amazon deal, I just buy it and send it directly to their house. They eat out a lot so I usually just drop a $25 gift card to Cracker Barrel in the mail with a kid drawing that way it isn’t a big deal. I also take them on our family beach vacation every year too where my husband and I pay for everything.
hoola hoopa says
My parents do the exact same thing, and have for 7 years. We pay for their gas. And provide all their food, etc, obviously. That’s what they wanted. There’s no way they were willing to accept actual payment.
You could also pay the difference between 4 days of daycare and 5 days of daycare.
Disappointed in myself says
I need some help on controlling my anger/frustration with my kids. My 3 year old has lately been hitting/pinching/bonking on the head my 1.5 year old. I can’t always monitor them all the time and despite repeatedly telling my 3 year old that he’s a big brother, needs to protect his little brother, etc., he just keeps doing it.
I have resorted to lots of yelling and on a few occasions, I have hit my son on the arm. Not hard, but I’ve done it. I’m not proud of this and I know I can’t do this. So two questions:
1. How do I get my 3 year old to play nice? I know he loves his brother and he goes through periods of being incredibly sweet and loving, but lately not so much.
2. How do I keep my own anger in check?
Anonymous says
When both I and my preschooler are upset, I get us to take three big slow deep breaths in and out. Helps change the physiology of anger for both of us. Lots of saying ‘no hitting’ and time outs as well. We’re pretty laid back (jumping on the couch is fine) but hitting is a big no no.
At 3 and 1.5, you’re going to have to watch them closely or make sure they are set up with separate activities in separate parts of the room – you need to be able to hear if anything changes even if you can’t see them at all times.
You need to resist the urge to hit him as that send really confusing messages if you’re saying that he can’t hit his brother but then you hit him. Pick up the baby and take a step away to take some deep breaths and cool down, then come back and address the behaviour if you feel like you might lose control in the moment. Also explaining your feelings to your 3 year old can help – “My mommy feels frustrated when you hit your brother. Hitting hurts and it’s not allowed in our family.” Keep the rules as simple as you can: “take turns”, “no hitting”. ‘Sharing’ is a nebulous concept at this age so it needs to be like – you can play with cookie monster for 5 minutes and when the oven buzzes, baby brother gets a turn. Oven timer is one of my fav enforcers for taking turns.
POSITA says
Maybe it’s just my 3 yo, but if I tell her that hitting her sister makes mommy frustrated, she just grins. Her goal is to get a reaction and she’s accomplished her goal. She doesn’t give a flip if I’m frustrated or that hitting hurts. I’m really surprised that this works with other kids.
Anonymous says
If three year old’s goal is a reaction then you need to not provide one. Practice in a mirror if you have to. Say what the rule is (whenever possible frame rules as positives — instead of saying “don’t run” say “we walk inside”) with as flat an affect as possible. Pick up the other child and walk away. Just pretend you are a mom robot whenever she’s after a reaction from you.
POSITA says
I get incredibly mad at my 3 yo when she hurts the baby. I think it must be something instinctual because I don’t normally get so rattled so instantly. We also end up yelling just to try to save the baby from imminent injury.
I don’t know if it’s a good solution, but our 3 yo goes to her room for a time out if she intentionally hurts anyone. No warning. To her room instantly. It at least gives me a few minutes to calm down. She usually ends up playing quietly in her room for a while even after she’s allowed to come out, so that buys us a little more peace.
We talk about being nice and use the scripts from Siblings without Rivalry, but I think she just lacks impulse control. I’m hoping it gets better with time, but am open to suggestions.
Jen says
For #1, separate the kids. When they don’t play nice, they can’t play together. This sends my 3 y/o to tears and gets immediate cooperation. Alternatively, since “time out” doesn’t work, I put myself and the baby in time out. Ie we go into a room and close the door/hate and 3 y/O isn’t allowed in until she can play nicely. I tell her “we don’t want to play with people that hit. You can come in when you can play nicely.” Always works. But that’s a baby and not a 1.5 y/o.
Jen says
Gate, not hate!
H says
Read Happiest Toddler on the Block. It talks about praising good behavior and discouraging bad behavior. It might give you some strategies.
Anon says
This doesn’t help with the reaction in the moment, but I’ve found that my 4 year old generally is better around the baby when I am fulfilling his need for undivided attention. Negative attention (yelling, hitting) from you is still attention! Maybe a few minutes at bedtime, for just the two of you? I also positively reinforce every positive interaction between the big guy and his brother.
My other favorite trick, which I hope will carry over into their futures, is telling them both constantly how lucky they are to have each other – using specifics. So, “1.5 yr old is so lucky to have 3 to show her how to color!” “Wow, look at how much you made 1.5 laugh with that silly trick, 3!” or whatever. Use every day things – like eating, or putting away dishes, or bathing, or running, or whatever. It’s turned my 4 year old into the protector of his brother, and we say things all the time – like “brothers love brothers!” “Look at your brother watching you! how awesome that you’ll always have your brother!” It’s hokey at first, but it’s settled int our family’s lexicon, and I hope it sticks with them as they get olde.r
Meg Murry says
-Hands are not for hitting book
-Lots of praise for using words and gentle touches “I like the way you said ‘please don’t touch my Legos'” “oh, good job with a gentle hug for your brother”.
-Work on your immediate response (perhaps even practice) so you can bust out the same phrase every time. “Hands are not for hitting. Hitting your brother is not ok. Time out for 3 minutes.” At a minimum, can you work on taking a deep breath before you swoop in, and only react physically yourself if it’s to act as a shield or to take a toy being used as a weapon out of the toddler’s hands?
-Explicit, no warnings consequence for hitting – either time out for the 3 year old, or as Jen mentioned, take the baby and yourself out of the room “Hands are not for hitting. You can come play with brother and me in 3 minutes when you are ready to apologize for hitting.”
-Watch for play fighting/play wrestling. My oldest ramped up being rough with his younger brother when his dad and uncles were playing really rough with him, and we had a chat about how the 3 year old doesn’t get the difference between pretend punching daddy and actually whacking the toddler. Dad scaled it way back, and focused more on tickling and running around rather than physically play fighting.
-Watch to make sure the 1.5 year old isn’t actually the accidental instigator – is he accidentally whacking big brother with a toy, and then big brother is whacking him back hard for real? Or knocking down big brother’s block tower, etc? Does big brother need a protected play area he can go to where little brother can’t interfere?
-Talk about ways to re-direct anger (outside of the situation). “Sometimes, little brother knocks over your blocks, and that makes you mad. But just because you are mad doesn’t mean you get to hit him. What else can you do when you are mad instead?” (hit pillows, stomp feet, say “I’m mad!” etc).
I wouldn’t focus on “you can’t hit your little brother”. I would focus on “you can’t hit anyone, and no one should hit you” and then separately “you’re bigger than your brother, so you have to be careful that you don’t accidentally hurt him.”
mascot says
Yep, hitting us (he doesn’t have siblings) got big, immediate consequences in our house. We had a period where he was hitting us and we would calmly select a toy and throw it away (outside!). We weren’t monsters about it- we didn’t take a cherished stuffed animal or anything really nice. We talked about it during other times so it wasn’t a surprise when we instituted this rule. The phase passed.
I also like the 1-2-3 magic parenting video for parents. It helps take some of the drama out of responding to kids when they are acting up.
AnonMN says
for #1, I’m not sure if the 3yo is doing this for attention or out of frustration? I know I thought my 2 year old’s was attention based, until I started using the Siblings without Rilvary stuff: “It sure is frusterating when Baby comes to break your train” and being proactive about removing Baby before train is broken “sorry, Baby, big brother is playing with that now”. This solved a lot of our random hitting/biting/pushing problems. I think my 2 year old just needed to vent his frustration and for someone to come to his rescue. We’re still working on it, but he is more likely to yell for me when he has an issue than just hit Baby.
We also use the immediate time-out for purposeful violence when a hitting/biting/pushing offence happens. No warning, minimal talking (you hit baby, you are going to time-out) straight to time-out.
for #2 I would use the same strategies that you use for teaching impulse control for your kids. Deep breathes, take a step back, walk away. If having dialog with your 3 year old just gets you riled up, I would take 1.5 year old and just walk away. Once you have regained composure you can talk about the strategy you used and why it was needed wiht your 3 year old.
AKB says
When my kids hit, I LAVISH attention on the one who got hurt. I mean dramatic loving :) The other gets a bit jealous and cuts it out.
More importantly, when one is nice to the other, I fawn over them to show how much I value kindness and generosity. If there was a hidden camera in my house, I would look like a crazy person because it’s so over the top. But they really respond to positive reinforcement, and it has cut down on fighting over toys a lot. They like to share, so they can get attention.
lsw says
Last night I looked at the baby in the bassinet and suddenly realized, “He’s huge.” Also, he was kicking up his legs and looks like he’s about to catapult out of it. So I guess we need to transition him! The thing is, I really like having him in our room because it’s easy to feed him at night. Sometimes he only wakes up once to eat, but sometimes it’s two or three times. He also wakes up early for a feeding, but if I nurse him in bed, we both fall back to sleep for another 45 m – an hour, so I’m loathe to give that up. His bedroom is downstairs (city living!) so I’m rather dreading getting up in the middle of the night, going down there, feeding him, etc. Should I just bite the bullet and do it? Put up the pack and play in our room and have him sleep there for a while? He’s three months and I’m back at work so thinking about my sleep for sure.
Anonymous says
what about a crib in your room (sidecarred or enclosed) – If your current one doesn’t fit, Ikea has some that are smallish and like $100. We had our twins in the room until they were 9 months old – made night feedings a million times easier. DH wore ear plugs when necessary.
lsw says
Good call – I will look into a small one. Maybe a mini crib?
In House Lobbyist says
A mini crib is the same size as a pack n play. I used a mini crib instead of a crib for both my kids and loved it. You can also buy a thicker mattress that will go in the pack n play that is a mini crib mattress. I kept both of mine in the bedroom until 9 months or so because of the (my) sleep issue.
Jen says
Crib or pack and play in room. We have a mini pack and play that we used as a bassinet for the first month.
H says
Pak N Play! They are just helpful to have in general if you don’t already have one.
anon says
If you already have a pack and play just use that in your room. He could sleep in that for years if you wanted.
Butter says
Honestly, we ended up moving his crib into our room at 3 months. He was in a mini P&P before that, but I didn’t like the idea of having to bend all the way down to put him at the bottom of a regular P&P and around that time he had outgrown the weight limit for the bassinet insert. So we broke down the crib from his nursery and moved it into our room. And I didn’t regret it at all. His room was downstairs from ours as well, and it just felt too soon to move him not only out of our room but down the stairs.
Fast forward to ~7.5 months and it was the right time for all of us. We moved his crib back into his room and it was a seamless transition all the way around. I know for some moving a crib around is a pain in the bum, but for us it wasn’t that bad. Also this might be unique to me, but I don’t sleep any differently with him in or out of the room, because I have the monitor on. I’m still aware of his feeding patterns and have an ear out for him. That might just be me, but just letting you know my experience.
Katala says
We co-slept until about 5 months when he started getting wiggly and we wanted him to sleep without a parent there. Bought a crib and put it in our room and that was perfect. Then around 9(?) months, it became clear we were all disturbing each others’ sleep so we moved the crib to his room and it was zero issue. He slept better immediately, if anything.
So +1 to crib in your room, if that’s an option. For us it was better than bending down over the PnP walls to get him, and it wasn’t that bad putting the crib together a second time. Plus, I think it helped the transition to his room because crib was the same.
avocado says
Pack and Play in your room sounds most convenient. We kept our daughter in her Pack and Play in our room until she was 6 months old.
AnonMN says
Pack n play with higher setting or crib in your room. We moved my first to his room at 3 months and he still woke atleast once to nurse until 10/11 months. His room was pretty close to ours, but in hindsight, we were like: why were we torturing ourselves? Because some random book said it’s a crutch or something crazy like that?
For our second, we have the big arms reach cosleeper that goes next to our bed. Now that he is crawling we put it in pack n play mode and I am very happy to not be getting up and walking in the middle of the night.
Anon in NOVA says
I’ve never heard of these wipes! I wonder why they’re so expensive? I haven’t clicked the link, so perhaps it’s a huge package.
Very good to know about, though. May be nice for lil’ ones’ faces
Anon in NOVA says
Just looked at reviews- looks like there’s a lot of mold problems (people posted pictures) and that the company has started making them significantly smaller/thinner!
Anonymous says
Have to put in a good word for these.
I’ve used these wipes since my first was born (hes 2 and a half now). I’ve never had a problem with mold, and haven’t noticed them making them any smaller or thinner. My son has extremely sensitive skin, and these are a godsend. They only contain water and a small amount of fruit extract and have never irritated his skin. He also has never had diaper rash or any irritation from these. I really recommend them.
Kelly C. says
I really like these wipes. They are great for sensitive skin and have just 2 ingredients (water and grapefruit seed extract). I’ve bought them for 2 years and have only had 2 packages mold out of cases and cases of wipes. So I’m not happy about the mold, but it hasn’t been a big deal. Just check the expiration dates and sniff the wipes the first time you open it or if you’ve left them in the diaper bag awhile. If your nose is like mine, you will immediately know if there is mold. Also, I trust Diapers.com over Amazon for ordering these, even though they are owned by the same company. Recently, I’ve had a string of bad luck from Amazon lately and have been avoiding them unless I can tell the seller is legitimate and/or I am not concerned about the product being a safety hazard if it is a knock off or wasn’t stored properly. I’ve ordered some stuff and it shows up as clearly a Chinese knock off or looks like it has been stored in extreme heat or cold, which not all products can withstand. I used to love Amazon, so it is really sad to see the quality decline so rapidly.
Anonymous says
For cheaper, on-the-fly option, I’ve always just rinsed off a regular wipe if kid has diaper rash.
anon says
These wipes are incredible! We love them
MDMom says
Also love these and have had no mold issues in 1+ year of use.
Katala says
+1 love them, no mold issues. I think they may be more expensive than other wipes ($.09 each?) but they’re so great it’s worth it.
Closet Redux says
We use soft papertowels (Viva are great) and a squirt bottle of water we keep on the changing table. I don’t know why you would pay for these, honestly. Portability, I guess?
ChiLaw says
We use these! For regular diaper changes we use flannel cloths + water, but on-the-go we use the water wipes for baby’s sensitive skin. I love that they have no scent, and I have no worries about using them to wipe down …well, anything, toys that will go in her mouth, high chair tray, something with a delicate surface, her face…
Never had mold issues.
Anon says
Apparently my daughter loves dollhouses. Not sure where I got this girly girl. Recommendations on first dollhouses to get for her? Ideally one that will age with her? Thanks hive!
pockets says
No advice but I too have a girly girl and I too do not know from where she came.
avocado says
If you want to spend $$$, check out Once Upon a Treehouse. Fortunately for my bank account, I first saw their catalogue after a relative had already given my child a Melissa and Doug dollhouse.
With dollhouses and play kitchens, it makes sense to acquire them as early as possible. My daughter used her play kitchen and dollhouse most when she was 2 and 3 years old. By the time she was 5 or 6, she was ignoring both of them except when friends who didn’t have these items at home came over to play and were fascinated with the novelty.
mascot says
Also, look for these at consignment sales/second hand sources. Wooden ones should have a lot of life left in them. I also opt for non-character options for when they outgrow the character, but not the concept.
Momata says
My MIL got my daughter the Peppa Pig dollhouse. It’s portable and small, and can be put away. My daughter received it when she was a litle over 2. She doesn’t play with it enough to justify going whole hog on a big freestanding dollhouse, so it was a great starter for us. (I realize this is the opposite rec of “one that will age with her” but perhaps this perspective will be helpful too.)
OP says
There is a Melissa & Doug dollhouse that folds in half for storing. It makes a perfect first dollhouse.
OP says
oops… clearly not the OP on this thread
Shayla says
I found out, after a hospital stay, that I’ll be 99% likely to have a scheduled c-section around 37/38 weeks, if I can keep baby in for that long. I have a partial previa that caused some horrific bleeding and hasn’t moved out of the way. There will be a scan at 32 weeks to see if it has moved, but it’s unlikely.
I’ve had two v@gin@l deliveries, with no complications at delivery. I’m okay with the c-section (I thought we lost the baby Saturday night, so honestly, any other outcome where she’s alive is totally fine by me). But I’m slowly getting scared about the “surgery” aspect and looking for tips on recovery, breast feeding, things I wouldn’t think about having only done this the other way previously. Thanks!
Betty says
I have just had the one c-section (so I can’t compare it to a vaginal delivery) but I will say that for me, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I expected. My recovery was fairly easy — I only took strong meds for a day or so and then switched to ibuprofen, which did the trick. I was extremely exhausted for about two weeks — not the best time to have a round-the-clock eating machine handed to you, but doable with lots of help from my husband during the night. I kept falling asleep feeding him so I needed my husband there to essentially bring the baby to me and spot me (hard to get in and out of bed so the handing him to me part was important). You also can’t do a lot of stairs for a few weeks so consider what that might mean in your home. I camped out on the second floor because both of our bathrooms are there and only made one or two trips downstairs a day. You will really want a breastfeeding pillow so that you can have something between the baby and your incision while feeding, too. The only other thing I would warn you about is that you might experience a lot of involuntary shaking during the surgery — this was the scariest part for me, and I’d wished I’d had some warning. If we do it again, I may have my mom or a doula come in as well so that someone stays with me after my husband goes off with the baby. Good luck!
Coach Laura says
The hardest thing on a c-section for me was not being able to lift things – like your older kids. If partner isn’t going to be with you, can you get a sister, friend, your mom or MIL to stay? For b-feeding, you may want to try a couple different pillows to place over the incision but I think there are several options that might work.
And then, even without the c-section, you’ll need easy to eat food during the day and quick meals so if people ask to help maybe they can stock up on Trader Joes or other pre-made frozen meals for after you come home from the hospital.
Honestly, I was really fine physically afterwards – walking wasn’t a problem – but going up and down stairs, driving and lifting are usually the prohibited actions so you’ll just have to take it easy until you know how you’ll react. Good luck and prayers for a healthy baby girl.
JP says
I’m having one in 8 weeks (due to some surgery I had a few years ago, it’s not advised to deliver vaginally). Our hospital had a special tour for planned c-sections last week, and I felt so much more empowered after going. It was run by a nurse on the postpartum floor. We got to ask questions about when we’d get to hold the baby, how much skin to skin we’d get, options for initiating bre@stfeeding within the first hour or so. It was also really helpful to ask the nurse about recovery post-surgery and hear about how to set up the house to accommodate post-surgery limitations. Everyone sitting in the class cried (there were 3 couples), because it’s not anyone’s first choice. I was actually fine with the idea of a planned c-section until I saw the reality of what it was going to look like versus what I’d always imagined birth would be. But it’s so much better to be able to set up expectations ahead of time versus being surprised about it in the moment, and I’m glad we did it.
So glad you and the baby are okay. That sounds terrifying.
AnonMN says
Look up “gentle cesarean” and see if that’s something you would be interested in. A lot of hospitals in our area are allowing things like delayed cord clamping, mom watching through clear drape, almost immediate skin to skin, baby doesn’t leave mom, etc. It requires some differences in IV placement so mom’s hands are free. It’s not standard yet though, so you would have to ask if that’s something you’re interested in.
My second was breech until we did an ECV at 39 weeks, but I eased my c-section fears (somewhat) by checking with my hospital and finding out what was available to me (immediate skin to skin and baby not leaving me was really important to me if possible based on my first being a wisked away NICU baby after a really long delivery). So if you have something that is important to you, I would ask.
JP says
Ugh, in moderation prob because I used the v-word. Posted again…
I’m having one in 8 weeks (due to some surgery I had a few years ago, it’s not advised to deliver the normal way). Our hospital had a special tour for planned c-sections last week, and I felt so much more empowered after going. It was run by a nurse on the postpartum floor. We got to ask questions about when we’d get to hold the baby, how much skin to skin we’d get, options for initiating b-feeding within the first hour or so. It was also really helpful to ask the nurse about recovery post-surgery and hear about how to set up the house to accommodate post-surgery limitations. Everyone sitting in the class cried (there were 3 couples), because it’s not anyone’s first choice. I was actually fine with the idea of a planned c-section until I saw the reality of what it was going to look like versus what I’d always imagined birth would be. But it’s so much better to be able to set up expectations ahead of time versus being surprised about it in the moment, and I’m glad we did it.
So glad you and the baby are okay. That sounds terrifying.
CPA Lady says
I had a planned c because my daughter was breech.
Some random things to know:
– You’ll get a catheter put in before the surgery. It’ll stay in about 24 hours. This was a convenience for me.
– The surgery room is really cold, but they will bring you warm blankets if you want.
– Before surgery, they will shave you “down there”, so if you don’t want to be shaved with crappy clippers, get a wax ahead of time. You don’t have to get it all taken off, but take some off the top of the triangle, for lack of better terminology.
– The morphine in your IV might make you itchy, you can get some benadryl put in your IV to counteract that.
– It’s normal to shake uncontrollably. i was shaking from nerves before the surgery, but I was still shaking afterwards for an hour or two.
– They strap down your arms during the surgery to keep you from making any sudden moves and hurting yourself
– If you want to start walking as soon as possible (which I would recommend), ask for an abdominal binder, and they’ll bring you one. It’s like a giant piece of velcro that you put around your midsection. It helped me be able to walk.
– Your arms will be incredibly sore by the time you leave the hospital, because you wont be able to use your abs to sit up in bed, etc. so you’ll be doing a lot of pushing yourself up with your arms. My arms hurt worse than my incision did by the time i got out of the hospital
– Stay on top of the pain pills. By the time you’re in bad pain, it’s a lot harder to get the pain back under control.
– This is surgery. Do not overdo it afterwards. Take all the help you can get. You can really prolong your recovery if you overdo it.
Overall, it was a great experience for me. Recovery wasn’t bad. I felt basically (deceptively) fine after a week or so, but I would still get very tired if I overdid it for the next several weeks.
TBK says
They don’t always shave anymore. Ask ahead of time. My hospital didn’t.
NewMomAnon says
Some hospitals don’t strap down arms; the hospital I was at let me choose (if a C section had been needed, which was not the case for me).
CPA Lady says
Okay, let me rephrase.
These are the things that I experienced. Your experience may be different.
In House Lobbyist says
My scheduled C-section was much better than I expected. The first time was an emergency and the baby was stuck so my dr had to made a “T” incision which resulted in the second planned c-section. The planned one was a lot more calm and easier to recover from. The second time, I had a pillow waiting in the car for the drive home from the hospital which helped a lot for holding over my stomach over bumpy roads. Breast-feeding the second was no problem and much easier than the first time around. The second time my hospital had become more breastfeeding friendly so we got to do skin to skin contact right in the operating room and in the recovery room. The hardest thing is getting in and out of bed or up from a seating position but I didn’t have any trouble walking or doing stairs after I came home. As far as the older kids, my 3 year old son loved seeing my boo-boo on my belly so he knew to be really careful with momma for those first few weeks and understood that I couldn’t lift him up.
Wow says
+1 on breastfeeding. When I had my C-section 3 years ago, the hospital did not do skin to skin right in the OR, and I do believe that in part had an impact on my ability to nurse (I ended up switching to exclusively pumping, which was a pain).
Nowadays a lot of hospitals allow skin to skin right in the OR, but not all. Make sure you confirm that. The hospitals which identify as “Baby friendly” have that.
Good luck. I had an easy recovery with my c, here’s hoping you do as well.
NewMomAnon says
I haven’t had a C-section, but I did have abdominal surgery when my kiddo was about 7 months old. People here have given you good advice, but my other advice is don’t plan on putting baby in the crib while you’re recovering from surgery. I was not able to reach down into a crib comfortably for several weeks. A bassinet would be easier. And consider investing in some night gowns or night shirts, because the waistband on most pants could hit you in an uncomfortable spot (you might also find yourself a bit bloated after the surgery).
Also, strongly second the advice to get up and walk as soon as possible. I’ve had a couple abdominal surgeries, and the difference in recovery between the recent one (in which they had me walking within 4 hours of exiting the surgery) and the prior one, in which it took almost 24 hours for the nurse to ok walking, was night and day.
TK says
Scheduled C is a completely different experience than an unplanned C. My scheduled C was great. I held little TK almost immediately (he hung out and did skin to skin with dad while they were finishing up on me) and breastfeeding was not an issue – I nursed for a year. I did have some problems with constipation because of the pain medications, so (check with your OB and) stock up on stool softener / Tucks pads. The pain was never unbearable, I was on the narcotics for about 10 days, then OTC afterwards. I wore the Belle Fit binder over the C section scar after 3-4 days PP with no problem.
Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy, you weekend sounds very scary.
Shayla says
You all are wonderful, thank you thank you. This has helped ease some fears but also gives me a grounded list of things to start follow-up on, investigate, and consider. Thank you for your kind words, it was a scary experience, but I’m lucky to have a great hospital nearby, a great practice, and a semi-great work that is cooperating with my teleworking requirements. Pregnancy is no joke. We all deserve medals.
CHJ says
True story – I loved having a scheduled C-section. I showed up at 6 a.m. and had a baby in my arms by 8:30. My OB and all the staff and nurses were fantastic, and it was a happy, festive atmosphere in the OR. I was able to start nursing in the recovery room about 30 minutes after he was born. And my recovery wasn’t bad – I had a hard time getting out of bed for the first two days in the hospital, but I was able to walk out on my own by the time we were released on Day 4. Three years later, I have a tiny scar but no other long-term effects.