Make My Life Easier Thursday: Pop-Out Outlet

So my kid got suspended from after school care for 2 days yesterday. I’m not clear on what happened, and of course he won’t tell me. Looks like I get to go home early to make him clean something or write lines. If I could “make” him do anything, I’d make him write out his own account of what happened to force him to reflect. I’m so mad/frustrated/disappointed in him. I’m also despairing that I can ever guide him to a more productive way of dealing with his feelings.

Anonymous at 10:05 – can’t you hear the exhaustion in Irish Midori’s words? She’s tired and needs a break.

I know I’m overthinking this, but I need pants to wear to the Florida house-of-mouse. We’re going at a time where it might be too chilly for bare legs (at least for me), but jeans just seem too . . . I don’t know, heavy? I’ve never been able to get comfortable with the leggings as pants look – I always worry too much about coverage and shirt length. I know joggers are really trendy, but I just can’t seem to get past the idea that they’re still just sweatpants.

So, I need a pair of inexpensive, casual, comfortable, real pants with pockets. Any suggestions?

Anyone thinking about Christmas present ideas yet? This pop-out outlet is going on the list for my husband! Here’s what I have so far, would love other ideas!

Husband: candle that smells like space, MLB gear, mesh wifi, sweaters, new sunglasses, socks, event tickets
Me: One line a day journal to record funny things the kids say, drying rack for delicate laundry, fancy body lotion, fancy tea
Kids (1 and 3): costume jewelry, books, stickers, duplo, magnets

I’m freaking out.
I submitted an abstract to a national conference forever ago and it got accepted (yay!) and my presentation is due TOMORROW (no!) and I have so much writer’s block. I’ve been trying to do it all week and it’s not happening. I’m freaking out. I just keep staring at it thinking everything I’m going to say is obvious or stupid or maybe it’s not the experience of everyone else there and I’m wrong and don’t know what I’m talking about. I don’t need to take a break, I’m teleworking today and already made myself a fancy coffee and took a stress nap from 8 AM to 830 AM(my body was basically like ESCAPE CONSCIOUSNESS NOW) and it’s 1030 and I’ve made no demonstrable progress. I’m normally a highly productive energizer bunny so this is bad, real bad.

Preschool DD’s teacher emailed and apparently she called a classmate over to “come look” at her in the bathroom stall at school. I know this is pretty normal behavior for her age, and it sounds like the school handled it appropriately. We’ve talked generally with her before about privacy in the restroom, although we’re pretty open as a family, and it’s clear we need to have some more focused conversations about bodies, safety, and privacy. Any recommendations for books that we can read with her or other resources?

Going anon for this for obvious reasons. I posted maybe a year ago about my sister’s boyfriend who we had recently found out molested her daughter when she was two years old. At the time, I was just posting to get support for how to handle being around my sister, who had known about the molestation for over a year (she witnessed it herself) before she told any of us, but had continued to bring the boyfriend around our two young daughters when we visited my parents, not to mention having him around her own daughter all the time.

The boyfriend’s story was that he was asleep and/or on pain medication when he molested my niece. My sister originally accepted that excuse and kept it a secret from us until a year or two later, when she thought the boyfriend had molested my niece again based on something she said. My sister and/or parents reported him to social services, there was an investigation, and the conclusion was that the second alleged incident didn’t occur. As for the first incident, which the boyfriend admitted, I’m not sure what happened with social services; maybe they dropped it because my sister didn’t want to press charges. At the time, I wasn’t that worried about that because my sister had left the boyfriend (who is not my niece’s father), and everyone in my family was on the same page that he had to be cut out of all of our lives.

Over the last few months, I have learned from my parents that my sister and the boyfriend have made up, and she and my niece have MOVED BACK IN WITH HIM. (My sister and I already had a very fraught and superficial relationship (see: exposing our children to a pedophile), and she and I have not discussed this.) At first my parents were opposed to this, wouldn’t let him come to their house, etc., and they seemed to agree with me that my niece absolutely should not be around him. But apparently, over time, the boyfriend has gotten back in good graces even with my parents. And my mother just told me this week that the boyfriend is invited to Christmas dinner.

I said our family couldn’t visit while the boyfriend was at their house or might show up. I asked them to please just set aside the few days we would be there that the boyfriend wouldn’t be allowed to come to their house. My parents said no. My mother’s line is that the boyfriend should be forgiven, while my father’s motivation is avoiding upsetting my sister, who has bipolar disorder, for which she has been hospitalized multiple times. She is “fragile,” whereas I am “normal” and can handle it, according to my father. I flat-out told him it was unacceptable that they were prioritizing my sister’s mental health over my niece’s safety and that they needed to stop enabling my sister’s relationship with a pedophile. I think my father understands my perspective and just doesn’t know what else to do, but my mother thinks I’m being unreasonable and blames me for family disharmony.

Can I get some support here? It’s OK for me to say that my family, with our two young daughters, is not going to visit under these circumstances, right? I don’t even think we can plan to visit and leave the house temporarily when my sister and her boyfriend and my niece show up, because then our daughters will have absolute meltdowns that they have to leave as soon as their cousin arrives. Not only would that make me feel terrible, but it would also feed right into my mom’s narrative that I’m the one causing all the problems.