Where Have Your Best Mom Friends Come From?
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It’s been years since we talked about “mom friends,” ladies — so let’s discuss! When you were a new mom, did you seek out mom friends? Have you looked for them in the interim, or made friends whom you would consider “mom friends” in that you largely discuss your children (or activities for your children)? Where have your best mom friends come from?
I think when I last wrote on the subject of seeking out mom friends, my second child had just been born and I was still dubious that I needed mom friends. I wrote:
My response [to someone’s suggestion that I seek out mom friends]: huh? I had friends. Some of them were moms. Why did I need local mom friends — new friends where the only thing we had in common was locality and the fact that we got pregnant around the same time? If a friendship happened naturally, great, but I wasn’t going to seek it out (and I certainly wasn’t going to try to force it). … Besides, I figured, mom friends would come about naturally once my child started making friends.
In the years since, though, I’ve found some incredible mom friends — and I would say I’ve most appreciated them past the newborn stage, which was when I thought I needed mom friends.
For example, one of my sons has had speech delays, and I’ve made a ton of great friends from speech camp and his other related activities; in fact, most of the new activities I’ve found for him have been through my mom network. I’m friendly with some neighbors for mom-related issues, and it’s so soothing to be able to have someone to text and say, “Ugh, the kids need a new dentist; who do yours see?” and know it will be a super-local suggestion.
Over the years I’ve also been a part of various buy/sell groups on Facebook, as well as other specific interest mom groups, and in addition to the general camaraderie I’ve learned a ton.
How about you, ladies — do you have “mom friends”? When did you seek them out, and how have the friendships changed over the years as your kids have gotten older? Where have your best mom friends come from?
Mostly neighbors and college friends who still live locally. At my oldest’s daycare, we had a really good parent community — probably because it was run by our employer — but we switched centers when my youngest was ~3. We’ve been at the new center for 2 years and I still don’t know the parents that well. (To be fair, I haven’t tried very hard, and I think some centers are just more conducive to that than others.)
I’ve yet to make mom friends through my kids’ activities, but I know that approach works for a lot of parents of school-age kids.
I have a circle of close girlfriends from college, all of whom became moms within a year or two of me, but none of them live near me. I wish I had local mom friends, but I don’t know where I would meet moms except at daycare and I haven’t had any luck making friends there. I joined the PTA but it was kind of a disaster (kind of clique-ish and I tend to be quiet in large groups, especially when pretty much everyone else in the group already knows each other). The other parents in my kid’s classroom are perfectly pleasant but everyone works full-time and is busy and no one seems interested in more than a polite hello in the hallway.
Local parents email group. Almost all my mom friends are women whose first kid was born within a month of mine and who live within walking distance, so we were all on mat leave at the same time and met up for coffee, walks, etc.
Preschool moms who were working were my first. After that it was the other moms on my kids’ soccer teams. My kids are grown now and I still walk most Saturdays with my son’s best friend’s mom, who I met when he was in kindergarten. Our sons aren’t friends as much any more but we’ve seen each other through parents deaths and career changes, going back to grad school and now empty nests.
My first group of mom friends started out as high school friends, lol. We just turned into mom friends along the way and our kids are fairly close in age They are my first go-to for advice of any kind! They are kinda-local, so all in different schools, etc.
My second group of mom friends is starting to develop via elementary school groups (mostly due to repeat exposure to daughter’s friends + PTA). We’ll discuss general life stuff but it tends to focus more on school-specific or activity-specific stuff. “Which camp” or “this teacher” or etc.
Both are great fun and great resources… i can text Friend 1 a picture of my kids rash, lol, and text friend 2 bc something’s happened and can they grab my daughter from the bus stop
The first time moms’ group I joined for the first few years, then moms from daycare. I was pretty ‘aggressive’ about reaching out to other moms at drop off and pickup about play dates, then we’d chat at birthday parties and school events, and now even though our kids aren’t in daycare anymore, we try to make a point of seeing each other with and without the kids regularly.
I didn’t have a mom squad when my children were younger, other than college friends or long distance friends that I mostly texted at random times knowing they’d be up with a baby or suffering thru the stay at home time the same time as me. As I look back, should I have tried harder when I was home with the baby for the first 6 months? Tried to get out and meet more moms? I think I was to tired and just trying to keep my head above water to make the effort.
As my children got older and were more mobile and communicative and invited to birthday parties, it was easier for me to connect to other parents.
With my older son, we had a tight group of parents that had play dates outside of daycare. We also started to have friendsgivings with the whole class and st patricks day parties to get the kids and parents together-these kids are now in 2nd grade, and we see these parents every other month or so. With my younger son, I didn’t really make those connections with the daycare parents, more casual acquaintances.
I found some great mom friends thru one of my hobbies, turns out that our kids were in the same school and they became friends. Also found great mom friends thru the kids’ sports. Easy to chat up a parent if you see them every Wednesday and Saturday! Those same moms also belong to our Y, so we go to a class before we do the kids sports routine.
My best mom friends are the wife of DH’s friend – we met when she was pregnant with her #1 (and DH and I were dating) and her #2 and my #1 are 9 months apart; the wife of a law school classmate whose kid and mine are weeks apart and a fb group of local moms in our area, none of whom I have ever met in person but I feel like I “know”, and who are incredibly supportive – I’m so grateful a random stranger who sat next to me at the “new moms” group at the hospital added me. Most of my high school, college or law school friends either don’t have kids or are just starting to have kids, so we just don’t have the same connection around parenting (but maybe it will grow if I end up being their “mom friend”). I will say I much prefer hanging out with my friends who have kids, in part because they get it and it’s just more relaxed, in part because with the HCOL and difficulty finding a babysitter, our get togethers usually involve kids, vs. my child-free friends who prefer to hang out sans kids, which means I generally see them less often.
A mom from my son’s daycare recruited a bunch of other daycare moms who she saw on the train commuting or at various kid activities to take an Wed night 8:15 pm HIIT workout class together. 3 years later we are still at it and have all become incredibly close friends.