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One of our friends bought us this book when I had my son, and it’s quickly become part of our nightly bedtime routine. I love the message, and the illustrations are beautiful. It is a rhyming book, and it is a very soothing way to end the day on a positive note. My son also loves to point out all of the objects in the book (Ice cream! Banana! Robot!), and the last page folds out to show a bunch of characters. This book has also become my go-to gift for new parents/baby showers or part of a first birthday gift. It’s available on Amazon and is eligible for Prime. The Wonderful Things You Will Be This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
anon IF (from yesterday) says
I just caught up with the responses and wanted to thank you all for sharing.
Anon 4 This says
DD is 9 months old. She did 4 nights in the ER/hospital starting Thanksgiving night for a severe case of croup. Since it was her second case in just 20 days at that point they had an ENT come in during her stay and do a scope up her nose and down her throat. They discovered two things – (1) laryngomalatia and (2) a probable narrow trachea. Probable because they don’t know if it was just inflamed from the croup or if the narrowing they saw is baseline. We were told that both are something she can grow out of and it’s nothing to be alarmed about. Both may be why she had croup twice, and makes her more susceptible to getting it while she’s little. It was really a sort of shurgged off discovery; “good to know, but nothing to do about it.”
Next week she has a follow up with the ENT and they’re going to do another scope to check things out now that she’s healthy. I’m reluctant to put her through that again (it.was.terrible. no sedation, the worst bloody murder screaming imaginable) if the outcome is simply confirming what we already know. Further, as I understand it, if she is truly confirmed with one or both of those things, there’s nothing to do but wait for her to grow out of it. I have a call into the PA to ask these questions, but in the interim I’m wondering if anyone has experience with either diagnosis and if, in your experience, there’s value in knowing for certain, if a diagnosis changed anything for you, etc.
And, PS: knowing me and also DH, unless I learn something compelling from the hive or the PA, I’m sure there’s a 95% chance we go and do it because we most always heed to medical advice – we’re in a big city and this is a world renowned team; fully acknowledge they know more than me and if they want to do this there’s probably good reason. I just need to do some diligence for my own peace of mind before putting her through that god awful test again.
ElisaR says
My son is also susceptible to croup and has been to the hospital 2 times for it. He did not do 4 nights there though, so I suspect our case is more mild than yours. It has only been an issue in terms of other surgeries. He had to have an unrelated surgery and it turned out to be a big deal with the anaesthesiologist (I always spell that word wrong) because of his susceptiblity to croup. The surgery had to be rescheduled 2 times due to it. They wanted to do surgery in hospital instead of ambulatory center one time, then the other time he had a slight cold (daycare kid he ALWAYS has a slight cold) and so they wouldn’t do the surgery that day. It was tough because getting on the schedule at all was very difficult.
So my point is – it might be good to have knowledge about the origins of her susceptibility in case of other unrelated issues. Otherwise, I am with you. I would be reluctant to put her through the scope and everything if it’s just a wait-it-out diagnosis. Croup is scary, I am sorry you had to go through that especially with the extended hospital stay.
ElisaR says
if it wasn’t clear – the anaesthesiologist was hesitant about putting him under due to his croup history
Anonymous says
My son had reflux as a baby (and an acute life threatening event that was suspected to be related – he lost consciousness and then wouldn’t wake up for a while. This happened on an airplane; it was terrifying). Anyway, he had a scope up his nose/down his throat at every ENT visit. It didn’t seem like a big deal to me–he didn’t like it but always recovered quickly–so it is possible it will be better the next time? It is also possible your baby’s reaction the first time was exacerbated by being sick, eg, maybe she had a sore throat or was just general feeling crappy. If you didn’t love the ENT you could also try getting a different one.
My son was never diagnosed formally with a narrow trachea or anything BUT he has since developed a croupy cough/bad wheezing many,many times. Basically anytime he gets a cold that irritates his airway, he will wake up in the night wheezing and barking. We take him in the bathroom and run the shower until he can breathe more comfortably, and he’s usually fine the next day, so this isn’t exactly the croup. His pediatrician speculated that his airway may be narrow, but she never indicated we should do something about it beyond the steam bath treatment.
This also reminds me my older brother was once hospitalized for the croup for several days. I don’t remember it well, but it was a one time thing. Hopefully this will be an aberration for you as well!
Anon says
Your son losing consciousness on an airplane sounds beyond terrifying. Glad he is ok!
In House Lobbyist says
My son is now 8 and we’ve had numerous trips to the ER in the middle of the night but only 1 hospital stay. Colds seems to hit him hard and he coughs nonstop while he makes his airways get irritated and swell and then he can’t breathe. We got an O2 monitor after his hospital stay and it gives great piece of mind. They never scoped his throat but we heard from everyone that he would grow out it. We convinced our dr eventually that breathing treatments are game changing in sfopping him from having to go to the ER. For years, they tried to diagnose us with asthma because when sick he presents with those symptoms but we fought that hard because they are prone to dismiss things as asthma and give you an inhaler but those never worked for us. So, all that to say – get an O2 monitor on amazon for piece of mind on breathing levels and remember sometimes you have to stay on doctors to get the best care. We finally got a diagnosis of reactive airways diease and he has gotten better and shaking them off over the years.
Sick says
I need some positive reinforcement. I have called in sick to work the past 3 days. I was sick but also suffer from depression so I’m blurring the lines of do I still feel sick or am I just feeling down. Then the guilt comes in of not being at work, using sick time, etc. bottom line whatever the reason I need to take care of myself first in order to be a good Mom. Thanks for listening.
Cb says
You definitely need to take care of yourself first. I wonder if there might be something positive you could do for yourself today that might boost your mood? I’ve got a chronic illness and when it hits hard, I have a tendency to watch Netflix and feel sorry for myself and sometimes a small, positive task can help me get moving again. I’ll reorganise some drawers or bake something.
Anonymous says
High five–you are putting on your own oxygen mask. That can be a surprisingly difficult thing to do. This internet stranger gives you permission not to spend another minute of your much-needed downtime on regret or doubt. Do whatever you need to do–take a walk, get a fancy coffee, sit on the couch with a great book or your favorite show–and enjoy it. Today is your day, and it will make you a better mom this weekend and a more energized professional on Monday.
octagon says
Take care of yourself! The worst thing you can do is push yourself when you are getting sick, and risk getting even more sick.
Make sure you are focusing on things that really are restful and restorative, though. If you feel like you are on the depressive side of the depression-sick line and aren’t improving, don’t hesitate to seek out additional help. Hugs.
anon. says
Anonymous internet friends: I am 39 with a 2 1/2 year old. I took a pregnancy test this morning and am positive. I’m sitting at my desk kind of in shock. I wanted this and am super fortunate it was easy, yet am suddenly petrified of being labeled OLD – any older moms on here with words of advice? Thanks.
Anonymous says
Congrats! Yup. People might call you old. And? My advice is that you are 39, a mom, and fully old enough to not care what random judgy people think. I, too, am very very old, and my life is awesome and im a great mom.
anon. says
Thanks, you’re right of course. I need to remind myself of the positives (financial stability, strong marriage) of my situation and not just focus on age.
Anonymous says
in NYC you would be a totally normal age to have a baby…congrats!!
Legally Brunette says
Yeah, I’m in DC and I would never think of a 39 year old mom being old (and especially if this isn’t your first). I’m almost 40 and thinking about having a third. :) Congrats!!
Anonymous says
Same. My first was born when I was 28, which is average to older in my midwestern hometown, but I am so much younger than my kids’ friends’ parents. 39 is not an old mom at all in terms of professionals in a major metro area! There was an article in NYT The Upshot recently with interesting graphics about maternal age in the US.
https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/08/04/upshot/up-birth-age-gap.html
Anonymous says
Agreed!
Seafinch says
My only advice is to not care what anyone labels you. 39 is not “old”so maybe the labeling is self-inflicted,but it still doesn’t matter, regardless. Absolutely loads of women have babies at this age. My best friend in NYC was labeled as practically a team mom because she had her first at 32. Our other best friend had her first at 41 this week. I am 41 and pregnant with my fourth. Another friend is 43 and due in May. Three of mine have been geriatric pregnancies. Not a single person at my office (fed gov legal) thinks my age is remotely noteworthy and virtually all my lawyer colleagues have been north of 38 and often for their first. You are not old but more importantly you need to not care. You wanted this.
Seafinch says
*teen mom
anon. says
You’re right. Thank you for the thoughtful responses, all.
Anon says
“My best friend in NYC was labeled as practically a teen mom because she had her first at 32. ”
Haaa I had my first at 32 in a small town in the Midwest and was labeled a “geriatric pregnancy” and my (otherwise fabulous) OB kept commenting on my “advanced age” and how it would make pregnancy and birth super difficult. At one point she even raised the possibility of a scheduled a c-section because she didn’t think I would birth successfully. I ended up having an incredibly easy pregnancy and a fast (<12 hours) v-birth. But it's interesting how this is so dependent on where you live. In my town, a lot of people become grandparents in their early 40s, so having kids in your mid-late 30s is just kind of mind-boggling to people.
Anon says
Edited to add ” she didn’t think I would birth successfully” should be “didn’t think I would be able to have a v delivery.” People who have c-sections definitely have successful births and I didn’t meant to imply otherwise!
Cb says
I live in an area with a high level of social deprivation (read: lots of teen moms with fancy prams) and my midwife told me that I might want to find private childbirth classes as I was a more ‘mature’ mom and might find the public classes a bit awkward. At the ripe old age of 32.
TheElms says
I’m 36 and having my first. My group of friends who are mostly within 2 years of each other in age varies hugely, some are on kid 3 or 4, while others haven’t started yet but are trying/ plan to start soon, and others are still not thinking about it because they got married in the last 6 months.
ElisaR says
I had my first son at 38 and my second at 40. I do feel older than the other moms sometimes, but I also find that in my part of the country it is not that unusual. In our daycare crew I am on the older end of the spectrum, but only by a couple years. I feel like there are a lot of benefits of being an older mom, I have listened to my good friends go through so many challenges with kids that I approach things a little bit differently/casually due to their experiences. And YAY that it worked! Congratulations!!
Emily S. says
Congrats! I shared the mom’s room at work with a mom who had her first baby at 40, and it was not a thing. I would not have even known about our age difference if she had not told me. I hope other moms in your circle (and your doctor!) are as unruffled and supportive.
Mrs. Jones says
I had my son at 38. Good luck!
IHeartBacon says
You said you were financially stable with a strong marriage, that you wanted this pregnancy, and you recognize your fortune. Sounds like your baby’s life is off to a great start. May the good things continue. Congrats!
Anon says
I consider myself an “older” mom having had my first at 30 – but that’s because there are two groups of people in my area, those that have kids in their early and mid 20s and those who don’t get started until their 30s (usually those with long-term careers, grad school, student loans, etc.). My “new moms” group was similarly split between those distributions. My friend group firmly falls into the 30+ group. Of my best friends, one will have her first at 32, another is 32 and is still not ready – maybe 3-5 years, another had her first at 31 and a number of my coworkers are still having kids in late 30s and early 40s.
The biggest benefit in my mind to being “older” (even as a first time mom) is that I’m comfortable with and have confidence in myself and my decision-making, which is critical given how much judgment there is around every single child-related decision. I think if I had kids in my 20s, I would not have the DGAF attitude I do now once I make a decision that feels right for me. I’m also more patient, more easy going and sweat the small stuff way less in my 30s than I did in my 20s. Financially stable with a strong marriage doesn’t hurt either.
Anon says
You realize you’re responding to someone who is having a child at 40, right? A 30 year old is not by any reasonable an “older mom”even if many people have kids in their 20s where you live.
Anon says
any reasonable definition*
Myrna M says
Yeah I found this a little offensive too. Good grief.
Anonymous says
Not old! But whatever age you have a baby someone will have an opinion. I’m 31 in the DC area and sometimes look younger. Consequently, people offer unsolicited advice or try to “help” me much more in public because they act like I’m a teen mom or something. Even so – bring younger/older doesn’t make you a better/worse mom. We’re all starting at the same place. I tend towards free-range parenting so grandmas like telling me that my toddler putting her mouth on things at the library isn’t sanitary (no shit, Sherlock, but you try to stop her) or another mom will warn me when my child is 10 feet away from me (Yes, Karen, I can see her from here).
Anonymous says
I have a coworker who had her first child at 46 (and second at 47). Both were healthy pregnancies. So, you are younger than that.
I am in DFW, and while 46/47 is unusual, having children in the early 40s is pretty common here, at least among lawyers.
Long time lurker says
I had my baby at 42. We got a couple comments like was it planned (husband and I together forever before kid) and did we use fertility treatments (yes but I deflected to looking shocked when the person asked that). I had various diagnoses that are blamed on age (hypertension but not preeclampsia thankfully but I did have gestational diabetes that was fun). Aside from being treated with kid gloves and a bazillion extra sonograms which made me paranoid- I mostly felt great during my elderly pregnancy. I had a c section and bounced back more quickly than my 8 years younger sister. I am in a moms group with a lot of younger women which is sort of weird but many people just assume I am younger than I am. I try not to think about it too much.
Govtattymom says
I’ve been struggling with work-life balance and keeping positive in the midst of the daily grind. I saw a post on my neighborhood moms board for the Rad Mom Coach (Kacey Kaufman). She is doing a group-based coaching session for moms who are feeling out of balance and wanting to take back control. I believe she is still looking to add a few more moms to the current group. I’m not getting a discount or any benefit from posting this; I just thought others may be attracted to this opportunity. Her email is [email protected].
anon in nyc says
I have an amazing nanny who works 8:45-4:45 during the week. I have a flexible schedule and can start work anytime between 7-10am and leave 8 hours later. (My husband is on in the mornings.) My issue is that I am having a lot of guilt about not spending as much time with my daughter as my work allows. I currently get home at 4pm so I can be with my daughter for a long stretch in the afternoon but my husband is pushing me to use all of our hours with the nanny. We basically leave 4 hours of childcare on the table every week. I like this in theory but in practice I feel guilt about not spending all the time that I can with my daughter and I also feel guilty not letting the nanny off early when I can because she also has a child. Any tips for feeling less guilty about this? Tips for taking advantage of the time better? I feel weird doing stuff at home while she is there but I imagine I need to get over that…
ps We can’t offer the nanny fewer hours because we need to keep her and the nanny market is so competitive! This is another reason I really want to be an amazing employer who lets her off early every day.
Cb says
Sunk cost fallacy? I’d split the difference – get home early 2 nights a week and take some time for yourself the other nights – stop at the library and pick up a new book, sit in a coffee shop for 30 minutes to decompress after work.
Anon says
We’re also in a market where we need to employ a nanny 40 hours/week to make a competitive offer. We only need about 30 hours of childcare. Our nanny is fabulous and I view the extra 10 hours as a premium for retaining her, and I don’t think of it as wasted money even if I’m home with them for a good chunk of the week. That said, I usually don’t tell the nanny to go home super early just because I’m home. She often tidies up after our kid or does a load of kid laundry when I get home and want to visit with my kid. Or I come home, nurse my kid and then have the nanny read her a book while I start dinner and then I play with her again while the nanny watches TV (in a different room) and then the nanny takes over while I respond to a couple of work emails. Or will I come home and play with my kid for a bit, then head out to run errands kid-free. etc etc. Having a second adult around is very useful, even if you’re home and interested in doing some stuff with your kid. The nanny doesn’t have to be working every single minute for you to get a lot of use out of her being there.
Anon says
This!
Anonymous says
Don’t let her off early! This is her job! Use the time you are paying for. It’s rare that one spouse is just right but he is right.
Anon says
Well, he’s telling her not to go home and see her daughter and I don’t think that’s right. They don’t need to let the nanny go early, but there’s no reason she shouldn’t be with her daughter as much as she wants.
Anonymous says
Have the nanny work on some other tasks after you get home? Kid laundry, meal prep, etc.?
Anon says
I have a similar issue. I also feel guilty bc our nanny has a child too. But think of the extra time as a good opportunity for self care or errands. It is ok not to spend every possible second with your child and to still be a wonderful, if not better mom! Give yourself permission to enjoy that bit of extra time
rosie says
We also live in an area with a competitive market and I really like our nanny, plus it is important to me (and my spouse) to be good and fair employers. I like to have a little extra time built in so if something runs late at work or if I want to stop by the grocery store, it’s not a big deal (or you know, go to the gym, which I thought I might do when we were setting this up but has yet to actually happen). I am also happy to let our nanny go a little early on some days. We have our nanny for 2 hrs more than you per day and it’s a share, so I feel guilty about how long her days are & identify with that guilt.
I wouldn’t let your husband’s push to use the hours sway you. When there are days that you want to let your nanny leave early and hang out with your kid, do it without second thought. And if you have something that you need or want to do, remind yourself that taking care of yourself makes you a good parent, and do it.
Anonymous says
We leave more than 4 hours on the table every week. I just refuse to feel bad about it – I enjoy seeing kiddo in the evening. However, my nanny is flexible and there are days I do use almost the full coverage – especially when husband is out of town and I have early meetings, and she’s really good about not *expecting* to get out early (she literally asked once I think, when her daughter had something important).
PinkKeyboard says
Extremely frivolous Friday question: Botox? Has anyone had it done and looked normal? I don’t want to look super creepy and smooth faced but I sleep with my face squinched up so my furrow and forehead lines are starting to bother me. Is there like… botox lite?
FVNC says
I have a mid-40s friend who uses Botox in her forehead and I did not realize it until she told me. Of course now that she said it, I think I can tell — she has lots of laugh lines, etc. but her forehead is very smooth. I think she looks great. Unfortunately I have no idea how often she has it done or what the dosage is, but it certainly seems possible to have it done while still being relatively natural-looking. If I weren’t so cheap I’d look into it myself.
ElisaR says
i want to do it too! i think you can get just a little bit on your “problem” spots. I have a friend who does it and I immediately noticed but I think she gets too much…. you can just get a little bit.
anne-on says
I do it for my migraines and added on to doing it for my forehead lines this year. I only do the forehead lines 2x/year, and I’ve told multiple people I do Botox and they flat out don’t believe me until I try really hard to squint/frown/etc. My derm does it with a light hand, my goal is to prevent the lines from being etched in deeply, not to have a totally immobile face. There is always botox ‘left’ in the smallest size vial he orders, and it is available to me for the next week if I feel like I need more but I never have. Just be open about what you want and you can always do more again next time!
Mama Llama says
I did it and it made my inner eyebrow corners go down so I looked angry all the time. Never again!
stargazer says
I get Botox every 4 to 6 months and it looks very natural. It’s very important to find the right practitioner. Although every dermatologist now does Botox, I go to a plastic surgeon. He’s conservative with the Botox and has me come in a few weeks later to make adjustments. My goal was not to erase all wrinkles but slow down the aging process.
Anon says
I’m flying solo from the west coast to Europe (one layover) with my 11 month old this weekend. Right now I’m feeling like I must have been under the influence of something very powerful when I booked this trip. What was I thinking that I could do this alone?! Any brilliant advice for solo travel with a baby this age? She has her own seat, so I have to bring a carseat (we have the Cosco one so it’s really light and pretty easy to just carry over a shoulder). Babywearing has never really worked for us (she doesn’t like the carrier and using it hurts my ample chest) so I’ll be using a stroller to get her through the airport and gate-checking it at each flight.
Anonymous says
Not sure where your layover is but just a head’s up that heathriw’s gate check is very inconsistent – only got my stroller back 2/4 times – rest of the time it ended up with checked luggage
Anon says
Thanks, good to know. This time my layover is in the US but I hate Heathrow in general so this is yet another reason to avoid it.
Anonymous says
Consider bringing a baby carrier, even if you don’t use it for long. It can be helpful to have the kid strapped onto you during some situations where you don’t have the stroller (if during no other time, it’s the only way I’ve managed to use the bathroom while flying with a baby)
Anon says
And one practical question – I can buy economy plus seats for $75/person – should I do it? I don’t much care about the extra legroom for me, but I don’t know if it will make a big difference with the baby. It can’t hurt, right?
Anonymous says
$75 would be worth it to me for a flight that long.
rosie says
I probably would. We travel with the Cosco one and found it’s hard to rear-face on planes in economy due to space. More legroom might let you RF, and if you forward faced hopefully there would be enough space that you weren’t stressed about your kid kicking the seat in front of her. Also, if your child is standing or walking, it will be nice to have the extra space at your seats for her to move around.
Anonymous says
Interesting, I’ve never had a problem fitting our Cosco seats rear-facing in economy seats!
rosie says
I think we tried it the first time on a smaller/regional plane and it didn’t fit, after that we haven’t bothered to try again even though other airlines or planes might be larger. My understanding is RF is not as big of a safety issue on the plane vs in a car. But we have been having a lot of problems FF the seat lately–the seatbelt buckle is right against her back and she seems uncomfortable, so may be time to revisit.
Anonymous says
DO IT. So much better.
SC says
It would be worth it to me. When I traveled alone with a baby about that age, the flight attendant told me I couldn’t have the car seat rear-facing because the person in front of me wouldn’t be able to recline. So I had to turn the car seat around and try to keep my kid from kicking the seat in front of him for the entire flight (only 1.5 hours).
By the way, it’s absolutely false that you can’t install an infant car seat rear-facing. But I was on the second, shorter leg of an 8-hour trip. It just wasn’t worth the risk (to me) of getting kicked off the plane and have to wait in the airport for the next flight with 2 seats together.
Anonymous says
Depends on the airline, actually. US airlines are required to let you install a car seat rear-facing, but many European airlines are not.
Also, I find it crazy that the flight attendant objected for a 1.5 hour flight! We usually forward-face on transatlantic flights rather than argue about whether the person in front has the right to recline, but I’ve never gotten any flack for rear-facing on a domestic flight, even when it was coast-to-coast.
SC says
Good to know about US vs European airlines! This was a Delta flight from Atlanta to West Palm Beach. The person in front of Kiddo, who would not have been able to recline if the car seat was installed rear-facing, was very nice and told the flight attendant that she did not mind. The flight attendant said that FAA regulations prohibited rear-facing. I was pretty sure it was BS (and it was), but it didn’t seem worth an extended layover in Atlanta. I was more worried about convenience (reclining and inability to kick the seat) than safety, since air travel is generally very safe. (I was also fine with Kiddo traveling as a lap infant on other flights but wanted a seat for him on this flight since it was a longer trip and just me.)
Anon says
Ok thanks everyone, I bought them. We have the Cosco seat and have generally had to install it forward facing when we fly. Which is fine, I’m not worried about safety since airplane forces are very different than car crash forces (and the carseat is mostly to contain her during turbulence anyway). And she has short legs and can’t kick the seat in front of her so that’s not a concern. But when the seat is FF it’s practically vertical and she can’t sleep in it at all. I think rear-facing will be a lot more reclined and will hopefully allow her to sleep. And she’s not walking yet but she’s standing and pulling up so I think having the extra space to explore will be good.
lawsuited says
I travelled solo with an 11 mo and having the bulkhead seats so he could sit on the floor and play with his toys would have been clutch.
Also, pack light. I only carried one bag of hand luggage and it was definitely the right decision.
Jeffiner says
Check the stroller with your checked luggage, not at the gate (it will likely be free). Get a car seat travel cart (I love the GoGo Babyz one from Amazon, but different ones might work better for different seats). You can then drag the carseat through the airport like its luggage, baby can ride in it if you want, and you don’t have to worry about picking up the stroller. I wouldn’t use it as a stroller at your destination if you plan on doing a lot of walking, but for short periods of time it is the best thing ever.
Anonymous says
Anyone left a unicorn job to stay at home with the kids? I work 35-40 hours a week as a lawyer, get paid $200k and have a 10 minute commute to the office. I have two little kids (age 1 and age 3). My office requires 100% face time (no work from home). I enjoy my job, though it can be stressful because of the personalities I work with. I just really. really. really. miss my kids. I feel like I barely see them during the week and I want to spend more time with them. There’s no option to go part-time or work from home at this job. My husband and I make about the same amount (within $5k) and we can live fine on his salary. The only reason I have not quit yet to take a few years off with the kids is that I know I probably will never find an equivalent job/pay again! Has anyone left a unicorn job to stay at home? Never thought I would want to stay at home but I have pretty much cried at least 2x a week since returning from my second maternity leave because I just want to be home with them – they are growing so fast (the baby is 1 already).
Anon says
No advice, but I’m in a similar boat. I make way less money than you do (in fact my salary is pretty much equivalent to our nanny’s salary) but I work ~35 hours, have total flexibility and essentially no deadlines, WFH whenever I want, have 5 weeks paid vacation and unlimited sick leave, work with nice people and truly enjoy what I do. There is nothing my employer could do to make my work situation better (more money wouldn’t even help, we have way more than we need) and I’m 100% certain that I’d never find anything as good if I left. And yet every Sunday evening for months I’ve been crying because I just want to be home with my toddler. I never could have expected how much I would love parenting. I just returned to work after a 3 week vacation spent entirely with my husband and kid (office holiday closure + family vacation) and I feel like I’m supposed to be relieved about having some space from my toddler and I’m just not at all. I’m bereft and I just want to be home with her. I put in a vacation day for next week because I miss her so much. I’m really at a loss as to what to do.
Anonymous says
Can I ask why you stay? I wrote in a few weeks ago…but I was in a similar position and did leave my job to be a SAHM. My salary was definitely more than daycare (but nowhere near 200k), but my employer was incredibly flexible/family friendly. But it still wasn’t enough and I knew I would never get the time back with my daughter and subsequent children. Really it’s the best decision I ever made and I encourage people to do it if they can afford it. One of the best signs I can tell from people is if they feel like going to work on Monday is a “break” from their kids, or if they hate it and miss their kids terribly. Many happy working moms need adult-time by Sunday evening, I never felt that way. And while staying at home has downsides and stressful moments, I’m much HAPPIER on a day to day basis
Anon says
Mainly just the knowledge that I will never get a job this good again, and frankly I’m scared I will ever get any kind of satisfying “career” job again. We live in a small town for my husband’s Big Career (by mutual agreement and he’s definitely the breadwinner), and my job options here are incredibly limited. Daycare here is very cheap (way, way cheaper than a nanny) and we plan to transition to that fairly soon, so the fact that my salary is eaten up by the nanny’s pay isn’t really a long-term concern, although it’s definitely frustrating to feel like I’m working for free right now. I really can’t imagine not working at least part time once my daughter is in elementary school from 8:30-3, because I don’t particularly enjoy “keeping a house” and think I would be very bored and unfulfilled just lounging around watching Netflix all day. I also haven’t yet been back at work for a full year, and am trying to stick it out until that point before making any decisions. But I remember your post and it’s so great to hear you are happy staying home! I hope you keep posting here, I don’t have too many places where I can get the perspective of someone who had a real career and then chose to stay home (most women in my town never worked, or only worked in their very early 20s in jobs that don’t require much education or training). So I really appreciate your insight!
Anonymous says
This is interesting, thanks! I remember your post, and I think I mentioned at the time that I’ve been considering staying home or at least leaning way out. I’m usually pretty ambivalent about returning to work after a normal weekend, but I definitely needed adult time and, more importantly, QUIET by Jan 2, so maybe I’m right to stick with my job for a bit longer.
anon says
thank you for continuing to post! it is nice having this perspective on this site where i feel like sometimes we are too quick to judge/dismiss sahm. glad it is working out well for you so far!
Artemis says
Can I have your job when you leave, please? Your feelings are totally valid, you need to take the time and thought to make the decision that is right for you, and I support that but . . . . I just really, really, really wish I had a job like yours and I have three kids. Honestly, if you can stick it out a little longer, think about planning to stay home when they are in early elementary school. I think it’s more important for them, with a bigger ROI, if you will, than when they are babies.
Anon says
I’m always a bit confused by this advice. I get that tweens and teens have lots of friend drama/emotional stuff and might benefit from more parental face time (although who knows if they’ll actually want to talk to you). But elementary is generally an age where most kids are pretty happy, and are in school most of the day and are fine going to aftercare or after school activities. If your kids is a big introvert who really needs to unwind alone after the school day, you can always hire someone to pick them up and hang out with them at home a few days a week. I agree that elementary schoolers want parents attending recitals, volunteering in the classroom, etc but it’s totally possible to do this with a full-time job, especially if you have a ~40 hour week job with generous PTO. So leaning out at that age makes sense to me, but quitting completely to stay home? I guess I just don’t understand what the big upsides for an 8 year old are of having a SAHM. And what does the mom do all day when the kids go to school? Cook and clean, I guess, but I have no interest in that stuff, I just want to spend time with my kid.
Anonymous says
This might sound flippant, but off the top of my head – my job is way less unicorn than that (though I love it, I make about half of what you do), and I never have these thoughts. So the fact that you’ve having these thoughts even with your unicorn job probably means staying home would make you happier.
I think the hardest thing is it feels so irreversible to leave the workforce. Luckily I think that’s no longer always the case (in my limited experience networking at some professional events).
Anon for this says
Do you have family money? If not, I would lean towards staying so you can support yourself and your children in case the unthinkable happens (death, divorce, disability of spouse, etc). I hate being negative but as a mom of two kids who found her spouse asking for a divorce earlier this year truly unexpectedly, I am glad that I did not stay at home when I contemplated it.
Ifiknew says
Super late so not sure if you are still Reading but I posted this question about 6 months ago. I also made 200k and worked the same hours, in finance though. I had daily angst about missing my 12 month old daughter’s childhood and it didn’t matter that I was so blessed to make so Much. I was convinced part time did not exist anywhere, but I networked and tried and told a small shop that if they wanted me, it needed to be at 20 to 25 hours a week rather than full time. Now I work 9 to 2 with TONS of flexibility and make 100k. BEST decision of my life, I do sometimes wish I was a sahm but all the moms in my very rich neighborhood, most of whom do stay home, say they wish they could work Part time by the time the kids are in elementary. This keeps my skills fresh and I think is the best of both worlds even though nothing is perfect. I know moms with big jobs who quit completely and they’re all struggling because it’s hard to go from 90miles an hour of the working world to Sahm. Before quitting completely, I’d urge you to network and structure a PT positions with family friendly small shops. I only ever worked for large funds before where part time would not have worked.
However if PT is not a thing for sure then definitely quit. Life is too short to work fulltime when ur kids are young if you don’t need the money.
potty training help? says
We are about to get started on potty training our oldest (yay!) Any tips? I would prefer to use pull ups if possible but have heard mixed reviews. I plan to devote an entire weekend to getting it started and to go from there.
Spirograph says
I did not find pull-ups helpful for potty training. They were required for potty-training ages at my daycare but my kids treated them like a diaper. If they happened to need to go when there was a bathroom break at school, they’d use the toilet. If they needed to go when there wasn’t a bathroom break, they used the pull-up instead of telling the teachers. For your weekend jump-start, I would just do underwear or naked from the waist down. Set a timer, offer plenty of water, and have kiddo try every 15-30 minutes at first.
If this doesn’t work, don’t get discouraged! My oldest was incredibly easy to potty train and figured it out in a day or two with minimal accidents after that. The next one took a few tries. Good luck!
HSAL says
I didn’t really find pull-ups useful – they’re actually pretty difficult for a kid to pull up and down. Our daycare asked for the ones with reclosable sides, so they must have found them useful, but my kid spent several months in pull-ups with no real progress until she started wearing underwear.
Anonymous says
We followed the “oh cr*p” book model – day and a half of no pants followed by a few weeks of going commando. Highly recommend! We did use pull ups for naps and overnight and explained to my son that they were special underwear because he wouldn’t know when he was asleep whether he had to go (the book endorsed this approach), and we took them off as soon as he woke up. I thought it was useful to use pull ups instead of diapers for this purpose because I was able to really say “we’re done with diapers!” And further demarcate pre and post potty training habits
Boston Legal Eagle says
This is what we did too, over Labor Day wknd. Our son just wears pull ups for naps and overnight.
Edna Mazur says
We call pull-ups “nye nye undies” in our house :)
ElisaR says
yes we did “oh cr@p” too with success! My son was 27 months old. He went commando for a month after our “boot camp” portion. Daycare was cooperative. He still wears a diaper for naps/nighttime though (at 34 months)
anon says
We’ve found that pull ups are good for naps and overnights, but underwear or bottomless is better for daytime.
SC says
We had a really difficult time potty training. Daycare required pull-ups for potty-training-aged kids, but my kid just treated them like diapers for 8+ months. We finally made potty training progress when his teachers and we all agreed (at 3.5 years old) that he needed to be sent to daycare in underwear.
For what it’s worth, we tried the “oh cr*p” method too, several times, over a few longer breaks when daycare was closed. It didn’t really work for us either, and left us all feeling frustrated.
Jeffiner says
That is EXACTLY my potty training experience with my daughter.
Anonymous says
Our kid has plenty of other parenting challenges but potty training was not one of them. We didn’t use pull ups, just undies, a TON of juice and milk, and bathroom trips every 15 min. Peed at least 30 times each of the first two days, I kid you not. That number gradually reduced over time. We used a food reward for each successful use (raisin) and checked off boxes on a chart for a bigger reward after X number of uses. He didn’t really get that, but he did get the peeing-gets-me-a-raisin part. Just played in the kitchen all day for 2 days facilitate clean up. Don’t shame for accidents,but we did have him help clean up.
stargazer says
We did a countdown with the last of the diapers and went cold turkey. There were a few messy days and lots of reminders to go to the bathroom but he was day trained in about a week. Night training on the other hand…
Exhausted - thank you says
Hello – I posted a month ago that I was exhausted and asked for a few tips on how to make my life easier. I am a mom of 3 years twin, work full time at a demanding job (mid management position in research at a big pharma), with a husband in an equally demanding job.
I would like to thank you all for your tips and advice: I really appreciated it. I am feeling better but I know the struggle is not over.
I know that we are all struggling and that being a working mom is hard. Sometimes I wish people were more honest about how hard it is and their struggles : before I left for holiday break, 2 of my “perfect” overachiever colleagues told me that they are on antidepressants and have a less perfect life that they were implying… this has put things into perspective as well! My resolution for 2019 is to think about me as well and to take a day off every 2 month and go get a massage and relax. I already book a spa day on Feb 1.
So Anon says
I have finally admitted to myself that I need more help on the childcare front. (And with the help of meds – thank you all for your support/pushing me to get seen!- I have the energy and it doesn’t feel so utterly overwhelming.)
Here is our current set-up: My kids go to aftercare at their school the three days per week that I do not work from home. Aftercare ends at 5:30. My commute is 30-45 minutes depending on traffic. To make it to aftercare reliably, I have to leave my desk by 4:45, which means starting to shut things down by 4:30. The other two days I pick them up at the end of school, and one of those days we head to OT from 4-5 about 40 minutes from our home. At this point, I think having someone pick the kids up from aftercare around 4 two-three days per week, bring them home, play and start dinner for the kids. I think this would give me the breathing room I desperately need. I’m hoping to find someone who can stay until 6:30/7:00, which would give me the chance to work until 5/5:30, run an errand or go to therapy not in the middle of the day, and not feel like I am constantly racing against the clock.
Partly, I am just thinking this through out loud/in writing to other moms. But have any of you successfully hired a part-time afterschool sitter? Any tips on making this work or other solutions I am not seeing? Thanks!!
SC says
I worked as a part-time after-school sitter for 2 elementary-school-aged kids while I was in college, and I loved it, so I’d start by looking for college students if there are any in your area.
Is there any way to skip aftercare and have a sitter pick your kids up directly after school or meet them at the bus stop? It seems like it might create fewer transitions in the afternoon and could be more cost-effective than having your kids spend just an hour in after-care (assuming aftercare is an all-or-nothing payment, not by the hour). When I did this in college, I met the kids at the bus, and I was able to get them a snack, work with them on homework and reading time, play with them or keep an eye on playtime with neighborhood kids, and get dinner started. I also kept an eye on the parents’ TV/screen time limits, helped the kids check things off their lists of chores and daily musical-instrument practice, and helped the kids get ready for any evening activities (church, rec-league sports, volunteering). The parents typically arrived home at 6, but sometimes as late as 6:30. I didn’t do much cleaning, but the kids were expected to do their chores and tidy up after themselves, and I had to remind them sometimes.
Anonymous says
+1 to this. You are going to have a hard time finding an after-school sitter to work 5:30 – 7:00 three days a week. Unless aftercare is free, I’d just have the sitter meet the kids at the bus and hang out with them all afternoon. Being home with the sitter may be less exhausting for your kids and lead to better evening behavior, too. My daughter thrived in day care and I am by no means categorically opposed to group child care, but after-school care in our experience has uniformly been noisy, overheated, poorly supervised, chaotic, and exhausting. When she got old enough to quit going to after-school and come home by herself, she instantly became a more relaxed and pleasant person in the evenings.
Anonymous says
What about an au pair + no aftercare?
So Anon says
We had an au pair for a year, and she was absolutely wonderful. However, DH and I are currently going through a lot, and it is not an environment into which I would want to bring an au pair. Plus, I love having my house back!
EB says
Aw man, I posted a long reply and got the posting comments too quickly message :(
Long story short – best thing I ever did. Look for a college student or a teacher (our current sitter is a special ed assistant). I also cosign the comments above.
anon says
We hired a college student to do something similar. It was great when she was here, but I had forgotten how many breaks college students have. She was gone for six weeks for winter break! We went the no-aftercare route for that reason (so we could hire someone who was more committed to the position). If you can manage breaks on your own, the college student route might work better for you.
Anon says
Alternatively–get a local college student :). That was me in college and law school and I loved having work over the breaks.
Anonymous says
I worked as a part-time afterschool sitter in high school. I would also ferry kiddo to soccer and the library, though as an adult I sort of can’t believe these people trusted a 17 year old with their preschooler. Most days the mom was actually home while I was there, but other times I did dinner and bath etc.
If you can find a mature high schooler, that might work too!
EB says
Returning to add more details from my lost comment above.
When I was in high school, I drove a first grader home and watched her in the evening after school. Her mom was an attorney, and I stayed in touch with her over the years. When I had my son, her mom said something to me along the lines of, “you have no idea how much you meant to us”, which is actually what led me to finding someone to do after daycare sitting for me. And she is right – it is life changing to just have to be home by 7 p.m. and not rush across town for regular pick up.
I am likewise kind of surprised they trusted me with their kid. I drove a little sports car (a Toyota Celica!) and was just a regular teenager (i.e. not super responsible, but enough that I was usually on time and looked after their kid ok). Their kid loved me and we had fun, but I have trouble imagining I could relinquish that kind of control to a 17 year old!
H13 says
Any advice re: a five-year-old who has recently started putting his fingers in his mouth? He isn’t chewing and it seems to occur mostly when he is reading or watching a video. He was a thumb sucker but stopped about 8 months ago. He doesn’t seem to have any loose teeth.
His teacher has noticed it at school too. It mostly just grosses me out. Should I offer a tool for him to satisfy the input need? Ignore it? Has anyone dealt with something similar? TIA
Anonymous says
Have you just tried to tell him to stop?? Maybe remind him that it’s bad manners or explain he can get sick from the germs if he needs a reason why he shouldn’t. How did you stop the thumb sucking? FWIW kids sucking fingers grossed me out too I don’t know why.
H13 says
When I catch him I tell him to stop immediately. I really (really, really) hated the thumb sucking too. I just found it revolting. We stopped the thumb sucking with a combo of bandaids and readiness. He gets that it is bad manners, etc. but it is almost subconscious.
Spirograph says
Have you tried those nail polishes that taste bad? My son is a heavy thumb sucker to the point that it’s just a habit he doesn’t even notice until someone points it out to him — the instant feedback of the bad taste has been a game- changer.
Anonymous says
Lately I feel like my 6 year old puts everything in his mouth, although I personally feel like it is on the low end of gross considering the full spectrum of what he’s into. (I did notice he has a molar coming in). If your son is doing it in his downtime, it is probably a comfort habit. It can’t hurt to try a chewing necklace or some other substitute, right?
Anonymous says
Any tips on business travel when 10 weeks pregnant? I’ve mostly been fine on nausea but am worried that bone-crushing tiredness will hit when I have to be running around to meetings/staying out late for client dinners/etc.
HSAL says
Oh man, good luck. I had a week of travel at 7 weeks, which was when my big symptoms hit. Are your dinners mandatory or the type where you could skip out early at least one night? Rest whenever you’re able, drink a lot of water, and pack comfortable, slightly larger/stretchy clothes. I wore a pair of jeans on day one of my trip and was literally too bloated for them three days later.
Anonymous says
yikes. good luck. echo what HSAL says – sleep when you can!
I’ve found that as long as you don’t pull it too often “I’m going to get room service and dig out from under this email” is an acceptable way to skip dinner and drinks. I’ve never done this on client dinners, though, just internal.
Leadership skills camps? says
Hello! Can anyone recommend a summer camp aimed at developing leadership skills in teens? Thanks!
Anonymous says
What do you mean by leadership? “Leadership” as in resume-building stuff to impress colleges like Girls’ State/Boys’ State, or practical leadership skills such as how to manage group dynamics? For the latter, I recommend the Girl Scouts’ Program Aide training. My daughter went through it at day camp, but a lot of camps offer overnight sessions as well. The YMCA also offers a counselor-in-training program, but I can’t speak to the quality.
Anonymous says
Girl or Boy Scouts
OP here, leadership as in group dynamics says
Hi –
Thanks for your help. I meant leadership skills in the group dynamics sense. As background, we have camps with excellent reputations in the DC area (Airy / Louise) but they are for Jewish youth, which my daughter isn’t.
Thanks again!
mascot says
Have you looked at other overnight summer camps (they aren’t all Jewish in NC at least)? Depending on the age of your daughter, she may be a counselor in training or an older camper. A lot of them may have adventure based programs where the kids go on multi-day trips. I did a 10 day backpacking trip years ago at 13 and it was awesome for confidence and teamwork skills. I wasn’t particularly athletic and it wasn’t that hard to get ready for conditioning wise.
CPA Lady says
Friday afternoon positivity! What are you particularly loving about your kid(s) right now?
I had such a cool moment with my 4 yo daughter last night. She ate dinner nicely, and after she was done asked me if she could have an orange (in the fruit bowl on the kitchen counter). I said yes and asked her if she needed me to get it for her or if she could get it herself. She said she could get it herself, got out of her chair to walk to the kitchen, then turned back and asked me “do you want me to get you one too?”
It was the first time she has done something like this. She seemed so grown up. She still has frequent meltdowns, but she’s getting so kid-like (as opposed to toddler/preschooler) in between the meltdowns. It’s so freaking cool. I find young children extremely challenging, but loooove elementary school and older kids and I’m so excited about getting into this phase of her life.
Now tell me what you’re loving about the current stage!
Anonymous says
I’ve realized lately that my kid is pretty easy as far as toddlers go. She’s 22 months. She’s such a good listener, is really helpful, tries to clean up after herself/throws away trash, and never melts down in public (yet). I love that she still has a wonderful sense of humor.
So Anon says
I am working a great deal with my 7 year old who was just diagnosed with ASD on recognizing emotions, appropriate small talk and responses. The other night, I was describing the rough day I had, including spilling coffee on myself and horrible traffic. He responded, “That sounds like a tough day, mommy. Would you like a hug or do you need to be by yourself?” It was so awesome because it was so validating (from my 7 year old!!) and his hug was the perfect thing at the end of a lousy day.
anon says
I love this. Amazing from any kid, much less a kid with ASD.
Anon says
That’s wonderful!
avocado says
That is so sweet!
Anonymous says
My husband is networking in hopes of finding a new job within the next year, and over dinner the other night he was trying to game plan a coffee meeting with a woman who works in one of his target companies, and asked (me), “what else do you think I should say?” My 5 year old son chimed in with, “I love you?” I do not think my husband took his advice, but it was sweet. :)
Anon says
Hahahah. I love this!
Em says
We had to put one of our dogs down last week and I cried a few times in front of my son and explained to him that I was sad because I missed the dog. He wasn’t sure what to make of it and asked if my eyes/head/back hurt and if I needed an ice pack (thanks to his preschool he thinks ice packs are the answer to EVERYTHING). I told him that I was just sad and that was why I was crying, and he thought about it for a minute, and then asked if I needed a hug and opened his arms to me.
Anon says
Aww. Sorry about the dog. They become such a part of the family.
Katarina says
This is so sweet. We also lost our dog last week, he died suddenly.
avocado says
Mine is about to turn 12 and is in the seventh grade. She is growing up into one very cool young woman with strong opinions of her own. The other day she texted me a link to an article about Elizabeth Warren’s announcement of her run for the presidency, followed by numerous emoji-punctuated exclamations of excitement. At family gatherings she will volunteer to spend hours entertaining babies and toddlers, giving the moms a much-needed break. She cleans bathrooms by herself and actually get them clean. She cooks her own lunch on weekends. She delights in being able to read random French words on shampoo bottles. She recently baked delicious muffins and then cleaned up after herself without being asked. She still loves to sing along to Broadway musicals with me in the car. She begs me to put on Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me and tries to read McSweeney’s over my shoulder. She is forever suggesting mature, edgy, possibly controversial books for her book club. A few years ago she was disappointed that her elementary school eliminated an event she really loved, so the next fall she ran for the top student government position on a platform of bringing the event back, won, and successfully reinstituted the event. She is so spunky and exuberant and full of life, yet also very serious and earnest. She is going to be an amazing grown-up someday.
Oh, boy. If anyone I know reads this, I have totally blown my cover.
avocado says
Oh, and the other day she built her own floor-cleaning robot.
Spirograph says
Your daughter is awesome! Sometimes I observe tweens and dread my daughter turning into one, but this gives me hope.
anon says
please share all of your parenting wisdom! your daughter sounds amazing
avocado says
Aww, thanks! I don’t think I have any great parenting secrets. When I used to work with kids, my strategy for dealing with tween girls (my favorite group) was to take them seriously as the mini soon-to-be adults they are, not to try to be their “friend,” and to be genuine at all times. Tweens can smell fakeness a mile away. As a parent, my guiding principle is that I am trying to raise an adult. I think a lot of us here parent that way.
Anon says
Aww CPA lady, she sounds so thoughtful! And I love the Friday afternoon positivity thread. My 10 month old is not yet talking but she’s developing so much of a personality. She now divides her meals into food she likes and food she doesn’t (strangely and thankfully, she currently likes vegetables and not pasta). She puts what she likes in her mouth very quickly. Then she turns to the pile of what she doesn’t like, and very slowly, piece by piece, reaches down and hands it to the dog. When the dog eats each piece she squeals and claps her hands, and then does it again with the next piece. Needless to say we only feed her food that’s safe for the dog.
Anon says
My 1-year old daughter is genetically predisposed to hearing loss, so we test her hearing every 3-6 months. We had our hearing test this morning and her hearing continues to be in the normal range! It may not always be this way and I’m prepared for it to change at any point, but I’m enjoying and celebrating her “normal” hearing while we have it.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I am enjoying my second’s newborn stage way more than I did with my first so I’m savoring his big toothless grins whenever he sees me and the general simplicity that is his life. Like the fact that he can’t say no or run away from us! Not that it’s all roses and sunshines (naptimes… ugh), but I’m grateful for this chance to re-experience the baby stage with a more positive mindset.
The toddler is a challenge right now, but I love his sweet moments when he says “I love you” before bedtime and when he kisses me and the baby good-bye.It’s also really cool to hear him describe moments that happened in the past and how he remembers them.
Anonymous says
My 17mo loves the cat and has starting bringing the container of cat treats over to him wherever he is. It’s amazing to me that he has the thought process to be like, “Kitty likes these! I will bring them to kitty!” You can tell he’s so proud of himself, which is the best part. Luckily he can’t open the container or else kitty would be totally off his diet.
Anon says
My LO is 17 months. When we read Llama Llama Wakey Wake (she loves the LL board books and we read them, ad nauseum – my record is 10 times in a row before I managed to “drop” the book behind the bed), there is a line “a kiss for me, a kiss for you” and she gives mama a kiss and then turns her cheek so I can give her a kiss on the appropriate pages, without prompting.
rosie says
Adorable. I need to check out more Llama Llama books. Reminds me that my 19-month-old has started singing along “oooooo” when I read her Sandra Boynton’s Snuggle Puppy.
Anonymous says
I’m not a gamer, but I’ve loved Zelda since the original Nintendo came out when I was a kid. I got the Switch version a Christmas present and my 8 year old and I are working through it. I even ordered us one of those big game guides to help us with the trickier parts. It’s been fun to spend time together on it (plus, there is a lot of text to read and problem solving so maybe it’s educational?)
Anonymous says
So fun! I’m also not a gamer, but I have spent WAY too many hours on Breath of the Wild. My kids are not literate or coordinated enough to play on their own but they love watching me or my husband play. We’ve both already beaten the game, but started a new one and let them direct us choose-your-own-adventure style and give us ideas to try to solve the puzzles.
FVNC says
My five year old has challenges with social interactions, and did not spontaneously demonstrate affection toward me or my husband until she was around 3 yrs old. I still remember the first time she hugged me without prompting. Lately, she has started giving these tiny kisses to her 21 mo old brother, and it melts my heart. And she is now super affectionate toward me and my husband which is also wonderful.
On a more frivolous note, said 21 mo old is now trying to pull up his own pants when we dress him and it’s so cute how much of a little person he is trying to become.
Anonymous says
Almost-4 year old has recently developed a very elaborate imaginary world in which he and his stuffed-animal family live. I am loving his stories about their decision making process in buying certain models of cars, stories about when the “children” were born at the hospital, the ever-changing location of their “home,” their grocery shopping trips, their jobs (he and his wife/stuffed cat are retired doctors who now teach preschool) etc. It really shows us his powers of observation and it’s neat how it helps him process what’s going on in our real lives.
Anon says
My 3-month old daughter smiled and laughed when I talked to her today after picking her up from daycare. She had this shy delighted look on her face that melted my heart and made me tear up. She’s so precious. Then my husband got her all bundled up for an evening walk and she looked adorable in the carrier, and it was nice to see him excited and relaxed in his Dad role.
Hair dryer? says
Does anyone have a fancy hair dryer that they love? My Christmas and (December) birthday presents from DH were kinda meh and so instead of being annoyed I’ve decided I’m going to buy a couple things for myself that I should have asked for. I use your basic ConAir now but I’m wondering if a nicer one would make a difference on my super thick, crazy postpartum hair.
ElisaR says
late reply here – I am loving the dyson. it was a gift so i didn’t have to deal with the price but it’s pretty awesome.
Twins says
There aren’t enough words to even put what I’m feeling on paper, but I just found out I’m expecting twins. I’m … freaking out. This will be our 3 and 4th kid. The bigger kids will be 4 and 6 when the surprises arrive, so I think that helps. But I’m still terrified. I’ve heard the first year is really hard and it slowly gets better. Any tips? words of wisdom? Help!
anon says
first of all, it is ok to be freaking out. allow yourself to feel all the feelings. i do not have any older kids, but i have 7 month old twins and i’m not going to lie it is the hardest thing i’ve ever done. i’ve had a lot more trouble adjusting to motherhood than i anticipated, but you already have 2 other kids, so from that perspective this will be a different experience for you. you already know how to change a diaper and how to give a baby a bath! i know someone who recently had twins and had another who was only 20 months at the time, so i do think the fact that yours are 4 and 6 (and can be temporarily distracted with some screen time when necessary) will make it a very different experience than if you had other younger kids. presumably the bigger kids go to school during the day? hire/plan for as much help as possible and get them on a schedule right away. if you have family that can help you, or hire some help during the day or at night or housekeeping help for laundry/meals. mine were pretty good sleepers, but we still had a night nurse for the first 10 weeks (yes it cost a fortune, but was totally worth it). i was trying to breastfeed, but never made enough milk so switched to pumping and bottle feeding. we do not have any local family which definitely makes things more challenging. you DO NOT need two of everything. we have one swing, one bouncer, one rock n play, etc. many twin moms make it to 37/38 weeks and both babies come home right away, but be prepared that you could have some nicu time for one or both twins (we had it only for one and it was hard bringing one home right away while leaving the other). from what i saw compared to my friends pregnant with singletons, i got much much bigger than they did, so also be prepared for that.
on a more positive note, they are just starting to interact with each other and it really is so so cool and cute. see if your area has a moms of multiples club. the people in mine are from all walks of life, but offer some interesting perspectives and are often looking to get rid of gear. congratulations and welcome to the twin club!
HSAL says
I was you almost exactly 11 months ago. We found out they were twins at 19 weeks at the anatomy scan. I cried for three days. Our older daughter was 2 2/3 when they were born, so at least you don’t have to worry about three in diapers! Yay! They’re almost 7 months now and honestly, they’re not terrible. Individually they’re much easier babies than my first was, and even collectively they aren’t that much more difficult. We don’t have local family but my mom stayed with us on and off for the first couple months. We even managed to move when they were two months old, so you can do this. We never had to hire any additional help, but if you have the means, go for it.
Practically speaking: Daycare costs are a killer, but that’ll be no surprise to you since you already have two. If you were having a third anyway, you probably already have a minivan or were planning to get one, so that’s one less thing to worry about. You will be uncomfortable – I had a csection at 38 weeks and from 35 on I was miserable. There’s a lot of STUFF, so minimize what you can going in – right now I get no greater joy than when I donate or toss baby stuff/clothes that we’ll never need again. My biggest recommendation for right now is do things with your older kids whenever you feel up to it – I felt like my daughter really got the shaft at the end of my pregnancy/when the twins were newborns. We weren’t able to do the fun summer stuff that we normally would have, and I have some mom-guilt about that. I mean, she won’t remember and she’ll survive, but I still feel bad about it.
Happy to email more if you want to post a burner email! A lot of people recommended Moms of Multiples groups to me, but they’re not really my style. I had one friend who had twins the same age as my daughter who was my go-to for all things twin-related. Good luck!
Twins says
Thanks to you both — your stories brought me to tears. HSAL, thank you – your story brings me great comfort. I’d love to engage with a burner email, and I’ll look mine up and post it here. I keep thinking – I know, rationally, people get through this, but I’m so worried about what it looks like in reality. I keep thinking about my older kids and hoping somehow this will be a good thing, not a terrible thing for them.
Anonymous says
FWIW I had my 3rd and my older two were vocally upset it wasn’t twins. Probably to this day. They just love on the baby so hard they want another.
Anonymous says
Late to this but let me just tell you, while re adjusting to the baby phase will be hard, my 5 y/o (4.5 when youngest was born, have a toddler in the middle) is an ENORMOUS help. She can give bottles, entertain either of the Littles, reach all the snacks, take care of herself, spoon feed the baby, etc. it’s amazing. She really stepped it up.