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Over the past few months, I’ve let my nail care slide. In the Before Times, I often did my own nails between monthly salon appointments. Unlike with makeup, which has to be reapplied every day, I felt that a manicure was an efficient way to feel put-together since I only had to do it about once a week.
I almost always used Essie’s Gel Couture — it lasted longer than regular polish (I usually got about a week with a touch-up here or there) and didn’t need a base coat. Essie also paired its lovely, rich colors with fun, catchy names.
Essie’s new Brilliant Brocades Collection might convince me to start doing my nails again — there are six lovely, winter-friendly colors ranging from the neutral High Sewciety to the nearly black Embossed Lady (pictured). Perhaps looking at my freshly painted nails while I type will be the mid-winter boost I need.
The collection is available at Ulta for $11.50. Other colors are available at many other retailers including Target for $11.49 and CVS for $12.50.
Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Boston Legal Eagle says
What have you all been doing to pass the time on the weekends, particularly those in cold areas? Past winters have been tough enough, with trying to figure out how to entertain two small kids when it’s freezing outside, but at least we had some indoor options (even just strolling Target for an hour). Now, our options are outside somewhere or in our house, pretty much. We try to get the kids out at least in the mornings, but they often complain about being too cold (it felt like 5 yesterday… so I get it). We have tons of toys indoors, but they still need a lot of active attention from us. And frankly, it’s boring for us. Just sourcing some ideas, or at least commiseration.
AwayEmily says
Commiseration for sure. We also do an activity in the morning (sledding if there’s snow, hiking otherwise) and try our best to do a quick walk in the evening (often with a jelly bean bribe). Tricks to break up the monotony: changing play locations (eg bring some legos into our bedroom and let them play there while I fold laundry), splitting up the kids (I will put it this way: often, I’d rather spend two hours with one kid than an hour with both and an hour by myself, and it’s also easier to do “activities” like an art project with the older one if the younger one is out of the picture), car trip to pick up a curbside Target order. Also, while the toddler naps we have enforced “quiet time” with the 4yo — usually I read or nap on the couch while she listens to an audiobook. That helps me get through the day.
But yes, I really miss the public library, Skyzone, the children’s museum, the indoor area of the zoo, playdates…sigh.
Anon says
so yes it is boring for the adults. I can’t recall if you’re are 1 and 3 or 2 and 4, but we have 2.5 year old twins who want to play with mommy 24/7. DH is struggling with the boredom a bit more than I am I think bc he used to travel a lot for work, whereas I’m glad to be doing less solo parenting, We make an effort to go outside every day for at least 30-45 min just for the change of scenery, which seems to help. I try to plan one Busy Toddler-esque activity for each weekend day. Yes it involves a bit of work on my part, but typically something i can accomplish via my Instagram scrolling at night and on weekends I make DH take the kids into their room for 20 min while i set it up (setting it up usually takes less than 10 min, but then i have a few extra moments to myself…shh don’t tell DH). And they usually have 1-2 hours of screen time on a weekend day depending on weather. But yes it is often boring
Redux says
What kids of activities are you setting up?
anon says
Not great solution but same problem. We try to get outside once per day too but this weekend it was sleeting so it was difficult. I usually try to do a busy toddler or other purchased craft activity once in the morning and afternoon. Some are total misses and others are unexpected hits. And sometimes simpler is better – we killed 30 minutes this weekend putting some craft paper on the wall and having the kids put stickers on. Either way, it usually redirects energy for a bit.
Anon says
Can you share what were misses and some unexpected hits? Always curious which have worked for others!
anon says
Anything with stickers is a hit. Things that are a hit for my 4 yo are things that I would’ve thought she might be too old to enjoy because we used to do them when she was 1 or 2 (sensory bin of beans with toys, squeeze bottle of vinegar and water with cornstarch and food coloring). Misses are usually anything that’s too messy – making oobleck or slime. Simpler works better for our ages of 4 and 18 mos.
Anon says
– my 2.5 year olds loved when i cut shapes out of colored construction paper and taped them to the wall and then gave them dot stickers to match. what was amazing to me as a parent is that when i had tried this just 2 months prior, despite knowing their colors, they did not understand the matching concept.
– we made a ‘rocket ship’ out of a box and the kids sat inside it and colored it and plastered it with stickers to make ‘buttons.’
– we’ve done the hidden colors activity with baking soda, food coloring and vinegar.
– rice sensory bins are more of a miss than a hit for us
– almost anything in the bath tub – popsicle bath, duplos in the bath, etc.
– we made play dough – they loved making it and playing with it
– painting: we have water colors (sometimes they use these to paint the bath and are so easy to wash off) and then more regular paints so i try to switch it up. target sometimes has $1 painting kits that come with 3 colors and you paint a little object. crayola sells similar small paints so i bought some of those bc my kids dont seem to understand that you don’t have to use ALL the paint at once. we’ve painted with q tips, paint brushes and have painted a variety of things from construction paper to seashells. my kids are at home with a nanny so painting might be more of a novelty for them than kids who go to dayccare
– making pizza was a huge hit, i kept it simple with boboli crusts
– obstacle courses: they didn’t get these at first, but we rewatched the daniel tiger episode with an obstacle course and now they often ask for a ‘popsacle course’ – we use various stools, our tunnel, slide, etc.
– putting q tips through the small side of a funnel into a bottle lasted a good 45 minutes one weekend day
– they dont seem to be into the activities that involve dropping stuff through toilet paper tubes and taping them to the wall, which surprised me
– currently making valentines day cards for anyone and everyone
Anonymous says
We got an entire weekend out of the rocket ship box with a 2.5-year-old. The rocket ship turned into the Wild Kratts’ Tortuga vehicle and had a lot of observations written inside it.
Anonymous says
This has been hard for us because DH and I are really struggling with energy as we head into month 11ish of pandemic life. Kiddo’s energy levels, however, are through the roof. We’ve gotten some new family games that are more appealing to us. We go on a lot of weekend drives and let kiddo watch a show in the car. Sometimes we all get a Starbucks while we’re out, and that is fun.
CPA Lady says
How old are they?
Honestly, I cracked and bought a nintendo for my six year old and me. And it is GREAT! So that’s how it’s going over here in screen time central. :)
We also play card games, board games, do the occasional puzzle, do craft kits, science experiment kits, and I involve her in the dinner prep process (which can easily take about five times the normal length of time).
Boston Legal Eagle says
Almost 2.5 and almost 5. The younger one loooves mama and I think the older one is an extrovert who wants to have us play with him and be near him even though he’s perfectly capable of playing by himself.
Anonymous says
CPA Lady, are there Nintendo games you enjoy playing together? Please share! My son is 8 and we are also on team screen time all the time. I feel bad about it but he is no longer willing to do almost anything else, and it is hard to blame him.
For those with younger kids, when our son was in preschool we did a lot of recreational baths in the winter. He could spend an hour in the tub pretty happily. I would give him shaving cream mixed with food coloring to paint in the tub. If you want to be extra, you can make a full palette out of a muffin tin with a lot of colors. (Full disclosure – at the time we were renting and had disgusting/nonexistent grout, so I didn’t worry about stains).
Anon says
Yes. I let kiddo play in the tub for an hour on days I just can’t handle it anymore and use two phones with video calls to keep an eye on her without being held hostage in the bathroom but can do something else (not fun) like fold clothes while she plays.
Anonymous says
My almost-8 year old son could play Minecraft all day. I don’t play with him — he and siblings/friends have a Creative world they all build in together — but if you want to go down that rabbit hole, there are endless possibilities.
Nintendo Switch two-player games:
MarioKart
Conduct Together
Ring Fit Adventure (workout game).
Single player, but fun to watch/comment on together:
SuperMario Odyssey technically this has a two player mode, but it’s eh
Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (I have spent hundreds of hours of my life either playing or watching my kids play this game, and regret none of it) :)
Anon says
Screentime, baking/cookie decorating, board games, videochats with family, napping, trips to the grocery store and public library (I know this might be controversial but case numbers are low in our area and we’re in and out in <30 minutes with minimal contact with other people…I would not take her to a children's playplace or something like that). Over the holiday weekend we went to get takeout food from the big city an hour away and that was surprisingly fun.
Commiseration. We went sledding the first weekend of January but haven't played outside since then. I just can't do cold weather unless I'm doing something fun like sledding or ice skating, and we have no snow on the ground and our ice rink is sold out weeks in advance due to covid capacity limits. I really hope things are better next winter.
Pogo says
Commiseration. We still go outside even if it’s freezing. I just bundle everybody. I’m the one who is miserable, baby is snug and cozy in his bunting and passes out, 3yo runs around like a maniac and doesn’t care.
We do curbside or drive through coffee shop – we have a local one that you order online, and then of course there’s Starbucks. I get myself a latte and a cake pop or something for LO. Curbside library (I let LO browse the catalog online with me to pick what books he wants). Curbside Target as mentioned. It’s all getting reallll old.
I have leaned in to the screen time, and just try to break it up so he only watches like 45min at a time, and we don’t do screen time before lunch. I try BusyToddler stuff but he just isn’t interested half the time. He doesn’t even care about his Koala Crate! He wants playdates. He wants his friends. He wants all his normal weekend stuff we used to do, storytime and donuts, or the children’s museum and brunch. He asked about going back to swim lessons the other day because “the bathtub is not big enough for me to swim momma”. Someday, kiddo.
Anonymous says
Outdoor swim lessons this summer? My husband is really cautious about Covid but even he is comfortable with that.
Pogo says
I hope so! Like many on this board I have been really prioritizing daycare/preschool as our one “contact” point so limited all other activities. Once more people are vaccinated I’m hoping I can relax this.
Anon says
+1. I’m in CA where we have closed basically everything (so, re: SUPER cautious) but swim lessons are deemed essential and open. My kiddos are both doing weekly outdoor swim, and it really doesn’t give me pause.
Hopefully when the weather is warmer elsewhere to do these the numbers will also be lower in general.
Anonymous says
Usually snowshoeing in the morning – drive 20 minutes or so to get to some of the coastal trails. Started them on snowshoes around age 3. And sliding on the hill in the green space behind our house in the afternoons.
Warm clothes is key. In Canada so we have the MEC one pieces. When we had the Carters brand snowsuits they always needed a fleece under the coat to stay warm. Helly Hansen one pieces are also super popular here. I buy/sell about half their gear on FB marketplace secondhand as most stuff is outgrown after 1-2 winters. Columbia also has good, reasonably priced outwear. Their waterproof snow pants are better at keeping kids warm than many brands which are only ‘water resistant’. Layers, dryness and movement are key in the winter.
Cb says
Yes, I’ve started putting an extra layer on my son and find he’s way less grumpy about the weather.
Katy says
For the Canadians – + 1 for MEC brand snowsuits. (Toaster). A little pricier than Carters but do such a good job. (Less expensive than Patagonia) and hold up really well.
Any tips on getting your kid to wear a scarf / neck warmer etc? Mine flat out refuses and even gets irrationally upset when we zip the coat all the way up. (In Canada – in REAL winter here!) (will not wear anything remotely resembling turtleneck and will opt to not go out vs. Putting on scarf etc – this is not really an option for MY mental health.
EB0220 says
For some reason my kids like wearing their Turtle Fleece balaclavas. Covers the neck and head, can double as a mask too.
Anonymous says
We do a fleece neck warmer on the outside. First toque, then hood up, then neck warmer over top. Also means I don’t have to battle about if the zipper is exactly all the way to the top because the neck warm covers the gap. And makes is harder for them to take the hood down. Windproof hood is clutch for keeping them outside.
anne-on says
Commiseration. New England winters are rough anyway as I feel like all those indoor play areas are a petri dish, but man what I wouldn’t give to be able to hit a bounce place, or the indoor climbing gym, etc. If you haven’t yet, I would buy good warm boots, snow pants and/or base layers and layer up and institute family walks. We’ll often go to local bakery for breakfast, then hit a walking trail in the AM. My kiddo (older, but I was still surprised) did a nearly 2 mile walk through a nature center this weekend with me when it was about 25 degrees out. He and his dad are big skiers and it made me realize that we HAVE the right cold weather clothing, we need to just pull it out and get outside more. We’re also doing short outside playdates (often outdoor hikes at nature trails) which helps SO much even if they only manage it for 45-60 minutes at a go.
I’m dealing with it the same way I did when he was little. Thinking in chunks of time – AM is fun breakfast plus morning walk, then play/read, then prep lunch. PM is Lunch, game/dog walk, set amount of screentime (yup, we are doing MUCH more screentime), then dinner prep for me/shower or bath for kid. Family dinner, family game time/reading time, then movie time. I was dragging kiddo to the grocery store with me but I think that’s out now too.
Pogo says
“I feel like all those indoor play areas are a petri dish, but man what I wouldn’t give to be able to hit a bounce place” omg, same. Our local one – 5min drive, 10 bucks – closed pretty early into the pandemic. I used to sanitize kiddo’s hands every five minutes while we were there, but he loved that place. They had a giant bounce slide that the kids had to climb up. So good for tiring them out. It will be missed.
Anonymous says
It depends on your comfort level and how well your kids do with keeping their masks on and minimizing face-touching, but some of our indoor play stuff is open, and I’ve been OK dipping a toe in occasionally. We went to a trampoline park a few weeks ago, and have tentative plans to do a climbing gym this week while staying out of the way of the housecleaner. Everywhere has online reservation systems to help manage capacity requirements, so we just pick times where very few people are signed up, and double-mask. We try to go soon after opening, so there aren’t a day’s worth of accumulated exhalations hanging in the air. It’s not as safe as outdoors, but it’s within my current risk tolerance to be in a warehouse-sized space with ~20 other people.
Anon456 says
Same. Oh my word, same. I’m north of Boston in the burbs. I’ve endured quite well this whole pandemic, but it was so windy and so cold. I think Saturday actually broke me. DD is 2.5 and we are entirely out of things to do. I try to keep the perspective that it will be warm sooner than later, and vaccinated sooner than later, but holy wow, I’m just at my wits’ end.
Anonymous says
We are in MA. It is cold here. We:
1. Take the kids swimming at our gym (we keep up our membership bc it is a swim and tennis club and my older kids still play tennis [singles, masked]. The pool is EMPTY and we have a reservation system.
2. Do 30-45 minutes at a playground, with hot cocoa after. The whole adventure eats a good 90 minutes if we do it right
3. Spend a few hours outside with a fire going- either in our fire pit or recently we’ve been burning brush bc my kids want to make a trail in our woods.
4. Skiing (my kids are 4,6,8 and the younger two just started this year). It is different this year but we are taking advantage of weird hybrid/remote school to get some cheap midweek skiing in on the local bunny hulls.
5. Snow tubing (at bunny hills above)
6. Ice skating- just we This weekend to our neighbors for a big bonfire and skating (falling) on their outdoor rink.
7. Snow stuff when it snows (which it hasn’t done much of)
8. This is insane, but I blame the fact that my neighbors grew up in Maine. We have them and their kids over for outdoor movie late afternoons (5pm). We get a big fire going, give the kids hot cocoa, and the kids sit under blankets (siblings together, families apart) / in little pup tents while the parents drink mulled wine around the fire dressed like Bernie (but with hats). We have a bathroom in a walk out basement so our neighbors use that. We just don’t use that bathroom or area for the next day or so just in case. If it isn’t snowing or in the teens, we try and do it!
If your kids wear snow gear (boots, pants, jacket, hats, gloves) to do any of the above it’s really not that hard to be outside for a couple hours. Our playground trips are usually not in snow gear but if it gets colder I might start that up again. Skiing has been the best because we can meet friends on the mountain but stay nice and far apart.
Pogo says
Fire pit is a good idea. My kid loves fire lol.
Anonymous says
We have a solo stove which has proven to be MUCH better for being near young kids than our previous black metal one. Less smoke and not nearly as sparky.
anne-on says
It took us a ridiculously long time to simply pull out all the ski gear and start wearing it for outdoor winter stuff around the neighborhood. Total game changer for sure.
avocado says
We used to put on the cast album of a musical or a kids’ album and act out the play or songs (Laurie Berkner and Dan Zanes are both really good for this), or watch an old Wiggles concert video and dance along. Bonus points if you add percussion instruments, costumes, and scarves to wave around in the air. We got at least an hour out of this every time.
SC says
With my 5 year old, we play board games, do puzzles, involve him in cooking and baking, set him up with crafts or color-by-number (he is more entertained by some type of directed activity than “here’s paper and crayons,” unless he has a specific idea before hand), and conduct science experiments. DH and Kiddo have built stuff like a fan boat from a Stem kit, Kiddo and I have made bath bombs, my mom and Kiddo made play dough, we’ve walked through a science book about water cohesion and adhesion, and we’ve mixed food coloring, baking soda, and vinegar. Long baths are a great way to kill time, and there’s nothing wrong with an hour-long bath in the middle of the day. We have always had a pizza-and-movie-night tradition on Friday nights. It gets us out of cooking and entertaining, but we get all the snuggles.
Finally, we try to involve our son with our projects and chores, especially when he’s bored or looking to spend time with us. Since he was 2, he’s helped (intermittently, and not skillfully) with laundry, cooking, yard work, sweeping and mopping. When we painted our bedroom this summer, he cleaned all the baseboards and did a really good job!
Io says
We go out. We’re in NYC, so milder than 5 degrees. We dress up the kid in layers (lots of Polarn o Pyret!). We bike to the farmer’s market and do picnic lunch Saturday morning. Then a board game or I take kid to the playground. Husband takes kid Sunday morning so I can clean and hang out. Then
I take kid out Sunday afternoon.
I was really inspired by the book No Such Thing as Bad Weather, we dress in three layers and kid wears a waterproof layer too.
Anon for this says
It’s been so cold lately that I’ve added ‘going for drives’ into my portfolio. A big part of it is that we just… are stuck in the house so much.
What I will actually do is put the kids in the car right after lunch (when they’ll actually all nap if I drive) and go for a little drive… then once they’re all asleep I’ll park and sit there and read my book while they nap (because I need a break and the 2.5 year old is in that ‘I don’t want to nap but I still really need it’ phase. Then we’ll go on an ‘adventure’. So like yesterday we drove up a local ‘mountain’ to see the view from the top. A couple weeks ago, we drove to deliver some kid art to a relative (just put in their mailbox and waved through the windows.
I’m hearty and will bring my kids out as long as it’s above 10 degrees… but they will only last a little while (safety with a baby, frankly!), so I’ll do a drive or two plus a walk/outdoor activity.
Anon says
Second the ski gear – I put my toddler in three layers (including snow pants even without snow) so she stays toasty because both of us need the outside time. Other weekend activities: kiddo (3) helps make fancy breakfast one morning (i.e., something other than toast and yogurt such as waffles, pancakes, biscuits, monkey bread, bacon, eggs, etc.), family snuggle time in bed before that, possibly with cartoons, family yoga (I stream a yoga video and kiddo either tries to “excise” with me or plays with her toys in the same room (not very “present” for me but at least I get a good stretch)), chalk on the drive way, fire pit with marshmallows, open-ended art time where I give kiddo an art bucket filled with stickers, glue sticks, construction paper, pom poms, googly eyes, crayons, colored pencils, scissors, etc. and let her go to town), board games (candyland, chutes and ladders, sneaky snacky squirrel, hungry hungry hippo, connect 4), helping cook dinner, helping sort and fold laundry, and sometimes she “helps” play computer games with DH by pushing buttons or telling him where to go.
Anon says
Power Tots tumbling classes on YouTube were a surprise hit – if you have an open soft space where kid can bop around, it’s a good way to burn off energy. (Surprise bc yoga has been a fail)
Anonymous says
This has been a really helpful thread to read! Mine are 2.5 and just 6 and our weather is less cold but more wet. We do a lot of “walk as an activity,” like walk to the coffee shop where we can pick up curbside, walk to pick up something from a neighbor in our freecycle group, etc. We are doing a lot of yard work. My husband is doing a lot of made-up yard work with them, like building things out of sticks/branches. I try to not entertain the kids as much as possible and they’re getting old enough to play pretend games for longish periods, but eventually will need an adult to intervene or change the activity. Changing out the costume box costumes has been helpful; so has watching gymnastics routines and then setting up a mat and “vault” (exercise mini trampoline with a soft footstool to jump over). Picnics inside are huge right now as a parent-led activity, as is reading- that’s new for us as bigger kid wasn’t really interested in sitting down to be read to until pretty recently.
Anonymous says
Outside time. As others said, put on snow suits. I wore my snow pants with the kids the other day (with no snow). You can buy a a really good one one-piece for like $150/each (waterproof/wind proof), wool long Johns, sweater/fleece, and balaclava. Wool socks and insulated boots. Waterproof mittens. I can waste 2 hours at a nature playground and then hiking with 3yo and 1.5yo (he’s a good walker/hiker). Bonus points if they can throw rocks in a creek. Rain boots and an oaki rain suit will let them wade in water.
Tea/Coffee says
This is a great topic (I mean, I hate that we have to discuss it, but lots of good ideas)!
-someone already posted this but – bubble baths. My kids are super into bath bombs right now, and i can seriously kill an hour with a bath. and then no fighting over bathtime later!
-this might be more of a 5YO thing, but reading chapter books out loud. We have done Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, James and the Giant Peach, Mr Popper’s Penguins, and Charlotte’s Web (conveniently all of them have a movie that we watched afterwards). Started as a bedtime thing but has crept into the afternoons as well. It’s not super relaxing for me (b/c I am the reader) but it’s a pleasant way to spend a few minutes and gets me out of my head as well (I can’t doomscroll or drink at the same time). Beverly Cleary books are next although DS has requested The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe too.
-at least with the 5YO, you might be able to find games that aren’t brain-scalding (ie candyland). UNO is a big hit here and the adults will happily play. Also Sushi-Go (my 5YO like sushi though so YMMV), Battleship Shots.
-do a family puzzle. We bought a few 1000 piece puzzles and do them on the kitchen table.. the hardest one took a few weeks. We just work on it here and there, sometimes together and sometimes individually. The kids frequently found pieces that mom and dad couldn’t. Now we are framing them and raffling them off to the best behaved kid to put in their rooms :-)
-I force everyone to get outside as long as it’s not actually raining. Cold be damned, I bought base layers for everyone. The kids have mostly stopped complaining. Sometimes we go to the sediment pond nearby and let them poke at the ice with sticks. If I could predict it (actual presence of ice + behavior) I would bring a hot drink and be pretty happy for an hour.
-we got this tent building kit from the river site a few years ago, it’s balls with holes and connector sticks. Get an expansion pack and a few yards of fun fabric and it’s hours and hours of fun. Your 5YO might need some help at first getting the hang of assembling tents and draping fabric over the top, but our 5YO and 10YO (!) have played with it frequently for the past 2 years. It’s been a castle, a hospital, a restaurant, sometimes all at the same time. We do allow them to leave it set up for several days at a time.
-empty boxes and a pack of stickers.
-Chores. Not fun, but useful in the long run! Now is the time to get your 5YO to start sorting laundry, etc. They can put their socks and underwear away, basically anything that does not require folding. Etc. Yeah, it will take longer, but… Also, take a piece out of your swiffer handle to make it shorter. This makes it the perfect size for a 5YO, who can put a dry or damp washcloth around the floor (which in my house is actually quite helpful).
-Mario Kart, Mario Party, and Super Smash Bros are all big hits here. All the more because video game time is subject to heavy regulation here.
-ring toss. milk jugs, shampoo bottles (empty beer bottles), whatever you have + some glow stick bracelets.
-temporary tattoos. depending on the parents, this can be fun for the whole family!
AwayEmily says
Poking ice with sticks is DEFINITELY the hit of the winter. We go to a local park with a stream-ish, pond-ish water formation and the kids will be “ice harvesters” for literally hours even in the freezing cold. It’s great. But agreed, hard to know whether the ice will be at the correct solidity. And then of course sometimes someone falls in* after five minutes and we have to go home early.
*water is like knee-deep so this is not a super dangerous situation, just annoying.
octagon says
Car picnics. We’ll drive to a bakery or restaurant 30 minutes away and then eat in the car. If the weather isn’t terrible, we will drive to a nearby park, pop open the back of our SUV and spread out our picnic blanket in the trunk. Then there’s a little bit of space to run around in. For some reason the novelty of a car picnic hasn’t worn off yet, and I like to get out of our immediate neighborhood for a change of scenery.
BlueAlma says
Kiwi Crates and Koala Crates. I’m just not good at planning activities or experiments. But these have been really fun.
Also, sledding, cemetery walks, bakery visits, short Zooms with cousins, fires in the fireplace.
Anonymous says
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/01/22/well/family/egg-donor-complications.html?action=click&module=Features&pgtype=Homepage
Did anyone else read this op-Ed on a woman who donated her eggs, 10 years later had a lack of uterine fluids while pregnant, and connects the two? It gave me a rage headache. There’s zero scientific evidence for this, no reason why there would be, and it should never have been published.
AwayEmily says
This is unbelievably irresponsible. Will they also publish my op-ed on how I think my achy lower back is because of the antibiotics I took for an ear infection when I was six?
Anonymous says
It’s an op-ed, not news reporting. The connection is obviously ridiculous, and the author pretty much admits it. The piece shouldn’t have been published because it’s poorly written, shallow, self-indulgent naval-gazing. But it is a sad reminder of how egg donors are exploited.
Anonymous says
navel-gazing
Marshmallow says
Ugh, I read it and had the same reaction. Frankly, I had a similar “ick” reaction to a recent NYT piece about merit scholarships being a racket… I find lately that NYT seems to be ginning up anxiety. Trying to take a step back.
avocado says
The scholarship piece was incredibly annoying. It contained absolutely no new information that anyone who has applied for college in the last 30 years doesn’t already know, and totally ignored a whole bunch of very important points about the whole admissions/financial aid game. It’s all about gaming the rankings, especially optimizing yield. And the point about the necessity of and ethics of telling kids that their high school grades and course selections matter? Puh-leeeze. The kids know that already. That’s why they are so stressed out.
cbackson says
I was so confused by that article. Like, I knew that my grades mattered for merit money when I applied to undergrad in the late 1990s!
avocado says
I’m pretty sure my mom knew it back when she applied to college, seeing as she attended on a merit scholarship.
Anon says
My parents are moving to my city soon and have asked if they can watch my 3 year old at their place one day a week so they can spend more time with her (she currently goes to daycare full time). I’m inclined to do it, but would appreciate any advice on what I should be thinking about or potential pitfalls. My kid loves school but also adores her grandparents, so I think she’d be delighted with the 80-20 arrangement. She understands that different days have different routines so I don’t think there would be any problem with having one “grandma day” as long as we keep it consistent. I trust my parents completely, and we generally see eye-to-eye on most parenting stuff. I think they will be a bit more indulgent in some ways (e.g., more sweets) but I’m not concerned about that because it’s only once a week. My parents are vaccinated and will be part of our bubble either way, so I don’t think covid is a factor. Anything I’m overlooking? Any reason not to do this?
Anonymous says
I think it’s a wonderful thing to be able to do. I would continue to pay for full time care (if your day care even let’s you just pay for 4 days a week, mine doesn’t) at least for a while- loving a 3 year old and being up for a full day every week arent always the same, so don’t get into a situation where if they flake you have no options.
CHL says
Agree with this — we did this and my parents were really reliable but sometimes they got sick or they wanted to take a vacation and then we were in a bad spot. Also, not sure what your daycare’s approach is but they might not be able to fill a 1 day a week slot and so you might have to just keep full week schedule. It was such a blessing to have that time with grandma.
Anon says
Yep, we’d keep paying for full-time since our school doesn’t have a part-time option, but even if they did I think we’d want school as a backup. They travel quite a bit in normal times and we wouldn’t want to burning vacation days or scrambling to find backup care regularly.
Anon says
We do this! Sometimes pick-up/drop-off can be a little prolonged if we have things to talk about but my mom is pretty understanding when I say I’ve gotta run for work. This year, she has dropped the kids off at my house and stayed for dinner which has been really great given the overall lack of adult interaction this year and especially welcome when my husband is working late.
Cb says
Do it, do it, do it! This sounds amazing and I’m green with envy.
NYCer says
+1. I am jealous!
Pogo says
We chose not to do this, and I am glad because it made the four months of Grandma-care during hard lockdown really novel for him. There are also a surprising number of days we need grandparents even with FT care – sick days, COVID shutdowns, professional development, holidays for daycare but not work holidays, etc. So they still get their time with him 1-2x/month. If you still want to do it, go for it, but just something to think about.
Anonymous says
It’s totally fine. We have a similar arrangement in that my mom moved to my city right before the pandemic and, while not perfect, it has really helped esp during these crazy times. My oldest is in elem and my younger two go to PK and daycare (different schools) T/W/Th. I don’t work Fridays. She takes the younger two on Monday from 9-2.
Potential considerations:
-what happens when your parents want to go on a long weekend trip? Are you good taking the day off and/or could you add the day into daycare?
– would you want them taking her to an activity (dance, swim, gymnastics, wtahever)? Are they OK with that?
– are you OK with them driving her around?
– are you uptight about how they spend their day? My mom does a lot of (pre covid) errand running with my kids in tow. I don’t care because it’s just one day but if it happened on the regular I’d just get them a sitter (they get uppity if they sit in the car all day)
– are you OK about what they will feed her (and if not, you can just send her with food– that’s how i curbed this issue. there are still occasional treats but it’s vastly improved how they eat on Grandma Days)
I also strongly suggest Monday or Friday as the Grandparent day. In addition to the benefit of getting coverage on Monday holidays, you also will get the updside of sleepovers as your kiddo gets a little older. My 2 and 4 year old take turns having sleepovers on Sunday nights and then they wake up at Grandma’s and get to spend the day.
Anon says
Thanks, good things to think about. I think we probably have to do mid-week due to my parents’ schedules (my mom is still working part-time remotely) but we’re definitely looking forward to sending her there for sleepovers on weekends!
Mary Moo Cow says
We have local grandparents and before elementary school, this was our arrangement and it was wonderful! I, too, was worried about over indulgence on snacks and treats, but I learned to let it go for one day a week and focus on the balance or the whole picture.
Now kids spend one or two afternoons a week at grandparents and occasionally a weekend day or sleepover. I’ve been surprised by how my feelings about this fluctuate, like sometimes I can’t wait to pass them off and sometimes I’m irritated grands want even more time with my kids. So give yourself some grace with unexpected feelings.
anon says
We tried doing a full day with grandparents and it turned out to be too much for my kids and the grandparents. They couldn’t handle the level of activity and constantly “forgot” to do naps and snacks, so we’d come home to miserable kids.
As an alternative, my kids grandparents have picked them up from daycare after nap (now after elementary school) every Friday for 5 years now. They play for several hours together and then we all have a Friday night family dinner after we’re done with work. It’s a nice way to end the week and my MIL is responsible for Friday dinner, which takes it off of my plate after a long week.
BabyBoom says
I was going to recommend something along this line. My mom is young and healthy, but she vastly underestimates the amount of energy it takes to watch the kids. She would like to be the grandparent that can watch the kids all day, but she can’t. If you have any concerns about their stamina, I would ease into it. Maybe start with a few hours after nap. If that goes well, maybe grandparents pick up before lunch and do 1/2 day. Then transition to whole day if they feel up to it.
It does sound wonderful and I hope this works well for you. I am very impressed by the other grandparents that handle multiple days of babysitting!
Marshmallow says
We do a twist on this, too. My mom comes over every Sunday morning and does playtime with our daughter at our place until lunchtime. She gets some quality time without sole responsibility, and DH and I can get some things done while DD is playing with grandma. We really need more than full-time daycare because of our jobs, which has been tough with Covid restrictions, so that extra half-day of help on the weekend goes a long way.
Anon says
We have two grandma days a week, three daycare days. A few things- Monday’s are a good grandparent day because it eases the return to work week for LO and me. We have grandmas come to our house. Easier for us and it means more consistency for LO. Before deciding on this, we were clear that it means less of a spoiling-grandparent relation (ie they have to follow rules more than the grandparents that come around 1x – month) and we needed consistency. If not, they can just pick up early from daycare; if committing to a day a week they can’t just skip out randomly on us. It’s been good overall. I’d really considering asking them to come to you.
Anon says
They can’t come to us. I work from home permanently now and can’t get any work done with my child at home (plus our house is not huge, so with 5 of us we’d really be on top of each other – we made it work when my parents visited from out of town, but it was not ideal). They’ll be much closer to us than daycare is, so not an inconvenience at all for me to do drop off and pickup.
anon says
In that case, totally makes sense! My oldest really needs consistency, so even with three different locations (home, daycare, grandparents’) you can do some small things to help IF your kid is like that too. (If they’re super flexible, disregard and enjoy the flexibility! hahah!). We prep him a lot — talk about which day is where, remind him what the next day is (DAYCARE DAY!!!) etc. And, you could send kiddo with the same stuffed animal and pillow as you do for daycare, same lunch box, etc. And, with our moms it’s sometimes easier to say we are trying to be consistent with daycare so they have to nap at xyz time, than for it to sound like I’m just being picky/rigid. (Sounds dumb, but you know what, picking my battles!). My other advice would be more if you’re in the same space so not really applicable. Good luck, and enjoy having some more support close to home. With weekly grandma days, it is very easy to have them babysit if we need it. No worrying about if they know the routine, etc. It’s really great to have that.
I says
My mom watches my kid once a week for half a day. It is really sweet to see how close they have become. My kid shouts with delight when my mom arrives. For us, half a day is the ideal amount of time.
Anon says
I have a friend who does this with her 3 year old and it works great. I know it definitely involves more baking/sweets and new toys, but my friend makes the toys live at grandma’s house. They typically do the same day of the week, but if there is something special happening at school they might switch the day or skip a week. It sounds like you have an open relationship with your parents so can you say something like let’s try it and see how it goes?
Anon says
Best travel potty? I would like something that we could use in the car to potentially skip public restrooms if need be, but also be used at home and/or Grandma and Grandpa’s house. I’m optimistically thinking that the After Times will coincide with potty training to some degree.
Anon says
we have the Oxo one and it’s been great. Our grandparents aren’t local but if we can ever travel to see them again I’ll probably just buy another kid potty seat for their house
Pogo says
oh good! I just ordered this one. LO is scared of public restrooms, which is tough bc it’s not like we plan to be going in public much any time soon, but there are still times when he would need to use one potentially.
Anonymous says
How old of kids does this work for? We’re considering a driving trip (thanks Covid) from the Midwest to FL to visit family. This might be a good idea in case we can’t find a bathroom. Although we’ve definitely had her squat on a random gravel road before in an emergency with no problem!
Clementine says
50 pound weight limit on the chart – my 5 year old has used it before.
Cb says
We have one of those mycarry ones. It’s a bit too small for my 3.5 year old, if everything isn’t pointing down, it turns into a bit of a geyser but does the trick. And true confessions – I’ve used it in a desperate drank too much tea before long walk moment.
anon says
We use the oxo potty training potty and keep old diapers that kids have sized out of in the car to soak up when they go in the potty. Works great and pretty cleanly for pee and then I keep a to go pack of scrubbing bubbles or other wipes in the car for the potty.
AwayEmily says
We have a Fisher Price penguin potty from Target. It was $10 and works great. It’s not huge, but my 5yo used it successfully on a recent road trip.
Anon says
Well, our kids are going back to elementary school for 1/2 day hybrid next week and the teachers are back in the school today for training and setting up. I walked by on my morning walk (not on purpose but just happened to be the time they’re all coming in) and the building was lit up again and full of teachers wearing masks and hauling posters and other stuff around and I just started to cry. This should be an interesting couple weeks for all of us.
Anonymous says
Wonderful news!
Anonymous says
It will be good! It’s nerve-racking in the beginning, but kids are so good about following the Covid rules (way better than adults, ime) and even with all the masks and distancing and other weirdness, they derive so much happiness from being around peers.
Anonymous says
Oh man, I would cry, too. Our district is all virtual and the Board voted to push back considering reopening AGAIN at the last meeting. I walk by our elementary school sometimes on my lunchtime walk and it’s just depressing to see an empty parking lot and lights only in the front office.
So excited for you and your kids. From my out-of-state friends and teacher relatives, the kids are so. happy. to be back in school at least part time. (Hybrid is a ton of extra work for the teachers, though, so be patient with them while they figure it out)
Mary Moo Cow says
Happy tears or sad tears? Anecdotally, my kids have been in person all year (small school) with masks, plexiglass around desks, staying in the classroom except for pe and recess, and there have been no cases of in school transmission. Zero. No classrooms have had to close. None. It’s been fantastic for them to be in person. I’m so thankful to the superintendent and the school staff and teachers who are making it possible. So if they are anxious or sad tears, I hope my story gives you some comfort.
Anon says
Just ‘moved’ or grateful tears. Thanks for sharing your experience!
Anon says
We’ve been hybrid since October and have had no in-school transmission…but they are still shutting down the school for two weeks with every case. We had a total of 10 in person days last semester. I’m getting pretty frustrated – the administration is being overly conservative, IMO. If people are masked and distancing there shouldn’t be the “widespread exposure” they claim as the reason to push everyone remote.
Anonymous says
My three kids go to elementary/preschool in person. There have been zero cases of in-school transmission in our schools. A couple classrooms shut down pending test results for a few days at the school (ages 2-9), but there have been no positive tests to date. There have been 3 positive tests in the childcare center (ages 18 months through elementary since they’re now doing care for essential workers’ children): one child, one teacher, one “staff,” and none of them linked. Each time only the classroom with the positive case shut down, the rest of the classes continued as normal. I’m not sure how it would work in middle/high school with class changes, but anecdotally, the cohorting and mask-wearing seems very successful among elementary and younger students.
Which makes it all the more infuriating that our public schools still insist on all-virtual.
Anonymous says
We’ve been hybrid since Sept and I burst into tears when I saw cars in the parking lot in the fall. I am so, so proud of all the kids and staff and teachers and parents– but mostly the kids. We’ve had a lot of cases in our community and not ONE in-school spread. We’ve had some crazy times like when I got robocalled at 10pm on Sunday to say that my son’s class could not be in person bc they just found out a kid tested positive and didn’t have time to contact trace (then 4 kids and the teacher had to quarantine [they were masked and distanced but they had everyone sitting near the student quarantine anyway–but nobody got it).
Pogo says
My kid just switched preschools, but both his previous school and current school have each had 1 case that never spread. I do think the protocols work with young kids. With teenagers, I would be more reluctant (just anecdotally – I have a few work colleges whose kids have gotten it), but I think the spread happens outside of the classroom, not in it.
Anonymous says
Yeah I think with teenagers a lot of it is because they’re socializing more outside of school (including dating) or playing close contact sports. Adding to the chorus that we’ve had a total of 3 teachers and 1 child in our ~100 person daycare center test positive since the beginning of the pandemic, but there’s been no spread at school. We’ve also had no non-Covid illness due to all the Covid protocols, which has been a wonderful change from last winter. I was anxious about going back, but it’s gone way more smoothly than I could have anticipated and I don’t see how we would have survived this year with a high-energy, extroverted only child without daycare.
Anonymous says
Adults are just as much of a problem as teenagers. Our district has had multiple instances of documented in-school spread among faculty and staff, leading to multiple school closures when they didn’t have enough adults to run the school.
Anonymous says
It depends on the teenagers and the situation. I have observed that with teens who are generally good kids and understand that the rules must be followed in order to be allowed to do whatever it is they want to do, compliance with safety protocols is excellent. With school, you would want to know that district leadership, school administrators, and teachers were all on board with zero tolerance of mask slippage, etc. Since teenagers’ exhalations travel as far as adults’, you’d also want to be sure they were eating snacks and lunch outdoors and never removing masks indoors for any reason.
Pogo says
Right, but the problem is it doesn’t matter how good school is. The minute they leave the building the teachers/administrators can’t control them. Case in point: today I went on my lunchtime run as the middle and high school was letting out. Several groups of kids walking home together without masks (or rather, masks pulled down under their chins or hanging from their ears).
EB0220 says
Our kids went back to school full time last week. Their school is right by our house so I walk by multiple times a day. Seeing all of the kids playing outside made me cry all week last week.
Anonymous says
My 3 year old informed me she wants a “penguin chair” for her upcoming birthday. I cannot find such a thing. Any brilliant ideas for other penguin-themed things I could get her? We have a ton of books about penguins already. I thought of PJs but am having a hard time finding something I like. She wears kids’ sizes, not toddler sizes, which makes it harder to find adorable animal-themed clothing.
Cb says
Could you buy a black or white kid chair and put a penguin pillow on it? Or get some felt and put some feet on it the bottom.
Cb says
Ooh and now I’ve gone down a rabbit (penguin?) hole. Check etsy for Stickea, they’ve got penguin decals for IKEA furniture.
Pogo says
hahaha same, Zullily has a SLOTH chair that I want now!
Anonymous says
I saw the sloth chair, I might get that! I think that’s currently her #2 animal after penguins. Thanks for the ideas, everyone.
Anonymous says
https://www.amazon.com/Stuffed-Storage-Beanbag-Organization-Penguin/dp/B08KG5DL9G/ref=asc_df_B08KG5DL9G/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=475772980992&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=2539099078224093896&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9001878&hvtargid=pla-1086421261675&psc=1
https://www.potterybarnkids.com/products/winter-penguin-sherpa-anywhere-beanbag-slipcover/
Or if you are really committing to it:
https://www.aliexpress.com/item/32904774258.html
Anonymous says
or something like this:
https://www.modakidsshop.com/my-little-step-stool-penguin.html
Anonymous says
You could turn her stuffed animal collection into a beanbag chair: https://www.amazon.com/Stuffed-Storage-Beanbag-Organization-Penguin/dp/B08KG5DL9G/ref=sr_1_8?dchild=1&keywords=penguin+chair&qid=1611588792&s=home-garden&sr=1-8
Anonymous says
Not sure what size she is, but these are available in a 5T: https://www.gymboree.com/us/p/Boys-Long-Sleeve-Penguin-Snug-Fit-Cotton-2-Piece-Pajamas—Gymmies-3017253-01?sisearchengine=182&siproduct=GYMB%5FCSE&clearppc=1&CAWELAID=&cid=CSE-_-GYMGooglePLA-_-GYMGymmiesSS-_–_-00194936215529&catargetid=120102400000009779&cadevice=c&gclid=CjwKCAiA9bmABhBbEiwASb35V3iHXi_Wsdra6Jg0KIKd4jc9VJLnuj683mbr782Pf333lzrfHYPkzxoCppYQAvD_BwE&utm_medium=CSE&utm_source=GYMGooglePLA&utm_campaign=GYMGymmiesSS&utm_content=00194936215529
And these come in tons of sizes:
https://www.amazon.com/Leveret-Toddler-Pajamas-Christmas-Penguin/dp/B07F9MX6H2/ref=asc_df_B07F9P3C6H/?tag=&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312065469103&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=15135284722446657045&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9001878&hvtargid=pla-648789036437&ref=&adgrpid=60226509257&th=1&psc=1
And my kids would all love this, for pajamas or just being silly:
https://www.amazon.com/NEWCOSPLAY-Children-Penguin-Halloween-4-Height/dp/B0761PZRSM/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=Penguins+Pajamas&qid=1611588917&sr=8-3
OtterMom says
Here is a penguin bean bag chair – think that will suffice?
https://www.etsy.com/listing/211016455/christmas-penguin-kids-bean-bag-chair?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=penguin+chair&ref=sr_gallery-1-16&organic_search_click=1
SC says
For other penguin-themed things–a penguin backpack or travel suitcase, a penguin blanket or towel, penguin bedding or just a pillow shaped like a penguin, a penguin poster, or the board game (memory game) Pengoloo.
Mrs. Jones says
We had a penguin suitcase and matching backpack that was so cute and lasted a long time.
Anon says
We did a penguin party for LO’s first! Penguin cards designed by someone on Etsy. Goldfish and Swedish fish for snacks.
SC says
I love goldfish and Swedish fish for snacks!!!
anon says
Trader Joe’s sells gummy penguins!
Anon says
On the other ideas, my 34 year old self has flannel penguin sheets that are delightful! And my 3 year old still plays with her penguins muchkin slide bath toy.
Anonymous says
My 37 year old self has penguin flannel sheets too! They are cozy and I love them. :)
EB says
Realizing that every body is different, I’m going to ask this question anyways. I am mid-30s, two kids, my youngest is a year and a half. In the last five months, I lost about ten pounds that I held onto from the last baby, and am discovering that I now have some loose skin around my belly button. For those who have done similarly–does this go away, or is it a permanent fixture now?
Boston Legal Eagle says
I too and mid-30s, two kids and am basically back to my pre baby 1 weight now that my youngest is almost 2.5, but yes, still have loose skin and a not flat belly. I think this just comes with having your belly expand to accommodate babies. At least for me, I don’t think there’s any way to change this part of my body outside of lipo (which I don’t want for many reasons).
Anonymous says
So my loose skin is from non-preg weight gain and loss in my 20s, but I’m 44 and it never went away. It is a bit different though, as I kept the weight on for years before I lost it, not just the length of a pregnancy. The upside was I got no new stretch marks from pregnancy with giant baby, as I had enough extra skin already.
SB says
Reposting since I posted this late Friday – thanks to those of you who have already responded!
Does anyone have experience with therapy for themselves to help work through the nuances of having a special needs child? I just found out my five month old daughter has some issues with her vision and may possibly be blind, and I think talking to a professional would be helpful. Specific recs would be great – I’m in LA but would prefer virtual sessions, so location is irrelevant – but also would love to hear about other’s experience with this.
Clementine says
A friend addressed this in therapy directly.
If you haven’t read it yet, I would suggest the very brief essay ‘Welcome to Holland’. Also, please do give yourself permission to grieve the future you thought you would have.
Anon says
not for me, but my best friend’s daughter has a host of mental health challenges and my friend is in therapy to help her work through it. unfortunately, location is relevant bc practitioners need to be licensed to practice across state lines even if virtual. very important for you to take care of yourself and processing your own feelings with this. and hugs to you – i cannot imagine how challenging it must be to receive news like that
anon says
It’s certainly worth a shot, though in my experience your average therapist is going to have little experience in addressing these specific issues. So they can, say, bring their usual toolkit for addressing stress and uncertainty, but may be less than helpful on disability-specific questions you have to work through. I “fired” three therapists in a row in my twenties who completely failed me on this topic after I very suddenly (like, overnight) lost what was left of my vision — one of them said something so ignorant to me that I’m still mad about it a decade later. Another one just fell back on telling me I should be “grateful” for my “challenges,” because apparently my sense of loss was not okay? Uh…thanks, I wanted actual therapy to deal with my actual trauma, not a greeting card.
So give it a try, but it’s not you if it is hard to find the right person.
Also, you may find talking to blind adults more helpful in the short-term. It will probably help you to get past the immediate panic of the unknown, which makes your brain fall back on stereotypes in the absence of actual adult models to look to. If you don’t know anybody through your network, post a burner email and we can chat if you want.
Anon says
Assuming by LA, you mean Los Angeles? Terry Wolhberg is a fantastic therapist specializing in maternal mental health. She’s on the Westside but is currently doing virtual visits.
When I was pregnant with my oldest, she was diagnosed with a genetic disorder that had a wide range of outcomes (from virtually unaffected to severe disability). Terry helped me work through my complex feelings and process my grief about our prenatal diagnosis. It was incredibly helpful to have a safe space to mourn and vent and talk about those feelings in a judgment-free zone.
Another thing that really helped me was joining virtual support groups for parents of other children with the same disorder. I generally shy away from Facebook mom groups but seeing other children with her condition thriving and having other parents to connect with who were further down the road in their parenting journey was reassuring and validating.
My daughter is doing amazingly well now at 3 years old and fortunately has fallen in the “virtually unaffected” camp, but those were the toughest few months of my life thus far. Wishing you and your little one the best.
Redux says
I work for a different state’s version of this agency, so have no direct experience, but you could try CA’s Office of Services to the Blind (link to follow). In my state, our version of this office would connect you with resources.
Redux says
https://www.cdss.ca.gov/blind-services
Anon says
Just wanted to say I am sorry you are dealing with this, I am sure it’s very hard.
Anonymous says
Tooth brushing – what’s a good tooth brush for a 2 year old? Also, how do y’all handle the night time routine with tooth brushing? We’re good with the morning routine but it seems to all fall apart at bedtime. Thanks!
Lily says
We like this electric toothbrush: https://www.amazon.com/Papablic-BabyHandy-Electric-Toothbrush-Toddlers/dp/B07YY5G2V1/ref=sxts_sxwds-bia-wc-rsf1_0?crid=H394EU8SQFKG&cv_ct_cx=toddler+electric+toothbrush&dchild=1&keywords=toddler+electric+toothbrush&pd_rd_i=B07YY5G2V1&pd_rd_r=a1eca61d-b928-4092-a6e9-6b90976e5901&pd_rd_w=zKsN3&pd_rd_wg=UfiMA&pf_rd_p=e0f994a8-a359-40a9-8917-dadca71c7184&pf_rd_r=YQ0SAT2NXCPYRFMJN27B&psc=1&qid=1611594437&sprefix=toddler+electri%2Caps%2C198&sr=1-1-526ea17f-3f73-4b50-8cd8-6acff948fa5a
As far as a routine, after dinner we do bathtime (except no bath on Saturday nights), then put on PJs. While she drinks a cup of milk, we read books in her room. Then when the milk is finished (or 7:45, whatever happens first), we ask her to open her mouth, and we exclaim how many unicorns and bunnies are in there! That’s her signal to run to the bathroom where we sit her on our lap and brush her teeth. Once we’re finished we let her do a little brushing too (which is mostly useless). If she didn’t have a bath that night we also use a warm washcloth to wash her face. Then she runs back to her room, lights out, sound machine on, and we do snuggles and put her in her crib.
CCLA says
I recommend this a lot: Baby buddy 360 toothbrush. The 360 degree bristles really help for ages 1-2. For a little older, around age 3 we got older kid an electric brush from quip which was great, the small handle is way easier for her to do some of the job on her own (vs the oral b one which we tried but was unwieldy for tiny hands). We still of course assist her but now that she’s 4 she’s does a first pass on her own.
Pogo says
Confession: I let my kid watch a video on my phone while we do teeth. It is last in both morning and bedtime routine, and he is motivated by the video so he moves along with the rest of the process. I used to have a hard time prying the phone away, but now I set a timer for 2min after which he has to turn it off. When the timer goes off and if he refuses, I just take the phone away. That is very motivating.
I really prefer an electric toothbrush, because I feel like it is so hard with their tiny mouths to get in there really well. I just buy whatever one has characters he’s into at that point in time.
Looking for a Clean House says
For folks who have household help beyond childcare and a typical housecleaner every few weeks, when did you reach your breaking point and decide that you needed help and it was worth the cost? It feels like DH and I are working so much right now, but it also kind of feels like neither of us has big enough jobs to require what I would consider housekeeping help. But I just feel like we have nothing left to give. What solutions have others found to this problem? How much do people pay for help, and how does that compare to your income?
Anon says
Two weeks ago. We just signed up for a weekly housekeeper who will also fold laundry and pick up toys (our pre-COVID housekeepers would not do either). We’re paying $155 every week (HHI is about 350K a year gross in a HCOL area). The only thing “missing” is meal prep help in terms of where the pain points are, but we’re filling that in with a mix of 6 delivered meals (freshly – our first week is this week, TBD how it goes) or 3 2-person meal kits (hellofresh) (DD eats nothing adults do, sigh), which are running about $60 a week. My initial thought was an individual who could come and essentially be me in terms of cooking, cleaning and organizing 2-3x a week (so 10-12 hours) which seems to run $20-25 per hour here, but I’m not ready to go for hiring a payroll company, getting worker’s comp and the supervision level of managing that relationship. But if in 6 months our new setup doesn’t work out, that’s probably our next step.
Anon says
To clarify, we just signed up for a weekly housekeeping service. Two-person team, committed to keeping the same team between visits except for a backup team for sick days, holidays, etc., small family-owned company that was willing to be flexible. Eliminates the headache of managing an employee and all of the tax headaches (quarterly filings!) and extra expense that comes with it at the cost of not being a perfectly customizable solution, but if we can get the cleaning and laundry taken care of, I am also hopeful that will leave more headspace and energy for other things and this will get us through, because I am done.
Colleen says
This isn’t what you were asking about exactly, but for our needs, we’ve lowered our standards rather than getting more help. It sounds like you’re asking about something other than housekeeping, but for me the big thing is the housekeeping: I’m not having our housekeeper back (she used to come weekly) until we’re all vaccinated. We just don’t have the flexibility to consistently leave the house for half a day per week (big jobs, 3 kids + nanny, apartment, no car). So, we just live in a not-super-clean house. I vacuum the rugs when they get egregiously fuzzy; I dust when things look egregiously dusty; I sweep under the table when it looks crumb-y; I try to mop the kitchen and dining area once a week, but some weeks I skip. When the toilets look gross, I clean them and also wipe down the bathroom counter and sink area while I’m doing bathroom stuff. Our house isn’t, like, disgusting, but it’s definitely not as “presentable” as it was pre-COVID. So far we are surviving. (For the crowd: No need to lecture me on how my husband should bear more of the cleaning burden; he does some of this and also takes on other jobs that I don’t want to do.)
On another point, I am a martyr for home-cooked meals so I still do a lot of cooking, which honestly is probably not the right economics or mental health choice. But if I were to reduce my cooking burden, I would do a combination of more frozen or otherwise easy meals (nuggets, pasta + jarred sauce, frozen burritos, grilled cheese, etc.) and pre-made food from the grocery store or a mass meal delivery service, rather than use a private chef.
Also if it’s relevant, I just…don’t fold clothes anymore. Things get stuffed into drawers unless their owners want to take the time to fold. Sorting the laundry still takes some time, but I can do it on the floor in front of the TV at 11:30 at night, which is what I did last night. Definitely no ironing or sorting clothing into separate loads for whites, or linens, or whatever.
Bottom line, I’m not sure what other assistance you’re thinking you need, but depending, you might consider if you could just lower your standards for now, particularly if it would really stretch your budget to pay for extra help.*
*At the same time, you might consider whether actually it would be financially reasonable and a good thing for your mental health and family relationships to pay for extra help, and if it’s just your own psychological issues that are telling you you should keep on bearing this cross :)
anon says
I solved this by lumping it in with childcare, so I hired a full time nanny/family assistant, and she picks up, does laundry, watches the dogs, does non-house cleaner cleaning, grocery shops, runs errands etc. In theory she also watches the kids, but unless they have places to be (so non-covid times), they don’t need that much supervision (they are 7, 9 and 12). Normally they would be in school, so she would do 4 hours at home and 4 hours with them. Basically, she’s like my stay-at-home spouse. We pay a lot ($32/hr, 40 hours a week), but for us it’s worth it.
Anonymous says
Can you talk a little about how you hired this person? Did you use a service, advertise on care dot com, etc? I don’t think we need a full 40 hours/week, but I would love to have ~20 hours of help for the things you describe and am not sure the best place to start.
anon says
I did go through care.com for my current person, but I’ve also used an agency. The hardest part is that I needed to pay over the table, and for part-time, it was really hard to find someone who was willing to be paid over the table. It’s doable, but I spent a lot of time setting up interviews that went nowhere. If you’re OK with under the table, it may be a lot easier.
I’ve also used an agency, and that mostly saves on the setting up fruitless interviews part. The people I found through the agency weren’t any more reliable (I had two quit within 6 months, for totally different reasons).
Anonymous says
Thank you! We’d need to pay over the table if making it a long-term thing, so that’s helpful to know. Understanding that this is totally anecdotal, did you have any luck with college kids or do you need a “real adult” to do this kind of job? IME, college kids are great for the childcare part, but we’ve never looked specifically for household management type skills/confidence. My kids are getting old enough that the help I need now is with kid logistics, not necessarily supervision and engagement.
Anon says
out of curiosity, what sort of jobs do you guys have that lead you to having this type of arrangement?
Anonymous says
It sounds like the dream but that’s more than my spouse makes ?
TheElms says
I need this person, but I have a toddler, so they need to work like 10 hours a day. Maybe next year when the toddler will hopefully go to part time preschool.
TheElms says
Not the anon above, but DH is a partner and I’m counsel, both at big firms, and it sounds so very appealing. Currently we have a nanny and cleaning service and meal delivery supplemented by me cooking/takeout and its not enough.
anon says
Yeah, we are super fortunate, and totally get that this is not practical for nearly anyone (also, we are in a VHCOL area, which definitely ups the price). I’m a biglaw partner and DH is an engineering director. I was part-time for a long time, but recently went full-time and just decided that we had to have the extra help. DH used to travel a lot for work, and I really struggled with solo parenting, even for only 2-3 days at a time. DH does all the cooking, so in theory the nanny would feed the kids or at least prep some food if he was gone. (We went to a full-time person last winter, when he was still traveling.)
Anonymous says
I’ve since cut back, but at one point I had my regular cleaning service one week (floors, bathrooms etc) and on the opposite week I had cleaning lady who vacuumed and mopped main floors, changed sheets (I laid out what I wanted for each bed at the end of the bed in the morning), and folded/put away the kids laundry – one laundry basket full plus a dryer full (I washed it the night before and she took it out of the dryer). She would also put on the first load of sheets as soon as she started so she could put that in the dryer and start the second load of sheets before she left.
Mary Moo Cow says
Oh, man, this is the dream. Until I get there, a few things that have helped us: a Roomba runs on a schedule every day, which means the floors are vacuumed every day without me having to do it and because the floors have to be picked up for it to run, the floors are picked up every night/morning; seriously winnowing toys, closets, dresser drawers, and kitchen cabinets so there is simply less stuff to keep track of, clean, fold, put away, etc.; tolerating single use/disposables like single serving chip bags for lunches; take out dinners right from the container; grocery pick up or grocery delivery and meals are pretty much on a rotation.
It sounds like you are at your breaking point. Do you have a regular cleaning service? If so, could you add a weekly “light cleaning?” A bi-weekly whole house cleaning and a weekly downstairs only cleaning, for example. Send laundry out? Embrace grocery delivery and if not a meal delivery service, the prepared meals from the grocery store? If it is long term commitment that’s giving you pause, what if you give yourself permission to try 3 months of weekly cleaning, grocery delivery, sending laundry out, etc. and see how it goes?
Anon says
For me, it’s cooking that was the extra thing and I’ve tried various solutions. We had an afterschool nanny 3 days a week and she would come for maybe an hour before school pick up and do the kids’ laundry, sweep/wipe down counters, take out the garbage, cook their dinner and prep our Sunbasket meals (this was all part of the scope of the job). Since she stopped coming because of COVID, we sometimes still do sunbasket but I also use a delivery meal service in town run by a local woman – usually two meals with sides, cut up fruit, delivered. It maybe costs the same as takeout but feels more like real food and is set up to be heated up. Food was tasty but not that healthy so now I’ve found a private chef who is young and on faculty of community college cooking school and she makes 3 meals that we choose, plus supplemental roasted vegetables and chicken, and keeps it all healthy for us. I hate the mental energy of meal planning, grocery shopping, balancing tasty and healthy and something my kids won’t whine about and it is worth every penny.
Anonymous says
Oh wow, I need this in my life. I enjoy cooking, but am always crunched for time and attention between 5 and 6:30 pm. Private chef sounds so fancy, but this would free up so much mental energy and a critical time of day!
OP says
Thanks, everyone! I think it is true that I am close to my breaking point, but it kind of comes and goes. I’d say our standards have dipped pretty low at this point, and honestly I’m just sick of it. I don’t like it. DH is awesome. We’re both just tapped out and doing what we can to survive. I am an attorney and would like to work more, not less. DH is in engineering and working tons of hours right now. I feel like he is at a point in his career where the ability to keep putting in this time will really serve him well a little ways down the road, and he likes it. We both would prefer to spend quality time with our daughter or work more compared to keeping a home. We’ve scaled back on childcare during the pandemic (school but no after care), which isn’t helping. But going forward I’d rather pay for more home help than more child care (or at least some sort of balance in that direction). HHI is around 230k in a low cost of living area. Because we’re in a more rural location, there aren’t really agencies or services that would be helpful. We have to find an individual. On the flip side, the hourly rate should be lower than average. We’ll need to pay above the table.
SC says
My parents once hired someone to prepare meals. Every 2 weeks, she went grocery shopping, then went to my parents’ house to prepare meals. She put the meals in containers (she told my parents which ones to buy) and froze them. And she did dishes. She cooked to their specifications. I was in college, so I have no idea what they paid. But something like this could be a way to take a huge daily task off your plate, plus dramatically reduce dishes.
You also might be able to send out laundry. My great-aunt made extra money taking in laundry and doing it at her own house. And when I say “extra” money, I mean all the money her family used to pay rent and eat, because her husband spent his paychecks on alcohol and god knows what else.
Anonymous says
This may not be the right fit for the OP, and I really, truly do not mean this in a snarky way. But what about the kids? Obviously not applicable if you have infants, but my 4 and 7 year old have REALLY picked up the slack during the pandemic. They can (together, using a stool) empty the dishwasher. They do 90% of the work with laundry (4 y/o gathers and sorts all the dirty laundry into piles. I do laundry all day long in between and just move the clean stuff to our guest room in a giant mountain. Then my 4 and 7 year old fold all the clothes and put them away [for themselves and our 2 y/o–they put DH’s and mine in a basket in my room and I refold them…or not]). 4 y/o wipes off our kitchen table and sweeps the floor. 7 y/o vacuums. They clean their playroom.
And I just close the door on my 2 y/o’s room until I can steel myself to deal with it, or I give my older two some treat/money and they clean it.
avocado says
The youngest I’ve seen kids provide genuine help that actually takes the load off the parents is 10 – 12. At 10 my daughter could do a surprisingly decent job of cleaning stuff she could reach, but it took some hands-on teaching to get her to that point. One of her most self-sufficient friends was cooking dinner independently at 11 or 12, but mine didn’t have the confidence or organizational skills to cook solo until she was 13. Below age 10, chores are more about teaching them to take care of their things and their space than about a making a substantial contribution to keeping the household running. If OP already has child care and a housecleaner and is still feeling overwhelmed, I don’t think having small kids pitch in will solve her problems.
SC says
I tend to agree, at least for my 5 year old. I’m a huge advocate for having kids help with the housework! But to me, the advantages are typically spending time together while getting stuff done, teaching the kid some skills, and teaching values like teamwork and taking care of our things and everybody contributing. But it really just shifts my workload from doing something myself to managing him.
OP says
Just to be clear, I don’t have much in the way of childcare and cleaning help. Childcare is currently limited to pre-K from 8:30-2:15. We paused aftercare when Covid got bad again in our state in November and haven’t gone back. We’ll probably go back part-time in a few weeks. I also don’t have a cleaner. I know it is a good step, but I also don’t think it gets me all the way there. And I want to be all the way there, lol.
Anonymous says
I am jealous your kids can reliably fold laundry. My 6 year old daughter loves to help fold laundry, but shirts are tricky and putting any of it away seems to be a bridge too far. We’ll get there someday!
Anon says
I’m starting to check out winter sales for snow gear for next year, especially snow bibs. What brands have you found that are great quality and warm? My oldest is out of toddler sizes and everything is suddenly much more expensive