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Something on your mind? Chat about it here. But first:
Pictured above:
- For the pregnant mama: J.Crew just started making its popular Andie chino pant in maternity sizes, and it’s now available for pre-order for $98 in three colors. (Regular sizes are marked as low as $29.) Maternity Andie pant
- For everyone: These highly-rated ponte blazers from Merona come in navy, black, and gray, and some reviewers note that they’re like wearing a sweatshirt at work. Score. They’re marked to $21 (down from $29). Merona® Women’s Ponte Blazer – Assorted Colors
- For everyone: These 1.5″ high Cole Haan wedges have been classics for years, and Zappos has them in two basic colors (black and a light beige) marked down to $99 (they were $178). Cole Haan Air Talia Wedge 40
Happy Monday, ladies!
anon2 says
Has anyone found something similar to the Air Talia but in regular leather (as opposed to patent?) I love those shoes but the shinyness of the patent bothers me with some outfits (particularly skirts).
KJ says
I like the Cole Haan Air Tali. They come in different styles but all mine are regular leather with a patent toe.
Jdubs says
Calvin Klein Saxton wedges
Contracts says
Yes! I found a pair of really comfy Adam Tucker wedges at Nordstrom Rack. I saw them in black and cognac. Even better? They were $40. Here they are in brown: https://www.nordstromrack.com/shop/product/939208/adam-tucker-adam-tucker-ritz-wedge-pump-wide-width-available?color=LUGGAGE-W
AEK says
Does anyone have a recommendation for where to find work-appropriate maternity pants in navy or grey? I’ve struck out size-wise at Loft; I think the Andies suggested above might be too casual, though I might give them a shot. Seems like everything I find is black— anyone have ideas? For that matter, if you have a favorite maternity pencil / A-line skirt for work I’d love to hear about that too!
KJ says
I had a tough time finding non-black pants when I was pregnant, so I don’t have any suggestions for that.
My favorite skirt was from Japanese Weekend http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/japanese-weekend-bengaline-straight-maternity-skirt/3384709?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=0&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-browseresults-_-1_1_A
I wore it all the time – even to a job interview.
Erin says
I found this skirt to not be work-appropriate – too form-fitting over the butt.
I mostly could also only find black pants, but Seraphine had one nice navy pair.
KJ says
I have a pretty flat butt, so that wasn’t a problem for me. YMMV.
anon2 says
My last pregnancy (2.5 years ago) I got great light grey pants at pea in a pod and dark grey ones at Gap. They were wider leg, so not particularly on trend now, but they were machine washable and held up well enough that I’m wearing them again this time around. I also liked that at Gap, pants came in long length, which has been a real issue for maternity pants both pregnancies. I’d like to find some tighter fitting, cigarette style maternity pants (not jeans) with roughly a 30 or 31 inch inseam, which is ankle length on me, but it seems like everything in that style is a few inches shorter and looks more capri on my legs (and thus less work appropriate). The exception are the J. Crew pants (the Minnies), but they’re a little more than I want to spend.
mss says
I bought my gray maternity pants (two years ago) at GAP – I appreciated the short option :).
Anonymous says
I never had much success with skirts, but I loved loved loved the pants from the Gap. So much so that even now that I’m post-pregnancy, I still wear the non-maternity version of the Gap pants (both trouser and bootcut). I know the regular ones come in black, navy and grey. Can’t remember what colors the maternity pants come in.
AEK says
These do look like a good option— but they don’t have my size. Will have to stalk the inventory…
ANP says
+1 for Gap. I also had luck (intermittently) at Old Navy.
Anonk says
I had to stalk gap for WEEKS before they had something even close to my size in maternity. I finally took a chance on a 10 (I rightfully was probably a 12 or a 14 at the time) and they fit.
Ditto on pea in the pod for navy pinstriped pants. They weren’t great but did the job.
Transition peices? says
I gained about 10 lbs in a the last few months, due to a combination of unhealthy eating and not working out during a very busy time at work. Now that things have finally calmed down, I realized my clothes are uncomfortably tight AND I found out I am pregnant (6 weeks, first pregnancy). Any suggestions for transition peices I can wear while my current clothes feel too tight (because of the non-pregnancy weight gain) and that I can possibly continue wearing during the first few months of when I start showing? I would like to wait to just buy maternity clothes but my current clothes are tight in all the wrong places and are feeling borderline unprofessional at this point!
mascot says
NY & Co. on sale was a good fit for me. They even had a few pieces with elastic waists, but that was a couple of years ago. Wrap dresses are a good option too.
JJ says
Congrats!
Wrap dresses. Gap/Old Navy/BR will have wrap dresses at every price point in every color. Lands End also always has great knit dress options.
You can also buy pencil skirts 1-2 sizes larger than your current size. I did that with both my pregnancies and wore them until the last few months. When I came back from leave (and certainly not back to pre-baby shape), the skirts came in handy again.
mss says
Agree – depending on when you go back to work, you may need clothes in a size larger anyway. I had a few pants in a size up for the few months post-maternity leave ending for this reason (which I finally got rid of after #3, yay).
Famouscait says
I was a few lbs heavier than my normal size when I found out I was expecting. So far, the only true maternity clothes I’ve bought are pants. Other than that, I bought dresses and tops in a size or two larger than what I normally wore. Wrap dresses, ponte knits, jersey knits, you name it – as long as it had stretch, it has worked for me. I’m currently in month 7 and still wearing regular-sized pieces I had pre-pregnancy or bought shortly thereafter.
Pest says
I got a lot of use out of wrap dresses and open front blazers.
Tunnel says
I am in this same boat. I have found blouson type shirts helpful in hiding the bloat. I bought a couple of pants and shirts one size up, but these two are my favorite purchases so far:
Elastic waist pants! http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/alfani-tummy-control-skinny-pants?ID=700371
Foldover skirt (technically maternity, but doesn’t look it) – http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=1014427&vid=1&pid=958679002
anon2 says
Go ahead and get maternity pants. They’ll fit now and throughout, depending on the style (some that have the waistline like the J Crew ones above don’t fit until you really have a belly). I’m 22 weeks and still wearing flowy style non-maternity tops in my pre-preg size. The tops at Banana Republic in particular have worked well for me (but I’m on the taller side). I find that in wrap dresses, the bump shows pretty early on my body, but they do fit. Just depends on how comfortable you are with people guessing before you’re ready to say something :). Shawl style cardigans are a good basic that you can wear the whole pregnancy as well.
You’ll also likely be a size or two bigger than normal after you deliver for a few months (at least!), so depending on when you go back to work, you might get some more use out of any larger non-maternity stuff you get now. The pants I got when I first went back last time around fit me until 19 weeks this time around. They were a size bigger than my normal size.
Tunnel says
I tried on but did not buy maternity pants yet because I feel like they really don’t fit right until you have a bump (not just bloat) and they seem to accentuate my bloat, which I am still trying to hide. So my advice is to definitely try on a pair of maternity pants before buying.
I also posted 2 of my favorite purchases so far (I’m in the same boat as you), but alas it is stuck in moderation.
KJ says
Pumping Moms, what do you say when someone knocks on y0ur door while you’re pumping? I usually say “I’m busy right now,” because it feels awkward/embarrassing to have people know I’m pumping (I realize this is silly). But I offended someone important today who thought I was just saying that I was too busy to talk with them. Should I just suck it up and call out, “I’m pumping right now”? Should I just say nothing and wait for them to go away? I feel like there’s no non-awkward way to handle this.
Anonymous says
I have a sign that I put on my door that says “Please Do Not Knock or Disturb” that I only put on when pumping. The paralegals all know that means “pumping” and they usually do a good job of running interference if someone clueless comes along – the sign is strong enough that a person will ask “Should I knock? Is she in there?”
Anonymous says
I had a sign that said “Please do not open or disturb, privacy needed.” I didn’t care if everyone knew that I was pumping, and I didn’t want to have to yell out/answer/etc. You’ll probably get over any feelings of awkwardness. If anything, I would call out “privacy please” or just say nothing. With a sign, people should get the point.
JJ says
Yup, I had a sign that said “Please Do Not Disturb” that everyone knew meant I was pumping. I didn’t care that everyone knew what it meant – no one ever knocked at the door.
Although, if you shouted “I’m currently hooked up to a b r e a s t pump!” I’ll bet that the important someone won’t bother you again while your door is shut…
FVNC says
Yep, I think a sign is the way to go. Also, have a ready excuse for the noise if you ever need to get on a conference call — “construction” or “grounds maintenance” worked if I didn’t feel comfortable saying I was pumping.
And, can I just say that after many months of pumping 90 minutes per day, I am done! It took about 3 weeks of decreasing pumping times, but I am done! Freedom! (I actually loved BF-ing but am traveling at the end of the month and do not want to lug that da*m thing around. So, freedom!)
mss says
Also had a sign. I did get walked in on once. It was terribly embarrassing to have to go talk to that partner afterwards, but seriously, read the damn sign.
Anonymous says
I had the sign, which meant that most people would knock instead of just barging in, but one partner did waltz right in while I was pumping. And stayed to ask her question while I looked like a deer in the headlights until she left (and yes, she knew what I was doing). Oh well. For most who knocked, I would just yell “be out in a minute” and that seemed to work. Also, after the fun incident described above, I always kept a shawl strategically draped over myself in case she did walk in again.
RB says
I had a sign on my door that read, “Please do not disturb or enter.” I also locked my door. People would still knock, so I added “under any circumstances.” I am a high school teacher, and I figured all teenagers think they are the exception to the rule. Still, I got walked in (sign up, door locked) by a janitor…utterly embarrassing… I spoke to the assistant principal (the only female administrator) afterward and emails were sent out, but it still rattled me.
They also literally took away the blinds in my classroom the first day I came back from maternity leave. Now it’s a funny story, but then, not so much.
KJ says
Thanks everyone, it sounds like a sign is the way to go.
NewMomAnon says
One of the senior men in my office gave me a “privacy” door hanger from a hotel after he came back from a business trip. It was sweet. Yes, everyone knows what you’re doing when the sign is on the door, and that’s OK.
Spirograph says
Huh. I have no office, so I always had to trek across the building to the pumping room (key card entry, only nursing mothers have access)… I used to daydream about how nice it would be if I could just close my door and keep working; I never considered there might be drawbacks. Suddenly my dark little private room doesn’t seem so bad!
T. McGill says
See if you can have a lock installed on your door. Another associate in my office had a partner walk in on her pumping, despite her PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB sign. After that, she had office services install a lock, so in case someone ignored her sign, they still couldn’t get in. I work a lot with that partner as well and made sure to have a lock installed when I returned to work. Despite the do not disturb sign I put on my door, the lock came in handy ;) Yes, I only locked the door when I was pumping, and yes everyone knew what I was doing when the door was locked, but still better than anyone actually seeing what I was doing…
(former) preg 3L says
Another pumping question! How should I deal with this: I’m starting my first real lawyer job with one week of orientation to which I have to travel. I’ll need to pump about 2x/day during the day but I expect orientation will be back-to-back meetings. There are only 7 of us attending the orientation. Do I ask for time to pump? Do I ask for “personal” time? Do I wean over the next few weeks so I don’t have to pump? (I really do not want to wean already!) do I say nothing and just tell them when I show up? TIA.
KLR says
I’d either wean or ask for time to pump. Asking for “personal time” 2x/day might come across a bit weird.
(former) preg 3L says
Thanks everyone; these are helpful tips. I think this will still be a very awkward conversation to have though, because I worked last summer and did not disclose my pregnancy (I was just 12 weeks pregnant when my summer associateship ended); then I was in school for the remainder of my pregnancy and my firm doesn’t know about my daughter (afaik). Any tips on navigating the conversation?
hoola hoopa says
I’m not in law, but I don’t really understand what kind of conversation you’d have. You didn’t have a child before, but now you do. Done. It shouldn’t affect your employment and you didn’t hide anything from them (why would you have told them?), so it’s basically just watercooler information.
I imagine the conversation will go like this:
You: I’ll need to pump.
Them: Oh, you have a baby?
You: Yep, she’s X months old!
Them: Congrats! I’ll make sure you have access to the pumping room.
sophia says
I’d assume that, if anything, they’d be pretty happy you had your baby in between your summer associateship and beginning your job there. After all, it saved them from having to deal with your maternity leave, prenatal doctor’s appointments, FMLA issues, STD insurance, or anything else that would significantly impact them. Compared with all that, pumping at work should have relatively minimal impact on the firm.
mascot says
Reach out to the coordinator or office manager and ask if there is a place that you can pump. Unless you work for a really small company, the office likely will have some version of a lactation room (or at least a private space) for you to use.
If you are planning on storing the milk (as opposed to just pumping and dumping to maintain supply), go ahead and figure out those logistics too. Cooler bag, hotel fridge, etc.
CHJ says
I would discreetly speak to the person in charge of the schedule and say that you need time to pump, so could there be a couple of breaks scheduled into the day. You can also be strategic about when you pump. If your meetings start at 9, you can pump at 8:45 and then again during a lunch break. I wouldn’t wean over this if you don’t want to.
Also, I bought an insulated stainless steel water bottle for pumping on the go. You can dump the little pumping bottles into the big water bottle, and then leave the water bottle in a fridge (or carry it with you) and it won’t look like anything but a water bottle.
ANP says
+1 to reaching out to the person in charge to explain your situation. I guarantee you’re not the first person who’s had this question! Just ask. I nursed two kids (one to 9 months, one to 15 months) and often had to ask about space in which to pump at meetings, seminars, etc. Never once did I encounter a raised eyebrow or any sort of issue. Good luck!
Spirograph says
+1 to all of this. Definitely do it before you go, and have contact information for the person (and a backup, if possible) who can help you find the room and get keys/access codes for you if necessary. I had to travel internationally when nursing, and time difference and lack of helpful contacts made it difficult for me to coordinate much ahead of time. I had it all sorted out by my second day on site, but that first day was awful.
Also, if you normally pump (and *need* to pump) at the same times every day and the schedule at your orientation won’t allow for it, start shifting your times now so you can gradually get yourself close to the orientation schedule.
In House Lobbyist says
I would also reach out to whoever is in charge and I have had to do this before and have seen it done (only because I know the signs). I usually started with ” You know I have a baby at home and I’m still nursing so I will need to leave 2/3 times a day for about 15-20 minutes each time”. I normally tried to pump an extra time in the morning than I normally did, at lunch and then afternoon if it was going to go all day. People are generally very cooperative and will go overboard to help you. Call the hotel now and tell them you having a nursing baby and need a fridge in your room. Almost every place will waive the fee for nursing mom since it’s treated as medical purposes.
For a week, I think you will have to ship the milk home with dry ice or plan on dumping those first few days worth. I wouldn’t trust hotel fridges to be cold enough for that long of time. I used Nalgene when I was pumping 20-30 ounces a day as storage bottles. But I like the milk storage bags in the stainless water bottle idea and will use that if I have another one. Another tip I learned was to find the family bathrooms in airports. I feel like I have pumped in almost every large airport in the country after 2 babies and this was a life saver. And bring extra supplies for your pump because you don’t want anything to get lost or break while you are traveling.
(former) preg 3L says
I’m hopeful that I can donate my milk (through Eats on Feet or something similar) because I won’t be able to bring it home.
hoola hoopa says
+1 to reaching out to person managing the schedule. Let them know that you’ll be pumping and ask for the schedule and what facilities will be available.
FWIW I was in a similar situation and my only contact was male. I was convinced it would be super awkward, but it wasn’t. IME, it’s pretty well acknowledged that it’s a part of working life these days.
And make sure you’ve got extra breast pads handy at the training and wear them even if your normally don’t anymore. When I had graduated from them, I once had a meeting run late and leaked through my blouse. Spent the rest of the day with my arms crossed, sigh.
(former) preg 3L says
Thanks; I haven’t graduated to no pads yet but this is helpful advice!
HippieMama says
Please don’t wean your baby because of a work issue. Yikes!
Most professional workplaces have dealt with this stuff before and really aren’t that rattled by it. Just be matter of fact. “I will need to take a break at about 9, noon, 3 and 6. Where is the mother’s room located?”
We need to normalize breastfeeding (and the at-work pumping that goes with it) in this country. Be open and honest and it won’t be weird at all.
ECR says
I don’t know if people have already dicusssed this topic, but how long does it take to lose the weight after pregnancy? I just returned to work and my daughter is 4 months old. I thought I’d be back in my old clothes by now, but I still have a stomach (like 4-5 months pregnant) and not sure how/if it will go away! Does anyone else have advice on this? None of my pre-pregnancy work clothes fit aroud my stomach or my chest, which is also still bigger.
mascot says
It takes much longer than US magazine would lead you to believe (9 months on, 9 months off wasn’t inaccurate for me). Also, your ligaments and muscles stretch a lot during pregnancy so even if you weight returns to where it was, your shape may not. I found that my ribcage expanded a bit during pregnancy and never really shrank back down. Other friends had similar issues with their pelvis changing shape.
CHJ says
I couldn’t fit into any of my pre-pregnancy clothes at 3-4 months post-partum. For me, everything went back into place eventually, but it took closer to 8-10 months. I agree with mascot that it’s also a matter of your bones/joints/ligaments moving around during pregnancy.
I started doing yoga to help get my muscle tone and alignment back, but honestly I think it was more about time/patience. Also, I’m still nursing and I still can’t fit into my pre-pregnancy tops around my chest (13 months out). I bought some new cheap tops at H&M, Loft, etc. and have been a lot happier feeling like I have tops that fit properly, rather than battling it out with uncomfortable pre-pregnancy clothes that don’t fit right.
hoola hoopa says
+1 to biting the bullet and buying some new clothing. You’ll feel so much better about yourself in well fitting clothing.
JJ says
+100 to that. Just buy clothes that fit and you find flattering to your body now. There’s nothing worse than feeling self-conscious about your body AND your clothes.
hoola hoopa says
I *HATE* it when people tell me “nine months on, nine months off” … but it’s the truth. I’ve done it twice and just when you think it’s never going to happen it just sort of does. I have to work to get the last bit off, but most of it comes off on it’s own.
In fact, it may be a quirk of my “could survive a potato famine and have the ancestry to prove it” metabolism, but I have found that the harder I try, the less comes off. If I restrict my calories or majorly ramp up exercise, my body goes into insane calorie protection mode. But if I eat sensibly and whenever I’m hungry and maintain routine activity (ie, walking with the stroller daily), it comes off all by itself. It’s definitely different than non-pregnancy weight, IME, I assume due to the breastfeeding.
Your waist will likely never be exactly the same measurement, and probably not your hips either, if they aren’t by now, but it will be pretty close by the end. That wasn’t true after my second – even after I lost the weight my abdominal area still had a lot of skin and was just sad and broken – but certainly true after my first.
Meg Murry says
I’m totally stealing that “could survive a potato famine metabolism” – its very true of me and my family.
For me, the only thing that worked was strict Weight Watchers with my sister once my first son was almost 2 and I was out of “survival mode”. I’ve never gotten back to pre-pregnancy weight after #2, and he’s almost 3, but I’ve also not been good about breaking all the bad habits I picked up during pregnancy and survival mode of the early days. Weight did start to come off somewhat once I was getting more sleep, but not all of it.
Katarina says
My experience has been a little different. I lost some weight right away, probably mostly water weight. Then, I did not lose any more weight until I started restricting my calories. My belly did go down some even without weight loss. I started at 7.5 months pospartum, because I did not have the willpower before. I am still breastfeeding, and I am really hungry. My calorie target is 600 calories more than what I used to lose weight pre-pregnancy, and I still have trouble hitting it. My son is a year, and I am about 8 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight (I was 20 pounds up when I started losing weight). My belly and breasts are significantly larger than they were when I was at this weight pre-pregnancy. I think my ribcage is also wider. I am confident I could not get back into many of my pre-pregnancy tops while breastfeeding, but I think many of them will fit when I wean. For some reason, based on my new belly shape, most of my pre-pregancy skirts don’t fit, although some (but not all) of my pants do.
JJ says
I’m at 11 months post second baby in two years and I’m just now almost back to pre-pregnancy weight. And my hips are just now returning back to normal, although I still have a “pooch” that I didn’t have before kids. Things are just different now. I’ve accepted that my body may or may not go back to how it was and I’m (trying to) make peace with that.
Spirograph says
+1 more for time and patience. Everyone’s different, but unless you’re very lucky or work very hard, 4 months is probably optimistic to be back in your all normal clothes. I used pregnancy as an excuse to eat whatever I wanted, and gained 50+bs. Most of that was off within a couple weeks, but the last 5-10 was more stubborn. I bought a couple bottoms one size up when I first went back to work. I could fit into my pre-pregnancy pants and skirts, but I felt and looked better in things a smidge bigger. I think it was probably 6 months before I felt good in my normal clothes and more like 9 before I felt like I was my size and shape again. Then I stopped nursing around a year, and my chest deflated. Obviously pregnancy and nursing change your br3@sts, but it was more dramatic and I was more self conscious and bummed about that than I had expected. (Then I got pregnant again, which has helped quite a bit, but that’s clearly not a permanent solution.)
For what it’s worth, my stomach lost its sag on its own without any special work (in fact, it staunchly resisted anything I tried to do to coax it), but it took a year and weaning. That was definitely the last thing to pop back into place.
KJ says
Everyone is different! I lost all my pregnancy weight in a few weeks, but I still have a poochy stomach. Even if it got back to normal it would still be covered in stretch marks. C’est la vie!
anon2 says
I agree that everyone’s body is different (my sister in law was back in her size 4s 2 weeks after delivering – seriously). For me, I gained A TON (like Jessica Simpson levels) but all but the last 5-10lbs came off with no effort before I headed back to work at 5 months, although I did go on LONG walks with the stroller throughout my leave, mostly out of boredom. Those last 5-10 stuck around until I stopped nursing at 1year, when my chest finally went back down 2 cup sizes to its pre-pregnancy size, and the last 5 I didn’t lose until around 18 months when I got a FitBit and started obsessively tracking my food and exercise (which I use loosely, I didn’t join a gym, but did make an effort to generally be more active) using the myfitnesspal app. By the time I got pregnant again, right around my son’s 2 year birthday, I was actually 7lbs lighter than when I got pregnant the first time (which was the heaviest I’d ever been – going off of birth control did something weird to my body). My hips are still slightly wider, and I’ve got stomach flab that I’m sure is never going away, and I’m convinced my face changed too although that could also be age. I’ve accepted that I’m never wearing a bikini again, but I was back in all my pre-pregnancy clothes before I got knocked up again.
So as to how to lose it, once you’re at that last 5-10 stubburn lbs mark – wait until you’re in a good back to work routine (which might take a while), but the FitBit and MyFitnessPal app actually worked great for me and didn’t feel like too much on top of being a working parent at a Big Firm. Also, I found that once my son started eating what we ate, we ate healthier – we ate out less and made an effort to have more vegetables and fruits around the house than we used to, because we want him to learn good habits, and the best way to do that is through modeling behavior.
anon says
Are you breastfeeding? I found that I could never lose quite all the belly fat while I was still nursing (I choose to blame it on fat stores). Also, I agree that it’s hard for your muscles to regain their snap – it’s kind of like if you inflate and then deflate a balloon, it never looks the same. I think at least 6+ months. I was back in my pre-pregnancy clothes after about 7 months, but not everything fits right and I still have a little belly flab/looseness at 14 months (that doesn’t seem to be going anywhere).
ECR says
Thanks ladies. I wish Kat would do a post on postpartum exercise/nutrition. I feel like I need to do exercises targeted at my saggy stomach, but I’m not sure what would be most effective. I’d love to hear from others who have been through this already.
AKB says
Check out http://theworkoutmama.com/. She has lots of helpful workouts and info about all of this.
Kat G says
I am so not an expert on that stuff, and everything I’ve read seems to boil down to “eat more veggies than anything else,” which seems like solid advice. I tried and failed to lose weight – pregnancy and pre-pregnancy weight – after Jack was born and had zero luck, including harsh slow carb plans where my husband sneezed and lost 20 lbs. what finally worked was getting pregnant and getting every stomach flu and cold my toddler came home with – and not gaining much during my second pregnancy. I’m at my lowest weight since jack was born. (Still a long way to go, but I’m happy with small victories. Hold the line!)
Re shifting ligaments and everything… My dirty little secret this time is that I’ve been trying banding/postpartum corsets to get my waistline back. I’ve been trying to decide if I should write a post about it or if it’s hooey — ultimately I don’t know a lot of things since I’m at a different weight than I was post-jack and I’m only 10 weeks in and still wearing the corset, but I do think it’s made a difference. At the very least I like to think my uterus has shrunk and isn’t sprawled about in a spacious new home.
T. McGill says
Please write a post about the corset! I didn’t use one first time around, and am seriously thinking about using one second time. Would like to get your input.
Lyssa says
I would definitely be interested in that, too! I used a hip-shrinker (ShrinkX, I think) from about 2 wks pp to about 8 wks pp, and, while I hated wearing it with a passion, I do think that it helped. I had pretty much resigned myself to the idea that I probably would have to ditch a few pairs of pants after pregnancy, but some that were tight in the hips before are actually looser now, so I’ll definitely use it again. But it was just for hips, not waist, and I wouldn’t mind narrowing that a little, too.
Hollis says
Mom of 3 kids here. I tried the corset, and a very expensive one at that, but it was ridiculously uncomfortable and I’m pretty sure it did nothing at all except make me feel even more uncomfortable those exhausting post-partum weeks when I was in a sleep-deprived haze and was jolted awake at night with b–bs of lead. So, please don’t do it to yourself.
Dhl says
I did the Bellefit corset. First baby, so not sure what it would have been like without it, but I was back to normal clothes much quicker than I anticipated, and I found it totally comfortable even though I had a c section. I was skeptical but it seemed to work, back to most of my normal clothes within 3 weeks.
Taboo Question says
I am currently 7.5 months pregnant with my first, and have a BFing/formula question.
I plan to BF while I am on maternity leave, but by the time I go back to work (12 weeks later) to fully switch to formula. What is the best way to do that? Google just brings up websites about what a terrible and selfish person I am, and how I just need to BF for longer, so not much help on that front, and I’m sorta afraid/ashamed to ask my doctor.
Is it best to supplement with formula from the beginning? To nurse for a month or two and then start supplementing? Can someone help me or give me some sort of advice? I feel like using formula is such a taboo that I don’t even know who to ask.
Anonk says
One of my friends did this (partner at a small law firm), so you’re not alone and you’re not horrible. I weaned my son at a year so it may be different advice, but my guess is you’re going to want to drop 1 feed a day and replace it with formula… This is mostly for you so your boobs don’t explode all of the sudden. (Kidding. Kind of.). After a few days or a week, drop another feeding. Do it slowly. If you want to hold onto the first or last feed of the day (and your body lets you) then go for it.
(former) preg 3L says
Fwiw, your pediatrician should be helpful with this. The best thing for your baby is for you to be a happy mom, and if formula makes that happen or helps, you should absolutely use formula. Br3@stfeeding is a nightmare for some people and it’s a walk in the park for others.
You’ll definitely want to plan 4 weeks or so to gradually drop feedings and replace them with formula. I would drop midday feedings first and drop first morning feed and last night feed last. (My advice comes sort of from personal experience — I was pumping and nursing at the beginning and had severe over supply (I could pump 40 oz and nurse all day) so I had to “wean” off my pump when my daughter was 4-8 weeks old. I’m still nursing now and she’s 6 months.) You’ll want lots of green cabbage (to put on your br3@sts to relieve engorgement and to help slow milk production) and you’ll want to drink sage tea (which reduces milk supply).
KJ says
Make sure you start bottles of formula or pumped milk early, like 4 weeks, so that your baby can get used to eating from a bottle. You don’t want to end up with a baby who refuses the bottle when you are trying to get back to work.
+1 to the advice to ask your pediatrician. Any decent one will not judge you at all for using formula.
Spirograph says
As I mentioned above, I needed to travel internationally for work while nursing, and since my trip outlasted our stockpile of frozen milk, formula was the only option. The week before I left, we mixed half formula and half milk in a few bottles to see whether my son noticed the change or had any reaction. If he did, I couldn’t tell. My husband and nanny just started giving him formula bottles when the milk ran out. End of story. He was about 7 months old at the time, and pretty easygoing, but it was a total non-issue. We continued to supplement with formula until he was weaned, because my supply never really recovered from that trip.
As you start weaning, one thing you may want to consider is dropping your daytime (work hours) feedings first — but keep nursing first thing in the morning and evenings. That way you don’t have to be totally finished weaning by the time you go back to work, but your body will know not to be producing much during those times and you won’t need to pump.
From the baby’s perspective, I think this is actually be less about formula vs milk and more about br3@st vs bottle, because apparently the sucking action is different. My pediatrician recommended holding off on bottles for a month to avoid “n!pple confusion,” but I had some evening committments that necessitated bottles after only a couple weeks. Luckily, we had no issues. Otherwise, as long as your baby doesn’t hate the taste of the formula (in which case, just try a couple different brands), you’re good.
I think the stigma surrounding formula is ridiculous, and it is absolutely your decision… but I just wanted to throw this out there in case you care / hadn’t considered it: br3@stmilk baby poop is SO MUCH LESS GROSS than formula baby poop. Even though pumping is a giant pita, I plan on nursing a full year with my second as well for that reason alone (well, and cost).
Lyssa says
This is essentially what I did, and I assure you, it is fine. My pediatrician, in fact, commented that he thought that the main benefits of bf are in the first few weeks, so saw no problems with weaning after that. I never had a great supply, and we had to supplement with bottles from the start, so it’s probably best to at least introduce them soon. I started to ramp down 4 weeks before going back to work – I started by using bottles every other feeding, then 2 out of 3, and so forth, and it worked perfectly well. I nursed the last time about a week and a half before returning to work.
I’ll add that after we started seriously using bottles and not worrying so much about the breast, I got a lot more enjoyment out of parenting. I know that some people love bf, but, for me, I felt a lot more bonding with my baby when I was giving him a bottle and not worrying about everything breast-related.
mascot says
We supplemented from the beginning so I didn’t worry too much about bottle refusal or n*pple confusion. I agree to start dropping feedings about 4 weeks out. I also had some success with just bf 1-2 times a day (first thing in the morning and an evening session) when I went back to work. We only did that for a few weeks, but it is an option if you don’t want to stop completely and your body cooperates.
Mrs. Jones says
Do NOT feel bad about not bf-ing when you go back to work. If I had a second baby, I would do the same. I HATED bf-ing while working, for various reasons. Definitely ask your pediatrician, and then start weaning a few/several weeks before you go back to work.
JJ says
Do NOT feel bad about making a switch like that. You do you, mama. Pumping is a special kind of h e l l and you have to want to make it work. All that said, check out the website thefearlessformulafeeder.com
T. McGill says
Not advice, just my experience: My daughter never latched, so I just pumped from the beginning and bottle fed her. She mostly got bottles of milk, but I did regularly supplement with formula. By the time I went back to work (12 weeks pp), I was still pumping but her demand was outpacing my supply so she was drinking more formula and less milk. I’d say by 16 weeks pp, she was 100% formula. It seems like there is no neutral ground — the BF camp will guilt you for considering formula, the formula camp will laugh at the BF moms, and no one wins. But as JJ said though, you do you. As long as your baby is being fed, don’t feel bad :)
HippieMama says
I would wait until you have your baby to make this decision. When I was pregnant, the idea of breastfeeding repulsed me.
After I had my daughter, I thought it was a wonderful bonding experience, and ended up continuing for a long time.
BTW: You can not pump at work but still breastfeed your child when you are together. I did this from a year old til 18 months when my child self-weaned. It was way easier than cutting her off entirely I thought.
Mamma Mia says
For those of you who are/have gone through TTC, how much did you discuss the down and dirty details with your husband? I’m, well, weird as far as ovulation goes, and while I’m trying to learn it all, it’s still very hard to tell what my body wants to do (or if it wants to do anything at all, which seems more the case right now). I’m temping and checking CM, but it’s not telling me everything that it’s supposed to, which is frustrating. To be honest, I’d like my husband to ask about it and discuss the calendaring issues with me, and I feel weird bringing up unprompted (cervical mucus is not a particularly s3xy phrase). He’s a pretty straightforward guy and doesn’t get grossed out easily by that sort of thing, but I still hate to bring it up, plus I don’t want to be one of those people who gets obsessive about it. When I do bring it up, he always seems surprised by where we’re at, and gives the impression that he’s not given it a bit of thought. I guess I’d like him to be more involved with the process, you know?
mascot says
I guess I don’t understand why you can’t just sit him down and explain it all to him. Isn’t he on board with TTC? My husband was pretty clueless about the details of reproduction. As with most things, once I explained how and why things work, he was much more involved. And also much better about, we have this window of time for your command performance(s) buddy!
This may sound cliche, but mucus is probably one of less gross things that happens in pregnancy and parenthood. Might as well get him used to this!
Mamma Mia says
He’s on board and understands enough of it, it’s more about the day to day stuff – I’d like him to care about whether my temperatures are showing ovulation or something along that lines and that I’m worried about that. It’s not that he refuses to discuss it, he just doesn’t really encourage the conversation. I.e., It’s getting late into my cycle my temperatures have been fluctuating all over throughout, with no clear rise, and, while I’ve had a few days that looked like they were getting towards the appropriate mucus, it doesn’t seem to continue or coincide with a temperature rise, so, I don’t think that I’ve ovulated, but I’m not 100% sure, and it’s very frustrating to keep watching and waiting.
This will actually be our second (we started to have this problem with the first, but it was, to our surprise, resolved with one medical intervention, which didn’t work the same way this time), so I’m not concerned about the whole gross-out pregnancy/baby thing.
mascot says
yeah, I still think that sitting him down and saying that this is really stressing you out, you need him to do/say x,y, and z could go a long way. It may be that he knows that you are worried about this so he doesn’t want to stress you out by asking a million questions. Or, he assumes that you have the situation under control and that he is on a need to know basis. Or he is worried too but trying not to obsess too much. Whatever it is, I think that having some discussions will give you the answers.
FWIW says
Is he a tech guy? My husband found some website/app that asked about tracking CM as well as numerous other symptoms and he now peppers me with questions every night so he can ‘log’ it.
What got him involved was him researching on his own and finding a few websites that talked about it. He found this one site he likes (I can get the name) and one day just started asking me ‘what was your energy level today? did you have any cramps? how was your appetite?’
Also, I’d like you to imagine my spouse trying to explain to me the vagueries of CM differentiation over the phone without any context as to why he was asking me. You’re welcome.
Pregnancy wuss says
Suggestions from those of you who have been there, done that in trying to just get through the last month of pregnancy?
I’ve got less than a month to go, first baby, and I’ve just hit a wall with being productive at work. I’m getting done what needs to get done — but I’m not working ahead on my projects as much as I would like and I’m working at home frequently (based on the suggestion of the partner I work with the most).
The pregnancy hasn’t been complicated at all, although I am pretty uncomfortable and tired at this point.
I guess I’m just feeling bad for slowing down in the last month. I’m on track with my billable hours, no one has said anything to me, but I can’t help but feeling like I’m letting down the sisterhood and should be super-mommy-to-be.
JJ says
Trust me, you can cut yourself some slack. It’s so hard to focus on work at the last bit of pregnancy because most of your substantial stuff has been/is being transitioned and you’re just focused on the coming baby. Do all the minimum that you need to do, and people should understand that you’re just not as productive during this time as you used to be.
And enjoy this feeling. You don’t represent all mothers or all women. You represent you. Take advantage of a light schedule. It’s the last time you’ll ever get that opportunity. (I kid. Kind of).
KJ says
Definitely cut yourself some slack. Get enough rest, drink enough water, and try not to stress about work. I don’t think its a betrayal of the sisterhood to recognize that sometimes (frequently? almost always?) you can’t do all the same things or work at the same level when you are pregnant. It’s just biological reality. I worked until the day before my induction at 41 weeks, 2 days, but in the last few weeks I mostly just waddled around, yelled at people who asked if I was having twins, did the minimum amount of work, and tried not to fall asleep at my desk.
NewMomAnon says
Oh man….I hear you. My last month of pregnancy it was a struggle to walk from the parking garage to my office, and I’d need a nap to recover from it. If the partner suggested you work from home, that is a sign that they expect you to slow down. So be gentle with yourself. I found that many of the “sisterhood” who had war stories of how productive they were in those last months were either (1) lying or (2) working off crazy hormones that I didn’t have.
Also, just to prepare you – as bad as I felt slowing down during pregnancy, the worst months of my career were the first few months back from maternity leave. Seriously…like, 50 billable hours in a month (I’m part time, but that was still bad). Partly due to lack of work, but mostly due to the fact that I was sick as a dog (daycare bugs are not to be underestimated) and sleep deprived (no, your kiddo likely won’t sleep through the night consistently the first 6 months, despite what everyone says about their memories of parenthood). People at my firm took it as a sign that I needed more work and it’s been getting better, but they saw it as a failure of the firm and not as a failure of me as an employee.
Child care q says
What do you moms in big law (or similarly time intensive jobs) do about child care? We’re expecting our first baby this fall and are both associates in NYC big law. I think we’ll need coverage until about 10 pm on weeknights. Do nannies work that late or do I need to hire 2 shifts? How do others make this work?
JJ says
This is going to sound harsh, but I don’t mean it that way. You can’t have a child, have two NY biglaw careers that require both of you to work at the office until 10, and stay sane. It can’t be done. And when will you actually see your child if you’re both at the office until then?
Two time-intensive job parents here. We both take off to get the kids at 5ish. We both put them to bed. Then we work from home after the kids are in bed. Exhausting, but that way you get to spend some time with them.
Child care q says
I definitely realize it will be tough. We don’t have to be at work in the am until 930/10, so we’re hoping the extra time in the morning will offset what we miss at night. Even if we were able to leave work at 6 or so I don’t know that we’re missing that much at night if the baby has an early bedtime. If I can go part time, I will, but it’s not guaranteed at my firm and definitely not something I can arrange before my leave. Unfortunately cannot leave at 5 and log in later. Just not culturally acceptable where I work.
HippieMama says
So, babies don’t really have bedtimes. When you have a newborn, the day kind of goes with the ebb and flow of the baby’s own sleep/eat/wake cycles. Since your child will have been inside you for 9 months, it takes a long time for them to even acclimate to day and night.
My daughter continued waking in the middle of the night until she was a little over a year old.
The first 6 months are particularly rough, as there is no real routine to when the baby will want to eat or sleep most of the time. During growth spurts, ours would increase her night wakings and we would get very little sleep.
I would consider whether you two could alternate who comes home “early” (maybe at 7 pm or something) a few nights a week.
And take the longest maternity/paternity leaves you can, to give your child time to bond with you.
NewMomAnon says
I second JJ – you are going to be a frazzled momma.
You absolutely need two nannies; depending on your commute, you will need one nanny to arrive by 8:30 or 9 (maybe earlier) so you can get yourself out the door, and that person will expect to leave around 5 or 5:30 pm because that’s a normal work day. You’ll need another nanny to work from 4:30 to 10 pm (overlap is crucial so they can hand off care). Wage and hour laws may also require you to have 2 nannies for a shift that long…
If you really need to do your proposed schedule, you might also want a nanny to stay overnight a few days a week because I can’t imagine working 12 hour days on as little sleep as I’m currently getting with my 6 month old…especially at a firm that apparently isn’t very accommodating to new parents.
For perspective – I currently go in to the office at 10 am. In order to make that happen with a 6 month old, I need to wake up at 7 am and she gets a nap before we even leave for daycare (we get ready from 7-8:30, she naps from 8:30-9:30, then out the door). She usually wakes up 2-3 times a night, often more, and it takes about half an hour to get her back to sleep. The only thing that saves me is that I leave work at 5 pm (part time) and can be in bed by 8 pm.
JJ says
Yes, I didn’t even mention that (god forbid) your child is a horrible sleeper. So you may get home at 10 pm, but the baby is then up at 12, 3, and up for good at 5 am. That’s what mine was like the first 7 months of his life.
I know, because I was there, that as a working mom I wanted to prove that I could work just as many hours as I did before kids and work just as hard. I still work as hard, but sometimes it is just physically impossible to work as many hours as you did before.
Working not as hard for my money says
What you’re proposing is possible, with perhaps a live-in nanny or au pair who is willing to work long hours (and will thus get paid overtime) or with two nannies, as someone else suggested. Keep in mind that’s going to be CRAZY expensive. Nannies, especially in larger cities, get paid pretty well, and if you’re doing everything legally, you have to cover vacation time, pay taxes on their wages, etc. etc. etc. It adds up, espeically if you eat most of your meals out (as I did when I worked those kind of hours). There are some non-financial costs you’ll want to consider too – how comfortable you and your husband feel with outsourcing that much of your child’s care (and early interaction); how comfortable you both are with likely giving up all your personal time in order to spend what little free time you do have with the kid OR catching up on your sleep. You won’t realize how much you personally might need “you” time – whether that means time with your friends, curling up with a good novel, or working out — for me, having that time is essential to my mental health and ability to be a good mom and a good lawyer. Plenty of folks do without, but it’s tough.
That’s not to say it isn’t possible to be a high powered attorney at a big firm and a good mom. It totally is, and I know plenty of women who do it. But you and/or your husband might have to make some sacrifices to make it work. One option, and one that I took advantage of, was to leave at 5:30 and log back in after bend whenever I could, and also honestly, I just didn’t bill as much. If that isn’t an option at your current firm, but it seems like something that could make it work, you might consider a lateral move. I also had a husband with a very regular schedule – in fact, most female, full time partners and partner track associates I know with young children have a husband with a much less demanding job, but one they still find fulfilling (government lawyer, non-profit, teacher, etc.) So that way, if I needed to stay late, I always could.
Just keep in mind that its difficult for both parents to keep up that sort of work devotion, even with multiple nannies. The kid is going to get sick, and will need you to stay home. You’ll be up all night with a bad sleeper or teething or coughing. The nanny’s mother will get sick and she’ll abruptly need to leave for her home country with little warning. You get the idea. You just won’t be able to work the same way you did before having kids, and that’s OK. If you’ve proven yourself, and you generally continue to do so, I think you can avoid being “mommy tracked” for the most part (although I honestly believe moms have to work even harder to overcome this at a lot of firms, but that sort of ingrained sexism is a topic for another post) but still be able to cut back in emergency/temporary situations if you need to (and expect your husband to be able to do the same).
ECR says
I found the NYC BigLaw culture to be anathema to family life. The problem is that the working day starts so late (between 9:30-10am), which means that the day ends late too. I worked in perhaps the craziest of the BigLaw NYC firms, and there was absolutely no way to leave at a reasonable hour (say 6 or even 7pm) and then work from home at night. Even if you got exactly the same amount of work done as when you were in the office. I left at 9pm most nights and people would comment on how early I was leaving. Partners and associates were constantly calling and dropping by in the evening, so it was impossible to work from home.
I think this schedule is actually more problematic when the kids are older. Babies tend to rise early and go to be early. So, even if you could get home at a reasonable dinner hour, they’d probably be asleep or go to sleep soon after. It gets much more difficult when they are older, and you want to have family dinner, help with homework, etc. at night.