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My sister-in-law bought my son this book for the holidays, and he loved it so much that it opened the floodgates for the other two in the series (about planes and trains). He’s obsessed with construction vehicles, trains, tractors, airplanes, garbage trucks, and helicopters (or “hopti coptis”), so these are right in his wheelhouse. Each page shows a different type of vehicle/train/airplane, and the illustrations and rhymes are clever and cute. Since the books are sleeping-themed, it’s a fun way to end the day and wind down before bedtime. The set of three books makes a really cute kid’s gift, or if you’re giving a toy, the book in the same theme is a cute add-on. The board book is $6.39 at Amazon and the hardcover is $15.29; both are eligible for Prime. Where Do Diggers Sleep at Night? This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Cb says
Our favourite transport books are Little Blue Truck (and its various iterations), Love is a Truck which is gorgeously illustrated, the Usborne Things that Go, and Where do Steam Trains sleep at night. I really need a book about bin lorries though, my son woke up at 5am today and looked out the window hopefully.
AwayEmily says
I get so annoyed at most of these truck books because all the trucks (and usually most of the other characters) are male. In Goodnight Construction Site, every single truck is “he.” In Little Blue Truck, both Little Blue and the dump truck are male, and in the sequel every single character is male too. Despite the fact that they were written AND illustrated by women.
I’m sure there are exceptions, and I’d love to hear about them, but I find it really frustrating (and yes this problem exists in ALL kids books but it seems especially pronounced in Truck Lit) (and yes I change the pronouns when reading, but (a) that’s irritating to do all the time and (b) I seriously doubt if the kids’ daycare teachers are changing the pronouns).
Anonymous says
Shoot — my kids are older but that is not always true. We have an OLD book from back when my mom taught school where either a truck or a train is female and it is the lead truck/train. Richard Scarry has vehicles of seemingly both genders in his work. Our books are now being read by the kids of my cousins, so yay for old stuff having another go-round.
Anonymous says
Mike Mulligan’s steam shovel is a girl!
Anonymous says
Anon below here – it’s by the same author as Katy and the Big Snow. Virginia Lee Burton. Maybe she has even more?
Pogo says
These were two of my absolute favorites as a child.
Anonymous says
Highly recommend Katy and the Big Snow. I’d never heard of it, but it was my husband’s favorite book as a kid. Same for his two brothers. It is fairly large (especially as a board book) and long, so one to grow into, but adorable. And it was first published in 1943, which makes it even more impressive to me.
Anonymous says
My husband’s favorite book as a kid was Katy Caboose, about a train that’s a “she”.
Anonymous says
Mighty, Mighty, Construction Site is better! The trucks are still mostly boys, but a few are female.
CCLA says
I’m glad to know I’m not the only one reading the construction site book with female pronouns for my kids! But it’s definitely bothersome and only works because the oldest one doesn’t yet read.
Pigpen's Mama says
Some versions of The Little Engine That Could have a female engine.
https://www.npr.org/2014/07/08/329520062/in-little-engine-that-could-some-see-an-early-feminist-hero
However, that may not be a good thing, since really, that engine is doing the office grunt work that someone has to do, but no one wants to do…
http://lalanetwork.com/how-the-little-engine-that-could-perpetuates-gender-stereotypes/
Disclaimer that this is mostly tongue and cheek… mostly.
Not trucks/vehicles, but Richard Scarry has updated his books to reflect changing gender roles and some diversity:
https://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/books/ct-prj-biblioracle-richard-scarry-20151203-column.html
https://www.upworthy.com/8-changes-that-were-made-to-a-classic-richard-scarry-book-to-keep-up-with-the-times-progress
anon says
The Christmas Construction site has mixed pronouns!
anon says
I get so frustrated by this too. I definitely change the pronouns but would love some recommendations for pronoun stickers so I can actually replace the pronouns in the book visually! I’ve tried to look for this before but I’m guessing it doesn’t exist. It should though. How come there is not some Etsy shop that has solved this problem?
Anonymous says
Huh? The larger one has eyelashes. It seems female-ish for a machine.
Anonymous says
It looks like mother and child diggers. But maybe it’s father and child. Or gender neutral parent and child.
AwayEmily says
maybe it is a female truck! I’ve never read this book; I was making a statement about books in general, and specifically responding to CB’s mention of Little Blue Truck. Like I said, I’m sure there are exceptions and I love hearing about them. I don’t think you need to “Huh?” me.
Anonymous says
Yes, it’s a mom! The rest of the page says “Do their moms reach front to backhoe to give a goodnight hug?”
I can go ahead and recite the rest of the book too, if you’d like.
Anon. says
Same.
Spirograph says
same. I also like that the dads are putting the baby trucks to bed in some of the pages.
This book is a hit with my kids. I change gender pronouns to alternate male – female trucks for Goodnight Construction Site, and I appreciate my brain doesn’t have to work as hard when it’s already printed on the page in this book. Plus, my kindergartener is starting to call me on the switching.
The Little Engine That Could is a girl train, too.
Anonymous says
What are “bin lorries”? Is that British English?
Cb says
Garbage trucks. I’m American raising a child in Scotland, so I’ve had to learn a whole new language related to transport – lorries, boots, coach versus bus.
anne-on says
My bosses have been British for my son’s whole life and I go over for work fairly frequently, one of his favorite games is ‘what do they call this in London’. He is endlessly amused by ‘lifts’ ‘lorries’ ‘boot’ ‘hoover’ ‘crisps’ ‘chips’ etc. Bonus points if I bring any of these amusingly labelled items home after my trips.
Cb says
So sweet. Nappy, dummy, pram, buggy, torch. My mom kept telling a friend that she made her son a vest for our wedding. It took her ages to realize my mom meant a waistcoat rather than a tank top.
My son said ‘Ta’ (thanks) to me the other day and only responds to ‘hiya’ rather than ‘hi’. I can deal with Scottish but I can’t cope if he picks up my husband’s London accent.
rosie says
I haven’t read Little Blue Truck that many times (it was gifted to us)–I stopped reading it because it refers to the mean truck as “fat” as an insult, seemed unnecessary.
Anonymous says
It refera to the dump truck’s tires as fat, which i think is a neutral term when talking about tires – haven’t you heard of a fat bike (wide tires for snow or sand).
EB0220 says
I definitely make some of the construction site vehicles “she” as well. I also frequently edit things like “beautiful” and “handsome” out of fairy tales. I’m definitely going to check out the Virginia Lee Burton books that were mentioned. My friend bought “The Little House” for us and it’s one of our favorites (the house is female, in case anyone is wondering!).
fallen says
Moms of 2 or more – does it ever get any easier to take care of both of your kiddos at the same time by yourself? Home with daughter from school today and man, it’s hard to be outnumbered. Hopefully this gets easier when baby is older..
Anonymous says
In my experience it gets so much easier once they’re both walking, sightly more independent, and less reliant on you for all their food. Hang in there!
OP says
Thank you. We are hopefully not too far from walking for baby!
I struggle because I LOVE spending time with each kid by themselves, but both together it’s just hard and not that fun.
ElisaR says
i’m totally with you fallen. it’s so hard! my littlest should be walking any day but having 2 irrational humans to deal with on my own is hard. i just hired an 8th grader to come over 2 days a week from 5-7 so i hope that helps.
OP says
Yess. I hired someone to help with AM drop off and also hiring a mothers helper in the evening, too. This stage of life of having a young second kiddo is brutal.
AwayEmily says
I just finished a four-day stretch of parenting a 3yo and 12mo on my own and it was really, really tough. It is easier than it was three months ago, though, and WAY easier than it was six months ago, so i’m hoping the trajectory just keeps going in that direction. The other night I looked at the clock and it was 6:36pm. A crying baby crawled over and climbed up my torso while his sister attempted to burrow into my lap, then I consoled the toddler after she claimed the baby was pulling her hair, then found a toy for the baby to distract him, which the toddler immediately decided she also needed, setting off another round of crying from both of them. I then looked at the clock again, SURE that at least ten minutes had passed. It was 6:37.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Just had to reply based on your clock story – I swear those two hours between 6 and 8pm go by slower than any other hours of the day. My toddler can do so much in 5 minutes. That’s why I hope future me never ever says to anyone with small kids that “it goes by so fast.” It sure does not when you’re in it.
H13 says
I have a new two-year-old and a five-year-old and it has definitely gotten easier recently. I have been doing a lot of solo nights and just recently we have all been able to read together, sing together, etc. It gets better! Still hard, but better.
Anon says
My kids are pretty close in age, so there was a fairly long period of time where I could not leave the 2 of them alone together in a room when the youngest was a baby. Moving past that stage was a significant milestone in my feeling like it got better. Not sure if you’re dealing with that. Now mine are both preschoolers and legit play together without our involvement for quite a bit of time, which is nice.
RR says
OMG, yes. I can literally go hours without seeing my children. I can work from home and trust that they won’t interrupt me (the youngest may, but I can get her sister to watch her for a few minutes while I go in the other room to take a call). This gets much, much easier. Mine are 11, 11, 5 now, but honestly it’s been close to this level of easy for years. Other things are hard, but this is not.
EB0220 says
Yes, it really does. At 4 and 6, my girls can amuse themselves for hours.
Anon says
I’m kind of embarrassed to admit this but I recently started a new job and have a schoolgirl crush on one of my new coworkers. It’s thrown me off balance at work and I feel like I’m involuntarily giggly and weird whenever we interact, which is often. I’m very happily married to a man I love deeply and have no interest in changing that. I guess it’s just been a while since I’ve been attracted to someone else like this. I feel guilty for the feeling and supremely annoyed by the distraction. How do I deal with this?
anonforthis says
I went through the same thing when I started a new job a few months ago. One of the men I work with is so attractive, well-dressed, obviously fit, nice, and intelligent. I was the same way for a few weeks, but it died down and I can be normal around him now.
Anonymous says
Totally drives me crazy so I read half the trucks in Goodnight Goodnight Construction site as girls. My daughter only noticed when she learned to read but I asked her not to tell her younger brothers. Thankful Mighty Mighty Construction Site (one of the sequels) has trucks that are girls too even if the original ones are featured in the new story and are still boys.
Em says
I did the same thing!
GCA says
I do the same, and likewise with the dinosaurs in ‘How Do Dinosaurs…’ series. So far. Kiddo cannot read yet…
Roughly half the vehicles in Toot Toot Beep Beep are ‘she’. So is Choo Choo, Virginia Lee Burton’s runaway engine. I also have some friends who have simply taken a sharpie to the pages of board books in an effort to normalize female characters…
Knope says
Me too with Good Night Construction Site!!!
Anonymous says
Inspired by a question on the main page this morning—how would you handle it if your friend was “the other woman”? I am going to see a close friend from college this weekend for the first time in several years. She has dated married men at least twice in the past, once supposedly unknowingly and once with full knowledge that he was married. The time she revealed the second relationship was the last time I spoke with her. We had already drifted apart over the years, and she wanted support from me that I just couldn’t provide. We are probably not going to have much chance for deep conversation when I see her this weekend, but she’s indicated that she wants to rekindle our friendship. I am torn because I just can’t relate to her anymore, but at the same time she is my oldest friend and we used to be close enough that she was the maid of honor in my wedding. What would you all do in this situation?
Anonymous says
I’d go to lunch and see if I enjoyed it. If I did, I’d continue contact when it was enjoyable to me. If she started dating a married man again I’d say “sorry, I can’t support this” and end the friendship.
Anonymous says
Find out if she is still in the relationship with the married man. If she is, I would end the friendship. If she is not, I would give her another chance but end the friendship if she ever did it again.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I have a similar though not quite extreme situation with my childhood best friend, who was also my MOH. She doesn’t date married men but she does talk about having crushes on guys with girlfriends and parties a lot still. Our lives have drifted so far apart that I find it really hard to relate to her and to keep giving her the same advice I’ve given for the past 10 years. It’s very hard to let go of this friendship because she was such an important person to have in my life during middle school – college and I am really grateful I met her then.
No great advice but with my friend, we’ve definitely cut down on the skype calls in the past few years and I try to keep the conversion on our shared past and away from relationship drama. It makes me really sad to think about losing her as a friend but sadly it just doesn’t add much positivity to my life right now.
anne-on says
Cross posting from the main site – Dishwasher help please! Our 10-12~ yr old dishwasher is finally biting the dust, and after having it repaired a few times we’re going to just get a new one with the holiday weekend sales. I have a strong aversion to LG after an awful experience with their washing machine, but otherwise open. Anyone really love their dishwasher, or have a favorite brand? Would prefer to try to keep it at or under $1k.
AwayEmily says
We had a Bosch in a rental once and LOOOOOOVED IT. Best dishwasher i’ve ever used. Now we have a mediocre whirlpool (it was here when we bought the house) but someday we will replace it with another bosch.
octagon says
Love the cleaning on my Bosch but hate the rack pattern (maybe they have changed since then, ours is old). I find it impossible to fit tupperware and larger things.
Anon says
We bought a Bosch after seeking advice on the main page and DH and I both hate it! We have to do twice as many loads as we used to, because nothing fits. It also gets clogged very easily.
Anonymous says
+1. Our Bosch is quiet and gets the dishes clean, but it is apparently designed to hold several dozen plates and nothing else.
Anonymous says
We just bought a new dishwasher and expressly didn’t get a Bosch, even though they’re supposed to be the best, because I haaaate their rack layout.
sweettarte says
I’ve had two bosch dishwashers (didn’t have to replace the first one – just moved and put one in our new place too) and we’ve been very happy with them.
Mama Llama says
I hate our Bosch dishwasher because it takes 3+ hours to run a wash cycle. When we first moved into this house we thought it was broken, but the repair person said all newer dishwashers take a long time and Bosch takes a particularly long time. I also don’t think it does a particularly good job getting dishes clean.
Spirograph says
We got a Bosch recently when our old one died, and the cycle time is my biggest complaint about it. It’s very quiet — I can barely hear it even when I’m in the kitchen — and does a good job cleaning, but we have to remember to set it at night or before leaving for work, because there is no “running a quick load before dinner” once I get home from work.
Other minor complaint is that the time delay requires you to press a button again if you open the door to add something else before the load starts running. My old dishwasher you could open and close ad infinitum once you’d set it, and it would run in X hours with no further interaction required.
I don’t have a problem with the rack layout, but we run the dishwasher daily anyway. My largest cutting board doesn’t fit in it, but other than that I don’t notice a capacity difference compared to my old one.
Anon says
We just bought a kitchenaid (to replace our 10+ year old kitchenaid that was leaking) from Home Depot and are pretty happy with it. I think we got it for around $700 over one of the Christmas sales – it was one of the two they had on the floor – model number I think is KDPE234GPS. The top third rack has been really helpful for keeping the sharp knives, zesters, peelers, pizza cutters, etc. away when my 18 month old wants to help unload the dishwasher (yes, I generally wash my knives other than my good chef’s knife in the dishwasher). It has a “prowash” cycle that takes ridiculously long, but since we run it at night these days it’s not really an issue. For me, the things I was looking for were quieter than our previous dishwasher (not a big ask considering the time), an express wash cycle, heated dry, a sanitize rinse setting (we did all our bottle washing in the dishwasher), a light cycle for the china (ours is dishwasher safe – this dishwasher doesn’t have it, but if I turn off heated dry and the sani-rinse I think it should be fine), adjustable height top rack and I was open to the idea of a third rack (which after having lived with it for a month, I love). We also like the “inset” handle so that our LO isn’t smacking her head into when she barrels through the kitchen like a tornado.
Emily S. says
Chiming in to say I do NOT love my dishwasher, a Whirlpool. It’s never been a great cleaner (even with regular maintenance) but it’s only 5 years old and we’ve replaced several electronic parts. In the past I really liked my GE dishwasher.
AnotherAnon says
We bought a Samsung when we remodeled and I loved it. Our bffs have the same one. We both had infants and now toddlers and it handles bottles and bottle parts, etc. We now rent and have a Bosch. I have no idea how old it is but I hate it. I can’t tell if it’s because it’s old and has been abused or if Bosch sucks in general. As stated above, it’s basically designed to wash 12 plates and nothing else.
Anonymous says
We have a Whirlpool that we like. WDT710PAHZ, $700ish when not on sale. It does have a plastic drum, but is still plenty quiet (so much better than our decade-old one). The silverware basket isn’t the best, but I love the arrangement of the racks and that we can fit in big cutting boards and half-sheet pans without them bumping the sprayer. It also has a ‘1-hour’ cycle that is pretty amazing at cleaning everything except very dirty cooking pots. Since our old dishwasher used to take 2.5-3 hours to run a cycle, it’s kind of magical to be able to start it before we go upstairs to put the kids to bet and be able to unload it later that evening so it’s all set to reload the next day, rather than dirty dishes piling up on the counter.
Canadian says
I’m surprised by all of the Bosch hate. We had the basic model in our first house and loved it. We just built our new house and replaced it with another Bosch, one level above (300 series). It has tines (?) you can fold down on the bottom rack if you want to wash things other than plates. It also has a third rack for cutlery which is basically life changing. (Cutlery drawer is optimally positioned in our kitchen so you don’t have to move at all to empty the cutlery rack into our drawer, which is basically amazing)
The regular wash cycle takes 2:09. There is a “speed 60” wash. I literally never pre rinse anything and it always comes out clean.
CCLA says
I recommend NOT getting a Viking. We’ve had them in two rentals and they are meh and don’t get the dishes dry ever, and I’m sure they were $$$$. The dishwasher repair guy said they are not great, and if you’re going to spend that money just get a Bosch.
SC says
Chiming in late to say that the home we recently purchased has a Maytag, and it’s a really good dishwasher. It does have a long run cycle, but the dishes actually get clean (no pre-washing).
Anon says
I’ve never cross-posted before, but hoping for as much advice as I can get! I have a friend coming to stay next weekend – she has two kids (6 and 4) and they are not well behaved. Think, hitting people, screaming in the car when adults talk – not in pain/tired/hungry screams, they just don’t like it when they aren’t included, refuse to eat anything other than McDonald’s or similar. I grew up differently and am not trying to knock the free, child-driven style (no routine, no set bedtime, they nap if they feel like it, not if she thinks they are tired). I do not necessarily agree with this, but they aren’t my kids.
My questions are 1) where do I take them to eat/have fun? We have McDonald’s, but I really don’t want to eat there 6 times in a weekend. Are they old enough for somewhere like ChuckECheese? Is it OK for me to suggest we get food delivered to the hotel a couple times? It is freezing outdoors – science museum?
2) I have a huge issue with letting kids hit people. Her older daughter punched and kicked me last summer at the dinner table because I told her I had to finish eating before I would go play with her. Parents watched it and did nothing. I was so shocked, I sort of let it happen. What is appropriate for me to say? Can I grab wrists? I don’t want to “back down” from a 6 year old, but I don’t feel like getting beat up, either.
Mama Llama says
Whoa, why are you voluntarily spending a weekend with this family? It sounds absolutely miserable. The answer to your first question is, yes, of course those are all reasonable suggestions, but these sound like unreasonable people so I have no idea how they will be received. As to your second question, if a child tries hit you, yes, grab their wrist and say, “I am not going to let you hit me.” If they persist and the parents do nothing, I would honestly get up and leave the table. As I tell my kids, hitting is not ok.
Anonymous says
Thanks, Mama Llama! We have been friends for about 15 years, and live several hours away so we only get together a couple times a year. She has had some big bad life events – hard pregnancies, house flooded, death of parent, etc. When her kids were smaller, they threw tantrums and toys and we either ate at home or McD’s on visits, but I didn’t think much of it. It’s changed as they’ve gotten older, though – I was shocked when I saw them last summer. I am trying to be understanding because I don’t have kids and everyone parents differently, but I have a really hard time with the lack of discipline. Most of the parenting I see has parents setting boundaries for the kids, but she doesn’t believe in that style. I can’t pretend I agree with all of her decisions, but I am trying to be a good friend. Without getting hit :)
Mama Llama says
You sound like a good and very patient friend. It’s thoughtful of you not to want to judge someone’s parenting, but it’s ok to have boundaries for yourself especially with regard to hitting.
Spirograph says
I agree with the advice to grab wrists and physically prevent them from hitting you, while stating aloud what you’re doing and why, but be prepared for screaming and tears, and potentially accusations (from the kids) that you’re hurting them, and think about how you might want to handle that. I certainly don’t let my kids hit, but they try it sometimes, and the above is how it usually goes down.
I also put them in time out for attempted hitting, but you can’t really explicitly do that with other people’s kids. You might be able to say, “It seems like you’re pretty upset, why don’t you take some time for yourself in the other room until you are ready to hang out without hitting.” Hopefully at that point the parent will intervene to support you.
ElisaR says
I know I struggle with reprimanding other people’s kids. But I think if a child hit me I would physically stop her (perhaps with grabbing the wrists or maybe just by moving away) and calmly but loudly and firmly say “I’m not going to let you hit me.” That’s not ok.
As for the food – are you all staying at a hotel or your home? I feel like by that age they could get meatballs or pasta or eat plain bread at an italian restaurant…. there’s no reason to exclusively eat fast food. They are old enough for ChuckECheese but that sounds gross to me.
I recently had kids that age visiting and we all went to the YMCA for open gym and shot basketballs. It was kind of fun. We were members and the family were members too so that worked out. Are you in a city? Another activity might be one of those big trampoline places.
Anonymous says
I would not be comfortable grabbing the wrist of a child who wasn’t mine. It seems like a risky move, especially if the parents are as nuts as these parents sound.
Anonymous says
Agree completely. I would say “I do not like being hit. I will not let you hit me, and I will not play [eat, be, etc.] with you if you don’t stop.” If they don’t stop, I would leave and voice why I was leaving.
drpepperesq says
What about- “I don’t think your mommy would like that you’re hitting me.” And that puts the onus back on the mother to intervene? And then if the kid keeps hitting you then ask that the mother step in? It’s kind of like a first warning for both the mother and the child. That’s all I can think of… I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that!
Anonymous says
I don’t think this works when the mom obviously doesn’t care whether the kid hits people.
Anon says
The kids don’t sound great, but I think it’s a bit silly to lump “hits people” in with “wants to eat McDonalds all the time.” The former is unacceptable, the latter is pretty typical kid behavior. If you don’t want to go to McDonalds, their mom can take them without you. I wouldn’t even offer Chuck-E-Cheeze. Eating separately sounds like it would be way more relaxing for you.
K says
Will the kids just sit and watch TV in your house while you and their mom spend time together? Honestly that would be easiest for me as a mom of two (and mine are amazing well behaved.) Do you have toys and stuff available for them to play with? If not, I’d recommend running to Goodwill or Dollar Tree and picking up some cheap toys, coloring books, and books to keep them entertained at your home so that you can actually visit with your friend.
In terms of where to go, a playground with a good fence around it where they can run around and play while, again, you and mom talk would be good. That and fast food restaurants with indoor playgrounds that are sectioned off. Any other places that are fun for kids (zoo, children’s museum, library) can tend to be a lot of work for parents, which would leave your friend struggling to manage the kids without being able to spend her energy on catching up with you.
Anonymous says
If there’s an IKEA near you, they usually have a great kids playspace. You could drop off the kids and head to the cafe with the mom.
As for going out to eat: 4 and 6 is hit or miss whether this will work, but I let my 4 and 6 year old sit at their own table-for-two at Panera the other day and they surprised me by being really well-behaved. I have great memories of doing “kids table” (obviously in sight lines, across an aisle is good) at low-key restaurants when my parents went out to dinner with their friends. Siblings and I felt so grown up, and were consequently on better behavior.
Emily S. says
This isn’t helpful now, but in the future, could you have the friend visit alone, or plan a trip where you meet (alone)? If you want to preserve the friendship but don’t enjoy spending time with her kids (which is a valid desire!) that may be the best way forward.
K has a good point that places we often think of as fun for kids are a lot of work for adults!
I would also second the recommendation of bringing home take out, especially if you can feed the kids and then have dinner, just the adults, after bedtime. That might also work for McD’s or Chick-Fil-A: taken them at 6 p.m., then the adults eat a nice meal at home later. Good luck and have fun?
TheElms says
Do you think they would be ok eating at a chain restaurant with a kids menu? Like a TGIFriday or something similar. That would be more appealing to me than ChuckECheese but hopefully would still keep the peace — which seems like your goal. Or maybe a local or chain diner with all day breakfast so the kids could have pancakes or a burger and a milkshake, but the quality would be better for you.
Leatty says
How did you decide you were ready to TTC baby #2? My daughter (who is the light of our lives) is 20 months old, and we would like to have one more, but I dread the thought of being pregnant (which I hated) and the newborn stage. I don’t want our kids to be too far apart, but I just can’t seem to pull the plug. DH is almost 38, so he doesn’t want to wait too much longer, but I’m still in my early 30s. Plus, there is a very strong chance of me being promoted within the next month, and I don’t want to deal with the first trimester nausea and fatigue while trying to learn a new role. Advice?
ElisaR says
mmmm there’s never a good time. just go for it.
K says
The longer you wait, the less likely you are to do it at all, IME. Which may be what you want, to stop at one. But being a parent of a toddler/preschool is so difficult, it’s hard to think of adding another one to the mix, and it’s always going to be hard. Plus if you start TTC now, you may not get pregnant right away (secondary infertility is very real), so just keep in mind that it’s not necessarily the case that if you “pull the plug,” you’ll get pregnant right away. If you’re sure you want a second, I’d start trying right now.
Anonymous says
Give yourself a couple months. You may feel differently when your daughter is 2-2.5. Once my oldest was firmly a ‘toddler’ and not a ‘baby’, I started to get baby fever again. Waiting 6 months sounds like it would be good for you, your career and wouldn’t be that big of a deal to your DH. You have to carry the baby so it has to work for you.
Emily S. says
Gently, I think only you know the “right” time. Everyone is different. For me, I had just finished 16 mos of bfeeding when my husband asked when we were going to start trying. Ugh. I literally threw up in my mouth. But then, a month later, I agreed, I thought reluctantly, and then, overnight, could not wait to get pregnant. I was really hurt when it didn’t happen right away and confused by my whiplash emotions of not wanting to get pregnant and then crying because I wasn’t pregnant. So, I don’t think there’s a right answer, more, talk-it-to-death and then be scared and take the plunge anyway. And be kind to yourself while TTC!
Anon says
We are trying now – our LO is 18 months, I’m 32. We know want 2, maybe 3, I want to be done before I’m 35 (I’m already high risk for other reasons) and so the timing seemed right to allow for an option of #3 and still waiting a year before getting pregnant because I require c-sections. I am also open to the idea that it only gets harder as we get older (25 YO me would have so much more energy!) and getting the “hard” years all out of the way as soon as possible makes some sense to me. I wanted to wait until we weaned (15 months) and were STTN (17 months) before trying again – DH (also older – he’s 36) was probably ready to try again around 15 months. I also was concerned that it might take longer to get pregnant the second time, and that there is never a “right” time to have a baby – something will always be inconvenient. I hear you on dreading the pregnancy part. Absent some sort of death, disability or extended NICU stay, my pregnancy and newborn days were about as bad as you can get (9 months of puking, 3 hospital stays including a sepsis scare and possible PE, an emergency gallbladder removal at 6 weeks post partum, colic involving 8+ hours of bloody murder inconsolable screaming every single day for 5 straight months, no STTN until 17 months, plus all the “usual” adjustment for a FTM), so I am mentally bracing for it to be just as bad, but you can do almost anything for a short period of time knowing there’s an end in sight.
Anonymous says
So glad you asked this question, Leatty. I’m in a similar boat, except that my daughter is now 26 months and I am 38 (husband is 39). It has gotten easier with her day by day, and this age (2+ years) has been my favorite by far. I hated pregnancy and developed pre-eclampsia toward the end. She was a very difficult baby and if I were to get pregnant I would dread the next two years. Reading everyone’s comments, I think I need to just bite the bullet, have the conversation with my husband, and start trying in the next few months. I didn’t realize secondary infertility was a thing. I got pregnant really fast with my daughter, but I don’t want to have a winter baby.
Anon says
I don’t think of secondary infertility as an “I don’t want a winter baby” problem. Infertility generally means you are unable to get pregnant for more than a year. For many people it is several years, or more. Maybe you’ll be lucky again and it will happen quickly for you, but I’d do some CYE about being able to control the month/season of your child’s birth.
ElisaR says
“i don’t want a winter baby” made me chuckle….. some people would give anything for a baby. even a winter one.
Anon says
Yes, and the poster likely would too, but she still gets to have feelings and preferences about her own pregnancy. This used to drive me crazy when I was pregnant and miserable, because people were like “just be thankful you are pregnant, can have a baby, have a healthy baby, etc.” It’s okay to be thankful you’re having a baby and still wish that it were a different time of year, involve less vomiting, etc.
ElisaR says
yes it’s ok to have feelings. I get that. But the way it was phrased was something of high importance. I had a winter baby, I get that it’s not ideal, but also you can control everything.
lawsuited says
Honestly, I appreciated the perspective check of “you’re lucky you can have a baby”. My good friend who had struggled with infertility for 3 years got pregnant at the same time as I accidentally got pregnant with #2. She miscarried at 11 weeks and I went on to have a shitty, complicated pregnancy but ultimately a healthy (winter) baby. Reminding myself that my friend would love to be in my situation even on the toughest days cut my complaining way back. Reframing as “these are good problems to have” helped my mood just as much as venting by complaining would have, so same outcome with less negativity.
Anonymous says
Is winter bad? I’m due in August and everyone makes a face and says “ugh, you’ll be so hot!”
Anon says
I had a February baby and thought it was wonderful, except that I was scared of falling on snow and ice in my third trimester. I had no swelling at all, and lived in cozy fleece things at the end. And a February birthday is a lot of fun IMO – gives us something to look forward to right at the worst part of winter.
IP Attorney says
I had a November baby which meant I had to deal with freezing New England temps during my entire maternity leave. It really just meant that when we would take walks outside we’d have to really bundle up, and we would explore bigger indoor spaces more frequently (malls, museums, etc). The nice thing about having a winter baby is that by the time summer rolls around, your baby is older and can sit up and be more cognizant of the *warm* world around her!
Anon says
My kid was 2.5 by the time I could even wrap my head around having a second. I think the fact that my oldest had started to be able to entertain herself for chunks of time, could communicate well, and could be trusted to not actively try to kill herself made the difference (i.e., we can sit at the playground and watch her play rather than assisting her, I can take a shower or cook a meal while she is in her bedroom playing alone). We “pulled the plug” a couple months thereafter and I got pregnant almost immediately. My oldest will be 3.5 when the baby is born.
But I did not get baby fever and was kind of hoping it would take me longer to get pregnant. We made the decision to “pull the plug” because I will be about 35 when the second is born (ideally wanted to have children before 35) and I want to be able to take advantage of local grandparent help with the second as well as the first, and there are no guarantees as to how long the local grandparents will be healthy/active. I also know several families with wider spacing between kids (4-7 years) and honestly, had I started earlier I might have considered that!
I am feeling ambivalent about the arrival of the second at the moment. I think the timing works for our family and I know I will love the new little one when s(he) is born, but I am mourning in advance the change in my relationship with my first. 3 is a delightful age for her at least, and I enjoy time with her especially as it has gotten so much easier in the past year. The previous thread on solo parenting two is basically what I’m worried about, as I solo parent 3-4 days a week.
sweettarte says
I second both the idea that there’s never a right time and maybe don’t wait too long. We pulled the goalie when DD was 15 months, expecting it would take a while though not actively trying or timing. Got pregnant when DD was almost 2, but right before that I almost changed my mind because things were starting to be much easier and I was really enjoying life again. But got pregnant which is of course great but I have difficult pregnancies and am not a baby person.
Anonymous says
I was never ready, so we have an only.
Anon says
Same. I adore my daughter but I felt like she got better and easier all the time, and by the time I was ready to even think about it, she was a toddler and it was hard to imagine starting at square 1 again. Now she’s four and so independent and fun, and I can’t imagine having a baby/young toddler at this point.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We had the discussion of trying for another one about this time last year, when DS1 was 1 year, 9 months. I knew I wanted more than one (husband was ok with 1, so no pressure there) and didn’t want to wait too long because of aging eggs, possible secondary infertility, etc. We ended up getting pregnant quickly again and the kids are almost exactly 2.5 years apart. My toddler’s age 2 has been really difficult for me so I think if we would have waited, I probably would have been more hesitant because I would’ve wanted to get through the toddler years. There are advantages and disadvantages to both a small age gap in between and a larger age gap in between so there’s no right answer.
Ultimately, if you see your future self with two (or more) kids and you think you maybe sort of ready now, then I’d say go for it. Yes, it may interfere with work (or not), yes pregnancy will be hard and yes baby#2 will change your relationship with baby#1, etc. etc. So much of this is unpredictable though and I think this is one of those situations where you can’t logic your way into any one decision.
Aly says
Because we want 3 or 4 kids, we kind of knew we had to start trying sooner rather than later. When my daughter was about 15 months we started trying. However, I was still nursing 2 or 3 times per day. I could not get pregnant nursing. I reluctantly weaned her at 18 months and was pregnant the next month. Being pregnant with a toddler is tough. I will let you know in a couple months how toddler + newborn is …
Anonymous says
We have an 18mo and plan to start trying right when he turns 2. Caveat, we had frozen embryos so “trying” is not the same as starting from scratch. The timing is to allow me to have more time in my new role (was promoted just 1 year ago), build up my team (so I have someone competent to take over while I’m out), and for LO to be slightly more helpful/communicative. I would also like to lose a little more weight to start the next pregnancy where I started the last one, but I’m not terribly concerned.
Mentally, I was ready a few months ago. I definitely want a little sister or brother for my guy! And I adore babies. I think it is possible to have that feeling of “I’m ready”, which I do now. DH defers to me on this because it’s my body (we both want 2, but he doesn’t have a strong preference on timing).
Toddler Undies says
Favorite underwear for toddler boys? We are potty training this weekend and realized I forgot to purchase undies! But probably going naked all weekend so I have a little time!
Anonymous says
Hanna Andersson training pants.
ElisaR says
we went straight to Hannah Andersson underwear (regular not training)…. they’re MUCH higher quality than the character ones we also bought on amazon. They don’t hold up well at all….. HA is better quality.
Also – we went commando for about a month before we did underwear as advised by the “oh cr@p” approach
anne-on says
Boden works well (I size down by a full year for my skinny non-butt having boy) and wears like iron. Slightly cheaper than HA if you can find a discount code.
GCA says
No favorite underwear BUT: in the early days of potty training, if kid has accidents in daycare (and they put the whole thing in a plastic baggie for you, without spraying anything off), you will almost certainly have to throw out at least one pair of undies. Cloth diapers I can bleach-soak. Underwear that has been gently baking all day in a plastic bag, not so much.
Anonymous says
Cat and Jack at target or h&m. Both are holding up great. We went straight from diapers to regular underwear a year ago and are still on the same undies.
Anon says
I’m definitely not phrasing this the right way, but at what age does motherhood get less …physically hands on, for lack of better words? I have a 14-month old, whom I adore, but she cannot be left alone for more than a moment or two when she’s awake. She’s a climber (and she’s not even walking yet!), she’s very active, and she needs constant supervision. She’s also somewhat high needs, so she likes a lot of attention and interaction. I can maybe get 5-10 minutes of independent play at a time out of her, if I’m lucky, and I have to be in the room with her anyway.
I realize this is the nature of early motherhood, but when does this phase end and/or get somewhat easier? I realize it varies by child, but I’d love to hear from more experienced parents when they were able to leave their kid alone in their room to play for 15-20 minutes and not worry about them scaling their dresser or climbing up your leg for attention. Give me a light at the end of the tunnel to look forward to, please.
Also, I fully realize that bigger kids = bigger problems, so I’m also counting my blessings that my biggest problem at the moment is keeping my child from pulling the childproof covers out of our electrical sockets (which she figured out how to do this weekend).
AwayEmily says
It happened for us at around 2. The big turning point for me when I stopped worrying my kid would deliberately hurl herself down the stairs just to see what happened. Basically, she finally developed a relatively accurate understanding of what was dangerous and how to protect herself.
mascot says
Agreed. We were lucky too that our kid is good about safety boundaries. We even made it a little bit of a game where he could run ahead of us, but had to stop immediately when we said red light. Infractions meant he was back in the stroller or holding hands Obviously, don’t do it in crowded streets, but knowing he had a pretty predictable recall took some pressure off us and helped promote independence.
Anonymous says
I think 2-3.5 was a relatively easier time. And then close to 4 they discover defiance and start trying things BECAUSE they are forbidden. No way to really avoid all of it; you can’t put your entire life under lock and key. Signed, 4 year old smeared lipstick on the carpet this week and found a bead in the back of my sock drawer that she stuck up her nose.
Anon says
We had to lock our silverware drawer and our trashcan last weekend (with those magnetic locks which require a key she can’t reach) for our 18MO after my husband confiscated a veritable arsenal of sharp objects from her she had dug out of the back of the drawer (and she was strewing trash everywhere). Apparently yesterday she managed to yank the stair gate open (must not have been closed all the way, I hope), scale the stairs and stick her entire arm in the upstairs toliet in the time it took my husband to pee downstairs. So, 18 MO is probably not it, but I used to get up to an hour of (safe!) independent play before she discovered how to climb out of the playyard, crib and PNP, and since we gated her room (and she hasn’t yet figured out how to scale that) my husband can get enough time to shower (although I can guarantee the sock drawer will have been emptied and most of the clothes pulled out of the piles in the closet – so safe and “occupied” are probably different). For us, it was a lot of putting her in the baby container, walking away, ignoring the 3-5 minutes of crying before she settled in to play with her toys and staying out of her sight if we wanted her to stay happy – gradually increasing the time we would stay “away.”
Pogo says
+1 similar experience with our 18mo. Furniture tied to the walls and gates and locks everywhere. We just shut the doors to the bathrooms because of the fascination with the toilet.
The thing that I hate – and I know this doesn’t really get better/easier – is you can have 800 million age appropriate toys and they want to be sitting on your lap, mashing on your laptop keyboard or taking the entire contents of a drawer out and flinging stuff everywhere. Or harassing the cat. Etc.
anne-on says
When I find that time I’ll let you know, ha. My son is like this and at nearly 7 still has a really hard time playing by himself, and strongly prefers to be with people/in the room we’re in, and ideally, physically interacting with/touching someone. It take A LOT out of my introverted self so I try to alternate high interaction/high touch activities with other ‘chores’ – ie, we’ll read a book and cuddle or be silly/physically play for 30-45 minutes and then I’ll start to prep dinner or do a chore. He separates easier if his interaction ‘tank’ is full, ditto after school or camp, he’s had a lot of interaction and needs a bit less from us at that moment. Not surprisingly, dinners out, long car rides, sitting quietly for some function for a long time is still difficult and I often pack quiet toys/books.
Anon says
Also 2, and for us it has steadily improved since then (now a bit over 3). Like, 2 was markedly better than 1.5, 2.5 better than 2, 3 feels like heaven, comparatively.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I hope it comes soon for my almost 3 year old but I don’t think we’re quite there yet. This past year has been gradually better in the sense that we can be somewhat at ease that he won’t try to kill himself every second and when we tell him no, don’t do something dangerous, he at least understands the word dangerous! He’s very active and will jump from activity to activity so I don’t think staying in his room by himself is happening anytime soon.
He also calls for us to play with him, which is hard for introverted me, especially at night at the end of a long day. I’m hoping that once baby brother is a little older, they can entertain each other and he’ll need less of us… we’ll see. This is another one of my reasons for having two for the poster upthread ;)
Anonymous says
20-22 months? My 23 month is getting better, and relatively good at independent play (and our house is very childproof), but still gets in the trash allllll the time. I wouldn’t leave her for 20 mins without checking on her, but I can cook while she’s within earshot and shes usually fine. I would say 14-18 months was the hardest for this. She just knew how to walk but stairs were a challenge so she would try to walk right off our deck or front stoop. She would scale our bay window (and threaten falling from it), whereas now she knows a little better what will give her a boo boo and what won’t. I do have to say that with an almost 2 year old that motherhood is still VERY physical in terms of lifting her, and she’s only gotten heavier. But thankfully in the last few weeks she’s wanted to walk independently more out in public (in stores, on the sidewalk around our neighborhood, etc…)
Anonymous says
Kid dependent. My first was fine around 2. My high energy kiddo started solo play at 2.5. My 3rd plays alone at 8 months for 10-20 min (I don’t have to be in the room, but she prefers it).
Anon says
Life changes dramatically when they can go to the bathroom alone and climb into the car alone. :) I think it was around 2.5 – 3.0 years old. Hang in there!
AnotherAnon says
How do you make friends in your 30s? I work with all guys so not a lot of opportunities there. I don’t really have any hobbies – I enjoy yoga but haven’t found a studio I like here yet. DH does Montessori drop off so I rarely see the other moms; most of them are SAHMs which is cool but I’m not sure how to approach trying to hang out with them? I’m not opposed to play dates but my son is 2 and the other kids skew toward age 4 or older.
Anon says
TBH I get along really well with the wives of my husband’s friends and those are the only new friends I’ve made in my 30s, and we’re now better friends than our husbands. I also have reconnected with a few “friends” – really acquaintances (grad school classmates, neighbors, etc.) now that they are starting to have kids – the motherhood bond seems strong. Rather than playdates, because our kids are generally far enough apart that it doesn’t quite work, we grab dinner at a kid-friendly-ish restaurant and bring the kiddos with. No one has to get a babysitter, no one is going to be offended at kids being kids (vs. someone withhout kids), and it allows us to a) “group parent” the herd and b) get some adult interaction.
Eek says
It’s so hard! I have no advice but just know that this isn’t just you. We moved over a year ago and I still don’t feel like I really have any friends in our new city. It’s a bummer.
Mama Llama says
The friends that I’ve made in my 30s have been daycare friends and political activism friends. With the daycare friends, our kids were the same age so I worked up the courage to ask for a phone number when I saw them in passing, feeling like I was asking them out or something, and then texted and set up playdates that are really mom get togethers. Activism friends are from repeatedly participating in activities organized by particular groups. It’s definitely easier to get together with the mom friends, though.
SC says
DH and I have become friends with some of the other daycare parents. It sounds obvious, but the main things we’ve done are accept invitations and follow up with people. We’re pretty well acquainted with most of the parents (probably 20-30 couples), and we’re friends with two couples. We go to birthday parties when we can. We joined another family for a parade when they invited the whole class and their families to use their house as a base. We show up to the school social events twice a year. When someone has the impulse to say, “Oh, we should get together at the park,” or “Oh, we’re planning to go to that event too,” we follow up with emails and texts for play dates. With one couple, we’ve “graduated” to going out without the kids a couple of times. Our best friends are still friends we’ve known for a long time, but we’ve definitely expanded our social group this way.
Weekend potty training? says
Is it possible to try boot camp style potty training on a normal weekend or does it need to be a 3-day weekend?
Anonymous says
Depends on the kid? We started after nap on the Saturday afternoon of a 3 day weekend and were able to go on trips out of the house by Monday, so daycare probably would have been fine. Some accidents at daycare over the next couple days and then basically none after that week. He was almost 3, though.
avocado says
For your Friday chuckle: My husband gave our daughter a Galentine’s Day card for Valentine’s Day. I guess he thought a Galentine’s Day card is a Valentine’s Day card for a girl? At least he tried.
ElisaR says
pretty adorable
anon says
Ha, that’s actually really cute!
Anon says
How do you feed picky toddlers when you’re traveling? We can usually find our 15 month old something to eat in a restaurant (either from a kid’s menu or parts of our meals) but DH and I don’t want to sit down in a restaurant more than twice a day and of course toddlers eat way more often than that. We default to a lot of bananas, yogurt and cereal because they’re readily available, easy to eat on the go and rarely rejected, but I would love other ideas.