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I like this ponte dress from Lauren Ralph Lauren. It is simple, full coverage, and the color is beautiful. I also like that the belt is velvet, which gives it some seasonal appropriateness. (Since the dress is machine washable, the belt probably can come off — though I can’t tell from the photo — so you can swap it to change up the look.) The full skirt is a nice element and it looks like it adds some movement. The dress is available in sizes S–XL (red and black) for $145 and in 1X–3X (red and black) for the sale price of $124. Velvet Belted Ponte Dress This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
FVNC says
Can anyone suggest what to put in a care package for a 5 1/2 yr old boy, in kindergarten, who will be going through chemo? I’m thinking a card from my kid who was his preK classmate, coloring books, maybe some early reader stories. Anything else? Gift cards to nearby restaurants/grub hub? Thanks!
Anonymous says
My 6 year old loves audiobooks. You could also do a small Lego set, paper airplane book (we like one called “Kids’ Paper Airplane Book”), Melissa & Doug Reusable Sticker Pads, maybe a card game (Sleeping Queens is fun, or Spot It Jr).
FVNC says
Thank you! These all sound perfect.
MRSKBP says
We had a similar aged friend that had chemo too. How about play doh, matchbox cars, word searches, any craft like make slime, painting sun catchers, science experiment kits, cool pajamas/soft socks/slippers, the throw blanket you can make yourself by tying the knots. And gift cards for parents that might be too tired to cook.
anon says
My five-year-old loved getting a yo-yo that automatically goes back up. Seriously loves that silly $6 toy more than many much, much more expensive things. And Kwik Stix paint markers are awesome. If I were getting a gift card for that age, it would be for ice cream and nothing else.
FVNC says
Thanks, all! Awesome ideas.
anon says
This was a huge hit for a kid in my family going through the same. Half the price at target
https://www.amazon.com/Toysmith-6130-12-Robot-Claw/dp/B000F4G5KK/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1542215771&sr=8-3&keywords=robot+claw
anon. says
if you’re still there, look at kiwi crate. we did a 3 month subscription for my 7 yo niece going through chemo.
Patricia Gardiner says
First time posting on c-moms!
Is there an easy app or service that would let me share a photo album with family securely and add to it frequently, and non-tech-savy family members could check it at their leisure? Not FB for various reasons. A one-click app would be perfect, not saving and going to a secure website. Thank you!
TheElms says
If everyone has an iPhone/iPad you could use Photostream on the iPhone. This is a pretty good explanation of how it works.
https://www.imore.com/my-photo-stream
anon says
I use photostream for this purpose and it works well.
Anonymous says
The Tiny Beans app might work for you. You can easily upload photos and captions through the app and your family can either get emails, use the app, or go to the website to see the photos. For our un tech savvy family members having a daily or weekly email with photos automatically sent works really well.
Turtle says
We use Lifecake and love it. End users can download pictures from it – initially we wanted one where the pictures were 100% secured and not downloadable but we then determined that family liked the ability to download images they wanted (as opposed to nagging us to send pictures) so we got over it. It’s still invite only and you can add/remove people easily.
Initial set up of the app was a little tough for truly non-tech people (download app, email goes to your inbox with link to click, etc.) but it was no different of a process than, say, setting up a new banking app on your phone.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We use google photos and give family members access. You can get the app across iPhones, androids, etc. and can also view the albums on your desktops.
EB0220 says
My sister uses Tinybeans and it works well!
anon says
also use Tinybeans. You can either set it so others can download the pics or set it so they can’t. Happy with it so far and my non tech savvy parents have been able to figure it out
Anonymous says
Another vote for TinyBeans. Family members love it.
Anonymous says
We use Shutterfly share sites, which works well for our family. Easy to access from the app, and it also sends a weekly email update (if you want it to) with the photos to subscribed members. It also has a very easy interface with Shutterfly, no surprise, if you or your family want to make prints or products from the photos posted.
AwayEmily says
We have a private Instagram account for our kids (ie, I only give permission to close friends and family). This worked out well because the majority of my family/friends had Instagram anyway so they didn’t have to download a new app, create a whole new username, etc. The instagram app makes it really easy to switch between accounts, so I can easily switch to the kids’ account if I want to post a photo of them, and then back to mine to post photos of my cat/food/other typical instagram stuff.
Instagram is owned by Facebook, so maybe that’s an issue for you? But I don’t have a Facebook account (neither does my husband) and we’ve had no problem using Instagram.
Patricia Gardiner says
Thanks all- will look at these options!
Anon says
Moment Garden works great for this! It’s so easy and my (not tech savy) parents love it
Anon4this says
Reposting from yesterday since I think I posted on a not very much trafficked thread —
I’m the poster that mentioned the possibility of spouse getting a somewhat short term political appointment in another state (his home state) that is a plane ride away. It is a career making role for spouse. Well, it seems to be happening! Which is sooo exciting for spouse! Spouse’s job would likely start in January and last 2 years or so. It is logistically challenging for me. I absolutely want to support spouse in this, but I could use some help thinking though how best to approach everything with my firm. (Senior associate East Coast Big Law. I have a mix of a specialty counseling practice and litigation practice – some related to the specialty some general).
I’m 13 weeks pregnant and haven’t announced my pregnancy at work yet. Due mid-late May. I assume I should get on that ASAP so that conversation is separate from conversation about potentially working remotely, taking leave and returning to work as a remote employee. Ideally, I’d go remote in January, but that seems unrealistic. I’d be happy to stay in DC through the end of March and then go remote for April / May until I take leave. I would plan to take a longer leave (7 and a bit months) and return to work as a remote employee Jan 1, 2019. I’d be remote for a year. I’m open to being remote longer and taking more unpaid leave. I’d prefer not to quit outright. (It doesn’t seem realistic for me to find a job to start in January at 5 months pregnant.) Obviously, no one can say if my firm would agree to this, but does this seem like something that is at least plausible to suggest?
Are there better options I haven’t considered? I’m pretty much open to any and all suggestions. I fully realize that none of this is going to be easy.
anon says
That has been allowed in my firm for trailing spouses of military members. I think the key for them was to get buy-in informally from their biggest sources of work (i.e., the partners they work most with) before approached “The Firm” with a formal request. That way, when it gets to The Firm, it’s like, here’s the problem, we solved it, please sign off on the solution that makes everyone happy.
In your case, if this is great connection for your spouse, I would hope the firm would appreciate the business advantages of the potential good will that you might receive from the opportunity, too.
Anonymous says
Thanks, this is a good idea.
Anonymous says
I think if you’ve been there long enough to prove yourself, this won’t be a problem. 10:09 anon provided some sound advice.
anon says
It’d be good to go in prepared with logistics info:
-does the firm have offices in new state? if not, what would they have to do to be your employer there? partners at my biglaw firm had to file taxes in every state in which we had offices—I don’t think they would have added to the state count for an associate.
-are you licensed in the new state? if not, is the state officially cool with you practicing without a license there?
If the logistics of having you officially in the other state are too much, could you stay based in your home office, but just travel to other state a lot (maybe just with the blessing of the partners you work for, not an official designation?
Is your firm really awesome? At some fiems, I might be concerned that they’d use the remote work request as a pretext for firing someone before mat leave.
Anonymous says
I’m 39 weeks pregnant and getting my annual review today. I got a summary of what to expect and it is very mixed, definitely the worst I have ever received. I’m surprised to see how strongly some of my evaluators seem to think I’m not doing well enough. My hormones are crazy and I just don’t know how I’m going to get through it without starting to cry, which is definitely not appropriate in my office environment. Good vibes and/or advice appreciated.
Anonymous says
Focus on your breathing. Deep inhale through the nose, out through the mouth. I also hold a lot of tension in my mouth so I make an effort to relax my tongue instead of pressing it against the top of my mouth. Can you take in a pad and a pen, looking down to take notes may give you a brief composure break.
CPA Lady says
Maybe focus on action steps? Okay, so they think you didn’t do great at xyz. Well, that’s water under the bridge because, in the words of Elsa “the past is in the past”. What can you do moving forward? Unless they sit there and berate you, they will probably be glad to talk about concrete steps you can take, and it will help to give the meeting positive momentum. Or it will at least help you understand what the issue is, and you can go from there. This might involve you disagreeing with their assessment, but it will at least be informative. I guess try to focus on the information rather than the emotions.
I’m sorry. This is rough. Sometimes when I’m on the verge of tears it helps me to repeat to myself “this is not about me”, because really, it’s usually not.
anon says
I’m sorry; this is rough. Is it possible for you to step out before the review and cry? I find if I get it out once, then I’m less likely to cry later (I cry super easily!). I second the recommendation to go in with concrete steps.
And honestly, I’ve cried in a review before. I acknowledged it and explained it was a stress response and talked as calmly as I could while trying to ignore it. You’ve got this.
Kelly says
That is tough — I’ve been through it too, and I’m sorry you have to face it, and on the cusp of your maternity leave. As a practical matter, you should figure out whether you believe it is more negative than usual —
(a) for legitimate reasons — in which case, thank them for the candid feedback, give them any context that might be useful to them, and tell them you look forward to the opportunity to work on those improvement areas in the next few weeks and when you come back from leave; or
(b) for non-legitimate reasons — like you are a senior associate and they are pushing you out, you think they plan to fire you post-maternity leave because you’ve had a baby, or for some other bad motivation not related to your actual performance. In that case, if they say you are getting your full bonus and raise for 2019, I would stay positive at the interview (you can offer counterpoints but in a collaborative way) and remain quiet until that bonus hits and you’ve finished your maternity leave; however, I would still speak with an employment lawyer and come up with a list of recruiters in the near term. If they are penalizing you financially right now (no bonus/no raise), I would push back and write a note to file, and check with an employment lawyer immediately to figure out what else you can do to protect yourself (or negotiate an exit package when the time comes).
Good luck — report back!
Anon says
It is interesting that you got bad reviews for the first time when you’re very pregnant? If you have a record of stellar reviews for several years, and you disagree with the assessments this year, I’d just keep that in the back of your mind. I’m not suggesting calling anyone out in your review, but it may make sense to discuss separately with a female partner/mentor if you have one.
Anonanonanon says
^This. the timing seems… supicious. I’m not saying you should accuse anyone of anything, but either they’re up to something shady (in which case you shouldn’t take it personally) or you genuinely had some trouble while pregnant, but you soon won’t be pregnant and so there’s no reason to get upset!
Hang in there. Deep breaths. I agree with the suggestion to bring a note pad to look down at. Just get through it and break down after.
OP says
Thanks all. It was framed as an overall negative review, although there were multiple people who provided very good feedback and apprently one person who provided very negative feedback. I am proud to say I got through without breaking down in tears, though my voice was quite shaky.
I was surprised by the negative feedback and I’m not sure whether it was deserved or not. I may reflect on it a bit, but I don’t want to stay in my current job very much longer after I return from maternity leave anyway. I have always thought of this position as a means to pay off my loans and I am almost done paying them off. Using this as motivation to start looking for next steps.
Toddler winter boots? says
Toddler winter boot recommendations? My instinct is just to buy whatever’s at target but I’m open to spending more $ if people have strong recommendations. The toddler in question is 2.5 and we live in a VERY snowy area (it has already started snowing here). She plays outside a lot, including at daycare. Boots will get passed down to her brother eventually. I’d like something that is reasonably easy to get on and off.
EB0220 says
We’ve tried a couple of different kinds and really like the Kamik snow boots. If you will use them regularly throughout the winter plus pass them down, it’s probably worth the $30.
Redux says
Plus 1, also in a very snowy climate.
Anonymous says
Plus 1, specifically the Kamik Snowbug – much easier to get on/off than some others we tried.
octagon says
If you are certain you want to hand them down, LL Bean or Bog boots.
Personally I am of the Target-boot persuasion, since we may need a bigger size before winter is over and my kid is hard on shoes.
Betty says
Bogs are really great! We found them easy on and off, and ours lasted two seasons. They have been warm for our very cold winters (its 24 today!). I found LLBean boots to be heavy for toddlers.
anon says
I’ve used Kamik snowboots with both of my kids. I will dissent a bit on the Snowbug style — while they’re super easy to get on, they let snow inside SO easily. I found this more with the second kid who wore them, probably because the elastic band had lost some of its stretch. I ended up having to buy her a new pair of boots mid-season because the poor thing was getting soaking wet/cold feet at daycare.
Anonymous says
This is so late I’m sure you’re not reading – BUT I have never felt worse as a parent than when my nanny and I realized that my 3 year old was not being unnecessarily whiney but had been walking around in wet boots in sub freezing weather for hours (in Boston). If you live in a snowy climate, don’t get the target boots. I like the Kamak boots. People seem happy with Bogs, too.
Moving from 1 kid --> 2 says
I’m 20 weeks pregnant with kid #2. I just spent a three day weekend alone with kid #1, who is 2. My husband travels 50% of the time for work – this won’t be changing. I’m feeling a bit crispy around the edges and anxious about how this weekend would have played out with 2 kids vs. 1. What do you wish you’d known before kid 2 showed up? What was the biggest change?
Anon says
The first 3-6 months are all about survival. Do whatever it takes to just get the three of you through each day.
After that (my oldest is now 6) it’s all about routine and preparation. Spend some time figuring out the best way to do that in your house – I posted yesterday about my evening routine (on the solo parent eating with kids question) and how that looks in my house. I have routines for everything. The kids know what to expect, I know what to expect, and it minimizes fights. “Oh, it’s 7:15, time to read a book!” is because of the routine, not because you’re Big Bad Mom who wants to stop playing and hates fun.
You also need to be good at two things – saying no (even if you want to say yes) and asking for help. Both things will help keep your calendar simple and brain un-fried.
Anonymous says
As far as survival the first few months– I have a 3 month old and a difficult 3.5 year old. Line up support now!! By 2 weeks I could handle both kids on my own for short periods of time, but it’s gotten more difficult to do as the baby has gotten more rigid about needing specific naps and yet still must be held for some naps (and is too heavy to wear more than a few hours/day, won’t sleep in carrier if you’re not walking outside, etc). We kept older kid in full time preschool since we’d lose our spot otherwise and it has been so great. On days when school is closed I have no shame about getting my parents or a teenage babysitter to help for a few hours. If you don’t have a couple babysitters, find them now! Also– I am pretty strict about napping but my standards have had to relax for this baby. Sometimes we just need to do things as a family and the nap may not be ideal.
anon says
I just had a baby 5 months ago and my husband travels all week. It has been a rough transition, but now that we got in the groove I really like having two, and solo parenting them. I have gotten a ton of good advice from this site which helped a lot. I think some things I wish I had known are:
1. It is so so much more fun with two. I found parenting one kiddo super challenging when it was just my oldest (she is a very spirited /intense kid), but now that I got used to two I find it so so easy when it’s just me with one kiddo, and a bit boring. It’s so fun to see my two interact.
2. I found having two super challenging the first few months, but it got so so much better every month, and now I think I can handle it. So it may be challenging at first, but just remember it WILL get a lot better. My husband asked if he could go to Coachella for a weekend in April with his buddies (jokingly, expecting me to say no) and a month ago I would have been like no way and now I am like “sure! not a big deal, go have fun”
3. Get as much help with oldest as you can. In retrospect, I wish I had gotten more help. I tried to solo parent both all day when baby was a month and that lasted.. less than week. I became a lot happier and a much better parent when I sent my oldest to camp for half a day, got someone to come help me in the evenings twice a week, outsourced everything under the sun.
4. I find it so much easier to parent two kids when we are out of the house, so I found that if things were getting challenging we just went somewhere and they got better.
5. I wish I had done more preparing. Because it was my second kid I did no preparation whatsoever, and in retrospect I wish I had frozen some meals, read more about sleep, planned on a longer maternity leave, planned for more help, etc.
6. How old is you kid now? I was NOT prepared to how jealous my first would be (she is 5) and how much her behavior would worsen. The most challenging part of having 2 was my oldest behavior. Remember it gets better with time. I found it was helpful to have her “help” me as much as possible and to have on on one time with oldest daily.
7. I wish I had started using a baby carrier sooner. It makes it soo much easier to do things with oldest when I am carrying baby around.
8. I would do everything in your power to get baby sleeping well ASAP, since it is so so rough to parent two when sleep deprived. Look into a night nurse, a snoo, a swing for naps. Read precious little sleep. Once baby was sleeping well, I became a lot more sane. At month one I threw 1k in desperation to purchase a snoo, and it was so worth it.
Anonymous says
For me, I had an easy first baby. My second was like, 7-8/10 on a scale of difficulty for neurotypical babies (my first was a 4-5, my third a 2). I wished I had been mentally prepared for things to be harder on the baby side/ #2 didn’t sleep at ALL. Like until she was 2 she didn’t sleep without waking. I was tired all.the.time. And because my first was just barely 3, everything took a million years. It’s easy to scoop and hurry one along. Whole different ballgame with 2. I was late for everything until I just added an hour buffer.
K. says
I have a 4-year-old and a 14-month-old. Both have been fairly easy babies. One thing I wish I had known ahead of time is that the 4-year-old has always been more work and more challenging and needier than the baby! Last Sunday my husband was gone with my 4-year-old all day and I got so much done and found the day so easy! They are just starting to play together, which is very nice because it keeps them occupied, but also results in the older child trying to discipline the younger child and getting very upset when the younger one gets into her stuff (or is “bad” as she likes to say). It is harder for my husband and me to spend an equal amount of time with each child, so that has changed since just having one child. And I’ve not slept in a year! The other thing I’ve learned is that my expectations as a parent have changed with having two and that is okay too. I hope I don’t sound too negative–I love both my girls and it really hasn’t been too bad, but I feel like anyone can figure out the good parts of having two kids–it’s the bad parts that stick out!
Anonanonanon says
I was told “having two is more than twice as hard” over and over and over. I was especially concerned because there is a 7.5 year age gap between my kids, so it felt like I was starting over. However, I’ve learned that once you hit a certain point, tired is tired. That probably sounds more discouraging than I meant it to, but working full-time in a demanding (but rewarding!) job with an elementary-schooler who is in activities and has homework and a social life etc. was exhausting. And so is having 2. But tired is tired and I’m getting through just like I did with 1.
H13 says
Ask for, accept, and pay for help. When I had my second, this included having my mom come for an extended time (a true blessing), hiring a mother’s helper for evenings when my husband had to work late, etc. I also have really loosened my expectations about tidiness in the house since having a second (something that does not come naturally to me). When my husband is traveling or out late, we have really simple suppers (like frozen mac n’ cheese and frozen peas). You will get frustrated with your older kid but just forgive yourself.
Just like with the first, it will get easier eventually. Congrats!
anon says
A child in my family has a rare disease. I live in another state and have made it a point to visit often, send packages, FaceTime every night, keep in touch with the parents – be present as much as I can. I feel like I should do more, but I don’t know what that is. Use this experience as an opportunity to spread awareness? Create some kind of website dedicated to the kid? Anything?
Anon says
I say this as gently as possible, but maybe just care for and love the child like any normal, healthy kid? When we were told our baby would be born with a disability, it meant the most to me when our families and friends acted like everything was “normal” and loved her and celebrated her like they would any other typical baby on the way, and didn’t focus on the obstacles or challenges she might be facing.
FP says
I’m in my final three weeks of maternity leave – any ideas of things I should definitely do? Baby is almost 4 months and already going to daycare to ease into it before I’m back full time, so I have some blocks of time where I can get some projects done over the next couple of weeks. No need for freezer meals because 1. My freezer is already close to halfway full of breast milk bags, and 2. My office closes for two weeks at Christmas/New Years, so I’m probably going to prep freezer meals during that time. Final day of maternity leave is already planned for a day or baby snuggles on the couch with lunch delivered. How would you spend this time?
Anonymous says
I ironed everything in my closet. Haven’t ironed since (“baby” is now 4 1/2)
Anonymous says
I’d take a few hours to try on my work clothes and see what fits at this point and where you need to supplement with some new purchases. Then shopping as needed.
Anonymous says
Personal maintenance appointments- hair, dentist, eye doctor, etc. Holiday shopping/planning. Cull through baby clothes that are outgrown. And +1 on work wardrobe review.
Anonymous says
Holiday shopping/planning is a great suggestion.
SC says
I culled through my clothes and put only what fit in my closet. (I stored the rest for at least a while.) I got everything dry cleaned, and washed and ironed/steamed anything that needed it. I took shoes to the repair shop for polishing, new heel caps, etc. And I went to an outlet mall and shopped to fill in the gaps.
Personal maintenance appointments are good too. Get any routine doctors’ or dentists’ appointments out of the way.
I’d cook a few freezer meals for between now and the last two weeks of December, unless you’re stocked up. I like to pick one day per week where I make a double batch of something, and eat half for dinner that night, and freeze half for later.
+1 to holiday shopping and planning. But you don’t have to do much this year!
Knope says
If you haven’t sleep trained yet….do it now.
shortperson says
organizing all those baby photos and figuring out photo system going forward
sleeptraining says
I am going to start sleep training (Ferber) 5 month old baby in a few days. I did this very successfully with my oldest and would like to do things well this time around, and to have it work. Any advice?
He is 5 months. Up until a few weeks ago he was sleeping in the Snoo swaddled with paci. I more or less moved him to his crib and almost weaned the swaddle (I have both arms out). He sometimes end up in bed/snoo at around 4 am when I am too tired to make good decisions. He eats 4-6 am. I cannot wean the paci.
I am thinking having him nap well the day that I sleep train, and start at night. And then do naps and nights all at once to not confuse him. Questions I had are:
1. What do I do about the swaddle? I am torn whether to do it with the swaddle (it’s a happiest baby swaddle, so it has holes for arms), or a sleep sack.
2. What do I do about the paci? It’s a HUGE sleep associations for him (I re-insert it a few times at night), so I think it has to go. He will be so mad and I am afraid he will cry for hours though :/
3. What do I do about his 4-6 am feeding? He has gone til 6 am often, but sometimes he is up at 4 to eat (last night it was 3:45). I am thinking doing a dream feed before I go to bed and not feeding at 4 am, even if he cries, but I don’t know if that’s cruel. I just don’t want to go the path of giving in before 6 am (he goes to bed at 8), because it may make things worse in the long run.
Anonymous says
8pm – 6am is a really long stretch for a 5 month old to go without any fluids. I’d keep the 4am feed. Try to get in bed by 10pm every night so you’ll get at least 6 hours even if you have a hard time falling asleep again after the feed. Eyemask helps me fall asleep much more quickly.
Anonymous says
As a counterpoint, my baby began sleeping 10 hours straight when she was less than 2 months old. I don’t think it’s abnormal for a 5 month old to need a night feed, but there are certainly plenty of babies that age who don’t.
Anonymous says
Not sure if this is double posting – I’d keep the 4am feed – 8pm – 6am is a really long time for a 5 month old to go without fluids. Use an eye mask if you have a hard time falling back asleep after.
Anonymous says
So, this is a little opposite of Ferber generally, but we have always had a one thing at a time approach to this stuff, and it has worked very well. At five months, I’d go swaddle-free. That’s prime time for kiddo to start rolling over on his own during the night, so you’re probably close to the end of being able to use the swaddle anyway. My toddler still uses a paci at night, so that’s where I stand on that one. Let him still have his nighttime feeding(s) if he needs it. He’s only five months. The point of sleep training at this young of an age is so that he can fall asleep on his own when he wakes up and doesn’t need a feeding or after feeding, not to never feed him at night.
AwayEmily says
I think you know best when it comes to your own kid so you should definitely listen to your own instincts over anything I or anyone else says.
By the time my both my kids were 3 months old, they were waking only once in an 11-hour period to eat and even then only a small snack, so when we did sleep train at around 4 months, I felt very comfortable having them go the whole night (7pm – 6am) without eating. I did run it by my pediatrician first and he gave an enthusiastic thumbs up since they were both doing fine in terms of weight gain. Given that your kid has made it to 6am without eating, I feel like he’s also probably ready to go without a nighttime feeding? But again, I’d trust your own judgment (and maybe a quick call to the pediatrician would be helpful also).
Re: paci — my second wouldn’t take one, much to my dismay. For my first, we let her keep the pacifier for naps but didn’t let her use it at night, and that seemed to work well (they sleep so much better at night that it seemed less necessary). Definitely drop the swaddle for sleep training. Oh, and we did nights before naps. For my first, we never had to officially nap train; she just figured it out. For my second, about a week after night training we did nap training.
Related: I will give a big shout-out to my favorite sleep book, The Good Sleeper by Janet Kennedy. It’s not at all prescriptive, super supportive of all different approaches to sleep training, understands that all babies are different, and gives you the science behind sleep.
OP says
Ohh thank you everyone! What if I do a dream feed at 11 pm or so instead of the 4 am feed?
Anonymous says
My experience with a dream feed is that it just interrupted the deepest sleep cycle and resulted in the same or less sleep. For both my kids, that first sleep was always the longest, so messing with it with a dream feed didn’t help us. You could try it and see. I don’t think it’s crazy to not feed at night if your baby is sometimes doing it naturally. Our first baby stopped eating between 7:30-7 by 4 months on his own, so some babies are ready.
Anonymous says
We did the 11pm dream feed until 6-7 months I think and it didn’t seem to mess up the sleep cycle too much. But, our kid has always been a good sleeper but early riser so we were still up by 6. It’s worth a shot.
rosie says
On the paci, I would put a couple in his crib for him to find as needed. Weaning my daughter off the paci was not a battle I wanted to fight while sleep training (and she uses a paci now at 18-mo, and I’m fine w/that).
On the feed, ask your pediatrician if your baby should be capable of going through the night without a feed (I think there are recommendations based on weight and age). We sleep trained using the book the Sleepeasy Solution, which I liked a lot, and followed their section on night weaning. Basically you wake the baby up to eat before they usually wake themselves up and gradually taper the length of the feed. That way they are not waking up, crying, and getting fed, but they are not dropping the feed cold turkey.
AnotherAnon says
I really appreciate all the work pants suggestions from last week! I ordered: LOFT Julie pants (the size I ordered was way too big, but I like the seam down the back – might try again when they are on sale), a couple pairs from Uniqlo that haven’t arrived yet, and Express High Waisted Skinny Pants (these were not a rec from the board – and for good reason; they fit like leggings and are generally not work appropriate imho) and some Columnist pants. The Columnist pants were my favorite – good weight of fabric, but those pockets hit me so weird! They make me look like I’m wearing riding pants. I’m going to keep looking. Hopefully the uniqlos will fit and I can just order a couple more pairs. I can’t decide if I secretly enjoy the hunt or if it’s annoying.
Anonymous says
FYI I noticed with surprise Old Navy once again has trouser-y work pants. (I am one of the few Pixie haters. They just don’t look right on my massive thighs and I don’t like the fabric).
AnotherAnon says
Hey thanks!
StrangeQuestion says
My 60-yo male boss (who has an office next to mine) just asked me if his phone conversation disturbed me. Actually, my door was closed because I was pumping. (We’re open doors 99% of the time.) What should I have said?
Anonymous says
“Nope!”
wha says
“Actually, my door was closed because I was pumping.”
New Here says
I’m about halfway through my first pregnancy and working on figuring out all the “stuff” we’ll need for baby. Do most people look at the bigger items (crib, rocker/glider, dresser, stroller, carseat, etc) in person or just order online? I’ve done a bunch of online research. It would be nice to look at quality in person, but it doesn’t seem like there are many baby stores near me. I’m in between Baltimore and DC, but much closer to Baltimore. There’s a Buy Buy Baby in Rockville (45 minute drive) that we’ll probably try, but am I missing other places in the Baltimore / Maryland DC suburbs area? It seems like there should be more options.
Em says
The only things I bought in-person were the crib and matching dresser/changing table and the glider. I would have been open to buying the crib/dresser online, but my mom was buying it as a gift and we had two baby stores nearby, so we ended up shopping in person. The chair or glider I would highly recommend buying in person so you can sit in them. You want one that is comfortable and meets your needs, and it is difficult to tell if a chair will do that by shopping online. Some people are really concerned with size and ease of the stroller if they or their spouse are tall or they will be using it often, such as those living in big cities. We weren’t that concerned, though, so I just researched the safest carseat and bought the stroller combo version online.
FP says
+1 to trying a rocker/chair in person. My husband picked out one for our first baby and I didn’t try it ahead of time. The angle and depth of the chair was great for a person who is over six feet tall, but was way too big for me. I didn’t realize how uncomfortable I was until I nursed at the daycare one day in a smaller chair and was like, “oh! I’m basically sitting on a bench at home because nothing is supporting my back.” No wonder my whole body was so sore. So for baby #2 I splurged and got exactly what I wanted for a chair to fit my body.
Anonanonanon says
I’d recommend looking at stroller in-person if you can, it’s nice to play around with folding and unfolding them, seeing how heavy they are, etc. My husband is tall and it was helpful to see which ones he could push without constantly walking into the wheels.
I picked the stroller I was interested in and then looked on their website to see where it was sold. I was surprised by the number of independent baby shops in my area (a Virginia DC suburb). Other than that I made a trip to buy buy baby when we got a second lighter-weight stroller once baby could sit up unsupported.
Anonymous says
Online or through neighborhood listserve or Craigslist.
Katarina says
Glider and stroller I would look at in person. I like to look at other furniture in person. The handles of the stroller I wanted were too low for my husband. Buy Buy Baby should have a good assortment of things to look at, so I would make it a long day and look at lots of things there. Their 20% off coupons are also very useful for the bigger purchases. Some regular furniture stores have a good selection of baby furniture.
Anonymous says
I’m 5’2″ so I also wanted to see cribs in person to get a sense of the height of the sides.
Anon says
Stroller and Nursery Chair (we went full leather rocker recliner – like for a living room – and I would make the same choice in a heartbeat given how many hours I’ve spent in that chair) I would do in person, and maybe carseat. We got the Chicco Keyfit like a lot of people, but it was nice to see the different options and how the handles carried with my 10 lb purse in the bucket. We ordered pretty much everything else online – the crib I ordered from Target so that I could easily return it if I hated it (vs. trying to box it up and mail it back to a place that doesn’t have physical store locations).
Anonymous says
“we went full leather rocker recliner – like for a living room – and I would make the same choice in a heartbeat given how many hours I’ve spent in that chair”
Same, with so much enthusiasm.
We bought the crib and dresser from a local furniture store. Don’t forget regular furniture stores in addition to baby stores. Our experience is that the quality was higher for less money.
Anonymous says
I bought everything online and it worked out well. But I live in the true middle of nowhere and have to drive 1.5+ hours for any baby furniture stores.
Anonymous says
I’m 24 weeks pregnant and just ramping up on Big Law trial prep h e l l. The trial just got rescheduled from 3 weeks before my due date to one week after…. which means I’m going to be doing all the prep work, right up until my mat leave, with no breathing room, and then not even get to be part of the actual trial. (I’m a midlevel associate). The thought of the finish line being a few weeks farther away, and then not being part of the trial-day team, is just the straw on the camel’s back. I am so, so tired and there are a still a few months left of this.
How do I effectively draw some boundaries so I can just get enough sleep? And I mean that literally. I’ve been working from 9:30am until 2am plenty of nights and I can only imagine it will get worse as we get closer. I physically can’t do this anymore. But my job is not receptive to “I’m tired and need to rest,” even if I am pregnant, because… everyone’s tired. And now that the carrot of actual trial is gone I just feel depressed about all of it.
Anonymous says
In a similar situation, my doctor wrote me a note limiting me to 40 hours’ work per week. It was drastic but necessary.
Anonymous says
I think you either (i) step it up to “I’m tired and I need rest and not resting enough is putting my health and the health of my baby in danger” or (ii) just start going home earlier regardless of whether your work is done for the day. It’s your life and it’s up to you to be assertive when it’s important. What is the worst that could happen if you stick up for yourself? You get yelled at by your partner or your client? (I know that it is a big deal in the moment, but really, it’s not a terrible thing in the scheme of things, and most people are not total *ssholes.) You’re not going to not get fired (or even not make partner 5 years down the road) because you had the gumption to stick up for yourself in order to get 7 hours of sleep a night during your pregnancy. And if you do… is it really the career you want? I know this is hard, because I’ve had 2 pregnancies as a biglaw associate, so I’ve been in your shoes. I’m sure I never handled it perfectly, but something just has to give sometimes (and this will be even more true when you actually have a baby!)
Anonymous says
A week after? “This needs to be restaffed. I am due during trial prep. My health comes first. I could have the baby and miss all of this or be ordered to bed rest. Restaff it now while you have time.
Anonymous says
This. I went two weeks early.
And take care of your health. If you need a doctor’s note to limit your hours until it is restaffed, get one. You need to protect your health and your baby’s health. No trial is worth risking your health or your child’s health for.
AnonAtty says
+1 to no trial is worth risking your health or your baby’s health.
anon says
I worked like crazy during my pregnancy and got nothing to show for it except a trip to the hospital for pneumonia. The day I got out of the hospital, while still running a 104 degree fever, a partner proceeded to ream me out for not being available enough while hospitalized. (Did you know that you can’t bring your cell phone in to a chest x-ray?) After returning to work (not that I ever stopped working while I was out) I asked for help from several partners and senior associates to try to lessen my workload and got shrugs. The firm had zero appreciation for my efforts. I ended up taking the abuse and felt bad that I wasn’t able to contribute more, despite billing 350 hours that month while being so so sick and very pregnant. Don’t be me. In retrospect, I should have just told them no and dared them to do something about it. It didn’t get better and I ended up pulling a large number of all nighters to write emergency motions in the following weeks while still sick and even more pregnant. In retrospect, it was a really scary period for my mental and physical health.
I’d ask to be restaffed. It’s not worth it.
anon says
this is insane. i am so sorry that this happened to you. i know it really shouldn’t surprise me anymore, but it really blows my mind sometimes how people can be so unsympathetic/inconsiderate and have such a lack of concern for the employees/colleagues. i mean i get that the client’s needs are the top priority, but clearly your pregnant associate in the hospital is probably not producing their best work anyway, so there has to be a better way to meet clients’ needs
Anon says
Suggest the case be restaffed for the benefit of the firm and the client. If you go into labor just a few weeks early (which happens all the time), they will be in a very tight spot getting everything ready for trial. They may as well restaff the case now so the attorneys who WILL be present at trial have as much knowledge about the client, case, documents and relevant law as possible.
Are you sure they don’t plan to restaff the case? They may be concerned about approaching you lest they be accused of pregnancy discrimination. I would bring it up ASAP, and like it’s a foregone conclusion. Too bad they rescheduled the trial, I was so looking forward to getting that experience! Have you given any thought to who might step in for me to be the go-to associate? I should probably start transitioning the case so they can get as familiar as possible before trial. Then volunteer to help on a project basis as needed.
shortperson says
i did a large trial as a midlevel associate in biglaw, very pregnant. i told them i was hitting the point where i felt so tired that i was worried i was abotu to go into labor and then woudl disappear and everyone would be unhealthy and blame them. that somewhat scared them and it was true. after that i left every night at 10PM and no one batted an eye. they can reassign your work. they need to reassign your work since you wont be there for the trial. they are being unreasonable and stupid. if they dont budge when you explain things reasonably, i would do a reasonable amount, and then start looking for a new job once i get back from mat leave. do it while you are still a midlevel.
lawsuited says
Yeah, in a similar situation I kept going full tilt until I started having fainting spells from fatigue and such severe abdominal pain that I couldn’t walk so I was hospitalized and put on bed rest. It was easy enough to explain to my office at that point that I needed to step back from trial prep. I’d have a “what’s up the back up plan if I’m not able to complete this trial prep? I recommend XYZ” conversation now to get everyone comfortable with the idea that plans may need to be modified, and then go ahead an implement that plan as your doctor directs.