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I like these “shooties” as a good compromise between keeping your whole foot covered while not being a bootie. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been having trouble thinking I can pull off the bootie-with-cropped-pants combination. I see women on the street doing it and looking great, but when it comes to me, it looks like I don’t own a full-length mirror. I think with a low-cut shoe like this plus no-show socks with cropped pants, it would look more intentional. Again, I think I may be too practical-minded to wear bare ankles with a winter coat, scarf, and hat, but it’s a look! The shoe, which is by Johnston & Murphy, is currently on sale for $129.99 and available in four colors (varying sizes available in each color). Veronica Shootie
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Sales of note for 3.28.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything plus extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off 2+ items; 40% off 1
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- Lands’ End – 10% off your order
- Loft – 50% off everything
- Nordstrom: Give $150 in gift cards, earn a $25 promo card (ends 3/31)
- Talbots – 40% off 1 item; 25% off everything else
- Zappos – 37,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off entire site
- Hanna Andersson – 30% off all swim; up to 30% off HannaJams
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; 50% off select swim; 50% off kids’ styles
- Old Navy – 50% off Easter deals
- Target – 20% off Easter styles for all; up to 30% off kitchen & dining; BOGO 50% off shoes & slippers for the family;
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
Two birthday party food questions!
1. Suggestions for snacks that meet preschool’s requirements of allergy-free and healthy? My kid wants to bring in something special, but new preschool doesn’t allow cupcakes, which is what we’ve done in the past. My current thought is unpeeled clementines that we can stick birthday stickers on, but anyone have anything else fun you’ve done?
2. I know this has been discussed many times in the past, but what should I serve at our birthday party this weekend? 25 adults, 20 kids (mostly 2 and 3-year-olds), 3-6 pm. We’ll have cheese and crackers, veggies and dip, fruit, and cupcakes, but since it’s running into toddler dinnerhour I want to add something more substantial (and maybe something warm). A pot of meatballs? Mini quiches?
Clementine says
Order pizza to add to that and call it a day. Also, for snack we’ve done graham crackers and juice boxes with stickers on them which was a big treat. Peeled clementines are great, honestly – this year we did the little packs of Annie’s gummies which my kid was SO EXCITED about and the teachers were fine with.
NYCer says
+1 to pizza for the birthday party.
Lala says
If you want to make something- these banana muffins are easy, healthy and very adaptable to allergies. Use 1/4 cup sugar. My preschooler loves to help with them.
https://www.theworktop.com/breakfast-brunch-recipes/egg-free-banana-muffins/
OP says
I’d be totally happy to make something and have an arsenal of recipes for reasonably healthy baked snacks, but because of allergies we’re not allowed to bring in anything homemade, which is why I’m floundering.
Lala says
That’s hard! Clementines are good then or maybe the slightly sweet rice cakes?
Pogo says
Many grocery stores have “allergy safe” packaged snacks that you can send in, if your school allows that? Unless there’s also like a gluten and dairy free requirement as well? And what do they define as “healthy”? That seems rather arbitrary, unless they provide a list of banned snacks.
OP says
I think “healthy” just means not tons of sugar? No cake, cookies, or brownies. We could probably bring in school-safe muffins, if I could find some (ignoring that those also have sugar, because they seem “healthy”). I agree it’s a rather silly distinction.
Anon says
1) Applesauce pouches or cheese sticks. A more “fun” one – pretzel sticks and marshmallows. Teach your kid ahead of time how to “build” with them or send in a couple printed examples (make a person or a cube – you can find pics online).
2) I’ve done platters of Chik-Fil-A nuggets before. Kids and adults love them, so order more than you think you need. (Yes I know they’re problematic. But I don’t do boycotts and donate money directly to causes instead.)
Anonymous says
Applesauce pouches is a good idea!
Katarina says
Can you do favors instead of something edible? Something like play doh or an animal figure. It might be more of a treat than something edible but healthy.
I second pizza for the party.
blueberries says
For the school treat, homemade smoothie popsicles (milk, yogurt, banana, and one more fruit). These are a pain to make for a class of children, so if you can find some all-fruit, no or low-added sugar popsicles at grocery store, do that instead.
OP says
Thanks!
anon says
Outshine popsicles
anon says
When did your baby start spacing feedings out past 3 hours? Or did this not really happen? My five-month-old eats every 3-3.5 hours but not at all at night, so five feedings per day. This is fine with me, but I’m getting conflicting advice from the ped, the nurse who is also an LC, and my friends. Should I see if he wants to do four feedings on closer to a four hour schedule? He is happy and growing well, so no concerns there. I’m going back to work soon, but I don’t see how that makes much of a difference as presumably I’ll have to pump the same total number of ounces for him regardless of the number of feedings. No solids yet.
Anon says
Yeah, if they don’t eat at night, they will eat more frequently during the day. I don’t know that my daughter ever really stretched out feedings much longer than 3 hours, but she was sleeping 12-13 hours at night with no wakings, so the ped said it was normal. Even now as a toddler, she eats that frequently (breakfast at home at 7:30, snack at school at 9, lunch at school at 11:30, snack at school at 2:30, dinner at home at 5:30). If you think about it, it makes sense: she is only awake for ~12 hours and is supposed to have 4-5 meals, so we couldn’t spread them more than 3 hours apart even if we tried.
Clementine says
2 kids, one 100% BF, one 100% formula fed.
BF Kid – ate every 3-3.5 hours (day and night) until probably a year? Even with solids. Even when we tried to stretch it out.
FF Kid – Slept 12 hours/night with one bottle from 6-9 months, we kept it below the max 32 oz of formula/day. Started condensing bottles around 7 months when we went up in ounces per bottle (Same total consumption/day).
Pogo says
Mine spaced to every 4 hours around that age, but he also ate 2x at night until around 7 months.
I pumped 3x at work right when I started back (he was a little over 3mo) but within 2 mos I was down to pumping twice at work and kept the 2x until close to weaning.
I wouldn’t worry – babies change so quickly, he may be close to condensing some feedings. 3x pumping is no fun, I agree, but you may find that like me it doesn’t last long and maybe with bottles and daycare scheduling your LO goes to a 4hr schedule sooner rather than later. Good luck!
Anonymous says
My twins (who ate a combo of pumped milk and formula) started sleeping through the night without eating around 3.5 months, but ate every 3 hours during the day (6 feedings) until around 10 months. Wake up and bottle at 6am, bottles at daycare at 9am, noon, 3pm, bottle before bed at 5:30, dreamfeed bottle at 8:30. Even once we dropped the evening dreamfeed, they still drank a total of 5 bottles a day until we dropped them at 1 year.
Anon says
My baby is the same age and eats on the same schedule. Will sometimes eat once at night. It seems pretty normal.
NYCer says
We switched from 5 bottles during the day (roughly 6oz every 3h) to 4 bottles during the day (7-8 oz every 4h) around 6.5 months. Baby had stopped eating overnight around 3 months. It was getting harder and harder to get her to drink the bottles every 3h, so it was pretty clear that it was time to change the schedule.
As she has started eating more solids since then, she has also naturally started drinking less formula. We just switched from 4 bottles to 3 bottles (she is almost 11 months now).
NYCer says
I should mention that we were giving solids as well by the time we switched to 4 bottles. So she was actually eating more frequently than every 4 hours.
Katarina says
Mine generally ate milk every there hours until they started transitioning to solids, 9 months or later, possibly closer to 12 months.
Anonymous says
I don’t think I realized I was supposed to daytime space feedings out, so didn’t try to until I cut down on nursing around 1 (I think – foggy memories). God knows what happened at daycare. He theoretically got 4 x 4 oz bottles there until he was 1, and I nursed him at least once in the morning and at night at home, plus often once over night.
layered bob says
My kids nursed at least every three hours around the clock until we night weaned at 18 months.
They still eat every 2 ½ hours though – breakfast at 7:30, snack at 10, lunch at 12:30, snack at 3, dinner at 5:30 (plus “dessert” – yogurt, fruit or peanut butter – right before brushing teeth for bed). And so do I. I’ve never felt that my kids need to eat less frequently than I do.
Anonymous says
You should nurse your child when they are hungry without regard for schedules. Growth spurts, the composition of your milk, and introduction of solids (among other factors) all contribute to when kiddo is hungry and needs to be fed. Schedules and spacing out feedings tend to be more of a formula thing – at least with the kiddos and moms I’ve known.
Jessamyn says
Realized yesterday when I left the kids at home with a babysitter for MLK Day that if I didn’t have to get the kids up, dressed, and drive them to school myself, I could sleep in for an additional hour and still make it to work on time. An HOUR. So now I’m wondering, is it worth looking into morning childcare, even a few mornings a week, for that additional hour of sleep…?
Anon says
What is your partner situation? If you have one in the home, time for him/her to pull their own weight. Mine travels for work 5 days a week, but that means I have the other two days to catch up on sleep (and he also preps meals and other house items when he’s home, to take away from the home workload for me.) If partner is unable or unwilling to take some mornings, then yes I think it’s important to make sure you’re functioning and well-rested even if that includes a morning nanny.
I’d look into adding a few hours to take some household items off the plate as well. Could nanny return to the house after kids are dropped off and put in a load of laundry? Run the dishwasher? Prep a few lunches? I’d bet for minimal additional money, you could also find an extra hour or two of your time in the rest of your week.
Pogo says
This is one of the key reasons I’m considering a nanny for when we have 2. When one of us is travelling, it’s brutal getting out the door.
AnotherAnon says
If you have the money I say go for it, but also, what is your SO doing during this time? DH has a flexible work schedule so he handles morning routine while I’m up and out the door within 30 minutes of waking. I do lunch prep the night before to help him out, but he’s on his own for getting our 3 y/o up, dressed, fed breakfast and out the door to day care. I do day care pickup and (reheat) dinner and bedtime routine most nights. I realize this may not be feasible for you but it’s just a thought.
Jessamyn says
For those asking what S/O is doing during this time:
6:00 – 6:15 – I wake myself/kids up, get them dressed, S/O makes coffee/unloads dishwasher
6:15 – 6:45 – S/O feeds kids breakfast and occupies them while I shower/get ready
6:45 – 7:00 – I pack my lunch/coffee, gather bags, prepare to walk out door, S/O is still at table with kids
7:00 – I leave with older child who has to be at school by 7:25, S/O gets himself ready
7:30 – S/O leaves with younger child who has flexible drop-off time (though sometimes younger-child cajoles herself into joining the 7:00 departure with me)
Since I have to be at work at 8, on a no-kid day, the schedule looks like:
7:00 – 7:30 – get self ready for work
7:30 – leave for work
I suppose in theory DH and I could switch off days we’re “on” for the kids, but I feel like it would feel really strange to be trying to continue to sleep while DH and the kids are getting ready around me, esp. since they’d likely be in and out of the room and waking me up anyway. Part of the MLK Day luxury was the fact that the kids didn’t have to be up and anywhere at all.
Pogo says
I know what you mean, our schedule is similar – we’re both contributing a lot of the getting ready/kid wrangling, but it’s just tough to get everybody out the door. When one of us is solo it’s a full two hours because you can’t parallelize any tasks. My only hack is that I limit time kiddo gets to eat breakfast and anything uneaten when it’s time to go gets packed in a tupperware and he can eat it in the car or at daycare (this prob wouldn’t fly for an actual school dropoff). It takes him like 45min on a good day between nibbling bites of breakfast, singing to himself, commenting on everything I or DH is doing, talking to the cat, etc.
Anon says
You didn’t ask for routine hacks, but how old are your kids? I solo parent during the week and my routine is very similar to yours. However, a couple things I’ve done:
– Got the kids each a Garmin Vivofit Jr. It has an alarm function. They have to stay in bed until it goes off/ it wakes them up if needed. I’ll usually peek my head in when I get out of the shower to make sure they’re up and moving.
– Lay out clothes the night before – they must be fully dressed and brushed hair by the second alarm (about 15 min later).
– Then they can go get themselves breakfast. In a lower cabinet, we keep two melamine bowls, spoons, napkins, and a box of cereal. We keep a smaller carafe of milk on the bottom shelf of the fridge and taught them how to carefully pour it. 6 year old is fully self-sufficient for both kids, 4.5 year old just started doing his own a few months ago.
– I get myself ready while all of this is going on. They’re usually still eating when I finish, so then I start loading backpacks with (packed the night before) lunches and water bottles.
– Their last alarm goes off when we have 10 min until we need to leave the house. They put dishes in the sink, then go get shoes and coats on, grab backpacks, and stand by the door when they’re ready.
– If they’re done early and waiting by the door, they get to request a dance song (or two!) from Alexa and have a mini-dance party before we leave the house.
The combo of alarms and dance party reward keeps everyone moving pretty quickly, and limits the amount of policing/ occupying I have to do. I’ve heard Senorita about 500 times too many, but totally worth it for the extra sleep!!!
Boston Legal Eagle says
We’re in the same boat in that both of us are up early and getting the kids ready, and it still takes at least an hour /1.5 hours because little kids (ours are almost 4 and 15 months) are just tough. Do you feel like you need an extra hour of sleep? We tend to get it on the back-end by going to sleep by 9:30/10. If you’re asleep 10-6, that should hopefully be enough sleep.
Anonymous says
Are your kids naturally waking up that early? If not, we have pared down our wake -up-to-our-the-door time to 45 minutes (20 for kids) by showering at night and having kids eat at early care. This works because kids (1.5 and 5) generally wake up at 7 (must stay in bed till then regardless but usually sleep till then). Spouse and I get up 6:45 and get ourselves ready and breakfasts pecked by 7:05/7:10, the each take a kid and get said kid dressed and out the door By 7:30. If it’s just me, I do have to get up closer to 6:30 but that’s still better than 6! I re-wet my hair in the morning, apply products, and either diffuse a few minutes or air dry.
Anonymous says
It seems to me that your biggest time-suck is driving time, not what is going on at home.
Anonymous says
I’m not the OP, but at least in my case commuting is a big time-suck but not currently changeable for a variety of reasons, whereas maximizing morning efficiency is doable. With kids, I get up at 6:00, leave the house at 7:25 for daycare dropoff, get to work at 8:20. Without kids, I can get up at 6:00, leave the house at 6:30, and get to work at 7:15. I still have the 45 minute commute, but there’s an hour shaved off the ‘getting ready’ part of the day.
Anonymous says
How old are your kids? My oldest is 6. I also have an almost 4 y/o and a 1.5 y/o. The older 2 wake up (either naturally or I poke them), get dressed in the clothes they have the night before, and have breakfast*. DH and I take turns getting ready; whoever isn’t actively getting ready is getting the 1.5 year old dressed and fed (usually She plays while I shower, DH dresses her while i dress, then DH showers while I eat breakfast). We do a quick check on hair/teeth.
Oldest goes on the bus, then we all leave. Whoever has to go to work first goes; the other does the kid run: 1.5 to daycare and 4 y/o to preschool. They go to separate schools but our house and the two schools are all within a 1.5 mile radius. If Big Kid misses the bus, elementary school is on that route too.
A nanny would save us maybe 30 minutes in the AM.
*they can DIY cereal and milk or yogurt or freezer pancakes in the microwave. If they want freezer waffles in the toaster, an adult supervised that 2 minute process).
Anon says
Bit the bullet and got a Peloton. It arrived on Friday and I’m five rides in. Honestly, I think it’s going to be a serious game changer. The 5am spin class I used to go to no longer requires a 4:30 and 4:45am alarm… I was on the bike at 5:20 this morning and done before 6am. I didn’t have to leave my house in legit 5 degree weather. This group tipped me over the edge and convinced me to do it and so far I’m obsessed. Nothing like a 30 min Backstreet Boys jam sesh that was done by 6am. Thanks for the encouragement and convincing!!
Anon says
Do Cody’s LadyGaga ride — it’s the best!! And welcome to the Peloton family!
Cb says
That’s amazing!! What a lifechanger for you!
anon says
There is nothing better than being able to work out at home. I’m saying this as a person who hauled her a** to the gym at 5 a.m. Temperature was -1. Everything felt like it took forever.
Anonymous says
Saving up to buy one this year and I’m psyched to hear these reviews!
OP says
OP here. I posted a number of months ago while weighting the decision. I do not present as ‘fit’ though I’ve been an athlete my whole life, ran a few half marathons, countless 10ks, etc. That athlete is dying to rear her head but has been having a tough time. I’m really struggling at this stage of life with an almost two year old, an exceptionally demanding job, commute, but also somehow finding grace and being kind to myself. I have PCOS and am, at best, a little over weight and at worst (like right now), downright ashamed of how I’ve let myself go.
Fully admitting that I can hear the voice in my head remind me that it’s still early yet, I don’t think I’ve ever been so optimistic about something fitness related in my life. Like, I’m really excited to ride again – considering riding tonight after DD’s bedtime just for the music!! And I find the cost wholly justifiable – I was paying $175/mo for my fitness studio. The bike pays for itself in a little over a year. Good luck saving – I hope you love it!
Anonymous says
That’s awesome!! Report back! I rode one all week at a conference and since then have been excited about the idea of getting one at home.
Anon says
You do you.
Anonymous says
??
Jessamyn says
I’m enjoying it so far too! There are plenty of days when I get in 20 minutes and some sweat where, no question, I would not have worked out otherwise.
Peloton says
Mine comes this week – I can’t wait !!
Mommyshark says
Be my peloton friend! I’m #MommyShark. There is also a phenomenally helpful Facebook group of peloton riding lawyer moms if you happen to be an attorney, and there is also a physician moms group as well. There may be others…
Anon says
What have you sent in to daycare for a child’s second birthday? The handbook says we can send purchased, “healthy” (ie., not super sugary) snacks (bagels, goldfish, etc.) but that feels odd to me because daycare provides meals and snacks and these items appear regularly on the menu. It also says we can send goodie bags with non-food items like stickers or coloring books, or donate a book to the classroom and then the birthday child would have the “honor” of opening it in front of the class. I like the idea of donating something, but don’t know if my kid will understand that the book is not for her.
Anon says
Do you really need to do something? They are two…
Anon says
Nope, probably not. But I would like to, unless it would be really weird. And if it would be really weird, I would like people to tell me that so I don’t do it :)
Anonymous says
I don’t think it’s weird. We did nothing for turning 1 and sent in cupcakes for turning 2. Our kids were more excited about the birthday crowns their teachers made them, but we didn’t do anything at home on their actual birthdays so liked sending something in to daycare.
Clementine says
I had my kid pick out stickers and give each friend a sheet in their cubby. On kiddo’s actual birthday, dad and I came and had lunch with them. Kiddo was perfectly happy, my stress level was low.
ElisaR says
I didn’t wind up doing anything for 2nd birthday. Other kids have sent in little coloring books/marker sets, a small art project, basically something from michael’s. Our place doesn’t allow food. But they make a crown for baby and sing to him. I’m fairly certain my son wasn’t aware that I didn’t bring in anything for the class even though other kids sometimes have stuff.
Anon says
Definitely don’t need to do anything. But, DD just came home with a tiny rubber ducky with a note that said “I’m a lucky duck to have a friend like you.” I thought that was cute, especially since DD is obsessed with her ducky right now.
For her 2 yo bday in April I’ll probably do nothing, though ours has a relatively lax food policy so MAYBE store bought cupcakes. DD has enjoyed (unprompted) practicing singing happy birthday with all of her friends’ names which is probably the only reason I’d do anything. Prior to this rubber ducky the thought hadn’t really registered.
ElisaR says
very cute idea for the ducky!
Anonymous says
What about sending in party hats? Personally I would LOVE to not get any more plastic junk, but my kid is always happy to have a hat to wear. I did that for her birthday and she loved it, and it was very funny when I picked her up to see which kids were still wearing their hats.
Anon says
Omg yes! My kid wore her daycare bday hat for a week!
Anon says
We’re still wearing the thanksgiving “pilgrim hat” from thanksgiving. Hat = brilliant.
EB says
I sent in chips and guacamole, which my kid was obsessed with (at the time, now he won’t touch it). The school told parents ahead of time, and parents of kids with some kind of allergy could send in alternative chips or whatever.
lala says
Was your incentive bonus pro-rated down for your maternity leave?
I was promoted mid-year to go from 10% to 15% bonus target (target being reached or not is based on company wide performance). Then out for 16 weeks of paid leave (3 weeks was vacation time).
I think it would be fair to prorate mine for the 13 weeks off, but not the vacation time. Amounts come out next week, so I am trying to set my expectations correctly.
What did everyone else experience?
Boston Legal Eagle says
I didn’t have any sort of pro-ration for my bonus last year. I.e. I got the full amount of what I earned as a percentage of the full salary for 2018, even though part of 2018’s pay was for parental leave (which was paid at 100% of my salary). It seems a little nickel and dimey to pro rate you for this.
Pogo says
Nothing was prorated for me. I honestly think it would have been too much paperwork for HR and my manager and they just didn’t care. They could have figured out the math themselves and adjusted my overall payout accordingly, but they didn’t.
That doesn’t really help from a policy perspective – I think technically yes you stop accruing vacation and bonus and other benefits while on STD/unpaid leave, but it’s up to your HR and manager to deal with any of this, and so if they are lazy/incompetent, it doesn’t actually happen ime. I work for a large F500 company though which specializes in bureaucracy.
lala says
OP here.
It sounds like your companies are more legit than mine. Our bonus comes as a pool to the group and the managers get to decide how much to give each person. The final amounts get sign off from HR and SVP, but I think it is just a rubber stamp.
My 13 weeks was fully paid and I continued to accrue vacation, so I think they will get the full amount for me in the pool and then give the portion from my mat leave to someone else. In my head this seems fair because they did my work while I was out, but I also feel like this is another punishment for having a baby.
However, HR has already been alerted to the pregnancy discrimination I experience before leave (taking me off high visibility projects once they found out, lessening my work load as well). So I they might be on high alert for any changes here.
I can’t decide if this is something I am going to spend my energy on, or just take what I get and go with it.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Someone else presumably covered your work while you were on vacation though, so wouldn’t this be the same reasoning? Obviously parental leave is not vacation but it’s still a paid benefit provided by the company for time you are not at work. Maybe employment lawyers have a better answer, but to me it seems like they should just allocate your pool to you, and if someone needs extra for additional coverage, management should make an argument for a “spot bonus” type arrangement, without taking anything from you.
Pogo says
Yes, my company has a very strict bonus structure and it’s transparent to employees. But as I mentioned we’re public and a large company, so I would expect that to be the case.
I think if you had actual paid parental leave you would have a good argument for getting the full bonus per Boston Legal Eagle above (it’s an employee benefit), but if you’re on unpaid or disability for part of it, I think that’s a harder argument to make.
Anonymous says
At my law firm, my annual incentive bonus was prorated for leave time. This is SOP at my firm and at many other mid-sized and large law firms in NYC (though I don’t think it should be…).
Anonymous says
+1
CCLA says
Yep, same.
EB says
My bonus was adjusted to reflect the fact that I was on maternity leave in a different way – my firm agreed to pro rate the minimum hours I needed to hit to be eligible. I negotiated this before I went on leave. I don’t know how your firm handles this, but at mine, this would be a conversation to have far in advance of the actual meeting in which you find out how much you are getting. If it’s coming from a pool, arguing about it now doesn’t seem like it will get you anywhere because all the money in the pool has already been awarded.
Anonymous says
Question for those of you with kids and parents and/or inlaws who are local and either involved in grandkids’ lives or who want to be involved – how old is/are your kid/kids, how much time a week do your kids spend with grandparents and do your parents/inlaws do anything besides babysit your kids (I’m assuming here that grandparents are *not* full time childcare)?
My situation – My husband and are fortunate that we have both sets of grandparents locally. And all of the grandparents want to be involved and our parents get along with each other. Our son is the first and only grandkid on either side. All grandparents are retired. Kid is 8 months old and we have a nanny that comes to our house to watch him. I just get a sense that my parents and in laws wish they could spend more time with the grandkid than they do currently and that they also want to help us out more, but I just don’t know how that is feasible schedule wise….
My mom also often texts from Costco/grocery store or something asking me to send her our list, but I like going to Costco/grocery shopping and want to pick out my own stuff there.
Our nanny is awesome and is happy to have the grandparents come over and play with the baby during the day (it all gets worked out with his nap schedule) but I can tell they want more one on one time. DH and I go on fairly regular date nights, but it’s just hard when we both work full time and I feel guilty giving up my weekend time with the baby when he’s awake. So, I’m genuinely just curious what other folks do.
Anonymous says
No advice, but I wish I had this problem! Our grandparents are all great, but live 2-8 hours away by plane, so have never been a babysitting option.
For texts from your mom, if you want to make her feel involved can you tell her just one or two things to grab for you, not your whole list? We do this for friends all the time; text when we’re at the store and pick up a gallon of milk or some bananas or whatnot to drop off on the way home. It’s genuinely helpful (for us) not to have to go out that evening for the one thing we need (and instead do a big shopping on the weekend) and makes the person doing it feel helpful.
Anon says
We struggled with this with only one local set of grandparents. When you work full-time, it’s hard to also give up extra one-on-one time with the kids.
1) During the baby stage, I would continue your setup where the grandparents visit while you’re home but you keep the nanny. (It’s really hard for retired grandparents to be a regular caregiver, esp if they have dr appts or travel.) Your needs come first, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about OTHER people’s time with the kid. You birthed it, you get to spend as much time as you want with it.
2) They will be more involved as the kid(s) get older. You can have them responsible for swim lessons (our lessons require parents to be in the pool with the kid until age 3. Maybe a grandparent would do that instead?) or soccer or gymnastics once they can walk and before they become school age. Or take the kid to a music class that meets at 10am Tuesdays, etc. Gives the nanny time to maybe focus on housework/ tidying up and/ or if there are multiple kids, gives each one some one-on-one time with nanny/ grandparent.
3) Once school age happens, you’ll need a lot more help during the day. School days off, early dismissals, activities that start at 5pm, scouts events or dance practices, etc. So even if they’re not getting a ton of time now, rest assured you’ll use ALL that help starting around age 5.
Anonymous says
+1 to all of this. If the grandparents really want some special time without the nanny right away, they can take the baby to library storytime or an infant music class. These things are really for the caregiver, not the baby, at this age.
Pogo says
+1 They will get more involved as they get older. We have two sets of involved grandparents that do not provide full time care. Here is what they do now (kiddo is 2.5)
1) when nanny is on vacation or in her home country – grandparents take turns covering (totals around 4w a year)
2) we go on vacation with the grandparents that live farther away 2x a year, during which time they get 24/7 kiddo time obviously (2w total)
3) yes, date nights or nights when husband and I have evening conflicts (he has a Sports Thing, I have a networking event) (2-5 nights/month)
4) When one of us is travelling, grandparents provide additional coverage for pickup, dropoff, evening time when one of us has a commitment (client dinner, working late, etc)
At the baby stage I really would just have my mom over in the evenings as an extra set of hands when husband was travelling. I don’t think husband really had her over at all when I traveled then, as baby could easily be contained in a playpen, would happily munch an avocado in the highchair for 45 min, etc. It’s actually so much more helpful now to have help with a rambunctious toddler, who, when I told him I had to do chores last night and couldn’t play, tried to convince the cat to play with him (spoiler: cat walked away and took a nap). Grandparents are great for this kind of thing!
Anon says
I think this will get easier as your child gets older and is awake for more. When he stops napping in a few years, I promise you, you will be VERY glad to drop him off at the grandparents on a weekend afternoon. In the meantime, could they have one day per week where they come over and let the nanny go early? It sounds like that would make everyone happy (assuming you trust them to babysit of course). My parents aren’t local but they do early daycare pickups when they visit and they are moving here soon and the plan is they will do early pickups 1-2 times per week.
Anon says
Honestly, I would feel the same way. We have 3 sets, all local, and the only grandchildren in the family. Only 1 of the grandparents is retired and the kids see a lot more of that grandparent because she is our childcare. I don’t give up time with the kids at this point for grandparents. When we see the others, it is as a family. The others don’t get that one on one time, for a variety of reasons. Do they have an interest in helping more with childcare, even part-time, or is that definitely a no-go for you?
Anonymous says
If your parents and in-laws are competent caregivers, why not choose some time for them to take care of baby, and if you need to make use of the nanny’s hours, ask her to do more housework? They could have “special” thing they do with baby, like always go to library story time on Mondays, or whatever.
My parents are local and they take my kids to swim class during the week and usually bring over dinner once a week. They also come over on Sunday nights for dinner. They have my kids over for sleepovers at their house once every month or two.
My mom genuinely wants to help, so I am totally comfortable letting her bring dinner and giving her a Costco list, etc.
Anonymous says
I don’t really agree with the advice to not let them have one-on-one time until your child is much older. For one, it honestly seems kind of self-centered to deny them time with your baby and toddler and then to expect them to help you out with after school care when you have a school age child. It makes it pretty clear you only want the grandparents spending time with your kids when it benefits you. For another, and sorry to be morbid, but unless they’re really young for grandparents, there’s a reasonable chance they won’t be around or at least won’t be as healthy and active in five years as they are now. I didn’t grow up with local grandparents and have always been sad I didn’t have the close knit relationships with grandparents that many of my friends did. If my parents were local, I would absolutely find a way to facilitate them spending one-on-one time with their grandchildren on a regular basis. In your shoes, I wouldn’t want to give up weekend time with my child either, so I would probably tell the grandparents they could come over during a weekday and take the child out to do a special one-on-one activity (with advance notice and assuming you feel comfortable with them driving your child, of course). Your nanny can use the time to do more housework, or you can give her a break if housework isn’t in her job description.
Anonymous says
(To be clear, “you” means royal you – I know you weren’t proposing this, OP)
Pogo says
I think most people were saying just that it becomes “easier” to come up with things for grandparents to do w/ kiddo as they become older. Not that you should deny grandparents time with the baby.
The other thing that I struggle with is that the more active and healthy the grandparents, the more likely they are also to have their own life and set of activities that they do. My mom volunteers quite a bit and my in-laws are constantly golfing and playing bridge with friends. So for them fitting in daytime stuff is harder than coming over in the evening, and I also didn’t want to impose regular childcare on them in any way that would interfere with their retirement life.
Forgot to mention the other thing grandparents love is when we take our son to church with them. Church + brunch makes them so, so happy and it’s easy enough for us to oblige.
Walnut says
Girl, if someone is offering to grocery shop for you take them up on it!!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Are you planning to have more kids? I think you’ll find that with more than 1, it will be a lot easier to accept any and all help and also to take more time for yourselves for date nights because dealing with two little ones (often on different nap schedules) all weekend is a lot! And I agree that having them nearby will become so much more helpful when the kid(s) are in school as the school day ends at around 3, there are random closures and early dismissals and of course summers. We appreciate having my parents nearby now but I think it will be even better when our kids are in Kindergarten and up.
For now, our kids are almost 4 and 15 months and are both in full-time daycare, and my parents usually come over every weekend or every other weekend and spend time with the older one, and now probably also the younger one as their nap schedules are lining up. My husband and I use this time to either do chores around the house, get some workouts in and dates. My dad is retired and can often cover sick days as well, which is great when one of us can’t stay home. My dad also watched the then-baby for two days when he was younger, which could be an option for you.
SC says
We have two sets of local grandparents, both in-laws–DH’s parents are divorced and remarried. Our son is 4 years old. For our son’s first year, we had a nanny. Since then, he has been in daycare full-time. We pay for a babysitter about 50% of the time we need one.
In-laws do not provide, and have never provided, regularly scheduled babysitting/care. All four in-laws work full-time and have their own activities and schedules. There are also several other local grandchildren they help out with as needed.
Of the four, MIL spends the most time with Kiddo and is the only one who spends significant one-on-one time with him. About once a month, she babysits during the day or just comes over and hangs out while DH and I do two-person projects around the house. We also vacation with her for 9 days every summer. FIL likes to drop by our house for a 30-45 minutes or take us out to brunch or lunch but rarely babysits. The step-grandparents are involved mostly in family gatherings (there are a lot though, between birthdays, holidays, spontaneous pool parties) or when we specifically invite them over for dinner.
I don’t think there’s a right answer here. You get to spend as much time with your nuclear family as you want/need to. It’s an important time to bond. But ask for and accept help when you need it. The in-laws have been very helpful when we’ve needed a hand (when we’re sick, when we moved, when we needed to buy a new car). DH also has siblings who have young children, and we exchange favors with them pretty frequently.
Anon says
i do not think you should feel guilty in towards the baby for giving up your time when he is awake. if you would like to have a set of grandparents watch the kid so you can run errands, sleep, workout, get a manicure, etc. then no reason to feel guilty! However, if you don’t want to give up that time and want the 1:1 time with your baby on the weekend – do you fully trust both set of grandparents with the baby? could you let the nanny leave early sometimes but of course still pay her so the grandparents have 1:1 time that doesn’t take away from your time with baby. i realize this might feel a bit silly from a $ standpoint, but wouldn’t really cause any harm to anyone? also, once your baby switches to 1 nap in about 6 months there will be a lot more time to fill on weekends and you might welcome some of that grandparent time. some people i know do regular sunday or friday night dinners with extended family, though if you and DH are still there I do not know if that would count as one on one time to them? (as someone with twins and no local family, we genuinely would love to have an extra set of hands, but i also know that our situation is a bit different since we have two).
AwayEmily says
My mom lives 25 minutes away, and works well for us is having very regularly scheduled times for her to be with the kids. This will likely look different for you, but for us it’s that we spend most of every Saturday at my mom’s house (~11 – 6). During that time we are careful to make sure she gets some one-on-one time with each of the kids (eg by taking one out on a walk or doing a craft). Then she babysits for us 1 – 2 nights a month, either because of work travel or for date nights.
This seems to be about the right balance for all of us, and I like that it’s predictable.
AwayEmily says
PS my kids are 2 and almost-4, and we moved closer to my mom about two years ago, so we’ve had this system in place for awhile.
Anonymous says
Thanks all! All grandparents are totally competent caregivers. It’s almost like an emotional labor thing – right now, I just feel like I don’t have the time to think about what grandparents can do specifically. And when my mom texts about going to the store, I haven’t even thought about a list yet to the point of figuring out even a thing she could get.
Anonymous says
I think that’s where AwayEmily’s idea is brilliant. If you can invest the energy to decide that every other Thursday night is grandparent night/parent date night, then it’s less planning in the future.
rosie says
I hear you on the emotional labor. We have one set of non-local grandparents who visit relatively often but don’t stay with us and are competent caregivers. When my toddler was younger and in a nanny share, we basically let them do what they wanted as long as they gave us advanced notice (so I was not going to be texting as a go-between with them and our nanny to coordinate day-of). When they visited, usually they did their own thing in the mornings, and then would take my daughter for lunch + nap + afternoon time (and then either dinner together or not). We never changed our nanny’s responsibilities or pay, that didn’t seem fair to her (or the other family since we were in a share) — I also wouldn’t ask your nanny to do chores or something instead of childcare unless that was in your original agreement. I think it’s important for the nanny and the grandparents to have a good relationship rather than building resentment, and my view that this was entirely a bonus not actual reliable childcare such that we no longer needed full-time care. Now that we’re in preschool, they pick her up at the end of the day (versus having her stay for aftercare), but we’ve agreed that we don’t want to disrupt her preschool routine that much.
Anon says
Why is any of this a problem? Sounds like you have a sweet life with tons of support.
Anonymous says
I am not in this situation and envy those who are. If you’re already liking the balance you have with date nights, etc., then I’d have grandparents spend more time with kiddo when you’re at work and kiddo should be with the nanny. You can ask nanny if she’d be interested in taking over more household responsibility (housekeeping, errands, shopping, etc.). Otherwise, I’d probably just let her leave early when grandparents come over without docking her salary.
Anonymous says
Two kids (4 and 1), one local set of grandparents. We see them about every week or two usually for dinner at their house (sometimes ours; when we had a tiny baby they would BRING DINNER TO OUR HOUSE which was amazing). They are retired but travel pretty frequently. They are our back up childcare — teacher planning days, mildly sick days or “can you pick him up so I can finish this meeting and then I’ll be right home” days. Our daycare is on a school calendar and they’ve even done all of spring break or multiple summer weeks for us. We take care of their house if they’re traveling and I assume will do more to help as they get older. They’ll occasionally babysit so we can go out, and do overnights a few times a year (easier for them that evening babysitting at our house). My dad likes to tinker and sometimes will help us with car repairs.
Pogo says
That makes me smile and reminds me of my dad. He LOVES to help DH around the house with projects.
Anonymous says
OP here – thanks all!! It seems like it’s just going to be easier for grand parents to get this one on one time as the baby gets older/school aged. DH and I have talked with all grandparents – we don’t want any of them to be regular weekly daytime childcare right now. They all already raised kids, have their own retirement activities going on (not always on a regular schedule), etc. We are happy to have them for backup care and date nights or overnights (just did a long weekend away for the first time and it was great!). Everyone is a competent childcare provider and we trust all of them.
While I like AwayEmily’s suggestion, I think part of the problem is that we always have something going on or plan to have something going on on weekend days that isn’t a regular thing. E.g., I’ll get all my haricuts/nails/facials/massages then, but it’s a different thing each week and at wild different times and locations each week. Husband will decide last minute to do house or lawn repair type stuff and need to either make one or a trillion trips to the hardware store, we’ll either decide we need to go grocery shopping or not. So we’re doing stuff, but don’t have a regular weekend schedule.
And I love grocery shopping and most errands and my parents and in laws do not, so if I need something (e.g. soy sauce and I want a specific brand and size) they often send me a million questions while I’m at work (“are you sure you want X brand? Y brand is on sale…” “no I don’t like Y brand, please get X brand”) or they can’t find it easily, refuse to ask for help at the store, then don’t get me the thing I need or get me something that is not what I asked for (e.g., hoisin sauce instead of soy sauce)
And the grand parents want to kick us out of the house, when all I want to do is hang out at my house that I pay a large mortgage payment on, have decorated and filled with things I like, and it has all my stuff… I don’t want to leave once I’ve done my errands.
Anonymous says
My kids are older: 1.5, 4, 6. My mom is not our childcare but does live in town. I’d say about once a week she does something that is helpful but also sneaks in visit time: picks up my preschooler at 3 and takes her home for dinner then returns her for bath & bed. Comes over and works from my house while my toddler naps in the afternoon so I can go to meetings without hiring a sitter. Picks up my oldest at school and takes her to or of her activities. And then put to dinner.
Maybe once a month she’ll have one or two of the kids over for the day/ a sleepover. She’s open to coming over so DH and I can have a date night, if we give her enough notice.
Beth @ Parent Lightly says
My husband’s parents live in our town. When the kids were little, grandma and grandpa watched them every Tuesday night which was awesome. Now that the kids are older, grandma often picks them up after school and takes them to activities which is SO helpful.
Anon says
How did you choose a convertible car seat? On the review sites I find conflicting info about safety ratings with no real authoritative source. Not even sure where to start except that I have a 99.9th percentile for height baby, so it seems like the extended rear-facing options are to go cheap (Grace Extend2Fit) or expensive (Nuna rava or Clek) with no middle ground. Is the height limit even something I even need to account for or do you realistically never need the extra inches?
Anonymous says
If your baby has a tall torso, then the height limit is important. Is he/she also 99th percentile for weight? If height is more of a concern, you may be fine with seats with a 40 lb RF limit but a taller shell than ones with the 50 lb weight limit. My kids are average height but it’s all in their legs, so they get way longer out of seats than similar-height kids with taller torsos.
Meg says
The two factors for us were size of kid and size of car. Like you, we have a very tall kid, but we also have a Prius so needed a seat that wouldn’t encroach too much on the rest of the back seat. We went with the Diono Radian (newer models have resolved latching issues you may see in old safety alerts) and have been happy with it for the last year. My sister also has a Diono for her string bean 5 year-old in their sedan, and it has grown well with him. She uses a Graco in her SUV. Hope that helps!
Katarina says
The Chicco Nextfit is good for extended rear facing and in the middle price wise. I have been very happy with it. My kids are tall with long torsos, although generally taller as babies than toddlers.
Pogo says
+1 super happy w/ our Nextfit. Mine is still RF at 2.5, still has a few more inches. But he was only 60th percentile at last checkup.
Anonymous says
We chose this as the only even moderately affordable seat that would work for extended rear facing for our extremely tall kid several years ago. More options now!! That child has moved into a Graco Tranzitions and based on that I’d go with the Graco convertible you mentioned if I was doing it again. Chicco one is sooooo heavy and bulky.
TheElms says
Along the same lines, is there a website that says which convertible car seats fit well in which cars? I have a 95% kiddo for height, all of which appears to be in her torso, as at just shy of 8 months she is about to outgrow her infant car seat. That is the body type that both me and DH have so I think it may continue for her. We have the Mesa and it only fit ok in our car (husband is 6’2″), so if possible I’d like something that allows for extended RF and fits well in our car. Maybe a pipe dream.
anon says
Car Seats for the Littles has a Facebook group where you can ask this and will get options and opinions from people with same/similar cars. Or, you can search for other posts within that group your same car/specs. as a side note, we are tall people, and like the NextFit zip in the middle of my back seat in my Crosstrek.
Anonymous says
Convertible seats usually take up less space front-to-back than infant seats, so you might be fine. the Extend2Fit is often recommended as a seat that can be pretty compact from-to-back when RF (but if you flip your kid before she hits 40 lbs the required FF recline makes it take up a lot of room).
Anonymous says
I haven’t seen any sites that have it for all the seats, but car seats for the littles has them sporadically like this one for the extend2fit: https://csftl.org/graco-extend2fit-review/ . It seems like a very tight squeeze. I’ve heard the Nuna Rava takes up less room but haven’t seen it.
Anonymous says
(it’s at the bottom FF section)
CCLA says
We have nuna ravas in one car and clek fllos in the other. To prior poster’s point on the nunas being good for leg room, I can attest that we have two rear-facing in a sedan (formerly 3 series and now model 3). DH is 5’10” so not especially tall, but he had plenty of room. The cleks were way more space consuming front to back than the nunas. I was surprised that the nunas have a higher height limit since they seemed shorter, but in any case our 3.5 yo still has lots of room height-wise in both. Cleks also were narrower and so we fit them side by side, with one in the middle of the bench, leaving room for an adult to sit in the back. In the sedan, we have one nuna on each side since they are somewhat wider across.
rosie says
I wish we had gotten the Graco one for my tall kid (we got a Britax Marathon clicktight based on reading Baby Gear Lab reviews…of course she prefers the $40 Cosco Scenera Next we use for travel). Keep in mind that spending $$$$ does not necessarily mean huge jumps in safety/quality/etc.
6 year old birthday says
I am having problems finding a present for a 6 year old boy. His parents have limited space for toys and the family will be relocating soon, so I am leaning towards something small or a book. He does not care for Legos. My kid is younger and I cannot figure out a good option for this age. Any suggestions?
ElisaR says
does he like sports? we got a subscription to sports illustrated kids for my nephew and he loves it. The posters are all over his room.
Anonymous says
If you think his parents would be on board, maybe some money to put towards some digital downloads for movies? Especially if the relocation will involve a long car trip.
Katarina says
Board games, science kit, art supplies, dress-up clothes.
Katarina says
I think 6 year olds have pretty individualized interests, I would ask the parents.
Some ideas my 6 year old likes are board games, science kit, art supplies/kit, dress-up clothes. Books are also good, my 6 year old son is getting into chapter books (Zoey and Sassafras, Geronimo Stilton, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). Pokemon is pretty popular among 6 year olds. He loves movies, but we have Disney+, and he is not into sports.
Anon says
+1 to the books mentioned, plus the Pedro series and Magic TreeHouse. Or a National Geographic Kids/ Ranger Rick/ Ask/ Spider/ Highlights magazine subscription for the new place?
Anonymous says
6 is too old for Magic Tree House.
Anonymous says
Books are great. At that age my son was into Fly Guy, and he really liked Why Fly Guy. Or some kind of activity kit. You could also ask his parents if likes Dog Man and has the new Dog Man book.
Anonymous says
My kids (5 and 7) are obsessed with the Natural Geographic encyclopedias they got for Christmas.
Anon says
Magazine subscription.
Anon says
Some sort of selection of activity books, like with a mix of coloring, mazes, connect the dots etc. Theme depends on the kid but a lot of my son’s friends like dinosaurs and earth/space. Bonus that these are somewhat consumable when they finish them, for the space constraint.
Anon says
Any recs for doll clothes that will fit Corelle dolls? The Corelle clothes are expensive and not my style.
Anonymous says
No specific recs, but etsy has tons of doll clothes if you know the size.
Petite Mom says
Gift ideas for 1 year old boy with older brother? What would be a unique gift considering he has a lot of toys and clothes from older brother? Also, do I need to get a gift for sibling? Thank you!
Anon says
Is this for a one year old’s birthday party? No, you do not need to get sibling something.
shortperson says
bubbles, sidewalk chalk or beginner crayons. or matching button up shirts or stuffed animals for the brothers. i think reducing sibling jealousy is itself a gift to the little brother.