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Welcome to adulthood, where your neck and back hurt for no reason and every reason. Luckily for me, I don’t have any chronic problems there, but my husband has some issues with his neck that he has to be very careful about. Right now, at his doctor’s suggestion, he sleeps with a rolled-up towel in his pillowcase to support his neck. I saw this pillow recommended online, and I am considering buying it for him; it looks like a good purchase for anyone suffering from neck or back problems. I joke that with his special pillow contraptions and weighted blanket, he’s a very high maintenance sleeper! This pillow is $34.82 for the full size at Amazon and is eligible for Prime. Tri-Core Cervical Support Pillow This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.14.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
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Kid/Family Sales
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- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event; BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture;
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonny says
I’m 7 months pregnant and DH and I haven’t gardened in awhile. The desire is just not there for me at the moment. I know it’s only going to get worse after I give birth, and it’ll be awhile before I’m back to 100%. Any tips on how to break the spell?
Anon says
YMMV, but maybe find other ways to get the pleasure of gardening. Maybe you each go alone, maybe you give each other a hand, etc. I had the opposite problem in that I wanted to garden all the time while I was pregnant and my DH… didn’t. It took me a while to get over the feelings of rejection and understand it was all about his emotions of worrying about the baby and seeing me and my body as fragile for the first time, which led to a pretty long dry spell. Then I had the baby, and it was an immediate flip – he wanted all the time and I wasn’t ready for it. That was pretty rough.
For the second pregnancy, we figured out we needed to get creative. That worked and got us through the mismatches in initiative, and we came out of the ordeal much more connected than we had the first time.
Anonymous says
This was us too. Both times wanted to garden all the time, DH didn’t. There was a lot going on psychologically for him. Now postpartum he wants to but I’m EBF and super not interested but know my libido comes back when my period does based on the first time around. We recognize this is just a temporary and natural part of the process. Plenty of people have long dry spells due to illness, family or work obligations, etc…I think talking about it is the most important thing and just recognizing this change.
Anonymous says
I find cuddling with my husband – touching and smelling him – puts me in the mood.
Anonymous says
Why? Do you want to be gardening now? I didn’t so we just didn’t for a while.
Anon says
Same.
Anon says
Same.
Anonymous says
+3
Anon says
+4
Anon says
This is kind of a silly question, but For those with girls- last winter my twins weren’t really that mobile so putting them in tights with a dress wasn’t a problem. Now that they are walking, though still not the sturdiest on their feet, how/when do you put tights on so they don’t kill themselves slipping everywhere around the house?
rosie says
Are leggings with grippy socks an option? I have yet to put tights on my 2.5-yo, just seems like a hassle I don’t need. If you really want tights, maybe have some slippers for around the house, although I found that the slippers I got my kid from Target last year (paw patrol ones because pink! dogs!) were not actually so non-slip, maybe there are better options out there.
Anonymous says
My girls never wore tights. When they crawled, they needed traction (and they always took off shoes). When the got bigger, the tights were “itchy”. We have always done leggings under dresses. Since target/carters leggings are thin, it works for us. They still do it (they’re 5 and 7). Keeps reinforcing my policy of leggings aren’t pants.
Ms B says
Wouldn’t leggings + Robeez be easier?
asdf says
I have footless tights and use socks with rubber grips on them. (I got a 14 pack of white toddler socks from Hanes.) If you already have tights you could put socks over them.
Anon says
If you’re at your house, just do leggings (probably warmer and more comfortable anyway). If they are dressed up for a holiday, they can just keep their shoes on (I’m assuming that even strict shoes-off families would be okay with dressy baby shoes that have probably rarely or never been outside). Or, slippers.
Anonymous says
Mine weren’t into dresses at the just-mobile stage, so they were always wearing grippy socks or slippers in the house. Now, at 2.5, they have no issues running around in tights but we still usually do leggings and socks because we only have a couple pairs of tights (and leggings are so much easier).
GCA says
My 14mo toddles around the house barefoot or in little socks with grips. Old Navy has socks with slightly grippy bottoms, and Skidders make a version that’s more sock than shoe. If they are wearing tights because that’s what you have*, i’d put them in Robeez or the Skidders grippy slipper.
*I am hilariously miserly about buying new clothes when we have perfectly functional hand-me-downs, so I totally understand the impulse to squeeze every drop of wear out of the clothes you have.
Buble says
If they’re wearing tights for a specific outfit, you could put on tights and shoes at the same time, and otherwise have them bare-legged or wearing leggings inside the house.
Anon says
The baby gap cable knit tights have grippies on them.
Anonanonanon says
We put the shoes on when the tights go on. When we get home and anticipate staying indoors, we take off the tights when we take off the shoes and let her stay barefoot in the dress. If we’re going in and out a bit, we’ll just leave her shoes on inside.
shortperson says
baby boden sells adorable footless tights
Anon says
Help me not feel resentful. I posted a few weeks ago about trying to juggle an ill parent, 15 month old twins and DH’s intense travel schedule (thanks to everyone for their support). We live flying distance from both our families and my in-laws were supposed to come watch our kids next month so DH and I could do a parents only weekend away. Now instead they are coming when i go out of town to visit my mom to help DH. I’m kind of frustrated that DH gets to benefit from the extra hands but i don’t. We talked about the idea of his parents not coming when I’m away and instead still coming next month and DH said he has been doing so much work travel that he’d honestly rather have his parents come while I’m away so he doesn’t have to worry about leaving work early etc. DH is totally competent- he does bedtime and mornings on his own sometimes but the three times I’ve gone away since our twins were born his parents have come. I’m also somewhat selfishly frustrated with my mil- she is always saying that she can come help us whenever we need her for as long as we do, but when push comes to shove, she is basically coming for a long weekend.
Cb says
That’s super frustrating and I’d be disappointed to – you want to cash in those chips for something valuable. If it’s any comfort, every time we’ve asked for help from my in-laws, it’s entailed some sort of drama – we ask for certain days and they come on different ones. She does often come up when I’m travelling for work and I don’t begrudge my husband’s easy ride – it’s nice to have an extra set of hands, my son loves her, they get some time together, and I avoid the full-on in law experience. I try to also remind myself that it’s free and lots of people don’t have that luxury.
Can you share this with your DH and figure out a way of getting you the parents-only time, even if it’s expensive?
anon says
Sounds like my MIL. She is widowed so it’s just her. We get along fine, but she likes to be the boss of every situation, so I think she likes coming when I’m not there because she can do everything her way without having to concern herself with stepping on my toes. I get completely frustrated by the empty offers of, “Just ask and I’ll be there!” because it absolutely doesn’t work that way.
Anon says
yea i am frustrated with both DH and MIL. with DH for telling me that he would rather have his mom come help him when i’m away than go away just us for a weekend bc of all of his other travel and with my MIL (who honestly my relationship has gotten much much better with since my kids were born and i actually like having extra hands to help) for coming for the shortest time possible and not staying an few extra days to help me when DH goes on yet another business trip or offering to also come back to watch the kids when we go away (MIL has been a SAHM her whole life and FIL is semi retired and we could definitely offer to pay for them to come back, but honestly $ is not really an issue for them and she supposedly wishes she could see her grandkids more) and now i am a bit anxious for when my mom actually does pass, because I had sort of been assuming MIL would be able to come help us for a week or two, but i guess i shouldn’t count on that
Anonymous says
Are you comfortable asking MIL if she could come back another weekend so you could spend some one on one time with her darling son? (It isn’t clear to me if you or your husband have been upfront about asking for help or are waiting for offers). Maybe compromise by doing one night in a local hotel rather than going farther, if your husband is just sick of travel? Or can you go on a weekend trip with a girlfriend without your husband (with or without MIL involved in childcare)? It sounds like you and your husband both need a break but you may not want the same kind of break. Also, can you plan to take an extra day off work when you get back from this trip, have the kids go to daycare, and plan a spa day or at least a massage + a movie for you? Focus on figuring out what you CAN do to fill your tank.
FVNC says
Unfortunately, +1 on your last sentence. I’d be so frustrated if I were you, and am dealing with a similar situation with my own mother who I’m very close with. For years she’s been saying she wants to retire to spend more time with her grandkids and help out…but now she’s over 70 years old and still working more than full time, with no apparent signs of retiring. Which is fine! But then stop saying you want to retire and help out. Stop telling me how much you miss the kids. It also makes me a sad, because the kids adore her and my dad, but I figure by the time she finally stops working they kids will be tweens who will be less impressed with getting to play with grandma and grandpa…
anon says
That is frustrating. My inlaws always make a big show about how they are available to help, but then they always go out of the country during crunch times when we’d actually need their help. It’s uncanny how they schedule.
One thing that might work is instead of having inlaws come to you, you could propose dropping your kids at their house and then going to a nearby location with your husband. This puts the scheduling more on your terms, rather than them coming to you.
Anon says
That is frustrating to have plans change like that. Could they stay a little longer and you do a night away with your husband when you are back from work travel?
Since you asked with help not feeling resentful, when my husband travels, I often have my mom come stay. And it sounds like your husband has a semi-good reason/assumption that he may get stuck at work and wants to have backup care at the ready. Just the other day moms here were encouraging someone to make her husband sort out his own childcare while she traveled, and that’s what your husband has done. So it’s an annoying, disappointing situation, but I don’t think anyone has done anything “wrong” to be mad at them for.
OP says
i am actually going to travel to visit my dying mother. and yes, DH did make ‘back up’ plans, but he also has enough credibility at work and enough notice that for two days he could leave work early and as a result, i am a bit hurt i guess that DH would rather not deal with the stress of having to leave work at a certain time than go away with me for a weekend
mascot says
Can you tell him this using these exact words? Even if that’s not his intention, it is how you are feeling.
Also, I don’t know what your local care network looks like, but I’d point out that I’d rather use babysitters/friends for things like this. Save flying in the grandparents for when you need overnight care (which may be harder to find). If he’s not generally in charge of these things on the day to day because he’s traveling, then he’s got to work harder to catch up.
I’m sorry about your mom.
Anonymous says
So sorry you are dealing with this. Tell him that you have too much on your plate and you cannot continue to solo parent twins and deal with Sick parents. Since he has his parents around for support while you are gone, he needs to find time to ensure that you get similar help – like contacting nanny agencies about hiring a evening/night nanny for when he travels. You cannot keep up the superwoman act that his job and him are demanding of you. He need to find household help for when he is away.
Coach Laura says
This.
Buble says
“I’m also somewhat selfishly frustrated with my mil- she is always saying that she can come help us whenever we need her for as long as we do, but when push comes to shove, she is basically coming for a long weekend.”
It might help your frustration to adjust your expectations. Watch what people do, not what they say — i.e., you’ve found that the truth is, you CANNOT count on your MIL to help as much as needed but rather only for a long weekend.
It might feel better to just acknowledge that fact, and mentally reframe it such that any time she does mention she’d be happy to help out any time, you see her statement for what it is: a lie. That’s disappointing, but at least you’re not then dealing with the cognitive dissonance of, hey, she said she would help out any time but then is not doing that, it doesn’t make sense! It does make sense: she is a person who says one thing and does another, which are as common as the sunrise.
anon says
My kids’ grandparents talk a big talk about wanting grandkid time, but then find it exhausting and overwhelming. They visit for 3 days, but spend a week recovering from the visit. Their perception is that they gave us a week or 10 days, even though we only got a three day visit.
anon says
+1. My kid has 3 sets of grandparents. Some grandparents are helpful and some are not at all even though they’re kind and love our kid. The helpful grandparents all help in different ways. The one who drives me nuts is the one who pretends she wants to spend more time with our kid. You live 5 minutes away and post 20 pictures of your other grandchildren on Instagram every week, so give us a call if you want to spend more time with our kid! We have reached out, and planning anything with her is so much drama because we/our kid are just not her priority, so it’s always like, “Well, I could fit you in for an hour at [middle of naptime].”
Boston Legal Eagle says
I would be frustrated and resentful too. I totally get where your husband is coming from in appreciating the extra set of hands when you’re away – we don’t travel for work but if one of us is out late one night, we often ask my parents to come help out. But the difference is that they help both of us, not just me. Can you keep repeating this to your husband? If it’s not in-laws, then you should look into some other more consistent help for you while he is traveling – babysitter two times a night so that you can have nights alone, mother’s helper on the weekends, au pair, etc. It’s understandable for him to want the help, but you deserve it too. It’s worth paying for if in-laws are not reliable.
anon says
We ended up with an au pair when we found that grandparents weren’t reliable. It’s been amazing for us. Really a huge jump in our daily quality of life.
anne-on says
+1. Neither of our parents are reliable for different reasons. Without an au pair we would both be at our wits end (my husband works late/leaves early, and I travel). If it works for you it really is a game changer, especially in our area where it’s nearly impossible to find weekday care before 8am, or after 6pm (much to my never ending frustration).
Anonanonanon says
That is super frustrating. I would frame it as “You’re right DH, dealing with the twins alone is a lot, and I don’t blame you for wanting help. It made me realize that I need help too. I’m going to ask around and hire a mother’s helper for the evenings you’re gone so I have an extra set of hands. The fact you weren’t afraid to ask for help made me feel better doing so as well, so thank you.”
Manipulative? Maybe. Do you end up with help? Hopefully.
Anon says
I agree. Feel all your feels (totally understandable to be resentful) and then think about what you WANT so you can get the support you need in the future and then ask for it. I think women put up with a lot of crap men would never endure (this is a perfect example). Maybe your husband can help hire extra help for you since your in laws aren’t helping you, just your husband?
CPA Lady says
I don’t think this is manipulative. It’s very straightforward. I think we’re so conditioned to do everything ourselves that asking for help feels wrong and manipulative, but it’s really not. My life and marriage both sucked until I asked for help. Now it’s way way better. No shame in it!
Anon says
That’s frustrating. Fine for him to get the help he needs, but you two also need time together and you need your own support. Could be instead come with you on your trip, to offer you support as you are supporting your mom, and MIL can stay with the kids?
ElisaR says
THANK YOU to the commenter that suggested my clinging 3.5 yr old “push me out the door” at daycare drop off. I suggested it this morning and initially he said “mama that’s not nice” but I told him it was ok and I made a big reaction to his push. He thought it was hilarious and did it again and drop off was SO EASY. I left quickly, he was laughing, I don’t feel like a jerk today. So thanks for that tip!
Cb says
I was inspired by this and challenged my toddler to race me to nursery today! We arrived laughing and he happily ran up to his favourite teacher to tell her that he was faster than mummy.
EB0220 says
Yay, I’m so glad! I don’t even remember where I heard that one initially but it’s saved the day so many times.
GCA says
Glad it worked! Wasn’t able to comment yesterday but when my son went through this around age 2, we had him ‘help me shut the door’, and then he was needed as a Big Helper to help the toddler teachers set up stuff for the day.
Cb says
Yes, the helping is always good. My kid’s nursery asks kids to come help with the washing, feed the fish, or get things out to bake bread and they love it.
Pogo says
I love this bizarre tricks that get kids to cooperate. Someone on here once suggested brushing your toddler’s teeth with them laying down on the floor in front of you, so you’re basically brushing upside down. It is 100% the easiest way to actually see those little chompers, and I started calling it “upside down brush” and now when LO resists brushing at bedtime I say, “Do you want to do upside down brush?” and he trots over to the floor and assumes the position. Toddlers are a real trip.
AnotherAnon says
Yes; this! They’re like a little puzzle/mind ninja. I never thought of myself as a maternal person and I sort of dreaded the toddler phase, but now that I have one and am around them more, seeing the way little kids’ brains work is just so, so interesting to me.
Anon says
Your phrasing is better than mine: “Do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?” [refuses to let me brush] “Hard way it is” [(Gently) tackles toddler to floor who obediently opens her mouth once on the floor].
Pretty Ponies says
My 4 year old is invited tomorrow to a pretty pony birthday party. Apparently, it is on a farm of some sort, and the kids will get to ride ponies, and when they are not riding, they can brush their hair, put sparkles in the hair, and put stickers on their hooves.
Apparently, this is what we’re doing for preschooler birthday parties now. (Yes, it sounds adorable and I’m sort of looking forward to it.)
anon says
I know some parents gripe about kid parties that are over the top, but I’m also sick of always doing the same parties at the local bounce place or kid gym over and over again. We did over the top for my 6 yo’s birthday this year and it was a blast. No regrets.
Pretty Ponies says
My first thought was that it sounded like some cartoon rich character party – like, if Gilmore Girls took place when Rory was in preschool, that’s the party Emily would have insisted on throwing for her. But it’s actually cheaper then the Chuck E Cheese party we thew for my son, so I guess it’s a pretty good move. It still sounds kind of crazy to me, though.
Anonymous says
Yesss this is exactly the kind of thing Emily Gilmore would do.
Anonanonanon says
Is this ridiculous? Yes. Do I love it? YES!
Spirograph says
+1, my daughter would love this party so much.
Jeffiner says
I’m now searching for a pony for my daughter’s birthday next year.
SC says
My son was invited to a birthday party like this on the day after we moved. I declined because we had so much unpacking to do, but I was SO bummed we had to miss it. I saw pictures later, and it actually looked low-key-ish (more rustic farm than fancy horse barn) and super fun!
Pogo says
That’s actually genius that let them do the pony’s hair and stuff. Every kid’s dream!
Pretty Ponies says
That’s what I thought, too. Like, $2.50 in stickers and streamers and a couple of $5 hairbrushes, and the kids are probably thrilled.
Anonymous says
At Girl Scout camp they used to let us draw on the horses with chalk.
Coach Laura says
We did this with a neighbor’s horse and then when we got our own horses we did it. It’s a lot of fun but a lot of work. I think attending at someone else’s farm sounds more fun!
Anonanonanon says
Inspired by someone who posted it here, I got the soia & kyo down coat they posted and I’m so excited for it to come and to potentially be less miserable this winter. I got a good deal too, as it was 25% off at a Bloomingdale’s friends and family sale and my mother had a 10% off code she gave me in addition to buying it under her bloomingdale’s account so she would get the points. I got the ash grey one with the fox fur trim around the hood (yes I know fur is problematic but it’s warm don’t @ me).
I like the look of the black one better, but I find grey hides winter better (when you accidentally rub against the side of your car and get salt residue on you, etc.)
ElisaR says
the coat is so cute. my closet is so full. i can’t do it.
ElisaR says
i just looked at it again. i love it. I have a canada goose and i feel like they are just a dime a dozen now. and bulky. i hate mine but it cost so much i just have to suck it up and wear it for a few more years.
Anonanonanon says
HAHAHA this read like a voice inside someone’s mind while shopping and it cracked me up!
I live in the DC area so this coat might seem.. excessive… but I’m so tired of being cold!!!
GCA says
shoulder seasons are the worst. across ~15 years of living in a 4-season climate, I have accumulated way too many coats of way too many weights: a winter down coat, a parka for snow activities, two puffer jackets, two wool coats of varying vintages and degrees of shabbiness, a fuzzy warm coat that is good for fall-to-winter but generates too much static, a trench, a a canvas utility jacket, a rain jacket (also useful for outdoor playtime in the rain), and a down vest.
And that’s just the stuff that isn’t running gear…
Katy says
Please help me then.
i have super cold weather gear (Canada Goose) – so i am covered for below freezing. i have a variety of weights of wool coat for work. BUT i am missing an “its around freezing (or above by with gusting winds) but we are still going to the park” coat. All my other coats are designed for running / cross country skiing etc. where they work at freezing or below freezing when active but didn’t cut it at the playground last year. I used a bunch of layers but i just want a 1 and done solution. (which is also why i love Canada Goose – generally 1 and done and only at -30 i add a light down underneath!!)
GCA says
Lightweight puffer? Soft shell?
EB0220 says
I love these too but I don’t live in place that gets serious winter. Can’t justify it.
anne-on says
Yay! I posted about the Camellia coat I bought and it is SO warm, for the first time I’m not dreading ice skating or hockey time OR the walking in ski towns for winter break!
anon says
which is the patagonia coat that is car seat safe?
anon says
down sweater
Anonymous says
Nano puff. We love it!
AnotherAnon says
Cute thing your kid(s) did this week? I give DH a hug and kiss every morning before I leave for work, and now my 2.5 y/o son insists on giving me a hug and kiss too. It sounds really simple, but it’s so sweet for my normally rough and tumble, no cuddles boy.
Anonymous says
My 19 month old has been obsessed with doing everything the big people do lately, and we let her “walk” the dog for the first time last night (dad was also holding the leash because the dog could definitely pull her over). Pretty sure it was the highlight of her life so far.
Anonymous says
Put on the pumpkin hat her Grandma knitted and ran down the hall at 6am yelling “I’M BEAUTIFUL!!!!” Super cute and funny in retrospect, at the time my husband was just like “ok go back to bed.”
Pogo says
The last two weeks I was travelling, and we Facet1med each morning. My 2yo would ask “Mommy go shower? Mommy eat food?” and I realized he was trying to make sure I knew to do my morning routine without him.
He is also obsessed with my hair dryer, and pulls it out of my gym bag to pretend dry his hair (with a very realistic noise). Last night after bath DH suggested that we could blow dry his hair because it was wet and now that’s it’s cold, he might not want to go to bed with wet hair. LO lost his mind and was thrilled to have his hair blow dried.
Cb says
My son (2 and a bit) was trying to jump off of a step. The first time, he fell down and he got up and said ‘I try again’. He did it again and fell, got up ‘Time to try again!’ and the third time he landed on his feet and said ‘I did it!’ I just really admire his persistence.
Also, we were walking to nursery this am and he saw his favourite teacher and started yelling and waving at her. She said seeing him first thing always makes her morning and I felt so proud of my bright little spark.
Pogo says
omg, when they say “I did it mommy!” and clap for themselves. It’s the best.
Clementine says
This morning, the preschooler and the baby both cuddled with us for a couple minutes after the alarm went off. Nobody was wriggling to escape, everybody was very snuggly and cozy.
My kids generally grow 42 elbows and try to escape as soon as we all lay in bed so it was a real treat.
FVNC says
I call my kids “the stinkers,” and will say things like, “Stinkers, get your coats! Stinkers, get dressed!” — that sort of thing. After breakfast, my six year old has started yelling, unprompted, “Stiiiiiiiinkers, UPstairs!” And she and her brother laugh and run upstairs ahead of me.
HSAL says
We were watching one of the Tinkerbell movies and there was a semi-scary part for my almost four year old. She said “it’s okay, I’m right here, I’m not in the movie.”
Anon says
Took toddler (and DH) with to the 7 week ultrasound that didn’t go so hot this week. I must have been nervous even before they talked us through the results, because as I was laying back on the table as they were starting, toddler was in the chair next to me, holding my hand and patting my shoulder unprompted.
Also when she had a meltdown over the fact that she was not allowed to take the pizza crust she’d been gnawing on for an hour to bed with her, I started singing the belly breathing song from Esme and Roy and she almost immediately stopped crying and started taking deep breaths. Did not work so well this morning, but hey, baby steps.
Anonymous says
We were out of town last weekend and stayed in a hotel room with 2 queen sized beds. One for me and DH, one for all 3 kids. In the early, they started migrating to our bed. Youngest (3yo) was the last one in with his 42 elbows, and we all started to get a little too smushed and grumbley. At that point, he very cheerfully noted, “I fiiiiiink… there are too many people in this bed!”
anne-on says
Has anyone read this book yet? I just ordered it and it sounds like exactly what my husband and I need – a framework for evenly calling out and divvying up ALL the work that goes into running a household with kids:
https://www.amazon.com/Fair-Play-Game-Changing-Solution-When/dp/0525541934/ref=sr_1_1?crid=QK68GXCBANLY&keywords=fair+play+eve+rodsky&qid=1570808426&sprefix=fair+pla%2Caps%2C179&sr=8-1
Cb says
I heard the author on a podcast and it does sound so good! I think we are about 50/50 on the actual labour but super skewed on the mental side.
anon says
Filling out my self-evaluation for the year right now. I went out on maternity leave, returned smoothly, and have been doing a TON of work (I’m covering an entire extra persons job) while pumping. Do you ever acknowledge that returning from maternity leave is tough or, for example, that I’m doing this all while pumping? My supervisor is a woman and I work at a nonprofit, not a super warm and fuzzy place though. She doesn’t sit near me and I’m not sure she’d account for that if I didn’t call it out…
Tweeter says
This is very much a know your workplace situation but I recently was in the same position. I had a 1:1 call with my evaluator (who in my case was a stranger to me) and during our talk I mentioned I was on maternity leave from X to X (all of which was a portion of time the evaluation looked at). During our convo I also talked about getting integrated back into work and during that part mentioned pumping. I dropped a line about how thankful I was that the partners / my manager were so supportive and I got no questions about my flexible / pumping time. While it was true I thought maybe flattery would get me somewhere :). My review did note a how they viewed my contribution as strong “even with” an X month maternity leave. So, I think it’s worth noting in a positive, non-defensive way. Just my two-cents!
Boston Legal Eagle says
I spent this past year coming back from maternity leave, taking on my old boss’ job when she left and still doing my old job until we hired a new person, and did all this while pumping for six months of it!! And dealing with occasional clogged ducts, adjusting to a new baby and 2 kids and moving as well. I recently had a big project and as I looked around the room at all of the other people (almost all men either childless or with SAHMs) and thought, wow, I bet none of them pumped this morning and still made it to this meeting. Am I going to write this in my annual evaluation? Probably not. But I want to and I really wish it was professionally acceptable to do so but I’m guessing it’s not.
Pogo says
I wouldn’t call it out, because I am cynical and would be worried that it could only be viewed negatively. I also feel like there are SO many obstacles that women face in the workplace that drain our time and our sanity, but we don’t get to call those out in our year end reviews. I hoped for my maternity leave to be a net neutral in my performance review, and hoped that my pumping did not affect my work.
Anonymous says
I vote no. Focus on your accomplishments (could add something like, even in this abbreviated amount of time due to leave). But don’t mention pumping.
Buble says
Would you find it appropriate for someone who chose to train for a marathon to mention in their review how much more impressive their accomplishments are because they did them while ALSO training for a marathon? There’s your answer. Having a child is entirely elective, and pumping even more so. In what way should your reviewer “account for it”?
Signed, attorney mom of two
Anon says
I agree. Also a mom, although I s*cked at pumping and gave up after a couple months.
Travel Anon says
Vicarious travel plan for me, please. DH and I want to go away after Christmas and through the new year and are stumped on where to go. We have a well traveled 2 year old and I will be about 23 weeks pregnant at that time. DH wants warm weather and anywhere with zika is out. I think we are struggling because we ant this to be a combination babymoon / last hurrah (for a few months, anyway) “big” trip. We are leaving from east coast, but distance is not an issue – I have flown 11+ hours pregnant and kiddo has flown long distances without issue (including across many time zones) and will be fine. Cost does not matter. Where would you go?!
Anonymous says
Hawaii? Not sure about Zika there though. What about Aruba? It’s a really dry island so I don’t know if they have mosquitos/Zika risk.
Pogo says
+1 Hawaii. I think there are more and more direct flights from the East coast now, and that makes it pretty tolerable. Hawaii doesn’t have Zika but sometimes they have Dengue. I would go back to the Hilton Waikoloa in a heartbeat – they have everything kiddos would ever need, but mostly a really calm beach to splash in and look for turtles. Plus a tram and boat to get around the resort – my kid would just want to ride the choo choo all day. We also both have Hilton status and tons of points, which made it affordable – otherwise, it’s a resort so of course they gouge you ($29 continental breakfast lol).
NYCer says
Last time I checked (which granted was when I was pregnant last year, so I could be out of date), the only Zika free destinations in the Caribbean were the Bahamas and Grand Cayman. Both are very nice and would obviously be the easiest warm weather destination from the east coast.
I second the recommendation for Hawaii if you would rather go somewhere further afield than the Caribbean though. If cost is no issue, I highly recommend the Four Seasons on Lanai. They have a “private” transport that you can arrange from Honolulu (small airplane that is on your schedule), so you only need to get a commercial flight to Honolulu.
Europe is not very warm in December/January, though Barcelona is fairly temperate and a good option if you prefer a more city-type vacation.
Pogo says
Azores would be similar to Barcelona in winter – like 60s during the day, 50s at night. We haven’t been but I’m always bugging DH to do an Azores trip since it’s so close from the east coast and it’s a non-Caribbean island with European dining.
NYCer says
Azores is on my short list too!
Leatty says
I loved the Azores (just Sao Miguel) when we visited, but don’t think it is particularly child friendly. The water was freezing over the summer, so it would definitely be too cold in winter. You also won’t see all of the beautiful hydrangeas in the winter.
Anon says
Australia/New Zealand if you’re up for a really long flight. Very warm at that time of year (it’s the height of summer there) and no Zika. Otherwise I third Hawaii. I think technically a few Caribbean islands are currently Zika-free but that could change at any time and my OB told me it was safer to avoid the Caribbean entirely.
NYCer says
Sydney is one of my favorite cities. Australia is a fantastic idea if you’re up for a very long flight.
New Zealand is equally as amazing, but I would save it for when your kids are a bit older. There is so much to see that isn’t super toddler friendly.
shortperson says
not sure about zika, but bali.
Anonymous says
If you’re worried about zika, Bali is out. It isn’t an ‘outbreak’ but it’s endemic to the area.
Anon says
Hawaii. And I would stay at Grand Wailea on Maui. Depending on how warm your husband wants though, the Phoenix area can be lovely around Christmas time (but it’s not warm enough to swim unless you’re in a heated pool, maybe not even then).
post-baby travel says
I’m due with baby #2 in mid December. I have a 3 day meeting out of state for a professional committee that I co-chair scheduled for late January. I have 2 other co-chairs who will be there with staff support to lead the meeting, but I’d still really like to go. It’s kind of an honor to have been asked to co-chair this committee as it’s a special appointment by the association president and this in-person meeting is kind of the highlight of the committee work because it’s where a lot of decisions get made among the committee team.
Is it crazy to try to plan to go? Baby could be anywhere from 6-8 weeks, depending on when it’s actually born. I plan to breastfeed and remember how hard that was last time, especially when they are feeding nonstop. I could maybe take the baby with me, but not sure I’d want to–so much depends on the baby’s temperament (this would have been a disaster with my first kid!).
What would you do? I could probably wait until the baby is born to make the final decision but they are already booking flights and hotels for this and would prefer I give them a decision soon.
Ashley says
I don’t think it’s crazy to plan to go, then bail if things are harder than you expect or the baby is premature or anything like that. Can you take the baby and a caregiver for the baby? I think if I were in this situation I’d take the baby plus my mom to care for the baby while I was in meetings and leave DH at home with older child. I know of a colleague who did something similar for a trial, and it worked well for her.
Anonymous says
It’s not crazy…but it’s so dependent on you and the baby. I wouldn’t do it. I’m kind of a wreck at 6 weeks. I took a trip at 8 weeks (with the baby by myself) with my first and it almost killed me. This time we havent traveled at all and won’t until DS is 4 months. I mean what if your baby doesn’t sleep? Or they have colic?? Whose going to help your partner while you’re away? And that’s a ton of pumping. BUT I’m coming from a place of privilege and know that many women have no choice but to return to work 2 weeks postpartum.
Anon says
I came back in to do a training presentation that was important to me at about 8 weeks post-partum, but it was a day trip into the city, not an overnight. If it were me, I would plan to go, but bring the baby with *with* another caregiver (grandparent, nanny, partner, etc.). During the day you don’t see baby or caregiver at all, but for me I hated pumping so much, particularly while traveling, that I would rather just have baby there with me at night. That being said, I also had emergency gallbladder surgery at 6 weeks PP which necessitated an overnight stay at the hospital, and kiddo was fine at home with dad and grandpa and some last-minute formula (since I obviously had not planned to be gone and only had a limited freezer stash). One other consideration though – is it an out of state trip with a flight? Because I don’t think I’d take my kiddo on a flight without at least her 2 month shots, but you do you. Totally would be fine with a car ride, even if longer.
Anon says
I had something similar with my second kid at 6-8 weeks. I planned to go, but had backup plans in case I didn’t. (And yes it was a drive away, not a flight… I don’t think me or baby could have handled a flight before the 2 month shots.)
I was EBF so I actually got an AirBnB right next to the event. I brought my mom and my baby. (DH stayed home with oldest.) They stayed at the AirBnB while I was at the event but I could pop in to feed baby and say hi, and I had somewhere away from the event at night to really decompress. My mom also was on call for nights so I wouldn’t be so bleary-eyed each morning. It worked really well. My DH felt more rested, I got the high of attending big event, and my mom got bonding time with baby.
However, I was ready to bail at a moment’s notice, and everyone (work and home) knew that was an option. I used my backups for everything work-wise and ended up being more like an overseer than an actual worker bee, but at least I was there and heard all the discussion that would be referenced for the following year. I don’t think this would have worked with my first kid, but I knew loosely what to expect so could have several contingency plans and prepare for a lot of things that could (and did) go wrong.
Anonymous says
would you fly with your baby before it had its first shots? I can’t remember the schedule but think that may be too early.
Anonymous says
I would face reality and not go! This is silliness and I think you know it.
Coach Laura says
I flew to Chicago for a convention/training event when my first was 9 weeks and after a C-section. I was in good health and didn’t feel much different with a C-section than a regular delivery. The training was only offered once a year and got major kudos for attending. I was nursing but due to a slow start, we always combo fed and I pumped so about half-and-half with formula. I left baby with hubby and it was good to get away and let him handle it. I pumped and dumped (this was a long time ago) but these days I would pump and bring back.
shortperson says
i would go with baby and a caregiver.