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What I like about this dress from Ann Taylor is that it keeps the wrap dress style but also blends a more tailored aspect. The button cuffed sleeves, the plain colored belt, and the vertical stripes — which usually skew more toward business casual — help to professionalize it. The v-neck of a wrap dress is flattering and makes it faster to take a pump break. I happen to like the color as well, and it would force me out of my black/white/gray work wardrobe instincts. As styled on the site with a black shoe, it looks a little harsh to my eye — I probably would wear it with a nude shoe or even silver or gold. It’s $98 and comes in regular and petite sizes. Striped Button Cuff Wrap Dress ASOS has a plus-size option (which looks short, but the model is 5’11”.) This post contains affiliate links and CorporetteMoms may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!Sales of note for 5.5.24
(See all of the latest workwear sales at Corporette!)
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase (ends 5/12); $50 off your $200+ purchase (ends 5/5)
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Kid/Family Sales
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And — here are some of our latest threadjacks of interest – working mom questions asked by the commenters!
- If you’re a working parent of an infant with low sleep needs, how do you function at work when you’re in the throes of baby’s sleep regression?
- Should I cut my childcare down to 12 hours a month if I work from home?
- Will my baby have speech delays if we raise her bilingual?
- Has anyone given birth in a teaching hospital?
- My child eats everything, and my friends’ kids do not – how should I handle? In general, what is the best way to handle when your child has some skill/ability and your friend’s child doesn’t have that skill/ability?
- ADHD moms, give me your tips to help with things like behavior in the classroom, attention to detail, etc?
- I think I suffer from mom rage…
- My husband and kids are gone this weekend – how should I enjoy my free time?
- I’m struggling to be compassionate with a SAHM friend who complains she doesn’t have enough hours of childcare.
- If you exclusively formula fed, what tips do you have for in the hospital and coming home?
- Could I take my 4-yo and 8-yo on a 7-8 day trip to Paris, Lyon, and Madrid?
anon says
We’ve been asked to tie a small toy to our daughter’s lunchbox to help her find it (maybe thermos too? that part was unclear, agh) – have any of you done this? Suggestions for type of toy or item you might tie on there? Even better if it’s the type of thing I can easily identify and order on amazon! (story of my life)
Anonymous says
We got our girls colored washable lands end lunchboxes that we then monogrammed. They can find theirs. And they get so icky that while I can clean the lunchbox i’d throw away the toy.
Redux says
My kid has curling ribbon tied to her water bottle. It’s practically free, no risk of loss, and if it ever falls off (not yet in a year or maybe more) we have more of the same stashed under the bed.
Mrs. Jones says
Try a key chain, maybe one of the plush ones that kids put on their backpacks.
anne-on says
Lego Keychain? My son is pretty obsessed with mine (it has a light!!)
https://www.amazon.com/LEGO-DC-Comics-Super-Heroes/dp/B01GFHACWM/ref=sr_1_8?s=toys-and-games&ie=UTF8&qid=1525876462&sr=1-8&keywords=lego+light+up+keychains
EB0220 says
My kid has Ty Beanie Boos keychains on her stuff. We’ve found them at toy stores, Amazon and gas stations! https://www.amazon.com/Ty-TWIGGY-Pink-Chain-Plush/dp/B0712191H7/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1525876474&sr=8-9&keywords=beanie+boos+keychain
KateMiddletown says
And lately McDonalds, I believe!
anon says
My son is struggling with writing his letters and his pre-K teacher is concerned about his fine motor skills. Basically he has no interest and doesn’t want to practice doodling or anything that involves a writing instrument. While we’re waiting to line up an occupational therapist, do you have any suggestions for fun things to do to make writing fun? Sidewalk chalk has been meh.
Anonymous says
tub markers?
also playdoh works the hand muscles involved and PT/OT friends swear by it and have it in their work bags for when they visit kids in schools
mascot says
There are a bunch of ways to work on fine motor skills that aren’t formal writing. Tracing letters/drawing with his finger in sand or on a tray of shaving cream. Finger painting. Playing with stamps and paint. Get some slightly larger tweezers and have him pick up little pompoms and place them into a water bottle or bowl. Does he like those lacing or bead stringing kits? Could he make drawings using dried beans and glue?
anne-on says
+1 – my cousins are hand OTs and they suggested a lot of these activities – tweezers with beads as a ‘race’ to see who could fill up a bowl fastest was a big hit. Stamps, stickers, and the magnetic doodle boards were also fun/easy ways to practice writing.
I also flat out bribe our kids in the summer to increase skills – 3 pages of a workbook=1 stamp, and 5 stamps=cool toy/treat/experience. Writing was HARD for my son in pre-K, so 1 page of writing=stamp. And honestly every single boy in his pre-K class is now writing SO much better in K, so I do think its somewhat of an age/maturity thing.
Meg Murry says
Along with this sorting – my son would sort tiny legos by color or shape for hours once we got him started. Sorting M&Ms or Skittles or any other multicolored candy by color is also good for fine motor and pincer grasp. Another fun activity is to paint with q-tips – same type of hand positioning as writing with a pencil, but paint makes it more fun (and messier)
anne-on says
I forgot – we also painted with water in the driveway a ton over the summer, that and sidewalk chalk were waaay more fun than writing with regular pencils for hi,.
CHL says
My kids love whiteboards, especially on the wall when you can stand up and write on them (as opposed to sitting at a table or desk.) They also love stringing beads and macaroni
Anonymous says
How old is he? My kiddo absolutely refused to try writing anything until after he turned 5. Since then he has shown a lot more interest. Still not in kinder. (Will be next year.) I’m skeptical that a kid in pre-K actually needs to be able to write letters.
OP says
Thanks so much–I wasn’t even thinking of grasping tasks, which makes so much sense because my concern really is for the lack of fine motor skills rather than writing ability.
blueridge29 says
Someone on here recommended the Melissa and Dough scratch art set. To make the art you have to hold and press a small wooden pencil. This set helped my 4 year old son learn how to correctly hold a pencil and press hard without him realizing that we were working on letters. We are still working on improving his fine motor skills, but once he was more comfortable holding the pencil he warmed up to drawing letters. Good luck!
anon says
My kids loved anything ipad related, so I bought them a stylus and a writing app.
Swaddling problems says
Help! My 2-month old decided this week that she hates her swaddle and wants to be able to have her hands at her face. She was regularly sleeping 5-6 hours at a shot but now the max is 3 because she wakes up and can’t resettle bc she gets angry she can’t move her arms. If I put her down unswaddled, she wakes up in 45 min-1 hr due to startling. Any ideas? I’m continuing swaddling (3hrs is better than 45 min, but I need that occasional 5 hr chunk of sleep!) and hoping she just gets used to it again.
June says
Try the Merlin Magic Sleepsuit. It’s meant for transitioning out of the swaddle. It gives them some freedom to move but has enough weight that they don’t startle themselves.
lala says
Have you tried swaddling with one hand out? That was always our first step to transitioning out of the swaddle.
AIMS says
I’ll try to repost this tomorrow morning in case you don’t see this, but there is a swaddle that lets baby have her arms up. I was very confused by it but it’s actually super easy to use and some kids prefer it. Is called the love to dream or something like that. Worth a shot!
Anonymous says
Seconding the Merlin sleepsuit– our twins transitioned swaddling into that and it is a great “damper” for startling while still letting them wiggle if it’s on purpose. You need to take them out of it once they can roll, though, I believe.
Older Dads says
I’m 28 and 4 months pregnant with my first. My husband turns 40 in a couple of months. We hope to have 3 kids (maybe 4 depending how it all goes!), and I’ve been feeling a bit of sadness about how he’ll be an older dad. Math like how he’ll be in his 60s when our kids graduate HS, etc. Just curious about positive stories about older partners or dads!
same here says
I had my first at the same age as you and with the same age difference with DH. Pregnant with 2nd one now (so 30 and 42 for us). I don’t know where you live, but in NYC I skew on the young end of parents and my husband is closer to the average age (first timers in their mid 30’s). That makes a helpful difference in his favor too.
My DH has commented that the newborn/baby sleep deprivation made him feel his “age” for the first time…I seem to have more energy on less sleep…but other than that, it hasn’t come up in any way. Also, there’s a very fair chance that we would have had the same outcome just because moms can typically handle those challenges better than dads, in my experience. So, I think if your husband is otherwise fit and healthy, you won’t notice the difference!
same here says
I realize that this doesn’t answer your questions about looking to the future, so I’ll add that my FIL is about 20 years older than my dad. Because FIL had and has a much healthier lifestyle and outlook on life than my dad does, he’s actually a more physically capable grandfather than my dad is. He can play and semi-keep up with my little one, whereas my dad has to be sitting down to interact. My dad has always acted as if he’s older and sicker than he actually is and takes zero steps to keep himself in good physical health. So that affirms my POV that it’s more about lifestyle and outlook than about the number.
Anonymous says
DH’s dad was older. There were some downsides but in general he felt that his Dad was very patient and loved that he retired when DH and his brother were in college so he was free to do some cool camping trips with DH and his brother for a month at a time every summer.
‘Older’ is also relative. DH trail runs with a guy who is my mom’s age. My mom is very inactive and easily seems 10 years older than DH’s running buddy. My BFF’s mom goes to yoga class with us every week and teaches a running clinic and she’s the same age as my mom who I can’t even convince to try seniors fitness classes. Having kids motivated my DH to increase his activity levels, reduce his drinking and drop his social smoking to maintain his health so he could be around as long as possible for his kids.
NewMomAnon says
My dad was 40 when my younger brother was born! They are so close – much closer than my dad and I. Part of it is that my dad was through the hardest career grind by the time my brother was a teenager, so he had more time to have fun with my brother. Part of it was also that he had become a supervisor at his job by then, and he was better at managing people, including children. He didn’t lose his temper with my brother the way he had with me, he was far more patient and had really important, deep conversations with my brother. And I don’t think it’s just a gender thing; my dad has specifically said that he was a better parent once he had more perspective about his career – I noticed that he was a better parent to me too, but I was older by then.
Anonymous says
YES, this. I responded below while NewMomAnon was writing her response but this is so true for us as well.
It’s not just the $ – being older and more advance in the career also has helped DH become wiser and more mature and have more experiences managing all kinds of people.
Anonymous says
Our age gap is slightly smaller: I was 32 with first kid, DH was 40. At 3rd kid I was 39 and DH 48…DH is far more physically fit than me and is in better heart health. We BOTH felt the 3rd kid’s first year much harder! :)
On the whole, though, I think having an older dad is a benefit. He is considering stepping out of the rat race and slowing down his career or even stopping work – and we can consider that because during the peak career building years of the 30s he didn’t have kids to take care of. So, we built our nest egg and lined up our finances so that he could have that flexibility now. And now the big kids are of an age where he genuinely enjoys spending time with them so I’m trying get him to coach softball teams and spend more time in the classrooms – he’s in great shape and has a fun kid-like personality so kids LOVE him and he gets a kick out of being adored by minions. ;)
And I stopped our contributions for #3’s college fund when I realized #3 will be 18 when DH is eligible for SS…we will cash flow college with retirement funds. So, there’s another financial upside.
Obviously I have no idea how it’s going to feel when he’s actually in his 60s with high schoolers but his dad is fairly active in his 70s now, despite not being nearly as health-conscious as DH, so I am optimistic.
Your Husband's Secret Twin says
I’m 39 and 7 months pregnant with my first. I’ll be about your husband’s age when I become a parent. It was pretty strange reading your post – it simply hadn’t occurred to me that someone would feel sad that I (or anyone else) would be an older parent. What concerns me about my age is, frankly, the sleep deprivation. What makes me optimistic about my age is that I’m much, much better about not caring what other people think. It’s freeing to believe that DH and I will be able to raise our child without worrying about what other people think. People in their 60s are not generally infirm; my own parents retired and traveled the world in that decade. Can you explain what concerns you about your kids having an older father?
NewMomAnon says
I mostly think it’s fine to have an older parent, but….my dad was older when I was born, and I was older when kiddo was born. He was already 70 when kiddo was born. He would be in his late 80’s for her high school graduation and his 90’s for her college graduation/wedding/starting career/whatever. Which means…he probably won’t get to participate in those. That makes me so sad.
AIMS says
My dad was in his early 40s when I came along. I’ll admit that I was sometimes embarrassed to have an “old” dad when I was young, but I’m not sure that would have been the case had I been surrounded by people with more older parents (less common then). I don’t think age has much to do with how you are as a parent other than the more obvious – resources, patience, energy.. But I know men who became parents very late in life and were amazing and others who were set in their ways and found kids to be a disturbance to their set ways. I think your personality matter a lot more than your age here!
Your Husband's Secret Twin says
I hear you there – but there are many factors that can keep family from being present, besides death. My family is pretty scattered. I’d love it if my kid could have a close relationship with her uncle (my brother), but since he lives 400 miles away I don’t foresee that in the near future. You have a right to mourn the relationship that could have been, but age is not the only impediment to our imagined family lives.
Anonymous says
My mother was 36 and my father 38 when I, the youngest, was born in the 1960s. They were ten years older than most of the other parents, though healthy and active. All my friends and their parents loved them! I also had the fewest restrictions of any of my friends because my parents were chill and realized I didn’t need them. I never felt any concern or deprivation about having older parents.
Anonymous says
May dad was almost 39 when I was born. So an older dad, though I guess it’s becoming more common now. I have some negative feelings about it to be honest. I know the OP only asked for positives … and my situation if probably a bit different from yours… My dad had some life experiences that made him seem older (tough childhood, Vietnam vet, cancer survivor in his 30s) and died suddenly at 61 when I was in college (he was a smoker which may have contributed to this). I’m sad that my dad didn’t live to see me graduate from college, get married, have kids, etc.
anonforthis says
I was 44 when I had (unplanned) twins. My husband is 7 years older than me. So your post made me chuckle. :)
I actually love being an older parent. I am a much better parent now than I would have been when I was younger. We are also financially settled and set in our careers. I felt confident in taking a long unpaid leave. I don’t really worry about being old when they reach milestones – I like to think my husband and I are young and energetic for our ages. I do feel old when compared to other parents, but there is no getting around that. I am soon-to-be 50 with two six year olds.
ElisaR says
thank you I was feeling sad/crappy about this post as a mom of a newborn at 40 — happy to see your response
lsw says
My mom has an uncanny ability to do something extremely stressful and upsetting immediately after my therapy appointment so I have a full two weeks to worry about it on my own. I do feel like I’m getting enough helpful tips from my sessions that I am not, like, a mess, but I would love some helpful tips on just setting aside something stressful and emotional for a while. I process things by talking them out, but this involves something with my husband – and it’s most assuredly not his fault, therefore I feel bad talking it through with him. I don’t usually talk about problems with my mom with my friends (“Everything is fine! It’s fine!” syndrome I guess) so I find my therapy sessions really helpful with this. Can anyone relate and share some sort of great way to help me not dwell on this for the next week until I feel like I can get my cathartic release? Go back to the old middle school chestnut of writing her a letter and burning it?
Anonymous says
I write a letter in a notebook and then talk about it at my next appointment. I find it helps my therapist understand how i felt in the moment and we can talk about strategies for how to deal with that.
lawsuited says
Write whatever you’re feeling now down so that you can share it with your therapist when you see her in 2 weeks.
NewMomAnon says
Talk with your therapist about this – I once mentioned something, and my therapist was like, “You should just text me between sessions.” I was skeptical that a text response would make me feel better, but you know what? It does.
It is so important to get these out of your head and in front of someone who will challenge your assumptions and automatic, ingrained reactions. I have a couple friends who can do that, but my therapist does it better than anyone. So many of my friends and family will just pick up on my frustration or upset and affirm it, which feeds my internal crazies.
NewMomAnon says
And sometimes I’ll text my therapist, “Remind me to discuss X thing and how mad it made me at the next appointment.” Just getting it out there that X thing made me mad sometimes helps, or makes me think harder, or puts me on notice that I need to get my thoughts together to discuss.
lsw says
This is so helpful! Thank you!
Two Cents says
Thought you ladies would get a kick out of this. The room parents at school have suggested giving the teachers scented candles, essential oils (!!) and a Starbucks gift card for teacher appreciation week. Why oh why?? I have pushed back and suggested cash and some flowers.
NewMomAnon says
My cynical guess: the room parents do MLM with Scentsy and some essential oil seller.
Mrs. Jones says
Ugh no. I can’t imagine teachers would prefer candles/oil over gift cards/cash. I’m so over Teacher appreciation week.
Anon in NYC says
lol, nope. $20 Starbucks gift cards for all of the teachers.
AwayEmily says
CASH FOREVER!
GCA says
Conveniently, someone among those room parents sells essential oils…did I get that right?
KateMiddletown says
!!!
I’m all for Rainbow Hair’s “picture of the trinket gift with cash inside” strategy.
Two Cents says
Yikes, I have no idea! Such a good point though. I’m really annoyed on the teachers’ behalf. I wrote a nice but firm email back to the room parent pushing back. Will keep you posted.
NewMomAnon says
Sigh. I am so overwhelmed by all the summer scheduling already, and it’s only early May. I’ve got family members demanding that I set aside 3 full weeks for four different trips, and each trip requires coordinating with kiddo’s dad, coordinating with work, coordinating with daycare, and coordinating with several family members. I need to attend 2 conferences for work, which also requires coordinating with kiddo’s dad. And kiddo really, really, really wants to go camping and so do I! Frankly, more than I want to go on 3 weeks of family trips in one summer…
Plus it’s summer! We didn’t make it to the beach last year until September because we were running crazy with family trips, birthday parties, weddings, helping family members move, etc. We didn’t even know that the local playground was completely revamped until late August! Where did the lazy, free-form summers of my childhood go? How do I scale back some of this?
Anonymous says
We say no more than we used to. Setting limits isn’t easy or fun but sometimes necessary. We set hard limits this year because both grandmas have milestone birthdays next year and are expecting our attendance at one week family vacations. We’ll do those so we are taking more time for just us this year. We don’t feel guilty about saying no to the smaller stuff if we do the stuff that is really important to people.
Anonymous says
Hard no s on all the stuff that doesn’t make your heart sing. Sounds harsh but you will be a better and happier person.
Schedule your camping trip(s), beach trips, and work conferences first. Then figure out if any of the other stuff fits around that. And if it doesn’t, let it go. Seriously. Your kid is at a super fun age and you work too darn hard to not get to enjoy it.
Anonymous says
Just say no!! Maybe not to the work conferences (but even that – do you NEED to attend both of them?). Schedule what works for your family first, leave some free time, and THEN see what fits in. You’ll look back and love the memories of that unscheduled time.
Anon says
You scale back by saying no. It’s so hard, but it has to be done. I had the same thing last year. So here were the summer ground rules I laid for our family:
– No more than two scheduled weekends a month. Once those two weekends are full, we HAVE to say no to other things. The kids are in school/daycare/camp all week and all year, they need lazy summer days to sleep and run.
– No more than two weeks of vacation. I need to use my work vacation for sick days too, so I “budgeted” my time. One of those weeks was a solo family vacation, one was a stay-cation so I could take the kids to parks and pools and stuff. That meant we had to say no to several family trips, but oh the memories!
– At least one long weekend that we ALL wanted to do as a family, which was a water park for us but sounds like camping for you.
All this meant that we said no to a LOT of stuff. Even stuff that we really wanted to do, and stuff that everyone wanted us to do. But my poor kids deserve downtime. They need to learn to be bored. They need time with their parents (who need to not be stressed out from trying to squeeze 3 activities into one weekend). It was so hard to say no, but my kids were so happy all summer long. And they did better in school this year, which I think was related to giving their brains a break from the go-go-go schedule that is normally our lives.
It was so good, for our whole family, that we’re doing it again this summer. The week vacation will be a family trip instead of a solo trip, but otherwise we’re keeping the same rules. And we’re all excited about it!
HSAL says
Adding to the chorus, but say no! Family members can demand all they want. Figure out your work trips (are they both really necessary?), find a good time for camping and schedule it, and then see what things look like after that. Four different family trips (3 weeks!) in one summer is crazy. I’m sure there are family politics involved, so maybe it’s easier to just turn down everyone asking rather than ‘play favorites,’ but this is your summer too – do what YOU want.
lawsuited says
If your family wants to see you/kiddo, invite them to your city for a long weekend and let them come to the beach and park with you! If they don’t want to do that then that’s their deal. I think that we sometimes forget that we’re the parents now and we make the rules for our family and get caught up in our former roles of trying to make our birth family happy.
anon says
You gotta say no. Seriously. Put your immediate family’s needs first, and let the rest fall where it may. I’m not saying this is easy but I refuse to be ragged during my favorite season of the year.
NewMomAnon says
Sigh….my family has this weird dynamic that they float a million “we should do X!” ideas throughout the year and I agree, knowing that most of them will not happen and I’ll never have to think about it again. This year, several have unexpectedly stuck and I’m now being barraged by my mother for hard commitments on four different family trip dates…and she’s like, “But you seemed excited when we talked about it! [insert guilt trip about how I’m not helping plan it, and how my lack of enthusiasm is reflecting poorly on her etc.]”
I’m also afraid that my kiddo is so scheduled that she has no ability to self-entertain. Our apartment is small-ish, and I minimize mess and housework by leaving when the sun rises and keeping us out and about until after dinner….so she doesn’t have the ability to just “hang out” in her own space. She’s always on someone else’s turf. She doesn’t know what to do when we have unscheduled time at home.
Anon says
You say “Yep, I’m excited to do ONE of the four this year. I’ve got to coordinate a ton of schedules to make even one of them happen, so I’ll let you know which one works best for us. Can’t wait to be together!”
And your worry about kiddo is precisely why we instituted our “rules” from above. That’s such a valuable life skill to learn, and you have to teach it early. Make this the summer where you start. Having a specific goal/ worry that you’re trying to fix will make it easier to say no – you’re doing your Very Important Job as Kiddo’s parent, not just saying no because of a whim. (Which you should never say to other people, it just helps reinforce to yourself that you’re doing the right thing when you feel upset or get a million guilt trips.)
House Impostor Syndrome says
Very curious whether others have experienced this. Probably outs me but oh well.
We just moved into a new home a few weeks ago. It is the nicest place either of us has ever lived. The den alone is literally twice the size of our entire living/dining/kitchen before. We had been living in a safe but scruffy neighborhood to save money before, and it’s kind of surreal to go from houses with tarps hanging from the carport and broken down cars out front to one of the nicest zip codes in our large metro area. This has been planned– our kid will now attend a fabulous neighborhood elementary school when she starts. But this is larger and nicer by far than either of our childhood homes, and my husband and I are basically spending our evenings wandering around, saying over and over again, “we live here, holy ****.” It has been more than a week, and it still feels completely surreal. Both of us feel like it’s going to disappear at any minute. And that we will be found out soon as the weirdos that we are. Both of us are stressing over things like what the neighbors will think of the yard (which was an epic disaster when we moved in, and will take major work to fully remediate.)
Has anyone else experienced this? Both of us grew up in the lower end of upper middle class, me with many more privileges than my husband for a variety of reasons. But we’re both gobsmacked and feel like we are faking it. I grew up going to fancy schools amid very wealthy people, and I still feel like I’m having a sleepover at a friend’s mansion– that it’s not really mine.
Anonymous says
I don’t think this is unusual, given your background. Everything in life is fake till you make it, so you’ll grow into things. Keep reminding yourself that you can afford the house and purchased the house, so you ARENT out of place in the neighborhood.
Anonymous says
I’m so happy to hear this, and it gives me hope for myself! Remind yourself you DESERVE it because you worked for it, you earned it, it truly is yours. It may take a year or more to feel like it’s truly YOURS. But thanks for the inspiration and the excitement! This is so great!
anon says
I grew up solidly middle class, my husband grew up solidly poor. I totally get it and I don’t even live in a mansion. But just having granite counters and a car with heated seats makes me feel like a queen. It’s pretty great. It makes me feel a little bit sorry for people who have always had everything.
anon says
+1 Heated Seats are the fanciest thing and I love mine!!
mascot says
We felt this way when we moved into our current house since it was a major upgrade to our previous house. It wasn’t so much about the price as it was it felt very adult. It’s been a few years and that feeling has lessened somewhat. We still love the house and will be in it for a while, unlike our first house that we knew was a starting point. Although I still look around and wonder where all the grownups are and then realize that I am a grownup. Even at 40 with a nice house and real job and a spouse and a kid, I still don’t feel grownup. And then I realize that everyone feels this way and my parents probably felt the same.
Anonymous says
Just want to say I’m going through something really similar. Our house is 50% larger than our last house and has land. Yes, a couple rooms need renovations, but I’m so in love with our house. It’s different and better than I imagined when we started our search and I can’t believe in a few weeks/months/years this is going to be “normal” to me instead of amazing.
AlsoAnon says
I have experienced this: our current house is the nicest house DH and I have ever lived in. I just wanted to say: I’m so proud of you. I think it’s also good to verbalize your surprise a little bit. Like when people say “nice countertops” or “you’ve done a lot of work in the yard” I think it’s ok to say “thanks, I think they’re so fancy and fab!” or “yeah I love having a yard this big to take care of!” You worked hard for this! You belong! It’s ok to hold onto that feeling of “holy s***” because it will make you proud and grateful.
Anonymous says
Yes. My mother had an outhouse growing up. I’m amazed that people have garages (like they have a house for their car . . . their CAR!!!).
FP says
Yes! I grew up lower middle class in a not-upgraded home. Husband and I have lived in a fixer upper teardown house for the past ten years – which means that nothing ever got upgraded because once we leave, someone is bulldozing this house to build a mansion. Literally this morning I picked out countertops for our new home (quartz!!!) and a big fridge and felt like a Real Housewife of My City. I cannot wait to live there because I suspect I will feel like I am in someone else’s cool Airbnb or something.
lsw says
Hey! Yes! Same! We literally just did this six months ago. I’m still feeling a bit of embarrassment when I say the name of the neighborhood we live in. I feel pressure to give a caveat, like, “Well, it’s not the nicest block of Fancy Neighborhood – it’s the last block before Cheaper Neighborhood.” I’m working hard not to do that and just say we live in Neighborhood.
And yeah, we went from 2BR to 5BR. On three floors! What!! I’m still marveling that we get to live in such a nice house, despite the fact that it should have some bathroom and kitchen updates.
I also felt some stress about the yard and some other not-so-well-taken-care-of stuff, but within a week of moving in, we had three separate neighbors say how glad they were that we moved in and that they looked forward to seeing what we’d do with the place. So, the neighbors are probably thrilled to have someone who is going to update the yard!
Congratulations to you!
Anonymous says
We totally went through this when we bought a place. I really started having some mild anxiety about stuff that I never worried about before. It wasn’t even that much bigger than our old place but it’s on a gorgeous street in a very nice building in a posh neighborhood and I really felt a bit of imposter syndrome. Like when we were living super frugally to save up to buy, I used to be a little bit embarrassed to invite people over and then we moved and I was embarrassed to invite people over because the new place was “too fancy.” My husband even upgraded his sweatpants to walk the dog in something “more presentable” because he didn’t want to feel awkward in the elevator or with the doorman. I don’t think anyone cared but it just felt like we needed to step it up a bit? I still get a bit of a rush when I get home and think “how did I end up here?” But it gets easier over time! Enjoy it! Also, don’t take it for granted – I find that reframing this feeling to be one of gratitude for your circumstances really helps with everything and is just a better way to go through life.
Anon says
Raise your hand if your boss is frustrating you and you just want to go home and play with your kid.
NewMomAnon says
I swear I work for the Pointy Haired Boss from Dilbert.
lawsuited says
Yes!
anon says
Any moms who developed gestational diabetes while pregnant on? I am a little over 10 weeks and everything looks great so far. I am borderline pre-diabetic (my A1C has ranged from 5.1 to 5.7 since I was in my early 30s and I am now 39; it was 5.1 when i last checked in September) and have strong family history of diabetes, so it seems inevitable that I will develop GD. My OB wants to do the sugar test earlier than normal to account for this, and I’d like to start exercising (i have fallen off the wagon the past few years) to help moderate my blood sugar (my diet is decent). Any tips for easy, low-impact exercise routines for someone who HATES exercising? OB said as long as my heart rate stays under 140 exercise is a good idea. Any other tips/suggestions welcome.
anon says
I did 20 minutes on a recumbent stationary bike while pregnant. There is no bouncing so it’s comfortable as your pregnancy progresses and your head is stable enough to watch tv which distracts me.
Anonymous says
also: recumbent bikes can justify all sorts of trashy magazine purchases
anon says
haha i’m all about trashy magazines. thank you!
Anonymous says
Do you have any exercise equpiment at your house? I’m most successful with sticking to running/walking on the treadmill or riding my exercise bike at home. I get bored so I usually watch HGTV or RH of wherever or other trashy tv while working out. Something that occupies my mind without having to pay a lot of attention to the storyline. Even a 20 minute walk is beneficial.
If you already have kids, try incorporating more active outings. I also got an accidential thigh workout from excessive seesawing with three kids at the playground on Sunday (not kidding, I was sore until Tuesday).
Anon in NYC says
Walking is something you’ll be able to do throughout your pregnancy. I really liked strength training. Not HIIT type stuff, but squats, lunges, bicep curls – basic sort of stuff that you can even do at home. I didn’t love prenatal yoga. It honestly seemed like an hour where we spent 40 minutes introducing ourselves and how many weeks we were, 10 minutes practicing, and then an additional 5-10 minutes in savasana. Caveat that maybe not all prenatal classes are like that and I’m sure others have enjoyed them! If you have access to a pool, some people have enjoyed that – especially as they have gotten bigger.
Anon in NYC says
One other suggestion – find out if there are any trainers or gyms/classes that specialize in prenatal fitness. I really enjoy group fitness settings and having someone tell me what to do so I don’t have to think about what I’m doing.
NewMomAnon says
My advice probably won’t save you from GD, but – find a prenatal yoga class. I really, really needed the core strengthening and meditation while pregnant and postpartum. Some studios that offer prenatal yoga also offer prenatal barre classes, which were amazing aerobic exercise. I had underestimated how heavy a baby can get when you are holding it all the time.
Also, I know they generally say that you can’t “cause” or “prevent” GD – it doesn’t depend on your eating habits or weight. It’s worth talking to your OB about whether exercise can actually *prevent* it.
Lily says
I found bodyfit by Amy’s exercise videos on YouTube incredibly helpful through my first and second trimesters. She has exercise videos designed for pregnancy challenges.
Anonymous says
Book recommendations for improving your marriage/relationship? No specific dire problems but generally feeling like we’re not in sync/communicating very well these days.
Anonymous says
yes! the seven principles for making marriage work by john gottman
NewMomAnon says
The Five Love Languages – you can also skip the book and both take the free test online
Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson
Bear with me on this one but – Come As You Are. It’s about the effect of stress and other psychological barriers to women’s s*xual relationships.
Tfor22 says
This only indirectly addresses your question, sorry. When I start to feel that way I try to schedule a date night so we can have a conversation that is not about the lad, our work dramas, or scheduling. If we can’t fit in a whole night I might stay up late so we can watch tv together.
Last week on the main site they referenced a nice piece from the Atlantic about turning towards your partner, which reminded me that occasionally I try to make an effort to read up about something he is interested in. For example, the hubs loves Riesling to the point that I am sick of it, but I chatted with him about the NYT’s recent article on Rieslings and indicated I’d be up for trying one or two of them.
Tfor22 says
Here is the link to the article:
https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/
Anonymous says
Thanks so much to all!
flying with a carseat? says
We are taking our first flight with our toddler this summer. He will be 23 months, but we bought him his own seat. I’m not sure about what to do with his carseat. Flying with it seems annoying, and I’m reading that some airlines don’t want you to fly with a carseat anyway. We are flying into Savannah but driving to Hilton Head, so we will need a carseat for that trip. I found a place that rents baby equipment and will take it to our rental house but that doesn’t solve the problem of driving from the airport to the house. Is checking a carseat safe? I’m not even sure what my options are here. Would love any advice!
Anonymous says
check the carseat. it’s free, and you can do this curbside at the airport so that you don’t need to even take it inside the airport. I’d recommend getting a car seat bag, which has the added bonus of giving you a space to shove some bulky things in (we usually throw in jackets or diapers/wipes etc.) and check them for free.
Anonymous says
This.
We always check our car seats in a car seat bag and toss in a couple lightweight bulky items (toddler life jacket/beach bag)
NewMomAnon says
I bought a cheap extra car seat for travel, and a travel bag. That way if the car seat gets banged around, at least it isn’t my big expensive nice car seat. I have a strap that connects it to my luggage; when kiddo was 2-3, I used that as an airport stroller and then gate checked the car seat. There are also fancier carts that turn the car seat into a stroller that are probably more durable (but cost more than $15).
I’ve watched the gate checking process; fwiw, it seemed like the baggage handlers were decently careful with the strollers, car seats, etc.
Anon says
+1. Cheapo seat and those red car seat bags from Amazon. Turn the travel bag inside out and reinforce all the seams with red duct tape.
Blueberries says
After hearing from a friend who repeatedly called the car rental place to confirm car seat availability and then arrived to find no suitable car seats, I always check car seats when flying. They’re enormous, heavy, and a hassle. However, I’d rather have the increased certainty of having an appropriate car seat in good condition that comes with bringing my own. Also, I don’t want to figure out how to safely install a different model of car seat after flying with little ones.
I always pack the car seats in car seat travel bags to protect them from dirt/moisture.
Anon in NYC says
Yep – check the car seat. We were just on a plane and brought our seat and checked it from the get-go. Get one of those bags, if you can. It will protect the seat from damage/dirt/water during travel.
lawsuited says
Check the car seat in a travel bag and it will be fine. Ours has already travelling many miles and it’s fine.
flying with a carseat? says
Thank you all! Awesome! And next, dumber questions I just thought of: does your kid just….sit in his seat with a seatbelt on during takeoff and landing? Could I be holding him? (Technically he could be a lap child as he won’t be quite two.) And do we need to bring any sort of identification for him? Not that I even know what that would be…SS card? Agh! I feel as stressed as I was the first time I flew while pumping, though it’s good to remember that all my preparation made it super easy and then I became an old pro.
Anonymous says
Carry his long form birth certificate which lists you as his parent (or copy of adoption record if applicable). For a 23 month old I would say he sits in his own seat but be prepared that you may have to hold the seatbelt closed if he gets bored and starts picking at it during take off/landing.
Anon in NYC says
We used the CARES system with my almost 3 year old and it worked surprisingly well. Especially because when she started to throw a tantrum about sitting on the plane for so long, it was easy to see that she could have easily slid underneath the lap seat belt. It’s really expensive to buy new, so I’d try to find a gently used one from a local parenting group or see if someone has it and you can borrow it.
For domestic travel, I think we brought her birth certificate? Or maybe her passport. It wasn’t needed, but it gave us some piece of mind.
Anon says
Traveling domestically, any kid under 18 with a ticketed seat doesn’t require ID. (You sometimes need proof-of-age for lap children, but since he has a seat he won’t need that.) That being said, we generally travel with copies of their birth certificates, just in case, but have never needed them.
Since he’s under 2, you could technically hold him on your lap during take-off and landing, but be aware you might get pushback from the flight attendants since kids 24 months and older have to be buckled into their own seat.
Safety enthusiasts will tell you that the airplane seatbelt doesn’t fit properly until 40 lbs and the CARES harness doesn’t help at all, because in the event of something like an aborted takeoff, your kid will just slide right out under the seatbelt because there’s no strap between his legs. The safest option is to bring the carseat on board and have him sit in it–this has the added benefit that most kids are used to carseats and are willing to be buckled in on the plane, whereas it might be more challenging to get him to sit in a regular seat.
When checking car seats, we’ve always done gate-check because it makes it harder for the seat to get accidentally lost in transit and we really don’t want to have to deal with not having it upon arrival. If you’re already bringing it through security, etc. anyway, it’s really not more work to bring it onto the plane.
NewMomAnon says
When I flew with kiddo around that age, some flight attendants insisted she sit on my lap during takeoff and landing if I didn’t have a CARES harness or a car seat. One asked, paused, and said that since she was so close to 2 she could sit in the seat next to me with the seat belt on. So you may have to hold kiddo in your lap, or you might not.
SF says
most car seats can be used on the plane. The kiddo might be more comfortable in his/her carseat. If you have a seat, it’s the safest option for them.
J says
We’ve been on 2 flights with out 2 year old (one roundtrip vacation). We had her in the carseat and bought the Britax cart for transporting the carseat in the airports. It was a pain. But I’m a total worrywart…so the peace of mind that she is as safe as possible is a big deal to me. I’m not sure I’d do it on an overnight transoceanic flight. I think she’d sleep better laying on a combination of me and the seat, because we weren’t really able to recline the carseat very much on the plane. But for domestic flights where she only needs to nap for an hour or so, I’ll probably stick with the carseat for at least another year or so. We don’t travel by plane a bunch, so it’s not a big deal. And the recent Southwest engine failure is a good example of why they’re important for kids. The only time it is actually a pain is when you’re installing/uninstalling it. If you have the cart, you can throw a bunch of your crap in the seat and pull it all along in the airport. That’s actually kind of nice.
Walnut says
My toddler is bonkers when unrestrained on an airplane, so we transport his carseat using the Britax cart. It’s super annoying to get on/off the plane but 100% worth it. I also love that I can strap my toddler into the seat while on the cart and roll him through the airport.
OP says
I appreciate everyone’s experience!
Eating Habits says
For both my health and superficial reasons, I’ve got to start caring more about what I put in my body. How long has it taken others to adopt healthier eating habits without feeling like you hate it? What was your process? I know what I should do as far as an ideal diet; I’m just lacking motivation. And I seriously love food, so I constantly feel deprived when I transition to eating better, even though I know I’m getting plenty of calories. What has worked for others?
Related, has anyone quit or significantly reduced their intake of added sugar? If I were to do that, what should I expect? Did you feel sick? For how long? Did you stick with it?
Anon in NYC says
If I’m reducing my caloric intake (which I admittedly have not done in a while), I’ve found that it takes me about 4 weeks before I don’t hate everything. That’s about how long it takes my body to adjust and for me to start noticing and appreciating that I feel better when I eat more nutritionally sound foods. But those 4 weeks are haaaaaaaaaaaard.
For the past 6+ months, I’ve been using the Rise app. It’s expensive, and I’m not totally sold on it, but you take pictures of your food and then a registered dietician comments on them. I’ve found that, for me, some weight loss occurs naturally, but the real value is in the accountability and comments about portion size and the nutrition in my meal. It makes me think twice about eating an entire container of gummy worms, and it also prompts me to consider how to make better food choices on an ongoing basis. Like, I will still eat spaghetti and meatballs, but maybe I’ll have a smaller portion of spaghetti and add in a side of steamed green beans.
NewMomAnon says
The only thing that works for me is requiring myself to add things to my diet before I can eat the bad stuff – I seriously rebel against cutting things from diet. But if I add greens, or whole grains, or unprocessed foods, it tends to crowd out the bad stuff so I don’t have to consciously reduce it. I usually tell myself I have to eat X portions of the good stuff before I can have my first portion of the bad stuff. And by the time I’ve had X portions….I’m full and feeling virtuous and don’t want the bad stuff anymore.
Another thing I’ve found – buy really good quality produce and meats when you’re trying to increase your intake. Not necessarily organic or local or whatever, but the stuff that’s in season and freshest. It will taste so good and feel so luxurious that it seems like a treat instead of a slog.
One thing I’ve noticed when I cut back sugar is that when I start eating processed sugary foods again, they seem SO sweet and disgusting.
lsw says
I understand it doesn’t work for everyone, but WW Freestyle has been kind of magic for me. Tracking food in the app is really easy. I know that I won’t track by writing down food, and I know that I hate tracking calories like in MyFitnessPal, so this is a great option for me. I will be totally honest and say I’m always going over my points and I’m basically kinda sorta following the program, which means I’m kinda sorta losing weight, BUT I love that I’m eating better and slowly losing weight while basically only incrementally changing my eating. That is really working for me. I still basically eat whatever, but I make small choices (actually measuring my oil, eating more chicken and veg before taking another piece of bread) that are adding up. I was mainly doing this not to lose a ton of weight but to take control back over my eating, which had gotten a little crazy through pregnancy and nursing.
Anon2 says
Are you looking to cut calories or eat healthier? My biggest tip is to start eating the most natural, least refined versions of everything. Kerrygold butter, full fat yogurt, grass-fed meats and lots of in-season fruits and vegetables. That shouldn’t feel like deprivation because everything will be tasty and filling. I’ve seen amazing changes in my body just from eating that way.
Eating Habits says
Eating healthy but also hoping that unrefined foods provide the benefit of dropping a few pounds, too. When I’ve done my best is when I’ve made a point to eat as much unrefined/minimally processed food as possible, but as much as I want. I’m just dumb about making excuses when I fall off the wagon. I know the answer is that I need to suck it up and have more discipline. Either I’m ready to be healthier or I’m not. But I could definitely use tips :)
CPA Lady says
This has been something I’ve been working on this year. For me the three keys to sustainable success are making gradual changes, eating only delicious food, and not insisting on perfection.
I started out by focusing on breakfasts. Every morning I have a smoothie made with frozen berries, a banana, spinach cubes, plain whole milk yogurt, and OJ, along with a hard boiled egg and some coffee. I genuinely enjoy each of these things and find them delicious. I don’t feel deprived eating them. That’s key for me. And I’m not too perfectionist. Should I be putting something other than OJ in that smoothie? Probably, but I like it this way and it makes me more likely to get in some fruit and veggies in the morning, so I go with it.
I’m currently trying to figure out good lunch options. This week I made boneless skinless chicken thighs, and a pan of roasted broccoli and brussel sprouts with walnuts and bacon. I’m pretty meh on it, but I’m going to keep trying. I started by thinking of the vegetables I like the most rather than trying to force myself to eat nasty squash or something. I really like mushrooms and broccoli, like you get at asian restaurants, so I think I’m going to try to figure out some kind of asian inspired mushroom, broccoli, chicken thing for next week. If its not delicious, it’s not sustainable in my life.
I usually drink one coke per day, and I know eventually I’ll probably give that up, but I’m not ready yet. So instead of replacing my coke with water, I’m having coke AND water. I currently don’t have any limits on myself for dinner, and am not planning on putting any in place until I figure out a few different lunch options that are healthy but enjoyable.
Eating Habits says
That sounds manageable. I need to get on this plan!
CPA Lady says
And honestly, sometimes picking the lesser of two evils is a big part of it too. I don’t want an apple for dessert. I just don’t and I get mad just thinking about someone trying to tell me that an apple is dessert (unless baked into a pie). But I will eat a 35 calorie old-school popsicle with a joke on the stick rather than 300 calories of ice cream.
AIMS says
I gave up sugar in coffee gradually: 2 ts. to 1 to 1/2 to none. I read somewhere that it takes about 6 weeks for your palate to change so I just tried to be patient and now I find that sugar in coffee tastes really gross so there is hope! This has also translated into less sugar in general.
The most important thing for me is to reduce things to a formula so I don’t make poor choices when I’m hungry. So one go-t0 breakfast that’s easy to do (mine is whole wheat toast with 1/2 avocado and an egg), go to lunch (soup), etc. I don’t worry about dinner if everything else was healthy or about the weekend if the week is good. But the caveat with that is you have to be careful with the “creep” of the weekend, etc., like – Friday night dinner is one thing but then it will be Friday night lunch, etc. Also, I figure out what I really care about and then go for that. So if I want to go to Shakeshack, I go but I don’t get a burger and a milkshake, I get one or the other. Another small trick is to just try to make my choice 1 notch healthier than it would be if I didn’t care about what I was eating – maybe that’s a smaller portion or maybe it’s a slightly healthier choice like sauce on the side vs on the dish or pizza with lots of veggies, but I figure it’s still an improvement.
mascot says
I gradually cut out the sugar in my coffee much the same way – I still use a nut milk creamer. Resist the urge to replace the sugar with artificial sweeteners. Those mess with your sense of sweet I think.