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I (and my daughter) got hooked on Tea Collection’s dresses when a friend gave me a few hand-me-downs from her daughter. I loved the unique prints and high quality fabric — after my daughter outgrew those hand-me-downs, they were still nice enough to pass along to another little girl.
Tea Collection’s clothes feature different countries and cultures around the world. (This spring is Portugal.) The company also gives back “10% of [their] profits to projects and organizations that create a better world for kids everywhere” and follows “ethical sourcing practices.”
Each season, I get my daughter a dress or two as a special gift. She’s always liked twirly dresses, and I think she’ll love this lovely new “Twirl Dress” with gradient ocean waves. From a distance, it looks ombré, fading from dark blue to white.
Tea Collection’s Twirl Dress in Placid Blue is $37 and comes in sizes 2–12. It’s also available in Galapagos Vacation, a bright and bold tropical floral print.
P.S. Happy Passover to those who celebrate!
Sales of note for 3.28.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything plus extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off 2+ items; 40% off 1
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- Lands’ End – 10% off your order
- Loft – 50% off everything
- Nordstrom: Give $150 in gift cards, earn a $25 promo card (ends 3/31)
- Talbots – 40% off 1 item; 25% off everything else
- Zappos – 37,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off entire site
- Hanna Andersson – 30% off all swim; up to 30% off HannaJams
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; 50% off select swim; 50% off kids’ styles
- Old Navy – 50% off Easter deals
- Target – 20% off Easter styles for all; up to 30% off kitchen & dining; BOGO 50% off shoes & slippers for the family;
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
T Shirt Poster says
To the person looking for tshirt recommendations: Eddie Bauer has some nice thick ones and currently have a sale where the more you buy, the more you save.
And to anyone else: loads of winter gear and jackets in their sale section right now for about 50% off.
Pogo says
We made it to Friday!! I made myself a bagel sandwich this morning after I dropped off the kids and signed on at a leisurely 8:15, drinking my coffee while it’s still hot. I only have two meetings today. It feels like a vacation.
avocado says
Why did this week feel so very long? I felt it and so did everyone at work. On Wednesday afternoon my boss wished me a good weekend.
Hooray for Friday! By some miracle I have zero meetings today. I am going to spend the whole day doing actual substantive work and learning new things.
Cb says
So ready for the weekend! My husband and I somehow got in a fight about the fact he went grocery shopping. He spent an hour messaging me with questions from the shop and I was so irritable when he got home.
Anonymous says
I firmly believe that the person who does the cooking should also do the grocery shopping. Whenever my husband goes to the store, I get a thousand questions about where to find things or whether some ridiculous substitution is acceptable when the item on the list is right there on the shelf. Back in the days when he did all the cooking and shopping, he was perfectly capable of making it through the grocery store without my input.
Cb says
Right? It would have been much quicker/much cheaper for me to do it but he randomly declared that he was going shopping this am.
anne-on says
This. I tried to hand off grocery shopping to my husband but what drove me batty was that he would only buy what was on the list and would never be able to substitute or buy stuff we used often that was on sale, things we were running low on, etc. God help us if the store moved where they put an item….
It’s easier for both of us if the person who cooks does the grocery shopping. The other ‘rule’ is that if you are not the one doing the cooking you sit down at dinner and eat what is in front of you and say ‘thank you for cooking for us’ or if you know you can’t/won’t eat what is being prepped for the family you make your own food and join everyone else at the table to eat together.
AnonATL says
At the beginning of the pandemic when food supply was still sketchy and no one knew how contagious it was, I sent my husband to the grocery store because I was pretty pregnant.. It was such a failure. He can manage Costco, but there’s something about the regular grocery store where he just loses all sense.
Aunt Jamesina says
My husband is a great cook and likes to grocery shop, but both cooking and shopping inevitably lead him to pepper me with questions “just to get your opinion”. How long do you think I should roast these vegetables? I set it to 425, what do you think? What kind of vinaigrette should I make? Which tomatoes? And so on, forever and ever and EVER. It annoyed me so much and last year I finally had a deliberate conversation about it. I told him that the person doing the task (cooking, shopping, whatever) owns that task 100% and makes all of those choices on their own to fully take it off the other’s plate.
To me, the questions are a mental burden, while he saw it as including me in on the activity and showing that he valued my input (and to be fair, I can be picky!). Once I framed it that way, he stopped asking questions soon after (the few times he did, I just said “I’m not giving any input, your choice!”). You do have to be 100% comfortable with the fact that he’s going to make some choices that you wouldn’t, but it sure beats the alternative.
EDAnon says
My kids have been home sick all week (not COVID!) so I am actually looking forward to Monday as a vacation when I only have to work.
fallen says
Hep me decide whether to transition from a nanny to daycare for my youngest (soon to turn 3) and aftercare for my oldest (in elementary school). We had a nanny for the last few years and she has been great. However, we are moving to where her commute will be an hour. Also, I feel like our 3 year old could use the socialization. So in some ways it feels like a good time to transition to daycare. Plus, it would be nice to save a couple thousand dollars a month. Oh, and I am likely going to be working mostly from home in the Fall and it would be nice to not deal with the kid noise.
BUT at the same COVID is complicating the decision making. It feels so hard to predict to the extent that daycare/school will be reliable in the next academic year (I am in academia/have a ton of flexibility so I am totally fine with a couple days off a month, but NOT fine with extended closures etc. like I know some have experienced this year), how many outbreaks will there be, whether new variants will affect kids more, and whether I am putting the kids at higher risk for COVID (since the aftercare and daycare would add to exposure risk, as compared to just sending my daughter to school and having nanny pick her up). Also because my youngest has spent all his life with us and the nanny and his sister, I am worried about how he will do in a group setting.
For what it’s worth I also considered the part-time preschool + nanny option too but our nanny needs a full-time salary so it seems unnecessarily more expensive than the other two options.
No Face says
Interested in the responses, as I am making the same decision for the fall. Socialization and quiet in the house versus flexibility of a nanny. My schedule is less flexible than yours so I am leaning towards nanny.
Mary Moo Cow says
This seems like a know your daycare situation, unfortunately. I have a kid in daycare and a kid in (private) elementary school, and neither have had to close for an extended period of time since last April. Daycare closed for April 2020 and then has been closed for 3 individual days since then to do cleaning an contract tracing. There have been 0 cases of in-school transmission. In school, there have been no closures. There are usually a few teachers or students in quarantine, but we (knock on wood) have not had any close exposure that forces us to quarantine. For the month of March, 0 cases and no one in quarantine (whoo-hoo! But knock on wood.) Contrast that to my friend who has had both nannies get COVID over the past 3 months and just last week got out of quarantine from getting COVID from one of the nannies. Also contrast that to stories reported here of the whole daycare shutting down for a week or schools suddenly switching to virtual learning for a day.
Both my schools have a policy of quarantine if you have known exposure and can’t return to school until you have a negative test. I would look at what the policies are for your prospective daycares. Also think about what your back-up care options are if daycare would have to close — but also what your back-up options are if nanny gets sick.
As for socialization, clearly, I’m on team daycare for my own family. For each kid’s first 2 years, we had 3 days of daycare and 2 days a week of grandparent care. Is such a hybrid an option for you and your nanny?
Mary Moo Cow says
Sorry; just saw your last sentence. If not keeping your current nanny, would you consider a part-time pre-school and part-time nanny share with a family, or new nanny? I agree that paying a nanny full time to use her part-time when a stated bonus of daycare would be saving money does not make sense.
Anon says
I’m biased because we’ve been back to daycare since August, but I would do that. Daycare seems much more reliable than K-12 school. My center has quarantined a couple of classrooms this year (no more than once per room) but we haven’t been quarantined yet (knock on wood), and even the occasional two week quarantine is likely offset by the lack of non-Covid illness (we’ve had two colds all year, neither of which resulted in anything more severe than a runny nose and sneezing – last year we were at the doctor what felt like every other week for six months for ear infections and strep). I haven’t heard of any daycare center pulling back after reopening and switching to hybrid or virtual long-term, whereas many public schools have done that. Smaller class sizes reduce the frequency of quarantine and your odds of exposure, so I’d seek that out if possible. Masks for staff should be a given, and our daycare also requires kids 2+ to wear masks. I’m not sure I’d be as comfortable at one that didn’t. I think consistent socialization with peers is really important by age 3 and we noticed a huge improvement in my child’s happiness and mental health when daycare reopened, but I have an only child so for families with two or more kids it might not be as important. I think in normal times a preschooler with a nanny can get adequate socialization through stuff like MyGym and library storytime, but depending on where you live that stuff either isn’t operational and/or strikes me as less safe than daycare (random group of new people every week, no masks, etc.)
Re: UK variant, no one knows what will happen with certainly but it’s surging in Michigan and seems to be affecting pre-teens and teens a lot (in terms of spread, not in terms of severe illness) but so far not affecting kids under 10 so I don’t see it as a reason to change our plans, at least for now. Also classroom spread still seems to be pretty limited, most cases are due to extracurriculars and social gatherings and I feel pretty confident our schools precautions would work even if there were a case in her classroom. It’s not risk free, but neither is staying home.
Anon says
Agree with the others, no one can answer this for you but to add another anecdote our preschool has been open since June. We were closed one week last Summer because one teacher felt ill and they wanted to get all of the teachers tested (it was not COVID), but that probably took longer than it would now as back then it was really hard to get a timely test done here; and regardless it hasn’t happened since even for a shorter period of time.
Pogo says
I think if you are deciding between finding a new nanny and switching to daycare, I’d go daycare. Nanny search sounds exhausting. If you were just going to keep the current nanny, that’s obviously path of least resistance. Agree with other anecdata that once daycares re-opened, no COVID-related closures. We had to pull LO out for a few days while he waited for a negative test when he had a fever, and one time our caregiver also had to get a negative test before coming back to work. There was 1 case in our entire daycare/preschool and it did not spread (child was kept home before symptoms ever showed etc). In my state teachers are all getting vaccinated now so that’s a huge relief to me, too.
Lyssa says
Any suggestions for little things to go in an 8 year old boy’s Easter basket? We’re including a video game and a book (and candy), but in the past we’ve also thrown in some small toys like a hot wheels car or play dough or slime, but he doesn’t seem all that interested in things like that anymore. My daughter (5) will be thrilled with those things, plus she loves girly stuff like lip gloss and jewelry, so she’ll easily have a few things.
Anonymous says
We do chalk, bubbles, frisbees etc.
anne-on says
What are his interests? Mine would love pokemon cards, friends of his would probably like sports stuff (favorite team jersey/hat, baseball cards), small nerf gun (or extra ammo, those things always go missing), a puzzle, geode kit (the break them open ones), etc.
Anonymous says
Water guns, especially if you live in a place where it will soon be warm enough to use them.
Anonymous says
I got my Minecraft obsessed 8 year old the following:
https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B07ZQKMJTZ/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B081QXY87L/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o01_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1
and the new Dog Man book. I may give him one of these things before Easter, on a long car trip this weekend.
Also, this is not particularly small but we got the Ravensburger Minecraft game (on sale on Amazon) and he was willing to play it with us, after shunning family games for about 6 months. If we win he may start refusing to play again, but so far so good. It is a bit complicated – definitely a Euro game not, like, Uno.
Anonanonanon says
I’m doing a baby yoda toy (I know he has a name but I don’t know what it is LET ME LIVE lol), candy frogs (apparently baby yoda ate a frog in an episode?), Mandalorian pez dispensers, and a funko pop my husband picked out for him. I think there are a couple of other small things but I bought ahead this year so I already forgot.
Anonymous says
Do older elementary school kids go to parks? My kids were always in daycare and then school + after school. Then no school for the past year. We have a park 2 blocks from our house that we’ve always gone to (largely on weekends), but no matter what time of day or weekday/weekend we go, all the kids there are b/w 2 and 4. We never see older kids there (TBH, there are no many 5th graders in our area, the high schoolers don’t even seem to use it for walking, the younger kids use it so much I feel like my much bigger kids get the side-eye from some moms). The things they used to like, like trampoline parks and escape rooms, are now out for weekends, but we just want a space where they may see some kids their own age and not be made to feel like they are intruding on someone else’s space. This is something I think SAHMs know but we office moms struggle with at times. In prior years, maybe all of these kids were on travel sports teams and didn’t have free time, but this year I’d expect people just to be out more b/c they are probably sick of being stuck at home.
Mary Moo Cow says
I see older kids, but it depends on the time of day. At the parks we frequent, the mornings are mostly, if not all, little kids. If we go in the afternoon, we’re more likely to see older kids.
I suspect you’re right, that parks have fallen out of favor for 5th graders because they are usually on sports teams, etc., but I’m surprised there aren’t many older kids, too. I would ignore the moms who give you side eye, unless they are trying to point out that the older kids are not sharing the equipment or ignoring the little kids’ need to go more slowly and have more space. If the older kids are playing safely, I’m all for having them on the playground — they need the exercise, too!
Anon says
I see lots of young elementary kids at playgrounds for sure. I would say not many kids over about 8 (? …I’m not great at judging kids ages) but certainly plenty of kids quite a bit older than 4. In fact, my kid is 3 and I feel like we almost never find kids her age for her to play with – it’s always babies/toddlers who aren’t really able to talk to her, or kids 5+ who are way more physically advanced than her and don’t want to play with her because she can’t keep up (admittedly her gross motor skills on the delayed side). I see a lot of older elementary kids walking around the neighborhood with friends though, and they also sometimes hang out in the picnic shelters near our neighborhood playground.
Anonymous says
In our neighborhood the older elementary kids tend to run around the neighborhood, ride bikes and scooters, and play in each other’s yards instead of hanging out at the park.
Pogo says
+1 same. And I think in the past yes, they are often in organized sports/travel sports so not around as much.
avocado says
The only upper elementary and middle school kids I see in the park are older siblings in family groups. High school kids will play on the swings or record TikTok videos in the park when no one else is around.
The park is for everyone. As long as your kids aren’t interfering with the little ones, they have every right to enjoy the equipment. Can you meet up with some of their friends so they have someone their own age to run around with? We meet up with family at our neighborhood park all the time, and I’d be totally willing to drive out of my way to another park if it meant my kid could see her friends.
AwayEmily says
We see a lot of older kids when we go to school playgrounds on the weekend, so maybe that’s where they all are (which makes sense — I feel like elementary school playgrounds are designed for older kids, and the playgrounds in parks tend to be aimed at younger kids).
Anon says
I see older elementary kids at the park. In fact, i have to ask them to get out of my 2 year olds way in the area designated for under 5 and to play in the 5+ area
Anonymous says
So we’re in NYC, where no one has yards, and population density is high (e.g. everyone my son goes to school with lives within 1/2 mile of our apartment), but older kids do go to playgrounds. By middle school they seem more focused on hanging out in basketball courts, skateboarding, etc – chatting more than playing. My 8 year old no longer seems interested in playing on playground equipment, even though many of his peers do – he likes to chat with one best friend and ignores everything else. The pandemic has not been kind to social skills.
Anonymous says
Yes. It also depends on the playground. We have some parks in MoCo and DC area that are clearly geared towards ages 8+ due to complexity/height. It also warms my heart that I see a lot of middle schoolers just playing in the woods/creeks here (parental supervision). On weekend afternoons we definitely see older kids. There’s a lot more tag/obstacle courses.
NYCer says
+1. I was coming to say this. In NYC (Central Park, though I assume the same in other parts of the city), there are definitely playgrounds that are geared more to the toddler/preschool crowd and other playgrounds that are geared toward older kids.
octagon says
In my area (NoVa), there is a solid pre-teen set that hangs out at the park where I take kiddo. There’s a large blacktop area, followed by a playground, followed by a large field that has 2 baseball diamonds. The older kids are often on skateboards on the blacktop or lying in the fields while on their phones.
EB0220 says
My 3rd grader still loves the park. She has after-school activities during the week so the park is usually on the weekend.
anon says
They do in my neighborhood, although the older kids favor the school playground, while the younger ones and teens are at the actual park. Older elementary kids are more likely to be at the playground later in the evening and on the weekends.
Uterine Biopsy says
Has any one had a uterine biopsy? What’s it like and does it hurt? Getting it as a next step in my fertility work up. Thanks
anon says
I had a polyp removal and biopsy recently. I understand sometimes the procedure is done with local anesthesia but mine was a general. The surgery itself took about 20 minutes but my recovery wasn’t bad (had some pain day of surgery on a Wednesday), felt about fine by Friday. It was less painful that when I had a d&c for miscarriage even though it was also a d&c.
buffybot says
I had an endometrial scratch which I think doubled as a biopsy at least one of the times I did it (although I’ll admit now 4 years out the memories are fuzzy) — someone with more medical expertise may know better and say that I’m totally wrong, but I think I was told it was essentially the same procedure. It hurt, but it was a quick sharp pain followed by some cramping later and doesn’t rank high in my unpleasant memories, if that’s helpful.
Patricia Gardiner says
Agree. Painful for a short time but in the grand scheme of things not that memorable. I used one of those heatable animal things for a few hours afterwards which helped. Good luck!
anne-on says
Yes, I’d say in terms of pain it was fairly similar to a LEEP if you’ve had one of those. Crampy pain, followed by quick sharp pain, then you’re done. I’d expect some spotting and cramping the rest of the day but you should be ok by the following day. My doc suggested no gardening for about 5 days after.
Deep End says
Yes just had two this month (with antibiotics in between because of an infection). I took Tylenol an hour before hand. It is unpleasant and the description of crampy followed by a very brief sharp pain is correct. It is over quickly and I felt slightly tender rest of the day and back to normal by the next day. Good luck!
Switching Daycares says
Any tips for switching to a new daycare? Kiddos are 2 1/2 and not yet 1, so I’m incredibly nervous about this transition. Our reasons for switching are unrelated to the teachers, and my kids love their current set up — so having some guilt mixed in there.
anonymommy says
Solidarity! My 3yo still talks about his old daycare (and our old house) a lot. The 1yo just started daycare at the new place, and that transition was much easier, probably both because of her age and personality. For the 3yo, who is much more change-resistant, we watched Daniel Tiger episodes about moving as that was the reason for our switch, but there might even be an episode about changing schools or teachers. It is better now (4 mo later) but tbh it was hard at first. The good thing is though, even when he was upset at home/acting out over the changes, he still was doing well at school and I like this daycare a lot better overall. At a previous transition to a new room at old daycare, we also printed a picture of my son with his new teachers and put it on the fridge. We’d talk about the fun he had and talk positively about his teachers, which did help room transition — it could be helpful if the new daycare is willing to do a picture ahead of time. Wish I had more advice than commiseration! Good luck!
Pogo says
Agree with all of this. There were some tears at first, but always got reports soon after (like 10 mins) that he was fine. Now he only asks about his friends – wants to know why they can’t come to new school with him. We do masked, outdoor playdates with his friends which helps a lot – he knows they didn’t disappear forever, he can still see them, etc. I still struggle with how much to explain – like you, reasons were not about teachers at all but a mix of COVID, new baby, planning for the fall, etc. None of which make sense to a 2-3 year old.
EB0220 says
We switched daycare a few times and mostly it was a non-issue. The one when my kiddo was about 3 was the hardest. I recommend making sure they have closure. On their last day, make sure to make a deal of it and let them say goodbye to the people, school favorite spaces. My eldest was sick on her last day and she talked about missing that school for YEARS after. I always regretted the way we did the transition. I would guess your <1 year old won't be too difficult.
Anon says
My 3 year old’s meltdowns have gotten incredibly intense in the last few weeks. Something trivial sets her off (this morning it was my husband going to the bathroom without her, apparently she wanted to watch him pee but she did not communicate that until he was already done using the bathroom) but then it just escalates to hysterical tantruming, throwing herself on the floor, swatting/kicking her arms and legs at us and anything in reach, including the dog, and occasionally trying to pick up furniture and throw it. Nothing we do or say can calm her down once she gets going, and in the last couple weeks it’s been happening every evening and most mornings. It’s been so bad we even took her to the doctor to make sure she didn’t have an ear infection or something. There’s nothing physically wrong. Her doctor said she likely needs more sleep. She gets 12-13 hours at night, no nap, but she’s always been very high sleep needs so I think our ped may be right that this isn’t enough. We’re trying to get her early from school to facilitate an earlier bedtime and also more playtime at home with her toys (she complains about not having enough time to play, which is understandable given her very early bedtime), but haven’t noticed any change yet. Our ped didn’t seem overly concerned, she was like “yeah… kids throw fits” but I don’t know anyone who has a kid who has really intense meltdowns like this so frequently. Is this normal? Does anyone have any advice other than just powering through? I hate to see her so miserable so much of the time (it seriously feels like she spends 80% of her waking hours with us crying, at least on weekdays) and it’s obviously not pleasant for us either, but I just don’t know how to help her. We’ve talked about lots of different calming techniques (Daniel Tiger songs, breathing exercises they do at school) but nothing seems to be helping.
Anonymous says
Have you tried just letting her ride it out instead of trying to calm her? For some kids, any interaction will intensify the tantrum. They just need to be in a safe spot by themselves until the tantrum subsides.
OP says
That was generally our approach and it worked pretty well, but lately she’s been getting hysterical and running after us if we try to leave her alone and/or leaving to try to get whatever she wants that we’ve taken away. It also doesn’t really work in the morning when we’re trying to get out the door to school. At night we do frequently put her in bed still crying, which I feel guilty about, but like you said interaction just seems to intensify it and she doesn’t usually cry for more than a minute or two after we leave her in bed.
Anonymous says
Ugh, that’s rough. I agree with the suggestions that she may be going through a temporary developmental phase and that more sleep may help her cope.
Anon says
My twins will be 3 in a month and I’m home with them today and I’ve lost count of how many tantrums and hysterics have happened so far today. I feel like people on here are always posting on here about their tantruming three year olds so i hope that means my kids are at least normal, even though they are impossible at times and i feel like i want to pull my hair out…
AwayEmily says
My (probably unsatisfactory) answer would be to wait it out. Since they were babies, my kids sometimes just go through these phases where they are just…OFF…in weird ways (sometimes tantrums, sometimes sniping at their siblings, sometimes random crying fits). My 3yo is in one right now, actually, that involves a lot of fake laughing and borderline hysteria. Generally they fade after a few weeks. The only thing I’ve found that helps is as much unstructured one-on-one time as possible. The way I think of it is: their brain is making a scary developmental leap, they feel confused and disoriented, and so it’s my job to be a calming, safe presence while they ride out the storm.
Pogo says
I have to say unfortunately I agree with your ped. This is our kiddo as well. He was still napping, and had a very late bedtime. He was chronically overtired and prone to extreme meltdowns over nothing (example: Daddy gave him the same spoon to eat the yogurt with that he used to scoop yogurt out of the container), so we shifted his bedtime earlier and capped his nap. As he’s gotten more well-rested, he has dropped the nap, but we are now in the same place as you with bedtime. Honestly he needs to go upstairs for bath at 5:30 p.m. on no-nap days, which is incredibly hard on weekdays and we get the same complaints about playing. But we have seen a HUGE decrease in the meltdowns with better sleep. Does she wake happy and rested in the morning? Ours was cranky first thing which was the big tipoff. We often had meltdowns before we even left his room. We now know we need to tweak bedtime if we see an increase in the meltdowns/crankiness. Good luck – I’m hoping this season isn’t too long, but right now it is a mad rush from pickup to bedtime as the baby also needs a 6pm lights out. It’s all hands on deck with me and DH to do dinner/bath/bed, and I don’t really have any tips except that we don’t eat dinner until they’re asleep. It was just too much, we had to shovel our food in stupidly fast and it led to a later bedtime than we wanted for the 3yo even when we weren’t cooking.
blueridge29 says
3 is such a tough age. I really loved the board book Calm Down Time by Elizabeth Verdick. I think it can help kids recognize steps to help themselves calm down and I appreciated having a script to talk about once they calmed down. Even with the book sometimes 3 year olds just need to rage. :)
Anonymous says
It’s normal. One of my three is like this. Really struggles with emotional regulation. Some kids just have a rougher time with emotional regulation that others. She’ll get there. For us there was a rough period after the move to the 3 year old room at daycare where they don’t nap. Our middle guy was tired and tired means a hard time with emotional regulation. It’s hard to go more than 12-13 hours of sleep at a stretch so I would focus on minimizing the executive functioning tasks required so less energy is needed.
Little kids use up a lot of executive function in things that are easy for us like getting ready in the mornings or bedtime routine. Keeping routine super consistent makes a huge difference – like brush teeth, potty, wash face, pjs is okay. Put brush teeth, wash face before potty is meltdown. DH was like WTF is the difference but little kids really rely on consistent routines for structure and to reduce the amount of executive function they have to do when tired. Basically, try to adapt to minmize need for kid to be emotionally resilent and that helps them save up emotional energy for when they need to use the resilience (like when you have to leave for daycare and can’t change that).
For hitting, time outs alone in bedroom with books accessible were key. 1 min per year of age – restart timer if leave room. Explain this when things are calm, prior to implementing. Discuss and cuddle in rocking chair in room post meltdown- including brainstorming ideas about how to calm themselves what can be done next time when feel upset. Examples of what DH and I do helped.
Anonymous says
Can’t say normal or not, but my older child is also like that. Started throwing furniture around 22 months. He’s now 6. Things are very much improved over ages 3.5-5 (fewer daily melt downs, no more destruction of property) but it’s been slow. Visited a psychologist which was not super helpful because kiddo refuses to try any of the strategic he suggested (but psychologist also felt all this was in the realm of normal). We do not any longer try to calm child down as any attempt just exacerbates the problem. Definitely do not try to reason with him in that state and DEFINITELY do not say anything that leads to shame (like, for example, “you are too old to scream like that” which is something I have said at my wits’ end and is so awful and makes it way worse then and in the long run as the tantrum turns I do disappointment with self). Putting kid in his room until he can be safe with his body is the only thing that has worked, consistently over time. Talking about how we handle our own feelings of anger or frustration when they arise has also helped in the long run.
Like your kid, mine is very high sleep needs and really, really struggles if he doesn’t get enough. We have had to make that his #1 priority (more flexible now than at age 3). Also very sensitive to hunger, pain, or needing to use the bathroom so for a few years we had to be very careful to prompt eating enough, using the bathroom, etc. could that be an issue for your child? these are also improving as he matures!!!
Anonymous says
I have a friend whose daughter’s tantrums turned out to be panic attacks. Not sure how they figured that out but the treatment was play therapy.
Anonymous says
She could just be frustrated because she can’t communicate well — also 3 year olds be crazy — but do take a look at the difference between a sensory meltdown vs a tantrum. She may need a dark room, quiet space, etc.
this was top response in google and looks right:
https://www.thechaosandtheclutter.com/archives/child-sensory-meltdown
ifiknew says
My almost 4 year has been talking about her bday a lot. she wants it to be really special and I’m the worst at traditions etc. I didn’t grow up with any (culture thing), but my parents were loving and attentive and we have a wonderful relationshp. However, I do want to indulge her a bit. How do I decorate the dining table or the living room for the morning of her bday? What can I do to make it fun??
AwayEmily says
I think kids need VERY little to feel special, especially at that age. Blow up a couple of balloons and tape them to her chair, make her a sign with markers, and you’re done!
Anonymous says
+1 for keeping it simple. We have a fabric “happy birthday” banner from PB Kids that we reuse for all birthdays. A birthday candle in the breakfast muffin/pancakes/waffle/doughnut is lots of fun.
anon says
one really easy way to do this would be to go (in person or online, and do curbside pickup) to Party City, pick a theme (a particular color, or a character she’s really into) and get the cheap plastic tablecloth, plates, hats, and balloons in that theme and call it a day! I have done this for the past couple of years for my now 4 year old and done a donut breakfast party on his birthday. it’s been very easy, and he’s really liked it.
anne-on says
This. Ours LOVES walking the aisles at Party city and picking his ‘theme’.
If you’re trying to be more green – I have listed those decorations on our local buy nothing group and they have always been happily snapped up after our celebration.
Anonymous says
Get a big happy birthday banner to hang and some balloons to blow up for when she comes down the stairs. We do pancakes, sprinkle color of the birthday person’s choice, and whipped cream (whipped cream is the holiday pancake topping of choice- much more exciting and exotic than syrup). We also sing and have her blow out a candle both in the morning at breakfast and then after dinner on a cupcake. Send in party hats for her friends at school/daycare to wear. Let her pick out the book at night, the songs in the car, etc.
Mary Moo Cow says
I always do a “Happy Birthday” banner in a very visible location, like above the table or on the mantle. If I’ve got it together, I do balloons tied to her chair. Birthday person gets to pick dinner that night and we do cake (complete with singing in the dark) and presents after dinner. We really hype the day — saying “It is your birthday!” all day long; lots of hugs, etc. You could also pick up some table confetti and sprinkle that on the table.
Popular in my area (especially this past year since there weren’t any parties) is a birthday photo shoot — like birthday girl holding a bunch of theme or number balloons, wearing a special outfit, etc. I’ve had our family photographer come to three of my kids’ family-only birthday parties, and it felt so extra, but was worth every penny so I could enjoy the party and have great candid and posed shots of my family.
Realist says
Etsy or Party City both have party kits to easily decorate. It will feel special if you even just make a minimal effort on decorations (tablecloth, balloons, use special party plates and cups all day). At that age, my child had a big gaudy necklace that said “Birthday Girl” that was well loved and worn all day on birthday day. You could also buy a special birthday dress to matched the party decor if you think your daughter would like that.
Other than that, if you want to start traditions, go for whatever comes to mind. Don’t overthink it. Maybe yread your daughter a poem that makes you think of her, or make a list of the things you are proud of and want to remember from the year, or play a special song that you will listen to each year. Really anything that makes you happy and you like the idea of repeating it as a tradition over the next few years.
Katala says
We bought a large bunch of helium balloons (he likes rainbow, so we did a big rainbow cake slice and matching color regular balloons) and blew up enough balloons ourselves to semi-cover the living room floor. Some of the floor balloons had mini candy bars inside. That and a homemade cake we let him decorate was really fun for our 4 year old. It had been 10 months of Covid isolation, so we did what we could to make it fun with just the 4 of us. We hyped up his fun Balloon Party for a day or two leading up.
Cb says
Yes, I think some giant helium balloons would be fun!
Spirograph says
I should get a happy birthday banner, that’s a good idea.
Otherwise, I agree with others that you can keep it simple. My husband and I joke that a helium balloon is really all a kid <5 needs for an amazing birthday. We do balloons tied to the chair, and the birthday kid gets to choose what we have for dinner that night. Cake + candles, and presents. We might get special party napkins or paper party hats, and the other kids get into decorating the table (my daughter loves making placecards, for some reason).
octagon says
So my husband is BIG on birthdays and I always thought it was a bit silly, but kiddo absolutely loves it so I appreciate the effort. Here’s what we typically do:
– Big helium balloons (from grocery store or party store) — usually one that says happy birthday and one with whatever age he is turning
– Streamers across the ceiling
– a tablecloth to cover the table, usually then with confetti or other decorations around a “happy birthday” centerpiece
– A Happy birthday banner strung up on the wall (I thought this was such a waste of money, but it makes for really cute photo backdrops)
– Non-helium balloons in a variety of colors blown up and scattered everywhere
OP says
This is amazing! You guys are the best thank you. What centerpiece do you do?
octagon says
Usually whatever they have at the party store that roughly coordinates with the balloons.
EB0220 says
I bought a “Happy Birthday” banner years ago and use it for every birthday. I also used it for the drive-by COVID birthdays of 2020. It’s great! I love that thing.
Pogo says
I had a yard sign printed up for my son’s birthday because the pandemic thing around here was to stand outside with the sign, your friends would drive by and wave, and random strangers would honk. He still loves that sign and busts it out to play with when he’s in the yard.
EB0220 says
Oh yes, this is fun too! I did the yard sign rental thing last year for my daughter with a July birthday and it was super fun. Showed up magically the night before, disappeared the following day, zero effort on my part and so cute.
IHeartBacon says
If you have birthday wrapping paper, you could cover a doorway with it and let her bust through it when she wakes up.
EB0220 says
I love this idea so much.
Patty Mayonnaise says
My son just turned 4 and he LOVED hearing all about his birth. We also showed him pictures from the hospital. This might be a nice reminder of why you’re celebrating and a way to make her feel special.
momofthree says
We have a birthday hat that people get to wear on their birthday (it’s literally a hat with felt candles on top).
Also this year, Target had a line of “it’s my x birthday” with dinosaurs in outer space. I bought them in every age up to 8 (b/c I didn’t want to risk them being too “old” for it & having saved shirts for 5+ years for no purpose).
We also do balloons, a themed cake (this year do to COVID I paid way too much for a custom cake based on my kids favorite show at the time), and we let the birthday person pick out what we’re going to eat for dinner.
My kids also know that birthdays are 1 of two times when they get presents, so they’re pretty much anticipating their birthday the day after christmas is over ;)
My husband and I were trying to find some traditions that weren’t all about food, hence some of the above.
Anon says
We blow up a bunch of balloons so they’re all over the house and get one big helium balloon and our daughter is THRILLED. She also asked to have a bunch of pink flamingos in the yard – I think she saw it in a show or something? – but that’s easy to accommodate, just order a dozen, stick in yard after bedtime, and she’ll wake up to a flock of flamingos. We also take a picture every year in same chair so you can look at them over the years. None of this is much work, but it feels so special and festive.
Redux says
How do you take a break from being other people’s emotional support person? I am a good friend. I have a skill and a gift for making people feel heard and loved and supported. In normal times, I am happy to be the friend that people call in tears because I know that I can help talk them through a hard time and come out the other side feeling loved. But this year has been so hard– on me and on everyone else– and I am just drained. Yesterday alone I texted with a friend about her unemployment claim (I am an employment attorney), took a walk with a friend going through a slow divorce (made slower by the impossibilities brought on by the pandemic), texted with another who just had another failed round of IVF, and emailed with another whose mom just died last weekend. Granted, it was unusual that so many friends reached out on the same day. I also share lots of joy and silliness and fun with these folks in happier times, and also these folks support me, too, so not just a one-emotion or one-way street. But yesterday hit me hard. This whole year has been hard. I need to put up some boundaries for myself.
Hmmm says
I think I understand where you’re coming from, and certainly there are plenty of people who will tell you to establish emotional boundaries, don’t get dragged down with other peoples problems, etc. But personally I question the wisdom of a lot of that line of thinking. If you want to be *real* friends with someone, sometimes you’re going to have to be willing to be there for the bad stuff too – and yes, it can be draining and yes, the timing is generally terrible.
Obviously if you aren’t up for taking or texting or going for a walk, you aren’t, and you have to take care of your own mental health too.
But assuming you want to preserve these friendships, I’m not sure what else you’re looking for here. If someone is texting you all hours of the day and night with all of their drama, that’s one thing and you may need to put some reasonable boundaries on that. But it sounds like your friends are all reaching out in reasonable ways for very difficult, life-altering events. It’s your choice to respond and be there for them, or not.
Hmmm says
In case that came off more harshly than I meant it – I think you sound like an amazing friend.
I guess my point, to answer your question more directly, is that I don’t think you can really “take a break” from providing emotional support when a good friend’s mom just died or when they just found out about their failed IVF, etc. – at least not if you want to remain close friends. It’s always your choice to be there or not in any specific way, but these are not normal life drama scenarios your friends are dealing with here.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with so many hard things in an already hard year.
Anon Lawyer says
Yeah, I think that’s right. It sounds like a bad storm of luck for everyone rather than that particular people are sucking up all the air in the room about every minor life stress. But it is hard and OP, you have my sympathy – this last year has been awful. And it IS ok to put your phone away sometimes and not look for a while when you need to recharge.
Redux says
Yeah, I guess I want there to be a way to be a good friend and also preserve my own emotional bandwidth sometimes. I don’t know how to answer a text that reads “Can you talk?” with anything besides “Yes, of course,” even when I am flat out myself. I actually had a series of nightmares last night that were loosely based on my friends problems (and also my own) which is what made me realize I probably need to protect myself a little more here. But what I’m hearing you say is that if I want to be a good friend (which I obviously do) then I can’t really do that.
Anonymous says
With “can you talk” texts, can you schedule the talk at a better time? You can say something like “I am in the midst of chaos right now and want to be sure I can give you my full attention. Can we talk tomorrow at noon?” That’s a perfectly reasonable boundary to draw that should not be off-putting.
Hmmmm says
I don’t think I said that (I didn’t mean it, anyway.) There’s nothing wrong with saying you can’t talk at the moment and asking to talk at a different time. That doesn’t make you a bad friend.
Anon says
I am admittedly not the best at friendships so take this with a big grain of salt, but sometimes it’s OK to not respond to a text immediately. While these are certainly major life events, none of them sound like emergencies that would cause significant harm if you delay the call for a few hours or even a day. If you get that text and are just not up for it, could you set a reminder in your phone for a time you think you’ll be in a better place and respond then with a sorry, I was taking a break from my phone, happy to talk now? If that feels like too much, maybe a response that you are distracted at the moment and want to be able to give full attention, can we talk at X time?
Redux says
That’s a helpful script, thanks!
Anonymous says
Think about it from the other side too. If you were the one experiencing a problem and needing to talk, would you want a friend who had already had three of those talks in one day to drop everything and spend an hour on the phone with you, then be so stressed out that she had nightmares? Of course you wouldn’t. You would want your supportive friend to call you back another time when she wasn’t overwhelmed.
IHeartBacon says
I can tell you are a good friend. Your friends are very lucky to have you. But I agree that you too need to find someone to be your own emotional support person during this time when all the stars seemed to have aligned against your friends. You having to support all of them is just as stressful and difficult and you deserve to have someone support you during this time. This person can be someone who is paid (I.e., therapist) or not (I.e., a friend who is not part of the same circle of friends as the others).
Redux says
Thank you for this kind response.
Anonanonanon says
I’ve been working on this as well, and similar to what others have said:
“Sorry I just saw this text, crazy day. I don’t have any uninterrupted time today- can I call you tomorrow around lunch?”
or “It’s wild around here today and I want to make sure we can talk uninterrupted. Can I call you (insert time you’re up to it)?”
Maybe triage what you can, as well. In the examples you described, it seems the unemployment one is one that you could most easily put off until you’re up for it. “I’m slammed right now and I want to make sure I can focus to get you the correct answers, can you send me a list of your questions? I should be able to dive into it within the next couple of days.”