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This is a really pretty top with a lot of interesting elements. I like how it has a blousy fit while at the same time being made from a thick, structured material. The tie waist makes it flattering, and I like that the tie is long enough to hang down, or even be tied in a bow. The sleeves, the texture of the material, the middle seam down the front, and the wide V-neck are all unique details that keep a sold black top from being boring. This top is $78 and available at Anthropologie in regular and petite sizes XXS–XL. Metier Structured Top A similar black top in plus sizes is available at Macy’s and is on sale for $38. Looking for other washable workwear? See all of our recent recommendations for washable clothes for work, or check out our roundup of the best brands for washable workwear. This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 3.28.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Baby 2, quick advice. says
Did any of you do the “buy a gift for the older kid from the baby” thing? I wasn’t planning on it but now I’m second guessing myself and baby 2 is on the way in the next 48 hours. Thanks!
AwayEmily says
We did, with a tiny stuffed animal. Older kid was 22 months. It did not appear to make any difference at all and she forgot about it immediately.
ElisaR says
same
LittleBigLaw says
Same
Anonymous says
Our oldest was 3 when the twins arrived. She would have asked how it was ‘from’ the baby if the baby didn’t buy it but we gave her a little basket of coloring books, pencils etc. Something to occupy her time when I was busy with the babies. I think we said that we appreciated that she did excellent behavior for grandma when mommy and daddy were in hospital with the babies (DH stayed overnight the first night).
Buble says
We bought our daughter a “Wheels on the Bus” book, and her grandparents bought her some crayons. She was 18 months old, and she did not care. Now, 4 years later, she has of course no memories of it.
Let yourself skip it if it’s not something you’re wanting to do for yourself.
GCA says
Don’t worry. Older kid will begin pinching all of younger kid’s baby toys* in 3…2…1…
* Which you stashed in a storage bin 2 years ago and they forgot about until you took them out for the baby to play with.
We sort of didn’t. Kid 1 was 3+ when kid 2 arrived, and the excitement of grandma visiting plus a couple of new Water Wow books was sufficient to power him through the first week. After grandma left it was a different story!
Nope. says
I did not do that. I let my 3 year old play on her tablet in the hospital room, and she very happy with that.
Redux says
Definitely not. My almost 3 year old would have been immediately suspicious! She did get to have a special dinner with daddy that night– pancakes at a diner– and still talks about it.
Annie says
Yes and it was a huge hit. She still talks about it 9 months later. Just grab some play doh or something from your nearest pharmacy.
HSAL says
Yes. My oldest was 2 years and 8 months when my twins were born. She picked out stuffies for them and “they” got her an Anna dress. She still remembers. I think age matters most.
Strategy mom says
Son was same age and loved his baby sisters present! We also sang happy birthday, ate a cupcake and had a balloon since my son was really into the idea of birthdays. He loved all of it and for months talked about it
Anon says
We did and it was a big hit. I had a c section so the hospital was a bit scary for big sis but the baby “gave” her a stuffed animal and she talked about it for a long time plus I think it was just a nice comfort item for her to hug in the big scary hospital.
Irish Midori says
That’s cute. I don’t think I’d make it “from the baby,” but then, I don’t really do Santa or the Tooth Fairy either, so that’s just my quirk. When my second was born, the older (2 1/2 yo) got a board book from grandma and was excited to visit me in the hospital and eat the sherbet that came on my hospital tray.
So now I have # 3 coming in a few weeks, and the older ones are 9 and 7, and Christmas is around the corner. I’m hoping grandma has better ideas than me this time, because I’m a bit blank about it. I think they’ll just be excited to see new baby sister.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We did – older brother (then 2.5) got a large truck toy from baby brother as he was really into construction vehicles at the time. I think he enjoyed it then but wasn’t particularly upset about the baby beyond the usual being upset as a 2 year old. He hasn’t mentioned it much since. I don’t think at 2.5 much is necessary, but maybe a small toy to occupy him/her at the hospital would be nice.
Anonymous says
We did. Got her a big sister book and a Mrs potato head. She got the baby a stuffy which she liked better than her gifts haha. My mom also brought new play doh and legos to keep her occupied while I was in the hospital.
Anon2 says
No – the baby is the gift! Get excited about the baby being a special new friend/member of the family. Honestly, the biggest hit for my kid was getting a donut and a chocolate milk at the hospital when he came to visit.
Anon says
“No – the baby is the gift!”
I think it’s asking a lot to expect a toddler to see in this way, even if they will eventually come to appreciate the sibling.
IHeartBacon says
Second.
Also, Anon2, you technically did get your kid a gift: chocolate milk and a donut. ;)
So Anon says
Yes! I had my oldest pick out a gift for the baby (Sophie the giraffe) and the baby had a present for him too (he was 2.5). She gave him a stuffy and a toy train. He still has the stuffy and talks about it, but I’m not sure that he actually remembers. My parents did the same for my sister and me. I gave her a doll, which was always in our house growing up. My sister was 5, remembers it well and will tell me the story of meeting me at the hospital, getting to hold me and receiving the doll. She and I are in our late 30s/40s.
Anonymous says
Nope. My kid knows the baby can’t get them a gift.
KW says
Not a gift from the baby but a book about being a big sister and matching shirt/onesie for them.
Meghan says
My parents did this for us when my youngest sister was born. I was 6 and remember being delighted by the little $10 doll my baby sister got me. When I was 2 and my first little sister was born, all I wanted was my mom to hug me too. I have no idea if they got me a gift. So I think it’s age-dependent!
Buble says
It’s officially the first week of November, which means it’s time to start thinking about holiday outfits! Do you buy special holiday outfits for your kids? What are you planning to do for this year? For me:
Thanksgiving — in the past, I have bought them special “Thanksgiving” themed outfits with a full-on applique turkey. This year, my plan is to just have them wear some of their (many) beautiful fall-style clothes, not buy anything new for the holiday.
Christmas — I had been planning to have them re-wear dresses from years past, but then I had a $20 credit at the kids’ consignment store, and two beautifully coordinated plaid dresses called to me. I got this Bonnie Jean dress for $11: https://www.infashionkids.com/bonnie-jean-girls-christmas-plaid-holiday-dress.html and a Laura Ashley similar to this one for $3: https://poshmark.com/listing/Laura-Ashley-Girls-blue-velvet-plaid-dress-size-5-5c9823683c9844a7c2eaff47
It’s a relief to have those decisions made and done with!
Anon says
Reason one billion I’m grateful to be Jewish. I buy her Hanukkah PJs at Target sometimes but there’s zero pressure to have the family dressed in cute, matching outfits the way there is for Christmas.
rosie says
Confession: I love the matching family PJs. I would get them if there were truly winter-themed ones that weren’t red and green, but haven’t seen them. The Hannukah ones don’t really do much for me (also Jewish). I’ve spent way too much time zooming in on cute penguins in scarves print to see it they are actually Christmas-themed or not…
Anonymous says
We do matching pjs every year and I always buy winter themed vs Christmas themed. I’ve had goodluck finding suitable patterns (snowmen, penguins with sweaters, bears with hats) at Old Navy and Jammin Jammies.
Redux says
These are cute non-christmas coordinating (but not necessarily matching) pjs!
https://www.macys.com/shop/product/matching-family-pajamas-bear-family-ready-set-snow-created-for-macys?ID=10044793&CategoryID=225&cm_mmc=Connexity_Si-_-n-_-n-_-n&m_sc=sem&m_sb=connexity&m_tp=PLA&CAWELAID=120156340009470470&m_ac=Connexity_si&m_cn=n
and these footed onesies!!!
https://www.amazon.com/Footed-Pajamas-Family-Matching-Onesies/dp/B0785XMGP5/ref=as_li_ss_tl?creativeASIN=B0785XMGP5&imprToken=mkFCoLxKj15phLIqoSITLQ&slotNum=9&ie=UTF8&linkCode=w61&tag=rslifefamilychristmaspajamasccalucchia0919-20&linkId=fa05e7d66664570360b64962b9e3cf84
Anon says
Oh I love the family PJs too, I just meant that I like that we don’t have to worry about getting her a formal dress and matching tights, shoes, hair accessories and taking nice photos of it all. Hanukkah feels much lower stakes to me than Christmas, and I mean that in the best way.
Have you looked at Hanna? They have Hanukkah PJs plus some winter ones that aren’t obviously Christmas-y. Primary also does adult PJs now in a few of their basic patterns (stripes and stars, so not particularly wintry but definitely not Christmas-themed).
rosie says
Thanks, I will take another look. “Want to wear matching PJs” is still working for me to get my toddler moving towards bedtime :)
Anon says
I could be wrong but I don’t see anything Christmasy about these “winter penguins”: https://www.hannaandersson.com/family-matching-pjs-winter-penguin/
HSAL says
I got some blue and white snowflake ones from Burt’s Bees that are definitely not Christmassy.
Anonymous says
I usually do holiday specific hair accessories because they can be reused year after year for my oldest. For clothes, there’s a higher end kids consignment shop in town where I both sell and buy. I can often get lovely holiday sweaters for the boys at a reasonable cost. The holiday stuff has also usually been worn very little if at all so it’s in excellent or like new condition. There’s another more midlevel shop in town where I consign but rarely buy.
We do one fancy outfit for holiday pictures and Christmas eve (I purchase) and a different holiday outfit for Christmas day at grandparents (my mom buys something every year). I usually consign the one fancy outfit and pass on fancy outfits from my mom to her niece who isn’t as well off and has younger kids. I’ve explicitedly told her that I’m fine with her consigning or donating if the outfits don’t work for her kids when they are bigger or she doesn’t like the style. I didn’t want her to feel like she has to keep it or return it to me.
AwayEmily says
We don’t do holiday outfits at all and I don’t have any interest in doing it but I always love seeing the instagram/facebook photos of other families in their special clothes! I’m a sucker for holiday traditions even when they aren’t mine.
Anonymous says
We usually do 1-2 pairs of holiday PJs (which then stay in the rotation for as long as they fit) and one fancy dress that is used for all the stuff (Santa Brunch, school concert, church program, etc.) Last year we did a sparkly red sweater dress from H&M that kiddo loves and still fits. She just wore it for school pictures and will probably wear it throughout the winter this year. We’ll go for something similarly festive yet versatile this year.
Anon says
My mom usually buys 1-2 holiday themed outfits which we put kiddo in through the season (think super tacky but fun ruffled pants and top sets), but for the actual holidays, I typically do sweater dresses with tights and booties. Gap had one this year that is red with white poms so festive but can be worn all season (and we’ll probably do the cream one with rainbow poms for Thanksgiving festivities) – similarly my mom usually buys red and white or green and white striped hanna PJs which are festive but not out of season the rest of the time. Mom also buys or makes, depending on the year and her energy levels, matching PJs for the whole family (grandpa to aunties to us to kiddo to bows for the puppies) for Christmas morning (which then get worn throughout the year, but it’s a thing for her, which is why I’ll be sporting Christmas flannel pants in July).
Mrs. Jones says
No special outfits and certainly no matching outfits in our house. I do make sure son has a collared shirt to wear to church Xmas Eve.
Anonymous says
Bought a target long sleeved tee for thanksgiving for DD, DS is wearing outfit from DDs first thanksgiving. We get plenty of hand me down fancy dresses so I never buy for Xmas. Kids get matching jammies to wear Xmas eve!
Anonymous says
I bought matching family PJs because I just think they are hysterical- I bought Hanna, in the hopes that the design will be long lasting and I can just buy the youngest one a new one every year. The thought of buying a whole new set every year seems so wasteful.
Put my mom in charge of fancy holiday outfits, she loves buying baby clothes and it’s a good way to scratch that itch.
Anonymous says
We buy a new set every year but we wear them year round so it doesn’t really increase the total number of pyjama sets we buy.
So Anon says
My youngest always picks out family PJs at Target for everyone. Last year, she picked out Santa PJs for herself and elf PJs for the rest of us; it was hilarious and hit the nail on the head. I pick out one nice outfit for my oldest for church and the Nutcracker. I refuse to pick out clothes without my daughter present as she will revolt and it is not a battle I want to fight. When she was an angel in the Christmas Pageant, she insisted on carrying her own purse.
SC says
I buy Christmas pajamas, which Kiddo wears year-round. They make nice Christmas morning photos.
I usually buy something nice that can be festive for Christmas but can also be worn other times–last year, Kiddo wore a red, plaid, collared shirt for Christmas Day.
avocado says
We have coordinating t-shirts with our family’s animal mascot on them, which we wear with mismatched red plaid flannel PJ pants that we all just happened to have. I bought the kid’s t-shirt a size too big, and she’s just now outgrowing it after three years. I am planning to order her a bigger one so we can keep the matching PJs going.
Other than that, I’ve avoided most holiday-themed clothing. When the kid was little I would always get her one set of PJs with snowflakes that weren’t red and green, so she could wear them on Christmas Eve and throughout the winter. My office is near a Janie and Jack outlet, so I would buy one red and/or green dress on sale there every year to wear to the zillion holiday events we always seemed to attend. Now that she’s older, I sometimes get her a pair of red or green tights if she wants them, but that’s it. We dress up pretty regularly, so it makes sense to buy her dresses that can be worn throughout the season without looking too Christmasey. If we only dressed up at the holidays, it wouldn’t matter so much.
anon says
Question: When did family pajamas become a thing? My DH would revolt if I suggested that *we* should have matching jammies, in addition to the kids.
Anon says
I think it’s another thing that became popular in the age of social media and Pinterest. I match my daughter because she loves it and I don’t mind. DH does not want to match us and I don’t force him to.
Anon says
My mom has been doing it since the early 80s. Pretty sure my DH would prefer not to, but he’s been a good sport since marrying into the family.
Annie says
My parents did it in the 80s
Anonymous says
I remember seeing them in the LLBean and Lands End catalogues as a kid but it was never a thing in my family. DH and I are trying to build traditions that are less gift focused so we started a few of our own traditions like matching pjs, going to see the Nutcracker every year, caroling with the neighbours and making a gingerbread house. I wasn’t sure how DH would do with the matching pjs but the kids were so excited with his ‘papa bear’ jammies the first year that the excitement was contagious and he tolerated it in future years too (actually enjoys it but would never admit). He’s too lazy about pjs to buy new pjs when his old ones wore out so most of his are actually holiday matching ones at this point.
Pants says
I am absolutely overthinking this, but I need pants to wear to Disney World. We’re planning a trip for a time when I expect it will be chilly enough, at least when there’s no sun, that I’d be more comfortable in pants, but jeans sound too, I don’t know, heavy? I’ve never been able to get comfortable with the leggings as pants look – I just worry too much about what shirt is right. I know the jogger pants are really trendy, but I feel really stuck on the idea that they’re still sweatpants.
So, I need a pair or two of inexpensive, casual, comfortable, lightweight, real pants with pockets. Suggestions?
Nope. says
Finally accepting that I have to buy winter gear. The Patagonia down sweater is car seat safe, yes? Any other options before I buy? Having trouble googling.
AwayEmily says
We have the Patagonia down sweater jacket. I would recommend not buying one until your kid is in 2T, though — they are too expensive to be worth it for fast-growing babies (for them, just use fleece + blanket). The Patagonias do wear well — ours has been through 3 kids and looks basically new.
Annie says
I believe gap cloud puffer coats are carseat safe too. They’re warm and very reasonably priced when you hit a 30/40% off sale.
Emily S. says
Yes, and check consignment or second hand before you buy. I recently bought a like new one from ebay for $60. I *think* the lands’ end down coat I got for my older daughter is also car seat safe, as it is about the same thickness as the down sweater. It’s less expensive, especially if you buy with a coupon, but I believe the smallest size is a 4-5.
lsw says
I have also had great luck finding on eBay. I also buy huge and wear them for two years.
AwayEmily says
this is good advice. other tip: if you buy end-of-season and aren’t picky about color you can usually get the patagonia for ~$70.
Anonymous says
My kid is now 4. This year I purchased a 3-1 (I think that is what it is called) from Lands End. The insert will be used for the carseat. Hopefully we will be able to get a couple of years out of the coat. In prior years I have used a fleece or similar weight coat from Old Navy or Target for the car seat. I then used a heavier coat when needed. I really like the heavier coats from H&M.
octagon says
Does anyone know if the Primary puffer coat or lightweight puffer jacket are carseat safe? I forget what the rules are.
anon says
The lightweight puffer would be fine, but I don’t think the regular puffer would.
Anon says
is it the patagonia down sweater jacket or the nano puff jacket that is better to get?
Anon says
The down sweater is warmer.
Anon says
I have a 3 and a 6 yo and they both wear Pategonia down sweaters. They hold up great so the younger one wears hand me downs. So far, I’ve purchased a 2T, a 4T and an XS(5/6) and that’s covered us since my oldest was 16 months old. All were purchased new for less than $40 on discount sites over the summer.
small gift for 6 y/o boy says
I need a gift in the <$10 price range for a turning 6 y/o boy. <$5 is fine, too. For my 6 y/o girl I'd get some kind of art supply vs a tiny lego kit.
Ideas?
Anonymous says
My son would have loved a tiny lego set and been happy with an art supply too.
DLC says
Jenga or Uno are pretty inexpensive. They don’t have the immediate wow factor, but they probably will get more long term use.
Or books.
Anonymous says
I would do art supplies for a boy as well. You can get slime kits or spirographs for that price range at Target. https://www.target.com/p/nickelodeon-slime-assortment-styles-may-vary/-/A-53017995
Or a coloring/activity book and scented markers – Crayola Silly Scents has a ‘stinky’ markers pack that’s apparently popular with the boys in my 3rd grader’s class.
AwayEmily says
I like the art supply idea. What about scented markers, my kids all seem to love those.
Anonymous says
The game Spot It is about $10 and so much fun.
Anonanonanon says
My husband and I hate games (aren’t we fun?) but someone gifted our son a travel Spot It game around that age and we still play with it years later. It’s fun! And each game is pretty short, which is our preferred criteria.
We’re huge fans of connect four for the same reasons.
Anonanonanon says
Small Lego kit is fine, that’s my default for these situations. I seconded the spot-it suggestion above as well, that was a surprise hit in our family when someone gave it to us.
Katarina says
My 6 year old boy would be enthusiastic about art supplies, a small lego set, or a game.
Anon says
Matchbox cars. Drugstores often have bigger die cast car models that my boys love, for around $5.
Ms B says
Slamwich and Tenzi were both hits around that age at my house.
Big Brother's World is Changing says
I’m looking for recommendations on ‘big brother’ themed books for my toddler. He will 2.5 in January when little sister joins us. We have started talking a little bit about baby sister (mostly “Don’t kick baby sister” while he’s sitting on the couch with me) and he knows that baby sister is in mommy’s belly. But I’m thinking the next two months we should probably start talking a bit more about what it means that baby sister is coming.
Annie says
The Daniel Tiger one was our favorite. There’s a darling Mr. Rodgers one too that has VERY 80s photographs.
Emily S. says
+1 on Daniel Tiger. For macro level “how to talk to Big Brother about it” I liked Janet Lansbury’s advice; it helped me remember that while I understand what’s happening and how to deal with my feelings, my toddler needed help.
rosie says
I got the Mr. Rogers one and don’t really like it. My kid is 2.5 and I thought some of the stuff it brought up was not stuff she seems to be worrying about on her own right now (stuff about mommy and daddy have enough love for you and the new baby).
Anonymous says
Joanna cole books. There’s plenty of books you can take out from the library on this. We told DD his name and as soon as she saw him in the hospital (2 years 4 months) she knew it was him. Really we talked about it all the time, told her I was going to have the baby at the hospital and grandma would watch her, etc…She has really good comprehension skills though and likes to be prepared. She got a little emotional when I left for the hospital and DH ended up going home for a few hours to give her a bath/put her to bed but otherwise it’s been a good adjustment.
CCLA says
We got our DD the Joanna cole one and read it a ton (they have sister and brother versions). She liked it, requested it a lot, and it seemed to help. The messages were clear. She was also gifted the Caroline church one and would recite it to her baby sis.
Nursing dresses says
Has anyone found a nursing dress that they loved, that is made of thicker material? A lot of what I’m seeing is very thin material (polyester or rayon blends), and going into winter I’m hoping for something warmer. I’d love to have one casual dress (think sweatshirt/ hoodie dress or sweater dress) and one nice long sleeve dress (church or Christmas party appropriate) to get me through the season. Bonus points if it is not navy or black.
Annie says
Ladies – does it get easier? I am drowning with a toddler, a baby, working full time, and no family nearby. I keep thinking about how Elizabeth Warren had to import her aunt for help. She has super-human energy and couldn’t swing it without extra help.
Anonymous says
Yes. Once they are old enough to play for a few minutes on their own – around 4 and 6. At 5 and 7 it’s easier again. Don’t be afraid to invest in childcare as much as you need. I burned myself out by not taking time for myself. DH was much better about putting on his own oxygen mask first. At work that means I’ve informally taken a step back by not chasing new and bigger challenges. At home, I accept that things are not going to be perfect, I will forget stuff and that’s okay. A toy store gift card bought at walgreens on the way to the party is a perfectly acceptable gift.
Ms B says
And commentary from a fellow parent: gift cards to Target are actually a PERFECT gift to receive. The Kid loves having his “own” money to spend on something he really wants. Gift cards to jump places and the bookstore also are welcome.
Clementine says
It gets easier.
I had to ask for help. Throw money at problems, ask people in my network for help, say ‘no’ to work.
Here’s what I did that helped me when i was in the thick of it: arranged a weekend for the toddler to go to the grandparents, took a random personal day off and did ALL the errands that were hanging over my head (I know it feels impossible when there are so many kid sick days but it is always so worth it), hired somebody to mow the lawn, lowered my standards and accepted that we were going to eat boxed mac and cheese and scrambled eggs on regular rotation, and used that personal day to take an hour to do something for myself.
Irish Midori says
It does, really. That time is hard, but it really will get easier. Pace yourself. It’s okay not to be wonder woman at work right now–your career is a marathon, not a sprint, and this is the time to jog it out.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I don’t know if kids themselves get easier as I’m also in the thick of it with a 1 year old and a 3.5 year old but I do know that two working parents trying to take care of two small kids need help. The more the better. I know lots of people do it on their own, whether by choice or not, but if you can make your life a little easier with hiring more help, then do it. It is worth the investment. You’re not failing by getting help and giving yourself a little breathing room. I really hate how the American standard is somehow doing it all, all by yourself. That’s not the way it should be IMO, but we’re constantly guilted into trying to do it all when it’s actually impossible and leads to stress.
Annie says
Thanks. This is (and all the comments are) really helpful.
IHeartBacon says
+Infinity!!!!!
A brain surgeon isn’t any less important/successful/effective/[insert whatever appropriate word fits here] just because she has an entire surgical team in the operating room with her while she performs her surgery.
Anonanonanon says
Hugs. The no family nearby thing is really tough, we’re in the same boat. Something about that mental load is stressful for a “what if” person like myself.
Is your long-distance family supportive? One way I feel better is knowing that, if something happened (I landed in the hospital, for example), my family could make it within 12 hours. We’d only have to arrange childcare for that long before family could come help if push came to shove.
Use babysitters, go on date night. I know the idea of cleaning the house for the sitter and getting dressed up and staying up late doesn’t sound helpful, but building that sitter roster is. The deeper the bench the better when it comes to childcare. Heck, use them so you can your husband can run separate errands without one of you having to drag the kids along. I know a few couples who, despite having their child in full-time childcare, won’t use babysitters. And they are very unhappy individually and as couples.
So Anon says
Yes, it gets easier. Each kid will hit various milestones, and you will begin to get a bit of breathing room. It will be gradual, but it absolutely will come your way. The kids will start sleeping through the night and take on tasks independently. I found that some of the biggest moments of relief were things that I did not see coming. A kid being able to get into the car and buckle themselves means that I can run out to the car in one trip and get myself into the car. Turning on the tv and open a granola bar means I can sleep in a bit on Saturday mornings. Mine are 6 and 8, and they can actually help around the house. One sets the table for dinner and the other cleans up. They can let the dog out in the morning and empty litter boxes. And then the best part is that you get to watch them turn into awesome little people with their own worlds that enrich your world. I genuinely enjoy my son’s sense of humor and my daughter is so caring.
Until then, if you have the means, hire sitters and throw money at problems. Seriously, hire someone to hang around the house on Saturday mornings and go back to bed or binge watch adult tv, anything to fill your own bucket. Or, I found and still find it incredibly helpful to have someone help with the 3:30-6:30 time frame. It gives me the luxury to work late or run errands or exercise in the evening. Find a meal delivery service that works for you. I never found one that works for dinner, but I get smoothies delivered so that I know I am eating nutritiously at least one meal per day. Find a housecleaner (go with a service so you’re less stressed about vetting a person) and get a roomba.
ElisaR says
sadly….. i haven’t seen it get easier yet. mine are 23 months and 3.5 years old. i’m drowning.
AwayEmily says
IT GETS EASIER. The first year was so hard and relentless. For us there were two big milestones, both of which occurred when the baby was around 15 months: dropping to one nap, and walking confidently. This made the two kids more similar, if that makes sense — they were on the same schedule, could go to the same places, etc. They are now 3.5 and 20 months and evenings are something I look forward to rather than dread — even when I am parenting on my own. Last night they played together, on their own, for a full half hour with no parental intervention. I sat in my chair, reading the newspaper, feeling positively BATHED in the light at the end of the tunnel.
RR says
Yes, it really does get easier. There’s a nice range between like 4/5 and middle school that’s really pretty easy. They sleep, dress themselves, can feed themselves, can entertain themselves. I will say that now in middle school it’s harder again, but it’s a different kind of hard–more emotionally/mentally hard, with things feeling high pressure. Even two middle schoolers is nothing compared to the utter exhaustion of the early years.
EB0220 says
It really does. Mine are 5 and 7 now and I would say around 4 and 6 is when it got easier. At that time I could trust them to be safe playing on their own in the bonus room and they can do most self care on their own. I think I’ve just blocked out the baby + toddler phase.
Buble says
Yes, once my youngest was 4 it’s SO MUCH EASIER. Once you can be reasonably sure they won’t injure themselves if left unsupervised, that helps a ton.
Ifiknew says
Wow, thank you guys. Not op but have a 6 month old and 2.5 year old and having such a hard time. I keep wondering if there’s something wrong with me for it being so hard, this board is so helpful to know we’re all in the same boat.
Anonymous says
Yes. You are at the worst of it. Mine are 1.5/3.5/6 and it’s really not bad. And gets better every day. I am 6-12 months from being diaper free and I cannot wait.
Lawsuited says
It gets easier around the age your toddler wants to watch 2 or more episodes of Paw Patrol in a row so you can deal with the baby, and around the age when the baby is on a predictable enough schedule that you know when to turn on the Paw Patrol. Also, I have a cleaning lady, 2 weeks worth of underwear for everyone in case I don’t get to the laundry and everyone eats a lot of peanut butter sandwiches.
Scilady says
Hi Ladies! My best friend just had a baby via an unplanned c-section. Everyone is doing well, but I wanted to send her some items to help out in this early baby haze. C-section ladies, anything that you loved after having your baby that helped recovery? I had a non c-section birth so I want to know if there is anything additional to give her. Thanks!
Irish Midori says
Homemade (or bakery bought) cookies. The hospital will likely give her what she needs for medical recovery, but nothing beats some good foods when you feel like crap.
EB0220 says
+1+1 My mom made chocolate chip cookies right after I came home with my baby and pretty sure I ate the whole batch in one night. Soooooooo hungry.
Anon says
So, most of the C-section specific things for me are not really giftable, except maybe grocery delivery. Standard new mom haze gifts are always appreciated – a new pair of nice button front PJs was a gift I bought myself for the nursing days and still wear 2 years later. For me the biggest impact was the lifting restrictions – you can’t lift anything heavier than the baby (so that means baby + bucket seat is out) for the first few weeks. That essentially meant that I couldn’t go to doctor’s appointments or run errands with the baby by myself because DH didn’t have paternity leave and babywearing was not comfortable until my incision healed.
Things that were helpful for me: grocery delivery (see lifting restrictions), take out, someone to go with me to appointments and mom’s group, etc. (my mom, DH when he could), and a place to sleep that was easy to get out of (recliner).
FVNC says
My first was an unplanned c, but I had a very easy recovery and just appreciated the standard new parent help. Especially someone to keep me company after my husband went back to work, and of course, all the food. Congrats to your friend!
Anon. says
+1
NYCer says
Same, except it was a planned C.
Buble says
I’d advise avoiding any mention of the “difference” between your birth experience and hers. Having an unplanned C-section is horrible and can be pretty emotionally traumatizing, so please avoid mentioning it unless she brings it up, even in passing.
AwayEmily says
+1, a friend of mine called me sobbing a week after her emergency C because a friend had come to visit and insisted on sharing her own “magical,” “natural” birth story, in the process managing to make my poor friend feel like if she had just “tried harder” she could have avoided the emergency C.
Anon. says
I absolutely with the sentiment here of trying not to focus on the differences. But I also want to put out a strong note of disagreement that “Having an unplanned C-section is horrible” as a universal truth. My unplanned C-section was actually kind of awesome and in no way traumatizing *for me*. Obviously, my experience only and some women do have very traumatizing deliveries that end with a c-section. Just noting that for moms who didn’t hate their c-section, the narrative of pity over ‘having to go through that’ can also be pretty shaming. I don’t think the poster above necessarily meant it that way, but just a good reminder. All birth experiences can be good/bad/magical/horrifying, don’t assume your friend falls into any of those emotional categories.
AwayEmily says
Totally agreed — I think that’s exactly what I was trying to get at. My friend was like “welp, I had a c-section, not what I planned but it was fine, luckily I now have this amazing baby” and her visitor was all “ooohhhh I am sooooo sorry you had to go THROUGH that, how HORRIBLE” and that tone/approach was super upsetting.
Buble says
Sure. Having an unplanned C-Section “can be” horrible, and is for many people. Obviously it’s not a universal truth.
Anonymous says
I am starting to TTC and am getting pretty nervous! Is this normal? I know waiting, like 6 months for example, wouldn’t really make a difference and that it’s still a long time until the baby would be here, especially if it takes awhile! Any words of wisdom? I love babies and know I want one, it’s just the enormity of it all I suppose?
Anon says
It’s normal. Also normal to be really nervous when you actually get the positive test. That said, if you feel like waiting, it’s fine to wait a bit, especially if you’re under 35.
Lyssa says
Totally normal! And you’ll feel a bit like that for a long time – even for my second, the 2 week wait (between ovulation and period or lack thereof) was wildly anxiety-ridden. To some degree, it helps me to remind myself that billions and billions of people have done this, and I’m probably in the top, I don’t know, hundredth of the top one-percent in terms of readiness and good circumstances for it (in terms of availability of medical care and resources, nutrition, sanitation, financial ability, personal circumstances, etc.).
But mine are 4 and 6, and I still occasionally look at things like “Whoa, how does this make sense?”
Good luck and have fun with it.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, normal! Especially if you tend to be a Type A, planner type like me and I’m sure a lot of us here. TTC itself is just the start of having to let go of control and even if everything goes according to plan with your timeline, parenting is a lifelong exercise in uncertainty and letting go of trying to get everything to line up perfectly. Which I think is good for us in the end, it’s just really nerve-racking to never really be sure about anything you’re doing!
Wisdom? Get as much help and support as you can. Getting support will also show you that no one else really knows what they’re doing, we’re just trying the best we can and that’s all our kids really need.
anon says
Fellow first time TTC-er here! We are in the thick of it right now (have been actively trying for a few months now), and I was least prepared for the rollercoaster of emotions. One second I’m super excited for a new month of trying, then the awkwardness of mentally scheduling the business, then 2 weeks of overanalyzing and second guessing every twinge in my body, and then disappointment. It’s gotten a little easier each month to let go a little bit more, but it is still so hard especially for the type-a brain.
It’s been hard to cope with something that is *supposed* to be easy that I am so far struggling with. Talking to friends, trusted family members, and professionals has helped a lot for me to feel less isolated in this process. It may not be effective for you, but it has also helped for me to fully consider the what ifs. What if it comes to IVF or other intervention? How do my husband and I feel about adoption or fostering? This way, I can at least tell myself if the traditional way doesn’t work, there are options I am comfortable with.
Hugs and best baby wishes from an internet stranger.
Anony says
It makes sense to be nervous. Totally normal. Know that nine months of pregnancy will give you time to prepare though. It won’t hit you all at once, and you can work together with your partner and call in friends and family, who will likely be estatic to support you.
My dad once told me you have to have faith in the big things of life and believe things will work out – like having kids – or you won’t take the risk and will miss out on some of the most meaningful experiences life has to offer. He’s a pretty careful, conservative guy who isn’t prone to being overly optimistic about things, so it felt good to hear him say that. That’s my nugget of wisdom. Take it for what it is.
Anonymous says
My first took 9 months, my second took six and my third took one. The spacing between the last 2 is way less than we thought!
Hang in there ;-)
Redux says
Anyone have a good checklist for what I need to do when leaving my job? I mean physically leaving– like I need to take stuff off my walls and pack my files, etc., but I’m less sure about other tasks.
Set up call forwarding on my phone to direct callers to the admin assistant’s line
Set up auto-reply and forwarding on my email
Delete all my personal files from my computer
Delete all my saved passwords from my browsers
Other things???
Mrs. Jones says
Save documents and contacts that you want to keep.
mascot says
Download your contacts and calendars and make sure the downloads work before you leave. I’d even print out calendars in case you keep personal appts on them so you don’t forget your dentist appt in January.
If any of your retirement benefits, professional organization memberships, list-serves, mailing lists and so forth are tied to your work email, go ahead and change that to a personal email address. Purge any other personal email from your work account.
octagon says
Print or send to yourself a copy of your paystub, including any vacation balances if you expect to get paid out for them.
Buddy Holly says
I like to send thank you notes to all the people that I appreciated while working with them in the week or two after starting a new job. Also make sure you connect on LinkedIn with anyone you want to stay in touch with, if you use LinkedIn. Put lunch or coffee on the calendar with anyone you really want to stay in touch with. Maybe also delete all your cookies and web browsing history on your computer while you are clearing passwords.
Anon says
I wish I’d gotten a list of clients for future conflicts checks.
Redux says
Good ideas, thank you!
lsw says
Sorry if I missed this being posted already, but in case you didn’t see it:
https://www.consumerreports.org/child-safety/all-infant-inclined-sleep-products-should-be-recalled-consumer-reports-says/
AnotherAnon says
Tips for a more streamlined morning routine with a 2.5 y/o? DH handles it most mornings since he goes into the office later than me, but it takes him and my 2.5 y/o at least an hour and a half to get out the door. It’s really important to me that kiddo eat breakfast (he’s below the first percentile in height and weight: we’re seeing an endocrinologist), but breakfast takes at least 45 minutes. I know most of this is going to involve me being more organized: packing his lunch the night before, choosing his clothes (IMHO that doesn’t take that long) but I’d welcome any other tips. I’d offer to take him to school at 7 when I leave for work, but school doesn’t open until 8. They also don’t serve/encourage consumption of breakfast at school, but I could talk to them about that.
Clementine says
So, I eventually came to the realization that my kid just needs the preschool equivalent of sitting at the kitchen table and drinking his coffee for about 30 minutes to get started with the day. This drove me bananas until I finally just accepted it and started having him sit at the kitchen table earlier. In my house, we’ve gotten the wakeup process down to about an hour, but literally 45 minutes of that involve him sitting at the kitchen table drinking an espresso mug of warm milk and eating his breakfast.
For the rest of it, we bring his clothes into the kitchen and make it a fun game to get dressed from PJ’s to clothes ‘super fast’. At various points, an adult has been the ‘clothing robot’, the pit crew from Cars, and a straight up timer. This causes the least drama as we literally get everything including shoes and coat on in one shot.
Pogo says
Same – mine is slow to wake up and needs his sippy of milk and at least two books read to him before he is ready to even contemplate picking out clothes.
rakma says
We’ve tried a variety of time saving measures, and as much as we try to stay in a routine, sometimes these tactics work for a few months and then get switched up.
Last year, getting DD1 ready for Pre-K was so difficult on those cold mornings when it was still dark out when she woke up. I found that getting her dressed, in her bed, while she was half asleep was the easiest way to get her up and moving. Could she technically dress her self? yes. Did it take 45 minutes and include so much whining? also yes. I never found that picking out clothes the night before saved that much time, but I also don’t care if the kids match all that much.
We have some backup quick breakfast options that can be eaten in the car on the way to school. Frozen waffles and an applesauce pouch isn’t my best breakfast offering, but they’ll eat it in the car on the 10 minute ride.
Also, as much as I’d rather not, I need to be up, dressed, and halfway through a cup of coffee before I wake up anyone else. If the kids wake up themselves, it’s fine, but I can’t coax anyone else to get out of bed before I’m fully awake.
Anonymous says
Have him sleep in his clothes. If you do that plus have everything else ready to go I would think you can get it down to an hour, even if he eats for 45 minutes.
anon says
Yes, definitely. Sweatpants and a t-shirt aren’t much different than PJs. If you assume breakfast takes 45 minutes, what does the other 45 minutes take? Does someone need to be sitting with him while eating breakfast? Lunches could be packed during that time, or your husband could be getting dressed (I’m imagining in the kitchen). We used to read stories during breakfast time too.
AwayEmily says
I’m a broken record on this but our 15 minutes of strategically deployed Daniel Tiger in the morning are worth their weight in gold. We do a leisurely breakfast, kids are in their PJs until 15 minutes before we go, and then we turn on the TV, dress the kids in front of it/do hair, then use any remaining DT time to get our own last things together. It’s nice just knowing that getting dressed is never a battle.
Anonymous says
Can DH do a high protein breakfast smoothie and let him drink that and watch Daniel Tiger for 15 mins while DH gets dressed. Then DH gets kid dressed and kid gets another snack (toast, dry cherrios etc) while DH packs up bags and gets coats.
OP says
Thanks for the tips everyone! I do think it takes him forever to wake up and he enjoys his 45 minute breakfast routine. Maybe I will see if he’s ready to get out of bed a few minutes earlier and I will see if DH wants to trade AM routine with me for day care pickup sometimes so I can work late.
Katy says
Are you at my house?
TBH i actually find i am less annoyed if i have to make lunches etc. WHILE the wee one is having breakfast so i am not a hostage to his eating habits.
Pigpen's Mama says
Funny stuff kids have said recently thread (because how is it only Wednesday ??).
This morning, my five year old asked if we were going to celebrate “Chicken Day.” After a brief discussion, I realized she was talking about Thanksgiving. Our dog was groomed yesterday and has on a seasonal Thanksgiving bandanna with turkeys on it…apparently poultry science is not my kid’s strong suit.
Anon says
That’s so cute. :)
Anonymous says
When you have a picky eater, every day is Chicken Day.
Anon says
The pickiest eaters don’t even eat chicken! My kid is pretty much strictly crackers, bread, yogurt and noodles.
FVNC says
Aw, so cute!
The first thing my 2.5 year old said to me this morning, in a very concerned tone, was: “Why we no have zebras?” Clearly his dreams are more interesting than mine!
Anonymous says
My daughter is constantly asking what we’re all doing (answers are usually “driving” “making dinner” “getting your clothes on”, etc), but she also asks about TV characters, and she’s not great about remembering names yet. Watching an episode of Peppa Pig and saw Santa- “What’s that Ho-Ho doing?!?!”
CCLA says
My daughter, just over 3, came into my room this morning and announced the “sun came on” so it was time for me to get out of bed. Despite how cute that was, it was not in fact time to get up. Her okay to wake clock was not turned yet, usually she goes by that religiously, not sure where this sun turning on business came from. I offered snuggles in my bed (DH was at work) but she spurned me and left to go play legos in the dark while waiting for me to get up, so it all worked out.
Pogo says
This morning my son was petting the cat and told us “Kitty no outside today. Too windy!” It’s precious how much he loves that cat.
Irish Midori says
My LO has starting singing “Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty” when he pets the cat, and I feel like I have achieved peak parenting goals.
Anon says
This is amazing. Parenting goals for sure.
SG says
Mine saw the turkeys up at school and asked what they were. I said turkey, she said no, mama it’s an owl.
RAGE says
Just got coverage rejected for my fertility treatment (IUI) because DH self reported at some point in his medical history that he’s a THC user 1-2x/week to his primary care. I’m beyond enraged. How is it that could possibly be linked to not qualifying for fertility treatment coverage?!?! If he has a blood tests that shows it’s not in his systems they’ll “consider” approving it.
BTW, for DD he did the same self-reporting and the IUI was successful (we had different insurance at the time). I’m the infertility factor, not him. What the actual eff.
I want to cry and scream and go home.
OP says
oh, and it’s legal in my state.
rosie says
That is so frustrating, I am sorry. I hope he is able to get it approved.
anon says
Well … doesn’t sperm motility decrease with use of said products? I know you said you’re the factor, not him, but I’m betting insurance disagrees.
Anon says
Yeah I guess I don’t see the outrage here. They are not banning him/you for life because of his past use. They’re requiring him to stop using something that suppresses fertility in order to begin fertility treatments. That seems….logical?
anon says
+1, and a study just came out showing men’s marijuana use (i know you said THC, but still) increases miscarriage risk, so I can see why they’d reject it.
OP says
I’m going to attempt to be articulate: For all of the research, question asking of doctors, question asking of nurses, asking of insurance, preparing, doctors appointment, surgeries, injections, pills and everything else that has brought me to this point – the point that I am today on Day 1 of my cycle and ready to start the injections for this round of treatment and actually have a shot at having a second child – this bomb is dropped on us. This is something DH self-reported >5 years ago. It had no bearing on when we went through this for #1. Our insurance changed, which was out of our control, but that change is legitimately the only difference in the fact sets between the primary and secondary infertility treatment. Heck, new insurance is arguably better across a number of categories and is with a carrier that is HQ’d here in this state, the state that legalized marijuana, no less. Every time I talked to someone about coverage, what to prepare to have to pay out of pocket (lengthy convos) this not once came up as a possible challenge/setback. His tests have scores that fly off the page (even as a 1-2x/week user), too.
We’ve tirelessly worked to get to this point, and this… THIS is the reason we’re getting rejected.
It’s 1,000% gutting. Maybe it takes having gone through this absolute nightmare to have compassion for this situation. People do many, many things that are far worse to their bodies and fertility than recreational marijuana use and have kids every single freaking day.
anon says
I truly am sorry you’re going through this. I’m sure it does feel gutting! I struggled with my own secondary fertility issues, so keep in mind that I’m coming in with that perspective in mind and with compassion for how hard it is to want a child that you can’t have. Yet. I just … disagree that THC use is no biggie and that the company is in the wrong here. Legal or not. It truly s*cks that your plans are getting halted once again and I do hope you get the resolution you want.
Anon says
I’m so sorry, it’s hard to describe how frustrating having a treatment cycle derailed is for those that haven’t been through it. I know it’s irrational and a bad financial decision, but I admit I probably would have considered just paying out of pocket for the IUI if I had the means to do so. Not saying you should do that, but I would consider it in your shoes. The way insurance treats infertility is really really frustrating.
Anon says
I don’t understand the fixation on the legality. It’s known to affect fertility and that’s why they care, not because they’re making some moral judgment about your decisions. Yeah people do lots of stuff that isn’t good for fertility, but the company doesn’t know about most of it, and it isn’t unreasonable for an insurance company to make a financially-focused decision based on the info they have available to them. That’s kind of the entire business model of insurance.
anon says
agree with anon at 3:20 and 3:46. I would kill for fertility coverage, so to have to jump through hoops for it (for something that makes total sense) seems eminently reasonable from the company’s standpoint.
AwayEmily says
Nothing to say except I’m sorry, that’s BS, and you’re right to be mad. I’m sitting here mad on your behalf. Good luck.
rosie says
This was something reported 5+ years ago?! This seems like an insurance co just looking for a reason to deny. Your RE should be the one to make the call whether IUI is medically recommended for you and your husband or if there are reasons why you should not proceed.
That said, I agree w/Anon at 3:31 on considering the self-pay if it’s feasible for you.
ElisaR says
dumb question: what is THC?
Anonymous says
https://lmgtfy.com/?q=thc&s=g
Pogo says
Under that logic, anyone who self-reports as not dieting or exercising should be covered for diabetes or hypertension or heart disease…
Pogo says
*NOT be covered. obviously.
Sorry, this would make me ragey too. It’s clearly a double standard.
Anon says
That’s very apples to oranges… the conditions you mention directly impact the patient’s health (and depending on stage of disease, it’s much better for the insurer to address early than to ignore). Infertility, while heartbreaking, is a different sort of condition, and IUI doesn’t actually treat or address the underlying cause (which is the true health issue, and deserves far more research and attention than the medical community gives it!).
Anon says
I hate this attitude, though I realize it’s the prevailing one. Infertility is a health condition that impacts a patient’s health and wellbeing at a very basic level. Will it kill you? No, but neither will a ruptured ACL and we don’t expect people to go through life with that condition.
Anon says
Infertility is a huge problem. And the more I learn about my cycle it is shocking how little the medical community (gynecologists included) seem to know or care about how a woman’s body works, even the basic info found in Taking Charge if Your Fertility (and they will certainly not listen if you try to tell them something, see: due dates based on a stereotyped 28-day cycle and not the woman’s input on when she ovulated). Every time a woman raises a complaint related to her cycle (pain/spotting/irregularity) she is put on the pill, instead of the medical professional bothering to care *why*, only to TTC years later and find out something is very wrong. That is a tragedy.
anon says
+1 to anon at 2:32. I’m dealing with secondary infertility now, and I have zero coverage (I live in a non-mandated state, and neither me nor my husband’s insurances covers anything fertility-related). While I am sad that that is our situation, I understand why most insurance companies won’t cover this stuff. Having a biological child (or any child, really), is a privilege and not fundamental to one’s physical health. I hope someday the laws change, though of course it’ll be too late for my benefit.
Anon says
I disagree. Infertility is a huge barrier to physical, mental, and emotional health. There are studies showing that women dealing with infertility have stress levels comparable to that of cancer patients. I’m exhausted by the attitude that this is a condition that doesn’t deserve treatment because children are a privilege.
Irish Midori says
Ugh! OP, I’m outraged for you too. That’s just beyond infuriating. I have said before, and stand by it: When the revolution comes, health insurance will be the first with their backs against a wall.
Jeffiner says
I’m so sorry. I have secondary infertility, and crappy insurance. But at least my insurance is crappy for everything, and not just to second guess my doctor. I mean, the insurance company probably read the same studies as these random internet commenters, so of course they know more than the tests your doctors ran on you and your husband.
Anon says
This x1000. I don’t know why everyone thinks they’re an expert on this issue. Obviously the doctor thinks it’s appropriate to go forward with IUI. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
anon says
What are your Christmas morning traditions? Last year, I remember feeling sort of let down/sad when it was done. We don’t do a ton of gifts, so that part is … well, over within 15 minutes. I do not seem to have it in me to prepare a huge Christmas breakfast or cinnamon rolls (traditional here, very time-consuming), particularly when we’ll be having a huge Christmas dinner just a few hours later. My kids are 5 and 10, and I’m feeling some self-imposed pressure to make it all magical.
Anonymous says
Pillsbury cinnamon rolls from the can–and let’s be real here, probably the store brand equivalent–are integral to the Christmas and Easter traditions bequeathed to me by my mother. It was the only time of year she would buy them, and I still love cracking open those weird cardboard cans.
More substantively, do your kids feel let down/sad when it is over? Maybe it is already magical for them.
avocado says
I have similar feelings about a different type of packaged roll that we always had on Christmas morning growing up.
With an older kid, we make Christmas more magical by having Grandma stay over on Christmas Eve, going out to the movies on Christmas afternoon, and/or traveling over the holiday.
anon says
Not that I can tell; it’s probably all in my head. We do special family movie nights and traditions all December … maybe that’s why the day feels a little anti-climactic.
Anonymous says
I have always liked Christmas Eve better than Christmas morning. The anticipation is what’s most magical.
Anonanonanon says
^This!
Anonymous says
Well…we do Christmas breakfast but it’s pancakes so it’s not that overwhelming. You could do some sort of oven baked egg thing that’s prepped the night before? We give new jammies on Xmas eve, and try to always take a walk Xmas day. Growing up we ALWAYS went to the movies Christmas night. Your kids are old enough you could do this and picking out the movie was a fun family affair. What about gifting a new board game each year that you play? I think the rest of the stuff is more during the month of December…cutting down the tree, etc…
Anonymous says
Taking a walk or bike ride on Christmas Day is magical. It’s crisp and cold, no one else is out, you might have a new bike or scooter or skateboard or roller skates …
AwayEmily says
Maybe try slowing down the gift opening? Assuming that there are four of you and each of you have two gifts, that would mean you are opening a gift every 1.8 minutes, which seems pretty fast. In our family one person opens at a time (we go youngest to oldest), everyone watches, the gift gets played or talked about with for a little while, someone writes down what it was and who gave it for thank you note purposes, and then we move onto the next one. So eight gifts would take maybe an hour (we also don’t do many gifts so it’s nice to spread it out).
Anon says
We all wear matching PJs. We’re also a homemade cinnamon roll family (by choice – my mother has never made a homemade cinnamon roll in her life and I totally grew up whacking the cans on the counter to open them), but I do them the night before and let them rise in the fridge, so all I have to do in the morning is set them out to warm up and then pop them in the oven. Once all the kids were older, it was amazing and we would do a full breakfast + mimosas before opening presents, but you (and I) have a number of years before that’s fun for the whole family, although can you do mimosas for the kids with sparkling cider? We host Christmas dinner and have a two year old, so it’s not really magical – we open presents and then I start cooking (but I have moved dinner to actual dinner time so that we’re not so rushed in the mornings). As for traditions, for me it’s always the Christmas Eve 11:00 candlelight service, filled with sing-along hymns, that lets out exactly on Christmas Day, that is the most “magical” and seeing all the beautiful lights on the way home.
Anon says
Forgot, we also do stockings either after dinner or the next day or so, to stretch out the excitement.
lsw says
Your kids are old enough where I’d crowdsource them for ideas, and ask especially about what they would like to do (meaning, adds incrementally or not at all to your own workload). Help make a breakfast casserole the night before? Some sort of family game or activity that they plan together and surprise you guys with? My 13 year old likes to do things like this.
rakma says
We’re still working on making the holiday look the way we want to, but some things are coming together.
We do cinnamon buns from a can, then DH makes omelets for brunch, our holiday dinner isn’t until 6 or later so a big breakfast works for us. We try to take a break between present categories, (Santa presents, stockings, grandparent presents) and let the kids play with some things. I also usually give the kids an ornament, so they take a break to hang it on the tree.
We had a train under the tree this past year, it came down so Santa wouldn’t trip, and then got set back up after presents, the kids were enthralled with it.
Also, I can’t have a magical morning if I am up until the wee hours of the morning making Christmas happen. Everything needs to be wrapped and ready to go before Christmas Eve, the only thing I do that night is put things under the tree. The kids know they don’t start opening anything until each parent has a cup of coffee and a seat. (These were my mother’s rules as well and now I completely understand them)
Anon says
I always make sure that everyone in the family gets a couple of presents that will consume a chunk of time on Christmas day. It could be a puzzle, a FitBit that needs an app installed, or anything with instructions. It just can’t be all clothes or dish towels (my MIL’s present to me every year). That way when we finish present opening, everyone is busy with something to do.
For breakfast, we do a casserole that was prepared the night before and overnight cinnamon rolls. Just pop them in the oven so they are ready when we’re done opening presents.
SC says
DH, Kiddo, and I race from one extended-family member’s house to another until we’re all exhausted. But when I was growing up, I remember having that feeling of let-down and even boredom when everything was over. Here are some of my family’s traditions to extend the Christmas Day magic.
– My mom took FOREVER to get ready to open presents. She had to make coffee, then another cup. Then the camera wouldn’t be ready. All that hard work to get ready for Christmas, and she was determined to stretch it out and make it last. As I grew up, it became a big joke between me and my dad to see how long it would take her to sit down and get ready for presents THIS year. I can’t give realistic time estimates on how much time that killed, but it seemed like a long time.
– Slow down the present opening. My mom did this with ribbon–hers is impossible to remove, and we never got scissors because tearing at it was part of the fun. Also, she individually wrapped stocking gifts, which could easily extend gift opening by 10-15 minutes.
– A Christmas puzzle at the kitchen table. This actually was a later tradition, but it’s a fun activity for anyone who’s just aimlessly wandering around the house. It also keeps non-cooks in the kitchen but out of the way if you’re making dinner. Of course, a card game or board game works well, but a puzzle doesn’t require everyone’s equal participation at the same time.
– Movies. My aunt used to take me and my cousin to the movie theater between gift opening and dinner at my grandmother’s house.
anon says
I always thought it was SO WEIRD that my MIL wrapped each stocking item, but now I get it! I don’t feel like we’ve raced through gift-opening, but we could add some breaks between each type (stocking, Santa, immediate family). I also like the idea of having an activity out on the coffee table or kitchen table or whatever.
Anonymous says
Christmas tree pancakes. Just need pancake mix, green food dye and a large Christmas tree cookie cutter. Cut some fruit into stars using small cookie cutters while the pancakes cook. Apples or melon work well for this. Decorate the ‘tree’ with the ‘star’ on top.
Anon says
Replace your cinna rolls with frozen choco-croissants (thaw overnight). Get them from Trader Joe’s ($) or Williams Sonoma ($$). They’re a special breakfast, but super easy! Pair with a store-made quiche and you have yourself a fancy breakfast with almost no work.
Irish Midori says
Poptarts and a Christmas movie on the TV still in jammies? That sounds magical to me.
Anonanonanon says
We focus more on the whole season than the day. The day always has a bit of a letdown feeling as a kid.
For the season, we watch holiday movies every friday evening. We turn off the lights and sit in the light of the christmas tree and watch the movie with hot chocolate. I make homemade cookies in November and freeze the dough in balls so I can pull them out to bake just a few at a time for these move nights. We have a holiday party every year where we bring out the china and light candles and invite people over to celebrate. That was an important tradition to me as a kid and my older kid values it now as well. Again, more about the magical anticipation and seeing everyone all dressed up in their holiday wear than the day itself.
Christmas day is waking up, having canned cinnamon rolls, and opening gifts. other than that it’s a low-key, relax at home day
Buble says
When I was in elementary and middle school, I would always get books as gifts, and I would sit around all day reading my new books. It was awesome! There were always tons of Christmas cookies and goodies to eat.
For kids, I would think just playing with all their new Christmas toys would be the activity. Or someone could get a new movie or Christmas movie as a gift that everyone then watches together.
My mom also does a midday Christmas meal, sort of Thanksgiving-esque but with a ham. So it gives something else to look forward to besides just opening the gifts.
SC says
I remember a lot of Christmases, especially after around 8 years old, where I loved what I received (clothes, equipment for my expensive hobby, experience gifts) but didn’t really have new toys to play with at home on Christmas. Or we’d actually be at my grandmother’s house, and I’d get a new movie, but grandma didn’t have a DVR player, or a new video game, but the Super Nintendo was at home. It was hard to read with the house full of people and my obnoxious cousin. I I know it sounds terrible, and my parents and aunt and grandparents made fun of me at the time, but I had some serious Christmas Day ennui some years.
Anonymous says
Would it be weird of me to organize a parents night out for parents of kids at one of my kids’ daycare? If you got an invite, would you go? Would you prefer mom’s night out or both parents (optional of course)? Weekend or week night?
AwayEmily says
Not weird, this is a lovely idea. My husband and I would get a sitter and go, and I would much rather have it be “parents” rather than moms.
mrs kbp says
My oldest is 8 and we still get together with daycare parents! We usually go to someone’s home and have a potluck gathering. The kids love it because even though they aren’t seeing each other every day anymore-they are excited to see their friends from daycare!
Anon says
I would love it. Normally I like things that are inclusive of parents regardless of gender, but in this case I would prefer mom’s only. Perhaps this is embarrassing to admit, but we still don’t have a regular babysitter for our almost 2 year old, so it would be hard for us both to go, and I would feel awkward going alone to a gathering of couples.
Anon says
Same. I prefer inclusivity regardless of gender, but it’s really hard to find a babysitter who can handle bedtime. I’m more likely to go to moms only.
AwayEmily says
But if it’s “parents” then that means that either one of you could go and the other one stays home with the kids. Or at least that’s how I would read that wording.
Anon says
Technically, but I think if both members of the couples are invited and it’s a date night-y thing (a bar after bedtime) you’re going to get a lot of couples getting a babysitter and attending together. Someone below described a similar event and said something about talking to the “couples” seated around them. I would not personally be comfortable going to an event like this alone, although there are certainly plenty of people who are more comfortable in social situations than me.
Anon says
I’d go, and 100% both parents.
ElisaR says
i have gone to this once (and declined once). it was good but we did a dinner and only got to talk to the couples on either side of us which was nice but I didn’t speak to everyone so I wished it was more apps around cocktail tables.
ElisaR says
i should add my daycare parents do it on “kids fun night” which is a friday night once a month where the kids can stay at daycare until 9pm. none of us have babysitters either…. it’s such a rarity that it is the reason I declined last time.
anon says
I’m sorry, but I would never go to a parents’ thing on the way-too-rare kids’ fun night! That is one of the rare times when we get an actual date night.
ElisaR says
yes, but new to the area meant we wanted friends and were just happy to be out! but we did opt out the 2nd time it came up.
AnotherAnon says
Not weird I would love this. No preference on week/end night but yes to both parents.
Anonymous says
Thanks all. I did a weekend, both parents / whoever can make it, at trattoria type bar after bedtime. people can double down and come early for date night, or one parent can come after the kids are in or close to bed, or whatever. Already have a bunch of yes’s and several no but next time’s.
Anonymous says
I would love this.
FWIW, I would want something mom-specific b/c I don’t want to get a sitter and want to have a bunch of people I can more directly relate to (I work mainly with guys, but their wives stay home; I just want to talk to a person who walks my walk, and this would feel like my only chance).
Also, if “parents” both might feel compelled to come / get a sitter / may depress turnout.
IHeartBacon says
Send me an invite! Hubs and I would be there in a New York minute! ;)
anon says
Any thoughts on the quality of PB Kids pajamas? They have a few cute character pj’s that would make great gifts but ouch … the price hurts, even on sale. Would be willing to consider if it the quality is amazing. (Bugs me so much that PB can’t get its act together and allow reviews.)
Anonymous says
I posted a few weeks ago that my mom moved to my town, unannounced and with nebulous plans for the future.
She’s here now, and apparently a plan is to babysit on the side. She’s given my name as a reference. But I….wouldn’t hire my mom. She’s absolutely safe and I of course trust her with my own kids, but she’s also flakey, messy, and way too “in your business” (think: folding my husbands underwear “to be helpful” when we’ve asked her not to). She’s great free help, but I would fire her if she worked for me.
What, if anything, do I do here? I can’t be straight up honest with my mom or it will be a massive issue. I don’t want to actively recommend her to friends and community members (it’s a smallll town) and have it reflect poorly on me. Is there a way to word “she’s great free help, I have no idea what it would be like to employ her”?
I did give her feedback that her plan to use a family she babysat for 20+ years ago and the pastor of her church three states away where she taught religious class was not what parents up here are looking for in a reference.
I am also highly encouraging her to look for jobs working with kids vs straightup babysitting.
I love my mom but I do.not.like that she lives 1 mile away and is all kinds of up in my business. I moved 3 states away for a reason.
AwayEmily says
Oh man this is tough. Can you say “I don’t think it would be ethical of me to be a reference for you since I am your daughter”?
Anonymous says
It didn’t work. And also, she didn’t ask, she informed me that she is going to be using my name. I will probably go with “oh well since she’s my mom I’m obviously biased- and I’ve never hired her- but she is great with my kids and kids in general. Cant weigh in on how she’d be as an employee, though!”
Anon says
I would tell people exactly what you said here: She’s great free help, I have no idea what it would be like to employ her.
I also think she might treat other people really differently than she treats you. There’s a big difference between folding your SIL’s underwear and folding a stranger’s underwear, although I realize that even the former is boundary-crossing for you (and would be for me too).
Anon. says
I think this is a totally fair and accurate reference. ‘She’s great with my kids but obviously we have a different relationship than employee/employer.’
And agreed that she may be very different with strangers than with you.