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One of my favorite lines from the show How I Met Your Mother is when (a pre-#metoo) Barney Stinson calls a plain-looking secretary “eye broccoli.” I use it myself all the time now, but of course never referring to a human being. Today’s pick for Budget Thursday is pure eye broccoli. Not to contradict Marie Kondo, but not everything in your closet needs to “spark joy.” Sometimes you just need to put work-appropriate clothing on your body and not have to put too much thought into it. I like that this sweater is plain but comes in a variety of colors, and looks thin enough to throw a blazer over if need be. Throw it on, match it with pants, you’re done. It is $29.99–$35.99 at Banana Republic Factory, depending on the color selection, and comes in regular (XS-XXL) and petite (XXS-L) sizes. Sweater Polo This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 4.18.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- Lands’ End – 30% off full-price styles
- Loft – Spring Mid-Season Sale: Up to 50% off 100s of styles
- Nordstrom: Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- Zappos – 29,000+ women’s sale items! (check out these reader-favorite workwear brands on sale, and some of our favorite kids’ shoe brands on sale)
Kid/Family Sales
- Carter’s – Up to 70% off baby items; 50% off toddler & kid deals & 40% off everything else
- Hanna Andersson – Up to 50% off spring faves; 25% off new arrivals; up to 30% off spring
- J.Crew Crewcuts – Up to 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off kids’ spring-to-summer styles
- Old Navy – 30% off your purchase; up to 75% off clearance
- Target – Car Seat Trade-In Event (ends 4/27); BOGO 25% off select skincare products; up to 40% off indoor furniture; up to 20% off laptops & printers
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
I don’t think work-appropriate basics need to be “eye broccoli.” This sweater does look cheap and sad because of the polo collar, the too-long placket, and the fact that it’s a weird shade of gray, but there are plenty of other affordable basic tops and sweaters out there that look simple and chic. Even a J Crew tissue turtleneck can be styled to look sleek and put-together without descending into “eye broccoli” territory. I have recently simplified my wardrobe so it consists almost entirely of basic pieces with clean lines and a limited color palette, all of which spark joy, and I have never felt more stylish. I am not going to waste money on clothes like this that make me feel badly about myself.
Anonymous says
Well said. I’d also say that “spark joy” doesn’t mean a piece has to be fancy, amazing, and/or statement piece worthy. The joy can come from the ease it brings to your life.
rosie says
Yes, I agree. I’ll admit I haven’t taken a deep dive into Marie Kondo’s philosophy, but I thought “spark joy” was a little more dynamic.
anne-on says
Agreed this is one of those ‘I give up’ outfits. Which look, I have, but I try to reserve for dire emergencies. Simple clean classic pieces that coordinate and (ideally) are easy to care for (haaaaate dry clean only) are what I aim for in my normal work closet. This strikes me as kind of sad and dated.
That being said – WHY are blouses/sweaters that have some sort of interest but are work appropriate (no off the shoulder/see through nonsense) so hard to find? Any good finds at the Nordstrom sale ladies?
Anonymous says
JCrew Factory has some cute sweaters with bows and collars (not like the above – contrasting, different material) right now that are work appropriate and cute, IMHO.
anon says
Yeah this looks dated to me. Like something I would have worn in high school or college when I had way less fashion sense than I do know.
AwayEmily says
YES! totally a high school outfit.
Anon says
Yup I’m 33 and this style was popular in middle and high school.
Anonymous says
+1 polos all the rage in 2002-2005. And they never work for me because I’m a DD and polos make big breasts look bigger! They also give me linebacker shoulders.
ElisaR says
well said! also…. this looks good on the model because she’s size 0….. on me it would look even more broccoli-ish
Anonymous says
Aren’t all sweaters something you pair with pants and you immediately have an outfit? What’s so special about this one.
rosie says
This one will make anyone who looks at you and is familiar with HIMYM think “eye broccoli” and immediately brighten their day to recall a funny moment in a tv show.
dc anon says
Pardon the cross-post:
I have A Date coming up. Husband is planning a night out for us with dinner and drinks. We have two little kids and I cannot remember the last time we did this. So, what.do.i.wear?? I want to look nice but also comfortable. The usual guidance is jeans and a nice top, but I have no idea what is a nice going out top. Its cold, so I’d like to wear sleeves. Any advice? Links would be super helpful!
Anonymous says
Do you have a leather jacket? Extra Petite recently showed a jeans and leather jacket look with different shoes that was really cute.
Anon says
If this doesn’t add another thing on your to do list in a negative way and you can afford it, I’d suggest getting a sexy dress that you otherwise don’t have much of an occasion to wear. Normally, I’d say that this is bad advice and a waste of time and money but hear me out.
After going through failed fertility treatments I was bloated and miserable. We had to go to particular mall for a reason I don’t even remember now and I was just following along all bummed out. I decided to poke my head into White House Black Market and found this gorgeous tight cocktail dress that I could wear a normal bra with, showed tons of cleavage, was forgiving in the stomach and had rouching there. I tried it on just for fun and looked amazing. I showed my husband in a “wow, look at this, too bad we have nowhere to wear it way” and he was like buy it. We are going out tonight. Sushi and drinks. I actually felt sexy that night and got a piece of my self esteem back. I’m tearing up a bit thinking about it actually. It had been so long since I felt that way and otherwise just felt like my body was all about baby making.
My outfit was totally over the top for the restaurant we went to and I didn’t care. I felt great. So, since this sounds like an unusual event for you, don’t try to just make something out of what you have. Get something you feel awesome in.
If that just adds stress to your plate, ignore the advice. I wouldn’t have been able to handle going out and finding something sexy back then. Instead that something found me and I decided to rock it. That reminds me, I need to find an excuse to wear that again!
dc anon says
this is such a sweet and thoughtful comment, thank you. I teared up reading it, bc I’m still coming to terms with my new body…and its hard.
ElisaR says
i teared up reading this too! what a nice story.
IHeartBacon says
I teared up, too, because I remember how absolutely un-sexy I felt for a long long long (forever?) time during 5 years of fertility treatments and after our LO was born. My husband would never admit it to me – even if he had a gun pointed to his head- but I think he stopped seeing me as sexy too. I didn’t feel sexy so he didn’t see me that way either. I remember the first time I felt sexy in an outfit again. His eyes lit up when he saw me. And I felt flirty and giddy all night like a teenager. It felt amazing to be looked at like that again.
I 10000000000% agree that you should get a dress that you feel amazing in. Even the most evolved men go primal when they see a woman in a great dress.
Pogo says
This is beautiful and the kind of advice I come to this s1te for.
HSAL says
Exactly. That’s lovely.
IHeartBacon says
Also, not sure how much time you have before the date, but you may want to try Nordstrom’s Trunk Club service. You can tell your stylist what you’re looking for and she will mail you 10-12 options. There is a $25 styling fee but free return shipping. You can try everything in the privacy of your own home and they send someone to pick up the returns so you don’t even have to drop off your returns at the post office. I’m sure your stylist can find you something.
anon says
does anyone else ever lust for the pre-kid days when they could just spend the evening or weekend watching tv in their pjs cuddled up on the couch? i’ve always wanted to be a mom. i have 8 month old twins and often feel like i’m not really enjoying this parenting thing as much as i thought i would or as much as other people seem to. i definitely enjoy it more when i’m not alone with the kids (but would often still rather be curled up on the couch), but i do dinner and bedtime solo at least 4 nights a week. i’m already being treated for ppd/ppa. sometimes i just miss that pre-kid life and can’t believe i signed up to do this for the rest of my life!
Anon says
Aww, it’s hard with twins! And 8 months is such a hard age, or at least it was for me even with a single baby – she was newly mobile, teething (and having the resultant disrupted sleep) and eating solid foods 4-5 times a day but still not coordinated enough to not make a giant mess every time. You definitely did not sign up to watch mobile, messy infants for the rest of your life! In a couple of years they will be much more independent and able to play together, and it will be so much easier. Also, solo parenting 4 nights a week is a lot. If it’s not working for you, and it sounds like it isn’t, time for a serious conversation with your partner about how to change this situation. PPD/PPA is no joke and your partner should be figuring out how s/he can best support you, even if it involves a job change to a job with less travel.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Absolutely I would often rather just sit on the couch and watch TV/read a book rather than chase my toddler or deal with a crying baby. This is totally normal. Any parent who says they enjoy every minute of parenting is either lying or someone I can’t relate to.
And you have 8 month old TWINS who you solo parent multiple times a week! That is stressful and you need time to recharge from that. Any way you could get a sitter to come a couple of times a week, even just to keep you company? I find parenting so much better when my husband is there with me, even if we’re each on one kid.
I’m in the small kid trenches as well but just know that your parenting experience will change so much as they get older. You are not signed up for taking care of two small babies for the rest of your life. They will grow up, there will be hard times to come and there will be some amazing times to come.
Anonymous says
As a mom of twins, hang in there. It gets easier. You’re doing amazing. At 8 months I was lucky if I made it out of my pyjamas before DH came home and I definitely wasn’t solo parenting 4 evenings a week.
Can you get a mother’s helper to help with dinner/bedtime? A neighborhood teen who would help out for a couple hours.
For the downtime, we trade off weekend mornings. On Sundays, I’m ‘off’ and hide out in the master bedroom and sleep/read/watch tv until 11am or noon (used to be noon but we dialed it back to 11am around age 2). DH is ‘off’ on Saturday mornings but if you’re solo parenting a majority of the nights, it would be fair if you had time off on both mornings. I was nursing but DH just brought me the babies when they woke up, I nursed and then he took them downstairs. Whoever had the morning ‘off’, was ‘on’ for nap time and the person who got up in the morning could go for a coffee/run etc. Having guaranteed time off from parenting every week was key to my sanity.
rakma says
Yes, absolutely. I love my kids and, but I’d love to have a weekend to be on my own schedule, only take care of my own basic needs, and have an actual break.
The first year is hard. The first year x2 is harder. You’re doing huge amounts of work, it’s not unusual that you’d want a break. Also, huge amounts of parenting are unenjoyable. It’s monotonous and continuous, particularly if you are not a baby person. I liked the first two months of the newborn stage, and then I really like the preschool age. The stuff in between? Not my favorite.
Can you plan some time away? If not a whole weekend, can you take a day off from work but still have childcare? Can your husband take the kids out for an afternoon this weekend so you can lay on your couch for a few hours?
Solidarity says
Mom of twins here. Babies are tough. solo evenings 4/week is tough. Twin babies + solo evenings + PPD is a lot, so don’t be hard on yourself. If you can get some help, it’s worth the investment.
Also, it definitely gets better. It’s never easy, and new challenges emerge, but I found each stage so much more fun. And you’ll eventually gain some economies of scale with twins at around age two when they start playing with one another.
CPA Lady says
I had a MASSIVE breakdown about this when my daughter was 8 months old. I cried for about three days straight and wrote a huge dramatic entry about it in my journal that I laugh at when I go back and read it from time to time. I think that by 8 months the newness and adrenaline had worn off, and you are left with the weight of responsibility and the reality of how much your life has permanently changed. Around this time I had to tell a previously very good (childless) friend I couldn’t just do things on a whim and she got really angry at me and thought I was blowing her off, and it damaged our friendship. I had a really strong pre-kid identity of being very social and very career oriented. Both of those things had to go through some growing pains during the first few years of my daughter’s life, and I really wondered what the heck I had gotten myself into many many times. And I only had one “easy” baby, which is way way easier than twins. I can’t even imagine.
And I’m also here to tell you that it gets easier. Each year it gets easier. My daughter is 4.5 now and it is so much easier and so much better. Around the time she turned 3 I felt like I had mostly gotten my life back. I mean, yeah, it’s never going to be the same. But that’s okay. She can do stuff now. In little ways, incrementally, it got easier and easier over time. And my career has recovered and blossomed. And I’m able to do social things again. So yes, my life has permanently changed in some ways, but other hardships were just for a season.
ALSO. Some folks got all pearl clutchy when I admitted doing this, but it’s totally okay to once in a while take a vacation day and send your kids to daycare and sit on the couch alone in silence, or watch TV or do whatever you want. You can’t care for others if you literally never get a break for yourself.
Anon says
Cosign the advice for the vacation day. I have one “easy” kid, and not two, but I also solo parent about 4 days/nights a week and it is so much more draining than the non-solo parenting days. It gets better as they get older, but I definitely hand my daughter to my husband when he gets home and he is on kid duty for large, large chunks of time.
Anonparent says
Yes yes yes. Absolutely it is normal to feel this way. It will get better, even before your kids move out of the house. I think I felt like I was getting my life back around the time my youngest turned 5, but it was gradually getting better the whole time.
Aly says
I feel you. My kid is 2.5 (and I’m pregnant). I am alone with the kid more than 50% of the time. It is so much more fun when my husband is home! So, so much. I miss the evenings before kids when I could work out, read, hang out with friends, etc. There is real joy in parenting – at times. And there are real moments of frustration and exhaustion and not being my best self. So, are you normal? Absolutely. Working + twins is a tough gig. Cut yourself as much slack as you need.
OP says
thanks everyone! DH is amazing with the kids. He travels a bit for work, but often just works late, so he deals with them in the morning until the nanny arrives so I can stay in bed for a few more minutes. I’ve barely washed a bottle since they were born and he changes almost all diapers on the weekend. i really could not ask for a more hands on partner. It’s like I want time to hurry up and slow down at the same time bc we re definitely not having more. I was such a mess in the beginning that I feel like i didn’t really appreciate any of the newborn snuggles and didn’t spend enough time dressing them up or doing cute photo shoots. glad to know that what i feel is somewhat normal!
ifiknew says
Not OP, but thank you so much for all of you that take time to write such thoughtful responses. I feel a lot of us that are newer parents with first kid(s) under 2 often have the same questions and it’s so kind that people take the time to write these responses. It is so comforting and I hope I can return the favor as the kids get older.
Hang in there OP, I felt that way SO often and I only have one. My daughter is now almost 2 and while it’s still challenging, she also gives so much more back that it makes it far more enjoyable in my opinon. From reading here, I’m sure this will continue to be the case. My husband and I talk often about how much “easier” pre-kid life was. I think what you are feeling is 100000x normal.
Anonymous says
Also not OP, but I am also so thankful for these comments! I have one 8 month old and OP, I’ve been feeling similar to you lately as well :)
Pogo says
You’ve gotten some great advice, here are a couple more things:
1) give yourself a mental health day where nanny watches the babies and you don’t go to work. I’m trying to do this 1-2 times a year (baby steps), because it’s amazing.
2) go on a girl’s trip. I also try to do this a few times a year.
3) When you are full time parenting, you’re draining you tank. When you’re on empty you can’t parent and you get miserable. I try to do things that fill up my tank and (this is the key) I tell myself: you are filling your tank right now. Put the babies in the stroller and walk them around if they’re fussy and won’t chill – you can put on your favorite podcast and think, this is almost like a thing I’d do without babies, I am filling my tank. When they’re on the floor in the playpen, don’t rush around to do chores or kill yourself trying to interact – sit on the couch next to them sipping coffee and think, I’m filling my tank. It might only be 5 minutes before one of them starts screaming, but it’s 5 minutes you put back in your tank.
Hugs.
PinkKeyboard says
It really isn’t forever. They get so much easier in a bit. My 3.5 year old will spend an hour doing crafts at the kitchen table without me, the 1.5 year old can do like 20 minutes. The 3.5 year old will watch TV for an hour if I need time, she can go play, her and her sister will play cave in a closet for an hour while I watch TV and fold wash. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Plus, like a lot of other people said, I like kids. Not babies. I just kind of lived with babies until they got fun and could walk and talk and actually do things.
SC says
Yes. I love to curl up on the couch and read. It’s just not possible with kids unless another adult is consciously giving you that time and space. Sometimes I just want to stay late at work or go out for drinks or plan brunch with a friend without having to ask my husband (who already does 70% of the childcare) if he can watch the kid. (He always says yes, but the point is I don’t want to have to check in and ask.)
Things definitely get easier and more fun! My kid will turn 4 in a couple of months, and I’ve felt for about 6 months now that I have my life and identity back. He’s slightly more independent and will sit near us with art, puzzles, or play doh while my husband cooks and I do a few chores or just visit. If Kiddo is in a good mood, it’s fun to take him places (and not just kid places)–restaurants, errands, the pool, etc. Also, I’m not constantly being touched, and I’m actually nostalgic about the baby cuddles.
IHeartBacon says
Yes, I definitely enjoyed my solitude and independence before my son was born. Like one of the other posters, I was very career oriented and my career is currently undergoing growing pains because I am trying to give 100% at home and 100% at work. It’s hard for me to walk out the door at the end of the day at a set time to get home to my son when I still have unfinished work left on my desk. I used to stay at the office until 8 or 9 pm. Now I have a hard stop of 6:30. This has been a really hard adjustment for me and I often found myself asking in the first year of my son’s life if the trade off was worth it.
Now that my son is 2, he gives back so much love (hugs, kisses, hand holding, whispers he loves me in my ear as I’m carrying him to bed, etc) that it softens all the hard edges of parenting. At eight months, your twins are probably fleeing all the time (crawling away, etc) and you probably just feel like the hired help: all work and no appreciation. Or at least that’s how I felt at that stage. How you are feeling right now is real, justified, and common. I wish it was all talked about more.
Anonymous says
Twins are hard, especially when they’re that little and especially when you’re outnumbered. Mine just turned 2 and we’re finally at a place where I feel like it’s enjoyable to spend solo time with them instead of being stressful. (And yes, there are still times I wish I could just ignore them and curl up with a book, but less so than when they were tiny.)
Anonymous says
I will agree with what everyone else said and echo that it gets SO much easier. My 2 year old sleeps 7pm-7am so we get like 2-3 child-free hours every night. 30 mins of that is spent doing some cleaning up, but then we DO get to veg out in front of the tv. And when they have solid nap schedules you can do it during weekend naptime as well. Hang in there! The first year is insane and I can’t imagine how much that is multiplied with twins.
Anon says
It’s not just the sleeping though – I had a 12 hour sleeper + good napper from a very early age (I’m lucky, I know) and I still felt like 6 months to 18 months were very hard ages. Sure, I had an hour or two to myself after she went to bed or weekend naps, but whenever she was awake she was SO needy and I had to be hands-on with her for literally. every. minute. It really does get easier when they get more independent and can play alone, even if just for a few minutes.
Anonymous says
I totally agree! I just meant that now that she’s 2 PLUS the sleeping, things are a lot easier. Contrary to what most parents say we actually found things to be a lot easier once she started walking so she could follow us or go where she wanted faster than crawling. I do solo-parent a lot as well for days or weeks at a time so I know how exhausting it can be to be the only hands on deck.
K says
Good lord, it gets so much easier. Once they’re a bit older, THEY will want to be cuddled up on the couch watching their own TV show, and you can go to a separate TV and do the same. This is not forever, you’ve got this.
H13 says
I think about this a lot. I love my two kids (2 and 5) but it is exhausting. I love time to myself and miss the days of doing exactly what I want when I wanted. But you are most definitely in the trenches and it gets easier. When the 2 yo naps, I will often do my hobby of choice while my older child plays nearby and it is heavenly. Each year, I seemed to regain a piece of myself. For me, age two has been the tipping point for feeling a semblance of normalcy but as others have said, I feel like it gets better and easier each year. Hang in there. You are not alone in these feelings.
RR says
You haven’t signed up to do 8-month twins for the rest of your life. They get bigger, and eventually you do have time to lounge on the couch in your PJs again. My twins are 11 now, and I spend far too much time hanging out on the couch in my pajamas!
Another twin mom says
As a mom of 7 month old twins, YES. I love my babies dearly and wouldn’t trade them for the world, but still, what I wouldn’t give to sleep past 6 just once!
Anon says
For those of you who work 40 hours and have a nanny how do you handle hours? Do you stagger hand-off with a partner? Pay the nanny for overtime? My driving commute is normally only 15 minutes but it can be up to 30 minutes door to door. With a nanny working 9-5, I would only be in the office from about 9:20 to 4:30. I don’t see how this works without nanny overtime, but that seems ridiculous given that I “only” work 40 hours.
Anonymous says
Stagger hand off with a partner. Because of our schedules we had to work it out over a three week cycle but it’s set in stone and blocked in each of our outlook calendars. We very occasionally have to swap but it’s alway as 1:1 trade, not one person picking up for the other.
anne-on says
In order to cover 40 working hours out of the house, yes, you either need to stagger with your partner or increase your nanny’s hours to 50-60 hrs/week. I can see 40 hours working well with part time daycare or a school aged child but it just won’t cover two adults who work full time PLUS need to account for travel time.
Anonymous says
50-60 hours?!? That seems crazy. I work 40 hours so we pay our nanny for 45 to account for the commuting time, but why on earth would anyone who works 40 hours in a non-travel job need 60 hours of childcare?
Anonymous says
Also lol at 40 hours of care maybe being enough for a school age child. My friends with school age children only have 10-15 hours of extra care. You know the school day most places is over 30 hours a week, right? People who work 9-5 don’t need this kind of round the clock care (nor can they normally afford it).
AnotherAnon says
Because some of us have commutes? I live 2.5 miles from my work, and it sometimes takes me over an hour to get home, without even picking up my child, which is on the way. Signed, Millions of people live here.
Anon says
Ok but 8 hours in the office + 2 hours of commuting (which is objectively a lot, I think the average American commute is about half an hour each way) still is only 50 hours. I don’t know how you could need 60 if you work 40 hours. And since you have to pay time and a half for each extra hour, it’s $300+/week for an extra 10 hours. That’s…. a lot of money to most of the country.
Blueberries says
If you regularly have an hour commute for 2.5, and pick up your kid on your way home, may I suggest a family bike (also called a cargo bike or bakfiet)? They’re freaking awesome for not having to deal with traffic and parking.
Anonanonanon says
I have a 40-60 minute commute which is very average for my area. You’re operating under the assumption that everyone only has to spend 40 hours a week at their office….
Anon says
The OP’s question was specifically about working 40 hours per week. I was taking issue with the comment that said “in order to cover 40 working hours out of the house…(you need to) increase your nanny’s hours to 50-60 hrs/week.” Obviously there are plenty of people work much more than 40 hours.
Seafinch says
We also pay a few hours of overtime. Not much, basically 47.5 I work 40 hours and leave at 0715 and get home at 1645.
Anonymous says
We pay overtime. I work 8-8.5 hours, DH is out of the house for almost 9. Nanny works 830-545 every day.
rosie says
Yes, you 100% need more coverage than you actually work. We are in a 8-6 nanny share, so that’s 10 hrs overtime/week. I work 9-5 with approx a half hour commute, spouse often works from home but is basically always on. I also like having some overlap in the morning to finish getting ready alone after the nanny arrives, as well as flexibility to stay a little later if needed.
ElisaR says
most people i know with full time nannys have them for about 55 hours a week. Then again, I don’t know many people with 9-5 jobs.
Anon says
We have a nanny for only 40 hours/week. Her salary is $35,000 and we can’t afford much more than that. Because of overtime laws, to have her even 45 hours a week would be almost an additional $10k annually. (For reference I make $50k, which is about $30k after taxes in our joint income bracket. And yes, I know a nanny is a shared expense not a “me expense” but it does not make sense to either of us to pay a nanny considerably more than I bring home, and we couldn’t we afford to pay much more without cutting back significantly in other areas, which we don’t want to do.) We stagger; I meet the nanny at 9 am and then go into work, my husband goes in early and is home at 5 to relieve the nanny.
Anon says
I have one friend that cut down on nanny time because the nanny lived near the mom’s work so baby commuted with the mom and the nanny. That only works if baby loves the car though otherwise it’s pretty stressful. So if mom worked 9-5, mom drove baby to work, met nanny at 9 and then nanny drove back to mom’s house with baby. Nanny’s last half hour of work was driving baby back to mom’s work for 5 and then mom drove the baby home. I think her commute was a half hour so this saved 5 hours/week of paid time. Baby didn’t just stay at the nanny’s as her apartment wasn’t set up for a daycare. It also meant baby was spending 2 hours/day in the car but her baby didn’t seem to mind it.
To be clear, she paid the nanny her commuting time since she had the baby with her. So it was a win for the nanny in a sense too. It meant baby was in care 9-5 instead of 8:30-5:30.
Anonymous says
This is a great solution. At least until age 3 my kids actually loved short car rides and even now they still enjoy looking for big trucks or police cars or excavators along the road.
Anon says
Counterpoint: my 8 month old does not love the car, hasn’t since she was about 4 months, and would hate this. It’s two 1 hour car rides, that’s not exactly a short car ride. Also driving is statistically the most risky thing most of us do every day, so I would not be enthusiastic about baby doing all this unnecessary driving.
Anonymous says
As long as baby doesn’t hate it, I would definitely take the minimal extra risk in exchange for an extra hour of time with my kid every day. Especially once they can talk, it’s great to hear about their day before you have to start dinner prep etc.
SC says
We paid OT. We kept our nanny to around 40 hours per week by having my husband work Tues-Sat, while I worked Mon-Fri. Then our nanny worked 8:30-6:30, Tues-Fri, with potential for asking her to come early or stay late (and us paying OT) if necessary. Obviously, this solution doesn’t work for everyone, but DH had a non-office job in an industry where weekend shifts are common. I was alone with baby Saturday, which meant I wasn’t available to work on Saturdays, but I almost always worked Sundays. DH was alone with baby for at least part of Sunday and all day Monday. DH and I didn’t see each other much that year.
Anonymous says
I don’t think 40 hours of any childcare is feasible for two full time working parents who aren’t staggering schedules. My kids are in daycare, but it’s 5 minutes from my house and 40 minutes from work, so even if I’m only physically at work 8-4, my kids are in care 7:15-4:45, which works out to almost 48 hours a week.
Anon says
I only work 30-32 hours/week, but our nanny typically works 35 hours to allow for commuting time. My commute is short (15 minutes), but this allows us some time to debrief in the mornings and afternoons on what’s going on with kiddo. I also like that it gives me a little cushion in terms of when I have to leave the office.
Anon says
I thought there was an exception to time and a half overtime in the FLSA for nannies? Do you all live in states that require time and a half for nannies at 40 hours a week? Or are you talking about “overtime” but really just mean paying for the additional hours at straight time rates?
Anon says
I’m not a L&E attorney, but I believe the FLSA requires time and a half for every hour over 40 for non-exempt employees. I don’t know of any nanny exception, and everyone I know pays 1.5 salary for every hour over 40. We all pay on the books though, maybe if you pay under the table a nanny will accept no overtime pay because they don’t have to pay taxes.
Anon says
Live-out nannies aren’t exempt from FLSA overtime wage provisions.
ThirdJen says
Toddler potty training question – my 3.5 year old daughter is completely pee-trained, even at night. But the girl just will not poop on the potty. She’s always used our adult sized potties, doesn’t say she’s scared to poop, but holds it in for days and then expels a softball at night, which wakes her up and she’s angry about it. (I would be too in her shoes)
We’ve watched Daniel Tiger ad nauseum. We’ve talked about how everyone poops on the potty, her family, her idols, even real life princesses. No dice. We’ve spiked her food with mineral oil on the advice of her pediatrician, which made the nighttime stools softer but didn’t solve the problem. Putting her feet up on a stool has no effect. Asking her to poop on the potty leads to hysterical tears and shrieking “but I don’t have to! I don’t need to! I don’t want to!”
Please help. Her brother was nothing like this and I am so tired of cleaning up human poo.
CPA Lady says
1. Put her in pull ups overnight until this is resolved.
2. Daily miralax at a high enough dose that she can’t hold it and is going every night. She needs to learn that pooping is not painful. She currently probably associates it with pain because that is what it has been for a long time.
3. Bribery/rewards for at first just sitting on the toilet and trying — make a big deal about her trying, and then each time she goes.
4. She needs to be sitting on the toilet and trying at a consistent time each day. Since your kid poops at night, having her sit after dinner or right before bed might work with her natural rhythm.
5. Have the doctor talk to her about the importance of trying to go poo, so it’s not just coming from you.
6. This is the hardest one – do not react emotionally in any way no matter what happens. Nothing will turn it into a power struggle faster than that.
7. The book “Softy the Poop” helped bring some humor back into a frustrating situation. It’s written by a child psychologist who works specifically with kids with GI problems.
Good luck, it really sucks.
Anon says
Cosign. I’ve been the parent begging my kid to poop in the toilet, the potty, a pull-up, the bath, absolutely anything. Spoiler: it didn’t work.
Miralax is your friend, at least in the short term. If she’ll do it, also daily smoothies with prunes/flax seed blended in.
Another book is “It hurts when I poop.”
Anonymous says
My youngest struggled with this. What helped was stool softener so it wouldn’t be painful plus teaching him yoga breathing like ‘in through the nose, and out through the mouth’, I would do the breaths with him and usually that would help his muscles relaxed enough to let it go. Rule was he had to sit and do ten breathes in and out with me and he could get up if it didn’t work, but it usually did.
AwayEmily says
Every kid is SO different when it comes to this but what worked for our very similar withholding/poop-anxious kid was a combination of (1) Miralax/suppositories to make sure she didn’t get stopped up and (2) completely ignoring the issue. Basically, our anxiety was spiking her anxiety, which made for a horrible spiral. So if she started acting like she had to poop we’d ignore it and keep doing whatever we were doing, without moving to help her or anything else. If she pooped in her diaper at night we would clean it up without saying anything. If she had an accident we would calmly say “poop goes in the potty, not in your underwear” and then drop it.
I will caveat this by saying it was REALLY HARD. Like, when your kid starts making “I’m about to poop” signs, it takes a LOT OF EFFORT to not immediately pick her up and rush her to the toilet. And if she starts crying that her poop is going to hurt it’s hard not to try and convince her otherwise. And if she poops in her underwear it’s difficult not to use it as a big “teaching moment” about the importance of going in the potty. But after about a week of this, when she realized we really did not seem to care, she just started pooping in the potty, NBD. We just had to trust her.
It sounds like your kid is similar — she has the mechanics down. She knows it’s important. She knows what she’s supposed to do. She’s just getting really anxious about it. This might help solve this.
AGAIN, all kids are different so maybe bribery or books will work magic for your daughter — those made no difference for ours, nor did allowing phone use on the potty, etc. I don’t think there’s any one “right” solution but this is what worked for us.
Canadian says
Gift ideas for an 8 year old girl? She is not local to us so I have no idea what she is into. Bonus points for prime-able. Thanks!
octagon says
Hamilton libretto
Jewelry-making kit
“experience” gift, like GC to paint-your-own-pottery place for her and a friend
SC says
Temporary hair dye kits (the fun colors that wash out right away).
No bonus points, and it takes some time to order, but a unicorn sequin pillow was a big hit with my niece. I bought hers from Chevron Cottage on Etsy. (If it’s too late, maybe for Christmas.)
Anonymous says
Lip Balm Lab or Bath Bomb Lab kit. Available on Prime. MindWare is the brand I’ve given.
Anonymous says
Daycare question in DC — what happens after you pay $$ to put your name on a waitlist? I put my name on three waitlists and paid for each one two months ago and have heard nothing back. Since I won’t need care for at least 9 more months, I’m not that concerned yet, but wanted to know what I should expect. Thanks!
Anon says
Nothing if you don’t follow up, and also likely nothing until right before you need it. (Especially if you’re talking about places in DC proper).
Call every two months to see where you are on the list, make sure your favorite spot knows they’re your favorite, and ask them for specifics on the details of their waitlist. It’s awful out there, good luck.
Signed, Bright Horizons told me from October-August I had a spot in September, and then I didn’t.
Anonymous says
Most centers do not advise of vacancies months in advance. Sometimes it is because they are waiting to see when kids are ready to move up to the next level. At others it is because some firms pay for priority in admissions. Also, know the rules for each center. Do you need to contact every x months or they assume you do not want a spot?
Anon. says
Regardless of what they say their policy is, definitely follow up several times if you really want a spot. My son is still on the waitlist at about 4 places, aka we never heard from them, and he turned 9 this year. We only definitively heard from the places where we inquired (and this included large corporate centers, such as BH).
octagon says
Make sure you know the fine print of the waitlist details. One list we were on required an expression of interest every 60 days or you’d lose your spot. It’s probably not a bad idea to just email once every 2 months anyway to say hi, still interested, still looking for a spot in Month, thanks! And then once the baby comes, let them know that baby has arrived, and yes you are still hoping for a spot.
Good luck!
rosie says
Our limited experience in DC was that you need to reach out. We were on a BH waitlist and ended up not needing it b/c we went the nanny share route, so we did not reach out at all. We got an email from them about a week or two into when we had said we were needing care confirming we were not still interested.
ElisaR says
Just a cute story I wanted to share: getting ready this morning I was doing my makeup and my 2.5 yr old asked “Mama what that called?” I replied “Mascara” and he got VERY excited. He said “we have that at school!!” I was like “um, you do?” after a little back and forth showing my confusion he (still very excitedly) said “yes we have 2 MISS SARAHS at my school!”
it just cracked me up. Then I brought his brother and him to school and realized I forgot his shoes and had to go home (thank you snow boots). Then I got to work and realized my cell phone was at home and had to go get that. so that’s the kind of day i’m having now…..
GCA says
Aww, that’s hilarious and cute! My 3yo watches intently whenever I do my makeup. I once let him have some shimmery eyeshadow and he immediately daubed it on his forehead. Whatever floats your boat, kid.
I’m sorry you’re having A Day. (How about some chocolate and coffee?) We need another funny story thread!
shortperson says
i got these great felt compacts on etsy for my daughter, and we give them as gifts now.
H13 says
Care to share the link? I have a 2 yo who likes to put on makeup with me every day before work. He calls it “pat-pats.”
shortperson says
store is called “loopsforlittles” we also have and recommend their felt potato chips, bandaids and baby wipes and diapers.
Pogo says
Checking this out now. My 18mo likes to play with my makeup as well. Today he tried to put it on the cat. Sigh.
anon says
Silly question but how worried should I be about new baby waking our toddler? DD will be 2.5 when DS is born (though I expect DS will stay in our room for 6-8 weeks), and we’re debating how to set up rooms. We have two extra rooms right now so there will be one spare room left after DS is born. Should we move DD so that the spare room is in between their two rooms in hopes it will minimize noise? I’m not that concerned about it (I know lots of kids share rooms without this being an issue) but my DH is paranoid about it.
Anon says
I don’t think noise will be an issue unless they’re sharing a room. I would not move your older child, a new baby is a lot of change and you don’t want the change of a new room at the same time.
Anonymous says
Don’t move older child, introducing a new baby is enough change. Any noise benefit will be minimal. You can always move later if she complains that she gets woken a lot. Also, we kept youngest baby in our room twice as long as the oldest so if that happens with you, baby may be sleeping longer stretches before moved closer to older kid anyway.
AwayEmily says
Make sure that there is a loud white noise machine by the toddler’s door (not all noise machines are equal on that front — our Lectrofan is much louder than our Dohm’s loudest setting). Also remember that newborns aren’t as loud as older babies.
But in terms of anecdata, we have a very small house and our toddler was never woken up by the baby, either when he was in our room (right next to the toddler’s room) or in his own room (across the hall from the toddler). We also had a white noise machine in the baby’s room once we moved him in there.
HSAL says
You should be zero worried unless your toddler is an insanely light sleeper. Don’t move her. We moved my twins into their room right next door to our 3 year old at 4 months and they’ve never woken her up. I’d still recommend a white noise machine to muffle any sounds though.
GCA says
Echoing everyone else to say don’t move older child! My older kid is a good candidate for world’s worst sleeper, we all share a room and use a white noise machine, and somehow he manages to sleep through a few minutes of the baby grumbling/ full-on crying in the middle of the night before we hustle her out into the living room.
Anonymous says
Wait and see? With our older kid we always let him fuss s but when he woke at night, before we went in, but unfortunately current baby DOES wake up preschooler (who needs sleep desperately for various reason) so… no “le pause” for current baby. If I had an option to put them farther apart I would — bedrooms are next to each other. Older kid freaks out if we try to put a white noise machine in his room.
Anon says
This is probably a really stupid question, but how do daycare waiting waitlists work for non-infants? My 11 month old is on a bunch of waitlists, hoping to start this summer. But the daycares in our area move babies to a toddler room when they start walking, it’s not a strict age cutoff. My daughter is not walking yet and could walk any time between now and the early fall (based on her general physical development and family history, I’d guess it will be on the later side of that but you never know). Basically I guess I’m confused about how the daycare is counting her – is she on infant waitlists? Toddler waitlists? Both? Will they give us an infant spot and she won’t be able to move to a toddler room until another spot opens up? Will we lose a spot in the toddler room if they offer us one when she’s not yet walking and we can’t accept it?
AwayEmily says
That’s so interesting about when they move babies — at ours it has to do with staff ratios (the ratio changes at 18 months so basically anyone under that is an infant).
Anonymous says
You could call a daycare and ask, but in my experience the lines between rooms are a little more blurred so it will probably work out fine. I’d guess they have her on the infant room list until she starts walking (so maybe let them know when that is). If she was there now she likely wouldn’t instantly switch rooms the day she takes her first steps because there will still be ratios to work out, so some kids probably stay in the infant room for a bit even after they walk.
EB0220 says
In my experience it tends to work pretty well for non-babies because usually the ratios get less restrictive as they get older so theoretically a few more spots should be available in the 1 year old room than babies they have in the infant room if that makes sense.
Anon says
That makes sense – I had not thought about the ratios.
Paging Looking to quit being superficial says
I schedule time on my calendar for “community” type events and highlight them in orange (I highlight my workouts in green). That way I can flip through and see what I have scheduled that’s not an obligation – it’s something “enriching” I’m doing for myself. Some examples are: church, a mom’s group, volunteering, networking, alumni events. I also like the reward of highlighting the item on my calendar but maybe that’s just my organization OCD – its like, Look! I did something! For fun and happiness!
Hair says
Ever since I weaned, I noticed my hair is super dry and frizzy. Query whether it was like that pre-weaning and I just didn’t have the time to notice it. I’m now 18 months post-partum. I blow dry my hair maaaybe once a month – it used to airdry nicely (i.e., no frizz and be soft) with a light wave. I’ve switched off of my 10+ year staple Biolage Conditioner (the deep conditioning balm) to the Living Proof no frizz conditioner and I add a smidge of the living proof no frizz leave-in conditioner post-shower to help cut down on frizz, but I am not seeing a lot of improvement. I’m taking prenatals (and have been for 2 months) because we’re TTC again. Is this just mid-30s hair (I’m 32)? Is it post-partum? What is going on? Particularly grating because my hair is the one part of my body I have always been consistently happy with.
Anonymous says
No advice, but sympathy. After my second kid, my hair decided it was curly. But only in the back. I’m blaming hormones.
SC says
It may be post-partum. When I was pregnant, I stopped shedding, and my hair got super thick. Then at some point, lots and lots of hair fell out at once. A few months after that, I had tons of new growth, and all the short pieces made my hair look super frizzy. My stylist told me this is common ,and the only solution was to wait for my hair to grow out.
Redux says
Ok this is petty because I know the answer is, “This doesn’t affect you; just look away” but one of my friends has been posting on FB “Your weekly [Baby]/week [number]” with a set of 4-5 pictures of her kid every week since her baby was born. Baby turned 1 last week and I assumed that these postings would end. But this morning I see she has posted a new crop of pics of her kid, week 53. When will it end?!?!
Anon says
Hahahaha. And I thought the people who do monthly updates were bad! Oh dear.
Redux says
We did a monthly update for the first year, which I felt a little sheepish about, but it was one picture a month and ended at 12 months. I’m just wondering how many weeks they can keep this up! Once you move from 52 to 53 weeks, what is the natural stopping point? 100? NEVER?!
Anonymous says
I’d unfollow and assume it’s aimed at stemming the tide of pic requests from grandmas/aunties. Everybody and their grandma is on FB these days so it’s become the default way to share pics with older family members over emails.
Anon says
+1
Anonymous says
Wow. We did monthly updates for the first year and sporadic photos since then, because we have far away friends who like to see them, but daily/weekly photos for grandparents, etc. are all on a different app, not my main FB page.
HSAL says
We’re soul sisters, Redux. Yesterday I was telling someone about my friend with twins who has posted more pictures of her twins this month than I have posted in the 8 months since they were born.
Cb says
Weekly? That’s a lot. I still do a monthly instagram post but mostly because I’m hoping it’ll serve as fodder for the baby book I’m going to update at some point.
Mrs. Jones says
Hide her posts on FB.
SC says
I’ll admit, I’ve never seen a Week 53 photo. I tried to take monthly photos. To be honest, our nanny usually ended up reminding me. One month, our baby had 3 stickers on his onesie–7, 8, and 9 month photo!
Anon says
I’m impressed by their consistency, TBH. I don’t post much on social media but I have friends that do and I enjoy seeing the posts for the most part. If it gets to be too much I unfollow – but unless you’re trying to sell me isagenix or something, I generally don’t see why people get all judgey about kid pictures.
Anon says
Because it’s overexposing your kids. The occasional photo is one thing, but your kid does not need weekly photos and updates about her behavior broadcasted to hundreds of people her parents don’t know that well. She may be a baby now, but someday she’ll grow up and she may not be happy about what you said about her online.
https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2019/02/when-kids-realize-their-whole-life-already-online/582916/
Anon says
I can see why it would be bad to post embarrassing (or even just personal) stories, etc. but I don’t think posting a “sue is 53 weeks old” is what the article is talking about. (And I rarely post photos of my kids and never any acedotes, etc., so this isn’t me being defensive.)
Anonymous says
Making decisions about how much info to put online is totally analogous to how parents control a million other aspects of their children’s lives. However, sharing tons of photos is such a non-essential thing (and something I attribute to vanity more than audience demand), and you have so little control once something is on the internet, it just seems to me like strange decision to make. Who knows how your kid will feel about having a ton of early photos floating around the internet when he/she is old enough to choose for himself, but I think most people will not grow up and think, “I wish my mom had broadcast my baby photos SO MUCH MORE than she actually did!” It just feels most respectful of your kid’s future self to err on the side of being less public.
Anon says
Fair enough, and that’s a good reason not to post tons of photos of your own kids (which I don’t). But I don’t understand the point of continuing to follow someone on social media while complaining and judging them for what they post.
I guess this is hitting a nerve with me because I’m so tired of people policing other people’s parenting. The whole mom judgment thing is just exhausting to me.
Anon. says
I have a FB friend who made it a full 104 weeks. And then continued on with monthlys. I feel like I should start a pool on how long the weeklys will continue with baby #2.
GCA says
I’m not sure if it does end. I have an acquaintance who still does weeks *and* days on what I believe is a public Instagram account (!) – I think we’re at 65 weeks 4 days now. Cracks me up every time. Unfollowed after the first, like, 32 weeks of this but I have to go over there and check if she’s still doing it. (Yes.)
Anon says
No. Stop. These people exist!? I’m so glad I don’t know any of them.
Redux says
Oh noooooo! I have to admit that I tear up at those stories that go around every now and again about a lifelong video project that captures stills of a person over the course of their life. Probably my friend and yours will do something brilliant and artistic and emotional with all these pictures. Probably…
Anonymous says
65 weeks?!? omg. This is why people make fun of moms being like “makayleigh is 87 months old today!!”
Anon says
Makayleigh. I’m dying.
AnotherAnon says
The one person I know who posts excessive photos and updates of her “hashtag two under two” 1) is lonely and 2) is a one-upper. I feel kinda bad for her but we’re not close anymore so I don’t need to hear how her 1.5 y/o son is studying for the LSAT while teaching sign language to his infant sister who started STTN at 3 hours old. Unfollow!
Anonymous says
Does the baby attend Los Feliz Daycare?
Feeling Stuck says
Hi. I’m looking for advice on either reframing this issue, or how to best manage it, or something. Not quite sure yet but please bear with me. My husband and I have worked relatively opposite schedules for the past 6-7 years (he often works evenings into late night, while I have a more standard schedule). We’ve always managed to make it work, but about two years ago we had our first child. I realized that as our baby grew up, if the trend continued, we would basically never have family meals together. I broached the topic and was basically told that this was his industry and his choice, and I was being a bit too traditional and white picket fence about the future. About five months ago, he accepted a much more demanding role. He currently averages 65-70 hours a week at work–we knew going in that it would be demanding but it came with a pretty big pay and title increase that we thought would justify it in the short term. Now, there seem to be constant emergencies that keep his schedule in flux so I’m not even sure what days of the week I can expect to see him. I’ve slowly started taking over the majority of daycare duties, in addition to doing solo evenings and morning wake-ups about 5/7 days a week. This is wearing on me – a lot. I’m also 6 months pregnant and pretty emotional! I know we need to have a discussion but I’m leery about starting one because he’s likely to immediately say: well, I’ll quit (he’s legitimately pretty miserable) and for the moment, we really need the money he’s bringing in. He’s had job instability in the past and quitting without anything lined up, after being let go from his last job after less than a year, seems very risky to me. I’m also, if I’ll be honest, scared that he is going to reiterate – this is the industry. And it is, he’s not wrong. I don’t feel like I can demand he consider other career paths because I’d be furious if he did the same to me. So I feel stuck. And sad when I consider what a great father he is and how little he gets to spend time with our lovely toddler. And nervous when thinking about the second baby. It’s pretty clear that he would switch jobs after I return from maternity leave because this is unsustainable for us – so should I just stick it out for the next 6 months (3 months of work then maternity leave)? How do I avoid being so angry all the time when I feel like he doesn’t even see how much I’m carrying our family, when I know that he’s exhausted and stressed and sleep deprived too?
Anon says
Is the money enough to buy some more help for you? It won’t solve the fact that your kid doesn’t see dad that much, but if he really does plan on switching jobs in six months, that part will shake out in the long term. In the short term, it sounds like you are burnt out, and he’s not realistically able to take on more of the burden, so you need to find some other way to get help. I’d start with looking for a babysitter to come on a regular schedule 2 nights/week. Or, if you don’t want to give up the time with your kid, hire someone to come over a few times a week to make dinner and clean/tidy, so that all you have to do when you get home is the childcare piece of things.
anon says
what industry is he in? i will say that growing up we at dinner as a family 5-6 times a week. at least 4 nights during the week and one weekend night. i totally thought this is how everyone’s lives worked, but now have come to realize it was kind of a unicorn situation. there is no way that is going to happen with my family because DH often has to work late and travels and our kids eat super early. mine are still super little, but i am hoping that as they get older and eat dinner a bit later (ie not at 5:30pm), we can try to eat as a family at least 3 times a week. and maybe that means a saturday brunch instead of dinner wednesday night. if your DH often works in the evenings and so is not around during the bedtime routine, can DH take over some mornings so he sees kiddo. in terms of you feeling burnt out – agree with the hiring some help if possible or if you have family nearby or on the days DH isn’t working, i know he is stressed and tired, but so are you, so maybe you can try to take a few hours to yourself? let DH do bedtime solo one night? i agree that DH just quitting does not seem like the best solution. i do not know what industry he is in, but is there any way for him to take a step back? i realize that might come with a pay cut, but it sounds like things were at least manageable for your family prior to this new role
rakma says
This all sound like a lot!
Can you separate out the bigger picture job stuff (the industry, the potential of instability) from the current childcare stuff? Right now, you’re pregnant and have a toddler, and doing a majority of the work around childcare. That’s a lot, and you probably need some help. Can you have that conversation with out talking directly about future job plans? Together, can you identify some things he can do to help you, or where you can find room in the budget for hired help or what favors you can ask from friends and family?
You mention family dinners, which I think might just be a marker of your husband not being home much right now. But I will say, my dad worked shifts, and we didn’t have regular family dinners for most of my life. We still have a great relationship, it just developed at other times. I think you should focus on getting through the next 6 months, and since your husband is miserable, encourage him to look for other opportunities.
CR says
What if you raised this topic with DH as “let’s make a plan for long-term sustainability.” This could include hiring some help/deploying a grandparent to get you some regular support. It could include some re-education or work maneuvering for DH so that a year from now he has some other options. Regarding the fear of DH’s job insecurity — which I really empathize with — do you think this feeling might be magnified due to an amped up need for feeling secure and safe with your pregnancy? That was true for me. But 1-2 years post-partum I was much more at ease.
Anon says
Does anyone do a lot of international travel with your babies and can tell me what you did about MMR vaccination? My ped says baby should just have a dose at 12 months and then another dose in elementary school, but the CDC says babies that travel internationally should get 1 dose between 6-11 months and then vaccinated again after the first birthday with two doses. https://wwwnc.cdc.gov/travel/diseases/measles
I know the MMR is a good vaccine for immunity even after a single dose (compared to say flu or something where a very large percentage of vaccinated people will still get sick) but I’m still uncomfortable not following the CDC recommendations. My ped said we didn’t need to worry about it unless we were traveling to the developing world (which we don’t) but we do go to Europe, which still has endemic measles. The CDC doesn’t seem to distinguish between Europe and less developed regions in terms of preventative measures (of course survival rates if you do get sick are better in more developed places). So I think my ped is kind of confused/misinformed and am wondering how hard I should push this.
Anon says
Did you take him/her a copy of the CDC guidelines? For whatever reason I think doctors tend to do better when they can see something rather than having to go look it up.
I’d push pretty hard on this, personally.
anne-on says
I’d push. Measles are not necessarily deadly but the side effects of a bad case on a young child are still pretty horrifying. I got an MMR booster when I went to Germany (son was much younger) at the CDC’s recommendation and my primary care doc was shocked that it was suggested. I recall him leaving the room to google it and being SO surprised I was right (wtf dude? did you think I totally wanted a random MMR jab out of nowhere?). Also FYI – most adult doctor’s offices don’t care it, the CVS chain near us does, but our pediatrician’s office said they’d vaccinate me and my son at the same time given my travel.
Anon says
We did not travel outside the country between 6 and 11 months, but did go to Europe at 3 months and again at 15 months. We got the two-dose vaccination before the second trip.
PinkKeyboard says
Could you see a travel doctor? They would be more informed on the travel aspects and (honestly) are going to do whatever you want to take your money.
Anon says
Unfortunately the travel clinic in my city does not see children under 2 (for liability reasons? Because kids under that age don’t need travel-specific shots like Typhoid? I don’t know. But I called and they said children need all shots at the pediatrician before that age.)
Anonymous says
We did MMR at 12 months and 4 years which is the schedule in my Cdn province. They’re not considered full vaccinated until they’ve had both. We go to Europe every year.
Not sure the risk in Europe is really much worse than in Portland etc. Especially on vacation, you are not likely to be around groups of unvaccinated kids. Most outbreaks are related to groups of unvaccinated kids in schools.
Anon says
Fair points. But we don’t live in Portland and I think it’s standard for pediatricians to offer the shots earlier/more frequently when there’s a local outbreak – I would definitely be begging for them if we lived in Portland! Mostly I just find it weird (and vaguely racist) that my ped keeps being like “It’s a major city in Europe, not rural Africa.” I think there is more measles in European capitals than in rural Africa….so that makes me sort of not trust anything she says on this.
Redux says
Yeah, that’s not so vaguely racist. I would get a new ped.
Anonymous says
Our hmo recommends mmr vaccine for any international travel between 6-11 months. Definitely ask for it!! I was able to get my 6 mo old vaccinated because we live in pnw where there is an outbreak. Was it strictly necessary? Maybe not, but I still feel better since I work in healthcare and have a decent chance of being exposed myself.
anon says
at what age can kids actually learn to swim? i know you can often enroll your kid in swim classes as a baby/toddler, but at what age do kids really get anything out of the classes?
Anon says
I don’t think “learning how to swim” is synonymous with “get anything out of the classes.” Kids as young as 2, maybe even younger, can certainly get something out of the classes in they get comfortable in the water and learn a bit about water safety. I don’t know many kids younger than 4 that can swim well, and for most kids independent swimming is a skill they master around 5-6.
mascot says
We didn’t do formal classes, but did get our kid in the water as much as possible from 9months on and we worked on the skills they did in classes. He could pretty much swim by 3.5-4. (As in, jump off the side, swim to steps/wall, float independently, etc). By 5-6, he started summer swim team so he could learn more strokes and get some endurance. We live near the water and I was a lifeguard in college so water safety is a fundamental skill for us. I’d say these ages were pretty normal for our area given the water situation.
shortperson says
my daughter started 2 lessons per week at 31 months for eight months (outdoor pool) and they stuck when we started again four months later in the spring (thank you southern california). we didnt start before then bc i didnt want to bother if she was going to forget. we had a special ($$$) teacher with experience working with 2-3 year olds and it was great. before that we had a teacher who was experienced with 4-5 year olds and she was useless.
kids will definitely learn faster if you wait until they are about 4. but we are constantly in/near pools (thank you southern california) and she seemed at dangerous age at 2.5 where i was worried she’d jump in and drown.
Anonymous says
Learning to swim is ~3+. My kid started to swim like a fish at 4.5.
Swim lessons for kids younger than that are about survival and being comfortable in the water. Even “Water babies” type classes are great for 6+ month olds– get in, get your face wet, splash around, etc. My 2 year old hasn’t done formal lessons yet, but I took her in the water when my older one had lessons and we practiced blast-offs, monkey crawling on the walls, floating, holding breath, etc. She even lets me dunk her.
Anon says
We started DD at 2 and will probably start the next kid at 6 months-a year. Weekly half-hour classes at an indoor pool, year round. Obviously not learning to swim at young ages, but the benefits we’ve noted (with DD) are:
– Developing general comfort and familiarity with being in the water, so we won’t have to cross that hurdle with a toddler or older child.
– Learning pool rules (don’t jump to an adult in the pool unless there is eye contact and they invite you, don’t run around the pool, etc.)
– For us, learning how to hold/encourage DD in the pool.
– At 3, lessons became 2-kids-1-instructor vs. parent in pool. DD is less clingy with the instructor than with her parents, so more willing to put her head underwater for extended periods of time, etc.
Anon says
Comment in mod below, but will add to this that my 18 MO can climb out of the pool herself if she is within reach of the edge (hopefully a safety benefit were she ever to fall in at least if she falls in near the edge).
DLC says
I think I depends on your kid and your persistence. I have friends who live in Florida where a lot of people have backyard pools and her kid was swimming independently by the time he was 2.5. They hired a private swim instructor and also spent a lot of time with their kid in the pool. granted, he wasn’t doing formal swimming strokes, mostly doggy paddling, but the point wasn’t to master strokes.
On the other hand, I’ve put my kids in once a week water baby classes and most of the classes were geared towards teaching the parents tips, techniques and activities to do with your kid to get them comfortable in the water.
Anon says
My 18 month old goes to once a week swim lessons at our local gym – I grew up near the ocean and want her learning to swim as soon as possible (and we spend a lot of time at the pool as a family). She hates the water where she can’t touch, but is increasingly gaining confidence in wading into deeper water where she can still touch. She even blew a bubble this week (quite the victory after a year of screaming bloody murder any time her face got near the water)! The biggest skill I think she has learned is how to climb out of the pool from the side without assistance – the thought is that if she were to actually fall in, assuming she was lucky enough to fall within reach of the edge, she would be able to hopefully either cling to the side or crawl out. I was also pleasantly surprised that when she fell over in (her) chest deep water this week, she managed to stay on her back and kick her feet a bit to keep her head above water (at least for the less than 30 seconds it took for me to grab her and plop her back upright) without immediately panicking. Certainly not a replacement for diligent supervision, but building water skills is important to me.
SC says
I grew up in Florida and have friends there. It seems like everyone has a pool in their backyard. I’ve seen multiple videos of babies under a year old learning to flip onto their back and swim to the edge, so it’s a thing. From what I understand, they get private instructors to give daily lessons for a few months, which is a big commitment (but maybe worth it if you and everyone you know has a pool).
We started my kid in swim classes at 9 months and have done them off and on since. He started swimming last summer at 3, but I still doubt that he’d survive jumping or falling in without an adult nearby. We’ll do swim lessons again this summer, and I imagine there will be a pretty big leap in proficiency since we swim all the time in the summer.