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For those heading back to the office (or making an important appearance via Zoom), nothing beats a suit for feeling confident and polished.
I’m a longtime M.M. LaFleur fan — I particularly love their wide selection of beautifully tailored, washable workwear. They’ve recently released their Moreland Jacket in a fresh, new color: dusky blue. Given the hue’s cool undertones, it’ll pair perfectly with a cool gray, cream, or even pink.
The jacket is a tailored, single-button blazer that’s machine washable and wrinkle resistant. It even has zippered pockets so your keys/ID badge/lipstick don’t fall out.
There are even two matching pants options: the Colby Jogger (a cigarette style pant) and the Wesley Lounger (a wide-leg trouser). Both pants have elastic waistbands in the back so you can Zoom in comfort.
M.M. LaFleur’s Moreland Jacket is $295 and comes in 0P–18. Both the Colby Jogger and Wesley Lounger are $195 each and also come in 0P–18. If dusky blue isn’t your color, black, charcoal, and olive are also options.
This blazer at Ann Taylor Factory is a more affordable alternative at $140 and is available in sizes 0–18; this Talbots blazer is on sale for $52 and comes in four size ranges.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Help! says
I’m going to be leading a zoom “activity or game” for DD’s kindergarten class’s Valentines Friendship party. We have twenty minutes – kids will all be in the classroom together. Any fun ideas? A later parent slot is doing crafts and another is doing reading and snacks. Thanks!
Anonymous says
Virtual bingo with Valentine’s themed cards?
OP says
Oooh this sounds easy. I like it. Cards sound a little tricky but I bet we could come up with something. Note, should have said before: I am NOT creative!
Anon says
you can buy them and send them to school or i have a link with some free ones you can download and print
https://www.thesprucecrafts.com/printable-valentine-bingo-cards-1358217
Anonymous says
Confirm that you can send something in if you do this. Our preschool just announced no cards/gifts for Valentine’s Day because of Covid. I think it’s silly, these kids spend 10 hours a day together, some of it without masks, they’re not going to give each other Covid via a paper card but…that’s the rule so we’re following it.
OP says
Yup, good point. Yes, we can send in. They’re really putting the total burden on the zooming parents here actually!
Realist says
This is my crunchy side, but I would do some yoga (seated poses only if necessary) followed by a guided visualization/breathing exercise. The visualization would be something cute, like a walk through the forest and the animals coming up and telling the kids how great they are and giving them valentines gifts from the forest.
Anonymous says
I like this idea! My preschooler does yoga at school and apparently it is a huge hit with the kids.
OP says
I love this but I don’t know that I have the skills! Thanks for the suggestion though!
Anonymous says
Mad Libs, Kim’s Game with Valentine-themed items
OP says
What is Kim’s game? I haven’t tried Mad Libs with my kids before but I do think that sounds fun.
Anonymous says
In real life, you put ~15 objects on a tray and cover the tray with a cloth. You remove the cloth for one minute, during which the players study the tray. You replace the cloth and each player writes a list of the items on the tray. Alternatively, you can secretly remove one item from the tray, uncover it, and ask players to identify the missing item. Over Zoom, you could show a photo instead of covering and uncovering a tray.
Anonymous says
One caveat about Mad Libs–it only works if the kids understand the parts of speech.
OP says
Oooh yeah, they definitely aren’t there yet!
Anon says
Dance party would be fun – esp if you stop the music and have them freeze.
You could send in plastic grocery bags or ziplocs – they tie/zip those into “balloons” and try to keep them in the air either by hitting or kicking like a soccer ball.
An animal challenge would be fun – you name an animal and the kids act out the motions/ noises.
You could also do a solo twister – send in large sheets of paper (cut a bunch from one of those paper rolls) with different colored hearts. You call out” left hand blue” and the kids have to twist their bodies to touch the right color.
You could do a painters tape racetrack. Send in a bunch of rolls and some colored or numbered heart cutouts. They tape a square around their desk and add in the hearts. You call out “red heart!” and they have to tight-rope walk to that spot. Then call “Number 5” and they have to walk to that one. Etc.
octagon says
I missed the discussion the other day about hitting the lockdown wall, but I am SO THERE. The worst part is I’m not sure I would have done anything differently if I’d known it would be this long — it’s just so hard and I am so tired of the relentless parenting, even with a good co-parent. It’s so hard to not have family close by. I love my kiddo but I am counting down the years until he can go to sleepaway camp for a few weeks so mama can get a little peace.
Anonymous says
Totally. It makes me think of the meme about how the economy will recover because all the moms in America will simultaneously be booking trips to deserted islands. Hopefully when this is over you can get away at least briefly for some solo R&R.
Anonymous says
There was a viral tweet a couple weeks ago where some woman said she was going to open a Bed and Breakfast for burnt out moms and name it Resting B* Place. I would go.
Anonymous says
Amazing!
Realist says
100%. I don’t have much to add to these conversations because I am just feeling and coping with the same things as everyone else. But the wall is real.
Pogo says
It’s so relentless. I really miss the boring days of the Before Times when every day I’d pack up kiddo in the car, daycare was always open, I grabbed a coffee and gossiped with coworkers, zoned out in meetings in the board room, went running with friends at lunch, picked up kiddo and ran errands together. Now it’s an endless video conference nightmare that seems to start earlier every day as someone mentioned the other day.
AnotherAnon says
I miss the most boring, mundane things: my short commute, half-listening to office gossip, walking to lunch. I know it’s a meme but I also miss cancelling plans.
Anonymous says
Yeah I told DH that post-vaccine I’m going away for a spa weekend but I doubt I will actually do it because hotel massages are stupidly expensive and I don’t actually really want to be away from my family for that long. The things I miss most are also mundane, like taking kiddo to the library to pick up books and working at my favorite coffee shop with a donut and iced coffee. I don’t even get takeout from the coffee shop anymore because they let people without masks hang out in the entryway so it feels really unsafe to me.
anne-on says
I miss libraries so much. I’ve bought a ton of books, but I feel like I’m playing amateur librarian and I miss myself and my kid being able to browse and pick up books that just look interesting!
Pogo says
FYI our library allows you to either call or fill out a form with what you’re interested in and the librarian will pick out some books! Might be worth a shot to see if yours does this. The children’s librarian picked out some great ones when LO was super into the planets/outer space. We did curbside pickup and it really made his day.
anne-on says
Same. I just keep telling myself that I rode it out during the horrid daycare years when my kid caught every bug there was. I can do this. It sucks, but there will be an end. And frankly, at this point in my career if I leave I’ll likely be replaced by a man who will likely not advocate as hard for women, work life balance, etc.
Also not sure if others had this experience, but I find there is a HUGE difference in how much easier it is (for me anyway) to work with men who are in their 20s/30s/40s who have been surrounded by working women for most of their professional lives. Dealing with senior men when I was out of college who had mostly worked with only other men and saw the lone woman or two as a novelty/outlier and treated us as such was NOT fun. That, and the only reason I made it through the horrid early years was because of other senior women on my team who advocated for me, and shared strategies of how they made it work. I really want to pay it forward.
Anon4this says
This is interesting to me because its the opposite of my experience. My best advocates/bosses have never been senior women – I think in part because senior women at my firm had it so terrible that what we face now, which is certainly better, they don’t see as a big deal. With few exceptions, I find that the few senior women we have are (1) childless or (2) have kids and got where they are with the support of stay at home spouses, family that live with / same neighborhood as them / two nannies or nanny plus au pair combos.
My best advocates/bosses have been men with daughters who are just entering the work force as professionals and I think they are seeing first hand the struggles their daughters face.
Anonymous says
Totally agree. One of the very powerful senior women in my firm (on the cusp of retirement) loves to tell the story of writing a Supreme Court brief while in labor with her kid as if it were ok. And then reminding us that there was no maternity leave back then. Great, glad you are such a superwoman.
Anonymous says
My husband’s mom is an academic who returned to the office 5 days after having my husband and 2 days after having his younger sister. She brags about this ‘achievement’ and I just think it’s incredibly awful. I hope she doesn’t expect the same from her female grad students and postdocs, but unfortunately I suspect she does (or thinks she’s doing them a huge favor by giving them two weeks off or something like that).
Anonymous says
One thing maybe it helps to think about is that these woman may have felt that they had no choices. Like what do you do if there is no maternity leave? You go back, like your grandmother on the farm was always a farm wife even if she just had a baby. Ditto waitstaff: if you work for tips, you maybe take off 6 weeks to physically recover, leave your kid with your mom, and go back. It’s not ideal, but choices like we have now don’t exist for everyone and often never existed previously. They may be superwomen, but running on the redline for a long period is a bad idea (e.g., pilots, truckers) because Really Bad Things can happen (fall asleep while driving home).
Anonymous says
I’m not suggesting my MIL did anything wrong by going back so soon, I think it was pretty much that or lose her job. But the way she talks about it is pretty problematic to me because it’s not “I had no maternity leave and it was so awful.” It’s more like “I had no mat leave and survived. Women today expect too much.”
I think that type of “I survived it so you can too” or “at least you have XYZ that I didn’t have, so stop expecting more” attitude is unfortunately pretty widespread.
Anonymous says
Yeah, in my experience senior women had to claw their way to the top and are not so keen to make it easier for the younger women behind them. My best mentors have been childless men. Men with young kids generally have wives who do way more than their share, and so they can really underestimate the demands on working parents. My current biggest client is a man with young kids and it’s absolutely awful working for him, especially since the pandemic began. His wife quit her job in March to stay home with the kids so he has no sense of the difficulties of working parenthood right now, but he THINKS he knows because he’s a parent who is also working. Whereas childless peole are just like “yeah, that must be really tough I can’t relate” which is so much better than thinking you can relate but not actually relating at all.
anon says
Agree. My biggest advocate was my boss who was a woman in her fifties but had never had children. She had seen how bad her friends and peers had it when they were young moms, but since she hadn’t been put in that position, could actually empathize with how hard it was. So many other women 10-20 years older than me were all — why can’t you just pump in the dirty storage room because I did it, so blah blah blah.
Boston Legal Eagle says
This so much, anne-on!! This is one of the biggest reasons I want to stay in my current role, which is heavily dominated with men with SAH wives types. Someone has to lead the change and it may as well be me, right? I don’t know how much influence I have on the higher ups, but I can at least set an example for my group. But it’s so hard to keep going against the grain.
anne-on says
It sounds minor, but early on during a project with crazy hours I explicitly stated that everyone was to have their protected 1-2 hours, and the team would work around that. I was ‘off’ from 5-7 (or 5-6:30) as family dinner was super important to me. We would tag people in/out and do our best to cover as much as we could. One of the team members was a woman with baby and she told me privately how valuable that was as she’s not senior enough to ask for/set those limits and feels like she has to prove herself against her single male colleagues who can work 24/7. Making it an explicitly stated norm instead of asking permission is the only way things change.
Katy says
+1
This minor control of the schedule is so valuable to your sanity.
Anonymous says
+1. This is exactly how I have felt since the beginning of COVID (in particular). I am the most junior and youngest of the leadership team (10 – 30 years depending) and the only one with a spouse with a “big” job* (Note: his job is lots of hours / high pressure but not necessarily the best paid so it is not as though we have unlimited resources to say hire multiple nannies).
Keep on with the education ladies. I do think it is worth it.
FVNC says
So true. One of the reasons I accepted a job offer at my company (now 10+ years ago!) was because the hiring manager had two young kids and a wife with a Big Job that required lots of travel. Although I didn’t have kids at the time, I knew he’d be a good manager if/when I did have a kid (and he was). This, compared to the law firm I left with ZERO women associates with children and, as far as I can recall, no partners with working spouses.
anon says
Same here. And my kids aren’t even teeny-tiny anymore. It’s still relentless, and we feel like we have to be everything to them because we’re not doing extended family get-togethers, playdates, etc. It’s intense, and older kids know exactly what they’re missing out on. I am out of creative energy to make this better. (No, I’m not planning a freaking scavenger hunt around the neighborhood or organizing a zoom party for my kids. More power to those who still want to do that, but I’m tapped out. The output would not be worth the very brief reward.)
On topic says
I have this in Olive and it’s great. The construction is really sharp and I love that it can be machine washed. Super comfortable for dressing up a Zoom call. I prefer traditional blazer fabric with jeans, so probably wouldn’t use it for that purpose, but do like this with the matching colby joggers (especially when cuffed) or skirt for a super comfy full suit – I bought it in Feb of last year ahead of a busy travel season (ha!) – or non jeans pants.
Anonanonanon says
Good to know!! I’m tempted
Cleaning says
So we had housekeepers back for the first time since March yesterday. And while the house sparkles and I love it and I am excited not to spend 4 hours cleaning this weekend (perhaps instead spending some of that “chore” time decluttering and organizing because I didn’t do that in March with everyone else and boy do we need it), I am just demoralized that for the last 10 months I’ve spent 4 hours cleaning every. single. weekend. and thought I was doing a really good job, but it is abundantly clear that the house was not where it needed to be based on where it is now. DH pointed out that my job is to be a lawyer and a mom, both of which I have been crushing, and their job is to clean houses every day, so I should not be surprised that their work is so much better than mine as essentially a hobbyist. And reiterated that he thought the house looked great when we were cleaning it, far better than he could have done on his own (duh, because his standard of cleanliness is frat-house level), we were all healthy, etc. Just feeling so many feelings I was not expecting after this and wanted to put them out there (so maybe they’ll get out of my head).
Anonymous says
Your husband is right. Also I think cleaning services spend more time “polishing” (for lack of a better term), so you may have gotten things just as clean even if they don’t look as shiny.
Anonymous says
If it makes you feel any better, your cleaners must be exceptionally thorough. I wouldn’t ordinarily expect a cleaning service to do a better job than the homeowner, or even as good a job. That’s one reason we don’t have a cleaning service–we tried it and it just wasn’t clean enough.
AnotherAnon says
This was also my experience: cleaners did a stellar job the first time, just a “meh” job after that. I’m not great at cleaning, but my 1.5 hour routine every (ok every other) weekend is good enough for me.
Anonanonanon says
Saaaame! I want these cleaners! I’ve never used a service for this reason- it’s never anywhere near as clean as when I do it myself and I resent paying for something I could’ve done better or having to go behind and redo
Anonymous says
You have the best cleaners in the world. I get my house WAY cleaner than the service does. COME ON…. dust the baseboards in the bathroom (why does that get so grody?) get in corners, actually do the seal of the shower etc.) BUT paying them to stay longer doesn’t really seem to help unless i have a very specific task like dusting blinds to do.
Anonymous says
With your 4 hours this weekend I really hope you don’t spend them decluttering and organizing.
anonamama says
My beloved housekeeper said this to me, “These are just two different jobs. I could not do what you do every day.” and that helps when I feel a little down because I can’t do it all and I can’t make the house sparkle like she does. But that’s the beauty of outsourcing, to the untrained eye (and when visitors resume again), maybe it does look like I can do it all thanks to that luxury. Enjoy that extra time you get back and props on crushin’ it.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Yes, I so agree with this – I can do a lot of things, but I can’t do everything, especially not at once. I have a job that I’m good at and that not a lot of people can do (or want to, frankly, a lot of it is tedious detailed work!). Other people have jobs that they do better, and they have the time to do them, for which I pay. Neither job is inherently better or worse (despite what patriarchal capitalism will tell you in terms of salary), they’re different. Same thought our amazing daycare teachers. They’ve seen it all, are experts in their field and enjoy spending time with little children.
Anon says
i am personally terrible at cleaning. i’m good at decluttering and organizing, but actual cleaning i always seem to miss a spot when dusting, or sweeping, etc. i totally agree with your DH that your job is to be a lawyer and a mom, and not to be a cleaner. and yes, sometimes the products that they use make things look shinier and more sparkly. i also have to say, that our home is likely filthy compared to yours as i have not spent 4 hours cleaning any of the weekends since covid started
Anonymous says
Yeah we have a monthly cleaner and do not really do any cleaning in between that (besides wiping up an obvious spill). My house could be a lot cleaner but I don’t really care.
AIMS says
I’m just envious of your great cleaners!
Be excited. There’s nothing to feel bad about. All things being otherwise equal, it is always easier to clean someone else’s home because you don’t get distracted by your own clutter. One of my good friends and I always joke that we should switch houses for cleaning/decluttering purposes.
Anokha says
Also, is it multiple cleaners? Like, our two cleaners come for 3 hours every other week. The apartment sparkles when they leave — but that’s 6 hours combined! I can’t/won’t devote 6 hours of my weekend to cleaning.
Anonymous says
Your house is sparkling and you didn’t have to do it! What is bad about this?! Just enjoy it!!
Anon. says
*but it is abundantly clear that the house was not where it needed to be based on where it is now.
Hard disagree with this statement. You felt comfortable living in your house for the last 9 months as did your family. Your house was exactly as clean as it needed to be.
Anne says
Why not commend yourself for doing an awesome job in hiring good house cleaners? Yours are clearly above-average. Great work finding them!
Anon says
Instead of being down o yourself, let this be a reminder that all work has value and enjoy your clean home. Your cleaners are better than you because they do this all day long and so have good systems to be excellent and efficient and also they won’t get hired if they aren’t great. Pay generously!
AnonV says
Anyone who has experience nursing baby during working from home and would be able to share?
I am returning to work in March after a 4 month maternity leave. Baby will be home with dad who is taking 10 months of paternity leave. I am currently EBF and would like to continue at least combination feeding until 6 months at least. At least for March and April, I will be mostly working from home with an occasional day in the office.
I am leaning towards nursing in the morning / evening / night (though I am dreading the nights when I have to get up an be productive in the morning) but I am not sure it will be feasible during the day. Baby is on a loose schedule and the feeding times shift around, i.e. he may not eat well at one feeding and then be hungry earlier than expected at the next. So it will be difficult to plan nursing sessions into my day. I could nurse while on a call but I don’t think this is the best way to be productive. At the same time, it feels strange to be pumping when the baby is in the next room.
I am still torn on how to approach this, especially because my company is going through a merger, there is a ton of work waiting for me and I need perform well. I am afraid of a situation where I feel I am failing at motherhood and work at the same time.
Pogo says
I just went through this, but only for a month (also starting when LO was about 4mos). 10 months of paternity sounds amazing, are you in the US?!
I originally planned to pump 3x/day and have DH do bottles so I didn’t have to worry about being interrupted. But then I remembered I hating pumping so.dang.much. So I ended up pumping 2x/day and nursing at lunch, when baby consistently seemed to be getting up from a nap and I always had a break (my company respects the lunch hour still, thank goodness). I would plan to pump but be flexible – if baby woke up at the right time, I would just grab him and feed. I am not productive most times during pumping anyway and pumping takes 2-3x as long as nursing for me.
AnonV says
No, I’m not in the US, I’m in Germany. Here we have legally mandated maternity leave (fully paid) of 2 months (plus 6 weeks before the birth) and then up to 12 months in which the state compensates for part of your lost income. This is capped at 1.800€ though. These 12 months can be split between the parents. Unpaid leave with job security is up to 3 years per child per parent. Very different from the US, however the downside is that it’s quite unusual for mothers to return to work before the child is one – enforces a very traditional split of childcare responsibilities and makes it harder for those that want to return quickly. I get a lot of surprised comments and a nursing mother in the workplace is very unusual, though the legal situation re. breastfeeding at work is very similar to the US.
Katy says
As a Canadian I can totally relate to this – and I am happy to see support others trying to share it more equally. I took the lion’s share, but still my husbands office was surprised by the time he took.
(NOTE: while we get 12 “paid” maternity leave – it is more about job security (up to 18 months), the government portion was only 10-15% of what i normally make before accounting for bonus, LTIP and that type of thing. From my employer, i got 8 weeks top up to my full salary.)
Anonymous says
My husband is organizing a conference in Denmark (that probably won’t happen because Covid whomp whomp) and he tried to set up a lactation room in case any nursing mothers attend, and people were SO confused because apparently no one pumps at work there since they have a year of mat leave. I thought it was so interesting that pumping at work is just this totally foreign concept to them.
AwayEmily says
I agree that combo feeding (aka switching to morning/evening feeds only) is probably the best bet. Could you do one midday one, too, and then drop that after a month or so? Also, what about doing formula for the night feeds so your husband can do it? It’ll take a few weeks but your body will adjust. Good luck!
Anon. says
I pumped with baby in the next room (or in our house, downstairs). I hate pumping but it allowed me to stay in work mode more consistently.
Blueridge29 says
I agree that you will be able to get more work on done pumping. I also recommend having a few liquid bottles of formula around. That way your spouse can top off pumped bottles if your pumping is ever short. It is also an easy way to transition to some formula if you need/want.
Anon says
So I can’t share experience because my nanny starts next week, but I can share what I’m planning to do (and what I’ve done more-or-less in the 3 weeks since I started back at work full time).
I WFH full-time (and did so pre-pandemic). My office is next to the nursery. When baby girl is hungry, and I’m available, I nurse. If it’s not convenient (which is rare b/c I’ll nurse on a conference call no problem), then I’ll pump and she’ll get a pumped bottle.
I will say, in case it is relevant, that 1) she’s not on a schedule AT ALL and I just feed her on demand when she’s hungry or after about 3 hours since the last feeding during the day, 2) i don’t have issues pumping, 3) i don’t have issues with clogged ducts or mastitis if things go a little longer in between feedings, and 4) her long sleep-stretch at night is 7-8 hours, and I go to bed right after she does, so I get good sleep. And yes #4 makes me incredibly lucky and is a total dice roll and I can take no credit.
Anonymous says
That work situation sounds really hard. Make sure you speak up so you don’t feel “excluded” from meetings etc as you come back in.
No pandemic nursing for me – so that this maybe be unpractical. For me – i would want to keep my supply a little higher so that i could nurse more on the weekend – so i would plan to do some pumping – ie. one fixed pump session a day and block that in your calendar. Nurse in the morning and and Night / maybe lunch time. Don’t be afraid to use formula. If there is a feed before a nap time I would try to keep that consistent.
Good luck.
Also kudos to you hubby for taking that kind of paternity leave.
Anon says
I WFH (pre-covid and when covid hit) and I ended up almost always pumping. It was difficult to coordinate feeding times with lots of meetings I couldn’t do both at the same time. If it worked out though I would nurse during lunch. I think you kind of just have to play it by ear and see what works.
Anonymous says
I worked in an office at the time, but I had a similar situation with going back at 4 months and my husband taking an 8 month after me. I pumped once/day until about 6 months postpartum and then I gave up (I hated pumping) and just nursed morning/evening/weekend. I nursed a lot when I was home with the baby (she was basically on my breast from the time I walked in the door until her bedtime) and was able to keep nursing until 17 months. I know some people have had a different experience, but the dropping workday pumps and just nursing when I wasn’t at work worked out really well for us.
anon says
I haven’t done this because my kids are now older, but I think I’d try the following:
I could usually pump two solid bottles in my first pumping session (between 9-10 AM). I’d probably plan to pump this session to cover most of the day.
My afternoon pumping session was always much more scant. I’d plan to take a 30 minute break to nurse in the afternoon (maybe 3:30 or 4 PM?) and block this time out of my calendar. On occasions the baby wasn’t awake or hungry, I’d pump.
If my morning sessions was short, I’d consider a lunchtime nursing session on days where it fit my schedule to boost supply.
Doodles says
I just did this. I’m WFH with an 8 month old (with nanny). I went back to work when baby was 5.5 months. I have a pump plugged in next to my desk in my office and I pump twice during the workday. I don’t wash the parts (put them in fridge and use same parts for both pumps). I then feed baby morning and evening, and sometimes before dinner time around 5:30 or at night when he wasnt sleeping. I do a third pump before going to bed as I watch tv or read for 20 minutes. I have a second pump in the family room (free from a friend). Then wash the parts nightly. I have multiple sets. This schedule works much better for us than when I attempted to feed during the workday. The baby is not confused as to when he gets bottles. And nanny doesn’t have to interrupt my day to tell me that baby is hungry.
Anon says
I went back to work in August when my baby was 16 weeks old and have been EBFing while I work from home with a nanny. My baby was on a loose schedule but definitely nothing set in stone. It’s been tough on busy days but I’ve been able to make it work, and it gets easier and easier as they get older and go longer between nursing sessions. I pump when I have to but have actually found it’s been easier to step away to feed for 10-15 minutes, since my kid is a pretty efficient eater, versus the 20-30 minutes of setting up/pumping/cleaning/storing that pumping entails. I also had a small stash of frozen milk that I could rely on in a pinch, but that’s gone now. I despise pumping and will do pretty much anything I can to avoid it, though.
I’m also fairly senior and established in my organization, so while my work calendar is insane, I feel comfortable letting my colleagues know that I’m running a few minutes late because I had to pump or nurse. I realize that everyone may not have that luxury.
Anon. says
Just want to second this comment about being senior/established and letting people know. I tried to do this too – sorry, that 30 minutes is blocked because I’m pumping. I also took calls while pumping. I had only one peer comment something along the lines of Ugh, I don’t want to know that! And I just laughed at him – Dude, you have two kids, you should know how it works. Get over it. I think it is so important to normalize that part of being a woman in the workplace.
etc says
Just wanted to chime in – if you haven’t already, work on getting baby to take a bottle from dad/others now. this will be one less thing to worry about when the big Return to Work day arrives. Also, that paternity leave is enviable. Good luck!!
AnonV says
Thanks everyone for your comments. I’ll probably try mostly pumping during the day and feed baby morning/evening and maybe plan a fixed lunch time feeding session. I pumped quite a bit in the first two months and didn’t really mind it. The schedule is also easier to transfer for those few days where I will be in the office which I expect will gradually increase as the pandemic gets under control (hopefully). Good point about practicing taking a bottle. It took a while to get nursing established so he got a lot of bottles and formula in the beginning but hasn’t had one in weeks so we should probably make sure he still takes it.
Anonymous says
I nursed my older baby while WFH at the beginning of covid, so it is a little different, and he was already on a schedule. I nursed him a total of five times a day at times he was already scheduled. There was some variability, because he often ate right after waking up from a nap. I made sure to eat lunch at around the time of one of the nursing sessions, to reduce the number of interruptions to my day. I expanded my workday to account for the time spent nursing, but my lack of commute made up for the extra time. I don’t think it is unreasonable to get a 4 month old on a schedule. I continued to nurse at least once during the workday until he was 15 or 16 months old, and did not totally wean until 18 months, just because it was easy. I don’t have a lot of meetings, though. I also hate pumping.
Bette says
This is my exact situation right now. I just went back to work two weeks ago. We’re in the US but husband is on three months paid paternity leave (he’s a tenured professor at an awesome small liberal arts college – his parental leave was better than mine from a fortune 100 company!!)
I’m in management and my work day is 80% meetings. Baby is not on a super reliable eating schedule but usually wants to nurse in the same 30 minute windows every day (around 10:30 and around 2 or 2:30). I block off two pumping sessions on my calendar at roughly when we expect baby to want to eat, but I try to book my most flexible meetings (usually 1x1s) around those times so that I have a little wiggle room to end a meeting early or start a little late. I am very transparent about needing time for nursing – feels uncomfortably personal but I believe it’s an important way to normalize working motherhood.
The schedule doesn’t always work out perfectly though so we also use the Baby Tracker app so I can always check and see when baby went down for a nap, how long it’s been since he ate, etc and I can roughly plan “ok he’ll probably need to eat in about 75 minutes” and then I text my husband my window of availability to nurse in that time frame. We also try to pack more calories in with an extra feeding (a short one) during windows of time when I don’t have meetings.
I like doing it this way because those little nursing breaks are such a mood booster! And baby doesn’t eat very well from bottles and pumping was a bigger time suck for me than just nursing. We’ll see if this is sustainable in the long run but for now it’s working really well for us.
Good luck! It’s a little tricky to figure out but I’m so grateful for the chance to keep nursing and see my baby during the day. I got to pop out of any office the other day to see him roll over for the first time and that is something I will also treasure.
Friday says
TW: IVF. Have any of you done IVF knowing you only wanted to have one child?
Pogo says
No, but we did IVF and ended up with many more embryos than we could ever possibly use. I assume you are worried about the same thing? Note that most people end up with only a few and only 1 of those ‘takes’ – I don’t know anyone else IRL who had my problem, but I have PCOS and suffered from OHSS during my stim cycle. I have several friends who started with 4-8 embryos and have one child after all that (not to freak you out, but just to put in some perspective).
OP says
Yes, I should have specified: I’m concerned about having a lot of extra embryos (I realize I’m borrowing trouble but an RE told me a few years ago I have a “huge” egg reserve). I didn’t remember you did IVF, Pogo. Also, OHSS sounds really scary – I’m sorry you went though that. I have PCOS and endometriosis. My endo was treated with excision over a year ago. I am beginning to suspect male factor but we’re having a heckuva time getting him tested during Covid. He’s been tested before and the result was “good not great.” Over the years we’ve done six rounds of IUI (three with one RE, three with the guy who took over his practice). We already have a 4 year old (adopted) so I’m still on the fence about whether I want to pursue IVF but I’m thinking about it.
Anon says
Keep in mind that egg number and egg quality are different, and egg quality declines with age for everyone regardless of how many eggs you have. I was fortunate to have a high reserve when we started IVF at 38, and we still had two cycles where all of our embryos were aneuploid/abnormal, most likely due to my age. Fortunately, we also had three good cycles, and I am typing this while wearing my 15 week old daughter and with many many euploid embroys frozen for when we decide it’s time for baby #2 (Pogo – like you – we have more than we could have imagined and would ever need, and it is a very weird feeling).
Pogo says
Agree w/ the anon above about egg # and quality for sure. Anecdotally I have one friend who ended up with all abnormal or mosaic after her miscarriages (and the miscarriages were good quality embryos that went in; she was young and had a successful pregnancy a few years prior). There are so many factors and you really can’t know ahead of time what will happen.
For both of you re: extra embryos, I encourage you to listen to the Radiolab episode entitled “The Primitive Streak”. It helped me comprehend how embryos are not people in a very scientific way – before a certain day of development (which all IVF embryos are younger than), the cells in the embryo are omni-potential to the degree that the embryo doesn’t even know if it’s one or two embryos at that point (which is how you can get twins even from transferring a single embryo!).
We are not sure on a third at this point so I’m keeping all of mine frozen, but plan to do the easiest scientific donation which is for the clinic itself to use them in practice/testing/calibration/training/etc after which point they would be destroyed. You can coordinate to have them donated for medical research, but that at my clinic you have to do that all yourself.
OP says
Thank you, Pogo. I will listen to this podcast.
Anon says
is this a concern of yours because you wouldn’t know what to do with extra embryos or because you are concerned about having multiples? we weren’t sure if we wanted 1 or 2, got lucky with an IUI and ended up with twins, which made the decision for us and while is definitely the hardest thing i’ve ever done in my life, it is also fun. depending on your reason for pursuing IVF, most doctors these days only implant 1 embryo, so the chance of twins is not like it was 5-10 years ago. if you are concerned about what to do with extra embryos, that is a different story, and if we had done this and had extra we probably would’ve donated them to science or destroyed them.
Anon Lawyer says
I am probably one and done but have two embryos frozen. I’m thinking of donating them to another family. I don’t know that this will happen, but I like the idea of helping another family who is struggling. Assuming one or both “took”, I would probably want to have it be an open arrangement, but not necessarily a close one; just so the kids would have the opportunity of knowing each other.
Public Schools? says
TL/DR: Has the pandemic changed how you think about public education? Do you think it will permanently change the K-12 education landscape in your community?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. I live in a historically very good school district, but it has been all virtual since March 2020 and local government and the district seem happy to keep schools closed at least the rest of this school year under the banner of public health. I know experience has varied widely, so curious to hear thoughts outside my bubble.
I’m very pro public schools. I’m a product of public schools, my mom is a public school teacher, and until 6 months ago, I would have agreed that school choice is Bad because it diverts resources from the public schools, which need to be funded at appropriate levels in order to serve all kids equitably. Competition is not the way to improve public education; if you want to choose a private school, fine, but spend your own money.
I am so unsure about this, now. To be fair, public schools – especially large districts like mine – have logistical challenges that independent schools don’t; maybe that, in itself, is a problem resulting from their near monopoly on public education dollars. If they aren’t able to do well by their students, and if you have to pay to procure a service that the government has committed to providing for free (I spent 20% of our take-home HHI on in-person private school this year, and I struggle with feeling it’s unfair I was able to buy my way out of this problem), you should be able to expect a break on that cost. I recognize that my experience is very different from people trapped in a perennially failing school district, but it’s totally changed how I view that problem. I wonder what will happen to public schools as we know them if well-off suburban parents have a lot more sympathy for the school choice movement.
Anonymous says
No, because our public schools have been great. They opened in early August with a full-time in person option for those who want it (there’s a remote option too) and have stayed open with isolated classroom quarantines here and there. We also don’t have any secular or academically decent private school in our area, so it’s not something I would personally ever consider even if our public schools were a disaster. I totally understand why people in districts like Fairfax are furious at the public schools though. If I were in that kind of district and had a decent private school option I would take it, even though it would make it much harder for us to save for college.
anon says
Ditto every word of this. I think it’s bonkers that so many of you are still dealing with school closures. It can be done, relatively safely. It’s not risk-free but I don’t think public schools get to throw their hands up and just “virtual semi-forever!”
We don’t have good private school options here — only parochial ones whose teachings are not in line with my family’s religious beliefs.
Anonymous says
You’re thoughts don’t even begin to cover the real problem. You have a “good school district.” Most kids in America don’t. The system is already an obscene affront against the ideas of education and democracy.
Buying a house and paying use taxes for a “good school district” artificially inflates the value of your house, artificially inflates your options to sell and fund your retirement and the whole system (probably not the houses) should be burned down.
Sending your kid to a “good school district” is already “school choice”.
OP says
Oh yeah, intellectually I’ve always known public school funding is deeply, deeply flawed. I grew up somewhere with school levies on the ballot every few years. But somehow it still feels different to me after personally experiencing having no good public options. Sure, it was temporary and circumstantial, and as someone points out below it’s not really even the schools’ fault, but it doesn’t matter who’s to blame. It still made me challenge my assumptions and blind spots in a way that being comfortable… doesn’t.
Thanks, everyone for your thoughts, it’s so interesting to read others’ insights.
Anon says
My kids are young – next year they will be in first grade and preK – so we are likely sticking with public schools. I’m not concerned about “academics” and I’m not willing to pay for private school (even Catholic, and I am a devout Catholic). If I had older kids that really couldn’t cope maybe that would change my calculus.
I am growing increasingly frustrated with how our schools are handling this year – they are being very conservative and even though we’re technically hybrid, we’ve been remote about 90% of the time in actuality. But I am still a big believer in public education and in staying in the system to advocate for others with fewer resources. I think there’s a slight chance we would homeschool and find extra curricular activities to give the kids socialization. But in general, I have a negative view of most private education and how it widens the opportunity gap in this country.
Anon Lawyer says
Oh come on, nobody is happy about any of this. I agree parents have been hung out to dry and that’s not ok and has been a disaster. But local governments and districts have been in a super horrible position too. They haven’t been given money to make things safer, we’ve prioritized literally everything over schools (bars, restaurants, etc.) and they’re dealing with parents who take their kids to Disneyland over Thanksgiving and refuse to wear masks just like the rest of us. I don’t agree with anyone saying “don’t open until all kids are vaccinated”; that’s ridiculous and I honestly think it’s posturing in an attempt to get more funds. But the idea that you shouldn’t have to pay for public schools because we had a president who refused to deal with the Pandemic and politicized basic safety precautions which led to disasters for everyone is short sighted and putting the blame in the wrong place .
(And I’m sure the individual teachers who refuse to teach in person but then post about huge parties on FB also suck but again, they are individuals who suck, not the entire system.)
Anonymous says
I think you can place blame on individual districts that are refusing to open, particularly in areas that have controlled the pandemic reasonably well. Certainly there have been major leadership failures at the federal level and in many cases at the state level. Recognizing those higher level failures is not mutually exclusive with also blaming a district that refused to open in the fall when local positivity rates were under 5%, which I understand happened in many places. It shouldn’t take a lot of funds to open schools safely, especially when community spread is not out of control; my district and many others have been operating safely with nothing more than a mask requirement for everyone and spreading the kids’ desks out a little bit.
Anon Lawyer says
I’m 100% on Team Open the Schools but I think the way it all unfolded was more complicated than that. A lot of districts had a lot of teachers threatening to quit – which they can do because the profession has always paid poorly and thus it’s a second income for a lot of families. And they also had a TON of families who said they wouldn’t send their kids. That means that the reduced staffs were going to be doing on-line and in person classes simultaneously. And folks who care about education were worried about the effects of kids being behind plexiglass barriers all day and teachers standing behind theirs, which is what’s happening in a lot of places and is not conducive to elementary school education.
At the same time, you’re constantly seeing contradictory studies (this week alone was one about kids being super spreaders AND CDC studies about schools being safe). And we’ve also seen that positivity rates can flip on a dime – places that were doing fine in October were not doing fine in November.
So while schools should have been open with masks required and while what has happened has been a disaster, I don’t think it was as obvious the whole time – or that schools were acting in bad faith, as seems to be the general assumption here.
Anonymous says
I think you’re being way too charitable to the schools. There was plenty of data by early fall that school could operate safely with precautions. The concern about plexiglass barriers interfering with education is a total strawman – I don’t understand how education behind a plexiglass barrier could possibly be worse than education over Zoom (and I only heard this argument from teachers who were vocally advocating against returning to school because of the risks – despite engaging in other risky behavior – never from parents or unbiased educators). You’re right that the unions have leverage but the schools backed down immediately instead of trying to call their bluff. It seems like in many places there weren’t serious negotiations or attempts to hire temporary, non-union staff. Those seem like obvious first steps if the union is really the obstacle.
Anon Lawyer says
I’ve heard the plexiglass/related barriers to education stuff from people I trust and respect a lot, including parents whose kids are getting depressed attending school under those conditions. Is Zoom better? No, probably not for most kids, but some people think it’s enough better that it’s not worth the risks they see in sending their kids to school or in teaching school in person. And the teachers I know who are vocal about not going back have been very isolated and mostly terrified for their families. I don’t agree with their risk assessment, but I don’t doubt their good motives. And OF COURSE there are jerks out there who are just trying not to work but I feel like that’s being touted as the majority these days and I don’t think that’s right.
Anonymous says
I don’t know that it’s people “trying not to work” but literally all the teachers I know who maintain schools need to be closed for their safety are doing lots of things my family and most of my friends’ families aren’t doing, like dining out, traveling, seeing non-household members indoors without masks on, etc. These people aren’t lazy in general so I don’t think they’re thinking that they lucked into a sweet WFH gig and who cares about the kids (I agree that’s a very small minority). Maybe it’s just poor risk assessment abilities. But there’s a very profound disconnect there between their attitude about classroom safety and their behavior outside of the classroom, and it’s not limited to one or two bad apples, it’s literally almost every person I know in education. The few I know who aren’t in this camp are similarly casual about going out but are at least willing to teach in person.
Anonymous says
Anon @3:45, exactly. Every single teacher I know is complaining bitterly about the risks, then engaging in all sorts of risky behaviors such as dining out, travel, and unmasked gatherings. And they’re all getting vaccine priority, even those who are teaching 100% on line.
Anonymous says
I basically just have a very bad taste in my mouth for public school systems right now. I’m in MoCo. We’re supposed to be one of the best school districts in the country. But they’ve been fully remote and the teachers union are basically holding everyone hostage. Oh and the school administrators earn well over $200K, not to add in teachers pensions, etc…but alas I don’t think we can afford private so we’d be more likely to homeschool than anything else.
Anonymous says
MoCo here, too, and same with the bad taste. I never planned on sending my kids to a private school, but we did it this year for pandemic reasons. I don’t think it matters for my kindergartener, but the smaller class sizes and more personal attention have been a game-changer for my second grader. We are staying with the private school next year because I am pretty worried righting the ship next year will be very messy at our diverse elementary school when a big chunk of the students are almost full grade level behind in learning. I don’t want my son to backslide from his newfound enjoyment of school and confidence in his ability to succeed. We’ll reassess after that.
TheElms says
Bought a house in MoCo because of the excellent public schools and to try to avoid the pressure cooker private schools in the area and I’m so beyond frustrated. The fact that there is a very real discussion about whether K-5 will be in person at all (even hybrid) for next school year (starting in September 2021) is unbelievable. MoCo has been one of the better areas in terms of virus control and limiting community spread so opening schools was definitely achievable. The size of the district has clearly not helped.
FVNC says
Yes. I’m appalled at how our public school district is failing children (it hasn’t opened for any in school classes; we are in a well-funded district in a county that, until the holiday spike, had relatively low numbers and a 2-3% positivity rate; not a hot spot).
At the start of this school year we enrolled our 2nd grader in private school so that she could attend in person, for a several reasons: we relocated over the summer and wanted to give her a chance to meet kids/make friends; we don’t know anyone in our new city who we could “pod” with; online learning last spring was awful and we wanted her to continue to have a positive learning experience; my husband goes to the office everyday (essential worker) and I did not want to supervise school by myself while continue working full time; we won’t live here forever, so we’re not considering this a “forever” cost — when we move again, we’ll likely (but not definitely) go back to public schools. School tuition is very expensive, and I would certainly rather use the money for other things…but it’s been worth it for us. I recognize it’s an incredibly privileged position, but at this point I’m over feeling guilty about it.
Our district’s public elementary schools may go back in person, twice a week, next month; but our county is currently at 8% positivity rate so I’m skeptical.
Interestingly, my husband — who until this year was dead set against private schools and who is entirely a product of public schools (including college and law school) — is far more sour on public schools at this point than me.
anon says
Yes, I live in a neighborhood for a much-coveted Chicago Public School elementary school, so a majority of my friends and neighbors were, pre-pandemic, big public school supporters who chose to stay in the city and chose to send their kids to public school.
This year, everyone who could get into a private school, did, and nearly 100% say they are never going back to the public school, they didn’t realize how much better they would like the private schools, and they are disappointed and disillusioned with the teacher’s union and don’t trust them anymore. All I hear about anymore is backpack funding. I think if the public schools are open in the fall, a lot of the folks who said they “are never going back” will actually go back, but a not-insignificant number are really gone for good and are newly-converted school choice advocates – I think enough to change the conversation.
Anonymous says
This is where we are, only we have not been able to get into a private school. It is just so bleak.
Originally, I figured that I could pay for college or private school but not both. I feel that now, getting them well-prepared for college would have been a better use of $, as each kid has had spotty years in public school prior to the current one. A big issue has been how schools handled long-term teacher absenses (maternity leave generally gets a permanent sub, who may or may not be a good teacher, but will be your kid’s primary teacher if they are in elementary school; other leaves tend to get a different sub every day, which is just a complete disaster that randomly gets inflicted on several classrooms in my kids’ school every year, we had it one year and I feel like we are still remediating math because of it).
I wish I didn’t feel this way b/c I am in a “good” area (so only 25% of kids getting free/reduced lunch vs 75%-99%; kids on grade level largely track poverty #s) in a big SEUS city, so the kids in the bad schools are really in a bad spot. Schools are reluctant to “track” or group by proficiency, so they also tend to teach to the least-prepared and have no differentiation, so this will kick us in the butt when they apply to college along with their better-prepared private school peers.
Anonymous says
In the short run, I think districts that have handled the pandemic poorly will see an exodus of teachers and families with the means to relocate, particularly if nearby districts did a better job. Our district offered an on-line option and an in-person option with no distancing, no enforcement of masking, no ventilation, and masks removed to eat lunch in the classroom <3 feet apart. In both the in-person and on-line programs, advanced programming was cut and the quality of instruction was degraded. There has been rampant in-school spread of the virus, especially on sports teams and among faculty and staff. Teachers in both the on-line and in-person programs have been treated poorly (e.g., no planning time, lunch, or restroom breaks for in-person teachers; on-line teachers teaching two classes at the same time to cover for absent colleagues). Virtually no one is happy, except for an ultraconservative element that does not care about the quality of instruction and is proud that our district is the only one that has stayed open in person and is playing sports.
Neighboring districts have done a far superior job in terms of safety, communication, quality of instruction, and equity. A mass exodus of teachers is expected when contracts expire at the end of the academic year. Our family is considering moving to another district. Until this year, our county was widely considered to have one of the two best school systems in the area, which was a boon to property values. If people move away and/or are no longer willing to pay a premium for the schools, property values and property tax revenues will decline, creating a negative feedback loop that leads to further degradation of school quality.
Boston Legal Eagle says
This is an interesting topic with a lot of layers to it based on the history of this country – everything from systemic racism that kept students segregated and devoted resources to one group, to the continued underfunding of the public system and promotion of private enterprise (for lack of a better term, “Reaganism”). I am in no way an expert of this and don’t have much to add at this point but I’m interested to see how things go with my district when my older kid starts K in September (hopefully all in person!) They did hybrid this year, which I think went ok, and there haven’t been too many cases of Covid transmission at school. I’m a product of mostly public schools, through college, so I support my kids going there, but I know there are issues that I may want to “buy myself out of,” which sounds unfair and awful but I have to look out for my kids.
Anonymous says
The one thing I’ve seen with our city’s public schools is that if you sacrifice your kids and keep them in public schools thinking that if you go and your kids go it will make it better for poor kids trapped in the system, it won’t. There aren’t enough kids with spendy parents to balance out the kids who are English learners, who have parents who don’t speak English, who didn’t start K with the right foundation, who live in a chaotic environment. I feel so bad for kids who want to learn but are surrounded by chaos and by the kids in chaos who need to address that before they can learn and sustain their learning over 13 years, but the presence of me and my kids aren’t enough to change it. I have noted it and am more familiar with it than others who haven’t tried our schools, but all our presence did was expose my kids to a system that feels that because some kids have it worse, they are excused from really trying to teach something to the kids who show up ready to learn.
Parenting podcasts? says
Does anyone have any parenting podcasts to recommend that are particularly helpful, especially with elementary school aged children? I loved Janet Lansbury’s Unruffled, but I feel like my kids at starting to age out of some of her more specific topics, and I really need some inspiration/ advice/ thoughts for life with my nine year old. There are a lot of chatty “in the trenches” type podcasts in my feed, but i’d love more content from parenting experts or educators.
Thanks!
Cb says
Seconding this request. I’d love more research based parenting content.
Anonymous says
Hmm…you could try PedsDocTalk. I think she focuses on little ones but that’s just because she has a toddler. She does interviews etc..
Anon says
Not podcasts, but on Instagram Dr Becky at Home and The Workspace for Children have been recent follows for me and are very good
Boston Legal Eagle says
I haven’t listened to this yet but I’ve read “Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting” recommended. I think right now it’s centering on Covid-specific challenges but it looks like there are some episodes on generally parenting kids.
Keep pumping? says
Building on AnonVs question above, my supply has totally tanked since returning to work at 5.5 months. I am pumping 2x a day but getting a fraction of milk as before. Maybe it’s stress. I dont know. I tried hand expressing after pumping but no improvement. Do I stop? I’ve combo fed with formula since day 1 and baby is a great eater and healthy and I know benefits of BM are only shown up to four months, but I was really hoping to keep going until I get the COVID vaccine and can maybe pass on some antibodies to baby. Can you nurse/pump minimally for months? Is it worth it?
Anon says
so you can nurse/pump minimally for months. there are ZERO rules other than feed your baby something. whether it is worth it is totally up to you. i combo fed with formula from day 1 with my twins bc i never had enough supply, and i had hoped to make it to a year, but ended up stopping around 6 months when my supply really tanked and i just didnt have the energy to keep up with the pumping schedule. if you are only pumping 2x a day and not bfeeding at other times, you’d probably have to add in a pump to increase your supply. definitely not suggesting that you do that, just if you wanted to. there is totally no right vs. wrong and you have permission from this internet stranger to stop if you want
Anon. says
Yes, you can absolutely stop pumping during the day and keep nursing the rest of the time for months. Highly recommend. I dislike pumping but never had huge supply dips so my experience may be different here. With both kids I gave up pumping well before I gave up nursing. With the first I pumped through about 10 months but continued nursing morning and evening through 13. With my second, gave up pumping around 7 months, nursed through 11 months when baby was just no longer interested (she weaned herself completely from even a bottle by 11.5 months).
Pogo says
How old is baby now? I weaned off pumping at 10 months and only fed morning/night. I used a combo of freezer milk, formula and then cow’s milk closer to 1 year, transitioning to full cow’s milk around 1 year. We nursed morning/night until 13 months. Even if you’re at like, 7 months now, I would still give this a shot (minus the cow’s milk at this early stage) and see how far you get! Your body might surprise you and let you keep nursing morning/night while doing formula during the day.
There’s a really good combo feeding resource in the archives.
Baby Feeding Help says
My huge (20+ pound) 9-month old is not a great solids eater. We started with puree around 5.5 months old and he finally got into it around 7 months, eating 2-3 ounces in a sitting. We’ve moved on to thicker stage 3 purees and he’s doing okay, but still doesn’t eat a ton. I began introducing small table foods around 8.5 months and he’s just not a fan. He’ll smush the food and play with it but won’t bring it to his mouth. He’s gagged on the majority of the few items we’ve actually managed to get into his mouth. He’s rejected puffs, Cheerios, yogurt, avocado, sweet potato, squash, and raspberry. At this point, he’ll basically only gum Bamba peanut puffs and will occasionally eat soft pieces of banana or mouth a teething cracker without actually consuming any of it. Yesterday, he started rejecting all pureed foods, but still won’t eat any table foods, either. He’s nursing well and doesn’t seem to be in pain, nor does he have a fever. This is my second kid, yet I feel totally lost here.
I plan to bring it up with our doctor at his 9-month check up next week. I can’t tell if we actually have a problem here (sensory issues, or oral motor skills, maybe?), or if I just need to give him more time. I know BLW is all the rage, but choking is my biggest mom phobia, and I don’t feel comfortable doing that (plus I think we missed the boat, anyway). Any advice or reassurance?
Anon says
ok technically you missed the boat for BLW, bc the purists say that if you ever have spoon fed your child, then it’s not BLW, but i think that’s a bunch of BS and you can start feeding your kid table food whenever. we started with purees for my twins. one of them was so not interested. i also was concerned, especially since Twin B was happy to be spoon fed and eat purees, and I asked the doctor and doctor wasn’t concerned and said some kids take more time. i ended up getting some of those teether type toys that you put food in to help kiddo feed herself, since she still didn’t have the fine motor skills to pick up most things. and over time she began to eat more and more table food. now Twin B is now my pickier one and Twin A eats everything, she just wanted to do it herself.
Anonymous says
I think just give him more time. Solids clicked for my kid around 9 months. My ped was very much “food before 1 is just for fun” and I was grateful for her relaxed approach.
Anon says
That sounds very normal for a 9-month-old. My second child gagged on/refused all purées, and finally I just started giving him table food. Playing with it is part of the process; he will eat it when he’s ready. I wouldn’t stuff food in his mouth or anything trying to make him eat.
I suppose it *could* be a sign of something else, but probably too early to tell. Food before one is for practice.
Anon says
Shredded cheese was a big hit for us (long shreds with a grater, not the chalky bagged stuff). You may also want to consider a vitamin D and iron supplement until he starts eating more (neither are passed effectively/sufficiently through breast milk)
Anonymous says
Kids are just ready at different times. I was totally despairing with my older kid right around 9 months that he would never manage finger foods (same, super strong gag reflex by hat led to so much vomiting) – but he just picked it up when he was ready and was on 100 percent finger foods by 10 or 10.5 months. Our pediatrician said they develop the mouth skills to manage finger foods the same time they develop the pincer grasp. That was true for both of mine- one around 10 months and the other a month or so earlier. To help work on gag reflex, my older child did well with cottage cheese (but just has always had a very strong gag reflex- I could not understand how people did BLW because of THE VOMITING. Then I had another child with a normal gag reflex, ha.)
Anonymous says
None of the BLW babies in our family actually consumed any solids until they were at least a year old, and most were still pretty dependent on BFing for calories for a long time after they started swallowing a little food. At 9 months, the most they would do was to cram food into their mouths until they gagged and either spit the food out or had an adult scrape it out of their mouths. In the pre-BLW days, 8 – 9 months was the earliest you’d see babies start on tiny bits of table foods, and at the beginning it was mostly just play. I don’t think you have too much to worry about at this point.
SF says
My four year old woke up around 3am to use the bathroom…and then just laid in bed awake for the rest of the night. He called for us twice and we went in to try to get him back to sleep. but just laid there for hours. Now I’m worried that this has been going on for awhile because he’s been particularly disagreeable in the mornings (although he was fine this morning).
And my 5 month old decided to talk to himself (happily) for about an hour at 2am. I fed him and he just continued to chat away.
how was your night?
Pogo says
The 5 month old in our house talked to himself for an hour at around 5am. I didn’t even have the monitor on and I could still hear him in there. He has been testing out his falsetto lately and it is HILARIOUS. But not at 5am.
Anon says
Ended work “early” at 9 right around when DD (3) went to bed, watched 2 hours of TV for the first time in about a week and a half (blown away on netflix – so glad season 2 is back) despite being exhausted, finally fell asleep around midnight, woke up at 3 when DD was wide awake crying and scared of the dark (in a 2-nightlight room that’s practically daylight but whatever), stared at the ceiling until 4 with all sorts of anxious thoughts while DD kicked until she got comfortable and DH continued snoring through the kicking, read on my phone until 4:30 and finally fell asleep at 5 to sleep through my alarm and get up at 8:45 for a 9am meeting (thankfully not video). So, I’ll go with excellent.
SC says
My 5 year old didn’t go to sleep at all until 5:30 a.m. and woke up at noon today. He’s home from school with DH. My fitbit app says I got 4.5 hours of sleep.
Spirograph says
My four year old appeared at my bedside around 2 am, announced, “mommy, I’m here to snuggle you” and crawled in bed with me. Having gone to bed at midnight, I was too tired to protest. Somehow, he’d basically pushed me off the side of the bed by 6am, and I have a massive crick in my neck from sleeping in who-knows-what position.
Coach Laura says
For those wondering about the covid vaccine and whether or not to get it if pregnant or considering pregnancy, a new study is out to today in the well respected American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology on maternal covid mortality. It might make one reconsider getting the vaccine before/during pregnancy. I’ll post a link to follow.
Quote: Contracting COVID-19 while pregnant can have deadly consequences for the mother, a new study published today in American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology shows.
The study, which followed 240 pregnant women in Washington state between March and June 2020, found that COVID-19 mortality among them was significantly higher than in similarly aged individuals with COVID-19 who were not pregnant.
Specifically the study found:
Pregnant women with COVID-19 had a 3.5 times higher rate of associated hospitalization than the similarly aged people who had COVID-19 and were not pregnant.
The mortality rate was 13 times higher among pregnant mothers than among similarly aged individuals infected with COVID-19 who were not pregnant. This said, most of the pregnant patients with COVID-19 had asymptomatic or mild infections and healthy pregnancies.
The three women who died of COVID-19 were from minority ethnic groups and had other health conditions such as obesity and hypertension.
Of the 240 pregnant women with SARS-CoV-2 infections, 24 were hospitalized and three succumbed to the virus.
Coach Laura says
Article https://newsroom.uw.edu/news/covid-19-increases-mortality-rate-among-pregnant-women
Original article: https://www.ajog.org/article/S0002-9378(21)00033-8/fulltext
Anonymous says
Yup. Pregnancy is now on the CDC’s list of highest risk health conditions too (things like asthma are on the medium risk list), so pregnant women should be eligible to get it pretty early in many states.
Anon says
Interesting. I just saw that WHO came out saying you shouldn’t get one unless you’re at high exposure risk or have a co-morbidity that suggests severe outcomes, although I was under the impression that pregnancy itself can lead to severe outcomes. We’re TTC, but I have a friend at 20w so this discussion is ongoing in my circle.