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This is exactly the type of top I loved when pregnant or nursing — it’s functional, it’s a little bit interesting, and (yaaay!) it’s available in black. For someone who usually wears dark colors, the pastel hues that dominate the maternity/nursing clothing market can be… daunting. This top is available at Nordstrom in charcoal gray (pictured here so you can see the details) and black, sizes XS-L, for $100. If you are looking for pastels, check out the pale pink at Amazon. Maternal America Flutter Sleeve Nursing Top
(L-3)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Extra 40% off sale styles
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Zappos – 26,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Birthday sale, 40-50% off & extra 20% off select styles
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off all baby; up to 40% off all Halloween
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Extra 30% off sale styles
- Old Navy – 40% off everything
- Target – BOGO 25% off select haircare, up to 25% off floor care items; up to 30% off indoor furniture up to 20% off TVs
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- The concept of “backup care” is so stupid…
- I need tips on managing employees in BigLaw who have to leave for daycare pickup…
- I’m thinking of leaning out to spend more time with my family – how can I find the perfect job for that?
- I’m now a SAHM and my husband needs to step up…
- How can I change my thinking to better recognize some of my husband’s contributions as important, like organizing the shed?
- What are your tips to having a good weekend with kids, especially with little kids? Do you have a set routine or plan?
AIMS says
Am I the only one who finds flutter sleeves terribly unflattering? I’m fine with cap sleeves and no sleeves but something about this type of top makes me look awful.
EB0220 says
No, you aren’t the only one. I don’t mind the rest of the top, but flutter sleeves make my arms look really bad.
Anon in NYC says
I don’t like them either (although I’m also not a fan of cap sleeves). And they’re so hard to pair with a jacket or cardigan.
hoola hoopa says
Me, too.
…Although I still buy one every couple of years since apparently I need to re-prove it to myself.
Beth says
I have an embarrassing confession. Some new people are moving into the house next door to mine. Our moving-out neighbors told me that the new family is a married couple with an 18MO—just like us!— moving to our town from a city I used to live in. I’m so excited! I don’t have many friends in town, especially parent-friends, and our kids being the same age seems like such a stroke of luck. I am just worried that I am getting a little ahead of myself planning our barbecues and joint vacations and lifetime of friendship…
Anon says
That sounds amazing! I hope it works out.
I was similarly excited when I moved into my new home to hear that a kid exactly my kid’s age lived across the street. As it turns out, I have nothing in common with his mom – she’s 19 and is living with her parents – but it’s still fun to have a similarly-aged kids in the neighborhood.
goldy says
I have the same situation. We’re not mom-friends, but they’re nice people and the kids love playing together, so it’s still a win. Funny note is that my son wants us all to live together in one house with Grandma and Grandpa like his neighbor friend does! Haha, not happening.
Beth says
Oh BTW I didn’t mean to sound at all like the fact it’s a “married couple” is particularly exciting to me. That is not a friendship criterion:)
anon says
Having same-age kids on the same block is SO GREAT! Whether or not you are besties with the parents. Yay!
Meg Murry says
Yes, even if you don’t turn out to be besties with the couple, having same age neighbors is really awesome. We had next door neighbors who’s kid was 2 weeks older than ours (and another kid across the street was 1.5 years older, which was also awesome because yay hand-me-downs! and parents that were just far enough ahead of us to say “yup, that’s normal”).
Our situation was pretty ideal in that the kids went to the same small daycare, and we had the same general parenting philosophy and rules (probably because we were figuring it out together), so they grew up together almost like siblings – they weren’t separated until kindergarten, when we decided they should not be quite so dependent on each other, and also because they sometimes argued like siblings, which we didn’t think was fair to their teacher :-). Unfortunately, the family had to move away for job reasons a few years ago, but they still have family in the area so we get to see them a couple of times a year. But I really miss having built in next door neighbor playmates, and neighbors that you could say “hey, I’ll watch them ride bikes for an hour so you can go do something inside, then we can swap”.
The best part about this is that since it’s just the start of summer, it shouldn’t be too hard to hang out outside with the in a low-key way, without having to have lots of formal invites. We usually spent most evenings either during or after dinner with our neighbors letting the kids ride their bikes on the sidewalk, play in the sprinkler, etc.
Yay! But don’t get too over eager on them, you don’t want to scare them away :-) Chances are they will be just as happy to find out they have neighbors that have the scoop on the local pediatricians, playgrounds, daycares, etc.
pockets says
I would be really excited too. I had a neighbor who had a baby 3 days before I did and we’re very good friends now. She’s not someone I immediately would have thought I had a lot in common with, but we had enough in common and our kids love each other.
EB0220 says
Totally jealous! Lucky people.
ChiLaw says
That is awesome! There is a pair of my-aged parents with a kid a year older than mine, who are from the same place as me, and who generally appear to be in the same life-place as me/us (like, we have a number of families nearby with 4 kids, the oldest in high school, etc., but i hadn’t previously met anyone who was more like, “yeah just getting the hang of this whole parent life thing”) and I really hope they will become our friends.
Sarabeth says
This exact thing happened to me, and it has been SO AWESOME. The couple are probably not people that we would have gotten to know otherwise, but they are lovely and nice and we’ve become genuine friends. And our kids love each other so much (we now have two each – the older ones are a week apart, and the younger ones are about four months apart).
RachNY says
That’s so lucky and amazing! We’re scoping out some neighborhoods to buy a house in and while they’re all family friendly with good schools, not sure if we should be looking at anything else to find neighborhoods with kids. Any Advice?
kes says
TJ/followup to the commenter who posted last week (I think) looking for advice on increasing pumping by 1-2 ounces/day – I just came back to work after my second mat leave and didn’t think I’d be able to pump enough because I never was able to with my first and have never been able to build a freezer stash. I wasn’t interested in making myself crazy over it but, on the advice of someone here, ordered Mrs Patel’s fenugreek bars and I think they really do make a difference- I eat one each morning and if I miss a day, I definitely notice the day after (i.e., the pumping sessions 24-36 hours afterwards). They seem to bump up my pumping sessions from 3.5ish ounces each to 4.5ish ounces each, which is enough of a difference to make formula unnecessary the following day. They taste a little spicy but I actually like them, even early in the morning!
Anon says
That was me! The same day I posted daycare sent the third bottle home (which I had upped to 5 ounces) because he didn’t need it. They are lucky that we love everything else about them ;)
kes says
Ha! Glad everything is working out!
Closet Redux says
PSA re: Ok to Wake Clock
Guys, it works! I felt really silly buying such an expensive clock for my toddler, but I felt even more tired from so many 5:30 wake-ups, so I went for it. It’s only been a few days, but it’s working!!! We set the clock for 6:30 (I wasn’t sure if an entire hour was pushing my luck), and my 2.5 year old totally gets it. Her room is super bright in the mornings owing to an east-facing skylight (whhyyyy) so I really couldn’t blame her for waking up so early. We set the clock up together and talked about how the red light means it’s time for sleeping / the green light means it’s ok to get up, etc. The first few nights, she didn’t call for us until after 6:30. This morning she called me about 5 minutes before the light turned green (indicating ok to get up) and I went into her room and we talked about the clock and how the red light was still on meaning it’s time to sleep, and that she had to wait for the green light, and she actually laid down for the remaining 5 minutes! I was shocked and delighted and now singing the clocks praises! Hooray!
Anons says
We did something similar with a nightlight and a digital outlet timer. When the nightlight comes on, it is time to get up. It helps so much! As a nightowl, I thought I was going to die from over a year of waking up at 5:30 or earlier. It was hell.
FVNC says
Thanks for this PSA! My almost 3 year old has recently decided that 5:45-5:50 is the optimal time to wake up, and it’s killing me. I keep thinking she’s just going through a short phase, but after three weeks I’m afraid this is the new normal. Ugh.
JEB says
This probably wouldn’t work for a 19 month old, right? 2 year old? I love the idea, and I have dreams of sleeping past 5:45, but I think my daughter is still a little young.
MamaLlama says
how does this work kids that are potty trained? My kid would totally get it, but I’m afraid she’d think it would mean “can’t get out of bed and go potty” until it’s green. That’s the kind of kid she is, and right now, she’s getting up to go pee (YAY!) when she needs to, and sometimes if it’s too close to morning she just stays up.
Closet Redux says
My kiddo is in a diaper to sleep, so we haven’t dealt with this, but I do think it’s all in the framing. I read that you shouldn’t say Green means Daytime/ Red means Nighttime, because that is confusing when it doesn’t match what’s outside their window, plus it asks the kid to make the next logical step that Daytime means get up and Nighttime means sleep. In the case of the potty trained toddler, maybe you say Red means back to Bed / Green means up to Play, so if she needs to get up and pee she has to come back to bed when it’s red, but if it’s green she can go play. There are also wake clocks that use pictures of sleeping characters vs. playing characters, so maybe that would fit the frame better?
mascot says
We just say that you can’t come out of your room/come downstairs until the clock turns green. So if you wake up in the middle of the night to potty and it’s still dark/clock isn’t green, that’s fine, just go back to sleep. Our kid seemed to understand that distinction. We had more of a problem with him thinking that he somehow overslept or the clock wasn’t broken and that is why it wasn’t green. I think ours also has a sleeping bunny on it somewhere.
Meg Murry says
Glad to hear it’s working!
Related, could you cover the skylight in the summer (or permanently?) with something to block the light? For a low tech solution, a piece of rigid foam with some suction cups glued on it could block a lot of the light (and heat going in and out), and would be easy to cover with a piece of fabric or contact paper to make it look decorative.
Closet Redux says
Great idea, thanks!
Clementine says
I’m throwing a ‘sprinkle’ for a friend of mine having her second kid. It’s not a large event, she sort of wanted it small and ladies-only.
I got super girly invites and addressed them to just the women I was inviting. Multiple people (including her sister) RSVP’d back that they’re bringing their whole families. I want to politely tell people, ‘seriously guys. I invited only you,’ without sounding like a total jerk. Any wording advice?
Also, how do I make one off exceptions? E.g., I’m telling party 1. no, your 3 year old must stay home with daddy but I’m telling party 2 whose husband is out of town during the event sure, bring your six month old (or not telling her no, I guess?).
(Additional funsies: Her sister has an MO of showing up with her whole family at events where she was definitely the only one invited. Think high class NYC hen night and rolling in with a toddler and husband.)
MDMom says
Hmm. It’s hard because baby showers are events where it’s usually fine to bring kids so I cant blame them for expecting that (unless it’s at a less kid friendly time/location). I think you check with your friend re how she wants to handle these requests. She might not feel that strongly about it. If she does, then you say “sorry x really wants it to be just ladies so she can have some adult time before baby arrives. please don’t bring husband/child. I know it’s inconvenient and I understand if that means you can’t come.” Basically, just be direct about it.
Is it at someone’s house? Is it possible to set up men and kids to hang out in a separate part of the house?
anne-on says
Babies in arms (ie – still nursing, non-mobile, under a year) are a totally different situation than a very active mobile toddler. I’d gently push back on the people inviting themselves that your home is not set up to accommodate a larger group. And remember – THEY are the ones being rude by inviting themselves – not you!
mascot says
No advice, just sympathy. Some people have it in their heads that kids are always welcome at baby showers (and to a lesser extent weddings). I get it with babies who are generally immobile and may need feeding, etc.
Are these people all family, is that why they think they would all be invited?
MDMom says
Apparently I’m one of those people! I would always ask first, but in my social circle kids are usually welcome at baby showers. And showers for second kids are usually even more casual. If it is held at someone’s home on a weekend morning/afternoon, I’d be somewhat surprised if they said no kids (but not offended). If it’s at a restaurant or at night, that’s a clue that they are aiming for a more adult group. Baby shower invites are often super girly, so I don’t think a girly invite is a clue. But I do not condone just assuming you can bring kids/husband without verifying. (Also I usually prefer not to bring my kid so that I can actually have adult conversation).
OP would it make it easier to send a group email clarifying that only ladies and babies under 1 (or whatever) are invited? That way at least no one would feel singled out. You know your audience. No need for you to feel bad about it- you are just the messenger!
Anonymous says
+1 – it’s common to bring small children to baby showers in my area. I’ve been questioned when I didn’t. Husbands are assumed not to be invited unless the invite is expressly addressed to them.
MDMom says
Apparently I’m one of those people! In my social circle, baby showers held at someone’s home on a weekend morning/afternoon are usually family friendly. And they invites are often super girly so I don’t see how that was a clue. But I would never just bring kids/husband without verifying that it’s ok. I would just be surprised (though not offended) when answer was no.
But OP, really, don’t feel bad. I think as long as you address the issue directly and matter of factly without somehow blaming them for their mistaken assumption, you will be fine.
MDMom says
Argh sorry for double post. Didn’t think it went through the first time.
Clementine says
Okay, so it sounds like my assumption (which is- if you want to bring husband/kid, ask first) was reasonable but I should definitely clarify.
Not all family, and it’s more an issue of Husbands + older kids than just people bringing babies. I think I might send a polite note indicating that husbands and children are invited to hang out and eat pizza at (alternate location).
(I actually was a little surprised when my friend told me her preference. I think she just wants a little adult time as so many things in her life are a circus of multiple children.)
mascot says
I think I had some really awkward experiences where people didn’t ask/warn about bringing kids and I spent a lot of time worrying about making sure kids were safe/happy in my non-kid friendly space.
I’ve actually found that “Thanks for the invite, let me get a sitter lined up” gives the host a more graceful way to say no/clarify than asking directly if kids are invited. Electronic invites have made this much harder because you can’t see specifics on whether it’s mascot, mascot & spouse, or mascot & family.
So so anon says
I am the mother of two amazing little boys and we don’t plan to have more children. Nearly all of my close girlfriends have a boy and a girl and lately I find myself feeling so jealous and upset that I will never have a daughter. I’m close to my mom and while I know there’s no guarantee I would have the same relationship with a daughter it just stings to see my friends bonding with their girls. Anyone been there? I’m not sure this feeling will ever go away so I’m not sure what I’m looking for…advice on coping I guess.
Meg Murry says
I don’t have time to write a long reply, bit yes, I’m right here with you, and I’ve write about this before here or on the main s!te.
I’ve coped by crying and being sad, making a point to be nicer to my MIL (in the hopes of someday having a good DIL), trying to raise my boys to be respectful and feminist, mentoring a teen girl and “borrowing” my niece.
But yes, part of me will always mourn my dream daughter that never really existed – enough that a tiny part of me is still considering maybe trying for #3 even though 99% of me is saying NOPE! to another baby. I have an IUD, but I haven’t been able to pull the trigger on pushing H for the big V, because I’m not quite ready to completely close that door.
Closet Redux says
I really don’t understand this sentiment (though haven’t seen your previous posts on this, Meg). What is it about bonding with a daughter that is fundamentally different from a son? Perhaps it’s my feminism-at-all-costs / equality-or-die attitude, but my immediate reaction is to recoil at how backward this sounds. Unless you’re talking about reproductive organs, I just don’t get how boys and girls are so different.
goldy says
For me, it’s not about the little girlhood, but more about how big a part of their adult lives I can foresee being. I break it down like this: How many adult women do you know who speak to their mom every day (or close to it)? Adult men? And if you were on a date with a guy who said he spoke to his mom every day, how would you react?
Anon says
Yes this. Spent time with my mom and brother a few weeks ago, and it was hard. I talk to my mom daily, and she sees my kids once a month. My mom and my brother just don’t have that relationship, nor does she have that relationship with his kids (his wife is wonderful, but just doesn’t want houseguests that often. Her parents do often stay however – I just think she doesn’t view them as “company.” And the relationship between my mom and my sister in law is fine, but it’s still just not the same comfort level as a parent/child).
Anyway, my mom and brother spent the whole time talking about all these great things we did as a family in high school or as young adults, and it made me realize that they don’t have the same connection now.
Meg Murry says
Yes – I think it hit home for me after my son was born and I really wanted my mother there to help me (and as I said, we never really had an amazing relationship, but I was going through some really rough times and just wanted my mom), and I realized that I was favoring her over my MIL a lot, even though my MIL was also trying to be super supportive but I just wasn’t as comfortable with her. I saw that although my husband and his brother are generally good to my MIL, it just isn’t the same relationship. It’s actually the fact that I won’t have an adult daughter someday that makes me a little wistful, more so than the fact that I don’t have a little girl.
Sarabeth says
FWIW, this is not universally true. I’m married to a man, and our mothers (and fathers) get equal numbers of phone calls and more-or-less equal amounts of visiting time. Any inequality is based on other circumstances, like how far they have to travel. And we all agree that my dad is the best among the four grandparents.
Katala says
+1, all grandparents are divorced and we agree the grandfathers are the best and we are more comfortable with them in general. We prefer not to have the grandmothers stay with us and we would never stay with them on a visit, but will stay with the grandfathers.
pockets says
My husband (and all of his brothers) talk to their mom once a day (or at least once every other day). I talk to my mom once a week, and it might be by text.
mascot says
Mom of an only son here- I feel a little sad that I won’t get to share some of those special mother daughter moments that I remember so fondly with my mom- picking out my wedding dress, her being in the room when my son was born, etc. Many of these are adult moments where we became very close friends after surviving the typical mother-daughter turmoils of growing up. My MIL doesn’t have that level of intimacy with me nor would I expect any future DIL to have it. It may not be a rational feeling, but I still own it.
On the flip side, I’m not a very girly girl and played more with boys than girls as a child, so having a little boy in my life is fine. And it turns out that he likes to get his toy nails painted and play with my childhood tea-set in between his ninja turtles adventures, so I get that fix too.
Katala says
Maybe the feeling is somewhat related to experience with ones own mom? I am not close with mine, so while I would like a girl – more because I think DH would be a great dad to a girl – in addition to my son, I don’t think I’ll feel a big sense of loss if #2 is another boy.
MomAnon4This says
I just had boy #3 last week. A surprise in every way — when we found out “we” were pregnant, we literally looked at each other and said, well, if it’s a girl, we’ll be excited… then we realized We Are Jerks.
And since Sister-in-law was the first girl in 3 or 4 generations on my husband’s side (although mother-in-law just changed that 1 girl in every generation?) we were expecting a boy… but still hoping for a girl.
As a feminist I would like to have someone to pass on my values to, and to learn about “today’s women” from. I’d like to teach her to be strong and give her opportunities that she can be a voice for, too. It is a hard job to raise good men, and I value it, and they’re good guys, I swear, but yes, I would like to have someone to celebrate the girly side with and to bear the burdens with, too. I guess that won’t be my daughter. I like the solutions above, about recognizing intellectually that such feminine bonding might not happen, that there’s more difference within females (or males) than between females and males, and being a good aunt to nieces and supporting feminist causes (and also raising good men!). But yes, I still understand. It’s normal.
Anon says
I am with you big time. I particularly wonder about the time when my boys are grown with families of their own. Reasonable minds can differ on the source, but in my experience, a grown daughter gravitates to her mother particularly when she is bearing/raising children. The exception I’ve seen is if the son’s parents have close proximity to the grown son/daughter in law. Having seen this in my own family as well as with several close friends, it makes me really sad. Often, the men had great, close relationships with their mothers, but if both sets of in-laws are not local, the daughters’ families just seem to get more time/access to grandchildren. I don’t have a solution, but I also understand the feeling well. No solutions, just commiseration.
SC says
I get it. We’re not at the point where we’re 100% sure we’re done. I’m 90% sure after a difficult pregnancy with scary medical complications, and DH wants a girl, which I obviously can’t guarantee. But I would love to have a girl too. I think boys and girls have different experiences and experience the world in different ways (perhaps due to internal causes, perhaps due to culturally imposed gender norms, perhaps some combination of both), and parenting a girl seems like it would be different in some ways from parenting a boy. Being able to do both would be fulfilling for me, and not being able to do both gives me pangs of missing out sometimes.
OP says
Thanks for all the comments, they are appreciated! For me it is also the adult relationship that I think I’m mourning the most. You all hit on so many of the emotions I’m feeling. My relationship with my own mother in law is strained so I think that magnifies my fears in an irrational way. I am happy my boys have each other and feel lucky to have two wonderful kiddos, but I think there will always be a lingering sadness there.
EB0220 says
Just to make the moms of sons feel better (maybe) my mother in law is super awesome and was the only person who witnessed the birth of my first child. (It’s a long story.) She even cut the cord. She has two sons, no daughters, and I think it meant a lot to her to be there (although we didn’t plan this in advance).
Due in December says
Similarly, I am close to my MIL, and in fact will gladly have her as a houseguest for much longer than my parents. She is fantastic. My in-laws and my parents live near each other, but across the country from us, and we definitely spend more time with the in-laws (my choice, not necessarily my husband’s). They aren’t judgmental, they are super-helpful, and I don’t have the emotional baggage with them that I have with my parents.
My mom and my MIL were both in the hospital room when I was laboring with my daughter (though only my husband was present for the actual birth part!).
Anon in NYC says
Unusual etiquette/thank you card question. We recently hosted a birthday party for my daughter. Two of my family members got her small gifts and told me that they intended to make a contribution to her college fund and asked me for instructions on how to do it (which I provided). Now, a few weeks later, I haven’t seen any sort of gift contribution go through.
If they now don’t intend to make a contribution or got sidetracked, that’s completely fine. But, do I thank them for the intended contribution in my thank you card since I know that they had planned on doing it? Do I just thank them for the gifts that they provided, and perhaps send a second thank you card if they do make a contribution?
hoola hoopa says
Do not thank them for a gift that’s not received, but do send one later if it comes through.
If they DID do it and you thank them, they’ll think it worked even though it didn’t. If they didn’t do it and you thank them, it’s rather confusing. And thanking them for intent when they’ve changed their minds for whatever reason could actually be viewed as passive aggressive request to follow through.
EB0220 says
Agreed.
Anon in NYC says
Thanks! You are completely right. I did feel like it was weirdly passive aggressive, which is not at all what I wanted, but then I didn’t want to be rude by not acknowledging the intention. I was probably just overthinking it!
SC says
This month DH took 2 big trips, including 3 weekends, out of town, and a lot of my regular backup care has also been unavailable. My parents are going to visit in a couple of weeks and babysit/give me a Saturday off! I’m going to the spa, to get a haircut, and to a movie! And then I’m not sure. But I need this so badly.
Betty says
Ohhh enjoy!! My advice would be to find a spa that has other amenities that you can enjoy (sauna, whirlpool, gym) and then take that time and luxuriate!
Anon in NYC says
Yessss. I went to a spa with a steam room and a sauna and having that time bookend a massage was so so lovely.
SC says
This time I’m using a gift certificate to a spa near my house without all the amenities. Money is tight right now, plus I’ve already asked the spa to extend the gift certificate’s expiration from April to the end of the year. But I was able to make an appointment with the massage therapist I really liked last time I went, so that’s awesome! Also, it’s 100 degrees and extra humid where I am, so I’m not sure a steam room or sauna is really necessary right now.