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For those of you who are jealous of your child’s footie pajamas, you’re in luck. These are adult sweatpants with foot coverings on the bottom. You can even fold back the footie part and wear them as regular sweatpants. Since my move to the suburbs and having a kid, I am spending a lot more time inside the house, and by virtue of that am on a hunt for warm, comfortable loungewear. I love this idea for cozy movie-watching days, as I don’t want my house slippers on the couch and also don’t want to wear socks all the time. Feejays are $39.98 at Amazon and at feejays.com. The company’s own site has more colors and sizes available (up to 4X) and is currently offering 15% off. Classic Feejays
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Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
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- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
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- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonanonanon says
lol nooooooooooooooooooooo
ElisaR says
+1
Anonymous says
+1
Anon says
+1 I would feel incredibly frumpy in these
lsw says
I am getting FB ads for these all over the place, and I’m like, what choices am I making in my life that it has come to this as a constant recommendation??
Anonymous says
If you click through or visit their website once, they leave cookies behind so you keep seeing them.
Cb says
I am so perplexed by these. Maybe I’m just a messy cook but wouldn’t they get really grubby?
Anon says
The appeal of footie pajamas is that my baby kicks his feet furiously and his socks cannot stand up to that kind of anti-sock activity. I do not suffer from that problem. :)
Anokha says
Postpartum pant recommendations? I had a C-section four weeks ago and I don’t feel ready for jeans yet, but need something I can wear out of the house.
Anon says
I loved the joggers from Gap for postpartum – soft and stretchy and loose but decent looking
Anonymous says
i had my c-section in summer, so I wore dresses or maternity shorts because the band was above my incision. Any chance maternity leggings and a dress/ tunic might work for you?
Anokha says
I’m wearing maternity leggings now! They are super comfy, but at some point, I guess I gotta retire them (Maybe?!)
Anokha says
I’m wearing maternity leggings now! They are super comfy, but at some point, I guess I gotta retire them (Maybe?!)
NYCer says
I just wore regular leggings (or higher waisted jeans, but I know you said no jeans).
Anon says
Maternity yoga pants were what I wore for the first month or so (the seam was high enough to avoid my incision). I then slowly transitioned in to my old high-waisted yoga pants or dresses.
lsw says
If you’re in a cold climate, the heattech leggings pants from Uniqlo. Warm climate, Eileen Fisher crepe pants. Buying those was the nicest thing I did for myself PP.
Anokha says
Thank you! I am going to order the Uniqlo leggings. (In SF, which is always kinda a cold climate?)
lsw says
I really love them and hope they work out well for you!
Jessamyn says
What the… Feejays, for when you want your feet covered but don’t want to… put on socks?
Anonymous says
How long did it take you to conceive? I’m under 30 and TTC and the one study I can find says that 68% of people conceived within 3 months. This is really freaking me out. It seems like even though they say it’s normal to take a year, it happens for the majority of people much sooner in that timeframe
Cb says
10 months for us, but only 4 or 5 of those months had good timing. I was 32.
Anonymom says
Depends in part how serious you are – if you are doing OPKs / charting from the jump it will likely happen faster. If you’re just stopping bc it will take longer. First took us 6 months but probably because I was super casual for the first three. Second only took 2 months because I knew what I was doing.
Anonymous says
At 31 it took 1 month (unexpected, wasn’t tracking, started trying later in my cycle so didn’t expect to get pregnant, turns out I ovulate way later in my cycle than I realized – like about 5 days before my period), at 34 it took 2 months. We used the every other day method both times. DH had some work travel so sometimes we would DTD in the AM before he left and in the PM on his return to hit as close to ‘every other day’ as possible.
Anonymous says
Just adding that we did EOD all month long vs. just during ovulation. Someone else below referenced doing EOD after testing for their ovulation window but per What to Expect When You Are Expecting, the every other day method is most effective when it’s all month long (excluding when you have your period of course) so that’s what we did.
Jessamyn says
For #1, when I was 27, we started TTC upon marriage. Got pregnant two cycles later, lost the pregnancy at about 9 weeks. Got pregnant about two cycles after that, that one stuck.
For #2, I was 29, and we started NTNP and I had a chemical pregnancy the first cycle. Lost that one, got pregnant the following cycle with DD2. Tried for about three years after DD2, three positive tests, but none stuck.
All that is to say — none of this is neat or predictable. Wishing you all the best as you start your journey.
Anonymous says
Yes, it happens for the majority of people in much less than a year. It happened for me (at 32) on the first try (not to be too TMI, but I believe it was actually the very first try not just the first month). That’s definitely unusually fast, but the vast majority of my friends conceived their first child in a few months. We were all in our early 30s. I know I might have a different perspective if I’d had fertility struggles, but I’m *really* glad I waited until I felt completely ready for a baby before TTC. Getting pregnant immediately was a welcome surprise in a way it wouldn’t have been if I’d said “well, I guess I better try now because I theoretically want to be pregnant in a year.”
Anonymous says
Oh, and I’m not sure about my friends, but I wasn’t “trying” in the tracking/temping sense, just gardening without protection. I had been off hormonal BC for years before we pulled the goalie though.
NYCer says
First month at age 35. I didn’t temp/track to try to pinpoint ovulation, just had sex regularly.
Anonymous says
At 28 it took us 7 months, I was also freaked out and my cycles were kinda wacky with no explanation (had an ultrasound, hormone testing, etc…). I had been off hormonal birth control for a year before starting to try. Used Clearblue easy ovoluation predictor kit and got pregnant. I ovulated on like day 21 which is super late. Cycles became more regular after that baby and number 2 was a whoopsie :)
AIMS says
Over a year the first time (with the caveat that we didn’t try a few of those months for a variety of life reasons). Zero trying for baby no. 2. Don’t get discouraged!
3Mom says
I had regular cycles, did charting and cheapo pee-strip testing, and did it every other day during my fertile window. And it took me 7 (miserable, stressed-out) months with #1, at age 29. With #2 and #3, it happened much much faster. It really varies. At some point with #1 I made an appointment with an RE, which seemed to magically spur our eggs and sperm to cooperate without professional assistance.
aelle says
I was 28 when we started trying. It took 1 cycle for the first pregnancy, miscarried in the first tri, 3 months to get a cycle again, then 11 cycles for the second pregnancy while using OPKs, charting and having excellent timing. I had just gotten the ball rolling on fertility testing when I conceived naturally, and nothing was found with this first round of tests. Even with perfect fertility for both parties, luck has a lot to do with it.
Anon says
My OB told me that she tells people to do it every other day, no more no less, all month long. She claims almost everyone under 35 gets pregnant in <6 months following that rule, and if they don’t, there’s usually an identifiable fertility issue (or there’s a reason they can’t do EOD, like frequent business travel).
Anon says
We actually did do this one month, the month we got pregnant.
We had been off the pill for a couple of months but my cycle was so irregular it was hard to know timing. So after my second non-pill period we did the every other day method figuring we’d capture the right day(s) regardless, and it worked for us.
Anonymous says
This is what worked for us. I’ve been amazed at seeing a few posts on the main page where people mention not getting pregnant yet but are only DTD a couple times right around ovulation.
Anon says
I took us 1 cycle for the first pregnancy. Second pregnancy took 9 months and I miscarried at 9 weeks. Now that my cycle is back to normal, we’re now trying again and in month two. I did not do anything other than tracking my cycle, although based on the timing of when we did it that lead to my miscarriage, I think I ovulate late, so hopefully that will give some guidance for this time around.
Anon says
To be clear, we do not do EOD. I work a lot, our toddler is A LOT, and we try for every 2-3 days in the window, which, as I noted, I am now thinking is later which would explain why it took so long the last time around. Even when not trying to get pregnant, we’re at a 1-2x a month given our current season of exhaustion and life with an unusually demanding toddler, so multiple times in a 2 week or so stretch is still a lot for us.
AnonToday says
At 28 it took 4 cycles. 3 of those 4 were just pulling the goalie and seeing what happened. Then I got super frustrated and started using OPK. Turns out I ovulate way late (day 20ish), so without EOD (which is a lot for us), we would probably not have hit the window. I went through 10 or so ovulation test sticks before finally getting a positive. They aren’t super cheap (Clear Blue), but I was happy to finally know for sure. And I got pregnant that first testing cycle so the 30 bucks was worth it to me.
I was a stressed out mess for those first 3 cycles we didn’t succeed, and somehow at least knowing we hit the ovulation window made me so much more relaxed for the 4th month. Like at that point it was completely out of my hands and I had done everything I could.
Good luck! It’s always an interesting journey to becoming a parent.
Knope says
It took me over a year at 27, but that’s because my period never came back after I went off birth control. Once I started meds to trigger ovulation, I got pregnant the first cycle and had the baby. For #2 at 31, it took 2 months but I miscarried around 6 weeks. Got pregnant again 2 months after that.
SC says
DH and I gardened without protection for a couple of years but only ovulate every 3 months or so. My OBGYN put the lack of regular cycles in my chart and told me she’d prescribe Clomid when I was ready to really start trying. Once I started taking the Clomid, I got pregnant the second month.
anon says
I’m fascinated by how many people followed EOD. Just because I don’t think I’ve ever actually discussed it with my friends, and I think I picked it up from a book or similar.
Did that with our first, while trying to track when I ovulated – took 5 months. Second and third were both first tries. Actually third was a surprise, let’s be real.
Anon 4 this says
Age 36 – Been on birth control since 17, never off it previously, went off birth control, sort of tracked my period for 4 months but it was super irregular, pregnant first month we tried. I guessed at when I might be ovulating and we did EOD for a couple of weeks around that time since I knew it was at best a guess.
OP says
Thanks all! I am on month 4 and had a chemical pregnancy month 2. I have been using OPKs, doing it every other day leading up to ovulation and the day of +2 days after ovulating. But then really not again until the following month. I feel like I’m doing things right and just need to try to relax and trust in the process now but I’m definitely very stressed and discouraged. And my mind starts to wander and worry about things like if my preperiod spotting is a luteal phase defect, etc.
Anonymous says
Fertility Friend had me convinced I had a “luteal phase defect,” but then month 3 the spotting I thought was my period starting was apparently implantation bleeding. Or my cervix getting irritated because I kept touching it to see if my period was starting. Try not to worry!
Anon Lawyer says
If you had a chemical pregnancy you’re probably doing the right things and just got unlucky with a chromosomally abnormal embryo. I’m sorry about that – it’s a hard loss.
Anon says
Started at 29 for my first and it took 4 years. Never got any explanation for why. Second (at 35) was an accident, the first month it was even remotely possible. So I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum without any reason or explanation.
So Anon says
We started TTC for our first when I was 27. It took us a year plus fertility treatments to have our first. The first few months were pretty laid back, and at the six month mark I started using OPKs. The discussions that I had with medical providers (including my RE) about this is that the one year timeline for those under 35 (and for me at 27) is that it really should take less than 6 months, but that at that age, you have time for additional luck to work in your favor. I was told that when I was ready to have my second, to try for about four months before seeking out interventions. Incidentally, we conceived my daughter on the second cycle to my total surprise.
Anonymous says
My first and second were both conceived in the first month (I was 32 and 35) and my third was conceived in the fourth month at age 38. I temped and tracked CM. I did EOD starting about 5 days before the earliest I expected to ovulate or from when I started to get good looking CM, and stopping after I confirmed ovulation. With my first I stopped before confirming ovulation because of business travel.
With my first I did one cycle off of BCP preventing, with my second I was on the minipill and started trying right away, and with my third I was on the combination pill and tried the first cycle going off of it.
I was shocked to conceive the first the first months. People who have trouble conceiving are much more likely to post about it, so I was
AnotherAnon says
Not to be a debbie downer, but we started TTC when I was 28 and I’m 34 now and still haven’t conceived (well maybe I did ten days ago…tbd). I went in at six months of trying and my ob told me “relax! give it a year and it will happen!” When it didn’t, I went to another ob who told me the same thing. Then I went through a series of REs and a bunch of fertility treatments up to IVF. Long story short: it could take a while. Charting would have helped me more quickly identify the issue, but I also needed to find an RE who understands fertility and is not just obsessed with whether or not my insurance will pay for IVF. I would try for a year and if you’re still struggling, seek help. Good luck!
anon says
Thinking good thoughts for you. I hope it happens! You are so tough, but I think you know that!
Anonymous says
7-8 months from when I went off BC for the first I did not ovulate for the first 6, according to my TCOYF charting. I was 27.
For the others, 2-3 months.
Anonymous says
gah, I wrote this while I was bored in a conf call and it apparently came out incoherent.
We did not “try” for any pregnancies. DH and I kind of thought we’d like kids someday, and there was no reason to actively prevent it anymore, but it was too scary to tell ourselves or act like we were trying. I just went off BC and let the chips fall where they may. I charted for my own curiosity, and because I figured if I wasn’t pregnant in a year, I’d want some info when I started talking with doctors about why. It was both reassuring and frustrating 6 months in to know that of course I wasn’t pregnant, because I wasn’t ovulating. IIRC, I had one normal cycle before I got pregnant.
I didn’t go back on BC in between pregnancies, and my period came back around 8-10 months pp depending on when I weaned the kids. Again, we preferred close spacing so we just didn’t prevent and I got pregnant again right around 12 months pp each time.
Anon says
First took 7 cycles – age 29. I was charting/temping/doing OPK’s/all of the things and it just took us awhile. I even went to see a fertility specialist to schedule some initial testing and found out I was pregnant a few days later. With our second (age 31), we were NTNP and I got pregnant the second month. It was like my body knew what to do and I got pregnant without us really trying.
anon says
I was reading EOD as Egg on Demand. Doh.
Anyway …
TTC #1 at age 28 and got pregnant in month three. Started TTC #2 at age 31, took nine months to get pregnant, then miscarried that pregnancy. Started again right away and didn’t get pregnant for another 18 months. Turns out I had undiagnosed endometriosis that required surgery. Finally had baby #2 at age 34. That was a long, difficult journey.
Anonymous says
Baby 1: 7 months, though the first 3 months weren’t particularly scientific – just lots of unprotected s*x
Baby 2: 8-9 months
Baby 3: first try
Anonymous says
I was 28 when we started btw
Anonymous says
Three pregnancies. 7-9 months each time.
Anonymous says
To clarify : 7-9 cycles each time, not months (my cycles were 5-7 weeks), and we did the EOD method most months along with charting, temping, and ovulation strips. Since we were doing eod I was mostly doing the other stuff to have some idea when to expect my period.
Lyssa says
I’m intrigued by the idea that foot coverings like this are somehow preferable to wearing socks. I . . . just don’t follow this at all. (And I deeply resent having to wear socks in the winter.)
Anonymous says
I agree. But I started buying socks with grippies and I’m enjoying them more than slippers. I’m also confused why suburbs = in the house more. We have a yard! And a neighborhood with sidewalks and playgrounds. We’re outside a ton
Jessamyn says
We are Done Having Kids, so my sister is coming to pick up all of our baby stuff for her new baby that she’s expecting this year! Any tips for dealing with the bittersweet feelings?
I’m a little sad about letting go of the toys I so lovingly picked out for our girls’ first Christmas and the crib we excitedly ordered when we found out we were pregnant. I know rationally they are just things and the memories will remain, but it feels a little scary. I’m thinking I might take iPhone photos of our kids with the items as we say “goodbye” one last time.
AIMS says
You can try thanking the items a la Marie Kondo. But also it’s great that you’re able to pass this on to your niece! I always try to find someone to give stuff to so that I can be excited about this stuff having a second life vs. just randomly donating/throwing away. Maybe try to get excited about how neat that is?
anne-on says
Yes! I love giving stuff away to people I know will actually use/enjoy it. Its also really nice to see facebook photos of my nephews in my son’s old clothes/old toys and I know my SIL has an active hand me down ring among her cousins/friends (we all have boys, mine just came first). It might also help to think about how you’re being green, saving other families $$, and still getting good use out of the things.
Maybe also make some time to do some fun ‘big kid’ stuff this weekend so you can remember how nice it is to be out of the baby stage?
Anonymous says
I get it!! Our second was a boy so I grieved giving away my daughters baby clothes. Pictures sounds like a nice idea but I’d just say let yourself feel the feelings
Anon says
+1 about not doing the pictures. Sounds nice, but over time that will just make giving things away such a chore and I *almost* promise you you will not look back at the photos.
Knope says
I get it, but it’s so lovely that it’s going to a family member! Seeing another baby enjoy all those things you loved will give them new life. A close friend gifted us a firefighter costume that her son had outgrown, and she honestly started tearing up when she saw my son get super excited to try it on and play pretend firefighter. It gave her a lot of joy, even though it was bittersweet too.
Anonymous says
Oy. At least it’s staying in the family! I’ve been sort of saving all my stuff for when one of my siblings has kids, but it’s getting a bit ridiculous to hold onto so much stuff, because I’m not sure if/when that will ever happen.
Emily S. says
When I boxed stuff up, I would hold it one last time and think a happy thought about it. Hearing how my friend unpacked the clothes I had given her with her mom and got excited about the clothes gave me closure. And time. Now that my second and last is 2.5, giving away the baby stuff is a lot easier. I sometimes have to remind myself not to ask my friend of 3 if she wants our old baby stuff.
I was the recipient of stuff from my big sister, and she still loves to see my daughters in my niece’s old clothes. I try to make it a point to send her pictures, so if that would help, maybe you can ask your sister to do the same.
Anonymous says
Idk, I had no attachment to any of it…except the boppy and the crib. I just kept the boppy and I think I’m going to have the cover sewn into a keepsake.
The crib I just sniffled. No sense keeping it until my kids have kids.
AIMS says
How do you deal with emotional 4 year olds? My daughter entered a new phase where she will just break down in tears over anything and everything. “I don’t know where my water is” … or “I can’t fall asleep”… or “the brown crayon is too brown!” It’s so absurd. And I get it but I also lose my patience after about 2 min. Like the other day I picked her up from school and she had an epic melt down because she made a ‘plan’ that we would get pizza and I was making her go home to eat dinner. Is there some magic phrasing or redirection that works here? I get that she is feeling frustrated and doesn’t know how to deal but just ‘broadcasting’ that to her doesn’t seem to cut it and then I start to lose it.
Anonymous says
What helps you calm down when you are upset? A hug? Music? Change subject by asking about a good thing that happened that day? I find it easiest to remember to offer the things that help me (usually a hug from DH and listing my fav things of the day). I usually offer a hug as well, the kids take me up on it about half the time.
I have twins and each is so different in how they want to handle it. One wants acknowledgment and a lot of discussion about the disappointing thing, and the other wants to say what they are upset about and then be left alone to brood.
I keep granola bars in my purse and a water bottle in the car, a snack and water right at pick up time seems to help. Hangry is a cause of big emotions in my kids.
Anon says
Four has been the toughest age for me, because the emotions are so big and the meltdowns so numerous. I try to take Janet Lansbury’s approach that “releasing feelings is a good thing” but man, it is a lot! I’ve had success going back to basics – earlier bedtime and a weekend nap, lots of food/protein to prevent hanger (Id probably give a decent snack as soon as you get her, even if you’re about to have dinner) and as much downtime/focused family time as you can fit in. Also, less talking from me – just be with her while she cries and add in a comforting “mmhmm” every now and then.
SC says
One thing that really helps my 4 year old is for the grown-ups to listen to him. Even after he knows we’re going home to eat, he wants to tell me the whole pizza plan. If I listen without interrupting and then say, “That sounds like it would be really fun, maybe we can make that happen next week,” he’s much more likely to go home and eat dinner without a tantrum. Sometimes his ideas are ridiculous, and his negotiation tactics are absolutely insane (“Mommy, you can’t say ‘no,’ or you’re breaking the rules”). But mostly, he just wants to be heard.
blueridge29 says
+1 to SC
I also find it helps to be a little ridiculous while kiddo tells the story. Ask them how big of a pizza they want, what color, candy, blah, blah, blah. By the time they the kid has exhausted their imagination they feel better about the issue. I think this is mentioned in How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen. It does take patience, but if it works you are more likely to try it again.
CHL says
She might be a little young but my 7 year old is using the Superflex resources from Social Thinking and my 5 year old is really picking up on it. Idea is that there are different types of “Unthinkables” (bad guys who try to get into our brains and get us to have big reactions to small problems) and that we can use flexible thinking strategies to calm ourselves down and decide if they are big or small problems. You could check out the Social Thinking website.
anon says
All I can say is… commiseration. And I think my daughter’s teen years are going to be rough!
Whenever she does something wrong she cries about how she just doesn’t want us to be mad at her. It’s really hard to punish ours! You’d think the remorse would help, but not so much.
Anonymous says
I think you just accept that this is normal. The problem isn’t your 4 year olds normal emotions, it’s your lack of patience. I suffer from it as well! I try to remind myself that I need to model not losing my patience to her, to teach her to be more resilient.
Anonymous says
I know 2 is very different than 4, so feel free to disregard, but my 2 year old is (counter-intuitively?) calmed down by being alone. She doesn’t want hugs or words of comfort, she just wants to cry in peace in her room (often after slamming her door…I also feel like I’m getting a preview of the teenage years and they are not going to be good) and then she will be fine in like 30 seconds. If you’ve been giving lots of attention and love when she cries, it might be worth trying the opposite. It will also help you not lose it if you don’t have to sit there and listen to her cry.
Anonymous says
A couple ideas. The first is something I watched my son’s preschool teacher do. She was super into social-emotional learning and a LCSW, so I felt like this must be legit. After listening to one of his classmates freak out about some minor thing for a while, she just said, “I need a break from talking about this.” It is okay to give yourself a break when you can’t take it any more!
For me part of what is so hard is thinking I need to fix it – I need to make the child feel better. And you can be part of that but ultimately your child is learning to manage her own emotions. So you can just be a kind witness; you don’t have to solve it.
I found naming/repeating my son’s emotions was helpful – if nothing else it gave me something to say other than “stop freaking out crazypants!!!” E.g., “you’re really angry you only got 6 peanuts instead of 7 like Lucy did. You feel like that wasn’t fair at all.” This came from How to Talk so Your Kids will Listen.
AIMS says
Thanks guys! This is all very helpful-I feel like having a script prepared is what I need to not lose my patience.
octagon says
I lean way, way into hugs and physical affection as a way of reaffirming love, even if we can’t do what kiddo wants at that exact moment. And like Anonymous above, I also acknowledge the emotions out loud — I hear you are frustrated, because you really wanted to do X. And it’s no fun to be frustrated, and you are also disappointed.
Anonymous says
I also do lots of hugs and love, but my son (3.5) hates when I name emotions. It only makes him more upset and/or he argues with me about what he’s feeling.
SC says
Same. I think he feels like he’s being patronized. He also hates if we suggest ANY of the techniques from Daniel Tiger, even though he loves Daniel Tiger.
Sometimes I can get him to take a deep breath if I model/ask him to do it with me. Even when I can’t, the deep breath helps me.
Anonymous says
We met with a child psychologist about an unrelated issue and she mentioned that kids have a hard time with deep breathing until they are around age 6 but that a good alternate strategy is to ask them to blow out air like they are blowing bubbles, and it can have the same effect.
anon says
One thing that works with my 6 year old is to use her loveys to talk out her feelings. The pretend play aspect of it appeals to her. (“Penguin is sad that there’s no pizza, but Penguin loves going home and snuggling!”
Pigpen's Mama says
I have found that for something like the pizza plan, empathizing and really leaning into it to the point of ridiculousness, can help. I think that is from the “How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen” book — I know I didn’t come up with it on my own.
For example, my then 3/4 year old really wanted to see her grandparents (who live in another part of the country) and was inconsolable, so I talked about how amazing would it be if we had a closet that we could walk into and we’d be at their house. And if she had that, we could go back and forth all the time. For the pizza, maybe something like, wouldn’t it be cool if we had a pizza maker in our car, for the brown crayon, a crayon that would change colors if you just thought about it, or something else that is impossible. Maybe because it gets them thinking about something silly and acknowledges that they are (reasonably) disappointed and that’s a legitimate feeling.
Anonymous says
I am right there with you. My 4.5 year old is exhausted after a day of junior kindergarten (there are no naps). One recent meltdown was worrying about who she will marry one day (she loves looking at our wedding photos). In our case the emotional meltdowns are very much tied to being tired. As ridiculous as they seem I often just lean into them with the phrasing others have recommended and lots of physical affection and just try and get her to bed.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I feel you. My almost 4 year old is very good at expressing his emotions, including lots of tears and screaming especially before bedtime, and I’m also trying to channel the Landsbury approach of expressing feelings is a good thing and my job is not to fix them or to make sure he’s happy at all times, but just to listen and acknowledge the feelings, while still also getting what we need to do done. It’s hard for me as a rational, left-brain leaning person to be patient with his (developmentally appropriate) irrational emotions, but I’m trying. My husband is a lot better at this, I think he is more of a feeler than a thinker so it’s easier.
Emily S. says
Piling on to second the Lansbury and How to Talk Approaches. DH uses them less than I do and in-laws not at all, and there is a big difference in how quickly my 4.5 year and 2.5 year old calm down with me then DH or in-laws. Ultimately, I think it is know your kid — quiet time might work, or talking about it, or distraction, and it will take time to figure out what approach consistently works for your kid (for now.) For my older daughter, she wants to acknowledge feelings and move on very quickly; little sister wants to cry and get a hug and draw it out a little longer. But both respond to the Lansbury and How to Talk Approaches.
shortperson says
ha because i’m the one that follows lansbury i get all the screaming and Feelings. they dont bother for long with my husband. but it’s ok, i can handle and i think they need someone to absorb them.
Anonymous says
My employer is enacting an excessive absenteeism policy. I am worried about it given that due to daycare closure and illness, I was only in the office for one full day in the last 7 workdays. I am home sick today. It’ll be fine, right?
I am lucky to be at an employer where I have a lot of leave and flexibility. But it is seriously starting to stress me out.
Jessamyn says
Is it possible for you to find backup care for times when school is closed or your kiddos are ill so that you can still be in the office and abide by the policy? You might feel better looking into that now rather than having to scramble for it the next time the need arises.
Anonymous says
What is the policy? Are they taking away official leave? Or are they just saying managers have discretion to discipline your for excessive absences? I would worry about the latter much less than the former, assuming you have a good relationship with your manager.
Anonymous says
I believe it’s the latter – giving managers discretion in discipline.
Anonymous says
No it won’t necessarily be fine at all. That’s a lot of absences. Do you have a partner? Is that person sharing the load? What’s your back up care situation? I think you’re right to be worried about this and need to work on solutions.
Anonymous says
Eh, totally depends on the employer and boss. I’ve been out of the office 20+ days this winter due to my own sick leave, sick kids and planned daycare closures (WFH during my own sick days, mostly using official sick leave when kids are sick). It’s fine. She says she has “lots of leave and flexibility” so this isn’t necessarily a problem.
anon says
This, unless your current situation is a one-off fluke/bad timing of illnesses. As a manager, I know life happens and I’m pretty darn accommodating, but I would not be pleased if this was a semi-regular occurrence.
Anonymous says
Luckily, the kids have not been to ill this winter, so I have been in the office pretty consistently for the last several months.
Anonanonanon says
Were you off all of the other days, or legitimately teleworking? Only working one of the past seven days is… not great unless you’ve worked there for years and this is the first time something like this has happened. I would definitely start building up a roster of backup sitters for daycare closures.
What policy are they enacting? I know some workplaces are able to request a doctor’s note after X days in a row of absence
Anonymous says
I worked from home one day and was able to work half days two other days (split with husband). I was only fully out for three days. Of course, it worked out that the first two were planned vacation and then we all got sick. In summary, vacation on Thursday and Friday. Half day on Monday and Tuesday. Worked on Wednesday. Worked from home on Thursday. Home sick today.
Anon says
Obviously it varies by industry and office, but this would be totally fine at my office. People are allowed to use vacation days and sometimes you/your kids get sick after a vacation. It’s not ideal timing, but no one would blame you for it.
Anonymous says
My son refuses to go to sleep unless we are in the room. We used to have a great routine where he would fall asleep on his own after the bedtime routine. If he was not ready to sleep, he would “read” for a few minutes before falling asleep. The nighttime routine had been set for sometime (he is almost 5). We cannot pinpoint a reason for the change nor can he articulate why he must have us in the room to fall asleep. This has been going on since before Christmas and we have been trying everything. If you have a unique idea that has worked for you, would you please pass it along? Thank you!
SC says
Sometimes it helps our 4 year old to know that one of us will come check on him in 10 minutes. Often, he’s asleep, and we’ll pull the blanket up and give him a light kiss. If he’s still awake, we reassure him and tell him we’ll check on him again in 10 minutes. He’s usually asleep by then. (We did the Ferber method of sleep training, and I guess this is the 4 year old version.) Obviously, your timing does not have to be precise.
AIMS says
We have the same issue now and starting with two min increments and working up from there.
Anonymous says
I just leave. I say you don’t have to fall asleep but it’s mommy’s bedtime to and you have to stay in bed and be wuiet
Pigpen's Mama says
I found that playing an audio book helps the extraction step.
Anonymous says
My 5-year-old has an easier time if we at least stay upstairs in our bedroom for some time. Not ideal, but better captive in my room than his?!
Cb says
Gosh, has everyone seen this Evenflo Big Kid seat controversy? That is terrifying!
https://www.thecut.com/2020/02/will-there-be-an-evenflo-booster-seat-recall.html
Nan says
I hadn’t, but that is terrifying. Thanks for sharing.
anon says
I hadn’t seen that and it’s terrifying. We have cleks which are stupid expensive, but I do feel good about their side impact testing – or I did when purchased! Going to research further…
CCLA says
Just saw this last night and it is legit horrifying. It is a long read but worth getting the story out. Also, I had no idea about the side impact testing being a total non-standard, like it sounds as though each company can choose how to do such testing. Definitely off to research more.
Marilla says
It’s making me feel very grateful to be in a country with tougher safety regs. Lots of moms in my area talk about bringing in carseats from the US (trendy ones like the Doona) but if they haven’t passed Canadian safety testing, I don’t know why they would take that risk. Here boosters are explicitly for kids 40 lbs and up – is the rule different in the US? does it vary by state?
Anonymous says
So scary but agree that I’ve never heard of kids under 40 lbs in booster seats in Canada. I’ve heard 40 lbs and 4 years old as a common minimum but I don’t think a lot of kids are getting moved at that age. I also vastly prefer the booster seats that attach via latch so the seats themselves do not become projectiles. So many people are not aware that an unlatched seat must be buckled in if a kid is not in the booster otherwise it’s a projectile in the car during an accident. We have latched boosters so I don’t have to worry about remembering to rebuckle the boosters after dropping the kids off.
SC says
There are federal regulations on approving car seats. Manufacturers also have to put height and weight minimums on them. I saw in another article that Evenflo’s general counsel says federal regulations allow them to market boosters for children that weight 30 lbs or more.
There are state laws regulating height and weight requirements, but they typically apply to the driver. They also vary in whether they go by age or height or both. In my state, the law (passed last year) basically goes by age. The law is technically until they hit _ years old and outgrow the height or weight limit of their particular car seat. But (a) car seats vary widely, and (b) how on earth would an officer who pulled a family over know whether the child outgrew the limit on their previous seat if they’re now forward facing or in a booster? (So the law is basically just making it clear that you don’t have to move your kid to a booster just because he turned 4–which was actually really unclear in all the news articles announcing the law.)
Spirograph says
I’m confused, though… aren’t you supposed to leave kids in a 5 point car seat until they are at least 40 lbs anyway? It seems to me that you can’t expect a booster to protect a child much more than a normal seat belt protects an adult from a side impact. The lap belt will keep you from flying out of the seat but the shoulder strap won’t keep your upper body from going drastically sideways. For that, you need a 5 point harness, full stop.
Seat belts mitigate the damage significantly compared to being unrestrained, but it’s just unrealistic to expect everyone to walk away unscathed from a high-impact crash. It’s sad, it’s scary, but it’s physics. Racecar restraints are very different than passenger vehicle ones because there’s a tradeoff about usability and risk reduction.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Thanks for posting this. Terrifying and makes me want to keep my kids in their carseats as long as possible. Ours goes up to 65lbs for the front facing, so hopefully that will last a while. Also drives home the point about how dangerous our every day task of driving is.
Spirograph says
I’m confused, though… aren’t you supposed to leave kids in a 5 point car seat until they are at least 40 lbs anyway? It seems to me that you can’t expect a booster to protect a child much more than a normal seat belt protects an adult from a side impact (yes I’m aware that adults have more developed spinal columns and are better able to withstand whiplash-type injuries). The lap belt will keep you from flying out of the seat but the shoulder strap won’t keep your upper body from going drastically sideways. For that, you need a 5 point harness, full stop.
Seat belts mitigate the damage significantly compared to being unrestrained, but it’s just unrealistic to expect everyone to walk away unscathed from a high-impact crash. It’s sad, it’s scary, but it’s physics. Racecar restraints are very different than passenger vehicle ones because there’s a tradeoff about usability and risk reduction.
Anonymous says
oops, double post!
Boston Legal Eagle says
I think that’s the point – Evenflo marketed these as being safe for kids as little as 30lbs, and there are apparently no regulations to prevent this. I don’t know about you, but I don’t know off the top of my head what the AAP or other standards are for car seats and weight, so if I saw this product in the store that said for 30lbs and up, and safety tested, I’d believe it.
SC says
The AAP recommendation is to keep children in a forward-facing car seat until they have outgrown the height or weight limit. That’s not really specific, but I don’t know of a forward-facing car seat that maxes out at 40 lbs.
I touched on this above, but I think a lot of people get caught up in age recommendations and also treat changing car seats as a milestone or graduation. This was especially true before the AAP’s recommendations changed in 2018. I turned my kid’s seat around at about 2.5 yo in 2017, figuring he was old enough and met the minimum height and weight requirements for a forward-facing seat. (I also didn’t turn him around after the new regulations came out, even though he was under the maximum height/weight for rear facing.)
Matching bracelets search says
I’m looking for matching bracelets for me and my five year old. Doesn’t have to be personalized – just matching would be fun for her. Any suggestions?
I found some from shop lemel that I like but looking for other ideas!
Anon says
Did anyone’s kid bite them and not bite at school? My 2 year old has never been a biter but in the last couple of weeks she has been biting me (lightly). She doesn’t seem to be mad when she does, it seems to happen more when she’s excited or giggly. Is there any chance this won’t spill over to her behavior at school? We are working on using our words (I told her that when she wants to bite she should ask me for a specific teether she likes and I will get it for her and she can bite down on that as hard as she wants) and she has asked me for the teether a few times but also has bitten me a few more times, so it’s definitely not a perfect solution. Are there better ways of shutting this down fast? I have been doing a very stern “no” every time, but I tell her no too much in general so I don’t know that it has the impact it should. Last night I did a time out for the first time (just one minute in her room alone) but I’m not sure she really understood that it was a punishment.
AwayEmily says
My kid went through a happy-excited-biting stage at around 23 months and then just grew out of it after a couple of weeks of stern no’s. You might want to give the teachers a heads-up. His teachers said it was super common.
lsw says
Picking up Teeth Are Not for Biting and Little Dinos Don’t Bite helped us greatly with a (thankfully brief) biting excitement period.
Anonymous says
My almost 3 year old still does this if she’s super overexcited and hyped up, like if I’m tickling her. She’s never bitten another kid, I just say “no biting”. The books recommenddd above are good
PGT question says
Did any of you ladies opted for PGT where only one of you tested positive during carrier screen? I am a carrier for cystic fibrosis gene and my husband is not. Both of us feel like we should take care of it now with the knowledge and resources we have than passing the buck to future generation. I am also 36 and have been trying for two years without success and just went through first IUI two days back (suggestion is to do 3 IUI cycles and go to IVF). Going through it brought up all sorts of feelings and I am leaning towards going straight to IVF (skipping next IUI cycles) with PGT and transfer the embryos with normal gene.
Anon says
If only one of you is positive there is no way your kids could have CF, though obviously could be a carrier, if you do ivf you could test and if you have enough good embryos that aren’t carriers then great, but if you don’t you could still implant one of the carrier ones
Anon says
As a genetic carrier couple (where both my partner and I carry the same disorder), I would not do PGT unless both you and your partner are carriers like us. If you need to pursue IVF anyway for reproductive reasons, then I’d consider PGT but still would be open to implanting carrier embryos. It’s not a big deal to be a carrier of a genetic disorder (most people carry at least one thing!), it only matters if both you and your partner carry the same gene.
I think it’s smart to be aware of your carrier status so your child can be informed and aware, but doing PGT simply because one of you is a carrier seems unnecessary and is putting multiple hurdles in your way of starting your own family.
rosie says
No, I wouldn’t do this. We are in a similar spot with test results and did not do any PGS/PGT of embryos (pursing IVF for reasons unrelated to carrier status). Our cycles yielded very few embryos and our RE did not suggest testing (I was mid-30s for retrievals). I think if you are in a position where you have lots of great-looking embryos and can afford to be choosy in which you implant first, you could do that, but I don’t think it’s at all necessary and would not go into IVF with that as your plan.
Anonymous says
+1 – we are similar genetically, I am CF carrier, husband is not. We did not do PGT. I’ll tell my kids that there is a risk they could be a carrier and to get tested before they consider having kids but it seemed excessive to test for just being a carrier.
PGT question says
Thank you ladies..I think we will continue with IUI (hopefully current cycle sticks). If we have to do IVF, then we can decide based on the embryos we get.