This post may contain affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
The black blazer is a workhorse in any wardrobe. For those expecting, here’s a chic option from Seraphine that will take you from desk to dinner.
Tailored to flatter your growing bump, this modern, collarless blazer is made from premium suiting fabric and is fully lined. The empire waist flatters your curves while the detachable ties are a practical alternative to buttons.
Pair with tailored pants or a stretchy sheath dress for the office.
Seraphine’s Tailored Maternity Blazer is $199 and available in sizes 2–12. Right now, you can get 20% off everything at Seraphine.com with code BEMINE, which brings the price down to $160.
Sales of note for 3.28.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything plus extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off 2+ items; 40% off 1
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- Lands’ End – 10% off your order
- Loft – 50% off everything
- Nordstrom: Give $150 in gift cards, earn a $25 promo card (ends 3/31)
- Talbots – 40% off 1 item; 25% off everything else
- Zappos – 37,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 50% off entire site
- Hanna Andersson – 30% off all swim; up to 30% off HannaJams
- J.Crew Crewcuts – 40% off sitewide; 50% off select swim; 50% off kids’ styles
- Old Navy – 50% off Easter deals
- Target – 20% off Easter styles for all; up to 30% off kitchen & dining; BOGO 50% off shoes & slippers for the family;
See some of our latest articles on CorporetteMoms:
Click here to see our top posts!
And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Waffles says
Elementary school parents, what are your kids’ extracurricular activities?
How did you decide what to prioritize?
Anon says
We’re still in pre-K, but I don’t see this changing in K/1st. During the school year, we do religious school on Sunday mornings and one activity of her choosing at a time. We don’t do weeknight activities, which limits our choices. I think my kid could actually handle it fine but it’s too disruptive to family dinner and our evening routine. We may reassess that eventually since as kids get older more activities meet more than once a week. But in the lower elementary grades it’s not hard to find activities that are once a week on Saturday mornings, so that’s what we’re sticking with for now.
Anonymous says
We require each kid to do one musical activity and one sport or dance. They also have to take daily swim lessons in the summer, either at day camp or at our neighborhood pool, until they are water safe.
EDAnon says
How do you fit in a daily swim lesson? (This is a serious question!).
Anonymous says
Our YMCA and private school camps offer daily swim lessons during the camp day. Those are my preference.
The lessons offered at our neighborhood pool are 4 days a week in 2-week sessions at like 6:00 p.m. You just end up going to the pool every evening, which is kind of a hassle.
Anon says
I’m guessing they have a summer nanny or a family caregiver? Daily swim lessons in my area are always during the workday.
EP-er says
For us, it was impossible when the kids were younger. Summer meant dedicated day care or summer camps and swim practice from 9:30 – 10:45 would be impossible. However, now that they are older, we’re WFH, and the pool is around the block, we were finally able to make it work! We did have our kids in a day camp where they went to the pool every afternoon, though. Or evening lessons?
DLC says
We do daily swim team in the summer, but swim practice is 4:30-5p so one parent can take them. A lot of swim teams in our area has morning practice like 7 or 8 am. I was a little unprepared for the time commitment of summer swim especially the weekly meets, but my then nine year old loved it so we just went with it. But is is intense- an our pool was definitely one of the lower key less competitive ones.
Mary Moo Cow says
This is an area DH and I do not agree on. We have a 1st grader and Pre-K-er. We do occasional 4-week long blocks swim lessons on Saturday mornings, and that’s it. Next year, I plan to enroll both of them in the once-weekly after-school arts and social studies enrichment program. I would also like to see both of them in a more organized, team sport, but we haven’t found something that we can all agree on yet.
I’m not sure what you mean by prioritize: like, older kid over younger kid’s interest and schedule if they conflict, or kids’ preference over parent’s preference, or sports over arts? I would prioritize health/exercise and team sports, then arts/what interests them, and then academic interests, if all over factors are in equipoise. My kids only get PE once a week, and while we get outside every weekend or every day in nice weather, I think they need to move their bodies and learn athletic skills and the social graces of being on a team. Since they only get formal instruction in music and art once a week, I would opt for more of that, too.
Anon says
i feel like i’m struggling with this and my kids are only 3.5. until this year they did absolutely. nothing. no music class, swim class, etc. they didn’t even go to preschool. then they started preschool in the fall and one mom was looking for a few kids to join her son in gymnastics bc they needed three kids to make the class, and since it felt pretty covid safe for them to be masked in a big gym with one kid they already went to school with we did it and they loved it. their school also offers activities right after school and so they saw other girls going to ballet in the fall and now they are doing that too. and they are also doing soccer. another activity offered at their school is golf and they keep asking me to sign them up, but we are holding off on that for now, though they ask me all the time if they can do gymnastics again. i need to get them into swim lessons later this spring. all of the boys in their class are playing t-ball, which meets once during the week and on saturdays. as a kid i had an activity like every day and i was never allowed to just be, so i dont really want to over schedule my kids, but at the same time, if they are expressing interest, i don’t want to deprive them if we can make it work….
Cb says
We were chatting about this question this weekend when my son was admiring the kids playing soccer in the gym adjacent to our swim classes. But I’m not sure how we’d manage more than one activity during the school year without a parent at home? Kiddo is in fulltime care (and will be in wraparound once school starts in August), we have swim on Saturdays, but I’m not prepared to give our whole weekend to kid activities? Like I’m happy to have another kid or two come over for snacks and a playdate, but we like our chill weekends, our late starts etc and I’d loathe to give those up.
But I wonder if eventually kid preference will reign?
Anonymous says
Some kids like activities and some don’t. If your kid develops a genuine passion for a sport or music or dance or theatre and you can afford to support it, it’s cruel to deny them the opportunity to pursue that passion to the maximum extent of their interest and talent. Most kids will be happy just to putter along, though.
Anon says
“If your kid develops a genuine passion for a sport or music or dance or theatre and you can afford to support it, it’s cruel to deny them the opportunity to pursue that passion to the maximum extent of their interest and talent.”
This is absurd. There are sports where allowing your child to pursue it to the maximum extent of their interests would destroy your family life, make it incredibly hard for your other kids to have hobbies and a social life, wreck your finances and seriously jeopardize the athlete’s academic life and future career success because of the amount of school they’d have to miss to pursue it. Of course parents aren’t “cruel” for refusing to make their entire family life operate around one child’s athletic schedule.
Anonymous says
Very, very few kids are actually that good. The vast majority of kids with some talent will max out at travel leagues. For music, most will max out at youth orchestra + all-state.
Cb says
My parents’ neighbours had 3 kids in travel baseball and their lives looked MISERABLE! I’m very grateful in the UK that with some exceptions, sports are much less formal and college sports scholarships aren’t a thing in the same way.
Anon says
I was a serious figure skater growing up. Parents taking second mortgages and raiding retirement accounts to finance skating was very common. Mom + skater living apart from the rest of the family was common. Younger sibling skating also because the parents didn’t have time for two intense sports was common. Kids being pulled out of school and doing an online GED-type program was common. None of these athletes are people whose names you know; none of them ever made it the Olympics, let alone won a medal. You do not have to be Simone Biles or Michelle Kwan for your parents to make major sacrifices in the name of your sport. For every athlete whose name you know that “makes it” there are thousands, probably tens of thousands, more who made the same sacrifices and didn’t get the same level of fame. Did I throw tantrums at my parents about this when I was a kid? Of course, that’s what kids do. Were my parents cruel for saying no to all the things that would have negatively impacted their finances, our family life or my education? Of course not. They were being totally sensible. It is not cruel to set limits in how your child pursues an activity, and finances, siblings’ needs, and education are all major limiting factors for most families.
anon says
I personally think most travel sports seem cruel to the entire family system, but YMMV.
anon says
@Anon at 9:52 – my brother was a serious gymnast, and ditto to everything you’ve said. You can throw tens of thousands of dollars and years of your family’s life at helping your kid pursue a passion that not only doesn’t take them to the Olympics (or whatever) but that leaves them with nothing in the end. When my brother washed out at age 16, he had no non-gymnastics friends (bc he practiced 6 days a week), a huge number of chronic injuries, and really struggled to figure out who he was now that he was no longer part of that all-consuming world. Gymnastics also isn’t really a lifestyle sport that you can do recreationally in adulthood – when you’re done competing, you’re just done.
So Anon says
Like others have said, it is entirely possible to throw tons of money at a sport and essentially destroy the family. When I hear about this, I always think of my freshman roommate. She played a very competitive and expensive sport. She ended up at our school (D1) on a full ride and felt obligated to take the scholarship, even though she would have preferred to stay at a smaller school closer to home. That school didn’t offer her a scholarship. She was utterly miserable, ended up hating the sport and wrecking her health over participating in the sport and the competitive environment at our school. Her family had money, and it was clear that they had put so much time and effort into helping her “succeed” at the sport that it was all she had, even when she didn’t want it anymore.
Spirograph says
I had a coworker who was crushed when his son declined a baseball scholarship and quit the sport after high school. The family’s life had revolved around that kid’s baseball career for years, but he just… didn’t want it anymore.
I’m happy to make reasonable efforts to give my kids opportunities to pursue their interests, but the chances of any of them being a professional-level talent in any sport or artistic pursuit are very, very slim. My main goal is for my kids to be kind, considerate, well-rounded people. If I succeed in that, they’ll realize that asking a family of 5 to sacrifice everything for their activity is unfair. If they really want it, they’ll figure out a way to make it work without me and DH turning our family life inside out.
Anon says
Staying home and chilling with family is awesome. For many kids/families, it’s the best thing you could do. Allll the research points to the benefits of free play, unstructured outside time, and family time far outweighing structured activities, at least until age 8/10. Our culture of busyness and “success” has us convinced our kids will miss out if we don’t do all the things, but that couldn’t be more false.
That said, my oldest (6) does baseball in the spring/summer, both boys (4&6) did a basketball clinic on Saturday mornings for a season, and we do swim lessons in the summer. (I do see the benefit in learning to be coached, be part of a team, etc, even though I think these skills can be learned in myriad ways and sports aren’t critical for tiny children.) We will cap each kid at 1-2 activities per season – and 2 only if there is a real interest/objective benefit (like swim or music) for the second.
Cb says
I definitely notice if we’re too busy at the weekend – my son just gets really grumpy because he wants to be outside riding his bike or doing Lego or helping me bake. And he’s in nursery now which is entirely unstructured, free play, I imagine his desire for chill time would increase once he’s in proper school.
anon says
There are a lot of great extracurricular activities for a range of interests in my area. I periodically ask/try to persuade my elementary schooler to sign up and he doesn’t want to do any of them. It’s fine.
My kiddo spends a lot of time at home working on projects of his own design, reading, playing, etc. Sometimes, I sit him down for a lesson the language of our heritage that I don’t speak well enough to speak to him more generally.
He’s super curious and has the energy to ask lots of interesting questions, which, for this particular kiddo, he wouldn’t have if he did a bunch of activities because he needs his downtime and early bedtime or he’s a mess.
My extracurricular through most of elementary school was my school’s aftercare program.
Anonymous says
+ a million to school aftercare. Ours is awesome, and has sports, art, theater, music etc options that the kids pick each month. My sporty son always picks the sport-o-the-month, and that scratches the itch to do soccer, flag football, baseball, and lacrosse without me ever needing to actually sign him up for a team.
Pogo says
Not in aftercare yet, but at our preschool/daycare they offer yoga, Spanish, Taekwondo and some cardio dance thing (did not enroll in that one per kiddo’s request after he tried it and found it meh). I do have to write a separate check but at least I’m sending him to one place and it’s while I’m at work anyway! I’m perfectly content to watch a video of him breaking boards, I really don’t need to be there. Maybe I’ll care more someday lol.
Anonymous says
+1 yes yes. If you really want to know what research says – it’s that free play, boredom, and a home based life is best for little kids. It’s even better for their physical skills to be in a natural environment climbing logs or rocks. They are not “missing out” in the slightest. They can easily be just as active on a playground or hiking in the woods as a family. My 5 year old does ballet once a week. That’s it. We’ll do swim over the summer when she’s not doing ballet.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
+1 our oldest is only 4, but this is where I land right now. He’s in soccer and swim, which is all on Saturday AM. I don’t think we will do anything after school for a bit, both my boys are ready to wind down by the time we pick them up in the evenings. The rest of our weekend is for…rest, good food, books, exercise, and quality time. I don’t like to overschedule.
We go to birthday parties when it’s either a) a family member/child of a friend of ours that is like family or b) I know 100% this is a friend of DS #1 at school. We don’t just go for the sake of it.
So Anon says
My kids are in 3rd and 5th grade. My general guideline is that everyone should try and do something artistic/musical and something active. My 3rd grader is in her school’s chorus, which meets before school 1x per week. She does add-on art classes that are offered at school 1x per week. Both kids are in the middle of a school/rec offered program focused on outdoor winter activities, which means that 1x per week they both stay afterschool until 5pm. My 5th grader is in his school band, which meets 2x per week before school. He is also doing the wintersports thing. This spring, my 3rd grader will participate in lacrosse and my 5th grader will do a running club. I am lucky that it is all offered near or through the school, which helps with logistics.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I have one in kindergarten and one in daycare/preschool. The K-er currently does a swim class and a ninja gymnastics class on Saturdays. They’re back to back so only one instance of getting him ready. He’ll be doing outdoor soccer again in the spring. We’re trying to avoid after school activities for now because he’s had a hard transition to kindergarten and nights are already challenging. And bedtime routine starts at around 6. 3 year old currently does nothing outside of daycare for many reasons: he’s not as interested/active, daycare is enough and Covid. We’ll probably start him with swim lessons in the summer though.
As for later on and prioritizing, I would like them to each do at least one sport and also to do something music related. Swim is for safety. I have a feeling the older one will want to do a lot of activities and that we’ll be dragging the younger one to do things out of the house because of their personalities.
anon says
This has ebbed and flowed a lot through the years, depending on our time limits and kids’ interests. Some sports are only 6-8 weeks long, so not a huge commitment for the long haul. My preference is one sport/one artistic pursuit, but we’ve admittedly followed that pretty loosely. 1st grader is currently doing gymnastics. This spring, we may work in another round of swimming lessons and/or soccer.
I feel like an outlier in my community, but I really try to limit our weekend activities to the extent possible and do lessons on weeknights, even though those evenings can feel kind of long. I value our downtime too much to feel like the whole weekend is taken up by activities. (This only works if your kiddo stays at the recreational level, FWIW.)
I feel like my kids have gotten to try quite a few things over the years, but they’ve never been serious about any one thing that ends up consuming lots of time and resources if that makes sense.
Cb says
We have long half-term breaks here – October, February, April – and I figured my son could use these as a taster session for different activities. But honestly, I’m not super worried about him being good at any one thing?
Anonymous says
Kid 1 (2nd grade)
Fall:
Soccer (12 weeks, one practice during the week, one hour game on the weekend)
Tennis (6 week session, done through parks and rec outside)
Softball clinic (one night a week)
And this year she did a fall dance thing where she did a Nutcracker performance. It was an hour on the weekends but not every weekend until it got close. She used to do ballet and hip hop but dropped it this year.
Winter:
Tennis (indoor, one hour-long clinic during the week and optional match play on saturdays
Skiing (not a scheduled activity but we try and take her skiing 2 weekends/month or more at a local mountain)
Spring:
Tennis (until March)
Lacrosse (one weeknight and one weekend game, no travel, starts early April)
Soccer (one weeknight and one weekend game, no travel, starts early April)
Softball (one weeknight and one weekend game, no travel, starts late April)
Kid 2 (Kindergarten)
Fall:
Gymnastics (1x/weekday)
Musical theater (1x/weekday)
Soccer (1 hour on the weekend)
Nutcracker (1/2 hour every other weekend Sept-Dec)
Winter:
Gymnastics (1x/weekday)
Tennis (1x/weekend)
Skiing in winter (no lessons, just family ski as above)
Spring:
Gymnastics (1x/weekday)
Musical Theater (1x/weekday)
Soccer (1 hour on the weekend)
Softball (1 hour on the weekend)
I schedule things carefully so both kids can do things at the same time/field/place. We do a lot of carpooling and most of the activities are close to our house. In 3rd grade, kids have to narrow down sports as it moves to 2x/weeknight practices plus some local travel games. I think my kid will drop softball which she only does now since most of her friends do it.
I also have a PK kiddo who does gymnastics and dance during the week on the day she does not have preschool.
Anonymous says
Oh, wow. Around here the Nutcracker is practically a full-time job from September through Christmas. I was half sad and half relieved when my daughter decided she was done with ballet the year she was old enough to audition.
Anonymous says
Mine are all young enough that they are in the age equivalent of the chorus. Once they have to try out and get big parts it goes crazy quickly.
My 3 y/o was a reindeer. She had like 8 practices that lasted 20 min and overlapped with my kindergartener who was in two groups. I picked them up and took them to lunch while my 2nd grader did her hour thing and then we all went home. When they had two all-day rehearsals I went to a nearby spa with another mom and had a 3 hour spa treatment.
Anonymous says
ummmmm spa treatment while the kids are at nutcracker practice is now #lifegoals
Anon says
For early elementary we found it to be important to activities where we could become friends with other families and kids from school. In our area, this worked out to be scouts and rec soccer. Nearly every family participates so it’s a really important social scene if you want to meet other parents and want your kid to make close friends.
After that we’ve been dabbling in sports based on what the kids want to try: basketball, tennis, dance, gymnastics, swimming, etc. We’re flexible and haven’t committed to any serious sport yet. No more than one a season.
One daughter also does Odyssey of the Mind, which is super busy this time of year, but not a big commitment most other times.
My oldest daughter also does piano lessons. She started in 2nd grade. My younger one will probably try violin starting in 1st or 2nd grade. We need to get to the point where she’s not able exhausted mess by the time school ends.
Anon says
+1. I view activities mainly as a means to a social network for kiddo and us, so we’ve prioritized religious stuff (churches are nearly everyone’s main social network here) and Girl Scouts.
Anon says
+1. 2nd and K here. For now our rules are they have to do at least one team sport a year, ideally a team sport where the majority of the kids are from their school. We did soccer this Fall and it was really eye opening how much of a social connector it was for both kids and parents.
Momofthree says
We’ve tried various sports/ activities before COVID (music classes, swimming, gymnastics, little kid soccer, ukelele lessons) with differing but mostly limited success. We generally made the kids finish out the term & then stopped.
Now, however, we are (perhaps inadvertently) picking activities based on the community aspect. Our K’er played soccer (with others from his class/school) and is excited to do that this spring. Our pk’er wants to do everything his brother does. We’re also trying to do summer camps this way. They seem much more excited to do activities where their friends are & it gives us a chance to meet other parents (the school currently won’t let parents in the building). We also have started religious education this year to help our kids build a community around this aspect of their life as well.
We’ve also had a variety of medical/ physical therapy/ occupational therapy lessons that have taken up a lot of our time, and limit the activities that we can do otherwise.
We definitely don’t want the kids to be overscheduled but do see value in certain group activities.
Our youngest (<2) has done basically nothing organized, although I may sign her up for an outdoor music class this spring.
EP-er says
I like the idea of one artistic/one athletic in elementary school. For us, that was piano and some combination of gymnastics/swimming/fencing/dancing/golf. We commit for a season and if the kids want to try something different, we support that. No leaving/quitting in the middle, though. My kids are both very involved in scouting, also. Pandemic put a hold on a lot of activities we were comfortable with indoors, so post-vaccination we are just getting back to finding our normal. Right now, for the 4th grader it looks like piano lessons weekly, plus scouting twice/month, skiing weekly when there is snow & summer swim team. For the 8th grader, scouting weekly, fencing twice/week, skiing when there is snow, & tennis in the summer.
As a family, we have decided not to put our kids into any travel sports, which are very popular in our area. The families who commit to that are committed — multiple practices/week & frequent weekend competitions/tournaments. And that is great for them! But by the upper end of elementary school, it meant a lot fewer playdates with these friends. They kids who travel together are always together and hang out because their schedules mesh. We are losing kids in the girl scout troop because of gymnastics or dance practice conflicting. And that’s okay — there are only so many hours in the day and the kids are going to have to learn how to pick and what is important.
Anonymous says
The key to surviving travel sports is divide and conquer. I have seen so many families where one child’s sport is prioritized to the expense of everything else. The other kids all have to drop their activities and tag along to the chosen one’s tournaments. Our family’s attitude is that no one but the kid doing the sport should have to care about the sport. One parent takes the kid to the tournament and the rest of the family stays home. Much less stress and disruption.
Anonymous says
+1. I was very opposed to travel sports, but my oldest switched from house league to travel a couple weeks into this year’s season for a variety of reasons, primarily that the average skill level on the house team was too low for him to have fun (he’s at the upper end of the age bracket, and the house team has a lot of beginners 2 years younger), and due to covid, all the “travel” is still in the local area.
Ultimately, he’s getting a much better experience at a time commitment that’s still manageable for us. I’ve OKed him to try out for the travel team next year, but he may not make it because he’ll be one of the youngest in the new age bracket. Even if he’s offered a spot on the team, we’ll need to take a look at how that works, because I 100% agree that the travel sport doesn’t get prioritized over anyone else. We have younger kids, and the younger ones need the same opportunity to pursue an activity they love and not get short shrift because we’re already stretched thin on time supporting travel.
Anonymous says
Same here. My kid was miserable in rec sports because the kids spent all their time goofing off, shoving each other, and ignoring the coach. The travel group just suited her personality better and was much more fun.
EP-er says
I think that your point about the rec team not playing a high enough level is very valid — and that is why travel teams exist. And there are a whole range of travel teams to pick from: local/tricounty travel to multi state to nationwide. I hope you find a team which works for your son & your family!
So Anon says
I’ve made the same decision re: travel sports. My rising 3rd grader was invited to join the travel soccer team, which meant practice 2x during the week and at least one game every weekend, which could be in any number of nearby states.
On the divide and conquer front: that’s not always possible. I’m a single parent, and there are some parents who work on the weekend or any other number of scenarios where if a kid does a travel sport, it becomes the family affair.
Anon says
And even if divide and conquer is possible, it might not be the right choice. I’m married, but it sounds absolutely miserable to me to split up the family like that every weekend and I don’t like the idea of family life revolving so much around one kid’s activity. I don’t think it’s good for anyone, including the kid. As someone noted above, when the kid washes out of the intense sport they’re going to have no social life because all their friends were through the sport, which can be really hard on everyone.
gym mom says
It’s not necessarily a waste for a child to be dedicated to a sport that they can’t continue forever. My daughter was a competitive gymnast until the pandemic hit. After she was vaccinated she went back for a few months, got all her skills back, and then decided she was done because it was too much to juggle with school. She moved on to another, less intense sport and has no regrets about the years she devoted to gymnastics. It was definitely not all sunshine and rainbows, but she had some great times with great friends and learned a lot about hard work and perseverance. We don’t say she washed out or quit, we say she retired and moved on to other things. We spent a lot of money on gymnastics, but we probably would have ended up spending most of that money on some other pursuit if she hadn’t chosen gymnastics.
One thing that helped with the transition was that from the very beginning we emphasized that gymnastics was not her identity. She didn’t have a lot of time to pursue other interests, but we made space for her to keep them going in a limited way so they were still available to her when she was ready to move on. We also made it clear early on that 1) school came first and 2) no mater how talented or high-achieving she was, we would not be encouraging any college ambitions because college gymnastics is incredibly toxic. It was never going to be more than an intense hobby to pursue during childhood.
To be clear, none of this would have been possible if she hadn’t been an only child or had been interested in a more expensive sport like figure skating or horseback riding.
Anonymous says
It certainly doesn’t work for everyone. I am the divide and conquer poster, and it absolutely wouldn’t have worked if we didn’t have two parents available. I’m just saying that for some families it’s possible to make travel sports work without dominating the entire family’s life. Certain sports make it easier than others, too.
AwayEmily says
It’s really interesting reading these responses. My kids are in preschool and kindergarten and they don’t do any activities. They haven’t asked, and we haven’t encouraged it. Neither my husband nor I did any activities growing up (until we got to high school and did sports/theater/etc), and we didn’t really feel like we missed out on anything. If one of my kids expressed an interest I’d let them try something but I don’t plan on actively promoting anything (other than swim lessons, which I see as a safety issue). That being said, most of their friends are involved in extracurriculars (dance, gymnastics, etc) so I think we are somewhat unusual.
Anon says
We’re in the same boat! I didn’t do any activities until I asked my parents to start a sport at age 8, and we plan to follow the same approach with our kids, who are a bit younger than yours. I believe many children in the US today are way overscheduled, and having a lot of downtime to read or play with friends or bake cookies with my mom was one of the best parts of my early childhood.
Anon says
i’d love to take this approach and i was definitely over scheduled as a kid. the issue to me with this, which i experienced as a kid, was that so many kids do all of these activities from such a young age, that it can be hard to join later (unless you are the type of person who picks things up super easily). By age 8, some kids have been playing soccer or doing dance or whatever for 5 years
Anonymous says
Kids are not really learning any actual sports or dance skills at age 3 or 5. They are learning to stand in line, take turns, and listen to the coach or teacher. A kid who starts at 6, 7, or 8 will catch up in no time. Even in gymnastics, where kids are tracked to preteam as early as age 4, many gyms will pull 7-year-olds out of rec after less than a year and move them to preteam. You have even more time with the ball sports.
Anon says
8 year olds are so much more physically adept and better able to listen and follow directions than 3 year olds, and lessons in preschool and early elementary are so infrequent, that kids who started “late” end up catching up very quickly. I am definitely not athletically inclined but within a year of starting at age 8 was at a similar level to plenty of other 8 year olds (some were ahead of me and stayed ahead of me, but that had more to do with their inherit athletic ability than the fact that they started at a young age). And there are lots of activities that aren’t sports! Theater, debate, STEM activities, many kinds of music are commonly started in middle or high school.
Anon says
Yeah having had a 4 year old who has done several sessions of soccer, I can confidently say they don’t actually learn any soccer at this age. I know with ballet, you can find classes out there for 3 year olds, but serious ballet schools don’t even take students before the age of 7 or 8 because they consider it worthless to teach kids any younger than that. I think it could be hard to start a sport at, say 12, but 8 is not too late at all.
Anon says
i must just be super lacking in the hand eye coordination and athleticism department bc when i started ball sports around age 8, it was horrible. everyone else was much better than i was and some of the parents started caring about winning and i was frequently embarrassed and so felt like i missed the stage of doing it for fun
Anonymous says
Our professional ballet school has pre-ballet for ages 3-7 and starts real instruction at age 8. Kids who have been through the pre-ballet program have zero advantage. Competition studios will try to suck you in earlier because they want your money.
Anonymous says
Preschool classes are designed primarily as cash cows for sports facilities and dance studios. In gymnastics, rec and especially preschool classes are where gyms make their profits. They don’t net nearly as much off of team because the team coaches are more expensive and the weekly hours are so high that they can’t get away with charging parents the same hourly rates. You might pay $20/hour for preschool classes and $5/hour for team.
Anon says
I think you likely would have had the same experience even if you’d started at a younger age. Some people are just more athletic and better at sports than other people. I dreaded PE and was terrible at things like dodgeball, basketball and volleyball, but I don’t think it would have been any different if my parents had had me in ball sport lessons from the age of 4. I just don’t have great coordination and skills for ball sports. I’m better at sports that involve artistry and strength.
Pogo says
My husband and I both started endurance sports in high school that most young kids don’t do anyway (cycling, rowing, cross country). So I’m not worried at all if my kids aren’t super interested in sports right away.
Anonymous says
My oldest had friends that took ski lessons starting at age 3. I had babies at home so we nope’d right out of that. At age 7 she spent 2 days on a local midsize mountain with me and DH and was skiing blues. The following year at 8, she is just as good as all her friends other than the ones that are on Dev/race teams. We saved about $2000 on lessons and peace of mind.
Anonymous says
Anon @ 12:30, same. I would not have been any better at ball sports if I’d started at age 3, but I picked up tumbling, figure skating, and Muay Thai easily at various points during adulthood.
Anon says
When I was a kid my brother and I were the neighborhood kids that got kicked out of the house after school, on weekends and in the afternoons on school breaks and told we werent allowed back in until dinner. Finding our own entertainment was up to us, if you were bored there was always a chore our dad could give us.
I tried ballet at the ymca for 8 weeks, took swim lesson and had an illustrious half season of soccer. Decided I wasnt interested in sports by the time i was 9 and my parents recognized that as okay.
My brother did basketball and baseball, mainly for making friends. He got serious about track in middle school until he had a serious back injury halfway through highschool during a race.
The only activity our parent made us do each year was religious classes at the church once a week. We both hated it. Beside that one, they defaulted to letting us choose what to do.
Compared to friends who were in camps and competitive sports all year every year, I was able to do what I wanted. Looking back i dont think i missed out on anything by not being forced to pick or continue activities I wasnt enjoying.
With all that “benign neglect” and freedom i was given, I read through pretty much the entire teen and young adult section at the library , rode and walked around town on my bike to explore and taught myself drawing and painting and photography. And then got a year round part time job when I was old enough to start working, which none of my peers were doing at the time because of all their sports and activities.
Anonymous says
Like others, we do 1 creative + 1 physical. Music is important to me, so I am insisting that my kids learn to play the piano. The teacher comes to our house one weeknight, and they do back-to-back lessons. Otherwise,
3rd grader: Ice hockey – 1-2 weeknight, 1 very early Sat morning practice. Weekend game a couple times/month. He’s on the travel team, but all travel is within an hour of our home rink.
1st grader Ballet – Saturday AM. This goes until May and she’ll take a break in the summer, to do baseball (same team as K kid ) and/or learn-to-play hockey
K-er: Learn-to-play hockey, Saturday AM (older son comes too for extra skating time). Will switch to baseball in the spring – 1 weeknight, 1 Saturday game
DH and I agree in principle on one sport and one music, but he’s gung-ho about higher level sport teams that have multiple practices per week, and I would prefer if the kids stuck with rec league. All of our kids are very athletic and motivated, so this is an ongoing conversation. DH wants to lean in to extracurriculars, I want to protect downtime and sanity for all of us. Once hockey is over in a couple months, we’ll add in swim lessons through the summer, and maybe a session of gymnastics. We can probably get them into simultaneous classes so it’s only one trip for all three.
Anon says
We are starting K in the fall (currently in morning pre-school). Right now we are thinking spring and fall soccer (at this age it is just Saturday mornings; I think in the fall they might add once a week practice), swimming until she is a confident swimmer (so probably another year or so) with mid-week evening lessons and maybe adding Girl Scouts if we find a troop that fits us.
My goals are one active thing and one social thing; I view swimming as a necessary safety skill so I don’t count that. Kiddo definitely does better with fewer structured activities and more time to decompress, so this is a level we feel good about. If she doesn’t love soccer after this season (her second) we will try another team sport (potentially softball) as DH and I both think team sports are good for developing all sorts of life skills.
Anon says
Kids are in 1st and 3rd. We roughly do one sport/ one artistic but that’s not a hard rule. They have to commit to one season (or three months if it’s ongoing like piano) and they can quit or try something new, but no quitting in between.
Right now both are in swimming and a house league for basketball and volleyball. (We switched from piano to swimming since I am hoping to get them in a summer day camp that goes to the pool daily.) We’re actually somewhat limited in options since travel sports are so popular here and I refuse to do those. I solo parent quite often and I refuse to spend our entire weekends catering to one kid’s interests. Neither of my kids will go to the Olympics or get a college scholarship for sports, and I’m okay with accepting that now rather than pouring our time and money into it for the next 10+ years.
Jeffiner says
My 1st grader isn’t into trying new things, so I’m hoping to use summer camps to spark her interest/give her the confidence to try a new activity. She currently does swimming every week and horseback riding lessons when the weather is nice and I remember to schedule a lesson. We tried soccer and ballet, but neither of those lasted very long, although she was young at the time (pre-K).
Her afterschool program sometimes incorporates extra-curriculars, and she’s signed up for cheerleading this spring. I told her that during the summer, she needed to take at least one athletic camp and one performing art, so she’s doing basketball and piano. She’s also taking a ton of drawing/painting/sculpture camps, as she loves visual art.
Anon says
I think using summer camps to explore new interests is a great plan! Can you tell me more about horseback riding? My 4 year old has expressed interest, and it seems like a relatively Covid safe thing to do (we’re still being super cautious because she’s unvaccinated) but I’m not sure how it works long term since you just schedule a one-off lesson here and there, right?
Anonymous says
You can definitely do a series of horseback riding lessons. Check with a local stable. Our county has a couple, and they have 6 week sign-ups through parks and rec.
Jeffiner says
At our stable, each lesson consists of walking a horse around the corral in a pattern around barrels. It’s typical for small kids to struggle to get the horse to go. As they get more experience, the kids can practice “red light/green light”, or even start trotting when they are ready. They learn to groom and tack up the horses, too. The format works well for sporadic lessons.
Anonymous says
I am a huge fan of extracurriculars for kids who want to do them. I was a serious musician through college, and rehearsal was the highlight of every day. After college I retired from music because I didn’t have time to pursue it at the same level. I picked up a sport for a couple of years until I met my husband and all my free time went out the window, and I lived for practices. It is just so fulfilling to have a passion that you get to spend time on every day. I wish that type of experience were still available to me as an adult, but sadly it’s not. The last thing I’m going to do is to take that chance for enjoyment and fulfillment away from my kids just because I want to have time lounging around in PJs eating waffles on Saturday mornings.
Anonymous says
For us, the school-affiliated extracurriculars have turned out to be the worst logistical nightmares and the most fraught with social drama. Chorus was an hour after school, and I had to leave work early to pick her up because she’d missed the van to her after-school program. Then I had to listen to endless complaints about how the teacher’s pet had gotten the solo even though she couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket. Same for student government and the school play. Club sports and private piano lessons are much easier to deal with.
DLC says
Ten year old does piano and swimming year round. Currently does basketball but it’s an eight week season. Used to do Irish dance but it interfered with basketball so we are giving it a rest.
Five year old does Mandarin classes and swimming. Used to do soccer but now it’s not the season.
Swimming was a safety priority. Mandarin is at the request of my parents who are paying for it, but I debate whether or not it really serves us. The other stuff for the ten year old is stuff she was interested in- like she saw other kids do it or she participated in school and asked to learn. If there are other things she expresses in I look for a week of camp if we can afford it.
I go back and forth between whether or not we should schedule activities during the week or on weekends. On the one hand it’s nice to have our weekends free, but on the other hand I hate having to scramble to activities during the week with two other non-activity kids in tow.
DLC says
Oh i also would add- one year my daughter was in a play and it was intense time commitment, but she really loved doing it. So, there are definitely high intensity activities that we make an effort to fit in if we think it will be worth it.
Anonymous says
Coming to this a bit later, but has anyone set a geographical limit on the activities? We live in a city next to a park and rec center, and I would like to limit activities (current infant, so this is years away) to only those within walking distance.
Anonymous says
That’s one of those “I would never …” rules that tends to fly out the window once you’re in the thick of things. In reality it becomes a case-by-case analysis of logistics, unless you are totally numb to your child’s pleas to do whatever activity it is they are interested in. Geography and timing both play a part in feasibility.
Anon says
Walking distance seems extreme to me. I did a sport growing up where it was pretty common to commute 60+ miles each way, and I don’t think I would want to do that (although in the pandemic we have actually been doing some stuff in the big city about an hour away, because they have a mask mandate and we don’t). But if we limited ourselves to walking distance, our only option for activities would be the community fitness center across the street from our house, and although they do have some sports classes for kids, it doesn’t seem fair to tell my kid she’s limited to only those things. Keep in mind that not all kids like sports, so you may need to look outside a rec center for activities. We haven’t done much because of the pandemic, but I definitely think my kid is more of the visual arts/theater/dance type than the soccer & t-ball type, and there’s not going to be a lot at the fitness center that grabs her interest.
Spirograph says
I consider geography when thinking about what to sign my kid up for, but a hard and fast rule wouldn’t be practical for us. We do make an effort to get the kids on the same team/in the same class as friends or neighbors to maximize carpool opportunities. Even if you’re “within walking distance,” depending on the gear and the time of day you need to get from point A to point B, walking might not be a great option.
Anon says
+1 it is often easier to drive half a mile than walk, especially with kids.
Anon says
Did anyone have a kid for whom Miralax didn’t seem to work? My almost 4 year old has struggled with constipation on and off since she started solid food and it’s been especially bad the last few months. Ped of course advises Miralax but we’ve used pretty high doses for weeks at a time without seeing any results. If anything, it seems to me like Miralax makes the problem worse. She’s currently on two capfuls per day (double the adult dose) and hasn’t pooped in 7 days, which is pretty close to her record. This is in addition to daily prune and apple juice, fiber and probiotic supplements, and a diet that includes a lot of fruit and whole grains, pushing her to drink lots of water and limiting dairy. I feel like there is something more going on and am just feeling so frustrated that our ped doesn’t have any advice but upping the dose of a medicine that doesn’t seem to be doing anything.
Anon says
Yes, I did. Unfortunately, you may need to do a bowel clean out, which entails doing something around 8 capfuls of miralax in a day plus some combination of ex-lax and/or suppositories. Even that did not work for my then 2-year-old and we ended up in-patient with a major bowel blockage. However, in-patient treatment was really just an enormous amount of miralax (actually a related drug called golytely) through basically a feeding tube. Theoretically, if you can get your 4 year old to drink a ton of miralax over a few day period, that is just as effective as in-patient treatment. My 2 year old refused to continue drinking after a point, so we had no choice.
Do you have a GI doctor? I would recommend that as our primary ped was not prepared to handle our situation.
Anon says
Thanks. We don’t have a GI doctor. I’ve suggested it to our ped, but she brushed me off. Sounds like I have to push harder. I doubt she could drink enough for a bowel cleanout. Getting her to drink the 2 capfuls/16 oz the last couple weeks has been an enormous struggle and it feels like all we do is yell at her about drinking more water/juice/medicine. Part of why I want to try something stronger is so we can stop fighting her to drink all this Miralax and required fluid.
Anonymous says
You only need 4 ounces of liquid per capful. We have been dealing with this daily since October and reducing the amount of liquid per capful made a huge difference in being able to get my daughter to drink it. I literally measure 4 ounces of juice in a measuring cup and mix it with the capful that we do per day as our maintenance dose. I also put it into a straw cup, which seems to make it go down more easily. My daughter gets to pick what kind of juice (apple, orange, grape) she has, which makes it more appealing as well.
You may want to try adding ex-lax in the short term. You can get it in a chocolate bar form. When my daughter gets really backed up our GI has us give her one of the small squares before bedtime. Alternatively, you could try one of the pediatric glycerin suppositories (those did not work well for us unfortunately, and my daughter hated having them inserted).
Definitely push harder for getting started with a GI because if you let it go it gets so much harder to clean out. If you happen to be in the DC area, we work with the Children’s National practice and they are really good.
Anon says
Thanks that’s good to know about the 4 oz instead of 8. She drinks most of her fluids at daycare, so getting 16 oz into her at home was becoming a huge battle.
I did try a glycerin suppository last night. Insertion was fine, she was watching TV while I did it and didn’t really seem to care, but it didn’t work. I think I may not have inserted in far enough. I’m not in the DC area, but thanks anyway.
AwayEmily says
Another +1 for a glycerin suppository (in addition to seeking professional help, of course)…Miralax never really seemed to make a difference for our often-constipated kid but the glycerin definitely cleaned things out quickly. We did have put it pretty far in — might be worth giving it another try.
Anon says
Id push hard to find a peds GI. I didn’t need a referral to see one for a different issue. I think miralax only makes the stool soft but doesn’t actually work like a laxative. Does she have trouble when she actually goes?
Anon says
We need a referral, unfortunately. Honestly, it doesn’t really seem to faze her and she rarely complains about belly pain or acts uncomfortable. But her poops are enormous (they regularly clog our toilets) and hard and there’s sometimes a tiny bit of blood on them, so everyone agrees it’s not just something that can be ignored.
Anonymous says
This would have me switching pediatricians to get a referral.
SC says
I would make an appointment with a GI doctor. When my son’s constipation was really bad, we had to do a full system clean-out, and then a several month regimen of laxitive (Senna) plus Miralax. She also suggested some changes to our routine.
We had been giving our son Miralax at our pediatrician’s suggestion, off amd on for months. If there’s impacted stool, Miralax alone won’t do it.
AnonMD says
Is she taking the 2 caps within half an hour? Miralax is osmotic- you have to take it all at once. Sipping on a drink with it throughout the day won’t help at all. And with chronic constipation you have to use it religiously for 3-6 months to give time for the bowels to recondition. Otherwise agree that you might need a doctor directed bowel clean out.
Anon says
It’s a struggle, but I would say we usually get each capful (dissolved in 8 oz of water or juice) down within about half an hour (we do one in the morning and one at dinner). I expected we would likely need to be on Miralax for months after the acute constipation resolved to let her bowel get back to normal shape, but I didn’t expect that after several weeks on such a high dose of Miralax she would still not be able to go more than once a week (this is longer than average for her, I would say ~5 days was the norm before we started the Miralax). Everything I’ve read online says you can expect soft, near daily bowel movements after a few days on Miralax and that has not happened for us.
Anonymous says
If pediatrician won’t refer to a peds GI, I’d look for a new pediatrician.
Anon says
I called today and they did refer us to a GI. But we can’t get in to see the specialist until July. Sigh.
Anonymous says
Keep calling back in case there are cancellations, or ask to be out on a cancelation list!
SC says
I would ask for another referral and get on more than one practice’s cancellation list. If there is some type of impaction, the problem will get worse. (Ours culminated with an accident at school, which got us catapulted to a same-day appointment.)
I’ve had to wait 6 months to see a specialist because there’s a shortage of that particular specialty in our community. But I’m not aware of a shortage of pediatric GIs.
Anon says
I did ask to be contacted if they have cancellations, but I’ve had to book months out for every specialist I’ve ever seen, I don’t think it’s that unusual. My small city (with a major hospital that serves nine counties) actually does not have any pediatric gastroenterologists at all, so we have to go to my state’s capital city about 2 hours away and those ped GIs serve basically the entire state, so it’s not a surprise there’s a long wait. I imagine the pandemic may be a factor here too. Since both of my state’s major healthcare systems were canceling elective surgeries and doing primarily virtual visits until recently there may be a bit of a backlog.
Anonymous says
I’m the one who said find a new peds if they wont’ refer, and I just wanted to say I’m sorry you and your child are going through this and I hope you can get in sooner.
Pregnant Lawyer says
It is so hard to find a decent maternity blazer. I have depositions likely coming up during my last month of pregnancy. Part of me thinks I can get away with just wearing a nice maternity dress and possibly a nice open cardigan. I am a government lawyer if that matters. Another part of me thinks I should maybe get this blazer. Has anyone here actually tried it? Does it look ridiculous with a 36+ week belly (second time mom with a verrrry large belly haha). Or do you have other recommendations?
To preempt suggestions- I gain all over during pregnancy and my pre-pregnancy blazers even in my postpartum size do not fir my arms/shoulders, so there is not an option to wear those open.
Pogo says
I guess my only question would be do you think you’d get any more wear out of a regular, non-maternity blazer in a larger size? Like in early postpartum or if you never go back to same postpartum size? Because I definitely think a nice structured maternity dress + open blazer can work as a ‘suit’.
Anon says
I think anyone who is 9 months pregnant can get away with basically anything work-wear wise. A dress and cardigan would be fine for a deposition.
Anonymous says
+1. Although if this blazer fit and I had depositions I would buy it just because it is so cute.
Anon says
I have a bunch of Seraphine dresses, but not this blazer. I’m 31 weeks but have already gained ~30 pounds so a fairly big bump. The dresses still work right now but I do feel like my bump is going to outgrow them pretty soon. They definitely looked better during my second trimester. For that reason, I’m holding off on any other Seraphine purchases for third trimester.
Anon says
I outgrew my Seraphine dresses. They got too short, turning into more of a tunic than a dress. For my last two months I used one of the clothing rental services. It plugged an important gap for me since I didn’t want to buy a whole new maternity wardrobe for a few weeks.
Anonymous says
Would love to hear more about this!
Anon says
I used Le Tote a few years ago khosh, was it really almost 6 years?), but you should Google. There may be better or different options now.
Anon says
I think you can get away with a lot when you are that pregnant, especially in a deposition. However, I think that finding a blazer that fits your arms and shoulders, even if it doesn’t close, is also completely acceptable. If you fit into straight sizes, I would just buy a black one off the rack for less than $100.
Anon says
I was a law clerk in a very formal federal court when I was pregnant. I swore by non-maternity blazers in a size up. (My b–bs and arms expanded when pregnant so I couldn’t wear my pre-preg size.) These looked much better than maternity blazers, which tended to be really cheap feeling fabric and had a seemingly random amount of extra fabric in the front that never corresponded to my belly.
I wore the sized up blazers open over maternity dresses.
So Anon says
I also clerked in a very formal federal courthouse while pregnant (and it was summer). Granted that I knew and was very close with all of the courthouse personnel and the judge was my boss, but I remember attending a proceeding at 40weeks+1 day pregnant and wearing a maternity dress plus black cardigan that was nowhere near able to close, and being absolutely fine.
In your last month or two of pregnancy, I think you have a ton of latitude to wear whatever is vaguely within the guidelines and still fits.
TheElms says
Do you have a jardigan or interest in buying one? I wore a jardigan over a solid colored maternity dress (at 34 weeks but my belly is almost as big as it was at 40 weeks with my first) for a formal meeting (I’m a lawyer, everyone else was in a full suit) and no one batted an eye.
Anonymous says
I don’t have an actual jardigan, and my office is typically very casual so I don’t think I want to spend $250+ on one, but I have a couple of really nice quality open cardigans that I have in mind for this. Thick, expensive looking material that I think should do the trick. I am now realizing that most likely these depositions will be remote in some respect so I can probably get away with he dress/nice cardigan look even more easily.
But the posters above are making me nervous because the 2 dresses I had in mind are both from Seraphine and I haven’t worn them in a while. I hope they still fit!
Anon says
I love the jardigan for casual wear (I can pull of casually wearing a “blazer” instead of looking like a boat captain), but it kind of sounds like what you already own. I bet you are fine with a lot of things if you’re on camera instead of in person.
Anon says
I had a maternity blazer I loved from Isabella Oliver but I 100% endorse not giving an XXX when you’re 9 months pregnant and going with dress or cardigan. Good luck!
Anonymous says
I have a maternity blazer from Motherhood Maternity that I still wear over 18 months PP. It is intentionally open (no buttons or ties), which I think works better than something like this. It’s just simple black with flat collar/lapel (sorry I obviously don’t know fashion terms).
Anon says
I will have formal lawyer activities around the same time and was planning on a formal maternity dress and long black open sweater (like J Crew Sophie or Juliet). I would not want to keep this jacket tied while sitting during a long deposition and think it would look silly with the strings dangling, so this wouldn’t make sense to me for depos (maybe different if you had a major court appearance where you’d mainly be standing)
Anonymous says
First time expectant mom: I’m lucky enough to have been given a brand new Spectra pump and I could still order a free pump from insurance. Do you all think it would be more helpful to have 2 the same with interchangeable parts, or try different ones and see what I like better? Unless something majorly changes my mind, I’m pretty determined to bf for a couple years, even though I’ll be returning to the office after 12 weeks of FMLA.
Anon says
Many people have two pumps and leave one at work and one at home. I personally never pumped at home, so I didn’t really see the need, but I don’t see a downside to getting two if they’re both free.
Anonymous says
I would start by trying the Spectra you already have. If you like it, get a second one for the office so you can use the same parts. If it’s not perfect for you, use the insurance benefits to try a different model.
Pogo says
I’ve always had two of the same, left one at the office and one is at home/travel pump. That way I can just leave the work one all set up the lactation room and the home/travel is the one I would pack for a trip, or when I’m going to be out in the evening and miss bedtime, or use when wfh. I would not see a lot of value in getting two that need different parts and I also don’t feel like they’re all that different (used both Medela PISA and Spectra S2)
Mary Moo Cow says
Heck, yes, get a second pump! I had a Spectra and loved it. I got a Medela PISA from my insurance company and paid out of pocket for the Spectra after I returned to work. I ordered enough spare parts that I had two complete sets at work and 2 at home just in case (something broke, or i was too lazy to wash, etc.). I mostly nursed at home, but sometimes I brought the pump home to power pump or if I was going to be out during a feeding. Making it relatively easy to pump at home and work was what kept me going for 12 months.
Anon says
I think it’s really dependent on what you’re going to need the pump for. I leave my Spectra at the office (which is amazing) but my 2nd pump is a cheap travel sized one from BabyBella. The pump is not amazing but I use it about once a week and it’s so nice not to lug the huge spectra around. You might want to check with your insurance to see if there’s a time limit to when you can get your pump. You’ll know a lot more about what you’ll need when you get back to work.
Anon says
I would try a different one. I have a Spectra from my last pregnancy and have ordered an Elvie Stride this time. Spectras are pretty popular and it’s easy to pick them up for cheap/free from people who are done with them, if you wanted another.
Anonymous says
I would wait to see what the situation ends up being. I think you’ll be fine with the Spectra at first, and you can see what your needs are as you get started on your breastfeeding journey. To give you a sense, I had a Spectra S2 from insurance, baby wouldn’t latch and I was triple-feeding, I got scared into renting the Medela hospital grade by a lactation consultant for a few months, I went on to exclusively pump for a year with the Spectra S2 and paid out of pocket for a Spectra S9 to have a more portable option. (Ultimately I left the S2 at home and brought the S9 to the office and for travel.)
AwayEmily says
Yes, I think it would be helpful to have two of the same, and Spectra is a solid choice (it’s what I used for my last baby and what I’ll be using for this one). Leave one at the office and one at home. I pumped regularly at home for awhile in the AM to build up my supply, and then even after I stopped doing that it was nice to have one there (for example if the baby was out with my husband for the day I could pump).
For me, the annoyance/cost factor of having to deal with two separate sets of flanges/nozzles/bottles/etc would FAR outweigh the benefit of getting to try a second kind of pump.
If you are worried about portability w/r/t the Spectra, know that you can get a battery pack that lets you pump without plugging in. There are a bunch of options, mine was like $25 on Amazon and it was helpful on trips (I could pump on the plane).
anonn says
Yes, 2 pumps with the same parts would be ideal. I used the Motif Luna for the last year and it uses the same parts as Spectra and I really like it. I picked it after watching a few Youtube comparisons /reviews, I think because it has a rechargeable battery, and wide enough to pump directly into Avent bottles, which I already had. I know there is a rechargeable Spectra as well, but it was a lot more money.
How often/long was the Spectra used? If she used it every day for a year I’d go ahead and get another one, it’s free and you don’t want to be without a pump.
Anonymous says
When your kids have drop-off playdates, do you ask about guns in the house? We don’t have to deal with this yet, but I was discussing it with DH and he seemed shocked I said I would always ask; he compared it to asking about someone’s privates. I’m not saying it would be the most comfortable get-to-know-you chat with other parents, but it seems like a very basic safety issue to me. How do you guys handle it?
Pogo says
I think there have been several discussions over the years on this topic. I would ask, I don’t think it’s rude, they should be able to explain what type of safe they are in and all precautions they take. If they can’t, I wouldn’t send my kid to their house.
I still don’t love being in a house with guns, I don’t get it personally, but I know it’s very important to some people and *if* they are very responsible I can get past it.
Anon says
we haven’t had drop off playdates yet, but since I now live in Texas (i’m originally from the northeast) this is a thing i’ve been worrying about since moving here. i feel like all of the parenting literature tells you to ask, but it definitely is a bit awkward, though I think your DH is taking it a bit far in his comparison to asking about someone’s privates.
Anonymous says
That is the dumbest analogy I have ever heard. Of course you ask about guns in the house. The conversation is easier if you have the first playdate at your house and you volunteer the information (“We are so excited to see Susie this weekend! Since this is a concern for some parents, I wanted to let you know that we don’t have any guns in the house.” Susie’s parent then usually reciprocates.)
Don’t leave it up to chance. We were visiting the home of family friends and noticed a loaded shotgun sitting next to the back door because they were having problems with hawks carrying off their chickens. We knew the family well and would never have guessed they’d leave a gun unsecured because of their very strict attitude towards safety in all other areas. They had taught their kids not to touch the guns without permission, so they thought they were okay. Insane. I have encountered this attitude that it’s up to the kids to leave the guns alone more than once.
Anonymous says
I haven’t gotten to this point with my kids (oldest is 3), but I’m glad that this post has put the issue on my radar. I have had conversations with family members, though (had to be firm with FIL that his grandkids would not be coming over unless he got a gun safe– he did).
Luckily in my area, guns are not a central part of life and people tend toward the reasonable end of the spectrum, but you never know. A couple hours away there was a kid who accidentally shot and killed his brother when he found a loaded gun on the couch :(
Lyssa says
We’ve never asked, and I would be pretty surprised if someone did ask (not offended, but it would strike me as unusual). I’m not sure what you do with the information if you do ask. For what it’s worth, we live in an area where guns are common and normal, and we do have some (in a safe on a high shelf). We’ve made a point to frequently remind the kids that they should always tell a grown up if they encounter a gun or something that might be a fun, and never touch it.
Anonymous says
What do you do with the information? If the guns are not locked up separately from the ammunition, you don’t send your kid over. Just like you wouldn’t let your kid ride in someone else’s car without a seat belt.
Lyssa says
I said that because I imagine that’s harder then it sounds in real life, particularly given you might get an answer that’s a little unclear, or you might be worried that people might deviate from their usual practice or whatever, and you’re obviously not going to ask to inspect their house to be sure it meets your standards. Obviously I understand the simple ideal response.
I’m certainly not saying you should or shouldn’t ask if it makes you feel better, I was just answering the question on what I do, but I do think primary focus is to assume there’s always a chance they might encounter something dangerous despite all best efforts and teach them how to react if they do.
Anonymous says
It’s actually really easy for me to say no to my kid playing at a house where they might get shot. And I don’t want to be friends with people who don’t take safe care of their deadly weapons.
anonM says
These types of replies (“And I don’t want to be friends with people who don’t take safe care of their deadly weapons.”) frustrate me as my knee jerk reaction. But what do you mean, anonymous at 10:19? That you’d unfriend or disown anyone who doesn’t store weapons as you agree? Or do you mean more if you think they’re generally unsafe people? I’m wondering because I know people who keep loaded weapons by their bedside at night, but before we come over with the kids they absolutely lock it up, and we remind them every time we come over (no one is offended by this – we don’t agree on that particular practice but all DO 100% agree that it’s not safe around children to have accessible, loaded weapons. I think that’s why the comment got under my skin because I started feeling defensive on behalf of people I know.
Anonymous says
I ask follow up questions about how they are secured and if I’m not very comfortable with the answers I don’t send my kid over.
Anon says
+1 I live in a very red state, so I know a lot of responsible gun owners who are happy to tell you about all the layers of protection they have in place so the kids can’t access the guns (usually ammo being stored separately, guns being in a safe, and the safe being out of reach of kids). If the person can’t or doesn’t want to describe the steps they’re taking to keep the guns secured and out of reach of kids, it would be a huge red flag and I wouldn’t send my kid to that house.
Pogo says
If someone is a responsible gun owner, particularly if it’s more cultural/hunting/military/etc, they’re going to be very serious and have a biometric safe. I went through this with family and I pushed really hard to get the answers I wanted before I allowed my child to be there alone.
anonM says
This. I’m from a hunting family that required everyone to do Hunter’s safety courses, locked guns, etc. There was no drinking and target practice. No loaded guns out of the safe. Etc. Etc. I know others that do NOT take that approach and honestly, you can tell pretty quickly.
Anon says
I live in a red state and am here to tell you that there are two different types of gun owners, with not much in between:
1. Those who are EXTREMELY careful with their firearms and will, as Anon at 10:27 AM said above, happily describe the layers of protection they have. This often includes the kids not knowing where the locked gun safe is.
2. People who think you’re a helicopter parent if you even ask those questions.
I’m generally averse to the second type of person anyway, because I don’t want my kid riding in the back of a pickup truck, swimming in a creek without adult supervision, in a car with a reckless driver, etc., because that’s how kids die. “Those are the risks you take.” No, those are the risks YOU take; I am going to do my best to ensure that my kid lives a long and healthy life.
Sorry if I sound strident on this point. We have one child, who is also the only grandchild in my family and, for one set of my grandparents, their only great-grandchild. (No more to come – the family is that small.) And I’m not going to have my entire family line obliterated because you are too stupid to use a seatbelt and a gun safe.
Anonymous says
Yes. This sums it up exactly. The people who take offense at questions about gun storage are the same ones who let kids swim without close supervision, etc. It’s a whole attitude towards risk that I find unacceptable. I do not want my kid around those people, guns or not.
Anon says
Thank you for understanding what I mean. I was worried that people would call me a hater.
Anonymous says
I’m in NYC and have never asked or been asked. But I would not be offended if someone did.
NYCer says
+1 to all of this.
octagon says
We still aren’t doing playdates at other kids’ houses, but I liken the gun question to a question about masks — it helps me figure out whether we need to adjust where/how the kids will meet up and play. Every time I’ve asked about masks, the other parent responds respectfully even if they do things differently. The way they respond will tell you as much about them as the actual answer, IMO. If someone gets upset about it, it tells me they don’t take guns as a serious concern when there are children around, which means my kid won’t be playing at that house. But I’m also going to adopt the strategy below of volunteering the information in the future.
GCA says
‘the way they respond tells you as much about them as the actual answer’ – I agree. I’ve found that most other parents will respond quite reasonably and respectfully, even if we have different approaches (to anything from snacktime to owning and using guns).
I’m not offended if someone asks about guns in the house, and I always just volunteer straight up when someone is dropping their kid off at our house for a playdate.
Anon says
I haven’t had to encounter this yet because my kid is too young but I’m planning to ask when setting up the playdate while I asked other general questions about safety (I wouldn’t wait to ask when dropping off the kid) and depending on their answer, I would go ahead or not with the planning the rest of the playdate but I think if they had guns in their house, I just don’t think I’d let my kid play there.
anonM says
Midwest here. We haven’t reached the drop-off playdates age yet, but I do try to remind certain family members to lock their guns before we go over. I think it’s ok to ask and you can do it in a non-attacking way — especially before the first drop-off. “Hey, just a reminder beforehand, if you do have any guns in your house, can you please double-check that they’re all locked in a safe separate from the ammunition? [they might say oh we have no guns! or oh we have a safe and it’s never unsecured.] We also have a no-closed door rule at our house, does that work for you? And do you have any family safety rules I should let Johnny know about ahead of time?” (Other common issues- pool, fireplace — you could add something like, “I’ve already reminded Johnny that the fire place is for grown-ups only to turn on” or whatever fits the situation). One thing I think people often overlook with guns – some people carry in purses/vehicles, so make sure people coming over to your house lock their cars and put keys/purses out of reach of little ones.
Anonymous says
I am so with you on No Closed Doors. [Other than one at a time in a bathroom, obvs.]
Anonymous says
What is a no-closed door rule? Kids can’t have any doors closed ever, even if they are watching a movie or something? If you said that was the rule at your house I am not sure the automatic assumption would be that I would have to keep all doors open (and make sure they stay open) at my house.
anonM says
For me, it’s a child sexual assault prevention thing. It’s not that everyone has to keep every door open all the time, but that kids playing with a friend keep the door open. (And kids can close the door to change/go to the bathroom, of course). My kids are under 5, so I’m not sure exactly at what age I’d change that, but it’s important to me and something I plan to establish with our close friends we do playdates with so we’re all on the same page. But if I said this to you and you asked for details, I’d be honestly happy to chat about it and not upset by a question.
Anon says
It’s weird to me too. I’ve heard of it with teens as a way of discouraging the kids from doing anything s3xual, but I don’t know anyone who personally insists on open doors when two 8 year old girls are playing together.
Anon says
I mean, we have guns in the house (they are locked in a safe that requires a fingerprint to open and the only one who has access is DH) with ammo stored separately (also locked in a separate fingerprint safe). No one has ever asked us about that, but I wouldn’t have an issue telling them if we did. We live in the DC suburbs.
Anon says
I’m in Texas, so I have to assume some people have guns in their house (we do not). Oldest is 7 and has gone on many playdates and had many playdates at this point and no one has ever asked us. I wouldn’t mind, but I don’t think it’s a widely socially acceptable conversation here.
Fwiw, we DID have a gun in the house growing up (shotgun for bird hunting locked away in the attic) and my sister’s best friend’s parents did ask about it. And my parents LIED. So I’m not sure it’s necessarily worth asking. That friend is still a close friend of hers (and so are the parents). And I don’t think my parents cared, but yeah, they totally didn’t tell the truth! (I love my parents)
Anonymous says
OTOH, what about Rx drugs and alcohol? I have older kids (11) and they are at the point where they have done basic shooting in scouts and know about guns and safety. Trying pills and booze, often easy to access and nefarious b/c who doesn’t drink or know someone who does, is another matter and that is what I am trying to wrap my head around now that friend visits are restarting. Also: trying to decide for myself. We have a lovely (and unsupervised) bar setup and some old oxcycontin Rxs left over from surgery (I know, I KNOW).
Anon says
Get rid of the Oxy ASAP! You can take it to a police station for safe disposal.
Pogo says
Our town board of health also accepts sharps containers and any unused medication.
Anon says
after having just watched dopesick, please dispose of the oxy asap.
Anonymous says
This is tricky. First off, of course you safely dispose of your pills ASAP. The best thing you can do is really to get to know the kids and their parents as well as you can. If you become actual friends with the parents of your kids’ close friends, at some point these topics will naturally come up in discussions because they are parenting concerns for everyone. If you spend time around the friends, you can also begin to pick out which are the devious and bossy ones who are likely to pressure others to engage in various shenanigans.
This is the age to start teaching your kids that if they get in a sticky situation you will come pick them up, no questions asked, and they will be praised for getting themselves out of the situation instead of being punished for getting themselves into it. You can come up with a system that lets them covertly alert you and put the blame on you, like texting you a code phrase that prompts you to call them and say something has come up that makes it necessary for you to pick them up early.
Anonymous says
Idk why you’d start this with “on the other hand”. Keeping kids safe isn’t an either or proposition.
Anon says
Yeah, I’m not sure why this is an either/or. Ask about both! Although I do think ages of the kids matter, obviously guns are a greater concern for toddlers who can’t be taught gun safety, and prescription drugs are a greater concern for teens who might be tempted to experiment.
Anon says
Idk why people keep narcotics that are “left over”. My friend stockpiled a huge stash that she was saving for a rainy day or “just in case”. It turned out a family member was an addict and had access to her stash, which she never touched herself. Not a good situation. Whyyyy do you want to hang on to the oxy
Anonymous says
Some people keep them because doctors write an Rx for a zillion pills and it is really hard to dispose of the leftovers. Where I live, you can’t just take them to the police station or the pharmacy. There is one designated drug takeback day per year. If you miss it, your only option is to mash up the pills in kitty litter and throw them away. I just don’t bother filling the prescriptions to begin with. If you tell the doctor that you don’t take narcotics, they can often come up with other pain control solutions that will work fine in 99% of situations where you are at home.
Anonymous says
Many pharmacies now have kiosks where you can drop off expired/unused meds. Walgreens, for example, has a search function on their website to find a kiosk.
Anonymous says
They won’t take controlled substances, though.
Anonymous says
My Walgreens definitely does. They started within the last year (they were publicizing it all over the store when I got my first covid shot). Worth asking at the pharmacy.
Anon says
I’d probably stumble if anyone asked me that question. My husband has an antique muzzle loader from the revolutionary war boxed up in museum type wrapping under tons and tons of stuff in our basement storage room. It’s a family heirloom. The kids don’t know it exists and there’s no way they could dig it out during a playdate, but I’m not sure it’s officially locked. There’s no ammo in the house and even I wouldn’t have any how to load it. (Wadding and powder?) I don’t think it poses any realistic risk and am unconcerned, but I’d have to consider how to answer. My husband did fire it with his dad when he was in high school so it probably does officially work…
Anonymous says
I actually think this is a cool story to tell that people would get a kick out of hearing! Most other parents would not have a problem as long as you were 100% certain the thing was unloaded.
Anon says
i’d answer just like that. “We have an antique gun from the revolutionary war that’s boxed up in an inaccessible area our basement storage room. We don’t have any ammo or anything. The kids don’t know about it and we have it bc it’s a family heirloom.”
Anonymous says
Yeah why is this hard?
Anon says
It just seems like a lot. I also don’t want to discuss it in front of the kids. (Not because I’m concerned about them getting into it, but because little kids don’t have filters and I don’t want them telling people about “our gun in the basement”)
Anon says
I think most parents have these conversations over text when arranging the playdate, so not a conversation that happens in front of kids.
I’m in a red state where guns are normal, but I would completely satisfied with you just saying you have a gun in an inaccessible area and there’s no ammo in your house. I don’t think you have to go into tons of detail unless you want to.
Anon says
I’ve clearly never been asked. It’s a very very blue area.
I typically set up playdates with other parents at the end of kid activities, so not by text.
Anon says
“1770s era. Let’s talk more via text/phone [gesture at kids] so we don’t get too into the weeds now.”
Anonymous says
“We have an antique gun that fires musket balls.” I don’t think most people understand how these are but have seen re-enactors. It’s not like a kid can slide a loaded clip into it.
More Sleep Would Be Nice says
I think 50% of all homes in the U.S. have guns? So this question is real for most people even those on the east and west coasts. I live in Texas and do not have guns, but I 100% will ask this question when time comes. I do think responsible gun ownership is possible, and gun safes, locked/separate storage, etc. are all reasonable things to look for.
Anonymous says
I am in the South and this is a necessary question. If you are offended by the question then that is a clear sign my kid doesn’t need to go to your house. Anyone with appropriate respect for firearms understands why they need to be properly stored (children or no children). Anyone who is offended by the question should not own a firearm.
Tea/Coffee says
Liberal gun owner in a deep blue area of a blue state. No parent has ever asked , and actually I’ve never asked either. If someone did ask I would be surprised but not offended at all, and happy to tell them / show them the safety precautions we have in place.
And as a gun owner, if someone wasn’t happy to tell/ show me, I would assume they are hiding something or are very lax, and would be very uncomfortable with my kids being in their house.
Both of my kids, when old enough, will be required to take the basic handgun safety course.
Anonymous says
I understand why people are concerned about the awkward factor here, but another way to think about asking is that you can be an advocate for safe gun storage by simply bringing the matter up. There’s a lot of growing awareness of gun safety issues and children, thanks to the work of groups like Everytown. By bringing it up in a context where it is 100% relevant, you can reach exactly the audience we need to reach in order to change behavior, and hopefully, the law. NOT saying you need to tell other parents how to vote or anything like that. I simply mean that by saying, this is an issue that’s important to me, you’re doing an important piece of the work for change.
Spirograph says
We have guns in our house, and I would not be offended at all if anyone asked about it. I don’t volunteer the information because the guns are stored unloaded in a gun safe in a part of the house where kids don’t go, with ammo locked in a separate safe… but it’s a fair question. If my kids were going to the home of a police officer or someone I knew to be a gun enthusiast, I’d ask how their weapons are secured. But there are very, very few of those in our area/social circle. I make sure my dad has all his guns in the safe when we go to his house.
More important than knowing about the guns in the friend’s house is making sure your kids know what to do if they see a gun. We quiz our kids on this all the time. The right answer is: NEVER touch a gun unless an adult is helping you shoot it at a range. If you see one, leave the area and tell an adult. If you are with a friend who wants to get a closer look, tell them no, but still leave the area and find an adult. Even if you think it’s a toy, even if they tell you it’s not loaded, even if they just want to get a closer look but not touch it. Just leave. My kids have seen & heard actual guns being shot, and my oldest has shot a .22, himself (which terrified him), so they have a healthy respect for what they can do.
Anonymous says
Although I always ask about guns, I strongly agree with your second paragraph.
Anonymous says
No responsible gun owner is going to be offended if you ask how their guns are stored. The people who are going to be offended are the ones who don’t store their guns properly, and those are people you don’t want to be friends with anyway. I do worry about people who lie, though.
Anonymous says
Yes, I ask about guns. If there are guns I ask about storage. I have not this far had to say my child could not play there (but in our area there have only been guns a couple times).
Momofthree says
I would ask- it’s a matter of safety.
When I was growing up, I had a friend whose mom had a conceal and carry permit and she made me get permission from my parents to drive in the car/ be with her given she had a gun in her purse. This was true for all my friend’s friends. My parents kept guns in the house, so they weren’t concerned at all, but the mom was insistent that I tell them.
We live in a deeply blue city and for a while we had a shotgun for hunting in the house. I wouldn’t have a problem if someone had asked us. We also haven’t yet done kid-only play dates, but I’m guessing we will ask. We also ask about a variety of COVID protocols, which is also a safety issue.
Dot Matrix says
Found out I am getting an admin and I am apprehensive about sharing my schedule. As of late, I have been blocking the shit out of my calendar: Dr appts, afternoons while I’m on kid duty during daycare closures – which also means adding DH important work calls.. and obviously working early/late to accommodate that. I’m also coming up on some fertility treatments which I can kind of ballpark, but I want to keep these private. How have others handled this? Help!!
anon says
I share my calendar with my supervisor and my support staffer and mark certain times “Hold for CC” (child care) or “Hold for MA” (medical appt) so I know what it means, but it won’t attract attention. I also outright list some things like “Dr. Smith appt” when it isn’t something I’d have a problem discussing with my team. I don’t think anyone has to be ashamed of juggling responsibilities in this world, but it’s at your own prerogative and in your comfort zone of privacy.
CCLA says
I do this too. Labels with abbreviations that make sense to me only. My admin has full access and I’m 99% sure that even he can’t see appts marked “private”. But I prefer the abbreviations, among other things in case I leave windows open when IT is remoted in to assist me on something. I also routinely block out times where I just write “no calls” or “blocked – drafting” or whatever so my assistant knows not to schedule calls during those windows (some of which are indeed me half watching the kids during quarantine). And agree with doing whatever is in your comfort zone here. The admin is presumably being added to help you, so make the relationship work for YOU.
anonM says
This. Or just “apt 3pm.” I see my boss’s full calendar, but don’t have any idea what some of his acronyms stand for and don’t need/want to. I just know it’s unavailable for meetings. I’d also just use “apt” for everything so it’s not like some dr appts are super vague and some are very specific. A fellow working mom gave me that tip, and it helps as time goes on. You don’t have to be like “school closed for professional development,” you can just have “appt”
Pogo says
I haven’t shared calendar w/ my new admin, but my old admin I was close enough to that I didn’t care if she knew when I was doing certain things. However I would usually book an appointment with the Dr or person’s name such that I knew what it was, but it wouldn’t be 100% obvious, she just knew I was at a personal appt. Not that I’m embarrassed to get waxed or see a therapist, but I like to draw the line somewhere.
I definitely block “eat lunch” and “go for a run” and do not care if my admin sees that. In fact it helps protect the time because then she knows what I’m doing!
Anonymous says
In Outlook, you can make events private so others can see that the time is blocked but not the title or other details of the event.
Cb says
I think the issue is if someone has delegate access to your calendar, like an assistant would? They might have the full view.
Ugh says
They don’t, it still shows as “private”
Anon says
No, it’s marked as “private” even from management.
Anonymous says
Could you just write “Project” or “appointment” or something vague?
Cb says
For personal stuff, I put things on my google calendar and then import it to Outlook. When you import, you should have an option to display details or just show as blocked.
Anon says
Project [animal you nickname your baby project] Call. For doctor appointments I will just put “Doctor Appointment” or list the specialist. My husband’s stuff is all over my calendar so we can coordinate childcare (either as not busy if I just have to be aware or be home or as busy if I will need to actively do things like drive kiddo to speech therapy). But also my assistant knows everything about my life so I wouldn’t care if she could see either.
Anonymous says
Maybe just wait until you meet the admin and get a sense of the level of trust you have? I had an admin at my old firm and had absolutely no problem with her knowing the full details of my calendar. She was very professional and discreet. There were other admins in the office I would not have trusted at all and I don’t think I would have given them delegated privileges to my calendar. I would just have “shared” the busy/free level with them as I did with everyone.
Anon says
Personally I would not want to share IVF stuff with even the most trusted admin but YMMV.
Pogo says
haha yes considering my old admin told me about my boss’ alimony situation, even though I loved her, she was not THE most discreet person on the planet.
Mary Moo Cow says
I’m not yet comfortable asking at other people’s houses, but I always volunteer with my own house. Something like, “Are there any allergies I should know about? BTW, We have a big but gentle dog and no guns.” The other parent then usually responds about their own house, so I know before sending my kid over.
Anon says
+1 this is what I do too.
Anon says
So tonight will be my last pumping session and I’ll nurse for about another week or so. I’ve been excited to stop so that I can get my body and life back but I’m also kind of sad about it. I didn’t produce that much milk so baby has been on formula since birth but I guess I feel like any little ounce helped (but then I was also like is this really doing anything so why keep going? I made it to 8 months.) Did you all have mixed emotions about it? Did you do anything to commemorate it like drink a whole bottle of wine? :)
Anonymous says
My baby decided she was done around 10 months and I was just relieved. I commemorated the occasion by returning the hospital-grade pump I’d been renting because a portable pump didn’t work for me.
Anonymous says
I had not-insignificant depression when I stopped. No one warned me that it’s a thing. Cup of Jo has a post about it. It went away as suddenly as it appeared once my period was regular again.
anon says
Same here. It was the weirdest thing.
Pogo says
I had other hormonal issues – mostly a super wonky cycle and a killer, 3-day migraine. I wouldn’t stop right before a big project at work or a vacation that you are looking forward to.
Anon says
+1 my period returned on a consistent basis long before I weaned, but before my first post-weaning period I had the worst menstrual migraine of my life. I was pretty much out of commission for three days.
Anon says
I did “don’t offer, don’t refuse” at 18 months when it seemed like she was kind of losing interest, and my daughter stopped nursing immediately. Rationally I knew it was the right time and I was glad it was such an easy process for her, but I was definitely kind of sad about it. I think it’s totally normal to have mixed emotions.
Mary Moo Cow says
I definitely had mixed emotions. Mostly relief at not pumping, with a twinge of sadness, and then mostly sadness with a bit of relief when nursing was over. I did have some big glasses of wine for a few nights in a row, after more than a year of not drinking! I also bought myself some nicer necklaces and hoop earrings when I was totally done, to kind of reclaim/remind myself I had my body a bit more to myself (and didn’t have to worry about baby breaking a fine chain or ripping earrings out.)
Momofthree says
You should definitely do something to commemorate it! I also felt bittersweet and sad. Congratulations on making it to 8 months! that’s incredible!
+1 on the hormonal shifts that can happen when you go off nursing. Just be aware of it- hopefully it won’t happen but if you feel weepy it could be hormonal. Also don’t be surprised if your cycle is a bit weird for a few months & make sure you’re using some form of birth control (if your periods didn’t come back while nursing) unless you’re already ready to try for another baby.
Anon says
this morning my kids (3.75 year old twins) had an argument over four pony figurines. kid A was playing (or more like holding) all of them and kid B wanted one. kid B asked kid A for one and kid A said that she wasn’t in the mood to share today. i tried not to get too involved, but stayed close by because kid B can be a hair puller/scratcher, etc. i said some prompting things to twin A about how does she think twin B feels since she has all of them and twin B has none and she stuck to her not being in the mood to share. twin B was throwing a major tantrum at this point and was hysterically crying/screaming on the floor for a good 15 minutes. eventually we moved on from this, but idk if i handled it right. on the one hand i don’t want to force sharing, but on the other hand, twin A seemed to be holding all of them for no reason and then it sort of became about twin B not having them and i did not really enjoy starting my monday morning with a screaming child. how do you handle situations like these?
Anon says
Sometimes this can be diffused with twin B saying “when you’re done, please let me know because I’d like a turn next.” Then twin B needs to walk away and do something else. Pretty quickly Twin A will get sick of holding all four and being ignored and offer one to Twin B. It’s not perfect, but often successful. (You can enforced that Twin A can’t keep the toy if they’re not holding/using the toy.) The trick is to teach Twin B how to state their request and then walk away.
Another strategy is to teach twin B to offer a deal or trade. “If you let me play with two, then I’ll let you pick the song in the car on the way to school.” “If I let you play with [my special toy], can I play with two?”
I wouldn’t guilt trip Twin A into sharing.
Anon says
Another option is to tell Twin A that you need them to do X right now (get dressed, brush teeth, whatever) and ask if Twin B can babysit and keep them safe until Twin A is done. You can offer to be the guarantor that Twin A will get them back. This may be enough to take the edge off for Twin B.
AwayEmily says
Not sure if this is the right approach but when one kid is being stubborn about not sharing (or whatever) JUST to get a rise out of their sibling (which it seems like Twin A was doing), then I usually give some extra attention to the sibling who’s getting upset. So I’d say “Well, looks like Twin A is still using those ponies and will be for awhile. Why don’t you and I go to the other room and have some time together while we wait. Should we do a puzzle?” Usually this defuses the situation because the stubborn sibling sees she’s losing everyone’s attention.
Anon says
I would enforce sharing or depending on the intransigience steer kid B toward a different toy, but I don’t have twins so that’s totally your call.
Anon says
I think you did fine. You made a suggestion to A but let her make the final decision. She is not responsible for B’s feelings/actions — super hard to deal with as a parent, but important for creating kids who understand healthy boundaries. (If she ran ahead of B and snatched them up just to have them, that’s another situation, but sounds like she had them in her possession as a natural part of her game).
One thing that works with my boys when they are arguing over the same four matchbox cars is to suggest having a “draft”…usually they get so wrapped up in the draft process that they forget the original game. But I offer the suggestion and let them make the decision
OP says
thank you both. these are great responses.
anon says
Based on some article I read ages ago, if the kids can’t figure it out on their own I take it away. (I used to say something like the ponies couldn’t get along, so they’re in time out). It’s motivation for the kids to figure it out on their own.
Also, with siblings I do think you should expect them to share…unless they’re going to have A toys and B toys and that will be enforced. I couldn’t/wouldn’t enforce it, so everything ended up in the living room except designated lovies.
Anonymous says
I don’t like the idea of forcing A to negotiate with B every time B comes up and demands something she has. I like AwayEmily’s strategy of giving extra attention to B. That way if A is just holding on to all the ponies to be controlling and get attention she loses her reward, but if she actually wants the ponies she gets to keep them.
Anon says
At 3 or 4 I think it can help to coach before just pulling the trigger amd taking the toy away. Help them learn how to work it out.
Even now I’ll remind my 8 yo she can negotiate with her 6 yo sister and give them a warning before taking anything away. I’ll sometimes invite my 8 yo to come and confer if she wants to brainstorm potential deals. I won’t solve it for her, but it helps her to talk it out.
Pogo says
If either party escalates to violence, I take the toy away.
Otherwise, if one party is just screaming/crying, I say, “OK, it’s your turn with the train now. I will set a timer for 5 minutes, and then it is [Brother]’s turn. You can have a turn when he is done.”
A lot of times they work it out before the timer is even up because someone has lost interest or they’ve managed to figure out a way to play together with the offending item.
Older kid who can talk is allowed to say, “I would like to play by myself right now” and then I say, “Thanks for using your words, looks like you need some time alone.” To to his little brother I say, “Let’s go play with [some toy of his]!” I do this because it reinforces using words rather than grabbing or screaming and I really appreciate that; plus it is almost always when older kid is playing with Legos or something the toddler is just going to mess with, not an actual toy he can play with jointly or on his own. The taking turns or toy in time out is always when it’s something of interest to both of them.
Anonymous says
Avoid entirely. No playtime before school.
Anonymous says
Same! It’s not in our schedule. In this situation I’d just take the toy away entirely.
Anon says
How do you prevent kids from playing before school? We have hours of awake time in the morning.
Anonymous says
Don’t put them to bed so early.
Anonymous says
Sesame Street. later bedtime, earlier drop-off.
Anon says
+1 also doesn’t really sound like she was actually playing with it. My similar age kid carries stuff around with her all the time, it doesn’t really count as “playing” but she would still be super upset if ordered to surrender it.
Pogo says
lol exactly. I wouldn’t say we have ‘playtime’ in the morning, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t turf battles.
NYCer says
I was curious about this too. Not sure what we would do in the morning with my preschooler on the days she has school if we didn’t play (school starts at 9:10, and it is ~10 min walk from home). My elementary schooler has to be out the door much earlier, so she is mostly getting ready, eating and then heading out the door.
AwayEmily says
When I read this picture I had a very clear/hilarious image of me ordering my kids (who wake up at 6:45 and don’t leave for school until 8:30), “sit here and DO NOT PLAY,” and then they just sit silently on the bench by our door for 45 minutes after breakfast. Easy solution!
Anon says
LOL
Anonymous says
OMG nearly two hours of awake kids in the morning would be more than I could handle. I get myself ready before kid wakes up, wake up/dress/feed kid, and then get right out of the house. I could not handle kids running around wanting to play, screaming, destroying the house, etc. in the morning.
AwayEmily says
I actually kind of love it — the kids are usually (though definitely not always!) well-rested and in a decent mood in the morning, I read them books on the couch while my husband makes breakfast, then the kids play while grownups clean/shower/etc. We close out with 15 minutes of TV while we get them dressed, and then they are on their way. Note that kids are 4 and 5 so old enough to keep themselves largely entertained….I was less happy with their early-rising tendencies when they were toddlers.
Realist says
Same. I’ve always had an early riser and nothing we ever did could change it. So 2 hours of awake time before school is the norm. There are chores and screens and playtime all happening before school.
So Anon says
Same over here. And this has not changed with age. My oldest can go to bed at 7:30 or 9:30, and the dude is up between 5:45 and 6:00am. This has been his pattern since he was 18 months old. He turns 11 tomorrow. Maybe I could have tried to change, but I don’t think it would have been successful and would have caused a ton of misery for all.
Anonymous says
When I was a kid I never understood why there were cartoons on TV in the mornings. I suppose this was why.
Anon says
When did you switch to a booster seat while traveling? I have a newly 4 year old who weighs more than 40 pounds, so technically she now meets the minimum age and weight requirements for a booster. We plan to keep her in her Britax carseat at home for quite a while longer, but I’m wondering if we can get away with just a booster seat when traveling, especially on trips where we’re not doing much driving.
Anon says
It’s been a spectrum. Once we hit the weight limit,, for a short drive from the airport to our NYC hotel in a cab we used a booster. But we brought a car seat for a trip to Florida with longer drives.
Anon says
Most kids aren’t booster ready until ages 5/6 (this means sitting up straight the whole ride, even when sleeping, and not fiddling with the belt). If it were just for an airplane I’d probably be fine with a booster, but if there’s any driving involved and I’m not sure if my kid could sit properly the whole time, I’d use a cheap harness seat.
Leatty says
My 4 year old (who wears a size 6) is still in a regular car seat when we travel. She’s definitely big enough for a booster, but she’s very strong willed and would inevitably fight against reverting back to her regular car seat when we got home. For travel, we use the Evenflo Maestro, which can be used with the 5 point harness or as a high back booster. We will probably keep her in the 5 point harness for another year or so.
Anon says
My 4 year old has maxed out the weight requirements on anything less than a booster (she’s over 65 pounds and close to 4 feet tall) so it’s all boosters all the time for us now which is, you know, not ideal, since 4YOs aren’t quite ready for that.
But, for travel and the third “fun” car that doesn’t get driven often, we have used the Ride Safer Travel Vest, which is crash tested, works really well and until 60 pounds can be used with a top tether which solves some of the wiggle issues. It is the size of a small backpack and properly routes the seatbelt. Would highly recommend for travel (and DH would prefer it for fulltime use but I still think the traditional high back booster is more protective.
Anonymous says
If you are not ready to switch, may i suggest a front facing car seat like the Graco Tranzitions? It’s waaay lighter and easier to travel with, and can be a front facing car seat, high back booster or booster. I have an extremely tall almost 7 year old and I think we’d still take his Tranzitions with us (in high back belt positioning booster mode). Although maybe we’d just use the regular booster by now? At 4, I’d have wanted a harness on him though and this one is so much lighter than a britax.
anon says
Question for those with older kids: Where and how do you store the booze? Our home has a nice finished basement with a bar area, and everything has always been stored there. The older my kid gets, the more uncomfortable I am with this setup. I trust him because he’s an anxious kid who isn’t prone to experimentation, but he does have friends over. It’s quite a bit of alcohol, most of which we didn’t even buy! We’ll have an occasional drink on the weekend, but if you saw our bar, you’d think we were heavy drinkers based on the amount of wine and hard liquor present. (Please, friends, quit gifting us booze. We’re not teetotalers, but we don’t drink as much as you do!)
anonM says
We just gave this a lot of thought because we’re redoing the basement bar for entertaining. It was very weird so it’s pretty much a redo, so we are putting in cabinets instead of the pretty open shelving (which would look way cooler IF you didn’t have kids!) and putting these types of locks on the ones the alcohol will go in: Disc Tumbler Keyed Cam Lock. Not the most attractive, but you are right to be worried about older kids and booze. Not just because of alcohol, but teens mixing it with other things or committing crimes while under the influence (drunk driving, sexual assault, etc.). Even if you trust your kid, peer pressure is real. Depending on your setup, other things I saw were locks that go around existing cabinent pulls (think child safety locks but with an actual lock and key) or if you have open shelves, taking everything but the fancy glasses off open shelves and into any bottom shelves you have and then locking that (can add a pull-out sliding thing).
Mary Moo Cow says
I would put it in an open an obvious location so that if kids are over, they’re going to have to do some serious sneaking around to get to it without you noticing. As a kid, I was aware that liquor was stored in the cabinet over the fridge, but to get to it, you had to drag the old wooden step stool out of the pantry and that noise was enough to bring a parent peeking around the corner to see what you were up to. So I would do the same here: move it from the private hang-out area to an open and obvious place that is within hearing or sight distance of a place you could reasonably be expected to be staying when kids are over. I would also get rid of what you don’t want. I would not be offended if my friend offered an unopened bottle she had been gifted.
Anonymous says
Not exactly your question, but we don’t drink and do receive wine fairly often as gifts. We immediately regift, because (a) it’s an easy hosting gift, and (b) if we do it right away, on our next social visit, we can keep straight who gave it to us and therefore not offend anyone in same social circle.
Anon says
i live in a place where summer practically starts in March. what are the best outdoor toys for the 4+ age group involving water? this is our first summer with a backyard so we’ve never had a water table or kiddie pool or any of those things, so idk at what age kids outgrow them
Anon says
My 4 year old still loves our water table but I think her interests skew a little baby-ish relative to other kids her age. We bought a giant inflatable waterslide during Covid, and it’s super fun for adults and I think many 4 year olds would like it too.
CCLA says
Our 5 yo is mostly over the water table but still occasionally uses it, if we didn’t have a 3yo who loves it, I’d ditch it because we don’t have a ton of space and I’m ready to see it go. Biggest hit was an inflatable pool. We had an Intex one with a slide and two connected pools, which lasted a few months being used 1-2x a week.
Anon says
If you want to spend a lot of money on something ridiculous, a blow up inflatable water slide. My sibling has a giant one with a climbing wall, bounce area, water cannon, multiple slides and that thing is like an amusement park. There are more reasonable ones but it definitely will be popular as they age. I’m hoping my kids will not think of asking for one but it is insanely popular with anyone who encounters it.
Anonymous says
There are several of these in our neighborhood and the kids never seem to tire of them.
Spirograph says
+1 our friends have one of these and it is a huge hit with all the neighbors. We have a slip&slide but my kids didn’t really figure out how to do it until age 5-6 and it was frustrating for the youngest at first.
A sprinkler like you water the lawn with is also always fun. My kids still like kiddie pools (I’d get hard-sided rather than inflatable, for longevity), and just fill up buckets with water and splash around…
Anonymous says
We have a soft sided pool from Amazon that’s actually designed for pets? But it’s a good size and easy to drain. Slip n slide is also a hit starting at age 3-4 with DD. Still have a water table for the toddler.
Pogo says
Last summer mine turned 4 and he was still into the blue circle kiddie pool. He likes to play with his trucks in though.
EP-er says
My kids are older, but still play with the Aquaplay Locks sets a few times each summer. It is a trough you fill up with water, with functional locks, boats, cranes, etc.
OP says
thanks for the recs! i’m asking in part bc they will likely be birthday gifts. anyone have any links or exact names of any of their inflatable pools/slides etc.?