This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
This is the pant for those of us who have to go out in public but want to feel like we’re still lounging in bed.
These tailored pants feel like sweats thanks to soft, double-knit fabric. They also have an elastic waist, pintuck detailing, and a tapered leg. In addition, they’re wrinkle-resistant, so you look polished from your A.M. meeting to P.M. story time with the kids.
Given how comfy they seem, I could see wearing them outside of the office. They would be perfect for fall weekends with a cozy sweater or turtleneck.
The Dream Pant from Everlane is $78 and available in sizes XXS–XL. It comes in five office-friendly colors: Black, Heathered Charcoal, Dark Forest, Slate, and Canvas.
Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
Click here to see our top posts!
And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
Anyone else feeling the effects of the daycare staffing shortage across the industry? Our director had to ask for volunteers to keep kids home a few times. The teachers also seem frazzled because they’re being placed in multiple rooms throughout the day.
We’re looking into switching daycares for other reasons but all other centers are experiencing the same problem. Every director says, I can take them but I don’t have the teachers. I don’t know what else to do besides….cry.
Mm says
Yes! Our small center just lost 3 great teachers, and I feel like I never know who my child is spending the day with. Most frustrating is that teachers are leaving due to the administration and the administration is managing it all poorly. I really don’t know what to do.
Anonymous says
I was about to comment that we must be at the same center, but I don’t doubt this is an issue in many centers. We’ve lost several great teachers recently, and I’ve heard lots of complaints about the director in how she communicates with other staff. Incredibly frustrating, but I don’t know how to address it without getting the teachers in hot water.
Anon says
Our daughter had to drop a day in order to maintain state ratios in her class. Two nearby daycares closed permanently due to staffing issues on about two weeks notice, so those families are now looking for spots. We considered changing daycares so our daughter could go full time, but we have coverage from grandparents now on her dropped day, and we honestly love the people there (they took care of our older son, too), so we’re sticking it out for the time being. I’m also not sure what else to do besides maybe keep an ear out for places that have 5 full days? But grandparents are enjoying the extra time so we’re riding it out for now.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yep, same here. Our daycare has lost many people, causing one of the preschool rooms to close, at least for now. They’re advertising for all teacher roles and offering sign on bonuses. I’m sure their salaries are still not enough for all that they do, but I’m not sure what to do other than to hope congress gets its act together and provides childcare subsidies or something.
Anon says
what do we think the reason for this is? people who were previously daycare teachers switched to nannying due to covid when daycares were closed and people were nervous to put their kids in?
Anonymous says
There is a general shortage of people willing to work in high-stress jobs with a risk of COVID exposure for low wages, and the more people who leave, the worse things are for those who remain.
There has also been a mass exodus of K-12 teachers, at least in our district, because of poor working conditions.
Anonymous says
I’m in MA and my kid no longer goes to daycare, but rather part time preschool + flex time + (grandma) sitter.
I pulled her last year because what had been a reliable daycare for my older two became a revolving door of faces after Covid hit. I had long talks with the director and it’s an industry wide staffing shortage. In MA, our center pays $18/hr with some benefits, but not great ones (eg. access to a health plan but no subsidy). They lost some good staff with the initial shut down when staff found other jobs, and they can’t keep staff because the hours stink relative to other jobs that pay the same or better. When good teachers come in, they get poached by families looking for nannies. In my area, families are paying $25-30/hr + benefits for nanny roles for 2-3 kids. It’s hard to think daycare teachers wouldn’t prefer $10/hr more + better benefits and generally fewer kids (even if the nanny gig was 4 kids, which it almost never is, state ratios are much higher once you leave the infant room).
Our part time preschool offers “mom’s hours” and cushy benefits, though laughably low salary. Teachers are former SAHMs and grandmas looking for a 9-1 type gig.
anon says
High stress, low paying job for one thing. Our nanny was poached from our daycare when COVID hit. It was not our intent going in to permanently keep her or or keep DD out of daycare for good. But by August 2020, and with summer surges going in to a New England fall and winter, we were mutually like yup, this is a fit.
We learned from our nanny about how poorly they were treated and managed. Our nanny was taking home like $10/hour. I think she was making $15/hr gross to take care of a room of toddlers. As a nanny she got $22/hr for one kid and a lot more freedom and flexibility. Any teacher that we liked left just like our nanny did and they all remain nannies today. I also know of a handful who weren’t going to work in a daycare longterm anyway and used COVID as the impetus to go after the teaching degree or make the change to whatever else it was, which probably exacerbated the staffing shortage even further.
I really and truly do feel for the industry and those that rely on it. I know we’re lucky to afford a nanny and many cannot. Have you considered a nanny share? I have some friends who are very happy in theirs, sourced through local FB groups, mostly, and the cost is much closer to daycare vs nanny.
Anon says
The job pays like crap.
Anon says
Yes. Our current center has not resumed their full hours of operation, supposedly because of staffing shortages, and despite calling every center that is reasonably convenient for our commutes we have been unable to find another spot for our child. I know our current center does not have any openings for his age either. It’s very frustrating!
CCLA says
Yep. Ours is still on shorter (albeit better now, but not the old days of 7-6) hours, in part due to difficulty getting staff. Thankfully this center has really low turnover, lots of teachers have been there for several years, but they had to furlough people early in the pandemic when things shut down and it’s been hard to fill back in now that things are in full swing again.
Anonymous says
Is it weird that presumably because of Covid, I don’t even know what the teacher situation is at my sons daycare where he’s been for the past almost 5 months? Director does all handoffs, communication, and interactions. I’ve never even seen a teacher besides what photos they put online.
OP says
It’s not weird! The only reason I feel like I’m able to see how frazzled the teachers are is because parents have now been able to pick up kids inside (masked) which I have mixed feelings about. Maybe the chaos has been going on for the past 18 months but I’ve been immune to it.
anon says
Our public school is running a virtual school this year for students who don’t feel comfortable going back in person. They still have dozens of teacher openings–they can’t find teachers. There are kids who not only don’t have a permanent teacher, but don’t even have a sub. The kids sit in mass holding rooms while an administrator keeps the kids from shenanigans and bullying each other.
As a few examples, I have a friend whose kid has missed the first month of Algebra 1 with no teacher or sub. There are also no 4th grade language arts teachers period, so those kids just do math and science/social studies. And on and on.
MBRec says
Our daycare never opened. It was supposed to be a new facility in town, to open April 2021. They’ve pushed it back to October, I don’t know if it’ll open this year. No one has space at all, we bit the bullet and got a nanny. And to even get that we had to go through an agency, and are paying at the absolute top of our budget. It’s hard. We had backup care fail twice. I’m WFH and can work around the baby but it’s not sustainable, only in a pinch.
TheElms says
Agreed that even with a nanny the lack of back up care is hard. If anyone is sick awaiting a COVID test you can’t use back up care (good reason for that), but its still hard with it being fall and lots of little kid illnesses flying around. I’m bracing for a major hit to my hours this fall, as kiddo gets sick at her part time preschool or the class closes for suspected COVID exposure and we are left at least for 1-2 days with no care while we wait for PCR test results.
MBRec says
We gave backup care a weeks lead time, it wasn’t even for sickness, just gaps in care and they still couldn’t assist. Honestly, it’s not their fault, and I can handle it, but geez I know why women are leaving the workforce in droves. I’m lucky my team is understanding and I can do a good chunk of work after bedtime, and that my kid sleeps!
anon says
My area has had a shortage of well-qualified early childhood educators since well before the pandemic, despite market pay being fairly good around here.
My area’s problem is a severe housing shortage, so it’s really hard for educators to find housing that is affordable to them within a reasonable commute. When early career lawyer/engineer couples can only afford small, non-luxury apartments, people who make less than that (even if otherwise quite good money) are totally priced out.
My belief is that the people who would have become early childhood educators are either moving somewhere more affordable or are choosing different career paths.
AwayEmily says
Interesting — we live in a MCOL city with lots of affordable housing, and haven’t had any major daycare staffing issues that I know of (at ours, or at the bigger center that most of my friends’ kids go to).
Anon says
LCOL area and not many issues. Daycare workers aren’t paid that well, but you don’t need to be paid that well in order to be comfortable (think, you can rent a new 2b/2bath in a nice complex with a pool for $700/month). Likewise, not a lot of people have the money for nannies, so poaching is rare.
EDAnon says
Both the center my kids go to and the center at my work are both having staffing issues. Teachers retired who probably would have worked longer, some have been hired into the 4K and 5K.
At my work, our director is in the classroom every day to cover shortages. And, of course, our teachers who get ill are out at least a few days for testing and results. And we pay really well.
ALC says
My 26 month old goes to daycare, and they have decided to start potty training him sort of — they said he was interested in the potty and they’ve been taking him to the bathroom every 20-30 minutes to help him use it. I feel like it’s too early, since he has never seemed interested in the bathroom at home and will not tell us if we ask him whether his diaper is wet/dirty. Should we go ahead and jump into training, since they’re doing it at school? Should we start using pull-ups? I am totally not ready for this!
Anonymous says
Let them do their thing but I wouldn’t change things at home
anon says
I wouldn’t. If they’re not pushing you to do it, and you think your LO isn’t ready, don’t. I tried potty training our first at about that age and he was not ready. It was horrible. Now #2 is 20 months and very interested, so we let her sit on the potty before/after diaper changes, flush and wash, etc. to get her prepped and comfortable with the potty, but no way am I starting this before I’m confident LO is actually ready, not just curious.
anon in brooklyn says
If you let them do it there, and your LO starts regularly using the potty, you can end up with a gradual transition to potty trained with them doing most of the work. We tried the Oh Crap method at 26 months and it was a disaster—LO could not figure out how to pee on the potty and held it for 24 hours. A few months later, daycare had her using the potty regularly when all the other kids did and she was going all day there without peeing in the diaper at all. At that point, we started potty training at home and it was easy.
EDAnon says
Out youngest (3 years) has been going at school for a lot time, at home for less time, and we have put in no effort (other than offering it). He has asked more and more. It’s been great so far.
Our older one potty trained in a weekend at 3.5, so that was our plan. We are just enjoying that he’s making progress.
Boston Legal Eagle says
My son landed in the hospital for a bad case of rsv/croup. He’s ok now, just the usual virus sick, but the doctor said that rsv is popping up early now (it’s usually a winter virus) and there may be more strains to come. I didn’t think anything could be worse than last fall/winter with quarantines and everything, but it’s looking like this year will be worse… I just really need the vaccines to get here and for my kids to age into better immune systems!!
AwayEmily says
Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear this. That must have been really scary — glad to hear he’s okay. I feel like the latest vaccine update is giving me some new hope that even the younger ones will be vaccinated before the winter holidays…fingers crossed!
Boston Legal Eagle says
It was surreal. I thankfully don’t have much experience with hospitals beyond my births, and everyone working there was very nice, but you just know that no parent there wants to be at a children’s hospital.
Clementine says
Sending you good vibes – this year has been awful for all the childhood sicknesses – roseola, coxsackievirus, RSV, general kid ick… all of it!
anon says
Oh no not fun at all! Poor LO. And stressful for you. I’m already nervous for winter after some wicked summer colds caught me by surprise. Ugh.
Leatty says
Glad he’s ok! This year has been brutal for us. In the last few months, my son has had RSV, COVID, multiple ear infections, several colds, and now HFM. I’m so over it and ready to throw in the towel.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Poor guy :( It’s awful when they’re so young and their bodies can’t handle all the viruses. I hope he’s building lots of immunity at least!
Anon says
so glad he is ok. your post reminded me to schedule my kids’ flu shots. stay healthy everyone!
Cb says
We’ve had a bad cold and ear infection already and I have multiple friends whose kids have been in the hospital with RSV. We’re just in for it this year. I’m team teaching a course with another mom – we’re both commuting to the university and we’ve got a solidarity pact that we’ll cover for one another when/if our kid gets something contagious.
Anonymous says
Big hugs. My oldest got RSV in daycare when she was 4-5 months old and it took her until she hit 5 to really shake the long term effects. We can’t say for certain, but the ped agrees that the reason she likely needed a nebulizer and steroids any time she got a chest cold was due to her infant RSV (also, though, she was likely more susceptible to RSV than the average kid). Breathing issues are the worst, and I hope yours recovers and grows out of them soon.
FWIW my kid is now 8 and we still keep the nebulizer in the house. She doesn’t have awful chest colds in the same way anymore, but we have saline for it and it helps her and my other kids shake off bad chest colds. Same idea as sitting in a steamy shower, but no shower.
anon says
Need advice on discipline. My almost 6 year old is having intense meltdowns lately, rage screaming in my face. When this happens, I calmly ask her to go to her room and calm down, take deep breaths, etc. This only seems to enrage her more, she refuses to go to her room, and continues screaming and crying. Yesterday this resulted in her slapping me in the face, at which point I lost it, and physically moved her up to her room where she thankfully stayed until she calmed down (kind of). She’s a tall, lean kid, so it’s not impossible for me to march her upstairs, but I can’t really pick her up and move her. But I also can’t deal with her continuing to scream at me in our kitchen, especially with my 2 year old looking on and my husband trying to work in his office the next room over. And just for my own mental health, honestly. What do you do when you try to give a time out but the kid won’t do it? I really hate it when things get physical like that but I have no idea how else to handle this. I mean, she slapped me so just letting her continue to stand there and rage at me wasn’t really an option. I feel like I’m doing everything wrong but I don’t know what else to do. When she goes into a rage she definitely does not want a hug or to hear things like I’m sorry you are angry, etc. She really needs time to herself to calm down but she just refuses to take it. Help?
anon says
I’m sorry, this is incredibly challenging. My son doesn’t have the physical outbursts, but he does have emotional ones, and we are working with a therapist. She has told us that it’s really OK to remove YOURSELF from the situation when nothing else works.
Anonymous says
I have your kid’s 6 year old twin except male and sounds like has been having this kind of meltdown longer. Since it’s not a new thing for us, we are also seeing a therapist. Also tall lean kid and even so, at like 50” and 55 lb, we still have to physically pick him up and take him to a place where he can be safe. It builds good muscles for me at least? It’s so tough, because (a) so much advice is against just dumping them off alone to deal with their feelings, but (b) I need to keep my body safe. We use the phrasing “I won’t let you hurt me /your brother/etc. I am going to put you in your bed and you can hold your loveys until you can keep your body safe. Then you can come out and we can talk.” Aaaaand I would not say it’s infrequent that we yell instead or end up carrying him off without that speech. Actual punishments for these meltdowns are not the approach recommended by his therapist. For us this kind of aggressive meltdown happens when he is already dysregulated so we focus very hard on getting enough sleep and eating enough.
Anonymous says
Not OP but I could echo all this with an almost-six year old, except that we aren’t seeing a therapist. Has that been helpful? How did you know that you were at that point?
Anonymous says
Not super helpful so far in reducing actual incidences of meltdowns, but it’s only been like 3 visits. Virtual, which works well for our kid. It is helpful in giving us the right narrative to use and tools kiddo can use when he’s regulated enough to use them. Got here by having aggressive and totally out of control meltdowns that were getting worse over time (was almost expelled from preschool, improved for a while, the devolved during covid) and were, like, 2-10 per day every single day. Being back in school is actually helping a lot though. Better than just being home all day.
anon says
Are there consequences if she won’t go to her room? We take away tablet time, dessert or toys, escalating with continued refusal, which generally does get compliance. After my DD calms down we talk about how going to a safe space is a good option when you’re mad, not necessarily a punishment and how she should make that choice for herself when she needs it.
A few times when my 8 yo has gotten huffy and ragey, I have reminded her that she is not queen and we are not her servants. We are a family and speak to each other with love and kindness. I don’t send her away, but tell her she can come back and try again when she can be kind.
Anonymous says
I’m the boy poster above- consequences like that just don’t work when our kid is that dysregulated- he literally can’t think to make a decision or move his own body. Plus he has very few privileges to take away and doesn’t care that much about any toys except his loveys which I would never take away. Sigh.
anon says
OP here: yes, there are consequences, but like others said, that doesn’t work at all. She has literally said, I don’t care if you take that away. That’s why all I can think to do is send her to her room, but I don’t know what to do when she refuses to go.
FWIW, those consequences do work fine when she’s not already in a rage, when it’s just a regular 5 year old issue like not listening right away or something. They just don’t work when she’s worked herself into a rage.
Anon says
Oh gosh, I could’ve written this comment, too, except on the smaller side. But recently lots of anger and accompanied by aggression, really coming out around boundaries. I don’t have any great advice, unfortunately. We do a version of what Anon at 9:45 suggested (and yes, don’t manage to get the speech in sometimes), and agree that sleep and food are key. (Super challenging because kiddo often has a hard time winding down at the end of the day and is also going through a phase where foods are acceptable max 2 times and then hated….) Our therapist suggested not using the room but making the kid sit somewhere in view of you so that the time doesn’t turn into play time, I can do whatever I want, but that’s hard. I wish I had an answer! I know in my case I’m doing a ton of 3:1 parenting and with kindergarten having started a month ago, that’s just not working for my kid, but also out of my control right now due to work schedules. We’re working on trying to encourage independence as a way to avoid battles and also to teach responsibility (a strategy encouraged by our beloved preschool teacher who knows all our kids well). I’m also reading The Explosive Child, Raising Your Spirited Child, and Peaceful Parenting, Happy Kid and signed up for some parenting classes, but I don’t know if any of it will help. I think I just have a kid who is more intense than average and it’s hard. It feels really isolating because I don’t want to tell anyone what my kid does and really embarrassing if anyone sees the behaviour (it’s reserved for at home exclusively). I wish I had more concrete advice for you! But I do want you to know you’re not alone.
Anonymous says
I am the 9:45 poster and seriously the most helpful thing for me is hearing about how other people’s kids have the same struggles. I have a lot of emotional trouble with feeling like “by this age my kid should not be doing this,” which is a totally pointless and often inaccurate line of thought.
anon says
Same! :)
Anonymous says
I’m the 12:36 poster above. More solidarity for you. The hitting, kicking, and ugh, the spitting! when my kid is upset is so hard. I felt fine handling toddler tantrums. Struggling much more now that my kid is older (nearly six). My friends don’t have this issue and one (childless friend) sounded genuinely horrified when I tried to describe what was going on, and I felt pretty judged.
And really not helpful comments from relatives who don’t think we’re handling him well— I think we are seen as big softies who let him “get away with” his behavior. Walking the line between teaching that it’s OK to have big feelings but not ok to hurt people (or spit on them) is not easy!
While we haven’t solved these problems, reading No Drama Discipline has been helpful for reminding myself why we use the strategies we do. Also looking forward to reading Explosive Child as recommended above and also going to try How to Talk When Kids Won’t Listen, recommended earlier this week.
Anyway, much solidarity.
SC says
I also have a 6-year-old, and we have dealt with similar issues for years. It’s getting better now, after years of intervention plus getting him on the right medication. This isn’t going to sound helpful (I know because it’s what his therapists told us), but the thing that will make the biggest difference is to prevent situations from escalating to this point. That could mean a variety of things. She may need more sleep, a snack at the right time, more one on one time, enforced quiet/alone time, calming baths (we literally use lavender oil and light candles some evenings). We’ve also gotten better about recognizing when our son is starting to get frustrated or upset, and we tell him to take a break. He may still complain or yell or tell us we’re mean, but if we say, “You need to take a 15 minute break from this activity, and if you can’t do that, you’ll lose it until tomorrow,” he can take a deep breath and take a break.
Once you’re at an intense meltdown with rage screaming and hurting, there’s really not a great answer. The priority then is to keep her, yourself, and the 2 year old safe. If I can, I leave my son where he is, and I move away. Sometimes, I can move to another room while he just screams into the abyss. There have been times when he’s followed me, and I calmly tell him that I don’t want to be yelled at, then go into my bedroom and lock the door. If you need to physically remove your daughter to another room, then do that as calmly and safely as you can. We try to use language like, “You need to calm down in here until you can be safe and use your words. We’re happy for you to come back and [do activity] when you can do that.” Then when he calms down and comes back, we greet him, say “Welcome back,” and move on. Later, at a quiet time, we talk about what happened and feelings and what he could have done differently. We frame going to his room as a chance to calm down, not as a punishment, and he has his comfort items and books in there but no other toys. I figure if he plays with his stuffed animals during that time, it’s his way of processing his feelings.
Anonymous says
Wow, this is amazing. I admire your patience. Preventing meltdowns when possible and allowing space to calm down is exactly what many kids need, but it’s easier said than done!
SC says
Thanks. Way easier said than done! We’ve had a lot of practice, and we’re far from perfect. Kiddo is down to a couple of real meltdowns per month, and it’s been a while (6 months maybe?) since I’ve physically dragged him to his room. Fortunately for us, he’s never been one to throw things, break things, or hurt himself during a meltdown, so I feel safe just disengaging and leaving him wherever he is.
anon says
this is really great advice, thank you!
Anonymous says
Ooh!! My middle (5) is like this. Only at home; she’s an angel at school.
We finally found something that works. Instead of moving her, the rest of us move. Like one day it got so bad that DH took the other kids for a drive and I went into my bathroom. She ran around the house in a rage looking for someone to rage *at* and eventually when she found me, I just completely ignored her except to say “I am happy to talk to you when you are calm.”
It was an epic meltdown. But it was one in a series of them this summer and mercifully we haven’t seen one since (5 weeks and counting).
So if your kid is raging for attention, or at least feeding off it, give it a try. We’ve tried basically everything else suggested and it was a total nonstarter.
anon says
We finally got a spot in a daycare for my 21 month old! But he’s in this super clingy separation anxiety phase so the timing feels bad to us. I wish we could wait a month or two but then we’d lose our spot and we can’t really do that with work anyway. Anyone else send their kid to daycare for the first time during a clingy phase? How did you get through?
Anonymous says
Drop and run! They are usually fine within 5 minutes after the parent leaves. It is harder on you than it is on him, promise.
Anon says
+1. waiting a month or two will not help. your son will be fine!
Cb says
Yep, defo. And get yourself a croissant and a coffee to ease any emotional pangs.
EDAnon says
+1. My husband would stay forever but with covid, you cannot do that.
Cb says
We’ve had a series of grandma visits (MIL1 and 2 last week) and my mom this week, and it has been so nice to see how connected my kiddo is despite not seeing them for 18 months. And to see how they each relate to him differently. He and my mom are quite chill together, eating snacks, having a chat, playing mahjong on the ipad, eating nuts in bed (dunno, my kid found my mom’s pack of trailmix and decided they’d eat it in bed every day while she was here). My MILs are much more excitable, and they have loads of fun together, but I think kiddo gets a bit overstimulated.
I know this winter is going to be horrific but I’m hoping that we can keep some of these visits going, he really loves his pile of grandmas.
Anonymous says
Aww, how sweet! I love the image of him lounging in bed playing mahjong and eating trail mix. He sounds like a little old soul.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Seriously, your son sounds lovely, CB! I’ve also recently gotten into mahjong on my phone (I used to play it on a desktop – yes, I was that kid) and it’s so soothing.
Anon says
how does he understand mahjong? i learned to play like 2 years ago and i can barely remember how to do it
Cb says
I think they play on easy mode so it’s more just matching tiles? His pattern recognition is incredible though, he noticed that something had the same font the other day, ie. that sign looks like…
Anonymous says
Trying to figure out if I have anxiety or just some postpartum changes to work through. I’m 8 months postpartum and recently have found myself paralyzed after reading news of kids getting hurt/killed in accidents. I read one such article over an hour ago and haven’t been able to let it go. I feel like someone is crushing my heart. Am I like the grinch because my heart has now grown? I hope it doesn’t seem like I am a psychopath but I need to get work done and can’t.
I had borderline ppd after birth, dr and I decided to see if prioritizing sleep and exercise would help and reassess after a month — it did help except for this new issue?
Anonymous says
I think this is just what happens once you have a child. I cry during previews of movies where a child is sick or injured, and a news story about harm to kids will wreck my entire day.
Anonymous says
Thank you – I think it’s helpful just to know I’m not the only one. Appreciate it.
anon. says
Yes, my husband and I cannot even watch any shows where kids are in danger or murdered or whatever – and our kids are much older than yours! I think it just happens to some people who become parents.
Pogo says
I do think it gets better further postpartum but it is still there once you have a child. I cannot handle television shows or movies with babies or small children in danger. I can’t read about it in the news either. However, it’s more because I’ll be super bummed all day vs having a sobbing panic attack and clutching my child (as happened to me with PPA and my first after reading a disturbing article; only a month or so PP).
EDAnon says
I agree
Cb says
I think it’s normal until it’s not. I had anxiety that was diagnosed so late that it wasn’t postpartum, but was definitely hormonal. I’d have intrusive thoughts about my son falling off a balcony or straying too close to the edge, and it manifested in some hypervigilent behaviour. The counselor was useless (not all counselors, but this one was awful, telling me that my child would resent my anxiety) but luckily I saw a really lovely GP who prescribed anti-anxiety meds. Tapered after 6 months and it is 90% better.
Mary Moo Cow says
I distinctly remember fleeing to a bathroom to sob after reading a published essay by a former professor about her experience picking her kids up after a school violence incident. ( I won’t to into details.) This was when my baby was about 8 months. I think it is normal and hopefully — if your experience mirrors mine — it fades over time. I still have terrible thoughts or attacks like that but they are fewer and farther between. Nothing wrong with seeking counseling about it, though!
Anonymous says
I think that this fades as your hormones regulated, but I still feel sick to my stomach reading about bad things happening to little ones. I often feel like I must have previously been a grinch too.
(Yesterday there was a Canadian story about a three year old reunited with his father in Canada after being separated from the rest of his family in the evacuation of Kabul. Apparently a random 17 year old took charge of the child and got him on a flight to Qatar. This is actually a good news story* and I still felt physically anxious)
*good news only RELATIVE to how it could have turned out, of course. Tragic that the rest of the family is in hiding, didn’t get out.
Anon says
This is normal. Prior to having my kiddo, I never could watch movies where bad things happened to little kids, but could manage the news… now, it wrecks me.
Waffles says
Recently, someone asked me how I would describe my style. I said, athleisure for everyday, and floral dresses when I have to see people.
How would you describe your style?
Cb says
Athleisure for home days and linen sacks for the rest. I’ve embraced the linen sacks but think I need jewelry.
AnonATL says
Basic tomboy for my everyday: Jeans + tshirt/sweater or chino shorts + tshirt when it’s hot
In the old days for client meetings it was the business casual version of that: bootcut trousers, solid colored blouse, and low heels. I work in a pretty casual industry and only occasionally needed a blazer.
tbh my style is super boring, but it’s classic and works.
GCA says
This is my style too (aspirational: French ninja; in practice: basic tomboy); I’ll always be more comfortable in trousers or shorts than a dress. Am on the hunt for comfortable corduroys for winter WFH right now.
Anonymous says
French ninja was the description I was thinking of that came up on the main board a while ago! Were you the one who coined it?
French ninja, but one who sometimes wears dresses, is also my aspirational style but in practice I’m not quite that brave. My actual style is classic and clean-lined with just a little edge. I do maintain distinct wardrobes with somewhat different styles for different settings, with the exception of some overlap between jeans casual and business casual. I have some hard and fast rules that apply across the board–no collars, no buttons, defined color palette, different proportions for top and bottom (fitted top + looser bottom or loose top + fitted bottom), limited use of prints, nothing impractical or uncomfortable like those giant armholes that your elbows get stuck in or knee-length cardigans that get caught in a desk chair.
Here are typical outfits for this fall.
WFH: Rag & Bone v-neck tee, Going Out blazer for Zoom, straight-leg mid-rise jeans, big buckle Birks
Office day: Same outfit but sub in chunky loafers and maybe a moto jacket instead of the blazer
Cool casual, maybe for outdoor dining date: Pale pink Allsaints leather moto jacket in a sleek style with no buckles, same tee, washed black straight-leg jeans, Chelsea combat boots
In-person client meeting (!!!): Black or grey sheath dress with jardigan or Going Out blazer, block-heel pointy-toe pumps
Casual: Puff-sleeve sweatshirt or tee, same jeans, fashion sneakers or big-buckle Birks
Church: Navy midi dress with white floral print and ruffled sleeves (a big fashion departure for me), those sandals with the square toe and block heel and braided straps that are everywhere
Weekend: Waist-length fuzzy cowlneck sweater, Vuori joggers
Anonymous says
Haha, just realized the moto jackets break the no-collars rule. So that one is not so hard and fast.
AwayEmily says
I love all these looks! I feel like my style is like yours, but the slightly less fashionable version (e.g. t-shirts are from Target instead of Rag & Bone, black Old Navy skinny jeans instead of straight-leg ones, flats instead of pumps).
I realized that I feel most “myself” in the following casual wear: non-skinny jeans that fit really well (not super tight — just really well-fitting) and a fitted racerback tank top, plus an asymmetrical moto-style sweatshirt jacket. Not sure what that says about me (probably that my fashion sense stalled out in the early aughts)
And for work, I feel most myself in a pencil skirt, flats, a tucked-in jewel-toned blouse and a cropped collarless blazer.
Anonymous says
I think your casual outfit sounds very French ninja.
Anonymous says
That last was for Emily.
GCA says
Ha, I didn’t coin the ‘French ninja’ phrase, but the image has been lodged in my mind ever since I saw it over on the main site! My style is a budget version of yours, I think. Also lazier: I WFH full time and I have no idea why I have as many blazers as I do, but I’m going to try and trot them all out this fall & winter instead of reaching for the same old fleece sweatshirt.
Boston Legal Eagle says
For the last 18+ months: athleisure all day every day. Usually, for work I’m in skinny jeans + blouse and cardigan or big sweater in the fall. Either flats or boots. Sometimes a skirt in the summer as it’s hot here. Weekends are athleisure. I’m vaguely aware of recent fashion trends but I’m not straying away from my skinny jeans (I also have a side part!) Not a dresses person other than for weddings or fancy events.
Anon says
So when do things settle out after the kindergarten chaos? My kid is in kindergarten for the first time (half day) and while kid has been in full time care since age 1, the past 2 weeks have been rough. Evenings are a mess – kid is weeping or whining or bugging the other, younger kid. The weekend was back to normal, cheerful kid. And then today was just screaming from moment of wake up until daycare drop off (at which point kid resume normal cheerful behaviour). I’m trying to be patient and calm, but wow, this is challenging me.
Anon says
last week on I think Friday, someone also posted about struggling with a K kid. lots of commiseration and suggestions there.
Anonymous says
There was another one on Monday too. Seems like a very common experience.
Anonymous says
I am giving it a solid month.
ElisaR says
we just started this week and it’s….. not terrible but not great. he doesn’t want to go, fighting with younger brother, guilt tripping mom, won’t eat a darn thing because all he wants is peanut butter and jelly and it’s a no-go so extra grumpy due to hunger.
Anonymous says
I posted on Friday- my second is in K this year. I think by the end of September it’s fairly regulated. They need to get into the new routine during the day as well as new sleeping habits, new friends, etc.
Anonymous says
It really depends on the kid, and not to be a downer, but my oldest probably didn’t settle back to even keel until close to Thanksgiving. In contrast, middle child’s K transition was a 1-2 week blip. She loves school and I think the thrill of being back in a classroom after pandemic outweighed propensity for meltdowns (she slept like the dead every night, though).
Good luck! I’m right there with you with my youngest in the throes of new-K angst right now. We’ve moved dinner up and he goes straight to bed afterward so he’s getting 12 hours of sleep…but there’s only so much you can do. This, too, shall pass.
GCA says
I think there’s always a transition period, but the length of it depends on the kid. My first was in K last year (in person mini-days – basically a couple of hours) and he was wiped for about a week even though he is extremely social and loves school; this year he is in full-day first grade with afterschool care. After pickup I give the kids a half hour of screen time at home while I make dinner; sometimes he opts for quietly working on Legos instead. That bit of pre-dinner quiet time seems to help.
anon says
Truthfully, for our oldest it didn’t really get better until after the holiday break. January was the real improvement. But our young 5 yo was in full day K, not half day. I think she would have adjusted faster with a shorter day.
AwayEmily says
We have a babysitter for two hours after kindergarten…I told my new kindergartener she could do anything she wanted with the babysitter — crafts, playground, bake something, etc. But all she wants to do is be read to. Literally, they just sit and read for two hours. On the one hand, I’m kind of astounded that i’m paying $25 an hour for a live audiobook, but on the up side, she’s pretty chill after that — I think the “need for decompression time” thing is real. Still, as soon as she has her vaccine I’m sending her to the (much less expensive) aftercare.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I’ve heard 1 month – 6 weeks is common. More or less depends on the kid. We’re dealing with this with our oldest (not the RSV one) – is September over yet?
Tea/Coffee says
My oldest was straight up falling asleep at the dinner table until about Thanksgiving. My youngest is in 1st now and we’re having similar issues (bc he wasn’t in person last year) but he’s more the attitude, crankypants guy. Totally common, and it should settle down, but I would prioritize restful sleep for the next little bit!
anonM says
All- is this even with kids who have been in daycare for years? Wow. Glad I have the heads up but yikes. Good luck everyone!
ElisaR says
yup, we were daycare up until covid…. then home since march 2020 with a nanny so maybe that erased all that daycare prep!
Spirograph says
Yup! My kids were all in full time daycare for years before starting K and still had rough transitions. We have full-day kindergarten in our district, plus we personally used before/after care to make the same length of days we had with daycare/preK. It’s the lack of “quiet time” — even if your child has dropped naps, most preschools have a rest time for an hour or so in the afternoon and our K does not — as well as just the change to a more academic environment, plus all new people and location. They’re way out of their comfort zones for a lot of reasons and it takes some time to adjust.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Same – our oldest has been in various daycares full time since he was a baby. He’s had a hard transition each time, but it’s definitely there and more noticeable for K. If you think about it, these K-ers are in a brand new big school, going to class, then going to a separate lunch room, then possibly going to a separate room for afternoon activity, all while being around all new people and lots of BIG kids. And there is much less play time. It’s a lot. I get it. And it’s still hard to deal with as a parent. Lots of grace for all of us.
Anon says
Kindergarten just wasn’t for me, honestly. It wasn’t just the lack of quiet time, but the lack of quiet! Just too many kids, even as compared to daycare.
Anonymous says
I think it is hard to predict. My son was totally fine and K didn’t seem any different from daycare and preschool to us in terms of behavior in the evening. I am sure this is just luck/temperament, but maybe you will get lucky too! Kindergarten also sounds like it varies a lot in terms of what it involves for kids.
anon says
It was months of needing a super early bedtime for us, but the super early bedtime really helped.
Anonymous says
Back-to-school makes ME need a super early bedtime.
Sybil says
Accountants, explain this to me, please. I always had the kids on my W4 as exemptions. I left my job and my husband changed his W4 to put the kids on his. But now his checks are $3 less when I thought they’d be more. Some casual googling suggests that it has to do with the 2018 tax changes, but I can’t figure it out.
anon says
I’m not an accountant, but could it be the more recent tax changes that give families direct monthly payments for children rather than just lowering the annual tax bill?
Anon says
I need a safe space to anonymously vent. I’m in the middle of an IVF cycle. No one in my office of 60 is wearing a mask, nor are we required to except in public places per city guidelines. The associates are out and about, living life 100% normally. Someone was at a 200 person wedding this weekend on the Cape, just as an example. It was not outdoors and masks weren’t on – saw the pictures. My peers and those more senior are out traveling, flying, attending events and dinners, then back in the office. I believe we’re all largely vaccinated (don’t know for sure), but even still. Delta is raging.
If I put a mask on, I’m 1,000% the odd ball out. I’ll have to dodge “why are you wearing that?” questions, which are not asked with ill will but we’re a very close office personally – it’s not weird to ask questions like that. I’ve been here over a decade and they know me, my husband, my daughter. I can’t say they know every health detail in our lives of course, but they by and large know that none of us are immunocompromised or otherwise chronically sick. I’m just sick of COVID in general and then you layer this fertility shit on there and I’m just DONE. end rant.
Anonymous says
Just wear the mask and say you don’t want a breakthrough infection. Which is the truth, right? If pressed for an “excuse” as to why I don’t want a breakthrough infection I usually say something about how a breakthrough infection would require my kid to quarantine and keep her out of school. Everyone on both sides of the mask issue seems to want kids in school.
GCA says
Hmm, this is a bit dependent on regional/ office norms, but in the Boston area I feel like no one would bat an eye at someone wearing a mask in the office. I would just assume that they might not be vaccinated, or they might want an extra layer of protection, or they might not want to bring an infection home to a family member. If you have a kid at home, keeping kids in school or childcare is a totally reasonable rationale.
Anon says
Solidarity. I’m early in pregnancy (after infertility treatment too), office is in the transition period to requiring full vaccination, but does not require masks and my colleagues are behaving like yours. I wear a KN-95 or N-95 all the time I’m not in a closed office. I wish I wasn’t the only one, but at the end of the day, I just don’t care what other people think.
anon says
Agreed. We have what I feel are “required” weddings (my step sister-in-law for example) coming up the next two weekends and I’m sure no one will be masked but us. Kids not going, but still makes me nervous with them being unvaccinated. It just stinks. When my friend was early pregnancy and another’s husband was dealing with health issues we literally sat outside in the snow under a space heater to be able to see each other. And even then (pre vaccine) my in-laws were carrying on as usual and it made me nuts and very angry. Wishing you the best with IVF!
CCLA says
That’s really tough! Honestly, weird or not, I would just wear the mask. I don’t go into the office much still but was there earlier this week to pick up some stuff, and wore an n95 in common areas. At this point people in the office know I am more cautious than most about Covid and no one cares. I have little kids that can’t be vaxxed yet and don’t want to deal with passing something on to them. If pressed about why you’re masking, can you just say something like that?
Anon says
I had this dilemma last year when I didn’t want to tell anyone I was pregnant, but also had three people out of our fifteen person office test positive for COVID within a month of each other, and in some ways all over again now that mask-wearing has become more of statement about your politics than your health in my town (despite a state mandate). I hated it then and I hate it now. I have the excuse now of “a little one at home” but back then I just fumed.
Suggestions: Can you say your spouse’s job has really stringent fallout if you test positive so you’re needing to limit your exposure? Or tell people it’s your doctor’s orders, and have them assume it’s a general physician rather than a reproductive specialist? Or how about “trying to stay healthy so I can [go on weekend trip/see my elderly parents/young nephew]”? I know you said they’ll know no one is chronically sick, but if you use the “spouse has a cold” excuse and then just continue wearing your mask, people will probably just get used to it, and stop asking about why.
TheElms says
Posted this on the other site and didn’t get any responses .. so trying here! I’m looking for something similar to the Old Navy Stevie maternity pants ( so basically ponte maternity pants). They are sold out and have been for a while. I’d prefer a full over the belly panel, but if something is great but only has the stretchy side panels and goes under the belly that could work too. Has anyone seen anything like this? I need a 12-16 or L/XL depending on how they run.
AwayEmily says
oh god this reminds me I need to order some maternity clothes. I saw some ponte maternity pants at Target recently but they were not well-reviewed. Still, easy to return so maybe worth a try. My other go-to last pregnancy was Loft — most of their stuff was full-panel (which I also prefer). Not sure what their selection is like now, though. I was also thinking of ordering a pair of the Uniqlo ultra stretch leggings pants (I love their regular leggings pants so I figure these might be good too).
Anon says
I loved Loft when I was pregnant; their selection now is jeans and shorts. Try Ingrid & Isabel.