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Kid/Family Sales
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
Any good places for first bras if you have a small band size (mine is 30″, so i imagine my kids’ are smaller). They’ve been wearing sports bras and that’s been fine for the pandemic, but they are to the point where they need something that they can wear with real clothes vs sweats. I struggle with sizing, so I don’t think that we can just stroll into a mall store (certainly not VS) but mail order with kids also seems not great. Maybe there are good brands and I see if any local boutiques carry them? Pepper is stalking my FB feed but I am not how they are.
Anon says
Please take them to get measured at a non-VS place as that will honestly make such a difference here. Nordstrom is an option, if there is one by you. If not look into a store that specializes in bra fitting – Google or Yelp would be good here. Once you are armed with a good size you can feel more confident about finding a good brand, either at the store you go for sizing or online.
Anokha says
+1 for Nordstrom. Because they carry a range of sizes, they’re not trying to squeeze you into the VS 34/36/38.
Anonymous says
I found my platonic ideal of a bra at Nordstrom. It has been sadly discontinued, but it hasn’t mattered yet b/c I bought about 500 of them just in case. I’ve tried to find a replacement and things were just too . . . mashing.
anon says
I did a virtual bra fitting at Nordstrom recently and it was really great! I think it is helpful if you have a tape measure for the band size.
Anonymous says
Pepper is OK and worth a try. I was disappointed that the cups were shaped just like all the other brands’ when they should be wider and shallower to accommodate a petite shape, but at least they carry smaller sizes.
Lydia says
a second vote for pepper… I’ve been pretty happy with them. also, returns and exchanges are easy, if needed. I’ve also seen ads for Itty bitty T*tty committee online (I think that’s what it’s called?), but haven’t tried.
fwiw, I wouldn’t take them to get measured (as suggested above)… for me as a tween or teen, this would have been excruciating. Just let them try a bunch of stuff on and see, even if it means a trip to make returns.
Anonymous says
A tape measure will be your friend.
Anonymous says
IME the “professional” measurement is useless. It’s the trying on a bunch of styles and sizes after the measurement that is beneficial.
Anonymous says
Agreed 1000% on this. There is a lot of art here in addition to science.
PistachioLemon says
I was also disappointed by Pepper. I then tried Lulalu, which I liked much better.
Anonymous says
If you have an independent bra store with good reviews locally, it can be a game changer if you are an unusual size (32H here). They don’t even really need to measure you often, they can tell by looking at you what is going to work. But I think for perky young boobs, this is probably overkill.
Anonymous says
My experience as a lifelong member of the IBTC is that these stores are not good with small band + small cup size. They specialize in expensive brands and larger cup sizes.
Anonymous says
That makes sense. I was a droopy C cup in high school and have always needed a lot of support.
Anon says
Have you tried junior’s/tween stores? If their band is below a 30 adult stores may not have the best selection.
Anonymous says
Try Aerie. They carry a lot of styles down to size 30.
Anonymous says
Yes!! I love aerie bras! Have work for years and they have a huge variety of styles, wireless and wired.
Anon says
And by tween stores I mean places like Justice or the girl’s department at Macy’s, which would sell stuff sized for people who wear girl’s or small sizes. Definitely depends on your kids, though!
Anonymous says
Adult here with a 30ish band size — I may need to go to these places (assuming they aren’t full of festival-ready bralettes (or was that back in before times?)).
Anonymous says
This might just be a me problem but I have big cups and a small band. Nordstrom bra fitters always try to put me in a medium band medium cup, which just doesn’t fit me. Would it be too weird to do the r/abrathatfits with them? OTOH, I’ve been living in some wire free playtex bras from Target, so you might just start there? I’ve had good luck with a boutique bra shop in the past but they are pricey and may not have anything to interest a teen. Good luck!
Anon says
thank you to all those who chimed in yesterday with tips to help get kids to clean up. last night my 3.5 year olds were very eager to help clean up after dinner (mostly bc they get to use the spray bottle) and one of them kept saying “we are making the earth shiny and clean”
Anon says
I’ve got a great job as an appellate lawyer that offers some flexibility as a working mom. I even cut back on my hours a few months ago because I thought that’s what I needed. However, I still think about quitting and finding something else to do (contract work? I have no idea what else is out there tbh; this is all I know). I don’t have much to give to my kids or husband at the end of the day, which is something I’d like to do. My work takes up a lot of my mental (and emotional) energy and I’m not really pleased with the type of mom or wife (or friend!) I’ve become (no margin, snappy, tired—just enough to meet our daily needs). I am seeing a therapist for my anxiety etc etc, so I am doing my best on taking care of my mental health.
I don’t think I could be a full time SAHM, so am wondering if I need to pivot into legal work that is maybe a bit less exciting but takes up less of my mental energy. I don’t mind “giving up” my current work if there is another area of work I can go into (having something to do is more important to me at this stage of my life than the exact type of work). Has anyone done this successfully?
Anon says
this does not really address the switching into different work – but how long have you been in therapy/have you tried meds? how many hours a week are you working since cutting back? how many hours do you want to be working? do you think any of this is fueled by the pandemic?
Allie says
I looked into contract work and think I’d have to start at $50 an hour and build up in my field unfortunately. I thought I could get up to $150 an hour but it would take a long while and I decided it just wasn’t worth it. I’d google around, ask some friends that use contract attorneys, and do the actual math to see if that might work for you before entertaining it further.
Anonymous says
Network. It is totally possible to find something different or better. Be open to what’s out there, including contract type work, consulting, working something like a legal tech vendor.
I am doing contract work for a very good rate in a role I would never have thought of on my own, but got connected to a friend of a former colleague who pulled me in.
Redux says
This is not the easy street a lot of people think it is, but have you considered government work? I work for a state agency and while my higher-level attorney job is not a good work-life balance role, most of the attorneys in my agency are pretty check-in/check-out 9-5. The trade-off is the pay, always, and depending on where you’re coming from could be significant.
Anon says
+1, but really investigate the agency. I’ve had 2 government jobs and 7 years in biglaw. One honestly took less than 15 hours a week to complete my work, had no pressing deadlines given that it was enforcement so no court deadlines, and was very much a mommy- track job where people took it to spend more time with their kids. The other was 40 hours a week and sometimes more, took a lot more mental energy and was more draining, had pressing deadlines because it is litigation, but still a lot better than biglaw.
Also, if you consider government, seriously consider enforcement or policy work. Simply not having court deadlines makes such a difference.
Anon says
7 months pregnant and my lower back is killing me — specifically, towards the side and concentrating in my upper hip area. I am very uncomfortable and have a hard time getting up from my desk and walking around, and I’m noticeably limping. And don’t get me started on trying get comfortable enough to sleep! Ugh.
Research indicates this is just run-of-the-mill pregnancy stuff, probably thanks to progesterone-induced loosening to prep for birth. Any tips? I wonder if just general walking around helps. Would a massage do the trick? I’m guessing not because this seems more skeletal than anything. Thanks in advance for any ideas for relief.
NLD in NYC says
Have you tried/thought about seeing a chiropractor? I have terrible back pains starting in my 2nd trimester and it helped tremendously.
OP says
Thanks for this idea. I have not thought of this, and not sure why – probably because I’ve never seen a chiropractor before – but will look into doing this. I’m assuming there are ones that specialize in prenatal care, or that I can check in with my OB to see if there are any she recommends.
Anonymous says
Do it!! I went after my 3rd kid and it turned out pregnancy messed up my hips and one leg was longer than the other! 3 sessions and it was fixed.
Anon says
To be honest, I think chiropractors tell everyone that one of their legs is longer than the other. Has anyone ever seen a chiropractor and not been told that?
TheElms says
34 weeks pregnant here. Does it get better after you walk for a bit? I’m incredibly stiff when I first get up, but after 5-10 minutes of walking or moving around it improves a lot. If you are experiencing similar feelings, I think more walking will help and more frequent walks as well, even if its just 5 minutes. I do feel a lot better on the weekends when I tend to be on my feet more than sitting (well more tired by the end of the day but less stiffness/pain in my hips). If the stiffness doesn’t get better maybe try a heating pad? I find that a heating pad makes a lot of things feel better, but I have no idea why, (it could just be because its cold here and the heating pad is warm and cozy!) Hang in there!
Anonymous says
Have you tried a heating pad? I have cured so many aches and pains just with several sessions with a heating pad. My other solutions for non-pregnancy-related aches and pains are a foam roller, yoga, and, yes, general walking around. I am trying to imagine how one would use a foam roller while pregnant, but maybe this is a good excuse to indulge in a prenatal massage.
Anon says
+1 heating pad, grab one from Target driveup
anonamama says
+1 My recently-acquired XL heating pad is a godsend and alleviates a myriad of aches and pains. Wish I had owned it during pregnancy.
No Face says
Prenatal massages helped me a lot during the third trimester.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I had pain around this area with my last pregnancy. A prenatal massage really helped and got rid of the pain, but make sure you go to a specialty masseuse that is familiar with pregnant bodies and stress points.
Anne says
Go to a PT stat. This SAVED me both pregnancies. It was amazing.
Anon says
Have you tried any of those belly bands that help support your belly? There are a LOT on the market and it’s kind of person specific so you’d have to try a bunch. I liked the ones that had two separate straps—one under and one over my belly. I only gained 25 lbs though my entire pregnancy (lost 15 lbs the first trimester so maybe that was total 40lb gain) and never got really big.
AnonATL says
I practically lived in my belly support band after the second trimester. As soon as I started to pop, I had upper back pain. Then later it was lower back. I noticed a big difference in days I wore it compared to those I didn’t. Also I sat on an exercise ball instead of a desk chair my entire third trimester which helped a lot. Otherwise, I’d do the usual heating pad/hot bath most nights.
Ashley says
I have this problem and see a chiropractor for it. Not a total fix but it helps. They say mine is SI joint dysfunction, in case that helps with your google searching. But the chiropractor says the permanent fix is certain exercises and stretching that will be more effective after delivery once the level of relaxin hormone reduces.
Anonymous says
Get a prenatal massage.
If it’s worse in the morning, get a firm pillow to sleep with between your legs. If it’s worse in the evenings, try using a tier to remind yourself to get up and walk around (or switch to standing) multiple times a day.
Find a good PT place and schedule an appointment 6-8 weeks post-partum.
Anonymous says
Go to pelvic floor PT. Start ASAP. (And it’s not just about doing kegels, my understanding is at this point in pregnancy, you should not be doing anything with PT that causes pain and you should not be doing regular exercises and adding kegels to them.)
WWYD? says
I am a mom of two young kids. In my roll of supervising 8 attorneys, I talk about parenting issues a lot. I think that this is the best way to normalize working parent issues. So for example, when school is closed I will send a message to my team saying that I might not be immediately available because my kids are home, but I am around. I also make it clear that it’s ok for my reports to do this.
A direct report (who is a mom of a teenager) went to my big boss and basically said since I was overwhelmed with being a mom, she was ready and willing to step in and take up the slack. Lucky for me, big boss is also a mom, and we have discussed my approach of parenting out loud. Big boss told my report there was no slack to pick up and to raise any concerns with me. Big boss told me to handle the issue with my report.
The question is, how far do I push this? Right now I am just very mad – and hurt. I want to wait until I calm down to formulate a plan. At a minimum I need to let her know that going to big boss is not the best route (and in this case really back fired).
For context, I helped recruit her in to this job. I admired her work and thought she would be a great asset to our team. However, she has not performed, and is a bit bitter that I was promoted over her (I am a good ten years younger). She came from a very cut throat work environment where folks openly tried to sabotage each other. It’s just super frustrating that not only is she not doing her job well – but now she is creating problems for me? I think this has turned into a rant and I am not articulating this well. I really need to take a step back, but should I be this upset?
Anon says
Ugh I hate women who do things like that. I don’t have great advice but I would be furious too and I don’t think you’re overreacting.
NYCer says
+1 million. This would drive me crazy. I think you’ve gotten some good suggestions for responses from others below.
Anon says
And men too?
Anon says
Men who do this too also suck, but I always find it especially disappointing to hear about a woman trying to stab another woman in the back. Special place in hell and all that.
Anonymous says
First, I think it is great that big boss has your back and also was transparent with you.
For the second thing, I’ve never been in this boat, but maybe something like “Big Boss and I have discussed your offer. Let me know the next time you have some bandwidth to pitch in and I’ll see what else there is to send your way.” And then do or don’t, but at least this way she would know that you know and that you and Big Boss are aligned on this. There is no WE in TEAM.
Anon says
Oh yeah, big +1 on this. The sneaky call-out is something I would relish (that probably makes me a bad person but I’m in a MOOD today).
Anne says
This.
Boston Legal Eagle says
+1. And I’m so sorry, OP, that is really frustrating.
Anonymous says
Yep, this keeps it short and to the point. Ignore the power play – if you mention it, it’s just going to add fuel.
Anon says
I would not do this. She’s trying to sabotage you and take your job. Act accordingly, which is to inform her that you know what you did, your boss has your back, and you expect her to conform to the collaborative standards in your office, rather than whatever was a recipe for success in her former role.
EDAnon says
I think this is a great approach. But also, this is not going to get better. I am younger than most people I supervise and some people hate it/me. I try really hard to be supportive and positive. I advocate for my team and insulate them from some of the silly politics. But some people are unhappy and toxic and they have to go. Do you have means to move her out of the organization long term?
Anon says
If you are my former boss (20 years younger than me), rest assured I didn’t hate you. I merely hated the organization that itself had become toxic before she ever came on board. And I certainly never blamed her for my being let go, since that decision was made by her bosses before she joined the company, even if she felt she input (she… was wrong). And I am super happy with my amazing severance package and new job.
Anonymous says
She saw a potential opening and went for it. And now you’re going to what? Threaten her? Tell her that how dare she approach anyone else about her career? Why?
You decided to share all your parenting struggles which is your prerogative. Your boss has your back. There’s nothing to handle here.
Anon says
um, she went behind someone’s back! this seems very middle schoolish to me
EDAnon says
No, it’s not a “potential opening” to try to backstab your boss for being transparent about having kids.
If she wants to advance, she should do it by talking to her boss about opportunities. If there are actual problems, she should raise them. But it shouldn’t be vague “she’s busy with kids,” but specific components of the work that aren’t getting done.
Anon says
Found your direct report, OP!
Anon says
Wow, I’d be really upset by this and don’t fault you here at all. Good job being restrained, and also for laying the groundwork leading up to this (not that you would even know it would have happened!) so that your Big Boss could back you up. I’m sorry.
Anonanonanon says
I would say:
“(Big Boss) shared that you had expressed concern that I might need additional assistance.* Thank you for the offer, I’m sure it came from an eagerness to help,** but in the future please come to me first*** with any concerns or offers to assist the team so we can determine where to best utilize you before looping in (big boss). Since she doesn’t have the visibility I do into day-to-day workload and operations, she’s going to route it back to me regardless, so it’s best to streamline communications from the start.”
*Code for “anything you tell her I’ll find out, btw”
**Code for “we both know why you did this”
***Code for “don’t pull that **** again”
anon says
Do people really talk like that? “Utilize you” “looping in” “visibility” “route it back” “streamline communications.” It’s like a bingo game of corporatespeak
OP just use English
Anon says
This is so, so tame compared to my world (mgmt consulting). I like this script as is.
Spirograph says
Ha, people absolutely talk like that!
I actually think this is a good intro, followed by strategy mom’s suggestion below to say that you and big boss are aligned on transparently communicating when parenting responsibilities may impact responsiveness/availability and then pivot to development.
Anon says
Yes people talk like this. I work in higher ed (which is less corporatespeak-y than other workplaces, I think?) and people still use “looping in” and “visibility” a ton.
Anon says
Last sentence doesn’t need so much justification and doesn’t need the first clause. You don’t have to bend over backwards to explain yourself to the employee here. Giving unnecessary explanations just gives people things to argue with.
strategy mom says
I might mention that you are being intentional in your style and explain why. And I would say, next time come to me first. And then I would talk to her about her desire to be stretched and her professional development and talk about where she wants to grow and where you need her to grow (where she isn’t doing her job well). The way she handled this was BS, but I think I’d take the high road and have the hard conversation about her development and being open to hear why she feels she’s ready for more.
GCA says
+1 I think this is a great approach… if she’s ready for it and ready to meet you and the team where you are.
anon says
There’s lots of great advice here.
Thank you for sharing the parenting parts of your life, it makes a huge difference to hear how one’s superiors manage work + parenting (and not just how to hire a team of nannies so work is never disrupted). I’ve found workplaces where leadership is open about disruptions, even if their children are grown and they’re recalling the time XYZ happened, retention has been much better than in places where leadership doesn’t talk about parenting or just talks about their deep bench of childcare.
I hope this one bad experience doesn’t deter you from continuing what you’re doing. It’s hugely significant for retaining parents, especially mothers.
Anonymous says
Can someone explain protected leave to me?
Anon says
Are you talking about the discussion on the main page yesterday about honeymoons and trial conflicts? The person clarified that she was referring to a notice of unavailability, when you tell the court and opposing counsel that you’re unavailable on certain dates, and then trials and pre-trial hearings can’t be scheduled on those dates. However, that doesn’t help you if you’re a Big Law associate working on a case with a team of partners because your schedule is not the one that matters.
Anonymous says
No sorry need a more specific question. In general in the uS protected leave refers to statutorily mandated leave where you can’t be fired for taking the leave.
strategy mom says
Was so excited to take my family skiing out west until I realized how much it was going to cost for lift tickets and ski lessons for two kids!!! Are there any tricks/places to make it more reasonable?
Anon says
Skiing is just a crazy expensive sport. I remember my dad explaining to us that every weekend we went skiing (1 adult, 2 kids), we ended up spending about $1K for the 2-day weekend, and that was in the early aughts! However, it can be cheaper if you go to smaller, less-popular mountains (think: Poconos, upstate NY, CT). I grew up learning to ski at a small mountain (now defunct) in VT, and I’m sure there are other small mountains in VT as well. Another tip would be to rent ski equipment at a store in the local area, but not directly from the ski resort. That can save quite a bit of money, but you have to schlep it around in your car, so it would have to have room for that.
Anon says
Uhh skiing is famously an activity for rich people. I’m not sure why this is a surprise.
strategy mom says
even for rich people, there is a difference between a vacation to the bahamas and one to St. Barths – and as demonstrated in the helpful wisdom below, there are ways to ski without doing the St Barths version ;)
Anonymous says
Man, I am not even aware of this.
I am aware of evening skiing pricing at local places if your kids get out of school at a reasonable time, they could be skiing in a much less crowded environment on a Friday night. Ditto Sundays as people start to leave.
Anon says
I mean, yeah, it’s pretty obvious that skiing at a local hill in the Midwest is going to be cheaper than skiing at a 5 star resort in Utah, just like staying in a Best Western in Ohio is going to be cheaper than staying at the Four Seasons in Paris. Surprised you would need people to tell you that. But skiing is expensive no matter how you slice it. The people I know who ski regularly even in the Midwest spend a not insignificant amount of money on it, and for many people they’re upper middle class and still have to give up other things they might like to do to be able to afford it.
strategy mom says
There are literally hundreds of ski resorts in America. AND there is a range of price points hidden in there. Different resorts charge wildly different ranges for ski school and proximity to major cities present different housing options. For example, you aint finding nothing reasonable near Aspen, but you could ski the series of mountains near Solitude outside of Salt Lake and stay at a cheap hotel not far away in Salt lake and put together a pretty damn good trip for half the price. But perhaps other moms would know of other ideas along that thinking and might even know which resort is good for kids vs. not. For example, I wouldn’t suggest Keystone until your kids are decent skiers because the kids area as at the top of the hill and you have to carry their crap a mile in skis. Stop bringing your nastiness when you don’t know what you are talking about. I’m smart, I can google – I can assure you I didn’t come ask the internet for something as basic as what you’ve described. And if my ability to have an expensive ski vacation is threatening to you, sit with that for a minute.
Anonymous says
Wait, why are you asking us for tips? Please share more of what you already know!
Anon says
LOL, I’m not threatened by your ability to have a fancy ski vacation. Skiing is not my thing, and my travel budget for a year is much higher than $8k. I just think it’s obvious that skiing is a very expensive thing to do for a vacation, and am confused about why you’re acting surprised when people tell you a local place in the Midwest is going to be more affordable than fancy ski resorts out West, or that it’s cheaper to go when it’s not a school break. Skiing or no skiing, the things people are telling you is just travel planning 101.
strategy mom says
Sorry you feel the need to spend your day looking for opportunities to spread your bad attitude to others. It’s easy to be unkind on the internet, and cowardly.
Anon says
I’m not the one lashing out and calling other people nasty and threatened. Many other commenters said some version of “Well, yeah…skiiing is just really freaking expensive” so I’m not sure why my comment in particular triggered you. If you can afford it and that’s how you choose to spend your money, more power to you! But if you want to ski at the nice resorts out west, which is what you said in your OP, yeah, it’s not going to be a cheap vacation.
Anonymous says
For little kids who are just learning to ski, you don’t need big western mountains. Go to one of the little local hills in New England, PA, or even the Midwest if that’s near you. If you pick somewhere within driving distance, you can watch the weather and make a last-minute decision to take advantage of early season and late season deals when conditions are good. Last time we went skiing at our local hill in VA was during a March cold snap when lift tickets were something like 50% off.
Anonymous says
Oh, and lots of these local places will have package deals for first-time skiers that include a lift ticket, rentals, and a group lesson at a significant discount. The lesson lasts a couple of hours and then you either ski with the kids for the rest of the day or buy them a second group lesson for the afternoon. Or they get tired out and you go home. Kids will usually need to be about 6 years old to take advantage of these packages instead of the expensive full-day ski school experience.
Anon says
Exactly this. You don’t “need” big skiing out west until everyone is a really good skier. When I was in my teens and twenties, we went to Loon Mountain a lot. In university, I got a student pass and skied for about $200 for the entire winter. (The same pass now includes a few other mountains and is $449.) Loon’s day tickets are $72 each; novice tickets are $60.
Anonymous says
Oh, yes! Take advantage of the beginner lift tickets that only give access to the easy runs. Bonus: The beginner ticket prevents your child from trying out the black diamonds on their first day.
strategy mom says
had no idea this was even a thing! thank you!
EDAnon says
We ski at a smaller place in the Midwest (near our house). Our kids do lessons there cheaply (and for the whole season). They have a membership fee but it’s reasonable given how much we go and how expensive the bigger places are (excluding equipment, we spend less than $1k per season). It’s a great place for kids/people who learned to ski in their 30s.
Anon says
I’m a recent transplant to the Midwest. Any suggestions for good mountains?
EDAnon says
Where are you (state) and how far are you willing to travel?
Anon says
Near Louisville, willing to travel a few hours in any given direction.
EDAnon says
I hope someone else can help. Everywhere I know is a ways from Louisville.
Anon says
I’m in the Chicago area, does anyone have any recommendations within a few hours of here?
Anonymous says
If you plan to ski locally several times during the season, you can lease kids’ equipment from a local or chain ski shop for the entire season at a very reasonable price. I have not had luck finding these deals for adults, though.
EDAnon says
We buy kids stuff used from Play It Again Sports and Craigslist. We plan to sell it when they grow out of it. The kids wear their snowsuits so no extra clothes for them.
We have had to buy new for adults (except ski boots, which I found on Craigslist). I bought my ski clothes on Patagonia Worn Wear during the summer ?
NYCer says
+1. I would save a trip to Colorado or Utah until your kids are actually proficient skiers.
And yes, like an earlier poster said, skiing is just crazy expensive.
Anonymous says
Yeah it’s bucket loads of money
FVNC says
Do you mind sharing where you’re going out west? CO or Tahoe or Park City or Deer Valley…no bargains. Growing up, our budget ski trip was flying to SLC on points, staying in the valley (not resort) on points, renting a car on points, and driving to ski at Atla/Brighton/Snowbird/Solitude. Anywhere on the Ikon or Epic passes is just going to be really expensive. Independent mountains will typically be less expensive (e.g., avoid Stevens Pass in WA state, but White Pass in WA state is much less money).
FWIW, you can get discount tickets at a lot of equipment places, but discounts are going to be like $10 or $20 off a $120 ticket. My employer offers discounts as well — if you work for a large company, check their employee discount program.
Anonymous says
I highly recommend Alta in Utah because of a barebones hotel there at the base of the mountain. Most of the rooms have shared bathrooms (though there are some family suites), and dinner is at communal tables. It’s not fancy. But it’s super friendly and exactly the right place to go if you want to ski all day, eat a hearty dinner, and crash out (there is basically nowhere go out). Just writing that makes me want to go back!!! Also the snow is AMAZING.
strategy mom says
LOve these suggestions! I’m going to look into Alta’s ski school!
NYCer says
I have not stayed at this hotel (though I am intrigued!), but I agree that Alta is great skiing!
Anon says
We are a big family of 6, and absolutely love to ski. The biggest tricks are that you have to do everything way in advance and off season —
1) Look into a season pass that will maximize your enjoyment and buy it pre-season. We buy the Epic Local Pass in the Spring when it is on sale, and it gives us season tickets to our local hill, a hill near my parents, and we are able to pick a hill out west where we go for a week. If we ski three times, we’ve paid for the pass. When we ski out west, we don’t have to buy lift tickets at all, and get 20% off lessons.
2) Get the kids measured in the fall, then go to eBay or local list serves to buy gear. Local ski resorts will also host ski swaps in the Spring where you get equipment dirt cheap. I have been able to purchase gear my kids can use for 2 or 3 seasons, then pass down to younger siblings and eventually re-sell. A weekend rental is like $50, but you can get a full set of gear buying new or used off season is like $150. Same with winter clothing for the kids.
3) Wait until March to ski out west. We book our weekly ski trip a full year in advance, but if you plan ahead for instance, Park City has a Marriott property that is ski in/ski out, and a full week of lift tickets are covered by the Epic Local Pass. So you can book lodging and flights on points, use your season pass for lift tickets, and get a deal on lessons, so it’s much, much more affordable. Still not cheap, but also, you end up cost spreading the big ticket items throughout the year (or have years where your cost is lower b/c you are skiing on last season’s gear).
Anon says
Adding that your first year is the most expensive year b/c you do have to get geared up, so at this point, I would just start planning ahead to get ready for next season. I just quickly looked at what it would cost to rent gear for all 4 of us and buy lift tickets + lessons at our local (not awesome) hill, and I think the cost honestly not too far off what it cost to buy our season passes pre-season.
I’m skiing on gear and in clothing that is 15 years old. I dropped a 15 year old glove off the chairlift last season, and I’m still mad I had to replace those gloves! It’s worth it to wait for the summer and buy really nice stuff that will last. I do have to guard the kids’ gear (they aren’t allowed to wear their ski gear to school, so it doesn’t get lost or junked up).
Adding on more tricks – The tip above about staying off mountain is a great one, and we have friends who will usually split lodging with us. Growing up, we also packed in sandwiches and would buy hot chocolate at the lodge, but eat our packed lunch to further save costs.
FVNC says
Oh my gosh, I remember feeling like such hot stuff when my family bought burgers from the grill one day, rather than eating our pb&js.
+1 to off season gear shopping. I outfitted my daughter with really high quality jacket and pants from eBay that she has somehow managed to get three seasons out of, although the pants are getting a little snug and short, and bought her equipment from our local used sporting goods store for probably $75 total, boots and skis (they’re pretty dinged up but work for her).
Anonymous says
Only rich people with travel-heavy jobs have that many points!
Anon says
Ha! fair – in full disclosure, I looked at and desperately WANTED to book that particular property in Park City, but we are splitting a house off resort with our friends (as FVNC did above). Also, some people can figure out how play the points game really well, and so I just assume others have options that I may not.
Also, FVNC – I STILL feel guilty/extra extravagant if I buy food in the lodges!!!
As I said above, it’s never going to be a zero or low cost activity, but we make it priority in our annual budget because it is something our whole family can do together that we all enjoy. We prioritize this particular sport, and these are my tricks for how to pull the cost marginally down.
Anonymous says
At first I felt very fancy buying food at the lodge, and now I would almost rather pack our own lunch because the food is just so terrible and the lines are so long. I must be turning into my mother.
Spirograph says
Right? my family was a BYO-Food / eat-before-you-go family, growing up. I still feel uncomfortable buying food at a sporting event! On our latest trip, we probably spent $100 on Mountain Lodge Lunch one day for the 5 of us (and the kids didn’t even finish theirs!), but usually we do pb&j, apple slices, veggies, and a box of cheez-its to share. Sometimes we buy hot chocolate. So much faster. So much healthier. SO much cheaper.
FVNC says
Travel heavy, yes…but not all jobs that require a lot of travel pay a lot. Anyway, points back in the early 90s meant a lot more than they do now. Now, you could get similar benefits from some credit cards.
Most family ski trips are going to be very expensive, there’s no getting around that. But if you want to make the trip LESS expensive, you can still do things like stay in a nearby city rather than on the mountain, buy gear on eBay, pack your own lunches, rent your equipment in the city rather than on the mountain, ski at independent mountains.
Spirograph says
It’s just expensive. Like others have said, I wouldn’t bother with big western mountains with beginners. The cost-benefit just isn’t there, yet. We’ve done several ski trips drive-able to DC, and that’s plenty for my kids. It’s not the best mountains I’ve ever been on, but it’s still fun and much more affordable than taking the whole family to Tahoe.
Call the resort and ask if there are any kind of family packages — ski and stay is sometimes a good deal, especially if there are other amenities you want to use. Otherwise, multi-day tickets tend to be discounted (but usually must be used consecutively). Half day ski lessons are obviously cheaper than full day, but depends on whether you’re trying to use it as a proxy for childcare…
How old are your kids? How psyched are they about skiing/riding? If they’re ambivalent, non-less on childcare options are cheaper (but maybe not great for kids older than about 5). If they’re beginners, 2-3 days in a row on the mountain is probably the limit.
Spirograph says
Oh, and gear: This is a great time of year to get winter equipment at secondhand sports shops. Everyone’s already done their inventory and purged the kid stuff that is too small. Play It Again Sports is usually our first stop. My kids are the original owners of their helmets (which have lasted 3 years so far), but I refuse to pay new equipment prices for things they will outgrow in a year. We usually do one week-long trip and several weekend or day trips in a season, so it saves time and money to have our own vs rent, but it’s not worth investing in Great Gear for growing kids who only occasionally hit the slopes. Then we sell it back the next season when we go back for a bigger size. (You don’t get much for selling it back, but it’s slightly better than nothing, and is an easy way to get it out of my house.)
GCA says
OP – lots of great advice already! I’m not clear if your kids are little and just learning (in which case, stay local) or more proficient, you’ve done all the local hills and they’re ready for their first bigger powder adventure. If it’s the latter, then shoulder season, season passes, and gear-stalking on resale will help! I’m excited to take my kids skiing too now that kid 2 is finally old enough, but we’re more scenario A – they’ve never been on skis before, so we’re going to hang out in NH and ski a little local hill with beginner-area tickets.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Where do you recommend in NH? We are all beginners but I’d like to get us and my kids some lessons next winter or so (when they will be 4 and 6.5), and stick to bunny slopes.
Anonymous says
In MA, not NH, I learned to ski in my early 20s at Wachusett Mountain. Highly recommend.
Do they still have the “Wa, wa, wa chusett!” TV commercials?
Anonymous says
Wawa is a nightmare on weekends now. But weekdays are great!
Anonymous says
Try Nashoba Valley or Wachusett (not on weekends). Or for NH, we do pats peak for a daytrip or loon for overnight. The North Conway area is fun for young families and close to several mountains if you wanted to do a week with a few days of skiing.
GCA says
We’re going to Whaleback and perhaps the Dartmouth Skiway – I will report back! When we go, kids will be 6.5 (athletic, extremely coordinated, takes after dad) and 3.5 (not, takes after me, I will happily putter around on bunny hill behind her).
GCA says
These are definitely ‘neighborhood’ ski hills! I should add this is a social trip as well, we have friends who live in the Upper Valley. We’re mostly hoping to get some snow playtime with all the kids, Covid permitting; trying out skiing is a fun bonus.
Anonymous says
I forget where in Boston you are. West if the city is Ski Ward. My kids took their first lessons there at age 3/4 through 6.
Nashoba is also west, along Rt 2. My kids could ski the entire mountain by age 6/7 but it’s still fun for a few hours on weekdays.
Wachusett is bigger than either of those, but gets crazy crowded (there’s a ski bus from Boston).
Northish of thencity is ski Bradford which is a lot like Ward.
Down in Canton is Blue Hills- it is a hill not a mountain but if you live in like Quincy is perfect for learning the basics before heading north.
Any of those are great for a first (cheap) day on the slopes learning how to love and fall and ride a lift.
anon says
Definitely look for a smaller resort. E.g., in Tahoe Tahoe-Donner is half the price of Northstar.
Anon says
I live in the Bay Area, so Tahoe is one of our only reasonably driveable ski places. (I wish we had a small cheap midwest hill for our kids to grow up on! That’s where I learned). FWIW I feel like whenever I go down the path of trying to find the cheaper Tahoe options for kid’s ski lessons, they really aren’t THAT much cheaper than the big splashy ones at the end of the day (at least for comparable lengths of time) and it seems like you sometimes get what you pay for (for example, I can’t remember which one now, but I remember one of the known cheaper hills didn’t take reservations for kids lessons, you just showed up. There is no way in h#ll I am going to all of that effort to take my kids skiing without an advance class reservation in hand in Tahoe). I’m sure my search hasn’t been exhaustive though, and my kids were pretty young when I did it, so that might have been a factor for eliminating some other viable options.
So, sorry, as long as you are in an area known for skiing I don’t think there really are too many tips and tricks (that I know of). It is just REALLY expensive.
strategy mom says
Ha really good point on cutting corners – I pulled lift ticket and ski lesson prices for ~10 west coast places that I perceived as being higher and lower end, and to your point, some might have been less expensive for lift tickets but more for lessons and vice versa and when you add airfare, Vail (which i thought would be one of the more expensive) was actually one of the least – go figure!
Anonymous says
We live in Boston. Taking the kids to ski out west is the equivalent of a trip to Disney. Just think if it that way.
But we ski the heck out of New England. I have 3 kids and they all ski on used gear (except helmets). Next year we are going to get season passes but this year I just prebought tickets at the closest mountain to us, plus tickets for killington that were on sale back in the fall for like 40% off. We are renting a house (with a hot tub) in VT and skiing killington over Feb break.
Anonymous says
It’s like twice as expensive as Disney, especially if you are limited to school breaks.
Anonymous says
If I were a new skier, I wouldn’t go during a school break. It will be way too crowded. After barely being schooled for 2 years, I don’t there is a great penalty to pulling them out of school for an off week. People in my city and the place I grew up in did that all the time and I can’t recall a downside to the kids. Only in high school do they have fixed-schedule exams that count for anything of consequence.
Anonymous says
Ah, here we have huge penalties for pulling them from school, even in K. You get a call from the truant officer after five excused absences. Seven unexcused absences = court filing. It’s all about keeping kids in seats for state funding.
Anonymous says
I doubt that that is completely true — we always have a kid here and there doing commercials or being in a play or doing a very competitive sport. I got a letter in my city last year for my kid cutting zoom school, laughed, and threw it in the trash.
“My husband and I will be away from home for a family event and we will need to take our children with us.” This works for funerals and weddings and graduations — I bet you $ that papering the way ahead of time will absolutely work. It’s average headcount and unexcused absenes may count towards that, but there is fine print (also: educational activities, looking at colleges, etc.) for excusing other absences.
Anonymous says
My husband is a teacher so we can’t go anywhere outside of breaks anyway, but even if he wasn’t, it definitely inconveniences teachers to do this and sends a message to kids that school isn’t as important as your vacation. So we’re generally against it.
Anonymous says
I posted above and it is not for us. Disney tix alone run $120/person/day. We own ski gear already and don’t need lessons, so it’s just air and accommodations.
Anonymous says
And lift tickets. And you have to get the ski gear there or rent it upon arrival. And rent a car unless you pay $$$ to stay on-mountain.
strategy mom says
We live in the south – i was expecting it to be pricey, but not $8k+! I think we might do a trip out east to ski since we have family out there and then save the west for when kids are older! Do you know if you can still ski out east in early march, or is feb the best bet?
Anonymous says
New England has good skiing into the spring, especially up north. If you want to go somewhere like WV, MD or PA, March can be hit or miss, but early March is probably safe. We love Snowshoe, WV; between the reasonable-sized mountain and all the other amenities (pool, “Big Top” fun zone, full-day ski school with lunch included, daycare) it’s great for kids. It’s best to stay on-resort, though, both to get the amenities and because the lodge is at the top of the hill and I wouldn’t want to do the winding access road up the mountain every day.
We went to Jay Peak, VT this year and it was great for kids. There’s an amazing indoor waterpark that was a good way to break up ski days. There, we stayed off mountain, and it was an easy 5 min drive to the lodge.
Anon says
We love Snowshoe in March! It’s a hassle to get there if you have to fly in, but the skiing is still great in March. If you are flying, I recommend something in Vermont that is closer to an airport.
anon says
What about going to New Mexico? Nothing is very expensive there:-P Taos is lovely! You can also spend some time in Santa Fe. Durango (just across the border in Colorado) is also fantastic.
Anonymous says
I am not a skier so take this with a large grain of salt, but my cousins lived in Plattsburgh growing up, and we would go to Whiteface when we visited them at Christmas. I was told they have very good snowmaking capabilities since the Olympics were there. (Although that was a looooong time ago). I am not sure how cheap it is. They had a smaller place they went to all the time that was probably cheaper. Skiing in the east in the shoulder season probably means a lot of ice though, right? That is hard for beginners. I would stay far north if you want to go in March. (Ski obsessed cousins also mean that I have skiied in northern Ohio – you know, in the mountains near Cleveland – at Christmas in 45 degree weather. It was basically a sheet of man-made ice).
Anonymous says
It’s hard (and expensive) as a one-off trip. But we make it our winter hobby/vacation/family activity. We have 5 family members and buy 4 Ikon passes. We have our own gear and it gets passed down from kid to kid with new (used) skis and boots bought as needed.
So our cost is about $2500/year for passes. We have a friend with a house near Breckenridge so we fly out there once a year (to Denver, usually on points) and I rent their place for a long weekend (~$1200). In the New England area, we drive up and ski at most of the VT/NH mountains. Occasionally we will rent a cabin or stay at/with friends that have ski homes up there.
CarShopping…ugh says
Ok, due to repair estimates exceeding the value of our current car, I’m now officially in the market for a new SUV. Would like a mid-sized, not cheap. Probably a couple of years old. Yes, I know inventory sucks, but I didn’t get to pick the timing. Haven’t bought a car in over 10 years and the research sites are overwhelming. So, does anyone have a great resource to get up to speed on best SUVs to go test drive? Or just have one you love that has been super reliable? We will drive it to the ground.
Anonymous says
We are trying to avoid buying a car right now because we like to buy new and drive them until the wheels fall off, and the one we want is in very short supply and the dealers are engaging in crazy price-gouging. I’d consider spending a lot more to keep the old car running than I ordinarily would.
EDAnon says
A dealer told us that if you order and wait for it to come in, you can pay MSRP. Not a deal but what we want (RAV4 Prime) is like $50k used (versus $40k MSRP for a 2022).
Anonymous says
Oh, wow. What we are hearing is that for the RAV4 hybrid and prime you have to get on a wait list to pay over MSRP when it finally comes in.
Anonymous says
We also had this issue, and had to do both of those things. However, we saved a lot of money shopping around- the markup above MSRP was $1K where my husband’s parents live and $8K in the DC area. Lot of variability between dealers as well.
We decided to go for it for a few reasons, one, hoping we can also get more for our old car to somewhat offset that markup, and two, we’re at the point where when something goes wrong on our old car we will have to make expensive repairs (just had to pay over $1K to fix the AC last summer), and would prefer to just put that money towards a new more reliable car. Now we just need it to hang on until the new car arrives!
EDAnon says
That’s good to know! We travel to my in-laws a lot and would be totally willing to buy a car there (it’s driving distance!). We will check it out.
TheElms says
I think people’s definition of mid-size SUV differs but we recently looked at mid-size and small full size SUVs. We ended up getting a small full size SUV, so probably bigger than you want, because we decided we needed a third row. Given the state of inventory I think being flexible on what you would be ok purchasing would help. Our favorites were the Honda CR-V (in a higher trim level these felt really nice – much nicer than the price would suggest), Acura RDX or MDX (if you want slightly bigger), VW Atlas (especially good if you have kids in car seats), Hyundai Palisade, and Mazda CX-5 or CX-9 (if you want slightly bigger).
Anonymous says
I thought I was in this boat (opted for 4K in work instead) and the consensus here was Kia Telluride by a mile. My goal is to get a 2022 one in a couple of years. Also in an 11YO ride that is generally great, but has let me down 2x on trips with kids and I’m a bit salty about that.
NYCer says
+1. Kia Telluride is a great car for the price.
TheElms says
If you can get it at MSRP yes, but in the DC area when we looked they were going for 15-20% above MSRP, which seemed ill-advised to me so we didn’t consider it. The Hyundai Palisade is pretty similar. Clearly prices vary by region though so I would certainly take that into account.
strategy mom says
See if your area has a car show – we went to one a few years ago to research SUVs and it was awesome – looked at 10-15 cars, found some that weren’t on our list, could go back and forth between them to compare trunk size, etc and left knowing we wanted the telluride or buick. And the kids thought it was the best outing ever
Anonymous says
Carmax is also good for this.
Walnut says
Yes to car shows! We brought our double stroller and the reps by the family SUVs were more than happy to let us break it down and see how it fit in the storage area. Lots of other parents were watching with interest as well.
Anon says
Advice that you can take or leave: do the work on your car. The whole thing about “exceeds the value of your car” is complete nonsense. The correct metric is what your car is worth to you once you’ve done the repair. If you spend, say, $3,000 repairing the vehicle, is it in outstanding shape and going to last several more years, or will it need more work on it?
(Puts on economics hat) The used car market is subject to information asymmetry: the seller knows the problems with it but the buyer does not. Furthermore, the cars that people sell are not the same as the cars people keep; you don’t, for example, replace the timing belt two days before putting it on the market, but you would replace the timing belt when you intend on keeping the vehicle for years. So what’s on the used car lot is not the same quality as what’s in someone’s driveway, and used cars are priced accordingly.
Again, if this repair is going to leave you a car that’s still an unreliable mess, get a new (to you) vehicle. Mazdas are underrated – very reliable and not horribly expensive to repair.
Breakfast says
I need help getting out of a breakfast rut. I like to bake, the rest of my family prefers sweet things for breakfast, and we don’t have much time in the morning, so usually breakfast consists of something I’ve made on the weekend (pumpkin bread, blueberry muffins, fruit/granola bake) that’s easy to grab a serving of. Lately I’ve been coming to the conclusion that my body isn’t super happy with just sugar + carbs in the morning and then I’m hungry way before lunchtime.
Any suggestions for more savory/protein-filled things that are equally easy to prep in advance? Breakfast burritos are basically perfect, but I’ve never found a good method for making a bunch in advance.
Anonymous says
Cookie and Kate has a recipe for freezer breakfast burritos. D@mn Delicious has one for freezer egg and biscuit sandwiches, and you could probably sub in whole-wheat English muffins for the biscuits. If you want something that will work for the whole family, check out the cookbook Rise and Run for a zillion variations on the superhero muffin. Some are made with almond meal and some are made with oat flour, both high-protein and long-lasting. The Cookie and Kate oat flour waffles are also protein-packed and freeze well. Reheat in the toaster.
Anonymous says
The Budget Bytes crustless quiche recipes are super easy. Keep them in the fridge for a few days and reheat gently in the microwave.
Anonymous says
Skinnytaste has a freezer breakfast burrito recipe, and a variety of egg dishes that keep well. Basically anything in the crustless quiche/frittata/quiche/strata genre can be made ahead (even frozen after cooking if you want, although I think things keep fine in the fridge for a week) and reheated and eaten for days. You can also cook egg dishes in muffin pans to help with portion control and reduce cooking time. Greek yogurt is also great for adding protein.
Anonymous says
I have a freezer stash of muffin pan frittatas. To avoid mod, the recipe I base them on is on Allrecipes called “Muffin Pan Frittatas Recipe.” Super easy to modify based on what I have on hand. These also make an excellent toddler dinner. I also do a lot of stovetop frittatas and scrambles. You can chop veggies ahead of time to make prep easier, but otherwise, these come together really quickly so no need to worry if you haven’t made something in advance.
H13 says
I made a giant egg bake in a 9×11 pyrex this weekend and I am having big slabs for breakfast (and sometimes lunch). Easy to customize. I think I did about 8 eggs, some whole milk, cheese, and veg. You can also add shredded frozen potatoes or layer hashbrown patties on the bottom.
H13 says
9×11 sounds like the wrong measurement, actually. But a big pyrex baking dish.
Anon says
Growing up, I had peanut butter toast every morning for breakfast. (Single mom who left the house before we woke up, we hated the off-brand cereal, and she only trusted us with the toaster.)
Other ideas
– hard boiled eggs made on the weekend
– overnight oats with a spoonful of nut butter and bananas
– smoked salmon on toast
– greek yogurt with berries and granola on top
Anonymous says
Baked oatmeal! So easy to make, and lots of recipes are low in sugar (I usually sweeten with syrup). I make a simple one with blueberries, a “carrot cake” one, and a pumpkin one. You can put plain yogurt on top for added protein. Lots of recipes online, just browse around and see what you like. One example:
https://food52.com/recipes/22622-heidi-swanson-s-baked-oatmeal
DLC says
I will sometimes do a big batch of oatmeal and just portion out an individual serving and reheat subsequent days. I’ll make a savory version: when I reheat, I drizzle with sesame oil and soy sauce (and scallions if i have time) and top with a soft boiled egg (also made ahead of time.) It’s kind of like congee, but with oatmeal.
Spirograph says
What about just eating a hard boiled egg with your muffin? My grandma gave me an Egg Pod last year. I was highly skeptical of it (it has metal and is supposed to go in the microwave!) but it is amazing. It makes 4 hardboiled eggs in ~10 minutes, the shells come off really easily, and they are hot and delicious with approximately 1 minute of active prep. Or, make them ahead. I love having peeled hardboiled eggs in the fridge; they are the easiest healthy, hunger-stopping snack ever
Anon says
English muffin toasted and slathered in peanut butter. Or sliced apple dipped in peanut butter. With a commuter mug full of milk so I am getting protein there too. If I have a lunch workout scheduled, I will add in pretzel crisps with the laughing cow cheese slices as a mid morning snack to tide me to a late lunch.
For DD (4), I will make a bunch of Kodiak Cakes pancakes for her on the weekend and she either eats them cold (blergh) or I can pop them in the microwave. She also likes their (pre-made) chocolate chip frozen waffle which is also high on protein.
Ifiknew says
My 2.5 year old randomly wacks or pushes kids at school, playground etc. It’s not because he wants something or is angry, he just does it to see what happens I think. He does the same thing to his sister when she walks into a room where he is etc. Like rather than saying hi his impulse is to do something like this. it’s not consistent and it seems to have improved a bit from a few months ago, but it’s mortifying and makes me have to hover at the playground or birthday parties etc. The teachers said they only see this in non verbal children so they won’t normalize the behavior for his age and he’s definitely verbal (but I think not advanced but on track for his age). My daughter never exhibited any physical outbursts but had plenty of emotional outbursts at this age we have yet to see with him although I’m concerned that’s coming for us too. He also does things like rip books (seems crazy at 2.5) etc. I read about sensory seeking disorders and wondering if he has that or this is all just normal 2.5 year old stuff. I know it’s all anecdata here but would appreciate any thoughts.
SC says
My son started doing this type of thing and more (biting) around 2.5. We started play therapy and occupational therapy when he was 3 (it took 6 months to get an evaluation and referral and to get off the wait lists for the therapies). Occupational therapy was really helpful for the sensory issues–in my son’s case, he was overwhelmed in the classroom with all the noise and invasions of personal space. Play therapy was really helpful for some of the interpersonal stuff and emotional regulation–they started with things like how far apart to stand in a line, sitting in a circle, and appropriate greetings. I don’t think it would hurt to start with an evaluation, given the timeline between the first call and actually receiving services. If things work themselves out in 6 months, you can cancel.
Anon says
My older boy was like this and play dates were so stressful (and were up until kindergarten, TBH). Has there been a particular change/stressor lately (other than, you know, the pandemic)? My second baby was born when my older was 2 and that really ramped up the behavior – though it could also have just been “being 2”, since they occurred simultaneously.
Shadowing him to block his hand, scaling way back on social events and building lots of downtime into our weekends helped some…time helped most of all. His impulse is still to be overly aggressive when his emotions (both good and bad!) are high, but he’s developing self-control
OP says
Thank you so much for both responses. I got on a list (six months out!) for evaluation. It’s just so disheartening because not being kind is like the hardest behavior to see in either of my children but I’m trying to keep perspective and know it’s not like he’s destined to be a bully.
To answer your question, no real changes. He started part time school at 2 but this has always been happening like even when he was nine months, he’d always pull my daughters hair, lives to roughhoise etc
Anonymous says
My 2.5yo is a hitter. I actually haven’t seen him do it to kids/friends, but definitely does it to my daughter/me/DH. Obviously with anything, behavior is a million times better with copious outdoor time and physical activity. Another theory with your child is it could be an issue with proprioception. He doesn’t know how hard he’s touching someone. An OT can help with this, and heavy work outdoors (lifting heavy stuff like rocks or pumpkins) helps them figure out their own strength.
anonM says
Hm, so much of this is hard to judge by written online description. I’d defer to the teachers. But, my now-4yo hit his newborn sister a lot when he was 2, and it was really tough until probably 2.5/3, in part because it WAS pretty random. I did a fair amount of research/googling on this, and the big things I remember is trying to stop it physically when you can catch them, staying as calm as you can, etc. In other words, your hoovering is something you might just have to do right now for this phase, and sounds like you’re doing it right! My now 2yo also occasionally hits randomly in this boundary-pushing/see what happens phase (but less than her brother did). The 4yo usually will just tell her “Ow, I don’t want to play now” and moves away. It makes the 2yo want to stop the behavior because it is the opposite of what she wants (attention). Both kids still occasionally rip apart things. Anyways, sounds normal to me. Hugs.
OP says
Thank you!! Also so helpful to know. Even though he’s my second, I’ve only seen the issues I had with my first age out so it’s hard to know if it’s normal. I do think it’s probably normal but glad to be on a list if it doesn’t improve a ton by summer.
Anonymous says
Just a rant… We are moving in three weeks, and I have two big projects at work that ended up being due the day before we move, and also daycare has decided it’s time to transition my toddler to the preschool room at school. I cannot handle all of this at the same time!
anonM says
Can you ask daycare to wait? Tell them what is going on at home! They don’t want a cranky toddler either. Ugh, moving with a baby, toddler, and work deadline was one of the hardest weeks ever. Hire help, ask favors, move that work deadline, whatever you need. Seriously. And don’t forget to tell toddler A. you’re going to new house, but also B. you’re leaving old house. Good luck!
Anon says
+1 tell daycare what’s going on at home and ask them to wait.
Anonymous says
At our day care that would have meant that the next oldest kid got moved up and your kid would have to stay in the younger room until another spot opened, which might not be until June.
Anon says
Meh? I don’t think it’s a big deal even if her kid has to wait in this room for a few more months. I’m guessing her kid hasn’t always been the oldest in the class if he’s moving to a new room in January, so temporarily being the oldest kid for a few months isn’t a bad thing, and might even be a good thing. Kids get different skills from being the oldest in the room and the youngest room, and I think getting both experiences in preschool is ideal, although it doesn’t always work out that way.
Kids certainly vary a lot in how they handle change, but for my kid (and I think many others) the combination of big changes at home and school at the same time would have been hard to handle, and delaying the school transition would have made things much easier on kiddo and us.
Anonymous says
Just did this, similar convergence of deadlines and moving doom. It was pretty miserable! Are your movers packing you? We had our movers pack our kitchen and it was 100% worth it. We also ordered takeout for at least a few days before and after the move, and had everyone in dirty clothes for about a week before I could organize to do laundry. But not doing the kitchen and not cooking made a big difference.
Anonymous says
Yes, luckily we decided to get the movers to pack for us. Although they’re packing the day before the move, on the day I have to file everything! I’ll probably be working from a coffee shop (I work remotely) while my husband supervises the packers.
octagon says
If it helps, the first couple of weeks in a new room absolutely exhausted my kid. Like come home, read a story, eat dinner and go to bed immediately exhausted. So if your kid does that, you’ll get evenings free to do other things?
Anon says
just a PSA The Company Store has the cutest kids hooded towels. i ordered some sheets from there and ended up poking around and wish i’d seen them before my kids got other ones for hte holidays
Anon says
My daughter has a unicorn one I bought on summer sale last year as a “need to hit my shipping minimum” item that Santa brought and she loves it! It has only been in use a month but gets used nearly daily (except when I can sneak it away to wash it) and is holding up great. Much more plush than the off-brand one my mom got her last year.
Lack of Style says
So between work from home and parenting 2 small kids, I feel like I’ve lost my sense of style. I just don’t know what to wear to look stylish and modern and comfortable anymore. I used to dress nicely to go to the office, but now I don’t even know. How do you maintain your style post-kids? I think this is part of me not wanting my identity to subsumed by being a parent, yet my style is very clearly mom.
anon says
SOLIDARITY. Tbh, I just decided that since I’m no longer buying any new “work” clothes, I’d buy some new WFH clothes. Gap jeans (high rise, but not ultra-trendy), some new Loft yoga pants (I somehow had a bunch that didn’t fit right, were gifts but I didn’t like the color etc.), a few new tops. I feel so much better just feeling a little cuter! And, no shame, I texted my younger college-aged cousin who is fashionable for advice. She’s the one that recommended Gap.
Cb says
I think I’ve focused on what I like in terms of interesting colours and textures, rather than what is “flattering” or makes me look as thin as possible. I’m an academic, so I can get away with a lot though.
For me, that ends up being sleeved linen dresses, layered with wool sweaters, natural fibres, things with quite a lot of texture and body to them.
Where I need to improve is on jewelry. I feel like I don’t wear much and think I’d look more polished with some nice necklaces.
Anon says
I like following former fashion editor moms on instagram, like Sylvana Ward (runs Maisonette) or Eva Chen. Their lives are not very similar to mine and they definitely have a bigger budget, but at least they’re around my age and not doing super glam stuff every day.
Anon says
Solidarity. I stumbled across Evereve when they opened a store in my area (they have a great e-commerce site too) and it’s become my new favorite store for stylish mom clothes. It feels current and updated but age-appropriate for me (I’m entering my mid-30’s) and doesn’t make me feel like I’m trying to disguise myself as a member of Gen Z. They have one of those “style subscription” services, too. I’ve contemplated it but haven’t signed up yet.
Anonymous says
Ooh, thank you for this! I’d wondered about their store near me pre-pandemic, but I was in that awkward time of waiting to be pregnant and not wanting to spend much on new clothes. Completely forgot about them.
Anon says
I posted exactly your question on another site years ago and The Mom Edit website/newsletter has been my saving grace.
Otherwise, if it’s in your budget, I can’t recommend clothing rental enough. I have done Nuuly and/or Rent the Runway for years (even in the heart of the pandemic!) and it is a fantastic way to test out new things and find what works on you. I also find it really, really fun to pick out the clothes and get the shipments.
Same says
Mid-30s mom of a 1.5 year old here, and I feel the same way. I feel like I cannot buy nice quality stuff because a lot of it isn’t machine washable or is dry flat and I know I’ll get yogurt or diaper cream on it and I just don’t have time for that nonsense. I’ve been buying machine washable stuff (flannel shirts, cotton cardigans and tees) from LL Bean, but I definitely don’t look glamorous. I also have more of a belly, hips and thighs than I used too and I’m still getting used to that. I guess the silver lining is that because of COVID I’m not going out much anyway?
Anonymous says
Are you me? I’m basically living in leggings and LL Bean/Eddie Bauer tunic sweatshirts.
Anon says
I’m a little further out (DD is 4, but we are still TTC kiddo 2 after a few miscarriages so I’m in that “waiting to be pregnant” mode for 2+ years now). For this stage for me the trick is buying fewer clothes that I love, looking for a more “classic” style than trying to follow the trends, and acknowledging and recognizing my new shape and size (mostly tipped over into plus sizes, but can still fit in certain things from “regular” retailers), but still shopping for machine washable fabrics, as even before a child I couldn’t be trusted to not spill all over myself. This has involved finding new retailers and switching the cuts I normally wear (no more sheaths) as well as trending toward more neutrals. Key workhorses for me in finding my groove now that I am back in the office twice a week:
– Pull on black slim cut pants (charter club at macys, the “cambridge”), usually paired with a fine knit but looser fitting sweater from J. Crew or Lands’ End usually in a camel, gray or jewel tone in the winter or a Boden top in the summer, together with my rothy’s flats (usually leopard, black honeycomb or grey patterned).
– Boden Lavinia Wrap Dress (true-wrap, with sleeves), and indulges my love of color and print without having to think about matching
– Maxi dress (target has one I wore weekly last year, I have another from boden I love) paired with a cardigan or jacket for the office
– Skinny or straight leg jeans from gap paired with a boden top and sometimes a cardigan or blazer depending on the day
– a couple of cotton (washable) jackets and one awesome black military style tweed jacket (also washable, from ann taylor like 4 years ago) that can elevate whatever I’m wearing
-Lands End washable wool dress for days when I need to be more formal
– I don’t quite fit into ann taylor any more (thanks Covid!) but their suiting lines were machine washable and I believe other retailers are similar, but I haven’t had the need to wear anything that formal in 2+ years.
In the winter, my at-home uniform (not stylish but comfy) consists of cotton leggings (Rachel Yummie) with an LL Bean or Lands End flannel shirt and in the summer it is either maxi dresses paired with a cardigan or leggings and a boden shirt.
atl mom says
l.williamscloset edit on instagram – she is a mom with great, edgy taste and a stylist and focuses on accessible brands. SO GOOD! I also really like Tuckernuck. I find myself focusing on accessories (jewelry, shoes) – it makes the biggest difference.
GCA says
For me personally, I’ve felt most stylish on Zoom when I have a really sharp haircut, a bit of makeup, and am wearing comfortable, pretty earrings. I can’t say I ever had a Style, and have never really had the budget for or interest in wide-ranging up-to-the-minute fashion, but hair and a smidge of makeup make me feel good.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I’m on a major fitness/weight loss journey right now and nothing I own fits or fits well, but I also detest frump outside of the house (not counting the school dropoff as an outing). Since I’m working with relatively serious weight gain (not just like 5-10 lbs/fluctuations/holiday), I don’t want to buy new clothes in a bigger size. I try to stick to the stretchy side of my wardrobe, and then focus on dark colors, streamlined silhouettes, and throw a leather jacket on top when appropriate. I also lean hard into fun kicks, and trendy jewelry (that I actually like – Ana L*isa and M*juri have been great for this). I love makeup, so there’s usually always a bold lip (with lipstick that doesn’t budge under a mask), and some type of illuminator over and/or under makeup.
And yes – washed/cut/dyed hair, zoom-ready makeup, etc. really help!
Anonymous says
Thanks to omicron, my pixie cut is now 5 weeks overdue for a trim and counting. Zoom and mirrors are self-esteem killers.
Mm says
If you don’t mind erring on the side of preppy, I just picked up some heavily discounted, slightly elevated casual tops and dresses from a sample sale at tuckernuck (I think they have a physical location in DC but I shopped online).
Paging poster "cold and pregnant" from yesterday says
… or really anyone pregnant right now. I usually post as “2 Under 2” … I have a gently used maternity winter coat – brand: Motherhood Maternity, size: large, color: black, length: hip-ish – that I bought in December 2019. I don’t see anything like it on the motherhood website right now, but I work at a fairly formal law firm and it was fine. Not the most fashionable, but it is quilted and was warm. For reference, I live in Chicago and traveled to Salt Lake City multiple times in 2019. I used it a fair bit in 2019-2020 but sparingly in 2020-2021, and it is yours if you want it. If I recall, I was also able to layer a sweatshirt underneath, depending on how pregnant I was at the time. Happy to dry-clean and mail it to you if post a burner email.
Anon says
That’s so nice of you!
As an alternative for anyone cold and pregnant, I bought one of these (I think based off of a rec here?) and it was a total workhorse – https://makemybellyfit.com/
Works great for wearing baby in carrier too!
Anon says
How do you know when a child is on the normal spectrum of spirited or intense vs. when they have special needs and need additional support? My 4 year old still has near-daily meltdowns (with us, not at school), which I feel like is not common. My ped doesn’t have a good answer for this, and said as long as it’s not causing issues at school not to worry, but I feel like that’s kind of a low bar. On the other hand, I do feel like we’ve seen significant progress in the last six months or so – even if meltdowns are not really any less frequent, she is better able to pull herself out of them and articulate what she wants, and it gives me hope that this is something she’ll just grow out of, but maybe that’s naive.
Anonymous says
Trust your gut. A lot of kids with sensory issues, ADHD, etc. manage to hold it together all day at school and then fall apart when they get home. This is called “restraint collapse.” Pediatricians, teachers, and school counselors will generally dismiss all parental concerns unless the kid is disrupting the classroom. Can you get on the waiting list for an appointment with a developmental pediatrician?
Anon says
Thanks, I appreciate the thought. My ped was unwilling to refer us to a developmental ped for now. Maybe I need to find a new ped, but that’s easier said than done (I’m not even sure there are any pediatricians in my city currently accepting new patients who aren’t younger siblings of current patients – I know a couple people with recent first born babies who had to use an internal medicine doctor instead of a ped).
I’ve heard of restraint collapse but I don’t think that’s really our issue. She actually doesn’t seem to meltdown very often after school I feel like we have more meltdowns on weekends and school breaks than weekdays. Maybe it’s stemming from lack of structure? Although I would say we have a fairly consistent weekend routine. Weekday mornings have also been quite bad lately, even though we allow plenty of time to get ready so we’re not rushing, and she says she loves going to school.
Anonymous says
Do you need a referral? If that’s a gating issue, you can go to an independent child psychologist for a look-see and just to talk to. My daughter is ADHD (combined type, never disruptive in school but isn’t focused and interrupts) but, surprise, she is on the autism spectrum and that is where her main challenges lie. She is bright and passed all of her early screenings (IMO, they are aimed at ASD-2 and ASD-3 boys, who present very differently). But I am kicking myself for not switching peds or at least doing the professional digging that is otherwise available. I have no background in early childhood education, but it is clear to many people I know now that they would have identified her much earlier than when she was 10 and was to the point of being cruelly bullied in school, particularly by neurotypical girls.
FVNC says
+a million to trusting your gut.
I’m forever grateful to my daughter’s then-pediatrician who referred us to a dev ped and our county’s EI services when she was still “typical” on the ages and stages questionnaire, but trending toward falling below the threshold for typical. By the time all the appointments were set up, she was indeed below the threshold and we didn’t have to wait an additional six months to get services started. You know your daughter best, so push back on that referral if you can!
atl mom says
We had a similar situation and by some miracle he is now a charming (but intense) six year old who is kind, smart and compassionate (I really would not have guessed teachers would ever describe him that way when he was 4). We proactively met with a psychologist who specialized in kids/ADHD/etc. We viewed it as parenting coaching. We also were trying to feel out for ADHD. She said it isn’t worth doing a full psych eval until they are in big kid school but she met with our son once to evaluate him. Because we didn’t have issues at school, she wasn’t too worried. We did meet with her 3-5 times to come up with parenting strategies to be more effective parents and it was worth it’s weight in gold!! Not only were they great strategies but having us be on the same parenting page made a huge difference. Frankly, some of the issue was us and our parenting and not following through. Part of me thinks he would have grown out of some of it, but she made a comment about how many families of pre-teens she sees and how much harder it is to solve the problem at that point so I am so glad we invested when we did. Also highly recommend Dr Becky at Home (instagram) – she has some videos you pay for that might help with the meltdowns – I was shocked at how well they worked with my intense highly-feeling son.
Anon says
Thank you, this is super helpful. I definitely feel like the problem might be our parenting skills at least as much as her. I’ve read a bunch of the popular books like How to Talk and 1-2-3 Magic and Spirited Child, and I do think we’ve gotten better at avoiding some meltdown triggers, but once she is fully in one we’ve never been able to help – she just has to go to her room and calm herself down and doesn’t want hugs or comfort. She’s been like that since she started throwing tantrums as a 1 year old.
EDAnon says
We also spoke to a psychologist who also helped us recognize that some of the problem with our spirited child was our inconsistency. He was 4.5 at the time.
For example, he’s super verbally skilled so would negotiate with us. It seems great that he is smart and can do that! But for him, it was confusing and caused him stress. We stopped negotiating on a lot of stuff (and did away with the ability to “earn back” privileges he lost). It helped a ton. He’s 5.5 now and sometimes I am still concerned but the change in the last year has been dramatic. If he does one more year with this much improvement, I won’t be so worried about him.
Anon says
My twin 4-yos have probable-ADHD (most places won’t diagnose it this young) and in their case it was problems with impulse control and transitions that were apparent in school as well as at home that made us seek out additional support. Basically many kids have meltdowns, are defiant, don’t listen to teachers, get physical with classmates when frustrated, etc but their teachers said that while the individual actions aren’t out of the normal, it was the extreme frequency with which they occur that flagged it for them. Their teachers also struggle with the fact that they’re extremely smart for their age and can do basically anything academic asked of them, but will flip out when asked to be the line caboose for the day.
For us, structure and prepping for transitions is key, as is carefully scaffolding what consequences will occur and when so that they’re not blindsided.
Anonymous says
At age 4 you might still qualify for Early Intervention with the county- here, it doesn’t even require a referral. Mine is a kid who has really, really struggled with huge meltdowns. Evaluated at age 4 by the county as within normal range but just the eval itself was super helpful in seeing where he was closer to the line, and that was helpful in figuring out our parenting. He’s continued to struggle and has been getting mental/behavioral health therapy through our insurance, which is somewhat helpful. Currently in first grade and not really having issues at school at this point but very uneven progress at home.
Anonymous says
2 tips. First, know the difference between a meltdown, restraint collapse, and sensory overload.
Meltdown: I want something waaaaah. They get it, and stop crying. (Normal)
Restraint collapse: Lousy behavior ONLY happens with you, but they (almost always) hold it together at school.
Sensory overload: They are touchy/exhausted/slightest thing sets them off, and they are inconsolable – can’t give them anything to make them calm down (toys, food, whatever). This is most common with autistic kids. I’ve found a dark, quiet space (maybe white noise), weighted blankets, etc can help.
2 – Ask your pediatrician for a referral to a “developmental pediatrician.” They may also have a ratings scale you and the child’s teacher can fill out to help narrow down problems. There will be a TON of questions about milestones; if your child has missed / was very late with milestones (speaking, walking, pointing) (pointing is a big one – 18 months is “very late”).
You can also look to “joint attention” — big trait for autism. If you’re playing with them and they’re in their own world, not sharing their attention with you — and can’t be redirected to a shared activity — that’s often a big red flag.
Anon says
So I feel like all three of your descriptions really apply to most of her meltdowns. It normally only happens with us and once she loses it she’s inconsolable and nothing calms her down except going to her own dark, quiet bedroom and being alone for a few minutes, but it’s almost always triggered by having to do something she doesn’t want to do, or not getting to do something she wants to do.
We have regular Autism screenings at the doctor’s office, but I know they don’t always catch what used to be called Asperger’s. My daughter is incredibly imaginative, loves collaborative pretend play, and is super affectionate. She was late-ish with some milestones, especially gross motor stuff (most notably walking) and potty training, but has always been average or above average with verbal stuff and was early and effusive with non-verbal communication like pointing and waving, so the screenings at the doctor’s office have never raised any concerns.
Anonymous says
Hmmn. Autism in girls especially can be tricky to catch because it often looks different than in boys. You may want to see if there’s a “sensory screening” somewhere near you — many occupational therapists offer a 15 minute one for free; your local library may also know of places. If you did get the label they would probably recommend you to OT anyways — and an OT can help you understand her sensory sensitivites so you can help her avoid overload, advocate for herself when she’s approaching overload, and learn to calm down when she’s overloaded.
You might want to check out the fiction book “Slug Days,” or maybe follow @auteach on TikTok or IG.
So Anon says
First, thank you to all of you who weighed in last week on going to my grandmother’s (Dad’s mom) funeral at Arlington National Cemetery in April. I appreciated the gut check and decided to go and take my kids with me. We are going to go and make it a shorter trip (we are headed to Utah-Zion National Park/Bryce Canyon and Arches National Park later in the month).
Now to my rant: Upon hearing that I decided to attend, my mom booked flights for the four of us (me, my kids and herself), ONE hotel room, and a rental car without checking with me and for dates that were much longer than I had planned. After booking, she sent me the confirmations. I pushed back and said that I was planning on a shorter trip (later in the day on the way there and coming back a day earlier than she wants). She complained that flying later in the day is always more risky (thanks, pre-Covid, I traveled a lot) and that I was missing opportunities to have my kids spend time with their cousins (kids spend lots of time together already). I said that I heard her concerns, but that I needed the shorter trip. She lamented that she needs her family around her during this difficult time insisted on understanding “my desire to escape,” and asked if this is related to my ex husband. I tried to validate her feelings, tell her that I love and appreciate all she does but that this is what I need. (It has zero to do with my ex and everything to do with my work schedule, Covid and not wanting to be told how to grieve by my mother.) I went ahead and changed the reservations for my kids and I and booked a separate hotel room. And now, my mother is not speaking to me. My sister, who lives in NoVa, is on the same page with me, and is grateful that we are making this a shorter thing. Otherwise, she would also need to take more time away from work, take her kids out of school more and spend more time with our mother. Ugh.
Anonymous says
Ugh, this sounds difficult. Good job standing your ground and changing the reservations. What your mother’s actions are telling you is that next time you should book your travel before telling her you are going, and don’t tell her what airline or hotel you’ve booked.
EDAnon says
That sounds terrible. I am sorry. I hope the trip itself goes okay.
Anonymous says
I will never understand people booking travel without consulting relevant family first. This is an ongoing issue with my in-laws, and I think you’re totally right to stick to your guns.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I really like what Jen Psaki says about the nanny and family help.
https://www.thecut.com/2022/01/how-jen-psaki-gets-it-done.html
Anonymous says
She also spoke out in favor of school masking as a VA parent, and she graduated from my alma mater. She is awesome!
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Aww lovely! As a former NoVa resident for the better part of a decade, all of this makes me really happy!
Anonymous says
Go Tribe!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Awesome! I’m reading Obama’s book now and he seemed like a good boss who really cared about his people. I think Biden is similar. Not to say that these jobs aren’t intense or all hours at times, but I think it really helps to have a good boss who’s on your side and wants to help you succeed, while also acknowledging the realities of parenthood and value of caregiving. And of course having a village.
Anonymous says
She’s said a lot of things that were completely out-of-touch, so I’m not a huge fan of hers, but I do appreciate that she’s very realistic about the fact she can’t do her job without tons of help.
Anon says
+1 as someone who works in communications, I think she’s pretty bad at her job. But I do admire her for being forthright about some the challenges of working parenthood.
Anon says
I love this part:
“You want to be able to tell your daughter one day you did this job when you were pregnant with her, when she was a baby. That’s part of my parenting. I’m passionate about what I do, and I hope I can be a part of making the world a better place. And I hope that’s what I pass along to them.
Anonymous says
I may be jaded, but I don’t think kids care one bit about what their parents do to make the world a better place, even after they grow up. All they do is complain that they had to go to day camp and afterschool and that mom couldn’t come have lunch with them at school once a week like the SAHMs. See, e.g., the periodic whining on the main page about people’s selfish inadequate parents who did horrifying things like serving bagels for dinner.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
Meh, I may have complained (in my head…my immigrant parents would NOT even think to entertain that type of whining) when I was younger but when I got older (e.g. college, law school, and beyond) I realized how much I learned having 2 FT working parents. I say this as someone who was last to be picked up from YMCA Aftercare (6:30!!!!) and spent many summers organizing files and reading library books at my parents’ shop.
Anon says
I totally disagree. Every adult woman I know with a working mom has tremendous admiration for her, even those who made different choices for themselves. Teenagers are not known for their positive attitudes in general and particularly not toward their parents. I guarantee you the teenagers of SAHMs whine about feeling smothered by their ever-present moms and their families not being able to afford all the things dual income families can.
Anon says
My parents divorced when I was a toddler, so I have no memories of stay at home parenting. I was usually the last kid picked up from afterschool care, and maybe I complained about that a bit? However, once I got to high school, I understood that those long hours meant comfort and stability for our family, and the jobs put me through private college without loans.
I’m of the firm belief that not many people can truly afford to have a stay at home parent. Sure, the math might work out in the short term – the bills all get paid on time – but they aren’t necessarily funding their retirements or their kids’ 529s. It’s definitely a trade-off.
EDAnon says
I don’t think that’s true at all. Some people complain about everything. That doesn’t mean everyone feels that way.
Anonymous says
I can’t recall anyone on the main page ever saying anything about how their working moms scarred them for life by serving bagels for dinner. If anything, I think there’s a lot more shaming of SAHMs that goes on over there. I’ve seen more than a few comments characterizing them as useless leeches, etc. Certainly in real life I don’t know anyone who blames their mother for having a job. That’s something immature kids say to get a reaction out of their parents, not how mature adults actually feel.
Also, gently, you do realize that affluent families with SAHMs are an extremely rare breed in the US, right? The vast majority of families in the US have both parents working because both incomes are needed to put food on the table and a roof over kids’ heads, or only dad working because the mother’s income doesn’t cover childcare for the kids and there’s not enough extra room in dad’s income to effectively pay for her to go to work. If your presumably upper middle class kid is that injured about being deprived of a SAHM, maybe some perspective about how most families are not privileged enough to make that choice is in order.