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This bright and cheery music player is one of the most popular baby toys on Amazon — if you subscribe to reviews, it has thousands of five-star ratings.
We received an older version as a baby gift for our daughter. For reasons my adult brain cannot comprehend, it was her favorite toy through early toddlerhood. She delighted in the ability to scroll through her favorite tunes while I delighted in the volume control and on/off button.
It fit easily into our diaper bag and guaranteed many tear-free car rides. I can also attest to its durability — it survived one baby and now captivates my second.
Baby Einstein’s Take Along Tunes is available at Amazon for $8.88. You can also find it at Target for $8.99.
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
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- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
GCA says
This thing was for some reason my oldest’s favorite toy as well (till he discovered trains). Our sleep-deprived, addled brains could name it only ‘Music Thing’. Long stroller run? Better stick Music Thing in the stroller. Inconsolable midnight wakeup? Put on Music Thing! Road trip? Don’t forget Music Thing or there’ll be hell to pay! Best of all, the music is not annoying, it is (slightly tinny versions of) Vivaldi and Mozart and the William Tell Overture. We probably got thousands of dollars of value out of that $8.99.
AnonATL says
We have this toy and the jellyfish rattle they make as well. My son loves them and they are so much less annoying than all the fischer price toys that sing songs with words. I have this song from his walker stuck in my head on repeat.
Anonymous says
Welcome to our learning farm! We have lots to show you!
Cb says
Taking care of animals is something that you do…
That farm did not make the move, my son still asks about it and I just look confused. He also asks about the James quarry train that I got rid of 18 months ago, almost half his lifetime.
NYCer says
Shapes and colors, music too, there’s so much to do! ;)
Anon says
Let’s have fun on the farm!
avocado says
My teenager got that song stuck in her head after babysitting her cousin. That toy is truly evil.
I used to take the batteries out of all the Little People toys immediately so she never even knew they were capable of making noise.
Pogo says
Kids LOVE that thing though. The baby is currently really into opening and closing the bar door. PEEK A BOO I SEE YOU.
Boston Legal Eagle says
This was my older kid’s first real toy and both of my kids STILL play with it. It’s even been dropped in the bath and still makes the music. It’s insane. The ROI on this has been the highest of any other toy we have. And I agree, the music is pleasant.
Anon says
My kid LOVES this thing.
Anon says
We were given this but my daughter never showed much interest in it. She takes after her mom and only likes music with words.
anon says
Both of my kiddos loved this as well. Well worth the $9!
TheElms says
Favorite toy here too. So much so that I wish they would make a version with 6 or 8 songs for my older toddler.
Cb says
Any app recommendations for preschoolers? My 4 year old gets some iPad time while we read the paper in bed at the weekend. Something with vague educational value? He plays Khan academy kids
Anonymous says
My 5 year old loves Epic — it reads books to her.
Anonymous says
Oh, my 3rd grader really likes the browser version. It has a really nice variety of e-books.
Anonymous says
PBS Kids has a video app and a game app, both of which my son loved. And he definitely learned a lot from that kind of thing. One night my husband asked son (in K or 1st grade at the time), as a rhetorical question, “do you know what causes the northern lights?” And he said yes and went on to rattle off a reasonably accurate answer. Nick Jr. is also pretty good.
Anon says
With Amazon Kids+ there are a lot of books you can download. My 3 year old loves reading books on her tablet “like Mommy” and I view it a little differently than traditional screentime because ultimately it’s a book even if it’s digital form. Maybe Apple has something similar? Or a subscription to Amazon Kids would be worth it? I’m pretty sure they have an app for iPhone/iPad.
Realist says
Princess Fairy Tale Maker is great for this age.
Anonymous says
If they know their numbers, try Math Bingo! My kid started at 4.5 and with some supervision at first, was able to do addition and subtraction on the easy levels.
Pool? says
So there’s a country club about a mile from my house (maybe a 3 minute drive?). We don’t golf and I was raised by broke hippies… so I would never have expected to consider this, but I’m considering joining with a pool membership.
What’s honestly holding me back though is just the weird class connotations of having an association with a country club, especially when we’ve always gone to the (super diverse in all the ways) public pools in the area. Those are more like a 20 minute drive each way though, so a big part of the appeal here is just the convenience factor.
Anyone have thoughts on this?
Anon says
I’m anti-country club for the same reasons you are (plus the history of them not admitting Jews) but I would join in this situation. A pool membership is a little different than a full-fledged membership and you have to factor in your own convenience.
anon says
I would feel the same way: weird about it because of the class stuff, but also intrigued by convenience, built-in community, etc. Driving 20 minutes to a pool is a PITA, so I think you can join, guilt-free. Think of it as a one-season trial. If it doesn’t feel good, you can go back to what you were doing before.
Spirograph says
I get your hangup here, but you’re not going “to the country club” to swim, you’re going to the pool, and convenience is huge. I think it also really depends on the area. With the caveat that I’m white and have always been solidly middle to upper-middle class, grew up in a pretty un-diverse area, and absolutely didn’t realize my privilege until I was an adult, I don’t have class connotations about country clubs as an idea (although I now recognize the history of overt racism/segregation at a lot of them).
If the country club is like … Congressional, that has a class connotation for me, but local golf courses are just that. My grandparents were HUGE golfers, so I’d go to their cc pool a lot. My grandpa was a gym teacher at the local public high school and grandma was a SAH wife of her time; the country club wasn’t particularly fancy, just the big golf course in their area.
Anonymous says
Lol not being aware of the class connotations and racial because you were naive and sheltered doesn’t mean they weren’t there
Spirograph says
I guess my point was that class connotations depend on your “audience” to the extent that you have one when going to the pool. The racist history of country clubs is much more apparent (for me) than class, because #notallcountryclubs are ritzy.
Anonymous says
I agree with you Spirograph. I live in the Midwest, and in all but the largest cities, country clubs are just the nicer golf course. They don’t carry the same connotation or culture.
Anon says
I live in a smaller Midwest town and the country club is definitely a *status* thing. Don’t get me wrong, you don’t have to be a millionaire to join, there are plenty of families where dad works and mom stays home (in fact, I would venture that’s the set up most members have) but the people in the country club are snobby and it’s 100% white Christian men (and their families). I used to work at a law firm here and had to go to events there and felt EXTREMELY uncomfortable as a minority woman who worked outside the home. It was a weeeeird vibe. (That said, that club was golf only and didn’t have a pool.)
Mary Moo Cow says
There’s a running joke in my marriage that I was a snob who belonged to the country club as a kid and my response that it was the B-list country club. We belonged because it had a pool and there no public pools around. It also was a way to socialize with kids outside our religious school. No judgment here; join for the pool.
Anonymous says
Have you visited? Country clubs vary a lot. You might be pleasantly surprised to find that it is a diverse, family-oriented place. Or it might be a bunch of Stepford wives with their kids.
Convenience is the #1 factor for me in terms of pool memberships. The easier it is to get there, the more we use it. I would almost never want to go to a pool a 20-minute drive away, but I’d drive 3 minutes to get to the pool every weekend.
Another consideration is whether you are interested in having your kids do swim team. Where we live, summer swim team is HUGE. Every neighborhood with a pool, recreation association, and country club has a team. Practices are daily for most of the summer. Kids start out around age 5 barely able to swim the length of the pool and become strong swimmers by the end of the first season. I always wished it had fit into our schedule for that reason alone.
anon says
Summer swim team is a thing here, and it sticks in my craw. Unless you have a stay-at-home parent (or hire a driver or summer nanny, I guess), there’s no way you can participate. It’s every weekday, from like 10 a.m. to noon. I know my kids would love it, but hey, two working parents here.
(Sorry, I’m really smarting after spending 3 days on a trip with my closest girlfriends, all of whom have very part-time employment and can be home to handle things like swim team. I’m just sick of the world revolving around having one parent at home at all times.)
Anon 10:43 says
That’s why we can’t do swim team, and it makes me angry too, but perhaps OP does have a nanny or swim team is in the evening.
swim team says
Yeah, not an earlier poster, but it’s in the evening for us. Going to totally dominate our June but making my kindergartner do it because she’s becoming such a strong swimmer!
Anonymous says
I work and thats why we love swim team! We have a nanny with them at our local pool almost summer days and swim team and tennis lessons/matches keep them busy for like 14 hours/week.
Carolyn says
It depends. I had working parents, walked or made my way to 7am swim team practice, car pooled to the meets, my parents did what they could, it was fine.
Anon says
It’s not realistic for most 5 or 6 year olds to make their own way to the pool and supervise themselves there, though. Once you’re on real swim team, sure, but summer swim team is often the next step after swim lessons.
Anon says
It won’t be diverse. It just won’t. But that doesn’t mean it will be filled with Stepford wives either.
Anonymous says
Is that 1 mile walkable? Walking to the pool is the best. I don’t think we would ever go to the pool if we couldn’t walk there.
Lyssa says
You know, we’re only about 3 blocks from our pool (maintained by the HOA for our subdivision – which is the best thing ever), but we’ve still managed to start carrying so much stuff that we still wind up driving it. Drives me crazy, but I can’t seem to convince my family that that’s nuts.
Anonymous says
I’d rather carry a giant tote bag than wrestle a kid in a damp swimsuit into a car seat.
Anonymous says
+1. We’re about a half mile from the pool and always walk.
Anonymous says
You need a wagon! We’re about 3/4 of a mile from the YMCA pool, and wagon is how I keep my husband from driving there.
Lyssa says
Tried it; overflowed it. There are floats. And a heavy cooler. Along with the giant tote bag. But my kids are past the carseat age, so it’s no real issue of wrestling them in and my husband doesn’t care if his car gets a little wet.
TheElms says
Get a collapsible wagon to pull all the stuff in? Seems better than driving to me.
anon says
So I’d think about what the challenges are for you around the class connotations. Bc if you’re thinking about joining, that means you can afford it. Is the struggle for you admitting that you belong to a socioeconomic class you think of as “rich”/snobby/something else? It’s a useful thought exercise, whatever decision you make about joining.
(I would say, however, not to lie to yourself that joining with only a pool membership somehow makes you not THOSE country club people, as others are suggesting. It may be less $$$ than a golf membership, but you’re not somehow qualitatively different if you only join for the pool.)
Anonymous says
Eh, I do think that there are some pool-only people who are more down-to-earth than the golf people even though they are still wealthy. But the golf wives and kids will also be at the pool.
Pool? says
This is really interesting. I think part of it is that we really are working hard to raise our kids to acknowledge how privileged they are. I think that they know they’re lucky to have a backyard and be able to go on vacations and to have a mommy and daddy who are both safe and healthy.
We have made a conscious effort to make sure that our kids are raised in a diverse environment. Husband and I always were aware of social injustice issues, but especially since having kids have really been working towards raising antiracist kiddos. Part of that is making sure that our kids are surrounded by a community that isn’t just rich white folks.
Part of it is that I don’t want my kids to grow up entitled. I think I might need to visit it to figure out if I can get that vibe; however, a big part of the hesitation is a memory of a (former) coworker saying she refused to swim in public pools because ‘you don’t know who goes in there’ but happily belonged to a country club.
I could probably sum up by saying it’s not the pool, it’s the baggage that comes with it that’s holding me back.
Anonymous says
You definitely need to visit. Maybe the membership of this country club consists entirely of people like your former co-worker. Or maybe it’s mostly people who want a conveniently located pool.
It’s going to be very difficult to find true diversity in every single activity your kids do. Where we live, the most racial and socioeconomic diversity is at certain YMCA day camps. There’s a fair amount of diversity at the no-cost science camp for gifted kids too, although like any academic program with competitive admissions it skews middle-class.
Clementine says
Thank you! And thank you all for this discussion. I think you’re right, a visit might be a good idea.
(Who knows, maybe it’s like the Catholic Preschool/Elementary school around the corner that actually has such a large population of Hindu students that there’s a shuttle van that brings kids to the local Cultural Center straight from the elementary school.)
Anonymous says
The history of pools in America is SO racist.
Swim in a public pool if you possibly can.
Anonymous says
The history of swimming pools in America is SO racist.
Segregated pools were built and then open water beaches and swimming holes were outlawed throughout the country. On top of that lots of public schools added a swimming requirement mid-century to basically keep academically successful black students from graduating. All the Ivy League schools required a swim test to graduate. Public jobs like teacher, firefighter and police officer also required swim tests. (NYC still requires a swim test to become a detective.)
It’s racist. It’s a racist system. It’s segregation. It materially disadvantaged black people’s education and job opportunities for generations. Black and brown children from ages 5-12 die of drowning at twice the rate of white children.
Don’t join the country club. Your convenience isn’t worth your participation in the system.
Anon says
Wait is that really the purpose of Ivy League swim tests? I went to a school with a swim test and everyone said it was instituted because the parents of some rich student gave money to the school after the kid drowned, on the condition everyone learn to swim. I thought this was in the 1970s or 80s, well past the end of segregation.
Also by your logic aren’t public pools racist? The segregated pools of which you speak were public. County clubs didn’t let Black people become members, I get that, but your point seems to be that swimming has an inherently racist history in the US and not sure how eschewing the country club for the public pool addresses that.
Anonymous says
I went to a school (Hamilton College) with that same story as justification for the swim test.
If you failed the swim test at the beginning of the year, you just needed to sign up for (free) swim lessons. And really, everyone SHOULD learn to swim. I get that it’s an access issue for a lot of children, but once they’re on the college campus, I don’t see a problem with the requirement as long as they’re offered a solution rather than just being denied graduation.
Anon says
Yeah agreed, at my college and I assume most other schools with this requirement you could take free swim lessons if you failed. It really seemed like their goal was getting everyone minimally competent in the water, not creating arbitrary obstacles to hold back a category of people. Fwiw at my school in the 2000s it seemed like most people who failed were international students, not Black Americans, but either way everyone eventually learned to swim and I never heard of anyone not graduating because of the swim test.
Anonymous says
Huh? You are basically advising that OP try to equalize drowning rates by reducing her own children’s exposure to the pool, instead of by increasing access to swimming instruction for all. The public pools you refer to were segregated, and many public pools that served communities of color were deliberately shut down. How about OP joins the club and invites her diverse friends as guests or recruits them as new members?
Seventh Sister says
I don’t miss a lot of things about my hometown, but I wish there was something like the pool club in my area. The public pool has almost no rec swimming hours (just laps for seniors and swim team practices) and my $$$ gym doesn’t have a pool either. There are country clubs and beach clubs, but they are stratospherically expensive.
Seventh Sister says
FWIW, I’m sure the pool club in my hometown was founded as an alternative to middle-class people agitating for integrated public pool in the 1970s. (The rich people had a segregated country club with a pool.) There STILL isn’t a public pool in that town. I wish public pools were better funded and more recreational – one of my favorite parts of living in Germany was all the swimming pools.
anon says
What’s everyone doing this weekend? I think we’ll go visit my parents on Memorial Day, but trying to figure out what to do the rest of the weekend. The weather is supposed to be chilly (blech, that makes lake time less appealing), so maybe we’ll visit the zoo or something.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I have the best weekend of anyone coming up – potty training my second! Kidding about the best weekend part of course. But it’s expected to be 50s/60s and raining here all weekend so we figured we may as well try now when we can’t go anywhere. Wish me luck everyone.
GCA says
Oof. May your potty training be unexpectedly easy! *Katniss salute*
So Anon says
Well said, and same salute from over here!
Pogo says
godspeed, thoughts and prayers.
Anon says
Oh man, I’m overjoyed about the chilly weather. We had a long streak of 90+ last weekend and into this week and it was awful, especially because non of the outdoor pools open before Memorial Day (and we aren’t doing indoor pools b/c Covid). And I love a sunny high 60s degree day where you can wear a sweater and shorts. The plan is strawberry picking tomorrow, zoo (with my parents) and strawberry baking Sunday and exploring a local farm on Monday.
So Anon says
My ex has the kids from Saturday morning-Sunday afternoon. After 8am lacrosse, I plan to clean up my house, then get my haircut on Saturday. It has been growing like crazy the last few months, and I’m not sure why. After the haircut and color, I plan to wander aimlessly around wholefoods for a while. On Sunday, I am getting a message! I am so excited; I got my last message on March 7, 2020. I have my babysitter coming over for a few hours on Monday. I will not be visiting with my mom – see below.
Cb says
My husband is working tomorrow and maybe Sunday, so kiddo and I are going to go to the farmer’s market, playpark, and ice cream shop tomorrow and then do some planting and weeding in the afternoon. We’re FINALLY seeing some signs of spring, so maybe the beach on Sunday if my husband isn’t working (I don’t drive and 7 miles cycle to the beach with beach stuff + a toddler doesn’t sound appealing). I’ve got some work to do as I skivved today and spent the am helping some pals who are opening a zero waste cooperative set up their shop for tomorrow.
rainy weekend says
My daughter and I are going to bake and decorate sugar cookies, and hope to fit in some run around time at the playground between rain. I also have a bag of balloons to break out if there is a boredom emergency.
We will also probably try to watch a new show or movie, and paint. (She’s 3).
Pogo says
I rescheduled my Day of Mom at a local hotel for this weekend, which is great as it coincides with the end of my first week on my new (pretty demanding) job. I am going to give myself a spa day, nap, read, workout, eat all my meals in peace…ahhhh.
Anon says
Yay!
Cb says
That sounds amazing!! Very jealous
anon says
I’m so glad you posted this, as I’ve been wondering the same thing! It will be 50s and rainy here for Saturday and Sunday.
I think we’ll lean into the cozy – baking, movies, that kind of thing. Maybe do a pajama day where we don’t get dressed at all? My kids always love that.
CCLA says
First weekend away from the kids in 18 months, and I can’t wait. We’re going a couple of hours away for some win tasting and pool time. Grandparents are in town and when we booked their visit they said why don’t you take a couple of days away – they’re the best and I’m so grateful!
Anon says
Oh lucky duck that sounds amazing. Have a great time.
So Anon says
An update on me telling my mom that I wasn’t comfortable with the kids and I visiting her last weekend because she had been sick: I told her that I wasn’t comfortable on Wednesday, and she responded, “its JUST a virus!” On Saturday morning, she called, left a vm, and happily announced what she was making for dinner that night and asked whether I could stop and pick something from the store. I listened with my mouth agape. I quickly texted to say that we weren’t coming out for dinner (trying to catch her at the store). She responded: “well, then don’t come over at all.” I reiterated that I agreed we shouldn’t come out, and that we would be out for the weekend soon. On Sunday morning, she texted to ask if I could come over to help with putting the boat in the water, she had been fine since Friday, and that I didn’t need to stay long. (Putting the boat in would involve a kid riding on my mom’s lap on the boat.) I responded that the kids and I could come out today after school to help with the boat. A few hours later, she called to say that she needed to have a difficult conversation: She was seriously disappointed in me, she needed my help and didn’t have anyone to help her, I didn’t trust her opinion even though she is a nurse, and that she had no choice but to ask my ex for help. I again explained that if the kids get sick at all, they have to be symptom free and have a negative covid test before returning to school, and getting sick wasn’t something I wanted to risk. She said that my kids are exposed to all kinds of viruses and that I don’t trust her. I never spend time with her. She was going to ask my ex. I said that if she asked my ex out to our family home, it would violate a clear boundary I have set. I said that I could be out on Friday to help. She said fine and hung up.
I texted on Wednesday to ask if we were still on for this afternoon. She said, “I have no idea. If you have other things to do, please do them.” I responded that it seemed like she was still upset, and to let me know when she was ready to reengage. She then wrote a diatribe to rival Sunday’s call: “What a cold, cryptic and pointed note. Not sure whether I want to talk to you. I am more shocked and disappointed by the way this has happened. I ask for nothing from you. I always go out of my way to support you. The note on Sunday disappointed me more than you can imagine and put me in my place.” I said that I heard she was very upset, but we are going to need to agree to disagree. She responded that she asked for a neighbor for help with the boat. I said ok. She then said that “not surprisingly, you have chosen to miss the point.”
I feel punched in the gut for having any kind of boundaries with my mom, and this is why I came to you all to seek validation of reasonableness before saying no to the weekend. I am so exhausted from this. I fully expect more vitriol to come my way this weekend. I have an appointment with my therapist next week. I am terrified of passing on this narcistic legacy to my children.
Cb says
Oh my goodness, I am so, so sorry. Colds are so much more disruptive now due to daycare requirements and she should understand that and I’m sorry she couldn’t support you.
Anonymous says
You set a reasonable boundary and were more than patient with her. Hang in there. You’re doing great. Just because she is unhappy, does not agree or understand doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.
Anonymous says
I am so sorry! You ARE BEING REASONABLE. It sounds like her feelings are hurt and she is lashing out.
octagon says
This internet stranger validates your choices. I’m sure it seems to her like she is being reasonable, but it’s clear that she is not thinking about you or your children, or the impact that getting sick would have on everyone. (even if it’s just a risk! We all balance risks all the time!)
Stay true to yourself and your principles. Focus on your children and yourself. I’m sorry your mom is acting like this.
Anonymous says
My mom was also a nurse and similarly cannot handle any notion that she is acting in anything other than the safest and most responsible manner. Including that time she decided my 8 year old didn’t need a booster anymore without actually checking with me. It’s not you and you were very reasonable.
Anonymous says
Your mom usually seems to do a lot for you, and you hurt her feelings!
Anonymous says
Like, I don’t disagree with you on the substantive call. But I don’t think your initial Wednesday communication was a clear no at all, the Saturday text was super curt to the point of rudeness and I think you know it because you’re trying to justify it by saying you were sending it in a rush, and at no point in this exhaustive retelling do you mention being apologetic! No “so sorry mom we are all very disappointed not to be able to see you” no having the kids FaceTime her, and your communications do sound cold and harsh.
From everything you’ve told us, your mom does a lot to support you and this just isn’t how you treat a loved family member to me, even when they’re ultimately in the wrong.
Anonymous says
What?!? The mom wanted So Anon to expose her kids to a “cold” that could have kept them out of school for two weeks!
Anon says
This is harsh and I don’t think you did anything wrong by declining the weekend invite (though I would have gone, personally), but I think there’s truth in the statement that she does a lot for you and wonder if maybe you should reassess how much you lean on her. Someone here put it as “you pay in time or you pay in power” about childcare and I think that’s spot on. It seems like more distance might be better for both of you.
Anon says
*Pay in money or power, I mean
Anonymous says
This. I think you were wholly in the right to decline the weekend. I also think that your reliance on your mom for help is creating reciprocal expectations on her part that you might not want, and that it would be easier to get along with your mom if you just spent a limited amount of fun time with her instead of having her actually help out. Based on other things you’ve posted, it seems that you can afford to hire at least some help.
So Anon says
I see and agree with this. I do have help in the form of a babysitter, who is awesome. My challenge is that if I try and pull back, I am told that I have disappointed her by not spending time with her or she hasn’t had enough time with her grandchildren. For example, if I were to say that I can take my son to his weekly OT, she would take it as a personal attack on her, she loves the time with him, etc. It feels like anytime that she spend with my kids creates a reciprocal expectation that I do something for her.
Anonymous says
You have to choose what she’s going to complain about. Either she’ll complain about not getting to do things for you, or she’ll complain that you don’t do enough for her in return for the things she does for you. I’d choose the former any day.
Anon says
That does sound really hard. Maybe she wouldn’t be receptive to this, but if it were my parents I would have a very direct conversation with them and tell them it isn’t working for them to “help” me with things like driving to OT, and I would rather we just back up and take all that stuff off the table and they can just be grandparents who hang out with their kids and play at times when it’s convenient for both families.
I also think you might be a touch over-reacting to her continued reliance on your ex for things. I get why it’s hurtful to you since you had a bad divorce, but I also think unless he’s a danger to you or your kids (which I assume he’s not, since you said he has some custody of the kids) it’s ultimately her choice whether or not to continue that relationship.
Anonymous says
I think it’s crazy that the mom is maintaining an independent relationship with the mentally ill, abusive ex-husband.
Anon says
That’s tough. Maybe I don’t understand the context but doesn’t seem like boat in the water is an emergency that couldn’t wait a few days so hard to understand her pushing you so much … people can disagree with how you choose to parent but that doesn’t mean they should take it as a personal attack.
anon says
I definitely don’t have full context here, but it sounds like your mom’s anger is not about the boat at all and that she has a long list of grievances and resentments. What is your relationship with her usually like?
So Anon says
My relationship with my mom is, and always has been, very complicated. She can be very helpful with logistics, but she does not do feelings, at all. She is judgmental, and much of that judgment has been directed my way over the years. For example, she believes in only her personal lifestyle of extreme exercise and continuous dieting. She will scoff and continuously push if I decline a glass of wine, and she “forgets” that I don’t eat dairy. For my birthday last year, she made cupcakes and said they were dairy free. After a few bites, I asked what she used for icing, and she said that she made it out of normal butter and sugar.
She doesn’t seem to trust my judgment, interpretation of events, or skills and knowledge. (E.g. An issue arises in the media, and I say, “oh, that arose out of x, y and z underlying issues.” And she responds that I can’t possibly know that even though I am an attorney who directly practices in x, y and z issues.”) When I disclosed the issues in my marriage (e.g., ex threatened to end his life if I didn’t do certain things in bed), she told me that I was no saint. Even after being very clear about the abuse in my marriage, she has decided to maintain an independent relationship with my ex. They text and see each other at the store where he works.
When I spend the weekend with her, I go to bed at the same time as my kids in order to avoid having conversations after she has had a few glasses of wine.
Typing this all out, I can see that I need more distance from her. She does help with my kids, but it comes at a huge price for me personally.
anon says
Yeah, she sounds extremely difficult. I fully support wanting more distance. It sounds like her help with the kids comes at a very high price to your sanity.
GCA says
I am so sorry. She sounds like a very difficult personality, and even without the ongoing boundary issues, I would say you were being completely reasonable about not wanting your kids to be exposed to illness. I think you are between a rock and a hard place — the help she gives you comes with strings attached, yet pulling back and setting firmer boundaries also comes with an emotional impact and a possible detriment to your kids’ relationship with grandma. But sometimes you just have to let go of trying to fit into her definition of a good daughter. Even if you change everything that she judges, the judgment will not end.
Hang in there – this internet stranger is rooting for you.
Anoon says
Yeah, that is what the mom’s is saying– “you have chosen to miss the point.” I have not been following this saga, but I take it this board has been pretty supportive. It might be time to reevaluate your boundaries, and they have to be two sided. You can’t just set a boundary on your mom without also reflecting on boundaries on yourself. I.e., you keep relying on your mom to the same degree while “setting a boundary” on her? That does not seem fair.
I admit I am biased here because my sister relies very heavily on my mom and basically treats her like the help because “boundaries.” Not saying that is your situation (as I said, I have not been following) but it sounds familiar.
Anonymous says
I have to agree with this. I have noticed that many posters on the main page, and a few here, seem to expect that a one-sided relationship with their parents will continue into adulthood. There are all sorts of expectations for the parents (helping out with grandkids, etc.) coupled with all sorts of boundaries set against them (can’t ever give the grandkids sugar or screen time, can’t ask personal questions, etc.). I do think OP’s mom is out of line here, but I also think that this relationship would benefit from boundaries on both sides. OP knows that accepting help from her mom comes with strings attached. If she stops accepting the help, that might cut the strings.
With our parents, my husband and I have found it incredibly helpful to let go of wishing we could change their attitudes and behavior and just meet them where they are to the extent that’s feasible for us. When the relationship becomes just about enjoying time together, accepting whatever it is the parents do have to give, and not giving more than you have to give, it’s much more fun.
ANon says
I hear you, but the OP’s mom is clearly being obscenely manipulative. Threatening to call the OP’s abusive ex for help if the OP refuses to come help… with a boat!?! That is insanity. The mom can be friends with the ex all she wants, but using the abusive ex as a weapon against her own daughter… ABOUT A BOAT!… is about as bad as it can get.
I agree with another poster that boundaries clearly need to be set on both sides, but it’s the mother responsibility to to set her own boundaries. As I recall, the OP had to get out of an abusive relationship and has littles to protect. Fair or not, she shouldn’t be putting her mom’s narcissistic whims before her own children.
Pogo says
My parents don’t go this far, but sometimes they do put on a bit of hurt/martyrdom when I don’t trust their choices. We are all adults. We make our own decisions. No one ‘owes’ anybody anything.
100% would not have risked an illness in these times. I’m sorry your mom reacted so harshly.
ANon says
I can see why this is exhausting you. She is relentless. I often jokingly say that sometimes the only solution is to drag the person out into the street and kick their ass. This is what you need to do. Of course… you can’t… so just keep setting your boundaries and sticking to them. Your mother is acting like a child. And like all of us repeatedly say when the question is asked about a toddler or preschooler: set the boundary, enforce it, rinse, and repeat.
Hang in there So Anon. We support you.
Redux says
Runners, help. How do you avoid shin splints? Are some people just more susceptible to them? Why does this keep happening to me/ derailing my best laid plans to get in shape?
I have nice running shoes (brooks), and do non-intense, very short runs (2 mi, every other day) on asphalt, and I stretch after every time, without fail. A few weeks in and I have shin splints. Again. Just like the last time I tried this. Whyyyyy.
Anon says
I’m not a runner but my husband is, and yes some people are definitely more susceptible to them. Maybe you could try power walking? I think I read somewhere the calorie burn per mile isn’t that different than running. Maybe that’s just what my lazy, non-running self wants to believe though :)
Anonymous says
I believe that this is the theory – e.g. moving the same “mass” over the same distance = the same energy. Because of the speed of movement and height in running you burn slightly more calories (especially if you add higher intensity bursts)… but light jog and fast powerwalk probably not that different. That said…. it means that you have to “work out” say 50% more to get the same caloric output.
Anonymous says
Did you buy your running shoes at a specialty running store? Having the wrong type of shoe for your foot can cause problems. Other potential solutions:
– Arch support insoles (e.g., Superfeet)
– Taping your arches
– Compression sleeves for your shins
– Running on grass
– The toe tap exercise
– Making sure you have good running form–midfoot strike, quick turnover
– A very gradual walk-run buildup over several weeks
Redux says
I did not; I got them from a sporting goods store, but not a specialty running store. Thanks for these other suggestions. I do have very high arches and did not think to tape them. My ramp up has been so gradual over the last several weeks, so I really thought I was in the clear!
Anonymous says
I’d definitely start with a running store. If you have high arches, you most likely need a cushioned/neutral running shoe. Most shoes you’ll find at a sporting goods store are for people with normal to low arches. Running in the wrong type of shoe for your foot can cause all types of problems.
Pogo says
I get them when I ramp up too quickly, or don’t cross train.
1) Start running w/ C25K. Especially if you are otherwise in shape, it feels really “easy” but I promise it’s the best way to ease into running and avoid injury.
2) Add in hip/core stabilizing exercises. If I don’t keep up with this, I get injured. I started working with a PT to get the exercises down, and now I just do them on my own. But to get started I would see a PT and have them show you what to work on. Again, the exercises feel really easy/dumb, but if I don’t do them, I get shinsplints or worse.
Also track the mileage on your shoes and replace frequently.
Anonymous says
+ 1 to all these comments. Do the “stupid” exercises (for me it is ankle issues).
You have to replace running shoes way more frequently than you think (and IME the impact is noticeable when you “keep up” with this). Also expensive shoes doesn’t mean better if they aren’t right for you. I highly recommend a running specific specialty store – they will do a good job if they have an actual treadmill to watch you run!
Redux says
I 100% need core stabilization, too, so I will take that up while I rest these shinjuries.
anon says
I do think some people are more susceptible to them. It also could be an issue with your shoes. Brooks is a great brand, but not every style is going to work for your specific feet. It also may be worth a one-time visit to a physical therapist to see if there’s anything out of alignment and causing issues. For example, a friend of mine got shin splints constantly, but when the PT advised that she shorten her stride/focus on cadence, she was able to run pain-free.
AnonATL says
How old are your shoes? Or how many miles are on them? I get shin splints when my shoes are either wearing out or brand new. Also running a lot of hills will put additional strain on your shins.
Redux says
A year old? Not too many miles on them– probably 300 miles all together.
Anonymous says
You’ll see recommendations to replace every 300 – 500 miles, so it’s not too soon for new shoes.
Redux says
Oh! See what a novice I am? Thanks for the tip.
Realist says
Definitely time to replace. One year or 500 miles. Track mileage (I think some apps do this). If you start feeling pain at 300 miles, then that is likely your max mileage on a pair.
Anon says
I get them when I start running after I haven’t for a while. It just takes time, like months, for me to get back in shape. You can walk/run when you have them and foam roll after.
Anon says
Has anyone used Happy Masks for themselves or kids? I’m considering getting them for upcoming plane travel with an unvaxxed preschooler. They say they block 99.9% of particles which sounds amazing (Isn’t an N95 only 95%?) but I thought masks couldn’t legally make those kinds of claims, so I’m kind of suspicious.
West Coast Mama says
I don’t know what % they actually block, but I trust that they are very good. For myself, I’ve grown to prefer KN95s and KF94s. But my two kids (ages 4 and 6) do well in them, and I think they are high quality in terms of comfort, fit and overall protection.
Anon says
Thanks!
anon for this says
We got a note from school yesterday that LO (almost 4) lost stickers on his chart for hitting other kids with toys and throwing sand in their faces. This is the first time we’ve gotten the feedback from school but I’m not surprised as he has hit or kicked us at home when he is angry (honestly haven’t seen him with other kids in over a year because…pandemic, but in the past he has hit on playdates but really infrequently). Usually it happens when he’s super tired and cranky and we won’t let him do something he wants to do (watch more ipad), or when we make him do something he doesn’t want to do (like take a bath, put on pjs). He doesn’t hit his little brother, if his brother takes a toy he just grabs it back from him (which is not great either, but also not violent).
Should I call the school? I guess I want to know if it’s isolated, or he’s been doing it a lot? Also what can I do beyond what we already do – time-outs, saying things like “its ok to be mad, it’s not ok to hit”. He knew it was wrong and got really ashamed when I asked him why he hit his friends, so I’m at a bit of a loss.
Also completely selfishly I cannot handle him getting kicked out of preschool right now with the way my workload is. So I want to make sure we get him under control asap, plus obviously he can’t be hitting other kids!
I feel awful, like I’ve failed as a parent, even though I know that’s not true.
Anon says
You have not failed as a parent!!! Even if he had a serious behavior issue, it wouldn’t mean you’re a failure, but this is really not a serious behavior issue. I think you’re really getting ahead of yourself with the fear that he’s going to be kicked out of school. We’ve been told a couple times my daughter has hit other kids at school and had to have a time out. We were of course embarrassed and apologetic, but the teacher assured it was normal behavior for a 3 year old and nobody suggested she would be kicked out or even put on any kind of probation. If this is the first time he’s hit, he’s clearly not doing it all the time and it’s really unlikely to be a big issue! Losing stickers is a pretty light punishment as far as these things go and if teachers were really concerned, they’d be demanding a parent-teacher conference, at a minimum. At our last parent teacher conference, the teachers positively gushed about our kid and how sweet and kind she is, despite her occasional propensity to hit. I know it’s easier said than done, but relax! :)
Spirograph says
First, it’s going to be OK. This is really, really normal almost-4-year-old behavior. Also, I don’t think any kid in the history of kids has gotten kicked out of preschool for this kind of behavior in an isolated incident. It would have to be a pattern, and it sounds like this is not. Even then, my daughter has sporadically been a holy terror at school for the last few months (despite everyone’s best efforts) and they haven’t kicked her out, nor has anyone even raised it as a possibility.
You do not need to call the school, this is just a note to let you know what happened so you can talk to your child about it at home and reinforce acceptable behavior. Respond with “Thank you for letting me know, I’ve talked to LO about this and we’ll be sure to continue working on this at home! Please keep me in the loop if it happens again.” Then enjoy your weekend and try not to let it keep spinning around in your head.
Anonymous says
This.
We’ve also talked about appropriate physical alternatives to hitting as sometimes they need that physical release when they are frustrated. Like stomping 3 times or something. Actually practicing the alternative with them helps them learn to do that instead.
Anonymous says
Agree with the others. At least at our school they tell you every time your child hits someone and it’s developmentally normal for a 3 year old to hit sometimes, so unless the teachers appear concerned or tell you it’s an ongoing problem you don’t need to freak out and you don’t need to do anything.
OP says
Thanks, all these comments help. I knew I was catastrophizing, but its so hard to hear especially since I magically avoided my kid being a biter or otherwise difficult in the toddler years. I suppose that should be a reminder to myself that it is not about my parenting as I did nothing different then as compared to now!
OP says
Also I think I have met a disproportionate number of people IRL whose kids got kicked out of daycare/preschool for behavior stuff, considering I haven’t heard much about it on here and this obviously draws from a wider group of parents! So I have an outsized fear of that, I think.
Anon says
I know 3 people who had kids get kicked out of preschool and they all went to Montessori schools. Don’t know if it’s just coincidence or if Montessori is expulsion-prone, but it put me off Montessori (there are other reasons it didn’t feel right for us). We did tour a Kindercare that told us they had a “three bites and you’re out” policy, which seemed crazy to me. My kid was not a biter, but I know it’s a relatively normal developmental stage and three is not a large number when you’re talking about toddlers who have to be taught things over and over again. But I don’t actually know anyone that’s been kicked out of Kindercare or another large daycare center.
There are lots of steps they would take before expulsion and the fact that your kid hit someone and they’re not taking any of those steps and just mentioned it casually indicates they’re used to kids hitting and are prepared to handle it. If they were freaked out and sent your kid home from school after one incident, I’d be more worried about how they’d handle repeat infractions.
Preganon says
Any suggestions for protein-rich foods for pregnancy? (So avoiding deli meat, etc.) I want to make sure I’m getting plenty of protein but meat just isn’t very appealing so I’m having a tough time…
Anonymous says
I ate WAY too many Nature Valley protein bars because I had a pretty significant meat aversion. I couldn’t do eggs first thing in the morning, but they were fine for lunch or dinner. I also ate an embarrassing amount of (pasteurized) cheese because that was my main craving.
Anonymous says
I could not eat meat, poultry, or fish during my pregnancy. I got my protein from cheese, nuts, and eggs. I also drank a lot of milk, as it was the only beverage other than carbonated water that didn’t make me vomit.
Anon says
I didn’t eat any meat in pregnancy and had a healthy baby. I don’t eat a ton of meat normally and I had a real aversion to it when I was pregnant. I did eat scrambled eggs a lot and a little bit of fish, but otherwise it was a lot of dairy and grain products (pasta, grilled cheese, pizza, Eggos slathered in butter). Unless your OB is expressing concerns, I would not sweat your diet too much and just eat what sounds good to you.
GCA says
Nuts and pulses? With one pregnancy I ate a lot of lentils and hummus. Keeps you regular…! With the other pregnancy my main craving was chicken nuggets. Bodies are strange.
Is it texture or the savory nature of animal protein that’s not appealing to you in pregnancy? If it’s the former, try cheese, eggs and yogurt; if it’s the latter, try nut butters and protein bars.
Anonymous says
There are plenty of vegetarians (literally billions) who have healthy babies. Beans, eggs, milk, cheese, yogurt, nut butters, protein rich grains (Dave’s killer bread or Banza pasta). You’ll be fine
Chicagomama says
Highly recommend “Real food for pregnancy” (Lily Nichols) for ideas
Anonymous says
I ate so many peanut butter + crackers when I was pregnant! Also PB with apples, PB with celery, PB on toast…
Anon says
This.
ANon says
Just Google plant-based protein foods.
Anonymous says
Was anyone else as offended as I was that in Dix Pour Cent, pregnant Andrea is shown eating whatever she wants without throwing up, even in the first trimester? OMG the bloody mary with extra tabasco. And the pastries. What I would have given to be able to eat a pastry without immediately vomiting.
Anon says
I had morning sickness (and increased car sickness) but had no other food aversions or really any cravings.
People are different.
Anon says
+1 people are different. I had minimal nausea, only got queasy in the late afternoons briefly, and never threw up. The majority of my close friends either didn’t throw up at all or only occasionally. Sorry you had a rough go of it but it seems weird to be deeply offended about this. I had other, more serious health issues related to pregnancy (the baby was fine) that I would have gladly traded for vomiting, but I don’t go around getting angry when shows depict a woman being pregnant without my health issue.
Anonymous says
I’m not the OP but my reaction would be similar. I don’t personally know anyone who had no nausea with pregnancy and myself had nonstop horrible nausea and significant food aversions for months and months. While not dangerous it’s hugely impactful to quality of life, more than an inconvenience. Depictions of symptom-free early pregnancy are super unrealistic for most women (not all, clearly there are a few women who don’t have much) and can be frustrating as they influence popular understanding of what it means to be pregnant/reinforce unrealistic expectations for , say, male family members about pregnancy.