CorporetteMoms

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 119 Comments · by

Washable Workwear Wednesday: Cap Sleeve A-Line Dress

Machine-Washable Work Clothes· Recent Recs

This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Short-Sleeve Washable Dress: The Limited Cap Sleeve A-Line DressThere’s a lot to like about this dress — it’s machine washable, has sleeves, a work-appropriate hem length, and a high neckline, and hello, it’s under $40! (Also, it looks adorable in the real-life photos women have submitted.) It’s available exclusively online for $36 (from $60); there are also a few versions with prints available in regular, petite, and tall sizes. The Limited Cap Sleeve A-Line Dress Here’s a plus-size option. (L-5)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)

Kid/Family Sales

  • Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
  • Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
  • J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
  • Old Navy – 40% off everything
  • Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs

See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:

Click here to see our top posts!

And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!

Comments

  1. GCA says

    Does anyone have experience pump-weaning? I want to pump-wean during the day but am happy to nurse at night/ on weekends; kid is 13 months, so he doesn’t NEED breastmilk any longer, but definitely demands to nurse for comfort + milk. Can I phase out pumping but still produce enough to satisfy the milk monster baby?

    • Anon in NYC says

      I just did this. I was pumping 3x a day and nursing in the morning/night. I elected to drop one pumping session a week (so it took 3 weeks) and continue nursing morning and night. I actually don’t nurse during the day on weekends because I don’t want my supply to increase. My daughter (who will definitely nurse if offered) seems okay with it.

      We’re working through our frozen milk supply right now, but when my daughter transitions to the toddler room she will only get 1 cup of milk per day (water at every other time). We’re in the process of dropping bottles during the day with her by mixing BM and cows milk in each bottle. We started out by keeping the same number of bottles but changing the ratio (like 3 parts BM, 2 parts cows milk one week, and then 2 parts BM and 3 parts cow the next). Now we’ve dropped 1 bottle and replaced it with a sippy cup of cows milk and (I think) we will soon drop a second bottle and do the same (or just replace it with water).

      • GCA says

        Thanks for the tips, and good luck. I will try mixing BM and cows milk. How much total does she get per cup? And how much does she actually drink?

        My son is transitioning to toddler room in a month. It all happened so fast. I must’ve blinked…

        Also, oof, 3X/day! I do 2X and that’s bad enough. I’m slowly decreasing the time spent pumping each session – originally 30 minutes, now 25, and so on.

        • Anon in NYC says

          I know – my daughter is transitioning at the end of July! Crazy how time flies.

          Per bottle, we were giving her 6 oz of BM. Now she’s getting 2 5oz bottles, and it’s anywhere from 1.5-3 oz of BM (depending on the amount defrosted) and the remainder is cows milk. She drinks it all. Her sippy cup of cows milk is 3-5 oz (she typically only drinks about 3 oz). Our pediatrician said that, although there is no set “right” amount for cows milk in a day, she thinks about 8 oz or so is a good amount (assuming she’s getting calcium from other sources).

          Good luck!

    • Momata says

      I did this about a month ago. I dropped the first of two pumping sessions for a week, then the second. I definitely had an oversupply at the end of the day for the first couple of days where I didn’t pump at all, but nothing too uncomfortable. During the week I nurse at morning, for one night feed, and in the morning; he drinks about 6 oz from my frozen stash during the day. On the weekends I nurse during the day but give a bottle from my stash at bedtime (which also allows me to participate in happy hour!). It all seems to even out, and I think my 11mo is getting enough. Happily, my stash will run out after a year at which point I will switch to cow’s milk and probably wean entirely.

    • MDMom says

      I did this starting at 8 months when my supply was faltering during the day. My supply did gradually start to falter at night and morning too and baby just lost patience for working so hard for milk and basically self weaned by 12 months. A friend of mine was able to keep bfing just night and morning for quite some time though. I’ll say, I probably could have kept bfing but once there was minimal milk, baby was about as into it a he is into anything else that captures his interest- on for a minute, then off to knock over everything on nightstand instead… It wasn’t worth it for me anymore.

    • hoola hoopa says

      At that age, definitely. I stopped pumping when LOs were 12 mo and bfed for comfort until 18-24 months.

      I stopped pumping at 6 mo and baby self weaned by 9 mo because there just wasn’t any nutritional satisfaction due to low supply.

  2. JLK says

    Finally did it- broke up with daycare today. This is a HUGE step because it means I’m actually committing to semi-SAHMdom once baby #2 is born :/. This is what I want, and it’s what is best for our family, but it feels so…final.

    Baby is due next week. Toddler will go to daycare on a slightly reduced but pretty close to normal schedule through the summer. I resigned my FT job two months ago and took on full time consulting/contracting, which I will drop to 10-20% over the summer (if that) and ramp back up to part time in the fall, at which point toddler will be in 2 day a week preschool, baby will be home, and i’ll be working 15-20 hours/week with some supplemental childcare (TBD, but part time nanny and/or family help depending on schedules). Plan is to ramp back up to full time consulting (or mainly full time) by end of 2017 and tweak the childcare model to whatever will work best then.

    I’m excited, but nervous.

    • LSC says

      That’s awesome. Way to go! Always nice to hear stories from women who are making it all work in a creative way. Keep us posted!

      • JLK says

        It was not something I ever thought I’d be doing, but timing worked between my company getting acquired and lots of reorgs and role shifting that would have put me in an even HIGHER stress/travel role, DH getting a major promotion (and we get all benefits through him anyway), and an opportunity to do contract/consulting work.

        We aren’t making as much as we would will 2 FT corporate jobs, but we will also avoid $55k/year in childcare (now more like $10k) and see each other/the kids much more. We are still on track for retirement savings and can still contribute to regular savings, just not as nearly as aggressively as we had been. But we’re in our forever house with paid off cars and a very manageable amount of student loan debt (we could pay off in cash but the rate is super low).

  3. CLMom says

    How often is reasonable to expect my childless sibling who lives less than a half hour away to babysit? Once a year? Four times a year?
    We have a good relationship, but he and his wife seem completely uninterested in my daughter.

    • Anonymous says

      My one sibling stayed with us for two weeks when kid was born, other sibling visited once. Husbands siblings visited once each.

      So I would say once to see kid and bring a present and then never again if they don’t care.

    • Momata says

      +1. Getting together as a family? As often as you were doing pre-daughter.

    • mascot says

      Have they expressed an interest in baby-sitting or outright offered to do so? If not, then I think the expectation is zero. Perhaps they aren’t baby people or little kid people or they just don’t want that responsibility. I’d still invite them for get togethers and do family holidays to encourage the relationship.

    • anon says

      The only thing you might really *expect* is for your sibling to pitch in if there’s a true emergency (and I suppose that depends on your family dynamics too). Beyond that, I think it depends on your relationship with your sibling, sibling’s interest in children (which may increase as daughter grows from a baby into a kid), etc. My BIL is local, maybe 20 minutes away, and wasn’t comfortable babysitting an infant, but has pitched in when needed him and is way more interested in having alone time with our son now that’s a more interactive toddler.

    • Lyssa says

      I would say in an emergency only, unless they offered. My childless brother and his wife gave us a restaurant gift certificate and a certificate for free babysitting for Christmas, so we took them up on that, but otherwise, I would never ask them unless absolutely necessary. I’ve never asked my other brother with kids, but his wife has said that they would be happy to and they’ve had us sit for them once, so I might soon. (It’s just easier to babysit if you’re already taking care of kids anyway.)

      Getting together with the family which includes seeing the kids, of course, is different.

    • KJ says

      I think it’s natural to hope that they would be interested in your child and disappointed if they aren’t, but they don’t owe you any baby-sitting. I would try not to shut them out though – they could connect better with her when she’s older, you never know.

    • GCA says

      If they are not interested and haven’t offered, I’m with everyone else – I’d say zero unless it is an emergency.

    • CLMom says

      Admittedly, I was hoping for an answer other than zero. However, I appreciate that I have a place to get some grounding and perspective, so THANK YOU!

    • anon says

      I mean if you have a close enough relationship, why don’t you ask them to do it? If they don’t have kids, maybe they don’t understand how much you need it/the hurdles to doing it? My two younger sisters babysat all the time when we lived in the same city and took a huge interest in our son. My brother lived further away but would facetime every week if I let him. My husband’s brother, on the other hand, is older than us and childless and doesn’t even get him a bday gift (no judgment, but the others all do). I wouldn’t ask or want him to babysit, because he’d have no idea what to do.

    • JLK says

      I’d be careful here- do they visit? If not start there and build the relationship. You don’t want them to resent you thinking you only invite them over when you need a sitter.

      My SIL did this to my in laws and they complain nonstop- the kids only visit them when SIL needs a break. We on the other hand spend family time with them, and then happily duck out for a grown up dinner while they out the kids to bed.

      Once they are in the habit of coming over for dinner and playing with the kids (and you), you might have more interest in them offering to babysit.

      Otherwise, I’d say emergencies only and/or if you explicitly ask them and bribe them (“we have a dinner party, would you mind coming over and watching the kids? Ill owe you big time” and then owe them big time.)

      • Meg Murry says

        Yes, this is what I was going to say. I don’t know that you should expect them to babysit, but you should invite them to do things with you and the kid, and eventually maybe they’ll want to babysit or take the kid on an outing.

        Also, how old is the kid? Honestly, infants are kind of boring and/or scary to many childless people. Once they learn to interact and tell you what they need, they are a lot easier to take care of, and they are even easier once they can use the bathroom by themselves. That was my BIL’s criteria – he would hang out with our kids but he wasn’t changing diapers, and he wasn’t wiping backsides.

        We always joked that my BIL would be much more interested in my kids once they were old enough to eat pizza and play videogames – and it has been true. Now that the kids are more independent, they love hanging out with their “cool uncle” – he’s taken them to amusement parks, for hikes in the woods, to see Finding Dory, etc. But when they were babies, the only sitting he really did for us was to come over once they were already in bed and asleep so we could go out to a restaurant down the street, with the understanding that if they woke up he could pick them up and comfort them and call us to come home – he was basically just there in case of major emergency so we weren’t leaving sleeping kids alone in the house, he wasn’t really “baby sitting”. And he was broke and underemployed at the time, so we paid him in pizza, beer, leftovers and free internet.

        So I’d start by inviting them to do something with you. Could you invite them to go to the zoo with you, or a park, etc? Let them get to know the kid first, before you expect to leave them alone with the kid.

    • Anonymous says

      I mean, granted he lives a short plane flight away, but my almost-2 year old daughter’s GRANDFATHER has yet to meet her, let alone ever spend solo time with her. Some people are just not interested in young children.

      I agree with everyone else, though. No expectations outside of an emergency or asking for a big favor, but do try to get them more involved in your life so that hopefully they’ll feel comfortable volunteering at some point. I would add to be careful not to make offhand comments about how expensive babysitters are, or how long it’s been since you had a night out, etc… it might come off as passive aggressive or hinting in an off-putting way.

    • Ally McBeal says

      This is probably too late to be useful, but I have struggled with what to “expect” or “hope for” from family. I’ve come to the conclusion that my family, for whatever it’s worth, is not particularly interested in childcare. They don’t want to babysit. But they do want to have a relationship with my kids. So I just have worked on facilitating the relationship, rather than hoping to get free babysitting out of the deal. It’s not what I’d ideally prefer — I would LOVE for them to babysit more regularly (or at all!). But I am grateful that they love my kids and want to get to know them, even if they want to get to know them in a context where I’m also around or at least available. I also hope that as they get older the relationship will be strong enough for them to spend time one-on-one together.

  4. Mother of patient zero says

    I mentioned on social media (like a reply on one of my posts) that my kid was home sick with something (not like whooping cough or pneumonia or something, but something contagious) and I have one or two moms from that same daycare as friends. Apparently they told other people who panicked about the whole thing and the daycare complained that they are having to field questions about their procedures for sick kids and how they sanitize stuff.

    Now I know for a fact at least two other kids got sick with the same thing around the same time as mine so this is clearly going around the daycare. Also those kids parents could have told other people too.

    Thoughts? Like I am a bit annoyed the daycare is upset with me, if I tell someone my kid is sick, that’s my business. I don’t see how I’m instigating a panic here.

    • Anonymous says

      So, it sounds like your kid got Hand Foot Mouth or Scarlet Fever or something similar — annoying, not life-threatening, but definitely needs a doctor visit and possibly antibiotics. You should have provided daycare with a doctor’s note if you took your kid to the doctor. Beyond that, welcome to parenthood — everyone is convinced *their* way is the best and only way to parent.

    • MDMom says

      Is this hand, foot, and mouth by chance? It’s going around daycares here like crazy. My kid has it for the second time (thankfully mild both times), which I thought wasn’t supposed to happen. Anyway, was the daycare really blaming you or do you think you took it more personally than it was intended because you’re feeling bad about the situation? I hope the latter. It’s their job to field such calls. Don’t feel bad about it. Also those parents are just worried about their kids and asking probably meaningless questions in an effort to make themselves feel better. Im pretty sure all the sanitizing in the world won’t prevent something contagious like hfm from spreading in a daycare. In the words of TSwift, shake it off!

      • MDMom says

        Also, shouldn’t the daycare have told people? At mine, they send around an email when there is an outbreak of something so that parents can be on the alert and keep sick kids home promptly. I don’t get why they would expect secrecy.

        • Spirograph says

          Mine does this too. And posts a flier next to/on top of the daily sign-in sheet saying “We have X number of confirmed cases of ____ ,” then lists symptoms, reminds everyone of the sick kid policies, and outlines the steps the daycare is taking to contain the outbreak.

          I do think there’s an expectation that you let the daycare know if your kid is diagnosed with a contagious illness… which should come up naturally when you communicate to the teacher that kiddo is out sick for the day, right? I don’t think you’re “at fault” if you didn’t do that, though. There’s still no reason for the daycare to yell.

      • Mother of patient zero says

        They actually yelled about it. I think I’m more startled than anything else.

        We randomly talked to someone whose kid got sick the day after ours and they were nice and didn’t blame us at all so I honestly don’t feel bad. I mean, it’s possible our kid brought the virus to daycare but just as possible someone else gave it to him there. We picked him up promptly when they told us e was sick, took him to the doctor, told the daycare and didn’t bring him back until two days after the doctor clearnes him with a note. So we did all we could.

        • MDMom says

          Wow. That is really unprofessional of your daycare. They must deal with this so often that I can’t believe they would react like that. Plus, why the secrecy? They should be alerting other parents in your kid’s room at least so they can be on lookout for symptoms. Sorry that happened. I would address it with the director in whatever way you feel comfortable.

        • Meg Murry says

          Wow. The only reason I could see for getting mad would be if they heard about it from other parents nagging them about it first, not you – and even then, that’s not worth yelling over.

          Who yelled at you? The teacher? The director? Is it an in-home daycare? If they would yell at you over something like this, would they yell at the children? Did the kids hear them yelling?

          My first thought was just “ugh” and I was thinking switching daycares might be an over-reaction, but now I’m second guessing that – because I do not want my kids in an environment where they think yelling at someone (for anything other than an emergency “freeze, don’t run into the road!” situation) is a normal reaction.

    • Anon in NYC says

      Don’t take it personally. I think I posted something on here a few months ago about a similar situation. A kid in one of the infant rooms (too young to vaccinate) at my daughter’s daycare got chicken pox. I’m not really sure when/how the daycare became aware and notified families, but a parent was upset with how it was communicated and complained to the DOH, which shut down two of the three infant rooms for about 2 weeks because the kid had spent time in both rooms prior to receiving a diagnosis and they needed to wait out the incubation period. Those affected families were suddenly without childcare for 2 weeks. It was obviously a challenging time for the daycare and parents were very upset with them, but it is what it is. This is the world they operate in.

      Like the Anon above mentions, I think what you could/should have done was notify the daycare about your LO’s illness (that it was contagious), because there might have been protocols that they need to follow.

    • JLK says

      No way. Our daycare always posts a sign if a kid has one of The Things (hand foot & mouth being most common, also, flu or stomach virus or RSV). I think they have to, actually.

  5. Butter says

    Hi mommas, just wanted to share good news: I was able to negotiate a well above average raise this year, which I’m thrilled at given that I spent nearly this entire year either pregnant, on maternity leave, or in the throes of new parent-returning-to-work syndrome. It wasn’t easy and I had to fight for what I got, but I’m pretty happy with how it has turned out given the reports that come out all the time on the high price new moms pay in the workplace.

  6. Closet Redux says

    We’ve started to tell people that we’re expecting. Like with the first one, I’ve gotten a number of people who have said, I thought so! usually because they noticed I didn’t drink at dinner or something like that. But I really hate the ones who say they thought so because I looked a little… What, I looked bloated? pale and exhausted? Because I was only 6 weeks when you saw me, so I surely didn’t look pregnant! I know they mean it in a light-hearted way, but it really gets to me! Just say congratulations, why comment on my body?

    • GCA says

      Ugh, this happened to me when I was like 9 weeks pregnant. I politely refrained from telling the acquaintance in question that she was commenting on gas from the burrito I’d had for lunch.

    • rakma says

      My husbands aunts apparently ‘knew’ a week before I did. Apparently I looked that tired and awful at Easter dinner.
      Yeah, they’re not my favorite. But with the right audience, I can always get a horrified laugh from their bullcr*p.

    • Anons says

      Some people have no tact. A female partner at my firm told an associate, upon hearing of her pregnancy, that she noticed that her pants had been getting tighter on her rear. WTF.

    • RDC says

      I’m really dreading (and keep putting off) telling people I’m pregnant with my 2nd because I just don’t want to deal with all the body comments it seems to invite. It’s like it’s open season to discuss how your body looks (or must be feeling). Even from people who are otherwise lovely and supportive and mean well, it’s just so intrusive (and inappropriate, at work).

    • Meg Murry says

      Maybe they meant you looked a little queasy and they suspected morning sickness? Or since this is your second, you were doing some of the same things you had with your first, like smiling for no reason, or subconsciously resting your hand on your stomach?

      Can you just mentally re-write it as oh, they must of meant I was looking like I was” glowing”?

      But yes, ugh, the correct answer is “congrats!

      • Closet Redux says

        That’s generous, but my mother-in-law actually said that I am normally so thin, and that I looked a little… and trailed off. So, definitely a comment on my weight (which was actually just bloat). Mostly I just hate feeling like my body is open for public comment.

      • Lurker says

        I’m trying but not pregnant yet and my client and I had this conversation:

        Him: Did you just come back from holiday? You look great.
        Me: Nope but thanks.
        Him: Well, you’re pregnant then! You are glowing.
        Me: Nope, not pregnant either.

        He hasn’t seen me in months so it’s not like he was commenting on my beverage choice. So weird. I feel like now that I’m officially trying I give off some kind of preggo vibe.

    • Bean74 says

      Ugh, I’m 14 weeks with our first. My mom told me right after I told her at 6 weeks “that I’d be busting out of my clothes soon.” This, after she’s spent the last 30 weeks telling anyone who would listen that my sister is “huge” with her third pregnancy. I told my mom the only two acceptable things to say to a pregnant woman about her looks are “You look beautiful!” or “You are glowing!” She tried to argue with me that it’s good to “look huge” and to show off a belly during pregnancy. It’s beyond irritating!

  7. Anon says

    Does anyone on here drink while breastfeeding? I’m not talking getting loaded, but have one glass of wine and not pump and dump. I see a lot of comments about people being excited to be able to have wine after they wean and am wondering if they mean they haven’t been drinking the entire time they have been breastfeeding.

    • Anonymous says

      My daughter’s pediatrician told me that I can have one drink, wait 2 hours, and then nurse with no adverse consequences. So, I would occasionally nurse, have 1-2 drinks, wait the proper number of hours, and then continue feeding my baby as needed. She slept through the night for a few blessed months around 4-6 months old, so I could drink after I put her to bed. It did feel different being able to drink with abandon and not worry about my b00bs while drinking, post-weaning.

    • MDMom says

      I’ve also always been curious about those comments! I drank while breastfeeding (not excessively but up to maybe 3 drinks) and never pumped and dumped. There is no research to support it and I’m pretty sure even LLL and kellymom and similar don’t recommend it. Not criticizing anyone who didn’t indulge- I certainly understand the better safe than sorry philosophy.

      • Anonymous says

        Same approach here. Never really thought much about it, although I can probably count on one hand the number of times I had more than 1 drink in an evening since being pregnant, just because I’ve been too tired and busy for more than that…

      • OP Anon says

        I also will have 1-2 drinks and BF, which is why I asked. I try to time it like the first response mentioned (drinking right after nursing and not nursing for another 2-3 hours), but my baby has needed to nurse for comfort a few times outside of that timeline and I just nurse him. I researched it extensively and am comfortable with my decision, so the responses probably aren’t going to change my actions, but I was curious what other people’s thoughts were on the issue.

        • Katala says

          +1
          The only time I decided to pump and dump was one night after meeting friends at the bar and limiting myself to probably 3 drinks over a couple hours, DH and I put the baby to bed and had too many drinks of a special bottle of whiskey when we got home, while watching Mad Max. Probably not the smartest for us both to be pretty inebriated while LO was asleep but it was fun to connect in that way after so long and not like we were beyond being able to sober up if the baby needed us. I felt engorged and wanted to start clearing the alcohol from my bm.

      • octagon says

        Same. This is something Americans appear to be uniquely high-strung about. A European friend said that the prevailing wisdom in her country is that if you are sober enough to find your baby, you can nurse your baby.

      • LC says

        Ditto. My lactation consultant — who is actually very conservative in many ways, but also firmly evidence-based — told me that if I am sober enough to care for my baby alone, I’m sober enough to nurse. I’ve never pumped and dumped, timed drinking and nursing, or anything like that.

    • LSC says

      I often drank while BF-ing. The doctor told me that a glass of wine or a beer or two over several hours is fine. You can also buy the little test strips that show whether the milk may be “contaminated.” Someone gave them to me as a joke. I only ever failed once (after a big night out), and it was obvious to me even without the test that I should not feed by that point! But yeah, a drink here and there is not a problem in my book.

    • Pigpen's Mama says

      Two of my very good friends (both moms, one a pediatrician, the other an OB) both laughed (nicely) when I mentioned pumping and dumping or testing my BM for alcohol and told me not to worry about one or two drinks since it would be so diluted.

      That being said, I didn’t drink much — maybe a glass of wine or a single cocktail — but that was mostly because I was exhausted and my tolerance was so low that one was more than enough.

    • Butter says

      Yep. I started very slowly (a few sips here and there) then graduated to a half glass of wine, and in recent weeks have started having a full glass of wine or a beer sometime around the last feed of the day (next feed is ~6-7 hours later) a couple times a week. If I’ve eaten well and am well hydrated than I worry less about the timing. I am still careful about the abv, as I love strong beers, and they can get very strong. That being said, I think I’m overly cautious – all of the research I’ve read says that it’s fine, and you’d have to have 5+ drinks to make a difference. Which frankly I can’t even imagine staying awake for!

    • TK says

      I did, 1-2 beers in a sitting (at most), pediatrician was not at all concerned. Never pumped and dumped.

    • Anon for this. says

      Yup. Totally did. Only pumped and dumped once (went to a wedding when she was about 8 weeks old and had a couple of glasses of wine). I didn’t worry about timing, just kept it to a reasonable level and pace. My theory was if I could drive, I could nurse. I nursed for 13 months and once she got older (8-9 months) and was on a more set sleep schedule, I would often have a couple additional glasses once she was in bed (namely while visiting with family and friends).

    • anon says

      Yup never pump and dump, though 99 percent of the time I drink is after the baby goes down and I’m not nursing again til morning. Hilariously, I think the “best” time to drink is while you’re nursing!

    • GCA says

      Yeah, I have never pumped and dumped; my usual limit is one beer or one glass of wine anyway. I work very hard for every ounce – never been a great producer – and it would pretty much just break my heart to dump milk!

    • Anonono says

      Yup. My dad is a doc, and a worrier, and pretty anti-booze, and he told me he had absolutely no concerns about my having a beer while nursing. I never got drunk (because I wanted to be safe-to-parent) but I would certainly have a beer every now and then.

    • Anonymous says

      Yes, I would drink a glass of wine or a beer.
      Dr. Jack Newman is basically the guru of breastfeeding in Canada. He insists that some alcohol in moderation is fine and is very vocal about this. See, for example: http://www.nbci.ca/index.php?option=com_content&id=27%3Amyths-of-breastfeeding&Itemid=17&limitstart=1

      Mother Risk is a very reliable Canadian resource for things like this. They have a handy chart on this page:
      http://www.motherisk.org/women/updatesDetail.jsp?content_id=347

    • Manhattanite says

      If your blood alcohol level is 0.08%, then your milk alcohol level is 0.08%. Granted baby is pretty little, but 4(?) oz of milk that’s less than 1% alcohol is not like you’re feeding the child a beer (at what 5% ABV?).

      That is not good grammar, but I think my point comes across.

      • Anons says

        Yes, this is why drinking during b-feeding is so different than while pregnant. If you are pregnant with a blood alcohol level of .10%, your fetus is drunk. If you nurse a baby while at a blood alcohol level of 0.10%, your baby has a few ounces of milk with at 0.10% ABV. Not really all that much alcohol, although no one knows the “safe” amount. The only thing I would add is that you might want to test milk for the day after a big night out. Different women have different metabolisms, so your b-milk might still have pretty high ABV even after you feel fine.

    • PhilanthropyGirl says

      I didn’t until I night-weaned, and then would have a drink after LO was in bed. In the future, I’d probably not think twice about a beer or a glass of wine, but hard liquor gives me pause. Mostly because I’m a total lightweight.

    • Anonymous says

      H3ll yesssss I drank while breastfeeding. I’m not a heavy drinker even when by body isn’t co-opted by a baby — the few times I had more than one or two drinks, I pumped and dumped. But a glass of wine with dinner? Absolutely would still nurse afterward. I did shower before holding my baby and pump and dump after a night smoking hookah, though. Somehow the tobacco seems worse to me than alcohol.

      I also don’t have a lot of qualms about light drinking during pregnancy (like one drink, maybe a couple times per month), though.

    • Momata says

      As the poster above who mentioned participating in happy hour on nights I give a bottle at bedtime — to clarify my data point, I normally subscribe to theory that if I can drive, I can nurse. I don’t drive after more than one drink. Often, on the weekends, our social group will start happy hour at 4 or earlier, so full happy hour participation might mean two drinks by the time baby goes to bed.

      When my babies were newborns, I would sip a glass of wine while nursing. I figured it was the perfect time — introduced some added relaxation for me into the quiet moment for us, and there was virtually no way the baby was getting any alcohol as it wasn’t really present in the current nursing session and would have worn off by the next nursing session. After a few months I switch to the “if I can drive, I can nurse” mentality and stress less about the time.

    • Meg Murry says

      Yup, same, would have a drink or two after nursing. The only time I pumped and dumped was when I was at a wedding, and that was only because I was pumping for comfort in the bathroom and didn’t want to figure out how to keep the milk cold to take home, not because of the alcohol.

      I was a super-lightweight after my kids were born, so I rarely had more than one glass of wine or a beer, because it took me straight from sober to “I just want to go to sleep right here” with almost no “happy buzz” in between.

      According to the lactation consultants I spoke with, there wasn’t really a concern with 1-2 drinks then nursing – like others have said, sober enough to drive is sober enough to nurse. However, what is dangerous is co-sleeping (bedsharing) when you or your partner been drinking – because alcohol makes you sleep more soundly, and there is more risk of rolling onto an infant.

      The other advice I got once that I thought was good was that if you were nervous was to pump and dilute – so take the 4 oz you pumped and divide it up into 4 1 oz bottles, then top those up with what you pump later when you are sober, so now that 0.1 % ABV milk is even less than that. This was what I did when I was taking a medication that wasn’t supposed to transfer to my milk but I was a little nervous about.

    • EB0220 says

      I’d usually keep it to one drink, although occasionally have a high alcohol beer that would be the equivalent of 2.

    • Mrs. Jones says

      YESSS I drank when I BF’d little son. Knock on wood, he’s developing just fine.

    • Anonymous says

      Totally did drink. And my pediatrician was fine with it. Apparently “pump and dump” is catchy so people remember it but really not necessary. (I’d have one glass of wine… maaaaybe two and in that case I’d try to wait a while. And after kiddo was sleeping through the night I’d have two glasses at dinner for sure).

  8. Exceptionally Large Baby says

    Looking for advice or just good vibes. Went to my 34-week appointment yesterday – all along I’ve been told baby is perfect, everything is great. I’ve been a little worried about Zika (not totally crazy, there is a very slim but real chance that I could have contracted it). Unrelatedly, I have also gained a lot of weight…48 lbs already, and I’m under 5ft tall. I’ve been showing big all pregnancy, and I just thought it was because this is my 3rd kid.

    Last visit I got a bonus quick ultrasound, I thought to reassure me about Zika (head size), and she offhandedly said as long as she was doing that, she’d check the heart rate too. So I got hooked up to a machine for nearly an hour in what turned to be a non stress test (I figured that out but was never told that). She came in, pronounced the baby to be “super smart” based on the test, and the super quick ultrasound showed a normal head size.

    So, yesterday. I go in and everything is fine. They schedule me for a full anatomy scan (which she had told me about several visits back, mentioned as though this is something totally normal she likes to do for everyone around 34-35 weeks). So far ok. Then I look at the lab orders for the scan – they say the order is because of an “EXCEPTIONALLY LARGE BABY”. WTH?

    WHY tell me everything is OK and then make me get an U/S because you think my baby is “exceptionally large”? And what is the u/s really going to tell us given how unreliable they are at estimating size? DH says I should try to talk to doc which I realize rationally is the right thing to do. But, I am 34 weeks pregnant and not that rational, and the doc is heading out on vacation, and I don’t like confrontation. So instead I turn to the internet for some words of comfort and also may be suggestions for specific questions to ask, or things to consider, if I do get the courage to actually talk to my doc about this.

    • Pigpen's Mama says

      Could it be for insurance coding purposes? To indicate it’s not an optional U/S that insurance wouldn’t be covered.

      • hoola hoopa says

        I would bet money on this.

        A full anatomy scan at 34/35 weeks is not typical. I can’t imagine your insurance would pay otherwise. If she dose this as standard procedure, she definitely knows how to play the game.

    • Meg Murry says

      For some comfort – maybe they put that down because they know insurance will cover the ultrasound that way? I know my doctor has said to me once or twice “don’t freak out, I’m putting down on your paperwork that we’re running this test to check for (XYZ terrible thing) because then your insurance will cover it. I really don’t think you have XYZ, but for some stupid reason insurance doesn’t cover lab tests for [real but less serious condition]”.

    • EB0220 says

      I also think it’s for insurance. That’s funny wording, though. My kiddo was always marked “large for gestational age” (something like that) on all of my ultrasounds. She came at 36 weeks, just shy of 7 lb.

    • LegalMomma says

      +1 for insurance. The on Dr, who ordered the ultrasound at 36 weeks told me it was because my baby was “measuring big” — the next appointment (with a different Dr [5 in the practice and you see all of them]) told me baby was “completely normal sized” but that Dr. #1 likes to get an ultrasound to make sure baby is head down. My daughter was 7lbs 15 oz at birth for reference (and Dr. 1 had suggested she was measuring around 7lbs (i think) at 36 weeks). All that to say, I wouldn’t worry.

    • Anonymous says

      Thank you all. It is awful wording, if you ask me, but apparently it is an actual insurance code!

      Insurance/billing was my husband’s thought as well. The only thing that makes me question that interpretation is that she has mentioned this 34/35 week u/s several times, which I know (since this is not my first kid!) makes me think I have been measuring ahead all along and she has never “wanted to worry me” about it.

      But I will keep reading your notes to reassure myself. :)

  9. NewMomAnon says

    My very verbal 2.5 year old daughter has spent the last several days whining, pointing, crying, grunting, and doing everything short of using words. I think she is still using some words, but I’ve noticed a sharp drop off. In the past, she would sometimes use basic sign language (please, help, food, milk) when she was upset and couldn’t speak, but now I’m not even getting that. Just lots of dissatisfied pseudo-crying.

    Is this a phase that I just need to suffer through, or a parenting opportunity to reinforce the use of words, or something else? I am not really concerned about autism…although I guess if it continues I’ll be calling her pediatrician.

    • Momanon4this says

      Pls let us know.
      I’ve heard the accepted timeliness of autism being losing verbal abilities isn’t really true. .. but there are other diagnoses for this problem.
      Definitely go in for checkup /screen

    • hoola hoopa says

      Could she have an ear infection, a sore throat, or two year molars?

      • NewMomAnon says

        She could have any or all of those, actually….guess I’ll pay attention to those tonight.

      • Anonymama says

        Yeah, it sounds like she’s not feeling well. Has she been sleeping okay?

    • Closet Redux says

      Whining is totally developmentally appropriate. My 2.5 year old started to whine a lot in the last couple of months. Usually if I ask her to use her words or her normal voice she’ll snap out of it at least for the moment, but sometimes she’s so upset she just cant. I usually tell her I can’t understand her when she uses that voice, then try to ignore her. It’s VERY ANNOYING but I don’t know any 2 year old that doesn’t whine.

      Does your kiddo use words when she’s not upset?

    • Meg Murry says

      Any chance there is a younger/less verbal new kid in her daycare class that she sees whining, crying and pointing, and she is copying that? My son had a couple of mini-regressions when they got new kids in class, and I heard his teacher reminding him “You’re a big boy that knows how to use your words. So-and-so is still learning to use his, so we have to help him. Can you show me how you ask for milk politely?”

      Can you praise the crud out of her any time she uses words? “Oh, my big girl used her words to ask for milk? I’m so happy you asked me politely! Ok big girl, let’s go get you some milk”

    • NewMomAnon says

      In case anyone is still reading – my daughter apparently decided to start talking again, but now in complete sentences with much clearer diction and using vocabulary words that I didn’t know I used in daily life (she referred to a board book as ‘my evening literature’). So, I think she’s good? Apparently you can’t talk and have a speech explosion develop in your head simultaneously.

      Also, I’m trying really hard not to laugh at all her new sayings. I need to practice my poker face…

  10. Anonymous says

    You guys, just want to rant a bit. Why can’t people have a little more humanity in the office sometimes? I’m a biglaw transactional attorney, for context. The other week, seconds after I hung up the phone, promising something to the other side “tonight”, my husband called to tell me that our son was projectile vomiting and I needed to come home. I called the partner up to keep him posted and assure him it would still get out tonight, and his reaction was “Oh, God…” (and not, “Oh, God, I hope your kid is okay”…). Then, earlier this week, my other kid had to be picked up from school because he had a fever. I had a multi-party call that afternoon that needed a lawyer from my firm to be on. I was scrambling to deal with logistics and ended up finding a back-up to help with my kid, but in the meantime, I asked a colleague who was reasonably well versed in the issue if he could cover given my kid situation, and he basically told me he was too busy to get up to speed enough, which IMO was a totally illegitimate excuse. I mean, it would have taken 45 minutes out of his life, but we are working on this together and sometimes things come up. I understand life is tough and biglaw attorneys don’t get paid big bucks for nothing, but what is wrong with showing a little empathy and esprit de corps — it’s not like I’m not getting my work done, and it’s not like I ask for favors all the time! Ugh! Thanks for indulging, internet comrades.

    • NewMomAnon says

      On the phone call handoff – is it really a “favor” if your coworker is getting billable hours for being on the call? If he is an associate who is that busy, presumably he is expecting an hours-based bonus; if he is a partner, his comp is at least partly based on his hours. So what you are actually asking him to do is add to his compensable hours at the expense of your own….which isn’t a favor for you, it’s a favor for him. I’d reframe your ask keeping that in mind.

      I’ve learned that if I don’t need to reference kid-related issues, I just don’t. I have “another obligation” that requires me to put down one piece of work for a period of time, but I will return to it later this evening and still get it out the door tonight. Something has come up and I can’t make the phone call, so male colleague needs to be firm’s representative. If I’m really searching for an excuse, I’ll say, “things just got really hectic.” Childless people say that all the time to mean they have too much work on their plates.

      • Anonymous says

        Yeah, I usually do that, and it usually works better… both times I was just sort of flustered and frantic, and I should have taken a deep breath first. But even saying that annoys me because, wth, can’t we have a little humanity and realize that people have lives and those lives sometime involve inconveniently having to deal with sick kids (or spouses or parents or pets, for bleeps sake?). It is just absurd that we can even pretend to be woman- or family-friendly when even mentioning my children to the people I’m working with is usually a big strategic mistake. I’m also just bummed because I have lateralled to a new firm less than a year ago and don’t really have any buddies or people here that I can commiserate about any life’s craziness with.

        • Ally McBeal says

          I understand and totally empathize. Are there other moms at your firm? I’d highly recommend cultivating them – I have a handful of fellow attorney moms at my firm at similar levels of seniority and really rely on them for empathy and practical support, not to mention the occasional pinch-hitting.

          Hang in there. You are doing a great job. This is not easy.

          • Anonymous says

            Doubt anyone is listening to this thread from yesterday, but yeah, I want to try to do this, but sadly, there are slim pickings when it comes to other moms. None that I work with or around on a regular basis, which is a real bummer. Obviously the lack of moms and non-family-friendly culture perpetuate each other. I’d really like to play an active role in trying to rectify this, for personal reasons and because I think it is harmful for the firm in the long run, but at the same time, I feel like I just need to keep my head down and make sure I’m meeting the needs of my family and myself at the moment… Anyway, appreciate the empathy!

  11. Okay, so what next? says

    There’s a thread going on the main page about passive husbands and emotional labor. I know this is a common topic here. But I always felt that our relationship was quite equal until we had a kid. Even though my DH is a SAHD, I still feel like I work the second shift…and the weekend shift…doing most of the cleaning, laundry, all emotional labor, doctor’s appts, etc etc. Most of the time, I can count on something NOT getting done if I ask him to do it. Meanwhile he acts like the extremely put-upon one because he takes care of our kid during the week, and I work somewhat long hours (I’m gone 8-7 most days).

    This enrages me, it’s slowly killing my attraction to him, and I see it as a huge problem in our marriage. But here’s the rub. We had a kid. So as I know from my divorced friends, I’m stuck with this person either way. He will be in my life for the next seventeen years at least. So what’s worse? Trying to solve this dynamic and staying married, or having to deal with even worse iterations of this dynamic in a divorced, coparenting situation? He’s a great dad and would want lots of time with the kid, and I could lose custody since I’m the frigid mother who works all the time. Honestly, no matter how frustrating this dynamic gets, I still see it as preferable to the alternative. Can anyone relate?

    (This is sort of a flattened description of one angle of the bigger picture– there’s a lot more good in our marriage than this reflects, and I’m afraid that if I tried to end things we’d end up having lots of gardening parties anyway– we’re close, really enjoy each other’s company, and have been together for a long time. Outside of this dynamic, daily life is actually pretty great.)

    • mascot says

      So I think this is going to require y’all to sit down and hash this out. It’s hard to watch a kid and get life stuff done at the same time. I realize this every weekend when we are running around trying to do kid stuff and life stuff. So I get why he cannot be able to handle all things domestic during the week. And frankly, on the weekend, he probably wants time away from the kid and the house, just like you want time away from the office and you job.
      On the other hand, his job during the week is caring for the child (and any other side gigs he has) and your job is whatever your job is. So both of you are legit working during the week on things that aren’t “life stuff” and it’s not fair for one spouse to just take 48 hrs off come the wknd. You’d be having this same discussion if both of you were working outside the home and figuring it out about the division of labor. Both of you are going to feel like you are giving 110% so recognize that bias. Figure out what you can divvy up, what you can outsource and what you can let some standards slide on.

    • SC says

      I can definitely relate. FWIW, I think this sounds like stuff you can work on. You may need to outsource (hire a housekeeper and/or a babysitter to come once or twice a week), work out an agreement with your husband of stuff he will do around the house during nap time, and/or let go of some emotional labor and unnecessary housework (or tasks that can be done less frequently). Also, 8-7, 5 days a week, is a lot of time to take care of a small child. Your husband is working hard. I know you are too, but it’s as easy to devalue childcare as it is to devalue emotional labor.

      • Okay, so what next? says

        Thank you both for making me feel less alone. Sometimes I feel like a failure as a woman for ending up in this situation. Even though I know that’s the patriarchy talking.

        And I think we can work on it too, but the straightforward “divide up household tasks” is too emotionally charged for me to even start it. I know myself, and it will not be pretty.

        And I totally agree, SC, that he is working hard. I see childcare and household responsibilities as separate things. Just because he does childcare doesn’t mean he’s stuck with all household things too. But nor do I think that gets him a free pass, and I do everything else because he is taking care of our kid all day. And my parents take our kid for one whole day every week, so he does get a full day to himself once a week, something I have come to bitterly resent (since my weekends are spent on full-time childcare and household tasks, I almost never get a substantial length of time to myself, let alone a full day.)

        • SC says

          I definitely understand. I was in crisis mode a couple of months ago. It’s gotten resolved, mostly, by implementing several solutions, which took multiple hard conversations to reach. You definitely need to communicate your needs, what you want your evenings and weekends to look like, and be open to multiple solutions or a combination of solutions.

          And you’re right, your husband doesn’t get a free pass on household duties. For DH and me, the division of evening/weekend childcare and household tasks is more of a daily negotiation/bartering based on a lot of factors. We still bicker over the specifics, but it doesn’t escalate to the point of feeling abandoned or resentful anymore.

          It sounds like you definitely need some regular time to yourself. Could your husband spend part of his day to himself doing household tasks, making doctor’s appointments, paying bills, etc? And then give you half a day off most weekends?

          Finally, really think about this — Is there anything you can just stop doing or do less frequently? Do you put too much pressure on yourself or your family– too many activities, saying yes to too many social obligations, too much pressure to write thank you notes timely? I talked about this on the other thread, but I’ve just stopped doing a lot of emotional labor, especially as it relates to DH’s family, but also other things that don’t really impact me. (I do write thank you notes, but when I get to them, while watching tv and drinking wine.) I’ve also automated paying bills and transfers to our savings/investment accounts, use Amazon subscribe and save for lots of stuff, deal with mail I have to respond to or file just once a month, and clean one big thing in the kitchen (the sink, the hood, the stovetop, the microwave) at a time and only when I see it’s dirty.

        • AKB says

          Ask your parents to switch their day to a weekend. Yes, yes, I know. You work all the time and miss your kid. This is not a forever thing. Do it temporarily. Or do it 2x a month. You need some time to relax, or you are going to resent your husband. A lot.

          Hire a housekeeper. Get Blue Apron or some kind of food delivery service. Pay attention to the cost, but don’t fret about paying more than you would like. You are important. You need a break. Get some help.

    • Ally McBeal says

      For whatever it’s worth: I was in a similar position and the situation dramatically improved once my husband got a job. Being a SAHD was just not a good choice for him, even though he loves our kids. He was depressed, and that made him a lousy SAHD and a lousy partner. He was happier when he was back in the workforce, and his happiness allowed him to be more generous and helpful with all of the “second shift” duties. Something about both of being at work allowed him to understand that when both of us were home for the weekend, we had to equally share the laundry duties. Not sure if that’s a viable option here, but it might be something to consider.

      Another idea is to put the baby in some sort of nanny share or day care or preschool (depending on how old) even if it’s just a few hours a day, or a few days a week. And in exchange, ask him to handle a Saturday morning so you have a solid, reliable block of time to yourself.

      And I also have panicked that if we got divorced, I would lose custody because I’m the primary breadwinner. It’s pretty terrifying.

    • Anonymous says

      More commiseration. My spouse and I both work full time, but I am in big law and he has a job he loves so much he would do it for free. Which he may as well since I make several times what he does. We split childcare (I do school drop off, he does pick up), but I resent the facts that (1) I am the preferred parent so he effectively gets weekends and evenings to himself while I never get a break, and (2) he is bad at housework. (We have a housekeeper who does laundry, cleaning and meal prep, but the day-to-day chores fall on me and it drives me crazy that my husband can’t clean up after himself like a normal adult. Like I was out of town for a day and a half this week and it literally took me an hour to put the kitchen back in order last night when he had cooked 1.5 meals while I was gone. WTF.)

      As a result I am exhausted all the time and have a low level of irritation with my husband most of the time. We talked about it ad nauseum and finally I just got sick of having the same conversation with no change in behavior. I honestly prefer it when he travels because I don’t have to clean up after him or seethe at him sitting around while I work my butt off. I have a school-aged kid, and this has been going on since babyhood, so my advice is to nip it in the bud. I didn’t and the hubs and I are basically roommates at this point.

ABOUT

WORK WITH US

SERIOUS STUFF