How Have Dinner Parties and Other Social Events Changed Since You Had Kids?
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Today at Corporette I’m writing about dinner parties — asking readers for their best tips on being a great hostess — and bemoaning the fact that, although as a kid I always thought my adult life would be filled with dinner parties, having kids has made it muuuuch more complicated.
So I thought it would make an interesting discussion over here, since so many of us try to get the kiddos down for early bedtimes, or live in small enough spaces that having friends over after that bedtime makes it difficult to do anything but whisper. So let’s discuss, ladies — do you host social events at your house? How do you throw dinner parties with small kids?
As a kid, I think I’m primarily remembering the years when I would have been 8–13 or so — old enough to stay up late, but not old enough to be home by myself. In any event, my parents often had rotating dinners with family friends, where one Saturday it would be Couple A; a few weeks after that, Couple B, then Couple C; then the cycle would start over with whomever hadn’t hosted the last time.
The kids would usually set up in a downstairs basement, rumpus room, or TV room, and play/read/try not to kill ourselves (or each other) while the grownups enjoyed dinner several rooms away.
But as a parent, I’ve found that there are two problems preventing all of these fabulous imaginary dinners I’d be having otherwise:
1) Kids go to bed early, yo (and mine, at least, are little monsters for at least 48 hours if they’re up too long past their bedtime)
2) Sound carries, as anyone who’s lived in small apartment (or open-concept house!) can tell you — so it isn’t like you put your little one to bed and have a boisterous, loud conversation just a room or two away.
We’ve shifted, instead, to inviting family friends (here defined as parents we get along with who have kids with a passing affinity for ours) over for midday “family playdates” that start around 2:00 and end around 7:00 at the latest, with “keep the kids busy” activities planned, like decorating cookies; we usually offer booze and hors d’oeuvres/snackies.
(We also enjoy going on little 1-3 day trips with family friends, where we all stay at the same hotel and generally do the same stuff, whether it’s a waterpark or exploring a few attractions at a new city then hitting the hotel pool.)
We still go on occasional double dates with our friends who aren’t in this mode of their lives right now, also — but those are usually dinners out.
How about you, ladies — what does your social life look like these days? How often do you host social events for people who aren’t family, and if you do throw dinner parties with small kids, how do you do it?
Stock photo via Stencil.
Recently went to an informal party – kids running around the basement or kids rooms, while parents gathered in the kitchen with bottles of wine and informal food. The kids occasionally emerged from playing to snack. Started at 5 pm on a Friday and extended long past the kids’ bedtimes – but was a blast and very easy for all involved. Also a great way to bring different groups of people together – many of us hadn’t met but had various neighborhood connections.
For major parties (usually holiday related), we try for Saturday instead of Sunday (so folks have a day to recover) and try to start early (say 4 for apps, dinner around 5:30). My kid is a night owl, so it really isn’t an issue for me, and our friends’ kids usually do bedtime around 8, so not terribly early. Someone who has kids hosts, and it’s usually a loud, noisy and fun affair and the living room (kids are too young to be banished) usually looks like a ballpit full of toys by the time they are done, but with a partially open concept floorplan and stemless wineglasses with lids, parents sort of take turns with the supervising and it feels pretty natural. I generally try to serve things that can be deconstructed into kid-friendly meals (sauce on the side, etc.). In the summer it’s great because we just tell folks to bring swim wear and we set up the baby pool, sprinklers, etc. and just let everyone go to town. None of us would see each other if we had to get babysitters all the time, so we just do it with the kids and everyone shows patience and grace. Let me re-stress the benefits of stainless steel wine and whiskey glasses with lids – indoor and outdoor friendly, hard to spill, and impossible to break.
We’re in the era of toddlers/preschoolers who still need naps and go to bed at 7, so our dinner parties (as they are) typically only involve one other family and go one of two ways:
1. Friends come over between 4-5 pm, we hang out, all eat dinner together with the kids around 5:45/6, friends head home with their kid by 7:00. It accomplishes the goal of eating food together and some social time, but can be hit or miss as to whether it’s just complete chaos with the toddlers or if they all eat nicely and then scamper off to play while we sit and drink wine.
2. Friends come over after dinner and put their kids to bed at our place. We eat fancy adult dinner + dessert and then hang out until midnight. Friends transfer sleeping kids to the car, drive the 2 blocks home, put kids back to sleep in own bed. We all live in oldish houses, so can either put sleeping kids in an upstairs bedroom or a downstairs room that’s not directly connected to the dining room/living room, so we haven’t had issues with loud noise keeping kids up.
We have a group of friends with 7 couples and a collective 15 kids. It’s rare we are all together (NYE typically) but one everyone month or 2 or so open invite goes out from 1 of us to the group and kids hang in basement or yard with adults in another room. Food and drink are VERY casual – often order pizza, BYOB, etc. We do this more in the summer when everyone can be outside. Whoever can make it is there.
The 7 wives do manage to get together more often without kids and husbands.