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This scarf from Gentle Herd is $75.
Sales of note for 5.5.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase (ends 5/12); $50 off your $200+ purchase (ends 5/5)
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- Zappos – 27,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – 40% off everything & extra 20% off select styles with code
- Hanna Andersson – Friends & Family Sale: 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Crewcuts – tk; extra 30% off sale styles; kids’ styles starting at $14.50
- Old Navy – Up to 75% off clearance
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anon says
Just a Tuesday morning grumble: I am 38 years old and 34 weeks pregnant. My other two children arrived spontaneously at 35/6 and 36/4, so I’m fully expecting to go out soon. I have dutifully notified my teams that while I’m not due until next month, I have prepared job definitions and processes so that if I have to be out at a moment’s notice that it will not be disruptive, and I have moved things off my plate to other team members and equipped them with what they need to do these items while I’m out. I, quite frankly, need to LEAN OUT because I am tired and miserable.
Two separate consultants I work with called me yesterday and want to pull ahead work that wouldn’t be done until April/May. “Let’s get this done before you’re out,” they say. I am so angry about the sudden NEED to do this. I’ve already been thoughtful about who will take on what while I’m out, preparing timelines and toolkits and instructions as necessary, but noooooooooooooooooooooooooo, I am apparently the only person who can do these things. I am exhausted, very uncomfortable and ready to be DONE. I already googled “how to get your own water to break” and want to bang my head against every wall.
Anonymous says
“No, I’m not available to do that.”
Anon says
that is SO annoying. are the people who reached out people who have ever been pregnant before?
Ashley says
UGH that is the actual worst. I am currently 36 weeks pregnant–any time a new assignment is mentioned I’ve been saying: “I appreciate you thinking ahead. I am at full capacity right now and won’t be able to take this on before my leave starts. If it can’t wait until after my leave, I think [X person] can handle it in my absence.” So maybe you could just say no?
Anon says
This. You should not be taking on anything new right now.
TheElms says
I’m also 36 weeks and really struggling at work. I have a relatively short list of things that have to get done before I head out, some transition items to handle, and I really just need to start ticking through the list but it is so hard. I’m suffering from pretty significant insomnia and nothing that is pregnancy safe has helped at all and a couple things I’ve tried have been worse than the insomnia (Unisom gave me horrible night chills / sweats!)
Ashley says
Same! It is the worst.
Anonymous says
Nope. Just say no. “My plate is full in advance of my leave.” Don’t kill yourself for work in advance of pregnancy. I did over-work myself in advance of my first child arriving and paid for it. I coasted this second time around starting a couple weeks before and it’s been a much better choice.
Anon says
someone posted this on the main page and all of my tips/hacks involve kids/parenting stuff, so i thought it would also be fun to do over here. here is the prompt “A “master list” of products – your favorite, can’t live without items, small or big – and “pro tips” – eye-opening things you think everyone should know or super helpful life hacks.”
Anon says
This is a gift idea, but you can do custom Tervis tumblers with picture collages and all the grandparents in our family love them.
Favorite products that are very specific to parents: grape slicer, sunbutter
You can pull baby onesies down over their bodies rather than over their heads when there’s a particularly dirty diaper situation.
ANon says
– save those tiny containers you pump into. they are great for water play, and to hold water when kiddos are painting to wash brushes bc they are tall enough and small enough that not too much water gets splashed around
– keep shoes and socks by the door. not just kids, adults too
– use holiday pictures as part of your holiday decor. we decorate for valentine’s day, halloween, hannukah, etc. and i bought some cheap frames to stick in pics of my kids when they were little from those occasions and it is fun to bring them out each year
Anon says
One of the things that amazed me most as a parent was how much kids like looking at old photos of themselves and their family members. Our family photo albums and albums from pre-kid vacations provided hours of entertainment to our then 2 year old during quarantine and even now at 4 she still loves to look at them.
EDAnon says
I had supply problems so I used my little pumping containers to measure out formula for on the go bottle making.
Anne-on says
Pro-tip: buy a pack of 5 starbucks cards and 5 target cards, replenish as needed but you’ll always have them on hand for a last minute birthday/teacher appreciation/staff recognition thing. Ditto with buying a box of assorted Hallmark cards (they literally sell a box of misc. cards on Amazon that has saved my behind many times now).
When you make cookie dough, use a small ice cream scoop to portion it out on sheet trays and then freeze them for ~30 minutes and pop them in a freezer bag – you now have homemade cookies ready to go for bake sales or when you want a cookie or two but not 3 dozen.
Can’t live without – dove body soap, Cosrx good morning cleanser, innisfree green apple oil cleanser (takes off sunblock on kids without scrubbing, removes makeup without irritating my eyes), arm and hammer washing soda for getting your laundry super clean without residue.
Anonymous says
Ice cream and cookie scoops are my kitchen heroes. I use the Oxo ice cream scoop to fill muffin pans and a cookie scoop for mini muffins. I use the cookie scoops for protein balls and meatballs, and the ice cream scoop to measure the right amount of cake frosting between the layers and on top.
Anon says
I bought tiny kitchen shears for cutting kid’s meals up into tiny pieces when my oldest started eating table food and they are one of our most-used pieces of baby/kid gear.
I keep blank cards and stamps on hand for when my kids feel like coloring and drawing vs. just scribbling on scrap paper. It’s fun to drop one in the mail and surprise a far away friend or family member with some fun mail.
My preschooler went through a “scared of the dark” phase recently, even with a nightlight in her room. We started letting her keep a small flashlight in her bed that she can easily turn on and off. I also used Pinhole Press to create a board book of family photos for her that she keeps under her pillow at night. Now, if she wakes up scared at night, half the time she turns on her flashlight, looks at her pictures or shines the lights around the room, and goes back to bed without calling for us. Win!
Anonymous says
I used a pizza cutter for the same purpose as your shears.
So Anon says
Just a quick thank you to this board for recommending balloon garlands! Someone recommended it last fall for my daughter’s birthday, and I did one last night for my son’s 11th birthday. (Did one for her as well in the fall.) My fingers are raw and I only slept 4 hours, but it looks so awesome this morning!
On the other hand – my son’s primary birthday present was supposed to be delivered yesterday. I received notice from amazon last night that the package is delayed and won’t be delivered until tomorrow. Grrrrrrr. So I guess I’m going to Target today? (Notably, with less time than I anticipated because my kids also have a 2hr delay this morning.) I ordered this gift over a week ago and it was prime.
Anonymous says
Hurrah for balloon garlands!
Prime shipping means nothing these days. The only reason we keep our Prime subscription is because it’s required for my husband’s movie watch parties. We still have to pay for the movies separately because there are practically no movies that anyone would ever want to watch included with Prime. It’s a scam.
Anon says
how does one make a balloon garland? or maybe this is not something i actually want to know… i’d complain to Amazon – they will probably reimburse you for it
Anon says
You can buy them, I just bought a Bluey-themed one for my kid’s birthday.
Anonymous says
You blow up the balloons and then run a string through the end of the balloon below the knot using a tapestry needle. It’s easy and doesn’t take long, especially if you have a pump to blow up the balloons with. Some of the kits have you stick the balloons to the string with tape, which is more difficult and takes longer.
Another one says
I had one from amazon that had a long plastic strip with a bunch of little cut outs where you just poked the end of the balloon through the hole and it stayed there with no fussing. It was pretty easy to set up.
Anon says
does anyone have a rec for a specific one? this actually sounds fun to me. is there a special type of pump to use for balloons or can you use an air pump?
Anonymous says
You need a hand pump made for balloons.
Anonanonanon says
I use an electric pump made for balloons, but you still have to tie them closed.
anon says
At parent teacher conferences in October the teacher told us they’d be putting our kids in reading groups so when they rotate through stations she could work with the kids on reading at the right level. My kindergartener is pretty proficient at reading already, so I was excited for this to happen so she could build some confidence. (She considers herself not to be very good at reading because she can’t keep up with her 3rd grade sister–I’d like her to read with peers.) Up until then the class had been reviewing the alphabet–totally fine for the beginning of the year but not something she really needed.
My 5 yo has been telling me for months there are no reading groups and they never ask her to read anything at school. I figured she was probably being inaccurate and ignored the comments for a long while, but I finally reached out to ask the teacher. The teacher told me that they only finished fall language assessments three weeks before the holidays, then used those three weeks to get the kids proficient on their iPads in case school went virtual. Then when they came back in January they started mid-year assessments which they expect to complete by the end of March. This means that they’ll start working in reading groups in mid-March. They use all of May and June for end of year assessments.
Is this insane or is it just me? In English class she colors a little book every week with a new letter and its letter sounds. When she’s not doing that, she tells me that she plays games on her iPad. The teacher is busy doing assessments.
Anonymous says
This is insane but also very typical. I don’t know how any kids actually learn to read in public school. Or much of anything, really.
Anon says
this seems like a bit of a generalization about public schools in general
Anon says
+1 our experiences in public school have been great and this seems really unfair.
Anonymous says
I’m sorry your public schools are bad, but please don’t paint all public schools as places of no learning. Many of us use them because ours are great schools.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Ouch. My K-er has learned to read in his public school kindergarten class. They do assessments several times a year to see how the kids are developing – just got his January one. They do use the iPad for reading too (RazzKids, but I’m sure there are other apps.)
Anonymous says
You are out of your mind. I went to public school K-12 and ended up in a great college and a great job/life. In fact, my husband went to one of the top private schools in the country and we joke all the time that we both ended up in the same place.
To be clear, not all public schools are equal. I went to a highly ranked one in my state (but not Blue Ribbon or Top 5).
anon says
I don’t think this is typical at all. And a pretty gross generalization of public schools.
Anon says
Yeah, we’ve had experience public and private, both were pretty garbage with the actual learning / assignments at the K – 2 level. For us, public is preferred to private for many other reasons – diverse student body, walking to school / feeling connected to community, routine, daily interaction with kids who aren’t neurotypical, etc.
Our public school was also much more open to letting DS read on his own when the class was covering concepts he already knew … private school was not open to this approach and DS was reprimanded for not following along with material he already knew.
anon says
Rude. I went to a poorly-ranked public school and had dedicated, proficient teachers that taught us all how to read. Please, this is classist garbage.
anon says
I have two 4yos who learned to read in public school this year.
Anonymous says
Public school is just about checking the boxes on required assessments, guidelines, and standards. This gets in the way of actually teaching.
Anonymous says
Yours might be. Please don’t malign all public schools. Mine are great! Our local private schools are not as good.
Anonymous says
I am the anon at 9:38. I dispute the allegation that my observation is classist. We are in a highly rated “fancy” district. Our private schools are no better than our public schools, but our public schools don’t teach much and focus on the lowest common denominator. Everyone I know had to teach their own child to read at home. That’s just the state of American education in general.
Anon says
Maybe if people expect their kids to read fluently in kindergarten (which is age-inappropriate)… we are in a very not fancy, kind of maligned diverse district and my first grader has taken off on his reading this year, thanks to his teachers. We are having a great experience in public school
Anon says
Yeah, this poster has said before that kids normally learn to read at 4 and they’re behind if they start kindergarten not reading fluently, which is crazy.
Anon says
is she in Kindergarten? she has a separate English class? what are all of these assessments? the teacher does them 1:1 with a student? this sounds ridiculous to me, but idk what one does about it. do you have friends in other classes at the school in the same grade level you could ask about what their classes are doing?
anon says
They call it English class because they also have a separate class in Spanish at her school. It’s normal reading and writing workshop–they just call it English.
I understand that assessments are 1:1 for kindergarten since the kids largely can’t read.
My older daughter was at a different elementary school in the same district and didn’t have this level of assessment, but that was in pre-covid times. She had reading groups all year and they read daily. With covid restrictions, I really haven’t been able to meet many parents at the school. There aren’t opportunities for socializing since there are no gatherings.
Anonymous says
I only have one kid, but I’ve noticed that the amount of time spent on required assessments has dramatically increased over the past few years. The assessments are devoid of any real substance. There is also an increased emphasis on not teaching anything beyond the state standards, which are extremely basic. The upshot is that my daughter’s tenth-grade honors English class has read and discussed zero books and written zero essays this year. They do some worksheets on citations, write in a journal, and spend the rest of class reading whatever trashy YA book they want and not discussing or writing about what they’ve read. It’s going to get even worse with the teacher witch hunt legislation and executive orders being imposed in many states (see, e.g., the VA governor’s teacher narc line, the Indiana bill requiring teachers to release lesson plans for parent review).
Anonymous says
I would escalate thusly:
Teacher, I’m concerned. Based on what you said, it sounds like only March and April will be used for teaching, and the rest of the time for assessing. My child is distressed that she never gets to read at school. Is that accurate? Could you talk me through this more?
Then, Principal, Teacher has explained that she uses 7 out of 9 months of school for assessments and only 2 for teaching. My child already reads and she and I are both frustrated she is not given the opportunity to read at school or instruction to improve. What can be done about this.
Then, private school.
AwayEmily says
This seems odd to me. My very average kindergartener is in a public school (and not a fancy one — a city school that is at the bottom of the rankings). At the start of K she knew her letters and a few letter sounds. Now she can read simple stories (BOB books, etc), figure out how easy words are spelled, etc. It’s been a ton of progress and they do have reading groups; she talks about them a lot. Assessments do happen (I think they’ve had two so far) but they generally take just a day or so for the whole class (I got to see one because it was when the class was virtual, and my daughter’s took maybe 10 minutes). Nobody has iPads.
GCA says
This sounds a little bit crazy but I have absolutely no idea what is normal. I get the need to assess kids’ reading level so you can manage different levels appropriately, but what assessments take a whole semester?
I’d wager a guess though that those iPad games are at least things like Lexia, which is a literacy program. Other than that, my very old-school suggestion is to let her bring her own books to school to read in her downtime. I have no idea what the class did for literacy when I was in K and first grade (there almost certainly were kids who were not reading yet), because I spent most of the time reading, writing and illustrating stories with my best friend.
anon says
Lexia is one of the games. It may be good, but I’m concerned that it’s replacing so much direct instruction.
I could send her with a book, but she isn’t going to pick it up and read it on her own unless someone tells her to do so. She’s still at the stage where reading is “work” so she’ll avoid it in favor of coloring, iPad, and socializing. My 3rd grader will do this, but it’s too much to expect for kindergarten.
Anonymous says
The teacher will usually only have time to assess one kid per day, so even in a class of 20 it takes a month. They often have to do the assessments on a quarterly basis, so that’s four months out of the year wasted on assessments.
Anon says
It shouldn’t take an entire day to assess a kid though. More like 30-60 minutes, based on what I’ve witnessed. So a few days for the whole class, not a month!
Anonymous says
Exactly–it’s 30-60 minutes per kid. The teacher can’t spend the whole day doing assessments. They are usually lucky to fit in one during reading time while the rest of the class is doing worksheets or playing on iPads. The rest of the day the teacher is focusing on other subjects and on the transitions between activities that take up half the day in K.
Anon says
When I observed it, the teacher did a bunch every day and it was completed for the whole class in under a week.
Anon says
I used to volunteer with a first grade teacher who did an optional “book club” at lunchtime for kids in her class. I thought that was a great idea, because it let kids opt in to more reading (and the social experience of connecting with other readers over a book) but didn’t force anyone to do it if they’d rather play and relax. I think she may have even chosen a couple different books to accommodate different reading levels. Could you ask the teacher if something like that is a possibility?
anon says
I’m not sure she’d be open to a book club for kindergarten. There aren’t that many kids who are reading well enough yet and any extra help is going to kids who are behind, not to kids who need extension. Beginning of the year assessments were horrific across the district, showing many many kids more than a grade level behind.
Everything already feels pulled with so many teachers out sick and virtually no subs. Teachers are using their lunches to fill in for those who are out. I’m not looking for extra–that’s too much to expect this year–but was expecting the school to try meet the student where they are during normal classroom instruction. Instead it seems to be all assessments all the time.
Pogo says
I’m not surprised they’re not reading yet in Kinder, but also weird that they’re just playing on the iPad a lot of the time. My (maybe naive) expectation is that K is a lot like preschool – circle time, letter of the day, calendar & weather review, and then activities for reading, math, science, art etc. So even if they can’t read yet, they can have the teacher read to them?? My preschooler does a Scholastic reader ever week that they take home and we can read with them – and it’s super simple so they can start picking out sight words. They also do phonics stuff every day (related to the letter of the day or like a rhyming game or something).
I really hope public Kinder is at the level of my private preschool…. but maybe I’m expecting too much!
AwayEmily says
We definitely found that public K was a big change, and we had to adjust our expectations. The kids watch TV during lunch (to be fair, part of this is COVID-related), they do a lot of coloring printed-out pictures, and there’s just a lot less individual attention/creative play and more “sit quietly at your desk and do this thing.” But on the other hand the teachers are dedicated and kind, my daughter loves it and has made friends with so many kids in the neighborhood, and ultimately we knew what we were getting into when we opted to send her to an “underperforming” public school.
Anonymous says
I mean…yes and no. On the “yes” side, things are crazy this year and things are fluid. On the “no” side, my 5 year old goes to public school and they are have been doing “read to self” and “read to others” time since before December. It’s not quite reading groups, but they are paired/grouped up according to capabilties-ish. As in, my daughter can read basic sentences but other kids are still talking about the pictures they see.
Also on the “no” side, our kid has a class of 18 (just luck- when my older one was in K she was in a class of 21) and it’s the teacher and an aid who is there until lunch. This allows assessment type work to happen when kids do other things. They also have a reading teacher/coach who works with K-2 kids and floats around to provide additional help/coverage.
My kiddo’s teacher doesn’t really do any work yet on the Chromebooks, though other K teachers in the school (including the one that my oldest had) use them more. In downtime they use an app called “RAZ kids” which is leveled reading.
anon says
Class sizes increased this year, so it’s a class of 26-27 kids. They are supposed to have a teacher and a helper in the classroom, but often they just have one or other given covid quarantines and illnesses. Half the class are ESL and I’m sure many are undersocalized given that covid hit when most were 3 yo.
Anonymous says
Ouch, in our district the cap on K is 21. 24 for 2nd+
Anonymous says
No, this doesn’t sound insane to me at all. I don’t think reading aloud is a big K thing in public school, especially the first half of the year. My oldest went to public K and the first half of the year was letter/sound recognition. Of course, there are a ton of ESL students in that school, so that might be part of it… but I remember watching letter people videos and coloring letter pictures in K, too, and I grew up in the whitest white bread suburb ever.
(This was one of the shocking things to me when my two younger kids went to Montessori school for K because of the pandemic. Partly it’s personality/motivation, but they have done much, much more work on reading than my oldest did. My daughter came out of K a fairly proficient reader. My older son came out recognizing 40-odd sight words.)
Anon says
It’s a little crazy. Are the programs Epic or Raz kids on the iPad that she could use for reading during that time? Those have been a big part of K (last year) and now first grade for independent reading time. Our public K started reading groups around this time last year, so I don’t think the delay is *that* absurd, but the assessments taking so long doesn’t make sense.
That said, teachers don’t have much bandwidth this year, and kids are at all levels of academic and social development after last year. I wouldn’t worry about your daughter not progressing in reading in kindergarten (they’ll focus on it in 1st grade, it will be fine), but I would ask for alternatives to video games that your daughter could do, even if it’s just looking through books on her own.
Anonymous says
Yes? But also this has been an insane year for teachers and I would really be hesitant to come in critically. I’m sure the teacher did not want to spend three weeks making sure kids know how iPads.
anon says
Really, this is not meant to be critical of the teacher. I’m sure she’s doing her best. It’s more concern about whether they really need to spend 7+ months of the year focusing on assessments instead of learning. I have no doubt that this decision isn’t up to the teacher.
Walnut says
This gets into the crux of the problem on teacher burnout. It’s not just a covid problem – teachers spend entirely too much time collecting/entering data and it impacts their ability to actually teach.
A friend teaches K and just had it out with central admin because they’re dead set on using the iPad app and that style of learning straight up isn’t working for the class she’s teaching.
Anonymous says
And all of those data are largely meaningless.
Anonymous says
Yes, this is a big part of the problem. My husband teaches HS and this year they have to do several new assessments to guage learning loss due to the pandemic. Meanwhile, they are loosing more class time for the stupid assessments, as well as social-emotional learning days meant to keep kids sane (not a bad idea in theory but the implementation is pointless; he’s not a trained therapist). Reducing the number of students is the most obvious, dramatically powerful thing you can do to increase a teacher’s effectiveness. But no one wants to pay for that.
Spirograph says
This has been a huge problem for educators for a long time. It really ramped up under No Child Left Behind and kind of stalled out; once they add an assessment it never sunsets, so they keep piling up until a big chunk of the year is dedicated to assessments rather than teaching. To make matters worse, teachers are evaluated on “growth” of their students, which is out of their control for a lot of reasons, especially in the last couple of years.
Anonymous says
It’s insane, but because children shouldn’t be reading at age five. The vast majority of developed countries teach reading starting at age eight. And while English spelling is a disaster, most other English speaking countries teach reading at six or seven.
Anonymous says
Welcome to elementary school, where it’s all assessments, all the time. If they aren’t taking an assessment they are preparing for the next one.
Anon says
Last night my 3.5 year old was acting really weird and mopey, and she eventually told us that she was sad because at school they’d made Valentine’s Day cards to give to “favorite” friends and no one chose her as their favorite friend. I know there’s a possibility she’s not reporting this accurately, but in the past everything she’s said about school has been spot-on. This is weird, right? I get that teachers aren’t going to intervene if two kids declare themselves BFFs, but I don’t understand the teachers encouraging that kind of labeling and letting one kid be left out, especially when they’re at an age where the whole class still plays together for the most part. Heck, even in elementary school I remember there was a rule that you couldn’t bring in Valentine’s unless you had one for every kid in the class. Would you say something to the teachers?
anon says
i would ask a question in a clarifying way as opposed to an accusing way. like oh, little jane was telling us about the valentines making at school and it sounded like fun, but she was sad that no one chose her as a favorite friend and we were wondering if you have any suggestions on how we can help her work through this, or something like that.
EDAnon says
I would do this. I have a kid that’s very accurate in his depictions. He said he was never picked to lead circle time. I brought it up in a gentle way. They said everyone feels like they never get to do it, but he stopped mentioning it so I am pretty sure my judge got him a turn.
Anonymous says
our preschool nips this in the bud by having a jar with popsicle sticks with everyone’s name on them. Every day they pick one and when there are none left they start again. My kid claims she’s never picked and I was like “is your name still in the cup?””Yes.” “then you’ll have a turn soon.”
EDAnon says
That’s such a good idea!
Anonymous says
I would ask the teacher what’s going on.
Pogo says
Or ask for a list of the classmates so she can make Valentine’s for all of them.
Anon says
If you normally talk to the teachers, I think it’s okay to mention and get a read on the activity. Maybe they only had time to make one Valentine for someone in their life and some kids gave them to friends in class? But otherwise I would let it go. There is a lot of opportunity for hurt feelings in childhood and I would focus my energy on validating my child’s feelings and helping her cope and move on, rather than giving an isolated incident more power than it deserves.
I read an analogy that as a society we’ve moved on from being helicopter parents to steamroller parents, wanting to smooth out every bump for our children. I am not implying that is you — but for myself, I have to keep checking myself about whether I’m trying to eliminate discomfort, or working to build resistance and coping skills.
AwayEmily says
I’m stocking up on books for the 4 and 5yo before baby #3 arrives (due today, hoping they’ll let me induce later this week) and was wondering if anyone had recommendations for “treasury” type books (ie ones that have lots of individual stories in them). So far we’ve had luck with the Frozen one (I am so sick of it), Madeleine, D’Aulaire’s Greek Myths, Daniel Tiger, a random Disney collection, and one of fairy tales that I think they enjoy largely because it’s a fairly gruesome/non-edited version. Did you know that at the end of Snow White, the evil queen is forced to wear red-hot shoes and dance until she dies? Horrifying!
Pogo says
We have a Mickey Mouse Club one but I can’t say I’d recommend it because it’s annoying af. Kiddo (4) loves it though.
Lily says
Amelia Bedelia, Curious George, Paw Patrol
Anon says
My kids like the two books Barkus and Barkus dog dreams, they each have between 6-8 stories in them about a sweet dog (barkus). The illustrations are really cute.
Anon says
We just got a book out of the library with a bunch of Little Critter stories in it, and my 4 year old is obsessed. I think it’s called Fall Storybook Favorites.
Anon says
no suggestions but good luck and congrats in advance!
Boston Legal Eagle says
Was wondering how you were doing – good luck in the next few days! “A Collections of Stories for 3 Year Olds” has been a big hit with my 3 year old (some fairy tales like Chicken Little, Rapunzel, etc.). It looks like they have ones for 4 and 5 year olds, although I’m not sure how good they are.
Boston Legal Eagle says
https://www.amazon.com/Collection-Stories-Year-Olds/dp/168052416X/ref=asc_df_168052416X/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312695551910&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13243257213108204368&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9001854&hvtargid=pla-775282361912&psc=1
AwayEmily says
These look perfect. Now to decide whether to order the 5yo one (which will make my 4yo mad) or the 4yo one (vice-versa).
Anonymous says
Is there one for 6-year-olds?
Anon says
i think the Elephant and Piggy books have some versions like this. out of curiosity – what makes you like all of these “treasury” type books? bc i find them annoying, but maybe i’m missing something
Anon says
A lot of kids really love them. Mine does.
AwayEmily says
Honestly, I find some of them kind of annoying too, but they hold the kids’ attention for a really long time and they adore them. It also cuts way down on sibling arguments over what book to read next — they just take turns picking stories and nobody has to get up, go to the bookshelf, look fruitlessly for a book, find another one, have their sibling reject it, etc etc. Basically it streamlines reading time in a way that I appreciate.
Anon says
Does the Frozen one involve Mari running away and Little Rock’s crystal? Because yes, over. it.
There’s a “5 Minute Stories” series that would be good for this. You can just search amazon for it.
AwayEmily says
Yes! I refuse to read the Little Rock tracking crystal one because it makes no sense. I also can’t stand the Olaf collection one. The teacher is absolutely right — parts of your body are NOT a collection, no matter how meaningful they are to you personally!
Anonymous says
We like the “5 Minute” treasury books. We have 5 Minute Disney Bedtime Stories and 5 Minute Frozen Stories. Not sure if it is a Disney thing or if those are just the ones we happen to have.
Spirograph says
We have a Beatrix Potter one that the kids like. Also, collections of nursery rhymes are a big hit. I don’t have any specific recommendations since ours are all random things from second hand bookstores and little libraries, but old nursery rhymes definitely have some greek myth/unvarnished fairytale flair to them. :)
Cb says
I love the Alfie and Annie Rose collections. They might be a little young but they are so so sweet.
Anon says
+1 so cute! We also love our James Herriot treasury for children and Brambly Hedge treasury — gorgeous illustrations
Walnut says
Costco is a gold mine for these types of stories. We have tons and they’re all mostly fine. My least favorite as the Spiderman and My Little Pony ones, but that could have been predicted.
AIMS says
Little Mermaid dies! If your kids enjoy the unedited stories, get them Brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Anderson compilations. I read them as a kid (my parents didn’t believe in censorship of any kind – ha) and survived just fine.
We have also done Kipling’s animal stories, the big Peter Rabbit book, Frog & Toad, and Bear & Rabbit (lots of potty humor). At 4/5 my daughter (and my son) also really liked a compilation called “Girl Power 5-Minute Stories” & I have to say that the quality of the writing was generally a bit better than normal in those kinds of books (not a whole lot of necessity to write something good when you’re using the established characters to sell the book, i guess).
Anne-on says
We had German au pairs and the first one brought over a lovely copy of Grimm’s fairytales…which were the traditional super gory ones. Had to put that one away for quite a while. All the original versions of fairytales are pretty gruesome (rapunzel, snow white, and the little mermaid are some that got HEAVILY edited by Disney).
AwayEmily says
Thanks all! I just ordered a big batch of books. The other advantage of these “treasury” books is that they are a very cost-effective way of getting a lot of content!
And thank you for the baby well-wishes….I will definitely report back once she’s here!
anonamama says
If You Give A Mouse a Cookie has one! (if you don’t have them already). I love that you’re approaching books like this – efficient and signature C-mom thinking. Can’t believe due date is here– good luck!!!
Anonymous says
My daughter likes Alfie Treasury Books (The Big Book of Out of Doors is a favorite.) And we have Brambley Hedge.
Don’t read the Italian Cinderella. Cindy chops off the family’s black enslaved servants head.
An.On. says
How about the Reader’s Digest anthologies? The two we love at our house are The World’s Best Fairy Tales and Great Stories for Young Readers.
They might only be available used, here’s some sample links for reference:
https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/the-worlds-best-fairy-tales-a-readers-digest-anthology/9307510/vintage/?vid=837957418&gclid=Cj0KCQiAxoiQBhCRARIsAPsvo-yh-mpDxTRs8wPn_0q61ieDtGN8VkYR5gsVV0wqndXw1WzMCQvUQJUaApcEEALw_wcB
https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/great-stories-for-young-readers/7874172/item/26145546/?gclid=Cj0KCQiAxoiQBhCRARIsAPsvo-zOjJ-ynZxRMIEXhDELq9OEDk9Am2t8dFPGQWe7d49bKs8uhF8i0jUaAqOEEALw_wcB#idiq=26145546&edition=8612720
DLC says
We have The 20th Century Children’s Book Treasury and I love it. It’a a compilation of popular childrens books. Some of the books inside we already have (Goodnight Moon, Where the Wild Things Are), but I like that there is a broad range of reading levels and that everything is in one place. When we travel it’s the only book I bring because it has such a wide variety in it.
Anonymous says
I love this one too!
Anonymous says
Late reply but here’s a rec to buy the sets that have the electronic reader for times you are busy with the baby. My 4 y.o. understood how to “read” the story to herself very quickly and I didn’t have to do anything! They usually come with like 8 little books.
An example, but there are a bazillion: https://www.amazon.com/Disney-Friends-Reader-Electronic-Library/dp/1503711315/ref=sr_1_4?gclid=Cj0KCQiAxoiQBhCRARIsAPsvo-zFDGXPkTkgffbFmcT4u28vhVE29ZGCeqMorsJIUfYykKYQcyHLbRwaAnHrEALw_wcB&hvadid=241642928357&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9031542&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=14056605123664363298&hvtargid=kwd-266112683186&hydadcr=16873_10300518&keywords=electronic+me+reader+%26+books+set&qid=1644353402&sr=8-4
Anonymous says
Frog and Toad, Frances
Anon says
i’m sure this post will generate lots of opinions, but those of you in the states (NJ, CT, DE, etc.) that recently announced they will be eliminating masks in school. how are you feeling about this? is a large enough percentage of kids vaccinated? do they plan on having different rules for vaxxed vs. unvaxxed kids and teachers?
Boston Legal Eagle says
Was wondering how you were doing – good luck in the next few days! “A Collections of Stories for 3 Year Olds” has been a big hit with my 3 year old (some fairy tales like Chicken Little, Rapunzel, etc.). It looks like they have ones for 4 and 5 year olds, although I’m not sure how good they are.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Sorry! Meant for above.
Anon says
I thought those states just lifted the statewide mandate and are leaving the decision up to individual districts and many districts will likely continue to require them? I’m in a state that hasn’t had a mask mandate in almost a year, but our school district still require masks.
Anonymous says
That is what it means, exactly. 635 school board level fights over this in NJ.
BeenThatGuy says
NJ resident here and I haven’t read that it’s a state wide lift of the mask mandate. I’ve only seen that it’s in schools and each district can set forth their own policy. I’m comfortable with the school mask mandate being lifted. Our district has something like 80% of students vaxxed and 95% of teachers/administration. I realize these are really high vaccination numbers and am truly happy our community has gotten to this point. If it matters, I have an 8th grader. I might feel differently if I had an elementary school aged child.
anon says
I’m in one of those states and very much hoping our district lifts the mask requirement. Enough is enough.
Anonymous says
I am curious as to your reasoning. Why is asking kids to wear masks a burden? Even with high vaccination rates, omicron is still causing an enormous number of breakthrough cases. Why would you want to drop masks before the surge has died down? Masks aren’t perfect, but they provide a lot of protection and help keep schools open and teachers and kids in classrooms.
We are a no-mask district that has gotten rid of contact tracing. We still have so few bus drivers that my child’s bus has been doing double-back runs and dropping her off 25 minutes late every day since they came back from winter break, and at least half of her teachers have been out every day this week. I don’t see the value of in-person school if the kids can’t get there and the teachers aren’t there teaching.
AIMS says
Not OP but I feel the same way. I disagree that it’s not a burden. For very little kids there can be all sorts of problems with speech and social development as a result. For older kids there are all sorts of issues too, including anxiety, etc. My 6 year old is vaccinated, so is most of her class. Everyone who has gotten it in her school who is otherwise healthy and vaccinated has been fine. What is the end game? I don’t have a problem wearing a mask across the board. I wear a mask on the subway. My kids wore masks throughout the last surge. But the positivity rate in NYC is now at around 3 % and my daughter still spends from 8:20 to 5 pm/5 days a week in a mask, with exceptions for lunch because apparently you can’t get covid while you’re eating. And mind you, in countries like the UK where children her age didn’t have to wear masks at all this whole time, the statistics are not worse and maybe even better. Oh, and have you seen how these kids wear their masks? At this point, the masks are theater to me or maybe a crutch for nervous parents/teachers (and I am a nervous parent, i get it!) and the harm is not nothing.
AIMS says
I should say – it sounds like you (Anonymous at 10:54) are in the middle of a surge. NYC is not. I think limited mask requirements are not a problem for most people. But if the goal is zero cases, that’s just impossible and the tradeoffs are not worth it for me.
Anonymous says
NYC is in a much different place than the rest of the country right now. Our test positivity rate is 25% and caseloads are still higher than they were at any previous peak.
I think that lunch should be outdoors. But at least lunch is only a small fraction of the day. For a long time my kid refused to eat lunch at school at all because she didn’t want to take her mask off around other kids without masks. She’d sneak bites during class when others were masked.
Anonymous at 10:54 says
Yes, we’re still in the middle of a surge, as is most of the country. If caseloads were as low as they were before the Delta surge last summer, I wouldn’t have such a problem with masks being optional. Our surge appears to have peaked, but caseloads are still enormous, and our state flagship university’s modeling predicts a second peak in the coming weeks due to the decline in mask usage. This is why the CDC needs to establish clear guidelines for when masks should be required in schools (and in other places) based on community metrics. This would allow us to ease up on masking when things are good, and quickly react by putting the masks back on to forestall future spikes. Sadly, the politics have completely overtaken the science.
Anon says
School being constantly closed for 14 days every time there’s a positive case has caused all kinds of mental health and behavioral problems for my pre-K kid, and I don’t think that’s unusual. Kids thrive on routine and having school suddenly close for two weeks is a massive disruption that a kid, especially a little kid, can’t fully understand and struggles to process. Masks have caused zero anxiety or behavioral problems for her or any of her friends – it’s just part of getting dressed now. I support mask exemptions for kids who have special needs and genuinely struggle to wear a mask, but for the average neurotypical kid, the school closures and social distancing restrictions at school are having far more impact on their mental health than masks. If we’re removing masks, we have to be committed to letting students attend school unless they’re actually ill themselves, and it doesn’t seem like school districts are actually doing that. Even if schools aren’t quarantining every exposed person, the number of absences due to positive tests is still high enough in many places that there aren’t always enough staff to keep classrooms open. I also think things like school field trips and social events should return before we lift mask mandates, because those things have a lot of benefit (especially for older kids). But it seems like people want to abandon masks and continue quarantining, distancing, and not letting kids do any special events or field trips and that makes no sense to me.
NYCer says
+1 to AIMS.
Anon says
Concur. Kids are at lower risk of COVID than RSV.
Anonymous says
Kids should probably be masked in schools whenever there is a huge outbreak of any respiratory virus.
Anon says
I don’t think that’s true for school age children. RSV is mainly a risk in children under 2.
Either way, your comparison is just about mortality, which is only one piece of the puzzle. RSV does not cause long-term complications the way Covid does. And we still don’t fully understand, and won’t for years or decades, all the silent harm Covid does to the body. Like we just learned it dramatically increases a kid’s risk of developing diabetes. There will be many more studies like that in the years to come.
Anonymous says
Disagree that RSV doesn’t cause long-term complications.
Anon says
Not on the scale Covid does for sure.
Anonymous says
Late to the game but my 8 year old had RSV as toddler and still has respiratory issues (much less than she used to).
All 3 had COVID and it was a non- issue. Two of the three were asymptomatic.
Anonymous says
FWIW, I’m in a red state, so we haven’t had masks all year except on the school bus. And, honestly, it really hasn’t changed anything over last year when we had masks.
Anonymous says
I am in MA in a district with 95% of 12+ vaccinated. I don’t have the stats for the elem kids, but the high school is 95% students and 98.5% of staff. My kids are vaccinated. Most of their friends are and the ones that aren’t have all had covid. Enough is enough. I’m hopeful we follow suit quickly because it will be another fight with the school board but we are done.
NYCer says
I hope NY/NYC is next.
Anonymous says
You should check Gothamist’s daily case counts. We do have ICU beds available at the moment, but you’re ill informed about the one place in America where we have good daily numbers.
NYCer says
I am not ill informed because I disagree with you. The curves for omicron have been roughly the same for states with mask mandates and states without. Personally, I do not want my children to wear masks indefinitely. I think the time has come to revisit the policy, now that is clear that Covid is never going away.
FWIW, my nieces live in France and are te same age as my older daughter (in elementary school) and have never worn masks to school. They haven’t had drastically more shut downs or quarantines than US schools.
Anon says
i have a kid under 5, so i am hoping that these don’t impact the preschool/childcare centers bc in the unmasked classes if someone tests positive the whole class shuts down, but it doesn’t in the masked classes. i also think that anyone who is not vaccinated should have to still wear a mask and i hope that one day the vaccine can be made mandatory. i believe it is going to be in CA for the next school year. maybe this is because i’ve recently met a few people with kids who are immunocompromised, but my heart really breaks for those families. yes, viruses and illnesses were around long before covid, but one person i met has a kid who was only diagnosed within the past year so they haven’t had to deal with the illness in the pre-covid world. i’m lucky that my kids are healthy, but i would be ok with them being asked to keep wearing masks even once vaccinated if they have an immunocompromised kid in their class. to me it is no different than them not being allowed to bring peanut butter to school.
Anon says
Even for healthy kids, Covid has a much higher risk of long term complications than any other virus kids are likely to catch (colds, flu, RSV, etc).
Anon says
Source?
Anon says
~10% of kids develop long Covid. There have been quite a few studies that arrived at a number in that ballpark. Here’s the first news story that popped up on Google: https://www.salon.com/2022/01/22/the-kids-are-not-alright-data-suggests-10-of-children-with-19-become-long-haulers/
There is no other virus that American kids regularly get today that approaches that number.
Anon says
But tere’s no way it’s 10%. My kids all had covid and they wouldn’t be included in a stat because we never got them tested anywhere but at home. Two of the four were entirely asymptomatic. Other two very mild. I don’t buy the long term concern at all (it happens for some I’m sure, but what you’re pointing to isn’t good science).
Anon says
I don’t know what will convince you. There are multiple independent peer-reviewed studies that have all estimated the number of kids with longterm complications to be around 10%. Even if you assume these studies aren’t accounting for the fact that not every Covid infection is reported, it’s likely still well over 1 in 30 kids which is…a lot. We don’t even have a term like “long flu” so I don’t think it’s a big reach to say Covid causes far more long-term complications than other common viruses.
Anonymous says
The peanut butter analogy is interesting. We don’t blink an eye at schoolwide bans on peanut butter on the off chance that a handful of kids are allergic, even though there are a lot of picky underweight kids who would really benefit from eating peanut butter and the allergic kids should all be taught not to eat other kids’ food and should have Epi Pens at school. To me masks seem like even less of a sacrifice than giving up peanut butter, for a much bigger benefit to many more kids.
AIMS says
I would respectfully disagree. My kids eat peanut butter for breakfast, brush their teeth & wash their hands and go to school. They come home and they eat peanut butter for snack with apples. They survive just fine without it in school. For the picky eaters there is sunbutter. It is literally the tiniest sacrifice you can ask of anyone and is no different from saying you can’t chew gum in school.
On the other hand, there are actual articulable harms to wearing a mask for an entire day for the majority of the week. This is particularly true for kids (like mine) who do afterschool because they literally spend 40+ hours in school. We can argue about how significant the harms are and we can weigh them against the benefits (so i am not saying you should not wear masks during a bad surge, for example) but there are harms. Any debate about this that doesn’t acknowledge that at this point is BS. What you’re proposing is not short term – lets all do our part to stop the spread and lower the curve – it’s a fundamental change to society. I feel for immunocompromised kids and their parents. But the answer isn’t lets make all the kids suffer. You can have better ventilation, increased distance for those kids in the class (same as with kids with severe allergies, btw), etc. I would be all for doing all of that which works. Masks aren’t even shown to work that well with kids.
Anon says
There are no actual harms to kids wearing masks during the school day. You’re quoting Tucker Carlson and it’s not a good look.
Anon says
I disagree completely. I think distancing and being told you can’t get close to people causes WAY more anxiety and developmental harm than masks, and I don’t understand the push to remove masks but still keep quarantining, distancing, not gathering in groups, etc. Being ordered to stay 6 feet away from friends causes way more social/emotional harm to young kids than being told they can play normally but have to wear a piece of cloth on their face. Human beings aren’t made to go through life not getting within 6 feet of other human beings, and once you internalize social distancing rules they’re very hard to unlearn. My 4 year old still crosses the street to avoid people in our neighborhood, which makes me so sad, but it’s a behavior she’s been taught in school for two years and it’s very hard to unlearn even though we tell her she doesn’t have to avoid people. When we tell her she can take off her mask she says great and takes it off. It’s not the same level of internalization.
anon says
i don’t particularly love wearing a mask, but what are the significant harms? like the actual harms, not your opinion on harms? i also think it should wait until there are vaccines available for every age group. i agree with the person below that kids dont need to be wearing them during track practice – that does seem like a situation where the potential harm outweighs the benefits. aren’t the immunocompromised kids already suffering enough? so they should sit in a corner far away from all of the other kids bc it is so harmful for the other kids to wear a mask? that seems cruel to me.
Walnut says
Issues with masking: constant muffled speech negatively impacting speech development (for both me and my kid), anxiety (why do I wear a mask at school, but not at home, what about when I’m at Grandma’s house? I can’t hug great grandma – she might die and it’ll be my fault. Why isn’t that person wearing a mask? Will they die?), sensory issues (we have purchased every mask on the market), weird face acne/rashes as we cycle through masks trying to solve the sensory issue, anxiety/stunted social development (my kid using his mask to be more invisible in awkward social situations where he was the only masked child.)
Of course, this is all anecdotal evidence related to my family. I’m sure plenty of people will minimize my experience, but I don’t think I’m alone. I don’t feel like there has been a non-biased approach to evaluating a full spectrum of mask impacts on kids.
Anon says
Honestly I suspect the truth is somewhere in the middle. A lot of the posters here supposedly have kids who don’t mind masks at all, which is great! I am constantly fighting about masks with my kids. They wear them but they mind a great deal. We’ve all gotten Covid anyway despite vaccination and allegedly good mask compliance, or at least that’s what school says. I’m not opposed to mask wearing at all and we are very careful, but I can acknowledge that there are downsides to it. I am looking forward to when it’s safe to demask. I don’t think people who aren’t fans of it are evil, crazy, people. There’s a lot of frustrated parents out there and I don’t know that it serves anyone well to gloss over concerns and pretend they don’t exist. I guess to go back to the peanut butter analogy, we don’t even have a peanut butter ban at our school. There’s a nut free area, though. Not everything is black and white.
GCA says
I’m curious what you feel are the harms for kids who have to wear masks all day. Honest question because I have not heard any specific harms being discussed.
My perspective – we are in a Title 1 elementary school in an older school building; several of the classrooms, including my kid’s this year, do not have any windows at all and retrofitting better ventilation has been tricky, costs money that the school district might not be able to spare, etc. I don’t think masking ought to be a binary all-or-nothing. I do think that school districts should have the flexibility to mandate masks during a surge, and the flexibility to remove those mandates given a set of sensible conditions (positivity rates below a certain % in pool testing, vaccinated or immune population above a certain %).
AIMS says
Comparing me to Tucker Carlson is pretty dumb. So not going to respond to that one.
I don’t know what the Venn diagram is on people who want to keep all the restrictive quarantine rules in place but get rid of masks vs get rid of both, but I think this is a false choice, personally. I think we should get rid of most of the restrictions at this point and we can do test to stay, esp. if your positivity rate is where NYC is (which is 4.56 percent over 7 days and falling; and this is city -wide including the less vaccinated Staten Island). I don’t think this is a radical proposition & this is where our local schools are moving and I am for it.
As for the statistics. The best data seems inconclusive on how much benefit there is to small kids wearing masks (usually midway up their chin if your school is like ours) vs. not wearing a mask (compare the numbers for NY/NJ/MA vs. UK or FL, for example). And the most persuasive data seems to be that masks in schools stop the spread from teachers (not students). This started as a very neutral question – how do you feel about it for your district/state. My answer was and is that I am for it for my school district. Our numbers are low, our vaccination rates are high, and if this is to be a permanent feature under THOSE conditions, no thank you, I will take my chances with the virus. That doesn’t mean I think no one should wear one if they want to or that I have any opinion about what you do in your school district that isn’t having the same conditions as mine right now. Because what no one seems to be able to answer on the other side of this conversation is what is the end game? It used to be “everyone should get vaccines” but now that seems to be insufficient (not discussing the under 5 now – my opinion there is a little different & i think their teachers should all still have to wear masks).
Anon says
The end game is when life is back to normal and the virus is not surging and overwhelming hospitals. Currently neither is the case in my part of the country. It’s a fantasy to think you can eliminate masks while virus numbers are still high and not have any impact on the number of days of in-person school kids have. Statistically, masks cut in-school transmission significantly, even if that hasn’t been your experience. I think many people have lost a sense of perspective because things got so crazy with Omicron but the US as a whole still has more cases per day than we did at the height of last winter’s surge. Even states like NY are nowhere near the lows of last summer. The virus is not under control and this is not the time to eliminate something that plays a significant role in keeping schools open.
Anon says
There’s someone here who says that anyone who questions the “zero harm” mantra of masks is a Tucker Carlson devotee who can’t read research or think for herself. Don’t worry about it, AIMS – it’s her go-to attack that requires no thought or effort on her part. (Revel in the irony.)
Anon says
AIMS, you’re absolutely entitled to your opinion on masks. If you don’t like them and don’t want your kid to wear one, fine. But I said you sounded like Tucker Carlson because you keep saying without any evidence that they cause harm to children, which is something he has been doing a lot too. Making a factual assertion like that is very different than saying “my kid hates wearing masks and I wish she could stop” and is dangerous disinformation. You’ve made a bunch of comments on this thread, but no where have you shared any actual evidence that masks harm kids, despite several people asking for that evidence.
FWIW I’m fairly sure this is the first time I’ve ever referenced Tucker Carlson on this page, so if there are other comments about him re: a mask debate they’re not from me.
anon says
My older two kids (9, 11) have definitely got some weird stuff going on related to masks. The younger one has noticeable anxiety now about being in public without a mask – gets extremely nervous, asks repeatedly if the situation is safe, and sometimes cries if an unknown person gets “too close” to him. (Note that in all these situations, we are not actually close to other people – it’s like if we’re at the park and see another family, or we pass someone on the sidewalk while walking a dog.) My older kid had a total meltdown last week about a social issue happening and school and said, as part of it, “I can’t tell if anybody’s being honest with me because they always have masks on.” She doesn’t have the words to express it this way, but only seeing part of the face makes it hard to judge expressions and social cues – I get it.
Both my kids also struggle to understand a teacher who is a second-language English speaker without being able to see her lips.
The inability to see facial cues affects social interaction and development, the inability to see lips affects comprehension, and what we convey to kids about risk affects mental health. Masking may still be the right choice, but it’s not without impacts.
Anonymous says
Walnut, most of your harms result more from a lack of universal masking than from masking your kid. Actually, yes, he should be wearing a mask to visit great-grandma if she is high-risk, especially if he’s not old enough to be vaccinated. He should not be the odd child out because they should all be wearing masks.
Anonymous says
“anxiety (why do I wear a mask at school, but not at home, what about when I’m at Grandma’s house? I can’t hug great grandma – she might die and it’ll be my fault. Why isn’t that person wearing a mask? Will they die?)”
So what you are saying is that because wearing a mask makes your child aware of the fact that there is a deadly virus circulating, masks are harmful? You would prefer to hide the virus’s existence from him by banning masks and putting everyone at risk?
Kids aren’t dumb. Mine is fully aware that there is a pandemic and feel less anxious when she and everyone around her is wearing a mask.
Walnut says
Sure and it’s great that your kid parses it like that – my kid would not approach his great grandmother even masked, because it could cause her to die. His perception is that we are masked because not being masked puts us at risk of death.
Anonymous says
So, again, you want society to do away with a valuable precaution against illness and death because it scares your child? That doesn’t make sense. Even if masks scared my kid, I’d rather have her scared than have her sick or grandma dead. (BTW, Grandma is dead of COVID).
Anon says
I agree with you based on the policies in place in my area, but I think it is all theater and has nothing to do with science. My daughter’s class was mask-optional last year and we had multiple 14+ day shut downs. It was terrible. This year we are masks-required, and the whole class does not have to be shut down, and the folks that do have to quarantine only have to quarantine for 5 days. So the mask-required has dramatically improved our QOL. But looking at the pictures in my daughter’s class… there is no way those masks are making more than a tiny, marginal difference. These are young 3 year olds who frequently pull the masks down, have to be reminded to put them back on, and are allowed to take them off for a full 3-4 hours of indoor time per day for breakfast, lunch, snack, and nap times. I don’t see how having them mask (poorly, inconsistently) for about half the day really makes any difference.
Anonymous says
I have 2 kids under 5 (and one over) and I am fine with mask free all around. In my kids’ PK class 11/13 kids have already had COVID. I don’t need to have my kid (who is one of the 2 that hasn’t had it) in a mask.
Anon says
This is evidence that masks work if your kid has managed to avoid catching it from 11 close contacts. I also have a preK student, and I don’t want him catching it so close to being vaccine eligible, so would prefer to stay in masks this year
Anon says
Not necessiarly – my daughter’s class a bunch of kids have had covid and they all had it over the holidays.
I see the pictures of the two year old class and the masking is so bad it’s silly. She did catch Covid at school (I’m not the previous poster) and had a runny nose for two days.
I hate masks on two year olds. I think it’s problematic that she is speaking through it and I also thnk it’s problematic that the kids don’t see each other’s facial expressions as clearly. I don’t know the official harm, but I’m all for dropping the masks for the littles!
Anon says
I’m 2:44 and I agree with you that it might be useless for 2-yr-olds. But preK is 4-yr-olds, the kids in class wear masks well, and I often have to remind my sons to take their masks off after school because they are so used to them/it’s NBD. Continuing to have this discussion in the middle of a surge is exhausting. Just table it until spring
Anonymous says
I posted about the 11/13 above and it isn’t evidence of masks working as we all hang out outside of school maskless, indoors.
Pogo says
We all just had COVID, so it doesn’t impact me right now, but I also don’t find wearing a mask a real burden and neither does my kid. DH and my employers both require masks at work. Our local schools still require masks as do most businesses/municipalities. Church requires it. If our state changed the requirement it wouldn’t change much for us unless that caused the towns/businesses to rethink their requirements.
I do find it ridiculous they make the HS kids wear them while outside during track practice. They’re outside! They’re running around!
Anonymous says
+1. Wearing a mask is just second nature at this point. DH wears one all day at work, and the only affect is that it leaves a funny imprint in his beard. I wore a mask in labor until my covid test came back. The covid test results didn’t come back until several hours after the pitocin was cranked way up and the intense back labor started. The nurse walked in with the test results at the same time the anesthesiologist walked in to do the epidural. My kid is too young to wear a mask, but being in daycare around masked adults for 9 hrs/day doesn’t seem to have had any affect on her language development. She’s talking up a storm and is way more social than DH or I ever were.
Anon says
I think this is district-dependent? Our school district requires masks indoors but not outdoors, which seems sensible to me. I have also heard of even districts that require them outdoors allowing kids to remove them for PE and athletic practices, which also makes sense.
Walnut says
Honestly though, the whole thing is gaslighting. The scientific data didn’t change – the politics data did. Suddenly masks are unpopular and election strategists are at work.
Also, they better damn well be changing guidance around quarantines about the same time. I’m done with a single exposure shutting classrooms down.
Anonymous says
I am in VA. They got rid of contact tracing and quarantine for exposure at the same time as they got rid of the masks. Super smart.
Anon says
+1. Im in NY and hoping the mandate sticks around a while longer. If anything, it’s the quarantines and test requirements that should go away first – if we’re suddenly pretending that masks aren’t needed aka it’s time to accept Covid as a run-of-the-mill illness, then we need to get rid of the special rules for it, too. Kids should be kept home with any symptoms of any illness, then allowed to return when feeling better, and no one should be sent home after a class case.
To me, wearing masks is much less disruptive for kids and families than all the other requirements, so deal with those first.
Anonymous says
YES. Masks work and they keep kids in school. They are the last thing that should go.
Anon says
Yep. When life is fully normal again and the virus is still under control, we can do away with masks. It’s crazy to abandon masks when the virus is surging and we have lots of other pandemic-related disruptions to life, including regular school closures.
Anonymous says
+1. My earlier comment got eaten. I can see how someone who lives in MA or NYC thinks it’s time to do away with masks, but my part of the country is nowhere near ready. We still have well over 20% test positivity, although that’s a huge improvement over where things were a month ago. Talk to me in a month or so, when case numbers are even lower and more than 46% of 5-12-year-olds in my county are vaccinated.
Anonymous says
Life is not going to be “fully normal”, whatever that means, for a while yet. Doing away with a mask mandate doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to wear a mask, it means we’re done requiring that everyone do it all the time. I would be 100% ok with our school dropping it’s mask mandate. I might still tell my kids to mask up at the grocery store or a museum, but I do feel it’s theater at school. Since region and age of kids matter a lot when it comes to opinions on this: DC, fully vaxxed, parents had breakthrough cases in early Jan anyway, one kid tested positive but was asymptomatic, other kid never tested positive despite us doing nothing to isolate. My kids are indifferent to masks, but they also are not very good at keeping them over their nose, so they’re of questionable value.
Anon says
Yep. Several times now I’ve held a sobbing kid who was distraught that her school suddenly closed and she couldn’t see her friends or teachers for two weeks. I’ve never watched her cry over the “trauma” of having a piece of cloth on her face. F*ck everyone who wants to remove masks because of the “harm” they’re doing to kids. The harm is sudden, repeated school closures (and to a lesser degree the forced distancing and the lack of activities, special events, etc). MASKS PREVENT SCHOOL CLOSURES. How are we as a society still struggling to get this in 2022?!?!?!?
AIMS says
Why is it either/or? You’re presenting a false choice. Kids should be at school, quarantines should be rare, and masks don’t help either.
Anonymous says
Masks reduce transmission. If your child’s teacher catches COVID because her students are not masked, your child will be sitting in a classroom either doing nothing or being taught via Chromebook. If enough teachers catch COVID, there will not be enough adults to supervise the classrooms and schools will close. Masks keep schools open even in the absence of quarantines for exposure.
No one is saying that kids should wear masks in schools forever, but in 99% of the country it won’t be appropriate even to think about doing away with masks in school for a few more months until the omicron surge tails off. And that’s assuming that another variant doesn’t pop up.
Anonymous says
I am going to hazard a guess that your family had omicron and came out all right, so you don’t want to help prevent it for any other families? Not everyone will be so fortunate.
Anon says
Well, in practice, quarantines are still in place in a lot of places. Most health departments (and I think the CDC) have stricter quarantine guidelines in situations in which one or both people are not masked. I live in a red state, so no statewide mask mandate, but our state health department requires quarantine after exposure unless both the exposed person and the infected person were masked so our local school districts have mask mandates for this reason. I don’t think most people are saying “Masks are fun, lets wear them forever, yay!” But they keep kids in school and most people recognize that constant quarantines is a lot worse for kids than mask-wearing.
I also think the trauma of school closures is real and documented in numerous research papers and also observed anecdotally by just about every parent I know, and the “trauma” of mask-wearing is not a thing except on right wing talk shows, so if you’re equating these two harms it’s hard for me to take what you say seriously. It’s like comparing a skinned knee to a gunshot wound. One is an inconvenience, the other is life-threatening.
Anon says
Even “rare” quarantines do a lot more harm than masks. And there’s the distancing and the lack of normal activities and events for kids (and adults). Masks should be the last intervention to be lifted, not the first.
AIMS says
Nope. Somehow haven’t had Omicron or any other version (yet). I’m also not reckless and not trying to act like it’s NBD. I think you are making a lot of assumptions as to where I am coming from and they are just not accurate. I’ve been very cautious the last two years and continue to be. I just happen to think there are things that work/help and things that don’t. And watching my 1st grader and her classmates wear masks is not in the column of what works. Incidentally, her teacher did have Covid, not from in-class transmission, our class didn’t shut down, everyone was sent home with a Covid test and allowed to come back, and we had a nice sub for a week. Teacher came back and talked about it with the kids who were less scared of it as a result (like my kid). There are many ways to address these things and a lot of the pro-mask camp doesn’t seem to “follow the science” any more than the anti-mask camp.
Anonymous says
Again, what is the actual harm you are observing from your child’s being asked to wear a mask in school? My kid suffered enormous harm from on-line schooling and cancelled activities. Masks are contributing greatly to her mental health by allowing her to attend school and activities relatively safely.
Anon says
But statistically masks do work at reducing in-school transmission, and there is no good evidence they cause children any harm. (On the other hand there is an abundance of evidence the even mild/asymptomatic Covid can do a great deal of harm, including to kids.) You can say you don’t like masks and you wish your kid didn’t have to wear one, but that doesn’t mean they don’t work or are causing harm. Those are factual assertions that are false.
Anon says
If masks worked, you wouldn’t have school closures. And you shouldn’t be closing schools for COVID anyway.
Anon says
Unless those people are catching Covid while unmasked and not at school, which seems likely (and if they are adults you may have to close school for staffing purposes). My kids have had numerous close contacts at school over the past two years but we haven’t caught it…because masks DO work when everyone wears them
Anon says
Yes, people are getting Covid not at school and masks prevent them from spreading it to others in the classroom.
Anonymous says
Masks work. My kid sat less than three feet from an infected kid in the classroom and was not infected because both were wearing masks properly.
Anon says
Your kid isn’t two! Or even honestly four!
Let the adults and big kids wear masks, but the preschool quality of masking is not good enough for me to want them in masks.
My older daughter’s class dropped the mask requirement (not hte littles) but 90% of them are vaccinated and if they weren’t going to drop it now, not sure when they would?
Anon says
yes, it would’ve been nice to have different leadership at the beginning of this pandemic so that all of this would be less political and more focused on actual science/public health rather than everyone’s feelings and opinions
Walnut says
Oh c’mon. And it wasn’t politics when the vaccine efficacy data was released two days after the election? This whole effing thing has been a political garbage can from both sides of the spectrum.
Anon says
So you’re blaming Trump for Biden’s abject failure to fulfill his promise of “shutting down the virus.”
AIMS says
No, she’s blaming Trump for making it political in the first place. You know there used to be a rule that presidents didn’t talk too much about viruses (see Obama with Ebola) to avoid precisely this issue.
anon says
yes to what AIMS said. this never should have been a political issue to begin with.
Anon says
idk about schools, but i’m team masks forever in doctors offices and on airplanes, the subway, etc.
Anon says
I really hope they stay on airplanes forever. It’s so nice not to pick up a random virus every time I fly.
Pogo says
I think many people (myself included) will continue wearing them on planes even when not required to protect themselves. When travelling internationally I always saw people wearing them at airports, even way before the pandemic.
Boston Legal Eagle says
I think I’ll also keep wearing a mask on public transit from now on. I used to constantly get illnesses in the winter pre-pandemic, likely from riding close to people on the commuter train without a mask. And anecdotally, my older kid hasn’t been sick once since starting K, where everyone is masked. It’s possible that he wouldn’t have gotten sick anyway (yay daycare immunity buildup!), but it hasn’t hurt. I also honestly have never heard him or any of his peers complain about wearing a mask. And these are not necessarily obedient non-stubborn kids! They’re just so used to it at this point.
Anonymous says
Since the pandemic began, my kid has had one cold and I have not been sick at all. It is a vast improvement to our quality of life. I will be very sorry to see masks disappear.
Anonymous says
We are in VA. Our district allows parents to opt out of masking their kids in schools but not on the bus because of federal transportation regulations. In practice masking is not enforced on the bus. Teachers are still required to wear masks, which I’m assuming is because the school board knows that masks work and doesn’t want teachers calling out sick. Also because the right-wing militia that the board is trying to appease is focusing on student masking, not teachers.
Vaccination status is not taken into consideration. Parents don’t have to take any action like signing a permission slip to opt their kids out of masking, so it’s really a kid opt-out and not a parent opt-out.
Anon says
I’m in VA. I hope the governor’s order wins. I think it is unlikely due to the law passed in the general assembly this year. My speech delayed kid would greatly benefit from being able to see other people’s faces regularly (why she has been doing speech therapy outside all winter long, even on the 20 degree days, so that she and her teacher can be mask free to clearly hear and see each other). She and the kids in her preschool class wear cloth masks, which are not very effective and feels very much like theatre given the number of noses I see in pictures.
I found these reads very interesting on the cost-benefit analysis to masking. And the comparison to Europe is enlightening as well. The US is an outlier in how we are going about masking little kids.
https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2022/01/kids-masks-schools-weak-science/621133/
https://www.wsj.com/articles/masks-children-parenting-schools-mandates-covid-19-coronavirus-pandemic-biden-administration-cdc-11628432716
As for other detriments, I can confirm that mask wearing around my colleagues has resulted in numerous miscommunications because of all of the muffled speech; I can imagine that is only more pronounced in little kids who are just trying to figure out relationships. My dentist has commented on how the fact that masking causes me (and lots of others) to apparently become a mouth breather and is affecting my dental health in a way she has noticed (this should not be any different for little kids). And as a glasses wearer, don’t even get me started on the fogging issues (fortunately a concern DD does not have).
Adults who want to be vaccinated have been. Adults (and kids who want or tolerate it) can choose to wear masks that actually protect them (N95 or KN95). There needs to be off ramping here.
Anonymous says
Our county is asserting that recommending but not requiring masks fits both the state law requiring school districts to conform to CDC requirements and the governor’s executive order. It is ridiculous. I don’t think the statute will last past this General Assembly session. The parent court case was dismissed on procedural grounds, and last week’s ruling in the school district case doesn’t seem to entirely overturn the executive order.
My child should not be forced to be unmasked or to be around other unmasked children for the sake of your child’s linguistic development. If there is a group of kids who need to be unmasked for developmental reasons, they should spend their unmasked time together in a separate room.
AIMS says
I mean the same logic could apply to your masked child. Why not get all the masked kids to form a class and see what happens! We can find out once and for all what the harms and benefits are and whether they are worth it! Seriously, what happened to empathy and assuming good intentions? Anon @ 2:09 wrote a respectful post in a normal tone and you come back with “my child should not be forced to be unmasked or to be around other unmasked children for the sake of your child’s linguistic development”?
Way harsh, Tai.
Anonymous says
Actually I’d love for my kid to be in an all-masks class! Sadly, that is not an option in maskless VA districts. Teachers aren’t even permitted to seat the antimaskers on one side of the classroom and the masked kids on the other.
Anonymous says
The antimaskers are the aggressors here, not the people who are frustrated by daily attacks on their children’s safety.
Anonymous says
If your glasses are fogging, your mask doesn’t fit correctly and is not providing proper protection for you or others.
Anonymous says
Masks are more effective when worn by the germ-spewer.
AIMS says
Thanks for saying this better than I could.
Would also add that Emily Oster (who is pro mask generally and pro science always) has acknowledged that this is an issue (“masks are not a friendship bracelet” – i.e., there are more effects from them, even if the impact may differ kid to kid and hard to quantify precisely for now).
Anonymous says
Emily Oster’s whole song and dance is about individual preferences. Which is fine when the decisions you are talking about impact no one but yourself and your own children. Her individualistic approach is entirely inappropriate for public health, where people’s “choices” not to wear masks or not to get vaccinated amount to an assault on the safety of those around them.
anon says
Has anyone had a child diagnosed with a chronic disease that is willing to share their experience of managing work with the stress of disease management, doctor’s appts, etc? I am really struggling. It is like the damn broke on the stress and I don’t know how I am going to do this.
Anon says
Hugs. I can’t speak to the child aspect, but I myself was only recently diagnosed with a chronic autoimmune disease (after a very dark 18 months brushing off symptoms and then at the bottom of a deep dark pit trying to get a diagnosis), and I am here to say that it will get better, you will find a rhythm and life will continue. I found it most helpful to focus on one day at a time and not look too far forward into the future (which was overwhelming).
anon says
Thank you. Also a chronic autoimmune diagnosis here. I have been telling myself (and DH) that not every episode will send us spiraling eventually. But at this moment, I am totally spiraling. It just feels impossible to manage scary illness things and then hop on back to back work calls. I am glad to hear you’ve found a rhythm. I hope we get there!
anon says
It’s not quite the same, but I felt much the same when one of my kids was diagnosed with a Thing. Which is also chronic, but more of an emotional health issue than a physical one. What I wish I could’ve told myself is that it won’t always be this overwhelming. Hard, yes, but that initial phase of getting a handle on things is just really, really hard. Lots of appointments and checkups, layered on top of the worry about your kid’s diagnosis and what it all means. Once you get a treatment plan in place, chances are the doctors’ visits will decrease in frequency.
Kiddo has regular therapy/medical appointments and there is definitely managing to be done. I’m not going to say it’s always easy, because it’s not. But, I also know that keeping up with my work would’ve been much more difficult without my spouse doing his part. DH takes care of medication management and communicates with the doctors about that. I take care of the therapy appointments and anything that needs to be addressed at school (i.e., the 504 plan). Of course, we are both actively involved in the actual decision-making, but we found it necessary to divide and conquer. At one point, I had to make it explicitly clear that we both work, and it couldn’t constantly be me doing all the appointments. So I don’t know if that’s a factor here, but this is not something you can outsource; your spouse will need to be hands-on, too.
Take your sick time without guilt. Easier said than done, but this is why it exists. I don’t know what your relationship with your boss is like, but if it’s a good and trustworthy one, might be worth giving him or her the high-level details of what’s going on.
H13 says
This is a good point. I am definitely doing the labor right now. DH is completely overwhelmed by his own stuff and his own reaction to this diagnosis. But we need to have some conversations about the larger divisions of labor in the family. I’ve definitely been thinking about if I need to step back from my current position.
anononon says
My daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes a little bit ago. I definitely echo the “focus on today” advice — once we knew enough to have a plan, it was super important for me (and also super hard) to stop obsessively analyzing every new piece of information.
In terms of focusing on work, the day to day management has gotten easier with time, so that helps. Her school nurse is really good, so I set my phone so the school nurse rings through Do Not Disturb and otherwise try not to think about it during the day (with varying levels of success). My husband and I split things as evenly as we can (even when it’s not efficient – this summer I’ll deal with half the summer camps, and he’ll deal with the other half), which helps but I know it isn’t always possible. I also have some T1D parent buddies so I can vent my angst to them instead of dumping it whatever coworker happens to call, which is a HUGE help. I try to remind myself that it all feels like a crisis but it rarely actually is — a day or a week where we don’t get things exactly right is hopefully just a blip in a long life.
Good luck. It’s hard (and you may be dealing with something harder than I am), but your kid is still your wonderful kid.
Anonymous says
I have not experienced it with my own child, but I used to work for an agency that did a lot of work with parents of kids with chronic illnesses and other special health care needs (most of my work was fighting insurance denials). The most helpful thing seemed to be connecting with a group of other parents with kids with the same conditions. My state (WI) has special resource centers for children with special health care needs that were able to connect parents with peer-to-peer mentoring and support groups. If your state doesn’t have anything like that, talk to your child’s doctors.
So Anon says
My son was diagnosed with a chronic autoimmune disease when he was in kindergarten, and he turns 11 today. My biggest advice is that you don’t have to figure out what this will look like in the future. All that you need to do is to figure out how to get through today, maybe this week and a month may be pushing it. I remember feeling like so much was unknown. We didn’t know if the “easier” interventions would bring him into remission or whether we were looking at much more invasive and life-changing therapies. If I let myself start thinking about the “what if this doesn’t work” then it was super easy to spiral and forget about the sweet amazing boy I had in front of me.
My son also went through multiple tests to understand what was happening, and several (most?) of those involved going under general anesthesia. It was so incredibly tough. My son’s dad (now my ex) just couldn’t cope with the tests and left the prep, management and aftercare to me. I felt like I hit an absolute breaking point that occurred in the parking lot of a Target, and it was the stress of arranging the appointments, the medications, trying to explain what was happening to my son in an age-appropriate way and then compose myself to go handle my lawyer job.
My biggest advice is to take it day-by-day. If you are comfortable, tell people around you what you have going on. Let them assist you. If your child’s doctor offers to connect you with other parents, take the doc up on that offer because the doc will likely put you in touch with a parent who is level-headed and further down the line than you. You don’t have to have this figured out forever, you just need to take the next step. Hugs. It isn’t easy.
anon says
Thank you for your comment and thank you for the reminder to remember the amazing kid in front of me. Talking to him about what is happening in an age appropriate manner as been a real challenge. We’re approaching it as an ongoing conversation but, wow, is it hard. I have shared the diagnosis with two colleagues and my boss and close friends. It is still very lonely but I am trying hard to connect with other caregivers.
anon says
Would you be willing to post a burner email? I am wondering if we have similar diagnoses.
EDAnon says
My derm diagnosed my maskne as rosacea. She gave me an antibiotic cream. I cannot find anything to tie the flare up to (except she mentioned stress as a factor…). This isn’t rally parent-related but any tips for getting rid of it/significantly decreasing the redness? Do I just cover it up?
I am not super into my looks but it’s jarring when it’s red, especially on calls when you can only see my face.
Anon says
I also just got diagnosed with rosacea type 2 (redness and tiny whiteheads) after months of it being misdiagnosed as folliculitis. Tried topical antibiotic lotion which didn’t help (and actually gave me a worse rash all over my face), so switched to azelaic acid, which is helping (slowly). I have a prescription but there’s also an OTC formulation by The Ordinary. I know there are other types of treatments, too, but I am pregnant so have limited options. I mostly avoid makeup on it but if it’s really red use a little concealer when I go out in public…
My doctor suggested mine was hormonal, as I had a similar flare up during my last pregnancy. Hugs and good luck. It’s annoying and I’m tired of my nose and cheeks being covered in a red rash for the past 5 months.
Anon says
I appreciate when colleagues are makeup-free because I usually am, too (except for c-level meetings or conference presentations) and don’t feel judged. It’s fine. If you have a particularly important one you want to look good for, consider a cover up that’s your usual BB cream or tinted moisturizer.
anon says
I’m curious about whether I’m an outlier here, or whether others have noticed this as well. Two years into this pandemic, and I’m less into the kid activities that we would’ve done as a family pre-Covid. Things like festivals, special events at the children’s zoo/museum, things of that nature. It’s kind of sad, but they hold zero appeal because I don’t feel like we get enough out of them for the effort required. Also, I now have a grumbly tween in the mix, which I didn’t a couple of years ago.
On the other hand, I am so ready for in-person school events to be a thing again. I miss being around other parents in our school community, even if they aren’t people I’m particularly close to. I guess this has re-ordered my priorities to be more focused on our immediate community. Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing is up for debate. I also hesitate a lot more before signing my kids up for activities and no longer feel this obligation to have them participate (unless it’s something they’re really really into). That’s been freeing.
Anon says
Same. But I also think it has to do with ages and stages of kids. I was much more into these things with my first and second toddlers/little kids; I do much less with the third. Partly because I needed Things To Do and wanted to meet people when I had just one kid, but now I enjoy the slower family time at home with slightly older kids. I’m also more settled into my motherhood and clear on my priorities, and rushing and paying money to do all the things isn’t high up there right now.
Spirograph says
Hm, no, I’m in the opposite place as you. I spend all day, every day in my house alone. My kids get to go to school and other activities. My husband gets to go work in an office. I get to walk across the hall from my bedroom and take a little stroll around the neighborhood – sometimes with a neighbor friend – during lunch. I literally told my family that, as my birthday present, I want all of us to go to a Smithsonian (I don’t even care which one) on a weekend, because I just miss DOING stuff.
Anon says
Same. I work from home and have a job where I don’t really interact with anyone even over Zoom. My kid is in person daycare, but all school social events have been canceled and parents don’t linger at pickup and dropoff, so I rarely interact with anyone who isn’t my husband or kid. We go to museums in the nearby big city occasionally, and it’s definitely the highlight of the month for me just getting out and doing something near other people. And I say this as someone who has always identified as an extreme introvert.
Anonymous says
I’ll trade with you! I am stuck at home all day with my husband in the next room and all I want is to be alone in the house.
Spirograph says
Oh don’t get me wrong, working from home alone is infinitely better than working from home not-alone. I don’t want company, I just want to leave my house more often!
anon says
so i miss going places indoors but i dont necessarily miss being in large crowds with people very close together/constantly bumping into me. i like having personal space and not having other people breath on me.
anonM says
I agree. I also think before signing up for activities and this has helped me see how good it is for my kids to have unstructured time/less intense weekends. I hope to continue to be more deliberate like that.
Anon says
I think my 5 year old needs to practice socializing with kids their own age. Talk to me about play dates. I’m happy to have another kid at our house to hang out. But what do I do with my other kid? Keep the 2 year old away from the big kids and have one parent in charge of them? And do I just offer a snack and let the 5 year olds play? Also, how do I approach other parents who I don’t really know about this… Or is there a magic alternative I’m missing here?
Cb says
We do drop off play dates and they are great. The kids play really well together and we don’t have to really manage them beyond snacks and dinner. My four year old’s best pal is 5, and they play together and his pal’s 2 year old sister gets mom and dad all to themselves.
Anonymous says
For 5 year olds you should have a planned activity but don’t force it-they might just play. My k-er had a playdate and a plan to spend the afternoon crafting. Her friend came over with her American girl doll and I helped them sort out how they can play together.
Anon says
Do you have a school directory of phone numbers or emails for the parents? You just cold text (meaning, even if you’ve never met them) the parents and say “Hi! I’m so and so’s mom, so and so would like to have your kiddo over for a play date. Would (your kiddo) like that? If so what days generally works for you?”. Then go back and forth from there.
I’ve done this a bunch and it’s never not been super well received. Most parents I think are truthfully stoked that their kid is being asked.
We generally try to give the play date space from the sibling just so the kids focus on their peer, but aren’t super diligent about it.
As noted, it would be good to have a few simple ideas in mind of things they can do if needed. But we don’t always need to go there.
Anon says
For my four-year-old, no planned activities necessary for a drop off playdate, but I did have a few ideas in mind in case they got stuck. Most recent playdate started while 2 yrold was still napping, she joined in on the periphery when she woke up. She ended up playing near them but not with them and everyone was mostly content. Another time we sent little sister off with dad to do something fun while I stayed at the house with the big kids.
Anonymous says
We do play dates all the time. Parents stay and we chat. The kids literally just play with toys, I might serve a snack. I never plan an activity. Warm weather helps because I’ll set up the pool and slip and slide. Usually the other kid(s) have siblings who come along too and the toddler runs around with the gang. I love play dates. Now that DD is almost 5 I find having a pack of kids running around my house/yard easier than just my 2 kids battling it out haha.
T says
How often do you get together with the same group of friends and how did you get to that point?
Growing up, my parents had a close group of friends that they would hang out with nearly every weekend. They mostly all had kids roughly the same age as me and my brother, and so the families would often be together on a regular basis.
In my own family, I have sporadic pockets of friends (some are family friends with kids of similar ages, and others are work or other activity friends that I see without kids/family). But although there are a handful of different “groups” of these friends, they are fairly casual and we only see each other every few months at best (less during Covid).
I find myself craving more and deeper connections but I don’t quite know how to make that happen. I’m not necessarily looking to make new friends, just deepen the ones I already have.
Do other people have friends that they see more often and more regularly than every few months, and if so, what does it look like? How did it come to be that way?
Anonymous says
In my observation these groups are established when kids are very young, in one of two ways: 1. MOPS and similar parent groups and 2. hanging out with nearby neighbors. If you miss the formational period, you will always be an outsider because the group members don’t see a need to make new friends.
Anon says
i’m kind of feeling the same way. the people i know who hang out a lot either live like around the block (so very quick walking distance) and/or run into each other at the same playground, OR their kids do an activity together. right now almost all the boys in my girl twins’ preschool class are doing tball together which has one practice and one game a week. of course all of the moms i like and get along with the best are moms of boys, which is hard.
Anon says
The only friends we see more frequently are the our neighborhood friends whose houses I could literally hit with a rock if I threw it. And even those, not as often now in the winter when the kids aren’t playing outside together.
Spirograph says
Yes, I do. A lot of these friendships started pre-kids, but in any case, I think you just have to be intentional about creating opportunities to make the connections deeper. Hang out *without the kids*, or at least without them next to you. Pre-covid and slowly coming back, we host Sunday Dinner and invite one or two other couples/families over. We often order pizza for the kids and let them picnic in the basement with a movie, giving the adults a chance to actually talk.
My husband and a couple of his besties are whisky enthusiasts and get together at one of their places to drink at least a couple times a month, usually after the kids go to bed. (If they’re at our house, I hang out with them for a bit, too, before leaving them to their man chats.) I get together with the wives alone less frequently, but same thing — we do a low-key hangout at someone’s house and play a game or just chat over some drinks. I have regular phone dates with good friends who moved out-of-state; we call each other at night once the kids are in bed. I’ve also gotten to be good friends with my neighbors, just because firepits were the de facto social opportunity for the last 2 years. Same thing — kids run off to play in the yard together, adults can talk freely.
We don’t always talk about Big Important Deep things, but those come out over time if you give them the opportunity. And you get to know people so well by just consistently hearing about whatever the happiness or frustration of the day is.
anonM says
Similar. I’ve accepted that I have to initiate most of the time. With covid getting betterish (please don’t roast me on this it’s to the main point ughhh) we’re planning to host more open-invite Friday night pizza-let-kids-run-around-hang outs. I also initiated and set up a summer long-weekend vacation with our good friends — luckily, DH’s two BFs both have kids all around the same age as ours, and all three couples get along. Doing an air bnb so it’s easy (kitchen, on a lake, kid-friendly) and accommodates everyone’s budgets. Also, even though I don’t love texting, I’ve found that weekly check in with mom friends who are struggling go a long way. I do a lot of voice messages (not voicemails) when I have a quiet second — it feels more connected to hear a friend’s voice, even if we can never get the timing on a phone call right. I also lucked out that my book club has basically turned into mom club.
Anon says
I see my high school best friends probably quarterly (we all live about 45 minutes apart in a triangle in the DC burbs) but we all text probably every other week or whenever questions/issues/celebrations come up. It helps that we have such a long foundation that we see each other less often but are still quite close. We either meet up for brunch at someone’s house (with husbands and children) or (pre-Covid) at a girls’ brunch at a restaurant or sometimes at a park or museum. There is another family we see probably once a month to two months (but also text regularly) (with kids of similar age) that lives 10 minutes up the road. With them it’s usually dinner or fire pit at someone’s house or meeting up at the park or pool, or a birthday or other holiday celebration, plus DH sees them in the drop-off line at preschool and chats. Once every 6 weeks or so we are usually out of town (either visiting family (~2 hour drive) or taking a weekend trip).
Other than that, we don’t do much socializing because I am an introvert and we have a general rule (which we make exceptions for as warranted) for weekends that we only do one “big” activity (which would consist of going somewhere like a museum, park or pool, going out to eat, a sporting event (soccer in fall and spring), seeing friends, etc.) and the rest of the weekend is low-key and generally doesn’t involve us leaving the house (or if we do it is not tied to any particular time). Now that DD is 4.5 and getting out and about is easier, we can sometimes make that one “big” activity per day, but if she is overtired or it’s been a particularly rough week, we definitely scale back. Kiddo (and I) need our downtime on weekends. Once we made that rule, weekends got a lot more peaceful and relaxing.
DLC says
I have one friend from college (childless) whom I see almost every other week. We somehow ended up in the same town and the pandemic made us realize that we were taking that for granted so we made a standing weekly date. Sometimes I bring the kids, sometimes I leave them at home.
We have one family we see once a month pretty regularly, and we really miss them if we go to long without seeing them They are our emergency contact and we go trick or treating with them, activities, swap babysitting, etc. I think we parents like each other moreso than the kids, TBH. But that kind of “clicking” is important, I think. The wife was a work colleague and then they moved down the street. I think we first started bonding when we fell into a pattern of being each other’s back up on snow days. It’s been almost ten years now.
I think for us the key is also not having a group of friends but rather just one or two really good friends.
T says
Thanks, everyone, for the responses! Lots of food for thought here.
Not Minnie M says
Talk to me about Disneyworld please!
I am thinking of taking the kids there for a day while we visit family in FL. Family is on the other side of the state so we would drive early on day 1, spend the day at the park, check into a hotel and drive back on day 2. Is this insane? I know the trend is to go for a whole trip & spend a few days but that isn’t in the cards and honestly not the sort of thing my husband and I enjoy. But I am willing to drop a chunk of money for one super fun day. So give me all your tips about making this work please! I’m assuming that we can stay at a regular hotel & not a Disney property? My kids are 4 and 5 and go to bed early so I don’t think they would benefit from the extended hours anyway. Is there some other benefit I am missing? What about paying to skip lines? Is it worth it? Or do you just pay to stand on a different line?
Other helpful info we should consider? Thank you in advance!
Anonymous says
I have done this a couple of times. The first thing to be aware of is that it takes a very long time to drive into the park, park your car, take the tram and then the boat to the entrance gates, and get into the park. The same is true getting out of the park and back to your hotel at night. If you stay in a Disney hotel and opt for the shuttle bus instead of driving, you will also waste a lot of time waiting for the shuttle bus. If we ever go back, I am considering staying at one of the hotels on the monorail line.
Avoid peak attendance days if at all possible. We went to the Magic Kingdom between Christmas and New Year’s once. We arrived when the park opened and got on maybe three rides before late afternoon when the park started to clear out for naps and dinner. We ended up staying until the park closed and scrapping our plans to return the next day, figuring we’d get on more rides during the evening than the next day.
If you can afford to pay to skip the lines, do it.
Not Minnie M says
What hotels are on the monorail line? Why is this better? Also how do you know which days are peak days?
Thanks!
Anonymous says
The Contemporary, Polynesian, and Grand Floridian are on the monorail line. The monorail takes you straight into the Magic Kingdom, runs frequently, and has a high passenger capacity, so you don’t have to wait around for the shuttle buses or deal with taking the boat between the parking lot and the park. There is also a monorail connection to Epcot. The monorail security checkpoint is faster than the security checkpoint at the park gates. Plus that, to kids the monorail counts as a ride.
There are a number of websites that predict attendance. Search “Disney crowd calendar.”
Anonymous says
The getting through security part is the key in my experience.
Anonymous says
Also consider hotels with the skyliner! My kid loved riding the skyliner as much as actual rides, and it was very fast and easy.
Anonymous says
Are your kids interested in meeting characters? If so, book a character meal or experience, preferably on the day when you’re not in the park. The lines for photo ops are insane.
anon says
You need to be at the parks crazy early to beat the crowds. Don’t plan to drive up that morning. Instead, plan to get a hotel for the night before (e.g., All Star Music or POP century) and then be at the parks for rope drop. If you stay on property you get an extra 30 minutes of park time, which is helpful.
If you only want one night of hotel, leave when the kids are tired and let them sleep in the car while you drive home.
Anonymous says
+ 1 million. This is what I came to say. You want to be at the park when it opens. Stay the night before, not the night of. On a monorail hotel if possible. With only one or two nights, it will feel less painful financiall, lol.
NOVA Anon says
I am an experienced Disney goer. In your situation, if you are OK dropping a chunk of money for the best experience possible: (1) stay at Polynesian Village Resort, Contemporary, or Grand Floridian. They are on monorail line with very quick access to Magic Kingdom. (2) Check in the night before you stay rather than after. Park will open for you 30 minutes before everyone else. You should arrive 30 minutes before that (so one hour before park open) to maximize your low-crown time in the park. (3) Pay for Genie+, which is the line skipping feature, and the individual lightning lane for Mine Train, and Space Mountain if your kids like roller coasters and are tall enough. (4) Read the post on the Mouse Hacking blog about how to use Genie Plus and lightning Lanes. It’s daunting but trust me, you will have a better time and get on more rides if you know how to use these. If you don’t know how to use them, you will pay a lot of money but will not get much benefit. My guess is Genie Plus does not seem worth it to most people, but if you figure out how to use it, it is. (5) use mobile ordering for food while you’re in the park. Don’t bother with any of the sit down meals in Magic Kingdom. If you want a character meal, Chef Mickey’s the night before in the Contemporary is OK but not my favorite, and not worth the money in its current form in my opinion.
If you can only afford one night at a hotel, i’d still do it the night before, unless you’re leaving REALLY early and can arrive at Magic Kingdom Parking lot 45 minutes before the park opens for resort guests. If you stay on property you should get early access your first day, even if you haven’t checked in yet, but you might need to talk to guest services.
Finally, Disney Tourist Blog has the best free crowd calendar predictions in my opinion.
Anon says
I have no current guidance, but this is how we did Disney in my family growing up. We never stayed on property, we never did more than one day – partly budget, partly parent preference I’m guessing.
Anonymous says
Yeah me too. We lived in Sarasota when i was in HS and we would just go for the day, often when relatives visited.
Anonymous says
We do it this way and it’s 100% parent preference. We go for a week and do like 2-3 days at Disney, one at universal, and a few just relaxing.
We’ve also rented an air bnb house in kissemme with a pool, which the kids loved coming from MA in Feb.
Anonymous says
I would drive the night before, check into an off-site property (there are tons), wake up early and be parked at Disney at 8am.
We have stayed at the Hyatt/Wyndham before for a few days and done 2 of Disney, 3 of just being in FL.
This assumes you have young kids and not a 12 year old who will want to do tons of coasters and stay until the fireworks.
For one day I would NOT stay on site. The kids will just feel like they are missing out. In fact, you could drive up the day before, and spend the evening at Disney spring (look! We are at Disney! Get excited!). Heck, the first time we went my kids thought we were in Disney at the Orlando airport. And then again at the cvs with all the Mickey merch.
Do plan ahead of there are any “must do” rides and use the genie app.
Not Minnie M says
Thank you all so much! Driving down the night before makes so much more sense! The monorail hotels are all booked up or $800/night (do people really pay this much????) so I think we’ll just book a “regular” hotel near the park and just wake up early. Really appreciate all this advice. More is welcome! Thanks ladies!!!
Anonymous says
Yeah people absolutely pay that much. It’s wild.
Anon says
If you can find a reasonably priced room at one of the on site value resorts, I think you’d appreciate the extra thirty minute head start on rides in the morning. That can easily allow you to knock out 3 rides that later in the day would each require a 45+ minute wait.
If you show up the afternoon before you could let the kids swim in the themed pool and go to Disney Springs or a Deluxe hotel for dinner.
Not Minnie M says
Thanks y’all! The monorail hotels are either sold out or obscenely expensive for a night so we will just stay near by. Definitely going to drive in night before – brilliant!!!! More suggestions welcome.
PS: do people really pay $800/night to stay in a Disney hotel????
Anon says
I’ve never been to Disney but yes I think a lot of people pay $800/night for the hotels there. It’s generally considered a $$$$ vacation among the affluent people I know (up there with skiing or luxury international travel), and I assume hotel costs are a large factor in that.
Not Minnie M says
I guess this is why it’s not for me! To me $800/night is a very lux hotel in Paris or London. My mind would explode before I pay that for Orlando, FL. Tickets for a family of 4 are already $600 or so! I am so rarely shocked but how do enough people have this much money to spend for this to be a sustainable business model on this scale????
NOVA Anon says
Some of the non-Disney resorts are “Good Neighbor” resorts and entitled to early park entry — you should check those out. Much more reasonably priced and nicer (and often less expensive) than some of Disney’s value resorts. It should be clear on the internet which ones count, but you can always call Disney and ask if you want to be doubly sure.
Anonymous says
Another vote for Disney Springs the day before. It does feel like you are at Disney and it’s a way to get the kids their shopping fix while you are not paying for admission.
Pogo says
I stayed at Disney Springs for a conference. It’s Free Disney! lol.
Not Minnie M says
Where’d you stay?
Anonymous says
Is there a way to park at one of the monorail or skyliner hotels and get in that way? Or can only hotel guests board at those stations?
Anon says
You’re supposed to have a room reservation or restaurant reservation at the hotel to park in those lots. There are scams where people pull that off, but it’s not really worth it. Too much trouble for no real benefit.
Anon says
we recently moved into a new house/neighborhood and my 4 year old twins would like to drop valentines in neighbors mailboxes. most are older and don’t have kids. is this ok to do or is this strange? they dont expect anyone to reciprocate, but are very excited by this idea
AIMS says
We do this with neighbors in our building. It’s sweet. Sometimes we get cards back. Most people seem to appreciate it!
Anonymous says
It would be strange if they were 44. From 4-year-olds, adorable.
Spirograph says
agreed!
Anonymous says
100%.
EDAnon says
I would love it! So would my neighbors.