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I’ve mentioned before that I’ve liked the t-shirt dresses I got from Old Navy in the past — but I wanted something just a bit more grown up for the weekend, so I recently got this t-shirt dress from Macy’s when I was ordering some bedding. And I have to say, I really like the dress, and I would totally wear it to a casual office or on a casual day. It’s a nice thick fabric, the sleeves are a nice elbow length — it’s washable, packable, and generally easy to throw on and wear in all but the depths of winter. It was $45, but is currently marked down to $21.99. The color I got (black) is sold out, but the charcoal looks great. (FWIW I’m 5’4″ and got a regular, not a petite, and was happy with the length — note that it also comes in plus sizes.) Karen Scott T-Shirt Dress (L-2)Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
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Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
mascot says
I like the look of tee shirt dresses, but what kind of underpinnings do you wear? I’m curvy with some pudge. Slip shorts are a must for chafing prevention for me for any dress or skirt. Do people wear slips under these dresses? Do you just look for thicker fabric? Is this something I need to save for cooler weather when the idea of wearing a couple of layers doesn’t make me overheat?
I need a name says
I wear Jockey Skimmies with t-shirt dresses. I tend to run hot but never have problems overheating with the Skimmies.
Meg Murry says
I also wear Skimmies or fitted exercise shorts under dresses like this, and I’m usually fine in them on all but the very hottest of days when I would probably be miserable in anything anyway. I also often wear them over regular underwear (rather than alone as underwear) so that I can just hand wash them in the sink and only machine wash every couple of wears to make them last a little longer.
I would probably also buy a dress like this fairly loose and then add a belt, because I feel like something this plain would highlight any lumpy bits if it was even slightly close to figure-forming. But I am tempted, this looks like a good option for me to wear as my “office pajamas” with tights or leggings (in a jeans casual office). My only concern is that the sleeves might be too loose to layer under a cardigan comfortably, but I think I might give this one a shot to see.
dc mom anon says
TTC for #2 and my per!od came 7 days early. !!?? The last few cycles have been super long – 45-50 days. I stopped nursing about 4 months ago, so I thought things would have become regular again by now. Is it time to go to the doc to get things checked out? Should I go to my PCP or GYN? Ugh.
Double trouble says
Are you charting? Do you know if you are ovulating?
MDMom says
Go to your gyn. If your last few cycles have been very long and period came earlier this time, might that be a sign that cycles are shortening back to more typical length? Were your cycles long before pregnancy too? A colleague of mine had this problem (also while trying for 2nd) and was ultimately dx with PCOS. But you need to see your gyn about it.
PhilanthropyGirl says
It took me forever to straighten out after baby. Nursing kept my cycle irregular, and weaning actually made it worse. I’ve been working on lowering estrogen levels and increasing progesterone levels and I’m finally seeing some normalcy. My kiddo is now 2, and we’re TTC #2 as well – and I’m so grateful things are finally normal.
Momata says
Hello ladies. We have an offer of a free weeklong vacation with grandparents in Winter Park, CO next October. My kids will be just over 2 and nearly 4. Do any of you have insight into what there may be to do with the kids there? TIA.
Anonymous says
Omg I am so jealous. Probably too early for snow sports, and I have never been to winter park, specifically, but most ski resorts are hike-able and have the gondolas running in the off season. My kids (and I) would be thrilled to just ride the lifts and run around outside for a few days.
SC says
Sounds great! The 4 yo might be different, but I’ve found that vacations with toddlers are pretty similar to being home in terms of routine, but with different scenery. So find some cool parks or open spaces or playgrounds, and they’ll be thrilled. And you’ll be refreshed by taking some time to disconnect from work, explore with your kids, and take the day at their pace. Don’t over-plan activities–if you’re engaged with them, they won’t be bored. Also, this wasn’t your question, but ask the grandparents to babysit so you and SO can go out one night, or two :-)
PhilanthropyGirl says
I’ve found my toddler to not adapt well to vacation – the different scenery seems to throw a monkey wrench in the nap/bedtime schedule.
That said – I’d totally go in a heartbeat, but just be prepared for some possibly tired/cranky days.
Edna Mazur says
This can work out in your favor too. 2 year old was getting into awful sleep habits (wouldn’t go to sleep, multiple wakings, etc.). He slept so-so on vacation and reverted back to good sleeping patterns back home.
If you need to reset something, it could work well. Also, I’ll bet the 4 year old can ski. Sign kiddo up for lessons and you can get some adult time in then as well.
H says
Look at the website and see what is open. Many ski resorts shut down a lot of activities that time of year (including restaurants) because it is in that in between no snow to ski but too cold for other things time of year.
I totally agree with SC. My toddler adapts very well to vacation. He loves seeing new things and exploring new places. Definitely look for a park or green space. Also, pack warm clothes!
Foreign Language Immersion Programs? says
Has anyone put their child in a language immersion program or school? Please throw your pros and cons at me!
We have the opportunity to put our 3 year old child in a private school that would be taught entirely in another language until 3rd grade, which is when English would start to appear in some classes (for grammar and writing). The school runs through 8th grade. The teachers are all native speakers of the foreign language. Class sizes would be pretty small (like, 2nd and 3rd grade are taught in the same room small). Neither I nor husband speak the foreign language. At the school, about a third of the kids are in our boat with no prior exposure to the foreign language, a third have a native speaker of the foreign language at home, and a third have exposure to a different foreign language, not the one taught at the school, at home .
It seems like a wonderful opportunity. We loved the school when we visited. But also, this is such a big commitment that I am just trying to run through all the questions in my mind. There is a lot to think about. The language aspects. The small school size. Choosing a private school over public. The adjustment when our child leaves this school and goes to another school, which would happen at 8th grade if she didn’t drop out sooner for other reasons.
Would love input from this board on this topic.
Anonymous says
We have our child in public school french immersion. It’s super common in Canada although in my area many of the teachers are not native speakers so the program isn’t as good as in Ontario. We also speak a third foreign language at home. A few thoughts:
1. The younger kids start, the easier it is to learn a new language
2. my child is in early immersion (kindergarten entry) because I did late immersion (age 12 entry) and found it really hard to change schools at that age – grade 8 may be a hard age to switch schools unless a lot of kids from her school end up going to the same high school
3. Would the language be useful to your child -Family/cultural connection? Major world language (e.g. UN language)? I’d be inclined to go for it.
4. It will likely require more effort on your part
5. public vs private is a separate question to a certain extent from the language immersion question.
Foreign Language Immersion Programs? says
Thanks this is helpful. I agree that the earlier immersion seems to make more sense.
Anon4this says
My cousins put their kids in French immersion (in the states) and had a great experience. I believe it was public school, however. From an educational standpoint I think it’s a great idea – learning different languages is good for brain development and it’s a lifelong skill that your child will be able to use personally or professionally. It has been shown that immersion learners are typically slower to develop reading and writing skills in their native language in earlier grades, but any gap with peers is overcome as they get into the middle and upper grades. Overall, I think the positives out weigh the negatives. As far as private school goes, my one thought is will the kids still get to interact with neighbors or others in their public school if the plan would be to switch them to high school there? Otherwise, there might be a private school that most of the immersion kids are transitioning to high school in together so it’s not so much of a shock.
Foreign Language Immersion Programs? says
So much agree on the transition. I’m asking the school specifically about what school most of the kids go to after graduating from the immersion program. We agree that it would be better if at least some of the kids could transition. Husband and I have already talked about doing whatever we need to do (like moving or enrolling her in activities that would put her in frequent contact with kids from the school district) to make sure that she attended the “new” school with at least one good friend.
AnonMN says
Not a lot of advice yet, as we just started at a language immersion daycare for our almost 3 year old but just wanted to warn you that the transition for an older kid is HARD. Tough drop offs, saying he doesn’t want to go, struggling with old behavior issues. For a kid who normally transitions pretty easily as long as they have cool toys, it’s definitely been different. I think because they have lived their lives in English, throwing in a new language is tough. My friend, whose daughter started at age 3, has had a similar tough transition.
Hearing about how he wants to go back to his old school is tough on my mommy heart, but, when I pick him up everyday he is laughing and having fun, so I am hopeful that he will transition eventually. And hearing him say “no gracias” to his brother is really cute.
I’m confident that we made the right decision to switch and I think language immersion is so good for them, especially if it’s a language they can utilize in everyday life (my kids have spanish speaking relatives, so even more helpful), but it is definitely a personal decision.
Foreign Language Immersion Programs? says
My child has always been home with a nanny. Do you think this would affect things? Since all she will have known is “school is in [Foreign Language]” it seems like that might help. While I think the transition to school is going to be rough no matter what, I am worried that the immersion program could just make it that much harder.
AnonMN says
I don’t think so, as my friend was home with her daughter before she started. I think it is just generally frustrating for a toddler to go from understanding when someone says: “time to sit in a circle/stand in line/no touching that” to having no idea what they are being instructed to do. At a time when so much is out of their control already, I’m guessing it just compounds the “toddler” feelings.
But I see it as a part of life. Things can change or are hard, and we work through them by talking about it and finding skills to move forward. It’s not my job to make my kid’s life as easy as possible, at least that tends to be our parenting philosophy.
MomAnon4This says
Our local K-5 public school has an immersion program, 2 classes per grade, child placement determined by lottery. So all the kids are together, same as with any public school — I say this because we wanted an extra challenge for my son, who was probably gifted in pre-k but of course had not been tested yet (kindergarten testing determined yes, gifted). He’s in the same class with the kids with learning differences, the average kids, etc. My son loves it and does not have any problems. I see some of the kids get tutoring from the teacher after school hours. Some kids have dropped out or been held back or moved to different schools in the district, so what was a class of 26 is now about 20 or 21.
The program is 1/2 day in English (English, reading, social studies) and 1/2 day in Foreign Language (Math + Science) and all the “special classes” – art, technology, PE, etc. are in English, too. Each day the kids switch what class they go to in the morning — seriously, I cannot even remember what day it is and he has to remember each teacher’s different morning routine. But everything at this age is new to them — of course there was a bit of transition, but no problems at all. He reads great in English, etc. Again, I note he does not have learning problems. If he did, I’d want to focus on those and then focus on the language acquisition later.
I’m curious why no English until Grade 3? Seems like with all the standardized testing now, even a private school would have to demonstrate that students are on track? Our parents were “warned” that because of the language immersion, the immersion program students would be behind in the county or state mandated curriculum until about grade 3, when it evens out. I am not sure if that translates to lower or different expectations for skills – like that a second-grader would be expected to read at a 1.8 level instead of a 2.1 or 2.2 level? Other than that – and, like I said, individual student differences — it’s been great for us. I could see how it wouldn’t be great or ideal for everyone.
Foreign Language Immersion Programs? says
I’m curious that your gifted child seems to be doing well. One critique (link to follow) that I read suggested that these programs may not be good for gifted children, which gives me pause. I have no idea whether or not she is gifted, but husband and both were as children and she has hit every milestone early. So more likely rather than less likely? But that is one reason I like this particular program–it is true immersion rather than memorization, which is what seems to be the problem for the gifted children.
English is not taught until Grade 3 because it is a true immersion program with the intention for the children to be fluent, which is much more difficult if they are also hearing English. The school acknowledges that it will take them longer to reach the same level in reading and writing as children in traditional schools, which is backed up by the research I have seen, but that they will not be behind long term. We also read with our child very frequently, and I would likely take time from my summer to provide some formal English lessons in reading and writing for the summers after kindergarten.
As far as the standardized testing, I have not really thought about it, but I will ask the school. Personally, it is not a serious concern for me. If child is anything like husband and me, she will teach herself everything she needs to know academically (and then some) through reading and observations of the world and lessons from us. We have much higher expectations from the school to teach her social, cultural and other soft skills over the hard skills, which we will have a hard focus on at home no matter which school she attends. I may go off on a bit of a rant here, but I view standardized tests as a load of BS that are burdening our schools and disrupting the learning environment for many kids, while also taking time away from recess, music, and other important things that aren’t “important” anymore because they aren’t part of the test. So we would likely opt out of standardized testing to the extent we are able in any school, although of course we will seek assistance for any learning disabilities or issues that could arise. End rant.
So, uh, I guess the point of this long post is please tell me how your program has been beneficial for your gifted child or any challenges they face.
Foreign Language Immersion Programs? says
Link mentioned above: http://www.todaysparent.com/blogs/on-our-minds/8-things-i-wish-id-known-about-french-immersion/
Foreign Language Immersion Programs? says
Also, I apologize for my poor choice of words in saying the program was “true immersion.” Other programs with more English are also true immersion, but there is a split in how the immersion takes place. Some immersion programs offer some classes in English (like your son’s), but others do not have classes in English until 2nd or 3rd grade. Ours is the latter, so I should have said “100% immersion” rather than “true” immersion. Both approaches are fairly common in the immersion setting, they are just different approaches.
Spirograph says
Thanks for that link. I could have written all of this, and am also interested in foreign language immersion vs gifted program. Our district offers both (true immersion via lottery k-8, only English lit is taught in English), but they are mutually exclusive after 3rd grade when the gifted program starts. I’m going to enter my kids in the lottery for immersion regardless, and hopefully have better information about all of it if/when my children are IDd as gifted and offered a spot in that program, but I’m very curious about the trade-off. I loved my gifted classes and think they were invaluable to my social and academic experience in elementary & middle school, but I also wish I’d started foreign language learning much earlier.
Katala says
Just want to say I totally agree re: standardized testing and the thought of how it will affect kiddo’s school experience even if we opt out to the extent we can is already driving me crazy (my son is 1).
Anon. says
I am the planner in our relationship and I am starting to realize just how much of an extra burden this puts on me. Any advice on getting DH more involved? Technically we “split” the day, he is in charge of morning since I leave early and he works late so I am in charge of nights, but that just means I do all the evening stuff (homework,, bed, bath) and then prepare the morning stuff too – any forms that need to be signed, make the lunches, snacks, layout anything needed for the next day’s activities (ballet, soccer, etc) because if I don’t it wont get done. On top of that, I do all of the long term stuff – all activities (registering, paying), all school related stuff (parties, projects, field trips, meetings), all doctors appts (schedule, schlepping) etc. DH will help and participate in the moment (like hey – fill out this form), but doesn’t engage in any of the thinking ahead planning. For instance, I initially tasked him with the dentist when our first kid turned one, for over 2 years I held my ground and kept reminding him. Finally I gave up and made an appointment when she was 4. He is a great dad and very helpful in the day to day, but I am starting to feel overburdened since I just went back to work full time after #2 and I feel like I’m pulling more than my weight.
Anonymous says
Kat did a post last week on emotional labor – have a look at that thread and the articles she linked. You’re not alone in doing the bulk of this kind of work and having a DH who doesn’t appreciate how much emotional labor you’re doing.
Shayla says
With mine, I just had to keep telling him the things that need to be done. It’s annoying, but I honestly just don’t think it’s in him to plan, or spend the energy thinking about these things. And when they don’t get done I explain exactly your last sentence, I’m overburdened, need help with this. I go the extra step and say that if we can’t figure out a way to do this all together, then I need to be a stay at home mom because I don’t have it in me to do my full-time career and full-time mom/house wife. That usually makes the point and gets him moving. If for some reason it doesn’t, I bring it back to him, “I’ve asked you to do X, X is important because Y. Why isn’t it done, I’ve shared how handling all this affects me. So when you still haven’t done it, I can’t help but think you’re not willing to help ME out, regardless of why X is important. ” The thing is, I don’t let things sit for a week or two. If he hasn’t done something that I’ve delegated to him, then it needs to be done within a short time period and we’re having all these conversations. It’s exhausting, but has helped tremendously. He didn’t initially understand that him putting these things off was giving me the impression he didn’t care about me… that definitely changed . So now we’re just on the me delegating things to him track and about once a year we have to hit the re-set button.
A high-tech tip that has helped is I make calendar appointments with reminders for us both. We share a family google calendar, so everything is there with automatic reminders. It’s been an awesome more-passive way of delegating to him.
For all the work and emotional effort, I pay myself handsomely with outsourcing as much as I can, never feeling guilty about my coffee addiction, and plenty of self-care and commercial therapy (within our budget). Good luck! I think this is just the age old problem of husbands.
AnonMN says
I sent my husband a link to the “default parent” discussion and requested that he read the articles. He’s been working really hard to do his part, but I still found myself “delegating and managing” even the tasks he took on. When sending I had two pointed examples of when I was pulling the “emotional labor” weight (i.e. daycare needed health forms, I told him about it, reminded him about it, told him exactly how to do it. He asked: why didn’t you put it on the calendar? When I told him they were late. I asked: Why didn’t you?).
I think this has been chalked up to “oh husbands” for too long, as Kat’s post/comments pointed out. So I am hoping him and I can come up with a solution that doesn’t involve me delegating and manging everything.
Unfortunately no solution yet, but I think having him reading those links/articles/videos is the first step. We’ll discuss this weekend, and I am hoping to have “areas of expertise”. I.E.: he does all medical (forms/makes appts), I do all extra curricular (forms/payment).
Meg Murry says
A handful of things that we’ve tried, that sometimes work:
-Letting him feel the consequences. I told him kid needed to a doctors appointment to get the annual daycare forms filled out, daycare left more than one note, I reminded more than once. And then when he didn’t do it, and since he does the drop-off, one day daycare said “Nope. No form no attendance, state law.” So he had to rearrange his schedule for 2 days to to keep the kid at home until he could get a pediatrician appointment and get the forms filled out. I didn’t say “told you so”, but I felt it internally.
-H has a more flexible schedule than I do, and he works from home or near home/school/daycare most days, while I work 30+ minutes away (and at one point more like 60+ minutes away). So we have agreed that if I do the work that can be done on the phone or online (making appointments, paying bills, filling out online registrations), he will do the work of physically taking the kids to the appointments. I put the appointments in both my google calendar and his, then remind him of it (and the 9 year old, who is the most responsible one in the family, sad to say), and leave it up to him to handle it (either take the kids, or reschedule it himself if he can’t make the appointment time I set up). While I agree “emotional labor” stinks, I think sometimes it does make sense to play to your individual strengths, which for us means that I do more of the *planning*, but he winds up doing more of the day of *doing*. So maybe it would help if you explained it that way – “It’s not just about taking the kid to the doctor, which is a big enough pain. It’s also about remembering an appointment needs to be made, making sure the doctor is still part of our insurance network, making the appointment, putting it on the calendar, re-arranging my schedule, and then taking the kid to the doctor.”
-Determine which things you actually care about, and which you don’t. It’s important to me that my oldest takes piano lessons, so I do the legwork to make sure it happens. A certain sport is important to my husband, so I told him if it’s important to him, he needs to do the research to find out when sign-ups are, etc. If I happen to see the flier about that sport come home in the kid’s backpack or in an email from the school, I’ll make sure it’s put on the fridge or forward it to my husband to let him know about it, but then I put it out of my mind.
-Once kids get old enough, teach them to take responsibility. For instance, my son was mad last week because I didn’t sign his homework folder so he didn’t get 100% of the good behavior/turn in homework/etc points. I turned it back to him to remind him that 1) It was his responsibility to bring the folder to an adult to have it signed, not the adult’s responsibility to get it out of his backpack to sign it. 2) His father also could sign it (or his grandma when he does homework at her house), it is not my sole responsibility. I’ve also taught him to leave me a post-it note for things I need to know on the door so I see it on my way in or out of the house (like if he has a form in his backpack that he needs signed by a parent and he was with his grandma that night until bedtime while H and I were both at evening meetings).
CPA Lady says
Yeah, I’d recommend sending him those articles too.
I am both the planner (emotional laborer) and the default parent. And it’s a hassle and a headache but all I really want is for my husband to notice what I’m doing rather than thinking that things magically happen and then thank me and maybe do a little bit more. But really, I just need some gratitude and recognition. So I sent him the emotional labor thing that Kat posted, and, as expected, he read it and then got defensive and made some comment about how I’ve been falling short too (thanks, pal). He did admit that maybe he had been falling short as far as “planning stuff” goes. Yeah. As in, I’ve done every bit of planning during the last decade?
But it did spark the beginning of an interesting conversation about how he is the person at his job that does the planning and takes the responsibility for so many things because no one else can be bothered. And how terrible and exhausting it is. And then he had this light-bulb moment where he realized that I am the person that does that for our life. And that shockingly it might be kind of exhausting for me too. And yeah, I have fallen short on some things, but at a certain point, something has to give. We have not finished the conversation because he wanted to go back and re-read the article. But it seemed like it was going to actually be a productive conversation rather than us sniping our frustrations at each other. Sometimes you just need to learn the language to be able to have the conversation. He had never heard of the concept of emotional labor before.
SC says
I think you have to talk to your husband and tell him you’re overwhelmed. Maybe you need to address the larger dynamic in play, where you feel like you’re doing too much emotional labor. Or maybe you could just ask him to handle lunches, either in the evenings when he gets home or in the mornings before your kids get up. I suggest lunch because it is a discreet activity he can be in charge of everyday, cannot be put off for years (if lunch isn’t packed, kid doesn’t eat), does not require more than basic organizational skills, and can be done anytime before he takes the kids to school.
Shayla says
How did you stop/prevent foot and leg cramps while pregnant? I’m drinking a TON of water, so that box is checked. My first pregnancy I drank coconut water and that eliminated the cramps…but I really hate the taste of it and am trying to avoid that. Any other methods?
Anonymous says
Use coconut water in a smoothie. If coconut water helped, it might be that you’re low in potassium. Bananas are another good source of potassium. Walking also helped me.
Anon in NYC says
Also, on the coconut water front, I like some and hate others. My personal favorite is Harmless Harvest, if you can find it. It tastes so much better than Vita Coco or Zico.
AnonMN says
+1 on a daily Banana solving my cramping during pregnancy.
mascot says
I would get horrible calf cramps at night. Strangely, forcing myself to stand up and put weight on that leg made them go away instantly. Not a preventative measure, but something to bring relief in the moment.
Anons says
Try adding more potassium or magnesium to your diet to see if that helps. Use natural foods, not supplements, unless you talk to your doctor first about supplements.
JayJay says
And FYI that Yukon Gold potatoes have more potassium than a banana. Which is helpful for me, who can’t stand anything about bananas.
Katala says
Hey, I thought I was the only one! I feel bad that I have to leave the room when kiddo and DH share a banana, but with pregnancy senses I just can’t.
K. says
Calf stretches help a lot too!
Anonymous says
Magnesium is safe during pregnancy. Try 400mg. Ask your doctor first if you want to confirm
PhilanthropyGirl says
Also consider epsom salt soaks – just your feet or a tub if you’re so inclined. It’s relaxing and a good way to absorb magnesium.
Maddie Ross says
My doc told me calcium supplements and honestly they have helped. It’s sort of the lactic acid theory of working out, but the calcium is being stolen from your muscles to help build baby’s bones.
MomAnon4This says
See a podiatrist. Yes, even while pregnant. I barely get any leg and foot cramps since I got my orthotics, and before that I thought they were normal!
Actual conversation with my husband? Me: You know how normally a person gets debilitating calf cramps about once a week….
Husband: No.
Me: well, now I’m getting them every day, wait, what?!
Serious pain is not normal. Get it checked out.
Anonyma says
LOL. My husband and I had that cramps in reverse. Husband would clutch his leg and roll on the ground once in a while because cramps. I’d be like, “what’s that? did you bump it against something?”
Grrrr says
Between the debate on Monday, being mansplained at by a colleague for over a total of two hours, pissy emails from another colleague about a mistake on his end, and being constantly interrupted by my husband (who at least acknowledges his interruptions, but continues anyway), I’m ready to pull a Daenerys Targaryen and burn it all down (clothed, however…).
RR says
I support your burning it all down.
I can offer only solidarity. I’m having an angry year where I just feel enraged at how ridiculously difficult it is to woman in this world.
NewMomAnon says
I will bring my lighter. I don’t know if it’s gotten worse or if I’ve just stopped normalizing the sexism and started noticing how often this cr*p holds me back, but I’m down with team “destroy the patriarchy” lately.
Next presidential election, I’m starting a political party and running on a “destroy the patriarchy” platform. Unless it’s an election to re-elect HRC, and then I’ll probably wait it out for another 4 years.
Anonymous says
Seriously, I am so rage-y too. Oh, you think regularly scheduling 2-hour meetings at 4:30 pm is no problem? Oh, “logging in from home” is something that should happen by 7pm if I leave at 5:30? No. Nope nope nope. Single mom here; my kid needs me from 6:30pm (leaving work at 5:30 to get to daycare on time for pick up) until bedtime (she’s asleep in bed by 9:30) daily. Don’t tell me to get a babysitter; don’t tell me to just “come in early”; you have no freaking clue what it’s like being the default parent, much less the ONLY parent.
NewMomAnon says
I know!!!! A supervisor informed me that a client was coming into the office for a 7:30 am breakfast the next day, and that I needed to be there. And my answer was, unless you know a babysitter that can drive my kid to daycare and get to my house by 6:30 am, and is available on 12 hours notice, it ain’t happening.
Foreign Language Immersion Programs? says
Had a similar rage moment this morning when I came across this article:
https://hbr.org/2016/06/are-u-s-millennial-men-just-as-sexist-as-their-dads
Anonymous says
Weird pregnancy question. 18 weeks pregnant and I’ve suddenly (past 1-2 days) gotten redness on both my breasts. Red spots are warm but not painful or itchy. Otherwise I feel fine. I’m thinking my bras were just too small and my breasts are growing rapidly, but should I call the doctor? I know pregnancy mastitis can happen (but is rare).
MomAnon4This says
Is this your first child/pregnancy at this point?
My theory is: If I’m wondering if I should call the doctor, I should probably call the doctor.
You’ll have to develop your own threshold of “wait and see” etc. But I generally think it’s worth it to call and ask a nurse if you should be worried or what to look for in order to know when to worry more.
Katala says
+1 just call the doctor. It’s one of the reasons you have one. Warm red spots could be mastitis, and I personally start leaking colostrum around 17 weeks so it’s possible, but doc will know if there’s other possible causes or just one of those weird preggo things.
Anonymous says
OP — thanks everyone. I did end up calling and they said its fine as long as I don’t feel pain. Also called my mom who reassured me I wasn’t crazy for contacting the doctor over this. Pregnancy is weird!
Baby 2 timing says
Thoughts on Zika: Sorry for the long post! We have an 18 month old and are ready for #2. I started a new job at the beginning of the month and was planning on waiting ~4 months (until January) to start trying so that I could (a) build credibility at the new job before I deal with first trimester misery and (b) so I would qualify for paid maternity after being here 12 months. I’m feeling like (a) is less of an issue – I am doing good work and the new job is less demanding than my old job.
All of that is fine and dandy, but I live in the south and am nervous about zika and am now wondering if I should try to get pregnant ASAP and deal with the consequences of not having paid maternity leave (not ideal, but we could afford it if it was worth it to avoid zika risk). Have any of you thought through something similar or talked to your doctor about it? I’m not normally a nervous nancy about this kind of thing, but just read some article about how many pregnancies in Puerto Rico have been impacted by zika and am wondering if there is benefit to having a pregnancy further along come mosquito season next year.
Anonymous says
Similar situation (minus complications of new job), so would love to hear others’ thoughts. Also: did you know Zika can live in your partner’s sp*rm for up to 6 months?! Also wondering about folks’ general thoughts on travelling while fertile (if not actively trying to conceive) and/or considering TTC in the near future. My husband’s parents live in a Zika zone. They are in poor health, so we are considering a trip for Christmas, and my husband is going once or more during the fall. I suppose he’ll need to get tested when he comes back? It seems like overkill to avoid visiting them when I’m not actually pregnant or even actively TTC yet, but I know Zika can stay in your system for a long time. Ugh.
NewMomAnon says
I read an article that basically said you can’t get tested for Zika unless you are already pregnant, because the testing facilities are so overwhelmed and the testing process is challenging (you need three different tests to officially rule out Zika).
Not to scare you, but just don’t plan on getting an A-OK test report and TTC after that. You may have to either wait a long time to rule out issues or TTC anyway and live with the risk.
Anonymous says
*Sigh.* Thanks for the input. Good news is my relatives in the Caribbean say Zika seems to be on the wane there… Totally anecdotal of course.
Anonymous says
Go read the New Yorker article about finding a Zika vaccine. It reads like they are basically ready for human tests.
If the article is reliable I’d plan on waiting 2 years, getting vaccinated and then trying.
Katala says
I moved to a city that was predicted to see local transmission this mosquito season to start a new job and surprise, got a positive test the day we moved. It’s stressful, and I check the news often for updates on local transmission, but you can handle it. I do a lot of prevention. No shorts, long sleeves if I’m going to be outside, bug spray. It’s so hot we aren’t doing long stretches outside anyway.
I’d still do this if I were TTC in the next few years. Maybe I’m paranoid, but we know so little about it – stays in sp*rm for 6 months, or longer? Earlier this year, they thought it was only 1 or 2 months. The timelines keep extending. Recently a study using monkeys showed infection in utero basically stops brain development in its tracks, so just being farther along in pregnancy might not be enough to avoid problems. If you can’t tell, it scares the cr*p out of me, but I’m just doing as much prevention as I can and trying not to stress (too much) about it.
My advice would be not to change your plans based on zika risk, but to take all the steps you can to protect yourself and go on with life.
Anon says
two year old bday – halp! My son turns 2 in a few weeks. I really (really) don’t want to do something expensive, but still want to celebrate him. I know from experience that this is the last year before they know to ask about birthday parties, and I want to keep this very (very) inexpensive. Ordinarily, I would just have my “mom” friends and their kids, but nearly everyone is on their second or third kid, and even if I just have the three closest friends over, I’m looking at 17 people in my teeny house, and we would serve this group wine, so that adds to cost. We don’t have local family (hence the somewhat larger than ordinary friend group – my husband and I went to college and law school locally).
Sooo, what does that leave? 2 in late fall/winter is a hard age, as sit down meals aren’t fun for him or anyone else, but I’d still like to make it special for him AND us. He has a four year old brother, if that helps?
Closet Redux says
Cupcakes at home with you and your husband and 4 year old? Making and decorating cupcakes would be fun for the 4 year old, and eating the cupcake and singing the birthday song will be special enough for the 2 year old. I definitely do not see the need in having a party for a 2 year old with a bunch of moms and kids who probably don’t really care (sorry/ true).
Anonymous says
+1 – cupcake decorating party is perfect for this age group. Messy but tons of fun.
In keeping with the theme – do a giant cupcake as the cake.
Anon says
ha, probably true. This group of 4 women (myself and three others) went to law school together, work in similar environments, and had kids at the same time. Especially when the kids were SUPER young, our weekends pretty much revolved around each other’s families (meet at the same park and let the babies stare at each other while we talked to each other). This group celebrated each child’s birthday together, and it was awesome – really more about supporting each other and celebrating our friendship a few times a year. As the kids got older, the parties got bigger, and now the trend seems to be full daycare class + this group. I guess I’m bucking the trend, and just want our little foursome to do something special. It’s hard to pinpoint what activity would feel “special” to a 2 year old, and probably some guilt b/c we usually do host each other for the kids’ birthdays. It’s just — I’m currently a little burned out, and hosting 9 kids who are between 2 and 8 is a lot of kids at really different ages and now, personalities, and a lot of food – even if it’s just dessert – and wine for the adults, b/c that’s just what we always done for each other.
Carine says
I wouldn’t be surprised if at least one of the other women would be relieved to hear you say exactly that–I’m a little burned out and we’re just going to keep things low-key this year.
Decorating cupcakes together at home sounds perfect. That was our approach until the request for a party happened at 3. Will you do any presents? At two I think we only did a few new books, but my kid was pretty into ripping off the wrapping paper and that also made it feel special.
Closet Redux says
If you’re looking for permission to buck this particular (lovely!) trend: Granted!
I definitely get wanting to share these special moments with your friends. It’s so important to build and maintain community and it sounds like you and your girlfriends have done an amazing job of supporting one another. At the same time, it’s completely valid to take a break from what ends up being a pretty big hostess job. Agree with Carine above that I’d bet some of your friends will be relieved to sit this one out in favor of “liking” your cute insta photos of your kids making and eating cupcakes at home (or whatever you choose to do).
Meg Murry says
When I asked my kids at age 2 or 3 what they wanted for their birthday, the immediate answer was “cupcakes and balloons” for both of them. That is what defines “birthday” to my kids when they were toddlers – helium balloons, cupcakes, someone singing Happy Birthday and them getting a present. I also think making and decorating cupcakes together (in our case, from a box, with canned frosting and sprinkles – nothing over the top Pinterest-y) is a fun tradition that would be easy to carry on as a family. Maybe you could also let the birthday boy choose his favorite foods for dinner, even if that means pizza or mac and cheese?
I also agree with everyone else that the trend of inviting your friends plus all their kids will have to die out eventually, and at least one other person from the group will be grateful that you pulled the plug on this tradition. Maybe instead you could propose an outing to an indoor playground place at a later date (with the unspoken understanding that since this is weeks before/after kiddo’s birthday it’s just a get together, not a party and everyone is paying their own way for their own kids). I’ve had good outings both at “fancy” indoor play areas and at places like suburban McDonalds or Burger King with indoor play areas. No wine, but the adults can still sit back and watch the kids run around. Maybe you could transition from birthday parties to some kind of monthly or quarterly outing? Once we hit around 10 first cousins in my family, the adults all agreed that we weren’t inviting the whole family to birthday parties anymore (except for major adult milestone birthdays like 40 or 50) and transitioned to semi-regular summer barbecues and winter bowling outings that weren’t tied to a birthday.
Anonymous says
+1 – We invited 2 friends to come “decorate” cupcakes, and called it a day. Everyone had fun. Other parties for 2-year-olds, unless they are outside and/or very informal, just seem like too much imo.
NewMomAnon says
For my kiddo’s 2 year birthday, her dad and I took her to a special place that she would like (think zoo, children’s museum, awesome playground, etc) and then we took her out for french fries afterward because she LOVES french fries. She talked about it for weeks afterward.
I, for one, am not planning a third birthday party either. We have been invited to one third birthday party and I don’t see being invited to any more before kiddo’s third birthday. I’m hoping for something small and experience-y again. Although having a couple little friends decorate cupcakes sounds like a good idea too….
PhilanthropyGirl says
I don’t blame you for being burnt out. That’s a lot of kids.
My newly minted two loved the balloons at his party. Do you have a great-room or play room where you can let them have balloons and just have a good time hitting them around? I would think even the older kids would enjoy it – but it does require some space. Then you could sip your wine and the kids could do their thing.
I also did a punch box – which was like a tame version of a pinata. (No hitting with sticks!) Might be a fun way for everyone to get some candy or party favor. It requires some supervision so that big kids don’t take advantage of the little ones.
Jen says
Agree. For 2nd birthday we did awesome cake, special fancy balloons and DH, myself, and the local family (one set of gparents and one uncle). She also brought munchkins into daycare.
Anon says
Can anyone who has used a hospital grade pump share how long each pumping session took? Also, any tips on increasing the flow other than using compressions and drinking tons of water? TIA!
Anonymous says
You have to pump for at least 20 minutes each time, especially early on when establishing supply. Try a few different things to see what works for you. For me, at home, I pumped in a rocking chair while rocking back and forth with my eyes closed because this is how I usually nursed so I got the best flow. Other times, it worked better if I watched a video on my ipad and didn’t think about pumping. YMMV.
Are you using nursing tea or fenugreek – they both increase supply.
Butter says
The combination of blessed thistle pills + malunggay pills worked better for me than fenugreek. I think the former helps with letdown, the latter with volume. Several weeks of pill popping, plus pumping 6-8x a day for 12-20 min at a time (that was after a feeding, and included at least one session between 1am and 6am), water, compressions, some power pumping sessions, got me to adequate. Good luck!
PhilanthropyGirl says
I had good luck combining brewer’s yeast and oatmeal, plus some nursing tea. Also make sure your calorie intake is high enough – like 300-500 more than you’d normally eat. Plenty of healthy fats like avocado, olive oil and whole milk yogurt helped me too.
It’s been a few years since I used my hospital grade pump, but I would say 15-20 minutes was average for me. I think I was going every 3 hours around the clock trying to establish supply. Pictures/videos of baby if s/he isn’t around can definitely help with let-down.
Saso says
When I first started, I had to do 30-40 minutes on rented hospital Medela to get the milk out. What helped: advil 20 min before pumping and Lecithin. I still do 30 minutes per session but only 4 times a day (exclusively pumping). My supply used to be at 1200-1300 ml/day and now at about 900 as baby is 8 months and eating solids. I get about 100 ml from each breast at each session (a little more in the morning).
Another R says
On the time thing, everyone is different! I got by with about 15 mins on a Symphony, which is shorter than some of the above posters. I had a decent supply and only one let down (I didn’t have to wait for second or third letdowns to get enough milk).
AnonMN says
Something that seemed like common sense after someone told me, but that I didn’t think of: If you have a Medela, or a pump that does the “fast pump” for two minutes to help with let down, push the button mid-way through your pumping session once the initial flow has stopped. This mimics the baby sucking faster once the milk stops and will typically get a second (or third) round of milk flow. It works well for me.
AnonMN says
whoops, this was for Anon re: pumping