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Sales of note for 3.28.24
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
Anonymous says
So, I feel like this has been discussed so much recently, but I’d really love some reasonable folks to weigh in on this for me. My brain is lockdown fried, and I can’t think straight. Background: we live in a fairly rural area of the Midwest. My town is 23,000, and our county is about 45,000. My county has been hit fairly hard with Covid (think meatpacking plant 25 miles away) but (knock on wood) is on a flattening trend over the last few weeks, and we are a red state, meaning some restrictions are lifted. I had a breakdown last night and told DH that I just can’t go on like this for more than a few more weeks – full time job with billable hours, childcare (one four year old), it is just too much. I am at my breaking point. We tentatively agreed to send kiddo back to daycare the week of June 8, but explore other options in the interim. At this point, the two options are: (1) daycare either part-time or full-time, and (2) a part-time sitter in our house (4-5 hours per day). With respect to daycare, they’re following strict protocols and have been this whole time. We know the teachers, and most are parents themselves who have taken this all seriously so far. A sitter would likely be high school or college age, and I doubt we can require hardcore isolation much longer the way our state is headed. But the sitter would only be one person as compared to all the teachers and kids at daycare. If kiddo is home with us and a sitter this summer, there won’t be much chance for social interaction with kids her age until school starts. We do have kids in the neighborhood but have been isolating so far. She has a few neighborhood friends her age, but their parents/siblings are still working in public places (grocery stores, pharmacies, etc.), so we’ve been hesitant to expand our circle to allow playing. Should we loosen up?
To me, both situations have pros and cons. Am I right? Or is there a clear winner here, and I am being dense?
Anonymous says
There’s no clear winner because nothing about the pandemic is good. I think daycare sounds like your best option and you don’t need to justify or defend that choice.
Anon says
Agreed.
Mrs. Jones says
+1
Anon says
+2
Mathy says
+3
Anon says
My child is back in daycare for similar reasons.
Walnut says
Our kids went back to daycare last week and it has 100% helped me in every conceivable way.
anon says
Our situations are remarkably similar, and I am having a lot of similar thoughts and feelings. I really don’t think there is a clear winner here, on the child care front. Personally, I feel more comfortable with the daycare circle where you know precautions are being taken vs. expanding the neighborhood circle where who knows what’s happening — but it’s a really arbitrary call. There are no good choices here. We are trying to get by with having a sitter for a few hours a week during the month of June, but I am really really hoping to get our DD back in daycare by July 1. She needs more structure, routine and playtime with other kids than I can hope to give her while working at home.
Anonanonanon says
I’m in the same boat and here is the thing, there is just no way to know what’s right. There just isn’t.
Unfortunately, without a crystal ball, we just can’t tell.
Mine is registered at a small, in-home daycare. Right now, we have a sitter who is pretty strict about social distancing and lives with a husband who is teleworking. Here’s the thing, she could still get COVID at the grocery store and bring it into my house, and it could never show up in the in-home daycare. Or, it could sweep through the in-home daycare and we would have been safer with the sitter. There is just no way to know.
Pogo says
Your comment is so, so true. This is just an impossible situation.
It’s also killing me that we don’t have a guaranteed opening date, and the governor is talking about opening churches and spas before daycare, which is ridiculous to me. If I knew for sure it was June 29, I could power through. But if June 29 gets extended, I should have just sucked it up and hired a nanny weeks ago. But no crystal ball here either.
Anonymous says
This is insane. Churches are one of the most dangerous places. The demographic skews elderly, people are packed closely together with poor ventilation, and everyone sings. Our denomination’s state conference has formed a working group to study the safety of reopening. As of now, there are no plans to resume in-person worship even when the state permits it. Eventually we may have small outdoor services with social distancing and no singing.
Anon says
I’m cynical and I think daycare will open last as the conservatives want to keep women out of the workforce.
Anon says
This. Since it’s generally the conservatives who are driving the reopening (liberals are more willing to stay home for longer), childcare and public school will be the lowest priorities.
Katarina says
I am in Texas and churches are open at limited capacity but daycares are only for essential workers. I don’t know what other workers who are supposed to be returning to work are expected to do.
Anon4This says
Also in TX – not sure where this rule is coming from? Our daycare is open and is taking any families that are up for sending their kids. There are restrictions (temperatures taken at drop off, about 3 kids/room, no going outside, all food/drink has to be packed and send). A friend sends her daughter to Goddard and they have similar rules.
Katarina says
I am basing it on news articles and press releases from Abbott. FWIW Abbott announced today that daycares can open immediately, so the point is moot. The press release indicated that they were previously only supposed to be open for essential workers. I can tell that there is a significant gap between what is supposed to be allowed and what is actually happening. Also, I know a significant number of houses of worship are not opening yet.
Anonymous says
Allowing day cares to open is not the same thing as mandating them to open.
Katala says
I think the TX definition of ‘essential’ was broad enough that people could pretty easily feel they’re within the definition. And no one was verifying, as far as I know. Our daycare opened for essential workers but was basically ‘we trust your judgment’ which I read to mean ‘don’t ask, don’t tell.’
Anon says
My state opened churches and bars already and is talking about having freaking *conventions* in July, but somehow the status of school in the fall is “to be determined.” Does. Not. Compute.
anon123 says
Here’s the major difference between now and March, when everything shuttered: there is now capacity in the hospitals. If any of those things did happen, the hospitals can handle treating you. It’s not perfect, and if we all go back to normal too quickly or irresponsibly that phenomenon could change on a dime and we’ll go back to establishing field hospitals in convention centers and Central Park, begging for PPE and ventilators. But ‘flattening the curve’ was never about creating a zero risk situation because that just does not exist. I think once I accepted that – that there is truly no zero risk situation – I began to have some mental clarity and peace around finding a way through.
Anon says
+1. There is also WAY more testing. In March, it was impossible to get tested in my state unless you’d been to China, and virtually all of the tests were coming back positive. Now our % positive is under 10%, and you can get tested even if you’re asymptomatic. The number of known infections may still seem high now relative to March, but when you consider that in March we only knew about somewhere between 1/10 and 1/1000 infections (depending on which expert you listen to) and now we know about most if not all infections, it’s a whole different ballgame. I know the IHME models aren’t perfect and have gotten some flack but they have curves that illustrate this – even as the daily count of confirmed infections is staying relatively steady (or even increasing!), the daily count of *actual* infections is going down significantly.
Anon says
I’d go with daycare, and don’t really see a difference between full time and part time. The socialization aspect is really important, and some studies suggest that kids under 12 rarely pass the virus to adults, so if you have a sitter in the house, they may be more likely to directly infect you, rather than you getting infected thru your child.
TheElms says
Do you have links for the studies? I’m just curious because our daycare is starting to plan for reopening — still probably mid summer but eventually I’ll have to make a decision about returning to daycare or staying with the sitter.
Anon says
This article discusses the study and has links to them:
https://www.wired.com/story/the-case-for-reopening-schools/
Mathy says
Emily Oster developed a website with lots of good info to help guide decisions. Here’s what she found on kids and covid:
https://explaincovid.org/post/kids-and-covid-19/iNR6ns6TY6OqDPfWrcqg
TheElms says
Thanks to you both!
CCLA says
Echoing my thanks (and to the other poster below with the Oster info). We’ve been leaning toward sending our kids back to daycare if/when they reopen in a couple of weeks. Will continue following developments but this is helpful solid info.
anon. says
We are in a city that was a hot spot, and daycare has been closed for almost 3 months. Also reopening June 8 for limited hours, and we’re planning to send. I just have to. I feel guilt because theoretically we could hire full time care at home for our two kids, but I think we’re sending them.
Boston Legal Eagle says
Some things to consider: Will she lose her spot in daycare if you don’t send her back? Are you going to try to send her back in the fall or find some other pre-K option? I agree with everyone else that there’s no clear “right choice,” it’s all a series of risk calculations. I would probably send her back to daycare full time and then see how it goes. If there are too many incidents of kids being sent home, then maybe reevaluate. I just worry that all of these daycares will end up closed, and then where will all of the parents who can’t afford nannies be.
Anon in Texas says
I like Emily Oster and I think she has a good framework for making these types of decisions.
https://explaincovid.org/post/should-i-send-my-kid-back-to-day-care/QCKTPvqpc4Ov855z2pKm
For what its worth, I have been sending my kids every day the daycare has been opened. We did survive a two-week shutdown with the help of one of the school teachers but it was too stressful to continue through the summer. Oldest will also be attending his outdoor summer camp in two weeks, unless cases in our area dramatically rise. We live in the suburbs outside Austin fwiw.
fallen says
For people whose kids have bdays now, how are you making them special? Daughter’s 7th bday is this Friday and she’s sad she can’t have a bday party and getting our nails/toes done and going out for dinner (previous bday tradition) so we are trying to think of ways to make it special. So far my husband is thinking of grilling hot dogs / having cake and have the nanny over for dinner, and she’s getting a lot of gifts from us/family. Was wondering what everyone else was doing for ideas.
Anonymous says
Can her friends drive by?
NYCer says
Maybe try at home mani/pedi.. Soak your feet in a pot or bowl (or a foot soak if you have one), use some “fancy” lotion and then give each other a quick massage and paint each other’s nails? I realize this is nothing like actually going to the nail salon, but it could still be a fun activity.
Friends driving by seems to be another popular and fund idea based on my Instagram feed. :)
DLC says
I like this year too! Maybe keeping this mommy/ daughter tradition alive might be help your daughter to distill her birthday down to what is important?
anon says
For my daughter’s 4th birthday we hired Elsa and Anna to attend her backyard family-only party. They stayed 10′ away, but sang songs and chatted with her about Elsa’s powers and how they celebrate their birthdays in Arendelle. They also posed for pictures, which we staged with them behind and the birthday girl in front. With the optical illusion (she’s short and they’re adult sized), the photos actually look like she’s standing right next to them.
For those who are considering, the theatre industry is being particularly hard hit. Most performers are not well paid and those performers and crew will likely be out of work for the next year or more (at least in NYC, but possibly elsewhere given the challenge of distancing in a theatre). If there is a musician or performer who would be a good fit, it is great to help support the arts by hiring a performer. Both Anna and Elsa who came to my daughter’s birthday are typically theatre actors as their day job.
Anonymous says
Love this
Anonymous says
Here is a list of virtual party entertainers you can hire:
https://mommypoppins.com/birthday-parties/best-virtual-party-performers-and-kids-birthday-parties-at-home
We’re doing a LEGO party via zoom with a local woman who teaches LEGO afterschool classes and camps in our neighborhood. The kids will be assembling 2 small lego sets and optionally adding on to them with their own lego collections. We bought hostess cupcakes and other individually wrapped, packaged snacks, and are going to deliver those with the lego sets in advance to each guest. I’m hoping we can do this drive-by style the morning of the party so my son can say hello to his friends from afar. Only 3 other families (4 kids) are participating. Beyond that, we’re planning his favorite foods and an ice cream cake, and some decorations. I also thought I might try to get aunts and uncles and grandparents to give my son clues for some kind of scavenger hunt to find his presents by video chat throughout the day or something – hasn’t been fully thought through yet.
Katala says
My son turned 5 a few weeks ago. We tried to make each meal a treat/his choice, bought a grocery store cake (were going to get one custom or make one, but no time) and decorated the house the night before so when he came down he saw the minecraft decorations and was really excited. A balloon bouquet was made by a woman in the ‘hood and dropped off in the morning. I went to pick up the cake and brought back fresh flowers. We did presents throughout the day – morning, after lunch and before dinner (1 or 2 presents each time). Pretty much just tried to keep the whole day fun and full of little surprises.
SC says
My son turned 5 a few weeks ago. Honestly, he got a lot of presents. He opened them as soon as he woke up and spent the entire day playing with a new Lego set. We picked up a chocolate cake from a local bakery (curbside). DH made Kiddo’s favorite meal. And we FaceTimed with all 6 grandparents while Kiddo blew out his candles. I tried to get a big balloon bouquet or something, but I couldn’t figure out how/where to order it–it was the height of social distancing restrictions in my area.
Anon says
where we live a lot of people keep having yard signs put in their yards. i know someone who yesterday had a zoom yoga bday party (with a yoga instructor) for a 3 year old birthday. (both of those things i think are a bit much) can you do a spa day at home? maybe also do facemasks and cucumber on your eyes or something to make it a little different? a scavenger hunt for her to find her gifts – maybe 7 clues since she is turning 7? instead of dinner out, can you do takeout from her favorite place and if you have any fancy dishes, use those? i know someone who set up hula hoops that were each 10 feet apart, with a box with a cupcake in each and some decorating supplies and each kid stayed in their hula hoop and took the hoops home as a party favor – this was only for like 3 kids.
Anon says
In our neighborhood, the drive by with signs is popular. And for a little boy the fire truck and police car did a drive by – not sure how I feel about that use of resources, but apparently it is a thing that can be done – I guess they aren’t going out to schools, etc. like they would usually do so maybe it isn’t a resources thing.
Anonymous says
Everyone in our neighborhood is buying those inflatable water slides.
Anonymous says
Some friends did a drive by for my 5 year old. He was confused and more upset than they could not stay, so ymmv. He did love the over the top balloons we picked up for him. We never would have spent the money on them in normal circumstances. A month later they are still barely hanging on.
Anonymous says
I made my son his requested birthday cake, he got to pick what we ate for dinner, we did gifts from family, and we invited a couple of his friends to meet at the neighborhood park to ride bikes in the parking lot and explore the woods. I’m not confident they stayed 6 feet apart in the woods, but I figured that at least there weren’t common surfaces to touch, and the wind dissipated any exhaled virus pretty quickly.
We also promised a real birthday party when coronavirus is over.
Anon says
Thoughts on kids’ activities during this time? My state is reopening and some of our previous activities like toddler gymnastics classes are making plans to reopen this week or next. My first choice would be to send my toddler to daycare but otherwise self-isolate and avoid all optional activities. Childcare is way more essential than gymnastics, plus daycares have strict health precautions and toddler would really only be mixing with the 7 kids in her class and two teachers. But since daycare isn’t an option and we’re not sure when it will be, and I really feel like my kid needs some interaction with other kids, I’m thinking about going back to some of these activities. It makes me more nervous from a health standpoint, since they don’t seem to be taking things seriously (eg., opening as soon as legally permitted, no masks required, etc) and I feel like we’ll ultimately have exposure to a lot more people since different people show up every week and parents participate in the classes too. I’m not worried so much about us getting sick (we’re all low risk) but I do worry about contributing to community spread. But at the same time I’m trying to take the long view of this and I don’t think total isolation for 2 years is realistic, and maybe we’re doing our part for the community with all the other things we’re refraining from (travel, restaurants, nail salons, DH and me working from home, etc.)
Anonymous says
Why is the option gymnastics next week or total isolation for two years? My take is that until daycare opens, we aren’t doing other things. But once daycare opens we are doing that, and I’m unaware of anywhere saying daycare is going to be closed for two years.
Anon says
Yeah, this. I’m expecting daycare to open sometime in July or August (we’re in a hot spot, so it’s going to be a little while still), so I figure my kids will start getting their usual amount of socialization then. I’m a lot more comfortable with daycare (controlled # of kids and adults) than I would be with toddler gymnastics.
Anon says
Thanks. Just to be clear, daycares are generally open in my state (they never had to shut and the ones that chose to shut have mostly reopened). Mine is closed through at least the fall and I’m not optimistic about them opening then (they will do what the public schools do and everything seems very iffy for the fall and perhaps beyond). We are on the waiting list for some other daycare centers, but there was a major childcare crunch in our area even pre-Covid, so waiting lists are insnamely long, even for older kids.
Anonymous says
Yeah I’d be calling other daycare every day to get in! Bananas yours could be open but is choosing not to be.
Cb says
I’d forego indoor activities but maybe something outdoors? Like mini soccer or something? I was just reading an article that went around on how the droplets spread and anything indoors is a no-go for me, especially if I didn’t feel like there were any precautions taken.
Pogo says
I think I read that same article – it made me more nervous about going into the office than any outdoor activity like jogging w/ the stroller (which is good, because I can’t stand a mask while running and kiddo wouldn’t keep one on).
avocado says
I have read at least three different media articles and blog posts all pointing to the same underlying article. It reinforces my concerns about the office and public restrooms. It also makes me feel a little better about the stupid tween boys in my neighborhood who ride their bikes on the sidewalk and purposely pass very close with no warning.
Cb says
Yes, true! I let my son play in closer proximity to some big kids lately but on a big outdoor basketball court and honestly, I think was a fairly low risk activity, comparatively. He was just so happy to see other children and I couldn’t bear to tell him now.
Agreed on outdoors says
Agreed with this. My kids are doing two on one tennis starting last week. I feel much better about that than indoor gymnastics, no matter how many precautions they are taking.
Similarly, if there are small swim classes (outdoor pool) this summer I think I’ll be signing my kids up!
anon says
We’ve decided not to do activities that this time, as they are entirely optional. Daycare is more important … not that we have that option yet. Based on what I’ve seen and heard in my community, I have very little trust that other parents have been following social distancing guidelines and the extra exposure doesn’t seem worth it for the very negligible benefits of extracurriculars.
anon says
Also, gymnastics places are sort of a cesspool of germs even in the best of times, so I definitely would be skipping that one!
Anonymous says
As a gymnastics parent, I cosign this. So disgusting. Especially the boys.
Anonymous says
Mom of a competitive gymnast here. I have been following the discussion among gym owners and parents, and I am extremely surprised that rec classes will be available to you so soon. Most gyms are starting back with limited team practices, conditioning and drills only, with limited group sizes, reduced hours, spacing between gymnasts, and no hands-on spotting. Some gyms are doing outdoor conditioning workouts only. There is a huge amount of concern about spread through respiratory droplets, and the consensus seems to be that coaches should wear masks but athletes can’t do so safely. Disinfecting equipment is difficult or impossible. I don’t even know how you would break the kids of the habit of spitting on their grips. My daughter’s gym currently has no timeline for reopening, and under current conditions there is no way I’d send her back anyway.
Rec classes, especially preschool classes, present additional concerns. Most preschool and rec parents stay and watch class, so they will be congregating in crowded waiting areas. Gyms are generally waiting to see how things go with team before they consider starting back up with rec.
I can tell you that preschool gymnastics is of limited utility. It’s all about lining up, listening, and following directions. The kids don’t learn anything they aren’t already getting in day care. It’s not safe for kids to start learning real gymnastics skills (bridge work, tumbling) before age 5 or so. There are some preschool preteam programs that safely do conditioning and body shaping with 4-year-olds, but the consensus among coaches is that this is not really necessary and any advantage disappears quickly.
I don’t know why the choice would be gymnastics now or gymnastics never. If I were you, I’d start slowly with day care, wait to see how the situation develops, and consider slowly resuming extracurricular activities later on.
Anonymous says
Missed the part about how day care is not an option. In that case, I would be looking at part-time preschool or outdoor classes. Gymnastics would be last on my list.
Anonymous says
Ewwwww is there any concept more vile than body shaping for 4 year olds?
Anonymous says
Sorry, jargon alert. “Body shaping” means holding different positions. Like they lie on their backs and hold a hollow body position, or do supermans. They are learning the shapes they need to hold while flying through the air or swinging bars.
Anonymous says
Oh okay okay less horrific!
Nan says
Thanks for the clarification, haha! Knowing little about gymnastics, I read it the same way and was similarly horrified.
Anon says
Perhaps “gymnastics” was not the right word. This is a Gymboree type place, not a competitive gym. I’m aware my toddler is not learning anything useful as far as the actual sport of gymnastics goes, but the classes have the benefits of interaction with other kids and listening to an adult who is not mom/dad. I can see the points about how outdoor activities will be safer. I don’t know of anything outdoors for kids her age but I will look into it.
Anonymous says
I would look for soccer. There are usually programs available starting at age 2 or 3.
Katarina says
Soccer here is generally indoors before kindergarten. It also has a high level of parental involvement.
Pogo says
My reasoning for wanting to do gymnastics (before the pandemic) was that kiddo loves to climb, jump and tumble and it would be a safe place for him to do so, as opposed to on my furniture. Same thing for dance – I don’t expect him to be a gymnast or a dancer, but he picked up some twirling and leaping from his daycare bestie, which he insists on practicing in the kitchen to the point of getting dizzy and knocking things over, so was going to put him in dance as well.
I have a lot more concerns about group activities/gyms/playspaces than about daycare for all the reasons mentioned above, but just wanted to point out that I do think kiddo is still going to be missing some physical activity without the classes we were planning to put him in that daycare won’t take care of.
Anon says
what your toddler will be missing out on is so minimal in the scheme of things. many kids do not do activities outside of daycare because parents don’t have time. you could try soccer as mentioned above or swimming or tball.
Spirograph says
My daughter is 5 and solidly in the “rec” category, but our gym’s plan is very similar to what’s described. My kids have really loved the toddler & preschool classes there, but the gym is not bringing them back any time soon, and I wouldn’t consider them if they did. We’ve been going hiking and letting the kids climb on/jump off of rocks, balance on logs, and roll down hills instead. Slightly higher risk of injury, but equally fun and same gross motor skills.
Anonymous says
I wouldn’t look for activities for toddlers. If you’re concerned about kid need for social interaction, I’d do that with friends with similar age kids since you get more happiness bang for your buck expanding your germ circle to friends vs bringing in a bunch of randos.
For older kids, I’m comfortable with outdoor activities. My older son is dying for sports to come back, and I’ve come to realize how important sports are for his mental health. If Little League rescues part of the season, he will be there! Same with soccer, tennis, etc. His other favorite sport is hockey. His team’s rink is currently an overflow morgue, so that won’t be starting up any time soon, but like gymnastics, hockey’s gross even without a pandemic. The rink is considering myriad mitigating measures for eventual reopening and sent out a parent survey the other day for feedback. One that really concerned me was the idea of keeping parents out of the rink to limit # of people in and out. I get it from a public health standpoint, but even with Safe Sports, I think parent visibility is an important safety check. We’ll see what happens there.
Anon gym mom at 9:55 says
Parent access is a big topic of debate in gymnastics as well. Pre-pandemic, the general consensus was that for reasons of safety and transparency parent viewing should be permitted, but most parents should not actually watch practice all the time. Now there are very sound public health reasons to keep parents out of the gym, but at the same time I am more interested in watching because I want to verify that safety protocols are being observed.
Anon says
Another COVID WWYD. We have an after school babysitter two days a week (generally a total of 6 hours). We have been paying her since mid-March (on the books). We would have let her go/ moved to a different schedule when school ends anyways at the beginning of June. It’s not a ton of money but we’re not going to need her again (moving to some sort of different after school plan for the fall). I’m feeling bad about it but it’s okay to let her go, right?
Anonymous says
Yeah. If you really feel bad, I’d give her two weeks of pay when you tell her it is over. Did she know it was a school-year position?
Katala says
Could you put feelers out for other families that may want to hire her? If there were someone like this offered up to our family, I’d be grateful to have someone vetted and whose former employer I could ask about social distancing practices, etc. (I’d do this with anyone’s references, of course, but I prefer a referral from a current family to just finding a random person on care.com or whatever).
anon says
I’d give some notice, offer to share her contact information with friends and volunteer to be a good reference, but I wouldn’t feel too bad. There is a ton of need for home based child care right now.
Anonymous says
Yes of course
Annon says
Recommendations for a jogging stroller? Ideally one that is lower cost, less than $300. I’d don’t really want to jog with it but our streets and paths are pretty rough and our regular stroller can’t handle it very well.
Anon says
So the City Mini GT isn’t a jogging stroller, but it’s been able to handle any streets/paths I’ve tried. I’ve actually taken ours on paths through the woods, too, so up hills, over roots and rocks, etc.
Cb says
Yep, agreed. I live in a cobblestone city and like to do walks through the woods and that thing is a beast. I desperately wanted a Bugaboo Bee or a Yoyo Zen but couldn’t justify the cost and I’m so glad I stuck with the workhorse City Mini. You might look for one used – my parents keep a hand-me-down at their house and it’s been through 3 kids before us and it’s totally faded but fine.
Mathy says
Agree with city mini gt, with caveat you cannot jog with it. Handles basically any surface you need. Love ours!
Anon says
We got a used BOB on the Facebook Marketplace or Craigslist two years ago for about $150. Honestly, it was perfect and saved us a ton of money.
octagon says
Same. I think our Bob was $125 and it’s been fantastic.
Anonymous says
I’d get a used Bob. We got a used double Bob for $300 and it is AMAZING, even at 6 years old.
Anon says
Joovy ultralight! I think it was around $200 on sale. We are most definitely not runners. In fact, if you see me running, you had better run too because I am definitely running FROM something. But for uneven paths, horse races, the beach (firm pack wet sand only), wineries and other general “off-roading” activities, it has been great. Folds up pretty well for the car, tall enough for both me and my tall husband to use, and the weight limit is pretty high (important because my kid is giant-sized).
Anonymous says
Bob! A new Bob was one of my only splurges, and we generally didn’t buy a lot of stuff or got things second hand when we could. I thought I would be back to running, but two years later, I am still not running much and think the Bob was worth the cost, the space, and the effort of loading and unloading into the trunk for use at parks in addition to the neighborhood. It is such a smooth ride and can go off reading with ease. Get the cup holder too.
Anonymous says
+1 on the Bob. And I have like 6 strollers (2 kids). Nothing beats the ease of pushing a Bob on bumpy sidewalks, hills, gravel, paths in the woods. We also have a city mini gt and it’s not the same.
fallen says
It’s a bit above the price range, but I highly recommend the Thule. I had that with my younger and BOB with my oldest and liked the Thule a lot more.
Anonymous says
What have you been wearing these days? We only go outside now to ride bikes with the kids (2 and 5 years old) while DH and I jog alongside. Summer is coming and I never know what to wear. I want to be comfy and sporty enough to jog and keep up with the kids, but not necessarily in gym clothes. I also hate wearing shorts. In DC and it gets disgustingly hot and humid. We had a couple of hot days recently, reminding me of the oppressive heat to come.
Cb says
It’s still pretty cool here so yoga pants and my lockdown sweaters (slouchy, neon bright gap sweaters I’m planning to wear to death and ritually burn). Maybe some joggers? I didn’t wear shorts for years and years and then decided to get over it, and now I feel much more comfortable in warm weather.
I feel like I may order some overalls. I think they are adorable but I don’t have much use for them in everyday life but if I’m home all summer, I’m going to embrace my inner toddler.
GCA says
Ooh, I’m super tempted to order some short overalls, or the kind whose legs you can roll up, and match my toddler. I’m afraid I’m team shorts in warm humid weather (skirts and dresses without undershorts result in a sweaty thighs situation), but what about skorts or capri tights?
Anonanonanon says
I feel you, I’m in some weird minority that finds leggings excessively uncomfortable. My legs itch just thinking about them. I wear them to literally exercise but not for loungewear.
I got some skirts and tops from Lou and grey that I’ve been wearing the heck out of. I got a couple of comfortable madewell dresses that go down to my knees that I’ve been wearing with denim jackets but will wear without when it gets warmer. I have some comfortable pants (not leggings) from athleta I’ve been wearing a lot with v neck t-shirts. All of these outfits work with sandals, flats, or white tennis shoes, so I feel like they’re versatile enough for walking to the mailbox (sandals) or taking the kids on a long walk (tennis shoes) which… I guess is the extent of my activity
anon says
I thought I was the only weirdo who hates leggings! I wear them for working out, but that’s it. I find them suffocating.
IDK, I would probably give into the athletic wear in this situation. And, wear the shorts; life is too short.
Anonanonanon says
So glad I’m not the only one!
Pogo says
I can’t help you – I’m all about the athleisure. I agree on the shorts, I don’t love them either. If I’m not doing something sporty I love a good sundress but for what you’re talking about, athleisure really is the best option.
Anon says
I’m mostly wearing yoga pants and a short or long sleeve modal tee. Also DC burbs – this weekend I wore a maxiskirt with short sleeve tee (had some (curbside) errands to run) and basketball shorts with a more fitted tee. I gardened in some running tights and a caps t-shirt on Sunday. As it warms up more, it will be my two maxiskirts in rotation, plus my maternity shorts (I am not pregnant – although we are trying – it’s just that I find them so much more comfortable with my new apple shape than regular shorts that I just bought new pairs even though kiddo is almost 3). I also have some capri yoga pants that I break out on days where it’s disgusting outside but DH has turned it into a meat locker inside (oh the thermostat wars now that we’re both home). I think it is worth thinking about why you don’t like shorts – the length? Try longer shorts or capris. The waistband? Try maxiskirts. The fittedness? Try maxiskirts or a wide leg capri.
AnonATL says
I recently received a pair of the breathe on shorts from Old Navy (I know their shipping time is abysmal lately), and I love them. They are sporty and comfy, but more cottony and not straight up running shorts. It looks like they are out of stock now, but Target has a similar pair- Women’s Essential Mid-Rise Knit Shorts 5″. J crew factory’s linen blend drawstring short might be a good option too. I don’t think running far in those would be particularly comfortable though.
The ON ones I have are cute enough to wear with a tshirt and sandals out and about or with sneakers to jog with the kids.
I really despise wearing shorts, but it’s already so hot down here too.
TheElms says
Would you wear a skort? I wear them in the summer in DC burbs. Eddie Bauer has some as does LL Bean. What about linen capris or full length pants, they breathe well in the DC heat.
TheElms says
I have this one: https://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/86804?page=comfort-trail-skort&bc=&feat=Womens%20Skorts-SR0&csp=a&searchTerm=Womens%20Skorts&pos=1
Also Athleta has some skorts.
Knope says
I’ve been in athleisure, but for your situation, if you hate shorts I’d recommend linen pants. Something like this: https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=578915032&vid=1#pdp-page-content
Emily S. says
When it gets intolerably hot here, I wear Columbia Omni-Shade and Athleta sundresses (I picked mine up on ThredUp) with boyshorts (Maidenform has a line that supposedly cools you off; meh) and linen J.Crew Factory pants (the drawstring waist ones; can’t remember the name) with a tank top or striped top from Boden, or a linen button-down shirt with 5-inch shorts (I don’t love shorts, either, but this length is comfortable.) From a thred here last year, I was also thinking of picking up some Columbia or Athleta skorts and *maybe* golf polos. For shoes, once summer is here, I’m always in Birkenstocks.
octagon says
Also DC area. I’ve been wearing a lot of capri leggings with side pockets or cargo capris. The hardest thing for me about the summer is pockets! I need to be able to carry my phone with me and keep my hands free at the same time, and it feels fussy to carry a purse for just a walk around the block.
Pantland says
I’ve been wearing the Athleta Skyline II pants a lot. Very comfortable, very lightweight, not too I’m Doing Sports!, reasonably flattering for this hourglassy pear with a post-baby gut. Also, no promises, but I made two orders from Gap brands last week and both shipped quite promptly (in contrast to my order from late March)–they may be figuring out their new system.
Anon says
following up on the above thread – i totally think schools should re-open in some capacity come fall and think the measures about keeping kids with the same group, etc. totally make sense. but if everyone starts going to after school activities – gymnastics on monday, basketball on tuesday, theater class on wednesday, etc. it seems to kind of defeat the purpose of keeping kids with the same group, especially for younger kids where parents often stay, or is there something i’m missing? and then for older kids where activities happen more through school (choir, school play, football, soccer, wrestling, etc.).
Anonanonanon says
It’s still good to cohort the children in school because then if there is a positive case, they have the option of just quarantining that class and those children rather than shutting down the entire school for 2 weeks, if that makes sense. Also, if they conduct school without the kids switching classrooms, going to the cafeteria, going to the music room, etc., it is less to clean (again, limiting the likelihood the school building shuts down for every single case). Nothing will be perfectly safe, but cohorting the kids along with reducing their movement inside of the building will minimize the impact each case has on the school’s ability to continue to function. There will be cases in schools when they re-open, it’s unavoidable, and if they have to shut down the entire school every time there is a case there is little point in reopening.
avocado says
This is one big reason why I probably won’t send my kid to school in the fall. Our school district will not be doing any of this.
Anonymous says
We know.
Anonymous says
Okay, so can you point to any school district that will actually be implementing precautions?
Anon says
this is an obnoxious comment. I appreciate Avocado’s perspective
Anon says
I’m thinking similarly…I’m in an area of NY that hasn’t opened in any capacity and people seem to be getting really lax. Whole families together at the grocery store, weddings and graduation parties taking place in yards with no masks, etc. People are clearly letting their guard down and will not be following guidelines all summer, so why not open school as (mostly) normal in the fall…
Anon says
Clarifying: I’m not saying “to heck with it all”, I’m just guessing the virus will be circulating all summer, many people in our community will get it between now and school, and hopefully here in NY testing will continue at a rapid pace for more of a targeted containment strategy. It’s seeming futile (and perhaps unnecessary, pending results of antibody testing) to plan for a school year with super tight precautions when all that is going to be sabotaged between now and then.
Anon says
Also in New York and feel like more and more people are just out and about so I agree with this. Given numbers a month ago were that 20% or more of us have had it, I could see by the end of summer that number being quite high and possibly hitting herd immunity
Anon says
would you send your kids to all of these activities?
anonymous says
My mom is an elementary school teacher. They are exploring the idea of splitting a class into two groups that come in on Mon/Wed and Tues/Thurs. Friday would be a teacher work day. It’s a fairly big school district in the midwest. Not sure how they are planning for middle and high school.
TheElms says
I understand why this appeals to the school system but what are two parent working outside the home families supposed to do in this circumstance? All I can think is pair up with a family on the other schedule and hire a nanny that rotates between houses depending on who is / is not at school. But yikes, what a nightmare.
Anon says
Agree it’s a nightmare although I think better than no school at all? I’ll take whatever we can get.
Anon says
Yeah this is bonkers to me for an elementary school. They have small class sizes to begin with (<20 kids), and I'm not really sure there's a lot of benefit to 10 vs 20 kids, especially when the kids are all touching the same surfaces less than 24 hours apart. I think the big thing schools should focus on is limiting cross-class mixing so that one sick first-grader doesn't infect the entire school. I feel like daycare at least is pretty good about that – we've gotten every illness that appeared our classroom, but I've seen a lot of posted notices for other classrooms (including illnesses like flu and hand, foot and mouth) that we didn't catch.
Katala says
This. I’m terrified our school district will come up with something like this. Kiddo is going to K and I just don’t think 2 days a week of learning is enough. Remote learning is a joke for a 5 yo, IMO, so it’s just the 2 days in class and I believe the social-emotional is what they really get from school at that age. People keep saying “school districts are not required to provide childcare” but.. they do? No one has full time childcare just sitting there at the ready for school age kids. And forcing this specific part time schedule on families is just crazy to me.
Anon says
I mean, half day kindergarten was and continues to be a thing, and in my state at least you’re not even legally required to go to school until first grade so technically K is “optional” (although everyone does it). I only went half days in the 1980s because I had a SAHM and I turned out fine, including eventually being identified as gifted. I realize that a part time schedule would be very challenging for working parents but I wouldn’t worry about your kindergartner not learning enough if they only have school half time.
Anon says
I agree. There is a ton of discussion of hybrid schedules and kids in school only one day a week and I believe this would be an epic failure on the part f schools, particularly given that risks are very different for kids versus other vulnerable groups. I hope school administrators wake up to how terrible this would be for families!
Anonymous says
I don’t see how schools could reduce occupancy enough to make it safe without going to some sort of part-time alternating schedule. In a typical classroom the kids are practically sitting on top of each other.
Anon says
I don’t know that maintaining social distancing within a classroom needs to be a goal though. The goal should be minimizing contact across classrooms. At least, that’s how daycares are approaching it and it seems to be working ok for them.
anon says
It’s crazy to me, too, and I’m scared it’s going to become a thing. Sure, back in 1985, when I was in kindergarten, we had an alternating A/B schedule. So I’m not worried about the social-emotional stuff. But back in 1985 in my rural town, most families had a SAHM. That is not our reality today, and where in the world am I supposed to find part-time care for a school-age kid?
Spirograph says
I had 2.5 days of Kindergarten back in the late 80s. From a development standpoint, I don’t have an issue with this for kindergarten. Even for older kids, it’s a heck of a lot better than full time distance learning. I agree it would be a nightmare for parents, but is it more or less of a nightmare than full time distance learning? More or less of a nightmare than outbreaks related to a more densely populated school building on a day-to-day basis? At this point, everyone is just trying to pick the least bad option.
I’d take 2 days at school over no days at school, but I agree with anon at 2:40 that aiming to keep classroom cohorts seems the best option. Even then,I have no clue what that means for before/after care. At our school, it is K-5 all together, and although anything will be better than nothing, I know aftercare is the highlight of my son’s day largely because he gets to play with kids outside his class and outside his grade. If it turns into babysitting of small groups of kids that have already been in the same classroom all day… that would be awful.
Katala says
I take y’alls point that in the ’80s K wasn’t that vital for social emotional development. But that’s I believe in large part because of SAHMs, who would set up various social experiences for the kids outside of school. Or at least kids would get outside to explore and such. We’re too busy working to be able to set up this stuff for kiddo during half of the working week. I think there’s a big difference between half days/weeks filled with playdates, SAHM planned crafts/experiences, outdoor play, sports, etc. compared to half days/weeks as it is now with stressed out parents who can’t pay proper attention to the poor kid and can’t take hours off during the day to go to playdates and sports (were those even an option).
Anon says
I think there’s a huge difference between no school and some school in terms of social and emotional development. Just like people like to say that combo feeding provides the vast majority of the benefits of exclusive breastfeeding, half time school provides the vast majority of the social benefits of school (I’m not sure the same can be said of academics, but academics aren’t important in K). Being totally cut-off from other children is completely different than half day or every other day school. (fwiw, I was one of those half day K kids in the 80s and my mom didn’t really organize playdates for me, and I did zero activities until I started a competitive sport at age 9 — putting kindergartens in tons of structured activities is actually a very recent thing — and I don’t feel irreparably damaged). I agree there are very real economic and societal reasons for full-time school (namely academics for older kids and childcare for working parents), but I don’t think kindergartners are going to be socially scarred for life by only going to school two days per week for a year.
Nanny question says
I am thinking about pulling my kid from daycare and trying to hire someone with early childhood experience for the fall to do a nannyshare. I worry that daycare will keep opening and closing and just be too uncertain. Any thoughts on how to find someone with these qualifications? In Maryland, just outside of DC. And what would be the cost?
We have done a nannyshare before but I feel like I need someone with a little more experience since my kid is a little older.
Anonymous says
Paying more.
TheElms says
My current nanny has that type of experience (she was a daycare teacher) and we are paying about $20 net or $25 gross/hr once you figure in taxes for 1 kid. I assume a nanny share would up the price $2-5 an hour net.
Anonymous says
I’m in MoCo…look on the Montgomery County Parents FB group. You can post looking for a nanny share. Also see if your specific suburb or neighborhood has a FB group.
I have low hopes that my daughters preschool will return in the fall. Or I’m thinking they’ll start up only to shut down again, in which case I’m pulling her out.
AwayEmily says
Have any of your kids returned to daycare and had to wear masks? Our daycare sent out an email saying there’s still no firm reopen date (we are in central NY for what it’s worth) but the plan when they DID reopen was (among other things) to require masks for all kids over 2 (mine are 2 and 4).
It’s honestly tough for me to believe that it is possible to get a 2yo to keep a mask on for eight hours. And it seems like if teachers are going to constantly be readjusting and putting masks back on little kids, that’s MORE risky.
But maybe I am wrong! Please tell me if your 2-3yo is successfully wearing a mask at daycare. Are toddlers in countries that have already reopened more than us wearing masks? (China, S Korea, etc). I did some googling but could only find stuff on school-aged kids.
AwayEmily says
And just to clarify, if we do send our kids back we will of course comply with whatever they ask us to do, including masks for kids.
Anon says
i can’t get a mask on my 2 year old twins, but my friend who has a 4 and 2 year old has successfully gotten her kids to wear masks bc her younger one wants to be like the older one.
Anon says
I have no direct experience but daycare has been insanely successful in getting kiddo to do things I would have thought impossible (nap schedule, eating, not taking off shoes, etc) I think around that age seeing their peers and teachers in masks is hugely influential in making it a normal thing. Plus if they know the teacher is going to just put it right back on, toddlers eventually just accept that they’ll have to wear them.
Anon says
My 2.5YO will not wear hers around the house (we’ve been trying to practice), but when we went to get gas this week and she saw mama bring hers, she at least got excited enough to put it in my purse. So maybe peer pressure will help even if it’s not working at home?
Anonymous says
Now is the time to provide feedback! “I’m concerned about any plans to require 2-4 year olds to wear masks all day. Both because of comfort for them and because they’re not capable of understanding not to constantly touch and reposition face coverings. I understand that this is a complex and changing situation but wanted to make you aware of my concerns early in the process.”
Anonymous says
In New York State masks when social distancing is not possible is the law for everyone over age 2. This might change by the time they reopen, but right now I doubt they have much latitude on this.
AwayEmily says
Hmmm, the law says “in public,” so the question is whether inside daycares count as “in public.” The daycare I know that is still open (serving kids of essential workers) is not requiring kids to wear masks, so there seems to be at least some flexibility in interpretation.
Io says
We’ve gotten our 4 yo in NYC to wear a mask by simply saying she had to or she would be left at home.
But she’s as stir crazy as the rest of us, so she’ll wear a mask on the walk to the park or to the farmer’s market on Saturday.
HSAL says
Our daycare passed along information from the CDC (I think? Some official guidelines about kids and masks) that said if they can’t wear them properly, not to bother. They otherwise haven’t mentioned them so I don’t think they’re planning to bother.
Anon says
At my daycare only the adults wear masks.
Anonanonanon says
A while (feels like a lifetime) ago I posted here about pursuing law school in the evenings. A lot of you had great advice, and one commenter who worked in Law School Admissions even weighed in, so thank you, all! My LSAT got delayed… and delayed… but I’m taking it today (virtually proctored). They made it shorter which means the logic games are more heavily weighted (1/3 of scored sections instead of 1/4… boo) but still optimistic! I was much more prepared in March, probably, but I think the LSAT is the sort of test where you’re going to get what you’re going to get. I took a practice test after weeks of minimal review and was still on track with where I want to be.
Anyway, so much is up in the air right now about if it will make sense to attend school next year, of course, but I committed to doing this test so I’m going to do it! Wish me luck!
avocado says
You’ve got this! You will feel so good when it’s over.
Anon says
good luck!
Anonanonanon says
Well the virtual proctor “called” me on the computer halfway through the logic games, so I was freaking out I had looked somewhere in the room I wasn’t supposed to and that they were ending my testing sesion. He asked if I was back from break yet (which… there were no breaks in the LSAT Flex) and then said “oh I refreshed, I see now, you’re right” so I was thrown off my focus, in the section I was already worried about, so that’s fun.
Anon says
Are you sure the mask will be required at all times? My daycare hasn’t reopened yet but sent some planned procedures, and they said that they want everyone over 2 to wear a mask in the public areas of the school and at pick-up and drop-off, but masks will not be required inside the classroom or on the outdoor playground (even for teachers, apparently, which wouldn’t be my preference, but I assume they have their reasons).
Anon says
Oops meant for AwayEmily of course.
Anonymous says
Ugh my husband’s boss just announced he’d like everyone to be back in the office starting next Tuesday. And we are in a location with a stay at home order running into June. He did acknowledge that some people don’t have childcare, but didn’t say what is to be done about it. My husband is going to tell the boss that he needs to stay home because we are sharing childcare responsibilities, but it sounds like the boss may want him to go in at least a few times a week. We have no family nearby and I am in biglaw. I don’t want to jump any guns yet but one of us may have to go on leave for a few weeks to handle this. Just ugh.
Anonymous says
Ok JK apparently he meant June 2… that’s still not great but better than I thought!
Anonymous says
Can your husband make noises about being forced to take leave if he has to come in? It would be helpful if men, not just women, were threatening leave.
Anonymous says
I can see where his boss is coming from in a way. It seems like if you and hubby are sharing childcare, there should be solid blocks (ideally half the time) where he can go into the office. Don’t get me wrong, I am not against you, but I can see how him having to stay home all day every day because you’re sharing childcare doesn’t add up.
Anonanonanon says
Seems like there could be a middle ground in there, for sure. Maybe “I’m not sure I can be in the office full-time until we have childcare worked out, but I will coordinate with my spouse to be available in-person for meetings with external clients until we come to a childcare solution” or whatever is appropriate. (Of course, the logic of this depends on if there is a reasonable commute involved!)
Katala says
Well is his boss OK with him not working on the days he’s home? because that’s what this implies.
LittleBigLaw says
DH was let go from his job on Friday. It’s a very small “family” business, he had been there for several years, and he did not see this coming. Initially, he was very upset (understandably) and wanted to immediately start searching for a new position. But on top of the pandemic, his position is cyclical and has just entered the down season when less people are hiring anyway. We can make it on just my salary and so have been talking about him taking a break until the work and hiring decisions pick back up again. The idea is that he would use the time to get an important certification he’s been putting off for way too long and re-enter the job market as a more desirable candidate. And he wouldn’t exhaust his network at a time when few people are likely to be able to help anyway. He would still watch for job openings and apply to any that seem like a good fit but wouldn’t be actively looking until the end of the year. Plus, as I’ve commented before, we’re in a “reopening” state where infections & deaths continue to rise and his being home would allow us to keep our kiddos out of daycare through at least the summer. This all makes sense on paper, but I worry that maybe it’s a bigger gamble to intentionally sit out for a few months than I think. We’re in a very conservative area where having two heads might be less noteworthy than being a stay at home dad. Am I encouraging him to commit career suicide by not immediately pounding the pavement for a new job?
Anonymous says
I think this doesn’t have any upside? Like, perhaps I am missing it. He lost his job and wants to find a new one. All that stuff you said is great for him to be doing until he finds a new job! And you’re right it might take a while! But that’s no reason not to be trying now. Also make sure he applies for unemployment.
Anon says
i like your comment that you are in an area where ‘having two heads might be less noteworthy than being a stay at home dad”. — maybe this pandemic will change that! what field is he in? he wouldn’t really be a full stay at home dad (though there is nothing wrong with that) if he is working on a certification? what does DH want to do? it is currently mid-May, i don’t think waiting a few months is a big deal, just know that job searches might take longer than they usually do
Boston Legal Eagle says
We’re in a similar boat with my husband being laid off and uncertainty about how to proceed with job apps. Our daycares won’t be open for a while and our options right now are for him to look for something immediately and hire a sitter, I guess, or for him to take a break and focus on childcare for now. We’ve been doing the latter, but still evaluating as we get into June.
In ordinary times, it would be better to have less time in between jobs, but now in this crazy situation where we don’t have childcare? It makes some sense for the parent not working to focus on the kids. It’s a terrible situation because I know that in the majority of cases, it’s mom who will be forced to step back, but I also am not sure that’s is wise right now both of us to try to WFH full time with a sitter who will also be home, with two small kids.
It sucks and I’m sorry you’re in this boat.
LittleBigLaw says
Thanks for weighing in, Boston. I hate that you’re in the same situation, but it does help to hear from someone else making similar choices.
Katala says
It seems like right now is the time, if there ever were one, to take a break. So many people will have employment gaps due to the pandemic. And I would think people would look differently on a man who was laid off, then stayed home to care for kids right now when there are fewer options, than one who “chose” to stay home? Ask a manager has been telling people not to worry about resume gaps right now.
Anonymous says
If I were him, I’d work on the certification and still search for a job, but be pickier about what I applied for and accepted.
HSAL says
Yes to this. Don’t try to get any job, but also apply for a good fit.
Realist says
He should focus on the kids and get his certificate. If you are really worried about a resume gap, have him form an LLC where he can do some consulting or whatever else makes sense in his field. If he isn’t actively looking for clients, not much will likely come up for his business, but he can put that on his resume, LinkedIn, whatever.
Anonanonanon says
I think, like a woman, he just needs to be careful not to frame the time off as “focusing on our kids”. It sounds like the quiet cycle is the case for his whole field, so could he say “Unfortunately, I was laid off due to the pandemic. I chose to take the opportunity to pursue X certification ahead of the upswing in business”. As someone above mentioned, it might be wise for him to continue to actively look at job postings while he does that, but to focus energy on applying only to those that he is well-suited for and would want to accept if offered.
LittleBigLaw says
That’s a helpful perspective re the framing of why he’ll be home. All of the above is pretty much the plan, and it’s reassuring that it also sounds reasonable the way you described it here. DH will definitely keep looking and applying for jobs as available, but he’s not planning to do much more than just watching the job sites while he studies. It will take a concerted effort and several months to get the certification, and a big part of why he hasn’t pursued it before is that there’s always been something more urgent at work, etc. This seems like it could be the perfect opportunity to flip that around and finally get it done. It will give him a lot more options/stability in the long run, and I’m worried that if he’s focusing most of his energy on a job search when there aren’t any jobs out there that he’ll miss the chance to buckle down and do it. I think he just needs to be able to give himself permission to say that his primary goal is the certification and if something comes along in the meantime, great, but if not, that’s okay, too. Still, this is the first time I’ll be the sole earner for our family, which is scary to think about, and there are no guarantees the right job will be available later this year, either.
Pumps says
Has anyone used the Ameda Mya pump? I am considering that instead of the Spectra S1 because it seems lighter and more portable, although possibly a little louder and with an LED light that some users seem to find annoying. The Ameda is fully covered by my insurance and the S1 would be $85 out of pocket, so not a huge price difference.
Thanks!
anon says
Thoughts on how to make the last day of school feel special? We have an annual tradition of having the neighborhood kids over for a “popsicle party” after the final bell rings. Obviously that is not happening this year. We have kept our kids away from others until now … not sure when we’re going to cave, but not feeling ready to yet. Socially distant popsicle party, with each kid in a circle? It doesn’t seem likely to work. I think we need to recalibrate and just do something for our family to mark the end of the year.
Anon says
meet up in a parking lot and everyone eats their popsicles in the trunk fo their car? the concept of kids having to stay in the trunk, seems to help with containment and social distancing
AnotherAnon says
I’m considering taking covid FMLA, knowing I will likely be let go as a result. Is this dumb? I’m tired of constantly worrying about child care (I realize a lot of you are in this same situation and I’m sorry – it sucks). Day care is waffling on opening, which I get. Work however wants me back in the office ASAP, basically for no reason other than “well we’re paying to keep the lights on.” My job is fine, but it’s not a career. DH thinks I should just find a day care that is open and move on, which is easier said than done. I’m not interested in hiring a nanny, if that were even a viable option right now, which I doubt (I attempted to find a nanny in January and was not successful).
Anon says
I’m thinking of doing the same thing. Our beloved daycare announced today the earliest they will open is August (nooooo!). The care options in our community are not great, and I’m not sure we could get a spot at a daycare I feel even halfway comfortable with any sooner than August. We had a nanny before we got into this daycare and it was not a good experience for our family. It’s also cost prohibitive since my post-tax salary barely covers daycare and won’t cover a nanny. We got into a big argument in front of our toddler this morning about whose turn it was to take care of her, and I feel like her parents fighting about who has to spend time with her is a terrible message for her to be internalizing, especially at a time when her whole world is disrupted because of the school closure. And being on leave and not having to be half-a$$ing both parenting and work would be a huge relief. But at the same time, I’m incredibly resentful of my husband getting to go about his career as normal, and even getting to “lean in” if I take the leave and stay home. He’s the financial breadwinner, so if one of us has to lean out it makes sense for it to be me, but I’m still very angry and resentful and I fear that it will lead to bigger problems in our marriage. There are no good options here. I really think we’re headed back to the 1950s with only one parent per family working, and the vast majority of them being men.
Realist says
This all sucks.
Anon says
how old is your kid? is DH at home or in his office? where do you live? your DH’s response is not at all helpful. i don’t think i’d be comfortable just signing my kid, particularly if they are young, for some random daycare without being able to tour it, etc. if you can do your job at home, just tell them that you will be back when your daycare reopens or you can bring your child to work.
Anon says
I understand why it is not ideal to look into childcare options now, but I think any job loss has the potential to last a very long time, perhaps much longer than you’d like, and looking back, you may wish you had at least tried to see what’s out there. Can you at least look into a few daycare options to say you tried? Maybe you will find one that is ok! At least ask your friends for leads. Call a few places. Post on a local mom’s group etc.
Anonanonanon says
^This. Also, it’s about more than money, it’s your future earning potential, as well. I never thought I’d be comfortable with an in-home daycare, but we used one for my second and loved it! Maybe you’ll find one you like that works for you!
Also, there are a lot of out-of-work school employees, people who ran gymboree classes, etc. now available for sitter jobs that weren’t in January. You may have better luck than you think. If you were looking in January, you thought it could work at some point!
Also, I know this all takes time, maybe your job will be more accepting of COVID leave if you say “I need to take one week off to explore options to get childcare in place so I can return to the office” than “I’m taking weeks off because I don’t have childcare”
anon says
Why isn’t your DH helping find child care? This is a family issue, not a *you* issue.
Anon says
Why will you be let go for taking FMLA leave? That’s illegal. I’m not saying this won’t have some negative impact on your career advancement, since I think we all know instances of employers holding things against people (especially women) that they shouldn’t, but it seems very hard for a company to outright fire you for exercising your right to leave, and if they did, I would imagine you could successfully sue them. Am I missing something here?
Anonymous says
Yes reality. In which Obvi they don’t say that’s why they fire you but you know it is true.
Anon says
They don’t have to announce “we’re firing you because you took FMLA.” If you take FMLA and then get fired there’s an obvious connection there and it wouldn’t be hard to be successful in a lawsuit. I’m not an employment law specialist but have worked on matters that touch employment issues, and my impression is that most employers (especially large companies where a discrimination/retaliation suit would be in the newspapers) are extremely hesitant to fire someone who took a job-protected leave like FMLA, because the presumption would be that it was retaliation. That’s not to say they never fire an under-performing employee who also happened to take FMLA leave, but they try to avoid it. In the case of a mass layoff for economic reasons, no lawyer would sign off on only firing those who took leave. People who took the leave could be let go, but people who didn’t take the leave would also have to be let go at the same time.
Anonymous says
There are more stupid employers out there than you might assume.
Anon says
There are a lot of employers who don’t think like this. And “smart” ones who normally do will be a lot less worried about this type of risk if they are doing large layoffs. It’s easy for someone to say you fired me because I took FMLA if they are the only employee fired. It’s a lot harder to make that case if the company laid off a bunch of people (many of whom didn’t take FMLA). Also, in the context of a recession, speaking only for myself, I’d be a lot more likely to take a severance package and sign a release of claims even if I thought I had a good case (sure thing money versus maybe money plus leaving on good terms). I wish it weren’t the case but this happens more often than people like to admit.
Anonymous says
Is your husband incapable of figuring out an open day care with space available himself?
Anonymous says
Non-COVID question: my mom asked me to get my dad a new razor for Father’s Day. He uses a super basic one but he’s getting more wrinkles and having a hard time shaving with it. Any suggestions? My husband uses and electric razor and I think that might be too big of a jump for my dad.
Anon says
A lot of the discussion today around day cares reopening is resonating with me. My 5-year old needs more social interaction and providing him with the support he needs with two work from home parents is extremely difficult. However, he doesn’t go to day care, he goes to a school. So far, his summer camp has not cancelled. If they are open, we are strongly leaning towards sending him to camp. Curious to hear what everyone else is planning and whether people feel equally comfortable with summer camps versus day cares.
CHL says
We’ve signed up for two day a week camp through the summer. My husband and I are both WFH the whole summer, his workload is light and we imagine that we’ll probably take some Friday’s off. It will be the same group of kids all summer. We thought it was a balance of getting them back into a structured social environment, allowing us to work productively and keeping risk at a level that seemed “lower.” I liked Emily Oster’s decision making framework – who knows how this will all pan out, to us this seemed like “opening up” a little but not in a crazy way.
Anon says
To me, the risk wouldn’t be a whole lot different than daycare, assuming they’re taking similar health precautions. If the camp is an outdoorsy one and they’re having the kids wear masks, it’s probably less risky than a daycare (especially an infant/toddler daycare where the kids can’t keep masks on).
Anonymous says
I will send my kids to summer camps if they are open. My 5 year old still has a daycare slot through the summer, but if camps are open and daycare is not, I will treat her like the rising Kindergartener she is and send her to camp. This will likely be either YMCA day camp or the summer camp run by the school’s after care. Both are primarily outdoors, weather-permitting. I’m not sure the risk is so much different than daycare, it’s just that either is an acceptable risk to me because 1. my kids need to get back to something that resembles normal life with friends and activities outside our house, and 2. my husband will need to be back in the office within the next month or so. The alternatives are camp, nanny, DH taking a ton of PTO, or me failing at my job. Camp is the best option for us.
Pregnancy during covid says
Any other pregnant ladies on here struggling with how to manage things re-opening? I’m 7 months along and trying to figure out how to manage going back to the office and also when to send my kid back to daycare.
I’m struggling to figure out what’s a reasonable vs unreasonable fear, given how little is known about covid and pregnancy. Not to mention worried about catching it right before giving birth, which would create a ton of problems. Ugh!
Leatty says
I am. I’m 6 months pregnant and struggling with the exact same thing. I will be working from home for the rest of my pregnancy, and DH will likely be working from home for a while too. Our toddler misses daycare, and it is a challenge to watch her while working full-time (although both of our employers have been so understanding). We have a part-time sitter, which helps tremendously, but we will be required to pay full tuition at daycare starting 6/1. While we can afford it, we are trying to save money with #2 on the way (can’t wait to spend more on childcare than we spend on our mortgage). Plus, my daughter really misses her friends, and she’s been acting out more often since she’s been at home with us. In all likelihood, we will send her back in about a month (unless something dramatically changes between now and then). It’s not ideal, but I need to send her back to daycare for my mental health.
cbackson says
I’m 8 months along, and at this point am not viewing myself as higher-risk based on the information that’s out there – there’s not really information at this point that suggests pregnant women are more likely to get this, get worse cases of it, or pass it to the baby in utero (Emily Oster’s site has been my best resource on this). I’d be more concerned if I were in the first trimester because it doesn’t seem like we have as much insight into the risks in early pregnancy. So I think I’m making the same decisions I’d be making if I weren’t pregnant.
That said, all that has really changed for me in terms of “reopening” is that I’m more comfortable now seeing my parents and two friends that live alone (although I only see the friends for outdoor activities). My company is going to be WFH until Q4 at least. To your point, even if pregnant women aren’t high-risk, getting covid close to delivery would be an enormous PITA even if you’re completely asymptomatic. In light of that I’d probably try to see if your company would accommodate continued work from home for you and if you’re able to manage WFH without sending your kid back to daycare, I’d probably try to do so. Those seem like big things that could substantially reduce your risk if they’re feasible.
Anon says
I’m not sure late pregnancy is safer than early pregnancy, especially as far as the baby’s health goes. https://www.cnbc.com/2020/05/01/second-trimester-miscarriage-attributed-to-a-coronavirus-infection-of-placenta.html
That said, I think this – just like the inflammatory syndrome in kids – is exceedingly rare.