Weekend Open Thread

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I’m still ho-hum about crossbody bags for work, but most of my other objections (mostly arising from my dislike of crossbody straps as a busty woman) are wearing down because a lightweight crossbody bag is SO great for running errands on the weekend (and GREAT for being with little kids for those moments out and about when you don’t need the full Mary Poppins-like diaper bag). This slate gray Tumi one, available at Nordstrom’s big summer sale (see our workwear picks here) is lovely if you like a sedate, wear-with-everything kind of bag. It was $195, but is now marked to $117 in the sale. ‘Voyageur – Capri’ Crossbody Bag

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  1. Anonanonanon says:

    Don’t you hate when you wear what you’re convinced is a very cute outfit, and no one notices?!? haha.

    I’m wearing what I thought was a cute maternity outfit today, but all anyone has said is “you look tired and weak” or “you look like you feel like sh**”. Granted, I’m pregnant, vomiting, and have a cold, but still, I TRIED! COMMENT ON THE EFFORT!

    • Sassyfras says:

      Putting aside the fact that those jerks didn’t notice your cute outfit, who the F says that to anybody, let alone a pregnant woman? How rude.

    • Anonymous says:

      You look so good today! :)

  2. Unwilling Floridian says:

    I don’t know if something like this has been addressed on Corporette or Corporette Moms, maybe during Harvey?
    Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. My family decided to evacuate from the Tampa area this week. My husband and I are teleworking from a hotel room… along with our 3 year old and our dog. We’re hoping for the best but I know I need to prepare for the worst. The best case scenario – we go back home and our lives go right back to normal after over a week of preparing and travel. I’m trying to figure out what to do in other scenarios –

    — what if my house is without power/internet for more than a week? what if it’s completely destroyed? I telework full time so going to the office is not an option. I think if I could find a secure office space I could work from there, but telework from, say, Starbucks is not an option
    — what if I’m teleworking from a hotel – what are my childcare options (drop in care maybe? how do I find this?)

    Yes I know, be thankful we evacuated and we’re safe, etc. But I’m also trying to brace myself for needing a lot of money for repairs (and needing to stay employed so that I can have some money for said repairs). The path of the storm has changed significantly since we left home and I’m just trying to prepare myself mentally.

    • Sabba says:

      I’m so sorry that this is happening.

      For childcare, you can try a local nanny agency (if there is one) or care.com

      For the other scenarios, you can rent temporary office space in many cities or potentially go to a coworking space, although many coworking spaces aren’t that much better than Starbucks if you need privacy or need to be on the phone much. What is your industry? If it is something like law, you might have luck emailing a few small firms or even a small office-based business and explaining your predicament and asking them if you could rent a spare office for an affordable monthly rate. If the storm is really bad I think many people will be sympathetic.

      Also, I know this is easy for me to say, but there is absolutely nothing you can do about the path of the hurricane. Try to repeat to yourself that there is nothing you can do to change things, your worry will not help anyone, and that the most important things (your family) are right there with you. You will figure out things if you need to, you really will, try to trust that within yourself.

    • Liquid Crystal says:

      Hi! Sending well wishes your way!

      I am in a similar boat- full time telework and currently evacuated with my dog and husband. I don’t know the answers to your questions, but, in the words of my mother, the sun will still come up tomorrow. It is really hard not knowing how Irma will shake out right now, but we need to rely on our confidence that we have prepared (our homes to evacuate, insurance,etc.) and will be in a position to react and move forward (taking a little time off if needed and making claims and repairs) when the time is right and that we are fully capable of doing so.

      Hang in there!

      Lest I seem like a random commenter with not only no advice, but no children evacuating with me, and in good news, I bought my first maternity outfit today (while evacuated)! …a small consolation in days of overwhelming news.

  3. Numero10 says:

    I LOVE this bag! I’ve had one for a while now and it holds so much more than it looks without becoming weighed down or misshapen. There are a ton of pockets too so a place for everything. It really has become one of my favorite go to casual bags for when I need to be handsfree.

  4. Paging moms of older kids says:

    Can I get some wisdom and reassurance from moms of older kids? (Like, 5+ years.) I need you to tell me that it gets less exhausting. I really need this right now.

    I have a 3.5 year old and an eight month old. Nothing is wrong. I’m so lucky to have them, I adore them, they delight me, I miss them when I’m away from them. But also, I’ve been exhausted for 3.5 years. And with a baby, there is no relief in sight.

    I have a wonderful, involved husband. I outsource as much as possible (housecleaning, meal delivery). I have a supportive boss and workplace. I get occasional help from family. I can’t think of anything more I can DO to ease the difficulty of this phase of parenthood.

    I just really need moral support. I need to know that I will one day sleep well again. (Yep, both kids are sleep trained – but baby still wakes for one feed per night and both kids are up early.). That I will one day exercise again (without sacrificing sleep). That I will one day spend time alone with my husband again. That I will one day see friends occasionally, or read a book, or even (gasp) pursue a hobby or interest.

    As I write this, I’m judging myself for being whiny. I know I’m lucky. So, so lucky to have the life I do. But I am also just burned out.

    The other day I was at the store with the baby and a woman admired his cuteness and we got to chatting. She has teens and repeated the old saying “It goes so fast!” “That’s what everyone says…” I responded. She must have seen how tired I looked because she immediately said, “It gets so much easier. It really does.”

    She’s right, right? It gets easier, right? I know it will never be EASY, but it at least gets less hard? Right?

    • Yes! It gets less exhausting. It becomes more of a mental game, but you get to sleep, so game on. They sleep! They sleep in! They can go downstairs and make their own breakfast and entertain themselves and you can sleep in! They can do chores. It gets much less exhausting.

    • Katarina says:

      My kids are not as old as you are requesting, they are 4 and 20 months, but it has already gotten much easier than when the baby was 8 months, and I see it continuing to get easier. They sometimes play nicely together, and I can read during this time. They are great sleepers, but the 4 year old is quite close to being able to get up and get some breakfast on his own. We are working on hiring our first non-family date-night sitter, so will get more alone time. I don’t exercise, but I can see that being achievable in the near future. I also don’t have outside hobbies, but I never really have. FWIW I found the transition to two kids much harder than the transition to one kid. Also, I plan to try for a third, so things are not getting long-term easier for a long time. Also, I don’t know if you are nursing, but I have found that parenting has gotten much easier each time when I weaned.

      • HRHNYC says:

        Yes, I have a 4.25 year old and an 18 month old and I have noticed recently that it has gotten appreciably easier in some ways. Especially the 4 year old, who is starting to do more things for herself. Hang in there – I think it will get a little easier in just a few months. 4.25 is much easier than 3.5. Not much consolation with the baby, but… :-)

  5. Anonymous says:

    Oh my gosh you are literally in the thick of it right now. This is such a hard time – even with all the privilege you mention – the sleep deprivation and the physical demands are so, so hard.

    It ABSOLUTELY gets easier! When little one turns 2 you’ll be living the dream and have enough rest to enjoy it.

    Mine are 8 & 6…if we hadn’t had another baby recently I would be living on easy street at home. Starting around 4 & 2 they got easier – 5 & 3 was the perfect year – 6 & 4 was pretty awesome too. Now they are almost BUT NOT YET too cool for mom. And boy was it easier..I re subscribed to NYT and actually got to read it while my coffee was hot, DH and I could enjoy time alone and then time alone together because kids were asleep for 12 hours straight. Ahh it was awesome! (We reset everything w the baby!)

    Anyway – I hope this is encouraging to you. Yes yes yes it gets better and easier. Hang in there!!

  6. Paging moms of older kids says:

    Thank you! Yes, so encouraging. The way you describe it, it doesn’t even sound that far off!

    • coffee queen says:

      It is different, a bit easier but a lot busier. I have a 6 and 3 year old . My 6 year old is involved in school and extra-curricular activies. I am more a chauffeur than a mom on some days :) I like how I can reason with them now! Also both mine are wonderful sleepers!

      They dress themselves (Older child has a uniform, youngest, I let her wear whatever she wants, as long at it is appropriate for the weather). They are super helpful with chores.
      Hang in there and relish in their independence as they get it.

  7. Husband switching antidepressants - acting awful says:

    I just posted on the main page, apologies for the double post but I’m really hoping for advice –

    My husband switched from Lexapro to Zoloft yesterday, and has been short and at times cruel to me today. We were in the car and I was on Facebook – saw a particularly brutal headline on the Rohiynga crisis, and quietly said “Oh my God,” automatically. I didn’t even expect I’d necessarily be heard, with two toddlers in the back. A few seconds later he says, “What?” And I said, “So have you heard about what’s going on with the Rohyingas,” and his response was a terse “I don’t know what that is.” I was taken aback and just said, “Okay, I’m thinking you don’t want to know? Don’t want to elaborate with that tone.” And he said, angrily, “Just – why do you have to be such a downer all the time?” And it was like a punch to the gut. During the primaries, he told me he was tired of hearing about Trump, etc, and I’ve made it a point just not to talk about politics around him, or be “activist”-y, or whatever. (For the record, we’re in the same party, and he’s fine with handling the kids when I volunteer, about every two months or so.) Today we were at the zoo, for goodness sakes, and I kept it light, and just usually do. So I was quiet, and a few minutes later when he asked about picking up food that we ordered – it would be a while and we were almost home – I gave some innocuous suggestion, and he rolled his eyes and said that won’t work. And I said, “What do you want from me right now?” and started freaking crying, which I didn’t want in front of the kids, and he snapped, “I just want you to be normal!”

    That was some hours ago and he hasn’t apologized since. I told him I thought the zoloft was affecting him, and he again rolled his eyes and asked me why I “always” blame our fights on his antidepressants. He brought up some mild work irritations I’ve had lately and said “Maybe you’re just difficult to work with.” Which was also a huge WTF, bc I’m legitimately pretty easy to get along with – the irritations have had nothing to do with interpersonal stuff. And now, he’s outside drinking a beer and I can’t imagine it’s good for this initiation stage of the drug.
    My point is – I really, really despise him right now. And could use some advice. Thank you so much.

    • ElisaR says:

      i’m so sorry – i don’t know that i can say anything that would help you. it sounds like a very tense situation and i’m sure the meds (or need for meds) is part of the problem. just remind yourself that he’s snapping not at you – he would be snapping no matter what.

      i was in a relationship with someone who treated me in a similar way. the only relief i got was speaking to my own therapist about the situation. a disinterested 3rd party really helped me get through the mean comments and treatments i was getting.

      hang in there, it’s not you.

      • You are incredibly kind. Thank you for taking time out to help an internet stranger today. This is very helpful, and I probably will get therapy.

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