This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
My son still wears footie pajamas, and I recently told my husband I want him to wear them until he goes away to college because they’re so darn cute. Even though sometimes I get these flashes of what a big boy he’s becoming, I see him in footie pajamas and my heart melts at how little and innocent he still is. I still relish the fact that he doesn’t care what he’s wearing and barely notices the clothes I pick out for him, so into these he goes every night. They go up to 5T, so I’m hoping I get away with them until then, or at least until he needs to do bathroom trips at night by himself. They are $32.99 full price at Old Navy but are currently on sale for $26. Two-Pack Footie Pajamas
This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Gifts for #2 says
What’s a gift you appreciated for your baby #2? My sister is being induced Wednesday night. Other sister and I want to get her a couple little things to celebrate. I have an 18 month old so I know all about food, cleaning help, helping to care for my niece after baby arrives and all of that good stuff. But we’d love to get her something to open this weekend to have a little fun. I feel like all the cutesy toys sort of lose their charm with #2, but maybe I’m wrong. Any suggestions? And, gender neutral, please. TIA!
Anon says
Following up on yesterday’s Patagonia down sweater jackets conversation – we just purchased two and are using them for car seat rides. Are they warm enough for outside play in 25 degrees or so? Or do you buy a second warmer jacket for non car rides? They seem too thin to get us through a Chicago winter.
AwayEmily says
If it’s under 30, we layer a fleece under the Patagonias, and that seems fine for my kids — though both of them run a little hot, so YMMV.
Anonymous says
We do 2 jackets: one that’s carseat safe and one for outside play. The outside one mostly lives at daycare during the week.
Anonymous says
+1
Boston Legal Eagle says
Same here. Two winter jackets – one that’s carseat safe, one that’s more for outdoor playing/weekends.
lsw says
We do the same, and additionally leave a warmer one at daycare too. We are too absent-minded to remember to bring the warm one home from daycare. We just got one at a second hand store for cheap and that’s the one we leave at school.
AwayEmily says
Yes to the “extra daycare coat” — we have a hideous hand-me-down parka that lives at daycare so I don’t have to make the teachers do the whole layering shebang.
Anonymous says
This honestly never occurred to me (OP). Thank you all for the suggestion! I’ll be shopping for extra cheap coats this weekend.
Anonymous says
We live in a warmer climate than Chicago, and we still need ski jackets for colder days.
poiu says
Also in the Chicago area (and facing our first winter with a toddler). We ended up getting 3 coats. One fleece, for the car and two down (one lives at daycare). We got the down coats at TJ Maxx so they were ~$20 a piece. My feelings it that the fleece, with hat, etc, will be fine for the 10 yard dash into daycare but for outdoor playing I wanted him to have something more.
Anon says
related question – is the Patagonia nano puff jacket warmer than a fleece? or is the down sweater one warmer than a fleece? or are they about the same?
Anon says
Both are significantly warmer than a fleece.
Anonymous says
Ideas for practical gifts for an 18 month old for Christmas? I’m already getting requests from family. We have plenty of clothes/books and we got memberships to the local children’s museum and zoo for her birthday.
Anonymous says
Learning tower?
octagon says
If you have the space in your kitchen, this is easily our MVP purchase. It’s a big piece but kiddo loves it so so much, and we expect to get several more years out of it.
Lyssa says
That’s a great age for a play kitchen and/or all the accessories that go with it. I’ve never been able to believe how much play my kids have gotten out of the bucket of plastic food we got years ago. We also got a lot of use out of some of the fisher-price car tracks.
RR says
My kids are 11 and 6 and the play kitchen still gets used (by all three of them honestly because the older ones play with the younger one). That is seriously the best money I ever spent on any gift.
Anon says
Play kitchen if you have room for it!
Anon says
i have 18 month old twins. following up on the play kitchen, which they love! particularly love the bowls and spoons i got to go along with it. might also like a little shopping cart or baby stroller to push around. mega blocks are also quickly becoming a favorite. tea set. puzzles. new PJs. i do not know if you are starting to need larger towels for bath time (we were lucky to receive many kid/toddler size ones as baby gifts). Y bikes + helmet
Irish Midori says
18 months is coming on the right age for a strider bike. Ours got a ton of use.
rosie says
Agree on play kitchen and accessories. Shopping cart. Tea set (we have the green toys one and like it). Books. Wooden puzzles. Little People stuff.
Buble says
Agree but will quality with, when it comes to “accessories” for the play kitchen, there’s no need to go overboard. One set of food is likely enough — kids at 18 months don’t know the difference between, and won’t get any extra enjoyment out of, having a carrot vs. broccoli vs. a cucumber vs. a tomato. A representative sample of food that’s enough to set out one “meal” for four people should be plenty. Ditto with pots and pans — kids don’t know the difference between a strainer, a frying pan, a stock pot, etc. — one pan they can use to “cook” is enough.
Signed, someone who bought about six Melissa and Doug food sets one Christmas that barely got played with and were later given away to Goodwill
rosie says
The M&D food sets are so adorable, I can see why you went overboard. I would actually recommend Ikea for the kitchen & food. We’ve gotten a lot of mileage out of the veggie & fruit basket sets (both are soft/stuffed). They also have a pot and a utensil set that are cute. Having multiple pots is good if there’s any possibility of needing to share (sibling, nanny share, playdate, etc.), though — Ikea set was perfect for this and everything stacks, I think, so good if you’re tight on space.
SG says
Not sure what price range but the Nugget Comfort is on our list this year. Also asking for one of those monthly kid-kits, like kiwi-co or similar. Wooden trains and magnatiles were a huge hit for us too.
Anonymous says
Scooter (micro mini)
Anonymous says
+1 My kid got a balance bike first, but we’re getting him a scooter this year because it seems more practical.
Buble says
– Kids’ umbrella
– Kids’ sleeping bag
– Kids’ suitcase or travel backpack
– Body wash or shampoo with fun patterns or characters
– Shoes in the next size up (kids love light up shoes even as gifts!)
– Fun socks
– Fun pajamas
– Coloring books/activity books
– Consumable art supplies like crayons/markers/paints/paintbrushes
– Photo album and prints of the child/family
Buble says
Umbrella, sleeping bag, suitcase, backpack, art supplies like crayons/markers/paints/paintbrushes, fun socks, fun pajamas, body wash/shampoo with fun designs or characters, coloring/activity books, photo album and prints of pictures of the child and family to put in it
(Sorry if this posts like five times, the other times I’ve tried haven’t gone through.)
Anon says
My daughter is almost two and her favorite toys the last six months have been:
-Wooden pull-along dog on a string that she can take for “walks” (I think ours is Hape brand?)
-LeapFrog Shapes & Sharing Picnic Basket (it’s got the pretend kitchen aspect, plus it’s a shape sorter and it talks/sings)
-Flash cards with animals, colors, shapes, etc. I’m still not sure why she loves these so much, but she does.
-Melissa & Doug wooden puzzles, especially ones with letters and numbers
-Crayons/coloring/sticker books and related art accessories
-Wee Baby Stella doll & little doll stroller
I think we’re going to get her a play kitchen or a dollhouse as her next “big” gift for Christmas or her birthday.
Anonymous says
Thanks so much for all the suggestions!
Anon says
How/did do you teach your kids verbs? My 21 month old has hundreds of words, but she hardly uses verbs at all. “Eat” is the really the only one I can think of that she uses with any regularity. She forms coherent 2 to 3 word combinations but they’re not really sentences since they don’t have a verb. I remember someone commented once that kids don’t learn verbs just from being read to and hearing adults talk, you have to specifically teach them and I have no idea how to do that.
AwayEmily says
I never specifically taught my daughter verbs, and now she is almost four and still doesn’t know any. Just this morning she asked when we were leaving for school by saying “Me you car school clock?”
No, not really. I promise your kid will learn verbs! You do not have to do anything specific, she will pick them up when she realizes that they make her toddler demands much more effective.
Anonymous says
Ha! My 7 year old is struggling to learn “turn off.”
Plus one to not teaching this. Are you sure your child doesn’t know any – e.g., does your child use “bye bye” as a verb? My son’s first word was up, which he often used as a verb (or to mean down…).
Anon says
Haha I know, you’re right, she’s obviously not going to go to kindergarten without verbs :) I’m just worried she should have more at this age and am wondering what if anything I could do to help her learn.
Anonanonanon says
Bhahahahahahahaha! I’ve had a long workday already and you had me for a second and I was like “wow, I don’t remember teaching my oldest verbs but I guess I’m glad I did!”
I need a coffee
anon says
I am not an expert, but I don’t believe that it is true that kids don’t learn verbs from being read to and hearing adults. I don’t think there is anything magical about verbs. Just talk to your kid and ask her questions about anything. You do not need to break it down into parts of speech. As an anecdote, when my son was 2, my husband told me about a kid who was acting wild at the playground, so I asked my kid, what did you do? He said, “I slink away!” I realized he knew that word from the book Superworm. Did he conjugate it correctly? No, but who cares.
Anonymous says
You don’t have to specifically teach them. They learn them from adults reading and speaking to them. You can use simple sentences with emphasis on the verb. Driving is great for this.
‘the bus is stopped’ ‘the big truck is turning’ “look at the red car go’ ‘The red car is going fast’. But honestly, don’t worry it’s normal that she’s not using full sentences at 21 months.
Anonymous says
Yeah, I don’t know how you would teach verbs any differently than other language. Are you supposed to have them diagramming sentences or something?
Anonymous says
If you want to do something more than talking and reading to her, I would parrot her sentences back to her with verbs in them. If she says “Cookie!,” say back to her, “Oh, you want a cookie? I want a cookie too. Let’s have some cookies!”
rosie says
Yes, this is what I would say. I don’t think it’s a big deal, but we generally find a way to repeat what my toddler says back to her using the right verbs/grammar. Not as a correction, but just like Anonymous suggests to help her get more exposure.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Is she in daycare? I think our daycare has taught our older son a lot about sentences, and it helps to be around lots of other people speaking all.the.time. We don’t anything in particular beyond talking to him, asking questions and reading. Your daughter is still young – I noticed a huge speaking ability explosion with the start of preschool at 2.9.
Anon says
We haven’t specifically taught them either, but one thing we do is correct the conjugation. DS will say something like “I runned to the room” and we’ll say “You ran to the room.” It’s clear he understands tense – past is different than present, but there are so many irregular verbs in English! He’s 4.5.
H13 says
What are you saving from your kids’ baby/toddler years for posterity? Any books/clothes/toys? Is there anything that your parents saved that you are grateful to have now?
We are firmly out of the baby years and I am trying to decide what, if anything, we hold onto. I am pretty unsentimental and realize my kids won’t want most of the stuff but I do want a few small keepsakes. My MIL kept a lot–too much–and my mom kept almost nothing.
Anon says
My parents saved EVERYTHING – lots of books, toys, clothes. You can probably guess, but I’m an only child haha. They gave a bunch of it to me, which is super annoying because I feel way more guilty getting rid of it than I would getting rid of stuff I’ve purchased. As far as things that aren’t left over from my childhood, I plan to hang onto a few sentimental clothes items (mostly gifts from friends, including the onesies that were hand-decorated at my shower). Pretty much everything else I’ve purchased will be donated. I’m still not sure what I’m going to do about all the stuff from my childhood.
Anonymous says
favorite kid books, like ten outfits per kid, a few special wooden toys, and a few baby blankets. I picked a size of plastic storage container and limited myself to that. I don’t assume that the kids will want it all but I’ll let them cull themselves when they are older.
Don’t pressure yourself to make permanent decisions. Cull what’s evident to you now and you can cull again later when you need more storage space.
Anon says
I find this balance so hard. My mom kept nothing from my childhood and my MIL kept everything.
I’ve kept:
– Coming home outfit from the hospital
– Little people playset (figure this will be fun to have for potential grandkids/neighbor kids)
– ~5 favorite books that I’ve read (what felt like) 1000 times each
– Beloved doll/animal for each kid
– And I’ll likely keep a small selection of Legos, again for kid visitors.
For artwork, I started taking pictures of each item and saving it to a special Google Photos album, and dispose of the actual thing itself. I assume I’ll do something similar with homework and such.
Ms B says
I am keeping the outfit the The Kid wore leaving the hospital, his “gotcha day” outfit, a bear and blanket purportedly from his birthmother, a really beautiful twin bed sized Peter Rabbit quilt that we were given for him, a couple smaller blankets (the one we used while we were out of town waiting for our ICPC clearance, one my law partner had made by a local artist), and a really charming picture that a family friend drew and had framed for him. I plan to keep some favorite books (Boyntons, Beatrix Potter compendium, a couple board books). The large plastic container size probably is about right.
Both MIL and my parents kept WAAAAAY too much stuff. MIL showed up at the house with a large box of just pillows and blankets from when The Hubs was a kid; I am trying to figure out what do with them.
And every time my parents roll into town, they have a pile of junk saved from my brother and I that they try to pass off as “gifts” to The Kid. Thanks, Mom, but we do not need any puzzles missing pieces, books with the covers torn off, or old Matchbox cars with broken wheels. My goal is not to be THAT parent when the time comes.
Anon says
Ug, I HATE that my parents kept a lot of stuff and are now letting me decide what to keep. All the cr@p I kids make in preschool is for the parents! (Actually for the teachers because it is a way to keep kids occupied) And what do I do with all those letters my friends sent me that one summer I went to camp???
I want to do my son a favor and get rid of almost everything so he won’t have to deal with it.
Anon says
Heh.
Agree. It’s like – just what your kid needs when starting out in adult life, boxes full of useless, moth-eaten items that have sentimental value to you and you alone.
anon says
Not much? Perhaps a few toys that have potential to stand the test of time, but once my kids are done with something, I want it out of the house. Especially clothes. It does nobody any good to have a random bin of baby clothes in the basement.
If that makes me heartless, so be it. My mom kept a few meaningful things for each kid, but not an overwhelming amount that eats up valuable storage space. Some of our favorites are played with by the grandkids at Grandma’s house. I want to do the same for my kids.
Redux says
I’m with you. I have given away, donated, or recycled basically all of it: clothes, toys, furniture. My parents are at the other end of the spectrum– from toddler pjs to prom dresses– and it is overwhelming and exhausting. I’m actually a pretty sentimental person, but dealing with all the piles and boxes and bins of stuff that my parents have kept has swung me the other way. I’d rather donate things that have the potential to get used by someone now than to hang on to things that may or may not (not in my case) be useful some indeterminate time in the future.
Blueberries says
For most things, I’m of the view that really loving it means giving it away so someone else can get use out of it. My MIL kept pajamas that, while adorable, we have no use for now because pajamas of that era had flame retardants that are now suspect. I think it’s fine to keep a handful of sentimental items for yourself.
Nextfit v Myfit says
due to some damage, we have to replace my 5 year old’s car seat (a Chicco Nextfit). I suspect we’ll get another year or two out of a Nextfit, or we could switch models. I’m thinking of the Chicco Myfit, which is a forward facing car seat that converts to a high-back booster. It’ll last as a car seat for an extra year or two beyond the Nextfit and then be useful as a booster.
the myfit is a relatively new product and I can’t find any safety data on it. Does anyone know if it’s as safe in car seat mode as the Nextfit? Any other thoughts?
Spirograph says
My mom saved
1. Handmade blankets
2. Duplos
3. A set of early reader fairy tale picture books
She gave the books and blankets to us, and they are all in regular use. Crocheted blankets are indestructible, apparently. The duplos are at her house (we have enough of our own), and the go-to toy when my kids are visiting.
I’ve kept a couple favorite outfits that I will give to my siblings if they ever have kids, and I save some of my favorite kid art, but otherwise I offload stuff once I’m confident it won’t be missed. I will keep things that are handmade (quilts, stuffed animals), and probably the duplos and magnatiles. Maybe some favorite books, but these tend to get loved to death.
SC says
Very little. Baby blankets–I have a collection of mine, my husband’s, my mom’s and two of my kid’s. Probably a few favorite books, but more from preschool years than baby/toddlerhood. Maybe his lovey, but more for sentimentality than any usefulness–it’s so beat up and yucky, it’s charming in a way. A few purely sentimental gifts from when he was born.
I’ve handed down clothes when there was a willing recipient and donated the rest, and I feel better about other kids using clothes now than saving them for potential grandchildren. We also purchased a lot of items used, and my kid is hard on his stuff, so a lot of items were not in good shape by the time he was finished.
The last factor is that any books or clothing we really want to save for 30 years has to be stored inside because of the weather in our area. I have a rubbermaid bin of toys and books for younger cousins/friends, which we keep in the garage but bring out at least once a month. There were silverfish in one of the books last time we used it–ugh. There’s no reason to save stuff if it’s going to be disgusting to go through.
My parents kept a few boxes of stuff. We went through some of it at their house, had a good laugh, and threw 90% of it away. They keep some of it at their house for when we visit. They’ve passed a few things on, a little at a time, but also won’t feel bad if I say I don’t want it (they’ll either take it back or will take it to Goodwill for me when they visit).
Pogo says
Weirdly I don’t feel like I want to save anything except his lovey’s. But I also haven’t had to actually get rid of anything major yet.
Both of our parents saved a bunch of stuff that we don’t really care about, and I don’t want to do that to my kids.
CPA Lady says
My mom had one under the bed bin’s worth of keepsake type stuff she kept for each of us. As far as toys, she kept all our duplos and legos, our american girl dolls and all their stuff, a couple of barbies (we had about a million) and a couple of dolls, and a nice wooden dollhouse. She was very selective and I’m super grateful for that. I think she’s probably gotten rid of most of the keepsake stuff when she purged for her most recent move. She’s always been an unsentimental purger.
For my kid, I’ve so far followed my mom’s example and only kept what fits in an under the bed bin. I’m going to need to go through it since I had a hard time getting rid of baby stuff when she was little and I know there are a few things I could purge out of it. I’ve gotten rid of pretty much all toys and books that she’s outgrown other than a couple (literally two) of her/my favorite board books. I keep maybe 1 outfit per year at this point, only things that make me really happy to look at. I have no illusions that she’ll want this stuff and I have no plans to force it on her later.
DLC says
We have a paper bag labelled “nostalgia” In which are A few of our favorite outfits. We are still in young kid/ baby phase but so far we have held on to:
– The hospital bands and bassinet cards (the card that says, “I’m a girl!” with all the vital stats)
– hand prints
– umbilical cord (yes- I can’t decide if this is gross- they’re in a jar. Except for our third, whose cord fell off and we couldn’t find it. I’m irrationally sad about that.)
– I’m pretty sure my husband has the baby teeth somewhere.
– positive pregnancy tests.
My parents kept our baby blankets and a couple key stuffed animals.
My husbands parents kept- baptism outfit, a baby sweater and cap, and baby cup and spoon (a nice porcelain mad silver one- clearly not one for every day use.) lots of books. some toys- doll house and tonka trucks.
In all cases, there are tons of photos.
Emily S. says
My parents kept handmade Halloween costumes, way too many competitive dance costumes, the Barbie dream house, the Sweet Valley High board game, the dollhouse my dad and I built together, and the entire American Girls dolls for my sister and me. Sister and I had a lot of fun culling through that stuff last time we were together at our parents’ house but got rid of most of the costumes. The other stuff I’m glad they kept. (I came home from work one night to find DH on the porch with his mom, going through 6 trash bags of his old stuff. He couldn’t even let it into the house.)
For my own kids, I’m only keeping a few, handmade blankets or clothing items. (My mom has an embroidery sewing machine, and while I love all the stuff she makes, I can’t keep it all.) I plan to keep the seasonal little people (Thanksgiving, nativity, Easter sets) because they can be decorations when the kids are too old to play. Otherwise, it will have to be a beloved quality toy that I can see future kids playing with to keep.
Anon says
I’m trying to figure this out, as my daughter (2) is getting out of the baby years. I’m also pregnant with our second and likely last child (a boy), so I’ll likely be donating or giving away a lot of her very gendered wardrobe in the near future. I think I might pick a few sentimental outfits to hold on to, but no more than 4-5 in total. She also got a few handmade or heirloom gifts from family and close friends that are definite keepers. Otherwise, most of it is going to get given away. The only things I’m glad my mom held onto from my childhood are my beloved American Girl dolls and some favorite childhood books. I think the rest is more for the parent’s sake.
Anonymous says
This is what I did for my daughter before her brother arrived. I took the time to go through all the clothes and picked out what I wanted to keep. Honestly it was a bit of an emotional (grieving??) process for me. I love who she is/becoming as a toddler preschool but I loved having her as a baby. It helped me say goodbye to her babyhood. I kept 4-5 outfits. I’ll decide on any books or toys to keep later. Probably will keep one stuffed animal. But since our son is our last I’m actively getting all his clothes out the door to consignment/donation as fast as possible. We hate having stuff take up space.
So Anon says
I think there is a distinction between what I am keeping for my kids someday and things that I am keeping because they are sentimental to me. Thus far, most fall into the sentimental for me category. I have kept the outfit that they both wore home from the hospital, a few outfits that I associate with their babyhoods and will keep a few toys that they each love, but that’s it. No one wants to receive bins and bins of stuff from their childhoods, really. I think one of the best things I can do for my kids is to purge their stuff, and mine, as time goes by.
Anon says
“No one wants to receive bins and bins of stuff from their childhoods, really. I think one of the best things I can do for my kids is to purge their stuff, and mine, as time goes by.”
It’s making someone else do the emotional labour of throwing it out, when throwing it out has become far more loaded because the stuff has been sitting there for years.
An outlier it sounds like says
Oh I’m super sentimental and I sort of love all of the stuff my mom kept! My daughter regularly wears my hand me downs! She also saved a bunch of favorite books. Not so much toys. Some stuffed animals…
I have a hard time letting go of sentimental things. My DH has come to terms with it. I can already tell ODD is the sentimental type too, so I kind of think she’ll appreciate it! She loves when she finds out an outfit was once mine for example. Or she wears her aunt’s old raincoat (very cute) and that feels special…
IHeartBacon says
I kept my favorite toy of my son’s from when he was really little, and that’s it. In my will, I asked that it be tucked inside my coffin when I’m laid to rest. Everything else gets purged/given away as he grows out of it or no longer uses it. For a few toys, I tuck them away for a few months and re-introduce them to see if I can give them a second life. If he doesn’t play with them, I give them away.
Irish Midori says
Hey, thanks to everyone who sat with me in spirit yesterday in my sad funk about my kid. We had some struggles last night, but I think a positive ending with snuggles and affirmation and promises to try to make today a better day. I have a meeting with the aftercare people this afternoon to get a better idea of what’s going on (not just in The Incident, but generally) to see if we can get any insight that might help him. I’m in a better place today. I really appreciate this community of supportive women.
anon says
Irish Midori, I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I have been in your position and it is so, so hard. Most people don’t, won’t, can’t get it. Things got better for us when 1) DS was officially diagnosed with ADHD. Medication has changed our lives. Therapy is awesome and needed but without the medication piece, it was like dragging a barge up the river. 2) Getting a 504 plan in place — and having a formal diagnosis — completely changed how teachers and afterschool staff approached the situation. Also how they felt about our kid, honestly.
When DS was as a second and third grader, I legit thought he was going to get kicked out of our afterschool program, which would’ve put our family in a terrible position to find alternatives. It’s easy to throw around the “just get a nanny” suggestion, but not every caregiver has the skills to work with a complex kid. It also assumes that caregivers are even available when you need them! I swear, the bubble some of these posters live in … but that’s an aside.
DS is in 4th grade now and is doing much better with some supports in place. It’s still not easy at times, but truly, we’re so much better off than 1 year ago, 2 years ago, 3 years ago.
I’m glad you’re in a better place today. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help for yourself … supporting a child through this is hard as he!!, and you can’t give from an empty well.
RR says
I cosign this 100%. I was thinking about you overnight, and I’m glad it was a good evening.
Spirograph says
Me too.
My husband and I talked about that discussion last night. It made me feel better to hear from other people who are also parenting “problem” kids. (I came home to a note from the recess aide in my kid’s backpack.) I know we’ll all get through it, but it’s hard, and it’s good to know I’m not alone.
Anonymous says
So glad to hear this!
Emily S. says
You’ve been on my mind all morning; glad to hear you had a positive ending last night and a plan for today!
So Anon says
I’ve been thinking about you too! Hang in there, friend. I can imagine how isolated you feel, but know that there is a whole tribe out there trying to do the best we can with our kids who don’t fit into a particular “normal” box, and we have each other’s backs. Seriously, the most therapeutic place I go (well, other than therapy) is the waiting room for my son’s OT at a large center. It is a judgment free zone where it is perfectly ok to start talking to random strangers about all of our kids’ quirks and strategies to mange.
lsw says
Hugs! I hope you always feel safe to vent here when needed.
anon says
Pet peeve of my week: DH’s aunt sends us a 3-word text on Tuesday: Christmas ideas please. I wish she’d slow her roll. 1) We don’t even know what we’re getting our kids yet. 2) You ask for ideas every year, I send you ideas for each kid, and then you completely ignore them and do whatever you want anyway. Apparently books/puzzles/games are not exciting enough. I will comply with said request and try to remember that she’s coming from a good place. My annoyance comes because I’ve never seen a family more transactional about gift-giving. It’s hard to explain until you see it, but let’s just say that DH and I have opted out of the adult gift exchange.
Anon says
I dunno, it’s only a few weeks until Thanksgiving and the biggest shopping day of the year, I don’t think it’s wild to be asking for Christmas ideas now. She’s obviously asking because she wants to make your kids happy. I don’t know why you’re so snarky about how “transactional” it is.
Anonymous says
I don’t think it’s too early. I try to get my shopping out of the way in November so I can relax and enjoy parties/baking/etc in December. Also usually an aunt gift is a different category than a parent gift so you don’t have to decide what to get the kids before you pass on suggestions. aying ‘Suzy just discovered Thea Stilton books and can’t get enough so she’d love those or Nancy Clancy books which are still a favorite.’ or ‘Tommy loves dinosaur puzzles right now and is also super into legos’ type statements usually get me better results than ‘they will be happy with any books,puzzles or games’ type suggestions.
anon says
I do exactly what you’ve recommended here. The ideas go ignored anyway, so why do I bother?
Buble says
Because it takes 15 seconds to send a text and then you’ve done everything you can do. The key is letting it go after that.
Irish Midori says
I just read that a lot of retailers are trying to extend the shopping season this year because there’s one fewer weekend between Black Friday and Christmas this year (with Thanksgiving so late). Sure enough, I’ve got “pre-Black Friday” sale ads all over my screen and email. Augh! I just cannot. Please let me figure out Thanksgiving first!
But I feel ya. MIL has already gotten gifts for my kids and sent them to me to hide for the next two months (and try not to forget). Like you say, she’s coming from a good place. But I’ll let you be annoyed if you return the favor. :-)
lsw says
Ah, I wondered why that was a thing this year!
rosie says
Your issue #2 would really bother me. Why ask if she’s never going to go with anything from the list? The rest I would write off as differences in gift languages and maybe a generational thing on the texting. For reference, one of my husband’s aunts organizes a generational gift swap each year and tries to get lists & names out by early Nov. I really like the tradition.
Anonanonanon says
My aunt is the same, she was texting that before Halloween. I’m sure from her position it’s annoying that I can’t be organized enough to give ideas to someone looking to buy gifts for my children, but from my perspective NO ONE ASKED YOU TO DO THIS! I force myself to text back even if I don’t have ideas, I just say “Wow, you’re way ahead of me! I honestly haven’t even thought of it yet but please don’t let me hold you up, I’m sure whatever you think of will be great”
anon says
Yes, exactly. Nobody asked her to do this. It’s nice that she wants to make my kids happy, but honestly it feels like too much sometimes. They do not need presents from a great-aunt, truly. It’s just … a very different gift-giving culture than my family’s, and even after being a parent for almost a decade, I find it really grating.
Anon says
Yes…it is really different. I come from a family of gift givers, and my husband’s family is not. Coming from the other side, sometimes the non-gift givers can take on an air of moral superiority. You have different family traditions. You can embrace the differences or you can find it grating. I know which one I would rather choose.
AwayEmily says
Yeah, my family and my in-laws have different gift-giving cultures on almost every dimension: what they buy, how much of it, whether they ask for advice, how they expect thank-yous…and I can’t say the differences bother me that much. Ultimately it’s all an expression of love, even if it’s not exactly how I would express it, and even if it sometimes imposes more of a burden than I’d ideally like.
RR says
I get weirdly ragey about being asked for Christmas ideas for children. I’m willing to concede it’s a me issue, but seriously I need to worry about my own gift giving. I don’t want to be responsible for the gift giving of other competent adults. They are children. Go to a store, buy something for an appropriate age, and save the receipt if you are worried. I kind of get it a little now that my older two are 11, but when they were toddlers and preschoolers, I found it beyond ridiculous. I still find it ridiculous honestly. If you don’t know your grandkids well enough to buy gifts for them, just give them a gift card. Stop making me do the heavy lifting for you.
And I hear you on the “transactional” issue. Gifts are meant to reflect that you are thinking about the recipient–not that you can follow a link on a list.
anon says
YES, THIS. You articulated it much better than I did. It adds to my mental load and honestly, I hate it. My parents manage to buy 10 grandkids thoughtful gifts every year without asking for step-by-step instructions and specific Amazon links.
Emily S. says
The mental load — exactly. I think this is why a lot us who are normally Pollyanas and Glindas get a bit grouchy about this season. Since this is your DH’s aunt, can you delegate it to him? (I know, I know; it likely wouldn’t work in my house either bc DH would just shrug and tell her, whatever, but maybe it would work for you!) Also, echoing Buble: it is annoying, but send a quick polite text and then let it go.
SC says
Ha. I have a lot of relatives and take different approaches with each one, both as the aunt giving gifts and the parent of the recipient. My mom wants a list of links, and then adds a few things she sees while out shopping. My parents send me very specific ideas. One MIL likes general ideas/what the kids are into. The other MIL gives us cash. One SIL and I exchange ideas. The other SILs buy what they want, and in the past my texts asking for ideas have gone ignored, so I do the same for their kids. Some people really want to curate every item that crosses the threshold of their house (see Christmas threads on every post this week), and some people don’t want to manage the gift-giving practices of other adults.
Also, I just noticed that there are 2 grandfathers, my husband, and 4 BILs among my in-laws, but NONE of them are involved in the communications around gift giving. So here’s a clear example of women taking on emotional labor. We’re not only choosing gifts (which my husband helps with) but managing a whole set of relationships by thinking about whether and how to ask for gift ideas, and how to communicate gift ideas when asked (which my husband would not even think about).
RR says
Very good point on the women managing this. I’m communicating with my MIL–my husband is not. Frankly, he ignores her, so she reaches out to me, and I let it bug me.
Literally the only man I ever speak to about gifts for my kids is my brother, who is single, but I’ll give him credit for at least asking thoughtful questions (e.g., what Hogwarts house is each of your kids in?) rather than for a list of Amazon links.
Anon says
I totally get your points and understand why you feel the way you do. But just to add a counterpoint: I would actually much rather exert the mental energy into coming up with lists of things my kids will actually want/play with than exert the mental energy of trying to fit a bunch of cr@p into our house that I know my kids don’t actually want. My kids are 3 and 5 and are already SUPER into certain things and not others, there are definitely categories of things at a toy store for their general age range that they would not be into at all. And I feel like actually returning the stuff (either us or the gift giving grandparent) would be a whole other story of disappointment & errands on a lot of ends that probably wouldn’t actually happen, and gift cards to me and my husband often feel like to us like you just gave us an errand. The grandparents know our kids reasonably well, but not day-in-day-out well like we do, and might not appreciate how for example we can tell when our kid is gradually finally growing out of trains and maybe doesn’t need more, even though maybe they see him playing with them when they come over.
Not saying everyone has to stick to a list, but just saying that getting gifts completely off a list can potentially come with it’s own consequences of expending mental energy.
Anon says
As an aside, we don’t let adults opt out of our Christmas gift exchange. My sister’s MIL tried to pull that one year. (She comes to our family party.) It makes the rest of us feel like we’re being watched and judged, which feels bad and weird. If you want to come to the holiday dinner, then you have to participate.
Anonymous says
This is mean.
Anon says
We’re not zoo animals. We don’t want people staring at us and silently judging while we exchange gifts. If they don’t like our holiday traditions, they shouldn’t come.
Anonymous says
Has it ever occurred to you that they might enjoy watching you open the gifts, even though they don’t want to get mountains of crap themselves?
Anon says
“mountains of crap” — do you not see the implicit judgement in that? It doesn’t feel good to be on the receiving end of that. Not that it matters, but we do a Secret Santa, so it’s really only one gift. But again, if you don’t like a family’s holiday tradition, and you don’t want to participate, stay home! Otherwise, you’re just being rude.
anon says
Wow. My mom hates Secret Santa and Yankee swaps, which my dad’s family started doing once us kids were teenagers. She skipped some years and other years, she excused herself from the swap and started on the dishes. Yes, she could have (and maybe should have) sucked it up and dealt with it for the 30-45 minutes we opened gifts. But she would have felt really hurt, and so would I, if my dad’s family made her feel unwelcome over this.
anon says
That’s really ungracious. While I don’t enjoy participating in gift exchanges (particularly of the yankee swap/Secret Santa variety), I actually do enjoy watching other people get into it. I’m not judging them or peering at them like zoo animals.
But hey, maybe I should just stop celebrating with the ILs. That would go over even better than skipping a gift exchange, I’m sure!
Anon says
It’s not really more ungracious than somebody saying they don’t like your holiday traditions.
Anonymous says
If your sister’s MIL is going to judge your gift exchange, she’s going to judge it whether or not she is forced to participate.
Anonymous says
Has it ever occurred to you that she is declining to participate because she doesn’t want to butt in on your special family tradition?
Buble says
I keep an Amazon List for both of my kids that I update constantly as I see things that would be fun for them but I don’t want to buy in that moment, and I comb through it every few months and delete things that no longer work. That way, if anyone asks for ideas for a birthday, holidays, or any other occasion, I can just send them a link and they’re good to go.
Anon says
This.
RR says
I do this too, via Giftster, which is why it’s even more annoying when people ask. I’m already doing the work, which I don’t want to be doing, and they can’t be bothered to look.
I will admit that this bothers me more than is reasonable.
Anon says
Same. I use a site called MyRegistry. It is also especially helpful so you don’t have to come up with a different list to everyone who asks, as they can just mark whatever they get as bought.
Anonymous says
Yes, I get you. This is my mom (although she sticks to the list). I always have to remember that she is retired and isn’t trying to balance 1000 things at a time. Her job is basically buying gifts for grandkids at this point. If I was in her position, I’d be doing the exact same thing. But it is always SO EARLY.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I think this is a big part of it. Grandparents who mean well are really just trying to help you out by asking for a list of what your kids want, but I definitely get why it feels stressful as just another thing that parents of kids need to do. Our retired/easy job parents have a lot more time to make lists and go shopping, but they also don’t know our kids in the same day-to-day way that we do, while we on the other hand have a million things to think about and take care of but also know these kids the best.
We tend to just send around Amazon wish lists of a combination of toys and needed clothes/seasonal gear.
anon says
Can the kid write a list and you send her (and any other relatives who ask) a picture?
lsw says
I miss footie pajamas. My son is way too long for them and he looks like he has the same wedgie I do when I wear a jumpsuit that’s not made for tall people.
anon says
So, it’s that time of year again when DH and I have the annual battle about which coats are considered “carseat safe.” Yes, I’ve sent him the videos. Yes, the preschooler’s main coat is carseat safe, but she still needs a heavy coat for playing outdoors. He just cannot get his head around the idea that it’s not appropriate to buckle up over a heavy coat. He thinks I’m being ridiculous and controlling. But COME ON; this is not new information. He’s a skeptic about carseat safety stuff in general because “it’s always changing.” He is not normally this way but has a huge blind spot about this. Here’s hoping that kiddo will be in a booster seat by this time next year …
CCLA says
This is a hill I would die on. Like, extreme measures, not just an agree-to-disagree discussion. This is your child’s safety. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, that is idiotic of your husband.
lsw says
+1
It’s always changing to *become more safe*, not because they have suddenly realize we’ve been keeping our kids *too* safe. I hope you can hold firm on this and just ask him to respect your stance even if he doesn’t understand it for whatever reason.
Anon says
I’m kinda your husband in this scenario, but since DH cares so strongly about it I defer to him. His best solution was finding fleece ponchos (with a fitted fleece zip-up underneath) for the kids to wear in the car but having warm winter coats that we kept at daycare/preschool, and a second heavy coat that we kept at home or threw in the trunk for long car rides.
Anon says
Am I the only person who just doesn’t put my child in a coat in the car, ever? We run the heat and I don’t feel like I need a coat myself, so I feel like a toddler or older kid is fine without one too. Whenever we set out on a roadtrip we obviously have coats with us in the car but not on us.
Anon says
I think that’s heavily dependent on where you live and how you use your car. Living in Chicago and parking outside means you absolutely need full hat, gloves, scarf, and coat in the car unless it’s a longer trip. (And even then, you likely will need to bundle up inside the car before opening the doors.)
Anon says
It gets cold where I live (also Chicago area) but I do keep my car in an attached garage so even when the temp outside is 0F our garage is probably 25-ish (and the car is probably even a bit warmer than the garage).
So Anon says
+1. There are mornings where I live that not having a coat on is just not safe – like frostbite within minutes.
lsw says
Yeah, I’d have to leave my car on for like fifteen minutes and I’m not willing to do that for a ten minute drive to daycare. It’s cold here.
Anonymous says
It’s not always changing. I have a nine year old and not wearing a thick coat in a car seat was info sent home with us from the hospital. It’s at least a decade old.
Anonymous says
My husband is apparently programmed to push back against anything I say and accept every idea he gets from an external source that is not me. If I say, “No coats in the car seat,” it’s automatically paranoia. If I forward him an article, it’s just hysteria. Then if he sees “No coats in the car seat” on some lame news website, he asks me why we are not already following this very important advice. If your husband is anything like mine, the only solution is to rig it so he will “discover” this important safety tip on his own.
Annie says
Can you enlist your pediatrician? On any safetly/health disagreement with our kids we just agree to ask the doctor and go with what the doctor says. Can you have him call the pediatrician and just ask and agree to go with what she says?
Anon says
We have the opportunity to move my three year old to our desired preschool, but they only have an opening for two days a week right now, with a guarantee of full time by May. She would be able to drop to three days a week at her current spot. My husband really wants to move her. He thinks she will thrive in the more structured environment of the new preschool, which I agree about. She will get equal playground time at both spots, which is important for us. But she loves learning and thrives on structure, which our current spot doesn’t seem to be able to offer enough of for her. Is this a bad idea for her? Socially, she’s well adjusted and loves meeting new people. So I’m less worried about that.
AwayEmily says
Do you HAVE to do the part-time in order to get the full-time spot or could you just start the full-time in May?
My daughter switched preschools in September, when she was a little under 3.5, and it has been amazing for her. It’s a lot more structured and a better fit overall. So I am all for switching if it makes sense. But doing 3 days a week at one and 2 days a week at the other seems like it might be pretty disruptive, especially for a kid who thrives on routine.
EB0220 says
If you can forego the part time spot and just start full time in May, I would do that. I think it would be too disruptive to go to two different places for 5-6 months.
Anonymous says
My son did almost this exact thing – 3 days a week in preschool at the beginning of the school year, and then got a 5 day spot in the spring, with the other 2 days at daycare in the fall. It was fine – he really loved preschool and much preferred it, so it also helped us see how ready he was for more than his daycare, which was mixed-age and therefore more limited in what they could do with the older kids. (I guess that’s a potential drawback as it could lead to battles to go to daycare, but it didn’t really for us). Caveat that he’s generally a very easygoing, adaptable kid, and it was normal at his preschool for kids not to be there every day.
Pogo says
LO has two “friends” who do this, sort of – one kid comes to his daycare on Tuesdays and Fridays (and honestly, I don’t know where he goes the other days – maybe with family?). The other is a neighbor kid who does 3 days a week at a pre-k and 2 days with grandma. I think it’s like how we talk about weekends – “today is a home day” or “today is a [daycare] day”. Little kids have no clue what day of the week it is or what our schedule is for them (I’m sure it all feels very arbitrary), so I think as long as she likes both places, you would frame it that way: “Today is a Miss Amy day!” or “Today is a Co-op day!” or however you would differentiate the different pre-ks.
AwayEmily says
I want to complain about a particular genre of picture book: the kind with beautiful illustrations, but zero plot. Like, it’s trying to be “poetic” and “evocative” but in reality my kids are just like “huh?” Every time we go to the library we get probably 15 picture books (selected relatively randomly) and almost always, a huge chunk of them just seem like they were written by an art student who has never interacted with an actual child. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that so many of the “classic” children’s book that remain popular (Corduroy, Blueberries for Sal, A Snowy Day) have an ACTUAL PLOT that children can follow rather than just, like, watercolor and collage illustrations combined with some “meaningful” drivel about love or seasons or whatever.
Anonymous says
Yes yes yes!!! My child is so bored by these books. I find books by Emily Winfield Martin to be beautiful and actually engaging enough for my child. But otherwise, yes!
Pogo says
This was the author I wasn’t sure if you were referring to – she’s definitely trying to be poetic and artsy. I think the books go over kiddo’s head, but he still likes them. On the last page of “The wonderful things you will be” he keeps asking me about all the weird whimsical characters like the kid dressed as a pencil “what dat mommy” and I’m just like, I honestly don’t know.
AwayEmily says
EWM can be good — we have Dream Animals and I think the nonsensical words are made up for by the fact that the pictures are legitimately awesome. An actual example I had in my head when writing that complaint was called “Rabbit and the Motorbike,” which is about….death? exploration? I have no idea, even I found it confusing.
Anon says
My toddler loves books like you describe. There is one called Breathe that is her favorite book of all time. It’s just (beautiful) pictures of beluga whales with one or two words per page like “Breathe!” “Swim with friends!” It isn’t my favorite book ever but honestly I find it less annoying to read than a lot of board books (Sandra Boynton, looking at you) and she loves it, so I think there is definitely a market for them.
AwayEmily says
Totally agreed that the vague picture books are great for toddlers (including mine!) but my sense is that the ones we get from the library are aimed at 3-7 year olds, not 18-month-olds (at least, according to the suggested ages on the books themselves).
Spirograph says
Yes! We end up reading these once and then they sit around until the next library trip.
A library win recently was “If I Had a Gryphon.” I might actually go buy it, it has all my favorite things: rhyme, good illustrations, literary (or at least mythological) allusions, cute little twist at the end, perfect length for a bedtime story. It doesn’t have a ton of plot, but still, the kids requested it every night, and I highly recommend it!
AnotherAnon says
Cosign. Unless “I am a Bunny” falls into this category: kiddo and I LOVE that book.
AwayEmily says
I love this book too! Also I Am A Mouse. The bunny is doing things kids can actually relate to, and also the illustrations are clear enough they can pick out familiar things.
3 year old ear infection says
To medicate or not to medicate? Thoughts? I’ve heard conflicting view points.
AwayEmily says
Ask your pediatrician because it likely depends on the severity of the infection. We’ve had two ear infections, and with one our pediatrician said we could wait and see if it would get better on its own (it did) and the other he was like “nope, get some antibiotics in there right away.”
Anonymous says
+1 to ask the pediatrician. This is basically my experience. Mild ones they like to wait and see, since antibiotic resistance and gut issues can be real problems. It’s balancing the potential damage of a severe ear infection (including the temporary pain and suffering of both kid and parent who has to deal with kid) against the potential damage of antibiotics.
Anonymous says
So DD has only had 3 ear infections, 2 medicated and one we waited out and it did go away on its own. The other two the fever persisted long enough (4 days after having a cold for 10 days prior) and she was miserable so we medicated. But she’s literally only had antibiotics those two times and she’s almost 3 so I feel fine about it
Anon says
My kid is younger than 3, but every time a doctor has told us she needed antibiotics for an ear infection and we tried to wait it out, she ended up getting miserable so we just gave in and used the meds, which always fixed things immediately. I would follow your doctor’s lead, unless you have some reason to believe they’re overeager about antibiotics.
3 year old ear infection says
thanks all! Just made an appointment!
Anonanonanon says
I mean, I’d medicate an ear infection in myself, so I’d do the same for my kid. Medicate but make sure you finish the entire course so you don’t contribute to antibiotic resistance.
Alternatively, when I’m on the fence and there’s not a crazy high fever and my kid isn’t complaining, I have asked if the doctor will just write a script to save a follow-up trip and if they’re comfortable with me watching things and giving my kid ibuprofen for 24 hours and then using the antibiotic if there’s not an improvement.
anon says
My first grader has been coming home from school every day this week showing me how much better she has learned to snap her fingers. She can give me a detailed account of how well everyone in her class can snap. I know I’d be going bonkers if I was her with a class of 24 incessantly snapping 1st graders. I feel like I should be buying the teacher a drink.
Anonymous says
Ah, new skills in the first grade. My first grade guy has started whistling ALL. THE. TIME. The other day when I picked him I could hear him whistling from outside the room. His whistling skills are legit improving lol.
Anon says
reading this made me lol. That poor teacher!
Anon. says
I need a gut check on how annoyed I should be about a daycare issue. My son goes to a national chain that provides food. He is allergic to eggs. They always have an alternative available for him when lunch is something he can’t eat. That alternative is usually a cheese sandwich. This week has been a bad week for the menu and they had grilled cheese one day — so he’s had a cheese sandwich 4 out of 5 days this week for lunch. I’m mostly just bummed for him because that sounds super boring. And not exactly the healthiest if that’s an every day item. I want to say something. But on the same note, they have a ton of kids and trying to accommodate multiple allergies, vegetarian options etc is I’m sure a lot. They do a great job keeping him safe from an allergy perspective which is my #1 concern in that area. He’s not complaining about it (he’s 2). Am I *THAT* annoying allergy parent if I say something to the director?
Anonymous says
Having never been in your shoes re: allergies, I don’t want to give advice, but I will say my son would be happy to eat the same thing every day if it was something he liked. I did for approximately 8 years as a child with my school lunches.
NYCer says
I was going to say exactly this. And honestly, I still kind of eat the same thing for lunch most days.
Anon says
Can you send in additional food for him? I think you can expect them to accommodate allergies, but they’re doing that, and a cheese sandwich seems like a pretty reasonable alternative. If you want him to eat something else I think it’s probably on you to supply it.
Anon says
I too don’t have a kid with allergies so feel free to take this with a grain of salt, but could you wait and see if this becomes a pattern vs only a one week thing? I totally get why you wouldn’t want your kid being served grilled cheese for 20 days a month but if this if the first time it has happened maybe wait and see? Also- i def frequently ate the same thing as a kid
So Anon says
My kids go to after-care at school, where they provide a snack. My son has Celiac’s (in addition to Crohn’s and ASD). They always provide an alternative for him, but it is often the same thing, and I would be bored of it. When he was going 3-4 days per week last year, he was totally fine with the snack because he was part of the group. Yes, it annoyed me, but I knew that they were keeping him safe. From my perspective, I knew that he was getting decent nutrition at other times, so I just let it go.
rosie says
I mean, what are the other lunch options he is getting? And I assume there are fruits and veggies with the cheese sandwich, right? I admit that I send my toddler the same main thing for lunch everyday not infrequently (bagel w/cream cheese, and then I might mix it up with fruit/veggie/protein sides).
Anon says
Yeah, toddlers are so picky and daycare menus are designed to accommodate them, so I feel like dairy and carbs are the main meal every day even for the non-allergy kids. As long as he’s offered fruits and veggies as well, I wouldn’t worry about it.
OP says
Thanks all for walking me back to reality!
GCA says
Are you allowed to send other food in for him? In the grand scheme of things a cheese sandwich is both allergy-safe for him and reasonably nutritious, and they are doing their job (providing *a* lunch), but you should be able to send in other things if you’d prefer.