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Seraphine is probably most famous for being Kate Middleton’s go-to maternity brand. While Seraphine has you covered for your next royal appearance, they also have some very practical, everyday items, such as their 3-in-1 Maternity Hoodie.
This clever design has stretchy side panels to grow with your bump, a zip-off kangaroo pocket that fits over your baby carrier of choice, and features like a practical hood and pockets that will make you want to wear it long after your baby is talking and walking.
Both my kids were cold-weather babies, and I would have loved to have something like this hoodie during those countless walks around the neighborhood.
The 3-in-1 Maternity Hoodie is $89 at Seraphine.com and Amazon. It’s available in navy and gray, sizes XS–XL.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
I constantly get targeted ads for this. I use a Kowalli cover and it’s warm enough for our half-mile daycare commutes through DC winters
Pogo says
I just wear kiddo in his puffy bunting snowsuit over my own regular jacket.
GCA says
I also used a similar fleece cover (Jolly Jumper), which my husband could also use, and which doubled as a sort of stroller bunting in a pinch. In the interest of space, I’m all for household items that multi-task!
Cb says
I bought the Etsy knockoff and really liked it. My baby hated being bundled up though – snowsuits just made him cry.
Clementine says
I bought just a warm cover that snapped over the carrier itself. It’s been awesome – it also snaps over the carseat. Way better than dealing with a kid who always kicks off blankets.
AnonATL says
Do you or anyone else on here have the Uniqlo cover that was featured here once?
It’s not cold enough here to have a full bunting usually, but his normal fleece outfit isn’t always warm enough.
Clementine says
I have this and would highly recommend it.
https://www.etsy.com/listing/257214836/fleece-baby-carrier-cover-and-hoodie?ref=shop_home_active_15
Trying to do better the 2nd time around says
Please help me make my life easier! We have baby #2 coming in March and I’m fully into the nesting hormones. What have you done to make your household run smoothly on auto-pilot when you had a newborn (also post c-section)? My husband is an amazing partner and helps so much with childcare, but I do the vast majority of the household management. He’s capable but needs direction and works long hours at a big job.
Are subscription services like Grove or amazon subscribe & save worth it?
How do you organize your space so that other people can clean/tidy for you?
We have help (a nanny and grandparents coming) but they need direction.
Anonymous says
For me, it was a lot of just lowering my standards and also accepting that people helping wouldn’t do things the same way I would and that’s ok. Of course, there’s a difference between doing things differently and doing them in a way that does more harm than good. E.g,. my mom cooking us dinner and running the dishwasher was helpful even though she unloaded the clean plates into what I considered the ‘wrong’ cabinet; my mother in law using every dish in the kitchen to make me an omelette and leaving the dirty dishes all over the place was not helpful. My MIL didn’t visit us until baby was over a month old for that reason.
I never found subscribe and save useful because our needs were changing all the time. YMMV (I didn’t have a c-section) but all those hours nursing actually provided plenty of time for household management and doing things like ordering diapers that could be done via my phone. It was the more active stuff I needed help with.
anon says
I HATED that. My in-laws used to come over when DH was traveling to make dinner, and I’d have to clean up the whole kitchen. I’d rather pay for take-out.
Katala says
Flashback to my MIL trying to make her specialty breaded chicken breasts while visiting after my 1st. Burned 3 trays of bread trying to make breadcrumbs, setting off fire alarms, then used our heavy iron skillet to whack that chicken into submission. While the baby was sleeping. In a 1 bedroom NYC apartment. She is definitely on the “visit after a month or two” list!
Anonymous says
Lol!
Clementine says
something that was really helpful was to put post it notes above the kids’ dressers as to the organization ‘system’ (not that top to bottom socks/shirts/pants/pajamas was a hard concept but… there were a lot of questions). I also put post it notes on relevant kitchen cabinets for where the dishes were.
I also would highly suggest getting something for support – something like a belly band just to help your abs heal. A PT friend one day went on a slightly wine-fueled rant about how ‘if you have ANY other muscle that has been all stretched out, you would have SO MANY wonderful options for support, but noooooo. We get either weird corsets or bizarre medical things. After that, it’s something I would have really wanted to use.
Anonymous says
My husband is the laundry putter-awayer in my house and he does not get the socks/shirts/pants/pajamas system no matter how many times I explain it to him.
TheElms says
This is hysterical, but also my husband. Why is this so hard? I totally don’t get it. Also, can’t you just look at what is in the drawer and put like things with like things?
Pogo says
Same! He also is always like, “where are the long sleeve shirts?” First of all, same place they’ve always been. Second, just… look at the items.
Cb says
I lost it one day and labelled all our drawers. It seems to help but also, he can’t tell the difference between tights, athletic leggings, and cotton leggings. Once ended up sleeping pantless in my in-laws house because he had to pack for me and brought tights.
rosie says
I also label shelves. My preschooler helped me with the labeling before #2 arrived. Once, my husband was asking where the burp cloths were and preschooler ran in to show him.
Anon says
agree with the other poster about lowering expectations and realizing things are not going to ‘run smoothly on auto-pilot’ all the time no matter what you do to prep in advance. depending on how you currently feed your family, stock your freezer. and/or if you don’t already do grocery delivery/pickup, consider that or at least consider creating a cart of what you usually order so that you can just re-order without having to think. we used paper plates a lot in the beginning and food that just required being heated in the microwave.
Spirograph says
Congrats! We used subscribe and save for a while, but I don’t think it’s very good for newborns, because, as Anonymous says above, your needs change a lot. Unless you’re paying attention (which defeats the purpose), you will get the wrong size diapers, end up with a million wipes etc etc. (seriously, I still have wipes and my youngest is 4) You *could* use it to autopilot things for your older child or pets if you have them. My best use for it was cat food.
As far as organizing so other people can clean, the post it note suggestion is a good one. I labeled all the kids toy bins with pictures of what belongs in there so the kids will put things back in the right places. Otherwise you kind of have to let it go. I’m picky about things being where they belong, the laundry being folded the “right” way, and which color of towels go in which bathroom, etc but unless you want to make a big How-To list that covers things like that (which might fly with a nanny but grandparents would probably bristle), you have to lower your expectations.
For food, compile easy/well-loved and keep the list handy for other people to shop or cook for you. If you’re really industrious, you could prep some crock pot freezer meals.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Agree with the point that once you have two kids, particularly in the toddler+newborn combo, things aren’t going to run smoothly on auto pilot, and to not set that expectation for yourself as it will just lead to disappointment. You will manage of course but there will be a lot of chaos. I didn’t do subscribe and save – it was more of a click on amazon when I noticed we were low on diapers or otherwise. The next day or two day shipping is great for that (yes, I know the main board will tell you amazon is evil, but in the newborn days, do whatever it takes to make it easier on yourself).
We did send out laundry to a wash and fold place, which was nice. We didn’t have our our own laundry unit at the time though so that may be less useful for you – perhaps a grandparent could do laundry (again, you have to let go of things being folded/put away perfectly for now).
A big thing will be to have grandparents hold and watch the baby during the day so that you can nap, shower or leave the house.
Anonymous says
The best thing I did was majorly decluttering and organizing.
Anonymous says
Also routines! If he’s capable, he shouldn’t need direction on routine chores. Every night, he can load/run/unload the dishwasher, take out recycling/trash as needed, and spray and wipe the counters. Every Saturday morning, he can put all the towels in the wash, and wash, dry, fold, and put away. Talk about it now! If he’s a good guy, he’ll be open to figuring out how to take some of the mental load off you.
Anon says
Just some generic things:
For my second, ahead of time I stocked up on all of the beauty consumables I use (lotion, etc.) so I had at least a couple of back ups of everything for the first few months. Anything that’s slightly harder to order in a normal quantity online. I would do this for my first too, I just hadn’t thought of it.
If you don’t do this already, agreed with suggestions above to have a “home” for every single one of your toys, if others are involved with the pick up, label these. This won’t only help with the grandparents and nanny, but will also greatly help with your kids being able to help clean up throughout life. My kids knew exactly where all toys went from a surprising young age and took that placement surprisingly fairly seriously.
Another thing that I find helpful just for life in general if you don’t do it already, we are an iPhone family and we keep a running grocery list in the “Reminders” app that my husband and I share. When you have #2, you could add your grandparents to it in case they find themselves at the store. This way everyone can be responsible for getting whatever is out next time they are at the store, and even for you if you find yourself out and about with a minute to stop by the store you aren’t kicking yourself because the list is on the fridge. (Obviously that’s for later… unlikely you will find yourself out and about at a grocery store in the first few weeks :)
The second C for me was much easier because you know what to expect. I’m sure you know this, but for me the biggest thing was how you won’t be able to pick up your first for awhile, so if they are an age where they still need picking up for things, make sure you have thought of how the coverage for this will work (sounds like you are covered between the husband, nanny etc).
Good luck!
TheElms says
If the grandparents would like to help feed the family, could you pull together a folder of recipes that you would enjoy and think they could cook? Labeling the cabinets in the kitchen with masking tape helps with finding the right cooking utensils and also helps with clean up.
If grandparents would be supervising older kiddo can you put together some crafts or something your kid likes that they could do together? Or directions to the local playground etc?
TheElms says
I thought of some more things —
I do use subscribe and save. We get toilet paper, paper towels, dish soap, dishwasher soap, laundry detergent, hand soap, hand lotion, dog food, cat food, cat litter, diapers, wipes, and granola bars delivered. Sometimes we have a slight oversupply of these items but that doesn’t bother me and generally we go through these at a pretty consistent pace.
I would make a list of things you normally do, but think you won’t be able to do, with a time frame. That way nanny or grandparent can do the things on the list depending on the time of day. For me this would be:
Morning: make coffee, empty dishwasher, empty dish drying rack, feed pets
Lunch: take dog for a walk
Early Evening: Make dinner, feed pets,
Late Evening: Do dishes/load dishwasher/set it going, wipe high chair/table/ kitchen counters, pick up toys
Pogo says
Agree with post-its. I had post-its that explained how to clean/sterilize the bottles and pumping parts, and for the cat’s stuff. I would also make notes on my phone of things that needed to be done, and then when my mom came over to help, I’d send her the list. Laundry, taking out trash, exchanging dirty burp cloths littered around the house for clean ones, etc.
My dad offered to cook, so I sent him recipes/meal plan and ordered the items he’d need to cook but as others mentioned, he kinda made it harder because he always used a million dishes and didn’t clean that well – we only had him do it once. My husband is a perfectly fine cook and can do all the kid stuff himself, so it was really household physical chores I needed help with when he was out of the house. We also just ordered take out a lot, or people gifted it to us.
Tbh the early newborn days with my second were pretty chill. I wasn’t terrified like I was with my first, the baby slept all the time, and we were able to send our toddler to daycare. Older kiddo was mostly sad I could not pick him up – even though he had just turned 3, with the pandemic and baby arriving he regressed and wanted to be held/picked up by mommy only. That one I couldn’t outsource! I had a v-delivery so by the second day home I could at least lay next to him in bed for books and that was enough mommy comfort.
AwayEmily says
Toddler wakeup woes. My 3yo has always had tough nights. He had a ton of night terrors when he was younger, and though those have abated, he still wakes up a couple times a night with bad dreams/sadness, sometimes fully and sometimes partially. About 50% of the time he whines a little and then goes back down on his own, but the rest of the time he needs a quick consoling pat on the back. It’s really hurting my own sleep and I am not really sure how best to help him. Ideas? He currently shares a room with his sister but I’d be happy to move him to a different room for a bit if necessary for a hard reset.
Pogo says
No idea if mine just started growing out of it or if this actually helped, but he made himself a little pillow fort/nest and burrows down into it. Originally started with him pretending to be a bird or a bear (so it was either a nest or a den), but I think he likes the safety of all the pillows and there is a weighted blanket aspect to it, plus it keeps it darker for him (he still requires the hall light on & door open – he would not agree to a nightlight of any kind, not bright enough, and I couldn’t help but think that was not the most conducive to his sleep; but I get he likes the security of being able to see if he wakes up). So maybe offer to help him build a pillow nest to keep him safe and cozy? Knock on wood I don’t think I’ve had to go in his room for a few weeks now (prob jinxing myself).
Realist says
Sometimes a magnesium supplement can help. The “calm” gummies say age 4 and above but maybe you could check with the pediatrician or cut one in half. They also have liquid magnesium supplements you can mix in juice and it is really easy to control the dose to what you are comfortable with. If you at all think that uncontrolled inflammation could be an issue with your kid (allergies, asthma, rashes, etc), it can be worth cutting out the most common inflammation producing foods to see if that helps with sleep. It usually takes 2 weeks to see a difference. If that sounds like something you would try, I would start with eliminating gluten, eggs, cow milk, nuts, possibly corn. If it works, add each thing back in with 2 week spacing to narrow down the culprits.
AwayEmily says
Thanks to both. A friend of mine has had great luck with magnesium so maybe we will try out it. and Pogo, we are actually getting the kids a bunk bed next week so that might be a great opportunity to try your pillow-nest idea.
anon says
My just turned 5 year old will. not. listen. I realize that this is a very typical 5 year old behavior and will likely improve over time, but in the present it’s super frustrating (have to ask her 50 times to do something that she can/should do on her own like getting dressed) and sometimes dangerous (doesn’t stop to stay with us when crossing street or takes off while we are on a walk). Mornings have become super aggravating (I’ve tried a timer but that hasn’t helped at all because she just plays until the timer runs out!). And with the taking off issue, we end up yelling at her and then she starts crying and just turns into a mess. Also this carries over into other activities, too, like we got her a bike for her birthday but whenever we take her out to practice, she gets super distracted and doesn’t pay attention to where she’s going. Any tips to help address any of this?
AwayEmily says
This three-step process doesn’t address all the situations you outlined but works for us for many of them:
1) Give a two-minute warning. So, “in two minutes you will have to go upstairs and get dressed.”
2) Immediately after giving the two-minute warning, get explicit verbal agreement. We usually say “Got it?” and then require her to say “got it.” If she seems extra distracted, I’ll say “so, tell me again what you are going to do in two minutes.”
3) When the two minutes are up, tell her and offer a choice. “Okay, it’s been two minutes, time to get dressed. Do you want to go upstairs by yourself, or with me?” or “Okay, it’s been two minutes, time to clean up. Do you want to be in charge of the blocks or the stuffed animals?”
Anonymous says
Techniques above are good. Will not help in the moment, but I would also speak to her pediatrician about these problems and the process for getting a formal ADD evaluation. If these are recent changes it is probably just a phase but it can take a long time to get evaluated and it’s better to be on the waitlist and cancel because the phase has passed.
Spirograph says
Yes, OP’s description sounds like my ADHD kid. My non-ADHD kids go through phases where they don’t have their listening ears affixed well enough, but it’s very, very consistent with him.
AwayEmily’s techniques are probably sufficient for non-ADHD. One that I’ll add if you need something extra:
4. Physically touch your child when you are talking to her and giving her instructions. Put your hand on her shoulder, and say, “it is almost time to stop, you have two minutes until X” and then when two minutes are up, touch her again and say “now it’s time to stop, and do X” etc etc
anon says
What age did your ADHD kid get diagnosed? I’ve wondered about this for my 4yos who seem to get much more distracted than their peers (aka putting on shoes is a 10 minute process because there are so many other things to look at, poke, talk about, etc), but haven’t been sure if it’s just normal preschooler behavior or signs of something else.
Spirograph says
A little delayed because of pandemic, but he was 7. We were fairly certain before then because of family history and the obviousness of the behaviors, but our pediatrician recommended against screening before first grade, since K is a big transition and pre-K willfulness comes in waves.
I will say though, that distractibility in terms of getting side-tracked was not the symptom we were concerned about at 4-5. Lots of young kids are easily distracted because everything is still new and interesting. At that age, the tip off was his inability to regulate his emotions and the fact that he didn’t seem to notice when I talked to him (I was worried about his hearing before I better understood ADHD!).
Anonymous says
Have you had an ADD eval done? I’m not the OP but I have an extremely strong willed 4.5 year old girl that I’m starting to wonder about. I have two other girls and her behavior is so, so different. She wouldn’t even watch TV until 3.5 (but now is fine). She does well when 1:1 with an adult but gets easily frustrated and will often act out. She also has (and has always had) major sleep issues.
She’s also the middle of 3 girls and young for her grade and oh BTW it’s a pandemic. So it could just be personality + environment more so than genetics.
Anon says
My 5.5yo is very similar. He is in Kindergarten this year (some virtual some in person) and I think all the changes have only made it worse.
Honestly I think 5 is a hard age in the best of times, but it’s just so much worse now. Five is when kids start to understand deeper meanings and the “whys” behind everything, it’s when they start to grasp other points of view, it’s when they have true friends and can articulate feelings, and it’s when they’re learning a ton of concepts like reading and math and community. I can’t imagine how all of that feels when you’re in the middle of a pandemic with stressed parents/ teachers and constantly changing routines and school that doesn’t match any of the books or TV shows. As an adult, I’m having focus problems during the day and I’ve had about 35 more years of practice at it than he has.
I’m trying to extend a TON of grace given the above. I help him do a ton of his morning routine: sit with him while he gets dressed and brushes teeth, get breakfast ready for him (instead of him pouring cereal and milk), etc. I hold his hand on walks, make sure to have conversations about his days, spend extra 1:1 time with no distractions, etc. Basically treat him like a more articulate 3 year old, and be his safe place as much as I can. He has an older sister so sometimes it’s hard to be SUCH an active parent to both of them again, but I can’t imagine how scary the world is for those 4-9 year old kids right now.
Anonymous says
For getting ready, in the beforetimes we had a rule that our son could do screentime AFTER he finished eating breakfast and getting dressed and ready to go. This solved a lot of problems, although not the shoe issue since we would wait to do those until we were actually leaving. But you could require shoes too up front. If you don’t do screentime, maybe make the rule no playing until she is ready. At bedtime, we do stories after he is ready, and if it takes him too long to get ready, there is less time (or no time) for stories.
For things that are dangerous, I think you need immediate, strong consequences. Warn her in advance of what will happen, but then follow through.
For the bike, that sounds normal. You just have to pick a safe spot for practice.
Boston Legal Eagle says
We have a similar rule for bedtime – i.e. if he has a bath with minimal splashing, brushes his teeth and puts his pjs on, then there is lots of time to play and then stories. If he drags, then it’s no playtime and limited stories. Is this a threat? Maybe, but I’ve found it more or less effective with my strong willed almost 5 year old. Morning is a different story as he’s watching TV while having breakfast and putting on clothes, so there is lots of opportunity for him to drag, but we’re also less time constrained right now so it’s not a battle we’re fighting.
So Anon says
Can we talk about general exhaustion and fatigue from the pandemic? I don’t mean people slowly easing their precautions after a year, but genuinely feeling exhausted and fatigued from the relentlessness of the situation. As we approach the anniversary of the first lock-downs, I am exhausted from trying to continue to work and parent and teach all of the times. I don’t want to be a downer and am generally an eternal optimist, but it feels like the end-line of this pandemic is forever just out of sight. I want to plan the summer as something to look forward to, but I have no idea what to plan (can we go anywhere for a vacation? summer camps?). And, as a single mom, I just feel at my breaking point with no ability to break and no end in sight. I’m still getting up and doing all of the things, exercising, and making the best of the situation, but man, this is relentless.
Spirograph says
I’m with you on just feeling worn down by the relentlessness, and huge props for getting through this as a single mom. We’ve all found out that we’re more resilient than we realized this year. I can’t believe it’s been almost a year since the lockdowns. March 6 was our last day of school; I remember I cried listening to the state superintendent of schools announce it. I would have cried a lot harder if I’d realized it would go past the end of last school year.
You can and should plan something, though — having anything to look forward to will break up the groundhog day feeling and boost your mood. We have a couple weekend trips in the coming months, and just booked our summer beach rental. All driving, all with outdoor activities that aren’t significantly different from what we do at home (except the beach, obviously), but at least it will get us a change of scenery, and anticipation of a break from my house is getting me through the days right now.
Anonymous says
There is no reason why you can’t plan a summer vacation! You could have last summer! Pick a place you’d like to go, that you can drive to, and book a house.
anne-on says
Yup. I’m trying to do all the things I can (exercise, lower my standards, eat as well as I can, etc.) but I have a chronic health issue that is exacerbated by stress and it has been flaring over the last two weeks (while work is at a super busy point) and I am just done. I am SO sick of the never ending deadlines, with lip service paid to companies caring about us but not actually ramping down work to accommodate the reality of parents just being flat out at capacity.
I would like a mental health snow day where my work magically gets done so I don’t just come back to a BIGGER pile of stuff to do please. And a live in housekeeper who also magically keeps my house in order, manages the kid stuff, and politely disappears into his en-suite quarters at night. Please and thank you.
No Face says
This is the topic on NPR’s The Takeaway this afternoon. The host is a single mom too.
Anon. says
I am having this day too. Literally zero helpful advice but 100% commiseration. I’m done and it’s making me cranky and I don’t like it.
avocado says
Right there with you on the monotony and exhaustion. My WFH space is in my bedroom, so I spend 16+ hours a day in the same room and it’s getting really old. We are so fortunate in so many ways that I don’t feel like I really have much right to be tired and angry, but I am. Especially about school, and about all the relationships that will never be the same because 2020 revealed just how ignorant and selfish many of our friends and family members are.
BabyBoom says
Yaasss. I feel all of this. It is also coupled with growing unrealistic expectations from work which are a combination of 1) people thinking we are 1 year in so remote work should be more normal, and 2) the piling on of things that were once delayed due to the pandemic but now we are just going to start doing them – all at once.
I did book a beach trip for this summer. It’s a house we can drive to and honestly I would feel comfortable doing it now – so I assume I will feel comfortable doing it this summer (when cases are hopefully lower). I absolutely could not get through this without having a break planned. I’m starting to try and think if there are any other lower risk activities that I can plan. For example, there is one outdoor day camp that I would like to sign the kids up for. I think you need to give yourself permission to plan something to look forward to. Maybe not Disney. But unless you have to fly, I think a beach trip should be doable?
I am also refusing to lean into the negative talk that schools may not be open in the fall. I mean it might not happen, but I refuse to borrow that worry (for now).
I think the psychological cost of all this uncertainty is just very high. Coupled with something that is stressful and exhausting in non-pandemic times (single parenting), I really admire you for holding it all together.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I feel this right now too. The constant worrying about whether we’re doing enough to both prevent the virus from spreading and also preserving our own mental health and the wellbeing of our kids (and often these conflict with staying home all the time!) is a lot. And the fact that everyone keeps saying this will be a terrible winter and that these variants are spreading is not helping. I should probably go back to avoiding daily news for now. I’m also still feeling grief over everything that happened last March with the shutdowns and sudden work from home and I don’t know that I’ve fully processed it yet because I still feel like I’m in crisis mode and working and parenting still had to continue. There are people at work who get it, and those who don’t and the ones who don’t seem to just expect everyone to bury themselves in work without addressing the traumas that people have suffered. And I know that I am more privileged than many, but I also know that this is a hard time for me. Both of these can be true.
A big part of me is also realizing that a lot of parents (mostly moms) are getting pushed out/sidelined out of the workforce, and it’s not our choice and isn’t fair, and that this is just a huge setback for working women (not to mention the injustice of disproportionate deaths among people of color who are more likely to be on the front lines). In my darkest moments, I just don’t know how to solve this when this is yet another barrier put up against us, in a society that was built purposefully with barriers in place.
Anonymous says
Check out this time capsule from a year ago: https://time.com/5766787/women-workforce/
“Women Are Now the Majority of the U.S. Workforce — But Working Women Still Face Serious Challenges”
Little did that writer know just how much bigger those challenges were going to get.
AwayEmily says
Yes, you exactly verbalized a lot of what has been running through my mind at night when I can’t sleep.
Realist says
+1
Anonymous says
Re: vacations – We went to nearby AirBnBs over the long weekend in October and at Christmas, and those breaks were really nice and nice to look forward to. It is just nice to be somewhere new. We live in NYC and visited more rural areas. We ate basically all our meals in the house, and brought most of the groceries with us, so we were just going for hikes and bike rides, and it was easier to stay away from people than on walks around our neighborhood. Honestly I also really like being away from the house because then I am not looking at my to do list of things that need to be cleaned, repaired, gotten rid of, etc all day. My son enjoyed screentime in a different place. It was worth it to me!
FWIW, I work for a theater and am still holding out hope for more normalcy and reopening in the fall. I’ll grieve later if I need to.
Anonymous says
I hear you. My husband had some conferences that were going to be family vacations in 2021 and they’re already starting to get canceled. It’s not a surprise of course but it’s still hard and reminds me of when this all began with the summer 2020 conference cancellations. I’m trying to mostly plan stuff that I expect we won’t have to cancel, so outdoor activities for the kids, trips to the nearby lake, vacations that consist of driving and Airbnbs, hanging out with my parents (after they get the vaccine), going to the pool/zoo/local farm. Then I have a few “reach” things that will likely happen if DH and I can get the vaccine and may happen even if we don’t but numbers are low enough, like dining outdoors at a restaurant or a short flight to visit my best friend’s family. I think I need a balance of having something to possibly look forward to without getting my hopes too high.
Anon says
I have no advice, just empathy and commiseration. I’m usually an eternal optimist, but my optimism is fully depleted at this point. Last week, after the kids went to bed, I just sat down on the floor and started crying because it feels like this is never going to end. Logically, I know that’s not true, but my brain has lost the ability to imagine or conceptualize post-pandemic life. I’m exhausted from crushing demands at work, from constant parenting and no outlets or escapes, and from having to keep my house clean with all of us in it all the time and no housekeeper. It just feels like this is how we live now. And then I feel guilty and overdramatic for feeling so hopeless and sad, when my life is so privileged in so many ways.
Anonymous says
Get a housekeeper! This is an objectively hard season of life but I feel like some of the things that people are complaining about, like having no household help, is a choice. There’s no prize for pandemic-ing better than everyone else. I mean, sure, don’t be the a-hole that throws an indoor wedding for 250 right now, but some level of risk is necessary to preserve mental health.
Anon says
Thanks. I would love to bring our housekeeper back but my husband feels differently (yes, this is the biggest source of conflict in my marriage right now). He’s stepping up to do more but we have different definitions of “clean”.
NannyQ says
I need a reality check – and some suggestions for a solution. I’m not sure if our expectations are reasonable. Our nanny is supposed to start at 8am. To me, this means take over childcare at 8am. She sometimes arrives 2-3 minutes after 8am. This is a problem on days I work onsite (and leave before 8am) because my husband has a team check-in meeting every day that starts 8am, making a post-8am arrival disruptive. We are very good about her quitting time; she usually leaves about 5-10 minutes early. Should we talk to her about it? Ask her to change her start time (and pay her from) 7:45am?
No Face says
My first thought is to just make your expectation clear. “When we said 8am, we meant taking over childcare at 8am, not arriving at 8am.” But seeing as how your husband has an 8am meeting everyday, shifting to 7:45 makes more sense.
Anonymous says
Not reasonable at all. You need her to arrive at 7:45, you need to communicate that to her, and you need to pay her for that time.
CCLA says
Yeah you need a 10-15 minute paid overlap. Not because she should be several minutes late every day, but because it’s unrealistic to have a 0-minute handoff.
NYCer says
+1. I find it nearly impossible to have a 0-min handoff. Maybe every once and a while, but certainly not every day. I would ask her if she can come at 7:45 am and pay her for that time.
Anon says
I would have her start at 7:45 and pay her for it. Even if she arrives at 8AM on the dot it still seems like it’s cutting it too close for an 8AM meeting. Starting at 8AM to me means arrive at 8AM.
anon says
yes, back when I did shift work and we were expected to be “on the floor” at 7:00 when the shift started, we could clock in as early as 6:45. If your husband needs to be on a call at 8am and you need to leave before 8am, you need her there no later than 7:45, so communicate that and pay her for it.
anon says
On the bike issue, I would suggest that she’s just not that mature yet. My almost 5 yo has similar issues and will forget to steer. It will come.
As for getting ready, with my kids it
really helps to set expectations up front. We’ll cuddle in bed first thing in the morning and I’ll tell her my expectations (dress, breakfast, teeth, shoes, etc). I’ll also propose some fun aspects if we stay on track, e.g., putting her favorite song on in the car if we’re not running late or a favorite hairdo, etc. Setting expectations seems silly when it’s the normal routine, but it really helps.
Little things to look forward to also help smooth the routine. Toothpaste with princesses on the front. Her favorite dress. Silly hair. Flashy shoes. A matching hair ribbon. Choosing a silly mismatched outfit. A favorite fruit at breakfast. A treat in her lunchbox. We’ll also sometimes do the whole routine in character, as pirates or princesses or monsters. It’s exhausting to come up with something new, but gets the job done without yelling.
Anonymous says
You need childcare help coming at 7:30-7:45 if you need to be door closed/logged in at 8am. Paid. That’s like pulling into daycare dropoff at 8am when you have an 8am call.
Anon says
Our nanny comes over at 7:30 to allow for a transition/handoff before I start my workday at 7:45-8 AM. You need to clearly communicate that change and pay for her for the time.
Pikler says
Sort of related to the discussion yesterday about winter activities, has anyone purchased a pikler triangle? I have a super active 2.5 year old boy and a young baby so outside time in the freezing temps is sporadic on weekends. I’m considering getting a pikler triangle that comes with a climber too. It’s a set of 3. Right now, my kid spends every evening after daycare basically running laps around my basement. So I thought a climber could channel some of that energy. But these things are expensive and he does have one at daycare … so not sure whether it’s worth it. I’m just struggling entertaining him indoors evenings and weekends while also dealing with a baby. We’re also getting an outside playground installed in the spring. But live in a place with long winters and rainy seasons. And I have 2 boys. Someone local makes these climbers for $275. Should I go for it?
Anonymous says
https://www.amazon.com/Little-Tikes-First-Slide-Blue/dp/B008MH5H4M/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=indoor+slide&qid=1611680353&sr=8-3
I don’t see any reason why a pikler triangle is worth fully $200 more than this.
Anonymous says
+1. We had that slide and used it in our NYC apartment until our son was 5 or 6. It folds for storage, and is light and cheap.
Anon says
this is hands down the most used item in our home with our 2.5 year old twins. we got it about a year ago, but i wish we’d gotten it sooner. we did also just get a nugget which is getting a lot of use
Anan says
I will say these get snapped up super fast when posted for sale on my local parents’ listserv, so if you think it might be a good idea and it’s not a huge investment for you, you can probably get rid of it quickly and recoup some cost if it doesn’t work out. That said, there are definitely cheaper alternatives out there.
Anonymous says
Honestly, if I had a do over I would get a pikler triangle and a nugget. We just got our nugget 2 weeks ago and it’s been a life saver. My kids just spent 45 mins doing some hard core activity getting energy out climbing and sliding down the thing. If you order now the nugget is back ordered, but yes I would get the pikler triangle. Then you can do all sorts of fun configurations with the nugget.
Anon says
+1 on the nugget. Awesome for active kids
Anonymous says
We got one at the beginning of lockdown (almost 1 year ago now, wow) for our 2 year old and it hasn’t gotten much use. She enjoys climbing at playgrounds but just isn’t into the triangle for whatever reason. I wouldn’t invest in it if I had to do over again, since it was so expensive. It can find one used it might be worth it.
Anonymous says
I’d consider a gymnastics bar or parallel bars instead (like dip bars). They can be adjustable in height and used from 2.5 up through elementary school. My very tall first grader and 2 year old are both actively using our parallel bars daily (tall cushion underneath for 2 year old).
gym mom says
Most gymnastics coaches would discourage the purchase of home gymnastics equipment beyond a floor beam and panel mat, and strictly limit the skills allowed. A pull-up bar for conditioning (but no swinging!), parallettes for handstand work, and a floor bar for pirouette work for older kids are also generally OK. Some coaches are also fine with mushrooms for boys, but others don’t want the additional strain on young wrists. Home bars especially are not very stable, and kids can develop terrible habits that are hard to break from practicing skills at home.
Anonymous says
I mean, we have dip bars the kids climb on, hang from, and play around on similar to how they’d play at a playground on bars. This isn’t any kind of formal gymnastics and so why would we worry about habits? Strictly get the wiggles out type activities for kids who would outgrow a pikler triangle. I appreciate the thought but I don’t think most parents of tiny children are planning any kind of actual gymnastics skills being performed at home (or ever) ?.
Erik Brokovich says
Can anyone recommend a 10 or 12-oz mug that has a lid on it but no handle? I’m looking for something to keep coffee warm and not spill on a baby. I bought a Yeti rambler but it sucks – it leaks/I dribble every time I take a sip and I find the handle is somehow always in the wrong place (as in, I set it up to drink with my left hand but end up needing it in my right or vice versa). TheDailyTay posted one in her IG stories a while ago, but I didn’t save it. TIA
TheElms says
The Contigo Autoseal one is great for this. It closes automatically when you take your finger off the button. That way you can’t forget to close it. I’ve never had it leak in 2 years.
TheElms says
https://www.amazon.com/Contigo-AUTOSEAL-Vacuum-Insulated-Stainless-Travel/dp/B07HHVQ46H/ref=asc_df_B07HHVQ46H/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312075029933&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=3971563959020991494&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9061285&hvtargid=pla-627209165407&psc=1
anon says
I received one of these for a gift and was surprised by how much I like it. It’s become my travel mug of choice.
CCLA says
cosign, and ours are like 5 years old with no leaks ever
Anonymous says
Another vote for this contigio. They never leak, and the drink will stay hot for hours, even if you forget to bring it in from your car in the winter.
FP says
I received the: Coleman Sundowner Insulated Stainless Steel Rocks Glass, 13oz as a swag gift and it’s great. It has a rubberized bottom so it doesn’t slip. I copied that title from Wal M*rt, but I’m sure you can find it many places.
Anonymous says
I like the Hydroflask tumbler.
Anon says
Is it worth renting an airbnb this summer for our 2 and 4 year Olds? It’s by a lake but there’s not much else drivable where we live and not sure if it would be remotely relaxing. Likely not, but wondering if taking a trip is worth the effort. Last trip we did was a kid friendly resort when kids were 5 months and 2.5 and it as a disaster, lots of 2 year old tantrums due to off schedule, baby woke up constantly, we were so tired and worn out.
Anonymous says
Arent you bored out of your mind of your house?
CCLA says
The lake might give me pause if it were accessible out the backyard or similar because of water safety at that age, which would just stress me out, but I wouldn’t discount that a trip in general at that age could be relaxing. We took our 2 and 4 yo cabin camping this year and it was great (and, despite the spartan accommodations, way more relaxing than when we took them to a fully stocked house in the mountains at ages 1 and 3…that one year older made a BIG difference). Sure, it was more work and less relaxing than if we had gone sans kids, but they loved the new scenery, slept hard, played together a lot near us but without us, and we all enjoyed getting away from our default weekend routine.
No Face says
“Relaxing” is not how I describe trips with little ones! I like renting houses with the intention of living our same lives (same schedule, still cooking meals), but somewhere else with a view.
Anonymous says
yes, yes, a million times yes. Honestly, I don’t know how my parents did vacations for our family of 5 without Airbnb, it makes trips so much better. Having separate bedrooms and living spaces, kitchen to do quick easy meals and snacks, if you’re driving you can basically have all of the conveniences of home that make wrangling young kids a little smoother. And the house itself is a destination as far as my kids are concerned — they get super excited about looking at all the rooms, peering in all the cupboards, etc etc.
Anonymous says
We’ve done it successfully. First, it’s relocation, not vacation. Reset your expectations. It can be relaxing in that your to-do list of home isn’t staring you in the face. Our key pieces at that age were outside space next to the rental so you can sit outside with a book and chill while kids are napping. (Or one kid can play outside while the other was napping. Or you and partner can relax outside of the rental in am or pm.). Beach works well for us—kids had life vests on at all times, and digging in the sand went on forever. We planned out and packed food, as we didn’t want to spend the whole trip back and forth to the grocery or restaurants (small towns have fewer delivery options), plus didn’t want to be in a second-rate kitchen any more than necessary. First time we did it, it was too remote, toddler peed in the bed every night, and we didn’t have laundry. Spouse went to the laundromat many times that week. But we plan better now. Mine are 6 and 8, and we’ve been doing it annually for at least 5 years. It can be refreshing.
We are ready to do more and get on a plane, but with Covid we’re just continuing what we’ve done—easy drive and easy to stay outside and away from other people.
anon says
so we rented an air bnb this past summer for a few nights with our then 2 year old twins and we had some sleeping issues, but otherwise it was fun, though honestly only bc we had a grandparent there as an extra set of hands. i don’t have a 4 year old yet, but for me staying in a non-childproofed location with two two year olds is very stressful and given all the work that goes into planning and packing, it would probably be more relaxing to stay home.
Katala says
I hear you that a trip won’t be fully relaxing with a 2 and 4 year old. But I think a change of scenery is still helpful for everyone. To me, a kid friendly resort isn’t that friendly to babies/toddlers – e.g., sharing a room all together, not having extra linens etc. quickly accessible, not having food/drinks in your room or if you do, not a great place to prep a snack or wash up, clubs/activities are generally geared towards at least 3+ if not 5+. I can’t wait to try one again when my kiddos are a little older. Air bnb is much better for those ages, with a kitchen, laundry (hopefully!) and separate rooms.
If you can, try going for long enough that they’d get on a routine at the new place. If 2 weeks were possible, your second week would be much better with everyone settled in and used to sleeping in the new place.
Anonymous says
I think it’s worth it. We did “drive and stay in an Airbnb” trips in July and December and really enjoyed them, especially the December trip where we drove all the way to Florida from the Midwest, so it was a real change of scenery and temperature. Our last pre-lockdown trip was a resort in Mexico with an almost 2 year old in December ’19 and it was not relaxing at all. The resort was really slow at serving in restaurants, so meals took 1-1.5 hours and kiddo was just over it after 10 minutes, so we ended up basically having to take turns eating and not sharing a meal together for the entire trip. Covid aside, my husband has decided Airbnbs are way more relaxing and now he wants all our trips to be that way. I definitely don’t agree, I miss hotels and resorts a lot and as soon as we’re vaccinated I want to return to one, but I definitely think the Airbnbs are worth it for a safe travel option in Covid times.
Anonymous says
My motto for vacation with young children is “it’s never relaxing, but we always have a good time”. To me a change in scenery is always worth it. We’re going to the beach this summer with a 4yo and a 2yo.
AwayEmily says
YES! I think you are past the truly awful stage. Vacations are so tough with babies because sleep is EVERYTHING and so when it’s disrupted the whole day goes to hell. But at this point they are a bit more flexible. This summer we did a lakefront house rental with my (then) 2.5 and 4.5 yo kids and it was legit magical.
Anonymous says
It depends on your kids, your plans and your lodging set up I think. I actually found 0-18 months a *much* easier age for travel than 2, but my kid was good at sleeping in hotel rooms if we got her a quiet, dark area (which we did by splurging on a suite or putting her PNP in the bathroom). Around 18-24 months they start getting opinionated and not wanting to sit still for meals and things like that. It makes travel more fun in a sense, because they’re so much more engaged with what you’re doing, but it also makes it harder to have an adult-centric vacation because you really have to cater to their interests and wants in a way you didn’t before. With a baby vacations didn’t really feel that different to me than pre-kids vacations except we had to bring a lot more stuff (so. much. stuff.) We traveled a ton, including internationally, with an infant and toddler and our hardest and most stressful vacation by far was our last pre-pandemic trip when she was almost 2. I’ve heard from a lot of people that 2 is a really hard age for travel.
AwayEmily says
Fair point, I agree that 2yos are terrible at being in restaurants or museums or airplanes. I was assuming that the OP was considering a drive-to-a-lake-house vacation rather than a “doing adult things” vacation. I also think taking a 2yo on the latter type would be difficult.
Anonymous says
Even in a lakehouse with minimal plans, I think the “running and climbing everywhere but still needs to be watched like a hawk to make sure they don’t kill themselves or destroy property” stage that many 2 year olds are in can be very hard. We did a couple low key trips like that this summer and fall and although they were less stressful than our last pre-pandemic resort trip, they were less relaxing than the trips we took with a baby, even the ones that involved airplanes. Definitely depends on the 2 year old though and am willing to believe I have a zanier-than-average one :)
Anonymous says
At age 2.5 we found a vacation home much more challenging than hotels. A hotel room is pretty small and the furniture and TV are usually well secured and not likely to tip over. Bring a few outlet covers and you’re all set. A vacation home offers much more unchildproofed space for kiddo to roam, and I never felt safe leaving kiddo alone in a vacation home bedroom with blind cords, unsecured dressers, etc. so we always ended up having her sleep in our bedroom. The constant vigilance is absolutely exhausting. Add stairs, a loft, and/or water access, and it becomes even more stressful.
Anonymous says
3:29 makes a good point, but you *can* find child friendly vacation houses. Especially with Airbnb, we 1. filter by family friendly, 2. check pictures thoroughly for potential hazards (and brought mitigating controls like baby gates for stairs), and 3. communicate with the hosts to ask about other stuff. We veto places that have a bunch of fragile-looking decorations or where the hosts are not reassuring. When we arrive, I do a sweep for blinds cords, unstable furniture, etc, and fix what I can or mentally mark which rooms need supervision.
The lake would worry me more than any indoor hazards for a 2 and 4 year old, I would want to be very sure that they could be physically prevented from getting to it.
AwayEmily says
Yeah, I think I have pretty cautious kids overall so YMMV. Also, maybe I am just overprotective but I feel like “constant vigilance” is required for a 2yo whether you are in a hotel room, vacation house, cabin, or resort. They’re just little nutcases. Personally I’d like to exert constant vigilance somewhere OTHER than my home for a week or so in the summer, but I can imagine that if your toddler is especially reckless, just staying home might be the best choice!
Anonymous says
I’m the Anon at 3:09. You need to make sure your kid doesn’t hurt themselves regardless of where you are, but I feel like I can be less vigilant about property damage at least when I’m in my own home. When I’m in Airbnb especially I really worry about my kid pulling something breakable off a shelf or something like that. I wasn’t saying vacations with 2 year olds can’t be a fun change of scenery. We still take them (and we stay in Airbnbs since Covid); my point was more just that personally I found the 0-18 month age range easier and more relaxing to travel with since they nap more and aren’t as active and opinionated.
Anon says
On the bike issue, I would suggest that she’s just not that mature yet. My almost 5 yo has similar issues and will forget to steer. It will come.
As for getting ready, with my kids it
really helps to set expectations up front. We’ll cuddle in bed first thing in the morning and I’ll tell her my expectations (dress, breakfast, teeth, shoes, etc). I’ll also propose some fun aspects if we stay on track, e.g., putting her favorite song on in the car if we’re not running late or a favorite hairdo, etc. Setting expectations seems silly when it’s the normal routine, but it really helps.
Little things to look forward to also help smooth the routine. Toothpaste with princesses on the front. Her favorite dress. Silly hair. Flashy shoes. A matching hair ribbon. Choosing a silly mismatched outfit. A favorite fruit at breakfast. A treat in her lunchbox. We’ll also sometimes do the whole routine in character, as pirates or princesses or monsters. It’s exhausting to come up with something new, but gets the job done without yelling.
FLAnon says
My five-year-old has taken to ordering his three-year-old sister around or just generally terrorizing her whenever he is bored, hungry, lonely or otherwise cranky and prone to acting out. We are working to manage all of those conditions to minimize this behavior, but do any of you wise ladies have in-the-moment solutions for addressing the behavior that I’m not thinking about? We generally follow the principles in No Drama Discipline, helping him to find a safe place to calm down, then reinforcing that siblings are gifts for loving and/or he is not in charge of every human he meets, as the situation warrants. Nonetheless, the behavior persists… Help!
Spirograph says
How does his three year old sister respond? If he is physically hurting her, or if they’re screaming at each other and driving you crazy, by all means intervene. Otherwise, I’d probably let this work itself out. My kids all occasionally try to order each other around, with varying degrees of success. Unless they’re coming to serious blows or saying really hateful horrible things that need to be addressed immediately, my mantra is that kids need to solve kid problems. That often involves a bit of stomping, sulking, or yelling, but conflict resolution is a v. important life skill and siblings are perfect for developing it.
FLAnon says
That’s a really common sense approach that we hadn’t considered – thank you! Sister usually screams or whines and makes us nutty, but he’s not hurting her and she’s built like a tank so I’d probably take her in a fight. I’m now remembering, through the fog, my parents telling my siblings and I to “take it outside” any time we fought so they didn’t have to listen to it. You’re exactly right that conflict resolution is an important life skill and this is a good opportunity for growth for both of them. Thank you!
Anon says
+1 I try to stay out of it unless things are obviously escalating (I also have a 5 and 3). At that point, I step in and try to model problem-solving skills – sometimes while holding back the one who wants to hit or throw. I say things like “I see two kids are are angry/who want the same toy/etc.” Then I give each kid a chance to share what they are thinking, repeat it back and make sure the other kid heard, then ask them to each propose a solution to the problem. This goes on until they can come to an agreement. It can be long, but it gives them some language and skills to use next time.
Also, empower the little one to stand up to her brother – teach her some phrases she could use when he is antagonizing her.
AwayEmily says
+1 on this and the language Anon 1:35 proposes. I also try to do “positive” interventions — ie, popping in to compliment when I hear them handling a situation reasonably well (“Wow, I was in the kitchen and heard [3yo] tell [5yo] to stop and she stopped right away! Nice saying what you needed, 3yo, and awesome job stopping right away, 5yo. You guys take good care of each other.”)
blueridge29 says
I found the book Siblings Without Rivalry to be very helpful. Particularly statements such as – I see two kids that are having trouble sharing….or I have to take this toy because it is being used in an unsafe manner. Good luck!
Schools says
I heard on the news last night that the teachers union in Fairfax County, VA is refusing to go back in person until all kids are vaccinated and there is 14 days of no community spread. I just can’t even. I know we talked about NYC union using that as an opening position, but this is absolutely ridiculous. Why on earth even bother prioritizing vaccinations for teachers at that point? My 87 year old FIL still hasn’t been vaccinated and yet teachers are getting second shots but don’t want to go back in person.
anon says
Yep, the same in Arlington. They also vaccinated teachers who have been authorized for DL through the end of the year ahead of the limited number of staff who are in person right now with students with severe special needs.
anon says
If you haven’t already, email your school board and Governor Northam. There are a lot of voices, but I do think advocacy could help here.
Anonymous says
Yup, not surprised. I’m in MoCo and the union here is trying to pull similar things. Honestly this has left a bad taste in my mouth for public schools. This will have been going on for a YEAR by the time kids in our district *might* go back. How have they not figured it out yet? Also, kids in MoCo might go back in March. OPEN THE WINDOWS. Schools across the country have figured out how to mostly get kids back safely, there are ways to do it. Our daughter isn’t going to K for another year and a half, but if it’s in any way virtual we’ll be homeschooling.
Anonymous says
Yes, I’m in MoCo too was just reading about this earlier today. Unfortunately, I feel like the fact that the superintendent is retiring makes it even less likely anything will be accomplished in the short term. No one is going to take a stand on anything until the new leadership is identified.
I was a huge proponent of public schools before this and I don’t even know how to express the sense of loss I feel at watching them flail around for the last year. I still have nothing but good thoughts for our neighborhood elementary school and its staff and teachers, but the Board and the district administration is just so disappointing.
PS, they “can’t” open the windows because of allergies. Allergies suck, sure, but there are a million OTC seasonal allergy medications. That is so much more solvable than a novel virus for which there’s not even an approved vaccine for kids yet. Priorities, people! Priorities.
Anonymous says
That allergy thing is absolutely insane.
Anonymous says
That’s insane. The union in NYC didn’t even use that as an opening position. NYC schools are open NOW for hybrid instruction. Just elementary right now, but middle and HS were open in the fall when numbers were lower. And there is a lot of evidence that the NYC schools have not been driving spread locally. It is hard to compare apples to apples as every city is so different in terms of rules around distancing and reopening and other variables (e.g. in NYC elementary kids almost all walk to school; middle and HS take public transit, and there are few buses), but some lessons could be learned.
Anonymous says
I heard about Fairfax, that’s absolutely insane. 14 days of no community spread might literally never happen and kids vaccinated is mid-2022 at the earliest. My state is just going in reverse age order, which seems to be the fairest system and the one that will mitigate death and hospitalizations the fastest (93% of our deaths are in people over 60). They’re still only vaccinating 70+, but most people in that age bracket have at least been able to make an appointment. My parents’ state has opened it to 65+ AND teachers, but it’s just a total crapshoot to get an appointment because there are 10x as many eligible people as total appointments through the end of March.
Anon says
+1. Kids under 12 will be mid 2022 or later. At some point, honestly, lawsuits need to start happening about the government’s obligation to educate the children.
Anonymous says
Our health district in VA is vaccinating all teachers, including those who are teaching 100% on line. Meanwhile, there is no word on when high-risk people will get the vaccine, if ever. My friends and family who teach in person have been complaining vociferously all year about the risks, then posting on social media about all of their travel and unmasked get-togethers outside of school. Meanwhile, my kid’s on-line education seems to consist entirely of YouTube videos and on-line quizzes, we had to make her quit her sport and all other real-world interaction with other humans, and our entire family has basically been under house arrest for the past ten months. It’s maddening. I have little compassion left for anyone involved in public education, teachers or leadership.
Anonymous says
It seems like right now the people who are getting the vaccine are the ones who need it the least. Teachers in my state have been in-person since August and aren’t even on the vaccine priority list. I feel bad for them. I wish there was a way we could condition the vaccine on either teaching in-person currently or expressing a willingness to return to in-person post-vaccine, but I suppose that’s too complicated and people would just lie.
anon says
That is insane. The teacher’s union there must be a lot more powerful than ours. I would raise a fuss about this; the demands are ridiculous and unrealistic. And I say that as a very Covid-cautious person.
Anonymous says
It is not a real union. Rather it is a teacher association. Teachers in Virginia do not have collective bargaining rights. That may be changing soon. For now, remember these are the demands of an association of teachers rather than representing the interest of all teachers in Fairfax County.
Anonymous says
Hopefully this helps change the dynamic: https://www.washingtonpost.com/education/cdc-school-virus-spread/2021/01/26/bf949222-5fe6-11eb-9061-07abcc1f9229_story.html
Anonymous says
I am curious why they want kids to be vaccinated. Are they protesting personal risk? If so, the vaccine mitigates this. Do they think the kids are in danger? Are they afraid of catching covid and transmitting to unvaccinated family members?
Anonymous says
The teachers I know claim they’re worried about personal risk because “the vaccines aren’t 100% effective” even though all the vaccines on the market so far appear virtually 100% effective at preventing severe illness and, other than measles, we have basically never had a vaccine this good in the history of medical science. The concern about passing it on to unvaccinated family members seems more legit to me since we don’t yet know how well vaccinated people can spread the virus, although hopefully this concern will be a non-issue by next fall when every American adult and teen who wants a vaccine can get one (fingers crossed).
Anonymous says
So . . . they are worried because Feelings? For real? OMG they should just resign then and let someone else teach. I am probably done with public schools forever and most of my female family members are public school teachers (who do not feel this way; they would prefer to be back in person teaching, even on a rotating hybrid schedule). They all have kids who they feel should be back in school in person, so they know the loss they feel their own kids (and students) are experiencing.
Plus: these kids will be competing for college against private school kids who have been in-person throughout the fall and winter, so the gap between them will just widen. No parent who can afford private school AND find a slot in a private school should ever trust their kids to public schools. Their priority is not doing right by their students. Students seem to be the last priority.
avocado says
The private school decision is not quite that simple. We could technically afford to send our daughter to private school, but it would be very difficult to find her a spot as an incoming 10th-grader. There is exactly one private school in our metro area where she wouldn’t exhaust the curriculum in most subjects by the end of her junior year. Academically she’d probably be a strong candidate if there were any openings in her grade, but as a family we are just not rich and connected enough to be attractive to the school. It would also eat into our college savings and thereby limit her college options. She is interested primarily in schools that don’t offer merit aid, and we won’t qualify for need-based aid.
She’s asked about boarding school more than once, but that is much more expensive than day school and probably more difficult to get into, I don’t believe it’s COVID-safe, and we are opposed for other reasons.
Anon says
I know this doesn’t solve everything, like the issue of finances, but if the main issue with private school is them not meeting her academic needs, college classes are an option. I was academically accelerated and took most of my classes at the local state university my junior and senior year. I was only at my high school for French and AP English my junior year and French my senior year. Socially it definitely had its downsides, but if the alternative is online school I’m not sure the social detriments would be such a concern. Colleges are generally doing a better job than high schools with online learning.
Anonymous says
In my city, they say to send your kid to private school in K if you are likely to ever need it. I am wishing we had, as the lists are a mile long and we have no alumni/sibling preference. It is a superior education for kids as most kids enter ready to learn and their ratios are better than the 25:1 we found in public school.
Charters would be a better option or Catholic school. I used to think that private school parents in the SEUS were primarily just a bunch of closet racists but now I see that they are just consumers who want to get what they pay for. Their kids will probably wildly outscore most public school kids competing for the same slots in college, so saving on tuition will gave gotten us exactly nowhere. Free public school is worth what you pay for it.
Boston Legal Eagle says
This is insane and doesn’t even make any sense. Once the teachers are vaccinated, their risk is basically non existent for getting it or getting a severe version. Yes, there’s still a risk that kids could transmit it among themselves but (1) school transmissions are rare with masks and other measures in place, (2) kids generally get a milder version and (3) the off chance of teachers getting it from a kid and passing it on to a family member who can’t get a vaccine seems too remote to worry about. What’s going to end up happening is that families with means will go private and those without means will be further disadvantaged by having subpar virtual learning, i.e. furthering inequality. That would be the opposite of the current administration’s goal, so I hope they push back hard.
Anonymous says
I hope that “pushing back hard” for in-person schooling includes requirements for properly worn masks at all times, distancing, adequate ventilation, and vaccination of all eligible adults and students, though. Our district has an in-person option with none of those things, which means my child will be consigned to on-line school forever.
Anonymous says
Unfortunately I feel like way too many Democrats are willing to keep schools closed in the name of safety, without closing much else, because the economic consequences of shutting schools are less obvious. I’m a liberal who vowed after Trump’s election never to vote for any Republican at any level, but I ended up voting for our state’s Republican governor this fall because the Democratic challenger stated several times that he felt schools couldn’t really operate safely until kids could be vaccinated, and his metrics-based plan called for them to be the first to close and the last to open (and they would have remained closed all year based on the metrics). No age-based differentiation either, which was absolutely insane. I just couldn’t bring myself to vote for someone who wanted to make my kid do virtual K while allowing the bars to stay open. I’m not the only person I talked to who was a single issue voter for our Republican governor because of the schools, so I think a lot of local Democrats kind of shot themselves in the foot with this.
Bubble bath recs? says
Any recommendations for bubble bath for adults? All I see these days are bath bombs, bath oils, bath salts, or shower gels. I just want lots of bubbles like Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman”. And all our drugstore has is kid stuff, like Elmo’s Bubbles or Mr. Bubble.
anon says
Dr Teal’s has bubble bath, and it’s very nice! The bubbles last a long time and it comes in more grownup scents than, say, Mr. Bubble.
anon says
Also, it’s cheap and available at target and my local grocery store.
CPA Lady says
I really like lush bubble bars. You can get four baths out of bigger ones like the bright-side or the comforter ones.
ANon says
I know there are more grownup bubble baths, but Mr. Bubble makes great bubbles so I decanted some into a glass bottle with a pump that I keep on the shelf next to my soaking tub. These are the ones I bought: https://www.amazon.com/Vivaplex-Large-Empty-Bottles-Lotion/dp/B01N2K85O3/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=glass+bottle+with+pump&qid=1611710179&sr=8-2
Anonymous says
I posted at the end of the day yesterday about my kids stepping up to fill the household help role during COVID. I want to say that we have a biweekly cleaner, and we are a family of 5 (almost 3, 4.5, 7). My kids are NOT perfect. In fact, they are huge slobs. It took sticker charts and several weeks early in the pandemic (when we first put our cleaners on pause) to get them to step the F up. At the time, it felt insane and like we were peeing into the wind. But after nearly 9 months I can honestly say that my older two are legitimately helpful and really do reduce the burden.
Is my laundry folded less than perfectly? Yes. But my kids don’t need perfectly folded clothes, nor do I need perfectly folded towels.
Yes, the tupperware cabinet often looks like the stuff of nightmares. But then I assign one of them to organize it and the do!
It is totally not the same thing as having a housekeeper, but if we are talking about “running a roomba” as a time saver, my kids are 110% as competent as a roomba. I’m teaching my (1st grade, now extremely computer saavy) 7 year old how to do online grocery shopping. I write a list quickly and she does the “shopping” online. I check it before checking out. My kids put the groceries away when they are dropped off.
So al lthat
Anonymous says
That’s awesome. My 3 year old is starting to get a teeny bit helpful at some tasks, like she can sort laundry and put away the laundry that goes in drawers, so this gives me hope for the future.
Anonymous says
Whoops– supposed to end “so all that to say, please remember that if you are so inclined, your children may be a viable source of help, even if it takes a lot of up front investment.”
Anon says
this gives me hope! my 2.5 year old twins love helping load the washing machine, though it obviously requires assistance on our parent, but right now loading the dishwasher involves taking out every item that is already in there, and trying to put it back in, which definitely is not helpful or safe
Anonymous says
haha, OP here. You’ll notice that I have an almost 3 year old who is noticeably absent from the “helpful crew.” She actually WILL clear her plate, put napkins on the table, and help unload the DW if her big sibs are doing it, and so far I’ve been able to talk her into picking up sticks from the yard but that’s about it. I focus on “stay in one place and don’t trash it too badly while everyone else cleans” with her. :)
So Anon says
Absolutely! My seven year old actually helped put away Xmas decorations this year, and I was honestly shocked at how little time it took the two us to handle a task that had been a huge endeavor in the past.
Part of the challenge is the upfront investment – for those of us who are absolutely tapped out, there is no more time to invest, no more energy to give. Establishing those routines, charts, and the follow-through requires a level of energy and mental bandwidth that, frankly, I just don’t have right now. It takes all of my bandwidth to get us through the days and me to work. I know that if I could muster energy to tackle this type of thing now, there would be a payoff down the road, but I just don’t have it.